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Fark NotNewsletter: A week of BareFarking
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-04-27 12:22:12 AM, edited 2015-04-27 2:06:44 PM (39 comments) | Permalink

Last week had a couple of days to celebrate, with Monday being a pretty chill day for those so inclined, and special Fark and TotalFark logos in honor of Anzac Day. But now we're in the final days of April, so shine up your maypole while you read the Fark NotNewsletter.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Anzac - 42
BareFark - 94
Comcast - 202
Time Warner - 23
TWC - 47
Clinton Foundation - 109
Wolverine - 66

Thank you to ox45tallboy for help on this section.


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Dimensio broke the sarcasm meter
scottydoesntknow shared one neat trick for attracting mountaineers
megarian could benefit from magnetic therapy
Mike_LowELL told a story about dispensing social justice on a GamerGater
The Green Intern made a joke with so many levels that I can't figure out what to say about it
Wellon Dowd thought a behavior pattern was familiar
FlashHarry recognized a woman's accessory
Mirrorz made a prediction
phrawgh shared a cautionary tale
Sin_City_Superhero exposed Dick Cheney's favorite meal

Smartest:
hubiestubert shared a message about marriage equality and family
433 offered help to anyone struggling with opiate addiction
Muta wondered if anyone else had the same thoughts about a story
ginandbacon explained one of the basic tenets of the U.S. legal system
muck4doo felt optimistic in having already completed one daily task
Quasar had a message for the sanctimonious a-hole who wrote a linked article
ecmoRandomNumbers was pleased by the news of the end of an era
RexTalionis explained introversion
jwa007 wanted some people to STFU about introverts
mamoru never realized it was such a big deal

CSB Sunday Morning Funniest: AverageAmericanGuy knew who would have the best story about cheating death
CSB Sunday Morning Smartest: hubiestubert told one hell of a story about cheating death


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator showed someone who sells insurance working to keep people safe
Large Marge sent me gave us a new Miss America
cowgirl toffee found a new gig for Dick Cheney
Large Marge sent me put this gambler in a familiar environment
verchad put a former president in a new role
manyone found a job for an experienced ball handler
RedZoneTuba showed the worst place to get a drink
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed a shining Dick
Circusdog320 made the figurative into a literal
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this guy a new adventure

Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 520: "Feet Around the World" with a photo of various feets. How many feets do you see in the photo? I counted 13.


Farking Tip

So, you're about to win your argument about climate-change-denying anti-vaxxor GamerGater bicyclists who drink "pop" while circumcising their children, but you don't know how to link the text "always tip 25%!" to a website that proves your point without switching to raw HTML. Wat do? Well, you're in luck because Fark has a tool to make it easy for you. Above the box where you type your comments, there is a row of editing tools. The fourth tool from the right has a little picture that looks like a link from a chain. Well hallelujah, that's for linking! There are a couple of different ways to use it, but either way will result in a link that pops out into a different window or tab.

The easiest way to use the linking tool is to type the text you want your link to say, then highlight that text, then click on the linking tool. Paste or type the URL you want to link to in the dialog box that pops up, then either hit enter or click on "OK." Then sit back and admire your link.

Another way to use the linking tool is to click on it, type or paste your URL into the dialog box, then hit enter or click on "OK." The link will show up in the comment box and will be highlighted. If you're fine with the link just saying the URL rather than changing the text, move your cursor out of the link and continue. If you want the link to say something other than the URL, type your link text without moving the cursor. This method of posting a link can be a pain because, when you want to end the link, you'll probably have to click the tool just to the right of the linking tool, which looks like the linking tool with an X on it. Also, if you mess up the link text, you can very easily accidentally erase the hyperlink itself and have to start over entirely. I urge you, as your close friend, to use the other method and save yourself the hassle.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, May 2nd: Philadelphia Fark Party
Saturday, June 6th: Maplewood, MN Fark Party
Wednesday, July 22nd: Buffalo, NY Zoo Fark Party
Friday, October 9th: EuroFark Party 2015 in Dublin, Ireland
Booking for Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 is now open. The cruise will depart from Port Canaveral, Florida on Sunday, February 21st and return on the 28th.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Who can take his girlfriend, on a tryst or two / Disturbing all the neighbors with the antics that they do / The handyman can, oh the handyman can

Mama June will eat anything

John Hinckley Jr. is now spending some time in the wild and is trying to adjust to a normal life. Dating is difficult for a guy like him, but he's open to raising some Foster children

OK. Raise your hand. Who here hasn't had to call firefighters to get their duck unstuck from a fence? Duck. D-U-C-K

Study finds people who have sex twice a week earn 4.5% more, not counting video distribution

♩♫ My milk truck brings all the crews to the yard and they're like, "It's blocking the road." Damn right, it's blocking the road. I can clear it, but I have to charge ♩ ♫

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 4/19 - 4/25


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The quiz brought in more than usual, either from being posted a bit earlier or everybody suffering from Spring Fever. Quiz didn't seem easy, but the lowest posted score this week was 827 and four of the top ten were comfortably in the 900s, including  humanconditioner with 943, gunsmack with 920, and  NallTWD at 909.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - April 24.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Announcing BareFark
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-04-20 12:46:54 AM, edited 2015-04-21 9:59:21 AM (318 comments) | Permalink

Here's Drew Curtis to introduce BareFark....


BareFark - Fark without ads for people who would like to support Fark anyhow.

Why BareFark - None of us are huge fans of ads, but we need revenue to run Fark. Ads are the primary way Fark makes revenue, which has been dipping slightly month-over-month for the past few years as the adoption of ad-blocking software continues to rise. Quite a few of you have whitelisted Fark in your ad blockers, and I can't tell you how much we appreciate that.

The ad industry's response to ad-blockers has been to create more obtrusive types of advertising across the internet, which in turn drives up adblock adoption, etc etc. Believe me, I'm not anti-adblock. However if adblock usage continues to rise over the next few months and years without us finding another source of revenue, Fark could be in trouble.

Over the years, though, we've had quite a few people say that they want to support Fark but don't want to subscribe to TotalFark--that they'd pay money just to have the ads shut off. At first it seemed like an odd one-off thing, but it's come up over and over again, so we finally took some time to create this.  We've been planning this for awhile, but it appears we're not the only ones thinking along those lines.

For folks wondering why we don't fold no-ads back into the basic offering of TotalFark: we can't - the revenue hit would be too much for the company to absorb. Some of you may recall us testing this several weeks ago, unfortunately the data indicated we couldn't make it work financially.

Signing up for BareFark is a low-cost way of supporting Fark and not seeing ads. Additionally, BareFark allows us to finally provide an all-SSL (HTTPS) version of Fark  -- something an ad-blocker cannot do -- which would keep the NSA from finding out about your strange fascination with Florida, among other things.

You can sign up for BareFark at https://www.fark.com/barefarksignup, for only $2.50 per month, or $25 for the entire year (two months free!).  You can pay either with PayPal or directly with your credit card.


And now, back to the Fark NotNewsletter....


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

DNRTFA - 64
The Internets - 17
Intertubes - 20
Cray cray - 16
Lulz - 255
Subby - 1443
Leaving disappointed - 9
Forever alone - 8
Welcome to Fark - 51


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Soup4Bonnie pointed out the problem with a suggestion
Ralph Snart taught us something about birth control
snocone discovered something about another Farker
martissimo shared a story about Chuck Norris
skozlaw answered a question about running from cops
reported told us how to avoid having spoiled kids
Tanqueray reminded us why Louis CK is safe
UNAUTHORIZED FINGER took us back to the good old days
toraque warned us about agitated politicians
Speaker2Animals picked on a friend of Dorothy

Smartest:
stpauler picked apart some pseudoscience
optikeye pointed out where a comparison falls apart
basemetal had a suggestion for treating corporations as people
MrBallou gave more information about some "free-range parents"
MugzyBrown discussed proper policing
Cheeseface asked people to responsibly discuss fiscal responsibility
neongoats argued against a designation of excusable homicide
missmez described one way to not have to go against your religious beliefs at work
Dusk-You-n-Me shared a collection of Bill Kristol's statements
Sin_City_Superhero argued for higher standards


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
whyRpeoplesostupid coughed up a hairball
Alligator gave Pootie-Poot some new transportation
Yammering_Splat_Vector saw an emotional evangelist
Soonerpsycho gave Vladimir a new friend
cowgirl toffee shared some pie
Alligator got things a little messy
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer took Putin to Germany
cowgirl toffee showed some lovely dancers
Alligator brought in another Russian leader
cowgirl toffee let it all hang out

Farktography:
Elsinore was the winner of Farktography Contest No. 519: "Money Shots 3" with some pocket change


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, May 2nd: Philadelphia Fark Party
Saturday, June 6th: Maplewood, MN Fark Party
Wednesday, July 22nd: Buffalo, NY Zoo Fark Party
Friday, October 9th: EuroFark Party 2015 in Dublin, Ireland
Booking for Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 is now open. The cruise will depart from Port Canaveral, Florida on Sunday, February 21st and return on the 28th.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

In Soviet Michigan, asshole bleaches woman

Man gets the Dale Earnhardt Driving Experience while participating in the Richard Petty Driving Experience

Ohio man charged with trying to help the Islamic State, or as they say in Ohio, THE Islamic State

Julius Caesar may have suffered mini strokes, not epilepsy. Conclusion based on accounts of his final symptoms being a series of stabbing pains

Aaron Hernandez now listed as game to game on the Patriots injury report

Someone paid more than $1 million for Alan Turing's notebook. At least we're pretty sure it was someone

Madonna tries stand-up comedy on The Tonight Show. You need new material, girl

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 4/12 - 4/18


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Top of the list this week is an old regular,  caddisfly, who shot to the top early with a score of 946.  Oakenraven and  jimmybond rounded out the rest of the scores at the top with 929 and 914, respectively. Nobody else broke into the 900s this week.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - April 17.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: A vote for Dickbutt is a vote for America
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-04-13 1:42:02 AM, edited 2015-04-13 2:28:41 PM (36 comments) | Permalink

The U.S. presidential election is getting closer, and Farkers celebrate each candidate's official announcement with mockery, rage, pity and scorn. Mostly mockery, though. A lot of mockery.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Hillary Clinton - 186
Ted Cruz - 270
Rand Paul - 421
Marco Rubio - 33
Dickbutt - 13


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Kuroboom discussed romantic phrases
derpes_simplex shared some legal knowledge
Pocket Ninja didn't appreciate being beaten to the punch
Barry McCockner pointed out that the choice is yours
hubiestubert shared a patriotic joker
Dusk-You-n-Me posted a helpful reply
phlegmmo found what Pat Robertson has been seeking
Theaetetus figured out why a particular punishment is appropriate
hubiestubert envisioned a conversation
LoneVVolf delivered a sick burn

Smartest:
Sin_City_Superhero answered a senator's question
Sin_City_Superhero shared a solution to a problem
bronyaur1 made a prediction about bad cops
The Bestest expressed cynicism
Pocket Ninja was sarcstic
chatoyance taught the whippersnappers something
hubiestubert had a message for cave dwellers
hubiestubert discussed hypocrites
Dusk-You-n-Me's helpful reply made the "smartest" and "funniest" lists this week
Ambivalence suggested a change to police body cameras


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator showed a little kitty
stertz went on a rampage
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel spotted something in the water
Yammering_Splat_Vector uncovered something worth whistling at
Dumski elicited a confession
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a contest more suspenseful
Choc-Ful-A gave Mia Wallace a makeover
Large Marge sent me sent a wicked message
Alligator showed an awkward Biden moment
Large Marge sent me gave this model a playmate

Farktography:
DubV won Farktography Contest No. 518: "Spring Has Sprung" with a beautiful photo of "My blooming street in Alexandria, VA"


Farking Tip

"But DisseminationMonkey," you ask, "how do I quote posts from other Farkers like the core kids do?" Well, I have good news for you - the Fark code monkeys have given you a tool to make it easy-peasy. Above every comment, to the left of the time stamp, there's a little button with quotation marks on it. If you want to quote the entire post, simply click that button and, through the Magic of Science, the post below it will appear in your comment box at the bottom of the page, and the name of the person you quoted will even link back to the post you're quoting. If the post is super long, though, the quote will be shortened for you. If you only want to quote part of a post, just highlight the portion you wish to quote, then click on the sexy magic quote button. Ta-dah! Now, it will be that much easier to be a core kid, too!


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, May 2nd: Philadelphia Fark Party
Saturday, June 6th: Maplewood, MN Fark Party
Wednesday, July 22nd: Buffalo, NY Zoo Fark Party
Booking for Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 is now open. The cruise will depart from Port Canaveral, Florida on Sunday, February 21st and return on the 28th.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Some jerk sneaks into farm, jacks $70,000 in bull semen while hired hand is away

Archeologists give Altamura man an approximate time of death. Italian prosecutors file charges against Amanda Knox just in case

First wild buffalo in 200 years born in Illinois. Just in time for the bisontennial

Human Centipede 3 gets a release date. Fans of the franchise flocking to ATMs everywhere

White House says Obama is the "greenest President" ever, which is what Republicans have been telling us all along

Fourth skydiving death in two years at Skydive DeLand suggests that DeLand may not be the only problem

A man named Burger is marrying a woman named King. No word on if the couple is waiting for their wedding night before having some In-N-Out

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 4/5 - 4/11


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

This week, it was mutterfark at the top of the leaderboard, rocketing to the top with an impressive 976, his best score in over a year. Neither  squirlnutz nor  Joelogon could catch him with their scores of 945 and 922, respectively, on a week when a LOT of Farkers did pretty well. Maybe it's a rare easy quiz. There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - April 10
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Of Bunnies, Badgers and Fools
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-04-06 2:18:00 AM, edited 2015-04-07 1:03:45 AM (28 comments) | Permalink

April 1st is always a special day here at Fark. This year, we had more comment formatting options available, spiffy new avatars for mobile users, and a great auto-correction feature that fixed some words and phrases for you. The best part, as always was the cranky Farkers who complained about it all. Seriously, to those of us who enjoy April Fool's Day on Fark, you tiny fist shakers are seen as a feature, not a bug. So, thanks!


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

April Fool - 527
Easter eggs - 31
Chocolate  - 360
Marshmallow Peeps - 1809
Duke Sucks - 38
Final Four - 118
Basketball - 319

Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Testiclaw revealed a woman's hairstyle inspiration
Dimensio showed how cynical you Farkers are by getting so many "funny" votes for this comment
Soup4Bonnie shared an Obamacare horror story
basemetal suggested another way to spend time
Mugato showed us what's really on this woman's mind
MaudlinMutantMollusk discussed someone's golf skills
Pocket Ninja spoke out against bullying
Dimensio was absolutely astounded
Mugato reminded us about the scary truth
Quasar was nearly injured

Smartest:
ClavellBCMI didn't feel silly
Kittypie070 posted comments from the linked article
FlashHarry thought something was ironic
scottydoesntknow didn't know what the point was
reported was concerned about what happens after babby is formed
Lionel Mandrake found the difference between two sins
stan unusual replied to a Fark headline
ginandbacon felt that the RFRA achieved the opposite of its intent
Quasar discussed stereotypes
Pocket Ninja helped out a pansy


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Large Marge sent me set a trap to win votes
Geordles snatched up some votes with this Photoshop
Herb Utsmelz made Bill Cosby look proud again
stertz created a questionable new cereal
#2 advertized a miraculous new show
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave someone a shiny trinket
grampy shared some news
cowgirl toffee accessorized this Dick
grampy showed what's not happening
cowgirl toffee altered this grate scene

Farktography:
IncorrigibleKitty won Farktography Contest No. 517: "Ugly-Ass Baby Animals" with this adorable ugly-ass baby tiger. Be sure to check out the other entries for lots of awwwwwws.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth Fark Party
Saturday, May 2nd: Philadelphia Fark Party
Saturday, June 6th: Maplewood, MN Fark Party
Wednesday, July 22nd: Buffalo, NY Zoo Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

"Gay Passion of the Christ" deemed blasphemous. Because an unmarried single guy living with 12 dudes and talking about "loving everyone" is the straightest motherfarker this side of Oedipus

Sea plane. Sea plane crash. Crash, plane, crash

Tiger Woods plays 18 hole practice round at Augusta, sparking speculation that he may play in the Masters where he'll be able to get in 36 holes before leaving

ISIS in Yarmouk near Damascus. Picard confused

For only $99 anyone can be matched up with long lost relatives using only a saliva sample, according to Ancestry spokesman Phineas Taylor Barnum

Roger Moore says London born Idris Elba isn't "English-English" enough to play Bond. You know, not like those Scottish, Welsh, Irish, and AUSTRALIAN-English guys

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 3/29 - 4/4


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Some new names at the top of the quiz results this week, this week the best score was  Shotgun Justice with a solid 893, followed by  PabloHosehead with 819, edging past burningplastic with 815 (who himself edged by two others who were only a couple points behind). There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - April 3
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: 'Ello, guvna
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-03-29 11:56:55 PM, edited 2015-03-30 6:34:01 PM (42 comments) | Permalink

And now, a message from Drew Curtis....
_____________________________________

Okay, folks - here's the near-term plan:

Money by 3/31->focus group->road map->success

If you're sold, head to http://drewcurtis.com/donate

Maximum donation is $1000 per person.  If I can pull this off, I'll be providing a blueprint for other Citizen Candidates to run for office and win without party support.

Here's the longer explanation:

We're raising money by 3/31 to fund our first foray into focus groups.  The idea isn't to figure out what to change about our messaging, it's to figure out what the likelihood of me actually winning this race is.  Personally I'm convinced the odds are pretty high, and that's not overconfidence talking, that's the truth.

However, to convince others who might otherwise just sit on the sidelines, we need a good piece of hardcore quantitative analysis that not only shows winning is possible, but indicates the exact path we should take.

We've teamed up with a group of people who run WeNeedSmith.com - Scott Miller, Pat Caddell, and Bob Perkins.  And they agree that we badly need more independent candidates to run for office and win.  So this won't be just any focus group - this will be a focus group run by the people who invented the field of focus group polling!

Getting the funding to do this is key - we need it to convince people that we can actually win.  I can't stress how important it is that we get this done.  It's one thing to be self-assured we can win, it's another thing entirely to have a piece of quantitative math in our hands that shows yes, Kentucky can and will vote an Independent candidate into office.

So if you could make a donation right now, it will help kick off the Angel Investing round of the campaign.  http://drewcurtis.com/donate

I promise I'm not going to turn Fark or the NotNewsletter into a bullhorn for the campaign. This was just a one-off due to an important project.

Thanks!

Paid for by the campaign to elect Drew Curtis. No, really!
_____________________________________

We now return to our regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Germanwings -101
Pilot - 1235
Indiana - 1613
Pence - 339
Passover - 16
Easter - 373
WrestleMania - 315
Gredunza - 117

Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
rotsky declined to take credit for a Fark headline (if you don't get the joke, see this Urban Dictionary entry for rotsky)
nekom quoted one of today's greatest philosophers
Crass and Jaded Mother Farker discussed why someone is nothing like Helen Keller
Pocket Ninja explained why a religious freedom law is needed
gopher321 made a generous offer
ChipNASA told about a technological failure
scottydoesntknow won an argument
Two Dogs Farking explained a trend
Mr. Coffee Nerves shared a business idea
max_pooper had a suggestion for Stephen King

Smartest:
Magorn pointed out where a politician got science wrong
what_now explained a simple truth
vernonFL asked a question about public assistance
sammyk explained why the submitter was wrong
Chris Ween described the consequences of a "religious freedom" bill
Iowan73 had something to say to the "God of the MRAs"
Magorn discussed how a grudge was formed
Somacandra questioned the appropriateness of a Fark headline
Sin_City_Superhero wasn't impressed with someone's version of morality
Epic Fap Session had a scary thought


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
cowgirl toffee was painted like one of your French girls
Yammering_Splat_Vector, I think I'll miss you most of all
Circusdog320 found us the help that all Farkers need
Circusdog320 provided us with solar power
RedZoneTuba gave this knight a hot new helmet
cowgirl toffee created this unforgettable makeover
Circusdog320 gave this guy a little friend
Geordles stopped by the milk bar
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed us some hot redheads
stertz took the Photoshop contest instructions literally

Farktography:
Queen Mab and Ennuipoet tied for first place in Farktography Contest No. 516: "I Like Big Balls, They're Such Big Balls"


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth Fark Party
Saturday, May 2nd: Philadelphia Fark Party
Saturday, June 6th: Maplewood, MN Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Stunt man runs 645 feet while on fire, breaking record previously held by Richard Pryor

Heroic elephants keep tractor-trailer from overturning before returning to their life of being enslaved by psychopathic clowns

Chris Christie says marijuana tax revenue is blood money: "I experimented with cannabis once in college. I got so hungry I wound up eating a family of four. Bones, hair, clothes, everything"

Rube Goldberg was the great satirist of his time, starting when he put pen to paper, paper slipped off table and startled parrot, which alit from perch connected to pulley which turned axle hooked to old boot that kicked large woman in the ass

Crosby, Spills, and Crash

90,000 cases of frozen spinach products recalled after causing severe abdominal pain, blindness in one eye, huge forearm tumors

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 3/22 - 3/28


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Moving up from third place last week, this week the best score was  Old_Fark with an impressive 944, chased closely by  Grave_Girl with 891 and  The Wack with 881. There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - March 27
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: One of the seven signs of the apocalypse
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-03-23 12:15:49 AM, edited 2015-03-23 2:11:46 PM (37 comments) | Permalink

It's spring, a time when presidential hopefuls start blooming and producing their own fertilizer. But whether you're a member of the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, the Lemon Party, or the Fark Party, you're welcome to party in the Fark NotNewsletter thread.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Spring - 504
Equinox - 4
Flowers - 66
Allergies - 44
Eclipse - 111
Fark Party - 58
Dogs and cats living together - 2


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Mr. Coffee Nerves is looking forward to the next presidential election
doyner discovered a new meaning for a term
Diogenes took the beauty out of a saying
cowgirl toffee showed an unconventional solution to a problem
TheOmni knows how to think like the prospective boss
Diogenes likes to leave well enough alone
Mr. Coffee Nerves adapted a jingle
Badgers accepted the challenge implied by the headline
SilentStrider found a way to turn some parents against teaching math in schools
hubiestubert described how much haters are gonna hate

Smartest:
Mr. Coffee Nerves scored highest on both lists with this comment
Private_Citizen talked about how to stimulate the economy
Ambivalence pointed out some misplaced blame
doyner's new definition appeared on the smartest and funniest lists
Marcus Aurelius proposed a more effective approach to a problem
DrBenway identified the probable douchebags
Chinchillazilla pointed out some hypocrisy
hubiestubertpost from the funniest list also made the smartest list
Private_Citizen made a compromise in word choice
abb3w gave a phat lesson in linguistics


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector told an entire story in Photoshop
StainedGlassRuby colored in the most appropriate way possible
stertz made an office weapon
whyRpeoplesostupid made a small change to a classic
stertz put midwesterners in danger
grampy gave this guy some clone laborers
milowitz found a professional to do this job
busy chillin' used some artists who better not sneeze
verchad created something that could get really high
Abe Vigoda's Ghost just can't be tamed

Farktography:
Elsinore won Farktography Contest No. 515: "Chocolate" with the delicious photo, "Chocolate Shavings"


Farking Tip

Q: How is fark partty formed? How is fark partty formed? How my town get partty?

A: They need to do way instain Fark Party submission form> who plan thier parttys. becuse these parttys cant plan selves? it was on the main page this mroing a farker in ar who had submit her fark partty. my pary are with the farker who doesnt go to fark partty ; i am truley sorry for your lots

To clarify: Anyone can plan a Fark Party. They aren't usually official Fark events, just some Farkers who thought it would be fun to get together. To plan a Fark Party, use the Fark Party submission form (you also get a link to it in the regular Fark submission form when you choose "Fark Party" as the category). Fark Party threads are almost always greenlit, and people are guaranteed to show up in the thread to complain about the location you've chosen because that's what people do. That's when you tell them to plan the next one at the location of their choice.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Monday, March 23rd: Pub trivia in NYC
Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth Fark Party
Saturday, May 2nd: Philadelphia Fark Party
Saturday, June 6th: Maplewood, MN Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Monica Lewinsky's TED talk is spot on

Phoenix Zoo discovers a two-year-old bear is female, not male, say they stand by its life choice

Seahawks and Russell Wilson reportedly very close on a new contract. On the one yard line, if you will

The founder of Upworthy spoke at a media summit, and what he said will blow your mind

Schwab suing shucker sharer... Schwab suing shucker sharer... Schwab shuing shucker sharer... damn

Wacky comedy depicting rural Uighur life in Xinjiang is smash hit in Beijing. Well, GAO LI

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 3/15 - 3/21


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The crush to get to the top is still present, as this was another week where the grouping was tight. The champion this week was  PeddlerOfBombast with an impressive 945, chased closely by  Oakenraven with 894 and  Old_Fark with 846. There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - March 20
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Since when are the Irish lucky?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-03-16 1:04:56 AM, edited 2015-03-16 12:04:55 PM (45 comments) | Permalink

Tomorrow's St. Patrick's Day, so eat some corned beef and cabbage and get ready to beat your snake or whatever it is that people do on St. Patrick's Day. Then check out the NotNewsletter and see if your insightful comment of "LOL" got enough smart or funny comments to be included.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Terry Pratchett - 56
Discworld - 128
Putin - 647
Tom Cotton - 145
Pi Day - 59
Ides of March - 14


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
James! described how certain specialized marriage ceremonies are performed
mrshowrules explained why George W. Bush was cropped out of a photo
FirstNationalBastard told us where in the world Vladimir Putin was spotted
Somacandra showed an example of a gay Quaker
Byno had a suggestion for a Fox News contributor
generallyso shared a compelling argument against science
Butterflew summed up the problem that some people have with The Lego Movie
ScaryBottles was cynical about a school lunch program
Smoking GNU showed us what Putin's been up to
iron de havilland reacted to the Boston Marathon bomber's boat note

Smartest:
Chariset responded to a GOP threat
xynix hazarded a guess about an open carry activist
Ambivalence identified a threat to marriage
JasonOfOrillia posted a tribute
UNC_Samurai shared a popular book excerpt
quatchi compared Obama and Giuliani
REO-Weedwagon applied a quotation to that child-regifting politician
nmrsnr compared traitors and a true patriot
FlashHarry predicted the result of a Google algorithm change
make me some tea posted Joe Biden's response to the GOP senators' letter to Iran


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
stertz showed an actor's secret silly side
Thrakkorzog gave the $20 bill a classy new look
Circusdog320 decided to keep it green
RedZoneTuba gave this driver a gourmet meal
Alligator honored someone's transition
Yammering_Splat_Vector made some refreshingly-honest advertising
Alligator really likes pink
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed what we all know to be true
ox45tallboy showed Putin with some special friends
exPFCWintergreen found Putin in disguise

Farktography:
predle won Farktography Contest No. 514: "Tilt-Shift Faked Miniature Scenes II" with a photo from the Wings Over the Rockies Air & Space Museum. Be sure to check out the other entries in this contest, too. There were a lot of great entries.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, March 20th: Houston Fark Party
Saturday, March 21st: Chicago Fark Party
Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Entire town learns sign language to surprise deaf man. Deaf man angry he can no longer call everyone assholes without them knowing

Medal of Honor recipient jumps on a grenade

How an advertising company put a 'marijuana cookie' on your computer to get weed legalized. I guess you could call it a (•_•) / ( •_•)⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■) security tokin'

Man teaches poodle to walk on hind legs dressed as schoolgirl. KINKY

Dunkin' Donuts to remove whitening agent from powdered sugar - thereby making donuts once again the go-to choice for the health conscious

Seven-week-old baby says first word to his surprised mom. Word to your mother

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 3/8 - 3/14


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The crush to get to the top is still present, as this was another week where the grouping was tight. The champion this week was  lattago with a very respectable 915, chased closely by  caddisfly with 902 and  jvande7471 with 884. There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:   Fark Weird News Quiz - March 13
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The more things change, the more they stay the same
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-03-09 12:47:40 AM, edited 2015-03-09 1:02:18 PM (28 comments) | Permalink

Over the past week, we've seen Boko Haram send a belated Valentine to ISIS, Harrison Ford lose a fight against gravity, and Hillary Clinton called out on breaking the rules and using Snapchat or something to send secret messages. So basically, we have news about terrorist groups, a Star Wars star, and a Clinton. As those of you who live in areas that observe Daylight Saving Time adjust to the time change, we can all reflect on the ways in which time hasn't changed while enjoying this week's Fark NotNewsletter.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Selma - 77
Hillary Clinton - 111
Harrison Ford - 19
Han Solo - 31
Wildcats - 18
Boko Haram - 25
Daylight saving - 79


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
shower_in_my_socks posted a scene from first responders in action
Raktastic exposed the real cause of an accident
The Muthaship discussed a Muslim's religious beliefs that prevent him from touching pork
Wyalt Derp made a slight alteration to the Star Trek intro
whither_apophis revealed a little-known fact
Snapper Carr showed a size comparison
brap told a story about meeting Shania Twain
Mark Ratner explained the role of an HOA
Prank Call of Cthulhu expressed some doubts about an internet tough guy
Mike_LowELL shared an argument against net neutrality

Smartest:
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat has seen this trick before
hubiestubert shared the top 10 reasons to make gay marriage illegal
HawgWild explained favoring science over religion
vpb explained why some people wouldn't be fans of Spock
Lionel Mandrake had a suggestion for states wanting to tax nonprofits
MrBallou made some observations about someone's religious beliefs conflicting with a job
Shadowknight gave some opinions about the Ferguson Police Department
Eddie Adams from Torrance made predictions about an opinionated child's future
ginandbacon described the proper response to a decent person's death
jehovahs witness protection took a zero tolerance approach


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector put a ring on it
Alligator found a new way to accessorize
whyRpeoplesostupid submitted an entry that really blows
Sensei Can You See's Photoshop will bring a tear to your eye
aimtastic came up with a way to spice up your love life
wickedfish discovered a good place in which to display your anise
grampy gave this statue some proper legs
RedZoneTuba showed what happens when you send a robot to college
Alligator proved that statues don't stick to just getting stoned
Lee451 teamed up these two street artists

Farktography:
DesertDemonWY won Farktography Contest No. 513: "Wallpaper This II" with an impressive photo of Mt. Rainier. Be sure to check out the other entries in this contest for some great photos to be used for computer wallpaper.


Farking Tip

Are you more proud of your Fark greenlights than your parents ever were of you? Or do you want to prove to the rest of the TotalFarkers that you weren't the one who submitted that TotalFark discussion thread about having the hots for prop comedian Carrot Top? Did you actually submit everything with better headlines than the ones the drunk Fark admins chose? If so, you can make your approved submissions visible in your profile to everyone or your rejected submissions visible to TotalFarkers by visiting the preferences tab in your Fark profile and choosing who can see what you've submitted. The options are in the "Link Submission Preferences" box toward the bottom of the page. Simply suck the Cheetos dust off your fingers, choose your visibility preferences, click the "Save prefs" buttons at the top or bottom of the page, and bask in the glory that is rained down on you by all the Farkers who are fans of your work.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, March 20th: Houston Fark Party
Saturday, March 21st: Chicago Fark Party
Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Han solo he hit the ground

Adult film legend Asia Carrera arrested for blowing twice the legal limit. There's a legal limit?

Italian tourist killed by glacier in Alaska. How slow was that guy?

Happy Birthday to Karen Carpenter, who would have been 65 pounds today

DNA Analysis of the Paracas Skulls Proves They Are Not Human. And the submission link thingy says the "Link checks out OK" so it's true, right?

Kim Kardashian says she's having sex 500 times a day. Hmm, maybe Kanye should let her finish

Virgin Mobile to allow rollover, will henceforth be known as "Technical Virgin Mobile"

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 3/1 - 3/7


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

This week was another where the grouping was tight--all of the top 10 scores were within 99 points of each other. The champion this week was  Oakenraven with a very solid 910 right out of the gate that went wire to wire to win it, chased closely by  Xanadone with 883 and  PeddlerOfBombast with 869. The highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - March 6
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Llama Llama Whitegold Pajama
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-03-02 1:08:38 PM, edited 2015-03-02 1:21:47 PM (36 comments) | Permalink

Last week was eventful, with net neutrality decisions, escaped llamas, arguments over the colors of a dress, and the death of a beloved actor. Personally, I enjoyed how enraged some of you got over the dress debate, whether it was anger over people seeing it differently, a certainty that everyone who said it was the other colors was trolling everyone else, or anger that it was being talked about in the first place. And then there were those who saw it both ways and were convinced that it was either witchcraft or computer trickery. It was the one of the best Parades of Butthurtery we've had in a long time.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Llamas - 54
Stupid dress - 11
White and gold - 227
Blue and black - 233
Net neutrality - 798
Nimoy - 341
Spock - 416


Comment Voting

Top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Mugato is evil
Abe Vigoda's Ghost watches Japanese movies for adults
calbert showed us an important Wikipedia edit
derpes_simplex wondered how this look is achieved
Mirrorz wasn't sure about something
R.A.Danny posted someone who's not going anywhere
Great_Milenko gave an example of regional differences
Voiceofreason01 defined an obscure term
born_yesterday expressed concern
Pocket Ninja explained why older men look at younger women

Smartest:
someonelse posted an appropriate farewell
Nothing_Happens described a life
koder expressed weariness
hubiestubert explained why a restaurant might add fees to a bill
Dusk-You-n-Me shared a comparison of headlines from different publications
ScaryBottles made an observation about complainers
dugitman described just how impressive a guy's level of douchiness is
Daveman showed a sad goodbye
SilentStrider described the origin for some feelings about Ted Cruz
Car_Ramrod explained why two groups of people feel persecuted


Contest Votes

The top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz gave this leader a wall of hair
Alligator made Kim Jong-un into a king
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel must have used Photoshop Elements
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel gave Kim Jong-un's hair a little lift
Boinkers HTML did exactly as the headline requested
Circusdog320 showed that  NASA has one way of  doing things
RedZoneTuba made Kim Jong-un into a true military leader
Alligator revealed that Dear Leader isn't really from North Korea
RedZoneTuba brought an astronaut and his date to a groundbreaking
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel made Best Korea's leader into a 10

Farktography:
Elsinore and vartian tied for first place in Farktography Contest No. 512: "Frozen"


Farking Tip

It's common knowledge that most Fark admins are crystalline entities, but what few people realize is that there are a couple of human admins who choose which links to greenlight on Fark, too, for tax reasons or something. And as humans, these admins occasionally make a few mistakes, such as not noticing that a link they approve goes to a mobile version of a site, or that the submitter used hamster-like spelling in the headline. Sometimes, too, these human admins approve a link that does not contain the recipe for turkey-fried ferret burgers that you want, but actually links to a third site with the actual content. When this happens, you can be completely unhelpful and complain about it in the thread, or you can use the "Report this link to admins" link that is in the bottom of each thread to let the crystalline entity admins know that the human admins have faltered once again. The report link is not yet available on the mobile site, but it's coming soon. In the meantime, it's something else for the mobile users to complain about, so win-win!


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, March 20th: Houston Fark Party
Saturday, March 21st: Chicago Fark Party
Saturday, April 11th: Fort Worth Fark Party


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The hidden promise of 'fake boyfriend apps' which allow a shy girl to find romance in the palm of her hand. Guys, of course, already know all about this

Accident cuts cheese truck in half on silent but deadly stretch of road

Purina. Dog? Ciao

CPAC Straw Cap derby results: Aqua Buddha finishes first, with Derelict Cheesehead in second. Punchable Face third, Carson's Token fourth and the betting favorite I'm Not Dubya was fifth. Derp-xacta paid $9.99

Harrison Ford confirmed for Blade Runner sequel, tentatively entitled "Do Androids Age?"

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 2/22 - 2/28


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

We always know the quiz is tricky when not only does nobody crack 1000, but nobody even cracks 900. There was a ferocious battle for first place this week, but mama2tnt won out, with 899, while  coscausticevil and the amusingly-named Frozen Donkey Wheel rounded out the top three with scores of 824 and 813, respectively. The highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - February 27
· · ·


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