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Fark NotNewsletter: Please don't drink beer out of the swear jar
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2021-01-21 3:49:19 PM, edited 2021-01-22 5:26:52 AM (38 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week went well.

The news cycle's been running hot and cold recently, I suspect because everyone knew Wednesday was going to be a little busy.  It remains to be seen how things are going to shake out; at least in the political sphere things seem to be returning to business as usual.

Database issues are stabilizing.  We've added more server support and Mike's been diligently configuring a new architecture for us. We had a ton of traffic yesterday and everything held up great. The next test will be whenever the next national or global crisis hits.  Can't predict when those will happen.

Thursday on TotalFark I posted a link asking for comment on some layout designs for the upcoming Swear Jar.  Want to know more? Sign up for TotalFark and join the conversation.  

We've locked down another Fark Friday Movie Night at 7 p.m. Eastern.  I'm not sure we've picked the movie yet.  I'll post a link on Fark when I know what it is for sure.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
UberDave agreed with an assessment of the methods used by rioters in the Capitol building
GardenWeasel considered the consequences of chastity cages being hacked by someone demanding ransom
ArkAngel had an idea for how to use a swear word in an X-Men movie
orbister thought that someone on Twitter was wrong about something
markie_farkie knows how to keep an internet-connected chastity cage secure from hackers
Prank Call of Cthulhu knew who could help men whose chastity cages were hacked
HugeMistake figured out why Bruce Willis was causing trouble at Rite Aid
WhiskeySticks explained Saudi Arabia's planned linear city
HighOnCraic confirmed that it wasn't a podium that was stolen from the Capitol
Enigmamf had a couple of things to say about tweet threads

Smart:
styckx had advice on what to say to people who think health care workers are exaggerating or lying about COVID-19
styckx praised the great work and courage of CNN correspondent Sara Sidner
HugeMistake discussed the varying value of money
funkyeuph pointed out the most deceiving thing about state lotteries
Budweiser Baptist let us know another way to help animals in need
phalamir explained the problem with having your thing locked in a thing that's part of the internet of things
Watubi owed Mom a big favor
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat brought up the best thing about working from home
itchyvelour described how bad things are in U.S. hospitals now

CSB Sunday Morning: Culture shock
Smart & Funny: Winterlight stumbled into a home and a job without even being forklift certified

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: granolasteak shared advice about potentially hateful terms
Funny: 10.0.0.1 explained why one might use nitrogen in welding
Funny: Weatherkiss had somewhere else to be
Funny: pdxbarista's kid was unintentionally hilarious
Funny: Eclectic was left behind
Smart: MethySophocles explained why you shouldn't get off on being withholding
Funny: Earthworm Jim Jones came up with a new game for TotalFarkers

Politics Funny:
Garza and the Supermutants thought that maybe things were turning around
Cake Hunter pointed out someone who apparently cares about the horned Capitol rioter's dietary demands in prison
Lambskincoat was thisclose to sweeping Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez off her feet
snowybunting somehow knew what an ecstatic Trump fan yells
thecactusman17 explained why Trump was wrong when he told Mike Pence, ""You can either go down in history as a patriot, or you can go down in history as a pussy"

Politics Smart:
gilgigamesh will always appreciate a certain type of video (No, not that type. Well, maybe that type, too.)
markie_farkie argued that everyone involved in the coup attempt must face justice
markie_farkie considered Trump's statement about the U.S. military presence in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria
mrshowrules explained why Trump was unlikely to pardon any insurrectionists
OptionC noted that Trump was a product of one of his own frequent complaints


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Photoshop theme: unlikely actors for a Star Trek starship captain turned out to be such a fun theme that all of the top-voted results came from it. Here are the voting results for this contest. The highest-voted entries were from RedZoneTuba, RedZoneTuba again, retrophil, samsquatch, retrophil again, Yammering_Splat_Vector, hail2daking, cowgirl toffee, Nick Nostril, and clovercat
Here are some winners from other Photoshop contests:
cowgirl toffee showed us Pheasadent Trump
bugdozer revealed Donald Trump's next job
Alligator appreciated an older woman
cowgirl toffee showed Trump recruiting more soldiers
RedZoneTuba was dancing on thin ice

Fartist Friday: I blue myself
kimwim made an ombré quilt

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: This week we celebrate National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day with, naturally, a poetry contest. Write a poem in any form about the pressing questions your cat (or any pet) surely has

FarktographyTransformations
This contest ended in a tie between All Latest's aptly-named snowdrops and Morchella's brand-new butterfly

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on last week's Quiz, although no one got into the 1000 club. A pity, too as the Foo Fighters are playing the main stage this weekend. Denjiro came out on top with 974, followed by edmo in second with 924 and scrumpox in third with 920. leafslinger made fourth with 897, and FrancoFile finishes out the top five with 848. 

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about Japanese farmers who decided to go all in on some creative marketing to keep sales up during the pandemic. Only 16% of quiztakers knew that Wakayama prefecture is Japan's biggest orange producing region, and their sales were way down due to the decrease in fresh fruit and vegetable shopping (people have switched to canned or frozen things to limit their trips to the markets). So, having seen some Internet thingies, the farmers decided to juice most of their product and sell it in bottles with cat pictures on them. Japanese kitties who speak the local language say "Nyaa" rather than "Meow" in English, so they settled on "Nyan Juice" as the name.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about the NHL's newest addition to the rule book for the new season. 76% of quiztakers knew that they had added a hand signal for "fighting". I'm still a bit unclear if this a penalty indication or simply a way to signal to teams that "it's on" so they'll know to stop batting the puck around and make a space.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which company was getting a new chicken sandwich with a bigger piece of chicken, a brioche bun, and thicker pickles. 53% of quiztakers knew that it was the restaurant that suffered the most from Popeyes superior chicken sandwich - KFC. I could be wrong, but I really do not expect to see people fighting each other over the thicker pickle chicken sandwich in the next few months, but then again, I didn't think Popeyes chicken sandwich was worth a street brawl either. Luckily they'll have NHL refs at all locations to let us know.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about actor Robert Duvall and his sole Academy Award. 92% of quiztakers knew he got the nod for the 1984 film "Tender Mercies" in which he played a recovering alcoholic country music star. Are all country music stars recovering alcoholics or something? This seems to have become an extremely popular genre in the years since.

If you missed out on last week's quiz, you can catch up here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: If your surges last longer than four hours...
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2021-01-13 3:23:01 PM (40 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Some of you may have noticed Fark's servers have been struggling lately.  The good news is it's entirely due to a massive increase in traffic this past week thanks to the current insane news cycle.  Fark doesn't experience traffic spikes that often, and since we've been in a short revenue situation since the pandemic began, up until this week it's made sense to shave every penny we can out of our cloud deployment.  However, several days after it began, it looks like the traffic surge is persisting, so we're making our stack more robust to handle it.  Sorry for any inconvenience this has caused, and don't blame Mike because the fault is squarely with me.

Normally a huge traffic surge would be a great thing.  Traffic has been out of sight, but unfortunately due to the time of year, ad revenue has not.  Most companies stack up ad buys in December for Xmas, so January is the weakest advertising month of the year. So while all the traffic has been great, it hasn't translated to revenue.

So I'm kind of rolling the dice on this one and increasing server expense to handle the load.  With any luck, this will pay for itself.  One thing that would help would be more BareFark and TotalFark subscribers.  Stock up on Farks2Give as well - these will be used for the upcoming Swear Jar launch as well, by the way.  I really wanted to make Farks2Give some sort of dumbass cryptocurrency, but it turns out there's a bit of overhead in doing that, so it's a non-starter.  But who knows what the future will hold?  Probably not Fark crypto, but stranger things have happened, as I'm sure we'll witness over the next week.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
NikolaiFarkoff had a question about Britney Spears' ex-husband, Jason Alexander, being at the Capitol riot
Osama bin Limbaugh explained why a cop punched his K-9 partner
Billy Liar thought an article about the author of "Brokeback Mountain" wishing people wouldn't try to rewrite it could've used some work
NikolaiFarkoff expressed shock at the FBI's use of a stingray device to locate Ghislaine Maxwell's mobile phone
Dead for Tax Reasons explained why someone would go for the world record for spinning a hula hoop on their butt
semiotix shared a photo of Wilford Brimley when he was young
Close2TheEdge had some surprising information about twirling a hula hoop around your booty
revrendjim knew what was next for a school that evacuated because a student brought in a piece of radioactive Fiestaware
ingo advised a fellow Farker on watching the hula hoop hiney video
sirrerun had something to say about old computer terms that younger people don't understand

Smart:
Lambskincoat thought that there was a slight overreaction at show and tell
dv-ous had a legal question about a cop abusing a police dog
Nadie_AZ discussed the fact that so many Americans are overweight
Hey Nurse! shared a story about how the pandemic is affecting medical care in the U.S.
thisispete pointed out evidence that Kevin Sorbo is as much of a dick in person as he is on the internet
Znuh discussed the direction "Doctor Who" has taken

CSB Sunday Morning: Your first time traveling in an airplane
Smart: luna1580 remembered what air travel used to be like
Funny: Cafe Threads was disappointed that the flight went as planned
Funny (honorable mention): El Dudereno's mom's cousin had a flight fright

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Drew shared the secret to being in a relationship for 20 or more years
Smart: Altimus Prime gave advice to a Farker who was driving to Alabama
Smart: Unikitty explained why a Farker's kitty barfed
Funny: Shakespeare's Monkey tried to help someone figure out what kind of wood they had

Politics Funny:
JerseyTim was talking about a recording of Donald Trump trying to get Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to "find" votes for him, but now it sounds almost prophetic
CaptainCliche decided it was time to celebrate Democrats gaining control of the Senate
Jack Sabbath found Trump's new secret Twitter account
NateAsbestos explained why Trump complained about a "voter dump"
BenSaw2 considered clashes between police and Trump supporters

Politics Smart:
villianova possibly spoke a few hours too soon
maddog2030 commented about a veteran who was killed while storming the U.S. Capitol
cherryl taggart had a message for someone who complained about suffering consequences after going to a party during a pandemic
OdradekRex figured that the NSA needs to think about Russians right now
iheartscotch had a message for the Fark politics tab


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
GoodDoctorB made the "Star Wars" spinoff you never asked for
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this QAnon promoter a better costume
noazark brought enough sardines for literally everyone
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a musical you can arooo along with
Dodo David found out this restauranteur has been hitting the gym
Yammering_Splat_Vector wrote the worst cookbook
verchad prepared this team for the coldness of space
noazark gave Porkins a new flight suit
retrophil made the Fark adventure film we all need
opalakea asked us to put the candle back

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: This week we keep it simple with another Show & Tell. Our theme: I Blue Myself. Show us your art projects featuring the color Blue and Tell us the story about it. Difficulty: Art you haven't posted in our F'artiste contests before.  

FarktographyColor Popping Naturally 2
This contest ended in a tie between common sense is an oxymoron's lovely little ladybug and edmo's cold crimson caboose

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the NNL, but it did wind up being one of the more difficult ones. Denjiro came out on top with 971, followed by The Third Man in second with 941 and Enigmamf in third with 927.Datanerd made fourth with 905, and Tax Boy rounds out the top five with 899.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about what Florida Man was tossing out of his work van on I-95 before being apprehended by the Florida Highway Patrol. Only 9% of quiztakers caught the story about the North Port guy who thought golf clubs were the ideal way to show disdain for other drivers. I mean, fairway, freeway, we've all made that mistake, right?

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about a class action lawsuit filed in Manhattan Federal court over a "Hawaiian" product, 80% of quiztakers knew some joker thought he was owed a lot of money over the fact that King's Hawaiian didn't make their Hawaiian rolls in Hawaii. McDonald's lawyers last seen reviewing their options over their French fries.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what astronaut (and now Senator) Mark Kelly helped to sneak on board the International Space Station so his twin brother Scott could prank his fellow astronauts. Only 48% of quiztakers knew that he had somehow wheedled NASA into shipping up a gorilla suit, If you haven't seen the video, a guy in a gorilla suit in zero gee chasing people around a space station should not be missed

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about where to get your "Extra Charged Coffee" with 20% more caffeine. 91% of quiztakers knew you could hit up Dunkin' for some Joe with extra Go. TBH I'm not sure they thought this one through - with all that's happening in the country, do we want all of our citizens extra wired? And during Dry January to boot?

If you missed out on the last quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: I survived 2020 and all I got was this lousy insurrection
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2021-01-07 2:39:49 PM (99 comments) | Permalink

No note from Drew this week, as what he had planned seems irrelevant after yesterday. And speaking of yesterday, we decided to hold off on posting this week's NotNewsletter until today because, you know, there was enough going on.

I love you all. Please stay safe, do what you can to take care of your physical and mental health, and be excellent to each other.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
monophonic81 was okay with the Fark database wigging out and rerunning old threads
ZAZ figured out why old Fark links were re-posting themselves
BizarreMan gave instructions for removing snow from on top of your car
NewportBarGuy knew what really caused zombie Fark threads to rise up
Farking Clown Shoes had a problem with one man hitting another with a can of Twisted Tea for repeatedly using hate speech
Mike_LowELL quoted Mike_LowELL
Eli WhiskeyDik explained why a cop was seen on video wandering around in the area before the RV in Nashville exploded
SurfaceTension took issue with an unfair characterization of Toby Keith
Bslim didn't spend long on a band name
drtgb finally had a reason to spend time with the wife

Smart:
BizarreMan considered the Nashville bomber's statement that the world would never forget him
croesius named a couple of organizations you can donate to for the recovery in Nashville
Xcott explained why Fark threads were rerunning themselves
Glockenspiel Hero argued that 2020 was a worse year than 2001
Znuh let us know what it's like consuming "edibles" while suffering with COVID-19
limeyfellow summed up what's going wrong with the COVID-19 vaccine distribution in the United States
freakay discussed mutations of the novel coronavirus
nyseattitude shared a story about white privilege
lolmao500 shared information about what it means if a virus has a higher transmissibility rate versus a higher fatality rate

CSB Sunday Morning: Your first car
Smart: Salmon's first car used to lose races against a Pony
Funny: durbnpoisn had bad luck with a hornet long before murder hornets came here


CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Roman Fyseek gave divorce advice
Smart: Badafuco answered a submitter who asked how to buy a Lexus in cash in the douchiest way possible
Funny: NM Volunteer could see why washing an afghan caused such a problem
Smart: ytterbium wondered if one problem might actually solve another problem
Smart: gilatrout shared some tips on getting through a divorce
Funny: Brawndo sent a complaint to moderators about sarahthustra's hair

Politics Funny:
Catlenfell told us why Donald Trump finally signed the stimulus and spending bill
ryebread mourned a Louisiana congressman-elect's death from COVID-19
Lighting noticed a message from the Nashville bomber hiding right in front of our eyes
Sin'sHero figured out how Palm Beach International Airport should reply to inquiries about being named after President Trump
optikeye was confounded by the legal questions Lin Wood asked Chief Justice John Roberts

Politics Smart:
arrogantbastich pointed out to Randy Quaid that it takes one to know one
cherryl taggart heard an interesting opinion about Mitch McConnell
TommyDeuce theorized about McConnell's main objection to a stimulus payment of $2000 per person
RolandTGunner fixed one of Trump's tweets for him
naughtyrev laughed at Republicans barking up the wrong tree


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator needed to give Christina Hendricks a coat
Alligator showed why exercising like this is a bad idea
RedZoneTuba let out a scream
GoodDoctorB discovered that Abbey Road looks completely different at night
Terrapin Bound took us to The Fark Side
hail2daking built the biggest movie screen in the world
Nick Nostril figured there are things to grow in space that are more fun than radishes
USAF Retired found out what the 50-foot woman came back for
ryebread ran into Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Trump
samsquatch displayed a major award
Driver gave us the best musical about okra

Fartist Friday: Show & Tell Volume 5
Mike Jittlov shared the invaluable magic of moneygami

FarktographyHope 2
This one ended with a tie between two sunsets. ryebread found good in the Oregon Badlands and MorningBreath said goodbye to the day at Biltmore in Asheville, North Carolina

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another great time on the Quiz last week, with four folks welcomed into our socially distant 1000 Club. Evildog came out on top with 1025, followed by bud jones in second with 1011 and Auntie Cheesus in third with 1006. SiberWolf took fourth with 1003, and WoolyManwich rounds out the top five with 934.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over the Official State Drink of Rhode Island. Only 25% of quiztakers knew that enough folks there put concentrated coffee and sugar in their milk to make "coffee milk" a thing. Oddly enough, the two main brands of "coffee syrup" there, Eclipse and Autocrat, are made by the same company since 1991 when the latter bought out the former. They should watch out, though, a new upstart called Morning Glory is getting good reviews, and it's available throughout the Northeast. Good luck finding it in the South, people in my neck of the woods put cold coffee on the same level they do hot tea.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about Barack Obama's unexpected houseguest during quarantine over the spring and summer. 90% of quiztakers knew that his daughter Malia had brought her boyfriend home from college to meet the family just before the lockdown went in place, and since he's from England, he had no way back home and so the family invited him to stay with them. I'm guessing the Secret Service detail was temporarily assigned to Malia's bedroom door for the duration.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over rock duo Twenty-One Pilots and their latest happening. Only 44% of quiztakers knew that they had recorded material for their latest video for their single "Level of Concern," and then set up a system so that the video was constantly updated by fans every 3 minutes and 42 seconds while the music continuously played nonstop on YouTube. I do pity the poor Guinness judges who verified it as a world record who were contractually obligated to sit through 177 days of the same song on repeat, and I wish there were an expression for the way we should feel about their mental health after enduring such a feat.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the latest Eddie Murphy sequel we'll be seeing on Amazon Prime in March. 93% of quiztakers knew that "Coming 2 America" has finally been completed, and I'm sure at least some were glad to see Arsenio Hall finally getting some work again. The barbershop guys are back as well as James Earl Jones, but no word yet on the Royal Bathers. 

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: 2020 in hindsight
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-12-30 12:22:25 PM (36 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope you're doing well

Normally I'd do a year in review summary, but not only would that be depressing, but Axios posted an extremely thorough Google Trends chart that shows exactly how exhausting the news cycle has been this year.  So I won't recap it; anyone who wants to relive the horror can check out the article.   I will say though that murder hornets turned out to be a huge disappointment.

On a positive note, I want to say thank you to everyone who signed up for BareFark or TotalFark this year, as well as those who bought Farks2Give or our one-time OhFark badge.  Ad revenues cratered last March when the pandemic kicked off, and if it weren't for you, i wouldn't be writing this note right now.  Thanks so much for all your help.

If we can keep the current level of subscribers going or even increase it, 2021 should be a great year for Fark.  We've got some new features coming, more on those in next week's NotNewsletter. It's been months since I've been able to think about future tweaks, but I'm slightly optimistic going into the new year.

Today at 5 p.m., Dallan and I are doing a Fark News livestream, join us if you can.  Very slow news week this week, but a few interesting things came across the Fark queue.  We'll have 'em all.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
cretinbob reacted to the explosion of a truck carrying hundreds of propane tanks
Somaticasual discussed the proper way to play Monopoly
FlashHarry had a question about an interesting medication used during sinus surgery
HighlanderRPI had a question for the author of an article about spending an entire year drunk
Pocket Ninja doubted the credibility of an author who wrote an article about Generation X handling the pandemic
Xcott revealed this one weird trick to avoid sledding injuries
markie_farkie heard something familiar in the video of the exploding truck
And dbirchall knew who was driving that truck
orbister brought Johnny in to deliver some bad news
SumoJeb showed someone who lost his marble

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
Notabunny shared a story about cleaning up after a raccoon-involved shooting

Smart:
OptionC explained why movies almost always show the good guy winning
whither_apophis gave advice if you need to dispose of a 55-gallon drum of ethyl alcohol
Circusdog320 got a great gift
Burn_The_Plows discussed sending test phishing emails to employees promising holiday bonuses
Sliding Carp pointed out that the 55-gallon drum of ethyl alcohol is a solution rather than a problem - Bonus: Singleballtheory's reply to this astute observation
Exluddite showed us that sleds already include safety features
Bruscar shared a story about a bank having the wrong reaction to a real estate agent who was doing them a favor
Snapper Carr thought that La Scala's "Speak Easy" New Year's Eve indoor dinner plans sound familiar
Pocket Ninja doubted the credibility of an author who wrote an article about Generation X handling the pandemic
Monty_Zoncolan was appalled by what some people are putting in their coffee

CSB Sunday Morning: The strangest thing that happened to you in 2020
Smart: Otera was adopted
Funny: rickythepenguin made a friend's dad very unhappy
Funny (honorable mention): yuthinasia was just really hungry, okay?

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: meg12279 discovered a gifted young impersonator
Smart: a particular individual turned playing with food into a work of art - but really, this is cool, check it out
Funny: brap made big plans for that $600 windfall
Funny: JerseyTim learned something new - with fabulous photo evidence
Smart: Unikitty explained what the TFMBS (TotalFark Mutual Benefit Society) is - be sure to check these out, too
Smart: feckingmorons described the idea behind TFMBS and what it means to its members
Smart: Murflette showed off a gorgeous new friend
Smart: CommieTaoist introduced the Christmas TFMBS/check-in thread

Politics Funny:
JerseyTim got Lins confused
Pocket Ninja explained why we should be upset that a cartoon depicted Republicans as rats
MaudlinMutantMollusk admired the observational powers of a local politician
Shostie proved that Barnes & Noble employees aren't allowed to kick you out for not wearing a mask
Monty_Zoncolan replied to Donald Trump's complaint that the Supreme Court did not accept his election fraud claim

Politics Smart:
dailygrinds defended Joe Biden's hesitation to use an executive order to cancel student loans
Private_Citizen predicted more financial crises soon
Visual Howlaround Title Sequence discussed many Americans' attitude about protecting each other
Visual Howlaround Title Sequence saw the racism inherent in the system
Ker_Thwap discussed the benefits of socks with toes


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
kabloink made a special delivery Lego set
clovercat preferred a more modern Lego set
RedZoneTuba shopped from the wrong wish list
RedZoneTuba's Lego set could maybe get a blister on your little finger
noazark knew how to make sure your drink stays frosty
#2 cooked up some bricks for breakfast
PhotoshopCrazy decided to recycle some space junk
RedZoneTuba figured that what this classic Spaghetti Western was missing was merchandising
Terrapin Bound showed God casting His vote
RedZoneTuba made it an Icy Hot Christmas

Fartist Friday: Write and illustrate your own personal verse of the "My Favorite Things" holiday classic song
Terrapin Bound wrote a verse about vice

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Show & Tell Volume 5. Show us a work of art you've made, and Tell us the story behind it. Difficulty: Art you haven't posted in our F'artiste contests before  

FarktographySeasons' Greetings 13
This one ended in a three-way with USAF Retired's toasty kitty, SoCalChrisshimmering castle and MorningBreath's delivery boat

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, with great scores all around. RaceDTruck comes out on top with a password for the 1000 club zoom meeting with a score of 1007, while Oliver Twisted makes second with 998 and AirForceVet takes third with 972. Denjiro makes fourth with 945, and Grizwald rounds out the top five with 917.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about what you can no longer find at the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World. While Disneyland has removed *some* park benches in the past few years in order to widen walkways to accommodate more guests, they're still present at Disney World. Only 32% of quiztakers knew that if you want to send one of the $6 postcards to your friends and relatives back home postmarked at Disney World in order to say "Haha I'm at Disney World and you're not!" you're out of luck these days, as all mailboxes have been removed. You'll have to settle for linking to your Instagram posts with location settings turned on.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about which mountain range the ill-fated Donner Party became stuck at. 87% of quiztakers knew that the Forlorn Hope, the name given to the 15 members who set out to find help, made its way through a pass in the Sierra Nevadas to find assistance - and it took a couple of months to bring that assistance back, during which time the others had fun playing poker and backgammon and nothing else happened.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about where you can get one of the 400,000 Spam and Oreo burgers McDonald's said they would be making. Only 32% of quiztakers knew that this locations in China would be selling this abomination, which is apparently too weird for Japan and rejected by the South Koreans who think green tea KitKat is a good thing. 

Congratulations to the winners. If you missed it, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here.

We'll be doing it all again this week with a pretty easy one to finish out the year.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter Extra: The 2020 Fark Headlines of the Year!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-12-24 5:01:06 PM, edited 2020-12-24 8:07:27 PM (35 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Thanks again to everyone who submitted links this year. You are an incredible bunch of hilarious bastards and I love you all. Have a safe and happy Xmas weekend!


Headline of the Year 2020 Winners

The Headline of the Year winners are the top-voted headlines for each tab, regardless of category! Out of 76,721 greenlit headlines, these are your top-voted Headlines of the Year!

Thanks to everyone for voting in the final round, and a huge Thank You to all our submitters for another year of fantastic headlines!

Congratulations to our Headline of the Year winners!

Main

Air Force tests new G-Suit for female pilots but they'll probably have to find one by themselves

Linked article at military.com

Submitter: Harry Freakstorm


Discussion

We are 11 days into isolation and it is really upsetting me to see my wife at the living room window gazing aimlessly with tears. Don't get me wrong, I empathize with her. I've considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules

Linked thread at fark.com

Submitter: gaslight


Sports

Cleveland Indians considering name change to be less offensive. So get your tickets now for the Ohio Indians

Linked article at espn.com

Submitter: Big Merl


Business

American Girl introduces first doll with hearing loss. In other news, the dolls have apparently been listening this whole time

Linked article at people.com

Submitter: TabASlotB


Geek / Fandom / STEM

Mars has Earthquakes. Which is odd, because you'd think those things would only occur on Earth

Linked article at space.com

Submitter: durbnpoisn


Entertainment

Mark Mothersbaugh of DEVO contracted Covid-19 and nearly died, but he whipped it. Whipped it good

Linked article at latimes.com

Submitter: AAAAGGGGHHHH


D'awww

Dalmatian gives birth to 18 puppies, gets charged with littering

Linked article at dailymail.co.uk

Submitter: farkingismybusiness


Food

More than 50 ways to cook your eggs. Just give it a crack, Jack; get a good pan, Stan; don't use too much soy, Roy; just gitcha some ghee

Linked article at LaughingSquid.com

Submitter: darkhorse23


Politics

Jeff Sessions got 32.5%, Tommy Tuberville took 30.8%, Bradley Byrne hit 27.3% but Roy Moore couldn't even get into the teens

Linked article at nbcnews.com

Submitter: Branch Dravidian


Category Selections 2020 Runners-up for Headline of the Year


The Category Runners-up are selected from the Headline of the Year candidates, highlighting the best of the different kinds of headlines we select on Fark, both obvious humor and more subtle. We love the variety of headlines! Puns, Wordplay, Sideways take, Smart/Clever, Visual, Lyrics/Verse, Fark Jokes, Context, and a new "Dark" category! Many of the headlines can fit in multiple categories, especially the awesome Context ones, so enjoy our OCD/ADHD placement, and especially enjoy all the fantastic headlines!

Congratulations to the selected Category Runners-up!


Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Puns

Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Wordplay

Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Sideways Take

Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Smart/Clever

Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Visual

Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Lyrics/Verse

Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Fark Jokes

Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Context

Headlines of the Year 2020 - Runner-up Category - Dark
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Announcing the announcement of the Fark Headlines of the Year
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-12-23 10:00:48 AM, edited 2020-12-23 10:46:38 AM (21 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week is going well

For what I think is the first time ever we actually got Fark Headlines of the Year done before the end of the year.  Today at 5 p.m. Eastern on the Fark News Livestream, we'll be announcing the overall winners plus winners of the Context category because... well, you'll have to tune in to see why.  Tomorrow you'll be getting a second NotNewsletter update with all the finalists from all categories.  This year I personally picked every single nominee, and I have to say that you all are the smartest, funniest damn online community in existence, bar none.  I'm proud to know you all.

Speaking of Fark livestreams, we might do another movie special Thursday or Friday, so keep your eyes open.  Depends on how much eggnog Dallan and I respectively consume on both days.  If we do it, I'll try to post a link on Fark well in advance.

Christmas is just two days away, so if you're looking for a last minute gift, BareFark and TotalFark subscriptions won't get hung up in a mail warehouse next to the Ark of the Covenant. Subscriptions keep the lights on around here - in fact, Fark wouldn't even be here if not for all the new subscribers that carried us through 2020.  Thanks to every single one of you.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Cafe Threads looked on the bright side when Aretha Franklin's death was re-reported two years after the fact
YabbaDabbaDouchebag shared more information about a building that will be happy to see you
ArcadianRefugee found a new calling
Squid_for_Brains appreciated one of Brooklyn's most noteworthy achievements
lincoln65 shared the joys of living in a high-tech house
Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient was worried for the victims when a video site took down all unverified content
ssaoi gave voice to those who live to regret appearing in stock photos
Xai provided a visual aid for another Farker's typo
lurkey defended Shirley Manson against an unfair characterization
Arkanaut noticed a couple of Fark headlines that lined up perfectly

Smart:
ShavedOrangutan listed some great things about Danny Trejo
Rozotorical rained on ArcadianRefugee's parade
Glorious Golden Ass appreciated that a leading website of its genre is making a long-overdue change
New Rising Sun described the thought process of many slobs
hammettman explained why if you fark around you will find out
Shaggy_C cited an anti-policy policy
yohohogreengiant examined the problems with yoga, religion, and baseball
To be fair, Cubansaltyballs, Wisconsin has it in theirs, too
nekom doubted a story from scripture

CSB Sunday Morning: The most memorable Christmas ever
Smart: kokomo61 gave the best type of gift anyone could ask for
Funny: ingo asked one question too many

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Badafuco shared photos of a Christmas spirit animal
Funny: CommieTaoist pointed out a couple of irregularities on this handbag
Smart: Roman Fyseek had a theory about another Farker's fruit fly mystery
Funny: SuperTramp has worked for a passionate film collector
Smart: fly_gal had a strong opinion on boiling water
Funny: merrillvillain tried to allay SuperTramp's worries about a machine shop with peacocks

Politics Funny:
MathProf reminisced on a time when President Trump and William Barr were closer
GardenWeasel knew where Trump and Biden's final showdown will take place
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That shared a riddle after watching a weird ad featuring Dan Crenshaw
Bovine Diarrhea Virus feared seeing the lengths that Trump will go to in trying to keep the presidency
PainInTheASP's user name checked out

Politics Smart:
unixpro discussed the Trump administration's plan to spread the virus to as many Americans as possible
Xai didn't think that the timing for the Pentagon to decide to stop briefing Biden was a coincidence
xanthippe could see why some people might compare Trump's legacy to Ronald Reagan's
capn' fun thought about people deciding where to live based on taxes
weddingsinger noticed that Trump has a point about the numbers for the election being suspicious


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
noazark found out these castaways might finally get their wish
hail2daking made literal sunflowers
Vortex Dweller dared to dream
retrophil celebrated the season of giving
hail2daking found a questionable life raft
Iggie made a ticket to bring both parties together
NeoMoxie gave so many people what they really want to vote for
Wrongo thought Drew ran for the wrong office
RedZoneTuba put together a team that's very unlikely to run in 2024
kabloink showed that Rudy Giuliani's melting hair was just the beginning of a much larger transformation

Fartist Friday: Haiku odes to wintertime
gunsmack was experiencing a hazy shade of winter

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Write your own personal chorus of the "My Favorite Things" song and illustrate it however you like. Use any medium and art program.  

FarktographySanta Claus is Coming to Town
Earguy showed us that Baby Santa is not impressed with what's going on out here

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, although I still can't find anyone to tell me where to get eggplant. On the Quiz itself, RaceDTruck took top honors and a ticket to the 1000 club with a score of 1007, followed by Oliver Twisted in second with 998 and AirForceVet in third with 972. Denjiro made fourth with 945, and Grizwald came in fifth with 917.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about Spectacular Blue Smith, the rapper and CEO of Adwizar INC, a social media influencing company. Only 42% of quiztakers knew that he had been banned from all Walt Disney World properties in the wake of an incident in which he allegedly assaulted an employee for asking him to not make jokes about spreading coronavirus. So if you have social media that needs influencing, that's some info you might consider.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about which beauty pageant had their hair and makeup team working overtime after a rope bridge collapsed and dunked all the contestants in a pond. 88% of quiztakers knew that it was the miss Thailand contestants who took an unexpected dip, and it wasn't even during the swimsuit competition. Besides, everyone knows Thai beauty contests are just Asian beauty contests with peanut butter.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about a recent promo with popular livestreamers of the game Fortnite. Only 23% of quiztakers knew that you could order the favorite meal of five top streamers from Wendy's, and possibly win a new PS5. Personally, I like KFC's idea better, as they're cutting out the middleman and releasing their own KFConsole in the coming weeks.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about a house for sale in the Hancock Park neighborhood of Los Angeles. 90% of quiztakers recognized the $3.795 million home (or at least the line from the movie) as being from the classic 1962 psychological horror "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" Which I'm glad for, because I'm not about to watch it again to find another line. That movie was creepy.

If you missed out on the Quiz last week, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Drew's running out of serial, but we have a new anthology
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-12-16 11:49:52 AM (28 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week is going well.

We're currently going through Headline of the Year votes to see who won.  We'll be announcing the winners next Wednesday on the Fark News Livestream, so tune in then to see who won.

Speaking of the Fark News Livestream, no stream today, however we'll return on Thursday at 5 p.m.  Things have been getting weirder the farther away we get from the presidential election, in fact we've almost been able to do an entire livestream without mentioning Covid or politics.  Crazy times we live in.

Friday we'll be wrapping up our Fark Movie Night(s) of Flash Gordon 1936 serials, which have been surprisingly enjoyable to watch.  Sadly the honey badger from episode 5 has not made a return appearance, however we did get to see Prince Vultan try to hit on Dale via shadow puppets (spoiler - it did not work).  Don't worry if you missed the earlier episodes, none of it makes much sense and you won't have any trouble jumping right in.
________________________

A special message from toraque:  
________________________ 

The fifth annual Fark Fiction Anthology is here!

From across the far reaches of the internet, the community at Fark.com presents... "Fark in the Time of COVID: The 2020 Fark Fiction Anthology."

Our editors have worked feverishly to bring you the best short fiction of 2020 from the minds and imaginations at Fark, the online community where snark is king and wit reigns supreme. Time travel. Murder. Vampires. A basement apartment for rent. More vampires. Zombies. Aliens. Even more vampires! Whatever that thing was. And last but not least, Florida.

And even better, for the fifth year in a row, all proceeds from the sale of this anthology will benefit an excellent children's charity chosen by the posters at Fark.com.

So mask up your squirrel and sanitize the slatted chair of woe, because this is Fark, In the Time of COVID.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
NewportBarGuy felt extremely comfortable with the idea of passing a cop car in traffic
jst3p had some work to do
gilgigamesh revealed a flamboyant restauranteur and TV show host's nickname
Marcus Aurelius figured out what aliens from the Galactic Federation have for us
MBooda knew something about a sheriff's office that's investigating a school officer who's accused of inappropriately texting a14-year-old
brap took up the legal fight for a male high school student who was suspended for wearing nail polish
TheAlgebraist had more information about a father who's being told by the city to take down a tent that's used to shield his disabled daughter in the driveway
Pocket Ninja shared helpful advice for when you're passing police cars in traffic
Meat's dream commented on the production values of SpaceX's Starship test flight
hobnail didn't wait for a pandemic

Smart:
Glockenspiel Hero gave an example of how it's not a big deal for a guy to wear nail polish
BigNumber12 discussed enjoying that someone accused of a heinous crime is having a hard time in prison
dsmith42 talked about why Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot each received $10 million to praise the streaming deal with HBO Max
Great_Milenko gave an argument for disliking Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire"
Jack Sabbath shared a fun fact about Guy Fieri
edmo disagreed with an earlier interpretation of "We Didn't Start the Fire"
The Ice Queen has a relative who doesn't understand cause and effect
blastoh had a different take beyond uncomfortable desires for why gender roles are sometimes strictly enforced
Myrdinn considered the evilest creatures from Star Trek
jayhawk88 compared what it would be like if various Star Trek aliens came to Earth

CSB Sunday Morning: Christmas party stories
Smart: Someone Else's Alt learned that sometimes the best parties aren't planned
Funny (tie): W_Scarlet didn't get invited to many Christmas parties as a youngster for a reason, apparently
Funny (tie): The5thElement witnessed what happens if you drunkenly try to fight the commanding officer

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Driedsponge pointed out that a lot of authors are jerks
Funny: CommieTaoist explained the meaning of a cord attached to a hook and looping over the top of a door
Smart: whatshisname replied to a Farker who claimed to have "won the war" after their wife had "won the first battle"
Smart: Unikitty explained why it used to be that fathers were not allowed in the room while their partners gave birth
Smart: ytterbium's kid apparently gaslit a tree
Funny: croesius let us know what libranoelrose's cat was thinking

Politics Funny:
Sam Malone pointed out that Rudy Giuliani is in a really hairy situation
mrshowrules reminded us that the Trump team still had more voting issues to challenge in court
Biscuit Tin tried to look on the bright side when it comes to the angry people on Parler
andrewagill had a job in mind for Dianne Feinstein
Weatherkiss knew how Donald Trump will still win even though the U.S. Supreme Court rejected Texas' case

Politics Smart:
Devolving_Spud had a message for people the Arizona GOP asked if they were "willing to give [their lives] for this fight"
Magorn summarized the reasons the financial situation with Jared Kushner's 666 Fifth Avenue property looks suspicious
TWX looked at what would happen if election results in some states were thrown out altogether
Biscuit Tin had a theory on why Joe Biden won in Georgia
dv-ous crunched the a-hole numbers to figure out the greater a-hole


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
USAF Retired's Photoshop is great at first, but quickly loses its flavor
opalakea made the worst Chia Pet ever
Yammering_Splat_Vector brought an old friend to the party
retrophil found someone else for the lead role in "Basic Instinct"
Wrongo had a very strict English teacher
Yammering_Splat_Vector got this spider ready to light up the town
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave us a memento of this contest
hail2daking designed a 2020 Chia Pet that also serves as a review of this year
Wrongo put Steve Buscemi in yet another iconic role
Yammering_Splat_Vector added a couple of helpful tools to this early all-terrain vehicle

Fartist Friday: Create a 2020 holiday card using MS Paint
Petite Mel's card featured a muffled holiday greeting

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Haiku odes to wintertime

FarktographyBack alley
bobug took a shot between the cannon bays

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, although I'm still not sure what this year's "hottest gift from that aunt who you see once a year" will be. On the Quiz itself, HighZoolander is the only one in the end (in first place) with a score of 971, followed by Yamaneko2 in second with 933 and Denjiro in third with 917. Panic Near Detroit makes fourth with 915, and tin_man rounds out the top five with 897.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over the words "Spicy", "KOC", and "GAB*TCH" and why they were in the news. Only 18% knew that they were spray-painted on a church in downtown Charleston, SC by three miscreants who were promptly caught with the spray-paint still on their hands. Still no word as to what they meant by these things, although chicken franchises are checking the security around their secret recipes.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over ambergris and how it turned a 60-year-old fisherman into a multimillionaire overnight. 95% of quiztakers knews that ambergris is the vomit of sperm whales, and is highly valued in the perfume industry because of its ability to hold scents and make them last for a while. So yeah, those folks walking around in $200/bottle scents are really wearing whale bile.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which character said "There are three things in life that people like to stare at: a flowing stream, a crackling fire, and a Zamboni clearing the ice". 45% of quiztakers knew that it was said by Charlie Brown in the 1980 episode "She's a Good Skate, Charlie Brown". My research was unable to come up with any Mork and Mindy episodes relating to ice skating or hockey, although that was probably due to budget constraints - Robin Williams on ice would have been great.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about which famous Dwayne had released a "Dwanta Claus" ice cream promotion that included a "Spiked Eggnog" flavor made with his own tequila. 85% of quiztakers knew that it was Dwayne Johnson rather than Dog the Bounty Hunter. I mean, I could see a tequila endorsement from Dog, but ice cream? His would probably taste like leather and taser darts.

If you missed out on the Quiz last week, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Fark Headline of the Year voting, plus ch-ch-ch-changes to Fark in 2021
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-12-09 2:09:06 PM (56 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week is going well.

Voting is enabled for Headline of the Year candidates - until Monday when we shut it all down and figure out who won.  The results will be announced LIVE on a Fark News Livestream, possibly as soon as next week if we get our act together.  Not before next Wednesday in any event, so watch this space.

Speaking of the Fark News Livestream, there's one today at 5 p.m. Eastern.  Should be one tomorrow as well.  Friday, join us for a continuation of Fark Friday Movie Night from last week; we've been watching Flash Gordon serials from 1936.  The good news is you haven't missed anything, we stopped at episode five, which appears to be where either new writers were brought in or the current writers decided to change direction.  Plus there was a bear painted like a honey badger.  Our next Movie Night is Friday at 7 p.m. Eastern.

Next week I'll be announcing some Fark plans for 2021 - just general goals, but if you'd like direct input, sign up for TotalFark where I'll eventually be sharing rough layout designs and asking for input.  We've got some fun stuff in the works.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
edmo explained why a woman's mom and sister beat her attacker with a golf club
no1curr fixed a mistyped comment
EyeballKid commented on Elliot Page coming out as transgender
naughtyrev shared a photo of a gritty superhero
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise discussed possible side effects of a vaccine
Callous explained why an eBay listing of a precariously-perched porcelain clock was greenlit
diIdo tontine agreed that it can make others uncomfortable when women wear G-string bikinis to a public pool
Unobtanium came up with a name for a drug that suppresses COVID-19 transmission
offacue showed appreciation for the fact that there's a village in Wisconsin called Menomonee Falls
optikeye figured out where a really weird commercial came from

Smart:
Alphax discussed how a racist law was changed 35 years ago
likefunbutnot presented scientific proof that sex and gender are not binary
Earguy shared a personal high point of 2020
BadReligion had been judging someone too harshly
unchellmatt talked about what a trusted family physician has been seeing lately
skyotter corrected a misconception about a common saying
gopher321 knew what kind of person would place something fragile where it could easily fall so they could take a photo
Callous explained why an eBay listing of a precariously-perched porcelain clock was greenlit
mongbiohazard discussed the horrible things American health care workers are going through right now

CSB Sunday Morning: Holiday shopping stories
Smart: knobmaker found Santa in the most unexpected place
Smart (honorable mention): Deathbymeteor spent quality time with Mum's new boyfriend
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village should've stifled that laugh

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: valanienna showed off an adorable new member of the family
Smart: ThomasPaineTrain wanted to let it be known that people who don't live in New York manage to survive without bodegas
Smart: ... and so did pdxbarista
Smart: Old Man Winter gave an update on the ongoing complications after being hospitalized and having surgeries because of some dickhead spider
Smart: gosurfing1 suggested replying to a cartoon that suggested Grandma's expendable with another stupid cartoon
Funny: vegas_greaser's cat had something to say

Politics Funny:
bingethinker claimed Donald Trump tried to do what he accused the other side of doing to get votes from Native Americans
Gordon Bennett provided a helpful translation
grokca had evidence to support an argument about voter fraud from one of Rudy Giuliani's witnesses
scottydoesntknow knew what the governor of Arizona said when Trump called as he was certifying election results
mrshowrules explained why an "expert witness" claimed Joe Biden received "more than 100% of the votes" in a nonexistent county

Politics Smart:
DoBeDoBeDo had a theory on why Attorney General William Barr went to the White House after admitting to the AP that there was no evidence of widespread voter fraud
Lord Head noted that Republican senators will suddenly find time for Twitter
OldRod dared to dream when it comes to Trump's political pardons
Ambivalence examined Ben Shapiro's complaint about Biden's all-female communications team
cherryl taggart came up with an plan for countering any pearl clutching about Joe Biden


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba had a surly dinner guest
hail2daking found out you shouldn't mess with this baby animal
#2 was looking for the owner of this cat
Yammering_Splat_Vector helped these owls fly
Yammering_Splat_Vector encountered a tardigrade of unusual size
TheSwizz drew a lovely portrait of Wil Wheaton
asstamassta discovered that this cop never learned his lesson
GoodDoctorB showed that this woman really does do everything
Wrongo showed this cop what it's like when the shoe's on the other foot
west.la.lawyer gave this woman a custom top

Fartist Friday: Astronomy limericks
Fiction Fan mooned us with a Stephen Hawking limerick

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Design a 2020 holiday card using only MS Paint or equivalent programs. Use original images you make yourself in MS Paint and write original greetings in addition to Happy Holidays, Merry Chrimble, Hoppy Gnu Ear, etc. 

FarktographyWaiter, There's a Fly in My
Pope Larry II found a ladybug snug as a bug in a globe thistle

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time with the Quiz this week, as well as a reminder that cinnamon rolls for breakfast can put you in a great mood to face the rest of the day. On the Quiz itself, no one hit the magical 1000, but we did have a slew of good scores. FrancoFile came out on top with 944, followed by Denjiro in second with 935 and a far candle and TheMothership tied for third with 912. bud jones took fourth with 910, and AlfalfaMale edged into fifth with 878.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about where to find the new Dolce by Wyndham Golden Lake hotel, the existence of which is evidence that some people have entirely Too Much Money. Only 15% of quiztakers knew that Hanoi, Vietnam has turned into quite the metropolis in the years since the Vietnam war, becoming a city with over 8 million people and an upper class that can afford gold plated everything. For comparison, Singapore has about 5.6 million and Kuala Lumpur a mere 1.8 million.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over a document known as NSDD-17 signed by Reagan in his first year as president. 90% of quiztakers knew that this established a CIA mission to train and arm a group of rebel fighters in Nicaragua. Congress didn't like this idea very much, so the CIA turned to other means to fund this endeavor, culminating in what is known as the Iran/Contra Affair because back then the word "affair" had negative connotations, unlike nowadays when it means Tuesday. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which Avengers actor had been nominated for all four EGAT awards. Only 48% of quiztakers knew that it was Mark Ruffalo who was accorded the honors due to his never-stop-working ethic in showbiz. Interestingly, Don Cheadle does own a Grammy for his work on the soundtrack to "Miles Ahead." but has never been nominated for a Tony.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about which TV show in 1978 popularized the line "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." 90% of quiztakers recognized the line from the Thanksgiving episode of "WKRP in Cincinnati". And hopefully this will be the last mention of turkey in the Quiz (and in my house) for at least the rest of the year.  

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz right here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
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Fark NotNewsletter: Get ready to kick some Flash
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-12-02 2:24:06 PM (34 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
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Hey everyone, hope your week went well.

I'm currently working hard on trimming the finalists for Headline of the Year.  It's incredibly hard, my first pass through all submissions to Main for example ended up with a pool of 300 candidates.  You all are some funny sons-of-whatsits.  One thing that struck me while reviewing the past 12 months of the news cycle is how -much- stuff happened since last year.  I've seen people joking that 2020 has lasted 100 years, but after reviewing all the submitted links in 2020, I wholeheartedly feel that sentiment.

Hang in there folks - vaccines are coming, as is spring weather eventually.

Fark News Livestream at 5 p.m. today.  Also, for Fark Friday Movie Night we're going to start watching Flash Gordon serials from the 1930s that appeared before movies, kind of how Pixar does it with their short films.  Art films are great and all, but the pacing can be slow - these serials don't have a pacing problem, they move along just fine.  Can't wait to check them out.
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A message from DisseminationMonkey:  
________________________ 

We reopened the Farketplace thread over the weekend for Black Friday and Small Business Saturday, and it was great to see Farkers supporting each other's really cool businesses. The thread is now closed to new comments, but still available for your shopping needs. Be sure to bookmark it or click "Favorite" next to the little star under the headline (you have to be logged in) so it'll be listed on the tools tab of your Fark bio - visible only to you - where you can easily find it whenever you want to do some browsing. Thanks everyone for making the Farketplace such a success.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
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Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Mike_LowELL is making all the right moves and still striking out
jtown shared a scary fact about tanks
TorpedoOrca answered a question for a baby who was alarmed at meeting her dad's twin for the first time
brap guessed at why an overturned tank had smoke coming out of it
ZAZ was in the wrong place at the wrong time while reading about COVID-19
Cythraul knew what would piss off racist neighbors even more than putting up a Black Santa decoration
Cake Hunter thought the overturned tank was spewing smoke for a different reason
ArkAngel wanted to spend some quality time with Chris Hemsworth
Mike_LowELL did not appreciate criticism of the aforementioned gym pickup technique
whither_apophis pointed out apparent bias in a news article

Smart:
Znuh had advice for anyone worried about vaccine side effects
eurotrader pointed to an app designed to help if you need to take video of police officers
EvilEgg figured this year's Thanksgiving had one thing going for it
Megathuma shared a story about a family member's pandemic-time wedding
Cythraul knew what would piss off racist neighbors even more than putting up a Black Santa decoration
Xai pointed out a country that got it right
anwserman's 90-year-old grandma kicks ass
Purple_Urkle thought PETA was on to something with their Thanksgiving tweet
That Guy What Stole the Bacon will finally be able to enjoy the holidays this year
tasteme shared what it's like to receive help when you're homeless

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Brawndo made three moderators quit that day
Smart: Old Man Winter was grateful for help with a spider bite that unfortunately didn't confer any superpowers
Smart: Brawndo had a handy tip for someone looking at buying a single serving cup of wine from a gas station
Smart: buttercat made some yummies and didn't offer to share

Politics Funny:
kevlar51 pointed out something horrible that could happen if Parler were hacked
teto85 showed us what was happening outside a car while a Trumper made a video of herself ranting about the election
Madison_Smiled found out why the administrator of the General Services Administration was hesitant to begin the transition
scottydoesntknow told us what it would be like if Parler were hacked
Kat09tails had a very important reminder for us

Politics Smart:
scottydoesntknow told us what it would be like if Parler were hacked
Nicholas D. Wolfwood laid out an argument for why Joe Biden should not pardon Donald Trump
Madison_Smiled found out why the administrator of the General Services Administration was hesitant to begin the transition
Diagonal suggested the kind of classified briefings Trump should receive when he's no longer in office
Ambivalence had an idea of how Trump's alleged crimes could be handled once he's no longer president


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking gave the Sphinx an overdue update
I_Am_Weasel looked a little deeper to find out what the "monolith" that was in the Utah desert really was
GoodDoctorB revealed what everyone's getting for Christmas this year
samsquatch showed us what the Sphinx actually looked like when it was first built
#2 wanted us to prove we're not robots
samsquatch came up with an enterprising use for these side tables
west.la.lawyer followed some conspicuous panther tracks
jaylight2003 yelled at another cat for not eating its vegetables
Kick The Chair showed us a man who's breaking a universal law
#2 found Princess Allura driving a loaner

Captions:
From
Write a caption for this Norwegian political cartoon:
whither_apophis shared the conversation during Trump's downfall
WoolyManwich knew what Trump was concerned about

Fartist Friday: Tributes to Mars
RedZoneTuba proved there's life on the red planet

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: In honor of the Arecibo radio telescope, write a far-out limerick about astronomy. And if you like, illustrate it however you want: Photoshop, MS Paint, Giphy, a moon made of actual cheese, etc.  

FarktographyGiving Thanks 3
CiliarySpasm is thankful for cold winter mornings for some reason? 

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, although I'm still not sure what to do with all this leftover turkey. Due to a glitch in the matrix (well, actually, me not checking a box) the first few dozen quiztakers got all 14 questions available on the Quiz. So I'm giving a special shout-out to Autoerotic Defenestration, who managed to get all 14 correct in the short time before I corrected the issue. The rest of the top 10 is below:

Autoerotic Defenestration 1281
leafslinger 1177
Denjiro 972
Dallymo 943
avratt 934
buckwebb 932
Mztlplx 928
DemonicGerbil 923
rick42 921
true okie doke 916

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which US state is paying people $10,000 and offering a free mountain bike to get them to move there. Only 35% of quiztakers knew that it was Arkansas that felt this was sufficient enticement. Unfortunately, no one involved in this decision thought about maybe not being Arkansas,

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over the "Blues Brothers" quote uttered by a 41-year-old meth-addled home invader in Oklahoma City. 89% of quiztakers knew he had insisted to police that he was "on a mission from God." No word yet on whether said mission was a success or what his next task issued by the Almighty might be, but he'll likely have to accomplish it from behind bars.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which '80s and '90s action star had joined the cast of The Suicide Squad, Only 36% of quiztakers knew that Sly Stallone will be slurring his way through his lines in an unspecified role. IT should be interesting to see how they fit him, being that filming supposedly wrapped in March of this year. But, you know, CGI.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over those wacky Canadians and their antics with local wildlife. 96% of quiztakers knew that "DO NOT LET MOOSE LICK YOUR CAR" was an actual message posted by Parks Canada on a roadside LED board. Which makes one wonder, what exactly should one do about it? I mean, have you ever tried telling a 1400 lb. animal to not do something? Should one threaten to ground it or take away the Wi-Fi?

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up right here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: A very grateful Farksgiving, plus Farketplace returns!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-11-25 2:40:45 PM (24 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hope everyone has some fun socially distanced Thanksgiving events on deck.  Last weekend I reorganized my liquor closet and found several bottles of things that are mostly empty, so my big plans are to empty them.  We might livestream tomorrow, but if not, there's a good chance we'll be doing another movie night Friday. Last week's movie was unbelievably ridiculous - the highlight reel itself was over 10 minutes long.  I posted it on my seldom-used Facebook page (because Twitch doesn't want large uploads) if you want to see it.

Speaking of the Fark Livestream, we're hoping to do one at 5 p.m. today (Wednesday) but there are scheduling considerations that might push it either later or to a different time altogether.  More when I know it.

Given the season, I'd like to say thanks to all of you who signed up for TotalFark or BareFark this year, as well as those who purchased an OhFark badge and Farks2Give.  I was reviewing boring numbers the other day and it's pretty clear that Fark wouldn't have survived this year without all your support.  It doesn't take many subscriptions to move the needle, so if you haven't signed up yet, have at it!  We're hoping to add several new features in the coming months, your contributions help us get there.

Everybody stay safe out there!
________________________

A message from DisseminationMonkey:  
________________________ 

Thanks to some really smart Farkers who suggested it, we'll be reopening the Farketplace thread for Black Friday and through the weekend. If you somehow missed what Farketplace is, it's a thread for Farkers to post links or information for their online stores and services - check out the Boobies in the Farketplace thread for more information. We'll be reopening the Farketplace at 10 Eastern this Friday, and closing it at the end of the day (midnight) on Sunday. 

Helpful hints and disclaimers:

•  Your shop/service will get more attention if you post images of what you're offering. Also, make sure you properly link to your site, because just pasting the link won't automatically make it clickable. Here are illustrated instructions on how to post images and links in a Fark comment. 
•  If you don't have a website or an online shop set up, it's okay to ask interested Farkers to email you. If you say "email in profile," check to make sure your email in your profile is current and visible to others.
•  Links to your personal sites are only allowed within the Farketplace thread and will be treated as spam if posted in other threads or submitted as links. 
•  Fark will not be responsible for any transactions or other events to arise out of the Farketplace thread. Your shopping/selling will be considered off-site activities and Fark will not monitor or intervene based on those activities.

And please let us know if the Farketplace thread is helpful for you, either for selling or for shopping. Fark is not taking a cut from the sales or charging for this, nor are we connected to the businesses Farkers list in there in any way, so we only know how successful it is when you tell us. Plus, compliments just make us feel all warm and fuzzy.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Algebrat explained how a "Wheel of Fortune" contestant got an answer wrong
gopher321 has experienced acting white in a Black neighborhood
Rev. Skarekroe found the Halle Berry interview snowybunting had been waiting for
Abox had the original of that
oldfarthenry shared what it's like seeing someone buy the ugliest Christmas tree every year
Hubris Boy spelled out why it's a 17-year-old's parents' fault that he crashed their $3.4 million car
HighlanderRPI commented about a man who was convicted of killing his neighbor and hiding his corpse under deer carcasses
FirstNationalBastard had a plan in case materials of an adult nature are ever banned
dothemath noticed something familiar about a "Wheel of Fortune" contestant who botched an answer
oa330_man explained needing a sports car

Smart:
Hubris Boy spelled out why it's a 17-year-old's parents' fault that he crashed their $3.4 million car
khitsicker figured out what a video of a tow truck causing a mess needs in order to properly represent the year 2020
havocmike thought that people's reasons for ignoring guidelines for preventing the spread of the coronavirus are evolving
unixpro suggested that funds and private student data that are given to the Pasco Sheriff's Office should go to other parties instead
Invalid Litter Dept was torn when it comes to the subject of ridiculously-expensive cars
PainInTheASP knew what to do with the gnarly Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center
Another Government Employee managed to find a bright side in all these COVID deaths
Sail The Wide Accountancy brought up better ways a woman's abandoning her child in the care of another person could've been addressed
GalFisk explained why the seemingly low fatality rate and the fact that we all die one day is not a valid reason to risk it to get together for the holidays
MrBallou's medical professional in-laws get their information from a surprising source

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: generalDisdain brought up the downside of having the internet to help us through the pandemic
Funny: Eclectic ironically posted this in a new TotalFark Discussion thread
Smart: Snaps appreciated one way in which TotalFarkers help each other
Funny: CommieTaoist managed to be awkward about being awkward
Smart: reagabeast showed off an adorable little pupperino

Politics Funny:
Daniel Boone's Farm was either drinking too much or not enough
Martian_Astronomer revealed the surprising things that Bill Gates has been up to lately
Jack Sabbath hoped when Donald Trump Jr. tested positive for the coronavirus, he'd follow this advice
andrewagill explained what a member of the Wisconsin Elections Commission meant by, "What we ought not be doing is watering that plant of baloney"
The Googles Do Nothing knew why Lindsey Graham was complaining about "The Squad"

Politics Smart:
BlueGinger described what it's been like to suffer from COVID-19 after being careful while many Americans remain in denial
Marcus Aurelius thought that the word "religious" was doing too much heavy lifting
BlueGinger shared a personal experience of being one of the majority of people who survive COVID and are therefore proof it's "no big deal" (note: "holes" is supposed to say "hikes")
FlashHarry had a reason to hope speculation that a rumor about Lindsey Graham and his support for Trump is true
optikeye gave an example of some funds that could be taken away from police


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Mojongo designed a colorful logo for the Trump Broadcasting Company
ryebread made a logo that's not safe for lunch if you know where else those hands have been
Yammering_Splat_Vector created a mascot for Trump's television network
west.la.lawyer figured that Trump will have the number two network
bucket_pup flew into the Far Side
RedZoneTuba discovered that this hummingbird is attracted by the color orange
west.la.lawyer stabilized the rear deflectors and watched for enemy fighters
crinz83 found Trump's TV network experiencing technical difficulties
Yammering_Splat_Vector went to great lengths to get this dog
Thrakkorzog proved this guy really could do anything with a coconut

Fartist Friday: Design a logo for the year 2020
Fiction Fan showed how sick we all are of this year

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Help celebrate National Red Planet Day by creating artwork with a Mars theme using any medium you like   

FarktographyIt's sElection Time
This Farktography contest ended in a tie with sennoma's sailing San Francisco spinnakers and MorningBreath's fantastic flamingo family photo

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we compared turkey sizes and Thanksgiving recipes for small gatherings. On the Quiz itself, five people made it into the 1000 club: The Third Man came in first with 1043, followed by OtherLittleGuy in second with 1022 and Evildog in third with 1020. Cardinal Ximenez made fourth with 1013, and dionysusaur slipped in with 1003.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over what kind of critters helped support the Infinite Monkey Theorem by beating Pokémon Sapphire in 3,195 hours. Only 27% of quiztakers knew that YouTube's Mutekimaru Channel had rigged up an aquarium for four fish (all named Maurice) so that each movement to a new area of the tank would correspond to a button press on a Nintendo Gamecube. And then, I'm assuming, had a lovely sushi dinner to celebrate the victory

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what area of the world was finally free of land mines placed there during and following a war in 1982. 90% of quiztakers knew that it was the long-disputed Falkland Islands where it was finally safe to roam around. I mean, there's still a major dispute about who should own them, but at least the islands are now safe to be owned.

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which Lord of the Rings star has written and is starring in the new movie "Falling," about a gay man and his relationship with his father. Only 47% of quiztakers knew that it was Viggo Mortensen who would be giving us his take on the subject. No word yet if he's doing another naked sauna fight scene or how many people he'll be killing.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about the traditional food given to us by the Pennsylvania Dutch - "pannhaas," or pan rabbit, or more familiarly, scrapple. 91% of quiztakers knew that it was made from pork trimmings and fat mixed with a bit of cornmeal and flour and baked into a sort of loaf you can serve the houseguests you don't like. Interestingly, it's not really a thing in the South where we raise and eat a lot of pork. We generally throw our pork trimmings in the bean pot and use the cornmeal to make cornbread to eat with the beans.

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
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