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Fark NotNewsletter: We've not received bribes from Adidas Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-02 3:11:33 PM, edited 2017-10-02 3:28:06 PM (73 comments) | Permalink The silly intro I had planned no longer seems appropriate, and I have no words of wisdom to offer about last night's shooting in Las Vegas. I will say, though, that no matter what's going on - whether it's a tragedy that's all over the news or just something in my own life - you guys make me laugh every single day. Thanks for that. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words NCAA - 168 Adidas - 87 Hugh Hefner - 110 Tom Price - 48 Bacon- 500 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: kbronsito had some comforting words for an upset mother thisispete said goodbye to a legend MrPoopyPants shared a conversation that Martin Shkreli might have in prison Professor Farksworth posted a smug Keith Richards naughtyrev noticed that a WWE star has something in common with someone else mama2tnt shared posts from a man missing his lost love RodneyToady found Anthony Weiner's inspiration Dimensio takes precautions against gun violence blorpen found one of the rare times that a common guess turns out to be true OtherLittleGuy found someone who's happy that Hugh Hefner is gone Smart: Grand_Moff_Joseph found that Trump has accepted a challenge holdmybones had a solution for a woman who didn't want her kid to be mocked Weaver95 thought that Trump wasted a chance to change how people see him Prey4reign noticed that some character flaws run in the family HawgWild isn't a fan of the "American Sniper" guy nmrsnr spotted some evidence of bad parenting Markoff_Cheney explained Trump's strategy for helping Puerto Rico AdmirableSnackbar pointed out that children aren't so bad Flappyhead read between the lines Weaver95 explained what it's like to be poor in America TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Smart: Huck Chaser gave some advice to a contrite Farker Smart: Satan's Chocolate Starfish had a solution for arguments about that national anthem at sporting events Funny: Adjective Bird Whiskey gave examples of messages to leave for a lady friend Smart & Funny: meg12279 was very specific about what kind of WIE is acceptable Funny: Large Marge sent me shared some movie star trivia CSB Sunday Morning: Volunteering your skills Smart: Orion5k officiated a ceremony after after the couple's minister backed out Funny: rohar broke up a brawl at a hockey game CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: North_Central_Positronics shared a review of the steak at a Trump Hotel Paris1127 came up with a tagline for Tom Price's resignation What the hell was that reacted to Tom Price's departure scottydoesntknow shared a tweet about food at a Trump Hotel RJReves taught us about Trump's anatomy Politics Smart: RJReves taught us about Trump's anatomy BizarreMan read the comments in an article about kneeling during the national anthem blastoh listed some of Trump's troubling behavior meatofmystery hoped Price would still be held responsible for the money he spent freddyV showed that maybe the real complaint is that people are protesting at all Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: ionthrust took us on a fail flight X-Geek showed a daring backflipper WaitForIt found a World War I flying ace X-Geek created what could be a great "loading" animation ionthrust developed an awesome new app for cat lovers StainedGlassRuby proved that Darth Vader can laugh at himself Alligator found some early drone technology Circusdog320 showed us what happens when Disney has no shame manyone yanked the football away Iggie created a new feminine hygiene product Farktography: Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 647: "Don't Burn Bridges" with a photo of White Pass Railway, Yukon Territory Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Check out the top voted Fark Headlines of the Week here! And read on for more great headlines that *almost* made it to the top! Main and Politics consistently have the most content and the most competition - for true bragging rights submit your best headlines here! Geek is also consistently great - though it had a little extra room for competition this week. Business, Sports, Entertainment and Discussion always have a lot of gems, but also have room for competition. We love all our submissions and submitters! To make it to Headlines of the Week we're looking for funny, creative, and unique headlines - something that you can tell your friend, co-worker, bar buddy - "Hey, this is Fark!" Thanks to our submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters! MAIN - so many great headlines in Main this week! Check out Fark Headlines of the Week for the top voted! Here are more that almost made the cut - make sure to vote so *your* favorites make it to the top ten! Southwest Airlines saves the life of ungrateful woman with life-threatening pet allergies Local newspaper publishes irrefutable evidence of existence of imprisoned aliens and weird green men at Wright-Patterson AFB, home of Project Blue Book. I call bullshiat: everyone knows there's no such thing as a "newspaper" Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on this farm he had some methane-producing animals contributing a lot more to global warming than we initially estimated, E-I-E-I-OMG To the people of Sichuan, China, worry not about the 78 crocodiles that escaped from a Sichuan farm, worry about the 5 still on the loose Baby found with $5,500 and cell phone in Oklahoma. Baby refuses to answer questions, tries to grab officer's nose World's largest uncut diamond sells for 6 Rhode Islands Tombstones found on power plant property, meaning subby's Walking Dead/Godzilla fan fic mashup is one step closer to reality Snake handler death declared a "mystery" despite snake being found near body, snake-shaped bruises on the neck, snake confession note Intel unveils neuromorphic AI chip that mimics the human brain. It's out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. All for $279 SPORTS - this tab is getting better and better and still has room for competition! Here are a few more that almost made the top three! Oh look, what a surprise. The known super liberal magazine National Review comes out in favor of the kneeling NFL players NFL Fans speak out about the protests. Can be best summarized as "keep politics in the politics tab" Here's how it took the FBI three years to break the last bit of integrity the NCAA still had EA manages to fix Madden AI for formation run by such real teams as the Cleveland Browns, inadvertently demonstrating how to protect ourselves from a hostile AI TFA promises the "most embarrassing first half of Joe Paterno's career" and totally misses the point GEEK - always fun to read the Geek tab, but there was room for a little more competition this week! Still great stuff in the top voted, and a couple more funny ones that almost made the cut! Scientists using AI to identify irony in speech get the definition of irony wrong. Well isn't that sarcastic, don't you think? Dear Adobe, it's only Pretty Good Privacy as long as you refrain from posting the private key to the company blog ENTERTAINMENT - more competition in the entertainment tab this week! Keep em coming! Check out Fark Headlines of the Week to see the three that made the list, and here are three more that came close! Star Trek: Discovery reviews are trickling in, and are overwhelmingly positive. Angry Trekkies vow to still complain Amazon is going to Ringworld. Unable to guarantee free two-day shipping in event of Man-Kzin war General Hospital veteran Anna Jeffreys dead at 94. Or at least we think so, although we've heard that her long-lost identical twin cousin from the forgotten second husband of her mother who disappeared at sea may actually be the one who died POLITICS - so many great and funny headlines this week! Keep up the great work submitters! One favorite out of the top voted - U.S. Chamber of Commerce wants to prevent consumers from suing companies ... and has filed a lawsuit to outlaw lawsuits. We're not just through the looking glass here, folks, we're moving into entirely new alternate dimensions ... and a few more that almost made the list! John Kelly: I am sick of these motherf*cking tweets from this motherf*cking White House. Trump: *tweets* "Whoa, we got a badass over here." Kelly: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ I started to ask why anyone should be allowed to publish false information for the express purpose of angering their audience... but Stranahan cut me off. "Hey, I'm walking into the White House right now" White House capping refugees at 45 thousand next year because that's more than enough to accommodate those fleeing northern Europe Boeing: "We propose a 80% tariff on our competitors' jets." US gov't: "100%." Boeing: "But we only wanted-" US gov't: "150%." Boeing: "Uhh..." US gov't: "Alright, 219% you animals" BUSINESS - Lots of funny this week, and still lots of room for competition! Here are two that almost made the list! Legal Weed May Be a Windfall for McDonald's and Taco Bell" The Obvious Tag just exhales a long steady stream of highly pungent smoke, and nods sagely It appears that the whole robot overlord thing is gonna start with 2017 kids' toys DISCUSSION - Great job with more funny headlines for this tab this week, still room for competition! Two favorites of the 6 that made the HotW list - I think that in light of Twitter revealing that their 240 character limit is arbitrary that we on Fark should consider why we are limited to only 250. Do the owners and maintainers of this website believe that we can or shouldn't express our selves m Here are ten almost-extinct words we need to start using right away. Subby hopes he didn't embrangle you about that snollygoster Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Drew announces a new book with Adam Savage 🤖 Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-09-25 11:55:00 AM (204 comments) | Permalink ________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone! I'm really excited because today I can finally announce a project I've been working on for several months now. Tl;dr: it's a new book called "Don't Give Guns to Robots" that I'm writing with my good friend Adam Savage! In December 2015, I'd just finished a huge project that took a lot of time and energy. Meanwhile, so had Adam. I happened to be at his house, and we were having the same kinds of discussions we always do about implications of near-term technologies. It was then we realized there might be a book idea here. Since my political run, our conversation had shifted to what simple policy decisions could sidestep disaster. We realized that the types of disruptions brought by technologies had happened before. For example, Universal Living Wage is being kicked around as an idea for how to handle vast numbers of people whose jobs might be replaced by rapid automation. Turns out social programs to handle technological upheaval have happened before. For example, in the 19th century, Universal Childhood Education sprung into being to try to mitigate the loss of manual labor jobs on farms due to early industrialization. The book is a not just a primer on what disruptions are about to hit, but also on how societies have handled these kinds of disruptions in the past, and what we could do easily, right now, to help make these near-term technology transitions cause the least harm. The problem is, we never seem to make these decisions in advance. We always make them after the damage has been done. Hence the title "Don't Give Guns To Robots" - because we already did. But it's not too late to change our minds. At any rate, here's Amazon's summary of the book: "Adam Savage, Mythbuster and editor-in-chief of Tested.com, and pioneering tech disrupter Drew Curtis explore what happens after the next tidal wave of innovations changes the world as we know it; what are the big surprises, threats, and challenges, and how can we make flying cars a reality instead of robot overlords? In Don't Give Guns to Robots, Adam Savage and Drew Curtis use seven of the biggest imminent technological changes that our society will face over the next twenty to thirty years--from driverless cars to asteroid mining to immortality to organic computers that can cure cancer from inside our bodies--as a jumping off place to discuss what our near and not-so-distant future may look like. They delve into all the possible paths the future may take--some good, some bad, and some that sound like the plot of a really wild sci-fi novel, helping us prepare for the massive changes that will affect our lives. What is going to happen in the near future? What should we fear and what can we stop worrying about? How can we prepare for it? And most importantly, what can and should be done right this instant to mitigate unintended consequences? Weaving together interviews from the most innovative and brilliant thought leaders of our generation including Elon Musk, Stewart Brand, Peter Diamandis, Astro Teller, Bill Gates, and Neal Stephenson, Don't Give Guns to Robots explores many of the possible unanticipated repercussions of technological innovations and is an illuminating, entertaining, and illustrated guide for preparing ourselves for tomorrow." The book is available for pre-order now, definitely pull the trigger if you think you might like it. Unless you're a robot that is. ________________________ We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter. ________________________ Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Rocket Man - 250 Dotard - 248 Puerto Rico - 339 NFL - 2131 Kneel - 583 Bacon - 336 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: skyotter noticed how the word "Nazi" gets thrown around these days darthaegis made a dad joke enry described what actors do when they pretend to be shot in a bulletproof vest enry shared a prediction about the future of country music ralphjr warned us about the soap dispensers at the Detroit airport naughtyrev explained what the problem really was with a teacher's outfit scottydoesntknow described the current relationship between the U.S. and North Korea Abe Vigoda's Ghost showed us how a model's sexy photo was altered Gaddiel cleared up some confusion about Star Trek Tanqueray shared some helpful signs Smart: lordjupiter noticed very different standards for evidence of guilt phalamir argued that it's okay to punch a Nazi FormlessOne had a tip for people visiting Seattle rudemix thought you don't have to hate a Nazi to punch one thegreatmurgatroid reacted to a few Farkers saying not to risk your life for someone else's money nijika was in favor of punching Nazis ginandbacon wasn't upset about someone punching a Nazi Man On A Mission named the best singer of all time dv-ous thought that overall, a guy was lucky to just be kicked out of Harvard DammitIForgotMyLogin explained "vulture capitalism" TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: reagabeast posted a couple of dad jokes Funny: Literally Addicted shared a joke about murder Funny: reagabeast had a dad joke to make while driving Smart: sarahthustra blamed insects for voting "smart" on their own posts CSB Sunday Morning: Always look for the helpers This was a fairly serious topic, so it didn't get many "funny" stories, but it did get a lot of great smart ones, which are great reading. Be ready to cry when you read through them. Smart: Praise Cheesus' grandparents were really amazing people CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: hobnail was surprised that Betsy DeVos uses her personal jet to travel for work kanesays provided proof that Obama surveilled Trump Kuoxasar sang about Donald Trump's threats against "Rocket Man" The Goddamn Batman let us know what John Kelly and Melania Trump were communicating WI241TH read something slightly different in their expressions Politics Smart: Ivo Shandor shared a tweet about peaceful protesting PreMortem pointed out that Paul Manfort and Donald Trump are not the same person JerseyTim reacted to a headline that condemned millennials Rapmaster2000 asked a question about requiring people to have insurance whidbey disagreed with John McCain's claim about the Affordable Care Act Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: Iggie shared some helpful advice on being a good neighbor RedZoneTuba called in The Hairstyle Police Alligator found someone who'd rather be doing something else Yammering_Splat_Vector took these women to get some help Circusdog320 called scientists out on their bullying Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel asked doctors to take some responsibility verchad must've used watercolors Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel had some advice for wealthy people RedZoneTuba wanted to get some sleep Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed proof of a government experiment Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 646: "Eclipses" ended in a tie between orionid's "The Big, Blue, Burning, Butthole in the Sky" and Queen Mab's tilted halo Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, September 30th: Houston Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Your top-voted Headlines of the Week are here! Thanks to TotalFarkers for voting and thanks as always to our fantastic submitters. Fark loves all kinds of headlines, but to be truly Fark-worthy and Headline of the Week, we're looking for funny, creative, and unique twists. Something you can tell your friends, family, co-workers, that 'hey, this is the story and this headline is what makes it Fark'. Here are Fark's Headlines of the Week. Top-voted funny headlines make it to Headline of the Week, but we always have more each week that make us laugh or have a take on the story that is awesome and unique but doesn't always get the votes - News: Maria destroys Caribbean islands, strips them of vegetation. CNN: "US mainland not out of the woods yet" is one of the best this week that stands out. So go read the top-voted Headlines of the Week posted here, and stick around for the Fark NotNewsletter highlighting extra headlines that deserve recognition. MAIN - great job submitters this week and TotalFarkers, great job voting! There were so many top voted that I just took all nineteen, take a look in Headlines of the Week. Even with all the great headlines and great voting, there are still more that deserve extra recognition - here are just a few! WA father claims that he accidentally shot his son repeatedly with flaming balls from a "fireworks gun" in a "safety lesson" that went accidentally awry. His 6-year-old son tells a different, more believable, and frankly better-constructed story With typical British understatement, UK police say the mysterious object that forced the closure of a major highway today was a trash bag full of "possibly hydrochloric acid" and they are "keeping an open mind as to how the object was left there" Good: Powerball winner says money won't change his heart. Bad: Pedophile Alexa, send me all the crackers News: Maria destroys Caribbean islands, strips them of vegetation. CNN: "US mainland not out of the woods yet" Mother and son hide in bedroom and call cops as half naked burglar breaks into their Oklahoma home. "No, we don't know where his clothes are. We've been locked in this room" SPORTS - a few gems, but lots of room for competition. The top three are in the Headlines of the Week, and here is one more fun headline from Sports. There is one solution to the sorry state of NFL football: Legalize Holding. Hey, no one said it was a GOOD solution GEEK - this tab is consistently one of the best, both for great headlines and for the stories. Our submitters find fantastic stories we're just not seeing anywhere else on social media. Do yourself a favor and come hang out on the Geek tab. Top vote-getters in Headlines of the Week, here are a couple more that deserve a second laugh. All staff safe and sound at Arecibo telescope but antenna badly damaged. Fortunately we still have 25,000 years to tell the backup to turn the starship around Security researchers discover that hackers breached the popular system cleaning app CCleaner and used it to secretly install malware on users' computers. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish transferring all my vital data onto clay tablets ENTERTAINMENT - we had some great headlines this week, the top vote-getters are in Headlines of the Week, here are a couple more that almost made it. Still room for competition! Shania Twain opens up about her fight with Lyme disease and her husband cheating on her while she fought the disease. On the plus side, she has a new country song POLITICS - we had so many great submissions this week that we're back to taking the top ten for this tab. Here are a few more great headlines that almost made it - Pruitt's EPA: I agree with my mining CEO buddy over here: these farking salmon have had it too easy for too long The White House's senior nuclear weapons expert is A) a Dr. Strangelove caricature; B) a former oil executive; or C) an ordained Zen Buddhist chaplain? Oh, that's actually somewhat comforting Robert Mueller hopes to make Sean Spicer's notebooks the #1 bestseller on Amazon this fall British terror level lowered to, "I say, old chap" China to Trump: yourenothelping.gif BUSINESS - a few gems this week - check out Headlines of the Week for the top vote-getters. Still room for competition! Here is one of the headlines that almost made it to the top. Uber driver helps Lyft driver escape from overturned SUV. This is the only positive Uber news you've heard in months so savor it DISCUSSION We've had tons more submissions to the Discussion tab, and two top vote-getters that have the multi-sentence style, and two that are the more traditional headline. Still lots of room for competition! The discussions are fun (my personal favorite was about where you got your username) but for Headline of the Week it has to be funny. The extra challenge of this tab is to get both. Good luck! Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Changes afoot for online advertising Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-09-18 12:57:45 PM (96 comments) | Permalink ________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: Hey, everyone! Wanted to hit everyone up about some inside baseball stuff - the tl;dr version is now would be a fantastic time to sign up for either BareFark or TotalFark! Things are about to get weird in the ad world. Chrome is about to start blocking autoplay videos - which we're 100% behind, we specifically don't allow those yet somehow they seem to slip through anyhow, perhaps which is why Chrome is about to start blocking them. Safari is about to start blocking third party cookies, something we also support but the ad industry is freaking out about. Neither of these things seem like that big a deal to me long term but - here's the important part - we don't know what impact all this will have on revenues going forward. So! Now would be a great time to sign up for either BareFark or TotalFark! You can also sign up friends as well! And if you do I owe you a huge debt of gratitude - without our subscribers Fark wouldn't even exist! ________________________ We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter. ________________________ Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Emmy - 105 ESPN - 403 Jemele Hill - 73 Boobs - 373 Bacon - 397 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: fusillade762 found a school that sucks more than Duke ox45tallboy described how Martin Shkreli will affect jail OdradekRex tried to look on the bright side of a horrible situation gilgigamesh summed up a woman's claim that she didn't mean to shoot someone real_headhoncho knew who else allied with Hitler ralphjr shared where Hitler hid out after faking his death cranked explained why a woman had to defend herself against a homeless man Farking Clown Shoes measures fries in number rather than mass Boo_Guy posted an update on the studman69 image Boo_Guy helpfully showed the bear that 40 percent of adults sleep with Smart: Bloody William discussed differences between how black and white children are treated by police gilgigamesh wondered if a black teen would have been described as a "young child" TommyDeuce thought a teen who was kicked out of class had a legal case scottydoesntknow noticed strange behavior for someone frightened for her life real_headhoncho knew who else allied with Hitler gilgigamesh summed up a woman's claim that she didn't mean to shoot someone Relatively Obscure disagreed with another Farker's statement Weaver95 pointed out what might make a person worry about certain things Farking Clown Shoes measures fries in number rather than mass Pocket Ninja really likes social media TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: Al_Ed wrote a song celebrating the loss of another TotalFarker's virginity Smart: Prevailing Wind discussed the idea of a holiday for 9/11 Funny: sarahthustra explained why Chinese food isn't sold as gourmet food in the U.S. CSB Sunday Morning: Your classic TV Smart: For the Praise Cheesus family, "The Lawrence Welk Show" was a way of life Smart: Tom_Slick and family all got together for popcorn and "The Wonderful World of Disney" Funny: HighlanderRPI showed us some of the sexy stuff people used to fap to CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: mod_reright shared a reaction to Ted Cruz liking a questionable tweet uncleacid considered what might have been in Osama Bin Laden's stash naughtyrev heard some rumors about Alex Jones Marcus Aurelius figured out what an NPR headline was hinting at (it's since been fixed) iron de havilland reacted to wise words from President Trump Politics Smart: FlashHarry revealed Trump's decision making process scottydoesntknow thought we'd already agreed about Nazis Dusk-You-n-Me decided which 9/11 monuments liberals will want to get rid of FormlessOne discussed Trump's reasons for working with Democrats Benevolent Misanthrope described how Trump would handle Congress condemning Nazis Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: FarkingIceHole made breakfast for the alt-right Herb Utsmelz showed that you shouldn't just choose the lowest price sometimes ionthrust advertised an exciting new Broadway play retrophil found a cereal for the little rascal in your life Circusdog320 showed some guys on a bad career path maxandgrinch created a line of Big Lebowski-themed cereals Iggie moved on up to a nutritious breakfast verchad took product placement too far RedZoneTuba scavenged a delicious breakfast WaitForIt showed us a record that will never be broken Farktography: orionid won Farktography Contest No. 645: "In Memoriam: Night Skies, Landscapes, & Abandoned Places" with Eta Aquarids over Acadia. This contest was in memory of soosh, who was part of the Farktography community from almost the very beginning. Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, September 30th: Houston Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thanks to all our submitters, and thanks to all who voted for Headline of the Week! Go to Fark's Headlines of the Week to see the top voted, and read here in the Fark NotNewsletter for more great headlines! MAIN - the top ten voted were awesome - and there were so many others that it was really hard to choose which others to highlight here in the NotNewsletter. Here are just a few! So they held a beer festival at a zoo and the bobcat got loose and it wasn't even a Fark party Members of 'uncontacted' tribe reportedly murdered by gold miners in Amazon. On the bright side, at least their remains are eligible for free next-day shipping "Another bear sighting in SE Iowa: Can Goldilocks be far behind?", asks TV station not familiar with the chronological order of the story Ever wonder why you won't find a 7- Eleven store in Alabama? Here's the reason anyway Look, we get it, Florida. You have nothing else to show us, right? Oh, wait, here are two guys who tried to steal a power pole SPORTS - this tab had a lot of funny headlines this week! Good job submitters!! Here are a few more that didn't make the top voted - Packers to Seahawks: Our twelfth man is the refs Not news: Pulling over to avoid an ambulance. News: Ambulance pulling over to avoid an accident. Fark: ...on a NASCAR track. UltraFark: ...and failing Hurricanes are attacking, wild fires are burning, and the Buffalo Bills are leading the AFC East GEEK - is consistently amazing. I grabbed the top ten again the week for HotW - and here are a few more Bacteria on ISS change shape to survive antibiotics. Does this make anyone else nervous? Saturn Cassini probe's last words: LEROOOOOY JENKINS Phrenology is back in vogue. This article has the brainpan of a stage coach tilter ENTERTAINMENT - this tab was fantastic this week - so great that I grabbed the top ten instead of just the top three for HotW - and here are a couple more great ones "Corinne's affair with a Jesuit priest, her subsequent pregnancy as a result, and later exorcism, are all unacceptable." Confused? You won't be after reading this link about Soap Kristen Bell cheers up kids in an Irma shelter with Frozen songs. How about Riders on the Storm by the Doors? Or Hurricane by Bob Dylan? POLITICS - the politics tab has just gotten better and better recently! Keep 'em coming! Here are a few that didn't make the top ten but are still great! Trump: "We're fairly close on a DACA deal" as Trump walks back the walk back of the previous walk back. Even Michael Jackson did less moonwalking Sadly SandersCare is nothing but cheap politics and magic math with unicorns dancing on top of the fluffy cake Headline you should never read while eating: "Ted Cruz Defends Dildos on CNN". THIS is why you put your phone away at the table (Not safe for work) BUSINESS - take a look at Fark's Headlines of the Week for the top three, there was room for more competition this week! DISCUSSION - for the past few weeks I've been grabbing the top funniest multi-sentence headlines and the top short, more traditional headlines - this week there were just a handful of funny ones. There were three top voted of each type this week - check out Fark's Headlines of the Week to see them. If you want greenlights and HotW candidates, the Discussion tab has room for competition! Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Equifax and the big mean hackers Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-09-11 12:27:29 PM (61 comments) | Permalink Last week, we discovered that one of the major credit bureaus is about as good at keeping your information - which you never gave them permission to possess in the first place - as secure as The Club keeps your car. So they set up a pretty exciting website where you get to plug in some of your information and, depending on secret factors such as the alignment of the stars, the direction the wind is blowing, the rotating TOS of the complimentary credit monitoring service, what color underwear you're wearing, and the last thing you ate, it tells you whether or not your information was compromised. Play again and again for different answers. It's fun for the entire family! Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Irma - 2189 Jose - 364 Evacuate - 942 Equifax - 371 Bacon - 356 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: RJReves showed What Hurrican Irma really had planned for Florida Pocket Ninja knew one way in which Trump was sure to help Floridians Magruda shared a surprising illustration of the hurricane naughtyrev shared some feelings about FEMA's attentions jayhawk88 noticed the great plan for a guy who hates Chicago Ivo Shandor shared an alarming note on a restaurant receipt TomFooolery pointed out that a great pizza is available outside of Chicago Mad Scientist shared a comparison of the different hurricane strengths berylman posted a helpful "before" photo of a Florida landmark nekom knew that the Equifax problem would lead to a satisfactory resolution Smart: nekom knew that the Equifax problem would lead to a satisfactory resolution Miss5280 explained how an 11-year-old girl defeated an InfoWars reporter nekom pointed out why Hurricane Harvey by itself didn't prove climate change fragMasterFlash asked Hurricane Irma for a favor Louisiana_Sitar_Club thought a douchebag told a lie that made him look like an even bigger douchebag GooberMcFly explained a dad's way of punishing a babysitter when he caught her sleeping holdmybones was impressed by a level of douchiness BizarreMan had words of comfort for churches that aren't eligible for FEMA funds TuteTibiImperes weighed in on fashion for pregnant women AppleOptionEsc was not impressed by an article criticizing the Red Cross TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Smart: skybreaker posted perhaps the most truthful comment of the week Funny: Roman Fyseek advised a submitter about what to do when interrupted during sexytimes Funny: 433 ruined a band name by changing a single letter (lots of good stuff in this thread) CSB Sunday Morning: Summer's end Smart: vudukungfu shared a romantic story Funny: L.D. Ablotold a story about a mysterious bag CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: soporific accused Trump of some unforgivable actions duppy shared a tweet arguing in favor of deportations scottydoesntknow explained why DACA can't be phased out jbc explained what will happen to Trump when Russia burns him Snapper Carr showed how Obama is feeling about the attack on DACA Politics Smart: blastoh talked about discussing politics with people with opposing viewpoints AdmirableSnackbar thought that some people care more about ideology than outcomes tudorgurl was upset about Trump's plan to end DACA RminusQ argued that racism isn't a point of view FormlessOne agreed with a child's assessment Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: RedZoneTuba had hopes to watch a specific event on television very soon ionthrust revealed the ending of the show "Some Like It Trump" RedZoneTuba made an ad for a very timely movie retrophil created a very depressing reboot of an '80s TV show Herb Utsmelz gave up on finding something to watch Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us the best new TV program Stantz needed a bit of glue for repairs SansNeural showed a girl who's been spending a bit of time at the gym ionthrust made a strong girl's feat even more impressive Circusdog320 isn't a fan of Pat Robertson Farktography: g0ats3x won Farktography Contest No. 644: "Farktography Classic: Sports Photography 2" with a photo of Olympic skiier Leanne Smith Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Beyond Fark We're very sad to have lost two well-known and beloved members of the Fark community: soosh, a Farktographer and host of the weekly Livingston Stapler Company Presents threads, and timujin, a prolific commenter whose login should be familiar to anyone who regularly reads the Fark NotNewsletter. You can read soosh's memorial thread here. You can read timujin's memorial thread here. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) These are the headlines that TotalFarkers voted as the best! Thanks for voting! Vote early, vote often. We're looking mainly for funny - what headline could you tell someone else at the office or in a bar and make them laugh - and we also love smart and creative and fun. Thanks to our submitters, you are all amazing! This week's Fark Headlines of the Week MAIN - check out HotW for the top ten voted headlines. Here are more that almost made it. Vote to make sure *your* favorites get top billing! Man causes $2,000 in damages to 7-Eleven after being told he couldn't use the phone. What did he do, burn it to the ground? The Russian designer of the coal-rolling Admiral Kuznetsov aircraft carrier now works for China, suggesting we may see a whole new generation of Pacific carriers bursting into flames and exploding on their own 11-year-old finds gun, shoots himself. Police say parents need to teach kids to be more careful, point it at other people Grown man gets dumped, and you're reading about this on Fark Night food, outside beer, underwear drunkenness and other foreign concepts that don't exist in English SPORTS - Sports tends to have more straightforward headlines, but there are always a few gems - check out the top voted in HotW and here are are two more great ones! We'd love to see more competition! Here's the new alternate logo for the Seattle Seahawks, and it's looking right at you Antonio Cromartie is a fertility god GEEK - geek has been so fantastic that I had to take the top ten this week - here are a handful more that almost made it as well! Long-range interactions leave a quantum reminder. "Followup" tag in the box. Or not A new genetic marker for schizophrenia discovered that doesn't require tin foil Refrigerator encounters its arch enemy: the free-falling anvil Not content with 2 major hurricanes, raging fires out west, a raving nut job with nukes -- not to mention Kim Jong Un, floods in India, soaring racial tensions and the scourge of man-buns, the sun is sending a storm. Cue Far Side Crisis Clinic comic Cressida and Desdemona are set to have a hot time around Uranus ... and a classic Fark headline pair: Your genes determine whether you love or hate Marmite Your genes don't determine whether you love or hate Marmite ENTERTAINMENT - there were a few gems - check out the top three voted in HotW, here's one more than *almost* made it. If you're looking for more chances on HotW, the field in the Entertainment tab has some great submissions but a lot of room for competition! The Kardashian empire is expanding again. The Federation is on red alert POLITICS - the politics tab was great this week, check out the ten top voted in HotW, here are a few more that *almost* made the top ten Kentucky bears down hard on its last abortion clinic. Burlington Coat Factory braces for impact A 30-foot-high border wall and a 65-foot-high toddler Kasich fondles Schwarzenegger's gerrymander A Fark-based theory may be playing out soon in Belarus God is punishing Americans by hitting America with hurricanes. So God wanted Hillary elected? BUSINESS - the business tab was especially great this week - keep 'em coming! These almost made it, go read HotW to see the ones that got the top votes! Tractor company employees brace for a Deere John letter The EPA is eyeing limits for dicamba, an agricultural chemical linked to crop damage, just as soon as that horse is completely out of the barn Britain's car sales are not all right, in fact there's plenty left Something called a "Tronc" bought something called a "newspaper" for one dollar For anyone in Houston who might need a new car, here's a handy guide on vehicle customer satisfaction DISCUSSION - these links all made it to HotW - there seem to be two fairly distinct styles of discussion headlines, the multi-sentence, multi-question headline, and usual one-line headline. I've recently been taking the top three of both types for HotW. We'd love to see more of both for more competition! The most disturbing people you can sit next to on an airplane, but nothing beats the corpse story By the power of Jennifer Greyskull It's been over 10 years. Are we over it yet? "I believe that was already covered during the trial" and other smart arse answers not covered in the linked article about what to say when the job interviewer asks you to tell them about yourself This week on the Saturday Morning Book Club: What's the most difficult book you've ever read? Bonus points if you actually understood it Will reigns get fed to the inCenarator? Will anyone care of Enzo and Gable? Can subby manage to type this with no typos on his phone? It's your live Raw thread Starting at 8pm eastern on USA Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: There's a party in my pants Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-09-05 11:37:54 AM (54 comments) | Permalink It's September now, and there haven't been any Fark parties since July. August is a crap month, so that's understandable. But now is the perfect time to plan your Fark Party. Maybe you're back in school and want to blow off some steam, maybe your kids are back in school and you want to celebrate, maybe your house is flooded and that ought to be enough to get some Farkers to buy you some drinks, or maybe none of these apply, which is also reason to party. In any case, it's a great time to submit a Fark Party. Pants optional, depending on the venue. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words DACA - 551 Labor Day - 189 Summer - 602 Chemical plant - 199 Bacon - 226 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: MBooda noticed that Texas didn't even get the worst of Hurricane Harvey 7th Son of a 7th Son shared a statement from Joel Osteen to those seeking shelter Catlenfell showed us thoughts and prayers jbc pointed out someone who's more of a Christian than Joel Osteen Madman drummers bummers figured out the trick to getting "Funny" votes on Fark Abe Vigoda's Ghost showed us that one woman indeed looked like a Cabbage Patch doll as a child The Goddamn Batman had a message for the Crying Nazi fusillade762 helpfully captioned a photo of nursing home residents in the flood RomeoEightJuliet showed a hitchhiking hawk's safety concerns Cyrus the Mediocre demonstrated the wrong way to slice bread Smart: FormlessOne explained why a nurse was arrested docpeteyJ commented on the Crying Nazi's lack of self awareness doglover reacted to a judge's ruling that Colorado's sex offender list is unconstitutional netizencain wanted more cops to be held accountable keylock71 hoped for a certain outcome after a nurse was arrested firefly212 listed multiple reasons to fire a police officer thismomentinblackhistory noticed something odd about the penalty when a cop jokes about shooting black people lostcat discussed what it would take for people to trust police officers enry discussed a furniture chain owner's reasons for helping people in Houston Cpl.D thought a Crossfit Nazi got what he deserved TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: myschief gave another Farker a reason to not go to a strip club on a day off Funny: EatenTheSun had bittersweet thoughts as the house was flooding Funny: IvyLady revealed the origins of a TotalFark romance Funny: Huck Chaser asked how another Farker responded to encountering a strange way to use a urinal CSB Sunday Morning: Hyped up Smart: This is a tie between Mr_Fabulous with festival season and fusillade762 with a concert in 1993. buckwebb gets a special mention even without having really told a story because that's a cute grandbabby. Funny: gordian shared what it's like to be a child genius CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: markie_farkie discovered an obscure member of The Village People RJReves made sure nobody missed a comparison of Trump's Harvey response and Obama's Katrina response I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That followed through in a thread about angry white men blastoh shared a confusing warning kevlar51 was saddened by unfair attacks on Trump's actions Politics Smart: BizarreMan advocated a 25th Amendment remedy docpeteyJ had some guesses as to why Sheriff David Clarke resigned Sgt Otter noticed a limit to how much of a Christian nation Mike Pence would like the U.S. to be Walker shared examples of past presidents visiting disaster areas Kevin72 explained why the news media report on Trump's failures Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: RedZoneTuba found our missing socks where no sock has gone before Circusdog320 discovered a surprising component of Saturn's rings manyone revealed the hidden secret of the solar eclipse ionthrust found something more dangerous than rattlesnakes Yammering_Splat_Vector added some hot coronal action Herb Utsmelz earwormed the heck out of this Photoshop contest Surly U. Jest moved a Farker to a more accessible camping spot Stantz transformed this friendly mailbox Vortex Dweller showed a cat that's being disrespected Surly U. Jest did an awesome head swap Farktography: Elsinore won Farktography Contest No. 643: "Green 3" with some pointy water Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend, and we're all ready to get back to work and start sweating the latest impending disaster. Stay safe, Floridians. This week's quiz seemed a little more difficult than usual, so we'll try and tone it down a bit for the next one. Vaginosilicosis took first with 802, followed by MrPleasant in second with 799. OOF brought in third with 795, and rounding out the top 5 were Denjiroin fourth with 792, and Kaiser Bill's Batman making fifth with 782. The hardest question on the Hard Quiz this week was over the highest-grossing animated film franchise internationally. 12% of quiztakers knew that while "Ice Age" has done respectably domestically (not quite the smash hits that are "Shrek" and "Toy Story," though), It has done better than the others internationally. This may be due to the fact that it is more based on physical comedy and sight gags (which translate well) rather than the story-based exposition of "Shrek" and "Toy Story" (which is sometimes hard to translate). The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what German thieves had stolen 20 metric tons of. 79% of quiztakers knew that someone had an extreme fondness for Nutella. I'm guessing that someone's bikini mud wrestling contest had received a bad batch of mud recently, so decided to improvise after a revolt by the contestants. The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what little critter had just crawled out of Mommy's pouch after about 7 months of mooching about in there like a 20-something in her basement and she finally shut off the Wi-Fi. Only 25% of quiztakers knew that the rare white joey was a koala. For the record, the young of all marsupials (pouched animals) is called a "joey," not just kangaroos. The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over where the last PowerBall winner lived. 85% of quiztakers knew that she had the unfortunate circumstance of living in Massachusetts, one of the highest-taxed (although also one of the highest in quality of life) states in the Union. But when you're up nearly $400 million after taxes, you probably don't let it bother you. A special shout-out goes to I Have a Bo Burnham Gif for That for his help in putting together this week's quiz. If you missed the quiz due to being outdoors and enjoying the last bit of summer, you can take the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Here are a few of the great headlines that didn't quite get the top votes but were still up there. So vote early, vote often! Especially if you think headlines like these should have been at the top! To see the headlines that did get the top votes, look here. MAIN Hobby Lobby is funding the plundering of Palestinian cultural heritage, possibly by digging it up and putting glitter on it It's one of the biggest travel weekends of the year. Let's close a bridge at a choke point If you've got 34 Xanax pills, 29 amphetamine pills, 96 Oxycodone pills, 3 bags of MDMA, 6 bags of meth, 68 bottles of steroids, 3 bags of ketamine, 2 vials of ketamine, a bag of shrooms and 700 ecstasy tablets, a killer robot almost seems reasonable Do you want to greet a loved one at the airport gate, like pre-9/11 days? Bad enough to pick them up in Pittsburgh? Woman (70 years old) fined for falling asleep at the wheel and clipping a guardrail. Her goats were fine, by the way Don't have a Wells Fargo account? Are you sure? Philosophical questions for the modern age: Could you still be busted for drunk-driving even if you were "driving" a driverless car? Maybe. What about if you were standing on the roof? Definitely SPORTS You're not going to believe this, but the NFL might've screwed up their handling of the Ezekial Elliot investigation and hidden a few things GEEK Stop. You had me at "rocket-powered ninja swords" Ad astra per aqua The rise and fall of the Romans can be charted in their lead plumbing. It's Pb without the jelly ENTERTAINMENT Apparently Matt Damon's is five inches most of the time Half Chinese actress changed her last name from Wang to Bennet and got more work because Hollywood is either A) racist - or B) doesn't like wang in their movies POLITICS Casting call for next season of top reality show getting huge turnout Trump praises crowd at Phoenix rally as a "packed house." Trump also fired long time staffer because attendance at said rally was sparse. Discuss Back off NAFTA or this fetus gets it BUSINESS "You can buy this great 'USA' hat in my online store for only $40. Walmart: "Hold my beer" Houston's housing market is expected to go through the roof. And the walls. And the floorboards. And you may need some new carpeting DISCUSSION These headlines made it to HotW - I'm continuing to take the top three weekly thread discussion headlines and the top three regular headlines. When Starlight Glimmer and Trixie visit Thorax, they meet his brother Pharynx, who is grateful you're no longer watching it for the Abdomen. It's My Little Pony - To Change a Changeling, Saturday on Discovery Family at 11:30am ET New Comics (8/30): Secret Empire mercifully ends, Darkseid gives us an upskirt shot, Mace Windu finally gets his own motherfarking comic, Moneypenny gets out from behind the desk, and Hawkeye hunts the most dangerous game....Hawkeye I have no idea what you're singing about, so here's YATTA because it's been awhile My office finally started blocking Fark. I'm stuck using my phone to communicate with you people. You're so tiny now Wait .... so you're saying there were no great whites swimming on I-45, 20 ft gators on I-10 and ANTIFA shooting at the mighty Cajun Navy? Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Harvey updates Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-08-28 1:00:37 PM (66 comments) | Permalink Some of you are still dealing with Hurricane/tropical storm Harvey. Our thoughts are with you, and we hope you're safe. Please check in when you can, and remember that Farkers have been able to help each other out during similar circumstances in the past. Feel free to reach out in the NotNewsletter thread or any Harvey thread if you need help getting through this. CatherineM posted a comment explaining things that "non-Houstonians need to understand" about what they're dealing with right now. Please note that while this comment is in a TotalFark thread which normally wouldn't be accessible to non-TotalFarkers, we've made it so that anyone with a Fark account can view this thread for a couple of days, but you must be logged into your Fark account to see it. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Hurricane - 1590 Harvey - 728 Flood - 912 Joe Arpaio - 789 Sebastian Gorka - 306 Bacon - 257 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funniest: Tymast reacted to the USS John S. McCain collision Conservative Humor was having a bad day SmackLT gave advice to someone who was nervous about Hurricane Harvey 12349876 had a book recommendation bearded clamorer showed a hawk reacting to a cab driver's home naughtyrev explained why a gay man wasn't allowed to adopt cats Russ1642 found Butthead's lookalike Mike_LowELL was jealous of white supremacists derpes_simplex helped out with a currency conversion Louisiana_Sitar_Club showed the possible results of surgery to look like Ivanka Trump Smartest: SmackLT gave advice to someone who was nervous about Hurricane Harvey ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha shared what Johnny Cash's children said about the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville fusillade762 discussed people who post their violent intentions on social media Marcus Aurelius suggested more surgeries for a woman trying to look like Ivanka Trump enry expanded on some advice to college students fusillade762 commented on the charges against a white supremacist who shot into a crowd of counter-protesters Target Builder had a question about another Navy ship collision Serious Black thought there was a problem with American police ecmoRandomNumbers suggested a way to get people to trust the police gilgigamesh described seeing people being jerks in a museum CSB Sunday Morning: Chicken Fried Steak Smartest: Praise Cheesus told a story about cooking an exotic delicacy Funniest: Ker_Thwap found a way to say something nice rather than not saying anything at all CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funniest: Non Sequitur Man reacted to news that Mueller subpoenaed some law firms mjjt shared a comment from a visitor to Scott Adams' blog blastoh showed us what a destroyed monument might look like Nina_Hartley's_Ass explained why Donald Trump complains so much PainInTheASP had a message for Stormfronters Politics Smartest: King Something pointed out something Scott Adams will never figure out I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That reacted to Trump pardoning Arpaio jwa007 voiced some opinions about Fox News Relatively Obscure suggested a response to someone's reasons for supporting Trump scottydoesntknow made some observations about the good old days Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: ionthrust taught us something about mushrooms Iggie found a replacement monument that many fans of the Confederacy would be happy with Herb Utsmelz aimed to pacify those who want to keep Confederate monuments DiggidyDan showed someone who would rather put the Confederate monuments in a museum retrophil provided a very good reason to exit the freeway Yammering_Splat_Vector added some motivation to take the next off-ramp retrophil added incentive to just take the next exit already whitebelly created the ugliest dog ever StainedGlassRuby wanted a monument to science bitches Don_cos posted some helpful warnings Farktography: Linguine won Farktography Contest No. 642: "Farkitecture 2" with a mighty mighty brick house Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thanks for voting for Headline of the Week! Remember to vote early, vote often. The best time to vote is when you a headline really stands out for you - remember to vote for it! We're looking most of all for funny - but also headlines that just really grab you, or are a fantastic creative twist. Thanks to all our submitters!! We have a lot of great headlines and not all of the great ones get the most votes, so I wanted to highlight a few of the headlines that didn't quite make the top 10 (for Main) or the top three (for the rest of the tabs). Here are some of the best that *didn't* make it - if you like these better than the ones that were chosen, make sure to keep that in mind and vote your favorites during the week, and make *your* favorites rise to the top! MAIN And if anybody should object to this union, let him speak now....I didn't mean you, Harvey £13.40 for a pint is the most London thing ever. Of course it's an IPA, but you knew that already The most foul, revolting assault on humanity is already upon us, mere days before Labor Day weekend. And no, it has nothing to do with politics. It. Must. Be. Stopped As we appear to have run out of other news, a passenger on a BA flight was charged double for 'strong tea' For the last time, pal - breaking into the church to get naked and drink the sacramental wine night is Tuesday, not Monday First bourbon, then pizza, now spaghetti sauce covers a highway in third Arkansas food spill in as many weeks. Golden Corral plans to open new restaurant in the same place SPORTS In alarming news out of Canada, half the country calls kickball "soccer baseball" The latest thing ruining football fandom is: A) Concussion studies; B) The Dallas Cowboys; C) Fantasy football GEEK A Thorium reactor has just been started. Hans Martin Djupvik glances around nervously First around-the-world telegram (stop) sent on this day (stop) in 1911 (stop) ENTERTAINMENT Eleanor Rigby, died in the church, and was buried along with her name, nobody came... until now when some lucky Beatles' fan can buy her grave for probably around $3,000 POLITICS Politics headlines were still plentiful this week but the majority were Trump-centric. This seems to reflect the entirety of news coverage out in the larger internet, but we'd love more variety. Here are a few of the top voted that didn't make the top three. U.S. Defense Secretary: "Russia is trying to redraw borders by force." All of the Kremlin: "...And?" Oh man, that's right. He's been on vacation this whole damn time So, yeah Trump's poll numbers are in the toilet, but that's only because we haven't fixed the thing that lets chicks vote yet Trump supporters circulate photo of Phoenix rally crowds. Apparently forget that the internet exists, and is forever Ann Coulter may be the first to have to choose sides and go with either Trump or Bannon. It's like Kramer vs Kramer but with racists BUSINESS Having forgotten how stock market and real estate crashes happen, middle class Americans go on a bitcoin buying binge DISCUSSION There seem to be two main types of discussion headlines. First, the usual Fark-style humor, and second, the Live discussion threads that usually have a multi-question or conversational style. Both have the possibility to be really fun and funny so this week I'm listing the top three of both types. And again - we don't get a lot of discussion submissions, so your chances of a greenlight in this tab are a lot higher than in the other tabs. We'd love to see more! Stay calm. We can do this. If we believe, really believe in it, we can bring the sun back. So clap. Clap like your sun depends on it. Official discussion thread (live webcast starts at 11:45am ET) What do you do when your big sister/little sister camping trip is ruined -- aside from burying your dead? It's spooky campfire tale time on My Little Pony - Campfire Tales this Saturday on Discovery Family at 11:30am ET Will Lesnar lose his title? No. Will Nakamura beat Mahal? Yes. Will Rusev come out on top? Yes. Will The Shield defeat Cesaro and Sheamus? Obviously. This is your WWE Summerslam thread, the most predictable card of the year. Action begins at 7pm ET How would Superman kill himself? Difficulty: He can't find any Kryptonite "The British obsession with ketchup has gone too far." That's technically impossible Ms. T has a problem: she's single and in her 20s, and frustrated that her younger sister, whom she's always been academically and athletically superior to, is getting married. Ms. T can't stand losing and wants to know what to do. I pity the fool To see the rest of the Headlines of the Week, check here Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: If you keep doing that, you'll go blind Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-08-21 10:36:50 AM (60 comments) | Permalink Eclipse day is finally here, and no doubt we'll soon be posting some articles on Fark about people who damaged their eyes whilst admiring it. It's like the Medusa of celestial events - enjoy the spectacle, but don't look directly at it or get its blood on you. Or go ahead if you want to, I'm not the boss of you. Indeed, we all answer to the Ferret People. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Eclipse - 1064 Jerry Lewis - 35 Hey lady - 15 Stephen Bannon - 1831 Bacon - 395 Cabbage - 32 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funniest: BumpInTheNight pulled a joke that always results in a bunch of reports to moderators (and the moderators laugh every time) bloobeary had a suggestion for a new name for Jefferson Davis Highway jbc went with the obligatory highway name suggestion Walker explained why Trump would blame both sides when a van ran over people in Barcelona BizarreMan decyphered a confusing acronym Cyberluddite warned of Nazis in the animal kingdom RodneyToady thought a headline about a pizza box was going to end differently Bowen helpfully explained what AirDrop is HairyNevus learned a valuable lesson about keeping your device's sharing settings tight edmo showed what happens when you take up more than one parking space maddog2030 explained why a guy made a game of punching a set bear trap Smartest: Lighting urged people to not take it upon themselves to take down Confederate monuments King Something's views differed slightly from Lighting's scottydoesntknow apparently isn't a paranoid cop what_now sympathized with a police officer who thought someone else's pizza box was calling her a pig bloobeary pointed out that it shouldn't be a surprise when certain actions have consequences August11 explained why not everyone disapproves of protesters destroying Confederate monuments what_now noticed an unusual amount of effort going into an investigation kanesays shared a tweet asking why a terrorist's radicalization hadn't been reported Grand_Moff_Joseph predicted the followup to an article about saving for retirement hubiestubert described white supremacists TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers A few days ago, someone submitted a thread asking what everyone would write a poem called "I care" about. Some TotalFarkers went ahead and wrote poems. A couple of favorites: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat had an angry drunk reply to William Carlos Williams "This Is Just To Say" mikaloyd wrote a poem about TotalFark Discussion CSB Sunday Morning: Picknicking Smartest & Funniest: Recoil Therapy's dog had to be rescued while practicing rescuing the kids CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funniest: MaudlinMutantMollusk summed up what's been happening in the White House hobnail told us what Steve Bannon's plans are now El_Perro's source said that Bannon left for other reasons RJReves pointed out why it's illegal to have sexual relations with Confederate monuments The Third Man knew that Steve Bannon would still have plenty to do Politics Smartest: hubiestubert expanded on Heather Heyer's Facebook post about being outraged holdmybones wanted a victim's name to be known rather than a killer's GardenWeasel proposed a law named for Heather Heyer Non Sequitur Man suggested a replacement statue mutterfark agreed with a white nationalist when he claimed, "I'm not the angry racist they see in that photo" Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: Snubnose found evidence that the Titanic might have been done in by sabotage Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us how fruit works bark_atda_moon proved that Keanu is sad even when he's really high Iggie finally got some peace and quiet RedZoneTuba didn't think the late Helen Thomas would make a good bride retrophil had some colorful diamonds retrophil showed us Elmo's first movie role retrophil revealed what Paul Hogan was actually offering to do for us manyone found nature's Google doodle Yammering_Splat_Vector let us know what "Ghost in the Shell" is really about Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 641: "C is for Cookie" ended in a tie between two gorgeous photos: Linguine's "Colorado River in a canyon" and BecauseISaidSo's "Cascade in the Canyon" Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Boy, that escalated quickly Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-08-15 11:43:46 AM, edited 2017-08-15 12:01:57 PM (74 comments) | Permalink Well, last week sure was a total crapfest. It started out with outrage over some Googler's memo and things only went downhill from there. Can things go downhill and escalate at the same time? I guess so, because somehow they did. On an unrelated note, the Fark Party submission form has been simplified. Submitting Fark Parties is way easier now. We got rid of the whole awkward mess of "pick a location" screens, and replaced it with a simple "venue name and address" pair of lines. So go ahead and submit a Fark Party. They're a great way to meet new people, and, being Farkers, you show up already having something in common. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Fire and fury - 148 North Korea - 1461 Guam -608 Charlottesville - 788 Bacon - 261 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funniest: The_Y2P_Problem translated things for people who wait until the book becomes a movie Mr. Coffee Nerves explained the origins of a ruling in Alabama that a law barring teacher-student sex is unconstitutional Dubwise shared a tweet about the white nationalist rally duppy explained what was happening in a photo of white nationalists Richard Freckle shared some bathroom banter debug spotted the ghost of Ned Stark in an episode of "Game of Thrones" Chariset explained why people aren't calling attacks "radical white male conservative terrorism" eKonk shared the Google memo writer's side of the story JesusIsNowBlind unwisely accepted a dare hinten shared some tweets about gender stereotypes Smartest: Grand_Moff_Joseph thought that there was a double standard in police response to gatherings Chariset explained why people aren't calling attacks "radical white male conservative terrorism" blastoh asked why a certain phrase wasn't being used Pocket Ninja explained white supremacists WilderKWight posted a comparison of a couple of flags LordZorch isn't interested in going to a vegan restaurant thismomentinblackhistory shared a tweet about a photo of white nationalists rooftop235 was upset about a vegan restaurant's "man tax" AdmirableSnackbar reacted to a police officer wanting to have a boxing match with a gym owner ralphjr compared two racist crowds TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: GrahamManning commented on Donald Trump's competency Smart: Mrs.Sharpier answered the question, "Are you hot or not?" Funny: Timanous explained how a Farker's hand was cut while changing a tire CSB Sunday Morning: Your nemesis Smartest: Man_Without_A_Hat shared his dad's instructions on dealing with a bully Funniest:Lizara is in a fight to the death with a sibling Politics Funniest: Epoch_Zero shared a fact about Voyager 1 JustToLetYouKnowFriend showed that all Trump's signature is missing is a bunch of eyes dv-ous made an unsettling discovery about "generic white guys" I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That continued to live up to the Fark handle Grungehamster begged Vox for help Politics Smartest: Confabulat was in favor of damaging Trump kronicfeld was impressed by one of Donald Trump's tweets scottydoesntknow wanted to be sure everyone noticed a note about an article's author mongbiohazard admired Mueller's competency naughtyrev suspected that Trump was being dishonest Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: ionthrust gave a biker chick a bunch of lively friends RedZoneTuba showed a panda getting some takeout Herb Utsmelz upgraded a television set Surly U. Jest gave Putin something he's been missing RedZoneTuba redesigned a Fleetwood Mac album cover zeon made a pretty cool tunnel retrophil showed this hippie what It was missing maxandgrinch made the most of this fighter's cool moves ionthrust helped Totoro stay dry Iggie found a passionate pianist ionthrust discovered a tricky tunnel Farktography: orionid won Farktography Contest No. 640: "Zootography" with "A Face Only a Mother Could Love" If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Fark's Headlines of the Week just posted on the main page earlier today, but we're including more great headlines from the last week in the Fark NotNewsletter. There are a lot of fantastic headlines submitted each week that don't quite make the cut! Votes determine the top ten headlines in Main and Politics and the top three in the rest of the tabs. Vote early, vote often to make sure the headlines *you* like most are the ones that get recognized! Actual Headlines of the Week here! Headlines that *almost* made the cut here: MAIN You can walk to work or you can take the subway. If you try to do both you're going to cause trouble Christian Millau, the godfather of the Nouvelle Cuisine movement, dead at the age of 88. Will be buried in an oversized white coffin with a single orchid Earthquake, tsunami, nuclear meltdown and now unexploded WWII bomb. If we get Godzilla next then I win Fukushima Bingo Don't you hate it when you're jogging and someone doesn't move out of your way? So does this guy Dallas mother demands that solar eclipse 2017 event be moved to the school holidays - "Did this lady just ask to reschedule the sun?" SPORTS Meh: Estonian soccer team scores 15 seconds into the match. Fark: Without touching the ball. In other news, the Patriots figure they're good to score this way four times against the Jets this year GEEK 100-year-old Antarctic fruitcake found in 'excellent condition' and ready to be regifted ENTERTAINMENT Stephen Lang won't let something as trivial as being dead prevent him from being in the Avatar sequels Game Of Thrones' battles are historically realistic. Apart from the dragons, of course POLITICS Madlibs, Brexit Edition: ___________ industry worth _______ to the UK economy is looking to relocate to ___________ Close now counts for horseshoes, hand grenades, and ISPs OK, A) the State Department isn't in charge of the military, and B) "pre-emptive," by definition, requires surprise Trump admin shuts down the burdensome regulation of testing truck drivers and train conductors for sleep apnea, because the free market will decide whether we need alert drivers on our roads Today the DOJ announced a new initiative to...I can't even bear to look...*peeks between fingers* set guidelines on what forensic examiners can say about the accuracy and reliability of their tests to eliminate "Junk science" testimony? Oh, carry on BUSINESS Lobstermen Unionize. Meanwhile, Avengers still freelancing, JLA still trying to organize, and Defenders just haven't got their shiat together yet DISCUSSION It's getting a bit weird in the Saturday Morning Book Club today. What's the weirdest thing you've ever read ... and would you recommend it? Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can become a TotalFarker here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Why Fark uses weird source icons for CNN links Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-08-07 12:48:58 PM, edited 2017-08-07 3:44:43 PM (98 comments) | Permalink ________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: Question of the Week: Why Does Fark Not Use CNN's Logo For CNN Links? Fark history is basically just a long string of one weird anecdote after another. About three years ago, we replaced CNN's logo with a series of homebrew meme images. Here's the backstory. It comes as no shock to regular Fark readers that Fark is regularly used as a resource by pretty much every morning radio show, late night talk show, and weird news podcast/video whatever, you name it. Which is great; we love it! The trouble is, Fark rarely gets mentioned on these shows, which is unfortunate because it helps Fark out tons to get publicity - with the major exception of NPR'"s Wait Wait Don't Tell Me," who has been awesome mentioning us on a regular basis since the show started. To all you folks out there who work on these shows - no one minds that you say you saw stories on Fark, especially me! Tell everyone! Over the years, we've had weird issues crop up with mainstream media TV shows. For example, about 10 years ago, "Best Week Ever" had a website where they were straight up lifting Fark taglines and articles verbatim without attribution. I contacted "Best Week Ever" about this, and they immediately scrubbed their website (but not before we made a backup copy) - which wasn't at all what I wanted! I would have much preferred they kept using Fark material but mention us in the process. I was hoping for a partnership of some kind, but so it goes. So here's what happened to the CNN logo. Waaaaay back in 2014, CNN started a show called "It's Not News," which was pretty much all weird news stuff. I don't ever claim that Fark has domain over all weird/offbeat news by a longshot, but "It's Not News, It's Fark.com" happens to be one of our slogans and that was a bit close. So I contacted them, not to ask them to change anything, but to ask if maybe we could get a Fark segment or a shout out or something on the show. Or help them out some other way. A little cross-pollination of audiences never hurts. Anyhow, apparently the inquiry got punted to CNN's legal department, which angrily wrote back and said they were going to scrap the show completely - which was not what I was asking for! CNN Legal also seemed a bit vindictive in their response, probably because they mistakenly thought Fark was forcing them to scrap the show or something, and as a parting shot they demanded Fark stop using the CNN logo. Why? No idea, pretty much every other news site out there demands that we do use their logos. But fine. We complied. I figured at some point someone else at CNN Corporate would notice and ask around about their logo having gone missing, because I'd bet the farm that CNN Legal didn't ask CNN Corporate before demanding Fark take down their logo. This has happened dozens of times before with other networks as it turns out, overzealous attorneys demand we remove a logo, we comply, then corporate contacts us to ask what happened to the logo. But we're three years in at this point, so I guess they're not going to ask us to put their logo back. I suspect CNN Corporate probably has no idea all this went down in the first place. However it did give us the opportunity to use our nifty "Missing Plane Network" and "Don Lemon Party" logos among others, which was nice. So that's what happened to the CNN logo. And on that note, if anyone would like to submit a replacement CNN logo for future use, Fark logos are 154x54 in size. Feel free to send some in! And we'll be sure to give you a shout-out for it! ________________________ We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter. ________________________ So that's the full story of our weird CNN source tags. Do you have a website that we link to that needs a proper tag? Here's how to submit your source icon to Fark. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Local milk people - 49 Cosmopolitan bias - 52 Bacon - 336 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funniest: bearded clamorer figured out the Fark-related origins of another Farker's butt tattoo HawgWild shared a positive observation about Martin Shkreli Psychopusher had an idea of the location of a hedgehog nekom figured something out about the Canadian court system redmid17 explained the popularity of "shipping" among fandom Dimensio lamented body cameras on police officers Ron Vibbentrop shared a thought about monsters under the bed davidphogan was upset about a heatwave in Portland, Oregon Gordon Bennett shared a case of mistaken identity fusillade762 noticed that a problem on a Facebook page seemed familiar Smartest: HawgWild shared a positive observation about Martin Shkreli NutWrench explained why a statute of limitations should not have run out NutWrench thought the writer of an article was wrong about some guy's essay about his curvy wife netizencain noted a lack of perspective at the NYPD UberDave defended Pizza Hut SpaceyCat argued in favor of certain dumbassery Munden explained the precedent that decided a court case hubiestubert had advice for someone who's bothered by tattoos sithon thought some information was missing from an article holdmybones thought that derailing a bioterrorism response drill didn't make someone the hero she imagined it did TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: JerseyTim got a new kitchen tool and did a little research Funny & Smart: CommieTaoist shared something deeply personal Funny: EggFool noticed what another Farker was driven to CSB Sunday Morning: Signs Smartest: tenalquot had a crush on a married woman Funniest: L.D. Ablo disappointed Officer Andy Politics Funniest: kronicfeld told us what Scaramucci will be doing now mrshowrules was sad that Scaramucci missed out on an essential experience carkiller was affected by Scaramucci's departure WalkingCarpet noticed a lack of chaos in the Trump administration Etchy333 shared a political cartoon Politics Smartest: TommyDeuce took a guess at why Scaramucci had to leave NeedlesslyCanadian thought there was one main reason behind Trump's actions Ambivalence tried to explain things to Tomi Lahren Marcus Aurelius figured out why people complain that Mueller has conflicts of interest Hobodeluxe imagined what would have happened if Obama had called the White House "a real dump" Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: Yammering_Splat_Vector found that the fire department doesn't just use dalmatians ionthrust found Monorail Cat's cousin Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what a real mushroom cloud looks like zeon made this fellow a little taller Driver ordered the ACME Coyote Launcher FarkingIceHole heard you like archers Wrongo gave this train somewhere to go ionthrust created a morphing cubeball Alligator showed that even firefighting is automated nowadays Yammering_Splat_Vector can now travel through spacetime StainedGlassRuby really likes stained glass Farktography: CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 639: "Fire Hydrants" with a well-hydrated hydrant If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Headlines of the Week! Thanks for voting! Note that there are ten Politics headlines instead of three this week - we're getting so many politics submissions that it's only fair that more Politics headlines get noticed. Voting for the funniest / cleverest / Fark-worthy headlines regardless of the story is especially important here because it's easy to just vote for headlines you agree with. Here are a few of the headlines that *didn't* make it to the top - there's a lot of good ones that get overlooked. Make sure you vote for the headlines you like when you see them! Funniest, cleverest, makes you laugh, makes it Fark - we want to highlight the best headlines, not just the headlines for stories you like. Thank you again! Vote early, vote often :) MAIN Secret spy radio station, that no one admits operating, still transmits from somewhere inside Russia. Set your shortwave radio to 4625 kHz and your Putin Magic Decider badge to "A=A" and copy the secret message sent by Vlad, himself SPORTS Dropped ball leads to Cubs World Series ring for Steve Bartman. Also the plot of upcoming Rookie of the Year sequel GEEK The worst whiskies in the world. "With tasting notes including acryllic paint, burnt tree and wet cardboard, lovers of a good dram should steer well clear" (possible Not safe for work content on page) ENTERTAINMENT If each state were a Game of Thrones character. California is Tommen Baratheon: Blond and easily duped, powerful but clumsy, impressed by boobs and wacky religions POLITICS Progressive darling and former congressman, Alan Grayson (D) achieves level 21 chaotic evil by bankrupting his ex-wife and evicting her and their kids. Lolth approves Putin turns in three cards. Reinforces Belarus. NATO flips table BUSINESS In the wake of their sexual assault and sexual harassment scandals, Uber's board forced out Travis Kalanick and decided it was time for a female CEO. After months of searching, their shortlist is now down to these three men DISCUSSION Aside from a smug sense of superiority and far too many hops, what does it mean to be a craft beer? Also, here are six craft beers to try this month And here are some of the headlines that did make it: Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-07-30 to Sat 2017-08-05: MAIN "Ladies and Gentlemen, update from the flight deck. That 'whoosh' sound you may have heard was the North Korean ICBM that just detonated a few minutes behind us" SPORTS Jon Jones reclaims UFC title, returns to Mars to continue manhunting GEEK Scientists discover unknown virus in 'throwaway' DNA. No mention of tissues or socks ENTERTAINMENT Sofia Vergara poses completely nude for Women's Health and Millie Vanilli Chilli Willie because you're not reading this anymore. Not safe for church POLITICS The National Security Council has a job opening for somebody better than Ezra BUSINESS Growing trend of "curse-free" pubs in England is not going over well. "Golly gee, this misguided idea has really made me quite upset and unable to express myself in the preferred fashion of which I'm accustomed to," said one customer DISCUSSION Let's Get Graphic: 100 Favorite Comics And Graphic Novels by NPR. Rampant Tree Huggers to the Left, Personal Opinion that you formed Ten Years Ago to the Right Here are the rest of the Fark Headlines of The Week for Sun 2017-07-30 to Sat 2017-08-05 · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Priebus goes where? Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-07-31 1:28:06 PM (62 comments) | Permalink Things have been pretty chaotic lately, making it hard to tell what changes are in store for us. On Monday, we were told we were losing something we didn't know we loved until it was going away. We prepared to say goodbye, then celebrated when the powers that be changed their minds. Let this be a lesson to us all to appreciate the things we have, because they can be gone in the blink of an eye. ________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: Well, it's August - the time of year when most East Coast folks go on family vacations. Not here in Kentucky though, school starts in a week and a half. I think it's because they're padding the schedule in anticipation of snow days, but I'm not sure. At any rate, a few Farkers have dropped into Kentucky this summer for a beer or two. As a result, I've recently been thinking about all the weird attractions we have in the state. Not only do we have dozens of bourbon distilleries and horse farms, but we've also got Abraham Lincoln's fake birthplace, a Wigwam Motel, a life-sized plastic dinosaur zoo, caves, and a 200-year-old monastery. Among other weird things. I've been wondering, what weird roadside attractions exist in other states? Feel free to mention some in the comments section for the NotNewsletter. ________________________ We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter. ________________________ Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words MS Paint - 42 Eyebrows - 147 Transgender - 1234 Pickle - 326 Bacon - 479 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funniest: RomeoEightJuliet isn't saying that Minneapolis cops are jumpy, but... Ant defended a group of police officers nekom is way more intellectual than you are Earguy liked the idea of Snopes merging with another website whidbey reacted to an article about a company implanting microchips in employees Mike_LowELL would not put up with silly opinions about "The Simpsons" LordOfThePings showed a representation of jumpy Minneapolis cops RomeoEightJuliet found an expert on how USS Ford's magnetic technology works Mad_Radhu provided an alternative anti-meth poster Short Victoria's War explained what happens to the microchip your employer implants in you after you leave that job Bonus FarkStaff Pick: HoratioGates proposed some distinct spellings of popular culture references to avoid confusion Smartest: mama2tnt liked the signs warning of easily startled police in Minneapolis blastoh fought back against annoyed baby boomers goatleggedfellow commented on an article about child support timujin thought an officer's behavior was out of line Action Replay Nick had some insight into what Charlie Gard's parents are going through Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion thought some warning signs were helpful mgshamster discussed the best way to fight drug addiction Anastacya imagined one outcome of Ken Ham's attempt to avoid paying taxes Barfmaker disagreed with a statement about some questionable shirts that some cops were wearing Doc Daneeka discussed what the internet hath wrought TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: farkingismybusiness comforted a TotalFarker whose depressed spouse was drunk on mouthwash Funny: Adjective Bird Whiskey nearly died Smart: megarian explained why it's important to have a florist deliver arrangements every week CSB Sunday Morning: Take this job and shove it Smartest: docpeteyJ survived a nasty confrontation while working Funniest: GRCooper's sister noped right out Politics Funniest: Cheesehead_Dave shared someone's story about regret markie_farkie shared a tweet that probably had a short self life Clutch2013 had a message for Mitch McConnell Cheesehead_Dave guessed at the reason for Trump's ban of trans people in the military nekom defended Donald Trump Politics Smartest: WalkingCarpet reacted to Trump's transgender ban tweets scottydoesntknow knew another reason for Trump's trans ban danielem1 was upset with John McCain cretinbob saw Donald Trump's decision against trans people going one way markie_farkie smelled a leak Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: doyner said goodbye to MS Paint Yammering_Splat_Vector made a poster for the next Coen Brothers film ionthrust gave us the Hitchcock musical we never knew we needed Wrongo found that MS Paint needed some cheering up ionthrust found a long-lost Monty Python movie RedZoneTuba made Bono into an F-hole (I looked it up and I swear that's what they're called) Surly U. Jest got Buster Keaton's doll a pilot's license Thrakkorzog somehow made this '70s stock photo even worse Surly U. Jest showed us a common sight in Florida Surly U. Jest seemed okay with the idea of losing MS Paint Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 638: "Statuary 2" ended in a three-way between henryhill's nailed person, Ldrtchbrd's lady's backside and Eddie Adams from Torrance's slender man If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thanks for voting! We had an overwhelming winner this week - Well, in Washington they say - that the McCain's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of healthcare came through, and the McCain found the strength of *ten* McCains, plus two We have so many good headlines though that don't make it to the top, so I pulled one or two extra from each tab to show in the NotNewsletter. Enjoy! Discussion Fark knew it all along Business Netflix takes out $750M line of credit to expand-- did they mean by purchasing Trader Joe's? Otherwise, Bezos is going to wipe them out by selling both the videos and the snacks. It's a new game, people Politics Trump may be able to fire Sessions without actually firing Sessions by pulling a double switch. We wouldn't be having this discussion if the Executive Branch would just adopt the designated hitter already John McCain: Now you run on home to your constituents, and tell them... tell them everything's all right. And there aren't any more repeal bills in the valley. *gets on his horse and rides back to AZ* Entertainment Gene Simmons laments that "generations" of music fans won't pay for music. Translation: Nobody wants to buy new KISS albums anymore Geek The next step in the search for aliens is a huge telescope and a ton of math Sports With less than a week before the MLB trade deadline, a look at why teams sometimes go crazy in the last week of July, and why sometimes, going crazy works Main Regular alcohol consumption could cut diabetes risk. Difficulty: moderation "Robots definitely don't have to look human in order to be sexual." Fine, furries, you win this round The rest of the Fark Headlines of the Week are here. · · ·
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