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Fark NotNewsletter: Google Redux - One Year Later
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-11-27 12:27:45 PM (89 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 
 
Happy Cyber Monday, everyone!  We don't have any sales however, just a quick reminder - I know it's a couple of steps to go through, but if you can, sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend!  Here's why:
 
Last January we announced that we'd been having some issues with Google - tl;dr version is they shut off ads to all of Fark for several weeks over a misidentified sfw image.  We announced a huge subscription drive and the Fark community responded - without people signing up for TotalFark or BareFark, we wouldn't have made it through the year.  I can't thank you enough - without the surge in subscriptions we would not have made it through 2017.  
 
Incidentally, just last week we got our first warning since then about a user profile on Fark that was out of compliance for advertising - however, there has been progress!  This time we actually got a warning, and this time Google only turned off ads to the page itself, which gets next to no traffic anyhow.  Compliance was super easy, and we were able to quickly solve the problem.  So kudos to Google for fixing their compliance process!  
 
However, the ad market still sucks - everyone's fixated on ads served via a digital media version of a TA teaching a college 101 course.  We've all seen them - videos of someone reading you the story itself.  
 
All I want for Christmas 2017 is for you to sign up for TotalFark and/or BareFark (you can sign up for both).  You can also sponsor accounts for other Farkers - we did this so that the TotalFark community could choose to curate some its own members.  You can also sponsor me unlimited times - as an added bonus, next time we're in the same room together, remind me and I'll buy you a beer!  And whether or not you do one of these, please remember keep visiting Fark and tell your friends about us - that helps us, too!
 
Next week: Net Neutrality
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 
  
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Net neutrality - 676
Charles Manson - 258
LaVar Ball - 71
Egypt - 127
Person of the Year - 98
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Peaceboy reacted to new of Charles Manson's death
Pocket Ninja explained how sex traffickers get their victims
bigfatbuddhist taught us all about hornets (read this post, it's a work of art)
ImOscar shared Norm Macdonald's reaction to Manson's death
The-Brain understood why a family named their poop removal business "Call of Doodee"
calufrax shared Donald Trump's reaction to Manson's death
Archie Goodwin was offended by a statement in an article about pegging
Brian Dead reacted with relief to a video about an exterminator's struggle with a hornet nest
foo monkey was unwilling to settle for just any television set
Naido thought that Charles Manson died just in time
 
Smart:
docpeteyJ noticed that a submitter was confused about sexuality
bigfatbuddhist taught us all about hornets
Gordon Bennett explained what the problem is with gentrification
Exluddite thought that Activision is full of shiat
JK47 explained not feeling bad about what was done to Native Americans
ArcadianRefugee suggested an edit to a New York Post article
JNowe appreciated the way a man handled some unwelcome fondling
The-Brain understood why a family named their poop removal business "Call of Doodee"
derpes_simplex argued that a woman's audio recording at her child's school wasn't illegal
bloobeary showed evidence that a rotating restaurant was an obvious danger
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: School lunch
Smart:
 Thosw's mom went to great lengths to keep her kids from going hungry
Funny: GRCooper won a game using this one weird trick
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That reacted to Trump saying he should have left LaVar Ball's son in jail
TheMysticS had advice for Steven Mnuchin
PainInTheASP imagined Trump's conversation about "invisible" fighter jets
Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs showed off a beautiful pie
Eddie Adams from Torrance thought that one thing explains Trump's behavior
 
Politics Smart:
ToastmasterGeneral wasn't impressed by one man's definition of "the swamp"
cherryl taggart talked about what it's like to spend Thanksgiving with Trump supporters
Glitchwerks recognized current events from a type of science fiction
mrshowrules discussed what it means if Flynn is or is not cooperating with Mueller's investigation
Pazuzu Smith-Jones had a message for Trump supporters at Thanksgiving
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Iggie showed that Farkers would use Burning Man to settle an old score
Yammering_Splat_Vector proved that sports are different in an 8-bit world
Alligator knew how to spread the love at Burning Man
RedZoneTuba showed the White House press secretary's side business
ParallelUniverseParking found the person who Burning Man was made for
Surly U. Jest took a mask for a sea voyage
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel made something that Farkers have no use for
There's a lot going on in this picture that #2 made
Surly U. Jest brought enough beer for everyone
wickedfish provided the perfect Thanksgiving beverage
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a creepy thing even creepier
 
Farktography:
No Catchy Nickname won Farktography Contest No. 655: "Autumn 5" with a fall waterfall ... fall
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Beyond Fark
 
Sadly, three very well known Farkers died last week.
 
too-old succumbed to cancer. He was popular on Fark and he helped a lot of individual Farkers through hard times in their lives. You can read too-old's memorial thread here.
 
MorrisBird used to be a regular fixture on Fark before her health declined. She was known for her intelligence and sense of humor. You can read MorrisBird's memorial thread here.
 
grampy also succumbed to cancer. He was a long-time, prolific Photoshopper with a love of "Fark cliches." His work has been recognized in many Fark NotNewsletters. You can read grampy's memorial thread/Photoshop contest here.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, December 9th: L.A. Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Thank you to our amazing submitters and our TotalFark voters!  We love all our submissions, but we especially love our Headlines of the Week.  These are the headlines that make us laugh, make us marvel at creativity, and make us look at a subject in a new or sideways way.  The kind of headline you can share with anyone and say *this* is Fark.
 
Here's a summary of our tabs this week for the NotNewsletter, and go here to see your Fark Headlines of the Week!
 
MAIN - check out the Headlines of the Week for the top nine - we had room for competition in Main this week!  We had tons of great articles, but the Thanksgiving week we were apparently more focused on content - instead of context and funny.  We still enjoyed this tab!  We're looking forward to more funny this coming week!  Enjoy the top nine gems - there are some great ones! - in Headlines of the Week.
 
SPORTS - thanks submitters for the gems in this tab!
 
GEEK - as usual, this tab is smart *and* funny, thanks submitters!  We took the top 6 for this tab this week.
 
ENTERTAINMENT - this tab was fun, take a look at the top three!
 
POLITICS - lots of great submissions this week, but not as many funny ones.  Our politics tab keeps us really well informed, but other weeks it's made us laugh more.  Even so, we still had some great headlines for Headline of the Week!  Check out the top ten!
 
BUSINESS - we had a few gems in this tab - take a look at the Headlines of the Week to see the top three!
 
DISCUSSION - we're loving all the discussion submissions - great Live discussions on wrestling, science channel, MST3k, White House briefings, the National Dog show, more... and more fun, general discussions like "Why I wish I drank more."   It's a challenge to make headlines for discussions both discussion-friendly *and* funny, but if you're up for the challenge, the field in this tab is wide open for Headline of the Week.
 
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Shall we play a game?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-11-20 12:12:19 PM, edited 2017-11-20 12:31:50 PM (76 comments) | Permalink

Fill in the blanks:
 
Adjective _______________ 1
Animal _______________ 2
Noun _______________ 3
Adjective _______________ 4
Plural Noun _______________ 5
Liquid _______________ 6
Noun _______________ 7
Adjective _______________ 8
Verb _______________ 9
Verb _______________ 10
Adjective _______________ 11
 
 
To have a very [1] Thanksgiving, you'll need a roasted [2], some [3] to stuff inside it, and plenty of [4] [5] to serve on the side. Make sure you have plenty of [6] on hand to drink, and decorate the [7] so it looks [8]. Don't forget to [9] your family, then [10] down to your [11] meal.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Keurig - 263
Firefox - 145
Thanksgiving - 573
Black Friday - 36
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
bigfatbuddhist provided the definitive list of things you should never serve on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure I like what thisispete is implying
Mr.Tangent helpfully posted a picture of some boobs
Mr. Coffee Nerves wears shoes that are more intimidating than Doc Martens
bearded clamorer noticed that Grabher's expression looked familiar
Harry Freakstorm knew what to do when cops are fighting in front of your house
Subtonic saw that an event would bring about tougher gun control legislation
Chris Ween found a way out of the "Justice League" movie
Pocket Ninja explained why game companies are including microtransactions in games that have already been purchased
Nick Nostril provided an illustration to go with a headline
Munden discovered a helpful tip for people who are in trouble with the law
 
Smart:
holdmybones commented on the different ways people are treated by police
galahad05 guessed at why a couple was held "for hours" for possessing hibiscus plants
eurotrader compared power production in the U.S. and China
dv-ous speculated on possible reasons for a 15-year-old girl's death
holdmybones noted some good police work
WilderKWight noticed a sampling error when discussing what men want from a partner
lindseyp suggested that journalists could be more careful when identifying weapons
fusillade762 asked a question of some angry bigots
Anastacya figured out Jared Fogle's plans for the future
Ghastly wasn't willing to let Nazis claim a style of footwear
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: meg12279 explained why nobody is boycotting travel to Alabama
Smart: jakesense admitted to the reason why a coworker would not be invited to TotalFark Discussion
Funny: birdmanesq noticed a user name that didn't check out
Funny: maddermaxx thought a coworker's kiss was a bigger deal than originally believed
Funny: All of merrillvillain's exes have something in common
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Veteran Tales
Smart:
Tie between kiwimoogle84's story of romance during the Korean War, and Recoil Therapy's valuable advice to never be one of the first few back
Funny: Recoil Therapy used the valuable advice to never be one of the first few back
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
RJReves appreciated some snark in the Gizmodo comments section
hugram only wanted one limitation on which rich people can benefit from tax reform
derpes_simplex told us what will be the most awkward thing this Thanksgiving
scottydoesntknow noticed the underlying theme of Bob Marshall's letter to the editor
Last Man on Earth knew how Trump will defend himself in the face of revelations about Donald Trump, Jr.'s actions
 
Politics Smart:
rynthetyn was the author of the linked article, so was getting a kick out of these comments
Tsukue figured that if a woman was wrong about exactly when a photo was taken while she was asleep - a photo she  didn't know about until after she got home - then somehow the whole thing never happened even though the other person in the photo admitted it was real
nmrsnr pointed out that consent and non-consent are two entirely different things
NeedlesslyCanadian discussed the possibility of Alabama postponing their election
Great Porn Dragon discussed the problem of young girls being pushed into marriage
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
bloobeary made Donald Trump's drinking style look more appropriate
elkboy got Trump a job as a musician in a band
Don_cos put this kitty on ice
ionthrust invented the cattuccino
Surly U. Jest made a sign into a self-fulfilling prophecy
RedZoneTuba found that it's never too late to read the manual
Circusdog320 showed us how to confuse a goldfish
Don_cos discovered that sometimes you catch a virus, sometimes the virus catches a toy
RedZoneTuba showed some truth in advertising
RedZoneTuba released a photo of Trump stepping on the American flag
 
Farktography:
wickedfish won Farktography Contest No. 654: "Top This" with a photo of his dad, who apparently kept his hat on for 92 years
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Beyond Fark
 
We're sad to have lost Farker jerry2a. You can read jerry2a's memorial thread, submitted by his brother, Farker Eddie Adams from Torrance.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, December 9th: L.A. Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Thank you to our submitters and thank you to our TotalFark voters for our Headline of the Week choices!
 
We love all our headlines, but to make it to Headline of the Week it needs to be funny, creative, look at the world sideways - so you can show the headline to the person looking over your shoulder asking why you're laughing, and tell them *this* is Fark.
 
Here's a quick summary of our tabs this week - go to the Fark Headlines of the Week thread to check out the top headlines!
 
MAIN - always the best, always the funniest, always the most competition.  We took the top 25 this week.
 
SPORTS - sports is a lot funnier lately - even if you don't follow sports, come by and read the headlines!
 
GEEK - funny and smart and stories we just don't see elsewhere on social media.  We took the top seven this week.
 
ENTERTAINMENT - lots of chuckles this week and three standouts for Headline of the Week.
 
POLITICS - still funny this week, but we've had funnier weeks.  We take the top ten headlines from this tab, sometimes a few more - there's room for a little more competition right now!
 
BUSINESS - this tab is getting funnier and funnier - thanks submitters!  We took seven of the top funniest for Headline of the Week this week.  Check them out!
 
DISCUSSION - great discussions this week, especially the Live links to sports, TV shows, politics, and other events; and also more fun discussions like rabies saliva and horrible things to put on pizza - see the top choices for the week.  We take the top three funny headlines for two types of headlines in this tab, the multi-sentence, multi-question headlines, and also the more traditional one-line headlines.  We're getting lots of funny ones for the multi-part headlines, there's lots of room for competition for the one-liners.  We're getting great, fun one-line headlines for great discussions, but for Headline of the Week they need to be funny!  Keep submitting!  This is getting to be a fun tab!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Better late than ____________
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-11-14 12:25:48 PM (66 comments) | Permalink

It's time for the Fark NotNewsletter! It's late this week, but so's your face. Enjoy!
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Veterans Day - 63
Roy Moore - 3780
Louis C.K. - 361
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Erma Gerdd posted some helpful bicycling hand signals
Mad Scientist had another way of describing what happened on that "missing" boat
Pocket Ninja described how police can tell a good guy with a gun from a bad guy
Prank Call of Cthulhu thought that a lion's goofy expression looked familiar
luckyeddie reacted to the phrase "mass shooting"
Claude the Dog found the moral of the Louis C.K. story
SkylineRecords reacted to Roy Halladay's death
JNowe shared a phrase that people should start saying
freddyV had a hat for Roy Moore
ZAZ proved that Farkers are just smartasses for voting "funny" on this quote
 
Smart:
dv-ous explained why being a teacher is more tiring than a regular office job
Voiceofreason01 compared static and dynamic analysis
RTOGUY noticed something about mass shooting statistics
4seasons85 analyzed Louis C.K.'s statement about his behavior toward women
Markoff_Cheney pointed out that times are tough for a certain type of person
hobbes0022 had some suggestions for stopping mass shootings
bigfatbuddhist discussed the role of religion in terrorism
Grand_Moff_Joseph listed possible thoughts some people have when a shooter turns out to be white
naughtyrev found the main flaw in a business plan
FormlessOne listed the many reasons why a restaurant failed, and what should have been the lesson from that experience
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Out of Time
Smart:
Man_Without_A_Hat had first-hand experience of the importance of winning over "hearts and minds"
Funny: Recoil Therapy bravely struggled through sleep deprivation
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
RodneyToady explained why Donald Trump was right about Japan
derpes_simplex showed us Trump's reaction to Democrats winning in Virginia
Eddie Adams from Torrance wanted to hear more predictions
Markoff_Cheney didn't hold back when filling out a satisfaction survey
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat explained why Paul Manafort has to wear an ankle monitor
 
Politics Smart:
bloobeary agreed that the Republican Party isn't racist
FormlessOne discussed a woman's faith in Trump
Pocket Ninja gave advice on dealing with deplorables
AdmirableSnackbar advised someone who doesn't want to be called a bigot
FormlessOne thought that political parties should not allow white supremacists to join them
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz just put a bandage on the problem
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave a peek inside the modern stone age White House
Yammering_Splat_Vector fixed a photo up like new
Iggie gave this robot a new friend to hang out with
ionthrust got pizzalitical
Tom G discovered that Farking can be hard on your pecker
Tom G knocked one out of the park
RedZoneTuba thought this was a kool map
Don_cos showed a scene from a prehistoric flood
Yammering_Splat_Vector made an arresting image
 
Farktography:
Lovesandwich won Farktography Contest No. 653: "Purple 2" with a purple city
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, November 18th: Seattle Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Thank you submitters for another fun week, and thank you TotalFark voters for voting the funniest headlines to the top!
 
Every week, we take the top voted funny headlines for Headlines of the Week, and share some of our favorite runners-up here in the NotNewsletter.  We love all our green lights, and to make it to Headline of the Week it needs to be funny, creative, smart, look at a story sideways - the kind of headline that you can share with anyone and say *this* is Fark.  
 
Here are the extra headlines that we thought deserved a second look!  And check out the top voted winners in Fark Headlines of the Week!
 
Main - as always, Main has the most competition and it's so fun to see which headlines took your fancy and got voted to the top.  We took the top 12 this week, and we liked this obvious but funny Fark one - 
 
Groundbreaking has begun on Fark's new headquarters
 
Sports - this tab gave us plenty of chuckles this week, we took the top four headlines and there were quite a few more that we wish we would have considered.  Here is just one of the headlines that didn't quite make the cut but still made us laugh - 
 
Former MLB pitcher gets drunk and tackles country singer onstage, causing injuries. Browns considering making an offer
 
Geek - thanks to our Geek submitters, this is always a fun tab to check out, funny *and* smart.  We took the top five for Headline of the Week this week - and still had one more funny one to share here in the NotNewsletter: 
 
Writer uses 4136 characters to say why 280 is too many for Twitter
 
Entertainment - some great gems in this tab this week - and an extra that made us chuckle even though it didn't get the top votes
 
Marilyn Manson would like some attention please, thank you
 
Politics - thanks submitters for making politics - the headlines at least - funny.  We took the top 15 this week - take a look!
 
Business - we had some great gems in this tab this week and a lot more funny headlines that didn't get votes - take a look in this tab and make sure to vote!  
 
Discussion - the tab has gotten really fun lately, tons of Live discussions on sports, TV shows, politics, more, and a lot of fun random topics.  For Headline of the Week the headlines have to be funny as well as fun, and we're getting some!  We make sure to consider both types of headlines that show up in the Discussion tab - the multi-sentence/ multi-question headlines, and the more traditional one-line topic headlines.  Keep them coming - both the fun discussions and try your writing skills at making them funny too!  Submitters, if you're looking for some positive reinforcement and less competition, try starting here and work your way up to competing in the funnier tabs!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Where it's always Daylight Wasting Time
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-11-06 11:36:39 AM, edited 2017-11-06 11:38:49 AM (62 comments) | Permalink

This is the intro that doesn't end
Yes, it goes on and on my friend
Some monkey started writing it not knowing what it was
And will continue writing it forever just because
This is the intro that doesn't end...
[repeat forever]
 
Okay, yeah, I didn't have any ideas for the intro this week.
 
Friendly reminder: It's open enrollment time for healthcare.gov and state health care exchanges. Maybe you can finally find out what's causing that itching.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Paul Manafort - 1418
Rick Gates - 137
George Papadopoulos - 702
Webster - 60
Kevin Spacey - 975
Terrorism - 256
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
bostonguy used the power of song to explain what a sherpacreep is
MrBallou shared a reaction to finding out someone is an undercover cop
nekom posted a question about sunburns, or something
bearded clamorer thought a different Fark topic tag would have worked better
puffy999 knew how Kevin Spacey's character will be written off of "House of Cards"
wademh had something to say about a woman who paraded around naked at work
Dr.Fey thought another Farker overreacted to an innocent question
Day_Old_Dutchie shared some trivia about Jesus
Bith Set Me Up suggested adding a few more words to a school's name
bigfatbuddhist once had a shirt that said "Sisterf***er"
 
Smart:
GRCooper wanted to spread the hate
lindalouwho figured out why one baby boomer hates Halloween
fusillade762 translated an anti-labor union statement
Pocket Ninja explained the German government's threats to fine social media websites
GRCooper told a story for Fark's Halloween scary stories thread
DanInKansas spoke out against tattoos on breasts
fusillade762 asked women to give more information when they want romance
Anastacya had advice for someone's boyfriend
winedrinkingman explained why labor unions are part of capitalism
mgshamster gave a combat veteran's opinion of Bowe Bergdahl's sentence
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: myschief explained why a fellow Farker shouldn't worry that the wife wouldn't bring home leftovers after dinner with a coworker
Funny: Timanous had good dating advice for everyone
Funny: DGS explained why people still support Trump
Smart: meg12279 showed the family dressed up for Halloween
Smart: JerseyTim shared more Halloween costumes
Funny: myschief needed more information before weighing in on a sideboob debate
 
* You TFDers voted more than usual. Thanks!
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Treats and Tricks
Smart:
Man_Without_A_Hat spent Halloween night basically breaking every rule at age 17
Funny: Willie_One_Eye got a Halloween fright
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
kronicfeld had a suggestion for a bigot who couldn't get an Uber driver she approved of
weddingsinger was enjoying an exciting new holiday season
Ivo Shandor shared a reenactment of Trump's "DO SOMETHING!" tweet
gopher321 made an old meme funny again instead of just douchey
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers realized what the assault on Rand Paul was really about
 
Politics Smart:
FormlessOne approved of Mueller's work
JerseyTim didn't think the first indictments were reason to celebrate
FormlessOne explained how white supremacists are trying to achieve their goals
MrBallou contrasted Donald Trump's reactions to two tragedies
croesius showed why it's important to protest
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba made a Jackie-O-Lantern
markie_farkie gave us a Jerk-O-Lantern
RedZoneTuba showed Mick Jagger finally doing what he wants
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel had an important message for us
RedZoneTuba found a Dick in the Bushes
Surly U. Jest painted this pumpkin
Herb Utsmelz gave a peek behind the green door
Alligator found different background singers for the late Robert Palmer
Surly U. Jestput Clinton between some other Bushes
Alligator revealed a surprise, surprise, surprise in the crowd
 
Caption Contest:
hugram revealed a discussion about the new iPhone X 
 
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 652: "Let's Get Lyrical" was for "images that evoke the feeling/mood of a song lyric." It ended in a tie between Tom G's representation of "Rocky Mountain High" and CiliarySpasm's photo for "(Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay"
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, November 11th: NYC Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe
 
Thank you thank you to our great submitters and to our TotalFark voters!  
 
We love all our submissions but Headline of the Week is where we showcase the top funny vote-getters.  Headline of the Week is for those headlines that make you laugh, make you take a double-take because they're so clever, and /or look at the subject in such a unique way that you can share it with your co-worker, your classmate, your boss, your spouse - and say *this* is Fark.  
 
For our Headlines of the Week we usually take the top voted ten funny, Fark-worthy headlines in Main and Politics, the top three in Sports, Geek, and Entertainment, and six in Discussion - three of the multi-sentence type and three of the standard one-line headline.  Some weeks we have so many great, top-vote getters that we take extra.   For the NotNewsletter we take it even further, there are so many headlines that we love that just need a few extra votes, so we're showcasing them here - and encouraging you that if you think these deserved to be in the top, make sure you vote so the best really do make it to the top!
 
Here are your NotNewsletter picks!  Check here for the Fark Headlines of the Week!
 
 
MAIN - as always, this tab is the funniest with the most submissions and the most funny headlines in competition.  Check out the top voted - we took fifteen this week instead of the usual ten! - and here are even a few more that we thought deserved some extra recognition!
 
What, you thought the 2017 season was over? Let's give a warm (water) welcome to Tropical Storm Philippe as he eyes what's left of the Florida Keys
 
The real problem with having electronic assistants like Alexa in your home? Your kids may develop a better relationship with them than they have with you. And that's going to be bad news for you when Skynet takes over
 
New species of Librarian discovered. Ook
 
Chinese hipster millionaire graphic novel artist traveling with grandma spends $10K on fake Scotch whiskey. No, this is not a Mad Lib
 
If your erection lasts more than 6,000 feet, seek immediate Alps. (Not safe for work)
 
 
SPORTS - great funny headlines in this tab this week!  We took the top five for HotW.  Here are a few more
 
Earthquake research in the Pacific Northwest faces many challenges: struggles for funding, difficult science, seismic activity caused by Seahawks fans
 
Guys, I'm beginning to think Tom Brady may not have won a truth-telling contest at all
 
Cool: Astros fan gets his hat back after dropping it during their parade. Fark: An actual appropriate use of vertical video
 
 
GEEK - as usual, geek is smart *and* funny - and stories we're just not finding elsewhere in social media.  Great job submitters!  We took the top five this week for HotW, and here are a few more that we wanted to share
 
The Boring Company reveals first picture of test tunnel after getting a permit to dig. They either have a really fast tunneling machine, or there's a horta on the loose under Hawthorne
 
Disney's research arm has decided to make robots that can choose how they move based on the number of arms attached to them. Don't worry, I'm sure they mean well and we won't be facing mouse-eared spiderbots taking over our neighborhoods
 
Scientists try to find answer to why people keep seeing ghosts. Face of Jesus burnt into toast unavailable for comment
 
One of those rare times when Betteridge's law of headlines does not apply (Some NSFW content on page)
 
Welcome to the most peaceful place on the Internets, please be civil and think of the clouds
 
 
ENTERTAINMENT - great gems in this tab but room for competition!  
 
Looks like Paris Hilton is in trouble with the... Securities and Exchange Commission?
 
Due to a glitch in the Matrix, Morpheus has filed for divorce from Gina Torres
 
 
POLITICS - thanks to our politics submitters for making politics - the headlines at least - funny!  Check out HotW for the top ten voted funny ones, thanks submitter for the Douglas Adams reference in this extra one! 
 
Under the Trump administration you can still sign up for Obamacare, same as always, you just need to get the proper forms from a disused lavatory in the dark basement of the HHS building- the one with the big sign saying "beware of the leopard"
 
 
BUSINESS - do yourself a favor and check out the business tab, it's pretty funny in here lately!  The top three vote-getting headlines are in the HotW, here are a few extra!
 
A list of the various capitalist vultures that are profiting off of Puerto Rico's post-hurricane Maria misery. Because misery loves companies
 
Rise of the machines must be regulated", say global finance regulators. And if there's anyone who should know about improper oversight leading to major crises, it's global finance regulators
 
Sears and Kmart to close 60 stores. In other news Sears and Kmart still had 60 stores that were still open. At this point I think they are closing some Target stores to fill in the numbers
Fake money worth an all-time high amount of real money
 
Gorge is closed, Bunny out front should have told ya
 
 
DISCUSSION - great discussions are continuing in this tab - sports, entertainment, politics, and more.  The headlines are fun but not a lot are Headline of the Week candidates.  If you want to try for some headlines, this tab is wide open for HotW competition!  We've been recognizing two types of headlines in this tab - the multi-sentence / multi-question conversational headline, and the more traditional one-line headline.  Thanks for submitting!
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Slightly better than Chick Tracts
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-31 9:32:19 AM, edited 2017-10-31 10:04:10 AM (47 comments) | Permalink

Take a bite out of a pumpkin and put on your slutty hand grenade costume because it's Halloween! If you want to trick-or-treat tonight but you don't have kids and can't borrow any, slap on a mask and give it a try anyway. I guarantee at least a couple of houses will think it's cute or be afraid of you and give you candy to make you go away. They get to feel like they did something nice for a weirdo or got a killer to leave, so they win either way! If they refuse to give you candy, just start sobbing. That might work on a few of the holdouts. Honestly, it's less work for them to just make with the Bit-O-Honey than it is to deal with you. Score!
 
Here are some treats for you in the meantime:
 
The Annual Fark Scary Story Thread 
The Annual Fark Jack-O-Lantern Photoshop Contest
Scary book discussion thread
Share your Halloween costumes and decorations thread (TotalFark only until 11 a.m. Eastern)
And links to all of the Fark Scary Story Threads from previous years are in this Fark NotNewsletter
 
Friendly reminder: Open enrollment for healthcare.gov and state health care exchanges starts tomorrow (November 1st). Maybe you can find a plan that's accepted by a doctor who writes a lot of prescriptions for the devil's weed. Score!
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Halloween - 968
Whitefish - 303
Fats Domino - 40
Indict - 915
Bacon - 297
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
LarryDan43 pointed out that some students might be at the age of consent
Diogenes gave Alex Jones a taste of his own medicine
markie_farkie said goodbye to Fats Domino
Abe Vigoda's Ghost provided evidence of feline beauty
lucksi was surprised by the way Americans measure electricity
Petit_Merdeux pointed out that Steven Seagal's mental state has been established
whither_apophis found some men matching the description of Afghan soldiers who went AWOL in Alabama
giantmeteor commented on the problem with a 90-year-old woman's tattoos
elkboy remarked on the 64 pounds of marijuana included with a couple's Amazon order
I_Am_Weasel commented on the "Medium well done" headline
 
Smart:
RodneyToady reacted to news that some millennials smoke pot to get through the workday
BizarreMan imagined an ironic future for Kris Kobach
rcain had a suggestion for anyone planning on visiting Dubai
Kirablue42 commented on problems with Whitefish's contract in Puerto Rico
Merltech brought up something that could have prevented a factory accident
fusillade762 pointed out where some of the dangerous talk is coming from
gideon told a touching story about remembering history
Ambivalence gave a reason to avoid Dubai
UNC_Samurai explained why single-player video games aren't going anywhere
fusillade762 knew someone who will benefit from a change in FCC rules
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Sensei Can You See helped out with a "Princess Bride"-themed restaurant
Smart: flucto remarked on the different ways people look at crack addiction and opioid addiction
Funny: capt.snicklefritz made an argument in favor of polygamy
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Our song
Smart:
brachiopod shared a story about becoming a father for the fist time
Funny: thesharkman told us about a crazy summer
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
fusillade762 found evidence of a Russian spy getting close to Hillary Clinton
Occam's Disposable Razor was ready to get things started
NewportBarGuy showed Trump reacting to news that indictments were coming
scottydoesntknow described what happened when Donald Trump was warned about Michael Flynn
JerseyTim was suspicious of a Fark headline
 
Politics Smart:
andrewagill didn't see any harm in investigating all possible leads
scottydoesntknow would have changed one thing about Jeff Flake's anti-Trump speech
Gubbo thought that the GOP should have done more sooner
fusillade762 found evidence of a Russian spy getting close to Hillary Clinton
FormlessOne commented on Trump's recorded appearance at a hurricane benefit
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel created the Manopoly™ board game
Circusdog320 showed us a holey stroller
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed a couple's problems from both points of view
ionthrust watched Comey zoom down the street
Wrongo made a happy ending for Donald Trump
Snubnose missed the glass
RedZoneTuba found a Comey in need of a homey
Iggie livened up a classic painting
RedZoneTuba showed what Benny Hill would be doing if he were alive today
RedZoneTuba turned this machine into a tractor
 
Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 651: "Nightmare Fuel" with a spooky figure
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, November 11th: NYC Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe
 
Thanks to our submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  These are your Headlines of the Week!
 
We love all the headlines that we've greened, but the ones that make it to Headline of the Week are funny, smart, look at the world sideways, and make you read it twice.  The kind of headline you can show to your friend, your partner, your boss and say "*this* is Fark."  For the NotNewsletter we highlight the headlines that got near the top voted, and are still so great that we wanted an extra place to showcase them.  The top voted go in Headline of the Week and very soon will start to be gone through again as we start voting soon on Headline of the Year! 
 
But for now - your Fark Headlines of the Week are here, and the headlines that deserve a second look are here in the Fark NotNewsletter.  Enjoy!
 
 
Main - So many funny headlines in Main - here are just a few more beyond the top voted Headlines of the Week - 
 
Apparently, dishwashers may be a fire hazard, which is weird because mine quit smoking 4 years ago this January
 
If you feel your Soul is headed in the wrong direction, surrender it to the maker
 
... --- ... .-.-.- / -.. --- --. / ... ..- .--. .--. .-.. -.-- / .-. ..- -. -. .. -. --. / .-.. --- .-- .-.-.- / .--. .-.. . .- ... . / ... . -. -.. / -.- . - -.-. .... ..- .--. .-.-.-
 
Nintendo 64 left behind after tires slashed. Police following trail of discarded bananas, shells, and coins
 
 
Sports - thanks for making sports funny - even more of a challenge than politics!  
 
The odds of the others taking a wrong turn so you can win a marathon are infinitesimal, but statistically it has to happen
 
Grown men play a child's game, then play hide-and-seek
 
Seven-year-old girl with 3-D printed hand to throw out ceremonial first pitch at World Series. Gary Dell'abate unavailable for comment
 
 
Geek - funny and clever, here are a few more of the great headlines in Geek
 
Try quickly typing 1+2+3 into the iOS 11 calculator app. If you don't get 6, you're using it wrong and you fail to appreciate just how much effort Jony Ive and his band of UX professionals put into making the keypress animations so agonizingly slow
 
New typhoid vaccine has the potential to eliminate the disease, save your Oregon Trail family
 
Chinese government develops a "social credit system" to rate its citizens. It's basically a mashup of Facebook with Orwell's 1984
 
 
Entertainment - thanks for the laughs in entertainment this week!  Here are a few extra!
 
Ellen DeGeneres sends Katy Perry breasts regards for her birthday in tweet that's falling flat with critics
 
Great job, everybody, we've broken Bill O'Reilly's brain. Who should we work on next?
 
Eminem wins copyright suit against NZ political party and is awarded $600k, or two hobbits and a ewe
 
 
Politics - thanks to all our submitters to keeping politics - the headlines at least! - funny here on Fark. Check out the top ten in Headline of the Week!
 
 
Business - more funny headlines in this tab this week!  Here are a few of the headlines that almost made it -
 
Bud light sales slip as Americans discover seltzer water
 
Court rules that 3.5x3.5 equals 4x4
 
Yesterday, it was Depeche Mode. Today's transportation woes caused by a Flock of Seagulls. '80s bands trifecta in play
 
 
Discussion - a lot of links in Discussion again!  Tons of live links - from sports, TV shows, news, and more; weekly threads for gaming, cats, writing, and more; and and fun headlines like subby who was looking for a decent scotch/whisky under $40.  For Headline of the Week, though, the headlines have to be funny - so keep it up with the great submissions and keep enjoying the discussions, and if you also want a Headline of the Week nod, there's tons of room for competition with just purely funny headlines here. 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Fark rules!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-23 12:12:13 PM (269 comments) | Permalink

It's no secret that Fark has been around since roughly 180 B.C. It didn't take long for us notice that, to paraphrase the great Spicoli, some sites were bogus, and if we didn't get some cool rules ourselves - pronto - we'd just be bogus, too. And so the Fark posting rules were born. They started out as a short bullet-pointed list. Over the years, much like our waistlines, the explanation for the Fark rules grew. The intention was to make them clearer, but instead, they became TL;DR and it only led to more confusion and the misperception that anything not specifically listed in the FArQ was fair game... which then made the Farking rules even longer as we added more special cases to the list.
 
And so, finally, FortyHams wrote a simpler, sexier version of the rules, and Fark moderators spent the past week getting drunk and suggesting edits. And so, at last, here are the slimmed down Farking Rules. Note: The rules themselves have not been changed; this is just a more concise explanation of them. So please, read and enjoy, and if you would like to suggest changes to the Farking rules, please contact Farkback.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Pumpkin spice - 63
Bananas - 48
Celery - 20
Kale - 20
Bacon - 342
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Unobtanium shared what a Helen Keller costume might look like
justanothersumguy shared a before, during, and after a climax photo
Thrash Master Flash helpfully captioned a woman's photos
TheOmni helped out a Farker who thought a story that's been in the news was fake
Boo_Guy showed an excerpt from the JFK assassination files
Barfmaker saw an example of the tolerant left
Pocket Ninja learned a lot from some photos of pleasured women
O-Face made an appearance
LowbrowDeluxe appreciated a dying man's last words
The Googles Do Nothing reacted to the O-face photos
 
Smart:
Pocket Ninja had a suggestion for anyone upset about a child's treatment being denied by insurance
forteblast showed that a Snopes page didn't say a story is false
FuManchu7 explained why some people want limits on free speech
phalamir argued that all kids should get free lunches at school
doglover thought that an article illustrated why some football players are taking a knee
Weaver95 pointed out that some Christians aren't very Christian
Pocket Ninja saw some problems with being faithful except when you're not
FlashHarry asked a question after yet another shooting
holdmybones thought that a former hostage wasn't very good at making his wife his first priority
August11 wanted to Make Spiders Great Again
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Amusement park stories
Smart:
gordian learned that peer pressure can be a good thing
Funny: Tchernobog learned that seagulls and roller coasters are a bad combination
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
blastoh shared the explanation for Newt Gingrich's misspelled tweet
Walker shared a tweet from someone who's not very self aware
Eddie Adams from Torrance posted a defensive tweet from Donald Trump
DammitIForgotMyLogin found Steve Bannon's Time Magazine cover
2xhelix revealed Trump's new favorite golfing spot
 
Politics Smart:
Diogenes thought that there's one thing everyone should agree on
vudukungfu had some suggestions for where to start if you want smaller government
wejash thought that everyone should have listened to Trump
Carter Pewterschmidt shared a quote about religion keeping people from doing terrible things
parasol was particularly confounded by some of the people who support Trump
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
ionthrust showed some insects' adaptation backfiring
RedZoneTuba found that Ivanka Trump had some sick moves
Don_cos made an enchanting dog costume
RedZoneTuba demonstrated one bird's feat of strength
For ionthrust, it was a dark and stormy night
nissananimal puzzled some bees
Herb Utsmelz discovered that Trump is about to blow
RedZoneTuba wanted to see just how much pressure David Bowie and Freddie Mercury were under
RedZoneTuba proved that huffing never goes out of style
Alligator did a cop swap
 
Farktography:
wickedfish won Farktography Contest No. 650: "Let There Be Light" with a sticky home in the park
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, November 11th: NYC Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe
 
Thanks as always to our great submitters, and thanks to our TotalFarkers for voting for the Headlines of the Week!
 
We get thousands of great headlines, but to make it to Headline of the Week it needs to be funny, creative, look at the world sideways in a great new way, and in the best cases, make us laugh and think at the same time.  The kind of headline you can tell the person at the bar next to you, your boss, your partner, your co-worker, your kid's teacher - the kind of headline that says *this* is Fark.  
 
We choose the best and top voted headlines for Headline of the Week, usually 10 for Main and Politics and 3 for each of the other tabs - though lately when we we have so many that we love we've taken a few extra here and there - and here in the the NotNewsletter we highlight a few great ones that didn't make it to Headline of the Week but we still loved.  Enjoy!
 
 
MAIN - so much great stuff in Main this week we took the top 20.  Check them out in Fark Headlines of the Week.
 
 
SPORTS - this tab is getting funnier!  Check out the top three in Headline of the Week!  And here's a few extra that almost made it!
 
Andy Reid: 'I do what my gut tells me to do.' Sausages, cheese, murder
 
Man dies after coming in contact with Semen
 
Our long national nightmare is over. HAPPY YANKEES ELIMINATION DAY
 
 
GEEK - fun and funny and smart - do yourself a favor and hang out in the Geek tab for a while.  A few of the extra favorites -   
 
Research suggests your blood group could make you more prone to certain illnesses. No, that's not a type-O
 
The magnetic moment of the antiproton is 2.7928473441(42). Ya know, in case you were wondering
 
Here's how autonomous vehicles will destroy your city and force everyone you love to serve as slaves in the new robot revolution. Or live in utopia. Could go either way  
 
 
ENTERTAINMENT - room for competition in this tab!  
 
 
POLITICS - lots of funny this week!  So many that we took the top 25.  Go read them in Headline of the Week.  
 
 
BUSINESS - this tab is getting funnier!  Great submissions!  A few favorites that didn't make it in the top three - correction, we've had some light weeks in business and we had so many fun headlines that we're adding these for Headline of the Week contenders this week!  
 
It's likely that many of Napa's 2017 wines will display a mild smoky/ashy quality on the nose and show a finish that's heavy in burnt cinder and charred wood. In other words, SUPER PREMIUM PRICING, BABY
 
Ford recalls 1.3 million vehicles because the door may or may not be ajar
 
The stock market continues to insist that good news is obvious and bad news is fake. Which is kinda scary
 
Acquitted are the cheesemakers
 
 
DISCUSSION
 
Tons of great submissions this week - but very few that were really funny.  Great live threads - TV, Sports, Politics, more!  Tons of really cool discussions - the Mickey Mouse one was fun! - But if you want a Headline of the Week nod, the field is wide open.  Two styles of headlines have evolved in Discussion - the traditional one-liner, and the multi-sentence / question headline.  Headline of the Week chooses the top three of each type.  Thanks!
 
I just learned that Mickey Mouse is actually Michael Mouse and Minnie's a diminutive for Minerva. What other weird not well known trivia can you share with the other Farkers?
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Shiat's on fire, yo
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-16 12:40:50 PM, edited 2017-10-16 1:17:25 PM (66 comments) | Permalink

It was another crazy week. While California burned, President Trump dealt with hurricane aftermath by meeting with the president of the U.S. Virgin Islands and working closely with the president of Puerto Rico. Maybe Trump can stop these disasters by using that see-through wall material to build a dome to keep all the bad weather out.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
California - 761
Friday the 13th - 138
First Amendment - 352
Iran - 388
Bacon - 433
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
edmo shared a timely Halloween costume
nitropissering posted totally real before and after photos
rudemix explained why Irish Spring is better than Dove
dyhchong defended a bicyclist who ran over an elderly woman
flucto helped fill out our meat orchestra
alizeran had a costume suggestion for another Farker
Pocket Ninja issued a warning about how dangerous ghosts can be
August11 found the worst thing about a video of a ghost
Barfmaker will either be the least popular or the most popular member of our meat orchestra
Pocket Ninja beat the breastfeeding haters to the punch
 
Smart:
kbronsito felt sympathy for an oppressed Confederate flag flyer
davidphogan saw that an aggressive bicyclist wasn't helping his defense any
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha noticed that some anger over protests during the national anthem seems familiar
Barfmaker explained why basic a-holes are getting more attention lately
TheOmni pointed out where we've heard a defensive argument before
holdmybones disputed magical vegan powers
Mugato argued against veganism
Marbleisheavy described the kind of people who attack someone for peacefully protesting
sigdiamond2000 saw right through Harvey Weinstein's attempt at deflection
ch3no2 issued a warning to anyone who yells "hot pizza!"
 
Bonus: No comments from this thread linking to an article about the opioid addiction epidemic were voted into the NotNewsletter, but it's a really good article and worth reading. Thanks Atomic Jonb for bringing it up. If anyone would like attention called to particularly good articles in future Fark NotNewsletters, please email me to nominate them. I can't possibly read all of the articles that we link to, so this would be a great help to me and a service to your fellow Farkers.
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers 
Smart: valanienna pointed out a truth about Harvey Weinstein's crimes
Smart: Fat Old Broad discussed the reason Pence walked out on a football game
Funny: Chris Ween explained why there haven't been any non-human Star Trek captains
This thread whining about egg nog probably had some of the funniest (and most disturbing) comments, but it didn't get many votes. TotalFarkers generally consider themselves to be too cool to vote for comments even though they complain when they're not recognized in the NotNewsletter. :P
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Coincidences
Smart (tie):
gordian found a puzzling connection with a shop owner
Smart (tie): Kouta had quite a bit in common with the passenger in the adjoining seat
Funny: bighairyguy ran into some internet weirdo at work
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Walker shared a tweet about a Trump Twitter tantrum
King Something showed us what Donald Trump has been playing with
HighlanderRPI expressed shock at Turkey and the U.S. canceling visas
Eddie Adams from Torrance promised, threatened or warned us
Hack Patooey shared what happened when Trump threw paper towels
 
Politics Smart:
jbc caught Mike Pence in a lie
SurfaceTension had a message for Bob Corker regarding his feud with Trump
Grand_Moff_Joseph reacted to Trump cutting off health insurance subsidies
markie_farkie shared an opinion on "Christian values voters"
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers explained why Mike Pence's protest protest was in line with Pence's politics
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
X-Geek showed that Kermit is down to party
ionthrust found out who actually likes Heineken
Alligator discovered that it's gonna be that kind of a party
Tom G demonstrated why they don't hand out bananas on planes
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel made a game to fill a stomach
Herb Utsmelz chose a strange cover model
ionthrust put this boy in a tranquil setting
Yammering_Splat_Vector cooked up the perfect meal for a giraffe
ionthrust created an inter-species valentine
Herb Utsmelz showed us how babby is formed
 
Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 649: "That's No Moon 2" with some suspended purple balls
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, November 11th: NYC Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe
 
Last week's Fark headlines were fun as always, thanks to our submitters and our TotalFark voters!  Vote early, vote often!  Check out the top-voted Fark Headlines of the Week here.  Here in the NotNewsletter we highlight some of the extra headlines that didn't make it to the top but we wanted to give a little extra recognition.  
 
We love all our headlines and submissions, but for Headline of the Week they need to stand out and be extra funny, clever, and creative.  The headlines that make you laugh or look at a story sideways and say "*this* is why I come to Fark."  The kind of headline that you can tell your co-worker, spouse, friend, and the person sitting next to you in the bar: "hey, check it out, *this* is Fark." 
 
A lot of our headlines quality for that, but Headline of the week is about the standouts!  Enjoy your Headlines of the Week!
 
MAIN - take a look at Headlines of the Week thread for the top ten - and this week we took the top twelve!  
 
 
SPORTS - room for competition in this tab but quite a few gems this week - check out the top three in Headline of the Week and here are a few extra that almost made it
 
CBS reporter: "Kaepernick says he'll stand for the anthem if he gets to play again." Same CBS reporter a few days later: "We didnt actually talk about that subject"
 
Mittlerweile in Deutschland
 
Well what did you think it meant to be a line coach in Miami?
 
 
GEEK - always funny, always smart, here's a few extra that almost made it to the top three for geek - 
 
No leather goddesses found
 
With a less than 12% zombification side effect, the Ebola vaccine has been hailed a success
 
Sorry, Giant Meteor fans, but you're out of luck this year. However, if you're still around in 2079, we've got some great news for you
 
an awesome understated headline
 
Who needs DARPA when you have bored people with 3D printers?
 
and for a touch of sad and sappy in your geek:
 
Beautiful bird, the Humboldt penguin. Lovely plumage
 
 
ENTERTAINMENT - great headlines this week - our favorite from the top three:  * = €1.4mn  check it out.  
 
"Lost" Scotch whiskies to be revived as soon as they CAN GET BACK TO THE ISLAND
 
Do you want parrots? Because that's how you get parrots
 
 
POLITICS - this tab is always busy - we've been taking the top ten headlines, this week we've taken the top twenty.  Check them out in the Headline of the Week!
 
 
BUSINESS - great competition this week - here are a few of the best runners up!  
 
Why, hello there rapidly rising ATM and overdraft fees. We've missed you
 
List of "careers" that won't exist in 2030 includes travel agent, word processor, and paper boy. List omits apothecary, storm trooper, Easter Bunny
 
After exposure to cosmic rays, EU declares clobbering time on Britain's financial sector
 
 
DISCUSSION - Thanks for all the LIVE submissions this week!  They've been fun!  Sports, TV shows, NASA/spaceflight, and politics, come check them out or submit your own if they're not there yet.  The discussions have been great, and for Headline of the Week the headline has to be funny too.  Multi-sentence / question types get a top three, and the more traditional one-line headlines get three chosen.  Your top three of each are in the Headline of the Week, here's a few more:
 
Tonight, on Supergirl, while Kara focuses on work, Lena makes a bold move into the dairy industry. (CW 8ET) Later, on The Gifted, Caitlyn and Eclipse hunt for a macguffin and Bill Compton faces a difficult choice. (FOX 9ET)
 
Brandy, Bourbon or Rum? Difficulty: Infused fruitcake
 
Red wine hot chocolate. That is all
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Wanna hear a scary story? 👻
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-10 12:18:40 PM, edited 2017-10-15 8:19:48 PM (74 comments) | Permalink

Halloween is coming up, and it's time to start scaring the hell out of yourself. We'd like to help. Every year, Fark has a Halloween thread where Farkers share their own spooky stories. These are always fun threads, and a great way to kill some time at work. Here are the first 13 Fark scary story threads - now go creep yourself out.
 
2004    2005    2006    2007    2008    2009    2010    2011    2012    2013    2014    2015    2016
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Las Vegas - 996
Tom Petty - 529
Ralphie May - 35
Columbus - 235
Moron - 1897
Harvey Weinstein - 173
Bacon - 401
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
gopher321 had something to say to a guy who worried that a threesome made him gay
bighairyguy figured out what it meant when ISIS claimed responsibility for the Las Vegas shooting
ecmoRandomNumbers noticed an appropriate user name
Mercutio879 pointed out something else that ISIS is reponsible for
jaytkay urged restraint when news broke about the Las Vegas shooter
phalamir had the solution for a "sovereign citizen" claiming to be an agricultural product
Snarfangel showed how someone might enter a gun store 50,000 times in a day
Gordon Bennett knew how a woman received 20,000 oxycodone pills instead of the yoga mat she ordered
rzrwiresunrise suggested what a guy claiming to be an agricultural product might actually be
FatherChaos reacted to the shooting in Las Vegas
 
Smart:
swaniefrmreddeer gave a reason for not being surprised that the shooter was an old white man
WhoIsWillo reacted to Tom Petty's heart attack on the heels of the Las Vegas shooting
snocone had a suggestion for preventing mass shootings
whidbey thought something else is behind the mass shootings
Diogenes explained people spreading lies about the Las Vegas shooting
DjangoStonereaver described sovereign citizens
Kyoowashugi gave more context to part of an interview with the shooter's brother
meatofmystery pointed out why more gun control is unlikely to happen
Ghastly explained why you're not going to overthrow a tyrannical U.S. government with your guns
BizarreMan reacted to an article about elderly people losing their rights (you should read this article)
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Wedding shenanigans
Smart & Funny:
Dodger shared a story about a truly shiatty wedding
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
kbronsito shared the thoughts of the hurricane survivors Trump was throwing paper towels to
xraygun shared a song for Donald Trump
Carter Pewterschmidt explained how hard it is to keep safe
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That reacted to a Trump tweet about Kim Jong Un and Rex Tillerson
sigdiamond2000 recalled one of the terrible things that Obama did while in office
 
Politics Smart:
markie_farkie warned Congress to act before it's too late
Dusk-You-n-Me explained how Trump can get the "equal time" he's complaining about
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers noticed Trump demonstrating his leadership abilities
fusillade762 described someone's change of heart regarding gun control
markie_farkie thought some American priorities are mixed up
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz discovered what really caused a lenticular cloud to form
RedZoneTuba updated two classic cereals for 2017
Don_cos made a much more useful keyboard
Surly U. Jest made some tasty bird treats
RedZoneTuba used a distraught person from the Kent State massacre in a Photoshop
Surly U. Jest created a cereal for Trekkies
Alligator showed us why dogs chase cats
X-Geek found an Animal making noise on top of the house
ionthrust should put this bird in the freezer
Thrakkorzog revealed what the late bird gets instead of worms
 
Farktography:
Linguine won Farktography Contest No. 648: "Software Hootenanny 7" with a colorful storm
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy
 
We had a tough one this week, with no one cracking the 1000 mark. In first place is meadbh with 948 points, followed by Teaser with 931 and rick42 with 930. Lorenzo Von Matterhorn makes 4th with 914, and in 5th it's wildcardjack with 878.
 
The toughest question on this week's Hard Quiz was over the memorial at this year's DerbyCon. Only 17% of quiztakers realized just how weird computer nerds can be when left alone without adult supervision. Poor Trevor was indeed a cockroach that one attendee had found drowned in high fructose corn syrup, dairy substitute, and imitation vanilla flavoring at a nearby restaurant. (And they say that those things will survive the Apocalypse when they can't even survive a milkshake. I don't believe it.) Anyway, look for a reference to this in comment lines of the source code of an obscure subroutine relating to firewall exceptions in a forthcoming Ubuntu build.
 
The easiest question on this week's Hard Quiz was on what urban archeologists had discovered near the Paul Revere House in Boston. 76% of quiztakers knew that the archeologists were poking around in what used to be Paul Revere's Crescent Moon Room. Imagine hanging out with all the riders that night, waiting on the lantern signal, and someone randomly approaching the silversmith of all people and saying, "You are going to be so famous from this that over 240 years from now people will be waiting in line to poke through your poop." I think that had that happened, Revere would have likely excused himself and went to dig another latrine. A very, very, VERY deep latrine.
 
One final note about the Hard Quiz: I received a couple of requests for stats on the question about the recent auction of a personal item belonging to Adolf Hitler. 49% of quiztakers thought it was his shaving kit, while only 47% knew it was Der Fuhrer's Fleisch-und-ein-Gemüse-Behälter. I really don't want to know what the buyer intends to do with it. I mean, it's almost less weird if this person is some kind of weird fetishist who would wear it around the house or to an Austrian key party than it would be if he/she intended to frame it and hang it on the wall or something. I mean, real conversation starter there. 
 
In the Easy Quiz department, our hardest question on the Easy Quiz this week was on the new religion founded by a Silicon Valley engineer. Only 42% of quiztakers knew that the former Google engineer accused of taking self-driving car trade secrets with him to Uber decided to call his new religion "Way of the Future." He, for one, welcomes our new Artificial Intelligence Overlords. Either that or Skynet has sent him back in time to wage a propaganda campaign against the inferior biological lifeforms.
 
This week's Easy Quiz's easiest question was over which vacuum cleaner manufacturer plans to introduce their own brand of electric cars in the near future. 91% of quiztakers knew that it was Dyson, the "ball-vac" people. Let's just hope this new car doesn't su-- You know, that joke is lame. Hmmm... how about "Let's hope this car doesn't sit around collecting dust."
 
If you missed the quiz last week, you can take it right here
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe
 
Thanks as always to our submitters and to our TotalFark voters!  Your Fark Headlines of the Week are here.  
 
As always, this week there were tons of funny, creative, and great sideways takes on the articles.  Headlines that you could tell your friend, co-worker, bartender, and have the joke stand out as "hey, this is Fark!"  Here in the Fark NotNewsletter we highlight the headlines that don't quite make it to the top, but we'd still like to give a little extra recognition.  Enjoy!  
 
MAIN - so many great headlines in Main this week that I took the top 15.  Even expanding it, there are a lot more that deserve extra recognition for the funny.  Here are a few more - 
 
We expect too much from our romantic partners, the bar is just too damn high. You want in your mate a combination of: sanity + wealth + kindness + attractiveness + personal growth + not being a dumbass on social media, that isn't humanly possible
 
 
This story has it all. Crash through the gate and a pole at the airport. Flee. Lay down in someone's yard, only in your underwear because a snake has crawled up your pants. While traveling from Mississippi to Louisiana to see a voodoo doctor
 
Man carrying a .357-caliber Magnum, a loaded .45-caliber semi-automatic, a .223-caliber fully automatic assault rifle, a .308-caliber fully automatic assault rifle, more than 900 rounds of ammunition, and survival equipment pulled over for speeding
 
ALIENS ARE COMING TO FILL OUR BODIES WITH ALCOHOL...bring on the invasion
 
Criminal mastermind riding stolen motorcycle with revoked license notices the cops have his roommate pulled over in another stolen car, figures he may as well stop to ask what's going on
 
 
SPORTS - this tab is getting funnier - do yourself a favor and check it out.  
 
You can never have enough Rice at a wedding
 
When you don't pay attention to the speed bumps, the speed bumps take you down. Iowa State beats #3 OU for the second time in a half century
 
How much can watching hockey stress your heart? Here's a damn fine pie chart, because wimpy-ass cake is for tennis and such
 
Earlier: Seahawks starting RB does not have a broken leg. Now: .... in the first place we x-rayed
 
 
GEEK - thanks for all the great links and funny headlines!  Here are some of the best that still got beat by the top three.  Submitter, thanks for the awesome call-out to an old school Farkism. 
 
We just blame the guy named Jeff
 
Plate tectonics is 50 years old. Submitter is 50 years old. Therefore, submitter is one of the great scientific discoveries of the 20th Century
 
If things seem weird right now, it's because a gravitational wave that warps space-time, caused by the collision of two black holes, has reached Earth
 
Two years ago, one cosmologist wrote 'string theory is not a scientific theory'. Now, a string theorist who saw it writes back 'inflationary cosmology is not science'. Time to watch the fireworks
 
 
ENTERTAINMENT - more funny headlines here, thanks submitters!  Here are a few extras!
 
These are not the droids for which thou search'st, writes the author combining Star Wars and Shakespeare
 
Starship Troopers: the 90s sci-fi action comedy that continues to reflect our political past, present and future. Would you like to know more?
 
The second half of The Tick's first season is coming in February. SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
 
 
POLITICS - lots of funny headlines in this tab again, keep them coming!  Politics is hard enough, thanks to our submitters for making us laugh a little along the way.  There are so many submissions in this tab lately that we're taking the top ten funniest, and there are still more that are great but don't quite make the cut, here's one more that almost made it to the top ten!  
 
Trump: "I'm the first American president to visit Puerto Rico." Narrator: But, he wasn't
 
 
BUSINESS - great to see more funny headlines in this tab!  Here's a great one that almost made the top three - 
 
Advertising agency regulator NAD advises T-Mobile to stop claiming it has a faster network than Verizon because there's no data to support that
 
 
DISCUSSION - last week this tab had tons of funny, this week, tons of good discussions but funny headlines were rare.  Tons of room for competition and creativity here!  Two styles of headlines have developed in this tab, the longer, multi-sentence style, and the more traditional short headline.  Try for both! 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: We've not received bribes from Adidas
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-02 3:11:33 PM, edited 2017-10-02 3:28:06 PM (73 comments) | Permalink

The silly intro I had planned no longer seems appropriate, and I have no words of wisdom to offer about last night's shooting in Las Vegas. I will say, though, that no matter what's going on - whether it's a tragedy that's all over the news or just something in my own life - you guys make me laugh every single day. Thanks for that.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
NCAA - 168
Adidas - 87
Hugh Hefner - 110
Tom Price - 48
Bacon- 500
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
kbronsito had some comforting words for an upset mother
thisispete said goodbye to a legend
MrPoopyPants shared a conversation that Martin Shkreli might have in prison
Professor Farksworth posted a smug Keith Richards
naughtyrev noticed that a WWE star has something in common with someone else
mama2tnt shared posts from a man missing his lost love
RodneyToady found Anthony Weiner's inspiration
Dimensio takes precautions against gun violence
blorpen found one of the rare times that a common guess turns out to be true
OtherLittleGuy found someone who's happy that Hugh Hefner is gone
 
Smart:
Grand_Moff_Joseph found that Trump has accepted a challenge
holdmybones had a solution for a woman who didn't want her kid to be mocked
Weaver95 thought that Trump wasted a chance to change how people see him
Prey4reign noticed that some character flaws run in the family
HawgWild isn't a fan of the "American Sniper" guy
nmrsnr spotted some evidence of bad parenting
Markoff_Cheney explained Trump's strategy for helping Puerto Rico
AdmirableSnackbar pointed out that children aren't so bad
Flappyhead read between the lines
Weaver95 explained what it's like to be poor in America
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers 
Smart: Huck Chaser gave some advice to a contrite Farker
Smart: Satan's Chocolate Starfish had a solution for arguments about that national anthem at sporting events
Funny: Adjective Bird Whiskey gave examples of messages to leave for a lady friend
Smart & Funny: meg12279 was very specific about what kind of WIE is acceptable
Funny: Large Marge sent me shared some movie star trivia
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Volunteering your skills
Smart:
Orion5k officiated a ceremony after after the couple's minister backed out
Funny: rohar broke up a brawl at a hockey game
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
North_Central_Positronics shared a review of the steak at a Trump Hotel
Paris1127 came up with a tagline for Tom Price's resignation
What the hell was that reacted to Tom Price's departure
scottydoesntknow shared a tweet about food at a Trump Hotel
RJReves taught us about Trump's anatomy
 
Politics Smart:
RJReves taught us about Trump's anatomy
BizarreMan read the comments in an article about kneeling during the national anthem
blastoh listed some of Trump's troubling behavior
meatofmystery hoped Price would still be held responsible for the money he spent
freddyV showed that maybe the real complaint is that people are protesting at all
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
ionthrust took us on a fail flight
X-Geek showed a daring backflipper
WaitForIt found a World War I flying ace
X-Geek created what could be a great "loading" animation
ionthrust developed an awesome new app for cat lovers
StainedGlassRuby proved that Darth Vader can laugh at himself
Alligator found some early drone technology
Circusdog320 showed us what happens when Disney has no shame
manyone yanked the football away
Iggie created a new feminine hygiene product
 
Farktography:
Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 647: "Don't Burn Bridges" with a photo of White Pass Railway, Yukon Territory
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe
 
Check out the top voted Fark Headlines of the Week here!  And read on for more great headlines that *almost* made it to the top!  Main and Politics consistently have the most content and the most competition - for true bragging rights submit your best headlines here!  Geek is also consistently great - though it had a little extra room for competition this week.  Business, Sports, Entertainment and Discussion always have a lot of gems, but also have room for competition.   We love all our submissions and submitters!  To make it to Headlines of the Week we're looking for funny, creative, and unique headlines - something that you can tell your friend, co-worker, bar buddy - "Hey, this is Fark!" Thanks to our submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!     
 
MAIN - so many great headlines in Main this week!  Check out Fark Headlines of the Week for the top voted! Here are more that almost made the cut - make sure to vote so *your* favorites make it to the top ten! 
 
Southwest Airlines saves the life of ungrateful woman with life-threatening pet allergies 
 
Local newspaper publishes irrefutable evidence of existence of imprisoned aliens and weird green men at Wright-Patterson AFB, home of Project Blue Book. I call bullshiat: everyone knows there's no such thing as a "newspaper"
 
Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on this farm he had some methane-producing animals contributing a lot more to global warming than we initially estimated, E-I-E-I-OMG
 
To the people of Sichuan, China, worry not about the 78 crocodiles that escaped from a Sichuan farm, worry about the 5 still on the loose  
 
Baby found with $5,500 and cell phone in Oklahoma. Baby refuses to answer questions, tries to grab officer's nose 
 
World's largest uncut diamond sells for 6 Rhode Islands 
 
Tombstones found on power plant property, meaning subby's Walking Dead/Godzilla fan fic mashup is one step closer to reality 
 
Snake handler death declared a "mystery" despite snake being found near body, snake-shaped bruises on the neck, snake confession note
 
Intel unveils neuromorphic AI chip that mimics the human brain. It's out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. All for $279  
 
SPORTS - this tab is getting better and better and still has room for competition!  Here are a few more that almost made the top three!
 
Oh look, what a surprise. The known super liberal magazine National Review comes out in favor of the kneeling NFL players 
 
NFL Fans speak out about the protests. Can be best summarized as "keep politics in the politics tab" 
 
Here's how it took the FBI three years to break the last bit of integrity the NCAA still had 
 
EA manages to fix Madden AI for formation run by such real teams as the Cleveland Browns, inadvertently demonstrating how to protect ourselves from a hostile AI 
 
TFA promises the "most embarrassing first half of Joe Paterno's career" and totally misses the point  
 
GEEK - always fun to read the Geek tab, but there was room for a little more competition this week!  Still great stuff in the top voted, and a couple more funny ones that almost made the cut! 
 
Scientists using AI to identify irony in speech get the definition of irony wrong. Well isn't that sarcastic, don't you think?
 
Dear Adobe, it's only Pretty Good Privacy as long as you refrain from posting the private key to the company blog 
 
ENTERTAINMENT - more competition in the entertainment tab this week!  Keep em coming!  Check out Fark Headlines of the Week to see the three that made the list, and here are three more that came close! 
 
Star Trek: Discovery reviews are trickling in, and are overwhelmingly positive. Angry Trekkies vow to still complain 
 
Amazon is going to Ringworld. Unable to guarantee free two-day shipping in event of Man-Kzin war 
 
General Hospital veteran Anna Jeffreys dead at 94. Or at least we think so, although we've heard that her long-lost identical twin cousin from the forgotten second husband of her mother who disappeared at sea may actually be the one who died 
 
POLITICS - so many great and funny headlines this week!  Keep up the great work submitters! One favorite out of the top voted - 
 
U.S. Chamber of Commerce wants to prevent consumers from suing companies ... and has filed a lawsuit to outlaw lawsuits. We're not just through the looking glass here, folks, we're moving into entirely new alternate dimensions 
 
... and a few more that almost made the list! 
 
John Kelly: I am sick of these motherf*cking tweets from this motherf*cking White House. Trump: *tweets* "Whoa, we got a badass over here." Kelly: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ 
 
I started to ask why anyone should be allowed to publish false information for the express purpose of angering their audience... but Stranahan cut me off. "Hey, I'm walking into the White House right now" 
 
White House capping refugees at 45 thousand next year because that's more than enough to accommodate those fleeing northern Europe 
 
Boeing: "We propose a 80% tariff on our competitors' jets." US gov't: "100%." Boeing: "But we only wanted-" US gov't: "150%." Boeing: "Uhh..." US gov't: "Alright, 219% you animals" 
 
BUSINESS - Lots of funny this week, and still lots of room for competition!  Here are two that almost made the list!  
 
Legal Weed May Be a Windfall for McDonald's and Taco Bell" The Obvious Tag just exhales a long steady stream of highly pungent smoke, and nods sagely It appears that the whole robot overlord thing is gonna start with 2017 kids' toys 
 
DISCUSSION - Great job with more funny headlines for this tab this week, still room for competition!  Two favorites of the 6 that made the HotW list -  
 
I think that in light of Twitter revealing that their 240 character limit is arbitrary that we on Fark should consider why we are limited to only 250. Do the owners and maintainers of this website believe that we can or shouldn't express our selves m Here are ten almost-extinct words we need to start using right away. Subby hopes he didn't embrangle you about that snollygoster 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Drew announces a new book with Adam Savage 🤖
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-09-25 11:55:00 AM (204 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________
 
Hey everyone!  I'm really excited because today I can finally announce a project I've been working on for several months now.  Tl;dr: it's a new book called "Don't Give Guns to Robots" that I'm writing with my good friend Adam Savage!
 
In December 2015, I'd just finished a huge project that took a lot of time and energy.  Meanwhile, so had Adam.  I happened to be at his house, and we were having the same kinds of discussions we always do about implications of near-term technologies.  It was then we realized there might be a book idea here.  
 
Since my political run, our conversation had shifted to what simple policy decisions could sidestep disaster.  We realized that the types of disruptions brought by technologies had happened before.  For example, Universal Living Wage is being kicked around as an idea for how to handle vast numbers of people whose jobs might be replaced by rapid automation.  Turns out social programs to handle technological upheaval have happened before.  For example, in the 19th century, Universal Childhood Education sprung into being to try to mitigate the loss of manual labor jobs on farms due to early industrialization.
 
The book is a not just a primer on what disruptions are about to hit, but also on how societies have handled these kinds of disruptions in the past, and what we could do easily, right now, to help make these near-term technology transitions cause the least harm.
 
The problem is, we never seem to make these decisions in advance.  We always make them after the damage has been done.  Hence the title "Don't Give Guns To Robots" - because we already did.  But it's not too late to change our minds.      
 
At any rate, here's Amazon's summary of the book:
 
"Adam Savage, Mythbuster and editor-in-chief of Tested.com, and pioneering tech disrupter Drew Curtis explore what happens after the next tidal wave of innovations changes the world as we know it; what are the big surprises, threats, and challenges, and how can we make flying cars a reality instead of robot overlords?
 
In Don't Give Guns to Robots, Adam Savage and Drew Curtis use seven of the biggest imminent technological changes that our society will face over the next twenty to thirty years--from driverless cars to asteroid mining to immortality to organic computers that can cure cancer from inside our bodies--as a jumping off place to discuss what our near and not-so-distant future may look like. They delve into all the possible paths the future may take--some good, some bad, and some that sound like the plot of a really wild sci-fi novel, helping us prepare for the massive changes that will affect our lives.
 
What is going to happen in the near future? What should we fear and what can we stop worrying about? How can we prepare for it? And most importantly, what can and should be done right this instant to mitigate unintended consequences?
 
Weaving together interviews from the most innovative and brilliant thought leaders of our generation including Elon Musk, Stewart Brand, Peter Diamandis, Astro Teller, Bill Gates, and Neal Stephenson, Don't Give Guns to Robots explores many of the possible unanticipated repercussions of technological innovations and is an illuminating, entertaining, and illustrated guide for preparing ourselves for tomorrow."
 
The book is available for pre-order now, definitely pull the trigger if you think you might like it.  Unless you're a robot that is. 
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Rocket Man - 250
Dotard - 248
Puerto Rico - 339
NFL - 2131
Kneel - 583
Bacon - 336
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
skyotter noticed how the word "Nazi" gets thrown around these days
darthaegis made a dad joke
enry described what actors do when they pretend to be shot in a bulletproof vest
enry shared a prediction about the future of country music
ralphjr warned us about the soap dispensers at the Detroit airport
naughtyrev explained what the problem really was with a teacher's outfit
scottydoesntknow described the current relationship between the U.S. and North Korea
Abe Vigoda's Ghost showed us how a model's sexy photo was altered
Gaddiel cleared up some confusion about Star Trek
Tanqueray shared some helpful signs
 
Smart:
lordjupiter noticed very different standards for evidence of guilt
phalamir argued that it's okay to punch a Nazi
FormlessOne had a tip for people visiting Seattle
rudemix thought you don't have to hate a Nazi to punch one
thegreatmurgatroid reacted to a few Farkers saying not to risk your life for someone else's money
nijika was in favor of punching Nazis
ginandbacon wasn't upset about someone punching a Nazi
Man On A Mission named the best singer of all time
dv-ous thought that overall, a guy was lucky to just be kicked out of Harvard
DammitIForgotMyLogin explained "vulture capitalism"
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers 
Funny: reagabeast posted a couple of dad jokes
Funny: Literally Addicted shared a joke about murder
Funny: reagabeast had a dad joke to make while driving
Smart: sarahthustra blamed insects for voting "smart" on their own posts
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Always look for the helpers
This was a fairly serious topic, so it didn't get many "funny" stories, but it did get a lot of great smart ones, which are great reading. Be ready to cry when you read through them.
Smart: Praise Cheesus' grandparents were really amazing people
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
hobnail was surprised that Betsy DeVos uses her personal jet to travel for work
kanesays provided proof that Obama surveilled Trump
Kuoxasar sang about Donald Trump's threats against "Rocket Man"
The Goddamn Batman let us know what John Kelly and Melania Trump were communicating
WI241TH read something slightly different in their expressions
 
Politics Smart:
Ivo Shandor shared a tweet about peaceful protesting
PreMortem pointed out that Paul Manfort and Donald Trump are not the same person
JerseyTim reacted to a headline that condemned millennials
Rapmaster2000 asked a question about requiring people to have insurance
whidbey disagreed with John McCain's claim about the Affordable Care Act
 
 
Contest Votes
 
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Iggie shared some helpful advice on being a good neighbor
RedZoneTuba called in The Hairstyle Police
Alligator found someone who'd rather be doing something else
Yammering_Splat_Vector took these women to get some help
Circusdog320 called scientists out on their bullying
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel asked doctors to take some responsibility
verchad must've used watercolors
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel had some advice for wealthy people
RedZoneTuba wanted to get some sleep
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed proof of a government experiment
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 646: "Eclipses" ended in a tie between orionid's "The Big, Blue, Burning, Butthole in the Sky" and Queen Mab's tilted halo
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats  
 
Saturday, September 30th: Houston Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe
 
Your top-voted Headlines of the Week are here!  Thanks to TotalFarkers for voting and thanks as always to our fantastic submitters.  Fark loves all kinds of headlines, but to be truly Fark-worthy and Headline of the Week, we're looking for funny, creative, and unique twists.  Something you can tell your friends, family, co-workers, that 'hey, this is the story and this headline is what makes it Fark'.  Here are Fark's Headlines of the Week.     
 
Top-voted funny headlines make it to Headline of the Week, but we always have more each week that make us laugh or have a take on the story that is awesome and unique but doesn't always get the votes - News: Maria destroys Caribbean islands, strips them of vegetation. CNN: "US mainland not out of the woods yet" is one of the best this week that stands out.  So go read the top-voted Headlines of the Week posted here, and stick around for the Fark NotNewsletter highlighting extra headlines that deserve recognition.      
 
MAIN - great job submitters this week and TotalFarkers, great job voting!  There were so many top voted that I just took all nineteen, take a look in Headlines of the Week.  Even with all the great headlines and great voting, there are still more that deserve extra recognition - here are just a few!  
 
WA father claims that he accidentally shot his son repeatedly with flaming balls from a "fireworks gun" in a "safety lesson" that went accidentally awry. His 6-year-old son tells a different, more believable, and frankly better-constructed story     
 
With typical British understatement, UK police say the mysterious object that forced the closure of a major highway today was a trash bag full of "possibly hydrochloric acid" and they are "keeping an open mind as to how the object was left there"   
 
Good: Powerball winner says money won't change his heart. Bad: Pedophile  
 
Alexa, send me all the crackers     
 
News: Maria destroys Caribbean islands, strips them of vegetation. CNN: "US mainland not out of the woods yet"  
 
Mother and son hide in bedroom and call cops as half naked burglar breaks into their Oklahoma home. "No, we don't know where his clothes are. We've been locked in this room"    
 
SPORTS - a few gems, but lots of room for competition.  The top three are in the Headlines of the Week, and here is one more fun headline from Sports.     
 
There is one solution to the sorry state of NFL football: Legalize Holding. Hey, no one said it was a GOOD solution   
 
GEEK - this tab is consistently one of the best, both for great headlines and for the stories.  Our submitters find fantastic stories we're just not seeing anywhere else on social media.  Do yourself a favor and come hang out on the Geek tab.  Top vote-getters in Headlines of the Week, here are a couple more that deserve a second laugh.   
 
All staff safe and sound at Arecibo telescope but antenna badly damaged. Fortunately we still have 25,000 years to tell the backup to turn the starship around   
 
Security researchers discover that hackers breached the popular system cleaning app CCleaner and used it to secretly install malware on users' computers. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish transferring all my vital data onto clay tablets    
 
ENTERTAINMENT - we had some great headlines this week, the top vote-getters are in Headlines of the Week, here are a couple more that almost made it.  Still room for competition!     
 
Shania Twain opens up about her fight with Lyme disease and her husband cheating on her while she fought the disease. On the plus side, she has a new country song     
 
POLITICS - we had so many great submissions this week that we're back to taking the top ten for this tab.  Here are a few more great headlines that almost made it -    
 
Pruitt's EPA: I agree with my mining CEO buddy over here: these farking salmon have had it too easy for too long   
 
The White House's senior nuclear weapons expert is A) a Dr. Strangelove caricature; B) a former oil executive; or C) an ordained Zen Buddhist chaplain? Oh, that's actually somewhat comforting   
 
Robert Mueller hopes to make Sean Spicer's notebooks the #1 bestseller on Amazon this fall   
 
British terror level lowered to, "I say, old chap"   
 
China to Trump: yourenothelping.gif    
 
BUSINESS - a few gems this week - check out Headlines of the Week for the top vote-getters.  Still room for competition!  Here is one of the headlines that almost made it to the top.     
 
Uber driver helps Lyft driver escape from overturned SUV. This is the only positive Uber news you've heard in months so savor it   
 
DISCUSSION   We've had tons more submissions to the Discussion tab, and two top vote-getters that have the multi-sentence style, and two that are the more traditional headline.  Still lots of room for competition!  The discussions are fun (my personal favorite was about where you got your username) but for Headline of the Week it has to be funny.  The extra challenge of this tab is to get both.  Good luck! 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
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