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Fark NotNewsletter: Do you have a great Fark story? It could be in Drew's next book
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-12-03 2:13:21 PM, edited 2019-12-03 2:14:22 PM (116 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hope everyone survived Thanksgiving weekend.  I was in Denver and it snowed over a foot last Tuesday night, so by Thursday I was out sledding with my kids and their cousins.  Nothing better to wear out kids than making them repeatedly climb snow hills. The best part of the holiday was my brother-in-law spilling red wine on his white dog.  Check the social tubes for pics of the incident.  

A few items of note: First off, I've been writing a retrospective on the first two decades of Fark.  It's pretty close to finished, however the other day a long-time Farker posted on The Twitter that she met her husband on Fark after a rough period in her life.  I've heard hundreds of similar stories from people impacted by other Farkers in amazing ways, and I think the book should include some of those. Especially ones involving slatted chairs or streetlights.  Anyhow, if you've got a great Fark-related story from the past 20 years you'd like to share, post it in the comments on Fark for this NotNewsletter, tweet it, or email it to me. Can't wait to see what we get.  

Meanwhile, do you know what I'd like for Xmas this year?  A bunch of new TotalFark subscribers! And bourbon, but I already live in Kentucky.  So if you've been looking for a time to subscribe, now's the time to pull the trigger!

Finally, on this week's Fark and Schnitt Podcast: Drew describes what little he remembers of his epic Thanksgiving, road rage gone very wrong, and an Irishman tie-in on how future archaeologists might locate Jimmy Hoffa.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen knew where the Confederacy got the idea to create steam-powered helicopters
Barfmaker wanted to watch a police officer collect evidence
Kellner21 found one Farker's admission to not be all that surprising
zez suspected that a woman who was suspicious of a UPS worker copied her look from a certain celebrity
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat explained why a woman's unexpected reaction to a pelvic exam wasn't as awkward as it could have been
markie_farkie knew why raising a bridge that people keep running into won't solve the problem
isamudyson shared this one weird trick for opening a can without the use of a can opener
edmo pointed out a better way to get into a locked house than trying to go down the chimney
calbert borrows another Farker's tool to open cans (see the comment preceding it)
blastoh gave an example of someone else who lives life like Kid Rock does

Smart:
Recoil Therapy had a suggestion for handling the problem of a woman harassing a black UPS delivery worker
Needlessly Complicated pointed out that an article about obtaining new corrective lenses in the U.S. missed an important aspect
baka-san expressed concern about the Tesla Cybertruck's "unbreakable" windows
Snapper Carr shared a theory on why Kid Rock doesn't like Oprah Winfrey
jimjays told us about having a change of opinion due to gaining new information, and expressing regret for being wrong before
Ivo Shandor explained what it means for the internet to have run out of IPv4 addresses
Straight Outta Wells Branch shared a story about interviewing Kid Rock on the radio
FormlessOne gave advice to follow if you ever catch a coworker breaking the law
optikeye described witnessing sleazy financial practices by a church organization
FarkingSmurf pointed out that a video of a foundry mishap was being reenacted on a smaller scale all over the U.S.

CSB Sunday Morning: Family rules
Smart:
gordian's parents came up with a clever way to handle a child who doesn't like wearing a seat belt
Funny: Roman Fyseek discovered what "movin' on up" feels like, thanks to a family rule attached to one household chore

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: TotalFarkers voted for a Fark logo option that Blythe gave them for Fark gear
Funny: Roman Fyseek is heavily involved in the local singles scene
Funny: Whistler36 was no so easily distracted by strange noises
Smart: Ponzholio heard a wilder conspiracy theory than the ones a submitter heard from an old friend
Funny: Beeblebrox made an alteration to a list of crushes after seeing the comment immediately preceding this one

Politics Funny:
naughtyrev revealed that President Donald Trump will soon receive a coveted award
Purple_Urkle gave an example of the strange new sunbathing trend that spread across the internet last week
pkjun shared an example of one of Trump's great accomplishments
Mike_LowELL reacted to information about the author of an article advising Republicans to bring up politics over Thanksgiving dinner
Alphax recognized that a statement was misattributed to Ronald Reagan

Politics Smart:
Devolving_Spud made a countersuggestion to legislators who want to force doctors to try to "reimplant" ectopic pregnancies
Xai worked out what a bill requiring doctors to reimplant ectopic pregnancies would mean
OdradekRex figured out what Eric Trump's "LOPA" hat really means
luna1580 shared a story about a coworker who is a Trump fan
Cubansaltyballs took a guess at why Trump pardoned war criminals and wants them to go on the campaign trail with him


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector helped an eagle steal its nest back
Mojongo discovered that the first Thanksgiving featured some very American food
Alligator made a holiday movie for grownups who love each other very much
Circusdog320 created a romantic comedy about a potential couple who take Christmas preparations to the absolute limit
Kick The Chair included a Christmas film for advocates of strict border security
zeon encountered a creature even meaner than a xenomorph
TrollingForColumbine gave shirtless Vladimir Putin yet another thing to ride
RedZoneTuba finally gave President Trump the parade he's been wanting
Yammering_Splat_Vector was about to find out if these women chose poorly or wisely
TWX showed that these women really are three amigas

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 760: "Giving Thanks 2" with a baby photo of someone who's all grown up now

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

We had a fun time on last week's Quiz, although once again no one made the 1000 club. bobbelieu came out on top with 958, followed by Curseyoukhan in second with 902 and Martha Farker in third with 879. scrumpox snagged fourth with 879, and Denjiro and avratt tied for fifth with 862.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over where to find the newly opened Vagina Museum. Only 23% knew it was in Camden Market in London, England, so I'm guessing most Farkers missed out on the special edition "Vagina Museum: I Came First!"  grand opening pins (yes, those are real). 59% of quiztakers guessed Copenhagen, so I imagine the Danes are really going to have a weird opinion of American tourists when the next Fark Party is in Denmark. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about parents who were upset that their 5-and-6-year-old munchkins got to participate in SCIENCE. 82% of quiztakers knew that a junior high student had handed out child-proof containers to the little squirts for his science fair project, and parents were surprised to learn that the kids could not only read instructions on the lids but actually follow them. So it's the school's fault for teaching the kids, obviously.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which artist had lent his image and his thoughts on guitar making to Martin Guitar's D16-E "Rock the Vote" Edition. Only 54% knew that David Crosby had taken time out of his busy schedule of fathering children with women who don't wish to be intimate with him to make a guitar to promote voting among young people. I mean, personally, I'd rather have a Springsteen one, but I'm pretty sure the folks at Martin just didn't want to have to go to New Jersey.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about Coffee Mate's newest creamer that's launching alongside their Funfetti flavor (yes, birthday-cake flavored coffee creamer). 82% of quiztakers knew that they had picked the one cereal that would actually work for this - Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I mean, it's still breakfast-y, and most everyone likes cinnamon, so this actually sounds pretty good. I do pity the product testers when it came to trying some of the others, like Raisin Bran or Mueslix coffee creamers. 

Congratulations to the winners, and don't forget to head over to this week's Fark Weird News Quiz.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Why's Drew in the Mile High City talking about Oxi and hemp?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-11-26 1:42:34 PM (35 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Happy Thanksgiving week, everyone!  Hopefully you don't have to travel far, especially since a winter storm dumped a foot of snow on Denver last night.  Which is where I currently am. Afternoon plans include taking my kids sledding 'til their legs fall off.

On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast, Todd and I interview OxiClean pitchman Anthony Sullivan on why he suddenly decided to buy a 116-acre hemp farm in Vermont and become a full-time farmer.  The answer is somewhat unexpected, check it out.  And if you dislike clickbait taglines and/or are like me and don't have a commute long enough to make listening to podcasts worth it, I posted the reason in the comments thread for the podcast on Fark.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Dewey Fidalgo found humor in the description of the spectacular view from a couple's house
Ghastly was upset to see an old horror movie trope being used
englaja recognized the story about a woman who's facing charges for not wearing a shirt in her own home
maddan argued that a convicted woman did not actually murder her identical twin
Natalie Portmanteau understood what a teacher with an unfortunate name had to deal with
optikeye shared a story about feeding the local crows
Harry Freakstorm figured out what to do about a transmission poll that is spoiling someone's view
MattyBlast explained what happens after you call police and pretend to be ordering a pizza to discretely ask for help
calbert celebrated a promising update about the child who was thrown from a Mall of America balcony
Abe Vigoda's Ghost discovered what the mother of an injured boy is doing wrong

Smart:
Egoy3k reviewed reasons why vegans could be angry that their food is cooked on the same grill used to cook meat
JNowe noticed a red flag for vegans
Ghastly had a different opinion of why "Solo: A Star Wars Story" didn't do as well as other Star Wars films
jontagat asked some questions about the circumstances that led to a teacher's arrest
Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion had an idea for handling an HOA that claims a child can't play outside in common areas
sirrerun figured out why saying "OK, Boomer" to coworkers who are older than 40 can get you fired
bingethinker explained that a remote started in a manual transmission car was installed incorrectly
pkjun knew why being "nice" doesn't get guys laid
pueblonative made a point about a guy who has the same name as a man who stars in adult videos
Glockenspiel Hero discussed how much of a badass Harriet Tubman was

CSB Sunday Morning: Stories from the playground
Smart:
Recoil Therapy shared a story about an improbable snowball fight
Funny: Eeek taught classmates about the pendulum effect

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: TotalFarkers voted for a Fark logo option that Blythe gave them for Fark gear
Smart: Badafuco posted a photo of a custom quilt that was made by another TotalFarker
Funny: merrillvillain complimented the above quilt
Funny: Jake Havechek suggested another phrase to put on Fark merchandise
Funny: Brawndo had a warning about the "before" photo of a TotalFarker's refinished desk
Funny: generalDisdain shared news of a fun new dating app

Politics Funny:
Garza and the Supermutants found someone who's concerned about Donald Trump's health
North_Central_Positronics predicted how Trump might react to what Pelosi said about his angry tweets
Gubbo explained why it's not a big deal if Ruth Bader Ginsburg one day can no longer perform her duties on the Supreme Court
mainsail diagnosed President Trump's medical problem that spurred a visit to his physician
OdradekRex was not surprised by the X-ray released by the Trump campaign

Politics Smart:
FlashHarry listed six quick observations about Trump's health
Benevolent Misanthrope feared Trump's presidency will cause lasting damage
mrshowrules suggested a strategy for Democrats running in 2020
kevlar51 asked a question about Mitch McConnell's complaints about Nancy Pelosi
Egoy3k discussed "beta males"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Captain Scratch showed some outmatched Jawas
hail2daking gave an example of early innovations in housekeeping
RedZoneTuba finally gave a famous cat its own house
Stephen_Falken spilled beer on the servers
RedZoneTuba was reminded of a past relationship... with a droid
Sensei Can You See gave this observatory its missing companion
RedZoneTuba formed a strange Beach Boys tribute band
zeon found some kids who don't mind Venice flooding
TrollingForColumbine discovered someone who can snort more than Montana
RedZoneTuba showed how things could have been worse for Han Solo

Captions:
FortyHams let us know what Gordon Sondland's expression was communicating
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha revealed what this UNIX aficionado is thinking
RedZoneTuba thought that the UNIX guy had something else on his mind

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 759: "Monovember - Old Timers" ended in a tie between  Elsinore's photo of a lovely Victorian mansion and USAF Retired's picture of a cat that looks like it might be inside that mansion. Next week's Farktography theme is Giving Thanks (link is accessible only to TotalFarkers until Thursday), so start getting photos of what you're thankful for ready.

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

A fun time on the Quiz last week, even though the 1000 club remains empty. Denjiro came out on top with 964, followed by Evildog in second with 939 and Drachirryz in third with 924. EBens and poorjon tied for fourth with 912, and zuffenphile rounds out the top five with 908.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over which Nativity character role in elementary school was correlated with the highest average salary later in life among Brits. Only 15% of quiztakers knew that it was actually oxen who had the highest salary. I'm pretty sure that this is a case of correlation rather than causation, as oxen are usually played by tall boys, and tall boys generally become tall men, who for some reason tend to make more money than women and short men regardless of the occupation. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what kind of critters went on a cocaine bender in the Italian woods when they happened upon a drug gang's stash. 81% of quiztakers knew that it was feral hogs the local distributors would be trying to explain to their bosses about. When asked about the incident later, a feral hog denied any affinity for the drug, but did confess to "liking the way it smells".

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which brand was causing a bit of a stir with their "I ❤ GBV" branded items, made to recognize their Italian designer Giambattista Valli. Only 41% of quiztakers knew that it was H&M who employed the designs of Mr. Valli. Gucci famously uses only in-house designers rather than commissioning works such as those by Mr. Valli, who remains an independent operator.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the new movie Dr. Sleep and its origins. 87% of people knew that the book was based on the Stephen King novel of the same name, which was a sequel to his classic "The Shining". Fortunately for the actors involved, Stanley Kubrick wasn't at the helm this time, so there will be fewer psychological scars. Also, a lower box office take.

Congratulations to the winners, and be sure to check out this week's Fark Weird News Quiz.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Take that, Mrs. Butler!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-11-19 2:14:00 PM (46 comments) | Permalink

Well, butts and farts have been in the news -  in political news, no less -  so that's how we're going to head into 2020. I remember back when I was a wee monkey, and my second grade teacher, Mrs. Butler, scolded me for my immature sense of humor, but it's serving me well these days. And being too mature would be a real liability when reading some very strange conversations among the Fark moderators as they try to figure out things like, "Does that snowdick need a NSFW warning?" 

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast: a quick dive into the world of Flat Earthers, fun with a bucket of poop, and Todd's dreaming of a White Christmas for Drew (sort of).
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
FortyHams was not going to fall for an invitation to take a survey
Pocket Ninja warned us about retirement communities and confections
FirstNationalBastard showed a heartfelt reaction to Jimmy Fallon's ratings drop
MycroftHolmes asked Farkers not to rush to judgement of a cop's treatment of a teen with no arms or legs
jjorsett condemned Japanese businesses that forbid female employees to wear eyeglasses at work
PC LOAD LETTER helped someone who wanted a better look at a photo of a woman in glasses
Mr. Coffee Nerves knew what type of a guy a pastor who's accused of abuse looks like
Prank Call of Cthulhu illustrated a conversation about workplace discrimination
UberDave backed up someone's statement about alts
hobnail gave a legitimate answer to a question about who to listen to when landing a 727 with a gear warning

Smart:
feckingmorons found one instance of alleged discrimination to be particularly stupid
Hoban Washburne found one main reason for the prevalence of bullpoop jobs
Prevailing Wind wanted us to hate people for the content of their character
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat explained different generations of people attacking each other
FlashHarry thought a reviewer was missing an important point about "The Mandelorian"
Tchernobog explained why there are laws against people in a position of trust having sex with those under their care or counsel
Gubbo pointed out yet another advancement that we owe to the adult movie industry
kbronsito showed us why it's a compliment to be called a "Karen"
Gordon Bennett noticed probably the worst part about a business that sells blood transfusions from young people
Benevolent Misanthrope defended naming a new hypercar "Owl"

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: IvyLady gave advice to a submitter who was curious about skin care
Smart: Chris Ween had the obvious answer to a question about monotony monogamy
Funny: merrillvillain shared a story that just raised more questions
Funny: Schlubbe showed that sometimes a sentence is appropriate both with and without a comma
Smart: Chris Ween didn't believe part of a submitter's crappy story
Funny: croesius reminded Farkers that when someone shares, you should reciprocate
Funny: Dr. Tuttle had something to sell

Politics Funny:
bloobeary took a guess as to why Donald Trump had an early medical exam
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That reacted to what Chuck Woolery talks about when he's not talking about Trump
scottydoesntknow had a suggestion for Jim Jordan
North_Central_Positronics knew why Trump went to see his doctor
FortyHams defended Trump's interactions with Ukraine

Politics Smart:
naughtyrev offered Trumpish proof of innocence
Daniel Boone's Farm discussed Jimmy Carter's character and legacy
SuburbanCowboy brought up the history between the Trump family and a man Donald Trump claims he doesn't know
weddingsinger discussed concern about the stock market
Jack Sabbath discussed Fox News using Marie Yovanovitch's mention of a Benghazi attack victim against her


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Somaticasual made a Fark tag for fishy threads
markie_farkie found a clue as to why this space capsule was so difficult to move
hail2daking wanted slightly more variety in Oompa-Loompas
hail2daking spotted a very determined chickenhawk
Kick The Chair discovered that Richard Branson's luggage checks him
markie_farkie left the Leeloo maker running
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed a reality TV show star's first erection
Snubnose invented a musical instrument that sounds better than bagpipes
zeon made Rod Stewart's model train just a little too realistic
Herb Utsmelz cancelled a special delivery
RedZoneTuba offered help to those who are architecturally confused

Captions:
hugram knew what had Nikki Haley looking so concerned
RedZoneTuba was impressed by a chessboxing move

Farktography:
henryhill won Farktography Contest No. 758: "Monovember - Monochrome" with a Midtown corridor

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Thursday, November 21: D.C. Fark Party with HacDC in Columbia Heights

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, please use the Fark Party submission form.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on last week's quiz, where we were able to defrost ourselves enough to wonder why the leaves hadn't even changed when we're suddenly under snow, ice, and bitter cold across most of the country (except SoCal, so phooey on those people). On the Quiz itself, FrancoFile gets exclusive access to the fire roaring in the 1000 club with a score of 1045, followed by leafslinger in second with 996 and WereBear666 in third with 975. Lamberts Ho Man takes fourth with 962, and Cardinal Ximenez gets in out of the cold for fifth place with 942.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over the "last necklace made by Neanderthals," Archaeologists in Spain discovered jewelry in the latest known encampment of Neanderthals from 39,000 BC, just before the species died out. Only 27% of quiztakers knew the necklace was in fact made of eagle talons. They say Diamonds are Forever, but come on, 41,000 years is pretty good for dead animal bits. So quit acting all weird when your loved one gives you a chicken bone bracelet.

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over an enterprising college student in Minnesota who was making a trek over to neighboring Iowa and selling hard-to-find food at a huge markup. 90% of quiztakers knew that people were paying top dollar for a-few-hours-old boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts. No word about the coffee, though.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which streaming provider was actually giving away cardboard boxes with leg holes in a contest. Only 40% of quiztakers knew that it was HBO Max who somehow felt this was a contest college students would think was worth entering, because there's nothing worse than laying on your bunk watching John Oliver on your phone while your roommate is trying to peek over your shoulder. I mean, that's just - is this some commentary of the desperation of Gen Y? Seriously? Cardboard boxes as the top prize in a contest?

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which actress sold off her "Bad Sandy" leather pants and jacket costume for charity. 93% of quiztakers recognized the name of the character from the 1978 classic Grease, which meant the correct answer was Olivia Newton-John. Unfortunately, no word on John Travolta's pink "Good Danny" blouse and skirt from the cut scenes. 

Congratulations to the winners, and don't forget to check out this week's Weird News Quiz, where I relate the dangers of night photography in the rural South.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Watch this video of Fark's Server Monkey going bananas
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-11-12 12:19:49 PM, edited 2019-11-12 12:38:34 PM (39 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Mike:  
________________________ 

Howdy.  Mike the Server Monkey here.  As y'all probably know, I migrated all of our infrastructure to two cloud providers back in July.  Not without a few hiccups, mind ya, but obviously I've got it sorted out now.  Thanks for your patience there.

Since then, we've been trying to unload all of our old hardware. The old Fark firewalls are here on eBay now and the rest of the Fark equipment is still for sale on this page.  I'd reeeeeally like the 19" rack cabinet out of my garage, but don't have a vehicle to transport it with....

Back in July, one of you requested: "I am interested in purchasing some of your old hardware only to watch you destroy it in an uploaded video, Think "Office Space." I know it'll be therapeutic and no one has to pay for shipping."

Well, as it turns out, some of the stuff is just too old to sell - Core 2 Quad Q6600 systems from 2006.  Two of the motherboards died, one in January and one in June, and part of why I rushed through the cloud migration so fast in the first place is out of fear the other identical boards would die soon.  So there wasn't much point in trying to sell 13-year-old unreliable gear.  (The stuff we are still selling is somewhat newer, and still works great.)

So, to make a short story way too long, on Sunday, those antique servers went to a very remote spot in a zero-stoplight coal town in rural Appalachia, and got introduced to a sledgehammer and four video cameras.  We'll recycle the scraps unless anyone wants some mangled motherboard parts as Christmas tree ornaments.  (My wife kept one southbridge heatsink for that.)

Here's the video of me destroying the obsolete Fark servers. (Be sure to watch to the end.)

And some stills from the old Fark server demolition.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

This week on the Fark & Schnitt Podcast: "Daddy's Little Slut" kids' T-shirts may have been removed from Amazon but there's still plenty other off color Xmas merch to buy.  Plus hear all about Drew's adventure wearing a #freehongkong shirt courtside at a Warriors home game last week.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
AdmirableSnackbar found the perfect GIF to show Hide the Pain Harold and his wife when his meme brings in money
leeksfromchichis analyzed a statement from a woman who set mouse traps on her lawn because dogs were pooping there
khatores tried to one-up a man who has 700 pounds of beef per year to share with the right woman
Barfmaker shared a reminder of the real golden age of television
Munden was alarmed by a home invasion story
gunther_bumpass showed what happens when there's confusion about female anatomy
OldJames learned nothing about women or opening links in private windows
scottydoesntknow explained how people end up getting hit by trains
Shostie was overwhelmed at the prospect of 700 pounds of beef
Walder_Frey felt that a movie description was relevant in a discussion about a Minnesota man who resold Krispy Kreme doughnuts from Iowa

Smart:
Unobtanium explained standing in the aisle as soon as the plane gets to the gate
Sid_6.7 wanted special treatment for air travelers who check all their luggage
nmrsnr gave a reason to be wary of new business models
OK So Amuse Me discussed parents who inappropriately control their adult offspring
Mycroft_Holmes_IV shared important information about a guy who used a battle axe to fight off a home invader
ImpendingCynic suggested that humans should be the space aliens with the probes
adamgreeney was proud to have a part in a customer beating off two home invaders
WilderKWight had a fantastic rant about old people and their lawns
TwilightZone let us know what's really "a girl's best friend"
Dryad discussed the evilness of De Beers

CSB Sunday Morning: It happened at a party
Smart:
Someone Else's Alt had a big going away party before going off to the Navy
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village and a sheriff learned each other's side of what happened a high school party the sheriffs had busted up years earlier

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Ponzholio answered the question, "A hot guy appears. He has abs, a great head of hair, and a huge johnson. What do you do?"
Smart: Drew gave a concerned TotalFarker a glimpse into the future
Smart: Eclectic sent out some love to the TotalFark community
Smart: generalDisdain thought a Farker ran for the wrong office
Funny: 433 discussed the common '70s and '80s childhood experience of finding a certain kind of magazine in the woods
Smart: Dr. Tuttle spoke of romance
Smart: italie suggested not raking your leaves

Politics Funny:
mrshowrules was tired of fake news
ArcadianRefugee figured out what Donald Trump plans to do if Jeff Sessions runs for Senate again
SurfaceTension guessed at how someone was able to obtain user data from a defunct white supremacist website
ox45tallboy knew how Stephen Miller met his fiancee, Katie Waldman
vrax found that Eric Trump didn't prove what he thought he proved

Politics Smart:
ceejayoz made a prediction about what will happen in Kentucky since Matt Bevin lost reelection
not enough beer pointed out that Alex Jones is messing with a judge who has dealt with people violating her orders before
Xai decided to humor Trump's demand that the governor of California "'clean' his forest floors"
cameroncrazy1984 thought of how the whistleblower against Trump might handle a subpoena from Republicans
SurfaceTension thought that Republicans were being hypocritical


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave a space bartender a new chapeau
RedZoneTuba found a great deal on campaign merchandise
Alligator got ready to ride The Molar Express (sorry)
zeon attended a B.Y.O.B. (bring your own bucket) party
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave a well-known diner a new look
Alligator showed us why this woman has such big guns
Iggie found a bad place to fall asleep while working on your tan
hail2daking caught a cow's wandering eye
Yammering_Splat_Vector demonstrated what a difference a little blue pill can make
hail2daking gave The Avengers a vintage look

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 757: "Orange 3" with some crunchy maple leaves  

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

It's too cold to work, so crank up the space heater under your desk or bury yourself in the blankets and take the Fark Weird News Quiz.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: When the shirt hits the fans
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-11-05 11:42:20 AM (27 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hello everyone!  Hope your week was great!  Mine was a little weird. After making fun of police warnings about kids getting pot candy for trick or treat on the Fark & Schnitt Podcast for the past month, we had to record a round-up episode for this week of all the actual incidents - including one where a man blamed his 3-year-old for dropping razor blades in the candy he was handing out.  Whoops. I don't think any of the pot incidents were necessarily as they appear, as I explain on the show. Check it out.  

Speaking of the podcast, I'll be going into this in greater detail on the next podcast episode, but this past Saturday my friend Cyan and I pulled a fun stunt.  She discovered a kickstarter a few weeks ago raising money to buy "Free Hong Kong" T-shirts to hand out at a future Warriors game. Being a fellow punkass, she decided to up the ante by not only backing the kickstarter, but by wearing the "Free Hong Kong" shirt while sitting in the front row of the game - and she was gracious enough to invite me to go with her.  

When we got to the game, we realized there was a problem - our backs were facing the cameras.  Luckily there was an easy fix for this - as you can see on the video Cyan tweeted out later.  Strangely, for some reason Charlie Kirk later retweeted the video mistakenly thinking we were at a Lakers game, which I think speaks volumes about his observational prowess in things other than sports, but I digress.

Anyhow look for a full recap next week.  I'm going to a San Jose sharks game tonight wearing my "Free Hong Kong" shirt, but I don't have seats anywhere near the front row.  If anything weird happens though, I'll be sure to update.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
bighairyguy saw the bright side for a troll who claimed he could beat any female fighter and turned out to be wrong
GardenWeasel shared one of the hazards of being a short man
Thrag explained why a U.S. Air Force space plan looks so old
LesserEvil showed off a personal home theater
guestguy gave an interesting reason for considering "Asterisk" as a possible name for a daughter
mrwknd had an idea of where a list of "rare" baby girl names came from
Ginnungagap42 knew something about a list of girls' names
beezeltown thought that another Farker might be wrong about kids having gastric bypass surgery
The Pope of Manwich Village figured out what a baby whose gender reveal party killed someone will be named
Candygram for Mongo was unimpressed with the name "Tabii"

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
RolandTGunner answered a question about subways in 1904

Smart:
Ass_Master_Flash had a message for Generation Z
Hubris Boy had an opinion about what someone who blames their dog's death on their spouse should do
meg12279's kid won Halloween this year
alizeran channeled Jerry Garcia
Dead for Tax Reasons showed why a curb that people keep getting stuck on can't just be removed
bughunter explained why spacecraft often seem low-tech
skyotter pointed out something about a city commissioner who cited her Christianity as a reason to be wary of a Day of the Dead celebration
meg12279 told us about having a mysterious experience shortly after the death of a loved one
saintstryfe discussed what it took to lose over 200 pounds
Bondith explained why someone died at an explosive gender reveal party

CSB Sunday Morning: Excuses for being late
Smart:
Someone Else's Alt's employee missed work because of a horrific family tragedy
Funny: Someone Else's Alt showed the boss evidence that a story for needing to miss work was actually true

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat knew how to be petty when returning an ex's baking supplies
Funny: merrillvillain defended a submitter who claimed to not have any friends
Smart: generalDisdain pointed out that a visitor to a TotalFarker's home asked a good question
Funny: Dr. Tuttle gave very specific reasons for posting in TotalFark Discussion
Funny: KangTheMad made an alarming confession (yes, I saw where some of you decided to vote this one up for the NotNewsletter)

Politics Funny:
poconojoe shared a favorite passage from Robert Mueller's interview notes from the Russia investigation
optikeye heard something other than "lock him up" chanted at a World Series game
The Perineum Falcon showed where Donald Trump really was during the Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi raid
Marcus Aurelius chastised people who mocked Trump's border wall
bobtheme promoted a Fox News show

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
fiddlehead made a very emotional "Welcome to Fark" animated GIF

Politics Smart:
NeedlesslyCanadian asked a question about the Mueller report
NewportBarGuy gave reasons to believe that Barack Obama is not a narcissist
Gubbo wondered if there was more meaning in the House's vote on impeachment procedures
FormlessOne had a theory about why the jumbotron at the World Series showed the military, then the Trumps, then the military again
weddingsinger argued that Trump undermined his own accomplishment


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
zeon showed why football helmets are so important
hail2daking had to deal with trying to feed a picky baby
noazark collected extremely rare Star Wars action figures
Yammering_Splat_Vector had "fun with body parts"
noazark figured that U.S. Navy uniforms should look more nautical
noazark decided to paint some light around a spooky house
noazark found help for when the moon hits your eye like a big pumpkin pie
Alligator brought some beer from overseas
RedZoneTuba found some encouragement for a pouting president
cyberspacedout turned Churchill into a subprime minister
Iggie ate a very bitter little dumpling

Be sure to check out the top-voted entries from the annual Fark Pumpkin Carving Photoshop Contest and the bowl of candy corn Photoshop contest

Caption:
Devolving_Spud figured that Fiat Chrysler and Peugeot would merge to become a very lonely company
Devolving_Spud also suggested a fancy French name for Fiat Chrysler-Peugeot
RedZoneTuba thought that Fiat Chrysler-Peugeot could go with a literary reference

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 756: "Halloween 10" with an elderly Halloween icon

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

The new Fark Weird News Quiz is up and ready for quizzing here, so go give it a shot.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Our Halloweenness, let us show you it
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-10-29 10:50:36 AM (55 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Happy Halloween week!  Also known in Colorado as "good luck finding THC treats in your kids bags because ain't no one giving $2 candies out."  My neighborhood always goes nuts on Halloween - we've got three haunted houses, tons of kids and candy, and at least one drone pilot who attaches a 50-foot tow cable to a ghost and chases people up and down the street with it.  We've got a bunch of Halloween discussion threads on deck, many dating back years, so see below for a full list of those.

On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast, we talk about the intersection of skid marks and geopolitics, boobs at the World Series, and exactly why TikTok is a national security threat, which should come in handy when arguing with your crazy relatives around the Thanksgiving dinner table next month.

One other thing to watch for: If all goes well, I'll be sitting courtside at the Warriors home game on Nov 2nd wearing a Free Hong Kong shirt.  Shhh, don't tell anyone, I don't want to get kicked out. More on that next week.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Here are this year's Fark Halloween threads (times listed are Eastern):
Sunday Morning Music Club: the creepiest, scariest, and most unsettling songs to help you get into the proper holiday spirit - This thread is closed to new comments, but there to enjoy
With Halloween coming up, what's your favorite food to make with pumpkin innards?
Photoshop this popular Halloween treat
What was the best, coolest, creepiest or funniest Halloween costume you ever saw on a trick-or-treater?
Photoshop theme: rejected pumpkin spice products
Farktography Contest No. 756: "Halloween 10" - Available only to TotalFarkers until one minute past midnight when Halloween begins, then open to everyone
Annual Fark Pumpkin Carving Photoshop Contest - Available only to TotalFarkers until 9 a.m. on Halloween, then open to everyone
Show off your Halloween decorations and costumes - Will be available only to TotalFarkers beginning on Wednesday morning, then will be open to everyone starting at midnight when Halloween begins
Fark's annual spooky story thread - Will be available only to TotalFarkers beginning on Wednesday morning, then will be open to everyone starting at midnight when Halloween begins

And here are all the previous spooky story threads from each year since it started: 
2004    2005    2006    2007    2008    2009    2010   2011    2012    2013    2014    2015    2016   2017   2018

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
FrabjousDay noted that the implosion of two cranes after the collapse of an under-construction hotel could've gone worse
Gordon Bennett described changes made to a Celine Dion album to conform with Iranian censorship laws
Unobtanium shared a story about the implosion of part of a uranium processing facility
revrendjim pointed out that it's stupid to have a mechanic rotate your tires
Benevolent Misanthrope figured out who Heidi Klum was really trying to be, but she overdid her Halloween costume
eurotrader was surprised that a certain beloved actor is still alive
TomTudbury shared a photo of an upside-down crane
TomTudbury knew exactly what fell out of the sky and into a house
Prank Call of Cthulhu discussed the supposed differences in men's and women's communication styles
stan unusual showed a pair of emergency workers calling in about a crane impaling North Rampart Street

Smart:
40 degree day shared information about battling opioid addiction
swamp_of_dumb advised young adults whose parents want to use a phone app to control them
vudukungfu thought that a Christian rapper's criticism of the new "Addams Family" movie overlooked something more disturbing
Marcus Aurelius had a message for mechanics who change tires
mchaboud had a theory on the identity of a mysterious home intruder
pkjun summed up temper tantrums complaining about "forced diversity" in entertainment
edmo responded to snooty directors' criticism of superhero movies
Eclectic discussed the effects of conversion therapy
pkjun explained the increase in diversity in films
Target Builder described the alternative to a 19-hour flight

CSB Sunday Morning: The dream that came true
Smart:
carkiller made a dream that first seemed like a fantasy come true
Funny: gordian was fascinated by the wharrgarbl

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: CommieTaoist gave an example of a time when TotalFark Discussion changed the world
Smart: Dr. Tuttle gave advice about dating multiple people
Funny: maddan explained the creepy behavior of the leaves in a Farker's neighbor's yard
Funny: flucto reacted to a breakout loin discussion
Funny: merrillvillain was confused by a dating app
Smart: Literally Addicted showed off some home improvements

Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That was ready for the National Prescription Drug Take Back Day
Sorelian's Ghost came up with a way to remember the day Republicans stormed the secure hearing room
The Perineum Falcon provided a transcript of Mick Mulvaney being questioned about his interview with Chris Wallace
Therion gave a reason why Hillary Clinton should stop making fun of Donald Trump
Sgt Otter had another way of describing Tulsi Gabbard's complaints about the impeachment inquiry depositions

Politics Smart:
Therion gave a reason why Hillary Clinton should stop making fun of Donald Trump
cameroncrazy1984 noticed something in a thread about something Hillary Clinton tweeted
mrshowrules predicted what will happen if Adam Schiff's ineptitude continues
Benevolent Misanthrope discussed how Republicans defend themselves
Sgt Otter had another way of describing Tulsi Gabbard's complaints about the impeachment inquiry depositions


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba imprisoned a blob for the enjoyment of others
RedZoneTuba put that woman imitating a cow in a photo
Yammering_Splat_Vector figured out the first thing to do with a small mystery object
Cork on Fork demonstrated what can happen if you don't keep your child on a leash
RedZoneTuba brought out one of Fark's favorite dancers
Snubnose gave these water witches some cool company
Cork on Fork found out what happens if you never clean your windows
Herb Utsmelz revealed what's really in the Federal Reserve Bank of New York's gold vault
Iggie showed us where candy corn actually comes from
RedZoneTuba witnessed the arrival of a strange incoming flight

Caption:
fsufan showed what it's like when an interviewer recognizes you from a TV news report

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 755: "Wallpaper This 3" with a beautiful sunrise. Be sure to check out all the entries for some great wallpaper images for your doohickey screens.

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

The latest Fark Weird News Quiz is up and ready for quizzing here, so go give it a shot instead of getting back to work!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Revenge is a dish best served in the danger zone
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-10-22 12:03:36 PM (40 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week is starting out great.  Last week, we did demo version 2.0 for a new ad unit to TotalFarkers.  We're going to run a test on it Wednesday, most likely. It's a video ad unit with a big X on it, shouldn't cover anything up on a regular screen size.  BareFark subscribers will continue to wonder what I'm talking about, which is why you should consider signing up for BareFark today! And TotalFark for heads ups on things like this.  

On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast, we talk Florida meth strippers, ghost pepper roulette pizza, and I admit I haven't seen "The Godfather" - among other famous movies.  We may talk more about that next week. We started going down the list of movies I haven't seen, and there are quite a few surprising ones on there. Like "Top Gun." I noticed this last week when Disney+ released its launch lineup and I realized I hadn't seen most of them - yet.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
FirstNationalBastard ... um... celebrated Dawn Wells turning 81
Carter Pewterschmidt saw an interesting example of the visible effects of heroin and meth
Pocket Ninja revealed where to get the highest quality macaroni and cheese
Hey Nurse! told us about the beautiful woman who will be visiting soon
Jesus McSordid advised us on how to keep your Birth of Venus statue from offending people
toddalmighty had encouraging words for a woman who was injured by an airplane propeller
beggindog misread whose account had been hacked
brap let us know how it went when the man who was the original voice for Charlie Brown was in court
2BuckChuck's grandmother's phone that she leased from the phone company likely broke a record
jbc helped another Farker out with a misunderstanding about movies for mommies and daddies who love each other very much

Smart:
MillionDollarMo took a side in the battle between the flying dagger butts and cuddly disease vectors
TomFooolery noticed someone was backing up police officers' decision to arrest people for loitering outside their own home
AngryDragon determined that  a cop should not have used a real gun in a particular circumstance
adj_m pointed out that people who were arrested for loitering were arrested for loitering
Tad_Waxpole was disappointed that Natalie Porkman didn't choose a different name
ruudbob shared a frightening story about being on a jury
skozlaw explained something that even some wealthy drug addicts don't understand about addiction
ArkAngel took a guess at why NBC Universal theme parks make owners of "unlimited refill" cups wait 10 minutes between refills
edmo knew of one way in which targeted ads work
thrillbilly1967 shared a great story about meeting Dolly Parton

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: meat0918 advised a Farker on dealing with a bad neighbor
Funny: Old Man Winter revealed two favorite hobbies
Funny: ThomasPaineTrain was inspired to write a book
Funny: croesius could tell that a U.S. government agency was trying to trick TotalFarkers
Funny: merrillvillain wanted to be sure that everyone on TotalFark understood the question
Funny: merrillvillain shared a story about addiction
Funny: Roman Fyseek knew something about stealing from the elderly

Politics Funny:
capt.snicklefritz pointed out why a video altered to show Donald Trump killing his critics wasn't such a big deal
TomTudbury cleared up a misunderstanding about Trump's letter to the president of Turkey
shastacola showed one person's reaction to listening to Trump's entire meeting with Italian President Sergio Mattarella
Calypsocookie found that part of Trump's letter to Ergodan was left out when it was shared with the press
relaxitsjustme showed one of the effects Trump's policies are having on wildlife

Politics Smart:
BizarreMan had a theory on why House Democrats have not held a vote on the impeachment inquiry yet
Cubansaltyballs saw something revealing in Trump's tweet about not having the 2020 G-7 summit at his Doral resort
bloobeary had an idea for what the Scottish government should do with Trump's golf resort if he won't pay his legal fees
styckx gave advice on identifying U.S. battleships
wademh commented on a report from the State Department about Hillary Clinton's private email server


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
verchad showed President Trump looking quite content
I_Am_Weasel needed a good time
Alligator stretched this cat's porthole
retrophil gave this dirty kitty a rigorous cleaning
Yammering_Splat_Vector found out how evil cats are punished
Alligator revealed how record players work
Herb Utsmelz showed Carnac the Magnificent's reaction to a mix-up at the millinery shop
hail2daking discovered that Dr. Frankenstein got tired of robbing graves
hail2daking showed Albert Einstein playing with himself
Fiction Fan spotted Donald Trump's latest appeal to the public

Captions:
PainInTheASP decided that this marmot tried to distract a predator with the ol' razzle dazzle

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 754: "Our Bodies Ourselves 2" with an implied threat

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Offer not valid in Denver or Oakland
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-10-15 11:31:12 AM (28 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Thanks to all the TotalFarkers who dropped by Office Hours on Friday to take a look at Fark's ad unit.  Sounds like we're good to go. BareFark subscribers will not see the ad, so if you'd like to remain blissfully unaware that we're launching an ad unit that will jump off your screen and follow you around for the rest of the day, sign up and you'll never see it.  I'm kidding the ad won't actually jump off your screen. Offer not valid in Denver or Oakland.

This week's Fark and Schnitt Podcast dropped this morning.  Todd and I go over the ingenious funeral for an Irish prankster, how everything at Panera probably comes in a bag, and why you will NOT be pulling $50 THC edibles out of your kids' Halloween bags this year.  Offer not valid in Denver or Oakland. Also, all about the guy who left bad Yelp reviews for local farmers who wouldn't let him have relations with their livestock.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
TylerParry gave reason to doubt that a man was murdered because he testified against a police officer
jayfurr found part of a comment to report to moderators
MrKevvy spotted evidence that a bicyclist invented a fake news story
Vorpal vehemently disagreed with another Farker
Martian_Astronomer asked a question for people who have been gaslit
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That mourned Rip Taylor
FirstNationalBastard still engages in youthful activities
SBinRR expressed just how suspicious a man's death was
Trocadero wanted to hang out with a cartoon character
DecemberNitro asked a question we've all asked at one time or another

Smart:
TorpedoOrca took back a reaction to a prediction another Farker made regarding a witness
neongoats gave a reason for why it might make sense to kill a witness after the trial's already over
Znuh seems to have been a child who was often worried about the possibility of a grave event
veale728 took a guess at what caused Google to contact police to report suspicious activity
Ishkur discussed the kind of internet activities that attract young people, and then things got dark
Next week's Tom Sawyer had an idea of which part of a witness's testimony in Amber Guyger's trial had the most impact
Rapmaster2000 had to side with the vegan on this one
shut_it_down's login checked out when discussing what a business should do when someone writes a false negative review
beezeltown demonstrated how ridiculous one common Halloween fear actually is
The Pope of Manwich Village shared something that many men don't know is often true about public restrooms

CSB Sunday Morning: That thing that got confiscated
Smart:
Unobtanium shared stories about mom confiscating TV privileges, and confiscating mom's Pavlovian tool
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village was almost The Pope of Chili Village

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: merrillvillain had a simple way to get a dog from Houston to San Francisco
Funny: Streetwise Hercules appreciated one particular aspect of an instructional meat hole video
Funny: Shakespeare's Monkey read that the submitter has black leather couches, and I'm sure you know what's posted here
Funny: Al_Ed knew the only thing that would happen if a thread submitter's ridiculous fantasy came true
Funny: Rev.K shared the perfect pickup line
Smart: meg12279 gave important advice for men approaching women in social settings

Politics Funny:
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers knew how Donald Trump got more ammunition for the U.S. military
Marcus Aurelius pointed out Trump's tiny slip-up in regards to his interactions with the Ukrainian government
Gubbo figured out what the second whisteblower had to say about Trump's dealing with Ukraine
gopher321 alerted us to something frightening for Trump
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers changed some lyrics in honor of a video Trump tweeted using a Queen song

Politics Smart:
mrshowrules speculated on how Trump would deal with Osama bin Laden if he were still alive
The Pope of Manwich Village had a very common reaction to one of Trump's self-aggrandizing tweets
meanmutton made an observation about Blue Lives Matter
pkjun argued that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez served an important function with a proposal regarding welfare benefits
Jack Sabbath pointed the finger right back at Trump


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking showed that Sigourney Weaver can fight more than just aliens
RedZoneTuba found members of the Chinese People's Liberation Army in a strange location
noazark heard you like 3D, dog
Stantz created a very confused helicopter (heli...co...soma?)
Iggie's entry in this contest looks so natural that it's hard to see what's changed without looking at the Original
RedZoneTuba put a much better dancer on stage
Alligator roasted an artist's work
Cork on Fork discovered a major case of a reptile dysfunction
RedZoneTuba decided to show a septuagenarian in her underwear
hail2daking proved that this old car really sucks

Captions:
Grumpy Cat captioned a scene from a bicycle shop
RedZoneTuba suggested an advertisement that explains why a child deserves healthier cereal than the other kids get

Farktography:
gregscott won Farktography Contest No. 753: "Exotic" with this inchworm and its greater fringed blue gentian

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz, where we determined that sometimes engineers likely do have to work on the cars they design. On the Quiz itself, hunh came out on top with 970, followed by cretinbob,  DrunkenGator, and coscausticevil in a three-way tie for second with 924. Twonk made third with 920, BigChad takes fourth with 910, and Redh8t finishes out the top five with 904.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over fashion retailer Bonobos and what major retailer had driven it to layoffs only two years after purchasing it for $300 million. Only 24% of quiztakers knew that this was Walmart's ploy to get into the hip new casual online shopping experience that kids today are looking for. Unfortunately, it just didn't seem to mesh with their usual line of cheap Chinese-made patterns and Duck Dynasty wear. Who knew that slapping a Walmart label on something would make it less appealing outside the Southeastern US?

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over the Libra Association and how it's collapsing faster than that penny cryptocurrency pumped by your least favorite social media influencer. 78% of quiztakers knew that Facebook no longer had any kind of payment processor for their foray into the world of digital dollars. You've got to know something's up with this scheme when payment processors don't want to be a part of "give me money in exchange for this really long number".

One other note - 51% of quiztakers got the question about Hanson correct. I don't have a joke for that, just wanted to point it out.

The Easy Quiz this week was Extra Easy. The hardest question was over what scientists said had caused the 2,200-mile-wide black spot on the surface of Jupiter. 58% of quiztakers knew that it was a solar eclipse - Jupiter's moon Io was blocking the sunlight and casting a shadow. Astronomers say that these are actually very common on Jupiter, but we just haven't seen it much before because we've never been quite as close as we are now with the Juno spacecraft.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was which Eric Clapton-fronted band featured Ginger Baker on drums. 89% of quiztakers knew that it was Cream he lent his talents to, before other groups like Blind Faith and eventually even Ringo Starr and his All-Starr Band. For the record, "Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs" did eventually make Platinum, several years after its initial release.

If you missed the Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it all again next week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Drew wants to show you his unit
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-10-08 3:09:45 PM, edited 2019-10-08 3:22:48 PM (27 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

In this week's Fark and Schnitt Podcast, Halloween month continues with Wrinkles the Clown scaring your kids straight, exploding crematoriums, and that one time Drew and Dallan accidentally set Dallan's back yard on fire.  Good wholesome fun for all.  

Fark user imageView Full Size

Dallan celebrating summoning the fire god


Also on office hours later this week, probably Friday, we're going to revisit the new ad unit we introduced a couple weeks ago.  It's changed slightly and I want to make sure everyone still thinks it's OK to use. If you'd like to see it and weigh in, join TotalFark by this Friday! 
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
little big man revealed what happened at O'Hare International Airport as the area was being paved
optikeye predicted an airport worker's reward for stopping an out-of-control catering truck
edmo figured that a job applicant was likely guilty of other inappropriateness
Polezni Durak allayed any concerns one might have about the new Glenlivet capsules
TylerParry reacted to Amber Guyger's conviction
Old Man Winter explained a snow storm expected to hit the northern Rockies
Calypsocookie applauded a cat's accomplishments
Wyalt Derp gave an early review of the new Glenlivet Capsule Collection
dailygrinds witnessed a churchgoer speaking in tongues
UncleDirtNap recognized where a teen got part of his look (the photo in the article has since been cropped, but it originally included a Goldfish crackers carton)

Smart:
Pocket Ninja wanted to see what would have have happened if a shooting had gone differently
phenn gave a reason to believe that someone who was found guilty might receive a light sentence
styckx figured that a situation would've gotten a lot worse if a hero hadn't arrived just in time
keiverarrow considered the potential consequences of allowing a jury to consider castle doctrine in Amber Guyger's trial
hubiestubert had advice for people complaining that they're not allowed to be funny anymore
Russ1642 thought that some guilty verdicts might result in a change in police training
Kuta noticed something about police officers who are prosecuted
weddingsinger gave more examples of comedies that manage to be funny without punching down
Darth_Lukecash pointed out a mistake that bad comedians often make
GooberMcFly told about personal experience with vaping

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
Dakai shared a great story about thanking local firefighters for being there when they were needed


CSB Sunday Morning: Being locked in or locked out
Smart: Adolf Oliver Nipples shared a story about experiencing literal torture
Funny: Chimpy McSquirrel's mom locked herself out of her car
Be sure to check out the other stories in the thread, there are a lot of good ones!

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: JerseyTim knew why someone's pothead sister-in-law is becoming a nun
Funny: EggFool figured out who a TotalFarker saw running out of the woods to poop on a neighbor's lawn
Funny: JerseyTim revealed a change that a presidential candidate has made
Smart: Badafuco shared a beautiful view
Funny: meg12279 told a story about going to a bar with sibling

Politics Funny:
mrshowrules warned us about powerful conservative groups
Mike_LowELL wanted to meet up after school
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat thought Donald Trump broke a rule
naughtyrev celebrated Trump's tweet
spongeboob learned something when a former U.S. Marine claimed to have had an affair with Elizabeth Warren

Politics Smart:
mainsail reacted to the idea that impeaching Trump could start a civil war
FlashHarry analyzed Nancy Pelosi's strategy
SurfaceTension agreed with one of President Trump's suggestions
spaztic lv6 cleric stated an opinion about the American Civil War
blender61 guessed correctly


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Kick The Chair demonstrated what happens when a game of Pong gets out of hand
RedZoneTuba showed two squirrels playing basketball
Yammering_Splat_Vector blamed the kids for everything
RedZoneTuba found more mustaches to celebrate
Fiction Fan made a children's book into a lot less of a guilt trip
Circusdog320 played a very dangerous game
Fiction Fan wrote a book to keep in the bathroom
Alligator caught some kids whose parents don't know that some games aren't for kids
Fiction Fan proved that purple crayons will only take you so far
Circusdog320 wrote a book to welcome people to their 50s

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 752: "Leaf it Alone" with a red-orange leaf glamour shot

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Yet another fun time on the quiz, with little sympathy for my plight involving looking at the wrong eBay listing. On the quiz itself, FrancoFile takes top honors with 943, followed by BKITU in second with 920 and Denjiro in third with 910. TheMothership takes fourth with 906, and the Mole of Production finishes out the top five with 897.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over where the old recordings of John Coltrane were located that became the just-released album "Blue World". Only 28% of quiztakers knew that the recordings were originally done for the French language film Le chat dans le sac, which was kind of what passes for a romantic comedy in French. Coltrane recorded some of his standards for the film, and the recordings (along with an original print of the film), being a Canadian product, were placed in the archives of the National Film Board.in Montreal. After the usual "rights" issue where all the people involved and their heirs dicker about for who's going to make the most money off of it, we have a new Coltrane album.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about which state has become the first to let student-athletes at universities get paid for the use of their image, likeness, and name. 87% of quiztakers knew that beginning in 2023, California athletes will have this option. IMHO this is a good thing for college sports, as players won't be quite as tempted to drop out of college and go pro in order to support their families. I can't wait to hear the whining about the assigned stats in licensed video games, though.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which multinational conglomerate has acquired CTRL Labs and their wristbands that let you control things with "your mind" (actually tiny muscle movements - kind of like how thumbs work). Only 37% of quiztakers knew that with all the antitrust investigations surrounding Facebook, they still thought it was a good idea to branch out even farther and get rid of even more on-hand cash. When you think about it, a company that started out as a website to meet women finally saw that there was some value in wrist movements for their users who failed to do so.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over where Petuluma, CA police spent two hours looking for a stalking suspect. 90% of quiztakers knew that the suspect lost himself in a corn maze. I'm mean, aside from the obvious "stalking" pun, there's also the cops playing it by ear and not flaking out, and finally popping the perp without assault or buttery. But enough corny jokes.

If you missed the quiz this week (and my story about Channing's Potatums), you can catch up on it here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again next week!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Here's the thing about pumpkin spice...
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-10-02 12:29:08 PM (84 comments) | Permalink

Now that it's October, you need to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, because they're puttin' pumpkin spice on everything out here. Personally, I do not like pumpkin spice. In fact, I thought I didn't like pumpkin for most of my life, and only recently found out that I like pumpkin just fine, as long as there's none of that "pumpkin spice" on it. Similarly, I thought I hated yams until I finally had some without brown sugar and marshmallows on them. We're ruining perfectly good gourds and tubers every autumn! But you know what? I don't mind if you enjoy these things. I've had people eat them in front of me and go, "Mmmmm, this is soooo goooood" as if to mock me, but I'm happy to watch you eat all the pumpkin spice and candied yams you want, as long as you don't pin me down, hold my nose, shove the offending foods into my mouth and hold my face closed until I swallow them. 

Be right back - have to go apologize to some dogs and cats I've cared for. 

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

In this week's Fark and Schnitt Podcast, Halloween starts early.  Come for a discussion about saving family members' skulls which leads to a brief Fark history of abuse of a corpse laws, stay for the guy "smuggling bananas," if you know what I mean, wink wink.  Added bonus: flamethrowing drones
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
King of Monkeys showed us who was annoyed by some little boys playing with a garbage can
Ecobuckeye explained why Americans will usually drive even when they're going less than a mile
Barfmaker had evidence that parents are telling the truth about their adoptive daughter being an adult in disguise
Dimensio knew what a guy whose resume said he had a "G.E.D. in biochemistry" would do after an H.R. worker mocked him online
KC Dutchman noticed that a runway model's saucy walk looked familiar
Calypsocookie gave a creepy boy encouragement to finish his can o' beans
Prank Call of Cthulhu warned about how destructive a tropical storm could be
Diogenes played an interesting variation of the game Marry, Fark, Kill
tmyk recognized the strange creature in a corn flakes ad
I8B4U noticed something about a Farker who endorsed a device that enables females to urinate while standing (presumably without making a mess)

Smart:
FirstNationalBastard saw that a rumor about Disney's relationship with Brie Larson had questionable origins
BizarreMan had a different idea of what "the essence of being male" is
Benevolent Misanthrope pointed out something about most guys who send unsolicited WIE
HedlessChickn looked into the source behind some articles
grumpfuff "actually knew [George] Carlin"
Bathia_Mapes shared some information about a vintage advertisement urging parents to give cola to their babies
Carter Pewterschmidt summed up the sort of thinking that goes into which movies get made
SoupGuru demonstrated political correctness run amok!
Rapmaster2000 explained why the security of some of your "smart" items might be subpar
Hey Nurse! had an experience similar to the one where the cop mistook someone else's apartment for her own and shot and killed the man who lived there

Honorable Mention:
Normally comments that are mostly copied and pasted from other sites are not included in the Fark NotNewsletter since, you know, the Fark NotNewsletter is meant to highlight Fark, but  RoyFokker'sGhost shared this wonderfully-written piece by author Steven Barnes that examines the complaint that "'PC Culture' has ruined comedy," and it's worth reading if you haven't seen it already.

Also of note:
Check out the Fark Sunday Morning Music Club to check out some examples of perfect albums

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Badafuco shared some important information about preparing for Tropical Storm Karen
Smart: KangTheMad commented on Apple deleting purchased content from your library
Smart: NikkiPoooo discussed the "female version of incel"
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village reacted to news that a Farker witnessed a friend losing some fingers in an accident
Smart: CommieTaoist responded to a Farker whose spouse's employer called most of the employees to come in
Funny: farkingismybusiness knew why a doctor could not properly diagnose a problem with a Farker's knee
Smart & Funny: merrillvillain described book clubs
Smart: rosekolodny had a rule for partners who hire escorts
Funny: Old Man Winter shared a story about cheating partners

Politics Funny:
bobtheme explained why the impeachment inquiry is a good thing
bobtheme took a guess at who the whistleblower might be
hobnail knew who markie_farkie was channeling in a comment about Donald Trump's phone call with Volodymyr Zelensky
FortyHams was proud of a Trump photo caption
oldfarthenry let us know what Attorney General Bill Barr has been thinking about lately

Politics Smart:
markie_farkie reacted to a report that many Republican senators would vote differently if their votes weren't public
Gubbo shared something you'd think everyone would know about trying to "recall" an email, but they don't
Brosephus gave reasons to feel that impeaching Trump is unlikely
null is trying to do something about Trump's actions as president
lolmao500 figured that an email proved that many people could be charged under the RICO Act


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator assembled the only catalog Farkers will ever need
Yammering_Splat_Vector provided the accessories this cat's ensemble definitely needed
RedZoneTuba went shopping for some dungeon accouterments
hail2daking had some products for young adults
Circusdog320 just phoned it in
hail2daking found a long-lost Butabi brother
RedZoneTuba made a catalog for powerful people and their families
Iggie reminded us to always knock before opening the bathroom door
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us a bird that doesn't have to be early to get all the worms it demands
Cork on Fork showed a cat standing up for its principles

Captions:
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat advised a Farker on how to prepare for a visit to the "butt doctor"

Farktography:
SoCalChris won Farktography Contest No. 751: "Software Hootenanny 9" with some space creatures passing in front of the sun

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the quiz, even though I think I set a record for typos. And I'm no longer welcome at Starbucks after trying to pay with non-Ethiopian sheepskin. On the quiz itself, Denjiro came out on top with 972, followed by ZAZ in second with 946 and Texa$ in third with 937. jaycharms made fourth with 933, and Evildog finishes out the top five with 931.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over where cellist Yo Yo Ma played a short recital while wearing a hard hat. Only 34% of quiztakers knew that he descended deep into the bowels of the largest machine ever made by human hands, and gave a reportedly moving rendition of the Prelude from Bach's Cello Suite No. 6 some 100 meters underground in the Large Hadron Collider. And yes, hard hats are mandatory there, even though no one is quite sure just how much that's going to protect you from 100 meters of solid rock, much less the transdimensional portals and stuff they open there. Quick note: the Notre Dame Cathedral still remains closed after the fire earlier this year.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which company mostly known for video games just celebrated its 130th birthday. 74% of quiztakers knew that Japan 1889 was a hot time for playing card games, and Nintendo quickly became popular for their hanafuda decks. Although they played around with side businesses like taxi services and love hotels (yes, those are exactly what you think), they still haven't forgotten their roots in playing cards - think Pokémon.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which alumni of the 1979 film Alien worked with Blondie singer Deborah Harry on her first solo work. 49% of quiztakers recalled that Alien did in fact win an Oscar - but it was for Best Visual Effects, which meant it went to horror artist H. R. Giger and not director Ridley Scott  After doing Harry's body paint for her video, Giger hung around to watch it being filmed - and then when the director didn't show, wound up directing himself. (Side note: Although nominated 4 times, Sir Ridley Scott still has not won an Oscar).

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which movie had enough online chatter to prompt top brass to issue a warning to US military servicemembers about the possibility of a mass shooting. 85% of quiztakers knew the concerns were over "Joker". Probably because no one really plans to see "Last Blood", as even the creator of the Rambo character has expressed disappointment in later features.

If you missed out on the Quiz, you can catch up on it here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll do it again next week when I'll have a nice story about putting together this week's quiz,
· · ·


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