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Fark NotNewsletter: The day is upon us
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-11-02 12:24:30 PM (44 comments) | Permalink

The day of the Fark Bazaar is upon us, and Farkers are showing us the goods. Be sure to stop in to check out what a bunch of talented Fark artists (Fartists, if you will) (blame "Fartists" on E-Brake) we have, and maybe buy me a little something while you're there. On a side note, I'm loving the Fark Bazaar, but I'm not loving that I've had this song (don't click that) in my head the entire time we've been planning it.

~ And now, a quick note from Drew ~

Hey everyone - been a bit busy running for Governor of KY this year.  The election is tomorrow!  In anticipation of voting day, I wrote a piece for Wired on how I think The Internet, Technology, and Social Media will continue to impact elections in years to come. Check it out!  And if you know any Kentuckians - spread the word


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Bazaar - 42
Bizarre - 290
Halloween - 1358
Hallowe'en - 21
Pumpkin - 318
Punkin - 2
Bacon - 703
Bakin' - 53


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Pocket Ninja spoke of the virtues of fantasizing about being with someone who isn't your spouse
Cyno01 shared the new spokesperson for Quiznos
sigdiamond2000 did the math on an unusual living arrangement
Bith Set Me Up shared a line from the wonderful Jessica Williams
FirstNationalBastard likely made another Farker think about something he'd rather not consider
gopher321 was sad to not have advice to offer a vegan
UNAUTHORIZED FINGER talked about a favorite store's return policy (see the post above it for context)
Pocket Ninja required more information about a kiss
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat shared a scary story
serial_crusher posed and answered a scientific query

Smartest:
Pocket Ninja discussed how people get themselves into trouble on Twitter
toraque told a story about receiving a phone call in the middle of the night
xanadian had a suggestion for solving the problem in the headline
Skyd1v was offended that people were offended
timujin pointed out a problem with stand your ground laws
Bith Set Me Up shared a line from the wonderful Jessica Williams
quatchi ranked types of ignorance
HawgWild asked a question about the NRA
sigdiamond2000 pointed out the problem with people recording police officers
TopoGigo discussed some problems that exist in prisons

CSB Sunday Morning: Halloween memories
Funniest:
lonomoholo shared a story about a trick being a treat
Smartest:aevorea told about a dad making a bad Halloween better


Politics Funniest:
Wyalt Derp explained how abortion is like slavery
shanrick showed the GOP presidential hopefuls
xanadian looked at where Ben Carson's violent past has taken him
Pocket Ninja explained someone's bad luck with the ladies
keylock71 shared a tweet that looked at one of Ben Carson's accomplishments

Politics Smartest:
Sin_City_Superhero examined Jeb Bush's statement that psych majors end up working at Chick-fil-A
Traborn told off the people who would like to see the Middle East into an uninhabitable wasteland
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat discussed where a conspiracy theory might be partially true
Dusk-You-n-Me compared questions asked in the Republican and Democratic debates
davidphogan disagreed with the Fark headline


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
MortalComedy added pictures of Gary Coleman for "Could somebody please add a 1 3/8" black border around this pic?"
kimwim added the requested black border for "Could somebody please add a 1 3/8" black border around this pic?"
MortalComedy took Luke on a shopping trip for  "Photoshop Theme: Where's Luke Skywalker?"
grampy did a Lootie reference for "Photoshop this hipster emerging from his underground lair"
Alligator made the submitter into a Warrior in "Could somebody please add a 1 3/8" black border around this pic?"
Yammering_Splat_Vector picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue in "Photoshop this crazed commander-in-chief candidate"
RedZoneTuba invited a bio-exorcist to "Photoshop this lady minding her business"
I am disappoint with what Abe Vigoda's Ghost did in "Could somebody please add a 1 3/8" black border around this pic?"
redmax did some dental work for "Could somebody please add a 1 3/8" black border around this pic?"
Large Marge sent me went to New York for "Photoshop this stylish spacesuit"

Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 547: "Hallowe'en 7" with "La Calavera"


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart: optikeye, your wish is granted


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Tuesday, November 3rd: Election night Fark Party & FarkCast recording in Lexington, KY
Wednesday, November 11th: Nerd Nite Providence could-be Fark Party
Saturday, November 14th: Post-election Fark Party in Lexington, KY
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Anonymous hacktivists are planning to reveal the identities of 1,000 members of the Ku Klux Klan including the dyslexic one who hates gingers

Great White tours Eastern Europe

Scientists develop the blackest material ever made which absorbs over 99% of light. The material is so dark, police instinctively try to pull it over

Bipartisanship comes back to Washington on behalf of crony capitalism, backed by Boehner (R-GE) and Pelosi (D-JPMorganChase)

Ravens offense loses communication with sideline during final drive. Patriots docked a second and sixth round pick

Police looking for 20-year-old man described as short, balding, lisping, with a sickly complexion and a mental deficiency. Unclear if they want to arrest him or just insult him further

Sex toy company reaches out to Justin Bieber hoping he'll model for a dildo. Summer's Eve threatens lawsuit, saying they've already used him as a model for their 5'9" douche

The rest of them are here:  Fark Headlines of the Week for 10/25 - 10/31


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A good week on both sides of the quiz equation; where the quizmasters managed to keep the quiz takers off balance, but the people taking the quiz seemed up to the challenge. While nobody got into the 1000 club this week, Twilight Farkle just missed it with a stellar 987, with a comfortable lead over bradley547 who had 913 and groppet with 902--the only scores over 900 this week.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - October 30.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Announcing something cool coming up next week
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-10-26 12:28:31 PM, edited 2015-10-26 12:35:00 PM (69 comments) | Permalink

Remember that time you posted a link to your Etsy store on Fark and a moderator was all like, "Aw, hell naw," and deleted it as spam? Well, Fark is having a one-time Fark Bazaar thread where Farkers will be invited to link to their Ebay, Etsy, Amazon or other storefront to sell their handmade or vintage goods. So if you've been lagging on shellacking those pasties you fashioned from banana leaves or taking photos of the vintage New Kids on the Block dolls you've been meaning to sell, step to it! The thread will post to TotalFark Sunday, November 1st at 7pm Eastern, then it will be on the main page Monday, November 2nd at 11am Eastern. If you want to link to your store, please prepare an image that will represent it in the thread. Please don't link to it outside of the special Fark Bazaar thread or it will be considered spam. So get your stores updated, and be ready to do some shopping! If  you need more information, there's a TotalFark-only Q&A thread going on right now.

Also, be sure to check out this week's special Farking Tip from di atribe, and please email me if you're interested in writing a future Farking Tip.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Canada - 856
Trudeau - 277
Patricia - 183
Biden - 421
Bacon - 322
Asteroid - 54


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
bearded clamorer mourned the fall of the House of Saud
bdub77 talked about why Hurricane Patricia didn't sound scary
Doctor Funkenstein never stopped believing in Jesus
LewDux posted what was probably the best photo for the subject
shanrick reacted to the possibility of the clock boy leaving the U.S.
Fredster posted a familiar welcome
STDMan69 showed that the whole thing with Kim Davis was a misunderstanding
shanrick described what Hurricane Patricia would be like
a particular individual used to get questioned while taking photos. Used to.
MaudlinMutantMollusk pointed out a slight difference between Kim Davis and some of her heroes

Smartest:
STDMan69 had a suggestion for helping people affected by Hurricane Patricia
RedZoneTuba made a doubleplusgood comment
DGS posted an antitizement for prayer
timujin thought there was a good reason to think someone was lying
doyner listed the first thing you're taught in driver's ed
Jingle Strangle posted a gif that I guess got a lot of smart votes to show general approval
Mugato agreed with Jeremy Renner
Bathia_Mapes felt that someone should keep a star on thar
Dinjiin thought a lot of parents worry about the wrong things
MaudlinMutantMollusk proposed a national dialogue

CSB Sunday Morning: Going home
Funniest:
Lsherm shared a story about forgetting how to American
Smartest: FrancoFile talked about the highs and lows of traveling to Russia for business


Politics Funniest:
edmo explained an acronym
Crass and Jaded Mother Farker noted a poorly-chosen name for a women's clinic
Pocket Ninja made a guess at what might worry Republicans about Paul Ryan
Doktor_Zhivago exposed Hillary Clinton's plans
STDMan69 showed an updated cover for a classic book

Politics Smartest:
Shakespeare's Monkey gave a possible answer for the question in the Fark headline
hubiestubert listed a few things that might keep Americans from overthrowing the government
frostus pointed out one thing America for sure should borrow from Canada
Saborlas objected to a common term
HeartBurnKid discussed what made a president fight for gun control


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
DrPainMD set the scene for romance in "Photoshop this unusual weigh-in"
redmax showed us the slippery slope in "Photoshop this unusual weigh-in"
redmax proved that big cats stick together in "Photoshop this vociferous cat"
FarkNUSA took advantage of a going out of business sale in "Photoshop this unusual weigh-in"
grampy changed the hole thing for "Photoshop Challenge: Improve the current G8 logo"
RedZoneTuba made a stereotastic new G8 logo for "Photoshop Challenge: Improve the current G8 logo"
redmax showed a friendly greeting in "Photoshop this morning swim"
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed some heinie in "Photoshop this Cambodian farmer fertilizing the fields"
ionthrust brought some religion to "Photoshop Challenge: create your own "inspirational" needlepoint"
RedZoneTuba got right to the point in "Photoshop this ham"

Farktography: blastoh won Farktography Contest No. 546: "Autumn 4" with a colorful mountain scene


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by di atribe)

Friends,

We are gathered here today to tell you about our beloved World Famous Fark Sports Tab. We offer a wide variety of sportsytype threads, and occasionally even a thread with relevant sports news. Probably. But I think I speak for myself when I say that football rules the queue in the Fall. Every Thursday, Sunday, and Monday you can find a live thread, teeming with Farkers. Sounds gross, but I promise, it's fun. You can join us for the national games to experience our laser focus on one game or you can unite with us on Sunday afternoons as we go plaid wombats trying to keep up with all of them.

The shining jewel in our Farkthread crown though, is the weekly Power Rankings thread every Tuesday during the NFL season. If you think that all we offer is a link to ESPN's compelling power rankings, well it's a good thing this is a newsletter because have I got news for you. We've got graphs, Better Rankings, eliminator challenges, wager guidance from desert penguins, and a weekly trivia challenge that, hand to Drew, is the hardest trivia I've ever tried. We've got bits for miles. And if our shining jewel had yet another crown on top of it, that crown would be The Jake. This is a fake award we made up to honor the quarterback in the National Football League who had the most turnovers and the biggest trainwreck of a game the prior week. We love a good trainwreck in the Sports Tab, and Jake Delhomme is our patron saint.

If you're not so much into the NFL (makes no sense, but ok), we also host college football, hockey, baseball, "wrestling," and NASCAR threads. There's something for everyone and if you like sports, you should stop by! If you don't like sports, why are you still reading this?


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, November 11th: Nerd Nite Providence could-be Fark Party
Saturday, November 14th: Post-election Fark Party in Lexington, KY
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Flintstone. Look for Flintstone. He's now wanted for street robbery. Near the town of Margate, where police are facing mockery

Good guy with a gun takes down a dangerous armed individual at a movie theater

"Family: Bambi the dog races back into burning home for man, 69." To clarify, that's an age

A Wichita woman passed out on a ferris wheel when she realized the door was hanging open. Authorities say she's slowly coming round

The Miami Hurricanes have officially been downgraded to a Tropical Depression

Lincoln Chafee drops out of race after realizing that his "Feel the Chafe" slogan wasn't resonating with voters

Scientists find that the louder the monkey's calls, the smaller the monkey's balls. They have named this the "Donald Trump Phenomenon"

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 10/18 - 10/24


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

In the first hour or so on Friday, it looked like the quiz team had done it, with the highest scores hovering in the mid-800s. But then, out of the blue mutterfark rolled in and absolutely crushed a 1013, besting second-place bratface (920) by nearly 100 points. Third on the list was Nefarious who had ridden the top slot for a while with a solid 898, but it wasn't enough to stay on top, sadly.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - October 23.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Good notnews about the Fark NotNewsletter
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-10-19 1:33:32 PM (21 comments) | Permalink

Good news, everybody! Many of you have been bummed out that comments from the politics tab have been dominating the top-voted lists. I brought this problem to Fark's awesome dev team and they separated out the politics tab voting results for us. So now the NotNewsletter has the top ten smart and funny from everything that isn't politics tab, plus the top five smart and funny that is politics tab. It's the best of both worlds! It's a miracle! It's Fark!

In other NotNewsletter notnews, abmoraz suggested that we highlight some regular threads in the NotNewsletter. Sports threads were specifically mentioned, but I think this is a great idea for other types of regular threads as well. So if you're part of a regular thread and would like to guest write a Farking Tip about your group (and get a "brought to you by _______" in the NotNewsletter), please email me and we can discuss it. EIP, please no WIE or BIE. EIEIO.


FarkCast

In this week's FarkCast, Drew and Twitch discuss hard-hitting issues, such as how they feel about bathroom attendants, toddlers with guns, why Christmas music SUCKS, and, of course, the need for a fresh national anthem. Plus, a plan that would end divorce. You can get FarkCast on iTunes, get FarkCast on Stitcher, or get FarkCast here.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

TL;DR - 58
DNRTFA - 68
RTFA - 99
FTFA - 215
FTFY - 253


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Pocket Ninja laid out some ground rules for brojobs
fusillade762 sought partners for a Manhood Camping Firequest
FlashHarry shared some attractive offers for the racist in your life
brap adapted a nursery rhyme to fit a news story
naughtyrev revealed what unemployed people do all day
koder injected a word from a sponsor
Nem Wan knew why a woman high on spice went on a rampage in a Subway restaurant
Rapmaster2000 shared a story about saving a woman from a meatless life
EvilEgg knew who was really behind the Subway restaurant destruction
WyDave showed someone getting overly familiar in the men's room

Smartest:
ElizaDoolittle expressed appreciation for a submitted article
Sin_City_Superhero questioned some statements
BalugaJoe wondered if stopping a robbery was worth it
namegoeshere explained why it would be hard for Josh Duggar's wife to leave him
mr_a disapproved of shooting fish in a barrel
Marcus Aurelius seemed skeptical of the methods of some Confederate flag fans
Eclectic guessed at the motives of that aunt who sued her nephew
baka-san said bi to the brojob
unyon suggested an interesting way to troll people opposed to gun control
generallyso didn't think a shooter's story checked out

CSB Sunday Morning: Zany Misadventures with Wildlife
Smartest & Funniest:
Anokha got the highest numbers of smart and funny votes with a proud moment of triumph over a squirrel

Politics Funniest:
optikeye brought up the fun alternative to a zero tolerance policy
Butterflew wondered about Huckabee's canine protection priorities
brantgoose explained Ann Coulter's origins
StopArrestingMe provided some hilarious quotations from America's founders
STDMan69 shared Pat Robertson's stats

Politics Smartest:
Butterflew wondered about Huckabee's canine protection priorities
FlashHarry had a PSA for Ben Carson
theorellior countered Ben Carson's claims
Dusk-You-n-Me wasn't sure that Marco Rubio understands minimum wage
bdub77 lamented the absence of sexy and cool


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a politician showing off his dough for "Photoshop theme: 2016 U.S. presidential candidates in their Halloween costumes"
Alligator discovered got a Warriors fan to come out and play-ay in "Photoshop theme: 2016 U.S. presidential candidates in their Halloween costumes"
JAGUART fixed Trump's hair for "Photoshop theme: 2016 U.S. presidential candidates in their Halloween costumes"
RedZoneTuba showed who looks pretty good for being 900 years old in "Photoshop theme: 2016 U.S. presidential candidates in their Halloween costumes"
Alligator put this politician in a sexy costume for "Photoshop theme: 2016 U.S. presidential candidates in their Halloween costumes"
godxam found Hillary Clinton looking a little worse for wear in "Photoshop theme: 2016 U.S. presidential candidates in their Halloween costumes"
Yammering_Splat_Vector caught a quick thief in "Photoshop this girl and her big balloons"
eyeoftheaxis proved that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in "Photoshop theme: 2016 U.S. presidential candidates in their Halloween costumes"
stertz treated these men as playthings in "Photoshop these bucketeers"
redmax showed off some fancy footwork in "Photoshop these bridge walkers"


Farktography:Farktography Contest No. 545: "Open Mic" ended in a tie between Elsinore with "Jewelled" and orionid with "Mokolea Lava Shelf"


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Monday, October 19th: Toronto election night Fark Party
Wednesday, November 11th: Nerd Nite Providence could-be Fark Party
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Lamar Odom reportedly opened his eyes, saw multiple Kardashians and promptly predicted six more weeks of coma

Car made of hemp makes stop in Denver, driver demonstrates how to smoke the tires

Dennis Hastert reaches plea deal in hush money case. It's rumored that as punishment he will be reinstated as Speaker of the House

Army issues new breastfeeding policy, which was confusing to those who thought that "field stripping a pair of 44s" was about cleaning a sidearm

Activists want to get ivory sales banned in 99 and 44/100 percent of U.S. states

Merger creates world's largest bottled water company

London Police have stopped guarding the Ecuadorian embassy containing Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. Swedish police hope to extradite him once they have crossed the O's and dotted the U's

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 10/11 - 10/17


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Now that the new quiz writers are getting settled in, they're starting to get their feet under them, as last week proved. Nobody in the 1000 club, only a few in the 900s, with the rest of the field trailing with a score in the 800 range. The top three scores in the quiz this week were Spidery_2k topping the list with 950, appropriately timed Er_Mah_Gerd with 936 and leafslinger took the bronze with 909.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - October 16.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: More popular than Cousin Oliver
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-10-13 11:13:14 AM, edited 2015-10-13 11:23:29 AM (18 comments) | Permalink

The NotNewsletter isn't late this week. When Monday is a holiday, that's my excuse reason for pushing it to Tuesday. So here we are on Tuesday with a new NotNewsletter. Even though it's released on Tuesday, it still has the voting results from Sunday night, as usual. Having said that, though, there is going to be a change starting with the next NotNewsletter. Instead of taking results from Sunday night, I'm going to use results from Saturday night from now on. I could claim that the reason behind this change is that the week really ends on Saturday, but the truth is that your DisseminationMonkey has been staying up late almost every Sunday night for over a year to write the NotNewsletter and would really prefer to have all day Sunday to write it (or put it off) instead. So don't say I never did anything for you me.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Columbus - 123
Debate - 854
Drinking game - 22 (I imagine that'll increase today)
Walking Dead - 111
Puppies - 73
Kittens - 43
Boehner - 411
Koch - 183


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
RedT remarked on the fallout from the Benghazi investigations
Infernalist found that an observation made by another Farker last month was once again proven true
scottydoesntknow replied to Farkers reacting to a mother's concerns about her kid watching "Groundhog Day"
Rapmaster2000 told a story about a recent trip to Taco Bell
fusillade762 pointed out the main danger faced by Westboro Baptist Church members
blatz514 chastised the savior
Parthenogenetic discovered a politician who is in the revenge business
fusillade762 knew that Carly Fiorina is the key to defeating ISIS
MrBallou shared the designs for the new coach section for Airbus
Diogenes pointed out that government could use more separation

Smartest:
RedT remarked on the fallout from the Benghazi investigations
fusillade762 explained why some states test welfare recipients
ox45tallboy described why many gun owners favor gun control
macadamnut shared a comic with a suggestion on how to handle reporting mass shootings
unyon expressed the desire to give something to someone who stuffs contractors
Pocket Ninja summed up The Daily Fail's editorial process
keylock71 tried to help Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz identify a problem
nekom pointed out the best way to stop Islamic extremism
August11 blamed the parents
keylock71 lamented hypocrisy

CSB Sunday Morning: Work lessons
Smartest:
W_Scarlet shared an example of making the absolute best of the time you spend at a job
Funniest: toejam told a story about learning to be careful with compliments


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
DrPainMD showed that you don't want to make Bill Nye angry in "Photoshop this science guy"
Abe Vigoda's Ghost... um... well, you just have to look at this entry for "Photoshop this winding way"
RedZoneTuba created a tragedy in "Photoshop this precipitous ulula"
Yammering_Splat_Vector thought Pope Francis looked a bit doughy in "Photoshop this white flight"
MajorTubeSteak made the logical choice in "Photoshop this science guy"
alicechaos helped an apple giver tell this guy to beat it in "Photoshop this apple transfer"
Yammering_Splat_Vector put some ass in the air for "Photoshop this farming foul-up"
Herb Utsmelz showed what happens when a challenger appears in "Photoshop this farming foul-up"
Yammering_Splat_Vector vaulted over the competition in "Photoshop this post-apocalyptic warrior"
Abe Vigoda's Ghost served up a questionable meal in "Photoshop this slayer and her coffee"

Farktography: henryhill won Farktography Contest No. 544: "Farktography Classic: Blue 3" with this blue bunch of boats


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: Read the headline first (contains slight Game of Thrones spoiler if you're behind on the show), then read brap's comment. Then wipe the coffee off your keyboard.
Funny: Mr. Fuzzypaws pointed out to a Farker looking for advice that what goes around comes around


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 17th: State Fair of Texas Fark Party in Dallas
Monday, October 19th: Toronto election night Fark Party
Wednesday, November 11th: Nerd Nite Providence could-be Fark Party
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Beyond Fark

We were very sad to learn of the passing of one of our own, BackAssward. The memorial thread is closed now, but you can read it here.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Australian scientists grow mini human kidneys. England says it doesn't yet have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

The War on Drugs™ may soon see the release of half of the POWs

Zurich hotel offers $2,000-a-night space station experience. Or for $300 you could just take a 4 hour taxi ride with a Russian in need of a shower

Nine, definitely nine Supreme Court justices refuse to hear a challenge to NY state's mandatory vaccination law

CC goes to AA

Old Yeller actor sent to the old actor's ranch, where he can run and play all day with other actors

"I am not the Hillary Clinton," she said. "My name is Ferraro; I inherited the name and position from the previous Hillary. The woman I inherited it from is not the real Hillary either. The real Hillary has been living like a king in Patagonia"


The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 10/4 - 10/10

Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Last week was pretty solid for the quiz-takers, with every single person on the Top 10 list breaking the 900 threshold, but there was only one Farker who managed to crack into the 1000 club. With a high scoring field, only EmperorSled stood on the mountain top with 1015, besting Top 10 regulars Twilight Farkle and timujin, who shared the second-place podium with twin scores of 996.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - October 9.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: A day late and there never were any dollars
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-10-06 9:20:01 AM (22 comments) | Permalink

You might be wondering why the NotNewsletter is going out on Tuesday this week instead of Monday since that usually only happens when Monday is a holiday. Or, more likely, you didn't even notice. But in case you are wondering, it's because I wasn't feeling well on Sunday night and Monday. And no, I wasn't hungover. But anyway, this is more evidence that I'm probably not a bot.

On a side note, be sure to check out the CSB Sunday Morning threads (in case you're not familiar with CSB, it stands for "cool story, bro"). The CSB Sunday Morning threads are posted on Sunday mornings (duh) at 9 Eastern, but they're still open the next day so you can participate even if you're not usually on Fark on the weekends. Farkers are an interesting bunch with a lot of experiences to share, and the CSB threads have grown into a great place to find out more about each other. The general theme changes every week, and we're always looking for new ideas, so feel free to email me or dugitman if you have an idea for one. But even if you don't have a story you'd like to share, the thread is always worth checking out for a reminder of why Fark is such an awesome place (hint: it's you guys).


FarkCast

The FarkCast is back after a brief hiatus. Topics in the latest episode include the differences between US and UK newspapers, the world's greatest troll, a Trump presidency, and gefilte fish. You can get FarkCast on iTunes, get FarkCast on Stitcher, or get FarkCast here.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Mars - 555
Trevor Noah - 21
Speaker of the House - 46
Selfie - 298
Joaquin - 119
iPhone - 245


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
fusillade762 hilariously justified the attainment of a personal record
grokca criticized Barack Obama's goals
The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves predicted what NASA would reveal about Mars
King Something offered a solution to a hypothetical dilemma
Nadie_AZ characterized the relationship between the GOP and the Pope
ScaryBottles provided a helpful bar graph
Elandriel made a more accurate Shruggie
optikeye shared a tweet that exposed a little-known danger
keylock71 had another solution to a dilemma
Danger Avoid Death shared a valid answer to a stupid question

Smartest:
hubiestubert discussed the causes of gun violence
abb3w talked about what it means when a terrible thing keeps happening
Nadie_AZ characterized the relationship between the GOP and the Pope
vernonFL applied someone's reasoning to more issues
fusillade762 explained why schools have comparative religion classes
Ambivalence pointed out what's horrifically obvious about a mother in the news
Pocket Ninja provided a take on a conversation between Pope Francis and fundies
Pocket Ninja discussed what's great about America
ottebx pointed out the other thing a good guy with a gun needs
moothemagiccow differentiated between sexy cops and real cops

CSB Sunday Morning: Adult Epiphanies
Smartest:
Man_Without_A_Hat shared a personal and touching story about finding out the answer to the question of what you'd do if you found out you didn't have much longer to live
Funniest: And then there was brap


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
stertz flushed away the competition in "Photoshop this bather"
Alligator made this cool advertisement for "Photoshop theme: Design an ad for the 2050 automotive model year"
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer used a well-known hand signal in "Photoshop Theme: Create your own Bat-signal"
Yammering_Splat_Vector thought it was a good evening to send out the signal in "Photoshop Theme: Create your own Bat-signal"
DrPainMD gave the president some electrolytes in "Photoshop Theme: President Kanye West"
#2 finally got a clear photo for "Photoshop this guy putting his best foot forward"
Mojongo was the first one to post in "Photoshop Theme: Create your own Bat-signal"
eyeoftheaxis took it to 3000 in "Photoshop this big-chinned generic superhero in action"
#2 found that more than just the air is sweet in "Photoshop this ice cream cone"
grampy gave this tired guy a bath in "Photoshop this bather"

Farktography:turbocucumber won Farktography Contest No. 543: "Seen Better Days 2" with a haunting photo of "a rainy day at the old citadel in Huế, Vietnam"


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny and Smart: EviLincoln had an evil suggestion for an evil vanity plate
Funny: mitchcumstein1 helpfully captioned a photo in a thread about naughty movies
Smart: Murflette offered to help another TotalFarker with marital relations
Funny: hillbillypharmacist shared a story about a guy in his dorm who liked to show off his most prized possession


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, October 9th - Sunday, October 11th: EuroFark Party 2015 in Dublin, Ireland
Saturday, October 17th: State Fair of Texas Fark Party in Dallas
Monday, October 19th: Toronto election night Fark Party
Wednesday, November 11th: Nerd Nite Providence could-be Fark Party
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Hero dog drags owner from path of car. *checks* Oh, into path of car. In other news, bad dog needs new home

Blackbird pooping in the dead of night / Leave this plot of land and learn to fly / Now we find / You were only waiting for the chance to see us die

Tornado knocks out power to 10,000 people in Lancaster County, PA, none of whom noticed

Romero to return to PGA after hand injury. The PGA is golf's governing body. Golf is a game where you hit a small white balata ball into 18 consecutive holes, using as few strokes as possible. Balata is a form of latex harvested from rubber trees

Pacemakers may be at risk from hackers, but they can be stopped by quickly turning it off and bac

Justin Bieber says he wants to live like Jesus. Sales of hammers and nails expected to skyrocket

Kentucky governor calls Kim Davis' suit against him "forlorn" and "obtuse." Candidate Drew Curtis promises that, when elected, he will refer to all such lawsuits as "asshattery" and respond by deleting the entire court docket

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 9/27 - 10/3


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a beginning week where the veteran quiz takers took advantage of the rookie quiz writers, the team came back strong and knocked the scores back a little bit this week. Nobody cracked the 1000 club, but a strong field was led by Agarista with 929, followed closely by mutterfark at 921 and Fubegra with 904, edging the only other 900 club member.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - October 2.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Popin' ain't easy
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-09-28 12:22:06 PM (24 comments) | Permalink

Autumn began last week, and the Pope was in bloom across America. John Boehner saw his orange shadow and decided it was time to hang up his hanky. Meanwhile, a douchebag hedge fund manager discovered that the villagers eventually will pick up their torches and pitchforks and go after the robber barons when they gouge sick people. Then the moon turned red with the blood of the innocents.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Pope - 1688
Boehner - 662
Martin Shkreli - 56
Pharma bro - 20
Autumn - 32
Supermoon - 45
Blood moon - 97
Eclipse - 140


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Tuxedocat found that Obama recycles (and slightly alters) tweets
BunkoSquad summed up Boehner's time as Speaker of the House
Two Dogs Farking imagined a challenge that few people could complete
MaudlinMutantMollusk took exception to how the submitter characterized where David Cameron put his willy
dopirt worked out the math on which Republicans will get the votes that would have gone to Scott Walker
Marcus Aurelius explained scientifically what happens when you socialize medicine
doubled99 made a stand for the rights of people with disabilities
shadowtec shared a tweet that showed who's upset over David Cameron's pig hijinks
Pazuzu Smith-Jones stood up for Bobby Jindal's desire to fire Congress
MrBallou had some advice concerning Volkswagen's CEO's resignation

Smartest:
SphericalTime pointed out why an article written by an adult who is attracted to children was actually a good thing
shower_in_my_socks compared some politicians' contributions to healthcare
BunkoSquad summed up Boehner's time as Speaker of the House
Marcus Aurelius discussed the best way to stop pharmaceutical price gouging
NFA talked about who farked the pharmaceutical industry (with bonus douchebag picture)
verbaltoxin gave some reasons why the Tea Party isn't going to start a revolution
Bith Set Me Up reflected on "the clock kid" and fraud accusations from Richard Dawkins
lennavan made a biotech stock graph look less crashy
fusillade762 addressed Bernie Sanders' civil rights record
MaudlinMutantMollusk responded to Jeb Bush's assertion that the Pope should leave climate change talk to scientists

CSB Sunday Morning: Near misses
Funniest:
Peaceboy gave dugitman some of what he'd missed out on
Smartest: hornblowerfan shared a story about two FML events leading to a lucky meeting


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
DrPainMD found out how Drew prepared for the debate in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"
Wrongo tempted Drew with something else in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed that Drew has vice presidential support in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"
#2 made things get a little heated in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel revealed the union Drew once belonged to in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"
DrPainMD showed Drew Fitzgerald Page in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"
Large Marge sent me helped Drew take a page from Netanyahu's playbook in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"
Large Marge sent me showed how Drew celebrated after the debate in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this primate a classy makeover in "Photoshop this handsome mug"
spontn80 showed why Drew was disbelieving in "Photoshop this picture of a disbelieving Drew at the recent Kentucky Gubernatorial Debate™"

Farktography: Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 542: "Portraits" with "a gentleman I met on Isla Taquile in Lake Titicaca this summer"


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 3rd: Harbor Island Beer Festival Fark Party in Mamaroneck, NY
Friday, October 9th - Sunday, October 11th: EuroFark Party 2015 in Dublin, Ireland
Saturday, October 17th: State Fair of Texas Fark Party in Dallas
Monday, October 19th: Toronto election night Fark Party
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Legendary font designer Adrian Frutiger dead at 87. Univers mourns

Instagram is now officially bigger than Twitter, according to a story subby read on Facebook and then submitted to Fark

Duck, duck, BUS

Yogi Berra delivered baseball's most memorable quotes: A record that will stand until broken

Buzz Aldrin says 'The Martian' is superior to both 'Star Wars' and 'Star Trek.' And if there's anybody who knows a thing or two about filming fake movies that take place in outer space, it's Buzz Aldrin

Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari plan to name their third child Indiana

After Greek elections, Alexis Tsipras willing to give Anel another try

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 9/20 - 9/26


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Getting back to the quiz felt right this week after a week off, and the quiz writers were on fire right from the start. The quiz takers, though, were up to the challenge and feasted on the offerings, with three breaking into the 1000 club and everybody in the top 10 over 900. The winners at the very top were bratface with 1029, edging BATMANATEE at 1025 and Keeve with 1019.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - September 25.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: What time is it?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-09-21 1:08:23 PM, edited 2015-09-21 1:09:19 PM (36 comments) | Permalink

So much happened over the past week. The Republicans debated again, we got to see Drew kick some booty in the Kentucky Gubernatorial debate, the Syrian refugee crisis continued, some Emmys were awarded, Volkswagen got into some trouble, etcetera. But really, if we're being honest with ourselves, we know that it was really the week that will go down in history as the one where America fell into turmoil over a clock.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Clock - 1643
Debate - 1670
Emmy - 102
Volkswagen/VW - 885
Wildfire - 23
Flood - 151


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
MaudlinMutantMollusk explained why Kim Davis wasn't able to become a martyr for religious liberty
I_Am_Weasel knew what was really bothering Bristol Palin
Psychopusher told us about a conversation with God
mrshowrules posted a conversation the Secret Service would have about President Rand Paul
Loucifer had a suggestion for dealing with flooding in Utah
nekom explained how you can tell when a rat has a headache
PirateKing pointed out how location is everything when identifying a clock
bearded clamorer described the difference with college-level geography
MaudlinMutantMollusk corrected Sarah Palin's claim to the throne
Arachnophobe shared some scary news about the British

Smartest:
MaudlinMutantMollusk explained why Kim Davis wasn't able to become a martyr for religious liberty (yes, I copypastaed this from Funniest)
Twilight Farkle discussed how a suspect might be treated
Mentat made the case for outrage
doglover shared some theories about problems in the fap-movie industry
hubiestubert doesn't have a lot of pity for franchise owners
timujin applauded the treatment of Ahmed Mohamed
Bathia_Mapes pointed out some problems with Ahmed Mohamed's arrest
hubiestubert wanted Ted Nugent to face reality
Ivo Shandor remembered another time law enforcement overreacted to something
keylock71 discussed people who like to carry guns everywhere

CSB Sunday Morning: "Thinking out loud"
Funniest: Rigby-Reardon made an apology
Smartest: Lenny_da_Hog shared a story about being an ass to Dusty Hill of ZZ Top


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba changed some words on a sign for an ironic entry in "Photoshop theme: Only you can prevent __________"
Thrakkorzog revealed the truth about a common gripe in "Photoshop theme: Only you can prevent __________"
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed Miss America's victory snack for "A Fark tradition: Photoshop the new Miss America"
I_Am_Weasel had this rock doing what they do in "Photoshop this rock of ages"
grampy added some humanity in "Photoshop this rock of ages"
Large Marge sent me did a variation of the Sarah Jessica Parker joke in "Photoshop this stage fright"
#2 addressed a conundrum in "Photoshop theme: Only you can prevent __________"
noazark took us to the North Pole for "Photoshop this squatter"
MortalComedy invited Chris to the party for "Photoshop this generous giveaway"
redmax discovered an inconvenient truth in "Photoshop this big blue marble"

Farktography: Buggar won Farktography Contest No. 541: "Show us your Nerdiness" with a photo of a water rocket


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, September 26th - San Pedro, CA Fark Party
Saturday, October 3rd: Harbor Island Beer Festival Fark Party in Mamaroneck, NY
Friday, October 9th - Sunday, October 11th: EuroFark Party 2015 in Dublin, Ireland
Saturday, October 17th: State Fair of Texas Fark Party in Dallas
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Frat brothers face murder charges as hazing death is upgraded from Baruch assault; doo-pa-dee do

Schwarzenegger to reinvent Terminator franchise next year

Abnormally aggressive skunk prompts rabies quarantine after biting woman, relentlessly pursuing cat with unfortunate stripe of paint

Dead crows litter streets of Spokane. Officials try to determine if it was a murder

Just like the average Farker, Braves can't make it to second base

$4,000 bed shaped like the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. You came in that thing?

House passes bill to defund Planned Parenthood which is not expected to come to term, however hopes are high that parts of the bill can be salvaged for research


The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 9/13 - 9/19


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

For the first week since it was introduced, there was no Fark Quiz last week. The quiz is created by multiple Farkers, and typically, even when some are busy, others are available to step up and get it over the line by Friday morning. Unfortunately, last week was one of those situations where everybody happened to be busy at the same time.

Several people volunteered to help, though, so we should be back on track by this Friday.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The end is nigh
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-09-14 11:13:29 AM (28 comments) | Permalink

It's finally here: We're in the final days of Jade Helm 15, which ends on Tuesday. They'll be coming for our guns at any minute, and rounding up dissidents in the FEMA death camps. So get in your bunkers, put on your tinfoil hats, and beware of the lizard people ninjas while you read this week's Fark NotNewsletter.


FarkCast

In the most recent FarkCast, Drew and his wife Heather came over to Twitch's house for a few drinks to wrap up a long week, and a FarkCast broke out. They encountered one of the worst beers they have ever had, and couldn't contain their disdain. Use this podcast cautionary tale for what happens when alcohol and microphones mix. You can get FarkCast on iTunes, get FarkCast on Stitcher, or get FarkCast here.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Texas - 428
Invasion - 150
Apocalypse - 57
Tin foil/tinfoil - 50
Walmart - 151
Ninja - 101
Conspiracy - 131
Hostile - 123


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
mab1823 shared something suspicious about Kim Davis
Bith Set Me Up found God's opinion of Kim Davis
markie_farkie suggested a deeply held religious belief for someone
HawgWild translated a statement from Mr. Davis
AcademGreen showed a disappointing clarification
scottydoesntknow summed up a feud between Huckabee and Cruz
Mr. Coffee Nerves discovered one weird trick for admiring Kim Davis and her lawyers
LordOfThePings revealed the question some attorneys are asking
FirstNationalBastard decided to mess with people
toraque appreciated some irony

Smartest:
Pazuzu Smith-Jones had questions for Kim Davis
markie_farkie's suggestion from the funny list also made the smart list
BizarreMan spotted a potential defense strategy
make me some tea questioned a legal argument
phrawgh shared a comparison of presidential candidates
UNC_Samurai had a meal suggestion for the submitter
5ent thought that ignoring Kim Davis would make her go away
FatherChaos posted some contributions from unions
phaseolus wondered WTF Cheney was talking about
RexTalionis summed up the way some people might see religious freedom

CSB Sunday Morning Funniest: dugitman had a snarky reply to a Farker's suspicions
CSB Sunday Morning Smartest: With Six You Get Spittle shared a story about a family working together to make a gift for their matriarch


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector went where no man has gone before in "Photoshop this happy couple"
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed the Clintons being wicked for "Photoshop theme: Politicians in cosplay"
noazark recycled this litter for "Photoshop the new fashion trend"
RedZoneTuba created this spartan entry for "Photoshop this nerd rage"
Alligator got the GOP all shook up for "Photoshop theme: Politicians in cosplay"
DrPainMD brought some skunky loot to "Photoshop this man on a bucket list mission"
RedZoneTubamade use of a plentiful source of fur in "Photoshop the new fashion trend"
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrelrevealed a Napoleon complex in "Photoshop theme: Politicians in cosplay"
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrelshowed that sometimes politicians enjoy a recall in "Photoshop theme: Politicians in cosplay"
FarkNUSA had a romantic victory celebration for "Photoshop this happy couple"


Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 540: "Farktography Classic: Red 2" ended in a tie between henryhill with this reflecting boat and threnodyj with "At the End of Burano"


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

The top-voted smart and funny TotalFark Discussion comments were both from a thread submitted by someone looking for help with an annoying car problem. Nadie_AZ provided the helpful response, while Satan's Chocolate Starfish gave the smartass answer. And speaking of smartasses, TotalFarkers gave CommieTaoist the second-highest number of TFD smart votes for this surly comment in another thread.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 17th - Twin Cities Fark Party
Saturday, September 26th - San Pedro, CA Fark Party
Saturday, October 3rd: Harbor Island Beer Festival Fark Party in Mamaroneck, NY
Friday, October 9th - Sunday, October 11th: EuroFark Party 2015 in Dublin, Ireland
Saturday, October 17th: State Fair of Texas Fark Party in Dallas
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Wrecka mecca crane, make a giant hole

Rock art vandalized by college geology students. This is why we can't have gneiss things

Child's remains found in Garfield Park. Odie humanity

Surfer breaks neck in four places. Dude, why did you even go to the other three?

Anthony Bourdain has master bladesmith melt down a meteorite to forge him a +5 Knife of Vegetable Slaying

Lewis Hamilton wins Italian Grand Prix amidst tire pressure controversy. Roger Goodell imposes four-game suspension on Tom Brady

Kerri Russell could escalate the Sybian conflict

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 9/6 - 9/12

Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

It was a good week on the Quiz front. After a few weeks that were swinging up and down wildly with scores, we're seeing some consistency again. It was a close race for the top slot this week, as  FarkinDave68 took it with a solid score of 908, tailed closely by Biser with 902 and scrumpox nearly cracking 900 with an impressive 898.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:   Fark Weird News Quiz - September 11.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Great news about Fark's mobile site
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-09-08 1:14:10 PM (82 comments) | Permalink

Labor Day has passed, but feel free to wear white to your wedding if you had to wait for a certain defiant county clerk to get arrested so you could get your marriage license. If you have a smart phone, you might want to scroll on down to this week's Farking Tip to find out what's new on Fark's mobile site.


FarkCast

In the latest FarkCast, Drew and Twitch talk about the Rowan County, Kentucky clerk, Kim Davis, and the story that has grabbed headlines all over the country. Drew just happens to be running for governor of Kentucky, so he has an interesting take on it. And then hopefully we will never have to hear her name uttered ever again. You can get FarkCast on iTunes, get FarkCast on Stitcher, or get FarkCast here.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Kim Davis - 997
Marriage license - 979
County clerk - 559
Do your job - 84
Just quit - 15
Martyr - 395


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
fusillade762 revealed the best way to take selfies
Lenny_da_Hog knew why Kim Davis' lawyer compared Kim's treatment to that of the Jewish people in Nazi Germany
Twilight Farkle provided an illustration of a Fark thread conversation
Bith Set Me Up reacted to that same Fark thread conversation
King Something pointed out that Kim Davis' persecution would end if she'd concentrate on her job
Raging Thespian assessed the damage done by locking up Kim Davis
myschief knew the reason Kim Davis was willing to experience such misery
Jiro Dreams Of McRibs revealed a message from a prisoner
Summer Glau's Love Slave showed another government office asserting religious freedom

Smartest:
Jiro Dreams Of McRibs suggested attacking a problem before it gets bigger
fusillade762 offered an alternative definition of "governance"
Highroller48 explained how Kim Davis' lawyer could make a Nazi comparison
dahmers love zombie worked out the math on gay marriage
MFAWG pointed out one reason why a case matters
Gyrfalcon pointed out another
Bith Set Me Up shared a relevant tweet
Sin_City_Superhero thought that Kim Davis might have a medical issue
plushpuppy was not interested in taking advantage of an offer
Astorix wasn't really in the mood to see Kim Davis portrayed as the victim

CSB Sunday Morning Funniest: SuperTramp discussed the drawbacks of multitasking at the car wash
CSB Sunday Morning Smartest: GRCooper pointed out that sometimes you can be grateful for Taco Bell


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
#2 was the moral center in "Photoshop Challenge: redesign the Great Seal of the United States of America"
Herb Utsmelz gave this erection a delicious makeover in "Photoshop this wavy building"
grampy included something for everyone in "Photoshop Challenge: redesign the Great Seal of the United States of America"
Yammering_Splat_Vector added a really hot woman to "Photoshop this road to Hell"
Yammering_Splat_Vector hit the jackpot in "Photoshop these B-9s"
Yammering_Splat_Vector made this symbol even more American for "Photoshop Challenge: redesign the Great Seal of the United States of America"
eyeoftheaxis set a trap for "Photoshop Challenge: Show us your best graffiti skillz"
stertz invited Uncle Joe to "Photoshop these B-9s"
#2 showed that Drew can be Kentucky's Big Brother in "Theme: Governor Drew Curtis' inauguration ball"
DrPainMD revealed how Drew will celebrate for "Theme: Governor Drew Curtis' inauguration ball"

Farktography: Lovesandwich won Farktography Contest No. 539: "Mosquitoes and Camp Fires" with "Winter Scout Camp (Rovent) - Cambie Creek, Manning Park BC"


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: socially inept was taken really came through in "Embarrassing admission thread"
Funny: optikeye shared the secret for busting up SkunkFest 2015


Farking Tip (brought to you by Fark's dev team)

Have an image on your phone that you want to share on Fark?  You used to either have to use the full site on your phone, or upload to an image host service, get the url, and know the HTML to put it in the comments box on the mobile Fark page.  Whew.  Now you can upload the image directly to Fark, using the handy toolbar that sits atop the comment box. The very last icon just before the question mark is the image posting button. If you click on that, a box should pop up.  Click on the "upload" tab inside the box that pops up. Then click on "Choose File" and select the image that you want to post. After that, you're still not done. You have to click on "Upload Image" to get your pretty picture sent over. Click on the "OK" button, and your image should appear.

Image posting isn't the only new thing you can do on mobile Fark.  There are also new formatting buttons for bold, italic, underscore, etc.  But let's face it, that's pretty boring, and it's really more exciting that you'll be able to post evidence that that's totally a UFO and not at all a streetlight.

Have fun, and please, save those dick pics for your constituents and not your fellow Farkers.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, September 11th - Sunday, September 13th: Sacramento Fark Party Weekend
Thursday, September 17th - Twin Cities Fark Party
Saturday, September 26th - San Pedro, CA Fark Party
Saturday, October 3rd: Harbor Island Beer Festival Fark Party in Mamaroneck, NY
Friday, October 9th - Sunday, October 11th: EuroFark Party 2015 in Dublin, Ireland
Saturday, October 17th: State Fair of Texas Fark Party in Dallas
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Man suffering from constipation for 10 years has 11-pound stool removed. Thank God it wasn't an ottoman

Driver who crashed into home tests positive for pot as well as pan, plate, tv, couch, and chair

Without any resistance, the Yankees complete their march through Atlanta

Anne Hathaway says she is losing parts to 24-year-olds. Mostly because those actresses have 24-year-old parts

LL Been

Kim Davis taken into custody for neglecting her duties. Elected officials everywhere hope the trend doesn't spread

Oldest survivor of San Francisco earthquake of 1906 dies, but considering she lived 113 years she got a pretty fair shake

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 8/30 - 9/5


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a few weeks of high scores, the quizmasters got the upper hand last week, with nobody scoring in the 1000s or even the 900s. Through the weekend, common sense is an oxymoron held onto the top spot with 824, edging weekly favorite rick42, who had 821, and mutterfark with 815.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - September 4.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Now available in pumpkin spice flavor
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-08-31 1:33:11 PM (28 comments) | Permalink

Please consider the environment before printing this NotNewsletter.


FarkCast

In the most recent FarkCast, Drew and Twitch talk about Drew's run for governor and how to best insult Drew's opponents using Old English slang. The term "goobersmooch" is brought up, and seems to be the most fitting. They also discuss commenters from Yahoo stories, craft beer, and why the Germans are so literal. You can get FarkCast on iTunes, FarkCast on Stitcher, or get FarkCast here.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

August - 297
September - 127
Pumpkin spice - 13
Autumn - 30
Leaves - 269
Football - 681
Elbow - 35


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
MBK recognized a Pyrrhic victory
Snarfangel had a term for dissatisfaction with ice cream flavors
fusillade762 pointed out how powerful Carly Fiorina could be
Chariset exposed the worst part of Ashley Madison's business model
Vacation Bible School showed one of Megyn Kelly's helpful simplifications
Justin Beaver guessed at what was missing from a story
LordOfThePings shared Jesus doing his  thing at The Last Supper
bearded clamorer knew the real reason this over-endowed guy is shunned
maddog2030 added what was missing from a Fark headline
fappomatic apparently isn't just a login

Smartest:
MBK hit BINGO on the "smartest" and "funniest" lists with one comment
enry expressed something you'd think every parent would agree with
Super_pope agreed with a controversial decision
Nabb1 discussed some problems with a plan to combat drug use
LarryDan43 predicted what happens when oil prices reach a certain point
Sensei Can You See discussed possible motives of a killer
frepnog criticized a double standard
nmrsnr talked about an "excuse" that really just illustrated the problem
leeloodallas75 pointed out that a grieving father was targeting the wrong people
ginandbacon gave some reasons for believing there's a war on women

CSB Sunday Morning Funniest: ox45tallboy shared a story about babysitting a young banshee
CSB Sunday Morning Smartest: ginandbacon talked about Mary Poppinsing for people


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
grampy looked deep inside for "Photoshop theme: Well, there's your problem"
RedZoneTuba showed a risky meal choice in "Photoshop Theme: An accident waiting to happen"
DrPainMD found out why profits are down in "Photoshop theme: Well, there's your problem"
Dumski discovered the queen walking her favorite pet in "Photoshop Her Majesty The Queen in all her royal frippery"
Thrakkorzog found out why your coffee isn't waking you up in "Photoshop this morning joe"
verchad created a passionate eater for "Photoshop this man taking a shot"
DrPainMD was not impressed with the contest "Photoshop this steely-eyed glare"
#2 found a dating profile you should avoid in "Photoshop Theme: An accident waiting to happen"
stephenc adapted a game's graphics for "Photoshop this graphed notepad"
Circusdog320 showed the dangers of "Take Your Cat to Work Day" for "Photoshop Theme: An accident waiting to happen"

Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 538: "Bird's the Word" ended in a tie between two photos by DesertDemonWY: "Swainson's hawk in the morning light" and this badass-looking eagle


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: ami5000 explained a mysterious set of footprints leading from a fellow TotalFarker's garden to the neighbor's house
Smart: valanienna knew why people at Reddit are freaking out over the Ashley Madison breach while Farkers are not


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, September 11th - Sunday, September 13th: Sacramento Fark Party Weekend
Thursday, September 17th - Twin Cities Fark Party
Saturday, September 26th - San Pedro, CA Fark Party
Saturday, October 3rd: Harbor Island Beer Festival Fark Party in Mamaroneck, NY
Friday, October 9th - Sunday, October 11th: EuroFark Party 2015 in Dublin, Ireland
Saturday, October 17th: State Fair of Texas Fark Party in Dallas
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

LAPD to start wearing body cams on Monday. But what they really want to do is direct

Woman, dogs, injured in rollover crash. This is why it takes a professional to train a dog, people

Seaplane. Seaplane crash. Crash plane crash

Saran Wrap is killing you. Film at 11

Brokerage firm ITG suspends trading operations due to faulty HVAC system at data center, threatens to kick that HVAC's ass

Governor of Alabama's wife seeks divorce, says the marriage is broken but the two of them will remain cousins

When Freud meets fMRI. It's still a Jung field

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 8/23 - 8/29


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Some weeks it's the hunters, other weeks it's the wolves. This week, despite the best efforts of the quizmasters, the Farkers were ready for the quiz (and how) and the scores reflected that:  rick42 led the pack with 1037, narrowly shading the top spot this week just three points ahead of  humanconditioner who posted a 1034 which would win nearly any other week, while  wildcardjack barely edged  Crass and Jaded Mother Farker by three points, 989 to 986. There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - August 21.
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