A message from Drew Curtis:

-----------------------

Five years ago last week, Fark settled out of a case with a patent troll for $0.  A few interesting things have happened since then.

- I gave a TED talk about the experience which has been viewed over a million times

- I finally found out who was behind the lawsuit.  Three years ago, I was emailed by Kevin O'Connor, who told me his company Find The Best was sued by the same troll that Fark was (different patent, same people).  I asked him how he knew, because we weren't ever able to figure out who was behind the shell company that sued us.  He said he called one of the two people who originally filed the patent and asked if they stood to gain financially from the lawsuit.  They said they had sold the patent years ago.  Someone had also done this five years ago when we were sued, but Kevin asked them to answer yes or no to the question, "Are you benefiting financially?"  And they hung up on him.  Which means yes. Incidentally, Kevin asked for advice on how to go on the offensive against the troll.  I was happy to provide any and all advice, but he took things to a whole other level.  He not only got out of the lawsuit, but he got the patent invalidated and was awarded double attorney fees

- Since the lawsuit, I've been contacted by dozens of folks in the same predicament.  Everyone who has fought instead of settling has had a positive outcome.  Some companies, however, aren't in a position to fight.  In particular, I've been contacted by a number of companies that have a strangely similar situation - they were all sued by patent trolls just days before closing a round of venture funding.  I find this interesting because when raising funding, neither the investors nor the founders tell anyone there is a round being raised.  Which could only mean that this information is being leaked from the inside by someone else.  How this works exactly I have no idea, but it's something I've observed.

- In 2014, an interesting precedent was set in Alice Corp. v. CLS Bank International that ruled any patents that were roughly "something that already exists but done on a computer" were likely invalid. This would have ended our 2011 lawsuit immediately, because the patent we were sued on fit the same pattern - which was sending press releases via email.

- Finally, the best outcome of all is we haven't been sued again.  Patent trolls are lazy - they want to do the least amount of work for free settlement checks.  If you want to deter trolls from suing you, make it clear that you'll fight them into the ground.  They'll leave you alone and go after easier targets

-----------------------

And now, back to your regularly-scheduled Fark NotNewsletter.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Trump Tower - 86
Second Amendment people - 295
Clinton Foundation - 196
Founded/Founder of ISIS - 258
Louisiana - 136
Bacon - 245


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
FrancoFile answered a question about the LDS church that referenced the headline before it was corrected
GRCooper compared the Ark Encounter to another attraction
rkiller1 found the real reason for Delta's system failure
skyotter shared a breakdown of how Noah's Ark was built
GooberMcFly made the obligatory "Simpsons" reference
davidphogan realized something upon reading about a water slide death
farkingismybusiness recognized the inspiration behind some butt implants
ChipNASA shared one punchline for the joke from "The Breakfast Club"
edmo gave an example of some excellent parallel parking
NephilimNexus had high hopes for an object spotted in space

Smartest:
Benevolent Misanthrope explained what a "citizen police academy" is
tlchwi02 reacted to a DEA announcement
Bith Set Me Up reviewed the "clock boy" episode
Biscuit Tin analyzed Ark Encounter's failure to perform
HighlanderRPI provided a counterargument to a listicle
Pocket Ninja reacted to a man shooting a dog that mauled his pigs
hubiestubert explained how Harley Quinn became an iconic character
Frank N Stein described how government agencies work
Jaymark108 told us why cigarettes are legal according to the FDA and medical marijuana isn't
GRCooper explained the unexplained

CSB Sunday Morning: Sitting at the adult table
Smartest:  FrancoFile inherited a baking legacy
Funniest:  MooseBayou shared the story of sister's first glass of wine

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Clutch2013 shared a reaction image for Trump's "Second Amendment people" comment
BafflerMeal showed a "Bent Objects" image of what a Trump rally might look like
STDMan69 found the secret of how Obama causes so much trouble
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat provided a visual representation of Trump's "Second Amendment people" remark
physt revealed Trump's debate demands

Politics Smartest:
Clutch2013 shared a reaction image for Trump's "Second Amendment people" comment
mab1823 compared two statements from Trump supporters
Sin_City_Superhero wasn't surprised by a comment
El_Perro pointed out some people close to Trump who might not appreciate his comments
Lando Lincoln rated a statement as "False"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba illustrated an annoying driving habit
RedZoneTuba had some wishful thinking
wickedfish found the real cause of those weird marks in the desert
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed that it can be hard to swim when you have tiny hands
stertz revealed what's hidden inside a structure
Terrapin Bound gave these models a tacker pool enjoy
grampy extracted a new use out of this building
DrSandyBeech showed where this structure is AT-AT
grampy was realistic about what your pool needs
Dumski made America great again

Farktography:  Queen Mab won  Farktography Contest No. 588: "Framed" with a happy little pupper

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  daRog made another Farker's portrait more intense
Funny:  PolloDiablo fashioned a comic featuring that same TotalFarker
Funny:  meg12279 revealed one weird trick for getting a low-maintenance pet for your kid
Funny:  megarian came up with a GoFundMe for a noble cause

If you'd like to see these posts and make all your wildest dreams come true, join TotalFark.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 22nd: Houston, TX Fark Party
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

There once were six sharks from Cape Cod, getting turnt up on blubber and scrod. Not quite yet sated, for tourists they waited, while scientists studied rotten whale bod

Arianna Huffington steps down from *** Click here to continue reading ***

Word to the wise: a superhero fancy dress carnival expects superhero costumes, not period costumes

Yuri van Gelder kicked off of Dutch Olympic team for consuming alcohol, bending spoons

Research suggests married people drink less than single people - at least initially

Trump clarifies his "2nd amendment" comments, says "I didn't want a bunch of people to shoot Hillary, it would only take one after all. So, why would I say that? Anyway, etgay oryay unsgay and ootshay illaryhay. Excuse me, I was clearing my throat"

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 8/7 - 8/13


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

There seems to be some kind of equilibrium that's been reached the last two weeks, as there are still one or two getting into the 1000 Club every Friday, but a pretty even distribution of scores in the 900s and 800s below that. This week, the only member of the club was Learned Hand Job with the high score of 1009, followed distantly by sugaryvitamin with 937 and dittybopper with 918.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - August 12.

You can train to be an Olympic athlete, sacrificing and toiling since childhood, all of your work and suffering leading up to a small moment when one ill-timed sneeze could smash your dreams into smithereens, leaving you only with the hope that you can try again in four years... or you could just try to make it into the Fark NotNewsletter and get another chance each week. Yeah, it's a lot more prestigious to have an Olympic medal, but you can do the NotNewsletter thing while eating Hot Pockets in your underwear.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Olympic - 1166
Swimming - 215
Volleyball - 156
Gymnastics - 139
Zika - 231
Bacon - 246


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Farking Clown Shoes was feeling hopeful about the future
Pocket Ninja offered free business advice
Fark Me To Tears was surprised by some news about Turkish troops
thorpe replied to another Farker's comment about malfunctioning police body cams
Fart_Machine identified the problem with working for Mr. Potato Head
Gig103 shared a more appropriate logo for this year's Olympics
Louisiana_Sitar_Club showed us what it looks like when potatoes go bad
Raddamant asked a question about Flint, Michigan
buzzcut73 took us back to the early days of the internet
mama2tnt replied to another Farker's lamentation about modern technology

Smartest:
Fark Me To Tears had a question for Sports Authority
Outtaphase spotted the bigger problem than cargo shorts in a marriage
doglover suggested limits for executive salaries
dr_blasto corrected a statement about police body cameras
Fark Me To Tears nominated someone for president
stan unusual discussed the low opinion of police that many people have
hubiestubert asked people to stop doing some stuff
Pocket Ninja offered free business advice
DarkVader proposed more attorney shuffling
Delta1212 pointed out how things change

CSB Sunday Morning: Archaic Technology Chicanery
Smartest:  hubiestubert talked about cooking like they did when dinosaurs roamed the earth
Funniest:  fragMasterFlash had feelings about a mimeograph story

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat had thoughts on reports that Melania Trump had a secret first marriage
Two Dogs Farking explained why it shouldn't have been a surprise when Trump went up against a baby
naughtyrev pointed out one of life's great ironies
Petit_Merdeux had a question about photos of Melania Trump
Gordon Bennett noticed something familiar about Melania Trump's photos

Politics Smartest:
El_Perro thought that Obama trapped the Republicans
Coco LaFemme wanted to see more balls
hubiestubert talked about changing political parties
meat0918 compared candidates' statements about vaccinations
Ambivalence appreciated some trolling


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
stertz revealed the man behind the mask
stertz went to a dark place
wickedfish added drama to a Hillary Clinton rally
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave us a cold kitty
Alligator set fire to a well-known landmark
Terrapin Bound turned day to night
FirstDennis put together a nutritious breakfast
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us a dystopian future
noazark took us back in time
Surly U. Jest gave these cops something to look forward to

Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 587: "La Musica, Por Favor" ended with a three-way between XyzzyBob's churchy photo, IncorrigibleKitty's guitar wall, and henryhill's serious pianist.

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 22nd: Houston, TX Fark Party
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Free art classes expanded for seniors with dementia and Alzheimer's. Now, you can have confusing crayon scribbles on your fridge from both your kids AND your parents

US Air Force claims F-35 is 'combat ready,' at least assuming enemy pilots will be willing to land next to it so the pilot can get out and punch them

Crystal Lake c-c-c-c-closed due to high levels of E.-E.-E.-E. co-co-co-co li-li-li-li

Memorial services planned for teens killed in Roswell. I want to bereave

Dick Move

Canadian women's soccer team scores the fastest goal in Olympic history, 20 seconds into the game, beating the old record of 2 hours and 45 minutes

Sean Bean will be voice of Civ VI tech tree, stalling all progress in the classical era when he dies on turn 24

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 7/31 - 8/6


 Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A mixed bag this week. For the Quizmasters, there were scores on the Top 10 quiz down into the 800s. Of course, there were still a lot of 900s, with daisygrrl topping the list and breaking into the 1000 Club with 1006, ahead of johnny_vegas and Gordon Bennett with scores of 943 and 933, respectively.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - August 5.

I have no ideas for an intro this week except to randomly let you know that the "I saw a turtle" thread is still going... slowly, which is appropriate.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

August - 177
Sharknado - 81
Pants - 868
Your mom - 116
My mom - 379
Bacon - 296


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
martissimo defended the condition of accommodations in Rio for Australian Olympic athletes
fusillade762 thought Ryan Bundy's writing style was familiar
Loucifer had a plan for acquiescing to Ryan Bundy's demands
elkboy explained why a news anchor fell
Doktor_Zhivago likes to play it safe around water
naughtyrev explained what was happening in a photo of a stabbing suspect
WhiskeySticks was enjoying another Farker's story
LewDux found a harder 33 than the person in a linked article
elkboy shared some good news about the Olympic village
Mad_Radhu identified a mysterious purple orb living in the ocean

Smartest:
HedlessChickn shared a story about a difficult child custody battle
Benevolent Misanthrope commented on the Olympics clusterfark
what_now was annoyed by someone's lack of reading skills
xaks shared what's becoming the obligatory mass killing post
GooberMcFly pointed out that you can, in fact, blame Air Canada
Voiceofreason01 shared some information about cleaning guns, but really I just throw mine in the dishwasher
Atomic Spunk doesn't mind staying off the neighbor's lawn
AeAe discussed the police involved in the Freddie Gray case
Benevolent Misanthrope pointed out the real problem with an amusement park visitor's attire
davidphogan gave a vegetarian's opinion on some vegan butthurt

CSB Sunday Morning: At the Drive-In
Smartest:  freakingmoron shared a story of a family's turning point in life
Funniest:  MooseBayou talked about pulling the "hide people in the trunk" drive-in trick

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
shanrick provided photographic evidence of Trump's relationship with Putin
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat explained why slave labor was used to help build the White House
James! uncovered a Russian troll
alizeran shared an article from the future
kronicfeld thought that Donald Trump had a breakthrough

Politics Smartest:
Astorix criticized Donald Trump
El_Perro sensed that someone was projecting
Coco LaFemme had a change of heart after the DNC
quatchi shared a political cartoon
cwick asked Russia for a favor


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Stantz caught the Pokemon that you don't want to see on your lawn
DrSandyBeech gave America a looney new island
bighairyguy found a Pokemon that you shouldn't shoot because it'll only make him mad
Surly U. Jest showed a family that is really, really lost
Don_cos showed a camper who could have just left that at home or turned it off
Circusdog320 made a faulty map
DrSandyBeech gave a beach runner the perfect companions
Knockers proved that hell hath no fury like a woman Gorned
Alligator knew that if you liked it then you should have put a green on it
#2 turned state's evidence

Farktography:  CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 586: "By the Numbers 2" with this timely submission

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  Louisiana_Sitar_Club lamented the perils of eating cornbread
Funny:  PolloDiablo showed off a Trump campaign message
Funny:  Adjective Bird Whiskey obviously just isn't brave enough
Funny: Adjective Bird Whiskey beautifully told a story about becoming a moderator

If you'd like to see these posts and make all your wildest dreams come true, join TotalFark.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

TV psychic Miss Cleo dead at 53 from a battle with cancer. Funny, I didn't think astrology was her thing

Thorbjörn Fälldin, former Prime Minister of Sweden, dies at the age of 90. He'll be remembered fondly as a formidable leader in the post-war era, and as the namesake for a tasteful birch-wood dining room ensemble

Church musician busted after putting his penis through a glory hole in a public bathroom. But in fairness, he IS an organist

Australia to update local coordinates over tectonic shift, as it moves seven cm northwards each year. It's true, not only is everything down under out to kill you, even the continent itself is stalking Indonesia

Pope Francis is not infallible

Pink Floyd to release 27-disc set of their early years, encompassing a total of 12 songs

Mike Pence says there is no place in politics for name calling, except when the Small Handed Talking Yam of Evil & Chaos does it

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 7/24 - 7/30


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Solid week by the Farkers as everybody on the list was over 900 this week. Quizmasters will be licking their wounds all week as myok and daisygrrl made the 1000 Club, topping the list with scores of 1027 and 1000 respectively, and Ithaca_StLondon wasn't far off the pace at all with a very respectable score of 971.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 29.

A big congratulations and thank you go out to Principal Clarinet for passing 20,000 greenlit links last week. I mean, he's had over 20,000 greenlights total, not just in the past week. That would be excessive for just one week. Well done! And while we're at it, here's a thank you to all of our top submitters, middle submitters, and the poor schmucks who can't get a greenlight to save their lives. We really appreciate your contributions, and we never really mean the things we say about your mothers.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Melania Trump - 1400
Ted Cruz - 1366
Tim Kaine - 618
Mike Pence - 770
Roger Ailes - 239
Wikileaks - 257
Debbie Wasserman Schultz - 81
Bacon - 387


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
question_dj reacted to another Farker's comment about the left, the right, and science
wejash figured out who the real racist is
RagnarDanesk discussed which side really believes in science
gopher321 sported some fancy headwear
FlashHarry explained why an autistic man's caretaker was shot by a police officer
cfletch13 reacted to police officers being killed
Danger Avoid Death shared a mother's words of wisdom
Bareefer Obonghit explained how important 7% can be to most people
some_beer_drinker found a chance to use this old meme and have it actually be relevant
TheGrayCat defended an officer who shot an unarmed, cooperative man

Smartest:
WhyteRaven74 thought that some jobs shouldn't be filled by overly nervous people
xaks shared a popular sentiment
sigdiamond2000 suggested one way for police departments to deal with accidents
IronTrilobite thought an explanation only raised more problems
Barfmaker made some observations about the officer shooting the therapist
MetryPapi probably isn't an NRA member
Farkin_Crazy didn't give a fark
Beerguy pointed out how an accident was made even worse
misanthropicsob admired some creative writing skills
Gordon Bennett suggested that a trend in policing should be reversed

CSB Sunday Morning: Game obsession
Smartest:  UnrepentantApostate found a video game that was useful for pain relief
Funniest:  L.D. Ablo is apparently one of those circle jerks

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
El_Perro pointed out that different universities have different rules
make me some tea showed the reaction of a proud speechwriter
Eddie Adams from Torrance was confused by a reaction to Megyn Kelly's outfit
Bathia_Mapes shared the ultimate Paul Ryan selfie
ABQGOD explained what Melania Trump was thinking as she prepared her speech

Politics Smartest:
Lionel Mandrake provided a script for Obama and the GOP
IbiEvacua didn't mind if things were wonky
El_Perro found a flaw in a statement accepting blame for Melania Trump's speech
Dusk-You-n-Me shared some information about Hillary Clinton's running mate
mrshowrules discussed constitutional rights and wrongs


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
zeon gave a rock something to watch
grampy created a somewhat inspirational poster
hammettman reminded us that breakfast is in the eye of the beholder
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium made all the breakfast anyone needs
grampy made a logo that has another use
RedZoneTuba predicted the future
DrSandyBeech kept the bipartisan spirit
#2 found the perfect side dish for a fast food breakfast
Yammering_Splat_Vector visually represented the question on many voters' minds
Wrongo created a beach that's as happy to see you as you are to see it

Farktography:  Otto's_Jacket won  Farktography Contest No. 585: "Panoramics 2" with a colorful photo fromBadlands National Park, South Dakota

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart:  JerseyTim reacted to Melania Trump's possible plagiarism
Funny:  Louisiana_Sitar_Club had strong feelings about putting mustard on ham
Funny:  Chris Ween continued the submitter's use of fishing as a metaphor for dating

If you'd like to see these posts and make all your wildest dreams come true, join TotalFark.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Roger Ailes' career over after being screwed by blonde, which is pretty much the opposite of how it started

Dane Cook is immortal

Police show up for a 5-year-old's birthday, wind up shooting his dog. SURPRISE

Nuclear submarine suffers costly damages after they let Troi take the helm

No Mohr Cox

Ailes out. Murdoch in. Hannibal, Face, and B.A. nowhere to be found

The best phone you've ever come across?

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 7/17 - 7/23


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a few strong weeks by the Quizmasters, last week's quiz was a mixed bag. While most scores were in the 800s or lower, Glockenspiel Hero crushed the field as the sole member of the 1000 Club with 1008, beating Garza and the Supermutants with 978 and Oliver Twisted with 905. The rest of the field was sadly left in the dust.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 22.

There are two big Fark Parties coming up on Wednesday. In New York, Farkers are meeting up at the Buffalo Zoo, though I don't know how you can have an entire zoo just filled with buffaloes. Well, I guess it'll be stocked up with buffaloes and Farkers on Wednesday, so plenty of hairy beasts will be on hand. In California, Farkers are getting together at Hop-Con to enjoy some Farking Wheaton W00tstout. There will be nerds, nerd drinks, nerd games, and nerd kibble. Oh yeah, and some nerd named Drew.

Remember, you can plan a Fark Party in your neck of the woods. Someone on Twitter suggested having one at the Ark Encounter in Kentucky. Guess that would make it the FArk Encounter, el oh el.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Erdogan - 683
Cleveland - 369
Open carry - 228
Bastille - 71
Wootstout/W00tstout - 21
Bacon - 187


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Pocket Ninja warned us to be careful when trolling people in real life
Gordon Bennett discovered one weird trick for staying safe while playing Pokemon Go
ski9600 shared someone's story about a friend's dying gift
Two Dogs Farking showed a terrible shirt to give to a child
Smock Pot explained why a woman might tip less than a man would
lewismarktwo posted someone's run-in with the police while playing Pokemon Go
FirstNationalBastard wrote an open letter to haters of open letters
Hobodeluxe showed a grownup's response to kids playing Pokemon Go
Munden explained why a judge wouldn't marry atheists
1nsanilicious posted a very frightening photo of a spirit leaving a body

Smartest:
Kouta condemned a judge's excuse for discriminating
spamdog agreed with a point made by a police chief
Barfmaker pointed out the silliness of a marijuana study
mama2tnt thought that same study was missing the point
Somacandra discussed a Fark submitter's possible assumption about protestors
RexTalionis gave a reason for not knowing how much interest a credit card charges
MasterAdkins talked about how smoking pot ruins lives
WilderKWight discussed the dangers of trying to catch them all
scottydoesntknow had an opinion about a Duggar family rumor
winedrinkingman brought up another way Colorado helps their state budget

CSB Sunday Morning:   A mundane decision changes everything
Smartest:   gordian told a story about talking to actual real-life people
Funniest:   jetzzfan did a play on "Office Space"

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Stile4aly posted an animated version of the Trump/Pence logo
FirstNationalBastard went with the "Full Frontal" Trump/Pence logo
what_now commented on the futility of asking people to follow Wheaton's Law
King Something revealed the true origins of the Trump/Pence logo
minnkat posted yet another version of the infamous logo

Politics Smartest:
Mr. Coffee Nerves remarked that a joke has passed it's best-by date
Don't Troll Me Bro! appreciated a source tag change
ox45tallboy commented on the Republican plan to return Federal land to the states
what_now commented on the futility of asking people to follow Wheaton's Law
Laughing Budda commented on a plea to not be so second-amendmenty at the RNC


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork turned a drawback of having a cat into a benefit
grampy exposed a dangerous Johnson
Surly U. Jest showed a child's conundrum
Alligator taught this kid some slick moves
redmax created a hilarious shootout
RedZoneTuba fixed a broken bridge
RedZoneTuba contributed to the delinquency of a minor
Yammering_Splat_Vector was also a bad influence on a child
RedZoneTuba showed an obscure album from a well-known duo
zeon made a fishing spot more lively

Farktography:   Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 584: "Go With the Flow 2" with a pretty picture of Silver Falls

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:   atlfarkette answered the age-old question, "What is a group of Weens called, anyway?"
Funny:   Mrs.Sharpier shared the story of someone's first time talking dirty
Funny:   ffish told everyone about washing a cat crotch in an airport bathroom
Smart:   Chris Ween described what you'd be doing right now if the internet didn't exist


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)


Suicide now leading cause of death for Utahns ages 10-17. Internet blamed for showing them what life is like outside Utah

Baked Alaska

Woman gives birth after having her ovaries frozen for 10 years. Infant is promptly declared the King in the North

US Women's soccer reveal the players who will go for their 4th straight Olympic gold. Cholera passes to Zika, Zika passes to Rubella, back to Zika who shoots and ... GOOOOOOAL *COUGH* * COUGH*

Dwarf planet discovered outside Pluto's orbit; scheduled to soon have all life there devoured by Tyraids and all mention of it wiped from the Imperial Archives

David Copperfield tricks out his new Las Vegas mansion, makes $17.5 million disappear

One Pence None the Derper

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 7/10 - 7/16


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A solid week for the Quizmasters as they wrote last week's quiz hard enough to get Farkers to zig when they should have zagged on at least one question, keeping everybody out of the 1000 Club for at least 7 days. This week saw two gold medalists with PirateKing and mutterfark sharing the top of the podium with 922, rounded out by Sofa King Smart with 887 and timmerov with 880.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 15.

Some awful stuff happened last week, but I'm not going to talk about that here because I don't think you've been holding your breath waiting for DisseminationMonkey's input. Aside from those things, for some damned reason, it seems like the biggest topic of conversation is Pokémon Go. I haven't played it, and I'm not even sure what a Pokémon is. But if Fark is any indication, it's getting some people to accidentally exercise, and others to perhaps find themselves in some shady situations. For those of you who play it, I just hope it's more rewarding than Ingress.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Beer - 823
Wine - 358
Vodka - 65
Vodak - 16
Whiskey - 589
Whisky - 7
Tequila - 53
Bourbon - 36
Bacon - 376


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Non Sequitur Man showed what could be the last thing the Hitomi black hole satellite saw (warning: gross)
scottydoesntknow had a question about the surprise party thrown for a girl who came out to her family
Chris Ween knew what a ham sandwich represented
shanrick discussed a versatile accessory
Abe Vigoda's Ghost agreed with a Donald Trump supporter
FirstNationalBastard found the original of an Emma Watson photo with The Rock
Gordon Bennett detected the sand in a sandwich
Paris1127 had something for fans of "50 Shades of Guy"
Drunk Astronaut greeted an old friend
TheAlgebraist had a question about the attack in Dallas

Smartest:
dittybopper discussed the killing of Philando Castile
Giant Clown Shoe reacted to Philando Castile's death
Super_pope gave thoughts on what led to the sad events of last week
lindalouwho pointed out that there's plenty of nothing good to go around
Astorix felt that terrorists aren't our biggest problem
xanadian pointed out that some people are unwittingly helping ISIS
Benevolent Misanthrope provided a script of how a story should conclude
FlashHarry commented on the decline of the U.S. coal industry
AirForceVet saw potential for a CDC study
Prank Call of Cthulhu offered suggestions for improving American policing

CSB Sunday Morning: Fireworks
Smartest:  gordian told two stories, with the first being heartwarming, and the second being... different
Funniest:  orezona shared a story that miraculously ended with no death or dismemberment

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Mentat thought about why the NRA is quick to defend the gun rights of only some people
Prank Call of Cthulhu revealed how Joe Walsh got his look
Cheron thought there was one way there might be charges against Hillary Clinton for her emails
The Madd Mann reacted to news that Hillary Clinton won't face charges
SmackLT showed us the picture that's really hanging in Joe Walsh's office

Politics Smartest:
GooberMcFly suggested a headline fix
Mentat thought about why the NRA is quick to defend the gun rights of only some people
ManateeGag thought Joe Walsh could use some company
MmmmBacon discussed the NRA's response to Philando Castile's death
Mugato thought Sarah Palin's plan sounded familiar


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork discovered an allergy sufferer
Munden got this monkey some drinks
Yammering_Splat_Vector hoped for some news
zeon sees what you did there
Wrongo returned a strange family heirloom
redmax and everyone who voted for this are terrible
redmax found that you never know who will turn up in a Photoshop contest
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium altered Volkswagen's emblem
Surly U. Jest made a weird thing even weirder
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this monkey a reason to quit drinking

Farktography:
olavf won Farktography Contest No. 583: "Hidden Summertime Gems" with a photo from Golden Gate Park's Conservatory of Flowers

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny & Smart:  Incorrigible Astronaut pointed out why one option was probably off the table for some people (go up and read the headline)
Funny: EatenTheSun helped with another Farker's fantasy
Funny: TravelingFreakshow had the winning idea for which film to remake with all fat people


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Edsel Ford II, great-grandson of Henry Ford, will not be charged with domestic violence. Since it's a Ford, prosecutors now wait for the inevitable recall

Man hit by blow dart in drive by shooting. Police seek information...if only they spoke Hovitos

Kobe gets a vintage Pontiac Parisienne in Lakers colors from Snoop Dogg. The car drives okay but it smokes like crazy

Milwaukee Bucks forward Jabari Parker vows to protect Obama from Joe Walsh after ominous tweet. Anybody who's seen the Bucks defense know what a hollow promise that is

Microsoft stored an OK Go music video in strings of DNA. Copyright violation claim in 2, 4, 8, 16, 32

Erik Estrada joins the St. Anthony, ID, Police Department. It's official..."Ponch" is now a Potato CHiP

Gretchen Carlson files lawsuit against Fox News alleging she was fired for not giving Roger Ailes the chance to bring her to climax with the clinical efficiency of the assassination of Bin Laden

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for7/3 - 7/9


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A good week indeed for the Farkers taking the quiz, with every single score on the Top 10 list above 900. The winner this week was bratface, joining the 1000 club with an impressive 1024 while PeddlerOfBombast and abhorrent1 went neck-and-neck for second place, with the former beating the latter by a single point: 984 to 983. Better luck next week, abhorrent1.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 8.

Hopefully you all woke up today with the same number of fingers you had yesterday. It might be hard to count them, though, if you're still drunk and seeing double. Plus, if you count things on your fingers, you can't count your fingers if you can't count on your fingers to all be there.

Anyway, worry about your fingers later, and enjoy this week's Fark NotNewsletter. Check out the Farking Tip to learn about an awesome event that's coming up, the Fark Book Fair.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Istanbul - 72
Saudi Arabia - 71
Bangladesh - 59
Jupiter - 139
Juno - 114
Game of Thrones - 111
Bacon - 380


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Benevolent Misanthrope figured out why a woman can't get no satisfaction
MichiganFTL noticed something about a death in the "Game of Thrones" season finale (spoiler)
North_Central_Positronics explained why the U.S. will never change to the metric system
CipollinaFan posted a new "nope" image (contains "Game of Thrones" season finale spoiler)
JW illustrated the relationships of all the characters from "Game of Thrones"
Pocket Ninja explained how another mass shooting was averted
HighlanderRPI was impressed with the Pope's abilities
Mugato saw innocence in a woman's eyes
ChipNASA showed a war between two Farker factions
Psychopusher explained how another Farker's comment actually touched on the real problem

Smartest:
Walker thought another Farker was mistaken when calling something a mistake
Daesh Rip Rock agreed with sued people billing some suers for suing
Quasar discussed the idea of a good guy with a gun stopping a bad guy with a gun
Dancin_In_Anson said goodbye to America
Codenamechaz hosed down the submitter's parade
kronicfeld spoke up for Team Cinemark
Sgt Otter didn't think NRA members have always demonstrated their commitment to their cause
dittybopper had no patience for a conspiracy theory
vpb argued over which group is more diluted
question_dj compared two shooty situations

CSB Sunday Morning:  Getting promoted
Smartest: J Noble Daggett described the anatomy of a promotion
Funniest: tshauk explained the joys of self employment

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Lurky McLurkerton posted a picture of the Gonadsden flag
Mike_LowELL explained how Donald Trump is winning
ChipNASA shared a family discussion about abortion
The English Major discovered Boris Johnson's long-lost twin
hillbillypharmacist mathematically proved that Trump will win

Politics Smartest:
Dusk-You-n-Me shared a portion of the Supreme Court's majority opinion striking down a Texas law
Dusk-You-n-Me posted more information about HB2
Trivia Jockey guessed at which point Texas was boned
pkjun encouraged Nigel Farage's Brexity smugness
Lurky McLurkerton posted a picture of the Gonadsden flag (and I'm glad to use "Gonadsden flag" twice)


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork showed how robots know which restroom to use
RedZoneTuba gave Keith Richards a new look
redmax revealed what machine overlords will do for fun
Cork on Fork showed us what will replace bacon
godxam made a cuter Yoda except for the creepy hair
Surly U. Jest discovered a neat thing you never knew a spider could do
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this guy something to be smug about
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer revealed the truth about Fark
grampy made a huge improvement to Donald Trump's hair
stertz couldn't resist booping

Farktography:  Farktography Contest No. 582: "Nuts & Bolts 2" ended in a tie between Fr._Peter_Fitznuggly with a really hot photo and  Iamos with these dark bumpies

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by Somedude210)

It's funny. When I started the whole "Fark Writer's Thread" idea a little over a year ago (wait, really?), it was mostly to give myself a reason to keep writing, and encourage other writers to keep writing and show off their projects.

...Okay, so maybe less funny "ha ha" and more funny "uh oh."

Suffice it to say, I did not expect the amount of enthusiasm for the Fark Writer's Thread from Farkers. We have quite a few fantastic authors in our midst, and to show off the talent we have curated here on Fark, we're going to host our first ever Fark Book Fair.

Remember that Fark Craft Fair we held? It's gonna run like that. Farkers with books to sell will show off the covers of their books and give a link of where to go and buy them (such as an Amazon link). The comments will be their "storefront." Those storefront comments will remain at the top of the thread, and the non-storefront comments will proceed below them. Occasionally a mod will rotate the top comment to a different storefront to give a different author a chance at the boobies.

Not only will we have Farkers with books to sell, but we will also be showcasing the first Fark Writing Anthology: "Heart of Farkness," a collection of short stories that have been submitted by Farkers over the last few months. All proceeds from HoF will go to a children's cancer research charity (who won't let us use their name, the bastards). I cannot take credit for this portion, it was strictly the brainchild of toraque.

"So when is all this happening?" you may be asking. It will be Saturday, July 16th. It's less than two weeks away, so mark your calendars, clear off your Kindle, pry your wallet out of your pants, and prepare to delve into the Heart of Farkness (and all the other crazy, fun adventures your fellow Farkers have written up for you... except me. I haven't finished my project yet. Next year, I swear!).


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart:  Jesus Farking Christ has a rather appropriate login for this comment about pharmacists who don't want to do their jobs
Smart & Funny: Smock Pot explained why some Farkers vote for their own comments
Smart: CommieTaoist, it's called the NotNewsletter


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

New color is discovered, immediately taken for rough ride in the back of a police van

Leming jumps off cliff

Former supermodel claims she needs $262 million from her ex-husband to live the lifestyle she is accustomed to, not counting $83 a year just for food

NASCAR drivers John Wes Townley and Spencer Gallagher get into an aggressive hugging match after a wreck. NASCAR considering fining them for actions detrimental to the sport of MMA

First Detroit Lions cheer squad in 40 years draws hundreds of hopefuls. Winners were the ones who were most convincing in yelling out the team's traditional cheerleading chant of "Nice try"

Seagate spins down and parks 1,600 jobs due to a lack of cache

Yo dawg, so I herd you like regex, so we put a regex in your regex so you can :(?:[^?+*{}()[\]\\|]+|\\.|\[ (?:\^?\\.|\^[^\\]|[^\\^]) (?:[^\]\\]+|\\.)*\]|\( (?:\?[:=]|\?)

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 6/26 - 7/2


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Looks like the epic battle was back on last week. There was a pretty good distribution on the top 10 list with scores in the 1000s, but half of the people on the list were only in the 800s. Last week's podium featured FrancoFile, who crushed it with 1035, followed by Ivo Shandor with 1014, giving them the only two slots in the 1000 Club. The top three were rounded out with Hassan Ben Sobr who got an impressive 964, even if it wasn't quite enough for the keys to the penthouse this time.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 1.

Last week, the Enchanted Kingdom voted to leave the United Federation of Planets. They're calling this withdrawal the Brexit, because that's what English people call cookies. English people are known for clever wordplay and Cockney rhyming slang, which is seen here because the process that makes cookies rise is called leavening, and the Enchanted Kingdom is rising up and will be leaven the rest of the Europians .¹

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Brexit - 1514
Cameron - 407
Scotland - 969
London - 669
Bacon - 476

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Vash's Apprentice helped out with a question about Anton Yelchin
orezona shared Australia's reaction to Brexit
Sybarite was inspired by a woman's topless walk to educate about breast cancer issues
revrendjim thought some symptoms sounded familiar
scottydoesntknow said goodbye to a pastor who was being evicted
SpaceBison berated some immature Farkers
IgG4 suggested an alternative to racial profiling
doyner proved that judgement goes both ways
Uzzah said a sad goodbye to Anton Yelchin
WyDave shared a prediction of the next popular baby name

Smartest:
dpaul007 thought that maybe someone shouldn't have been so shocked by something
ginandbacon discussed the Orlando shooter's background
jim90291 outlined how private prisons operate
LordJiro talked about talking about wages
Alphax found one thing about Anton Yelchin's death particularly surprising
Gyrfalcon discussed employers forbidding workers from discussing how much they're paid
jethroe had a suggestion for a gun restriction
enry recommended some common sense when it comes to guns
Astorix discussed the history of federal anti-marijuana legislation
Ned Stark pointed out the disparity in which things are considered criminal

CSB Sunday Morning: Annual Father's Day thread
Smartest: The Pope of Manwich Village was grateful for a father who planned ahead
Funniest: cheezitmojo is apparently a Jedi

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Butterflew figured out Donald Trump's speaking style
ManateeGag compared Donald Trump's religion to his rallies
monoski shared the possible consequences of Brexit
Mr. Coffee Nerves posted what Trump might say about Jesus
simplicimus gave a good reason to be hypnotized

Politics Smartest:
Lionel Mandrake explained what a politician is really trying to accomplish
optikeye made a prediction about Clarence Thomas
FlashHarry wrote a disclaimer for a bigoted pastor
timujin had some words to say to a moronic redneck
Pocket Ninja discussed possible reasons for not releasing all information related to a crime


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork showed what might happen to a peeping tomcat
Alligator augmented a long, flowing beard
stertz did some detective work
stertz is a dirty bastard
#2 created an equation
Don_cos really turned on the waterworks
RedZoneTuba looks just like Dawn Wells
Don_cos showed what happens when HULK SPLASH!
RedZoneTuba gave a couple of clues to this invisible guy's identity
#2 recycled an old muppet

Farktography:  olavf won Farktography Contest No. 581: "Dramatic License" with this expressive fellow

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  First, read the Boobies. Then, read generalDisdain's suggestion for handling this strange urinal user's behavior
Funny:  marius2 let submitter know how to determine if men have micropenii


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Rome elects first female mayor in MMM years

Our first proof of time travel

Tourists put out fire in historic cathedral by splashing it with holy water, simultaneously saving the day and doing 2D4 damage to all nearby undead

Cavaliers win NBA championship, ending 52-year drought for city of Cleveland. Warriors vow to take it to the convention

Christie Brinkley is selling her 125-year-old mansion, although it doesn't look a day over 49

More casting details for Rogue One, including Mads Mikklesen, Alan Tudyk, and Riz Ahmed. Man, Star Wars character names are weird

Voters in the UK are shedding the pounds with this one simple trick

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 6/19 - 6/25


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The Quizmasters were up this week as they managed to keep everybody below 900 for the first time in a while. Still, Twilight Farkle led the pack with a hard-earned 866, followed by Blackstone with 849 and xrayspx rounded out the top three with 830. If history is any indication, the Farkers will bounce back next week and earn some higher scores.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - June 24.

¹ I apologize for this entire intro. - DisseminationMonkey

Today is the summer solstice, but since it also falls on the strawberry moon, you're supposed to feed strawberries to goats instead of sacrificing them. The goats, not the strawberries. The strawberries will be sacrificed. Anyway, it's the longest day of the year, so the strawberries have a lot of time to get their affairs in order before the moon comes out, and with it, the ravenous goats.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Father's Day - 625
Summer - 764
Filibuster - 118
Bacon - 979

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
shower_in_my_socks shared a possible reaction to finding out the Orlando shooter was (most likely) gay
James! summed up why Fark is better than other sites
you are a puppet felt something should be acknowledged about the Disney gator attack
Kimyo found evidence that one of Donald Trump's claims is true
bearded clamorer calmed our fears when Justin Bieber fell through the stage at a concert
doyner suggested one way of dealing with the mass shooting in Orlando
Mr. Coffee Nerves shared inside info about a mommy blogger with a kid named Titan
calbert showed what the Disney alligator might look like
Atomic Spunk named a legitimate reason for a civilian to need to buy body armor
cowgirl toffee described a favorite position

Smartest:
Dragonflew had a word for people who reacted a certain way to the Orlando night club shooting
TuteTibiImperes explained why some restaurants don't have children's menus
winedrinkingman disagreed with a murderer's father
mama2tnt shared words of wisdom from Mr. Rogers
RadiomanATL gave some advice
miss diminutive wasn't impressed with a woman's tale of woe
doyner suggested one way of dealing with the mass shooting in Orlando
factoryconnection pointed out that one completely horrible person is even worse than another completely horrible person
nekom shared another sad fact you probably hadn't thought of
kbronsito thought that someone was lacking in both tact and timing

CSB Sunday Morning: "Summer swimming"
Smartest: Caelistis told about being launched into puberty by a bikini
Funniest: Evil-ish demonstrated kids' ability to be both terrible and awesome simultaneously

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Mike_LowELL has proof that Donald Trump will win the election
quatchi thought that Paul Ryan hadn't quite thought things through
nekom proposed a solution to the Twitter war between Trump and Clinton
Munden provided evidence of Trump's tiny hands
Snarcoleptic_Hoosier pointed out why Conservatives feel left out on social media

Politics Smartest:
null used a Fark filter suggestion to get votes
Butterflew had some words for Paul Ryan
domino324 gave Bernie Sanders supporters a reason to vote for Hillary Clinton
hubiestubert shared that xkcd "free speech" comic, but with some other site's URL on the bottom
Dubwise refused a request


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish showed work from Vermeer's Blue Period
Alligator shared Grant Wood's lesser-known "French Gothic"
bighairyguy found your parents' road sign
maxandgrinch cleaned up the Enterprise
Alligator revealed what George Washington really looked like
verchad showed that Napoleon looked very different when he was just an admiral
#2 replaced Batman with a villain
Ldrtchbrd dared to ask, "Why not Zoidberg?"
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium created the Ford Thunderbird Locomotive
DrSandyBeech showed us Paranormal Rockwell

Farktography:  henryhill won Farktography Contest No. 580: "All Your 2000 Parts" with these sets of stems

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Tuesday, June 21st: Fark meetup at Weird Al concert in Portsmouth, VA
Saturday, June 25th: Chicago Fark Party
Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Teens save man in sinking car by hurling bricks and breaking car windows. When interviewed, teens said, "What? There was a guy in the there?"

Japanese city offering public funds to freeze women's eggs. Those vending machines keep getting weirder

Texas man arrested in serial rock-throwing case, because only parallel rock-throwing cases are licensed in Texas

Russia develops shot that protects track and field athletes from contracting Zika virus at 2016 Brazil Olympics

Scientists discover "quasi-satellite" that's orbiting both the Earth and the Sun. No one knows where it came from or how it got there, but it's going to stick around for centuries. Kind of like Gilbert Gottfried

Visa is upset that its indentured serfs are being treated like pawns by Walmart who sees them as economic vassals

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 6/12 - 6/18


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The quiz takers had a good run against Fark's cadre of Quizmasters this week, with every score in the top 10 over 900. The gold medal went to mutterfark who was the only four-digit score with 1022, trailed by skippy.fluff with 961, and then FrancoFile rounding out the medal podium with 952.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - June 17.

I can't even with an intro this week.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Orlando - 836
Associated Press - 31
Pocahontas - 82
Bacon - 396

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
AvoidThoseTentacles shared a comic about workplace attire
TommyDeuce posted a joke about dressing for work
tommyl66 paid tribute to the late Gordie Howe
FrancoFile summed up an author's rant about techies
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat explained some premature aging
GameSprocket pointed out what an airport shooter was doing wrong
Solid State Vittles knew why a man died while fapping
Pocket Ninja doesn't like the name Brock, but explained when Barack (B-rock) is okay
cowgirl toffee showed a disappointment that's technically SFW, but you should probably use caution when viewing at work
MaudlinMutantMollusk made an astute observation about Brock Turner and his father

Smartest:
nmrsnr discussed the debt that was purchased by John Oliver
DammitIForgotMyLogin pointed out who was obviously the real victim
MaudlinMutantMollusk made an astute observation about Brock Turner and his father
RexTalionis reacted to rumors about Richard Simmons
Marcus Aurelius felt no sympathy for an awful person
docpeteyJ responded to the idea that Christians are the most hated group in the U.S.
The Goddamn Batman proposed a new rule about ribeye steaks
sno man thought a Slate writer missed the point
factoryconnection suggested a worker should mind his own business
American-Irish eyes figured that murdering your daughter is evil

CSB Sunday Morning: "Things got a bit out of hand"
Smartest:  MooseBayou shared an action-packed tale of heroism
Funniest:  NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!! told a story of passion and drama

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
shanrick shared a tweet about Donald Trump's boastfulness
LarryDan43 knew who was responsible for Hillary Clinton's win in California
Bloody William discussed job requirements in employees of the Cherokee Nation
Telephone Sanitizer Second Class won "Dirty Jeopardy!"
Lionel Mandrake shared an unbiased pollster's opinion

Politics Smartest:
timujin told idiots to keep their meat
Diogenes wanted to explain something to a "victim"
August11 discussed comparisons of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton
timujin summed up the Trump/Warren fight
Ambivalence explained the problem with income inequality

Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Don_cos Farked up a movie poster
Ldrtchbrd traded one set of chompers for another
Wrongo didn't need no water
DiggidyDan prepared for amphibious warfare
RedZoneTuba created some nightmare fuel
Cork on Fork exposed a secret admirer
#2 found something scarier than a lion
Cork on Fork showed why you should quit while you're a head
zeon showed us a scary invasion
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a fixer-upper

Farktography:  just kat won Farktography Contest No. 579: "B's" with this busy nope

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, June 25th: Chicago Fark Party
Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Yoga instructor murders twin by driving her off a cliff. Did they double-check the dental records? Will the twin come back with amnesia? Tune in tomorrow

TIFF in PNG leaves four pixelated

Firefighters in Arizona hoping their effort shields Yarnell, for now remain silent

Denmark launches all-refugee football league, although every team has to be the Visitors

Stupid Flanders

After two decades, The Parent Trap house is still standing. To the surprise of everyone, so is Lindsay Lohan

Gawker is bankrupt. Also, they just filed for Chapter 11

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 6/5 - 6/11


Weird News Quiz Results ( brought to you by Unfreakable)

This was a well-balanced week. On one hand, nobody broke 1000. On the other hand, 8 of the top 10 scores were over 900 and the quiz takers generally got the majority of the answers right. FrancoFile led the pack with 949, followed closely by sugaryvitamin at 941, while Oakenraven wasn't far off with 932, placing third to edge out another Top 10 regular. Well done, all of you.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - June 10.