________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well.

Looks like the eastern half of the U.S. is experiencing a half self-inflicted gas shortage.  Here in KY it's unclear how this will play out. I've decided to just wait until after the weekend, and if we run out also, well that's what Netflix is for.

In Fark news, we have been trying out new discussion threads.  In particular, we now have a weekly garden thread 7 a.m. Tuesdays.  If you have any ideas for others, either general discussion or watch parties or whatever, let us know and we'll probably give them a try. Email me you ideas - drew at this website.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Weird Hal speculated on the cause of Bill and Melinda Gates' divorce
markie_farkie wrote a review of Kid Rock's Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock N' Roll Steakhouse
aimtastic's spouse reacted to the news of the colostomy bag incident at Kid Rock's bar
Pocket Ninja gave advice about proper ceiling fan maintenance
ralphjr showed us where Josh Duggar learned to get around monitoring devices to allegedly access illegal content on his computer
fragMasterFlash updated one of Kid Rock's songs to reflect current events
Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen recognized one of the photos from a real estate listing
comrade figured out the most likely reason the Gateses split up
Carter Pewterschmidt had a harsh realization about household chores
Candygram for Mongo pointed out how the people who founded Mexico City could've kept it from sinking

Smart:
Cubansaltyballs translated the technical description of what Josh Duggar is accused of doing
masterofnothing showed that Kid Rock actually does pretend to be something he's not
Neondistraction didn't think the judge fully thought through the conditions for Duggar's release
kabar felt well qualified to judge accused war criminal Eddie Gallagher
Driedsponge cautioned us about judging young people for performing dangerous stunts to put on the internet
NewportBarGuy understood why a man felt moved to fling the contents of his colostomy bag around Kid Rock's bar
queen biatch of the universe gave an explanation of why so many people covered up Josh Duggar's alleged crimes, from the point of view of someone who grew up in the Quiverfull movement
Colour_out_of_Space, after 8th grade archery class, decided to let a fellow middle schooler join in the reindeer games

Politics Funny:
JerseyTim reacted in disbelief to the stickers covering the back of an apparent Trump fan's vehicle
mrshowrules contrasted a photo of Donald Trump to one of Barack Obama in the same setting that was posted above it
The Googles Do Nothing found someone who was on Candace Owens' side when Ted Lieu played her comments about Hitler at a hearing on white nationalism
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That demonstrated how Mitt Romney should've reacted when he was booed at the Utah GOP convention
TWX updated a classic comic

Politics Smart:
weddingsinger argued that Americans were never meant to keep it all in the family
Giant Clown Shoe saw one bright side to some people refusing to follow even simple precautions
SpectroBoy figured out how the Bidens' dog could've released his aggression without Republican scrutiny
make me some tea uses The Psaki Method
ShavedOrangutan explained why taxes exist


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Kick The Chair encountered this traveler on a divine path
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned this Photoshop into a mashup
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this building all it needs
RedZoneTuba was prepared to react to a reaction to an emergency
Kick The Chair damned us maniacs all to 'Bell
zeon showed that Mickey Mouse was about to murder millions
Yammering_Splat_Vector ran into this troubled couple
Kick The Chair found an ancient ancestor of the star of "2001: A Space Odyssey"
bugdozer hinted at imminent disaster
Dodo David discovered what Batman hates even more than people singing that he smells

Captions:
From Caption Hamish as he emerges from his bath:
Cache could tell this bear was up to no good
Stile4aly knew what the best part of this swim was
Harry Freakstorm voiced the moment Hamish knew he was screwed

Fartist Friday: Recreate iconic memes using birds
TypoFlyspray made use of a familiar "hair"style

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: For International Astronomy Day, we take inspiration from the Sombrero galaxy, the Pinwheel and Eye of Sauron galaxies, etc. Design -- using any medium -- a new galaxy and name it after what it resembles

Farktography: Negative Space
DorisLessingCat gave us a peek at Viracocha


Fark Parties

Friday, July 9, 2021: Buffalo, NY Fark Party (with all public health guidance carefully followed)


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, although I'm probably holding off on ordering anything from ebay until we get not just drone delivery but drone enforcement of people adhering to their published prices.

On the Quiz itself, Kidsmakeyoucrazy came out on top with 974, followed by Denjiro in second with 961 and jaycharms in third with 937. HighwayBill came in fourth with 918, and Auntie Cheesus made the top five with 913.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about which Internet giant took home an Oscar for best short subject documentary. Only 20% of quiztakers knew that this year's winner "Colette" was a joint project between Electronic Arts' Respawn Games studio and the VR tech brand Oculus - which is owned by Facebook. I'm betting Zuck buys a replica for the Oculus offices and keeps the original in his basement lair next to your Internet browsing history and that shard from the Ark of the Covenant.

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which company got a stern warning from California's Water Resource Board. 86% of quiztakers knew that it was Nestlé that was overrunning their allotment of spring water from the San Bernardino forest to fulfill demand for its Arrowhead product. On the plus side, they only get to bottle it for a couple of more months before they have to call it "summer water" and that always drops the demand.

The hardest question on Last Week's Hard Quiz was over which 60's Hanna-Barbera series was getting a reboot on Fox. Only 47% of quiztakers recognized the name Jean Vander Pyl as the voice of Wilma Flintstone - and she also was the original voice of Pebbles Flintstone, a grown-up version of whom Elizabeth Banks will be voicing in the new series. I'm guessing at this rate 50 years from now someone's going to be rebooting South Park with the kids all grown up and trying to have careers, probably starring a descendant of a Baldwin.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about the new officially licensed Krispy Kreme Glazed Donut flavored snack. 89% of quiztakers recognized Smartfood as a popcorn brand. Personally, I think Krispy Kreme should just cut out the middleman and sell their "Glazed Donut" flavor as a syrup we can put on whatever the heck we want, but that's just me. I mean, who wouldn't like cauliflower if it tasted like Krispy Kreme Glazed Donuts?

If you missed out on the Quiz last week, you can catch up on it here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well.

Thanks to everyone who dropped in on last week's TotalFark discussion.  I wanted to mention it because the reason we give TotalFark a heads up on impending Fark changes is that almost always someone comes up with an idea that changes the direction we were originally heading.  This time around, it was super interesting to see that we were all pretty much on the same page.  I'm not sure that's ever happened before.

As much as I'd like to go back to doing the Fark Livestream multiple times a week, one of the huge advantages of moving to once a week at Thursday 8:30 p.m. is that the stream is chock-full of weirdness.  Come join us, this week was super weird as well.  I could get used to this level of strangeness, hopefully it will keep up.

Finally, we're making a series of tweaks to Fark's desktop layout.  Keep an eye out and see if you notice them.  If we did them right, you won't - but someone always does.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Abe Vigoda's Ghost showed us what "Disaster Girl" has been up to
R2112 bragged about having skill in the bedroom
Billy Liar noted that there's a really good reason to fear cicadas
markie_farkie thought "prison pouch" wasn't the best word for where an inmate hid a loaded revolver she tried to sneak into prison
AnotherBluesStringer responded to the news that Lorne Michaels was allowing SNL cast members to sit out the Elon Musk episode
bloobeary gave the definitive answer to "What book do you bring to an arson?"
morg reacted to some information about a man who has hoarding disorder
kbronsito told us about the sinister side of the polio vaccine
Mr. Coffee Nerves had questions about the average amount of time one session of sexytimes lasts
scalpod addressed a complaint about the name a particular internet meme has been given

Smart:
vygramul demolished Glen Danzig's complaint that "you could never have the punk explosion nowadays, because of cancel culture and woke bullshiat"
BunkyBrewman had a message for people who berate restaurant employees for enforcing health codes
Dr. DJ Duckhunt had a suggestion for criminals who used the services of cryptocurrency launderer Bitcoin Fog
Gubbo brought up two dueling features of Bitcoin
ongbok shared a story about a racist former coworker
Ragin' Asian figured out the secret to Christopher Lambert's career

Politics Funny:
apotheosis27 knew what investigators found while searching Rudy Giuliani's home and office
Kumana Wanalaia took a Fox News approach to discussing the allegations against Matt Gaetz
kindms thought of something else that would've been found while searching Giuliani's home
hugram takes civic duties very seriously
EnzoTheCoder pointed out the most damning evidence found at Trump associates' properties

Politics Smart:
apotheosis27 knew what investigators found while searching Rudy Giuliani's home and office
Officer Barrelroll wondered if something Tucker Carlson recently said on his show could bring him trouble down the line
eurotrader shared a bit about the funding of a charter school that said they won't employ anyone who is vaccinated for COVID-19
Ker_Thwap detected a certain tone of voice in a video showing a bunch of white people romanticizing slavery
The Bunyip looked at Matt Gaetz committee memberships


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Dodo David showed us a great way to perk up your ear hair
Yammering_Splat_Vector updated this cradle for future engineers
Driver showed us the part of the Large Magellanic Cloud where stars and screensavers are born
retrophil made a visual version of an earworm about a guilty dad
Wrongo preferred Farrah, apparently
Kick The Chair spotted dickbutt's divine origins
Yammering_Splat_Vector got someone ready to take some new profile pics
RedZoneTuba gave a makeover to a former United States Ambassador to the Holy See
zeon showed what happened after Sandy realized she could do a lot better
Mojongo delivered some medicine to where it was needed the most

Fartist Friday: Limericks about our favorite childhood cartoon characters
hobnail wrote a limerick about a hot-tempered redhead

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Help celebrate "World Migratory Bird Day" by flipping the bird to classic internet memes. Using any medium, recreate iconic memes, but using birds instead. Ermahgerd, It's Literal Gersberms!, Distracted Birdfriend, Ceiling Catbird, etc.

Farktography: In Memoriam: Curious
This Louisiana-themed Farktography contest in honor of the life of Farker Curious ended with four winning entries from Taming of the shoe, common sense is an oxymoron, common sense is an oxymoron (again), and CiliarySpasm, and even more loving tributes to a Farker who was a beloved member of our community. 


Fark Parties

Friday, July 9, 2021: Buffalo, NY Fark Party (with all public health guidance carefully followed)


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, although we never reached a conclusion on whether 2021 Judge Doom Tom Brady at the Kentucky Derby was better or worse than 2014 Fauxhawk Tom Brady at the Kentucky Derby. On the Quiz itself, Denjiro came out on top with 982, followed by zerkalo in second with 928 and beekayy in third with 865. EBens made fourth with 844, and Grizwald came in fifth with 840.

The hardest question on this week's Hard Quiz was about the Japanese Karaage Association and their idea to come up with as many awards to hand out as they had entrants this year in the Karaage Grand Prix. Only 24% of quiztakers knew that "Karaage" is the Japanese style of battering and frying things in oil, most closely associated with chicken. Even 7-Eleven got an award for "best gas station fried chicken". I guess I can't laugh too hard, the gas station in my town regularly beats KFC and six independent restaurants for "Best fried chicken" in the local newspaper surveys every year.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about the late Chuck Geschke and his work as co-founder of Adobe. 80% of people knew he was the father of the PDF format, which we finally have integrated into our browsers and don't need to download instruction manuals and open them separately in Adobe Reader just to see a specification on page 37. FWIW, JPEGs were a product of the Joint Photographic Experts Group, an industry group with members from various companies and educational institutions, and GIFs are a remnant from the bygone days of Compuserve. Yup, we have those guys to thank, and we don't even have four billion discs with 100 Free Hours to remember them by as we do with AOL.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which artist saw Pete Davidson and Jack Harlow parody his song "Without Me" on SNL to explain NFTs. Only 42% of quiztakers knew that it was Eminem who watched the skit using his song, and decided to get in the business. He made $1.3 million off his first "sale", which is a heck of a lot more than Pete Davidson and Jack Harlow made for the parody, so I guess he's sending thank you cards rather than DMCA notices.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about the Oscar-nominated 1964 film "Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines or How I Flew from London to Paris in 25 hours 11 minutes". 81% of quiztakers knew that the film no longer has the distinction of having the longest title of any Oscar-nominated film, having been overtaken by "Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan". This concludes my contractually obligated number of words for this segment.

A final note on one of the questions: The "banned" episode of the original Twilight Zone is now available on Netflix in the US. You can see a pre-Star Trek George Takei with Neville Brand in "The Encounter" about midway through Season 5. It's worth a look if you're a fan of the series or of Takei, and it's an interesting historical take on what the writers and director were saying versus what the network didn't want to be said for the 52 years it was not allowed to be aired.

If you missed out on the Quiz, you can catch up on it here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well.

One of the perks of TotalFark is getting to have input on and advance notice of upcoming big changes to Fark. Today we're having a sorta serious discussion on TotalFark about probably the most substantial change coming to Fark in awhile.  The thread can be found here.  You can join TotalFark right now and jump straight into the conversation.  I had not expected how unified the responses have been so far. Looks like we're all on the same page.  But I still need some input and some brainstorming - especially if you work for a mainstream media company -  so if you could add your two cents I'd very much appreciate it.  Plus the subscription keeps the lights on.

Finally after many weeks of slow Fark news days, we've had a super weird week.  We'll recap the best ones on the Fark Livestream on Thursday at 8:30 p.m., but meanwhile it's really nice to have a heavy stream of weird this week.  I hope you're enjoying it as well.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
AliceBToklasLives figured out what caused a Tesla to crash
puffy999 had a question about the steep incline of COVID-19 cases in India
Harry Wagstaff shared an excuse you can use to get out of attending gatherings before the pandemic is over
farkingismybusiness came up with the perfect way to express the rise in the portion of COVID-19 cases that are kids
Salmon assuaged The Googles Do Nothing's worries about coronavirus variants
teto85 asked an important question about a video of cownose rays swimming in formation
blastoh explained the differences between the COVID-19 vaccines available in the U.S.
Marcus Aurelius brought up another problem with leasing an HVAC system from a company that then puts a lien on your house
wet drum sandwich couldn't help but think about another Farker's junk
Russ1642 gave some information about the prison that now holds Derek Chauvin

Smart:
Pocket Ninja had a suggestion for finding bad police officers
edmo brought up what going back to normal life will be like
snowblur recalled the good ol' days
Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs pointed out the steps someone took after realizing he farked up
Daniel Boone's Farm laid out an argument for which TV show had the best ending
fragMasterFlash gave advice on what to do if you discover a tracking device that the police stuck to your vehicle
teto85 asked an important question about a video of cownose rays swimming in formation
Stephen_Falken suggested a classic solution to turning down invitations to events before they're entirely safe
TWX knew one of the best gifts you can give your kids' teachers right now

CSB Sunday Morning: Stories of rushing around at the last minute
Smart: The Headless Horseman's Headless Horse decided to just go for it
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village had to get all dressed up to go to Walmart

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

Politics Funny:
Ivo Shandor had a different way of saying that President Joe Biden officially recognized Armenian genocide
Olympic Trolling Judge predicted Biden's business would suffer as a result of his statement on Armenian Remembrance Day
dothemath had a very specific feeling about the guy who complained that "wokeness" is ruining Disney World
DoBeDoBeDo was confused when Fox News was suddenly concerned about police attacking journalists covering protests
optikeye rewrote an iconic anti-drug PSA

Politics Smart:
DoBeDoBeDo was confused when Fox News was suddenly concerned about police attacking journalists covering protests
SpectroBoy explained how cops get a bad rap
AdmirableSnackbar pointed out why simply giving police departments money for more training doesn't solve the problem
Ivo Shandor reacted to George W. Bush talking about how he didn't play golf as president once the U.S. had troops in combat
Dave2042 looked at the issues the U.S. has with police officers


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector caught this cat advertising a special interest website
saddestmanonearth's cat will help you wash your hair
zeon put bourbon in the water dish
Wrongo pulled off a daring rescue
I_Am_Weasel found two lovers at sea
bugdozer spied a leaking robot
RedZoneTuba played God with nature
west.la.lawyer found a still from The Tape
retrophil was about to attempt to finally answer a decades-old question
opalakea showed us how to take a punch

Fartist Friday took the week off. This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: In honor of "National Bugs Bunny Day," write a limerick about your favorite childhood cartoon characters. That wascally wabbit, the daffiest of ducks, Marge and Lisa, Jinkies it's Velma, etc.

Farktography: Psychedelics 2
Elsinore won this contest with a trippy drippy


Fark Parties

Friday, July 9, 2021: Buffalo, NY Fark Party (with all public health guidance carefully followed)


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, and I got some good advice on Carolina Mustard Sauce for my barbecue. On the Quiz itself, no one made the 1000 club, so I'm not sharing said sauce with anyone. FacelessDevil30 came in first with 948, followed by Denjiro in second with 947 and badplaid in third with  929. Captain Orr came in fourth with 922, and runwiz made fifth with 914.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about the snack food Bamba, which you can find in some stores or at Citi Field where the New York Mets usually lose. Only 28% of quiztakers knew that the peanut butter-flavored puffed corn snack comes from Israel, where it makes up 35% of the country's entire snack food market. I still haven't tried it myself, but the idea of peanut butter-flavored cheetos seems like it's worth a shot even if I have to watch the Mets. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about the renaming of Forrest Hill Academy, an alternative school in southwest Atlanta. 88% of quiztakers knew that the school was going to soon be bearing the name of baseball slugger Hank Aaron, who moved with the team from Milwaukee and broke Babe Ruth's home run record in 1973 in Atlanta Stadium - a stadium that the Braves and MLB refused to move to from Milwaukee unless it was integrated in seating. That seems a much better role model and namesake for a school than the former Confederate general and co-founder of the KKK. 

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about the sketch comedy show "Wonder Showzen", which aired from 2005 to 2006. Only 30% of quiztakers knew that the show and its wild disclaimer could be seen on MTV, which by then had for some reason stopped showing music videos and was willing to air an adult comedy show featuring puppets as long as it didn't have to show another Kelly Clarkson video.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about 60-year-old Christopher Atkins, who is single and looking for a "highly sexual" love interest. 82% of quiztakers knew he spent the majority of the runtime of "The Blue Lagoon" shirtless opposite Brooke Shields, although he never seemed to get a sunburn despite the lack of sunscreen on the island. He does enjoy camping and fishing and snake hunting, so be sure to get in touch with his agent if you're interested.

If you missed out, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well.

This has been a historically low volume week for weird news stories.  Normally I'm able to compile enough material to do the Fark News Livestream 2-3 times per week, but this week it looks like the only livestream will be Thursday.  The good news is we have tons of stuff for one show, just not really enough for more than one.  Aside from the general shift in the news cycle we've been seeing since January, I think the main culprit is that there are actually a few important but not super funny news stories dominating coverage this week.  So join us for the livestream Thursday at 8:15 p.m. or 8:30 p.m. depending on when schedules calm down. We'll post a link on the main page before we start.

Today's TotalFark discussion topic is related to last week's discussion re: Farks2Give and Swear Jar etc.  Last week I needed a name for something coming soon, this week it's logo time.  Drop in and see what you think.  And if you don't already have TotalFark, you can sign up and join the conversation instantly. 
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
vudukungfu shared a story about getting an Article 15 back in the '70s
Biscuit Tin defended an Ontario health and wellness store that prohibits vaccinated people from entering
Dasher McHappenstance suggested a special kind of hell for the Army staff sergeant who was seen on video harassing a Black man in their neighborhood
leeto2 most likely misidentified an object in a real estate listing photo
edmo was expecting to hear this defense in the Derek Chauvin trial
WTFDYW... you know, I'm gonna just let you find out the context for this one on your own
Pocket Ninja talked about what a good role model one police officer is
ecmoRandomNumbers figured out where the fancy decor in a home listing came from
WonderDave1 asked a fellow Farker to be more thoughtful when emphasizing text
Purple_Urkle was happy to have a new way to insult extroverts

Smart:
theflatline figured that hoping racists just grow out of their racism might not be the most effective strategy
optikeye explained bobcat thinking
danvon discussed the people whose attention you do not want if you're in the military
theflatline shared a story about having an unsettling encounter with the police and a neighbor
fortheloveof gave advice on what to do if you see a member of the military breaking the law
make me some tea looked into a story about a couple who went missing in Death Valley
Martian_Astronomer was itching for a grammar fight
GoodDoctorB thought that articles about water shortages in the West tend to miss a big part of the problem

CSB Sunday Morning: Moving stories
Smart: Bathia_Mapes had some unwanted help
Funny: tenalquot helped friends move into a cabin where the previous residents had left a surprise

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

Politics Funny:
Badmoodman knew what would happen after Bernie Madoff died
Circusdog320 made a mature suggestion if the COVID-19 vaccines were named for Donald Trump
arrogantbastich admired the Champion for Freedom Award given to Trump by Senator Rick Scott
RodneyToady predicted Mike Lindell's next business venture after he launches his Amazon competitor, MyStore
feIching pen had a theory on why Lindell's new social media platform failed to launch when it was supposed to

Politics Smart:
RodneyToady gave an example of victim blaming that actually happens, rather than the imaginary kind
Pocket Ninja talked about what kind of a person President Biden is
Marcus Aurelius knew who else didn't belong to any white supremacist organizations
cettin summed up a good portion of American politics
ChrisDe looked at how restaurants in the U.S. are staffed from a different perspective


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
zeon braved the lightning to mock a cow
I_Am_Weasel showed a window washer getting some Payback
Terrapin Bound cooked up some fresh steaks
zeon demonstrated the wrong way to heat up your food
zeon put on a sky show (warning: flashing lights)
Yammering_Splat_Vector bearly solved this puzzle
Wrongo was definitely done with cleaning windows
bugdozer should have mooved somewhere else
PhotoshopCrazy showed off an elegant bowling technique
I_Am_Weasel blocked traffic again

Fartist Friday: Fartist Friday's Paper Anniversary
kabloink drew a little church on the prairie

Fartist Friday will be taking the week off, but will return next week

Farktography: Hygge
reddfrogg took a photo of the rightful owner of the comfiest seat in the house


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

The Fark Weird News Quiz is out now, so go give it a try.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well.

Are you a first-time or occasional submitter looking for more greenlights?  I've got a hot tip for you.  We could use more submissions for both the Fandom and the D'awww tabs.

D'awww is pretty straightforward - anything cute, good-news based. That's your best bet for instant greenlights - because cute is not super hard to find.  It's also your best bet for Headline of the Year candidates because it's less easy to write a funny headline about a cute subject.  But it's not impossible.

Fandom is basically anything you'd see at a comic-con.  Submission levels to Fandom aren't too bad relative to other tabs, however I know there are tons more articles out there we're not seeing.

Also, today I've got a new TotalFark-only discussion - I need a name for something related to the upcoming Farks2Give / Swear Jar changes I discussed on TotalFark a couple weeks ago.  Come help me figure out what we should call this new thing.  Regular Farkers will find out more about all this later, but if you want to know -NOW- and possibly contribute, sign up for TotalFark and give us your .02 whatevers.

The next Fark News Livestream is Thursday 8 p.m.  They've stretched out a bit for a couple reasons, one being Dallan and I have been extra busy lately.  The other is a surprisingly low-volume news cycle.  The good news is we've got enough for a stream tomorrow, so come join us!
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Bslim found something suspicious about a 99-year-old's death
SansNeural had a suggestion for a professor who misplaced his Fields Medal
MusicMakeMyHeadPound considered Prince Phillip's feelings about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's interview with Oprah Winfrey
hobnail requested a favor of SansNeural
Pocket Ninja educated us about the legal requirements when choosing keywords to market online videos
gar1013 told us what you call a guy who warms up his Harley in an apartment complex parking lot for 15 minutes
Frederick45 has been to the roughest place in town
Herr Morgenstern tried to blame autocorrect
thatguyoverthere70 was leery of the claim that "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" ran "in an empty theater for 54 straight weeks"
FlyingJ had an idea of what DMX is up to in heaven

Smart:
FightDirector suggested the best framework to emulate when it comes to disciplining cops already exists
Znuh listed some of the benefits of teaching your child more than one language
TommyDeuce saw the wisdom in the types of experts the prosecutors were calling in the case against Derek Chauvin
tudorgurl talked about having neurological problems from COVID-19
brax33 had an idea for what to do about the "serial stowaway" who keeps managing to sneak onto flights
WilderKWight addressed the theory that Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain
toraque shared a story about out-stubborning a stubborn jerk

CSB Sunday Morning from last week, because I missed it: Searching for something lost or hidden
Smart (tie): USAF Retired proved that doing the right thing makes you a superstar
Smart (tie): CaptainSpaceJohnny's cousin accidentally revealed a family secret
Funny: Recoil Therapy learned you can count your eggs that will never hatch, but that doesn't mean you'll find them all

CSB Sunday Morning: Spring break
Smart & Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village learned something that every Farker knows

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

Politics Funny:
dionysusaur figured out which airline Republicans can use since United, Delta, American and Southwest have come out against restrictive voting laws
GardenWeasel asked a question about the advanced ages of Donald Trump's lawyers
whither_apophis predicted an upcoming guest on the Fox News comedy show "Gutfeld!"
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise explained why Rep. Thomas Massie worried about planes being flown by "diverse" pilots
Shostie knew Massie's favorite kind of flying, altogether

Politics Smart:
lolmao500 looked on the bright side of the pandemic
GardenWeasel asked a question about the advanced ages of Donald Trump's lawyers
Some Bass Playing Guy came up with a title for Mike Pence's forthcoming autobiography
mangobunny pointed out how much more work goes into the new comedy show on Fox News than its left wing counterparts
edmo looked at how the pandemic has been characterized by a large segment of the population


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
bugdozer knew that they all lead to the same place
RedZoneTuba showed that the future of medicine involves something cooler than a recycled banana clip
Terrapin Bound finally answered the question that has vexed Farkers since 2004
RedZoneTuba found that the former president has several options
opalakea needed to get this kid a tissue
Wrongo's login checked out
zeon made sense of instructions from old-timey movies
Terrapin Bound found Flying Spaghetti Monster's nautical cousin
Wrongo went in the righto direction
Thrakkorzog gave a nifty gadget to Uncle Martin

Captions:
From Caption this observant dog:
RedZoneTuba knew this pup's chief concern
ZAZ figured it was all a game
Keyser_Soze_Death revealed that dogs have started getting revenge on humans

Fartist Friday: Show & Tell Volume 7
mmojo showed us a piece of Pittsburgh's historic Hill District

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: We're celebrating the First Anniversary of Fartist Friday, which makes this the Paper Anniversary. Create a new work of art with paper and post a photo of it. Write a poem on paper, draw or paint, make origami, a collage -- anything you like using paper -- and then share it with us.

Farktography: Challenge Accepted 2
Elsinore grasped at straws while looking for something to photograph


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on a more-difficult-than-normal Quiz this week, with no one getting in the 1000 Club. Denjiro came out on top with 929, followed by bud jones in second with 905 and scrumpox in third with 891. gunsmack made fourth with 875, and kevinatilusa made the top five with 851.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about the Great Bitter Lake Association. It's a great story about a group of fifteen ships that banded together in the midst of international hostilities from 1967 to 1975 to help one another. Only 31% of quiztakers knew that the Great Bitter Lake is part of the Suez canal in Egypt, and is currently where the Ever Given is residing while impounded by Egypt for $900 million in costs related to freeing it from the grounding. If you have a minute, this really is a fascinating story about how people get together for mutual aid when they're in one of the strangest situations in nautical history.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about which famous British scientist will be featured on the new British £50 note. 87% of quiztakers knew that computer scientist and famed codebreaker Alan Turing will receive the honor 67 years after his death. Although most people know him from his computer theory and the famed Turing Test of artificial intelligence capabilities, his work in breaking the Nazi Enigma encryption made more of a difference in World War II than he was ever given public credit for due to the Official Secrets Act. 

The hardest question on the easier-than-normal Easy Quiz was about which artist had finally toppled controversial country music singer Morgan Wallen from the #1 spot on the Billboard charts. Only 59% of quiztakers knew that it was (of all people) whatever the hell a Justin Bieber is who managed the feat. No word on any upcoming collaboration with Kevin Federline. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about which artist has remade his 2020 album "Hey Clockface" en français as "La Face de Pendule à Coucou" ("The Cuckoo Clock Face"), collaborating with such artists as Iggy Pop. 91% of quiztakers knew that it was Elvis Costello who somehow got Iggy Pop to learn to sing in French. Iggy Pop. In French. No word on why this hasn't succeeded in knocking that Justin Bieber guy right back off the top spot.

If you missed out on the Quiz, you can catch up right here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well.

News Cycle Meta Report: For the last week the cycle seems to be focusing intently on one or two stories at a time.  Today it's monkeys on the loose in Cincinnati.  The PENN15 controversy in New York City was yesterday.  And we've had multiple sightings of Guy Who Mailed Himself Home In A Crate in the 1960s looking to find his friends who helped him out with the idea.  Based on how it turned out, maybe he wants to punch them in the face or something.

Thanks to everyone who dropped by to our conversation on TotalFark last week, you had some great ideas and suggestions.  We'll be doing another one soon, so stay tuned.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Remnants of Santa explained why trucks that are too tall to fit under a bridge often slow down, but drive under it anyway
Lance Robdon knew how to finish dislodging the Ever Given from where it was stuck in the Suez Canal
offacue showed what happens if you try to join the Mile High Club while skydiving
kbronsito explained why high school girls wearing hoodies were targeted for dress code violations
Nana's Vibrator summed up Europe's railway map
eyebones predicted the first change we'll see now that most Americans don't belong to a religious congregation
Rann Xerox revealed the defense strategy Derek Chauvin's lawyers have planned
Pocket Ninja gave tips on surviving a mass shooting
Pointy Tail of Satan had a complaint about Catholic churches
TheReject looked at how much abuse a pastor was able to get away with

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
FrancoFile came up with a slogan for a tax preparer who pulled a gun on her clients

Smart:
Xai showed yet another nice thing many other countries manage to have that Americans can't
Spectrum explained that Derek Chauvin is probably not writing his own version of "If I Did It"
Exluddite argued that Mike Rowe lacks credibility
Klivian gave reasons why you should not laminate your COVID-19 vaccination card
scottydoesntknow knew there were other options available to a pastor who would not allow women to win a raffle for a bow fishing trip
bcostlow shared a theory on why some of the big tech companies are eager to get employees back in the office
Nuuu thought that Chauvin's lawyer was telling the truth about officers' attention being diverted by the crowd
iheartscotch shared a story about a priest choosing just the worst time to be a dick
Corvus examined tech companies' reasoning for needing people to work in the office instead of from home
tjsands1118 pointed out that the Satan Shoes did their job

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: The Pope of Manwich Village interpreted a comic from The New Yorker
Smart: merrillvillain would do whatever it takes to get a nut off
Funny: vegas_greaser defended a Farker's girlfriend who committed the crime of ordering "chicken parmesian" at "an authentic Italian restaurant with a Michelin star"
Smart: Dance Party was threatened by a ferocious animal
Smart: KangTheMad showed off some meat
Smart: Dance Party shared more scary animal photos

Politics Funny:
Porkbelly considered Matt Gaetz's side of the story in the investigation into his possible relationship with an underage girl
bthom37 suggested a new nickname for Matt Gaetz
ElvisThroop thought that maybe a field trip would be good for Major Biden
Demetrius remarked on Kristi Noem's generosity
King Something explained Donald Trump's need for attention

Politics Smart:
Badmoodman didn't think that it's all bad news for Matt Gaetz
Ambivalence wondered about the legality of Rep. Jeff Duncan's intended action against Major League Baseball
lolmao500 wasn't having the comparison of Joe Biden to a former president
hubiestubert looked at the argument that Republicans will choose a fascist leader in the future and it will be Democrats' fault
Notabunny figured that Biden has bigger plans for one of his Cabinet members


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba figured Trump might as well just make his relationship with Facebook official
Mojongo created a platform for deplorable videos
X-Geek gave Trump's platform a logo that gets right to the point
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a new episode of the original Star Trek series
bugdozer discovered drama in the world of magazine holders
verchad found the only way to improve chocolate
opalakea looked at how things could've been if Hillary Clinton had been president
RedZoneTuba went from peanuts to q-nuts
I_Am_Weasel gave Trump the bird
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us why we shouldn't taunt kangaroos

Fartist Friday: Create a rainbow
Uchiha_Cycliste decided not to take one down, pass it around

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Show & Tell Volume 7: Show us a work of art you've made and Tell us the story behind it, your inspiration, how you made it. A photo you've shot, a painting you've painted, jewelry you've bejeweled, etc. Difficulty: Art you haven't entered in our F'artiste contests before.

Farktography: W, X, Y, & Z
CiliarySpasm gave us a 15-second peek at the zipper


Beyond Fark

We're sad to have lost Farker DonWrite to cancer. He was well known and loved from Fark Parties, TotalFark threads, Photoshop contests, and more. He was friendly, funny, and an all-around good guy. We offer our condolences to his family and friends. You can read DonWrite's memorial thread here.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz, and I just found out the local frozen yogurt joint will have sugar-free caramel macchiato next week, so I'm happy. Due to a screw-up on my part, a few people wound up with more questions than others this week, so I'm listing the top 10:

Denjiro 1241
balko 1059
firegig 1054
groppet 1037
State_College_Arsonist 1017
KarmicDisaster 1015
edmo 1001
Redh8t 996
SumoJeb 989
Staffist 968

The hardest question on this week's Hard Quiz was about the dangers of corralling escape barnyard animals. Only 28% of quiztakers caught the story about the Harrisonburg, VA police office who was accidentally shot while helping to corral an escaped cow on the loose. I often wonder why cows bother escaping. What do they plan to do? Chase cars? Go swimming in a different pond? Meet new cows? Go to a gun store?

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about China's Hong Guang Mini. 78% of quiztakers knew that the overgrown golf cart was far outselling the Tesla Model 3, making it the world's best selling electric vehicle. I mean, for a mere $4500 with a 106-mile range, it's a great grocery-getter, or even an excellent date car if you're dating a nice environmentally-conscious SO. Good luck with the back seat, though.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which streaming service you can watch Christopher Nolan's "Tenet" on. Only half of users knew that the movie would be airing on HBO Max, which Tenet himself once described as "the worst streaming service". If it makes him feel better, it's probably going to be a better experience than the guy who managed to compress it onto five GameBoy Advance cartridges.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about which American will be starring as himself in an upcoming comedy spy series in Germany. 93% of quiztakers correctly surmised that it was David Hasselhoff who will be playing himself stuck in an espionage/murder mystery situation full of that German humor we all know and love. No word on planned musical numbers.

If you missed out on the Quiz last week, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week as soon as I get some more frozen yogurt with the nut crumbs from the bottom of the walnut topping bin.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week's been going well.

News Cycle Meta Report: I haven't seen a week as slow as this one since maybe 2015.  Which is pretty welcome; at times over the past few years, it felt like triple overtime work hours.  Consider the fact that a ship stuck in the Suez was big news for several days. Sure, it had a big impact, but there wasn't much action to report on.  Day 1: Ship is stuck.  Day 2: Ship is still stuck.  Day 3: One of the other ships is chock full of seꭗ toys.  Day 4: Ship is still stuck.  You get the idea.

For weeks now we've teased the Swear Jar concept, and some of you have noticed that recently there haven't been any updates.  The reason for that is when we started building the functionality, we realized there was some other groundwork to lay first.  Groundwork for potentially dozens of other fun things in the future.  Want to know more about what these might be?  Head on over to TotalFark and join us, the discussion is live right now.  And if you don't have TotalFark, here's where to sign up.  One of the benefits is getting to have input on and hear about new features in advance. Today's discussion opens the door to a number of possibilities in 2021.  Come join the conversation.

The Fark News Livestream will return next week - Dallan's on a business trip so we're taking a spring break hiatus.  Watch for new livestreams next week.
________________________

A message from DisseminationMonkey:  
________________________ 

Just a quick note: The I saw a turtle thread turned 18 last week! Yes, it says at the top of the thread that it was posted in 2006, but if you look at the first comment in the thread, the time stamp shows it was actually March 21, 2003. With all the things that have been shuffled around since the thread was first posted as a Fark Classified, the date on top of the thread ended up getting changed. Anyway, I just wanted to share a little something to make you feel old.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That gave a preview of what it will be like when Bo Burnham plays Larry Bird for an HBO series
mrshowrules showed a man who is accused of using his ninja skills to establish an alibi and commit murder
Eric Shun knew that there are always two sides to every story about people handling creatures they don't know are deadly
diIdo tontine told us how to use a natural remedy to recover from COVID-19
Pocket Ninja gave instructions for making your own sawed-off shotgun
Gubbo explained why it won't be a problem for Elon Musk's company to construct a high-speed tunnel for Miami
pdxbarista was upset about Jessica Walter's death
Subtonic felt defensive when edmo criticized the man who damaged a Scientology building's cameras with a laser
Albert911emt answered the question, "What would you do if this random Oregon man removed his mask at the grocery and kissed your 1-year-old baby on the lips?"
kazrak was ready to live the dream

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
GardenWeasel knew the perfect thing for a good dog who quickly dug a trench when someone poured water on the ground

Smart:
edmo had a theory about people who move to new and exciting cities and then don't like it there
diIdo tontine told us how to use a natural remedy to recover from COVID-19
Pocket Ninja gave instructions for making your own sawed-off shotgun
namegoeshere talked about people who "line jump" to get the vaccine sooner
mofa received a message that meandered like a restless wind inside a letter box that tumbled blindly as it made its way across the universe
rewind2846 ruined all my plans for next weekend
damageddude discussed eyewitness testimony that was used to convict a ninja of murder
I Browse predicted what a teacher who forgot to log out of Zoom before going on a racist rant will say next
MattytheMouse figured out the plan for dealing with climate change
syrynxx was disappointed by an article about a woman who accidentally showed her "cooter" on social media

CSB Sunday Morning: Spring Break Edition
Smart: bcostlow shared lessons learned from volunteering in Tijuana
Smart, runner up (because it was voted smartest in a previous CSBSM): The Pope of Manwich Village managed to defy expectations as a young DJ
Funny: Sexy Jesus had spring break plans that suffered a series of setbacks

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: valanienna gave the brutally honest truth about brutal honesty
Funny: puffy999 played the "misspell a Farker's name" game with KangTheMad
Smart: leeksfromchichis discussed nudity in movies
Funny: TomFooolery helpfully figured out what this thing on Murflette's deck was
Funny: Beeblebrox made a generous offer to support Rev.K's new radio show
Funny: Snaps wasn't sure about trusting flucto's advice on properly caring for cast iron cookware
Funny: merrillvillain offered advice about repairs on a '91 Nissan Stanza

Politics Funny:
Shostie pointed out that Donald Trump actually has one good idea for his upcoming social media platform
I Ate Shergar knew that Trump would have to pass on some subscription models
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise noticed a bad sign when a heavily-armed man was arrested at Publix
The Pope of Manwich Village explained why Dominion will definitely win their defamation lawsuits
duppy showed us what was airing on Fox News

Politics Smart:
Pocket Ninja responded to an op-ed that attempted to defend Christian nationalism
Mollari examined the argument that Washington, D.C. shouldn't be a state because the Founding Fathers didn't intend for it to be one
Ambivalence volunteered some people to help Trump with his social media platform
arrogantbastich looked at the kind of agenda Senator Mike Rounds is interested in pushing, but WithinReason came in with a good counterpoint
Porkbelly thought that there needs to be more focus on the worst part of Georgia's new voter suppression law


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector enjoyed listening to music with the cat
Yammering_Splat_Vector protested against boyfriends with wandering eyes
zeon had just one flickering light
kabloink went to a concert with no social distancing necessary
bugdozer showed yet another cat causing chaos and destruction
RedZoneTuba discovered Penguin's bomb budget isn't what it used to be
I_Am_Weasel was ready to see Egypt
samsquatch showed us how kitty got her stripe
Yammering_Splat_Vector found out that Alice ate too many mushrooms
RedZoneTuba uncovered evidence that Phil Spector had a secret accomplice

Fartist Friday: Homage to spring
kabloink drew a chonky cat sniffing a spring bloom

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: We're celebrating "National Find a Rainbow Day" by making a "rainbow" out of things we have at home. Create your own real-life rainbow out of various red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet things lined up in that order, or use things to make a "rainbow" with the classic rainbow shape, but using the colors of your choice, then post a photo of your creation.

Farktography: Spring has sprung again
This one ended in a three-way tie with common sense is an oxymoron's hungry hungry hummingbird, MorningBreath's dewdrops on rosebushes and kittyhas1000legs' Mother and Father Goose


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, now broadcast in Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround. On the Quiz itself, Oak came out on top with 942, followed by iron de havilland in second with 932 and runwiz in third with 920. bud jones made fourth with 918, and a far candle came in fifth with 907.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about which noted scientist patented a refrigerator with no moving parts, got a court case against a civil rights icon dismissed by merely offering to testify on his behalf, was once offered the presidency of a foreign country, and won a Nobel prize awarded because no one nominated met the criteria. Only 39% of quiztakers knew that Albert Einstein was the sole Nobel Laureate amongst the choices (In 1922, he was awarded the 1921 prize because it was not given out the previous year). They might have also known he was offered the (ceremonial) office of President of Israel when the modern country was first formed. Or they could have known of his work with his former student Leó Szilárd in developing a heat-exchanging refrigerator. Or they knew that Einstein's  threat of testifying on behalf of NAACP founder W.E.B. Dubois in his trial for acting as a "foreign agent" would bring so much negative publicity to the government that it was better to simply dismiss the case, All in all, there was a lot to respect about him separate from his work in physics.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about which river in the United States is traditionally dyed green each St. Patrick's Day. 88% of quiztakers knew that it was the Chicago River that had the... "honor"? Which some people think is weird because Boston has a much higher percentage of people with Irish Heritage yet doesn't dye their river. Then again, Chicago has a bigger Italian population than Boston but still call their meat casseroles "pizza", so go figure. 

The hardest question on the Easy quiz was about "Aplets & Cotlets". Only 36% of quiztakers recognized the name of a candy made for the past 100 years by Liberty Orchards in Washington state from leftover apples and apricots. And if the other 64% want to try them, they'd better hurry, as the company has announced they'll no longer be producing the fruit, nut, and sugar-based confections after next month, as sales have fallen too hard to recover during the pandemic. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about Nancy Wilson and which band she was associated with, along with her sister Ann. 91% of quiztakers recognized her as the guitarist and sometimes-vocalist for the band Heart, famous for grungy riffs like in the song "Barracuda".and her more melodic vocals on "These Dreams". 

If you missed out on the Quiz, you can catch up right here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Sure is getting weird out there.  Shrimp tails in Cinnamon Toast Crunch, super freighters drawing phallic symbols then wrecking in the Suez Canal.  Speaking of which, either the Fark News Livestream will be on hiatus until next week when Dallan returns from a work trip, or I'll figure out how to do it solo on my end. Might depend on how much I drink Friday night.  Stay tuned.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
King Something explained why no soap company wants to be associated with Biscuit Tin's idea for the oil-covered pennies a man's ex-boss paid him with
Dead for Tax Reasons thought a man who was arrested for abusing girls at a boarding school looked familiar
ditka80 had one question when a cache of fireworks caused a house to explode
Farkenhostile thought everyone was wrong about the pile of oily pennies left in a man's driveway
arrogantbastich was rather offended by a slideshow featuring shirts for big boobs
Circusdog320 showed us why someone who was traveling the country to complete her bucket list refused to wear a mask in a bank
snowybunting recognized a sorority that was suspended after being accused of hazing
HighlanderRPI had a suggestion for Wells Fargo and Chase Bank customers who were waiting for their stimulus money
vudukungfu had one thing to say about a Glock 19 that was painted to look like a Nerf gun
WhippingBoi warned us about a troubling side effect of the COVID-19 vaccine

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
libranoelrose shamelessly revealed Katy kitty's deadly secret ninja move (GIF goodness included)

Smart:
Alphax shared a story about a woman who tried to police an accessible parking space for the worst reason
chewd had a suggestion for how a particularly dangerous type of criminal should be penalized
roostercube can apparently end up getting yelled at for parking anywhere at all
wademh gave one of many reasons why a parent might be at a gas station with their 1-year-old at night (the comments being referenced are from the news site)
Pocket Ninja began to explain how a functioning alcoholic can drink daily amounts that would keep most people from functioning at all
fragMasterFlash brought up the costs associated with a particular method of paying a worker
vicejay remembered Farker Mudbuggy a year after his death
Dryad recalled an interview with a grieving mom's quest to draft legislation to keep other kids from being taken by strangers
WilderKWight revealed the secret behind Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle brand, Goop (Note: I have no idea if this is accurate)

CSB Sunday Morning: Your most unusual pet
Smart: Rene ala Carte had a great story about a parakeet who loved the New York Times
Funny: MorningBreath's fish is way too smart

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Murflette shared how vital the stimulus payments are and what they mean to many Americans
Funny: fly_gal showed off an impressive hair styling tool
Smart: generalDisdain shared news about achieving a new rank
Funny: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat gave advice on talking your spouse into getting a vasectomy
Smart: Cafe Threads completed the sentence, "Best comic strip that's not The Far Side or Calvin and Hobbes is ______"
Funny: wearsmanyhats made everyone feel welcome

Politics Funny:
HighOnCraic figured out why Trump didn't receive a summons and complaint sent to him at Mar-a-Lago after "Ricky" signed for the package
Kat09tails figured out who submitted a headline claiming that, because the Bidens have dogs, Republicans now hate dogs
Mr. Coffee Nerves flawlessly deciphered a secret message from President Trump
Rapmaster2000's parents learned to accept who their child really is
Jack Sabbath argued that Trump is not shrinking away into obscurity

Politics Smart:
arrogantbastich explained why the pandemic experts failed
Jack Sabbath pointed out that Marjorie Taylor Greene knew what she was talking about
stan unusual had a good plan for how to handle questions about the rights of transgender people
log_jammin discussed the plight of white farmers
markie_farkie had an idea for some new legislation


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed that the stereotype of sweating like a tart in church has been greatly exaggerated
Terrapin Bound discovered how much bovine craftsmanship has improved since 1982 ^{[citation needed]}
kabloink conclusively proved that Earth is indeed flat
RedZoneTuba put Leo and Keanu together in a suspenseful scene
Driver found out what happens when you have a typo in your bar supplies order
I_Am_Weasel caught Poseidon playing with his bath toys
Thrakkorzog realized a bunny with a pancake on its head isn't enough anymore when you have no idea what someone's talking about
zeon witnessed a senseless act of bird-on-canine violence
RedZoneTuba turned this into that kind of party
clovercat showed us that what goes up must come down

Captions:
From Caption this presidential cat (this is a 1994 photo of Socks, the Clintons' cat):
RedZoneTuba figured that Socks never left the White House
Keyser_Soze_Death revealed Socks' confusion when looking at the audience

Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday took the weekend off, but it'll be back this week. 

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: It's a F'artiste homage to Spring! Flowers in bloom as we say goodbye to winter gloom. Let's honor the season by creating some art that shows what Spring means to you - write a poem, take a photo, draw a drawing, P a PShop, use any medium you choose. 

Farktography: Toy story
This one ended in a tie with MorningBreath's rainbow brick road and SoupGuru's wee Chevy


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, but the 1000 club stays as empty as my new InstaPot. On the Quiz itself, bud jones came out on top with 982, followed by MrCynical in second with 931 and Hoopy Frood in third with  919. dionysusaur made fourth with 896, and Denjiro finishes out the top five with 860.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about which 80s comedy never became a network TV show. 36% of quiztakers didn't remember Charlie Schlatter taking a chainsaw to a cardboard cutout of Matthew Broderick in the premier of  NBC's "Ferris Bueller" back in 1990 - even though it also starred Jennifer Aniston as his sister. It was cancelled after 13 episodes. 32% of quiztakers didn't remember "Fast Times" on CBS in 1986, probably because even though it had Claudia Wells (the original Jennifer in "Back to the Future"), Vincent Schiavelli, and Moon Unit Zappa, it's safe to say that Dean Cameron (Chainsaw in "Summer School") was no Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli, and no way were the censors letting anything good on the show. The network pulled the plug after only 7 episodes. Which leaves only 32 % that correctly guessed that the networks realized a "Major League" series would have no chance without Charlie Sheen and so never greenlit one. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about the world's first rock-and-roll song, recorded 70 years ago in March 1951. 77% of quiztakers knew that Ike Turner (yes, *that* Ike Turner, although it was recorded as "Jackie Brenston and his Delta Cats") had written the song about the new model of Oldsmobile - the "Rocket 88", which had a 303 (5.0L) V8 producing a whopping 135 horsepower. Quite fittingly for the car the first rock-and-roll song was about, the Olds Rocket 88 widely considered to be the first American muscle car.  

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about those wacky Pop-Tart engineers and what they've been up to since they ceased being drug tested. Only 42% of quiztakers remembered that Oreos are a Nabisco product and Pop-Tarts are made by Kellogg's, so the correct answer was the Kellogg's cereal Froot Loops. Which, based on the article, are really every bit as bad as you think they would be. There *is* a "Cookies & Creme" flavor Pop-Tart that many people compare favorably to an Oreo, but it's not officially licensed and doesn't bear the name. Besides, everyone knows Brown Sugar & Cinnamon lightly toasted and smeared with cheap tub margarine are the greatest ever Pop-Tart experience. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was surprisingly about an upcoming series from HBO based on a graphic novel. 92% of quiztakers knew that "Slam!" was a story about women in the sport of roller derby. The unique thing about the series is that it's going to be done with both CGI and old-school rotoscope animation, where animation cels are drawn from footage of real actors acting out the scenes. When it's done well, you get 1981's "Heavy Metal". When it's done not-so-well, you get 1979's "Lord of the Rings". Let's hope for the former.

If you missed out on the Quiz last week, you can catch up on it here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again this week.

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A message from Drew Curtis:  
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Hey everyone, hope your week has been well.

Word has it we Americans are all getting giant piles of free government cash in the next few days.  If you're so inclined, picking up a BareFark or TotalFark subscription wouldn't be a bad idea - thanks to the support of the Fark community last year, we managed to muddle our way through 2020 during one of the worst ad markets I've ever seen.  Speaking of which, we've got some changes coming to how Farks2Give work thanks to input from the focus group who responded to a message I wrote for a NotNewsletter last month.  More on that soon - after we get that sorted, it's Swear Jar time.  Would you like to know about these things in advance?  Sign up for TotalFark where you can get a heads up on changes, and even have direct input on them.

The Fark News Livestream returns tonight 5 p.m.  Schedules have been kind of weird lately, but it looks like starting next week we might even stream on Mondays for a couple weeks.  More when we know it.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
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Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Elandriel reacted to the $27 million settlement in George Floyd's family's civil suit against Minneapolis
NikolaiFarkoff defended Hertz after a man was wrongfully convicted of murder when they couldn't find his receipt
Marbleisheavy had an idea to help Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes delay her trial
Algebrat told us why you shouldn't piss off an Australian bee
SurfaceTension pointed out one of the many acts of charity carried out by the Fark community
Naido figured out why an announcer blamed his racist comments while streaming a high school basketball game on low blood sugar
Conservative Evangelical Millennial Cyclist helpfully illustrated one of Markoff_Cheney's comments
optikeye let us know what really stains all the exposed surfaces in your home
skinink shared one of the photos a woman allegedly altered of her cheerleader daughter's rival
MrBallou discovered the problem with paint matching

Smart:
capn' fun described what it would mean to be told to start working in the office again instead of from home
AdmirableSnackbar had a question after a $27 million settlement for George Floyd's family was approved
FlashHarry found something probably all Farkers can agree with
neongoats shared a theory on why some people - not just those who don't trust their employees - are eager for everyone to be back in the office
SurfaceTension pointed out one of the many acts of charity carried out by the Fark community
Close2TheEdge shared another reason to find bitcoin miners annoying
HugeMistake listed some of the kids who are probably better off with remote learning

CSB Sunday Morning: Your first computer
Smart: X-Geek benefitted from Dad working for IBM
Funny: narlic saved a computer from ending up at a Flesh Fair

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: meg12279 had to have an awkward talk with the kid
Smart: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat wasn't getting ready to throw out masks just yet
Smart: NM Volunteer had plans for the mask collection
Funny: CommieTaoist made a bread label talk funny
Funny: ytterbium works for someone who's very thorough and judgmental

Politics Funny:
MrBallou hinted at why President Biden isn't facing the same level of outrage that Obama did
arrogantbastich had a philosophical question about Milo Yiannopoulos' supposed ex-gay status
Pinnacle Point realized it would be a black Friday since Biden wasn't signing the stimulus bill that day
mofa stood up for sex
BitwiseShift made a big assumption

Politics Smart:
jayhawk88 made a prediction about what will happen if Roe v. Wade is overturned
Astorix discussed Ronald Reagan's legacy
AirForceVet gave an abortion clinic volunteer's point of view of what it would mean to outlaw abortion
Jack Sabbath thought about what will happen when conservatives realize they treated Obama worse than they're treating Biden
puffy999 pointed out the hypocrisy of Senator Rick Scott asking states and cities to reject money from the American Rescue Act - here is more information about the settlement with Rick Scott's former company


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator's grimace will go on
HighOnCraic revealed a conspiracy
bugdozer covered the important bits
Yammering_Splat_Vector took a look under the sea
HighOnCraic played Clue with a sinking ship
I_Am_Weasel had priorities in check
proton shared photographic evidence of the afterlife
Circusdog320 found out what it's like when the sights are seeing you
RedZoneTuba caught a captain playing hide-and-seek
Nick Nostril designed probably the best shirt ever

Fartist Friday: Pi in the sky
libranoelrose will never be your pizza burnin'

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Fartist Friday is taking the weekend off and will be back Fartisting up the joint next week

Farktography: Everyday objects
beerrun helped us see by the dawnser lee light


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, although no one made the 100 club, so I guess I'll have to finish off this hard seltzer by myself. On the Quiz itself, Oak came out on top with 952, followed by FrancoFile in second with 950 and wearsmanyhats in third with 933. EJ25T made fourth with 923, and jvl finished in the top five with 908.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about "McElligot's Pool". Only 43% of quiztakers knew that this was one of the six books the Dr. Seuss Foundation decided to withdraw from future publication. Personally, I think this demonstrates how little these lesser-known books will be missed - most folks wouldn't recognize the titles anyhow. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about which Star Trek: The Original Series alumnus actually landed in France during the D-Day invasion. 81% of quiztakers knew that James Doohan, who portrayed Scotty, was a Lieutenant in the Royal Canadian Artillery who saw combat landing on Juno Beach on D-Day, receiving wounds including the amputation of his right middle finger. Leonard Nimoy served as a Sergeant in the Army Special Services, working as a writer and emcee for entertainment shows for the soldiers.Deforest Kelley served in the First Motion Picture Unit of the US Army, which dealt with educational and training films for servicemen. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which rapper ragequit his NFL Madden '21 livestream and then wandered off for a good seven hours or so before noticing it was still running. Only 51% of quiztakers knew that this was completely in character for Snoop Dogg, as he likely went to calm down the way that you can't calm down on Twitch and just forgot about it. In his defense, the latest player system requires significant financial investment to field a competitive team, and I'd rather go calm myself down than deal with EA's pay-for-play systems, too. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about how the Boy Scouts were proposing settling the sexual misconduct claims from thousands of former Scouts. 88% of people knew that in addition to "The Saturday Evening Post", Norman Rockwell painted many covers for the official Boy Scouts magazine "Boy's Life", and the institution still possesses the original artwork. While this sale would likely raise tens of millions of dollars, that amount would filter down to very little considering the ridiculously large large number of cases it is expected to help settle.

If you missed out on the Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz right here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

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A message from Drew Curtis:  
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Hey everyone, hope your week has been going well.

Something pretty cool has been happening lately that I wanted to share with you.  I've been seeing login names reappearing on Fark that I haven't seen in some cases for years. I'm not sure what the cause is, but I have a clue: at least one person mentioned the big shift in news cycle as of late.  And as luck would have it, there's a great Axios article on it today: America is learning to rebalance its news diet post-Trump. Which I totally understand.  Most of the past four years it felt like the news cycle was relentless.  But whatever it is, welcome back, everyone!  I have a favor to ask you: If you know other expats on other platforms, especially folks that just want to know what's in the news without all the other baggage that comes along with social media, tell them to come on home.

The next Fark News Livestream will be 7 p.m. tomorrow (Thursday), you can catch yesterday's stream at Twitch.  We're going to try to do another movie night Friday, so stay tuned for that one.
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We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
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Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
born_yesterday was not intimidated by uptight teachers complaining about girls' clothing
fragMasterFlash worried about Icelandic volcano Sundhnjúkagígaröð í Þráinsskjaldarhrauni erupting
foo monkey sympathized with the "Russian Popeye" MMA fighter who injected petroleum jelly into his arms
skyotter came around on a site that points to your mouse pointer
Driver showed a tattoo that's scarily on topic in a discussion about armpit love
UberDave was familiar with the practice of schools promoting students who failed all their classes
RTOGUY had a suggestion when a British holiday park was caught discriminating against Irish people
SirDigbyChickenCaesar claimed to have a way with the ladies
abhorrent1 stated the problem when astronauts discovered nekked photos attached to their spacesuits
Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs thought of something even worse than naming a volcano Sundhnjúkagígaröð í Þráinsskjaldarhrauni

Smart:
RodneyToady addressed the idea that consent means knowing exactly what you want ahead of time
MillionDollarMo showed who it makes you look like when you post comments criticizing a woman's appearance
FLMountainMan gave simple advice to anyone who's unsure about consent
Alphax noticed a strange ingredient seems to have made its way into school dress codes
FightDirector discussed how the "code of chivalry" applied to women
styckx recalled another fashion trend that alarmed school administrators, and the inspiration behind it
markie_farkie shared beautiful photos and some information about the area around Sundhnjúkagígaröð í Þráinsskjaldarhrauni
log_jammin went to a school that had a hilariously stupid rule about Trapper Keepers

CSB Sunday Morning: The moment that changed your life
Smart: Otera had two major life events over two days
Funny: donotdoit's fark login also served as advice

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Beeblebrox welcomed some friends to TotalFark Discussion
Funny: Murflette noted that there's one age group with absolutely no sense of humor
Smart: withay showed us shiny metal and glass
Funny: MethySophocles responded to the idea of men of a certain height being told to sit down to tinkle
Funny: Fonty Usement discussed sounding libidinous to other TotalFark Discussion readers

Politics Funny:
whither_apophis was alarmed by a description of the vehicle Madison Cawthorn drove in college
OdradekRex came up with a defense for people who're tracked down because their phones were in the Capitol during the insurrection
eurotrader explained why every member of the family needs a gun
mrshowrules noticed the problem with providing criminal defense to certain tech pioneers
bingethinker described the "many Americans" who are concerned about recent changes to immigration policy

Politics Smart:
ShavedOrangutan thought Jen Psaki asks the right kind of question
Pocket Ninja brought up another reason for Read Across America to move on from emphasizing Dr. Seuss books
bloobeary pointed out that an image tweeted by Nazi-riddled social networking website Gab had a certain feel to it (this observation was on the nose)
JerseyTim came up with an alternative ending to a Fark headline
NewportBarGuy commented on the irony of the fact that some people without brains do an awful lot of talking


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
NeoMoxie shared a surprisingly negative cover of Architectural Digest
RedZoneTuba assembled a very important emergency kit
BrutonGaster needed just one more car
Yammering_Splat_Vector redecorated John Travolta's living room
samsquatch is a terrible cook
Circusdog320 got ready to board the party boat
Terrapin Bound put pigs on the wing on a ship on the ocean
RedZoneTuba demonstrated the hive mind of cars in a queue
Terrapin Bound took a dip in Roger waters
kabloink launched a rocket ship of hope
Stephen_Falken designed the very best weather vane, and I'd buy it if I could

Fartist Friday: Internet meme haiku
This one ended in a tie between iodized attic salt's philosophical musing and Destructor's case of mistaken identity

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Pi in the Sky: Using any medium, create an image using a sky scene with the Pi symbol, the numbers 3.14, apple pie, pizza pie, moon pie, etc. -- up in the sky! Put a Moon Pie all up in Van Gogh's Starry Night. A sky full of Pi symbol-shaped clouds. The pi's the limit!

Farktography: Your happy place
Lovesandwich's happy place just keeps rollin' along in Canada


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, where we learned that I can't spell the names of cheap liquor properly. On the Quiz itself, runwiz ran away with first place and a spot in the 1000 club with a score of 1010, followed by rcw00 in second with 977 and YabbaDabbaDouchebag in third with 964. the_colonel made fourth with 955, and MrCynical rounds out the top five with 940.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about Edvar Munch and his most famous painting, "The Scream." Only 40% of quiztakers knew that the inscription "Can only have been painted by a madman" is on the very first version he painted (there are four) which is held in the National Gallery, located in his hometown of Kristiana - what is now Oslo, Norway. Interesting tidbit - the title he gave the work in German is "Der Schrei der Natur ," or "The Scream of Nature." Entries from his diary indicate the feeling he had that inspired the work was nature itself that was screaming - indicating the person shown in the painting is not the one making "The Scream," but instead reacting to it.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over where the Black Forest Rambo was apprehended. 100% of quiztakers knew it was the Black Forest, and 97% of those knew the Black Forest could be found in Germany, or at your local Deli. I prefer Honey Smoked ham myself on a sandwich, but Black Forest is good on crackers or with a strong cheese.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which book is going out of print after this year despite 200 million copies being printed in 2016 alone. Only 49% of quiztakers knew it was the IKEA catalogue that would no longer be distributed on paper, and folks would have to purchase online or in the store and then order the missing Allen wrench from their local hardware store catalogue while cursing in Swedish and trying to figure out what that extra wood block is for. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about prospective moose identifiers. 88% of quiztakers knew that to get free lessons on Møøse Identification (very helpful in case you're in a situation where there are no friendly Canadians around), you could go to Jackson Hole Møøse Training where you could learn to identify a Møøse and then help with the great Møøse Count on Møøse Day in the state of Wyoming. Just please keep your sister safe and all that. 

If you missed out on the Quiz last week, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.