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Fark NotNewsletter: In which Drew tells us what he's been hinting at
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-01-26 11:06:06 AM, edited 2015-01-26 11:08:57 AM (81 comments) | Permalink

First, a word from Drew Curtis:

--------------------------------------

Hey everyone.  I'm running for Governor of Kentucky in 2015.

Here's the tl;dr version:

I am not a politician

I'm going to win by not playing the game

Why I'm doing this

A friend of mine inspired me to take the shot.  After having deeply negative interactions with a local elected official, and finding out she wasn't alone in that experience, she decided that the only solution was to run for office. She had no political aspirations, no prior experience, and no idea how to even pull it off.  But someone had to step up and do something about it, and she did.  And this past November, she won the election.

It was incredibly inspiring.  Rather than just accept that ineffective government is a way of life, she actually did something about it.

I never wanted to run for office.  Like most of us I have a pretty strong dislike for the political process. Just getting elected is an insanely complicated and difficult.  Why would anyone want to put themselves through that?

I don't remember who it was or when it happened, but about a year ago I was complaining about the lack of good candidates one night when a friend challenged me.  People who are capable of running for office and winning have no right to complain about the system when they have the ability to change it.  If I sit back and do nothing, I'm at least partially complicit.

Like many of us I'm deeply disturbed by what's happening in politics today.  Thanks to the Citizens United Supreme Court decision, the amount of influence money in politics has increased exponentially.  It's a windfall for the two political parties, but the effect on government has been catastrophic.  Politicians won't make any decisions based in research and logic.  If elected officials make decisions that go against their campaign donors they risk being blacklisted by their own party - and their entire political future.

Take the issue of Right to Work.  A democrat could never pass it, and a republican could never veto it. Neither would ever look into the data to try to figure out if this law was even a good idea.  Worse, neither would ever look into the unintended consequences of their actions.

Money is the only criteria for legislation these days.   In the last Federal Spending Bill, not only did someone insert a regulation-defeating amendment written by Citibank, but they also increased the amount of money one individual can donate to a political party in a given year to $324,000 - a 10x increase.

The only way to fix this is from within.  So I'm taking my shot.  I'm running for Governor because if I get elected, the vicious cycle of influence money in politics grinds to a halt.  Corporations are remarkably predictable - they won't spend money on politics unless it has a chance of creating a beneficial return. Why would any corporation spend money on legislation in a state where they can't buy the Governor? The game would be completely disrupted.

So that's what this is about - trying something new.  And proving that normal people can run for elected office and win.  If one million people can call the FCC and back Net Neutrality, surely I have a chance. The best part is, win or lose, I'm going to help produce the blueprint to allow other people to run for office and win without party support.

I'm not starting a movement, I'm catching a wave.  In 2014 a number of people in a number of states tried something similar.  There weren't many successes, but there were a lot of close races - enough to make me think this is part of a greater pattern.  Good people who have never contemplated politics are jumping into races.  And I'm hoping we'll see a lot more people take an Independent shot in 2016.

The Kentucky Governor election is this year, 2015.  It gives me a full year to try out all new strategies.

Here's the first new strategy: I'm going to win by not playing their game.

I am not a politician.

One thing that people have been asking is where I stand on "the issues".  I'm still working up a response to that, mainly because I think it's the wrong question.  Political parties use "the issues" as weapons of mass distraction.  If any of the really difficult political questions were solvable we'd have done it already.  Besides, I'll be an unaligned Governor with no ability to submit legislation.  And Kentucky's Legislature is currently split, which I think is a great thing.

I really want people to think in terms of solutions.  For example, someone asked me where I stood on the issue of equal pay for women.  Who would be against that?  However the problem there is what's the mechanism?  What law could we pass that would solve that problem?  I would much rather people provide me with solutions - preferably ones that have worked in other states.

I don't have "beliefs" on issues of economics.  I'm more or less agnostic on social issues.  And I'm far more excited about retooling the executive branch to better interface with customers than anything else. The boring stuff is the most important stuff.  It doesn't grab headlines but it's the part of being Governor I really want to sink my teeth into.

The only fringe idea I have is that Government could work better.


So what does this mean for Fark?

Hopefully nothing.  I've actually had a similar distraction before - over 19 months across much of 2011 and 2012 I got an MBA from Columbia and Haas/Berkeley.  I wouldn't go so far as to say that Fark thrived - because my attention  was down 50%, - but it managed fine, and this campaign is half the duration of the MBA.

Fark has a lot of moving parts and as CEO of this small company I play a lot of roles.  I'm confident I can keep doing what I need to do to keep these parts moving.  The most important thing is Fark's quality, so if you're worried that that could suffer, don't.  I'll continue to curate the content, because staying informed on current events is who I am  - and an asset I will use during this political run.

Basically, my interaction with Fark will continue to be what it always has been.

In closing, I've received a lot of support from a lot of you already and I really appreciate that.  Thank you for everything.

--------------------------------------

And now, back to your regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Governor - 466
Kentucky - 402
CNNamon - 4
Superb Owl - 140
Super Bowl - 975
Inflated - 662
Tom Brady - 194
SOTU - 342
Bread bags - 139
Measles - 265


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
mrshowrules explained the consequences of alternative footwear
Eddie Adams from Torrance pointed out why the headline couldn't be true
Blathering Idjut showed the full text of the SOTU response
vernonFL summed up the "Lolita Express"
Blues_X suggested a slogan for a Palin-Nugent White House run
Diogenes explained why Congress has difficulty with technical issues
Mr. Coffee Nerves provided a sample question for a Texas high school civics test
Mugato mentioned a problem with snipers that Michael Moore missed
special20 was forced to side with a plagiarist
shanrick found someone who could benefit from a proposed federal program

Smartest:
ginandbacon took issue with a submitter's tag choice
quatchi pointed out that Huckabee lives in a glass house
jbc brought up a true parenting fail
peasandcarrots discussed conservative humor
ManateeGag had a question for a senator
quatchi presented a different interpretation from the one in the article
Unknown_Poltroon offered some medical advice
quatchi explained why a law needs to be changed
Petit_Merdeux shared what can be learned about under-inflated balls
abmoraz explained herd immunity


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish put a very evil practical joker in a photo
Slide10000 showed what a maniac this hair flipper is
DrPainMD put some familiar faces in this picture
imnntt gave this bird some clothes
DrPainMD dressed this guy up
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel created a new animal
imnntt added a not-so-helpful hand
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave these people something to look at
FarkNUSA found someone an office job
Yammering_Splat_Vector got someone to clean up

Farktography:
DesertDemonWY won Farktography Contest No. 507: "Weather III: Stormy Weather" for the well-timed "Lightning Strike Near Green River"


Farking Tip

Since the early NotNewsletters were missed by a lot of people, I'm recycling an important Farking Tip from one of them.

Are you wondering why your comment calling another Farker a meerkat-slapping fascist was deleted? Do you want to share your idea to make the Fark main page fuchsia with the Fark staff?  Do you want to thank a moderator for deleting the comment where you accidentally posted your grandma's photo and phone number? Does your browser keep crashing when you're trying to read the latest Fark thread debating a monkey's right to keep and bear dynamite? You can contact Fark with all of these things and more with the handy Farkback form.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, March 21st: Chicago Fark Party
Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth, TX Fark Party
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Just what the Farking Fark is Drew up to?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-01-19 3:43:28 PM, edited 2015-01-19 4:08:23 PM (96 comments) | Permalink

First, a word from Drew Curtis:

--------------------------------------

This week's reason to buy TotalFark - I need your help with a project.

I'll be announcing what it is next Monday on Fark's main page (and in this newsletter).  However, Thursday or Friday I'll announce what it is on TotalFark only - because I need your help.  I'm about to attempt something big in a way that's never been done before and I need ideas.

I think I've got most of the bases covered, but I've found over the years that asking TotalFarkers what they think is a great way to get suggestions and ideas that I wouldn't have otherwise thought of.

So keep an eye out - it's going to be interesting!

--------------------------------------

And now, back to your regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter

Just a quick note: January 15th was WTFark's first birthday! The pilot episode of WTFark was posted a year ago last Thursday, so be sure to wish them a happy belated birthday.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Coffee - 610
Soda - 245
Coke - 312
Glue - 90
Spray Paint - 4


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
grokca explained why there's always money in the lemonade stand
AverageAmericanGuy made a goofy joke about an astronomical discovery
Ivo Shandor shared a clever term
James! spoke out against greed
brap discussed customer service
Mr. Coffee Nerves made a prediction about gun control
zamboni drew conclusions from the president's lack of representation at the Unity March in Paris
mrshowrules revealed a troubling fact
scottydoesntknow thought someone looked familiar
mama2tnt showed what revenge might look like

Smartest:
Ivo Shandor currency term from above had the most "smart" votes
Sin_City_Superhero rendered a verdict
czetie asked a question about the NYPD
make me some tea shared a list of important questions
SilentStrider spotted a paradox
what_now expressed some admiration
quatchi basically said screw the article's author and the Fox he rode in on
Marcus Aurelius pointed out that things are going according to plan
sigdiamond2000 described car dealerships
433 eloquently described Nancy Grace's show


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
verchad searched for a missing meme
wickedfish added a helpful message
WaitForIt made a lovely tchotchke
saturn badger showed what determination can accomplish
Herb Utsmelz made this erection more neighborly
Yammering_Splat_Vector straightened out a problem
Herb Utsmelz helped a dwelling fulfill its purpose
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave someone a new job
Dumski played the game of afterlife
redmax changed dairy to a more important food group

Farktography:
Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 506: "Anything Goes" for this stunning photo of Bryce Canyon


Farking Tip

Want to post your ermine cosplay group's photos in the Caturday thread but you're not sure how? There are actually a few ways to do this.

If the image you want to post is already on the internets somewhere, you can try just pasting the URL into the comment box. Most of the time, it will magically turn into the image that you're trying to post. Occasionally, though, that won't work. If that happens, you'll need to use the handy toolbar that sits atop the comment box. The very last icon just before the question mark is the image posting button. If you click on that, a box should pop up. All you have to do is put the URL in the field where it says URL tricky, right?, then click on the "OK" button.

If the image you want to post is saved on your computer. you'll still use that same button on the comment box toolbar. Click on it, and then click on the "upload" tab in the inside the box that pops up. Then click on "Browse" and select the image that you want to post. After that, you're still not done. You have to click on "Upload Image" to get your pretty picture sent over. Click on the "OK" button, and your image should appear.

Whichever method you use to post an image, you can resize it by clicking on it, then drag the corners. There are limits to image sizes on Fark, which are top secret except that they're not and they're in that link earlier in this sentence. So have fun posting images, and be sure you keep those photos of your totally real girlfriend who we wouldn't know because she lives in Canada safe for work.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, January 24th: NYC Fark Party Brunch
Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth, TX Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Pot-based sexual lubricant designed specifically for women goes on sale in Colorado. QUEEFER MADNESS

♫ Wat-ching Sup-er Bowl from couch ♪

Taylor Swift pays off fan's student loan, writes #1 single after bank rejects her

Obama to unveil package on Tuesday. Excuse him while he whips it out

...so, a hard day's knight?

Float like a bladder guy, sting like a pee

Man hires a handyman to murder his wife. Incredibly, the job was finished on time and on budget

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 1/1 - 1/17


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Must have been a tough quiz last week; nobody managed to crack 1000 points, which is nearly always worth a spot on the top ten list. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are Dead Skin Mask with 899,  Oakenraven only two points behind with 897, and  Twilight Farkle with 867. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - January 16
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Here's what happened while you were blackout drunk last week
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-01-12 1:15:21 PM (40 comments) | Permalink

In last week's NotNewsletter, Drew announced an experiment where there would be no ads on TotalFark for a day. Scroll down to the Farking Tip for an update on that, as well as information about TotalFark payment options. Spoiler alert: You can't pay for TotalFark by pouring bourbon directly onto your keyboard. I found that out the hard way.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Charlie Hebdo - 397
Boko Haram - 36
Taliban - 59
ISIS - 542


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Thanks for the Meme-ries posted this hinting son in a thread about King Abdullah's supposed abdication
Snarfangel just asked questions
DrBear predicted what will happen to terrorists who are targeted by Anonymous
Boojum2k guessed at what made a gay man become a pastor
proton improved a tattooed guy's look
Pocket Ninja described how Mitt Romney has changed
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha answered a riddle
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat pointed out where certain stars can usually be found
quatchi had an idea for how Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton could be welcome back on the campaign trail
the_sidewinder clarified the topic of discussion

Smartest:
Rapmaster2000 made an observation about discussions about George Zimmerman
Diogenes amended a Florida courthouse memo
hubiestubert outlined one weird trick for making Republican politicians unhappy
shower_in_my_socks discussed a way in which America excels
Therion had a good argument for paying higher taxes
gregario wants to vote for posts from the people Therion doesn't want to be around
quatchi discussed the effects of watching Fox News
Sliding Carp asked some questions about Elizabeth Warren
DoctorCal talked about a shift in power
Parthenogenetic posted a good suggestion for terrorists


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
redmax was inspired to create a bouncy romance
cowgirl toffee took on this Photoshop contest
wickedfish made what would be a fabulous fish bowl decoration
Alligator did this impressive Photoshop
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed a neighborly time traveler
DrPainMD secured this dangerous doll
Yammering_Splat_Vector put this family in a better location
Dumski sent this dude back in time
Herb Utsmelz made this meal look even worse
wickedfish showed this guy who's about to experience shrinkage

Farktography:
spinach gunk won Farktography Contest No. 505: "Teh Funnay III" with this bird that seems to have found a portal


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by Drew)

Last week, we ran an experiment that had two goals.  The first was to find out what percentage of Fark's ad revenue was generated by TotalFarkers, so we turned ads off for the day to find out.  The second was to see if Farkers cared enough about not seeing ads to sign up for TotalFark, because Fark makes far less than $5 per reader on all advertising per month.  So, in theory, if enough people signed up for TotalFark, we could get rid of ads, which I would personally love to do. Which, by the way, if you'd like to sign up, here's the link to follow: https://www.fark.com/totalfarksignup

More on what we found in a minute.  We also discovered a number of things we didn't previously know:

- Some folks weren't aware that you don't need PayPal to sign up for TotalFark.  You still can sign up for TotalFark with PayPal, but we've also added Stripe so you can sign up with any credit card.  So if that's holding you back, head on over right now and sign on up.

- Most folks weren't aware that we make far less than $5 per month in ad revenue per reader.  That's not just us by the way, that's every website.

- Many TFers said they were surprised at how nice everything looked without the regular display ads.  We replaced them with fun placeholders.  A few of them even mentioned that they hadn't thought they would care if ads were displayed or not but discovered that they preferred not having ads.

- A few folks mentioned that perhaps if we reposted the call to action to sign up for TotalFark on other days of the week at other times, perhaps more people would sign up.

So, on that last note, let me get back to what we learned from last week's experiment.

We had a number of new signups, which was awesome. Thank you so much! But it also turned out that TotalFarkers are our power users and generate a ton of ad revenue just by being on Fark.  We didn't get enough new signups to offset what we'd lose in advertising if we turned it off. However, that's not necessarily a dead end.  It got me thinking whether or not we reached enough people, whether there might be other ways to turn off ads, and a number of other possible options. I'm still working on these other options because the answers require looking at a number of other data points. Meanwhile, though, we're definitely going to test out the theory that we might have gotten more subscribers if we promoted at other times.  I'll get back with an update either next week or the week following.

For now, though, I will say this - it may seem like $5 a month from you wouldn't make much of a difference.  In actuality, it really does make a difference on our end, especially at scale.  So if $5 means not much to you, consider signing up for TotalFark.  The impact on our end is substantial.
https://www.fark.com/totalfarksignup

Thanks, folks!


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, January 24th: NYC Fark Party Brunch
Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth, TX Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

In the Justin Bieber shoot, Calvin Klein made the dick look bigger. They also enlarged his groin

Pope Francis announces his starting lineup of fifteen Cardinals, virtually guaranteeing they'll clinch the NLDS this year

More Americans dying of dysentery than ever before

Stop me if you've heard this one before...George Zimmerman arrested on aggravated assault ch

Home of Panthers coach Ron Rivera damaged in fire. Every Arizona Cardinals fan now a suspect

Zuckerberg starting a book club. Everyone expected to read the first few sentences then randomly flip pages for the next three minutes

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 1/4 - 1/10


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Must have been a tough quiz last week; nobody managed to crack 1000 points, which is nearly always worth a spot on the top ten list. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are  Crass and Jaded Mother Farker with 983,  BogglePlayingChicken with 920, and  punji_stick with 910 (beating the next one on the list by a single point). Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - January 9
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: No ads, in my TotalFark? It's more likely than you think
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-01-05 2:19:44 PM, edited 2015-01-12 5:41:37 AM (136 comments) | Permalink

A Word from Drew Curtis

Hey everyone -

Back when TotalFark first launched 13 years ago (yarly), it came with the added feature of no ads on Fark (this was pre-adblock by about half a decade). A few years later, we backed this out after discussing with the TotalFark community because it turned out that a very high percentage of TotalFarkers didn't care if there were ads or not and it seemed like that was leaving money on the table.

However, I've always been curious as to whether or not a no-ads pitch would be incentive to get folks to sign up for TotalFark who otherwise would not.  $5 per month is significantly more than the total amount paid by all advertisers per reader in a given month, and all things being equal, I'd prefer to get rid of ads anyhow.  If you're curious to hear more about the whys and wherefores around that issue, hit me over a beer sometime at a Fark party I'll talk your ears off.

Firstly though we have to find out what kind of a revenue hit that might mean.  So tomorrow, Tuesday Jan 6th, we're going to turn display ads off for TotalFarkers and see what the difference is between tomorrow and a regular Tuesday. If the difference is low, we'll turn ads off for TotalFarkers for good this time.  This would exclude sponsored links, by the way (for now - more on that later).

If you are not a TotalFarker but like this idea: if you wouldn't terribly mind signing up for TotalFark, we'll count all signups in the next 48 hours as support for the no ads on TotalFark idea (including gifted sponsorships).  And if those new signups exceed the revenue drop from no ads - no matter how large it is - we will shut off display ads for TotalFark.

Signup page is https://www.fark.com/totalfarksignup

FArQ page for TotalFark is here if that's of interest: http://www.fark.com/farq/totalfark/


I'm also looking for some replacement ads to run tomorrow in the empty spaces so if you've got any you'd like to submit, feel free to email me.  Sizes are 728x90 and 300x250 if you're handy with the Photoshop.

Thanks folks!

------------------------------

And now, back to your regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter.

------------------------------

Welcome to the first NotNewsletter of 2015. We're living in the future, as has been pointed out by just about every website and "news" organization that felt the need to compare the gadgets we have with the gadgets that Marty McFly encountered when he traveled to 2015 in "Back to the Future Part II." Personally, I'm just working on ingratiating myself to our future ape overlords and looking forward to finding out how the hell the three seashells work.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

2015 - 625
Back to the Future - 14
Flying car - 18
Hoverboard - 7
McFly - 3
Dystopian - 7
Utopian - 3
Grok - 4
Mutant - 20
Skynet - 5
Time Lord - 19


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Mike_LowELL explained why Comcast is entitled to your money
I_Am_Weasel discussed Lincoln's love of golf
carrion_luggage showed how you reveal a secret of the House majority whip
violentsalvation pointed out how a church shooting could have been different in another church
UNAUTHORIZED FINGER made a guess at what a man was really arrested for
Doctor Funkenstein told Fark what people are like in central Pennsylvania
Mr. Coffee Nerves described a hypothetical U.S. monument
HighlanderRPI spoke on behalf of an undead celebrity
BigSnatch paraphrased a classic holiday movie
Diogenes tallied up the damage a kid's tantrum caused

Smartest:
Ambivalence explained one way of thinking about religion
NFA described what's wrong with whippersnappers
PirateKing pointed out one possible reason why young people can't fix things
mr_a explained why your cable company sucks
serpent_sky discussed the NYPD's disputes with the mayor and protestors
Peter von Nostrand reacted to New York police turning their backs to the mayor
Pocket Ninja offered a possible translation of the NYPD Commissioner's words
Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo asked a question about a billionaire's divorce settlement
gnosis301 summed up the complaints of old people
Doktor_Zhivago reacted to an article about Fox News


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what a banalien might look like
Yammering_Splat_Vector greatly improved a snow fort
RedZoneTuba made a revolutionary image of a Klingon
stertz got this dog to show someone's tan line
Herb Utsmelz Photoshopped some extra large pajama bottoms
Yammering_Splat_Vector created a troubling sight
whyRpeoplesostupid showed Santa handling an important chore
Alligator gave us Lil' Kim's birthday suit
Alligator put a special hood ornament on this car
Circusdog320 made a login-appropriate Photoshop entry


Farktography:
Elsinore won Farktography Contest No. 504: "Potent Potables 2" with "Bubbly"


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth, TX Fark Party


Headlines of the Year Contest (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Over the last few weeks, Fark held its annual Headline of the Year contest, and today the final winners were announced.

HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Man loses wife to heart attack, wins lottery the next day. And he still has one wish left
(submitter: ThePuceGuardian)

Runner-up: Police find abandoned body in abandoned body shop. Which really is the first place they should have looked
(submitter: coralfixation)

SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Aaron Rodgers responds to gay rumors by f*cking some Bears
(submitter: Palmer Eldritch)

Runner-up: Five things you need to know about womens' ski jumping. "The hell's that whistling sound?" inexplicably not among them
(submitter: Snowrise)

GEEK HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Boy who was born without ears has a pair created from his ribs. Delighted mother says, "I've finally got my baby back"
(submitter: phlegmmo)

Runner-up: Recent finding shows Leibniz was the 10th person to invent a binary number system
(submitter: bighairyguy)

ENTERTAINMENT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Who wants to take a road trip to Washington this April and celebrate Nirvana day? I call shotgun
(submitter: The English Major)

Runner-up: Robin Williams Poets Society
(submitter: LessO2)

POLITICS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Governor Christie blocks three lanes of traffic. This is not a fat joke
(submitter: All2morrowsparTs)

Runner-up: KY recognizes gay marriage
(submitter: centrifugal bumblepuppy)

BUSINESS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Comcast VP testifies that Time Warner merger will be good for customers. Also known as "perjury"
(submitter: Marcus Aurelius)

Runner-up: Stock market traders say that the characters in "The Wolf of Wall Street" are exaggerated. For one thing, who is going to believe that the main character actually goes to jail for committing financial crimes?
(submitter: Principal Clarinet)

WORDPLAY/PUN HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Police respond to emergency call when heavy breathing is all they can hear, find dog running around yard with phone in its mouth. Too bad they didn't have collar ID
(submitter: phlegmmo)

Runner-up: The son also rises as a suspect in the murders of a couple found on Heming Way
(submitter: The English Major)

CONTEXT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: ← Free Nelson Mandela
(submitter: Thudfark)

Runner-up: They USED to laugh and call him names
(submitter: Chariset)

The rest of them are here:  2014 Fark Headline of the Year winners
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: It's New Year's Eve, not New Year's Steve
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-12-30 12:45:06 PM (19 comments) | Permalink

This week, we tell 2014 to take a hike and say, "How you doin'?" to 2015. To do that, Unfreakable has come down out of his tree house to present Fark's Headline of the Year contests.


Headline of the Year Contests (brought to you by Unfreakable)

All contests will be open for voting through 12/31 at 11:55 pm ET, and the winners will be announced on Monday morning.

Mainpage: http://www.fark.com/comments/8540388

Sports: http://www.fark.com/comments/8540502

Geek: http://www.fark.com/comments/8540604

Entertainment: http://www.fark.com/comments/8540758

Politics: http://www.fark.com/comments/8540822

Business: http://www.fark.com/comments/8540894

Puns/Wordplay: http://www.fark.com/comments/8541404

Context: http://www.fark.com/comments/8541535


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

New Year - 272
NYE- 141
Dick Clark - 2
Times Square - 2
Ball drop - 22
Midnight - 87
Champagne - 30


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
SmackLT described a movie's debut
James! recommended a website that could fulfill a particular Christmas wish
Pocket Ninja spoke out for silence
bearded clamorer perfectly captioned Picard
Diogenes suggested crowdsourcing a problem
James! exposed the exception to the North Korean internet outage
Doctor Funkenstein told a very patriotic story
oldernell mentioned somebody whose husband is definitely straight
Dimensio revealed the real reason for North Korea's internet outage
ultraholland knows why people aren't getting married

Smartest:
quatchi commented on NYPD officers turning their backs on their mayor
hockeychick thanked Farkers for help through a difficult time
Ambivalence discussed conservative ideals
Shadow Blasko offered some advice  to a mother
MrBallou responded to some internet butthurt
Diogenes made the funniest and smartest lists for this comment
dookdookdook described a pretty cool superhero
Sin_City_Superhero pointed out some hypocrisy
Emposter explained supply-side economic theory
feckingmorons thinks someone is a feckingidiot


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this badass some bad hair
RedZoneTuba adapted a logo for Santa's workshop
stertz gave this polar bear a job to do
stertz  made this friar go wading
Squid_Flotilla gave us this aquatic reptile
Yammering_Splat_Vector made this guy look smooth
wickedfish improved this trophy
HalfOffOffer put Santa with a drinking buddy
Alligator put fire retardant on something even scarier than fire
whyRpeoplesostupid gave this woman some flaming red hair


Farktography:
The Farktography contest, "Seasons' Greetings 8" ended in a tie between this comfy scene from Alligator and this cheery bomber from predle
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The White Elephant of the Internet
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-12-22 3:08:19 PM, edited 2014-12-22 3:16:13 PM (11 comments) | Permalink

This week is spewing an obscene number of holidays all over our faces. Hopefully you're done buying all the hot cocoa sampler boxes and glass dragons that you're gifting to your loved ones, and you can take a few minutes to hide from your family and drink some heavily-spiked eggnog while you read the Fark NotNewsletter.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Festivus - 27
Christmas - 2577
Kwanzaa - 36
Presents - 304
Santa - 843
Krampus - 39


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Snarfangel gave this very literal answer
Brawndo figured out whose mom caused Alex Trebek to threaten to quit Jeopardy
I Said suggested some threats that could gain North Korea some allies
cyberspacedout made a crack about a gassy defendant
Johnson restored a woman's photograph
Sybarite is definitely on Santa's naughty list
vernonFL has something in common with a fellow quoted in an article
One Bad Apple was called out in a thread
busy chillin' posted a holiday greeting
Pocket Ninja educated Farkers about constitutional law

Smartest:
Somacandra illustrated a point with a personal story
hubiestubert pointed out that Ayn Rand didn't start the fire
nmrsnr had a suggestion for Sony
naughtyrev said what the Ferguson district attorney's job isn't
4seasons85! called for investigations
hardinparamedic went full Will McAvoy in a thread
FlashHarry compared punishments for various crimes
mrshowrules talked about how to defeat terrorism
gaslight posted that one Stephen Fry quote
scottydoesntknow had a suggestion for how Colorado should respond to being sued by Nebraska


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish put Bill Murray in a bad situation
wickedfish  also showed Bill Murray as a president
whyRpeoplesostupid made Bill Murray into a firefighter
Alligator put a favorite bartender in a basketball game
stertz Photoshopped a Vermurray
Lee451 showed a followup to wickedfish's top-voted entry
Alligator showed that Bill Murray is king
#2 gave us A Very Vader Christmas
RedZoneTuba showed what's happening to Santa's home
wickedfish made Bill Murray into another president


Farktography:
Jack Kerouac won Farktography Contest No. 502: "Mmm Bokeh 3: You Want Bokeh? You Can't Handle the Bokeh"


Headlines of the Week & Weird News Quiz Results

Unfreakable is hiding in his treehouse with a gallon of eggnog and refuses to come down and write these sections until his demands have been met. We're making some progress and have managed to acquire the badger, but we're having some trouble finding enough dancing girls who meet his minimum 6'3" requirement. We'll keep you posted as the situation develops. In the meantime, you can check out the Fark Headlines of the Week and take the Fark Weird News Quiz.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: In which Drew Curtis explains WTFark WTFark is
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-12-15 12:49:20 PM, edited 2014-12-15 1:35:24 PM (100 comments) | Permalink

We're in the midst of holiday season, with Hanukkah beginning on Tuesday and saturnalia starting on Wednesday. So launder your party pants, because they're getting a bit smelly, and enjoy a pantsless reading of this week's NotNewsletter.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Holiday - 568
Vacation - 297
Hanukkah - 40
Chanukah  - 9
Chanukkah - 1
Saturnalia - 7
I need a drink - 2


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
1. Put snakes on plane told a Christmas tale that seems rather familiar if you read an earlier comment
robsul82 knows that even Cam Newton's car doesn't go full Delhomme (I see you, Di Atribe)
Mr. Coffee Nerves is someone you don't want to call up with your phone scam
doyner made an inventive legal argument
Epic Fap Session commented on the author of the farking article
Wyalt Derp remarked on the problems with running a Chinese food restaurant
Rapmaster2000 shared a story on the hazards of pollution
blatz514 provided a helpful illustration of a legislative debate
DanZero shared an example of promotions gone wrong
Barfmaker revealed the motivation behind a new dress code

Smartest:
Mztlplx shared some financial advice
quatchi clearly hates America
sno man offered some advice for dealing with anti-vaxxer parents
doyner signaled disapproval for some blame being thrown around
BalugaJoe made a valuable observation
SilentStrider commented on the goals of a creationist group
Diogenes pointed out the difference between two statements
Ker_Thwap offered a possible motive for issuing survival kits to bankers
quatchi discussed Tamir Rice's death
dookdookdook exposed tyranny


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Lee451 showed a disagreement in the First Family
whyRpeoplesostupid helped an usual family to cross the street
Herb Utsmelz showed where this man might be headed
Circusdog320 gave us what happens when scientists don't stop to think about if they should
stertz made an elf that might not be kept on a shelf
grampy put this fearless leader with his comrades
Dumski fulfilled a Photoshop request
grampy is probably on the naughty list this year
Lee451 gave this artist something else to lick
mrlizard put this guy in a familiar sweater


Farktography:
spinach gunk won last week's Farktography contest, "Goin' to the Dogs," with this kissable nose


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by Drew)

WTFark is WTFark

It's hard to believe but Fark turns 16 years old in February.  There hasn't been a year where I haven't gotten a pitch to make some kind of video production out of Fark's material.  Except maybe the first couple; we didn't have much of an audience back in 1999

Over the years we've tried a couple things along the lines of a video project.  Folks who've been around awhile probably remember FarkTV - our 2006 project in conjunction with SuperDeluxe (RIP).  The show never did seem to resonate with Farkers, and I was confused by this until someone perfectly stated it something like this: "The show is sketch comedy with the Fark brand just slapped on it. There's nothing in particular that makes it Fark-ish other than that's where the stories came from."  That's about as true a statement as I've ever heard.  I liked the show personally - not all of them obviously but overall I liked what they were attempting to do.   Interestingly, most of the folks involved in that project have gone on to bigger and better things. Dan Mengini for example is a nationally touring headline comedian, and I damn near fell on the floor when he appeared in the Homeland Pilot - he was the paparazzi in the backyard who got his ass kicked six ways to Sunday.  Megan Hayes landed a spot in the second Hunger Games movie as one of the contestants, and rumor has it she's landed a big project to be announced later on (a rumor I'm starting right here, by the way).  It's really awesome seeing everyone pop up during my favorite TV shows and movies.

So you may or may not be aware that we've got a current project running in conjunction with Ora.tv - WTFark.  We started with a different concept for the show from last time.  One major difference is the target audience is people who don't read Fark.  Since it's likely that Farkers would have already seen the stories on actual Fark before WTFark had time to produce them, the idea was to get a show that was essentially an introduction to new readers outside of Fark to the type of stories we generally carry.  We drop links to it occasionally but the show actually gets most of its traffic from the Huffington Post whose audience really likes it a lot.  It's accomplishing the goals I set out for it - namely driving thousands of new readers to Fark.  Mike Rylander is doing a hell of a job over there being essentially the solo writer on the show as well as the presenter, and Joseph Scrimshaw kicks in occasionally to help.

The current contract is up in April and I don't know if we and/or they are going to want to continue past then - it will have run for a full year by that point which is an insanely long time by industry standards.  We'll probably lose Rylander at some point as well - he's actively auditioning for huge movie roles, and recently shot a commercial or something with Brett Farve which hopefully was not anything related to Farve coming out of retirement again.  So who knows?

If there's one thing I've learned from all this, it's that doing a quality video product is insanely hard.  We have however still been considering a different type of video project, but the problem is we don't know exactly what type of project per se.  Ideally I'd like to do something with a goal that's the opposite of WTFark - something that actively engages the Fark community in some way.  So if anyone has any ideas of something that might work, feel free to drop me a line; I'd be interested to hear it.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

If you're reading this, pay attention: Today will be the first quarterfinals thread for Headline of the Year candidates (probably in a few hours). For those of you on TF, keep an eye out for subtab candidates on TFD later today. In the meantime, here are some of the better headlines from last week:

Man with prosthetic right hand has it stolen from his truck, now has only one left

Another Cam Newton drive ends in turnover

The Pill remains the most popular form of birth control, closely followed by getting a TF subscription

Barack and Michelle Obama romance film coming. First movie based on a presidential marriage since Hillary considered "Kill Bill"

Time capsule buried by Paul Revere and Sam Adams discovered in Boston. Contents include rare coins, quart of beer, wiffleball bat

Scott Walker would like to say Molotov to his Jewish friends. He wishes he could sit Chivas with them and would like to close with a hearty Slalom Shazbot

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 12/7 - 12/13


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

More difficult times for the quiz takers as a lot of Farkers are having trouble joining the 1000 club again. Currently, the top three scores on the hard quiz are Twilight Farkle with 908, Panty Sniffer with 892, and techgeek07 with 877. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 12
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #16: The gift that keeps on giving
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-12-08 12:45:36 PM, edited 2014-12-08 1:38:24 PM (124 comments) | Permalink

We begin this week's NotNewsletter with a word from Drew Curtis:

Hey everyone - got an interesting thing in the works.  Unfortunately I can't share it yet, but we're going to be publicly announcing it in the next few weeks.  Probably in early January.  No we're not getting bought out.  No we're not redesigning the site.  No we're not selling out (whatever that means).  In fact it's something that's so different it'll probably be impossible to anticipate. It's pretty cool though.

As a result of the interesting thing, we really should do a TotalFark subscription drive.

$5 per month, $50 per year.

So what is TotalFark?

With TotalFark you get the following:

- A way cool @ultrafark.com email address with a minimum 6-month subscription

- First look at articles submitted by -anyone- sometimes even before an admin reads them

- First look at upcoming Photoshop contests

- TotalFarkers are first to hear about upcoming changes/features to Fark

- Whenever I'm thinking of doing something new, I try to drop in and ask TotalFarkers what they think first so I can better gauge reaction.  The input has been invaluable over the years.

- Access to a much smaller Fark community that feels a lot like Fark did back when we were much, much smaller.  Fark has millions of readers but TotalFarkers number in the thousands.

- My eternal gratitude - because without TotalFark, Fark wouldn't even exist today.

- With a $50 subscription you get two free months you can give to other folks so they can take a test drive

You can sign up for TotalFark here.

And now, back to your regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Nerd - 254
Geek - 337
Dork - 101
Dweeb - 9
Hipster - 226
Precious snowflake - 9


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Snarfangel answered a hypothetical question about Fox News
Pocket Ninja remarked on a comedic article from Yahoo!
ChipNASA revealed how Obama recruits people to help him in his nefarious missions
James! made an observation about people from 1989
Benevolent Misanthrope pointed out the worst thing about parents canceling Christmas
Abe Vigoda's Ghost shared a photo with one very happy shopper
James! adapted a saying for recent events
johnnieconnie shared some relevant lyrics
I am Groot posted the possible subject of a headline
Benni K Rok shared a thought on members of the Satanic Temple

Smartest:
Prank Call of Cthulhu expressed sympathy for the subjects of profiling
FormlessOne explained America's decline
serpent_sky gave a good argument for making Supreme Court justices join Fark
BunkoSquad commented on the usefulness of body cameras on police officers
HawgWild asked an earnest question
ox45tallboy remarked on the role of race in comedy
picturescrazy made a point about competition and government regulation
RedPhoenix122 talked about a creep ruining Thanksgiving
vudukungfu is not a fan of Santorum
Heraclitus shared a warning about corporate labor practices

Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz made an ad that could use a different spokesperson
Abe Vigoda's Ghost showed a fun way to deliver bad news
zvoidx gave this sauna a familiar look
Dumski posted an entirely different kind of Photoshop, altogether
grampy put a spy in the sauna
#2 gave these spies some classic cars to drive
grampy did and did not Photoshop this cat
Alligator gave a hint at what's behind these humps
Alligator  showed how unimpressed this sign holder is
wickedfish invited some old friends to the amusement park


Farktography:
Last week, we had our 500th Farktography contest. In honor of that milestone, Farkers were allowed to submit up to five photographs, and entries from previous contests were permitted. Below are the five entries that received the most votes.
Linguine's entry, "Yosemite Valley"
markie_farkie's previous winner from "Sunrise...Sunset..."
IncorrigibleKitty's photo of an orange-eyed owl
millera9's "Reptile" (tied with IncorrigibleKitty's entry above)
predle's snacking butterfly


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by dugitman)

We've started a new type of discussion thread for early-rising Farkers. It's called CSB Sunday Morning and is a takeoff of the more languid Sunday morning news programs that feature eclectic cultural and human-interest stories. If you were a fan of On the Road with Charles Kuralt then check in at 9 am Eastern every Sunday to see what topic we've posted as a springboard for discussion and swapping of CSBs. Even though we'll have a semi-current article as a base, the threads are intended to be an ambling conversation over a cup of coffee and a newspaper. Ideally, we'd like to have a "foreword" from a Farker for the Boobies each week. So if you have a topic or article you'd like to share that doesn't necessarily fit the mold of a Fark news thread, we're taking suggestions and would like to have you handle the boobies, and MC the thread. Email dugitman at fark dot com for consideration.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The first six mainpage Headline of the Year preliminary contests have gone live on TotalFark and will be open to TotalFarkers for the next day or so. If you've somehow missed the threads, all six are listed here: Headline of the Year candidates, December thru May.

The candidates for 2014 are now closed, but here are some headlines from last week. Most will be in next year's contest, but at least one made it to the current contest for November:

Man charged with simple domestic assault for attacking wife with McChicken sandwich, would have been charged with aggravated assault had he made her eat it

Three bears struck and killed on highways in twenty-four hours. The first accident was too hard, the second accident too soft, but the third was just right

Physicists create new kind of pasta to explain mysterious ring-shaped polymers, offering new insight into the legacy of the renowned physicist Dr. Boyardee

Dan Quayle's mother passes awaye

Supreme Court hears the case of a pregnant UPS driver forced to go on unpaid leave. First time that UPS was ever concerned about the consequences of an early delivery

Why your mom beats you in video games

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/30 - 12/6


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

More difficult times for the quiz takers as a lot of Farkers are having trouble joining the 1000 club again. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are jjimdd with 978, rick42 with 929, and Oakraven with 900. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 5
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #15: Where the deer and the antelope play World of Warcraft
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-12-01 12:08:01 PM, edited 2014-12-01 2:45:15 PM (52 comments) | Permalink

Thanksgiving weekend has come to an end and it appears that, somehow, there were no Black Friday sales fatalities this year. Have we all finally learned that those deals that insensitive retailers continue to call "doorbusters" are not worth killing for, or is there another reason behind the lack of carnage? While you ponder this mystery, enjoy this week's NotNewsletter with a special "So you want to be a Fark moderator or admin" Farking Tip from Drew.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. By the way, these are just random words and phrases from my demented mind, not the things that were mentioned the most. So saying "malevolent mustachioed platypus" over and over will make you look weird, but will not get it into the NotNewsletter.

CSB - 238
notsureifserious - 4
welcometofark - 9
EABOD - 10
DIAF - 31
NTTAWWT - 14
BSABSVR - 19
DNRTFA - 27
STFU - 121
GBTW - 3


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Totally Sharky Complete combed the desert for this comment
Barfmaker tried to find the positive in a bad situation
Mike_LowELL dropped a metric ton of sarcasm in a politics thread
433 provided an example of the importance of gun safety
Johnson improved upon a political cartoon
I am Groot posted a paranoid android
Nogrhi caught a familiar scent
TheOther predicted how a football team will deal with controversy
TV's Vinnie altered a weapon
You didn't pray, because Silverhammer altered it further

Smartest:
Almost Everybody Poops posted a subdued message about purchasing guns
quatchi suggested that America will miss what it has when it's gone
Sin_City_Superhero made a statement about reinforcing behavior
Barfmaker made history for getting the same comment on both top-voted comment lists
optikeye talked about taxing the rich at a much higher rate
shanrick posted an image about one version of the New Testament
Cubicle Jockey posted some gun safety advice
propasaurus had a question for Geraldo Rivera
Marcus Aurelius shared some thoughts about the police who killed a child
Ambivalence looked on the bright side of things


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish trapped this deer
verchad gave this famous lady a different expression
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this vehicle a hitchhiker
Alligator gave this person a sweet ride
stertz made this bird into a Rock
grampy showed what a Microsoft droid might look like
verchad made a very special gift
cowgirl toffee actually made me want to eat a car
RedZoneTuba restored this work of art
zvoidx gave this old goat someone to play with

Farktography:
Tad_Waxpole won the Farktography contest with this "Wat?" photo


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by Drew)

Farking Tip: How to become a moderator or admin on Fark

Interestingly, when this topic came up I realized we've never explained our thought process behind how we select moderators and admins.  So hey, here we go.

First up, some basics - moderators and admins are not the same.  Moderators moderate just comments, admins choose what links to put up on Fark and where.  Folks can be both.

We look at adding new moderators usually in January based on how active the current group of moderators is.  Life happens, jobs change, situations change, and every year we usually need 3-5 new folks to replace existing moderators who for whatever reason can't be as active as they'd like.

We choose our mods from users that are active in the community and preferably represent diversity in political opinion and cultural background. What we're looking for are good community members, folks who are helpful and courteous with the notification system to point out headline problems or comments that need attention, people comfortable with pools of goat blood and commenters who generally have a good sense of humor. It also helps if a staff member has met you (although it isn't a requirement). We're old fashioned and sometimes it's easier to get a sense of who people are face to face.

As far as admins go, we tend to add them less often because it takes fewer people (however we are interested in picking up someone for the late night EST shift if anyone's sleep habits or timezones mesh well with this).  Generally we choose from active submitters who happen to have a good sense of what makes for a Fark tagline.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, December 3rd: NYC Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

University of Maine fans fail to beat record for most flannel worn at an event, hope to overtake the Association of Lesbian Lumberjack Grunge Fans next time

Mama June put on no-fly list

New experimental bus runs on waste and poop. U.S. Congress now labeled as renewable energy source

Obama says Hillary Clinton could give America "That new car smell." In other news, Hillary Clinton is apparently 68% cheap vinyl

Ray Rice beats Roger Goodell

The rest of them are here:  Fark Headlines of the week for 11/23 - 11/29


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After four straight weeks of nobody cracking 1000, one person managed it the week before last, but now we're back to high scores in the 900s. Currently the top three scores on the hard quiz are Twilight Farkle with 951, Hots_Kebabs with 925, and Marcus Aurelius with 886. Highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 28
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter #14: The Farksgiving Edition
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2014-11-24 11:32:30 AM (90 comments) | Permalink

This week, the U.S. will celebrate Thanksgiving while everyone else celebrates Thursday. It's a time for 'Murican Farkers to take a break from arguing with each other so they can argue with their families instead. Then everyone will either go shopping or stay the hell away from malls and await the news coverage of Walmart tramplings. Until then, you might as well read the NotNewsletter because it's not like you were going to get any work done this week, anyway.

A special thanks to InterruptingQuirk and ZAZ for suggestions that were used for this NotNewsletter, and to ox45tallboy for writing this week's Farking Tip.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Thanksgiving - 896
Black Friday - 169
Consumerism - 6
Turkey - 603
Stuffing - 134
I live with my mom - 27


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
miss diminutive explained what addiction can drive a person to
Nickelback hit every side of every argument about Ferguson in one sentence
jake_lex described the kind of madness that can be caused by reefer
Pocket Ninja scientifically explained mass shootings
BunkoSquad asked a question about a racist fire chief
BunkoSquad revealed how much money Kmart makes on Thanksgiving
Giltric offered some advice on keeping the NSA out of your computer
JerseyTim lamented what could have been
vudukungfu gave some helpful information about a cop's equipment
kwame stopped by a Real Doll thread

Smartest:
Magorn pointed out a problem that can occur when you teach a man to fish
Marcus Aurelius mathematically neutralized an anti-pot argument
wingnut396 put the shoe on the other foot in a thread about a dating app
Target Builder pointed out that a question asked about California's prisons has already been answered
Dusk-You-n-Me talked about how to make people happy to pay more taxes
naughtyrev raised questions of racism
FormlessOne made some predictions about the next two years
hubiestubert argued in favor of legalizing the world's oldest profession
Strolpol made a prediction about the outcome of the Darren Wilson grand jury verdict
Gig103 argued against an article's methodology


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish's Fark-themed tattoo design was totally nuts
Vortex Dweller designed some funny money for Fark
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned this golfer to plastic
Vortex Dweller put these sharp dressed men in a band
real_headhoncho put out a suspicious pile of food
grampy put this soldier in a different military action
verchad gave us some money to spend at Taco Bell
stertz got this animal some medical care
stertz  showed what this sidewalk circle is really for
DrPainMD gave this musician a fabulous new outfit

Farktography:
flashboxx won for "My little about to get Pwned"


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by ox45tallboy)

So, do you know that one Farker who makes stupid comments about repotting their ficus or cleaning hairballs from shag carpeting or how Ted Cruz has taken an excellent position on Net Neutrality? You know, the one whose posts you don't like reading, and who you wish would just go away forever? You can make that happen! Just click the circle-slash icon on any one of their comments, and you'll never see anything they post ever again!

On the "Tools" page of your profile, there's a section called "Ignored User List" where you can also select whether you want to display the headers of ignored posts or remove the posts completely, and whether to also delete replies to ignored users.

One final thing: Mods do look at how many people are ignoring a particular user, so if there's someone whose posts you don't like, ignoring them is a great idea.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, November 29th: SE Wisconsin Fark Party
Saturday, November 29th: New Orleans Fark Party
Wednesday, December 3rd: NYC Fark Party
· · ·


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