October just started, and there are already articles coming out about people calling the police because they think some Halloween decorations might be real and that someone is in trouble or killed. We should probably have BINGO cards set up for the usual Halloween stories. Squares could include: thing that it's offensive to have a sexy costume of, actual dead person mistaken for Halloween decoration for a while, warnings to not accidentally hand out your marijuana edibles to trick-or-treaters, someone complains that neighbor's decorations are offensive or too scary, school releases list of prohibited costumes that includes thing that people are angry to see included, warnings that people are trying to kill your children with tainted treats, warnings that people are intentionally wasting good drugs by giving them to your children, mugshots of people arrested in costumes, idiots wearing blackface costumes, college students wearing offensive group costumes, inappropriate children's costume for sale, and frog. 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
nekom shared part of a letter home from a Civil War soldier who had to fight dinosaurs
relaxitsjustme explained why police had to tase an 87-year-old woman who was cutting dandelions
Brawndo got a new tattoo
Marcus Aurelius has this one weird trick for saving money on Halloween candy
GooberMcFly lauded police officers for saving an elderly woman's life
Archie Goodwin censured a sex offender
invictus2 was confused by additional proof that dinosaurs were around during the U.S. Civil War
Gordon Bennett commented on what a sex offender has admitted to
Martian_Astronomer taught us what really happened during the Civil War
atlantic_lotion shared a sexual fantasy that breaks the law
drayno76 learned a couple of lessons during sex play

Smart:
edmo responded to a warning about public restroom baby changing tables
Xai found a few problems with police tasing an 87-year-old woman
raerae1980 doesn't approve of archaeologying wrong
Spectral-K shared a sad story about growing up with parents who treat you like you're not good enough
Warthog needed a little more clarification on which sailor was being discussed
Pocket Ninja discussed people who express concern about false rape accusations
Lershac judged a cop by his looks... and because he tased an 87-year-old woman who was cutting dandelions and didn't follow his instructions because she didn't speak English
scottydoesntknow figured that Megyn Kelly overestimates her contributions
Deece thought that there's one thing Bill Cosby might want to stop lecturing people about
puffy999 reacted to news that former Cracked writer John Cheese faced a day of reckoning

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: merrillvillain gave advice on putting a sick pet fish out of its misery
Smart: weddingsinger shared some good news
Funny: feckingmorons warmed TotalFarkers up to an idea for a tattoo
Smart: GhostOfAChance showed off some cool custom shoes
Funny: sarahthustra helpfully identified a mystery bug

Politics Funny:
Intel154 figured out how a new Eagle Scout ended up with a letter from Donald Trump discussing Barbara Bush
Shostie found that Brett Kavanaugh somehow had technology from the future when he was in high school
Destructor issued a plea when world leaders at the United Nations General Assembly laughed at Trump
impaler showed a discussion at the White House about Kavanaugh
scottydoesntknow gave Kavanaugh-like advice

Politics Smart:
hubiestubert listed a lot of red flags that should have disqualified Kavanaugh already
bloobeary spied a Russian invasion
somedude210 had an idea of why Republicans were in such a hurry to confirm Kavanaugh last week
wejash found a reason why confirming Kavanaugh won't cost Republicans the support of Republican women
GardenWeasel had a question about Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy's concern over "the death and decline of democracy"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator had a few questions for a Farker's kid
Vortex Dweller put the boy in a real cockpit
RedZoneTuba showed us how Trump traveled to college
markie_farkie found out what happens when you let a little kid fly the plane
Alligator had a coworker with a questionable appearance
verchad discovered that this boy can fly without a plane
Yammering_Splat_Vector sat around on dat molecule
RedZoneTuba proved that eating on a plane can be a bit messy
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a time-warped room where celebrities read the news
zeon sent this boy on a very long trip

Farktography:
Clockwork Kumquat won Farktography Contest No. 699: "Sweet Things" with a worried-looking Daim

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Well it seems that although no one actually watched the Emmys this year, we all caught up on the results Monday morning. This made the Quiz somewhat easier this week, with no less than six Farkers crowded into the normally cozy 1000 club. M-G reigns supreme with 1038, followed by richh99 in second with 1031 and Bruce Campbell vs Army of Farkness in third with 1025. jaycharms was right behind in fourth with 1024, followed by the Mole of Production in fifth with 1015, and we'll also give a shout-out to BeotchPudding for a very close sixth place with 1014.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about where you can now buy the "meal replacement" Soylent. Only 32% of quiztakers knew it was hitting the market in the UK, who apparently no longer need to worry about EU food regulations. I think if you're naming your food after a substance that was made from dead people, it shouldn't taste like gritty algae. Maybe chicken, but definitely not gritty algae.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over  which video game was being cited the most in UK divorce proceedings. No less than 82% of quiztakers knew that it's no longer 2008, so people are no longer ignoring their spouses over World of Warcraft and instead have moved on to Fortnite. The episodic content seems to have a bigger draw than Netflix and Chill with the spouse nowadays.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which billionaire is investing in a company called Neuralink which promises a direct computer interface with the human brain. Only 37% of quiztakers knew that Elon Musk was looking for a new business opportunity, perhaps due to the impending SEC case that has now ousted him from Tesla. I'm somewhat relieved it wasn't Jeff Bezos, because the last thing we need is people walking around having seemingly one-sided conversations with Alexa.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz came from the Emmys. 79% of quiztakers knew that it was Henry Winkler who finally got his first Emmy, 42 years after being nominated for the first time for his role as "The Fonz" (He was nominated twice more for "Happy Days" and three additional times for other work, but this was his first win). For the record, Danny DeVito took home his first Emmy 37 years ago in 1981 for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy or Variety or Music Series for his role of Louie in "Taxi". He has not been nominated for an Emmy since 2004.

Congrats again to the winners this week. If you missed the quiz, you can catch up by clicking here. 


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks to all our fantastic submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  

We love Headlines of the Week because it lets us showcase the clever, unique, sideways-thinking, and damn funny headlines that we get to enjoy all week.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your spouse, your co-workers, and the people at the bar or coffee shop next to you, and say "*this* is Fark".

Here are a few of our favorites, check out the Headlines of the Week for September 9 - September 15 and Headlines of the Week for September 16 - September 22 for all the headlines chosen the last two weeks!  Take an extra look at Food and D'awww for the week of 9/16 to 9/22 - thanks submitters for making these tabs funny!


Headlines of The Week for Sun 2018-09-09 to Sat 2018-09-15

Main:
Man discovers new kind of rock that glows under black light. Geologists speculate that the rock is composed of Grateful Dead posters and old hotel bedspreads

Sports:
"Welcome to Wahlburgers, how can I help you.... Yes, I know who Nomar Garciaparra is...No, I didn't make out with Derek Jeter...Would you like fries with that? "

Geek:
I was told there would be no wine

Entertainment:
Pay no attention to the Jennifer Garner behind the curtain

Politics:
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTB--wait, no, sorry. Culture War. Are you ready for a Culture War

GOP bringing in the smartest, most articulate Republican president of the 21st century to aid in midterm elections

Victims in alternate timeline speak out against the atrocities of President Clinton, Hillary Clinton

Business:
MGM decided it would sue the 1000+ survivors of the 2017 mass-shooting incident as sort of a reverse class-action, and they'd now appreciate it if those people would identify themselves

Discussion:
Are you one of the millions of Americans who suffer from premature inoculation?

D'awww:
Rocket corgi awaaaaaaaaaaay

Food:
McDonald's stores in South Florida are testing McD's international menu items that have sold well abroad, such as Grand McExtreme Bacon Burger, BBQ McShaker Fries, McSpicy Chicken, and the Dutch Stroopwafel McFlurry which is not a sex practice


Headlines of The Week for Sun 2018-09-16 to Sat 2018-09-22

Main:
Girl in good condition after being freed from washing machine. She is reported to be dizzy and missing one sock

Sports:
NFL player says there's nothing to do in Buffalo. Well, there is one thing

Geek:
Does this fat make me look Cambrian?

Entertainment:
It belongs in a museum

Politics:
American voters want the anger to stop, but they just can't stop BEING SO ANGRY. Maybe tell them anger has glutens?

Business:
Coca-Cola is eyeing the cannabis market. It's the real thing, man

Discussion:
Do you think Van Halen's opening act ever thought to ask for all the brown M&Ms Van Halen insisted be picked out of theirs?

D'awww:
Eighty-seven teams from across the nation are competing to see who is top dog at the National Police Dog Trials. None of them will fall for your fake throw

Food:
🍑🥦🍍🍅🥒➡🗑

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Hey everyone!  Happy equinox/ramp-up to Halloween.  My crew and I have already eaten one 10-pound bag of candy since last week, which was a huge mistake on my part, thinking that three kids would somehow not raid the candy stash at every available opportunity. I'll be finding candy wrappers underneath things for months to come.  Speaking of Halloween, the sexy costume articles have started super early this year.  Sexy Handmaid's Tale seemed a bit of a stretch, Sexy Ghosting started making the rounds as of yesterday.  Personally, I'd love to see Sexy Octopus on Ecstasy, which I'm sure probably already exists.

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Starting today and going through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
*Personal note: Two of these comments made me double-facepalm. One of those was a head-shaking double-facepalm.
FormlessOne struggled when discussing the man with a tattoo that says "Devast8" covering the lower half of his face
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That came through when a celebration of the Cleveland Browns' win was requested
Tr0mBoNe thought a man was especially stupid for climbing on top of a train and getting electrocuted
Thong_of_Zardoz was disappointed that something was missing from the "Captain Marvel" trailer
Super Chronic explained why it's not surprising that there's some racism in Australia
Diogenes had an idea for how a 3D gun printing advocate could have avoided getting arrested
guestguy served as an example as to why police consider screwdrivers and wrenches to be evidence of drug dealing
Abe Vigoda's Ghost was appalled by what kids are allowed to do at school now
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That was confused by a tweet that was supposed to explain things
davidphogan wondered if trans fats were the only fats Canada is worried about

Smart:
Benevolent Misanthrope thought that some people could learn something from a criminal's lack of jail time
Miss5280 responded to the statement that college isn't a requirement
Tr0mBoNe saw a connection between Cody Wilson's opposition to any type of gun control and his sex crime
LarryDan43 missed the good old days, cellphone-wise
baorao longed for a time a few minutes earlier
siyuntz shared this one weird trick to keep from sending or publishing something you might forget to edit
Seeing Marines enjoy shenanigans during a hurricane reminded MattytheMouse of a scene from "Rocky V"
RexTalionis had a message to share about vegan food
MrBallou considered the love between Bert and Ernie
edmo figured that what police did when one guy died would be done when two other people did

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  merrillvillain didn't appreciate being exposed in a TotalFark Discussion headline
Funny:  sarahthustra responded to a mandatory meeting notice
Funny:  generalDisdain knew what a Farker's supposed one-night stand supposedly left on the armoire
Funny:  KangTheMad very recently saw something wacky on the internet
Smart:  Ceteris Paribus says attempted to save italie's life. See, you can get good advice from TotalFark Discussion!

Politics Funny:
ralphjr noted that Ted Cruz has a long history of sending questionable mail
xanadian knew how to use newly-released information to get Donald Trump out of office
Marcus Aurelius thought that former Trump aide Jason Miller looked familiar
Farxist Marxist explained why the public hadn't heard much from Trump lately
mrshowrules was nice enough to let some other Farker have all the fun

Politics Smart:
somedude210 interpreted a Supreme Court ruling for confused Farkers
FormlessOne discussed Sarah Palin's contributions to American culture
vudukungfu saw a problem in the GOP
ThomasPaineTrain had a question about allegations that Jason Miller hid an abortion pill in a smoothie
eurotrader commented on what's happened since Trump withdrew from the Iran nuclear deal


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz found out what kind of moosic cattle like
hail2daking showed us that sometimes art is borne out of frustration
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave Princess Leah hair that can help her fly
Wrongo discovered what went wrongo with this house
RedZoneTuba found a new Emmy winner having some fun
RedZoneTuba showed us what the Australian Embassy looks like
Herb Utsmelz warned us that the scariest hurricane ever was coming
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned the blueprints over
RedZoneTuba helped a butterfly live up to its species name
zeon learned that the pyro girl has other hobbies
hail2daking revealed where the idea for "ball chairs" (not the slatted kind) came from

Farktography:
USAF Retired won Farktography Contest No. 698: "A Shore Thing 2" with a photo of Miyajima's floating torii

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We didn't have much to say about pot roast this week; I mean, it's meat and carrots and potatoes, and really hard to screw up. But we did have fun on the quiz. FrancoFile wasted the most time on Fark last week and reigns supreme with 1038. Ass_Master_Flash made second with 983, followed by kqc7011 with 976. little big man made fourth with 959, and Evildog takes us through the top 5 with 932.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz came from the D'awww Tab. Only 16% of quiztakers had checked out the cute little baby hyenas and knew that they were called "cubs". Although they are more closely related to big cats and civets (those critters that poop out Kopi Luwak coffee beans), Hyenas look, act, and sound more like dogs, so why name their babies like bears? 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which car was getting its final production run in 2019. 82% of quiztakers knew that Volkswagen was finally discontinuing the Beetle (again!) since it has turned into little more than a VW Golf trim package. All of the subtle changes over the last decade have kind of caused it to lose its personality anyways, so it really won't be missed.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what Roanoke, VA had decided to call their Harry Potter Festival after legal threats from Warner Brothers. Only 37% of quiztakers caught the story about the upcoming "Generic Magic Festival", where I'm sure you'll be able to play "broomstick ball" and drink some "margarine ale" while battling the forces of "nonspecified evil".

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was a repeat from a couple of months ago, when the product was being test marketed. 85% of quiztakers knew that White Castle is now proceeding with a nationwide rollout of their 100% vegetarian "Impossible Slider". It even contains heme, which gives it a red color and causes it to "bleed" when cooked, for people who want simulated animal murder, I guess.

If you missed the last quiz, you can catch up here, since you now know a few of the answers. 

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week!

Last week, we learned that a mysterious hole was found in the International Space Station. Meanwhile, the National Solar Observatory in New Mexico was shut down by the FBI. The observatory has since reopened, with vague explanations for the closure, but I think we all know that what really happened is someone at the observatory saw some space termites or space woodpeckers attacking the ISS. The question is, why are they covering this up? Get your bug spray and tennis rackets ready, people. 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
pkjun brilliantly demonstrated different publications' takes on the same story
markie_farkie fixed another Farker's shed ahead of Florence (here's the original post with that photo)
GardenWeasel had a great idea for how to end "The Walking Dead"
Marcus Aurelius figured that we'll need the best people on the job in the wake of Hurricane Florence
tommyl66 gave an update on a guy who planned on riding out the storm on his boat
theflatline inquired about the accommodations a Farker was offering to evacuees
dletter had high hopes for the Cleveland Browns
JulieAzel626 shared a little-known fact about storms
oldfarthenry was happy to see the Frying Pan Tower
Nuclear Monk figured out what caused the hole in the International Space Station

Smart:
whither_apophis felt somewhat cynical about the origins of an illegal drug that police found
wejash tried to give police the benefit of the doubt in the search of Botham Jean's home
dopirt knew the man who was shot in his home by a cop who thought it was her home
HMS_Blinkin thought that there was something worse than marijuana found in Jean's apartment
FormlessOne had words for anyone expressing pity for the cop who killed Jean
Munden found evidence that "cop culture" was at play in Jean's death
Xai considered what it would have meant if that police officer hadn't been charged
Marcus Aurelius figured out what police needed before they could charge a fellow officer for killing a man
Farking Clown Shoes gave a defense that might possibly be used to absolve that cop
scottydoesntknow noticed another odd aspect of a Weather Channel video

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  Brawndo saw the problem with another Farker almost getting a hole in one on the 17th hole
Smart:  Badafuco celebrated an important anniversary
Smart:  Ceteris Paribus says defended a mother forgetting her own child's name
Funny:  Large Marge sent me shared an interesting bit of trivia
Funny:  Rev.K shared what a TotalFarker's schedule might look like

Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That showed what Donald Trump's "hysteria of sorts" might look like, was up for a challenge, was ready for the leak of a certain video, and appreciated a compliment
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat knew how a book Trump writes about his administration would start
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha discovered that a crazy conspiracy theory turned out to be true after all
somedude210 mocked Donald Trump and Sarah Sanders
snowshovel figured out what Paul Manafort's plea agreement meant

Politics Smart:
FormlessOne reminded us how Donald Trump got to this point
scottydoesntknow recognized a list of excuses
bingethinker discussed the white power/OK sign
Marcus Aurelius thought things should never have gone this far with Brett Kavanaugh in the first place
wademh thought that there were problems with an Associated Press fact check


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking found that an old favorite is back at McDonald's
RedZoneTuba showed a rivalry that has escalated quickly
hail2daking came up with a way to make football a lot more interesting
Alligator gave us a reminder that playing with children is hazardous
Vortex Dweller showed some karate kids what a real crane kick looks like
Wrongo discovered some jerks disrespecting the national anthem
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us a panel from an early Superman comic
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed that the Supreme Court hearings have really gotten out of hand
manyone used the Force to keep this doggy dry
RedZoneTuba showed that not much has changed for Calvin and Hobbes

Farktography:
Kirablue42 won Farktography Contest No. 697: "Fruits and Vegetables 3" with this berry good photo

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had some fun discussing the merits of salad greens and toppings, with only one person daring to bring up kale. The quiz was a little on the tough side, with no one breaking into the 1000 club. Cardinal Ximinez took first place with 915, followed by Denjiro and kittyhas1000legs tying for second with 849. 70Ford made third with 828, followed closely by skondris with 827, and scrumpox wounds out the top 5 with 796. 

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over where in Europe the local government spends taxpayer money operating drive-in sex booths for legal prostitution. Only 25% of quiztakers knew that Zurich, Switzerland was the ony one of the three choices where prostitution is actually legal. According to the article, if you are on foot, you'll be directed to another part of town, but you can still receive service on a bicycle. So essentially if you son't have transportation to the other part of town, that's where you need to go.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what you can get paid to eat. 78% of quiztakers knew that a group of four universities are sponsoring a weight loss study, and will pay people $300 to eat avocados every day for 3 months. If they furnished the avocados, they could probably just sign hipsters up outside Starbucks, although the weight loss program might not be a good idea for a generation that insists on skinny jeans.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what Ben Affleck's rumored girlfriend posted to Instagram while he's whiling away his time in rehab. Only 39% of quiztakers caught the story about her choosing to put up a snap of herself enjoying a glass of wine while he's in for alcohol addiction, seemingly showing him two things he can't have. Yeah, you're helping.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over how Serena chose to react to the French Open banning her well-received catsuit she wore at a previous match. 95% of quiztakers knew she showed up in an ultra-feminine tutu, although some say Jim Carrey still wore it better in Ace Ventura. 

If you missed the quiz, you can check it out here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

Well, it sure was an eventful week. We got Labor Dayed and Woodwarded and lodestarred and Kavanaughed, and all of those things are expected to continue into this week. We also have people evacuating and preparing for Hurricane Florence. If you're in its path, please be careful and check in with us when you can. We should have threads running for a while - here's the first Hurricane Florence thread for today. Don't be afraid to ask Farkers if they can help if you need it, or offer help if you are able. Our community has always been really great about helping each other through these things. 

Today, the Fark NotNewsletter has a special "Farker Spotlight" section where you can learn about our very own Sin_City_Superhero, so be sure and check that out, and let us know if you're the guy who tried to rob him. 


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words

Labor Day - 120
Bob Woodward - 1029
Lodestar - 362
Op-ed - 707
Burt Reynolds - 162
Brett Kavanaugh - 1819


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
scottydoesntknow thought that a shooting suspect looked extra suspicious
Snarfangel explained the science behind good cops and bad cops
Unobtanium sang a song about a sexist doctor
grokca found someone who agrees with "Barbecue Becky" about charcoal grills
Theaetetus found an opportunity for a cop who entered the wrong apartment and killed the occupant
zang knew that you can never be too careful
Trocadero reacted to a Marvel character's butt shot
doglover gave some examples of movies featuring sexbots
Sarah Jessica Farker noticed a cosmetic surgery mistake
Thong_of_Zardoz personally witnessed the danger of grilling with charcoal in a gas-only area

Smart:
Make More Hinjews thought a shooting was representative of something bigger
EdgeRunner imagined the thought process of Fox News when they decided to try to embarrass a former "Cosby Show" actor
fusillade762 noticed something about the "Guardians of the Galaxy" cast's reaction to Disney's treatment of James Gunn
Carter Pewterschmidt had ideas for how a couple could have made money
itsdan noticed something about the couple who are alleged to have stolen money they raised for a homeless man
obenchainr argued that a police officer entering the wrong apartment and killing its resident wasn't just a tragic accident
BizarreMan had some questions about the woman known as "Barbecue Becky"
Pocket Ninja laid out the steps you should take before you consider shooting a dog for killing your chickens
scottydoesntknow thought that a shooting suspect looked extra suspicious
KingBiefWhistle gave some reasons why you should mind your own business about what girls are wearing for band practice

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  Chris Ween discovered that a fellow TotalFarker was brave enough
Smart:  Eclectic taught us all about "Hogan's Heroes"
Funny: Por que tan serioso helped clarify how to get even when a neighbor mows the lawn early in the morning
Funny: firemanbuck pointed out that objects can have misleading names
Funny: flucto gave some advice on how to woo a woman

Politics Funny:
pkjun noticed a national reaction to Alex Jones' Twitter ban
impaler shared snekretary's some random snek's opinion of the anonymous New York Times op-ed
PainInTheASP appreciated Donald Trump's name-drop
jbc helped those who were confused by a Trump tweet
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat pointed out the downside to investing in the sock market

Politics Smart:
WalkingCarpet demonstrated what a civility might look like
Wookie_Jesus tried to rally the troops
scottydoesntknow found that we're close to having proof that Trump won the popular vote
Mr_Fabulous knew what Trump should do about Bob Woodward's book
Peki explained why the resistance within the Trump Administration isn't very impressive

CSB Sunday Morning:  What September means to you
Smart:  Mikeyworld remembered a lost loved one
Funny: There weren't any actual stories that got funny votes for this topic 

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Mudbox figured that dating will be easier in 100 years
Mojongo decided that the classics will always be a hit
hail2daking had a new take on the distracted boyfriend meme
Glockenspiel Hero saw a dire future for the internet
Herb Utsmelz predicted a segregated social media experience
thatguyoverthere70 showed that presidents will continue making official statements through Twitter
#2 showed how the Vulcan salute can be more expressive
RedZoneTuba thought social media will be a wasteland in the future
Mudbox reported some bad news for anyone who drives
zeon found peace in the midst of chaos

Farktography:
gregscott won Farktography Contest No. 696: "Roy G Biv 2" with a rainbow waterfall in Yosemite

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Farker Spotlight

We recently held a TotalFark and BareFark subscription drive with a chance to be chosen at random to be interviewed for the Fark NotNewsletter, and Sin_City_Superhero was the lucky winner.  You've most likely seen Sin_City_Superhero's posts on Fark, as he participates in all different types of threads, and his comments have been listed in the prestigious Fark NotNewsletter many times. Sin_City_Superhero claims his real name is Paul Smith. He's 44 years old, single, and - you probably figured this out on your own - he lives in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Paul was born at a young age in a hospital on the military base in Fort Knox, Kentucky, but spent what he cryptically referred to as "the formidable part" of his youth in a small town outside of Atlanta. He blames this era for his love of the Atlanta Braves and the Atlanta Falcons. In 1993, he decided to love them from afar and moved to California. Unfortunately he couldn't find a job and was way too late for the Gold Rush, so someone told him to try Las Vegas, which he says is the "best advice I've ever gotten...well, that and the whole 'buy a plunger before you need a plunger' advice."

Paul then plunged right into his work at a loan company, first as a loan officer, then as an administrative assistant for the corporate office. One day while Paul was loan officing, a man pulled a gun on him, but our hero Paul had played knifey-spoony before... and yes, there's video. I have no idea what show that is. Kicky music, though.

These days, Paul is the shipping and receiving manager at a rigging company, which he claims has nothing to do with rigging games and elections, but is instead doing rigging for construction, mining, and shows on the Las Vegas strip. He has a 13-year-old Blue Heeler named Buddy. He enjoys Farking, working on his cars (a 1987 Mazda RX-7 and a 1971 Datsun pickup), and playing bass guitar. Paul, that is, not Buddy.  Paul also recently restored a 1972 Fender Musicmaster bass. Since moving to Las Vegas, he has become a fan of the Vegas Golden Knights, which he claims is an NHL team and not a LARPing group. He also offers this bit of advice: "If you have poor vision, and you have the means, I HIGHLY recommend LASIK. My vision was off-the-charts bad...literally. They didn't have an eye chart for vision as bad as mine was.  I had the surgery almost 7 years ago (it takes about 60 seconds per eye), and I've had 20/20 ever since. Best $3800 I've ever spent." 

Paul hasn't been to a Fark Party yet, but if you'd like to meet him, he's planning on going to the upcoming Fark Party in Las Vegas. The only problem with that is that a group of TotalFarkers keep talking about planning this party, but they all keep trying to get someone else to host it. Hopefully one of them will just step up and submit the Fark Party. C'mon, y'all, it's not that hard - just pick a day and a time and a place, submit it, and then no matter what you plan, there will be complaints, which you can laugh about when you meet up with Paul and your other fellow Farkers. Cheers!

Have you ever had the flu? It suuuuuuuucks. The good news is that influenza vaccinations for the 2018-2019 flu season are available across the U.S. now, so if it's not in your area yet, it should be soon. If you have the means and you don't have a legitimate medical condition keeping you from it (no, listening to Jenny McCarthy doesn't count as a medical condition), go get yourself pricked as soon as possible. The CDC has a lot of information about the flu virus and vaccinations, including a vaccine finder, information about who should and who shouldn't get the flu shot, and information for your friends who think the flu shot gives you the flu (it doesn't). And spoiler alert: Getting vaccinated is not going to cause you to have to walk backwards. While you're at it, make sure you and your family members are up to date on all the recommended vaccines. If you're not sure if you need one, you can be tested for immunity so you won't have to get stabbed unnecessarily if that's not your fetish. 

So go get yourself vaccinated. Do it for yourself. Do it for your family and friends. And for fark's sake, do it for those who cannot be vaccinated themselves. Then you can go back to just injecting the marijuanas like you usually do.


Comment Mentions

Funeral - 909
Madden - 217
Boston Globe - 32
Flu shot - 42


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
you are a puppet shared some helpful information during the shooting at the video game tournament
Munden confessed to turning a bride into a bridezilla
NeoCortex42 commented on the video game tournament shooting
scottydoesntknow defended a bride's unreasonable demands
Mindlock noticed an early sign that wedding plans were getting out of hand
Albino Squid had more information about injuries at the video game tournament
Dare to keep slugs off kids wasn't all that impressed by photos found in a found camera
Pocket Ninja pointed out a fact about people who were once in the military
Xanlexian wanted to go to a wedding
FreakyBunny took on the challenge of out-modesting all other weddings

Bonus FarkStaff Picks:    
brigid_fitch had a great experience meeting Jeff Goldblum
Also, if you haven't checked out this article about a man's search for his biological parents, be sure to do so. It's a great read, and a feel-good story.

Smart:
kudayta read between the lines when a preacher got angry about kids playing football
Cagey B pointed out that some things can't entirely be blamed on Russian bots
FrancoFile listed some limits to making your own rules
Smoking GNU found that some people think something is dirty because they want it to be
Theaetetus described something only the health care industry gets away with
Pocket Ninja didn't think that wearing a tight elastic band around your rib cage all day could possibly be uncomfortable for anyone
Fishmongers' Daughters explained that bra fittings don't solve all bra problems
vicejay shared a lot of information about Hurricane Katrina
SirSigsegV pointed out that a "psychic" was actually right about something
whither_apophis asked a question about a retiring bishop's house

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  KangTheMad figured out who had to quit a job that had been misrepresented
Funny:  OneFretAway knew exactly who the "most broke-ass TFer" is
Funny:  meg12279 described the effect TotalFark Discussion threads have on people
Smart:  eyeq360 shared some artwork featuring a variety of sneks

Politics Funny:
Algebrat thought that the words of a guy who threatened The Boston Globe seemed familiar
almandot spotted a strange sign at a Trump rally
Eddie Adams from Torrance stood up for Trump's sexual prowess
scottydoesntknow did the math on Trump's romp with Stormy Daniels
FlashHarry showed us a Trump Organization employee who tried to get an immunity deal

Politics Smart:
Karac had good reason for being okay with not being allowed to use a certain word
Unobtanium agreed with Trump about Paul Manafort
hubiestubert discussed Fox News viewers' comments about John McCain
MattytheMouse commented on Trump's raising the flag before McCain's funeral being the last straw for some people
justGreg explained why fake Trump tweets can be problematic

CSB Sunday Morning:  Summer's end
Smart: edmo remembered what it was like flying for commercial airlines
Funny: Farkers didn't share many actual stories that got voted "funny" for this

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Octafrye had Bob Ross take Wil's place for a bit
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave Wil a custom-made sweater
opalakea figured out what was missing from a winter scene
manyone revealed the secret behind a work of art
Yammering_Splat_Vector found that there's always a long line to use the bathroom
Ghastly showed us who was hiding behind the clouds
ionthrust gave us a cat doing what cats do best
Mister Pleco showed that there are some things you just can't escape
verchad wanted to believe
nissananimal started getting ready for Christmas

Farktography:
Clockwork Kumquat won Farktography Contest No. 695: "Bugged Out" with these wingy bois

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had a bit of fun last week discussing America's favorite cultural appropriation, the lowly taco. Turns out there are as many varieties (and probably even more) of delicious tacos as there are Farkers to enjoy them. For the record, I still say lettuce is fine on a taco, although nutritionally it's pointless. Also, cheese deserves to be melted when served with warm meat. 

We had several 11/11's on the quiz itself, but only one person managed to break the 1000 marker. thehobbes reigns supreme (taco joke - so with sour cream?) with 1017, followed by Oliver Twisted in second barely missing out with 999. ThereBeNoShelterHere and Kidsmakeyoucrazy tied for third at 982, with jurisenpai in fourth with 950 and EasilyDistracted finishing out the top 5 with 932.

The hardest question on this week's Hard quiz was about which US city had the worst problem with mosquitoes this season. Only 17% of quiztakers caught the article about the study from Terminix that says Dallas, TX has the worst problem with blood-sucking pests (outside of Washington DC, of course). I'm thinking they should have included my backyard in the study, as I usually feel as if I need a transfusion after an hour outside. 

The easiest question on this week's Hard Quiz was over who the Miami Herald had endorsed for Congress. The paper claims that the reached out to everyone on the ballot, but only a few had responded, so they chose one who wasn't too off-the-wall - at least by Florida standards. 83% of quiztakers knew that the candidate they endorsed, business consultant Bettina Rodriguez-Aguilera, claims to have been abducted by aliens when she was 7 years old. I'm quite certain that many Floridians readily identify with this, or at least view this as a "sounds like my neighbor next door" kind of thing.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz this week was over KFC's new Colonel Sanders, which is turning into an almost weekly thing. Only 45% of quiztakers knew that it was Hafthor "The Mountain" Bjornsson who donned the white suit as the "Double Colonel" in their newest ad, and proceeded to pull a 700-lb. sled full of chicken sandwiches to set some kind of world record that no one has ever bothered attempting before and probably won't again until Chik-Fil-A's marketing department has a brilliant idea for a Twitter feud..

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the change to box art for Nabisco's Animal Crackers. 94% of quiztakers knew that after a campaign by PETA, Nabisco has changed the art to depict the animals standing around in a meadow like a cover for the newest Disney "Lion King" straight-to-DVD offering or something instead of in cages. Still no word on what to do if the seal is broken.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing the same thing again this week!

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Last week we launched two new tabs: Food and D'awww.  The welcome they received exceeded expectations. The submissions have been fantastic and we're off to a great start.  Meanwhile this morning someone on TotalFark asked if there had been a link cross-posted on D'awww and Food yet (link will work if you are signed up for TotalFark).  My short term memory is Swiss cheese at best so I can't say for sure, but we almost had one this morning involving "Your dog wants" and "steak," but the article wasn't about steak so I sent it to D'awww without cross posting it.  Also the submitter had accidentally tagged the link as [Food] somehow, which is either a complete accident or a symptom of a greater personal problem. Get help, Subby.

Also last week I teased new mobile Fark changes - however I also teased that we'd release them to TotalFarkers first, and we haven't done that yet.  So TotalFarkers can look for that later today, I'd love some feedback on it. Probably around 3 or 4pm ET

Also in case anyone missed it, AAA has released its seasonal article about how gas will be expensive and there will be traffic this weekend.  No need to read it, that's all it says. Just like every year. Have fun in traffic everyone!

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 

Comment Mentions

Immunity - 367
Plea deal - 234
David Pecker - 395
National Enquirer - 173
Allen Weisselberg - 105
Duncan Hunter - 131
John McCain - 1425


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
Mr. Coffee Nerves had another idea of why Hooters restaurants are failing
Petit_Merdeux responded to a story about a woman catching a man trying to get video of her daughter trying on clothes
Naido noticed something about a Farker who's been on an episode of "The Big Bang Theory"
Mr. Coffee Nerves pointed out the bad side of "The Big Bang Theory" coming to an end
doglover was considering an unusual form of punishment for no-knock raids
pxlboy had an idea of why a kid peed on another kid
scottydoesntknow compared some luxury vehicles
palelizard demonstrated a Portland, Oregon accent
ArcadianRefugee knew what millennials will be watching with their newly-installed TV antennas
Bill_Wick's_Friend took a while to figure out what people meant with their emoji messages

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:    
Schlubbe found a better way to describe what happened when a man with a gun crashed a high school dance because the music was too loud

Smart:
devildog123 shared a plan for demilitarizing the police
Mr. Coffee Nerves had another idea of why Hooters restaurants are failing
Calypsocookie voiced an opinion about money that was raised for a homeless man
Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste predicted what will happen if you help take down a suspect for a reward instead of taking video
croesius reacted to the ideas of a man who shot at women drivers
Azlefty wanted someone arrested for helping an accused murderer
Magorn had a plan for curbing the overuse of no-knock warrants
RodneyToady figured there's not much reason to go to some restaurants
SirDigbyChickenCaesar had a noble reason for not wanting to pay to take someone's virginity
SirDigbyChickenCaesar wasn't impressed by a comparison

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: EggFool had words of encouragement for a Farker who dropped everything to move to California
Funny: ThomasPaineTrain responded to someone who was amazed at how inexpensive salt is
Funny: Old Man Winter discovered that a question has haunted one Farker for at least a decade
Funny: Shakespeare's Monkey helpfully defined "workplace optimization"
Smart: Smock Pot shared some wisdom from Dad

Politics Funny:
Hobodeluxe figured out what Donald Trump was thinking of when he colored the U.S. flag wrong
The Third Man posted an excellent riddle
Demetrius showed what Trump's reaction might be to the Trump Organization's CFO being granted immunity
toraque thought some barricades at a courthouse looked familiar
scottydoesntknow had a better day than Trump did

Politics Smart:
Hobodeluxe figured out what Donald Trump was thinking of when he colored the U.S. flag wrong
I Ate Shergar examined what it means to "Al Capone" someone
spongeboob guessed at why Trump doesn't want Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill
NewportBarGuy responded to Rudy Giuliani's demand that the DOJ go after Hillary Clinton
jayhawk88 recalled a silly moment that ended a political career


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Circusdog320 showed someone going to a lot of trouble to grab a kitty
hail2daking thought this tube looked familiar
hail2daking signed up for trouble
noazark gave a production company a more enthusiastic logo
hail2daking gave this dance troupe some zany variety
RedZoneTuba discovered that Roger Thornhill is still on the run
Cork on Fork found the perfect group to appreciate this design
RedZoneTuba gave some wheels to someone who needed the help
Alligator revealed a bad omen
noazark began the task of preparing to cook a very large side dish

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 694: "Free-For-All" with this fish going for a ride

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, August 29: w00tstout tapping with Drew in Lexington, Kentucky
Sunday, September 2: Maui Fark Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had some fun discussing the merits of various versions of fried potatoes, and came to the conclusion that almost no one has standard straight fries as their favorite - yet they are far and away the most commonly served.

The quiz went well, but we had to a do a quick clean-up in the 1000 club lounge since it had been a while since it had been used. the Mole of Production got exclusive use of the paisley throw pillows in the lounge with a score of 1004, followed by Oliver Twisted in second place with 923 and elpresidenteALO in third with 917. Oakenraven made fourth with 893, and bud jones finishes out the top 5 with 887.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over the taxidermied mascot from St. Elmo's Steakhouse in Indianapolis. Only 22% of quiztakers caught the story about Winston the fox and his ceremonial ride back home in the back seat of an Uber. No word on how many stars he gave the driver.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what a Superior, AZ police commander used to film himself having sex in the station. 86% of quiztakers knew that he found a use for his police-issued bodycam that somehow didn't malfunction at an inopportune time. Something tells me this will soon be a category on one of those NSFW sites, assuming it's not already.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which e-pet from the '90s had its source code leaked this week. Only 39% of quiztakers knew it was Furby whose secrets were revealed to all. For what it's worth, the source code for the Tamagotchi has been available online since 2013. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the method of transportation used by a teacher from Ohio to cross the Atlantic Ocean in world record time. 86% of quiztakers knew that it took him less than 39 days to cross in a rowboat..That's one teacher for whom I wouldn't want to have to write a "How I spent My Summer Vacation" report. 

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing the same thing again this week. If you missed the quiz, you can catch up on it here.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Hey everyone!  Thanks again to everyone who signed up for TotalFark and BareFark last week - we really appreciate it!  We haven't heard anything back from Google, but in this case, no news is good news. Click here for a summary of our latest ridiculousness with them.  

Now for something completely different: We're adding a couple new tabs this week.  The last time we did this was something like five years ago. I've been thinking for a while about what other categories we could add that would have enough traction in the daily news cycle and have come up with two possibilities.  We're going to try them out for a couple weeks and see if that's the case, and if so, we're going to leave them up permanently. If not, we'll take them down and/or change them. If you're a link submitter, you'll notice the new options later today.  We'll be putting the tabs live later this week once we've got a few stories on them. Keep your eyes open for them!

Next week: Fark's mobile site is getting some new changes.  Find out what they are! Or just sign up for TotalFark where we'll be releasing the changes early to subscribers.  

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Mentions

Omarosa Manigault Newman - 1111
Aretha Franklin - 417
Security clearance - 526


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
Naido had something to say about leaning forward while using the toilet
Herb Utsmelz sang a song for adults who were threatening a 12-year-old child
I_Am_Weasel preferred a more relaxing hobby
Mugato solved a tricky math problem
Gordon Bennett found the perfect location for Donald Trump's parade
Circusdog320 cried over a heartbreaking problem
sirrerun shared a secret to saving money
SoupGuru felt sorry for someone who pushed her friend off a bridge
The Pope of Manwich Village figured there are good people on both sides of the pushing your friend off the bridge issue
Pocket Ninja linked to Marilyn Monroe's previously-lost nude scene from "The Misfits"

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:    
bearded clamorer supported the FDA's caution against using lasers as a medical treatment for lady parts

Smart:
peasandcarrots tried to explain what it means to be a transgender person
padraig discussed racist medical professionals
fappomatic appreciated what a church did during a Pride parade
codergirl42 shared an upsetting story
Madman drummers bummers noted something admirable about the young woman who pushed her friend off a bridge
Gubbo had an idea to help people pay their medical bills
saintstryfe beautifully explained how to "understand" trans people
hubiestubert shared a perspective on gender
KodosZardoz brought up some of the problems that kids have to deal with these days
hubiestubert shared personal experience to argue that police might not have needed to use a Taser on an 87-year-old woman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Candygram4Mongo comforted a Farker whose car had died
Funny: maddan had advice for a wedding vendor who has an issue with a client
Funny: RedPhoenix122 doesn't eat TV dinners anymore
Funny: brap knew how to handle complaints about your photography business
Funny: EggFool's daughter is a smartass
Smart: Shostie explained why people need to carry concealed firearms
Funny: Literally Addicted added insult to self-injury
Funny: doglover explained why it's best not to sleep with an arm under your pillow

Politics Funny:
make me some tea recited an old adage about Donald Trump's tweets
theDesertHamster figured that Trump should have been careful what he asked for
BizarreMan explained why Omarosa Manigault Newman's Situation Room tapes aren't a big deal
Marcus Aurelius had some bad news for Trump about the Fake News Media
AirForceVet still has a security clearance after sending Trump a gift

Politics Smart:
D_PaulAngel shared a reaction to Trump's joke that military members should reject raises to help pay U.S. debt
Bathia_Mapes pointed out how some members of the military desperately need to be paid more
Shadow Blasko figured that Trump could be causing more legal trouble for himself
Straight Outta Wells Branch suggested a more effective way of communicating with Trump supporters
MattytheMouse thought that the United States dodged a bullet

CSB Sunday Morning:  Memorable moments at the state fair
Smart (also tied for Funny): Oakenraven only cared about one thing at the fair
Funny: BowtoMogul had a stomach-curdling time at the state fair

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator made breakfast for people who wake up feeling like zombies
Cork on Fork had the perfect gift for someone who already has a dick in a box
Alligator showed a visit to the Golden Arches
manyone had some fun blocking the view
I_Am_Weasel showed what's worse than getting your truck stuck in a tunnel
I_Am_Weasel found out what all those shrunken heads are used for
Circusdog320 created the last cereal you'll ever eat
hail2daking added to an iconic painting
sl4psh0t added a little rock 'n' roll to a sibling band
hail2daking got ready for a sequel to a Stephen King classic

Farktography:
henryhill won Farktography Contest No. 693: "Monochromatic Masterpieces 2" with a beautiful orange scene in Skoura, Morocco

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Another difficult one last week, with no one getting the elusive 11/11 and the 1000 club. In first place was Billlbo with 911, followed by foo monkey in second with 908. Denjiro brought in third with 848, bud jones managed 833 for fourth, and dionysusaur rounds out the top five with 827. Looks like we'll try for a little easier quiz this week.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which state had the highest per capita consumption of booze. Only 22% of quiztakers knew that in New Hampshire, you don't have to choose between Live Free and Die, you can do both while drunk off your arse. At 4.76 gallons per person, New Hampshire-ites(?) drink more than twice the national average of 2.35 gallons per person. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with all the presidential candidates roaming around there year after year bumping into things and annoying the locals.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was, oddly enough, which state had the highest pot consumption in the country. 60% of quiztakers knew that more than one out of five Massachusetts residents surveyed had partaken of marijuana in some form in the past month. Oddly enough, although pot has been legal there since December 15, 2016, the recreational use market only opened on July 1 of this year. So it seems everyone in Massachusetts has been growing their own for the past year and a half. Yeah, that's the ticket.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over where to find the limited-time-only Reese's "Outrageous" Doughnut. Only 46% of quiztakers knew that Krispy Kreme was the place to catch the latest in insta-diabeetus this season. One of these monuments to human excess is 300 calories (130 of which are fat calories), 14 grams of fat, 41 grams of carbs, and 24 grams of sugar. No word on the scientific breakthroughs necessary to cram this much into a single doughnut, but I'm sure E.T. will say it was money well spent.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which celebrity chef was causing controversy for "cultural insensitivity" for their new series, "Uncharted." 78% of quiztakers knew that Paula Deen has had enough cultural insensitivity in the spotlight for several lifetimes, and that Gordon Ramsay was the chef trotting across the globe to find someone new to yell at. Is it more or less insensitive if he learns to swear at people in their native tongue?

Congratulations to the winners. If you missed the quiz, you can catch up on it here. We'll be doing the same thing again this week.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Tl;dr Google's at it again - could use some more subscriptions

So here's a weird thing that popped up early last week.  Google flagged Fark for being out of compliance with Google's advertising layout standards again.  

As you might remember, this happened to us in late 2016.  At the time, Google just shut all our ads off for six weeks for a false positive on inappropriate content - you can read all about that in our original note here.  As luck would have it, things have changed since then; now Google notifies us in advance and only shuts off ads to the specific page rather than the entire site IF action isn't taken in a timely manner.  

This time around, Google says we have links too close to the ad units - which might cause people to accidentally click on the ads instead of the links. Here's the problem: The links in question are our "report this ad" links, which we'd rather people actually click to report bad ads - ads with sound on by default or other annoying behaviors, which we specifically don't allow but somehow seem to sneak through Google's ad system anyhow despite Google being almost a trillion dollar company that makes substantially all of its revenue from advertising.  

Anyhow, we asked Google how close was too close for our "report this ad" links.  Their response: "We can't tell you."

So to sum up: Google has told us we're out of compliance but won't tell us how to be in compliance.  We've had this problem before, a few years back Google told us we were hosting an image with "too much sideboob" but wouldn't answer the question, how much sideboob is too much?

So far this hasn't affected ads any, and I'll update once we have a resolution on this issue.  But meanwhile this is a great time to remind everyone to sign up for TotalFark or BareFark if you haven't already.  Last time this happened, we lost a month and a half of revenue and if it wasn't for a huge surge in subscription signups, that would have been a mortal blow to Fark.  Our revenue hasn't been shut off so far, but just in case I figured it would be worth mentioning - without subscribers Fark would have disappeared years ago. As an added bonus you get a spiffy tag next to your name, as well as bragging rights next time you run into me in person that you personally kept Fark running.  

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 

Comment Mentions

Solar probe - 15
Parker - 42
Space Force - 463
Charlottesville - 136


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
Redh8t had some bad news for a Farker who's tried not to look suspicious
Snarfangel was eager to find out more about how bad Amazon is
scottydoesntknow knew how to keep people from thinking you're a serial killer
Mr. Coffee Nerves was impressed by how white supremacists have been demonstrating their supremacy
Wadded Beef wanted the recipe
eriphila pointed out why it's good that Macaulay Culkin turned down a role in "Big Bang Theory"
Naido offered advice on what to do if someone is fapping, riding a bike, and breaking into your house
naughtyrev had a great idea for the big hit movie of next summer
AintNoAmoeba let us know who's upset at the idea that skinny eyebrows might be cultural appropriation
jaytkay argued in favor of face tattoos
skinink pointed out something that's even worse than fake power outlets in airports

Smart:
jaytkay was not sorry for a tourist who was arrested in Dubai
edmo thought that racist people could teach us all something
Pocket Ninja agreed that Amazon didn't have a reason to ban any self-published authors
LessO2 figured that things could have gone very differently when a man stole a plane from Sea-Tac airport
jtown pointed out who the real airport villain is
SpaceyCat explained why the stolen airplane wasn't shot down
Zevon's Evil Twin has high hopes for the future (and also does nice things for senior citizens)
jbc figured that dead people have some work to do
Snarfangel gave a visual lesson on face tattoos
ElFugawz was shocked by some bad news about baby boomers

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: OneFretAway found something important to remember about another Farker
Smart: Badafuco explained why Ansel Adams took black and white photos
Funny: JerseyTim revealed the reason some people have dandruff
Funny: merrillvillain gave advice on ordering authentic Chinese food
Funny: rcf1105 knew why a Farker wasn't offered the "real" Chinese menu
Funny: mmagdalene thinks that this photo of Ross Martin is Ed McMahon for some reason, but the description is legit

Politics Funny:
Snarfangel found evidence that Jeff Sessions was eager to avoid being held in contempt
markie_farkie pointed out how Donald Trump knows that California's environmental laws are to blame for the wildfires
dripping with sarcasm knew what Trump was referring to when he tweeted "5 for 5!"
KC Dutchman sang about Rick Gates testifying against Paul Manafort
dugitman improved one of the Space Force insignia options

Politics Smart:
justGreg got an idea from "I'd rather be a Russian than Democrat" t-shirts
Ambivalence explained the difference between Sen. Dianne Feinstein having a Chinese spy on her staff and Mueller's Russia investigation
nekom suggested a way to make the best of Republicans' cozying up to Russia
Weaver95 had a plan in the event that Trump resigns because of the conclusions of the Russia investigation
Ambivalence discussed what fighter pilots were called upon to do on 9/11


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
cowgirl toffee was living the dream
hail2daking gave Fark a new favorite football team
RedZoneTuba found that Zorro has started working within the law
Yammering_Splat_Vector took a literal approach to "Space Force"
#2 gave a reason to support Jeff Sessions
Driver showed us a couple of Russians who are meddling in a U.S. election
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a strange transformation
RedZoneTuba came up with a name for members of the Space Force
Yammering_Splat_Vector noticed a similar taste in fashion
RedZoneTuba showed a candidate whose motivations might not be sincere

Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 692: "Beverages" with this green tea

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Last week's quiz was another toughie, with no one breaking the 1000 mark. In first place, we had the Mole of Production with 909, followed closely by Balder333 with 906 and bobobolinskii with 899. In fourth it was fuzzyracing1967 with 882, and rounding out the top five was Denjiro with 868.

The hardest question for most on the Hard Quiz was over the motivations of Florida Man in his recent conviction for conspiracy to blow up Target stores. Although it's not hard to believe "living in Florida" would be motivation enough for all kinds of idiotic behavior, in this case, he had a grand plan. Only 32% of quiztakers knew he wanted to tank the company's stock so he could buy it up on the cheap for a massive profit. So, just basic human greed. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was, oddly enough, our history lesson for the week. 77% of quiztakers knew that John Komnenos was so fat that he literally broke the throne of the Byzantine Empire when he attempted to sit on it following his coup, which ultimately failed. No word on if they refunded his security deposit. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which software company was re-branding and asking its users to decide on new company and product logos. Only 51% of quiztakers still feel Mozilla is relevant enough to read a story about. They plan to return to the glory days of 1998 and their browser dominance, I'm guessing because Microsoft no longer imbeds IE and no one likes this "Edge" crap in Windows 10, no matter how many stupid little adverts that pop up when you open Chrome, telling you that Edge is "faster" and "more secure". 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over a recent trading card sale on ebay. 85% of quiztakers heard that a Black Lotus card from the original printing has sold for $87,672. It seems that black borders are tens of thousands of dollars cooler than regular borders, which is apparently the only difference between the card in the first and second printing. For 80 grand, I'd expect the thing to physically eat my opponent's entire deck and do 3 points of real damage to my opponent himself so he can serve as a warning to others.

Congratulations to the winners, and if you missed the quiz, you can catch up right here.

In case you missed it, there was a cute story about this super lucky neighborhood in Boise, Idaho that was invaded by a horde of hungry goats on Friday. Can  you imagine how awesome it would be to look out your window and see that? I'm so jealous. A few weeks ago, I woke up from a Saturday afternoon nap and casually looked out my window to see that the trees in the gully across the street were on fire, and that was significantly less adorable than a swarm of 118 goats. I wasn't too nervous because, though the flames were high, it looked like firefighters had it under control and no structures or people were in danger. Indeed, it was out very soon. I really wish that it had been a horde of happy goats attacking that vegetation instead of a stupid fire.


Comment Mentions

Enemy of the people - 92
LeBron James - 121
Trump Tower - 130
Goat - 234


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
gabethegoat did "challenges" before they were cool
guestguy showed us what "wistful white people" might look like
Snarfangel figured out where Disney went wrong with James Gunn
Harry Freakstorm encountered a paywall
holdmybones didn't think Pocket Ninja would find a certain article
Promo Sapien pointed out an issue with the Stone Mountain Confederate monument
skinude1 defended a decision that led to a plane crash
Aurric had a good reason for intentionally splashing pedestrians while driving
WelldeadLink predicted what a lawsuit might do to the operator of the duck boat that recently sank
Pocket Ninja looked forward to reading an article about a particular high school janitor

Smart:
nmrsnr used this one weird trick for staying out of trouble in high school
hubiestubert discussed race in America
Wessoman had advice for one of the few white workers in a chicken plant
Pocket Ninja looked forward to reading an article about a particular high school janitor
CarnySaur has a decent person's reaction when hearing people speaking a foreign language
AdmirableSnackbar had an idea for reducing policy body cam malfunctions and/or shootings
Lambskincoat predicted what could happen if TSA stops screening passengers at small airports
Pazuzu Smith-Jones shared what it's like when your parents disown you for being gay
Mr. Coffee Nerves argued in favor of making people pay for using police resources for frivolous 911 calls
Trivia Jockey had a different proposal for addressing people calling 911 for ridiculous reasons

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: rickythepenguin was inspired by a Farker's brothers new job as a radio DJ
Funny: Your Naught They're will be the one to save us all
Funny: vegas_greaser a-holed up a couple of movies, and harleyquinnical a-holed another one
Smart: Eli WhiskeyDik reacted to a Farker's adorable and innocent "best wake-up experience" in classic Farker fashion

Politics Funny:
TelemonianAjax figured out what Donald Trump was saying about Dianne Feinstein
nytmare explained why Snekretary is an incel
AdmirableSnackbar was right about last week
Merltech sensed President Trump's fear
Kubo let us know what the NRA meant when they said they were in financial trouble

Politics Smart:
fusillade762 saw nothing special about Robert Mueller's relationship with Trump
NateAsbestos had some advice for analyzing Trump's tweets
Mad Scientist reacted to Rudy Giuliani telling Mueller to "put up or shut up"
stan unusual shared some words of wisdom about politicians
weddingsinger analyzed the analysis of the proposed "Medicare for All" plan

CSB Sunday Morning: My staycation
Smart (tie): gordian and a friend had every 13-year-old's dream weekend
Smart (tie): davidphogan got the most out of a year of being jobless
Funny: gordian and a friend had every 13-year-old's dream weekend


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator put Fish in charge of the world
Snubnose made protesting a lot easier
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed an alien invasion of privacy
RedZoneTuba found out what Melania Trump is doing to keep the White House beautiful
Cork on Fork used a tripod to grab a prize
Mojongo showed us what happens when the fish turn the tables on us
RedZoneTuba extended a sexy invitation
RedZoneTuba showed Trump running a tight ship
noazark supersized the first lady
Don_cos updated a classic Bloom County comic strip

Farktography:
Deveyn won Farktography Contest No. 691: "Mental Health Day" with a grumpy fish

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Beyond Fark

We're very sad to have lost Farker QueenofDenial. Her partner Ovuzai wrote a beautiful tribute to her and told us about her life in her memorial thread.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had a tough one last week, with no one breaking the 1000 mark, and only one person hitting 900. notyoucoach takes home first place with 904, followed by Equilibrist in second with 860 and Denjiro in third with 853. Harry Freakstorm took fourth with 849, and Evildog finishes out the top five with 834.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which departing police commissioner got a bong as a going-away present from the local public radio station. Only 20% of quiztakers caught the article about the Boston police commissioner and his weekly "Ask the Commissioner" radio show, in which he gave many public statements about marijuana legalization. Let's hope he finds a good use for it in his retirement.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about the impending release of the updated 8110 phone. 76% of quiztakers recognized the curved yellow "bananaphone" as used by Neo in "The Matrix" as a Nokia device. Although the phone doesn't support the most popular Chinese apps such as WeChat or Alipay, preorders are through the roof. I think it's more to do with the bananaphone song (now it's stuck in your head!).

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over DC's latest branding effort dor the DCEU. only 38% of quiztakers caught the article about their newest iteration, "Worlds of DC". Because obviously a new label is all that stands between Henry Cavill's CGI de-moustaching and Marvel money. Here's a tip, DC execs: forget the labeling, go watch Batman vs. Superman, and don't do that anymore. Then watch Wonder Woman, and do more of that. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over whose yacht got vandalized and set adrift. 91% of quiztakers knew that the $40 million yacht belonged to the family of Betsy DeVos, and was presumably filled with Deter soap and Nutralife bars. Then again, with that kind of money they probably don't purchase any Amway products anymore.

Congrats to the winners, and we'll do it all again this week. If you missed last week's quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here.

As July turns to August, many of us find ourselves melting in the summer heat. Some people cope by lounging in swimming pools or cranking up the air conditioner, but much of California gave up entirely and just caught on fire, yo. If you're trying to escape the (non-fire) heat, Fark recommends staying inside and sitting around pantsless with a cold drink... but we always recommend that anyway.


Comment Mentions

Blood moon - 22
Mars - 199
Eclipse - 57
Pants - 622


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
nekom identified the real problem with being raised by a gay couple
Hagbardr was taken aback by some advice for incels (the reply is also great)
Shostie shared a story about attending a bachelor party
Fear the Clam figured out how anyone can get dates
AsparagusFTW reacted to a body being pulled from a grave by the roots of a fallen tree
hissatsu had a plan for dealing with incels
sirrerun noticed something about these poor guys who are "involuntarily celibate"
Mr. Coffee Nerves wanted to use technology to help incels
Schroedinger's Glory Hole made a point about serving expired food to your guests
Xcott pointed out why it's good to get rid of the headphone jack on iPads

Smart:
sirrerun suggested something that might help incels get a date
Pocket Ninja critiqued a Vice article denigrating "Animal House"
Ghastly had advice for "looxmaxing incels"
Sgt Otter could see why 4chan would be in a morally superior position
rzrwiresunrise spied the real reason for the attack on Sarah Silverman
DO NOT WANT Poster Girl gave tips on becoming a DO WANT Poster Boy
winedrinkingman blamed incels' problems on their gullibility
I Browse explained why it's not such a great idea for black people to "turn the tables" by calling police on harmless white people
Lady J pointed out why most people feel no sympathy for self-proclaimed incels
MikeyFuccon reacted to the idea of reenacting Civil War battles to pay "tribute to the fighting man"

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: MBK doesn't put up with crimes against burritos
Funny: Mudgen told us how trying to talk the spouse into a threesome would go
Smart: MattytheMouse explained why some men think a woman who's had many partners becomes "loose"
Funny: IvyLady confessed to being an amateur archeologist
Funny: oldfarthenry suggested a term for female self-attention

Politics Funny:
Circusdog320 thought of a way for Melania to really piss off Donald
Chariset wrote a Trump-themed holiday song
bdub77 wanted someone in charge of the men "guarding" Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame star
MrBallou figured out who has the most to gain by testifying against Paul Manafort
Eddie Adams from Torrance defended the planned arrest of Stormy Daniels

Politics Smart:
NutWrench explained why some groups are considered "hate groups"
MasterAdkins empathized with Republicans who don't feel welcome in New York City
Diogenes discussed how the Trump Administration disseminates information
pueblonative had a message for Alex Jones
mrshowrules predicted bad news for Donald Trump Jr.

CSB Sunday Morning: The worst book I ever read
Smart: There weren't a lot of stories for this, but Farkers really think that "Atlas Shrugged" sucks
Funny: Zevon's Evil Twin learned why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba took a cue from the headline
hail2daking found all the little swimmers reaching the finish line together
RedZoneTuba gave Phil Spector a new wig
durbnpoisn shot a very strange apple
ionthrust showed the impressive benefits of a Samsung phone
Don_cos decided to teach us something
hail2daking gave this little swimmer some help to be brave
Alligator showed off the latest in pachyderm fashion
Vortex Dweller figured that it's never a bad time to show off your tattoos
Circusdog320 did something hilariously horrifying to the Fark squirrel

Farktography:
henryhill won Farktography Contest No. 690: "Navy" with a photo of the USS Wasp

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had some fun last week with the quiz and discussing smoothie recipes. Looks like I'm not the only Farker who likes fruit and milk and ice, but I have to admit I was surprised at what some people choose to drop in the blender. 

On the quiz itself, TheYeti came out on top with 992, followed closely by bobobolinskii with 990. Yellow Beard took third with 985, Staffist was right on his heels with 984, and kevinatilusa finishes out the top 5 with 935.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over why soccer players sit in racecar-like seats on the sidelines. Only 23% of quiztakers caught the article about a CEO of a seat manufacturing company who was also on the board of a local team. The team manager had some physical problems with his back, and had to sit on an uncomfortable wooden bench for hours, and so the CEO had a seat made up for him to make things easier. Then someone had the bright idea of letting the people who are actually on the field and physically exerting themselves maybe have some comfy seats as well, and so the company made up a whole bench of them. So it was pretty much a fad instigated by car seat manufacturers who pointed out that other teams were nice and comfy and got to pretend they were driving racecars on the bench, and it eventually every other team bought in and so it became a tradition. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over where one could find the "007 Elements" attraction, a supervillian lair high atop a mountain dedicated to the cinematic universe of James Bond. 80% of quiztakers knew that now Austria finally has something else to be famous for other than Steve Irwin and Yahoo Serious. I think it's a pretty good choice, since it's relatively easy to find crocodiles for the moat.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which movie generated the most complaints to the British Board of Film Classification in 2017. Only 51% of Quiztakers knew that a not insignificant number of Brits were a bit taken aback by the level of violence in the movie Logan. Logan received a 15 rating in the UK, as opposed to the R rating in the US, so I can see where many people might have been surprised at the violence.For the record, even though it also received a 15 rating in the UK, IT received only 6 complaints for the same reasons. Are the Brits becoming as desensitized to violence as we Americans? Next thing you know they'll stop using so many superfluous U's.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was also about our friendly but inexplicably monarchical folks across the pond. The question was over which actor was being featured as a giant, bare-chested statue reclining in a park by Tower Bridge in London. 87% of quiztakers caught the story about the upcoming 25th anniversary of Jurassic Park and someone's bright idea to feature the weirdest scene from the movie with a 25-ft. open-shirted Jeff Goldblum statue. I'm tempted to believe that Jeff Goldblum spent so much time working out prior to filming that he himself insisted on the bare-chested look the statue is paying homage to. It's more believable than thinking Steven Spielberg thought it was a good idea.

Thanks to all the quiztakers, and congratulations to the winners. We'll do it all again this week!


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks as always to our amazing submitters and to our TotalFark voters!  We love Headline of the Week because it lets us highlight the kinds of headlines that make us Fark. Creative, funny, looking at the world sideways, the kinds of headlines that make you take a second - and third - look, and make you laugh.  The kinds of headlines you can share on your other social media and say *this* is Fark.

Here are a few of our favorites this week, to see *all* the chosen headlines, check out the Headlines of the Week here.

Main

Lava bomb hits Hawaii tour boat after captain fails his saving throw against fire mage

Australian plane struck by lightning mid-air, proving Australia will try to kill you at a distance too

Zagreb Blew

Sports

Liz Cambage sets WNBA record with a 53-point game, or 67 male points

Geek

There's a new phase in the Earth's history - the Meghalayan Age - defined as the length of time between two Meghan Markle stories in the Daily Mail Online

Entertainment

I AM GROOOOO (James Gunn fired before script was finished)

Politics

Richard Marx rules. Wait, Richard Marx? Damn, I hate this timeline

Business

Amazon boasts biggest Prime Day ever. Optimus inconsolable

Discussion 

18 Women on the very specific things that turn them on. *Scrolls down* ok, not too weird * scrolls more* ok, a little strange, but shouldn't judge *scrolls* "Listening to my boyfriend list ingredients in tacos" that's my fetish (Not safe for work)

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.