________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone hope your week has been well.

This week's news meta started out heavily slanted toward weird news, but as of Wednesday afternoon, all the air got sucked out of the news cycle by politics stuff.  And fires if you live on the west coast.  Stay safe out there.  Don't worry, East Coast, a couple new storm systems popped up in the Atlantic, getting us ever closer to 2020 being the first year that we run out of names for storms.

We're finally loading the last of the new Fark tagline ideas from the TotalFark thread a couple weeks ago, thanks to all who participated. I've got Storm doing it as an after-school project, he just turned 17 by the way if you needed to feel old today.

This Friday during TotalFark Office Hours, we're discussing NotNewsletter email layouts, would love to hear everyone's thoughts and suggestions on that.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
KingOfTown showed how Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is doing since his COVID-19 diagnosis
swankywanky reassured us about a somewhat complicated situation
HighlanderRPI knew how Disney can address the loss of Chadwick Boseman in future Marvel movies
Nadie_AZ realized something upon seeing a woman being arrested for insulting the size of a cop's pants pal
foo monkey was worried about a friend from the internet
Mindlock pointed out that weddingsinger was making assumptions about racing star Miguel Oliveira marrying his stepsister
jbc explained why it's unreasonable to expect people to wear masks in Family Dollar
NikolaiFarkoff gave examples of insults between rival Alabama high schools that got their football game canceled
downstairs praised one of Family Dollar's store policies
Begoggle had a pretty good idea of why Penn State's team doctor initially shared an overestimate of Big Ten athletes with heart conditions from COVID-19

Smart:
capn' fun gave an example of how hard COVID-19 can hit you even if you live through it
FriarReb98 predicted what will happen when more businesses close down
eurotrader was hoping for a lawsuit for false arrest mainly to get a look at the discovery materials
Sin'sHero corrected Mad Scientist's comment about a sensitive cop arresting a woman for insulting him
naughtyrev had an idea on how to begin to replenish a coral bed where some douchebags dropped their yacht's anchor
TWX discussed why social media has become a problem
MycroftHolmes looked at the possible consequences of some idiot nursing a container of Pringles his entire time on a plane to keep from having to wear a mask
Benevolent Misanthrope wrote an advertisement for rural Alaska
Nuuu wrote a commercial for living in the city ... except during a pandemic
capn' fun talked about ways in which COVID-19 is much worse than the flu

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: MissFeasance figured out what went wrong with a compliment
Funny: merrillvillain wanted to know one thing about another Farker's injury (thread includes injury pics, but none are gory)
Smart: We Ate the Necco Wafers cheered up a Farker who creeped out a colleague
Smart: meat0918 named the worst movie that was based on a terrible book
Smart: Beeblebrox voiced an opinion on a drink that's not a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster
Smart: Earguy named a favorite movie musical
Funny: Snaps described life before the invention of the slow cooker

Politics Funny:
markie_farkie argued that you can, in fact, vote twice
thatguyoverthere70 stated the real issue with the ramp leading to the USS NC being covered before Trump's visit
culebra let us know what a woman in the Lake Travis Trump Boat Parade was thinking during a frightening moment
vudukungfu expected Trump's hands to be stronger
nekom remembered back in 1996 when Richard Jewell was suspected of being the Olympic Park bomber

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
west.la.lawyer adapted a sign to celebrate hump day

Politics Smart:
Raoul Eaton figured out how Seattle could save some money
Ker_Thwap discussed some of the dangers in misreading statistics about COVID-19
markie_farkie argued that you can, in fact, vote twice
Chariset looked at blaming deaths on existing conditions rather than on COVID-19
fragMasterFlash examined Trump's DOJ and DHS investigation into "violent left-wing civil unrest"


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba made a horny campaign poster
Thrakkorzog got this robot's circuits firing
#2 was ready to start a movement
RedZoneTuba set a trap
Terrapin Bound picked the low-hanging fruit
kabloink found out how stormtroopers spend their vacations
Circusdog320 discovered a curious obelisk
RedZoneTuba got ticked off
RedZoneTuba encountered the mighty cyrus tree
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us where pugs really come from

Fartist Friday: Happy Accidents - Art projects that came out differently than expected but became Happy Accidents
ruudbob got through a tough time with the help of an accidental demon

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Make musical art by posting a recording of your own music via a YouTube video, showing off a photo of your instruments, or creating and sharing original art featuring musical notes using ONLY MS Paint/Draw-type programs

Farktography: Pandemic Putterings
Circusdog320 caught a fleeing falcon on film

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, with no one being able to come up with an explanation for the Microwave Onion Cooker available at my local redneck supermarket. On the Quiz itself, Oak cae out on top with 1027, followed by coscausticevil who will join him in the 1000 club with a score of 1018. Blackstone made third with 925, abmoraz was right behind in fourth with 924, and runwiz rounded out the top five with 913.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over where to find the Empathy Suite, a custom-designed penthouse that is currently the world's most expensive hotel room at $200,000/night. Only 17% of quiztakers knew you could find this in Las Vegas at the Palms Casino Resort. For comparison, the Royal Suite at the Armani Hotel in Dubai can be had for less than $10,000/night (depending on booking) and the La Paiva Suite in the Maison Souqette in Paris an unbelievable steal at a mere $408/night when I checked this morning. Offer not valid to countries with COVID-19 restrictions still in place.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which former child actor tweeted out congratulations to himself on his 40th birthday, thereby making all of us feel even older than he's feeling. 84% of quiztakers knew that it was Macauly Culkin who had hit the big 4-0 and didn't want us to forget it. But so that you feel a little younger, Jonathan Taylor Thomas is still 39 and Frankie Muniz is an absolute babyish 34.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about "Tasha's Cauldron of Everything". Only 24% of quiztakers knew that this was the title of an upcoming Advanced Dungeons & Dragons supplemental accessory book with new options for character subclasses, group mechanics, and racial traits. Still no infield fly rule, though. Also, Keira Knightly's new AppleTV series is titled "The Essex Serpent", although I'm sure most Farkers would be fine with her in a series called "Tasha's Cauldron of Everything". 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz dealt with where you can find Carole Baskin this fall. 89% of quiztakers knew that she'd be seen on the new season of "Dancing With the Stars", where her dance partner will no doubt unsuccessfully attempt to have sardine oil banned from the set.

If you missed out on last week's quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz right here.

Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week went well.

This week's News Meta has been a little strange.  I'm attributing it to the leftover fatigue from the DNC and RNC respectively, both of which required a lot of news coverage.  As well as Falwell Jr. stories, although I'm pleased to report there have been no new pool boys this week.  My favorite story of the week so far was the guy in the jetpack who buzzed a flight inbound to LAX at 3,000 feet.  Incidentally, I texted Adam Savage, who is an avid Farker, to see if he was doing any test flying in his titanium Iron Man suit.  He said he was in San Francisco at the time and has no idea who jetpack man could even be.  If anyone else has any leads, be sure to let us know.

We've got a Fark news livestream coming up at 5 p.m. Eastern today; I'm still putting it together.  It's science-heavy today, for whatever reason.  Join us at 5 p.m. or feel free to check it out later, we've got all the recent livestreams available in our video section on Twitch.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Nadie_AZ knew which class Liberty University students are most eager to attend this semester
OptionC reminded us what the true definition of "marriage" is
west.la.lawyer knew about a popular elective at Liberty University
maxandgrinch discussed the danger posed by Hurricane Laura
Mr. Coffee Nerves hoped "The Batman" would finally shed some light on a missing plot point
Naido figured there was no audience participation after all
Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar pointed out how silly it would be to write your emergency information on an index card with a Sharpie and put it in a bag in your pocket if you're in the path of a hurricane
Fingerware Error wanted to take a science class at Liberty University
Al Roker's Forecast found a company to sell doughnuts that have been glazed 25 times
whither_apophis noticed something truly amazing during news coverage of Hurricane Laura

Smart:
Nadie_AZ knew which class Liberty University students are most eager to attend this semester
xalres asked people to look at what happened to Jacob Blake from another point of view
luna1580 shared what it's like to go without showering for a while
WilderKWight considered an appropriate way to continue including Black Panther in Marvel movies
EvilEgg pointed out that one celebrity was wearing the "Brokini" style long before these guys came along
OldRod discussed a high school's ridiculous policies
W_Scarlet reminded us to not judge the harmless things that make other people happy
WilderKWight had an idea for addressing T'Challa's death in the next movie
Adolf Oliver Nipples thought that police officers should try looking at things differently
JohnnyApocalypse translated a confusing gamer tweet into English for us

CSB Sunday Morning: Goofy memories
Smart: rickythepenguin went to a lot of trouble to see the Grateful Dead
Funny: Ker_Thwap showed that the rules of basketball are simple and finite. Any sports dad would have known

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: JerseyTim described the frustration of trying to advise a spouse who's failing at "taking care of business"
Smart: Badafuco looked at someone feeling smug about making a wisecrack to the ex while paying child support
Smart: meg12279 discussed parents giving up a child because he or she has cognitive and physical disabilities
Smart: brap shared something beautiful
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village knew the best way to sell your handguns
Funny: unremarkable asterisk wanted to see if Solty Dog's kokeshi tastes good
Funny: merrillvillain forgot what cats are like

Politics Funny:
JulieAzel626 explained why it was actually necessary for a cop to jump up and kick a cooperating man in the back
King Something called a professional to help when the chair of Maryland's delegation to the RNC mentioned two revered "segregationists," Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman
scottydoesntknow had inside information about Jerry Falwell Jr.'s resignation
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That showed that inclines are hard for a lot of people, not just Donald Trump
Martian_Astronomer discovered that the more we learn about Q, the more questions we have

Politics Smart:
growinthings explained why you don't have to worry that people will turn in fraudulent ballots
Circusdog320 gave an example of how voting by mail or drop-off is verified
Codenamechaz pointed out where some of the confusion about "the economy" comes from
Benevolent Misanthrope defended Trump against accusations that he's taking orders from Putin
king of vegas figured out what would give Trump the lowest TV ratings he's ever had


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
kabloink revealed an echo from the past
gaslight heard you like thread badges
Driver refused to reflect on anything
Yammering_Splat_Vector made this chicken a little less frightening, truth be told
kabloink showed that this angry guy has just about had it with this sort of thing
RedZoneTuba figured out what bone spurs actually are
maxandgrinch shared literature about a strong woman who knows what she wants
Herb Utsmelz demonstrated the best thing to do when someone scary tells you to beat it
Yammering_Splat_Vector made things more comfortable for the guy in Driver's Photoshop
Thrakkorzog gave this bird a new play area

Fartist Friday: Create lemony art in honor of "National Lemon Juice Day"
RedZoneTuba showed us that 2020 is just playing a cruel game with us. Be sure to check out the rest of the fun and creative entries.

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake:Show & Tell 3: Happy Accidents. Show us an art project that came out differently than expected but became a Happy Accident. All mediums allowed including art programs.  

Farktography:
kittyhas1000legs won Farktography Contest No. 799: "Animal Kingdom 2" with an adorable singing or screaming or yawning squirrel. Make sure you check out the whole thread, especially if you are fond of animals. 

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another great time on last week's Quiz, where we learned that I am not the only Farker who had cinnamon and sugar together in a shaker when I was younger. On the Quiz itself, technomuse comes out on top with an even 1000 and has the sole password to the 1000 Club Zoom Meeting, where we'll be playing all the movies Drew deemed were just too terrible for the Friday Night Movie Night Twitch stream. 4th Horseman made second with 939, and bud jones took third with 930. TheMothership came in fourth with 907, and Autoerotic Defenestration finished out the top 5 with 903.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was surprisingly over the newest member of the 12-figure club. Only 36% of quiztakers knew that with Facebook's latest stock surge, Mark Zuckerberg is now worth $100 billion. In the meantime, Jeff Bezos last week hit $200 billion a few months after a $65 billion divorce, so Mark needs to step up his game. I'm guessing his publicist is pushing for a sex tape, so look for that soon.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over how British Airways goes about updating the on-board navigational databases of its fleet of 747's. 87% of quiztakers knew that they still used the original system of 3.5" floppies that came with the planes. No word on if they still play Oregon Trail on their monochrome monitors, but I'm guessing the flight engineers have long made use of the convenient push-button cup holders just below the floppy drive.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was a modern pop culture stumper. Only 29% of quiztakers knew that the previous week's debut of "Dynamite" by the K-Pop band BTS had shattered YouTube records for debut viewings, with 3 million concurrent views at the time it went live, and 101 million views in its first 24 hours. By Contrast, "WAP" received "only" 26 million views in its first 24 hours, which is still the record for an all-female collaboration. Perhaps Cardi B should consider pyrotechnics or something in her next video.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about New York City's newest shop dedicated to a single brand of candy. 83% of quiztakers knew that the original "Moon Men" candy became "Sour Patch Kids" in the 1980's for some reason. Probably to associate themselves with the super-popular gross-out Garbage Pail Kids trading cards and Razzie-award-nominated-but-not-winning movie. So thank you to Mondelez International for memorializing this rip-off of a fine cultural touchstone in 80's culture.

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up here. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week went well.

Thanks to all the TotalFarkers who participated in our tab re-organization discussion last Friday.  You had some great suggestions and we're likely going to implement at least one of them.  Stay tuned.  Meanwhile, if you're not currently a TotalFarker and would like to have input on future Fark feature changes, sign up for TotalFark and join us for the next conversation.

The News Meta has been interesting this week.  Last week, coinciding with the start of the DNC, the media cycle became very politics heavy.  This week the trend continues, in fact to the point where there wasn't enough non-political material for us to do a livestream Monday.  There's not a ton today either, however I'm still compiling and maybe we'll do a short one today at 3 p.m. Eastern regardless.  Be sure to catch the Fark News Livestream on our Twitch channel if you can.  

Speaking of the livestream, our start times have been moving around a bit, but our Friday Fark Movie Nights have settled into a consistent 10:30 p.m. start time.  Hopefully that's late enough for west coast Farkers to join us as well.  Hope to see you then!  Look for a stickied link on the main page near start time, as well as an embedded Twitch video player that will appear on the sidebar whenever we're doing the livestream. 
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 

A message from your friendly neighborhood DisseminationMonkey: 

Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of the first Fark Newsletter. It wasn't until the third one that we started calling it the Fark NotNewsletter. There's been one every single week since then, so now I have written... OMFG, this is the 318th Fark (Not)Newsletter that I've written. That's a heck of a lot of notnewslettering. The NotNewsletter has changed a lot over the years, but one thing that hasn't changed is that the Fark community has been wonderful and smart and funny through everything. I'm one lucky monkey to get to call attention to how clever you all are week after week.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
CarnySaur knew what really ruined a wedding in Hawaii
foo monkey explained why it was so wrong to interrupt a wedding that was violating public health measures
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That even has one for Katy Perry's sexual misconduct allegations
ThatGuyFromTheInternet hoped a woman remembered what's important when she decided to put a stop to a wedding
Tanqueray was confused by the news that Notre Dame had to stop holding in-person classes eight days into the semester
Billy Liar reacted to Charlotte Hornets radio announcer John Focke accidentally tweeting a racial slur
fatassbastard showed what Bennie Crabtree was referring to when discussing the decision to close credit accounts on 9/11
Codenamechaz was disappointed enough to flub a line from a movie
Dafatone put the choice to go to the Sturgis motorcycle rally this year into perspective
Nick Nostril had advice to anyone who falls ill after having attended to Sturgis motorcycle rally

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
This week, we had to choose an entire thread because not only was it so much fun, it would've pushed most of the other threads right out of the NotNewsletter. So head on over and enjoy the Safety Sign Generator thread. 

Smart:
BoothbyTCD examined what a former Navy SEAL who claims to have killed Osama bin Laden is bragging about
Dewey Fidalgo argued that a man who keeps living off one accomplishment probably wasn't the one who accomplished it anyway
FreakyBunny had a reminder for anyone who loses someone who didn't take COVID-19 seriously
cryinoutloud didn't believe a story that got a former Navy SEAL's DUI charge dropped
Mr Guy considered excuses for holding a wedding on a closed Hawaiian beach
studebaker hoch figured out what to do if Apple forces you to add in-app purchases so they can take a cut
Prank Call of Cthulhu admired this one easy trick for selling stolen rare items from prestigious libraries
Magorn discussed a jury being tasked with deciding the cause of George Floyd's death
swaniefrmreddeer mathematically compared Canada's Florida to actual Florida
Boudyro argued that men should take a seat

CSB Sunday Morning: Shall we play a game? Stories about things that happened while you were playing a game
Smart: GRCooper turned an online game into serious business
Funny: Ghastly and guild got to hear some backstage drama

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village reacted to someone saying they jumped into the pool to get away from a bee
Smart: Bathia_Mapes wasn't about to fall for this trick
Smart: libranoelrose gave advice on making fried rice
Funny: unremarkable asterisk helped out in a thread asking what kind of supplies a 93-year-old needs
Funny: unremarkable asterisk replied to: "You wake up, flap your arms and find out you can fly. Where's the first place you go?"

Politics Funny:
wejash's car was being suba-rude about Donald Trump telling his followers to boycott Goodyear
phlegmjay commented on Trump's turn of phrase
Barfmaker considered things from Lara Trump's point of view
odinsposse was shocked to hear about a group of people being arrested
Person Woman Man Camera TV did not appreciate a headline quoting a political yard sign

Politics Smart:
thatguyoverthere70 thought that a video of Joe Biden talking to a boy who stutters was revealing
arrogantbastich argued that Trump's history shows how he likely feels about the recent death of his brother
null made a bold statement about action that can be taken to protect the U.S. Postal Service
BizarreMan wanted Democrats to capitalize from the Senate going on vacation without handling important legislation first
Ker_Thwap discussed how watching the news can affect the elderly


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
theteacher designed a 2020 commemorative postage stamp that's ironic, don't ya think?
Mojongo showed that Elvis Presley was apparently a bit jealous of the Beatles
whitebelly remembered Elvis' time in the U.S. Army
MathProf gave an indication that our hatred of 2020 is mutual
maxandgrinch found a way to relax and keep the kids out of trouble
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered that Ron Paul needs some updated signs
kabloink found out what happens when veggies go bad
PhotoshopCrazy showed President Trump counting on the professionals
Mojongo got a stand-in for the Alabama Power building's statue's day off
Moosedick Gladys Greengroin ventured forth with the Holy Hand Grenade

Fartist Friday: Create a device to enforce social distancing around you
Iggie figured that sometimes you gotta go out strapping if you want to stay safe

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Lemon Juice Party! Help celebrate "National Lemon Juice Day" with a party. Life's given us a bunch of lemons, so show us what you'll make out of them. You can use actual lemons, Photoshop-type programs, or Paint/Draw programs. Note: Use of NSFW or SFW images from nekked movies or films is not allowed, even if made SFW.

Farktography:
Lovesandwich won Farktography Contest No. 798: "Places of Worship 2" with a photo from inside St. Pierre Cathedral in Geneva, Switzerland

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where I learned that sometimes labels are important, but my Dad will eat darn near anything anyway. On the Quiz itself, baka-san came out on top with 979, followed by Salted Metal Honey in second with 921 and uncledinAZ in third with 919, flowerpower took fourth with 912, and Denjiro rounds out the top five with 896.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over how the government in parts of the Scottish Highlands were dealing with the lack of toilet facilities in many areas. Only 28% of quiztakers were able to translate the BBC report well enough to understand that "trowels" left in "lay-bys" for those "needing the loo" meant that you were expected to stop at a car park, grab a community-provided shovel, dig a hole, do your business, cover it up, and then return the shovel. I mean, I guess if the cats can do it, Scottish folks can, too. No word on if one of these la-bys are near the 14th green at Trump Turnberry.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was, oddly enough, the geography question. 78% of quiztakers knew that Mount Sinabung, which erupted during the week, can be found in the archipelago of Indonesia, happily piping out its scent into airports and mall food courts throughout the region and offering products so large you're sick of them before you can finish.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over NASA's Dawn spacecraft and the recently released data on its study of Ceres. Only 42% knew that Ceres was the largest asteroid in the asteroid belt between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter, which many scientists believe was at one point a planet that was destroyed in a cosmic fender-bender. No word on if it goes good with milk.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over Germany's Krone Circus and how it's working to make ends meet. 94% of quiztakers knew that a few Euros would get you a jar of lion poop to spread around your garden to keep out nuisance gazelles and dik-diks, since I'm not sure if squirrels and rabbits are familiar enough with lions. Or maybe it really does smell that bad, and will also keep out nuisance neighbors who like stealing your rutabagas or cabbages or whatever Germans plant in their home gardens. 

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. 

Once again, congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week was well.

A couple items of note - first off, today is the last day to sign up for TotalFark at the old subscription rates.  The price is changing tomorrow for the first time in nearly 20 years to $100 per year.  You can still grab a year of TotalFark at the current price, as well as load up on Farks2Give which we're treating as forever stamps and will always be worth one month of TotalFark, to be given to someone else or use yourself.   If you've been waiting for the right time to subscribe, today is the day - get to it!  If you have questions about renewing a current TotalFark subscription, please contact Farkback for help.

Also, last week on TotalFark we solicited ideas for new rotating Fark catchphrases that go under the TotalFark logo, and we received nearly 400 submissions.  A couple of my favorite ones were "Our Boomers are OK" by NuclearPenguins and "Why not have your psychotic episode with us?" by Mikaloyd.  We'll be adding most of these to the rotation soon.  The catchphrase thread is here, but you must be a TotalFarker to see it.

This week, tomorrow or Friday, we'll be having a discussion on possible Fark tab changes, including a very specific issue that I won't spoil here.  Join us and help us solve it!
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Carter Pewterschmidt feared a lightning strike might've revealed a serious problem
Jack Sabbath noticed a hero in a scary video
UberDave interpreted the song "WAP"
I Ate Shergar showed a still from a video from one of those tube sites
Inyego told us what happens if you get COVID-19 twice
olapbill noticed something strange about complaints that Apple News+ is hurting publishers
isamudyson described the rewarding experience of nearly being struck by lightning while delivering a pizza
Farking Clown Shoes explained why a man decided to take hidden camera videos of family and church members showering
kbronsito named a couple of movies made for grown-ups that kids can also enjoy
Badmoodman reacted to the idea of being upset that your child ate Indian food at a friend's house

Smart:
Ivo Shandor discussed news that people could be protected for up to three months after recovering from COVID-19
Devolving_Spud mentioned an additional reason to love Dolly Parton
optikeye considered why people are making public scenes over attempts to decrease the spread of the virus
Devolving_Spud had another story about Dolly Parton kicking ass
NeedlesslyCanadian explained why Christopher Eccleston left "Doctor Who"
BeesNuts and Beerguy explained how a five (at least) stooges style of policing resulted in an accidental shooting
FarkingSmurf knew where some cows got the idea for their method of self defense

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: weddingsinger had good reason to sing
Funny: we'refromthesamestory paraphrased Ben Shapiro (no, really)
Smart: Loris made a suggestion for couples who disagree about music
Funny: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat discussed hiding pants situations in school

Politics Funny:
bloobeary pointed out what a man who apparently threatened the president did wrong
AlHarris31 had a plan since Joe Biden didn't choose Tammy Duckworth as his running mate
Mike_LowELL got really excited when President Trump announced an urgent news conference
Uranus Megahertz guessed what Trump was up to over the weekend
thorpe warned us that a ranting mask hater who was carried out by his son is actually tough

Politics Smart:
Chariset had a message for Republican Senators
blastoh suggested reporters collaborate on a strategy for Trump's next press conference
markie_farkie predicted what Trump will do if he loses the election
Purple_Urkle had a better idea to "stick it to the people trying to #DefundthePolice"
Cagey B argued that FiveThirtyEight did not "fark up" their forecast for the 2016 presidential election


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave a cheery motel a spooky feel
Herb Utsmelz made the perfect disaster movie to show in theaters right now
Vortex Dweller artistically illustrated these accommodations
RedZoneTuba wondered how many angels like this one could dance on the head of a pin
Fark is not supposed to be RedZoneTuba's personal erotica site
Herb Utsmelz gave this sailor a new pipe for his "spinach"
hail2daking tried to rent a friend
Godscrack had to have this guy fill in for the drummer
Thrakkorzog found the men of the corn
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed the team that God is rooting for

Captions:
From "What is this raccoon saying into the mic?":
Madman drummers bummers heard it hatching an escape plan
Grumpy Cat figured it was more interested in proselytizing than prostheses
Grumpy Cat knew what raccoons' interests are
From "Caption this conversation":
Grumpy Cat warned us about the early bird
Cache overheard a cardinalspiracy theory

Fartist Friday: In honor of "Chant At The Moon Day," create an ode to our enigmatic satellite the moon in the form of a haiku
wearsmanyhats made a startling discovery while worshiping the moon. There are many more great entries, so make sure to check them out. 

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Social Distancing Inventions - Make your own original device to enforce a safe boundary around you when you're in public. You can actually build it with things like hula hoops, pool noodles, and hats with big-ass brims, or you can design it using MS Paint (or its equivalent) or pen and paper. Sorry, no Photoshop-type programs allowed.  

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 797: "Mechanical Muscle" ended in a tie between Herb Utsmelz's photo of the machine that puts the "fun" in "funicular" and Lovesandwich's look at Saturn V's five mighty F-1 engines

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we saw the good and the likely soon-to-be-regrettable COVID-19 merch available for sale and derision. On the Quiz itself, RaceDTruck came out on top with the comfy chair in the 1000 club with his score of 1019, followed by rider_you_know in second with 994 and Oliver Twisted in third with 987. The Third Man and Denjiro tied for fourth with 955, and FrancoFile takes fifth with 945.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over a couple of teenagers who had drifted out to sea (as teenagers are wont to do) off the coast of Scotland. Only 28% of quiztakers had caught the story and knew they were riding an inflatable donut, complete with sprinkles, as teenagers are somewhat less wont to do. I'm trying to guess how that emergency call from the shore must have went, and I'm thinking something like "Aye, some wee bairns oot tair face are asea wit tair bahookies on a gran doonut! Aye, wit de splrinklies! Nae, ma bum's in the window! A doonut, I say! Mon, noo, tay lookin' shoogly! Och, aye, the noo!" ...which the 999 operator understood perfectly, hence the rescue.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over Pocari Sweat. 86% of quiztakers knew that this was a Japanese sports drink that has achieved some measure of popularity both inside and outside Japan. I can't wait until it hits a country with some famous person named "Pocari". I imagine sales volume could go either way depending on what the person was famous for.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what brand of bee... I mean, American pilsner is giving away free beer to an entire city at the conclusion of the NFL season, assuming there is one. Only 49% of quiztakers remembered that Philadelphia sports bar patrons were all treated to a free Bud Light after the Eagles' Superb Owl win two years ago, and now the brand is brokering a showdown between two kickers famous for viral videos of long field goals in practice, with the winner getting free beer for their city. No word on what happens when Atlanta brings Morten Andersen back out of retirement AGAIN, but I'm guessing he would drink all the free beer himself. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over whose 1965 Mustang was just restored by Jason Momoa. 91% of quiztakers knew that the restoration was a gift for his wife Lisa Bonet, who he has admired ever since her days on That Show We Don't Talk About Anymore where she was working when she bought it back at the age of 17. Guys, trust me when I say that getting your wife's car repaired is NOT a birthday gift - unless you're Jason Momoa. And you're not. So get her car fixed AND get her a birthday present. Seriously.

If you missed out on last week's fun you can catch up on the Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week went well.  

A feature I've wanted to do for awhile is a weekly news cycle meta-analysis in the NotNewsletter, which would be sort-of taking the pulse of the news cycle in general.  The problem has been that up until recently, things were locked into a COVID-19 centric cycle that didn't change much at all since mid-March, until probably about two weeks ago.

As for the current news cycle meta, for the past week, pre-covid weird news has been creeping back into the cycle on a daily basis.  I don't know if this is because furloughs at news outlets are on the decline or if Florida Man has just decided to pick up the slack lately.  For example, I don't think Monday's excellent article from the CBC about why there are satellite dishes on beaver dams all across Canada would see the light of day during a COVID-heavy news cycle.  The sports news meta cycle seems very much on edge with the prospect of no college sports this fall.  The politics meta seems ready to take the rest of the week off before convention season starts in earnest next week.

A quick housekeeping note: We're rejiggering subscriptions on Fark - now TotalFark includes the no-ads experience of BareFark.  Prices are also going up for the first time in 20 years, however we're not changing them until August 19th.  So if you've ever thought about subscribing, you have one week to lock in at current subscription rates.  For more info on that and other changes, see last week's NotNewsletter.  

One feature of TotalFark that I haven't done a good job of communicating is that TotalFarkers can impact what links get posted on main Fark.  A great example of this happened just yesterday when Biden announced that Harris was his VP pick.  I try to wait about 10-15 minutes to allow enough time for the best headline to be submitted.  We got our first candidate about 5 minutes in, and a second candidate 5 minutes after that (incidentally submitted by the same person, which is cool).  I waited a little longer, redlit all but those two links, and then watched TotalFarkers up/down vote the two links.  The winning headline ended up being the one with the most votes.  This isn't an automatic thing that happens, I still manually greenlit the headline in the end - and if I'd had a strong preference I would have chosen it regardless of voting (unless the vote tallies were enormous, which does happen).  But I was fine with either, and voting determined the eventual winner.  

This tends to happen quite a lot, and it was only last month when a friend of mine pointed out that this is a hugely awesome feature of TotalFark that hardly anyone knows about.  So aside from a no-ads experience, aside from the fact that prices are going up in a week, aside from the great community and early notice about Fark features, you also get the opportunity to impact what goes on Fark's main page.  Sign up today!

At 5 p.m. Eastern today, it's the Fark News Livestream!  More interesting fallout from the Russian vaccine announcement yesterday, an update on how Sturgis-19 is going (not well), and more Yobs In The News.  Join us 5 p.m. on my Twitch channel.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
LionHound had one question after watching a video of the fire and subsequent explosion in Beirut
John the Magnificent showed someone taking blame for the Beirut explosion
SurelyShirley helpfully explained what could cause a red cloud like the one in Beirut
Nimbull was thinking about fast food
hobnail spotted a symbolic number
scottydoesntknow summed up a deadly guacamole-making machine explosion
Dahnkster wasn't too worried about Ray Park not reprising the role of Darth Maul for Disney+
Straight Outta Wells Branch remarked on the devastation in Beirut
SoundOfOneHandWanking could understand the risks that a Sturgis Motorcycle Rally attendee thought were worth taking
Abe Vigoda's Ghost showed that NEDM was not pointing out the remains of a destroyed ship

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
Al Roker's Forecast explained the main problem with putting a snake in your washing machine

Smart:
bloobeary listed a great year for movies, though the films mentioned did not all fit within the limitations mentioned in the headline
phalamir pointed out that when dumb people do foolish things, it doesn't always mean what you might think it does
weddingsinger argued that it does so mean what you might think it means
blastoh compared reactions to plans being canceled because of the coronavirus
AsparagusFTW hopefully isn't a firefighter
Bovine Diarrhea Virus discussed being able to go out safely, but I'm not sure you want to take the word of another virus
farkingismybusiness noticed people picking and choosing their safety rules
Znuh gave us an update on how things are going 137 days after being released from being hospitalized for COVID-19
Tell Me How My Blog Tastes figured things might've worked out really well for people who didn't properly social distance at a funeral

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: libranoelrose showed what was about to happen to Badafuco's unsteady floor
Smart & Funny: we'refromthesamestory explained why there's no such thing as womansplaining
Funny: thealgorerhythm had some bad news for Badafuco
Smart: Beeblebrox asked the question that keeps us all up at night
Smart: Ponzholio thought a story about a TotalFarker's friend's husband sounded really familiar
Funny: buttercat had a different idea of what's causing a floor to buckle

Politics Funny:
fluffy_pope could imagine how it feels to interview Donald Trump
propasaurus came up with a startling diagnosis
ecmoRandomNumbers figured out why Trump was carrying a stack of papers and newspapers
Learned Hand Job thought perhaps someone's name was based on their conception after all
Noticeably F.A.T. explained why Trump might've visited Walter Reed Medical Center again

Politics Smart:
OldRod looked at how Trump is trying to win the election during a pandemic
markie_farkie shared what a physical therapist said about Trump's gait
Garza and the Supermutants compared the portion of the world population that's American to the percentage of COVID-19 deaths in America
propasaurus figured Trump should be measured by the standards he wants to impose on others
thatguyoverthere70 came up with this one weird trick to turn elderly Americans against Trump


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Snubnose made Roadrunner cartoons defy physics in a whole new way
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave each Devo member their own convention center
Yammering_Splat_Vector made passing out in your bathroom a lot more comfortable
Nothing To See Here gave Raquel some better dinosaur protection
Alligator showed us that Space Force is already developing new weapons
verchad made one of Superman's enemies infinitely more frightening
Yammering_Splat_Vector recorded a modern remake of "Abbey Road"
Herb Utsmelz reminded us not to text while walking
Alligator was sharing Sharon's outlook on the topic of disease
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered that love is in the air

Captions:
From "Caption Snow White donating blood":
gopher321 knew who Snow White is donating to
dionysusaur revealed the less altruistic reason she's donating

Fartist Friday: Add a beer to a classic work of art
Be sure to check out the great entries from this contest. Alligator submitted the winning work o'fart with a brewing fog

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: In honor of "Chant At The Moon Day," create an ode to our enigmatic satellite the moon in the form of a Haiku  

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 796: "City Life" ended in a tie between Earguy's view inside Greektown, Detroit and CiliarySpasm's reflection on a cloud

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun and educational time on the Quiz last week, marred by a few technical issues which I'm gonna say were my fault. But interesting improper fractions aside, still fun. Because of the scoring issues, here's last week's top ten: 

Blackstone - 1125
NM Volunteer - 1073
TheMothership - 1072
bingethinker - 1002
SoundOfOneHandWanking - 995
i.r.id10t - 915
LizardOnAStick - 914
Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs - 898
Recoil Therapy - 898
Autoerotic Defenestration - 896

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over our more-in-the-news-than-a-diplomat-shoul​d-be US Envoy Harry Harris, who just shaved his mustache last week. Only 32% of Quiztakers knew that he served in South Korea, who lived under Imperial Japanese colonial rule prior to World War II, and whose "governor-generals" tended to wear mustaches. I guess it's one of those things where maybe you should be mindful of local customs when representing a foreign government. No word yet on sales figures for his latest K-Pop track.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over advice offered by firefighters in Charlotte County, FL after responding to a call in the parking lot of the local Culver's restaurant. 77% of quiztakers knew that "Don't drive with a burning candle in your car" is great advice that we all kinda knew - at least those of us not from Florida. Get one of those tree thingies for your rearview mirror like normal folks.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over a Georgia Tech researcher's effort to create new music using Artificial Intelligence. Only 54% of quiztakers knew that he was receiving copyright takedown notices for music he had created with his program and uploaded under the name "Weird A.I. Yankovic". I'm guessing the entire music industry just let off a gigantic "wait, we can do that? And not pay the actual artists and songwriters?" and will soon offer to take this useless-to-him technology off his hands for a modest sum.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over where Tom Hanks and Rita Hayworth have recently put down roots as legal citizens. 80% of quiztakers knew that they have produced films like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" about Greek culture as well as "Mama Mia" and "My Life in Ruins", which were filmed in the Mediterranean nation. Best of luck and lots of feta cheese and olives to the happy couple.

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up on it right here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hello Farkers:

A bit of business news: Fark is reorganizing our subscription membership tiers. In part this is due to feedback we received during our recent tests.

The cost of doing business has gone up since we first launched subscriptions in early 2002 and we're bringing our membership fees in line with 2020, as well as streamlining BareFark and TotalFark features.

Membership Tiers

We've heard you! All paying members now get the ad-free experience.

TotalFark - Effective immediately, TotalFark includes the BareFark ad-free experience.  You also get live access to all content, all submitted links, and the entire Fark community.

Additional features include the ability to influence editorial decisions on links via voting, access to TotalFark discussions away from the prying eyes of social media and search engines, full access to two decades of archived nonsense, and first looks at upcoming Fark features, such as the much-requested swear jar allowing TotalFarkers both the ability and the discretion to drop an occasional F-bomb.

BareFark - Ad-free access to Fark's basic content and the public areas of the Fark community with an ad-free experience. Get the basics and never see another weird t-shirt ad again!

Farker - Ad-supported access to Fark's basic content and the public areas of the Fark community.

New pricing takes effect August 19, two weeks from today:

$100 for the year for the TotalFark Membership. This includes a bonus Farks2Give, worth one month of TotalFark. Use it on yourself or give it to someone else. There will also be an option to pay monthly at $10 per month.

$50 for the year for BareFark Membership.  There will also be an option to pay monthly at $5 per month.

The yearly memberships work out to $8.33 and $4.16 per month, respectively.

What else?

$10 for one Farks2Give.  Existing Farks2Give will be treated like Forever Stamps and will be worth 1 month of TotalFark regardless of what price was paid for them

Current pricing remains in effect until Aug 19th, so if you're looking for a reason to sign up for TotalFark or BareFark, this is it. Current memberships will continue as is until renewed.

Also since BareFark is now included in TotalFark, we'll be issuing a blanket unsubscribe for BareFark for folks who have both subscriptions. If we miss anyone, contact us via FarkBack and let us know.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
EvilEgg's mom does not accept returns
WGJ got excited and showed a nipple
HeathenHealer noted problems when a man was arrested for taunting cops with a doughnut
rattchett had a special message for Ryan Reynolds
Bootleg worried about a wing walker who replaced a plane's missing tire mid-flight
WordsnCollision knew where the idea for the rolling machine workout came from
thealgorerhythm revealed who tricked people with damaged mushrooms into thinking masks are dangerous
I Ate Shergar sang about some of the 50 ways to get COVID-19
Nadie_AZ gave a warning about a video of Charlize Theron taking it all off
PainInTheASP reacted to mask advice from Cary Elwes

Smart:
luna1580 considered people claiming mental illness after being caught behaving badly
Dead for Tax Reasons made an important point about wearing masks that many people seem to be overlooking
Xai discussed walking on eggshells around cops to avoid problems
eagles95 shared a story about running into an angry anti-masker in the wild
Dead for Tax Reasons explained to Florida why it pays to choose your battles wisely
Therion told us what it was like to work with Cary Elwes
Louisiana_Sitar_Club showed how innovative a new exercise machine is
maddan predicted a horrific accident with an exercise machine
RoyFokker'sGhost discussed the differences between Marvel and DC movies
JesseL revealed the secret recipe for success

CSB Sunday Morning: Summer jobs
Smart: CordycepsInYourBrain discovered that sometimes we're too hard on ourselves
Funny: GRCooper's friend figured out how to get GRCooper to do all the driving

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: meg12279 discovered that Mom has been known to party
Funny: sarahthustra thought a lawyer might have a vested interest in advising against reporting an ex's LEGO counterfeiting
Smart: merrillvillain has an unusual fetish
Funny: Brawndo made a cover for meg12279's autobiography
Smart: Murflette knew what a Farker should do with an inherited house

Politics Funny:
40 degree day noted that Herman Cain got to do something important to him before he died
thealgorerhythm was shocked to discover something about Alan Dershowitz
winedrinkingman wanted to know exactly what Herman Cain's death means for the Republican Party
Mike_LowELL enjoyed a snack break
RodneyToady used a Fark headline to remember some important words
GreatGlavinsGhost noticed something inappropriate in blastoh's comment

Politics Smart:
Benevolent Misanthrope thought about the attention Dr. Stella Immanuel is getting
bloobeary shared expectations for the upcoming U.S. presidential election
King Something mostly got it right when taking a guess on a Trump backtrack
weddingsinger had faint praise for Antonio Sabato Jr.
Badmoodman reassured Erick Erickson that Republicans would never do the terrible thing Obama did

Note: Farkers had a lot to say about Herman Cain's death, mainly having to do with the unfortunate politicization of COVID-19 and attempts to mitigate its spread, and the fact that Cain died after making a show of being careless about protecting himself and others from the virus.


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking found the Beatles' forgotten album
hail2daking showed us a long-awaited Meat Loaf follow-up album
Thrakkorzog made an antisocial Zoom background for teachers to use
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered this girl can magically make a songbird disappear
Driver's Zoom background is technically safe for work, but you might want to be careful
Nothing To See Here found out pyro kids can come in handy
RedZoneTuba's school bus had a surreal side mirror
Thrakkorzog showed that this rodent band should get gentler roadies
kabloink made a Milton trap
Pfighting Polish found the perfect entertainment for the Catalina Wine Mixer

Fartist Friday: Show and tell, volume 2
JustToLetYouKnowFriend built a chest suitable for dungeons and/or dragons

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Use a Photoshop or paint/draw program to upgrade a classical work of art by adding a beer

Farktography:
Earguy loaded up on carbs to win Farktography Contest No. 795: "I Swear I Seed It"

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another great time with the Quiz this week, and it seems I'm not the only one who gave up on Battletoads back in the NES day. On the Quiz itself, four folks get tickets to our socially distant 1000 outdoor club area. Evildog takes top honors with 1019, followed by Booklet juuuust behind in second with 1018. Auntie Cheesus takes third with 1009, edmo in fourth with 1004, and bobobolinskii finishes out the top five with 956.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about what led a Yorktown, NY man to fire his .22 rifle in his hallway in such a manner that the bullets wound up in his neighbor's bathroom while she was showering. Only 26% of quiztakers knew that he had decided he had a need for some target practice. No word on his skills relating to the actual targets he was shooting at, but I'm guessing he probably didn't receive the best firearm instruction available so the beer cans likely went to the recycler whole.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over who'll be fighting an exhibition match with boxing great Roy Jones Jr. 71% of quiztakers knew that the 51-year-old would be fighting 54-year-old Mike Tyson in a match I'll be happy to make fun of, but not where either of those guys can hear. For comparison, Sylvester Stallone filmed Rocky Balboa in late 2005 through 2006 when he was 59 years old, portraying a character of about that same age.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over the new scholarship being offered by the humanist group The Satanic Temple. Only 55% of quiztakers knew that applicants were being asked to write an essay about their worst teacher to be considered for the Devil's Advocate scholarship. I think the ultimate irony would be awarding the scholarship to someone attending Liberty University, as I believe not a single person in either organization is gonna want to handle that paperwork.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over how NBC's Today anchor Savannah Guthrie was injured last fall, resulting in her having cataract surgery last week. 92% knew that it was from a toy train owned by her son. Having babysat for my nephew for a while, I can tell you that you should never trust Thomas the Tank Engine. Take a lesson from Sir Topham Hatt and keep that one in Tidmouth Sheds where he can do less damage.

If you missed last week's Quiz, you can catch up on it here. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

It was whether or not it's acceptable to recline your seat on an airplane. Seriously, that topic went on for weeks, with new videos of fisticuffs-filled flights, unwelcome opinions, and endless debates on all forms of media. I remember very well when focus in the U.S. suddenly dropped that topic like a hot potato and shifted to the new virus we'd been hearing about because it felt really weird when I was writing the NotNewsletter and so much of the previous week's discussion was about who should get to be slightly more comfortable on an airplane. 

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey
________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone - couple of quick notes.

Last week's discussion about TotalFark features and changes etc went great.  Let's do another one tomorrow (Thursday) at 2 p.m. -  I've got a compiled list of all the suggestions and I'll list out which ones are interesting, doable, both, and so on.  

The Fark News Livestream airs again today at 3 p.m.  It won't be as thick as yesterday, but it should still be fun and interesting.  It's going to be strangely Florida-centric today. 
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
gilgigamesh felt sympathy for a woman who made a scene in a grocery store
Cyberluddite explained how sneezes and coughs are different from farts
mofa pointed out something missing from a list of things restaurants supposedly will never have again
gopher321 yearned for stimulating debate
ThomasPaineTrain knew about top secret personal protective equipment we all need
Devolving_Spud told us an idea for women whose bosses tell them to wear makeup for Zoom meetings
Pocket Ninja guessed at why Chick-Fil-A has had way more COVID-19 outbreaks than any other fast food restaurant in Colorado
NewportBarGuy agreed with a man who refused to follow store policy
JTtheCajun found the fun in the deslidifier putting the wrong photos with the descriptions
scottydoesntknow considered the question of wearing makeup for Zoom meetings

Smart:
HighlanderRPI addressed a popular misconception regarding frivolous lawsuits
markie_farkie gave examples of people not wearing their masks properly
Cyberluddite explained how sneezes and coughs are different from farts
styckx recognized one of those guys you definitely don't want to be
gilgigamesh discussed doing what you enjoy
Pocket Ninja found a positive side to having to wear face coverings to decrease the spread of the virus
Devolving_Spud told us an idea for women whose bosses tell them to wear makeup for Zoom meetings
Hevach argued that ducks smell smoky
feckingmorons answered the question, "Who knew that Navy ships were so flammable?"
Mr. Coffee Nerves had a solution for people who refuse to wear masks on airplanes

CSB Sunday Morning: Pandemic stories
Smart: runbuh sadly couldn't be there when a loved one died
Funny: FriarReb98 scared a skittish hiker

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: merrillvillain was excited about who might've returned to TotalFark Discussion
Funny: Unikitty should not be allowed to be around dogs
Smart: CommieTaoist ate a ghost pepper for the internet and a good cause
Smart: generalDisdain had reason to doubt a TotalFarker's supposed dating dilemma
Smart: Unikitty straightened out some potato-based breakfast food confusion
Smart: Eclectic explained how it feels to be a transgender person
Funny: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat found a way to benefit from ytterbium's bartering scheme

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
Smart: weddingsinger literally did the math on farts versus COVID-19

Politics Funny:
kbronsito explained why Mitch McConnell's pants looked rather short
ralphjr showed what the Donald Trump campaign might use as an attack ad
BeesNuts made this tear gas deflector for you and me
hobnail had a classic reply to the United States running low on change
markie_farkie found the strange cause that wademh was hoping Sarah Cooper would raise money for

Politics Smart:
NewportBarGuy pointed out one of the most important things the U.S. Postal Service does
KungFuJunkie figured that what looks like a fark-up might be intentional
GardenWeasel described the feeling when the "Wall of Moms" showed up to protest
Ker_Thwap reflected on what a proud man Trump is
Alphax made a prediction about the number of people protesting


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Driver designed the gilded armor of a warrior
opalakea updated Fark's error page photo of Mike
Mojongo took extra care to make sure this tunnel won't collapse
opalakea revealed just how similar dogs can be to their owners
asstamassta made this accidental frankenfish look even more unnatural
Bumcheese showed how Darth Vader ensured he could still be a Jedi Knight
Thrakkorzog discovered that Queen Elizabeth enjoys role-play
Circusdog320 made a mask that might get major Trump fans on board with wearing them
Thrakkorzog reminded us that there are plenty of fish in the sea
hail2daking showed what it's like when the flipper's on the other foot

Fartist Friday: Show us the a Fark-inspired event you'd medal in for the Farklympics
thatguyoverthere70 excelled at the uneven bars

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Show & Tell, Volume 2. Show us a work of art you've made and tell us the story behind it (entries from previous Fartist threads not eligible)

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 794: "Monumental 2" ended in a tie with MightyMerkin's Milky Way over Stonehenge World War I Memorial and Unobtanium's wall and hanging obelisks of the National Memorial for Peace and Justice

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Beyond Fark - written by quantum_jellyroll's friend sherpa18

Long time Farker quantum_jellyroll has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. He was a regular on the Caturday threads, a Photoshopper extraordinaire and bane of people on the politics tab.

Rick was a sweet, kind, generous guy. He was always ready to answer questions on photography, Photoshop, computers, anything he knew about. Most of all, he loved to make people laugh, and the world will be a sadder place without him in it.

May he rest in peace.

You can read quantum_jellyroll's memorial thread (which, fittingly, is also a Caturday thread) here


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on last week's Quiz, although the 1000 outdoor-masked-properly-socially-dista​nt-club will be empty this week. Which is kinda a good thing, as we just installed a skeet shooting range and the skeets are just really cute and we probably shouldn't shoot them. On the Quiz itself, Data came in first with 983, followed by White Chocolate Morpheus in second with 965 and The Third Man appropriately in third with 934. WoolyManwich made fourth with 921, and zerkalo took fifth with 920.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about their wacky Brits and their booze, namely the classic "Buckfast" originally made by monks in the UK and now popular amongst young people who already have more than one ASBO. As only 29% of quiztakers knew, it's wine fortified with caffeine and even more booze, so it's kinda the 29th century equivalent of FourLoko. Those monks really do know how to throw down.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over the Yakuza and their recent annual tradition of handing out sweets and small gifts to youngsters in their areas. 81% of quiztakers knew that the Japanese cri-... er, legitimate businessmen sometimes illegitimately accused of outlandish behavior targeting others have been attempting to rehabilitate their image with the general population, starting with trying to bring the Western holiday of Halloween to their local areas, with they themselves supplying the treats to youngsters who visit their offices dressed in costume. Which I guess balances out because they also allegedly supply the tricks as well.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over Alex Trebek's favorite animal. Only 39% of quiztakers knew that the long-time "Jeopardy!" host was a huge fan of the Canadian muskox, which he said he likes because of its affinity for family and social groups. Which I guess is understandable, as they usually smell so bad other critters don't want to be around them. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the new officially licensed "Central Perk" sign available from many outlets online. 85% of quiztakers knew that this was the coffee shop made famous by the show "Friends," where somehow the characters always had the prime couch available no matter how busy the shop might be. The "Seinfeld" crowd generally had the same seat at Monk's Cafe, but it was never shown as too crowded for them to have realistically found a table. 

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week has been well. 

Just a quick update today - At 2 p.m. ET this afternoon I'll be hosting a discussion on TotalFark about brainstorming some possible changes to Fark subscriptions.  Keep an eye out for that one, I'd love some input.  

At 3 p.m. ET today we'll be livestreaming the Fark News Summary. Yesterday was a banner day for weird and the past 24 hours seem to be keeping pace. Weird thieves are out in force apparently, among other things. 
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
JerseyTim explained to Dinki why part of the USS Bonhomme Richard melted
Bootleg had a few questions about a woman's medical reasons for not wearing a face mask
syrynxx is also due some compensation related to Starbucks turning away people who aren't wearing masks
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat had a message for Burger King after their farts tweet
AdmirableSnackbar sang a song for Burger King
Prof. Frink explained the science between different kinds of fuel
thatguyoverthere70 gave a compelling reason to stay downwind
eagles95 is creative about dealing with unwanted political emails from relatives
Diogenes was inspired by a restaurant's name to use a classic joke format
SpectroBoy did the math and figured out how the attack on the World Trade Center was carried out

Smart:
moike shared stories about working with Grant Imahara for a couple of episodes of "Mythbusters"
xanthippe told us about a friend who was afraid she'd inherited a high risk of developing a brain aneurysm
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha revealed this one weird trick for people who complain their masks give them acne
TwowheelinTim's daughter helped Disney by making an ad for them
PenguinTheRed addressed worries that the virus could spread through air conditioning systems
Real Women Drink Akvavit had a talk with Mom about plans to spend her 70th birthday at Disneyland
Rapmaster2000 was a bit worried about a deal at Burger King
NotCodger looked on the bright side of a mask-hater's tirade outside a Walmart
stoli n coke knew what you should do if you're told to cover up your "Black Panther" shirt because a customer claims it's racist
lack of warmth had a personal connection to a U.S. Navy ship that was on fire

CSB Sunday Morning: What's the dumbest way you've hurt yourself?
Smart: USAF Retired ruined a perfectly good piercing
Funny: I really want to know what toejam did about this problem
Note: If you need a good laugh, you really should check out this thread.

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: CommieTaoist revealed birdmanesq's setup for video lectures
Smart: MethySophocles made the exciting artwork that another Farker commissioned
Smart: Shostie shared the nice way Americans tell people that they're stupid
Funny: Beeblebrox showed that Gary's got nothin' on Chris Ween
Funny: ytterbium looked for proof that TotalFark doesn't have a lot of old people
Smart: Rev.K went over when it's appropriate to play devil's advocate
Smart: Moroning gave a reason to avoid buying a home in one type of neighborhood
Smart: Unikitty had advice for a married Farker who's constantly getting hit on by beautiful women
Smart: reagabeast shared some important information for those who think women always want them

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
OneFretAway gave the next line of a song

Politics Funny:
markie_farkie was impressed by what Donald Trump showed off
apocryphaandmyth found a whole new reason to appreciate face coverings
markie_farkie discovered how dangerous Tucker Carlson's hobby can be
JerseyTim commented on how bad it looks for liberals if Barack Obama took a malaria drug over a decade ago
gopher321 revealed the real reason Canada won't reopen the border they share with the United States

Politics Smart:
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat expected Trump to choose a different amount of time for the U.S. flag to fly at half-mast to honor Rep. John Lewis
Clarence Brown recalled foreshadowing that a Republican administration would send federal agents to cities to round up dissidents
Straight Outta Wells Branch figured one particular state wins the Vince Lombardi Trophy of Fail
Ken S. revealed the real reason Trump finally wore a mask
scottydoesntknow gave more information about a creepy, violent fantasy that conspiracy believers are spreading


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba found out why Budweiser uses Clydesdales for their advertising
hail2daking showed that some men really do have a "type"
clovercat realized one simply time travels into Mordor
maxandgrinch found Randy Quaid making trouble at Starbucks
Sensei Can You See completely ruined my plans for next weekend
RedZoneTuba gave the United States a failing grade
RedZoneTuba showed us what a real Comet looks like if you zoom in on a photo of one
Alligator made a huge pomander ball with a really unfortunate design
hail2daking helped a film studio branch out with its classic logo
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a Bilbo fan who knows how to deal with an unruly Gollum

Caption:
From "Take a famous movie line and add 'due to the pandemic' to the end of it, due to the pandemic":
Megathuma didn't need any supernatural abilities
LouisZepher found that even computers are practicing social distancing
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat knew the safest place to be right now
There were a lot more great entries for this contest, so be sure to check them out. You can see the voting results here.

Fartist Friday: Illustrate what your pets would say if they could talk
This contest ended in a three-way between CrankyAndi's un-cranky kitten, Manic Depressive Mouse's cat in a disaster zone, and Snubnose's doggy uprising

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Compete in the Summer Farklympics by using a paint/draw program to show us what Fark-inspired event you'd medal in while representing Team Farkistan. Bonus: Include your Team Farkistan uniform

Farktography:
Kirablue42 won Farktography Contest No. 793: "Things" with the no-longer-missing link

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, and although we couldn't establish just how hot it was outside, we did establish it was indeed hot. Luckily, the it's colder than the It's a Small World ride in mid-July in the 1000 club. On the Quiz itself, The Third Man took top honors with a ridiculous 1059, followed by uncledinAZ in second with 996 and Mztlplx in third with 928. Blackstone took fourth with 924, and senorbdub finishes out the top five with 923.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over those wacky French and their job titles. Only 32% of quiztakers knew that a newly created Cabinet position dealing with economic incentives for foreign investment was somehow translated as "Minister of Attractiveness." I'm pretty sure the first English speakers who heard it never bothered to correct them, as "Minister of Attractiveness" just seems like a normal French thing to have.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over last week's demolition of the Palace at Auburn Hills, which was the largest NBA venue in the country for decades. 84% of quiztakers knew that should you manage to battle your way through 1988-2017 Detroit, you could watch the Pistons play, and even get up close and personal with players such as the Indiana Pacers' Ron Artest. Interestingly, the Palace at Auburn Hills was one of only two NBA arenas from the era which never sold naming rights (the other was (is) Madison Square Garden).

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over a 1976 offer for a Beatles reunion, as told by Ringo Starr at his recent online birthday party. Only 18% of quiztakers knew that the group turned down an astonishing £50 million after they learned their opening act would be some guy wrestling an 18-ft. great white shark. It seems the group took W.C. Fields' advice and chose not to work with children or animals (even if Fields never took his own advice).

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over how the USDA classifies milk products such as heavy cream, light cream, and half-and-half. 99% of quiztakers knew that the only requirement to use these labels was to have a certain percentage of milkfat content. No word yet on heavy whipping almondcream or half-and-soyhalf. 

If you missed the Quiz last week, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week went well.

Last week I happened to notice that the views on our Twitch channel went up over 1 million.  This was a surprise because I hadn't been watching the stats at all, I had no idea we'd even gone over 100,000.  For those who haven't checked it out, the main show is me telling my friend Dallan what happened today - what's important, what isn't, what's under the radar, and then we get into the weird stuff.  In particular, there's an emphasis on why a particular subject is in the news cycle right now.  At any rate, it's a lot of fun.  We're planning on streaming at 4 p.m. Eastern today, so drop by if you can.  And if you miss it, the video is saved to the channel as well.  On Fridays, we've been doing movie nights and playing Quiplash with the Fark community.  You'll also find some videos of Dallan playing Mercenaries 2, but that was mainly to push us up over 25 hours in a 30-day period.  However, we're considering perhaps doing a Friday evening where Dallan and I attempt to play a game we've never played before.  We're still experimenting, but so far so good!
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
FightDirector considered what would happen if women didn't go back to wearing bras when lockdown ends
gilgigamesh explained that it wasn't actually a "white power" sign that a cop flashed at a Proud Boy
Mantour described what happens if you refuse to wear a mask in a Canadian hospital
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat took a guess at the reason LaGuardia Airport's Terminal D was evacuated
Ivo Shandor asked a question about Arizona ordering refrigerated trucks to use when a morgue ran out of room
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That showed us what "moral outrage and bikinis" might look like
naughtyrev predicted a replacement for the brassiere
Bowen built a tribute to Fark
Doctor Funkenstein recognized a new technique that businesses are using to handle problems
Diogenes summed up what happens when you cough on Yuma Walmart employees who ask you to wear a mask

Smart:
gilgigamesh explained that it wasn't actually a "white power" sign that a cop flashed at a Proud Boy
SoupGuru adjusted a famous expression to fit our current struggles
Langdon_777 gave more information about an incident where a cop unnecessarily pointed a gun at a man's head
mrshowrules thought that one medical professional might not always be so professional
LordZorch forgot to mention using your sudden wealth to buy nice things for DisseminationMonkey
Chief Superintendent Lookout told us about running into a covidiot in the wild
Snaptastic met your dad last week (I'm just kidding, please don't be mad at me)
Prank Call of Cthulhu talked about how incredibly dangerous it is to wear a cloth mask
G. Tarrant pointed out that a woman who was kicked out of a hospital for refusing to wear a mask actually lucked out
HerptheDerp explained the "OK" hand gesture being taken over by white power douchebags

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Cafe Threads discovered that sometimes you can't count on your parents to help you save money
Funny: olapbill is not someone to forget a lover
Smart: make me some tea needs to make me this platter
Smart: Murflette explained the subtle difference between Russian blue and Prussian blue

Politics Funny:
markie_farkie did some serious multitasking
Mr.Tangent figured out why Joe Biden released 21 years of his tax returns
pkjun explained why the U.S. has such high numbers of daily deaths from COVID-19
Farking Clown Shoes looked at what a couple who defaced a Black Lives Matter mural managed to accomplish
adamgreeney reacted to news that the Ayn Rand Institute received money from the Paycheck Protection Program

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
farkingismybusiness had a bit of dark humor

Politics Smart:
Raymond Perjurytrap noticed someone had a strangely calibrated bullshiat detector
Private_Citizen figured that a grim prediction about the coronavirus is probably somewhat optimistic
A Cave Geek thought that Joe Biden will have a stack of work prepared for his first day if he wins the election
Megathuma looked at how some nurses who've helped fight the pandemic are being treated
Tell Me How My Blog Tastes helped explain what was happening with the case against Michael Flynn


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
fluffy_pope decided to narrow down who will be on the rebranded D.C. football team
Nothing To See Here wanted to honor a respected historical figure
opalakea chose a design based on a major influence in the D.C. area
Thrakkorzog knew what a real sharp dressed man looks like
RedZoneTuba doubled down on Washington
west.la.lawyer decided not to have any skin in the game
Thrakkorzog showed us how Skynet will be born
asstamassta really earned that screen name
Alligator appropriately went with a nautical theme
RedZoneTuba made this into a Hans-on art piece
Yammering_Splat_Vector tucked these hanging tents away in a shady spot

Fartist Friday: Create a portrait of summertime
FeuDePoubelle has a lovely garden

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Show us what your pet would say if they could talk. Use any medium you like - art software, pen and paper, etc.  

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 793: "A Fire in the Sky" with an amazing shot of flaming hills and lightning

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, although I didn't get any good tips on avoiding griefers in online gaming. On the Quiz itself, jayfurr gets solo possession of the 1000 club Zoom channel with a score of 1049, followed by runwiz in second with 914 and Skerry_Monkey in third with 913. bradley547 took fourth with a score of 912, and the_colonel finished fifth with a respectable 880.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about newscaster Hugh Downs and his extensive career as a broadcaster. Only 16% of quiztakers knew that the job he had never held was weatherman for WABC-TV in New York. In fact, he was never involved in weather forecasting throughout his career, and never worked at WABC (the vast majority of his career was with NBC until 20/20). He was indeed host of "Concentration" for over ten years beginning in 1958, and announced for "The Tonight Show" for the last five years of the Jack Parr era from 1957-1962.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over where a Louisiana man went for a swim in his very mature and humble quest for "TikTok fame." 83% of quiztakers knew that the man took a dip in the aquarium at the Bass Pro Shop in Bossier City. The irony, of course, was that the person who filmed his antics got far more views on their social media than he did on his TikTok. So maybe if you're going for TikTok fame, do something idiotic in private where no one else is filming. Or maybe, you know, just don't do idiotic stuff. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over Kanye West and his congratulatory message to his wife on her becoming a billionaire. While I can see why 55% of quiztakers would think that tweeting a pair of Yeezys would be completely on-brand with Kanye, in truth, nothing says Kanye more than something completely bizarre - like a couple of tomatoes and some random weird flowers, as only 45% of quiztakers knew.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the location of the famous Globe Theatre, built by Shakespeare's theatre troupe and where many of his plays debuted. Surprisingly, only 94% of quiztakers knew that London was a far more appropriate venue for plays written in (and inventing a small part of) the English language to premiere than 16th Century Paris. But then again, the best way to appreciate Shakespeare is in the original Klingon, so I can understand the confusion of the 6%.

If you missed last week's Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week!