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Fark NotNewsletter #15: Where the deer and the antelope play World of Warcraft
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-12-01 12:08:01 PM, edited 2014-12-01 2:45:15 PM (52 comments) | Permalink

Thanksgiving weekend has come to an end and it appears that, somehow, there were no Black Friday sales fatalities this year. Have we all finally learned that those deals that insensitive retailers continue to call "doorbusters" are not worth killing for, or is there another reason behind the lack of carnage? While you ponder this mystery, enjoy this week's NotNewsletter with a special "So you want to be a Fark moderator or admin" Farking Tip from Drew.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. By the way, these are just random words and phrases from my demented mind, not the things that were mentioned the most. So saying "malevolent mustachioed platypus" over and over will make you look weird, but will not get it into the NotNewsletter.

CSB - 238
notsureifserious - 4
welcometofark - 9
EABOD - 10
DIAF - 31
NTTAWWT - 14
BSABSVR - 19
DNRTFA - 27
STFU - 121
GBTW - 3


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Totally Sharky Complete combed the desert for this comment
Barfmaker tried to find the positive in a bad situation
Mike_LowELL dropped a metric ton of sarcasm in a politics thread
433 provided an example of the importance of gun safety
Johnson improved upon a political cartoon
I am Groot posted a paranoid android
Nogrhi caught a familiar scent
TheOther predicted how a football team will deal with controversy
TV's Vinnie altered a weapon
You didn't pray, because Silverhammer altered it further

Smartest:
Almost Everybody Poops posted a subdued message about purchasing guns
quatchi suggested that America will miss what it has when it's gone
Sin_City_Superhero made a statement about reinforcing behavior
Barfmaker made history for getting the same comment on both top-voted comment lists
optikeye talked about taxing the rich at a much higher rate
shanrick posted an image about one version of the New Testament
Cubicle Jockey posted some gun safety advice
propasaurus had a question for Geraldo Rivera
Marcus Aurelius shared some thoughts about the police who killed a child
Ambivalence looked on the bright side of things


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish trapped this deer
verchad gave this famous lady a different expression
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this vehicle a hitchhiker
Alligator gave this person a sweet ride
stertz made this bird into a Rock
grampy showed what a Microsoft droid might look like
verchad made a very special gift
cowgirl toffee actually made me want to eat a car
RedZoneTuba restored this work of art
zvoidx gave this old goat someone to play with

Farktography:
Tad_Waxpole won the Farktography contest with this "Wat?" photo


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by Drew)

Farking Tip: How to become a moderator or admin on Fark

Interestingly, when this topic came up I realized we've never explained our thought process behind how we select moderators and admins.  So hey, here we go.

First up, some basics - moderators and admins are not the same.  Moderators moderate just comments, admins choose what links to put up on Fark and where.  Folks can be both.

We look at adding new moderators usually in January based on how active the current group of moderators is.  Life happens, jobs change, situations change, and every year we usually need 3-5 new folks to replace existing moderators who for whatever reason can't be as active as they'd like.

We choose our mods from users that are active in the community and preferably represent diversity in political opinion and cultural background. What we're looking for are good community members, folks who are helpful and courteous with the notification system to point out headline problems or comments that need attention, people comfortable with pools of goat blood and commenters who generally have a good sense of humor. It also helps if a staff member has met you (although it isn't a requirement). We're old fashioned and sometimes it's easier to get a sense of who people are face to face.

As far as admins go, we tend to add them less often because it takes fewer people (however we are interested in picking up someone for the late night EST shift if anyone's sleep habits or timezones mesh well with this).  Generally we choose from active submitters who happen to have a good sense of what makes for a Fark tagline.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, December 3rd: NYC Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

University of Maine fans fail to beat record for most flannel worn at an event, hope to overtake the Association of Lesbian Lumberjack Grunge Fans next time

Mama June put on no-fly list

New experimental bus runs on waste and poop. U.S. Congress now labeled as renewable energy source

Obama says Hillary Clinton could give America "That new car smell." In other news, Hillary Clinton is apparently 68% cheap vinyl

Ray Rice beats Roger Goodell

The rest of them are here:  Fark Headlines of the week for 11/23 - 11/29


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After four straight weeks of nobody cracking 1000, one person managed it the week before last, but now we're back to high scores in the 900s. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are Twilight Farkle with 951, Hots_Kebabs with 925, and Marcus Aurelius with 886. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 28
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #14: The Farksgiving Edition
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-11-24 11:32:30 AM (90 comments) | Permalink

This week, the U.S. will celebrate Thanksgiving while everyone else celebrates Thursday. It's a time for 'Murican Farkers to take a break from arguing with each other so they can argue with their families instead. Then everyone will either go shopping or stay the hell away from malls and await the news coverage of Walmart tramplings. Until then, you might as well read the NotNewsletter because it's not like you were going to get any work done this week, anyway.

A special thanks to InterruptingQuirk and ZAZ for suggestions that were used for this NotNewsletter, and to ox45tallboy for writing this week's Farking Tip.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Thanksgiving - 896
Black Friday - 169
Consumerism - 6
Turkey - 603
Stuffing - 134
I live with my mom - 27


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
miss diminutive explained what addiction can drive a person to
Nickelback hit every side of every argument about Ferguson in one sentence
jake_lex described the kind of madness that can be caused by reefer
Pocket Ninja scientifically explained mass shootings
BunkoSquad asked a question about a racist fire chief
BunkoSquad revealed how much money Kmart makes on Thanksgiving
Giltric offered some advice on keeping the NSA out of your computer
JerseyTim lamented what could have been
vudukungfu gave some helpful information about a cop's equipment
kwame stopped by a Real Doll thread

Smartest:
Magorn pointed out a problem that can occur when you teach a man to fish
Marcus Aurelius mathematically neutralized an anti-pot argument
wingnut396 put the shoe on the other foot in a thread about a dating app
Target Builder pointed out that a question asked about California's prisons has already been answered
Dusk-You-n-Me talked about how to make people happy to pay more taxes
naughtyrev raised questions of racism
FormlessOne made some predictions about the next two years
hubiestubert argued in favor of legalizing the world's oldest profession
Strolpol made a prediction about the outcome of the Darren Wilson grand jury verdict
Gig103 argued against an article's methodology


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish's Fark-themed tattoo design was totally nuts
Vortex Dweller designed some funny money for Fark
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned this golfer to plastic
Vortex Dweller put these sharp dressed men in a band
real_headhoncho put out a suspicious pile of food
grampy put this soldier in a different military action
verchad gave us some money to spend at Taco Bell
stertz got this animal some medical care
stertz  showed what this sidewalk circle is really for
DrPainMD gave this musician a fabulous new outfit

Farktography:
flashboxx won for "My little about to get Pwned"


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by ox45tallboy)

So, do you know that one Farker who makes stupid comments about repotting their ficus or cleaning hairballs from shag carpeting or how Ted Cruz has taken an excellent position on Net Neutrality? You know, the one whose posts you don't like reading, and who you wish would just go away forever? You can make that happen! Just click the circle-slash icon on any one of their comments, and you'll never see anything they post ever again!

On the "Tools" page of your profile, there's a section called "Ignored User List" where you can also select whether you want to display the headers of ignored posts or remove the posts completely, and whether to also delete replies to ignored users.

One final thing: Mods do look at how many people are ignoring a particular user, so if there's someone whose posts you don't like, ignoring them is a great idea.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, November 29th: SE Wisconsin Fark Party
Saturday, November 29th: New Orleans Fark Party
Wednesday, December 3rd: NYC Fark Party
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #13: Don't Play The Politics Tab Drinking Game
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-11-17 1:45:35 PM, edited 2014-11-17 2:03:22 PM (34 comments) | Permalink

For this week's NotNewsletter, let's imagine a politics tab drinking game. What rules could it possibly have that would be fun, but wouldn't result in everyone having to get their stomachs pumped in about an hour? On second thought, maybe we should just go with bingo.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

dogwhistle/dog whistle - 25
false equivalence - 49
fartbongo - 35
morans - 26
sockpuppet - 20
propaganda - 238
you know who else - 58


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days, listed under the type of votes they received most

Funniest:
cepson came up with a name for ISIS currency that Farkers didn't hate
markie_farkie got a thread started with a too soon start
FlashHarry tossed out a name for ISIS money
Danger Avoid Death pointed out something else annoying about those who would never give thanks for all the fish
XmasWarVeteran knows more about the War on Christmas than that poseur Kirk Cameron does
Mr. Coffee Nerves has a special love for today's technology
Pocket Ninja proved to be Fark's top Shakespearean scholar
DocTravesty suggested a design for ISIS currency
Lando Lincoln found what might be the first time something was blamed on Obama
shamalamadingdong explained why a cop might arrest a woman having seizures

Smartest:
Pocket Ninja pointed out the true effectiveness of having homeopaths treat Ebola patients
Ambivalence argued that a caucus was not sexist
Bathia_Mapes know's why we use apostrophe's
Benevolent Misanthrope posted a comparison of Jesus and Horus (be glad I didn't say Horusing around)
Dusk-You-n-Me shared an argument about the rights of pregnant women
Jim_Callahan drew a line between stupid and illegal
mrshowrules listed some misrepresentations of Obamacare
Marcus Aurelius reacted to Ted Cruz's opinion on net neutrality
fusillade762 talked about a Christmas miracle
sweetmelissa31 posted pot possession pardoning praise


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Alligator gave Hillary Clinton a bold new look
Herb Utsmelz put something on Sarah Palin to keep her warm for the harsh Alaskan winter
Abe Vigoda's Ghost gave Kim Kardashian a new beach look
DrPainMD gave a pole vaulter something else to be proud of
stertz showed a happy customer with his purchase
hungryghost posted the most regal beard of all
Circusdog320 made an angry bird even angrier
Alligator helped this group get nice and pretty
Lee451 asked a valid question
Yammering_Splat_Vector made this model even hotter


Farking Tip

Want to submit a link to Fark, but unable to find the huge "Submit a Link" link that's on every page? Well, you're in luck, because you can find that link right here. Before you can submit a link to Fark, though, you have to have a Fark account, and you will need to be logged in. Ways to not submit links to Fark include trying to tweet them at Fark's Twitter account, sending a message to Fark's Facebook account, and writing them down and sending them to Fark via the U.S. Postal Service. Attempts to submit links in those ways will most likely be ignored, but might be mocked if we're feeling saucy.

Getting your link submissions greenlit is another issue, but read the advice on getting your link selected by Fark for some help on that.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, November 29th: SE Wisconsin Fark Party
Saturday, November 29th: New Orleans Fark Party
Wednesday, December 3rd: NYC Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Just a quick reminder that November 30 is the cutoff before we start processing the first Headline of the Year contests. Only two weeks left to submit a headline for the contests! As always, the preliminaries will take place on TotalFark, so dropping $5 this month will get you some bonus voting rights.

Time magazine includes "feminist" in their worst words poll. Naturally, this is upsetting the broad percentage of the populace

Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah, I am writing from camp al-Fatwah. Holy war is very entertaining. They say we'll kill some infidels when bombs stop raining

Man arrested after TSA agents find cocaine hidden in raw meat. Charges filed by U.S. DA

9,000-year-old mummified bison found, will be examined by researchers and then returned to the local Sizzler

Bob Barker donates $500,000 to help save circus animals in Peru, narrowly outbidding other philanthropist who only wanted to donate $499,999

Yemen has another government. Good for them. Let's see if this one can make it to Wednesday

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/9 - 11/15


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Another tough week on the quiz. For the fourth week straight, nobody cracked into the coveted 1000-point club. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are Technoir with 929, Keyser_Soze_Death with 926, and Oliver Twisted with 907. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 14
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #12: Veterans Day in Farkistan
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-11-11 12:32:51 PM, edited 2014-11-11 12:54:51 PM (15 comments) | Permalink

This week's NotNewsletter has a special guest appearance by Drew Curtis, who explains the FarkUs tab (sort of) for this week's Farking Tip, so be sure to check that out. And stop by the Veterans Day thread to share your stories. Or don't. I'm not the boss of you.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Veterans - 124
Air Force - 60
Army - 363
Coast Guard - 7
Marine - 232
Navy - 179


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments of the past seven days, listed under the type of votes they received the most

Funniest:
scrumpy7 gave some inside info about Tom Magliozzi's funeral
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat corrected a common misconception about GamerGate
WI241TH suggested a name for a movie for grownups starring Jesus
EngineerAU received a check from Intel
miss diminutive told about being felt up by a toddler and getting compensated for it
Cake Hunter told another Farker what day it was
brap talked about experimenting in college
BunkoSquad shared a favorite Confederate flag
robsul82 presented a virtual award
Mr. Cat Poop offered some advice in the thread about Tom Magliozzi's death

Smartest:
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat showed up first to name a naughty movie starring Jesus
tbriggs talked about Bush Restoration
Pocket Ninja addressed the question of who won the midterm elections
Sin_City_Superhero revealed why the U.S. doesn't abandon the two-party system
Yellow Beard shared a compelling campaign sign
shanrick posted a comic that shows Americans getting what they want
Mr. Coffee Nerves posed a question about crayons in one's nose
shopball asked a question about the proposed Jesus movie
BizarreMan talks about not wanting a nurse with certain beliefs
cameroncrazy1984 shared a thought on politicians and the adult table


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Herb Utsmelz designed a more direct flag for New Zealand
Circusdog320 gave this family an unusual dinner
hungryghost showed a plant having some fun
hungryghost helped this bird-thing (?) to fly
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this storm trooper a new ride
Dumski found some Fark memes a new home
Yammering_Splat_Vector took a bite out of crime
cowgirl toffee pulled a switcheroo
alicechaos 'shopped the dreaded nope-owl
grampy added some color to this vessel


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by Drew)

So the original idea was to have the FarkUs tab be a social-themed tab.  We'd post either updates about things Farkers are doing, discussion threads devoted to events (like TV shows or sports), and/or things that Farkers were selling that needed promotion.

We kind of botched the launch on the FarkUs tab because we hadn't quite nailed down what the tab was actually going to be -or- how to explain it easily.  So people got generally confused and left.  I was hoping that perhaps we'd see a ton of submissions running towards one end of the broad spectrum of things we were hoping to link to, but unfortunately most of the early ones ended up being self-promotion of products etc.  Which was fine, there was supposed to be some of that, but we put up too many and Farkers became disinterested in it pretty quick.

So what is FarkUs supposed to be?  Well, we still haven't nailed that one down yet.

However, when I run the queue in the mornings, here's what I greenlight to go in there:
Questions to the community from Farkers
General discussion threads
The occasional Top Whatevers you didn't know were Top Whatevers BuzzFeed style stuff (which, while I dislike the my favorite website archetype, occasionally some are interesting).

But I'm open to other things - so if anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them!


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, November 14th: Fark Party at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood, CA
Saturday, November 29th: SE Wisconsin Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The son also rises as a suspect in the murders of a couple found on Heming Way

Seven Dwarfs delve too greedily and too deep

Porn star offers oral sex to all of the LA Lakers if they reach 47 wins, not really realizing that the Lakers have already cornered the market on sucking professionally

Scientists create Parkinson's disease in a dish, which immediately rattles off the table before smashing on the floor

Scott Brown becomes first Senate candidate to lose twice to women, angrily blames 'ethics in political journalism' in his concession speech

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/2 - 11/8


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

If last Friday was the first time you took the quiz, it may have seemed harder than normal. Nobody cracked into the coveted 1000-point club, and only one person managed to even break 900 points. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are Metalrocker with 943, BSheep with 853, and HammerHeadSnark with 842. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 7
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #11: Putting the No in November
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-11-03 11:52:40 AM, edited 2014-11-03 12:06:52 PM (12 comments) | Permalink

November has arrived bringing nonsensical time changes, 'Merica's midterm elections, and Movember mustaches. All this gives Chicken Noodle News something to talk about between Ebola freakouts.  And speaking of Chicken Noodle News, zvoidx gets the credit for their current logo.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Election - 1364
Midterm - 67
Democrat - 1347
Republican - 1933

Movember - 15
Daylight Savings Time - 28


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments of the past seven days, listed under the type of votes they received the most

Funniest:
Ghastly explained hatred for men in pink shirts
Mugato said something that should be a candidate's slogan
Sin_City_Superhero had an idea for an original costume
untaken_name joked about tall people with a smaller audience
Current Resident had a winning suggestion for an awkward song to strip to
ColSanders had a suggestion about the planet with long-fingered aliens
a particular individual proposed an inappropriate song to strip to
Mike_LowELL wrote a GamerGate tale
SmackLT recognized a pattern in a graph of Ebola greenlights
Abe Vigoda's Ghost made Chelsea Handler's Putin imitation a little more Pootiny
Jackson Herring weighed in on the Tea Party/GamerGate feud

Smartest:
Magorn insinuated that another Farker's comment was fallacious
Jackson Herring showed what Dubya said about Pooty Poot
nekom suggested a specific replacement for Obamacare
gunga galunga offered an opinion on Republicans opposed to abortion
vernonFL predicted election results
James! had some advice for a guy who has eight kids and no college funds for them
HMS_Blinkin offered advice to Walmart
brantgoose talked about science and the Catholic Church
skinnycatullus made an observation about dying at work


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

stertz referenced the sign of the goat in Photoshop Challenge: 'shop the Dark Lord's hand somewhere unexpected
wickedfish showed how tennis balls are made in Photoshop this victory pump
Geordles gave someone a place to rest in Photoshop this victory pump
hungryghost showed that the hand doesn't fit in Photoshop Challenge: 'shop the Dark Lord's hand somewhere
grampy got the heiney wet in Photoshop this utensil of unusual size
RedZoneTuba's entry was a reach in Photoshop Challenge: 'shop the Dark Lord's hand somewhere
stertz showed what it looks like on the other side in Photoshop this utensil of unusual size
lifeboat added this assistant in Photoshop this small bio hazard
FarkNUSA brought a helper to Photoshop Challenge: 'shop the Dark Lord's hand somewhere
i-dig revealed the Dark Lord's digs in Photoshop Challenge: 'shop the Dark Lord's hand somewhere

Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, November 7th: Fark Party at TRiP in Santa Monica, CA
Friday, November 14th: Fark Party at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood, CA
Saturday, November 29th: SE Wisconsin Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Mother of drug overdose victim urges harm reduction for drug use at raves, claiming a pound of cure is worth less than an OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ of prevention

Manuel Noriega's lawsuit claiming Call of Duty unlawfully used his likeness thrown out of court after Activision successfully argues its character wasn't Noriega, just some guy whose face caught fire before it was put out with a golf shoe

Chicken Noodle News now reporting this Ebola/zombie outbreak can be traced back to a two year old in Guinea. HOWEVER THEY CANNOT CONFIRM OR DENY IF HE WAS ON FLIGHT MH 370.... DETAILS DEVELOPING.... PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STAY TUNED

Lava flows in Hawaii moving towards homes at a brisk pace of 10 yards, or one Raiders offensive drive, per hour

Giants honor Robin Williams at World Series, presumably by making the Royals choke

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/26 - 11/1


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Apparently the quiz was a bit easier last week. Even though only one person managed to top 1000 points, lots of others were in the 900s. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are Marcus Aurelius with 1017, mutterfark with 995, and dailylamma with 991. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - October 31
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #10: The Sexy Offensive Costume Edition
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-10-27 2:03:26 PM, edited 2014-10-27 2:16:44 PM (28 comments) | Permalink

Get out your "Sexy Grape Ape" costume because Halloween is on Friday. Fark has a spooky story thread every year, which is great for screwing around at work when you have to look busy after the office costume party is over. Here's last year's thread to get you in the mood.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Halloween - 631
Ghost - 270
Vampire - 83
Haunted - 42
Trick-or-treat - 48
Zombie - 338
Costume - 478
Mummy - 23
Out of beer - 1

Comment Voting

This section has changed a bit from previous versions. Since so many Farkers are clever and funny at the same time, votes are almost always split between the two types for each comment. Now, the 20 comments with the highest total  number of votes are listed under the type of vote they received the most. Do you like this format better, or do you have other suggestions for how to list voting results? Feel free to leave your feedback in the NotNewsletter comments thread.

Funniest:
EbolaNYC shared a little-known secret
lifeboat gave some financial advice
CipollinaFan can read the writing on the wall
Chinchillazilla wondered something about Ebola
macross87 showed one way that Ebola might travel
bearded clamorer made an observation about King Tut
fusillade762 is the life of the party
Sin_City_Superhero had a helpful suggestion for a Halloween Scrooge
Nogrhi showed evidence for Kirk Cameron's claims
Paris1127 noticed a striking similarity
JasonOfOrillia noticed that patience can pay off

Smartest:
incendi started a thread with some questions
Dinki shared an opinion about the submitter
sprawl15 answered another Farker's question
incendi said what many others were already thinking
hubiestubert pointed out some other things that would be different
stan unusual laid out some comparisons
Arkanaut had some ideas on the value of marriage
bdub77 wrote the script for a conversation
Biff_Steel shared a tweet about Ebola risk


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

DenisVengeance searched for weapons of mass destruction
Alligator showed us what everyone is looking at
hungryghost helped this guy with a daring feat
stertz gave Indiana Jones a new idol
#2 revealed why Batman smells
RedZoneTuba spread Ebola to the Alps
manyone made these bulbs float
stertz found a better view for this gent
manyone put on a display at the museum
Circusdog320 took this man where no man had gone before

Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, November 7th: Fark Party at TRiP in Santa Monica, CA
Friday, November 14th: Fark Party at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood, CA


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Paralyzed man walks again after having nasal tissue injected into his spine, is expected to be running constantly by cold and flu season

Man fatally shot in Echo Park... atally shot in echo park... echo park ark ark

Moth → flame; mosquito→ bug zapper; toddler→ claw toy machine

Former Harlem Globetrotter disappears during roadtrip. Police are currently investigating anyone who may have held a grudge against him and are working their way through the Washington Generals roster

Python's "virgin birth" produces six offspring without mating. Must have gotten tired of compiling

Oscar De La Muerta

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/19 - 10/25


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Must have been a tough quiz last week; nobody managed to crack 1000 points, which is nearly always worth a spot on the top ten list. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are markedits with 980, mfgordon with 931, and dingorm01 with 927. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:   Fark Weird News Quiz - October 24
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #9: I Can't Believe It's NotNewsletter
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-10-20 1:59:16 PM, edited 2014-10-20 2:48:06 PM (70 comments) | Permalink

There has been so much Ebola talk on Fark during the past week that it broke the comments counter when I tried to see how many times it was mentioned. Insert your own "Ebola has 'gone viral'" joke here.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

McDonald's - 110
Burger King - 68
White Castle - 2
Jack in the Box - 6
Hardee's - 2
Whataburger - 2


Comment Voting

The top-voted funniest and smartest comments from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Funniest:
gittlebass told a Romney joke
BlindRaise called out a lie
Diogenes wants dignity
Notabunny showed us a podium fan
buckler had a helpful suggestion
mrshowrules could build a better hazmat suit
MaudlinMutantMollusk had a suggestion for Reince Priebus
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat knows how to react to Ebola
Diogenes knows anatomy
theflatline habla español

Smartest:
nmrsnr was angry about the article
somedude210 discussed the hazards of a vacuum
Jackson Herring explained GamerGate
propasaurus made a prediction
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat guessed it
markie_farkie wrote a campaign speech for Mitch McConnell
Mnemia predicted a big problem with U.S. healthcare
Mentat doesn't hate the player or the game
ecmoRandomNumbers wasn't feeling charitable
gittlebass was feeling crabby


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer solved a mystery
Yammering_Splat_Vector paved paradise
Dumski spotted a familiar beverage in Best Korea
stertz added more awesome to the coast
Alligator had a dark explanation for this scene
RedZoneTuba showed a possible transporter accident
verchad showed Joe after a double-dog dare
Alligator thought someone deserved a break today
Yammering_Splat_Vector provided an explanation for a stupid name
Circusdog320 added some Kodachrome


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday October 24th - Sunday October 26th:  Cancún Fark Party
West Hollywood, CA Fark Party


Farking Tip

At some point today, Fark will be screwing around with time stamps. Currently, the time stamps on comments show when the comments were posted in the Eastern Time Zone, but if you hover over them, they give the relative time (like "3 hours ago"). That's going to flip, with the relative time listed, but the Eastern time showing if you hover over the time stamp. However, after seven days, the time stamps will show Eastern time. Some keen-eyed mobile users have noticed that this switch has already been made for the new mobile site, with some people loving the change, and others being outraged by it.  And speaking of time stamps, each time stamp is a link to that particular comment, so you can use that link to show people how you totally proved that "Herman's Head" was the best television show ever.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Kentucky elementary school bans birthday cakes, since 17 candles on a 5th grader's cake is considered a fire hazard

CONFIRMED: Kim Jong Un-dead

Group of trekkers killed in Nepal by heavy snow, wearing red shirts

Teenager has quadratic equation tattooed on his butt. In a few years he'll be trying to solve for why

P-P-P-Percy and the Jets

EU scientists studying ways of turning food waste into some sort of edible product, apparently unaware that the McRib already did that

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/12 - 10/18


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The quiz is still challenging for a lot of people, again only one person managed to answer all of the questions correctly in less than 60 seconds. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are meat0918 with 1016, darrenhusz with 942, and Teaser with 928. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - October 17
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #8: Yes, This is Still a Thing
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-10-13 12:17:55 PM, edited 2014-10-13 12:30:04 PM (43 comments) | Permalink

Today is the perfect example of why the U.S. went to war with Canada. While Real America™ celebrates Columbus Day, Canada is all tucked away down there saying that today is actually Thanksgiving. But it's no matter, we still come together in peace and harmony on Fark.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Columbus Day - 70
Thanksgiving - 128
Ebola - 3148
Smallpox - 36


Comment Voting

The top-voted funniest and smartest comments from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Funniest:
FirstNationalBastard gave an honest answer
Parthenogenetic talked about a winning strategy
Pocket Ninja shared an idea for faith-based hiring
Pocket Ninja discussed a scenario worthy of a SyFy movie
minnkat helped a fellow with his grooming
Doktor_Zhivago offered a helpful suggestion
Lt. Cheese Weasel went with something simpler (tied with Doktor_Zhivago)
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat drove a thread insane
scottydoesntknow made an observation about burning crosses
lifeboat dashed off this note

Smartest:
dittybopper discussed consequences
Frederick proposed a conscious uncoupling
soze talked about avoiding lose-lose scenarios
Pocket Ninja suggested a better reply
Spermbot posted this plea
Pocket Ninja talked about something worse than Chocolate Rain
hubiestubert discussed weapons and self defense (tied with Pocket Ninja)
capn' fun shared an alternative interpretation of some bumper stickers
Ambivalence explained inconsistency
peasandcarrots doesn't seem to like Fox News


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

wickedfish saw someone getting ready to move in
ionthrust lit up this scene
Herb Utsmelz recycled an entry
doyner spelled things out
alicechaos answered a riddle
Dumski reunited a long-lost family (tied with alicechaos)
Vortex Dweller showed how all the young dudes carry the news
stertz brought in another generation (tied with Vortex Dweller)
RedZoneTuba made a robot friend
kmcclinton71 showed a promise that, if Urban Dictionary is any indication, should be kept


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday October 24th - Sunday October 26th:  Cancún Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Confucius say: Man who lies on tracks undergoes intense physical training

Judge rules Ferguson police violated U.S. Constitution but upheld Newton's First Law of Motion

Australian woman lost in bush for seventeen days. This would never happen in Brazil

The NFL bans beats by Ray... er, I mean Beats by Dre

Johnson Controls CEO shows complete lack of johnson control

San Jose Sharks claim elusive 4th win against LA Kings

WWF demands in-depth environmental study to dump dredge soil on land, powerbombs through flaming tables

Days of Our Lives star injured and his girlfriend airlifted to hospital in critical condition after his car lost control on bend and flipped over. At least that's what his evil long lost twin wants you to believe

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/5 - 10/11


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Must have been a pretty good quiz last week, only one person managed to answer all of the questions correctly in less than 60 seconds. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are caddisfly with 1022, jaksmata with 996, and Old_Fark with 957. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - October 10
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #7: Walk of Shame Edition
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-10-06 2:23:44 PM, edited 2014-10-06 2:36:27 PM (9 comments) | Permalink

Many Farkers are back at work and still sobering up after the World Fark Party and the EuroFark Party, hoping that the guy coughing on the plane didn't have Ebola. As you drink your coffee and try to look busy, enjoy this week's NotNewsletter.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Sleepy - 29
Sneezy - 1
Grumpy - 108
Dopey - 4
Bashful - 9
Doc - 2185 (mostly contained in other words)
Happy - 1472


Comment Voting

The top-voted funniest and smartest comments from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Funniest:
Mike_LowELL sang the praises of Dollar Tree Cat Food-Flavored Substance
Mr. Coffee Nerves talked about what Obamacare has done for him
MaudlinMutantMollusk ruined a popular side dish for everyone
parasol compared voting GOP to finding a wedding dress
BunkoSquad adapted a show tune for the Republican party
Rapmaster2000 shared a story about shopping at Walmart
FirstNationalBastard got uninvited from my carpool
Nabb1 gave details on a security lapse
EvilEgg made a mockery of the voting system
impaler showed how the GOP courts women voters

Smartest:
vudukungfu talked about drunken consent
basemetal had a point about public dickery
Nonrepeating Rotating Binary gave proper attribution to a quote
unyon addressed arguments against legalizing marijuana
HotWingConspiracy had an idea for how to keep Ebola from spreading from Dallas
grokca quoted the Bible of Rand
Demetrius weighed in on Silent Soccer
Pocket Ninja put the good old days into perspective
what_now shared a flow chart on how to deal with Ebola fears
robsul82 posted a letter to friends


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

ionthrust added some magic to the forest
stertz put a coyote in the desert
Circusdog320 showed one way to get into Mordor
grampy made a USA Today cover
wickedfish gave this guy a soft landing
zeon gave this model another job
verchad added some Fast Times to this fountain
Yammering_Splat_Vector restrained this big guy
saturn badger took these birds to a lake
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer put some Shockwave in the shockwave


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 11th:  San Francisco Fark Party
Friday October 24th - Sunday October 26th:  Cancún Fark Party


Farking Tip

A lot of Farkers are confused about the difference between a moderator and an admin. Admins are the jerks you should be angry with for not greenlighting your Flintstones slash fiction submission. Moderators are the jerks you should be angry with for deleting your tasteful selfie where you're wearing nothing but ketchup. In short, admins do the link stuff and moderators do the comments stuff.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

California becomes first state to ban plastic bags. "Real Housewives of Orange County" braces for cancellation

You can't track periods in Apple's health app. No word on colons, either

Library of Congress discovers near-mint-condition footage of Game 7 of the 1924 World Series, notable for it being the most recent footage of Senators in DC accomplishing something positive

Hong Kong leader: Oh I won't back down. No I won't back down. You can tear Wong up, to the Gates of Hu, but I won't back down

Microsoft goes right to Windows 10... because 7 8 9

Viagra can make you go blind, according to scientists, but it does stop you rolling out of bed

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 9/28 - 10/4


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Those of you who aren't on Fark on Friday afternoons might not have seen these before, but but that's when Fark's weekly Weird News Quiz comes out. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are gene4564 with 992, mosfo with 979, and alabolt with 954. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:   Fark Weird News Quiz - October 3.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #6: Demented and sad, but social
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-09-29 1:40:57 PM, edited 2014-09-29 2:00:26 PM (16 comments) | Permalink

It appears to be Fark party season, with five Fark parties already planned in October in three different countries. If you can't make it to any of them, you can always plan your own Fark party. After all, Halloween approaches, and a Halloween Fark party could be the chance you've been waiting for to debut your goatse costume.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Fark Party - 127
Chicago - 636
Prague - 5
Santa Monica - 9
San Francisco - 115
Cancún - 3

Bigfoot - 17
Nessie - 0
Loch Ness Monster - 11 (two were original posts, the rest were quoting those two)
Santa Claus - 10
Unicorn - 36
Chupacabra - only 1 that wasn't used as part of a Farker's name
False Flag - 40


Comment Voting

The top-voted funniest and smartest comments from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Funniest
RexTalionis posted an example of a top dog showing respect
brap gave a sign that this guy is coming to the end of his rope
Sin_City_Superhero gave some perspective to a misstatement
That Guy What Stole the Bacon borrowed a relevant xkcd strip
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat had an observation about the United States government
kronicfeld looked for possible motive behind a comment
fusillade762 shared an idea for a get together
bearded clamorer exposed the body modification process
bearded clamorer went nuts in a thread
Guuberre had a welcome for a newcomer

Smartest
hubiestubert discussed the restaurant business
what_now pointed out the moral of the story
brap gave some context to a risqué photo shoot
SilentStrider forwarded a good joke
Pocket Ninja praised hard-working writers
brap got strung out on pasta
Ambivalence theorized about true motives
Calmamity discussed history and hisotherstory
Hobodeluxe talked about what it surely looks like to be serious
8 inches answered the question in the Fark headline


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Yammering_Splat_Vector did some coloring
verchad showed a bad seating arrangement
wickedfish took things in a different direction
#2 revealed what this seaman was up to
ionthrust destroyed this entry
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer paid respects to this contest
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer knows who else likes dinner parties
Dumski waded off with some votes
Yammering_Splat_Vector invited someone we won't talk about
kmcclinton71 added some furry water sports


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th: World Fark Party IV in Chicago, IL
Friday, October 3rd - Sunday, October 5th: Fark Around The World: EuroFark 2014 in Prague, Czech Republic
Friday, October 3rd: TRiP Santa Monica Fark Party
Saturday, October 11th: San Francisco Fark Party
Friday October 24th - Sunday October 26th:  Cancún Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Canadian man caught with 51 turtles in his pants, says they all seemed so happy together

Bear wandering aimlessly around Vancouver neighborhood described at "fat and lazy," answers to the name "Luongo"

Dallas sightseeing company takes a shot at attracting tourists

Price of lemons reaches record levels due to California drought, fewer harvests, additional dealer prep charges by GM

Sarah Palin: "The truth is an endangered species at 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue." Otter: "1400?" Boon: "Forget it, she's rollin'"

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 9/21 - 9/27


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Those of you who aren't on Fark on Friday afternoons might not have seen these before, but Fark does a Weird News Quiz that comes out every Friday afternoon. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are  Sliding Carp with 900,  Drone637 with 889, and  Oakenraven with 876. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - September 26
· · ·


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