________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
Recently Fark passed a milestone - our One Millionth user account.  Unfortunately a spammer nabbed it and the next real live person with a super off-color login name.  Which we greatly appreciated but made it hard to celebrate publicly.
 
Meanwhile, on an unrelated note our hardware fund is a bit low.  We price The Cloud out every year, and so far it's still not cheaper for us to host offsite.  We don't need a ton of CPU power to run Fark but our stuff could use some upgrades.
 
Then in a beer-influenced moment of inspiration, it occurred to me that we could put account One Million to good use to help with our hardware fund.
 
So we're auctioning off account number One Million!  Winner gets to pick the login and do with it whatever one does with a Fark login.  Just think, you could post comments in the politics tab with account One Million and come out without any hit to your online credibility.  And probably some other stuff.
 
To make things more interesting, Hop-Con 5.0 is coming up on July 19th in San Diego.  I'll toss in a pass to the event.  Aside from quality time with me, you get drink tickets for all Five W00tstouts - yes it's been five years since the first W00tstout (and it still tastes amazing, had one the other day).  Wish we could cover associated travel costs getting to the event but unfortunately no dice.  Check out http://www.stonebrewing.com/events/hop-con-50 for more details.
 
So go check out the auction and take a shot! http://www.ebay.com/itm/-/222512343691
 
-----
 
Next up in our What's The Best Thing That Happened To You As a Result of Fark - Hyperbolic Hyperbole with a situation that isn't all that uncommon as I understand it:
 
Best and most unexpected: I met my wife in TFD. We lived on opposite coasts and really never would have met otherwise. Our son just turned 1. He's an entire person that wouldn't exist if Fark didn't.
Fark has also been a great place to drink and talk with folks and wake up in the morning and realize you bought someone a five pound bag of macaroni and cheese powder because reasons but that's neither here nor there
 
-----
 
I lost count awhile ago but there are well over a thousand Fark marriages and probably close to that many Fark babies out there now.  Keep em coming!
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Nothingburger - 54
James Comey - 3784
Classified - 526
Showboat - 74
Salad - 250
Bacon - 415
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
edmo applied what was learned from an article about overbreeding ruining dogs
Mr. Coffee Nerves asked the wife about having an open marriage
Im_Gumby knew what to fill a Trump piñata with
TabASlotB had something to say about that viral real estate listing with a mystery man living upstairs
mama2tnt showed a photo from another Leeroy Jenkins adventure
kbronsito shared a quote about country music
The All-Powerful Atheismo improved a real estate listing
Tr0mBoNe summed up how a gamer was saved by "The Elder Scrolls"
naughtyrev shared an image macro
Orion5k thought one movie was better than the book
 
Smartest:
CipollinaFan had a suggestion for towing and impound fees owed after a stolen car is recovered
Yankees Team Gynecologist thought you might discover something if you ask for an open marriage
Barfmaker thought requesting a refund from an airline was reasonable
davidphogan was mad at MADD
LarryDan43 thought a spouse would agree to an open marriage for one reason
Ambivalence discussed another aspect of a problem that a woman was dealing with
timujin thought some investigators didn't understand how THC is metabolized
namegoeshere figured that a "drug expert" was really detecting something else
Mr. Coffee Nerves explained why social media managers should be paid handsomely *cough*
August11 compared having an open marriage to moving to Idaho
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: Comments in this section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers
Smart: GrahamManning explained what should make a man lose his "man card"
Smart: Hyperbolic Hyperbole discussed what makes a voter anti-woman
Funny: LaurenAguilera's friend's mom drives a crappy car
Smart: Timanous comforted a Farker who was sad to part with something
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Some assembly required
Smartest: bighairyguy found the best way to assemble a grill
Funniest: ingo forgot a minor detail in planning a home improvement project
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
mongbiohazard had to find out how to deal with a nothingburger
Mr. Coffee Nerves noticed what it sometimes takes for people to understand the other side
Lenny_da_Hog questioned the significance of the French election results
impaler showed Sean Spicer looking a little more relaxed
Mantour found a former president's reaction to an investigation
 
Politics Smartest:
somedude210 gave France some credit
holdmybones toasted the French
scottydoesntknow detected some projection
ginandbacon examined someone's reasons for voting Republican
JulieAzel626 imagined France with an electoral college
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
noazark made that "Citizen Kane" applause scene even better
verchad cast this cat in an exciting TV show
Iggie was happy to do the laundry
Herb Utsmelz showed us that Trump supporters are everywhere
Don_cos found a glamorous celebrity couple at the beach
Alligator made a pirate be more true to his name
Yammering_Splat_Vector had a visitor who was bearing his testimony
RedZoneTuba found out that this bear is Catholic
Yammering_Splat_Vector created a new Kitler
RedZoneTuba showed someone being sneaky with the pigskin
 
Farktography:
This was a special Farktography contest - the Farktography 12th anniversary. Congratulations and thanks for sharing with us for 12 years, Farktographers. This thread ended in a tie between orionid's "Between Tranquility and Tempest" and Elsinore's "Point of Separation."
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Liberté, Equalité, Évitez la Stupidité
 
Well, it's just after eight o'clock, and time for the penguin on top of your Falkland Islands to explode. I said, it's time to explode. Aren't you going to explode?
 
Airport brawl erupts after people realize they can't leave Florida
 
We're in trouble / POTUS is crazy / We need a distraction / so Comey, maybe?
 
Anne Frank Memorial defaced with racist, anti-Semitic messages. At least that's what they told her
 
Olympic figure skater Michelle Kwan finally decides that her marriage is on thin ice
 
There is no dino, only Zuul
 
Lorde discusses the meaning of "Green Light" though she hasn't even cracked the Top 100 submitters list yet
 
Trump wants to cancel the highest-rated comedy on afternoon TV
 
Texas Instruments graphing calculators being replaced by free online math tool. Company foresees severe 535507 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
No one cracked the 1000 club this time on the quiz. In first place we have wxboy with 937, followed by Teaser with 931 and Go'zirra with 927. Gunsmack snags 4th with 920, andKaiser Chieftess rounds out the top 5 with 915.
 
It was brought to my attention that there was an error on this quiz. The guy that started a fire to smoke out the varmint infestation in his house, and wound up burning it down, was actually trying to get rid of possums, which was not offered as a possible choice. My sincere apologies for this, I offer no excuse, it was my fault and I will work to ensure this kind of error does not happen again in the future. 
 
The hardest question on this week's quiz was over what candy Hershey had chosen to represent the state of Georgia. Only 17% of quiztakers knew that it was Honey-roasted Reese's cups. Having lived in Atlanta myself for over a decade, I kind of agree that either of the other ones would be a better representation.
 
The Easiest question on this quiz was over what establishment was being sued by the band The Eagles. 86% of quiztakers knew that a motel in Baja California, Mexico was trying to pass itself off as 'the' Hotel California, and the band was none too happy about that.
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was on what a Columbian woman swallowed to hide from her husband. Inly 46% of quiztakers knew it was $7000 in cash that she had been saving in US currency. The pictures of the Benjamins after they had been removed did not make me inclined to do business with her.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over what a woman had been using for 40 years that likely contributed to her ovarian cancer. 88% of quiztakers knew that the talc in products such as Johnson & Johnson baby powder has been shown in several studies to cause problems with repeated use over the course of many years.
 
Congratulations to the winners, and we'll see you next week!

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
We picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the newsletter each week for the next several weeks.
 
Our fifth winner is k_rock.
 
(*slightly edited from the original)
 
-----
 
Fark saved my life.
 
If it wasn't for some of the connections with people that I have made on this site, I would have never built up the confidence to leave my abusive ex. People I know here provided me with the support that I needed to get out for good.
 
Not only was I able to leave, but I managed to move myself halfway across the country - alone - and completely start over, with really only the support and encouragement from people I met on this website (and a pretty sweet moving bonus from my job, that helped a lot, too).
 
People have opened their homes to me, met up with me only knowing me from posting here and other forms of social media, we have had meals together, partied together, gone on weekend trips, exchange cards at holidays and birthdays (ok, well I failed at actually SENDING my holiday cards this year)  I am a real person with a real life outside of this site, but I've met some of my closest friends here and I appreciate this community more than I probably can express in words.
 
For a website where I spend my spare time doing my best to gross people out, some of y'all aren't that bad.
 
-----
 
Not much I can add to this - except that I've seem similar situations happen dozens if not hundreds of times.  You all make this a unique and awesome community.
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us! 
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
France - 577
Emmanuel Macron - 328
Marine Le Pen - 362
Stephen Colbert - 548
Queen Elizabeth - 250
Prince Philip - 137
Bacon - 304
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Dallymo showed how Prince Phillip might've reacted to recent speculation about his health
ecmoRandomNumbers reacted to a very strange family photo
jwa007 suggested a headline correction
RodneyToady wasn't sure why people were offended by Colbert's words
scottydoesntknow showed some revealing high school yearbook quotes
bighairyguy had a question about Texas
Pocket Ninja argued that Casey Anthony is not "America's most-hated mom"
J Noble Daggett was concerned about a Chinese factory worker
bearded clamorer had a suggestion for dealing with being called "Captain Boobs"
bloobeary knew what would happen if Tennessee closed down Scientology psychiatric centers
 
Smartest:
MaudlinMutantMollusk had a message for a racist father
derpes_simplex encouraged having understanding for people with cancer
MythDragon discussed reasons why a police officer might shoot someone
Abe Vigoda's Ghost thought another Farker was wrong about Joel Osteen
ginandbacon suggested an extension of the Civil Rights Act
Ant made a guess about what would come next after a cop killed a child
hubiestubert discussed decisions police made that caused that death
ginandbacon missed Department of Justice oversight
no shirt no shoes reacted to news that there was a Russian hack attack on France's election
kidgenius figured a situation in Texas would be over with soon
 
CSB Sunday Morning: That time you didn't get a ticket when you deserved one
Smartest: vudukungfu encountered an understanding state trooper
Funniest: Malacon's brother managed to get away with participating in a highway race
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
rbuzby explained why this latest health care bill won't become law
Pocket Ninja taught someone a valuable lesson
Number 216 shared a vocabulary lesson
Mr. Coffee Nerves figured out why Republicans were worried Colbert might have used a gay slur
nekom found someone who was concerned about Trump's Civil War knowledge
 
Politics Smartest:
StubePT suggested an activity for the House members who voted for the health care bill
mr_sinister_31 wasn't fond of the Republican plan for health care
edmo had a question about the working class
TomFooolery appreciated a kid's wisdom
myschief shared a political cartoon
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Alligator arranged an awkward meeting
verchad helped Dave Grohl and friends to see the light
Herb Utsmelz made a sheath for your own cyclops
RedZoneTuba gave Dave Grohl some new backup dancers
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what really happened to the dinosaurs
Circusdog320 showed what happened after the dinosaurs were conquered
manyone created some very specialized shampoo
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a creepy pregnancy photo
zeon made a dangerous job even dangerouser
RedZoneTuba improved a bad hairstyle
 
Farktography:
Ldrtchbrd won Farktography Contest No. 626: "Gardens 2" with a sea of 'lips
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.

Fark is a community of many interests. Somehow, along the way, a group has formed with the very Fark-specific interest of competing to make the final post in a Fark thread. Those crazy Farkers dedicated to posting the Last Post call themselves the LPers, and they have started their one-thousandth LP thread today. Congratulations, LP!
 
________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
We picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the newsletter each week for the next several weeks.
Our fourth winner is mama2tnt.
 
-----
 
Most of you know the downward spiral of depression, so I won't elaborate.
 
I ended up spending one weekend on the couch, my phone in one hand (to read Fark - although I wasn't up to commenting, I was able to read it voraciously) and my remote in the other hand, switching from Hallmark movie to Lifetime movie and back again. (I TOLD YOU I WAS DEPRESSED, DAMN IT!)
 
After that weekend, I realized that I needed REAL help, so I headed for my doctor and began much-needed medication that has helped me deal with the depression that threatened to overwhelm me.
 
"And I'm much better now!" as they say.
 
But I might not even BE here today if I hadn't had all those wonderful Fark and TotalFark people right there in my hand, communicating to me that the world was going to turn again, even if I couldn't reach out to a single person that weekend.
 
And that's not the last time, either - TFers, especially, have become dear to me, helping me cheer up when the world seems to be at an end, solve problems, give my kids a piece of my mind, etc.
 
I try to give back by helping others, by "mothering" those who seem to need it for a minute, or reaching out in compassion when an offhand remark that got overlooked should be paid attention to.
 
Of course, what I actually TELL people IRL is, "Fark is a news aggregation site, with instantaneous headlines." But when I hear a rumor (as my housemate asked me the other day, "Didn't so-and-so die? I swear I heard that on the news"), I can run straight to TotalFark to see if there are a bunch of headlines screaming someone died or not. (There were none; so-and-so hadn't died, it turned out.)
 
Sure wish I'd've known about Fark years before I did, but am so glad one of my best friends (thanks, Jeff!) pointed me to this site, however long ago it was.
 
-----
 
This is not an uncommon occurrence either.  Farkers may be snarky in general, but when things get serious, they are super supportive of each other.  Can't say that about many online communities.  You guys rock. 
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us! 
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Correspondents' Dinner - 54
First 100 days - 360
Loyalty Day - 79
May Day - 32
Bacon - 479
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Vaginosilicosis won the special prize
Pocket Ninja told about a strange new challenge
Dead for Tax Reasons thought a knife attack on democrats was suspicious
enry advocated ditching punctuation altogether
bearded clamorer found someone who doesn't want to fly next to a cat
WickerNipple posted the most recent version of the Confederate flag
scottydoesntknow showed one answer to "What's your biggest weakness?"
Wanebo found something alarming about a Fark headline
teto85 showed the other side of the story when a woman didn't want to fly near a cat
naughtyrev showed Australia's reaction to threats from North Korea
 
Smartest:
Pocket Ninja questioned how a father searched for evidence against a neighbor
WickerNipple posted the most recent version of the Confederate flag
Atomic Jonb shared some marriage advice
WickerNipple had some advice for people visiting North Korea
Marcus Aurelius thought a victim gave the wrong answer
Marcus Aurelius thought the United States made a mistake after the Civil War
The All-Powerful Atheismo shared a reminder
Primum non nocere discussed the reason Confederate states seceded from the union
myschief gave marriage advice for those who ignore Atomic Jonb's marriage advice
Egoy3k reacted to Confederate Memorial Day
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Seriously odd jobs
Smartest & Funniest: Man_Without_A_Hat auditioned to be a character at Disneyland with the help of some herbs and fungi
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Diogenes noticed an oenophile's approach to government appointments
ElizaDoolittle shared a tweet about an uncaring helpline
impaler posted an update from the Press Snekretary
Farking Clown Shoes offered some encouragement to suffering farmers
King Something listed other people who ruined things like Carl Sagan ruined science
 
Politics Smartest:
Farking Clown Shoes explained the March for Science
cheezesub proposed some ways to deal with the loss of manufacturing jobs
clodcomplex shared a comparison of Bill Nye and Ken Ham
Hardy-r-r preferred another day over Loyalty Day
foo monkey comforted a voter who felt bamboozled by Trump
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba's "You had ONE job" entry about voting got a lot of votes
ionthrust made a very advanced pop-up book
Iggie proved that baseball is as dangerous as motorcycle racing
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium showed that an elephant never forgets its manners
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a couple of reasons to avoid public transportation
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium revealed what this guy really fell off of
Wrongo thought the election went wrongo
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed a bad time and place for a nap
Iggie found someone who's somewhere he doesn't belong
Iggie figured out that this guy is really just dancing
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 625: "On the Border" with "Between Tranquility and Tempest"
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
We picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the NotNewsletter each week for the next several weeks.
 
Our third winner is Shadow Blasko, whose life was saved by the generosity of fellow Farkers.
 
-----
 
Well, there was the time *I* was the subject of a greenlit link, but that was before I was a Farker.
 
And then... there was that time Drew saved my life... by letting me beg some Farkers for help when I had a massive jaw infection, no insurance, and it was well before the days of GoFundMe.
 
I would say that had a pretty damned massive impact on my universe
 
-----
 
*PS: I take no credit for saving his life, it was you folks who did it.
 
Speaking of anonymous donors sponsoring contest, we've had another Farker step up with 10 sponsorships to give away in a contest of some kind.  If you've got any suggestions for a contest let me know.  And if you'd like to sponsor one of your own, we could probably do that as well!
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Jason Chaffetz - 304
Armada - 110
Juicero - 21
Alex Jones - 212
Aaron Hernandez - 172
Erin Moran - 90
Bacon - 392
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
delysid25 shared some dark humor in response to the death of Aaron Hernandez
thecactusman17 showed Pepsi saving the day yet again
LowbrowDeluxe felt kinda bad for making a joke
WyDave had a nickname for that a-hole who killed an innocent man on Facebook Live
scottydoesntknow provided an illustration of a horrible mental picture
iron de havilland dusted off an old joke
BradysBalls shared some breaking news
Ghastly noticed how things just used to be more romantic
Diogenes felt sympathy for the predicament Alex Jones finds himself in
Private_Citizen gave an update on Aaron Hernandez
 
Smartest:
ChuckRoddy asked about a woman who was hit at a protest in Berkeley
LisaNeedsBraces reacted to the suicide of the man who murdered someone on Facebook Live
LesserEvil disagreed with a characterization of Aaron Hernandez
nekom suggested several alternatives to killing people
kbronsito discussed aggravating things that airlines do
HeathenHealer suggested Aaron Hernandez should have done things differently
Johnny Rockets wanted a killer to suffer
AntonChigger explained why California might make schools have later start times
Teufelaffe passed on some assurances about online threats
Flappyhead saw why Alex Jones has a problem
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Easter tradition
Smartest: italie showed us photos of a new Easter tradition
Funniest: baronbloodbath had an interesting side effect after entertaining orphans
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Action Replay Nick showed Bill O'Reilly's feelings about leaving Fox News
gopher321 said farewell to Bill O'Reilly
poonesfarm knew where to find O'Reilly now
markie_farkie noticed that a White House gathering looked familiar
JerseyTim was disappointed in Jason Chaffetz
 
Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
fruitloop found a heroic quality in Mike Pence
 
Politics Smartest:
Ow! That was my feelings! can't get used to an aspect of Donald Trump's personality
Slaxl reacted to possible evidence of Russia's interference in the U.S. election
PirateKing responded to a man who said he assaulted a woman because Trump encouraged it
Dubwise noticed some coincidental timing in Russia's election meddling
abhorrent1 answered the question, "What kind of pet should Donald Trump get?"
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Don_cos gave new meaning to the term bubble butt
RedZoneTuba showed how naval commanders keep safe
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered the dangers of overblowing
Yammering_Splat_Vector found out where car 54 was
Iggie made this balancing feat much more impressive
#2 complicated a common childhood game
Surly U. Jest followed the instructions in this Photoshop thread's headline
Alligator helped Martin showcase his moves
ToastmasterGeneral gave this chill fellow some friends
Iggie attacked Earth
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 624: "Simply Beautiful 2" with a green crevasse
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
We have picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the NotNewsletter each week for the next several weeks.
 
Our second winner is Dragonchild, who remembers one of the many times Fark switched gears from irreverent messing around to realtime vetting of breaking news.
 
(Slightly edited for Workplace Email Inboxes)
 
-----
Dragonchild:
 
I'll be non-snarky here and mention how Fark was actually relevant for a couple days -- the Fukushima disaster.  I have a physics degree myself so I'm nowhere near scared of radiation as most people since I understand it better than some kind of eldritch curse, but I also have folks in Japan, and there were a lot of scared/worried/curious people here.
 
While the media had cranked its apeshiat hysteria up to 12, Fark kind of busted out of its usual fare of A-10 fanboying, cat worship and self-important circle-jerks to run a sort of ongoing realtime fact-checker.  A bunch of people with actual experience in these matters (I contributed a smidgen) kept debunking bullshiat story after bullshiat story after bullshiat story, around the clock.  Couldn't fill the void with much in the way of actual facts, since those were hard to get, but it was consistently the fastest turnaround in keep some semblance of sanity in the webosphere.  And the threads remained remarkably on-topic.  Which, for a story that was personally relevant but had the world's attention, was just what everyone needed.
 
I forget the people who were running the show but they deserve MAJOR kudos for giving the community a crash course on nuclear disasters, which allowed the rest of us to spread word and keep the damage the media was doing in check.
 
-----
 
Speaking of anonymous donors sponsoring contest, we've had another Farker step up with 10 sponsorships to give away in a contest of some kind.  If you've got any suggestions for a contest let me know.  And if you'd like to sponsor one of your own, we could probably do that as well!
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
United - 3530
Holocaust Center - 115
Chocolate cake - 68
Pepsi - 155
Easter - 1190
Bacon - 478
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
that1guy77 posted some United Airlines flight instructions
Prank Call of Cthulhu wrote some ad copy targeting travelers
LewDux shared a tweet about United's bad timing
Lt. Cheese Weasel wasn't sure how to deal with someone's crispy tan
ParallelUniverseParking knew how United could have better handled things
GRCooper is no snob
Pocket Ninja explained "stand your ground" laws
2chris2 shared a new slogan for United Airlines
Victoly thought things would be okay for a guy who swerved to hit motorcyclists
Sandelaphon shared an observation about anti-gay activists
 
Smartest:
BumpInTheNight pointed out that being cheap can end up costing more
Mr.Uncle.Bill responded to reports about the United passenger's past
EvilEgg disagreed with the use of the phrase "brand genocide"
holdmybones had some advice for United Airlines
FortyHams discussed what it took to get the CEO of United to care
Marcus Aurelius commented on a habit that is common for airlines
czetie replied to a question whether or not reports of a criminal record were valid
SplittingAces gave some advice regarding tipping in restaurants
quatchi commented on the anti-gay religious right
Farking Clown Shoes disagreed with Fox News
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Spring is here
Smartest: Man_Without_A_Hat really likes spring, apparently
Funniest: Oakenraven shared a story about a smelly Russian guy
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
El_Swino shared a tweet about Sean Spicer's Holocaust-related blunders
A Trump tweet made bloobeary feel nostalgic
Mike_LowELL was taken by surprise
Dusk-You-n-Me shared a logo for a bad place to do your shopping
Eddie Adams from Torrance imagined one of Trump's conversations about North Korea
 
Politics Smartest:
A Trump tweet made bloobeary feel nostalgic
Action Replay Nick was unimpressed by one veteran's opinion
Satanic_Hamster wanted us to hold on to that feelin' (streetlights, people oh oh ohhhhhhh!)
kronicfeld didn't think anyone was confused
Serious Black discussed who broke the filibuster rule
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
manyone found the best way to travel
grampy forwarded a message to American voters
manyone gave a woman a selfie stick
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium updated some art
Yammering_Splat_Vector put this tree in a spooky setting
whyRpeoplesostupid implied that the polar bear ate the lady
manyone showed us a psychic cat
Surly U. Jest found a cat that really wants to catch some fish
Surly U. Jest gave an explorer a sidekick
RedZoneTuba found some friends for this baby dog
 
Farktography:
blastoh won Farktography Contest No. 623: "Nature Photography 2" with a "creek in the Quinault Rainforest"
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form. 
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
For our guests in the elevator, the jig's up
 
Brain surgery with a tree saw? Must be a new branch of medicine
 
Prostitute who Michael Jacksoned Google executive to be Trumped back to Canada
 
Arsonist wanted in Polk County for several wildfires. Well, I normally do house fires, but I guess I could stretch
 
New England Patriots: We don't have anywhere to put our fifth Super Bowl banner. The rest of the NFL: We know where you can put it 
 
Researchers determine people happiest when they are 23 and 69. Personally, I've never tried the first one but I'd be willing to learn
 
J Geils's blood has run cold
 
Poe's Law found dead at hands of Godwin's Law in bizarre murder/suicide case
 
An audit reveals that San Diego pays electric bills for 3,712 nonexistent UFOs 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
This week we had 5 people hit 11/11 on the quiz, breaking the 1000 mark. dionysusaur made it through the quickest with 1035 points, followed by BeotchPudding with 1030. SilverStag made third with 1024, followed by Holy Carp with 1016 who barely edged out Panic Near Detroit's 1015. Congratulations to the winners, but know that we're going hard again next week. 
 
This week's hardest question was on what was the best state to retire in. Only 25% of quiztakers knew that Wallethub had determined that the weather, healthcare options, and tax system meant that sunny Florida was the best state to kick back in your Golden Years. I'm not sure if they included alligators, hurricanes, or people who like shooting things in their equations. 
 
This week's easiest question was on where a low-flying plane in Mexico had dumped off a body. 76% of quiztakers knew they had dropped it off on the roof of a local hospital, although it's unclear what the hospital could have done for him. 
 
On the easy quiz, the hardest question was on the duties of a rookie Supreme Court Justice, 54% of quiztakers knew that the newest person on the Supreme Court had to answer the door when they were in closed-session meetings. No word if he or she also had to take coffee orders. 
 
The easiest question on the easy quiz was on how a massage parlor in Austin, TX was found out. A whopping 93% of quiztakers knew that the landlord had notified police when he found the toilet drain clogged with used condoms. Come on, people, don't flush those things. Wrap them in toilet paper and put them in the trash. 
 
Once again, congratulations to the winners, and look for your Fark Weekly Weird News Quiz once again this weekend . If you didn't get a chance to take this week's quiz, you can do so right here.

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
We have picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the newsletter each week for the next several weeks.  Our first winner is Drayno76, whose entry lands more on the weird side....
 
-----
 
I got sent to the principal's office at age 40.
 
My daughter is in first grade and a fully capable reader.  She has gotten used to daddy being on Fark as my landing page when I open my browser.   She has heard me say to my wife, "I'm just Farking around" more than a few times.
 
When she was talking to a friend at school, she explained that her daddy liked to Fark, he Farked all the time, and he had been Farking for years and that she was really glad I liked to Fark because it kept me from being angry about things in the news.
 
....and my phone starts ringing and I'm in the principal's office pulling up fark.com, in front of a very skeptical administrator.
 
She does not approve of this website's name.
 
-----
 
I'm honestly surprised this hasn't ever happened to me.
 
Speaking of anonymous donors sponsoring contest, we've had another Farker step up with 10 sponsorships to give away in a contest of some kind.  If you've got any suggestions for a contest let me know.  And if you'd like to sponsor one of your own, we could probably do that as well!
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Syria - 2466
Filibuster - 726
Don Rickles - 107
Bill O'Reilly  - 272
Bacon - 484
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Captain Steroid showed one reaction to U.S. missile attacks on Syria
Cyrus the Mediocre had another reaction to that news
Cyrus the Mediocre explained why math class is such torture
holdmybones added more information to some top-notch journalism
OregonVet knew the best way to explain a stranger's vulgar shirt to a small child
Demetrius was frustrated by the death of Don Rickles
Action Replay Nick had a better caption for a photo in an article about school prayer
Weatherkiss gave an example of "extreme vetting"
cchris_39 showed what Ron Paul's reaction might be to the attack on Syria
GooberMcFly showed what Swedish border protection might look like
 
Smartest:
Mike_LowELL didn't remember something
Sid_6.7 showed us why listing calorie content of pizza toppings isn't quite the crises an NRO writer imagined
AquaTatanka didn't think that anyone believed something people said when Obama won the election
mainsail suggested a possible reason for the U.S. attack on Syria
August11 thought a ban was banning someone other than who they said they were banning
OregonVet knew the best way to explain a stranger's vulgar shirt to a small child
Ghastly talked about why some people disapprove of Rachel Dolezal's actions
thecolourdead showed what Hillary Clinton might have done about the gas attack in Syria
I should be in the kitchen should probably be in the bathroom or maybe in bed, actually
gilgigamesh pointed out that extortion is illegal
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Being underwater
Smartest: gordian's dad almost drowned and it's a hell of a story
Funniest: Oakenraven is worshiped by sea creatures (another really great story)
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
HedlessChickn had a special reaction to the news of Bannon's removal from the National Security Council
AcademGreen referenced a commercial
Mike_LowELL defended the next U.S. President
Shostie found proof that the United States didn't really attack a Syrian airbase
hugram thought another Farker was the helpful sort
 
Politics Smartest:
danielem1 thought that Senate Democrats proved a point
BizarreMan refuted a "But Hillary" argument
AdmirableSnackbar explained why Democrats fought even though they were going to lose
MrBallou noted a difference between holding meetings at Camp David versus Mar-a-Lago
clodcomplex figured that Putin could be faking it
 
 
FarkStaff Picks
 
Sometimes, some great posts go largely unnoticed, usually because they're in less-visited threads or they're far down in the comments. Occasionally, we'll bring you some of those posts as FarkStaff Picks.
 
This week's pick is from impaler for making a thread about Secretary of State Rex Tillerson so much more entertaining. The relevant comments begin here (ophidiophobes probably shouldn't click).
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
noazark gave Pima County Sheriffs a new tool for catching speeders
Surly U. Jest added some special seats to a sheriff's vehicle
Surly U. Jest had a special request
RedZoneTuba saved a lot of money on a border wall
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed the border wall in action
Iggie gave us a credit union that really looks out for its members
stephenc had a new twist on "Beverly Hillbillies" themed Photoshops
zeon showed us why you should measure twice and cut once
Herb Utsmelz gave law enforcement officers transportation that will be of limited use in Pima County
noazark significantly upgraded this mode of transportation
 
Farktography:
Eddie Adams from Torrance won Farktography Contest No. 622: "Vice Vice Baby 2" with a pretty big vice
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
TotalFark Discussion
 
Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts. You can sign up for TotalFark here.
 
Funny: JerseyTim and spouse chose "celebrity freebies" with something in common
Funny: beverly8 gave some good advice on getting rid of fire ants
Smart: whatshisname shared a photo of a home improvement project
 
Note to TotalFarkers: If you'd like to see more TotalFark Discussion comments featured in Fark NotNewsletters, please vote more in the TFD threads. I'm looking for comments that someone new to TotalFark Discussion would be able to understand without having to know a lot about TFD relationships and inside jokes. And feel free to email me (EIP) if you see a great TFD comment that didn't get many votes, but would be good to feature in the NotNewsletter. 
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
It's spring break this week at my house.  Which means five days of having kids underfoot.  I should just take the week off and give up.  This will sound like a better and better idea as Friday gets closer.  We thought about getting out of Kentucky for a week but there's a cold snap heading in later this week and it spreads about as far as we can drive in all directions.  So we're vacationing at home instead.
 
So what's going on this coming week?  Baseball opening day is today, as is the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship.  Duke sucks.
 
Best Thing That Happened To You on Fark contest update: We're reviewing entries and should have some winners next week.  Top 10 will be gifted a year of TotalFark.  If for some reason we don't have 10 (because people sponsored all the awesome entries), we'll run another thread some time this week.  As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend!  It keeps the lights on around here!
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Leggings - 82
Littlefinger - 535
Curry - 193
VPN - 148
Bacon - 261
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
LessO2 wasn't that impressed by the Atlanta freeway collapse
Danger Avoid Death shared some words of wisdom about banning Muslims (source)
doglover showed a prickish attitude concerning pillow talk
Eddie Adams from Torrance pointed out the flaw in a potato plan
Martian_Astronomer told a story of a lost love
KingKauff showed us the impressive fast repair of the collapsed bridge in Atlanta
Barfmaker understood the Navy's plan for landing on aircraft carriers
vudukungfu shared a romantic story
Nadie_AZ reacted to the bridge collapse
MaudlinMutantMollusk shared the cry of a white supremacist terrorist
 
Smartest:
ElizaDoolittle discussed the United Airlines leggings fiasco
bmif pointed out that some people were in fact being responsible for their debts
Walker described just how creepy a TSA patdown of a child was
Walker thought that the kid's laptop should have gotten the patdown instead
OtherLittleGuy made a prediction about a scandal that will be uncovered
davidphogan pointed out that a terrorist said terroristy stuff
kbronsito recognized the irony of Tomi Lahren's problems at The Blaze
Delta1212 thought a teacher's suspension was ridiculous
Adolf Oliver Nipples explained the joke in a Fark headline
iron de havilland explained why a school's rules for a dance were screwy
 
CSB Sunday Morning:  April Fool's Day Pranks
Smartest & Funniest :  WinoRhino had a Ticketmaster plan
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
F5 F5 Esc talked about America's contribution to global politics
optikeye showed what a raging Trump might look like
Bith Set Me Up shared a wise old saying
Barfmaker wanted to be sure that Mike Pence didn't forget something
OtherLittleGuy came up with a theme song for how Republicans are dealing with problems in their party
 
Politics Smartest:
Barfmaker found another German word for everyone to start using
domino324 responded to a Republican's warning that Democrats shouldn't want Trump removed from office
AcademGreen wanted to know what Flynn wanted immunity from
blastoh discussed Trump's feelings about details
eurotrader suggested a replacement for Donald Trump
 
 
FarkStaff Picks
 
Sometimes, some great posts go largely unnoticed, usually because they're in less-visited threads or they're far down in the comments. Occasionally, we'll bring you some of those posts as FarkStaff Picks.
 
This week's pick comes to you from Twilight Farkle, who made some good points while arguing that Fark isn't social media.
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel made perhaps the best Trump administration Photoshop yet
Circusdog320 revealed Paul Ryan's approach to getting a new health care bill passed
zeon colorized an old photo
thatguyoverthere70 created a business to bring in some quick cash
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a better material than bronze
Iggie gave this woman a seat over the wing
Alligator made a galaxy storm
Iggie made it fun to watch the laundry get clean
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed camaraderie between Republican leaders
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium sped up the car
 
Farktography:
MorningBreath won Farktography Contest No. 621: "Lines" with the type of photo that has resulted in many careless photographers becoming stories on Fark
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Well, that de-escalated quickly
 
Mexico governor says Chihuahua too weak to fight cartels. No kidding, I mean look how tiny and frail those things are. Maybe try a pit bull instead?
 
Siberia's permafrost keeps exploding despite repeated attempts to blame it on the dog
 
Arsenal' seized in home of alleged Bloods gang member. What the heck are they doing in Newark? They've got Manchester City coming up this Sunday
 
Flynn offers to testify in exchange for immunity, Jeff Bridges giving him back that arcade
 
NBC (commercial break) will (tragic backstory of athlete) broadcast (plug for NBC shows) the (history of host country) Olympics (talking over opening ceremonies) live (you already know what happened) next (edited, tape delayed events) year
 
According to scientists, Groot's not the only tree that can talk. Some can bark. Others use tree-mail
 
Joss Whedon returns to what he knows best- teenage girls who know karate and have a weird thing for bats
 
This is bad news... for a llama
 
I'm sure he had his treasons
 
Blockbuster drugs are dead, but back in the day they were the only way to enjoy movies made in the '90s   
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Things got a little more difficult this week, with only three quiztakers joining the 1000 club. In first place was edmo with 1039, followed by Twilight Farkle with 1009, and squeaking in to the 1000 club was catastrophe averted with 1001. In fourth place was FrancoFile with 958, and rounding out the top five was M-G with 949.
 
The hardest question on this week's quiz was about which actor would sing you a lullaby in a Casper mattress company promotion. Only 22% of quiztakers knew you could call their toll-free number, and among other things, listen to Steve Urkel himself, Jaleel White, sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." (Spoiler Alert: He's not a professional singer. Not that I would sound any better.)
 
The easiest question this week was about what statue was currently standing opposite the "Charging Bull" on Wall Street in NYC. 84% of quiztakers either live in New York or heard about the statue of a young girl being placed there as a symbol of female empowerment to celebrate International Women's Day.
 
On the Easy Quiz, the hardest question was about which rare Star Wars figure sold for over £10,000 at auction in the UK. Only 34% of quiztakers knew that it was an extremely rare Jawa figure with a vinyl cape, rather than the much more common cloth one.
 
The easiest question on the easy quiz was about which baseball team the President traditionally threw out the first pitch for. 86% of quiztakers knew it was the Washington team (currently the Nationals, but the trend started with the Washington Senators). This is mainly due to the team's proximity to cut down on Presidential travel time. For the time that Washington didn't have a team, the President usually headed to nearby Baltimore. There have been exceptions to the traditional nearby team, but every President since Taft in 1910 has thrown out a first pitch. Interestingly, the first President to throw from the mound and make it all the way to the plate was none other than Bill Clinton, although George W. Bush also did so a few years later.
 
If you haven't had a chance to take this week's quiz, you can do so right here. Join us again this weekend for another edition of the Fark Weekly Weird News Quiz.

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
Bracket update - I was doing great last week, then the Final Four happened.  I went in with a chance to get all four teams right, came out with just one.  And it wasn't Kentucky.  Duke Sucks
 
Subscription drive update - I teased an announcement a couple weeks ago, that's still on hold due to Stuff.  Mainly the fact that it's not my calendar, it's someone else's.   Meanwhile, it's always a good idea to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend!
 
Best Thing From Fark contest - we're going to run the thread one more time (probably tomorrow), 10 winners will get TotalFark for a year.  We'll announce next week who they were and what the best stories were!
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Freedom Caucus - 340
Golf - 474
Donut - 108
Doughnut - 70
Bacon - 188
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Farking Clown Shoes learned an important lesson from Bugs Bunny
8 inches had an opinion on Rachel Dolezal's autobiography
Tyrosinesuggested a different name for Dolezal's book
Bith Set Me Up thought Dolezal's story seemed familiar
johnsoninca found a flaw in Game Stop's plan to close some stores
duppy showed us the glamorous styles of the Trump family
carrion_luggage thought that some principals are quite brave
Speaker2Animals was grateful for some clarification
Action Replay Nick knew who'd appreciate a tragic story
IgG4 answered a chickpea question
 
Smartest:
Peter von Nostrand pondered a face-off between Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump
MikeyFuccon explained why a former police chief was detained by customs
eiger thought some government officials could use a dictionary
Snapper Carr wanted to hear a story
Parthenogenetic described some benefits of having foreign students attend universities in the U.S.
Action Replay Nick summed up a guy who wants to protect himself from "snowflakes"
MasterAdkins saw what happened when a student went to a school run by idiots
whither_apophis explained why school officials mistook a toy for something dirty
facepalm.jpg found the problem with a teacher who demanded a student stand for the Pledge of Allegiance
edmo had a suggestion for the use of body cameras by police officers
 
CSB Sunday Morning: High school jobs
Smartest:  hubiestubert received training in recognizing cheats and jackasses
Funniest:  GRCooper checked out a customer at the video store
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
nekom updated Trump's #MAGA slogan
Farking Clown Shoes pitied Republicans in Congress for the dilemma they faced
hobnail reacted to mysterious goings-on in the Trump administration
Mentat chastised liberals for their views of Trump
Amish Tech Support posted a visual metaphor of the effort to pass a new health care bill
 
Politics Smartest:
nekom updated Trump's #MAGA slogan
Badmoodman discussed the health care bill's failure
kobrakai shared some sentiments from Nancy Reagan
Cubansaltyballs described what it's like to own a business in California
Barfmaker had news for a gun dealer
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Surly U. Jest showed us one use of virtual reality
ionthrust made a tiny green school bus
Iggie created a game for farmers only
RedZoneTuba brought more fun to this job
Don_cos showed a dedicated recycler
Surly U. Jest found a bad car to get stuck behind
Godscrack put this costume in a more appropriate setting
Alligator knew that it was time to make the Photoshop
Noitall gave us another reason to dislike the "Twilight" series
zeon made Donald Jr. a part in the menagerie
 
Farktography:
Kwhopper won Farktography Contest No. 620: "Spring is in the Air 2" with some colorful hills
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, April 2nd: Boston Farkers Pub Crawl 
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Spring officially arrives tomorrow at exactly 6:28 AM EDT. Set your allergies ahead one hour
 
American diplomat ejected from Middle-earth after brawling over the Arkenstone
 
Trace of Earth's original 4.3 billion-year-old crust found on surface. Pizza boxes still unaccounted for
 
"Well, they are called MISSiles not HITTiles, amirite, Dear Leader?"
 
The most adorable pics of a toddler getting his first ride in a big rig that you'll see all year
 
Jets defeat Sharks to claim World Baseball Classic championship, advance to show-choir regionals
 
How to use a smartphone to analyze sperm count and assure nobody will ever borrow your phone again
 
Sesame Street to introduce a character who got vaccinated
 
Dear Mister Trump, please excuse Boris from work, indefinitely. -Epshteyn's mother
 
Cubs World Series win cost Chicago $18.8 million in overtime. Which isn't a big deal considering it breaks down to an amortization rate of only $174,000 when spread over 108 years 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
This week's quiz proved a little too easy for our quiztakers. We had no less than 10 crack the 1000 marker. So this week, I'm putting up all 10 names:
 
Shotgun Justice1043
dionysusaur1041
Grizwald1034
DonaldJDrumpf1031
edmo1029
JasonOfOrillia1018
Gadabout Gaddis1018
Myk-House of El1017
bradley5471011
Lord Jubjub1006
 
This week's easiest question was on Nike's Decade sneakers. 84% of our quiztakers knew that this was the sneaker worn by the Heaven's Gate cult members when they hooked up with the comet. I'm not really sure why they thought they would need sneakers when riding away on a comet, but whatever. 
 
This week's hardest question was on what Puerto Rico was running out of. Only 37% of quiztakers knew that after the members of the Puerto Rican National (yes, I know) Baseball Team dyed their hair blonde, many fans began doing so as well. As the team advanced in the World Baseball Classic, more and more fans wanted their hair dyed like the team, and a shortage ensued.
 
On the easy quiz, the hardest question was on which luxury car maker was offering an unusual lease plan. Only 52% of quiztakers knew that Cadillac was piloting a program allowing you to change cars up to 18 times a year at no cost for *only* $1500 per month.
 
The easiest question on the easy quiz was on the new cannibal movie "Raw." 81% of quiztakers knew that a Los Angeles theater was offering barf bags to customers viewing the movie, Although having medical staff on hand might not be a bad idea, it would probably cut into profits. Then again, there are stories about about people fainting while watching "Poltergeist," so we can't be too judgmental.
 
A special shout-out goes to Farker Sim Tree who helped put this week's quiz together. If you haven't taken it yet, you can do so right here.
 
________________________
 
Pation!

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
Duke Sucks
 
Happy Monday Tuesday, everyone!  I've run into a few people today, all of whom have asked how my NCAA bracket is doing.  For the first time in my life, quite well actually.  Thanks to Duke Sucking plus Villanova and Louisville going out early, I ended up being on top of the bracket pool.  For this week anyhow, no doubt really weird stuff will happen in the next round of games and I'll be mathematically eliminated.
 
But there's nothing better than loading up my springtime-favorite website http://www.diddukewin.com and seeing a glorious "no."
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Microwave - 317
Rachel Maddow - 990
Meals on Wheels - 212
Bacon - 221
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Mark Ratner spiced up an article
TabASlotB showed us what middle class people look like
calbert defended a guy who played Pokemon Go in church
GnuUzir found another name that's troublesome to have
UberDave brought up the way in which yoga pants offset their damage to the environment
busy chillin' showed us the differences between some exciting celestial events
calbert figured out the crime committed by a guy who humped a "fearless girl" statue
Walker revealed the word some men texted to their wives three times in order to divorce them
wildcardjack gave an example of what being "woke" means
Witty_Retort's user name checked out
 
Smartest:
Action Replay Nick avoided becoming homeless because of a conversation on Fark
Man On A Mission was happy with how a restaurant handled a problem
naughtyrev wondered why Americans can't get any love
Grand_Moff_Joseph told about some good Fark experiences
docpeteyJ talked about suicide among veterans with PTSD
Hyperbolic Hyperbole got some pretty important things from Fark, and gave back cheese powder
Weaver95 recognized how things seem to be going
swahnhennessy pointed out that some things (except for trendy words) will never change
BizarreMan sounded old
LordJiro pointed out that visiting the U.S. isn't so simple anymore
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Power's out
Smartest:Oreminer was reminded that even a farm in rural Nebraska depends on electricity
Funniest:  Peaceboy learned a lot of things after not paying the electric bill
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
knbber2 was excited that Rachel Maddow had Trump's tax returns
shower_in_my_socks was wary of the latest in spytech
fruitloop showed us why Trump was uncomfortable around Merkel
Ivo Shandor revealed why Trump couldn't look Merkel in the eyes
Johnny Rockets had a new take on Bible tracts disguised as money
 
Politics Smartest:
timujin had a message for a Trump supporter who thought Trump didn't realize the situation of people like her
Ambivalence said yes to saying no
dr_blasto thought that a lot of people are in for an unpleasant surprise
Bith Set Me Up railed against the establishment
kronicfeld called out a "both sides are bad" argument
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Alligator gave this car a new family
RedZoneTuba enjoyed some cat tunes
Don_cos found some dastardly drivers in this car
ToastmasterGeneral showed President Trump enjoying an afternoon with the queen
Circusdog320 thought her majesty's horse was too plain for her
Yammering_Splat_Vector found some company for this squirrel
RedZoneTuba discovered that Joe Biden isn't only interested in sports cars
Iggie showed us what happened to this strange strawberry
ToastmasterGeneral brought back an old Fark favorite
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this happy fellow some new spectacles
 
Farktography:
Earguy's photo of a handsome pointy-eared guy won Farktography Contest No. 619: "Black 2"
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, April 2nd: Boston Farkers Pub Crawl 
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Trials to begin using dogs to detect bowel cancer. First challenge: cold noses
 
I laughed. She laughed. The vibrator laughed. I shot the vibrator. It was a good day
 
Cobra has escaped and is terrorizing a residential neighborhood. And now you know, and knowing is half the battle
 
"Stand your ground" extension passes in Florida, raising the bag limit to five
 
Oklahoma politician may face charges after being found with underage male prostitute, as his ethics and Midwest family values come up a little behind
 
Semi carrying fruit crashes on freeway, creates jam
 
D-Wade out for C-Son with fractured L-Bow
 
So why does your body need more iron than your clothes? Well to get the wrinkles out of your birthday suit, for one
 
Sixties pop star Gerry Marsden of Gerry and the Pacemakers collapses onstage four years after his last heart operation. Maybe doctors should put one of those whatchamacallits in his chest
 
It's official: Obama did not tap that Ass
 
Tiffany shines as 4Q profit beats expectations. Debbie Gibson slightly jealous

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
March Madness is finally here.  Every year there are a few TotalFark bracket pools - feel free to jump in one of those.  If anyone wants to set up a Fark Discussion pool, feel free to submit one.  If we get a ton of submissions, I'll pick the pool names I like the most.  Duke sucks.
 
A quick feature update: If you subscribe to TotalFark via Stripe, it now allows you to buy recurring subscriptions for others, which wasn't the case previously.   So if you feel the urge to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, have at it!
 
Speaking of which - a generous anonymous Farker has donated ten 1-year TotalFark subscriptions.  This week we're going to post a discussion thread every other day.  Topic: what's the best thing that's happened to you as a result of Fark?  Did you meet your spouse?  Did you end up with a Fark baby?  Did knowing to drink an entire bottle of vodka after consuming anti-freeze end up saving your life as well?  Let us know - the 10 best submissions will get a free TotalFark sub.  Anyone who'd like to sponsor anyone else as a result of an extra-awesome submission, feel free - we'll pass out the 10 subs at the end of the week to whoever still doesn't have one.  
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Basketball - 206
Bracket - 70
Trumpcare - 468
Bacon - 229
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Pocket Ninja basically skipped a few pages in the Bible
Jingle Strangle shared a photo of Emma Watson
LucklessWonder shared a photo requested by the submitter of an Emma Watson thread
skyotter gave a reason for liking Hooters (the restaurant)
sxacho livened up "Green Eggs and Ham"
whyRpeoplesostupid enhanced a mugshot
iron de havilland protected a koala's modesty
Rapmaster2000 told us about his favorite Hooters waitress
Procedural Texture shared a comic about a concerned father
American-Irish eyes recognized the problems that are ruining an HOA
 
Smartest:
DammitIForgotMyLogin described some crazy crap Facebook pulled
Pocket Ninja basically skipped a few pages in the Bible
UNC_Samurai fought the good fight
demarke shared a story that makes you side with the lawyer
Mentat noted a lack of empathy
wax_on isn't very fond of police officers
J Noble Daggett had a suggestion for Khazir Khan
FormlessOne took another Farker behind the woodshed
fuzzybacchus thought a story deserved more attention
Barfmaker spent time reading an article about going to Hooters
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Farm animal encounters
Smartest: Caelistis told a touching story about a cross-species friendship
Funniest: A young Oakenraven saw firsthand what the devil weed can do
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
centrifugal bumblepuppy shared a disturbing flowchart
Praise Cheesus's father-in-law has heartbreaking problems
Farking Clown Shoes showed what eating too many faces can do to someone
ImOscar shared a tweet about Donald Trump's strategy
Farking Clown Shoes found the president getting a late-night snack
 
Politics Smartest:
dv-ous addressed Paul Ryan's chief complaint about the Affordable Care Act
HighOnCraic imagined how Preet Bharara might respond to trolling from Dinesh D'Souza
Karac thought a kid could use some help
NewportBarGuy called out a lie from Donald Trump
mjjt shared a tweet about Trump's reaction to the latest job figures
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed that a Ford crashed into this guy's roof
RedZoneTuba eavesdropped on a spiritual calling
Alligator created Willie the Sad Clown
Yammering_Splat_Vector put Rapunzel to work
#2 pierced a plastic pony
This wild and crazy guy photobombed Yammering_Splat_Vector's Photoshop entry
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel revealed why Trump is orange
RedZoneTuba showed us the best thing about Heaven
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium discovered what else sinks ships
Alligator found two men getting ready for a rally
 
Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 618: "The Air Down Here" with a great photo from Mammoth Hot Springs
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, March 19th: Boston Farkers St. Paddy's Day Pub Crawl 
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Always after me lucky charms. Well this is the story of a bloke that was not so lucky
 
Mailman caught in the lab
 
Statue of Liberty undergoes metaphor renovation
 
Despite all the dildos, they failed to get off
 
Florist boss shot after dropping child off at daycare. Probably an arranged killing
 
Kirk Cousins wants to escape the other dumpster fire in Washington DC
 
Time crystals observed by scientists for the first time They are described as having 16 corners, 96 hours and 4-simultaneous 24-hour Days within a single rotation of Earth
 
Is Richard Simmons being held in a fitness protection program?
 
Today is the day when all patriotic Americans will show President Trump all the respect he deserves
 
The Hula-Hoop was patented this day in 1963. Take one out for a spin, if you're hip