Have you ever tried bobbing for apples? I can only think of one party that I've been to where that was going on, and it involved a huge tub full of floating apples and water that was filthy with scum from Halloween makeup, wig fibers, and the saliva of all the participants -- and the big prize was that if you won, you got to eat an apple that you caught with your face. For some reason, I didn't find this all that appealing. Another year, I went to a party where they hung doughnuts from strings, and participants had to try to eat those without using their hands. Now THAT was a much better deal. Hell, I'd try that any day of the year. String up the doughnuts, I'm going in.

In news that's more string-doughnut than scummy apple water, we have some fun Fark Halloween threads up. So go, enjoy, and whatever you do, don't waste time working while nobody's watching. 

Fark Halloween threads (all times Eastern):
Sunday Morning Music Club Halloween songs thread
Halloween candies from your childhood that don't exist anymore
Fark's Annual Jack-O-Lantern Photoshop Contest
Show us your Halloween costumes and decorations
Farktography Contest No. 704: "Halloween 9" (not accessible to non-TotalFarkers until 12:01 a.m. on Thursday)
Fark's Annual Spooky Story Thread

And here are all the previous spooky story threads from each year since it started: 
2004    2005    2006    2007    2008    2009    2010   2011    2012    2013    2014    2015    2016   2017


XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Man On A Mission saw a lot of potential in a Fark thread
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That shared some facts about average penis length
8 inches was way too mature for this conversation
theDesertHamster reacted to news that a bomb was sent to Robert De Niro
Krieghund took sides in a bar fight between cops and bikers
Mad_Radhu found perhaps the strongest argument against contextual advertising
North_Central_Positronics crunched the numbers on a woman's blog post about taking her kid to Disney World
xanadian knew that a fad in China of pretending to fall with luxury goods strewn around you is not new
668NeighborOfTheBeast wasn't impressed by a story about nipple piercings
Benevolent Misanthrope has a visceral reaction to a woman's passion for shiplap

Smart:
Sid_6.7 noticed that a woman complaining about millennials didn't know what she was talking about
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha figured that the bad math went both ways
North_Central_Positronics crunched the numbers on a woman's blog post about taking her kid to Disney World
AnotherBluesStringer addressed The controversy over Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Pfighting Polish listed the various reactions to headlines inspired by the original "Pricipal . Caught sayof" headline (here's the original, TotalFark-only "Pricipal . Caught sayof" thread)
Snarfangel thought that there was a missed opportunity to make a trial more entertaining
dkulprit gave background information on cops "accidentally" destroying evidence on a hard drive
Big_Doofus could see why a mommy blogger complained that childless adults are ruining Disney World
OgreMagi proposed an agreement between adults and kids
dv-ous had a theory on how law enforcement agencies handle the dark web

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: flucto gave advice to someone who caught the person buying their house skulking around when nobody was home
Smart: RexTalionis thought that the church has come full circle
Funny: rcf1105 knew the perfect place to take Jesus for dinner
Funny: rcf1105 had a question about being telepathic during sex
Funny: flucto's first girlfriend was really dirty
Funny: sarahthustra ruined a movie title by changing one letter

Politics Funny:
Karac listed the only three genders that will be recognized under the Trump administration
maddan had high hopes for the militia groups planning on stopping the migrant caravan at the border
Karac expressed admiration for Caitlyn Jenner
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat knew why Donald Trump told the migrant caravan to "turnaround"
mrshowrules pointed out that the militia groups planning on stopping the caravan were getting ahead of themselves

Politics Smart:
Weaver95 thought that Americans are expected to ignore reality
Boo_Guy explained that Trump didn't say that it's okay for you to grab women by the private parts
nekom explained the difference between the MAGAbomber and the Unabomber (sadly, not a riddle)
scottydoesntknow had one problem with Caitlyn Jenner's change of heart about Trump
bloobeary felt that Jeff Flake's thoughts on the mail bombs were consistent with decisions he's made

CSB Sunday Morning:  Things you believed when you were a kid
Smart: Phineas J. Whoopee was almost right about how people get jobs
Funny: Zevon's Evil Twin was worried after a horse on the family farm had to be euthanized

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector made some coffee that's as happy to see you as you are to see it
Herb Utsmelz created the ultimate condom designed "for her pleasure"
Alligator proved that a little cloud doesn't have to ruin a nice day at the beach
RedZoneTuba's superhero saves the day with style
Wrongo found out that the president has replaced his press secretary
hail2daking showed someone who's clearly had a lot of pic-a-nics lately
Yammering_Splat_Vector made the beach a lot brighter
RedZoneTuba found out what Mitch McConnell does when Congress is in recess
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed a woman who is cracking up
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave a traveler some bad luck

Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 703: "Shoot the Photographer" with a stunning photo from the Holocaust memorial in Berlin

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We weren't able to come up with anything worse than the "Baby Shark" song, but I'd say it's bad enough. So bad, in fact, that I think it caused the quiz to suffer. We had only one person break 900. TwoHead took first with 930, followed by Denjiro with 827 and foo monkey with 818. FrancoFile took fourth with 758, and cyberspacedout finishes out the top five with 755.

The hardest question that tripped the most people up on the Hard Quiz was over what word the Academy of Country Music was eliminating from their newly-renamed categories of the Country Music Awards. Only 21% of quiztakers knew that the Academy was replacing the word "Vocalist" with "Artist." I'm guessing this might have something to do with Autotune, or maybe Prince has some posthumous stuff they've unearthed and are adding a steel guitar and fiddle.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what business U.S. Senate Candidate David Hof was famous for owning. 80% of quiztakers knew he had died the night of his 72nd birthday party after partying with Heidi Fleiss, Joe Arpaio, and Grover Norquist, and was discovered by his friend Ron Jeremy at one of his other brothels - although he was most famous for owning the Bunny Ranch.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over the U.S.'s latest diplomatic screwup with Australia, following the arrest of the head of the U.S. Marine contingent there for drunk driving earlier this month. Only 26% of quiztakers knew that the embassy in Canberra had sent out invitations to a "cat pajama-jam," and not a kangaroo barbecue. While many Australians feel a certain cultural reluctance to partake of kangaroo meat, it is completely legal and openly served there and wouldn't have been as big of a "WTF" to Australian diplomatic staff as the expectation to show up in your jammies and party with cats. Australia actually exports kangaroo meat to more than 50 countries - one being the U.S., except for California where they think Skippy is too cute to eat. (Yes, that was the correct answer to the "mystery meat" question on the hard quiz as well). 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which professional sports team was owned by the late co-founder of Microsoft, Paul Allen. 88% of quiztakers knew that he owned the Seahawks of his hometown Seattle, Washington. As exclusive of a club as the NFL ownership is, it's really amazing when you get to purchase your hometown team that you grew up watching. I'm guessing he wasn't involved in the Marshawn Lynch trade. That probably came about via the same person who greenlit Windows Vista.

If you missed the quiz, or just want to see the Baby Shark Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo video, you can catch up here. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks to all our submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  

We love Headlines of the Week because we get to highlight the best of the creative, sideways thinking, insightful, and damn funny headlines we enjoy every day.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your friends as you sit on the driveway and drink beer or hot cider while the kids trick-or-treat - and say, "thisis Fark." 

Below are some of our favorites; check out all the Headlines of the Week for Sun 2018-10-07 to Sat 2018-10-13 here, and all of the Headlines of the Week for Sun 2018-10-14 to Sat 2018-10-20 here!

Headlines of the Week for Sun 2018-10-07 to Sat 2018-10-13:

Main:
No injuries reported after explosion at Wisconsin ethanol plant. Officials suspect alcohol was involved

Sports:
Indians, Braves and Redskins all lose on Columbus Day. Really, what did you expect?

Geek:
Neuroscientists create most detailed map ever of hippocampus, and are astonished at the number of dining halls

Entertainment:
*knock knock knock* Harley. *knock knock knock* Harley. *knock knock knock* Harley

Politics:
Conservative commentator Max Boot calls for America to give the Republican party the.. uh.. thing that goes on your foot. Has a heel. And straps. Can't think of the word

Business:
Best Buy: "Welcome to our lawn"

Discussion:
Isaac Asimov's First Law of Robotics: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. But what if the robot is a BDSM sex robot? What then, smart guy?

D'awww:
FTA: "We don't know anybody who knows a llama personally and definitely no one who gave us blank pictures of a llama as a wedding invitation." Damn llamas, man. They're always at the center of mail-theft rings

Food:
If you have ever been a chef at Medieval times this may be your dream job

Headlines of the Week for Sun 2018-10-14 to Sat 2018-10-20

Main:
For sale: voter registration records for thirty-five million Americans. Includes full name, phone numbers, physical addresses, voting history, and affiliation. For amusement purposes only. $42,200

Coffee rust threatens Latin American crop. 150 years ago, it wiped out an empire, presumably due to fatigue and caffeine withdrawal

Sports:
Save Ferris? Duke sucks

Geek:
♪ Oh, what a feeling. When we're sleeping on the ceiling ♪

Entertainment:
Sunny day, Big Bird is sweeping his Sesame Street clouds away, can you tell him how to get, how to get to Retirement Street

Politics:
The Artful Dealmaker is now also The Contrarian Grammarian

Business:
Oh, those crazy backwards Canadians, with their extra Us, fancy Zeds and interrogative headlines where the answer turns out to be "Yes"

Discussion:
Subby forgot what he packed for lunch today and took a big bite of what his brain thought was going to be a peanut butter sandwich. It was tuna fish. What the hell do you call the brain blue screen that happens at times like that?

D'awww:
H ... a ... p ... p ... y ... I ... n ... t ... e ... r ... n ... a ... t ... i ... o ... n ... a ... l ... S ... l ... o ... t ... h ... D ... a ... y

Food:
Ontario pot store mislabels genital cannabis spray as an oral product. "Honest mistake. What? Why are you laughing?"

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

Have you noticed that kids don't seem to trick-or-treat as much as they used to? A lot of it has to do with their parents being afraid someone will give their children treats full of razor blades, needles, drugs (like anyone wants to waste good drugs like that), poison, and Necco Wafers. Then, of course, there's good old-fashioned stranger danger. So instead of going door to door, parents are taking their kids to trick-or-treat events at businesses, churches, schools, and, I don't know, truck stops maybe? It also doesn't help that a handful of cities have decided to go as assholes for Halloween and impose age limits on trick-or-treating, complete with the threat of jail time for those who try to enjoy the wholesome fun of trick-or-treating when they're past the cutoff. Personally, I like seeing kids trick-or-treating up into high school age. Let them enjoy this last bit of childhood instead of sitting around playing video games or getting drunk and doing drugs like we all do did.

XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Devolving_Spud knew the biggest worry of Flat Earthers
Mike_LowELL showed us the challenge a man faced when trying to enter his apartment building
physt had one concern when hearing that Yuimetal has left the Japanese band Babymetal
Mr.Hawk noticed some unfortunate ad placement
MattytheMouse predicted another problem after Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died of cancer
brap had one thing to say about hooking up with an ex
MattytheMouse found something better to do than become a Flat Earther
Parthenogenetic continued the journey that Mike_LowELL started
BunkyBrewman wondered if another Farker is actually Roger Waters
dv-ous helped define the phrase "vast expanse"

Smart:
whidbey thought that where pot was bought and where that bought pot was brought and how the guy got caught was not important
PainInTheASP interpreted what a couple's "year off from marriage" really meant
BizarreMan had a legal strategy for a man who was convicted of drug trafficking
akula might have figured out the real problem that broke up a marriage
Super Chronic saw a point at which "Apartment Patty's" explanation seemed to fall apart
nekom thought of a good reason to believe the moon landing was real, if you need it
raerae1980 seen evidence of the moon landing firsthand
whither_apophis explained one of the problems that has been affecting Sears and Kmart
Farkomatic criticized the choices a woman made in regards to her marriage
FortyHams pointed out the main problem people have with Natural Light offering a 77-pack

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: merrillvillain found a good reason to report another Farker's comments to moderators
Funny: reagabeast had an idea for removing a stuck DivaCup
Smart: I Said summed up how a lot of people feel about gender reveal parties
Funny: Shostie suggested a tried-and-true method for removing a DivaCup
Funny: Ceteris Paribus says knew all about another Farker's high school experience

Politics Funny:
Conservative Humor chose to believe the positive spin
Wellon Dowd wanted another Farker to be more sensitive when accusing Donald Trump of not paying a debt
Vlad_the_Inaner knew how to solve any issues between Trump and Prince Mohammed bin Salman
spooky.action figured out what's happening in a painting of Democratic former presidents
OptionC figured out what happened to Jamal Khashoggi

Politics Smart:
NateAsbestos thought it's an awesome idea to argue over whether Elizabeth Warren has enough Native American blood
maddan explained that not all Trump supporters are crazy and/or racist
AdmirableSnackbar clarified what Warren claimed about her ancestry
hubiestubert had some confusion about Trump supporters being upset that SNL makes them look "either crazy or racist"
Catlenfell thought that Trump had a different reason for arguing that he didn't offer Warren $1 million

CSB Sunday Morning:  Putting your foot in your mouth
Smart: acad1228 learned that it's best to not joke about some things
Funny: sarek_smile is really picky about blind dates

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking's Photoshop is brought to you by the letters "M" and "J"
retrophil showed us a statuesque bowler
RedZoneTuba showed Bert and Ernie relaxing with a good book
Alligator found that rescue workers dropped an elderly couple off in a strange place
hail2daking showed Grover making extra money through questionable methods
Wrongo rescued a couple of well-known hecklers
Herb Utsmelz revealed Sesame Street's dark side
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a new "Sesame Street" cast member
Circusdog320 delivered a couple of evacuees to a secure facility
AllerJeez replaced the heads on some terrifying attackers

Captions:
PainInTheASP let us know what a peeking moose has to say
Wadded Beef revealed why a moose was making such a funny face
bearded clamorer found a squirrel that does celebrity impersonations
RedZoneTuba showed us a bear in denial
Resident Muslim found a very embarrassed athlete

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 702: "Toys in the Attic" ended in a tie between a creepy... bear... monkey.. man? from gymratz and a classic Wienermobile from Katwang

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Although on the whole a higher percentage of people got each individual question correct, the top scores were a bit lower than normal this go-round. Denjiro came out on top with a score of 908, followed by notyoucoach in second with 904 and foo monkey right behind with 902. Cyril Sneer takes fourth with 878, and HungryMonkey makes the top 5 with 874. 

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which Asian country had ordered its ISPs to block all porn sites, blaming increased availability of porn for a recent upticks of sexual assault cases. Only 22% of quiztakers knew that with the new extensions of wifi to base camps, you can upload your selfie from atop Mount Everest but don't try to access PornHub, since Nepal has blocked it out. I'm not sure if the authorities have heard of the Streisand Effect, but I really hope me saying that doesn't self-satisfy Rule 34.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what piece of technology provided key evidence that a 90-year-old man had lied to investigators about his stepdaughter's apparent suicide, resulting in him being arrested for her murder. 89% of quiztakers knew that her Fitbit showed the time at which her heartbeat had slowed and stopped, and, together with video evidence of the times he had came and went, put him at the scene of the crime at that time. Obviously he hadn't Googled "how to commit the perfect murder" or he would have known from Chapter 38 to check for heart rate devices. At least, that's what I heard.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which kids' breakfast cereal was going retro by returning to their '90s-era shapes. Only 21% of quiztakers knew that it was Trix that would be returning to fruit shapes instead of the little imperfect spheroids from the '80s and what's being used currently. Although Lucky Charms added a unicorn this year, this is a completely new marshmallow unrelated to any used in the '90s. I still want the sparkling rainbows back.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about which series on Netflix was going to feature a "Choose your own adventure" style of interactive episode. 80% of people knew that the British sci-fi anthology Black Mirror would be featuring such an episode in the upcoming season, now currently in production. No word on if it involves a pig.

If you missed the quiz, you can catch up on it here.

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing it all over again this week.

Last week, we offered you a chance to get your sweaty hands on a vintage Fark t-shirt. You were asked to answer an overly-complicated question in exchange for this great honor, and the winning replies were Big Beef Burrito's well thought-out, hairy selection, The Third Man's appreciation for a malfunctioning deathtrap, and Hyperbolic Hyperbole's "I actually understood the question" response. Thanks to everyone who participated and voted. Winners, please email Drew to see what he has in your size.

XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
433 pointed out that Elon Musk is only making the water quality in Flint worse
DayBreakBoys defended a "Good Day L.A." host's surprise that members of a Canadian band speak English
SecretAgentWoman shared Halloween costume plans
NeoCortex42 was surprised at how many people died in a limousine crash
Pocket Ninja thought of a good way for people to stay safe when a hurricane hits
Myk-House of El wrote a song in honor of Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner getting high together
gopher321 recognized the setting for a mugshot of a guy who lost a leg trying to kill his lawnmower-riding son with a chainsaw
Zafler paid a compliment to a fellow Farker
Mugato had one question about the guy who ran over his chainsaw-wielding dad with a lawnmower
toraque lamented the death of a Medieval knight re-enactor who accidentally impaled himself with his lance

Smart:
doglover had some feelings about people with nut allergies using airline travel
darthaegis discussed the policing of women's attire
Miss5280 shared some insight about why religious schools might be better for kids
HawgWild gave a convincing argument in favor of grunge music
Pocket Ninja thought that the U.S. Navy definitely needs more money
Mike_LowELL reminded us about the most important thing to remember when people are affected by a hurricane
wax_on gave reasons to disbelieve that network executives regret firing Roseanne Barr
MattytheMouse thought that resurrecting "Roseanne" was a bad idea
hubiestubert defended Rose McGowan
Miss5280 was willing to pay a little more money for a convenient service

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: EggFool was concerned about another Farker's cough
Smart: MissFeasance tried to steal some kid's hoodie
Funny: generalDisdain has the tribute band you've been waiting for
Smart: Smock Pot answered the question, "Can you fark someone without liking them?"
Funny: JerseyTim had a question for a Farker who didn't get any sleep

Politics Funny:
Pinnacle Point empathized with a Lyft driver who was being harassed by some passengers
hobnail thought that a Trump-loving mother was missing part of the story
UberDave explained why one Navy veteran doesn't have to fear "radical feminists with an axe to grind"
abhorrent1 recognized the unruly Lyft passengers
ralphjr found the Republicans who posed as communists to donate to a Democrat

Politics Smart:
HawgWild reacted to Donald Trump praising Robert E. Lee
bloobeary saw Trump's "rule of the mob" from a different point of view
hubiestubert replied to Colin Powell's concern about how the world is changing
edmo discussed who ends up being blamed for problems in the U.S.
snowjack responded to Melania Trump's claim that she's "the most bullied person in the world"

CSB Sunday Morning:  Sports mishaps
Smart:  The Third Man nearly started a riot at a basketball game
Funny:  gordian brought the house down with some sweet volleyball moves

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator found a familiar face making an appearance in a James Bond film
Yammering_Splat_Vector didn't let us down with this Easter egg from "2001: A Space Odyssey"
hail2daking found out why they call him the "Tin Man"
theDesertHamster set a high-tech cat trap
hail2daking revealed King Kong's hidden secret
RedZoneTuba got some mechanics to work on Fark's airplane
RedZoneTuba made a new spread to put on your toast
hail2daking got your new favorite band together
Yammering_Splat_Vector noticed some very bad flair
RedZoneTuba showed us why "Angel Eyes" was also sometimes known as "Bubbles"

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 701: "The Low Down" ended in a tie between FuLinHyu's cute little rodent friend and CiliarySpasm's view of a statehouse

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Sunday, October 21: Bay Area Pokemon Go October Community Day Fark gathering in San Francisco
Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had a fun time playing with the free pencils on the group W bench last quiz, and I think we came to the conclusion that no one likes to eat food that's looking at them. The average scores were way up, but only one Farker reigns supreme in the 1000 club this time around. bratface is on top with 1018, followed by A_fuente in second with 956 and leftofcool right behind in third with 953. FrancoFile takes fourth with 949, and Civchic finishes off the top 5 with 931.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which Disney Princess was going to be re-animated following backlash to her appearance in the trailer for Wreck It Ralph 2. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that when you only have one black princess in your entire catalog, it's probably not a good idea to lighten her skin and hair and change her facial features. It's bad enough that Hollywood insists on changing Asian and Persian characters to white actors, but it's just dumb to "whitewash" a black character. Thankfully, they're fixing it.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what "mundane" task newly-minted royal Meghan Markle was caught doing for herself. 80% of quiztakers knew that she had been seen closing her own car door, which probably wasn't in the original Instructions for English Royalty from circa 300 C.E. However, I'm sure some Royal Protocol Expert somewhere has successfully argued that the passage on carriages was meant to denote all forms of wheeled conveyance, and therefore she has committed some serious breach of etiquette and must apologize to the Queen. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which company had moved the cheese above the meat in their latest cheeseburger emoji, 39% of quiztakers knew that Google had finally decided to let the cheese melt above the burger, while 61% of quiztakers don't really care, and they wouldn't mind an actual cheeseburger right about now, no matter which way the cheese is. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the impending renaming of iconic breakfast chain Dunkin' Donuts. 91% of quiztakers knew that they were dropping the "Donuts" in the name, but not off the menu. 9% of quiztakers agreed with me that "Double D's" would be a pretty cool name, but that's why I write quizzes and not marketing for multi-million dollar companies. Also, they save on printing ink, so there's that. 

If you missed the quiz, you can find it here.

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing it again this week.


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Many thanks as always to all our amazing submitters, and huge thanks to all our TotalFark voters!  

Main and Geek were our favorite tabs this week - take some time and go back and look!

We're always impressed that submitters can make Politics funny and we've got quite a few great headlines this week.  That being said, the political news can get rough and there's a lot of room for competition in Politics if you're looking for a place to stretch your comedic wordplay and creativity!  

We love Headline of the Week because it lets us showcase the best of the site for the week:  the headlines that have that extra level of creativity, sideways thinking, and humor that we all love.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your parents, your kids, your friends, and your pets, and say *this* is Fark. 

Here are a few of our favorites!  Check out the rest of the Fark Headlines of the Week here!

Main:

Pizza driver calls 911 after seeing kidnapped woman mouth "Help me" in Waldo, Wisconsin. No word on how long rescue was delayed while the police tried to figure out where that was

Listen. Eight-year-old girls walking in ponds and finding swords is no basis for a system of archaeology

Sports:

Tom Wilson goes full Tom Wilson. Never go full Tom Wilson

Geek:

Spacesuits protect microbes destined for space. Really, really tiny spacesuits

Watching a friend get eaten could help animals learn to stay alive. Hmm, I'm not sure how that works exactly, but I do happen to have some extra friends. I guess I could do my part for animal education. Where do I sign up?

Entertainment:

Why do we still love the Predator? Well, let's just ask him ... wait, no, it just ripped that dude's spine out. Ok, how about we let him chill and just read this article instead?

Politics:

Brett Kavanaugh takes his case to the people... Who subscribe to the Wall Street Journal... Which is behind a paywall

As God as my witness, I never thought Turkey inflation could soar

Business:

Little Caesars Arena in Detroit will no longer use paper tickets. Download download

Discussion:

"I live in Colorado, and we USED to have a 420 mile marker on our N/S highway. Long story short, people kept stealing it, so now we have 419.99 instead"

D'awww:

Hey, free bear cubs

Food:

Enjoy a Harpoon Dunkin' Coffee Porter. Solves that age old problem when despair drives you to drink early but you can't nap until the afternoon. Pairs with a jelly donut

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

We're trying something different this week. Well, different for the Fark NotNewsletter, anyway. In the comments thread for this NotNewsletter, please answer this question: If you could live in a world where we have all of the technology from any one movie or television show, which one would it be, and why? There are more rules, though:

1)  You can only choose one, so you can't, for example, have lightsabers from "Star Wars" and tricorders from "Star Trek"

2)  While you get the technology, you don't necessarily get other things from that universe. So you might have the Enterprise, but that doesn't mean you get Vulcans. You get whatever you get with that tech and this universe.

3)  You don't get anything supernatural from whichever show or movie you choose, unless that tech makes it possible. So you can't read someone's mind unless there's tech that allows it. You won't have the Force. You can't bust ghosts unless there turn out to actually be ghosts to bust - so that tech might end up being useless if there are no ghosts - but at least you'd know for sure.

4)  If you choose an anthology, including one where they might overlap a bit, you still have to choose just one episode. So if you're going for something like "Black Mirror,"  you have to specify which episode.

5)  Most importantly, if you are going to have spoilers in your comment - including followup comments, replies, and comments about old shows or movies - you must include a warning at the top of your comment saying, for example, "Warning: Battlestar Galactica (1978) spoilers."

And now for the prize: Drew has a bunch of leftover vintage Fark t-shirts stored in his attic from when the Farkstore t-shirt inventory got cleared out. He's not sure which ones are left and which sizes remain of what, but they're random things like the hero tag and UFIA. The "smartest" and "funniest" answers that follow all the rules will each win one shirt - a choice of whatever he can find in the winners' sizes. 

So share your answer in the comments, and get your voting fingers ready!

XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
djfitz took the opportunity to make a great new "Welcome to Fark" image
akula channeled an inner Wooderson
Wolsey figured out who's going to have to pay for San Francisco's leaning Millennium Tower
phlegmmo was glad that The Sun was there to clarify something about a pleasure robot tester
bearded clamorer figured a grocery store could've done a better job apologizing to a pregnant woman for bad delivery service
NephilimNexus had one takeaway from a story about a guy banging a love robot until it broke
Oysterman addressed Kanye West's assertion that Abraham Lincoln might have been black
Madman drummers bummers summed up how a man's reckless driving caused his death
Great_Milenko proved that climate change is a hoax
Pocket Ninja explained why companies need to ask "oddball questions" during job interviews

Smart:
jst3p wanted to give some credit for a killer being found guilty
yanceylebeef thought there was a reason why a cop killer was taken in alive
Jack Sabbath explained empathizing with a parent who attacked a child who she claimed bullied her child
Gawdzila noticed two verdicts that one would not expect to go together
netizencain offered some career advice to certain police officers
Grillsergeant gave a chef's view of some parents' expectations when taking their kids to restaurants
edmo discussed some of the problems that white parents of black kids have to face when dealing with other people
Gaddiel felt cynical that a conviction would stick
Flappyhead had a plan for how to handle a lot of money in the lottery
At least part of this comment from neongoats was probably a joke, but Farker seemed to agree with it

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: meg12279 shared an adventure in co-parenting
Funny: KangTheMad found it necessary to report an offensive comment to moderators
Funny: meg12279 figured out how to stop dating a "SUPER religious" guy
Funny: Snaps demonstrated the fine art of getting your cat to give you a dirty look
Funny: Old Man Winter knew what gets another Farker off

Politics Funny:
eurotrader wondered why Sarah Palin was talking about 2022
Mike_LowELL was feeling flirtatious
Algebrat reacted to news that former Portland Trail Blazer Chris Dudley was involved in a bar fight with Brett Kavanaugh
Guybird gave a Kavanaugh-style warning
foo monkey had bad side effects to a medication

Politics Smart:
Ambivalence discussed an anonymous letter making sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh
NeoCortex42 considered how Donald Trump managed to walk to Air Force One with tissue stuck to his shoe
FormlessOne discussed the bigger issue behind Trump mocking Christine Blasey Ford
Monkeyfark Ridiculous considered Kavanaugh's demeanor during his testimony
FormlessOne saw a connection between Trump's taxes and the rush to confirm Kavanaugh


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector made some corrections to an old calendar
retrophil figured TV in Hell would be a familiar experience from many people's adolescent years
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed who has her own TV show in Hell
Driver found that you get a choice of television channels in Hell
hail2daking made better mascots for a golf tournament than just plain ol' penguins
Don_cos showed that some people stick with their passion even in the face of change
Herb Utsmelz knew who would really appreciate this fancy L
Herb Utsmelz had a familiar problem installing windows
Yammering_Splat_Vector caught a very rude bird doing something bad
theDesertHamster demonstrated how to properly and safely clean your ears

Caption:
Sensei Can You See helpfully translated some hand washing instructions

Farktography:
bobug won Farktography Contest No. 700: "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" with some very wet plants

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Sunday, October 21: Bay Area Pokemon Go October Community Day Fark gathering in San Francisco
Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks as always to our amazing submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!

We love Headline of the Week because it lets us highlight the headlines that make us think, twist our brain with a new perspective, and make us laugh.  The kinds of headlines you can share at parties or over coffee the next morning, and say "*this* is Fark".  

Here are a few of our favorites from this week, check out all the Fark Headlines of the Week!

Main:

They're puddin' Cosby away for 3 to 10

Hurricane Rosa upgraded to Category 4; may travel inland as far as Phoenix. That's in Arizona, though, so it'll be a dry hurricane

Sports:

Butt hurt

Geek:

How the Mobius strip eschered in a new branch of mathematics

Entertainment:

Wiseau serious?

Politics:

The FBI is investigating Lincoln's hat. Why not Ford's claims? Maybe it has something to do with her theater

Trump's NAFTA isn't NA, won't be F, and has a distinct lack of A

Business:

Aurora Cannabis is becoming the Berkshire Hathaway OF WEED, gives new, like, meaning to buffet, man

Discussion:

The "35 Most Frequently Banned Books" list is out. Also known as "Your kid won't read? Show them this list" list

D'awww:

Otterly aware

Food:

"How can I make my tiny kitchen work for me?" Just give it some thyme and you'll grow to love it

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

October just started, and there are already articles coming out about people calling the police because they think some Halloween decorations might be real and that someone is in trouble or killed. We should probably have BINGO cards set up for the usual Halloween stories. Squares could include: thing that it's offensive to have a sexy costume of, actual dead person mistaken for Halloween decoration for a while, warnings to not accidentally hand out your marijuana edibles to trick-or-treaters, someone complains that neighbor's decorations are offensive or too scary, school releases list of prohibited costumes that includes thing that people are angry to see included, warnings that people are trying to kill your children with tainted treats, warnings that people are intentionally wasting good drugs by giving them to your children, mugshots of people arrested in costumes, idiots wearing blackface costumes, college students wearing offensive group costumes, inappropriate children's costume for sale, and frog. 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
nekom shared part of a letter home from a Civil War soldier who had to fight dinosaurs
relaxitsjustme explained why police had to tase an 87-year-old woman who was cutting dandelions
Brawndo got a new tattoo
Marcus Aurelius has this one weird trick for saving money on Halloween candy
GooberMcFly lauded police officers for saving an elderly woman's life
Archie Goodwin censured a sex offender
invictus2 was confused by additional proof that dinosaurs were around during the U.S. Civil War
Gordon Bennett commented on what a sex offender has admitted to
Martian_Astronomer taught us what really happened during the Civil War
atlantic_lotion shared a sexual fantasy that breaks the law
drayno76 learned a couple of lessons during sex play

Smart:
edmo responded to a warning about public restroom baby changing tables
Xai found a few problems with police tasing an 87-year-old woman
raerae1980 doesn't approve of archaeologying wrong
Spectral-K shared a sad story about growing up with parents who treat you like you're not good enough
Warthog needed a little more clarification on which sailor was being discussed
Pocket Ninja discussed people who express concern about false rape accusations
Lershac judged a cop by his looks... and because he tased an 87-year-old woman who was cutting dandelions and didn't follow his instructions because she didn't speak English
scottydoesntknow figured that Megyn Kelly overestimates her contributions
Deece thought that there's one thing Bill Cosby might want to stop lecturing people about
puffy999 reacted to news that former Cracked writer John Cheese faced a day of reckoning

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: merrillvillain gave advice on putting a sick pet fish out of its misery
Smart: weddingsinger shared some good news
Funny: feckingmorons warmed TotalFarkers up to an idea for a tattoo
Smart: GhostOfAChance showed off some cool custom shoes
Funny: sarahthustra helpfully identified a mystery bug

Politics Funny:
Intel154 figured out how a new Eagle Scout ended up with a letter from Donald Trump discussing Barbara Bush
Shostie found that Brett Kavanaugh somehow had technology from the future when he was in high school
Destructor issued a plea when world leaders at the United Nations General Assembly laughed at Trump
impaler showed a discussion at the White House about Kavanaugh
scottydoesntknow gave Kavanaugh-like advice

Politics Smart:
hubiestubert listed a lot of red flags that should have disqualified Kavanaugh already
bloobeary spied a Russian invasion
somedude210 had an idea of why Republicans were in such a hurry to confirm Kavanaugh last week
wejash found a reason why confirming Kavanaugh won't cost Republicans the support of Republican women
GardenWeasel had a question about Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy's concern over "the death and decline of democracy"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator had a few questions for a Farker's kid
Vortex Dweller put the boy in a real cockpit
RedZoneTuba showed us how Trump traveled to college
markie_farkie found out what happens when you let a little kid fly the plane
Alligator had a coworker with a questionable appearance
verchad discovered that this boy can fly without a plane
Yammering_Splat_Vector sat around on dat molecule
RedZoneTuba proved that eating on a plane can be a bit messy
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a time-warped room where celebrities read the news
zeon sent this boy on a very long trip

Farktography:
Clockwork Kumquat won Farktography Contest No. 699: "Sweet Things" with a worried-looking Daim

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Well it seems that although no one actually watched the Emmys this year, we all caught up on the results Monday morning. This made the Quiz somewhat easier this week, with no less than six Farkers crowded into the normally cozy 1000 club. M-G reigns supreme with 1038, followed by richh99 in second with 1031 and Bruce Campbell vs Army of Farkness in third with 1025. jaycharms was right behind in fourth with 1024, followed by the Mole of Production in fifth with 1015, and we'll also give a shout-out to BeotchPudding for a very close sixth place with 1014.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about where you can now buy the "meal replacement" Soylent. Only 32% of quiztakers knew it was hitting the market in the UK, who apparently no longer need to worry about EU food regulations. I think if you're naming your food after a substance that was made from dead people, it shouldn't taste like gritty algae. Maybe chicken, but definitely not gritty algae.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over  which video game was being cited the most in UK divorce proceedings. No less than 82% of quiztakers knew that it's no longer 2008, so people are no longer ignoring their spouses over World of Warcraft and instead have moved on to Fortnite. The episodic content seems to have a bigger draw than Netflix and Chill with the spouse nowadays.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which billionaire is investing in a company called Neuralink which promises a direct computer interface with the human brain. Only 37% of quiztakers knew that Elon Musk was looking for a new business opportunity, perhaps due to the impending SEC case that has now ousted him from Tesla. I'm somewhat relieved it wasn't Jeff Bezos, because the last thing we need is people walking around having seemingly one-sided conversations with Alexa.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz came from the Emmys. 79% of quiztakers knew that it was Henry Winkler who finally got his first Emmy, 42 years after being nominated for the first time for his role as "The Fonz" (He was nominated twice more for "Happy Days" and three additional times for other work, but this was his first win). For the record, Danny DeVito took home his first Emmy 37 years ago in 1981 for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy or Variety or Music Series for his role of Louie in "Taxi". He has not been nominated for an Emmy since 2004.

Congrats again to the winners this week. If you missed the quiz, you can catch up by clicking here. 


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks to all our fantastic submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  

We love Headlines of the Week because it lets us showcase the clever, unique, sideways-thinking, and damn funny headlines that we get to enjoy all week.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your spouse, your co-workers, and the people at the bar or coffee shop next to you, and say "*this* is Fark".

Here are a few of our favorites, check out the Headlines of the Week for September 9 - September 15 and Headlines of the Week for September 16 - September 22 for all the headlines chosen the last two weeks!  Take an extra look at Food and D'awww for the week of 9/16 to 9/22 - thanks submitters for making these tabs funny!


Headlines of The Week for Sun 2018-09-09 to Sat 2018-09-15

Main:
Man discovers new kind of rock that glows under black light. Geologists speculate that the rock is composed of Grateful Dead posters and old hotel bedspreads

Sports:
"Welcome to Wahlburgers, how can I help you.... Yes, I know who Nomar Garciaparra is...No, I didn't make out with Derek Jeter...Would you like fries with that? "

Geek:
I was told there would be no wine

Entertainment:
Pay no attention to the Jennifer Garner behind the curtain

Politics:
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTB--wait, no, sorry. Culture War. Are you ready for a Culture War

GOP bringing in the smartest, most articulate Republican president of the 21st century to aid in midterm elections

Victims in alternate timeline speak out against the atrocities of President Clinton, Hillary Clinton

Business:
MGM decided it would sue the 1000+ survivors of the 2017 mass-shooting incident as sort of a reverse class-action, and they'd now appreciate it if those people would identify themselves

Discussion:
Are you one of the millions of Americans who suffer from premature inoculation?

D'awww:
Rocket corgi awaaaaaaaaaaay

Food:
McDonald's stores in South Florida are testing McD's international menu items that have sold well abroad, such as Grand McExtreme Bacon Burger, BBQ McShaker Fries, McSpicy Chicken, and the Dutch Stroopwafel McFlurry which is not a sex practice


Headlines of The Week for Sun 2018-09-16 to Sat 2018-09-22

Main:
Girl in good condition after being freed from washing machine. She is reported to be dizzy and missing one sock

Sports:
NFL player says there's nothing to do in Buffalo. Well, there is one thing

Geek:
Does this fat make me look Cambrian?

Entertainment:
It belongs in a museum

Politics:
American voters want the anger to stop, but they just can't stop BEING SO ANGRY. Maybe tell them anger has glutens?

Business:
Coca-Cola is eyeing the cannabis market. It's the real thing, man

Discussion:
Do you think Van Halen's opening act ever thought to ask for all the brown M&Ms Van Halen insisted be picked out of theirs?

D'awww:
Eighty-seven teams from across the nation are competing to see who is top dog at the National Police Dog Trials. None of them will fall for your fake throw

Food:
🍑🥦🍍🍅🥒➡🗑

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Hey everyone!  Happy equinox/ramp-up to Halloween.  My crew and I have already eaten one 10-pound bag of candy since last week, which was a huge mistake on my part, thinking that three kids would somehow not raid the candy stash at every available opportunity. I'll be finding candy wrappers underneath things for months to come.  Speaking of Halloween, the sexy costume articles have started super early this year.  Sexy Handmaid's Tale seemed a bit of a stretch, Sexy Ghosting started making the rounds as of yesterday.  Personally, I'd love to see Sexy Octopus on Ecstasy, which I'm sure probably already exists.

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Starting today and going through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
*Personal note: Two of these comments made me double-facepalm. One of those was a head-shaking double-facepalm.
FormlessOne struggled when discussing the man with a tattoo that says "Devast8" covering the lower half of his face
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That came through when a celebration of the Cleveland Browns' win was requested
Tr0mBoNe thought a man was especially stupid for climbing on top of a train and getting electrocuted
Thong_of_Zardoz was disappointed that something was missing from the "Captain Marvel" trailer
Super Chronic explained why it's not surprising that there's some racism in Australia
Diogenes had an idea for how a 3D gun printing advocate could have avoided getting arrested
guestguy served as an example as to why police consider screwdrivers and wrenches to be evidence of drug dealing
Abe Vigoda's Ghost was appalled by what kids are allowed to do at school now
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That was confused by a tweet that was supposed to explain things
davidphogan wondered if trans fats were the only fats Canada is worried about

Smart:
Benevolent Misanthrope thought that some people could learn something from a criminal's lack of jail time
Miss5280 responded to the statement that college isn't a requirement
Tr0mBoNe saw a connection between Cody Wilson's opposition to any type of gun control and his sex crime
LarryDan43 missed the good old days, cellphone-wise
baorao longed for a time a few minutes earlier
siyuntz shared this one weird trick to keep from sending or publishing something you might forget to edit
Seeing Marines enjoy shenanigans during a hurricane reminded MattytheMouse of a scene from "Rocky V"
RexTalionis had a message to share about vegan food
MrBallou considered the love between Bert and Ernie
edmo figured that what police did when one guy died would be done when two other people did

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  merrillvillain didn't appreciate being exposed in a TotalFark Discussion headline
Funny:  sarahthustra responded to a mandatory meeting notice
Funny:  generalDisdain knew what a Farker's supposed one-night stand supposedly left on the armoire
Funny:  KangTheMad very recently saw something wacky on the internet
Smart:  Ceteris Paribus says attempted to save italie's life. See, you can get good advice from TotalFark Discussion!

Politics Funny:
ralphjr noted that Ted Cruz has a long history of sending questionable mail
xanadian knew how to use newly-released information to get Donald Trump out of office
Marcus Aurelius thought that former Trump aide Jason Miller looked familiar
Farxist Marxist explained why the public hadn't heard much from Trump lately
mrshowrules was nice enough to let some other Farker have all the fun

Politics Smart:
somedude210 interpreted a Supreme Court ruling for confused Farkers
FormlessOne discussed Sarah Palin's contributions to American culture
vudukungfu saw a problem in the GOP
ThomasPaineTrain had a question about allegations that Jason Miller hid an abortion pill in a smoothie
eurotrader commented on what's happened since Trump withdrew from the Iran nuclear deal


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz found out what kind of moosic cattle like
hail2daking showed us that sometimes art is borne out of frustration
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave Princess Leah hair that can help her fly
Wrongo discovered what went wrongo with this house
RedZoneTuba found a new Emmy winner having some fun
RedZoneTuba showed us what the Australian Embassy looks like
Herb Utsmelz warned us that the scariest hurricane ever was coming
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned the blueprints over
RedZoneTuba helped a butterfly live up to its species name
zeon learned that the pyro girl has other hobbies
hail2daking revealed where the idea for "ball chairs" (not the slatted kind) came from

Farktography:
USAF Retired won Farktography Contest No. 698: "A Shore Thing 2" with a photo of Miyajima's floating torii

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We didn't have much to say about pot roast this week; I mean, it's meat and carrots and potatoes, and really hard to screw up. But we did have fun on the quiz. FrancoFile wasted the most time on Fark last week and reigns supreme with 1038. Ass_Master_Flash made second with 983, followed by kqc7011 with 976. little big man made fourth with 959, and Evildog takes us through the top 5 with 932.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz came from the D'awww Tab. Only 16% of quiztakers had checked out the cute little baby hyenas and knew that they were called "cubs". Although they are more closely related to big cats and civets (those critters that poop out Kopi Luwak coffee beans), Hyenas look, act, and sound more like dogs, so why name their babies like bears? 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which car was getting its final production run in 2019. 82% of quiztakers knew that Volkswagen was finally discontinuing the Beetle (again!) since it has turned into little more than a VW Golf trim package. All of the subtle changes over the last decade have kind of caused it to lose its personality anyways, so it really won't be missed.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what Roanoke, VA had decided to call their Harry Potter Festival after legal threats from Warner Brothers. Only 37% of quiztakers caught the story about the upcoming "Generic Magic Festival", where I'm sure you'll be able to play "broomstick ball" and drink some "margarine ale" while battling the forces of "nonspecified evil".

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was a repeat from a couple of months ago, when the product was being test marketed. 85% of quiztakers knew that White Castle is now proceeding with a nationwide rollout of their 100% vegetarian "Impossible Slider". It even contains heme, which gives it a red color and causes it to "bleed" when cooked, for people who want simulated animal murder, I guess.

If you missed the last quiz, you can catch up here, since you now know a few of the answers. 

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week!

Last week, we learned that a mysterious hole was found in the International Space Station. Meanwhile, the National Solar Observatory in New Mexico was shut down by the FBI. The observatory has since reopened, with vague explanations for the closure, but I think we all know that what really happened is someone at the observatory saw some space termites or space woodpeckers attacking the ISS. The question is, why are they covering this up? Get your bug spray and tennis rackets ready, people. 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
pkjun brilliantly demonstrated different publications' takes on the same story
markie_farkie fixed another Farker's shed ahead of Florence (here's the original post with that photo)
GardenWeasel had a great idea for how to end "The Walking Dead"
Marcus Aurelius figured that we'll need the best people on the job in the wake of Hurricane Florence
tommyl66 gave an update on a guy who planned on riding out the storm on his boat
theflatline inquired about the accommodations a Farker was offering to evacuees
dletter had high hopes for the Cleveland Browns
JulieAzel626 shared a little-known fact about storms
oldfarthenry was happy to see the Frying Pan Tower
Nuclear Monk figured out what caused the hole in the International Space Station

Smart:
whither_apophis felt somewhat cynical about the origins of an illegal drug that police found
wejash tried to give police the benefit of the doubt in the search of Botham Jean's home
dopirt knew the man who was shot in his home by a cop who thought it was her home
HMS_Blinkin thought that there was something worse than marijuana found in Jean's apartment
FormlessOne had words for anyone expressing pity for the cop who killed Jean
Munden found evidence that "cop culture" was at play in Jean's death
Xai considered what it would have meant if that police officer hadn't been charged
Marcus Aurelius figured out what police needed before they could charge a fellow officer for killing a man
Farking Clown Shoes gave a defense that might possibly be used to absolve that cop
scottydoesntknow noticed another odd aspect of a Weather Channel video

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  Brawndo saw the problem with another Farker almost getting a hole in one on the 17th hole
Smart:  Badafuco celebrated an important anniversary
Smart:  Ceteris Paribus says defended a mother forgetting her own child's name
Funny:  Large Marge sent me shared an interesting bit of trivia
Funny:  Rev.K shared what a TotalFarker's schedule might look like

Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That showed what Donald Trump's "hysteria of sorts" might look like, was up for a challenge, was ready for the leak of a certain video, and appreciated a compliment
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat knew how a book Trump writes about his administration would start
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha discovered that a crazy conspiracy theory turned out to be true after all
somedude210 mocked Donald Trump and Sarah Sanders
snowshovel figured out what Paul Manafort's plea agreement meant

Politics Smart:
FormlessOne reminded us how Donald Trump got to this point
scottydoesntknow recognized a list of excuses
bingethinker discussed the white power/OK sign
Marcus Aurelius thought things should never have gone this far with Brett Kavanaugh in the first place
wademh thought that there were problems with an Associated Press fact check


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking found that an old favorite is back at McDonald's
RedZoneTuba showed a rivalry that has escalated quickly
hail2daking came up with a way to make football a lot more interesting
Alligator gave us a reminder that playing with children is hazardous
Vortex Dweller showed some karate kids what a real crane kick looks like
Wrongo discovered some jerks disrespecting the national anthem
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us a panel from an early Superman comic
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed that the Supreme Court hearings have really gotten out of hand
manyone used the Force to keep this doggy dry
RedZoneTuba showed that not much has changed for Calvin and Hobbes

Farktography:
Kirablue42 won Farktography Contest No. 697: "Fruits and Vegetables 3" with this berry good photo

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had some fun discussing the merits of salad greens and toppings, with only one person daring to bring up kale. The quiz was a little on the tough side, with no one breaking into the 1000 club. Cardinal Ximinez took first place with 915, followed by Denjiro and kittyhas1000legs tying for second with 849. 70Ford made third with 828, followed closely by skondris with 827, and scrumpox wounds out the top 5 with 796. 

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over where in Europe the local government spends taxpayer money operating drive-in sex booths for legal prostitution. Only 25% of quiztakers knew that Zurich, Switzerland was the ony one of the three choices where prostitution is actually legal. According to the article, if you are on foot, you'll be directed to another part of town, but you can still receive service on a bicycle. So essentially if you son't have transportation to the other part of town, that's where you need to go.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what you can get paid to eat. 78% of quiztakers knew that a group of four universities are sponsoring a weight loss study, and will pay people $300 to eat avocados every day for 3 months. If they furnished the avocados, they could probably just sign hipsters up outside Starbucks, although the weight loss program might not be a good idea for a generation that insists on skinny jeans.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what Ben Affleck's rumored girlfriend posted to Instagram while he's whiling away his time in rehab. Only 39% of quiztakers caught the story about her choosing to put up a snap of herself enjoying a glass of wine while he's in for alcohol addiction, seemingly showing him two things he can't have. Yeah, you're helping.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over how Serena chose to react to the French Open banning her well-received catsuit she wore at a previous match. 95% of quiztakers knew she showed up in an ultra-feminine tutu, although some say Jim Carrey still wore it better in Ace Ventura. 

If you missed the quiz, you can check it out here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.

Well, it sure was an eventful week. We got Labor Dayed and Woodwarded and lodestarred and Kavanaughed, and all of those things are expected to continue into this week. We also have people evacuating and preparing for Hurricane Florence. If you're in its path, please be careful and check in with us when you can. We should have threads running for a while - here's the first Hurricane Florence thread for today. Don't be afraid to ask Farkers if they can help if you need it, or offer help if you are able. Our community has always been really great about helping each other through these things. 

Today, the Fark NotNewsletter has a special "Farker Spotlight" section where you can learn about our very own Sin_City_Superhero, so be sure and check that out, and let us know if you're the guy who tried to rob him. 


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words

Labor Day - 120
Bob Woodward - 1029
Lodestar - 362
Op-ed - 707
Burt Reynolds - 162
Brett Kavanaugh - 1819


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
scottydoesntknow thought that a shooting suspect looked extra suspicious
Snarfangel explained the science behind good cops and bad cops
Unobtanium sang a song about a sexist doctor
grokca found someone who agrees with "Barbecue Becky" about charcoal grills
Theaetetus found an opportunity for a cop who entered the wrong apartment and killed the occupant
zang knew that you can never be too careful
Trocadero reacted to a Marvel character's butt shot
doglover gave some examples of movies featuring sexbots
Sarah Jessica Farker noticed a cosmetic surgery mistake
Thong_of_Zardoz personally witnessed the danger of grilling with charcoal in a gas-only area

Smart:
Make More Hinjews thought a shooting was representative of something bigger
EdgeRunner imagined the thought process of Fox News when they decided to try to embarrass a former "Cosby Show" actor
fusillade762 noticed something about the "Guardians of the Galaxy" cast's reaction to Disney's treatment of James Gunn
Carter Pewterschmidt had ideas for how a couple could have made money
itsdan noticed something about the couple who are alleged to have stolen money they raised for a homeless man
obenchainr argued that a police officer entering the wrong apartment and killing its resident wasn't just a tragic accident
BizarreMan had some questions about the woman known as "Barbecue Becky"
Pocket Ninja laid out the steps you should take before you consider shooting a dog for killing your chickens
scottydoesntknow thought that a shooting suspect looked extra suspicious
KingBiefWhistle gave some reasons why you should mind your own business about what girls are wearing for band practice

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  Chris Ween discovered that a fellow TotalFarker was brave enough
Smart:  Eclectic taught us all about "Hogan's Heroes"
Funny: Por que tan serioso helped clarify how to get even when a neighbor mows the lawn early in the morning
Funny: firemanbuck pointed out that objects can have misleading names
Funny: flucto gave some advice on how to woo a woman

Politics Funny:
pkjun noticed a national reaction to Alex Jones' Twitter ban
impaler shared snekretary's some random snek's opinion of the anonymous New York Times op-ed
PainInTheASP appreciated Donald Trump's name-drop
jbc helped those who were confused by a Trump tweet
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat pointed out the downside to investing in the sock market

Politics Smart:
WalkingCarpet demonstrated what a civility might look like
Wookie_Jesus tried to rally the troops
scottydoesntknow found that we're close to having proof that Trump won the popular vote
Mr_Fabulous knew what Trump should do about Bob Woodward's book
Peki explained why the resistance within the Trump Administration isn't very impressive

CSB Sunday Morning:  What September means to you
Smart:  Mikeyworld remembered a lost loved one
Funny: There weren't any actual stories that got funny votes for this topic 

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Mudbox figured that dating will be easier in 100 years
Mojongo decided that the classics will always be a hit
hail2daking had a new take on the distracted boyfriend meme
Glockenspiel Hero saw a dire future for the internet
Herb Utsmelz predicted a segregated social media experience
thatguyoverthere70 showed that presidents will continue making official statements through Twitter
#2 showed how the Vulcan salute can be more expressive
RedZoneTuba thought social media will be a wasteland in the future
Mudbox reported some bad news for anyone who drives
zeon found peace in the midst of chaos

Farktography:
gregscott won Farktography Contest No. 696: "Roy G Biv 2" with a rainbow waterfall in Yosemite

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Farker Spotlight

We recently held a TotalFark and BareFark subscription drive with a chance to be chosen at random to be interviewed for the Fark NotNewsletter, and Sin_City_Superhero was the lucky winner.  You've most likely seen Sin_City_Superhero's posts on Fark, as he participates in all different types of threads, and his comments have been listed in the prestigious Fark NotNewsletter many times. Sin_City_Superhero claims his real name is Paul Smith. He's 44 years old, single, and - you probably figured this out on your own - he lives in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Paul was born at a young age in a hospital on the military base in Fort Knox, Kentucky, but spent what he cryptically referred to as "the formidable part" of his youth in a small town outside of Atlanta. He blames this era for his love of the Atlanta Braves and the Atlanta Falcons. In 1993, he decided to love them from afar and moved to California. Unfortunately he couldn't find a job and was way too late for the Gold Rush, so someone told him to try Las Vegas, which he says is the "best advice I've ever gotten...well, that and the whole 'buy a plunger before you need a plunger' advice."

Paul then plunged right into his work at a loan company, first as a loan officer, then as an administrative assistant for the corporate office. One day while Paul was loan officing, a man pulled a gun on him, but our hero Paul had played knifey-spoony before... and yes, there's video. I have no idea what show that is. Kicky music, though.

These days, Paul is the shipping and receiving manager at a rigging company, which he claims has nothing to do with rigging games and elections, but is instead doing rigging for construction, mining, and shows on the Las Vegas strip. He has a 13-year-old Blue Heeler named Buddy. He enjoys Farking, working on his cars (a 1987 Mazda RX-7 and a 1971 Datsun pickup), and playing bass guitar. Paul, that is, not Buddy.  Paul also recently restored a 1972 Fender Musicmaster bass. Since moving to Las Vegas, he has become a fan of the Vegas Golden Knights, which he claims is an NHL team and not a LARPing group. He also offers this bit of advice: "If you have poor vision, and you have the means, I HIGHLY recommend LASIK. My vision was off-the-charts bad...literally. They didn't have an eye chart for vision as bad as mine was.  I had the surgery almost 7 years ago (it takes about 60 seconds per eye), and I've had 20/20 ever since. Best $3800 I've ever spent." 

Paul hasn't been to a Fark Party yet, but if you'd like to meet him, he's planning on going to the upcoming Fark Party in Las Vegas. The only problem with that is that a group of TotalFarkers keep talking about planning this party, but they all keep trying to get someone else to host it. Hopefully one of them will just step up and submit the Fark Party. C'mon, y'all, it's not that hard - just pick a day and a time and a place, submit it, and then no matter what you plan, there will be complaints, which you can laugh about when you meet up with Paul and your other fellow Farkers. Cheers!

Have you ever had the flu? It suuuuuuuucks. The good news is that influenza vaccinations for the 2018-2019 flu season are available across the U.S. now, so if it's not in your area yet, it should be soon. If you have the means and you don't have a legitimate medical condition keeping you from it (no, listening to Jenny McCarthy doesn't count as a medical condition), go get yourself pricked as soon as possible. The CDC has a lot of information about the flu virus and vaccinations, including a vaccine finder, information about who should and who shouldn't get the flu shot, and information for your friends who think the flu shot gives you the flu (it doesn't). And spoiler alert: Getting vaccinated is not going to cause you to have to walk backwards. While you're at it, make sure you and your family members are up to date on all the recommended vaccines. If you're not sure if you need one, you can be tested for immunity so you won't have to get stabbed unnecessarily if that's not your fetish. 

So go get yourself vaccinated. Do it for yourself. Do it for your family and friends. And for fark's sake, do it for those who cannot be vaccinated themselves. Then you can go back to just injecting the marijuanas like you usually do.


Comment Mentions

Funeral - 909
Madden - 217
Boston Globe - 32
Flu shot - 42


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
you are a puppet shared some helpful information during the shooting at the video game tournament
Munden confessed to turning a bride into a bridezilla
NeoCortex42 commented on the video game tournament shooting
scottydoesntknow defended a bride's unreasonable demands
Mindlock noticed an early sign that wedding plans were getting out of hand
Albino Squid had more information about injuries at the video game tournament
Dare to keep slugs off kids wasn't all that impressed by photos found in a found camera
Pocket Ninja pointed out a fact about people who were once in the military
Xanlexian wanted to go to a wedding
FreakyBunny took on the challenge of out-modesting all other weddings

Bonus FarkStaff Picks:    
brigid_fitch had a great experience meeting Jeff Goldblum
Also, if you haven't checked out this article about a man's search for his biological parents, be sure to do so. It's a great read, and a feel-good story.

Smart:
kudayta read between the lines when a preacher got angry about kids playing football
Cagey B pointed out that some things can't entirely be blamed on Russian bots
FrancoFile listed some limits to making your own rules
Smoking GNU found that some people think something is dirty because they want it to be
Theaetetus described something only the health care industry gets away with
Pocket Ninja didn't think that wearing a tight elastic band around your rib cage all day could possibly be uncomfortable for anyone
Fishmongers' Daughters explained that bra fittings don't solve all bra problems
vicejay shared a lot of information about Hurricane Katrina
SirSigsegV pointed out that a "psychic" was actually right about something
whither_apophis asked a question about a retiring bishop's house

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  KangTheMad figured out who had to quit a job that had been misrepresented
Funny:  OneFretAway knew exactly who the "most broke-ass TFer" is
Funny:  meg12279 described the effect TotalFark Discussion threads have on people
Smart:  eyeq360 shared some artwork featuring a variety of sneks

Politics Funny:
Algebrat thought that the words of a guy who threatened The Boston Globe seemed familiar
almandot spotted a strange sign at a Trump rally
Eddie Adams from Torrance stood up for Trump's sexual prowess
scottydoesntknow did the math on Trump's romp with Stormy Daniels
FlashHarry showed us a Trump Organization employee who tried to get an immunity deal

Politics Smart:
Karac had good reason for being okay with not being allowed to use a certain word
Unobtanium agreed with Trump about Paul Manafort
hubiestubert discussed Fox News viewers' comments about John McCain
MattytheMouse commented on Trump's raising the flag before McCain's funeral being the last straw for some people
justGreg explained why fake Trump tweets can be problematic

CSB Sunday Morning:  Summer's end
Smart: edmo remembered what it was like flying for commercial airlines
Funny: Farkers didn't share many actual stories that got voted "funny" for this

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman. 


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Octafrye had Bob Ross take Wil's place for a bit
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave Wil a custom-made sweater
opalakea figured out what was missing from a winter scene
manyone revealed the secret behind a work of art
Yammering_Splat_Vector found that there's always a long line to use the bathroom
Ghastly showed us who was hiding behind the clouds
ionthrust gave us a cat doing what cats do best
Mister Pleco showed that there are some things you just can't escape
verchad wanted to believe
nissananimal started getting ready for Christmas

Farktography:
Clockwork Kumquat won Farktography Contest No. 695: "Bugged Out" with these wingy bois

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had a bit of fun last week discussing America's favorite cultural appropriation, the lowly taco. Turns out there are as many varieties (and probably even more) of delicious tacos as there are Farkers to enjoy them. For the record, I still say lettuce is fine on a taco, although nutritionally it's pointless. Also, cheese deserves to be melted when served with warm meat. 

We had several 11/11's on the quiz itself, but only one person managed to break the 1000 marker. thehobbes reigns supreme (taco joke - so with sour cream?) with 1017, followed by Oliver Twisted in second barely missing out with 999. ThereBeNoShelterHere and Kidsmakeyoucrazy tied for third at 982, with jurisenpai in fourth with 950 and EasilyDistracted finishing out the top 5 with 932.

The hardest question on this week's Hard quiz was about which US city had the worst problem with mosquitoes this season. Only 17% of quiztakers caught the article about the study from Terminix that says Dallas, TX has the worst problem with blood-sucking pests (outside of Washington DC, of course). I'm thinking they should have included my backyard in the study, as I usually feel as if I need a transfusion after an hour outside. 

The easiest question on this week's Hard Quiz was over who the Miami Herald had endorsed for Congress. The paper claims that the reached out to everyone on the ballot, but only a few had responded, so they chose one who wasn't too off-the-wall - at least by Florida standards. 83% of quiztakers knew that the candidate they endorsed, business consultant Bettina Rodriguez-Aguilera, claims to have been abducted by aliens when she was 7 years old. I'm quite certain that many Floridians readily identify with this, or at least view this as a "sounds like my neighbor next door" kind of thing.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz this week was over KFC's new Colonel Sanders, which is turning into an almost weekly thing. Only 45% of quiztakers knew that it was Hafthor "The Mountain" Bjornsson who donned the white suit as the "Double Colonel" in their newest ad, and proceeded to pull a 700-lb. sled full of chicken sandwiches to set some kind of world record that no one has ever bothered attempting before and probably won't again until Chik-Fil-A's marketing department has a brilliant idea for a Twitter feud..

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the change to box art for Nabisco's Animal Crackers. 94% of quiztakers knew that after a campaign by PETA, Nabisco has changed the art to depict the animals standing around in a meadow like a cover for the newest Disney "Lion King" straight-to-DVD offering or something instead of in cages. Still no word on what to do if the seal is broken.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing the same thing again this week!

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Last week we launched two new tabs: Food and D'awww.  The welcome they received exceeded expectations. The submissions have been fantastic and we're off to a great start.  Meanwhile this morning someone on TotalFark asked if there had been a link cross-posted on D'awww and Food yet (link will work if you are signed up for TotalFark).  My short term memory is Swiss cheese at best so I can't say for sure, but we almost had one this morning involving "Your dog wants" and "steak," but the article wasn't about steak so I sent it to D'awww without cross posting it.  Also the submitter had accidentally tagged the link as [Food] somehow, which is either a complete accident or a symptom of a greater personal problem. Get help, Subby.

Also last week I teased new mobile Fark changes - however I also teased that we'd release them to TotalFarkers first, and we haven't done that yet.  So TotalFarkers can look for that later today, I'd love some feedback on it. Probably around 3 or 4pm ET

Also in case anyone missed it, AAA has released its seasonal article about how gas will be expensive and there will be traffic this weekend.  No need to read it, that's all it says. Just like every year. Have fun in traffic everyone!

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 

Comment Mentions

Immunity - 367
Plea deal - 234
David Pecker - 395
National Enquirer - 173
Allen Weisselberg - 105
Duncan Hunter - 131
John McCain - 1425


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
Mr. Coffee Nerves had another idea of why Hooters restaurants are failing
Petit_Merdeux responded to a story about a woman catching a man trying to get video of her daughter trying on clothes
Naido noticed something about a Farker who's been on an episode of "The Big Bang Theory"
Mr. Coffee Nerves pointed out the bad side of "The Big Bang Theory" coming to an end
doglover was considering an unusual form of punishment for no-knock raids
pxlboy had an idea of why a kid peed on another kid
scottydoesntknow compared some luxury vehicles
palelizard demonstrated a Portland, Oregon accent
ArcadianRefugee knew what millennials will be watching with their newly-installed TV antennas
Bill_Wick's_Friend took a while to figure out what people meant with their emoji messages

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:    
Schlubbe found a better way to describe what happened when a man with a gun crashed a high school dance because the music was too loud

Smart:
devildog123 shared a plan for demilitarizing the police
Mr. Coffee Nerves had another idea of why Hooters restaurants are failing
Calypsocookie voiced an opinion about money that was raised for a homeless man
Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste predicted what will happen if you help take down a suspect for a reward instead of taking video
croesius reacted to the ideas of a man who shot at women drivers
Azlefty wanted someone arrested for helping an accused murderer
Magorn had a plan for curbing the overuse of no-knock warrants
RodneyToady figured there's not much reason to go to some restaurants
SirDigbyChickenCaesar had a noble reason for not wanting to pay to take someone's virginity
SirDigbyChickenCaesar wasn't impressed by a comparison

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: EggFool had words of encouragement for a Farker who dropped everything to move to California
Funny: ThomasPaineTrain responded to someone who was amazed at how inexpensive salt is
Funny: Old Man Winter discovered that a question has haunted one Farker for at least a decade
Funny: Shakespeare's Monkey helpfully defined "workplace optimization"
Smart: Smock Pot shared some wisdom from Dad

Politics Funny:
Hobodeluxe figured out what Donald Trump was thinking of when he colored the U.S. flag wrong
The Third Man posted an excellent riddle
Demetrius showed what Trump's reaction might be to the Trump Organization's CFO being granted immunity
toraque thought some barricades at a courthouse looked familiar
scottydoesntknow had a better day than Trump did

Politics Smart:
Hobodeluxe figured out what Donald Trump was thinking of when he colored the U.S. flag wrong
I Ate Shergar examined what it means to "Al Capone" someone
spongeboob guessed at why Trump doesn't want Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill
NewportBarGuy responded to Rudy Giuliani's demand that the DOJ go after Hillary Clinton
jayhawk88 recalled a silly moment that ended a political career


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Circusdog320 showed someone going to a lot of trouble to grab a kitty
hail2daking thought this tube looked familiar
hail2daking signed up for trouble
noazark gave a production company a more enthusiastic logo
hail2daking gave this dance troupe some zany variety
RedZoneTuba discovered that Roger Thornhill is still on the run
Cork on Fork found the perfect group to appreciate this design
RedZoneTuba gave some wheels to someone who needed the help
Alligator revealed a bad omen
noazark began the task of preparing to cook a very large side dish

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 694: "Free-For-All" with this fish going for a ride

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, August 29: w00tstout tapping with Drew in Lexington, Kentucky
Sunday, September 2: Maui Fark Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had some fun discussing the merits of various versions of fried potatoes, and came to the conclusion that almost no one has standard straight fries as their favorite - yet they are far and away the most commonly served.

The quiz went well, but we had to a do a quick clean-up in the 1000 club lounge since it had been a while since it had been used. the Mole of Production got exclusive use of the paisley throw pillows in the lounge with a score of 1004, followed by Oliver Twisted in second place with 923 and elpresidenteALO in third with 917. Oakenraven made fourth with 893, and bud jones finishes out the top 5 with 887.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over the taxidermied mascot from St. Elmo's Steakhouse in Indianapolis. Only 22% of quiztakers caught the story about Winston the fox and his ceremonial ride back home in the back seat of an Uber. No word on how many stars he gave the driver.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what a Superior, AZ police commander used to film himself having sex in the station. 86% of quiztakers knew that he found a use for his police-issued bodycam that somehow didn't malfunction at an inopportune time. Something tells me this will soon be a category on one of those NSFW sites, assuming it's not already.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which e-pet from the '90s had its source code leaked this week. Only 39% of quiztakers knew it was Furby whose secrets were revealed to all. For what it's worth, the source code for the Tamagotchi has been available online since 2013. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the method of transportation used by a teacher from Ohio to cross the Atlantic Ocean in world record time. 86% of quiztakers knew that it took him less than 39 days to cross in a rowboat..That's one teacher for whom I wouldn't want to have to write a "How I spent My Summer Vacation" report. 

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing the same thing again this week. If you missed the quiz, you can catch up on it here.