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Fark NotNewsletter #5: Scotland? In my UK? It's more likely than you think
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-09-22 10:55:56 AM, edited 2014-09-22 11:48:45 AM (25 comments) | Permalink

The Fark NotNewsletter now features more voting results! Along with the top-voted smartest and funniest comments, the NotNewsletter now also lists the top-voted contest entries as well as the Headlines of the Week and the current high-scorers for the Fark Weird News Quiz. Yay! And speaking of votes, the big story last week was the vote on whether or not Scotland would become an independent country once again. Spoiler alert: They'll remain part of the United Kingdom.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Scotland - 1100
Scottish - 639
United Kingdom - 45
Haggis - 26
Bagpipes - 18
Braveheart - 46

Count to potato - 4
Divide by zero - 3
I see what you did there - 28

Comment Voting

The top-voted funniest and smartest comments from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Funniest:
Relatively Obscure made a not-so-obscure reference in a thread about Scottish currency
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat struck a chord about a typo in a headline
I_Am_Weasel gave a brief history lesson
snowybunting found an arrested man's doppelgänger
HotWingAgenda made an observation about a nixed pervert party
MaudlinMutantMollusk gave evidence to support Sean Hannity's claims
Twitch Boy laid out some ground rules
Epic Fap Session expanded on a statement from Cliven Bundy
Heamer had some wisdom to pass on to the LAPD
derpes_simplex desired an investment opportunity

Smartest:
cryinoutloud made an observation about the subject of the article
illegal.tender made a compelling argument
toraque laid out the arguments for and against Scotland independence
padraig pointed out the moment a douchebag showed his true colors
MaudlinMutantMollusk gave some polling results
Man On A Mission talked about interactions with the police
FriarReb98  also talked about interactions with the police
enry shared something you didn't know about your boss
Arkanaut quoted a lesser-known Bible verse
Yaw String dropped some knowledge on a thread

Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Herb Utsmelz showed us why UC Davis has such lovely gardens
Alligator submitted a surprise wahine
grampy proved that some people stick with their strengths
verchad gave us the hero we need right now
Yammering_Splat_Vector got a phone upgrade
stertz tricked out a ride
ionthrust got trippy
zeon aired out a blanket
ionthrust showed that phones can do even more than they do now
Geordles finally did as Band Aid suggested, even though it's not Christmas time

Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th: World Fark Party IV in Chicago, IL
Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th: Fark Around The World: EuroFark Party 2014 in Prague, Czech Republic
Saturday, October 11th: San Francisco Fark Party
Friday October 24th - Sunday October 26th: Cancún, Mexico Fark Party

Farking Tip

There's a scratchpad thread on Fark where you can test out your posts before they're ready for primetime, sort of a throwback to the time before you could preview your posts. Only your own posts will be visible to you in that thread, so you won't be able to laugh at the "I typed boobies, why does it say boobies" posts from your co-Farkers. A word of warning, though: Fark mods can see everything everyone posts in there, so please keep your scary bits covered in your selfies because Drew doesn't pay for moderator therapy.

Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Free Cat

Man takes 1d8 damage from short spear while attempting to burgle the home of a medieval weapons enthusiast

Good: Cubs fan catches homerun ball. Bad: Loses wedding ring during celebration. Good: Grounds crew locates ring and returns it. Cubs players said they would have helped look but they have no idea what a ring is

Nike sticking with Adrian Peterson for now, say they hope to be known as the premier athletic shoe with which to discipline children

MIT researchers attempt to make a better breast pump. Difficulty: Finding an MIT researcher who has ever seen a real breast

Johnny Cash's Rolls Royce is headed to auction. The car was reportedly acquired one piece at a time, is listed as a '49, '50, '51, '52, '53, '54, '55, '56, '57, '58, '59 automobile

Crist was beat, Crist has risen, Crist will be beat again

DELETE FROM tblOracleEmployees WHERE strName = 'Larry Ellison' AND strJobTitle ' = 'CEO';

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 9/14 - 9/20

Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Those of you who aren't on Fark on Friday afternoons might not have seen these before, but Fark does a Weird News Quiz that comes out every Friday afternoon. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are PeddlerOfBombast with 938, Al_Khowarizmi with 923, and Oakenraven with 919. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - September 19
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #4: Such Newsletter. So Fark. Wow
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-09-15 6:51:19 PM, edited 2014-09-15 8:40:42 PM (56 comments) | Permalink

A Note from Drew Curtis

Hey all - we realize that not everyone checks their account options all the time (in fact hardly anyone does - including myself). We just added this nifty weekly newsletter thing updating folks on trending topics of the week, some of the more hilarious and awesome comments from the community, upcoming Fark parties, and a number of other things.  We worked really hard on it, and we're hoping you like it!

If you'd rather not receive it, we've included a handy opt-out link at the bottom of this email for you to click.  Sorry for the intrusion, but in return I'd like to offer you one free beer bought by me at the next Fark party you attend.  I've found bribery works really well, especially with my kids, although I don't bribe them with beer.  Who would drive home?

And now, back to our regularly-scheduled newsletter....

Over the past week, ISIS and Ebola continued to get a lot of Fark threads, but football player Ray Rice and the newly-released video of him assaulting his now-wife (his fiancée at the time) in an elevator got the most discussion, with many of the top-voted comments coming from threads devoted to the situation. There was also a popular thread that was posted yesterday about a Farker's thwarted plans to throw a pervert party on Halloween, which many Farkers claim achieved "epic" status like such threads as ballsack conundrum and lipstick-butt cat.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Ray Rice - 834
Goodell - 627
Ravens - 507

Star Trek - 134
Star Wars - 116
Stargate - 8
Star stuff - 1
Starbucks - 66


Comment Voting

The top-voted funniest and smartest comments from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Funniest:
markie_farkie shared this grumpy opinion about potentially replacing Roger Goodell
JerseyTim waxed poetic about Ray Rice's future on the team
AverageAmericanGuy shared an opinion about today's real estate market
EvilEgg longed for a personal vacation spot
farkingismybusiness helped a confused Farker in the Oscar Pistorius verdict discussion thread
Stoj built on Hannity's guest's way of thinking
ZAZ explained another website's moderating process
basemetal explained why it's hard to moderate Reddit
m1ke described what happened to Ray Rice's career
scottydoesntknow  showed us how accidents can happen

Smartest:
Benjamin_Ghazi compared religious sects
Crewmannumber6 commented on law enforcement trends
Chariset gave advice on how to save money
Heliovdrake talked about the good thing about loudmouths
Pocket Ninja provided the TL;DR version of TFA
hubiestubert discussed big sticks
robsul82 delivered a passionate speech
Cyberluddite offered opinions on what could happen to Goodell
hubiestubert  talked about what went wrong in McCain's presidential campaign
Benevolent Misanthrope asked some questions

Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th: World Fark Party IV in Chicago, IL
Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th: Fark Around The World: EuroFark Party 2014 in Prague, Czech Republic
Saturday, October 11th: San Francisco Fark Party
Friday October 24th - Sunday October 26th:  Cancún, Mexico Fark Party

Farking Tip

Most of the time when you use the notify admins or notify moderators links at the bottom of a thread, no back-and-forth is necessary. A mod or admin will handle it and it's done. Occasionally, though, someone uses those links to complain about the particular shades of grey that are used on the site, which is really something that needs to be reported to Farkback. Or they might send a vague report, such as "Someone broke a rule somewhere in this 726-post thread!" in which case, moderators will probably need more specific information. You can check up on the status of your alerts by visiting the Fark mod/admin Notification Forum. Most of the time, the responses will be either "Got it" if it's been gotten, or "False alarm" if no action is needed, but sometimes other replies are posted when things aren't so straightforward. But don't run to that thread expecting to find out who ratted you out when you called someone a clown-fondling pickle thief; you can only see your own alerts and the responses to them, and only for the past 24 hours.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #3: Yes, we're calling it that
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-09-08 11:44:37 AM, edited 2014-09-08 11:50:15 AM (62 comments) | Permalink

Thank you to everyone who suggested names for the newsletter in the comments for the first edition. And a special thanks to FarknGroovn for coming up with the suggestion we decided to use.

Two big stories in the past week were the death of Joan Rivers and the release of hacked nude celebrity photos. As far as I know, these stories did not overlap and result in nude photos of Joan Rivers being posted to the internet. I like to think, however, that the previous sentence will cause this page to come up in Google searches for such photos.

On that note, we have some:

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Joan Rivers - 202
Facelift - 17
Plastic surgery - 38

Fappening - 103
Celebrity photos - 15
iCloud - 306

Squid - 41
Octopus - 7

Comment Voting

The top-voted funniest and smartest comments from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Funniest:
Triumph figured out why a video was so familiar (if you haven't seen the video yet, you should watch it now)
Ghastly felt sentimental about the passing of Joan Rivers
Pocket Ninja dropped a science bomb in a politics thread
Headso dodged a bullet in thread about playground disagreements
Hector Remarkable revealed the true charges against a member of the mugshot roundup
daffy explained how to identify a stolen elephant
the_rev discussed the lesser-known dangers of plastic surgery
CheetahOlivetti helped us face our fears
Shadowknight went nuts in a thread about the hacked celebrity photos (last paragraph)
BunkoSquad had some great rolls for Bill Murray

Smartest:
hubiestubert talked about the consequences of some business decisions
TuteTibiImperes explained who's sitting on piles of money like Scrooge McDuck
GreenAdder shared the original bridge fiesta
Mugato admonished the submitter of a headline that freaked us out
dittybopper rocked the shame suit to a '90s hit
Lionel Mandrake offered a theory on Republicans and nostalgia
serpent_sky posted a counterargument to a letter calling for war
Xanlexian gave an example of an answered prayer
Kali-Yuga  offered a definition of prayer
SauronWasFramed found someone a new hobby

Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 11th: Fark Party in Houston, TX
Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th: World Fark Party IV in Chicago, IL
Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th: Fark Around The World: EuroFark Party 2014 in Prague, Czech Republic
Saturday, October 11th: San Francisco Fark Party
Friday October 24th - Sunday October 26th: Cancún, Mexico Fark Party

Farking Tip

Are you wondering why your comment calling another Farker a meerkat-slapping fascist was deleted? Do you want to share your idea to make the Fark main page fuchsia with the Fark staff?  Do you want to thank a moderator for deleting the comment where you accidentally posted your grandma's photo and phone number? Does your browser keep crashing when you're trying to read the latest Fark thread debating a monkey's right to keep and bear dynamite? You can contact Fark with all of these things and more with the handy Farkback form.

And, as always, don't forget, you can subscribe to receive this newsletter by email in your MyFark notifications tab.
· · ·

Ermahgerd, Ferk nerslerter
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-09-01 2:36:41 PM, edited 2014-09-01 2:57:31 PM (102 comments) | Permalink

Welcome to Fark Newsletter 2: Labor Day Boogaloo. Here's some of the crap that Farkers were up to last week.

Comment Voting

The top-voted funniest and smartest comments from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Smartest:
Dusk-You-n-Me posted an excerpt from an article explaining white privilege
ox45tallboy talked about the current problems in law enforcement and a possible solution
Ghastly wrote a message to the GOP saying that they have a problem recognizing patterns
mrshowrules made arguments against the notions on which LordZorch said that Libertarianism is based upon
Diogenes argued that things would look different if Cheney had been right about Iraq

Funniest:
Mugato gave an opinion on an annoying fad
Sin_City_Superhero showed us what safe sex might look like (SFW)
MaudlinMutantMollusk had some philosophy to share
Mad Scientist commented about not being aloud to recline an airplane seat
minnkat did some free dental work on a mugshot

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark last week

Comments About Booze:
Beer - 1462 comments
Wine - 449 comments
Vodka - 100 comments
Vodak - 47 comments
Whiskey - 294 comments
Tequila - 38 comments
Bourbon - 82 comments

Farkisms:
Fartbongo - 19 comments
Principal/pricipal caught sayof - 2 comments  (you have to be a TotalFarker to view this thread)
Missing Plane News Network - 21 comments
Ballsack Conundrum - 14 comments (most of them in this thread)

Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 11th Fark Party in Houston, TX
Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th, World Fark Party IV in Chicago, IL
Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th Fark Around The World: EuroFark Party 2014 in Prague, Czech Republic

Farking Tip

Is someone breaking the rules and using Fark as their personal erotica site? Is Subby drunk at the keyboard and saying "then" in a greenlit headline when clearly it should say "than"? Is the link broken or trying to malware all over your computer? You can report all these problems and more with the "Notify moderators about this thread" and "Notify admins about this link" links at the end of each comments thread. Offer valid while supplies last, void where prohibited, your mileage may vary, may cause anal leakage.

Don't forget, you can subscribe to receive this newsletter by email in your MyFark notifications tab.
· · ·

Aw, hell naw, it's the first edition of the Fark newsletter
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-08-25 3:25:16 PM, edited 2014-08-25 4:12:13 PM (100 comments) | Permalink

img.fark.netView Full Size

Welcome to the quick-and-dirty introductory edition of Fark's newsletter. Each week, we'll bring you a review of some of the more noteworthy things that happened on Fark, including a selection of popular threads and top-voted comments from the previous seven days. We'll also include some other crap such as updates on new features and Fark event news.

Topics and Comments

During the past week, Fark had a lot of discussion about ebola, ISIS, the update to Fark's posting rules, and the events in Ferguson, Missouri. Across Fark and TotalFark, the word "Ferguson" was in 2,159 comments, "ISIS" was mentioned in 874, "misogyny" was in 1,344 comments, "ebola" was in 392, and "Obama" was mentioned 1,443 times. For comparison purposes, "subby" was in 1,341 posts, "Simpsons" was in 204 comments, and "pineapple" was mentioned 30 times. The thread announcing the update to Fark policy was the most commented thread of the week, also bringing in the top-voted comments with Drew's announcement getting the most "smart" votes and Large Marge sent me's explanation of why sexism is wrong getting the most "funny" votes. Fark's anti-misogyny stance generated a lot of publicity for Fark, with 14 articles being greenlit on the topic. This brought on some complaints from Farkers who apparently never noticed Fark's publicity page before or the fact that it's been around for a long time. Even with all of those greenlit articles about Fark, though, there were still more than twice as many greenlit threads about Ferguson.

Farking Tip

It turns out that a lot of Farkers are mystified by the uncanny ability that some other Farkers have for knowing when they've been mentioned in a thread. These Farkers probably aren't psychic, they just have enabled email notifications in their MyFark Notifications tab to let them know when their user name has been posted. Not only can you turn those notifications on there, but you can also update your email address and subscribe to get emails when Fark newsletters are posted, when your submissions are greenlit, when comments have been posted in threads after you've posted, when a Fark party is planned in your area, and when there are Fark News Flashes. You can also turn these notifications off in the same place.

So, that's our first newsletter. Future editions will likely be longer after we see how this one goes. We have a lot more things planned for future editions, and we also welcome suggestions. We're well aware that Farkers love to hate new things, but before you comment, please remember that actual human beings worked to bring this newsletter to you. Our livers can only handle to much medicinal vodak.
· · ·


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