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Fark NotNewsletter: Better late than ____________ Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-11-14 12:25:48 PM (66 comments) | Permalink It's time for the Fark NotNewsletter! It's late this week, but so's your face. Enjoy! Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Veterans Day - 63 Roy Moore - 3780 Louis C.K. - 361 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: Erma Gerdd posted some helpful bicycling hand signals Mad Scientist had another way of describing what happened on that "missing" boat Pocket Ninja described how police can tell a good guy with a gun from a bad guy Prank Call of Cthulhu thought that a lion's goofy expression looked familiar luckyeddie reacted to the phrase "mass shooting" Claude the Dog found the moral of the Louis C.K. story SkylineRecords reacted to Roy Halladay's death JNowe shared a phrase that people should start saying freddyV had a hat for Roy Moore ZAZ proved that Farkers are just smartasses for voting "funny" on this quote Smart: dv-ous explained why being a teacher is more tiring than a regular office job Voiceofreason01 compared static and dynamic analysis RTOGUY noticed something about mass shooting statistics 4seasons85 analyzed Louis C.K.'s statement about his behavior toward women Markoff_Cheney pointed out that times are tough for a certain type of person hobbes0022 had some suggestions for stopping mass shootings bigfatbuddhist discussed the role of religion in terrorism Grand_Moff_Joseph listed possible thoughts some people have when a shooter turns out to be white naughtyrev found the main flaw in a business plan FormlessOne listed the many reasons why a restaurant failed, and what should have been the lesson from that experience CSB Sunday Morning: Out of Time Smart: Man_Without_A_Hat had first-hand experience of the importance of winning over "hearts and minds" Funny: Recoil Therapy bravely struggled through sleep deprivation CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: RodneyToady explained why Donald Trump was right about Japan derpes_simplex showed us Trump's reaction to Democrats winning in Virginia Eddie Adams from Torrance wanted to hear more predictions Markoff_Cheney didn't hold back when filling out a satisfaction survey Angry Drunk Bureaucrat explained why Paul Manafort has to wear an ankle monitor Politics Smart: bloobeary agreed that the Republican Party isn't racist FormlessOne discussed a woman's faith in Trump Pocket Ninja gave advice on dealing with deplorables AdmirableSnackbar advised someone who doesn't want to be called a bigot FormlessOne thought that political parties should not allow white supremacists to join them Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: Herb Utsmelz just put a bandage on the problem Yammering_Splat_Vector gave a peek inside the modern stone age White House Yammering_Splat_Vector fixed a photo up like new Iggie gave this robot a new friend to hang out with ionthrust got pizzalitical Tom G discovered that Farking can be hard on your pecker Tom G knocked one out of the park RedZoneTuba thought this was a kool map Don_cos showed a scene from a prehistoric flood Yammering_Splat_Vector made an arresting image Farktography: Lovesandwich won Farktography Contest No. 653: "Purple 2" with a purple city Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, November 18th: Seattle Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thank you submitters for another fun week, and thank you TotalFark voters for voting the funniest headlines to the top! Every week, we take the top voted funny headlines for Headlines of the Week, and share some of our favorite runners-up here in the NotNewsletter. We love all our green lights, and to make it to Headline of the Week it needs to be funny, creative, smart, look at a story sideways - the kind of headline that you can share with anyone and say *this* is Fark. Here are the extra headlines that we thought deserved a second look! And check out the top voted winners in Fark Headlines of the Week! Main - as always, Main has the most competition and it's so fun to see which headlines took your fancy and got voted to the top. We took the top 12 this week, and we liked this obvious but funny Fark one - Groundbreaking has begun on Fark's new headquarters Sports - this tab gave us plenty of chuckles this week, we took the top four headlines and there were quite a few more that we wish we would have considered. Here is just one of the headlines that didn't quite make the cut but still made us laugh - Former MLB pitcher gets drunk and tackles country singer onstage, causing injuries. Browns considering making an offer Geek - thanks to our Geek submitters, this is always a fun tab to check out, funny *and* smart. We took the top five for Headline of the Week this week - and still had one more funny one to share here in the NotNewsletter: Writer uses 4136 characters to say why 280 is too many for Twitter Entertainment - some great gems in this tab this week - and an extra that made us chuckle even though it didn't get the top votes Marilyn Manson would like some attention please, thank you Politics - thanks submitters for making politics - the headlines at least - funny. We took the top 15 this week - take a look! Business - we had some great gems in this tab this week and a lot more funny headlines that didn't get votes - take a look in this tab and make sure to vote! Discussion - the tab has gotten really fun lately, tons of Live discussions on sports, TV shows, politics, more, and a lot of fun random topics. For Headline of the Week the headlines have to be funny as well as fun, and we're getting some! We make sure to consider both types of headlines that show up in the Discussion tab - the multi-sentence/ multi-question headlines, and the more traditional one-line topic headlines. Keep them coming - both the fun discussions and try your writing skills at making them funny too! Submitters, if you're looking for some positive reinforcement and less competition, try starting here and work your way up to competing in the funnier tabs! · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Where it's always Daylight Wasting Time Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-11-06 11:36:39 AM, edited 2017-11-06 11:38:49 AM (61 comments) | Permalink This is the intro that doesn't end Yes, it goes on and on my friend Some monkey started writing it not knowing what it was And will continue writing it forever just because This is the intro that doesn't end... [repeat forever] Okay, yeah, I didn't have any ideas for the intro this week. Friendly reminder: It's open enrollment time for healthcare.gov and state health care exchanges. Maybe you can finally find out what's causing that itching. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Paul Manafort - 1418 Rick Gates - 137 George Papadopoulos - 702 Webster - 60 Kevin Spacey - 975 Terrorism - 256 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: bostonguy used the power of song to explain what a sherpacreep is MrBallou shared a reaction to finding out someone is an undercover cop nekom posted a question about sunburns, or something bearded clamorer thought a different Fark topic tag would have worked better puffy999 knew how Kevin Spacey's character will be written off of "House of Cards" wademh had something to say about a woman who paraded around naked at work Dr.Fey thought another Farker overreacted to an innocent question Day_Old_Dutchie shared some trivia about Jesus Bith Set Me Up suggested adding a few more words to a school's name bigfatbuddhist once had a shirt that said "Sisterf***er" Smart: GRCooper wanted to spread the hate lindalouwho figured out why one baby boomer hates Halloween fusillade762 translated an anti-labor union statement Pocket Ninja explained the German government's threats to fine social media websites GRCooper told a story for Fark's Halloween scary stories thread DanInKansas spoke out against tattoos on breasts fusillade762 asked women to give more information when they want romance Anastacya had advice for someone's boyfriend winedrinkingman explained why labor unions are part of capitalism mgshamster gave a combat veteran's opinion of Bowe Bergdahl's sentence TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Smart: myschief explained why a fellow Farker shouldn't worry that the wife wouldn't bring home leftovers after dinner with a coworker Funny: Timanous had good dating advice for everyone Funny: DGS explained why people still support Trump Smart: meg12279 showed the family dressed up for Halloween Smart: JerseyTim shared more Halloween costumes Funny: myschief needed more information before weighing in on a sideboob debate * You TFDers voted more than usual. Thanks! CSB Sunday Morning: Treats and Tricks Smart: Man_Without_A_Hat spent Halloween night basically breaking every rule at age 17 Funny: Willie_One_Eye got a Halloween fright CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: kronicfeld had a suggestion for a bigot who couldn't get an Uber driver she approved of weddingsinger was enjoying an exciting new holiday season Ivo Shandor shared a reenactment of Trump's "DO SOMETHING!" tweet gopher321 made an old meme funny again instead of just douchey Precious Roy's Horse Dividers realized what the assault on Rand Paul was really about Politics Smart: FormlessOne approved of Mueller's work JerseyTim didn't think the first indictments were reason to celebrate FormlessOne explained how white supremacists are trying to achieve their goals MrBallou contrasted Donald Trump's reactions to two tragedies croesius showed why it's important to protest Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: RedZoneTuba made a Jackie-O-Lantern markie_farkie gave us a Jerk-O-Lantern RedZoneTuba showed Mick Jagger finally doing what he wants Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel had an important message for us RedZoneTuba found a Dick in the Bushes Surly U. Jest painted this pumpkin Herb Utsmelz gave a peek behind the green door Alligator found different background singers for the late Robert Palmer Surly U. Jestput Clinton between some other Bushes Alligator revealed a surprise, surprise, surprise in the crowd Caption Contest: hugram revealed a discussion about the new iPhone X Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 652: "Let's Get Lyrical" was for "images that evoke the feeling/mood of a song lyric." It ended in a tie between Tom G's representation of "Rocky Mountain High" and CiliarySpasm's photo for "(Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay" Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, November 11th: NYC Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thank you thank you to our great submitters and to our TotalFark voters! We love all our submissions but Headline of the Week is where we showcase the top funny vote-getters. Headline of the Week is for those headlines that make you laugh, make you take a double-take because they're so clever, and /or look at the subject in such a unique way that you can share it with your co-worker, your classmate, your boss, your spouse - and say *this* is Fark. For our Headlines of the Week we usually take the top voted ten funny, Fark-worthy headlines in Main and Politics, the top three in Sports, Geek, and Entertainment, and six in Discussion - three of the multi-sentence type and three of the standard one-line headline. Some weeks we have so many great, top-vote getters that we take extra. For the NotNewsletter we take it even further, there are so many headlines that we love that just need a few extra votes, so we're showcasing them here - and encouraging you that if you think these deserved to be in the top, make sure you vote so the best really do make it to the top! Here are your NotNewsletter picks! Check here for the Fark Headlines of the Week! MAIN - as always, this tab is the funniest with the most submissions and the most funny headlines in competition. Check out the top voted - we took fifteen this week instead of the usual ten! - and here are even a few more that we thought deserved some extra recognition! What, you thought the 2017 season was over? Let's give a warm (water) welcome to Tropical Storm Philippe as he eyes what's left of the Florida Keys The real problem with having electronic assistants like Alexa in your home? Your kids may develop a better relationship with them than they have with you. And that's going to be bad news for you when Skynet takes over New species of Librarian discovered. Ook Chinese hipster millionaire graphic novel artist traveling with grandma spends $10K on fake Scotch whiskey. No, this is not a Mad Lib If your erection lasts more than 6,000 feet, seek immediate Alps. (Not safe for work) SPORTS - great funny headlines in this tab this week! We took the top five for HotW. Here are a few more Earthquake research in the Pacific Northwest faces many challenges: struggles for funding, difficult science, seismic activity caused by Seahawks fans Guys, I'm beginning to think Tom Brady may not have won a truth-telling contest at all Cool: Astros fan gets his hat back after dropping it during their parade. Fark: An actual appropriate use of vertical video GEEK - as usual, geek is smart *and* funny - and stories we're just not finding elsewhere in social media. Great job submitters! We took the top five this week for HotW, and here are a few more that we wanted to share The Boring Company reveals first picture of test tunnel after getting a permit to dig. They either have a really fast tunneling machine, or there's a horta on the loose under Hawthorne Disney's research arm has decided to make robots that can choose how they move based on the number of arms attached to them. Don't worry, I'm sure they mean well and we won't be facing mouse-eared spiderbots taking over our neighborhoods Scientists try to find answer to why people keep seeing ghosts. Face of Jesus burnt into toast unavailable for comment One of those rare times when Betteridge's law of headlines does not apply (Some NSFW content on page) Welcome to the most peaceful place on the Internets, please be civil and think of the clouds ENTERTAINMENT - great gems in this tab but room for competition! Looks like Paris Hilton is in trouble with the... Securities and Exchange Commission? Due to a glitch in the Matrix, Morpheus has filed for divorce from Gina Torres POLITICS - thanks to our politics submitters for making politics - the headlines at least - funny! Check out HotW for the top ten voted funny ones, thanks submitter for the Douglas Adams reference in this extra one! Under the Trump administration you can still sign up for Obamacare, same as always, you just need to get the proper forms from a disused lavatory in the dark basement of the HHS building- the one with the big sign saying "beware of the leopard" BUSINESS - do yourself a favor and check out the business tab, it's pretty funny in here lately! The top three vote-getting headlines are in the HotW, here are a few extra! A list of the various capitalist vultures that are profiting off of Puerto Rico's post-hurricane Maria misery. Because misery loves companies Rise of the machines must be regulated", say global finance regulators. And if there's anyone who should know about improper oversight leading to major crises, it's global finance regulators Sears and Kmart to close 60 stores. In other news Sears and Kmart still had 60 stores that were still open. At this point I think they are closing some Target stores to fill in the numbers Fake money worth an all-time high amount of real money Gorge is closed, Bunny out front should have told ya DISCUSSION - great discussions are continuing in this tab - sports, entertainment, politics, and more. The headlines are fun but not a lot are Headline of the Week candidates. If you want to try for some headlines, this tab is wide open for HotW competition! We've been recognizing two types of headlines in this tab - the multi-sentence / multi-question conversational headline, and the more traditional one-line headline. Thanks for submitting! Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Slightly better than Chick Tracts Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-31 9:32:19 AM, edited 2017-10-31 10:04:10 AM (47 comments) | Permalink Take a bite out of a pumpkin and put on your slutty hand grenade costume because it's Halloween! If you want to trick-or-treat tonight but you don't have kids and can't borrow any, slap on a mask and give it a try anyway. I guarantee at least a couple of houses will think it's cute or be afraid of you and give you candy to make you go away. They get to feel like they did something nice for a weirdo or got a killer to leave, so they win either way! If they refuse to give you candy, just start sobbing. That might work on a few of the holdouts. Honestly, it's less work for them to just make with the Bit-O-Honey than it is to deal with you. Score! Here are some treats for you in the meantime: The Annual Fark Scary Story Thread The Annual Fark Jack-O-Lantern Photoshop Contest Scary book discussion thread Share your Halloween costumes and decorations thread (TotalFark only until 11 a.m. Eastern) And links to all of the Fark Scary Story Threads from previous years are in this Fark NotNewsletter Friendly reminder: Open enrollment for healthcare.gov and state health care exchanges starts tomorrow (November 1st). Maybe you can find a plan that's accepted by a doctor who writes a lot of prescriptions for the devil's weed. Score! Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Halloween - 968 Whitefish - 303 Fats Domino - 40 Indict - 915 Bacon - 297 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: LarryDan43 pointed out that some students might be at the age of consent Diogenes gave Alex Jones a taste of his own medicine markie_farkie said goodbye to Fats Domino Abe Vigoda's Ghost provided evidence of feline beauty lucksi was surprised by the way Americans measure electricity Petit_Merdeux pointed out that Steven Seagal's mental state has been established whither_apophis found some men matching the description of Afghan soldiers who went AWOL in Alabama giantmeteor commented on the problem with a 90-year-old woman's tattoos elkboy remarked on the 64 pounds of marijuana included with a couple's Amazon order I_Am_Weasel commented on the "Medium well done" headline Smart: RodneyToady reacted to news that some millennials smoke pot to get through the workday BizarreMan imagined an ironic future for Kris Kobach rcain had a suggestion for anyone planning on visiting Dubai Kirablue42 commented on problems with Whitefish's contract in Puerto Rico Merltech brought up something that could have prevented a factory accident fusillade762 pointed out where some of the dangerous talk is coming from gideon told a touching story about remembering history Ambivalence gave a reason to avoid Dubai UNC_Samurai explained why single-player video games aren't going anywhere fusillade762 knew someone who will benefit from a change in FCC rules TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: Sensei Can You See helped out with a "Princess Bride"-themed restaurant Smart: flucto remarked on the different ways people look at crack addiction and opioid addiction Funny: capt.snicklefritz made an argument in favor of polygamy CSB Sunday Morning: Our song Smart: brachiopod shared a story about becoming a father for the fist time Funny: thesharkman told us about a crazy summer CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: fusillade762 found evidence of a Russian spy getting close to Hillary Clinton Occam's Disposable Razor was ready to get things started NewportBarGuy showed Trump reacting to news that indictments were coming scottydoesntknow described what happened when Donald Trump was warned about Michael Flynn JerseyTim was suspicious of a Fark headline Politics Smart: andrewagill didn't see any harm in investigating all possible leads scottydoesntknow would have changed one thing about Jeff Flake's anti-Trump speech Gubbo thought that the GOP should have done more sooner fusillade762 found evidence of a Russian spy getting close to Hillary Clinton FormlessOne commented on Trump's recorded appearance at a hurricane benefit Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel created the Manopoly™ board game Circusdog320 showed us a holey stroller Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed a couple's problems from both points of view ionthrust watched Comey zoom down the street Wrongo made a happy ending for Donald Trump Snubnose missed the glass RedZoneTuba found a Comey in need of a homey Iggie livened up a classic painting RedZoneTuba showed what Benny Hill would be doing if he were alive today RedZoneTuba turned this machine into a tractor Farktography: Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 651: "Nightmare Fuel" with a spooky figure Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, November 11th: NYC Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thanks to our submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters! These are your Headlines of the Week! We love all the headlines that we've greened, but the ones that make it to Headline of the Week are funny, smart, look at the world sideways, and make you read it twice. The kind of headline you can show to your friend, your partner, your boss and say "*this* is Fark." For the NotNewsletter we highlight the headlines that got near the top voted, and are still so great that we wanted an extra place to showcase them. The top voted go in Headline of the Week and very soon will start to be gone through again as we start voting soon on Headline of the Year! But for now - your Fark Headlines of the Week are here, and the headlines that deserve a second look are here in the Fark NotNewsletter. Enjoy! Main - So many funny headlines in Main - here are just a few more beyond the top voted Headlines of the Week - Apparently, dishwashers may be a fire hazard, which is weird because mine quit smoking 4 years ago this January If you feel your Soul is headed in the wrong direction, surrender it to the maker ... --- ... .-.-.- / -.. --- --. / ... ..- .--. .--. .-.. -.-- / .-. ..- -. -. .. -. --. / .-.. --- .-- .-.-.- / .--. .-.. . .- ... . / ... . -. -.. / -.- . - -.-. .... ..- .--. .-.-.- Nintendo 64 left behind after tires slashed. Police following trail of discarded bananas, shells, and coins Sports - thanks for making sports funny - even more of a challenge than politics! The odds of the others taking a wrong turn so you can win a marathon are infinitesimal, but statistically it has to happen Grown men play a child's game, then play hide-and-seek Seven-year-old girl with 3-D printed hand to throw out ceremonial first pitch at World Series. Gary Dell'abate unavailable for comment Geek - funny and clever, here are a few more of the great headlines in Geek Try quickly typing 1+2+3 into the iOS 11 calculator app. If you don't get 6, you're using it wrong and you fail to appreciate just how much effort Jony Ive and his band of UX professionals put into making the keypress animations so agonizingly slow New typhoid vaccine has the potential to eliminate the disease, save your Oregon Trail family Chinese government develops a "social credit system" to rate its citizens. It's basically a mashup of Facebook with Orwell's 1984 Entertainment - thanks for the laughs in entertainment this week! Here are a few extra! Ellen DeGeneres sends Katy Perry breasts regards for her birthday in tweet that's falling flat with critics Great job, everybody, we've broken Bill O'Reilly's brain. Who should we work on next? Eminem wins copyright suit against NZ political party and is awarded $600k, or two hobbits and a ewe Politics - thanks to all our submitters to keeping politics - the headlines at least! - funny here on Fark. Check out the top ten in Headline of the Week! Business - more funny headlines in this tab this week! Here are a few of the headlines that almost made it - Bud light sales slip as Americans discover seltzer water Court rules that 3.5x3.5 equals 4x4 Yesterday, it was Depeche Mode. Today's transportation woes caused by a Flock of Seagulls. '80s bands trifecta in play Discussion - a lot of links in Discussion again! Tons of live links - from sports, TV shows, news, and more; weekly threads for gaming, cats, writing, and more; and and fun headlines like subby who was looking for a decent scotch/whisky under $40. For Headline of the Week, though, the headlines have to be funny - so keep it up with the great submissions and keep enjoying the discussions, and if you also want a Headline of the Week nod, there's tons of room for competition with just purely funny headlines here. Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Fark rules! Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-23 12:12:13 PM (268 comments) | Permalink It's no secret that Fark has been around since roughly 180 B.C. It didn't take long for us notice that, to paraphrase the great Spicoli, some sites were bogus, and if we didn't get some cool rules ourselves - pronto - we'd just be bogus, too. And so the Fark posting rules were born. They started out as a short bullet-pointed list. Over the years, much like our waistlines, the explanation for the Fark rules grew. The intention was to make them clearer, but instead, they became TL;DR and it only led to more confusion and the misperception that anything not specifically listed in the FArQ was fair game... which then made the Farking rules even longer as we added more special cases to the list. And so, finally, FortyHams wrote a simpler, sexier version of the rules, and Fark moderators spent the past week getting drunk and suggesting edits. And so, at last, here are the slimmed down Farking Rules. Note: The rules themselves have not been changed; this is just a more concise explanation of them. So please, read and enjoy, and if you would like to suggest changes to the Farking rules, please contact Farkback. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Pumpkin spice - 63 Bananas - 48 Celery - 20 Kale - 20 Bacon - 342 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: Unobtanium shared what a Helen Keller costume might look like justanothersumguy shared a before, during, and after a climax photo Thrash Master Flash helpfully captioned a woman's photos TheOmni helped out a Farker who thought a story that's been in the news was fake Boo_Guy showed an excerpt from the JFK assassination files Barfmaker saw an example of the tolerant left Pocket Ninja learned a lot from some photos of pleasured women O-Face made an appearance LowbrowDeluxe appreciated a dying man's last words The Googles Do Nothing reacted to the O-face photos Smart: Pocket Ninja had a suggestion for anyone upset about a child's treatment being denied by insurance forteblast showed that a Snopes page didn't say a story is false FuManchu7 explained why some people want limits on free speech phalamir argued that all kids should get free lunches at school doglover thought that an article illustrated why some football players are taking a knee Weaver95 pointed out that some Christians aren't very Christian Pocket Ninja saw some problems with being faithful except when you're not FlashHarry asked a question after yet another shooting holdmybones thought that a former hostage wasn't very good at making his wife his first priority August11 wanted to Make Spiders Great Again CSB Sunday Morning: Amusement park stories Smart: gordian learned that peer pressure can be a good thing Funny: Tchernobog learned that seagulls and roller coasters are a bad combination CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: blastoh shared the explanation for Newt Gingrich's misspelled tweet Walker shared a tweet from someone who's not very self aware Eddie Adams from Torrance posted a defensive tweet from Donald Trump DammitIForgotMyLogin found Steve Bannon's Time Magazine cover 2xhelix revealed Trump's new favorite golfing spot Politics Smart: Diogenes thought that there's one thing everyone should agree on vudukungfu had some suggestions for where to start if you want smaller government wejash thought that everyone should have listened to Trump Carter Pewterschmidt shared a quote about religion keeping people from doing terrible things parasol was particularly confounded by some of the people who support Trump Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: ionthrust showed some insects' adaptation backfiring RedZoneTuba found that Ivanka Trump had some sick moves Don_cos made an enchanting dog costume RedZoneTuba demonstrated one bird's feat of strength For ionthrust, it was a dark and stormy night nissananimal puzzled some bees Herb Utsmelz discovered that Trump is about to blow RedZoneTuba wanted to see just how much pressure David Bowie and Freddie Mercury were under RedZoneTuba proved that huffing never goes out of style Alligator did a cop swap Farktography: wickedfish won Farktography Contest No. 650: "Let There Be Light" with a sticky home in the park Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, November 11th: NYC Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thanks as always to our great submitters, and thanks to our TotalFarkers for voting for the Headlines of the Week! We get thousands of great headlines, but to make it to Headline of the Week it needs to be funny, creative, look at the world sideways in a great new way, and in the best cases, make us laugh and think at the same time. The kind of headline you can tell the person at the bar next to you, your boss, your partner, your co-worker, your kid's teacher - the kind of headline that says *this* is Fark. We choose the best and top voted headlines for Headline of the Week, usually 10 for Main and Politics and 3 for each of the other tabs - though lately when we we have so many that we love we've taken a few extra here and there - and here in the the NotNewsletter we highlight a few great ones that didn't make it to Headline of the Week but we still loved. Enjoy! MAIN - so much great stuff in Main this week we took the top 20. Check them out in Fark Headlines of the Week. SPORTS - this tab is getting funnier! Check out the top three in Headline of the Week! And here's a few extra that almost made it! Andy Reid: 'I do what my gut tells me to do.' Sausages, cheese, murder Man dies after coming in contact with Semen Our long national nightmare is over. HAPPY YANKEES ELIMINATION DAY GEEK - fun and funny and smart - do yourself a favor and hang out in the Geek tab for a while. A few of the extra favorites - Research suggests your blood group could make you more prone to certain illnesses. No, that's not a type-O The magnetic moment of the antiproton is 2.7928473441(42). Ya know, in case you were wondering Here's how autonomous vehicles will destroy your city and force everyone you love to serve as slaves in the new robot revolution. Or live in utopia. Could go either way ENTERTAINMENT - room for competition in this tab! POLITICS - lots of funny this week! So many that we took the top 25. Go read them in Headline of the Week. BUSINESS - this tab is getting funnier! Great submissions! A few favorites that didn't make it in the top three - correction, we've had some light weeks in business and we had so many fun headlines that we're adding these for Headline of the Week contenders this week! It's likely that many of Napa's 2017 wines will display a mild smoky/ashy quality on the nose and show a finish that's heavy in burnt cinder and charred wood. In other words, SUPER PREMIUM PRICING, BABY Ford recalls 1.3 million vehicles because the door may or may not be ajar The stock market continues to insist that good news is obvious and bad news is fake. Which is kinda scary Acquitted are the cheesemakers DISCUSSION Tons of great submissions this week - but very few that were really funny. Great live threads - TV, Sports, Politics, more! Tons of really cool discussions - the Mickey Mouse one was fun! - But if you want a Headline of the Week nod, the field is wide open. Two styles of headlines have evolved in Discussion - the traditional one-liner, and the multi-sentence / question headline. Headline of the Week chooses the top three of each type. Thanks! I just learned that Mickey Mouse is actually Michael Mouse and Minnie's a diminutive for Minerva. What other weird not well known trivia can you share with the other Farkers? Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Shiat's on fire, yo Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-16 12:40:50 PM, edited 2017-10-16 1:17:25 PM (64 comments) | Permalink It was another crazy week. While California burned, President Trump dealt with hurricane aftermath by meeting with the president of the U.S. Virgin Islands and working closely with the president of Puerto Rico. Maybe Trump can stop these disasters by using that see-through wall material to build a dome to keep all the bad weather out. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words California - 761 Friday the 13th - 138 First Amendment - 352 Iran - 388 Bacon - 433 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: edmo shared a timely Halloween costume nitropissering posted totally real before and after photos rudemix explained why Irish Spring is better than Dove dyhchong defended a bicyclist who ran over an elderly woman flucto helped fill out our meat orchestra alizeran had a costume suggestion for another Farker Pocket Ninja issued a warning about how dangerous ghosts can be August11 found the worst thing about a video of a ghost Barfmaker will either be the least popular or the most popular member of our meat orchestra Pocket Ninja beat the breastfeeding haters to the punch Smart: kbronsito felt sympathy for an oppressed Confederate flag flyer davidphogan saw that an aggressive bicyclist wasn't helping his defense any ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha noticed that some anger over protests during the national anthem seems familiar Barfmaker explained why basic a-holes are getting more attention lately TheOmni pointed out where we've heard a defensive argument before holdmybones disputed magical vegan powers Mugato argued against veganism Marbleisheavy described the kind of people who attack someone for peacefully protesting sigdiamond2000 saw right through Harvey Weinstein's attempt at deflection ch3no2 issued a warning to anyone who yells "hot pizza!" Bonus: No comments from this thread linking to an article about the opioid addiction epidemic were voted into the NotNewsletter, but it's a really good article and worth reading. Thanks Atomic Jonb for bringing it up. If anyone would like attention called to particularly good articles in future Fark NotNewsletters, please email me to nominate them. I can't possibly read all of the articles that we link to, so this would be a great help to me and a service to your fellow Farkers. TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Smart: valanienna pointed out a truth about Harvey Weinstein's crimes Smart: Fat Old Broad discussed the reason Pence walked out on a football game Funny: Chris Ween explained why there haven't been any non-human Star Trek captains This thread whining about egg nog probably had some of the funniest (and most disturbing) comments, but it didn't get many votes. TotalFarkers generally consider themselves to be too cool to vote for comments even though they complain when they're not recognized in the NotNewsletter. :P CSB Sunday Morning: Coincidences Smart (tie): gordian found a puzzling connection with a shop owner Smart (tie): Kouta had quite a bit in common with the passenger in the adjoining seat Funny: bighairyguy ran into some internet weirdo at work CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: Walker shared a tweet about a Trump Twitter tantrum King Something showed us what Donald Trump has been playing with HighlanderRPI expressed shock at Turkey and the U.S. canceling visas Eddie Adams from Torrance promised, threatened or warned us Hack Patooey shared what happened when Trump threw paper towels Politics Smart: jbc caught Mike Pence in a lie SurfaceTension had a message for Bob Corker regarding his feud with Trump Grand_Moff_Joseph reacted to Trump cutting off health insurance subsidies markie_farkie shared an opinion on "Christian values voters" Precious Roy's Horse Dividers explained why Mike Pence's protest protest was in line with Pence's politics Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: X-Geek showed that Kermit is down to party ionthrust found out who actually likes Heineken Alligator discovered that it's gonna be that kind of a party Tom G demonstrated why they don't hand out bananas on planes Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel made a game to fill a stomach Herb Utsmelz chose a strange cover model ionthrust put this boy in a tranquil setting Yammering_Splat_Vector cooked up the perfect meal for a giraffe ionthrust created an inter-species valentine Herb Utsmelz showed us how babby is formed Farktography: Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 649: "That's No Moon 2" with some suspended purple balls Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, November 11th: NYC Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Last week's Fark headlines were fun as always, thanks to our submitters and our TotalFark voters! Vote early, vote often! Check out the top-voted Fark Headlines of the Week here. Here in the NotNewsletter we highlight some of the extra headlines that didn't make it to the top but we wanted to give a little extra recognition. We love all our headlines and submissions, but for Headline of the Week they need to stand out and be extra funny, clever, and creative. The headlines that make you laugh or look at a story sideways and say "*this* is why I come to Fark." The kind of headline that you can tell your co-worker, spouse, friend, and the person sitting next to you in the bar: "hey, check it out, *this* is Fark." A lot of our headlines quality for that, but Headline of the week is about the standouts! Enjoy your Headlines of the Week! MAIN - take a look at Headlines of the Week thread for the top ten - and this week we took the top twelve! SPORTS - room for competition in this tab but quite a few gems this week - check out the top three in Headline of the Week and here are a few extra that almost made it CBS reporter: "Kaepernick says he'll stand for the anthem if he gets to play again." Same CBS reporter a few days later: "We didnt actually talk about that subject" Mittlerweile in Deutschland Well what did you think it meant to be a line coach in Miami? GEEK - always funny, always smart, here's a few extra that almost made it to the top three for geek - No leather goddesses found With a less than 12% zombification side effect, the Ebola vaccine has been hailed a success Sorry, Giant Meteor fans, but you're out of luck this year. However, if you're still around in 2079, we've got some great news for you an awesome understated headline Who needs DARPA when you have bored people with 3D printers? and for a touch of sad and sappy in your geek: Beautiful bird, the Humboldt penguin. Lovely plumage ENTERTAINMENT - great headlines this week - our favorite from the top three: * = €1.4mn check it out. "Lost" Scotch whiskies to be revived as soon as they CAN GET BACK TO THE ISLAND Do you want parrots? Because that's how you get parrots POLITICS - this tab is always busy - we've been taking the top ten headlines, this week we've taken the top twenty. Check them out in the Headline of the Week! BUSINESS - great competition this week - here are a few of the best runners up! Why, hello there rapidly rising ATM and overdraft fees. We've missed you List of "careers" that won't exist in 2030 includes travel agent, word processor, and paper boy. List omits apothecary, storm trooper, Easter Bunny After exposure to cosmic rays, EU declares clobbering time on Britain's financial sector DISCUSSION - Thanks for all the LIVE submissions this week! They've been fun! Sports, TV shows, NASA/spaceflight, and politics, come check them out or submit your own if they're not there yet. The discussions have been great, and for Headline of the Week the headline has to be funny too. Multi-sentence / question types get a top three, and the more traditional one-line headlines get three chosen. Your top three of each are in the Headline of the Week, here's a few more: Tonight, on Supergirl, while Kara focuses on work, Lena makes a bold move into the dairy industry. (CW 8ET) Later, on The Gifted, Caitlyn and Eclipse hunt for a macguffin and Bill Compton faces a difficult choice. (FOX 9ET) Brandy, Bourbon or Rum? Difficulty: Infused fruitcake Red wine hot chocolate. That is all Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Wanna hear a scary story? 👻 Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-10 12:18:40 PM, edited 2017-10-15 8:19:48 PM (73 comments) | Permalink Halloween is coming up, and it's time to start scaring the hell out of yourself. We'd like to help. Every year, Fark has a Halloween thread where Farkers share their own spooky stories. These are always fun threads, and a great way to kill some time at work. Here are the first 13 Fark scary story threads - now go creep yourself out. 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Las Vegas - 996 Tom Petty - 529 Ralphie May - 35 Columbus - 235 Moron - 1897 Harvey Weinstein - 173 Bacon - 401 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: gopher321 had something to say to a guy who worried that a threesome made him gay bighairyguy figured out what it meant when ISIS claimed responsibility for the Las Vegas shooting ecmoRandomNumbers noticed an appropriate user name Mercutio879 pointed out something else that ISIS is reponsible for jaytkay urged restraint when news broke about the Las Vegas shooter phalamir had the solution for a "sovereign citizen" claiming to be an agricultural product Snarfangel showed how someone might enter a gun store 50,000 times in a day Gordon Bennett knew how a woman received 20,000 oxycodone pills instead of the yoga mat she ordered rzrwiresunrise suggested what a guy claiming to be an agricultural product might actually be FatherChaos reacted to the shooting in Las Vegas Smart: swaniefrmreddeer gave a reason for not being surprised that the shooter was an old white man WhoIsWillo reacted to Tom Petty's heart attack on the heels of the Las Vegas shooting snocone had a suggestion for preventing mass shootings whidbey thought something else is behind the mass shootings Diogenes explained people spreading lies about the Las Vegas shooting DjangoStonereaver described sovereign citizens Kyoowashugi gave more context to part of an interview with the shooter's brother meatofmystery pointed out why more gun control is unlikely to happen Ghastly explained why you're not going to overthrow a tyrannical U.S. government with your guns BizarreMan reacted to an article about elderly people losing their rights (you should read this article) CSB Sunday Morning: Wedding shenanigans Smart & Funny: Dodger shared a story about a truly shiatty wedding CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: kbronsito shared the thoughts of the hurricane survivors Trump was throwing paper towels to xraygun shared a song for Donald Trump Carter Pewterschmidt explained how hard it is to keep safe I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That reacted to a Trump tweet about Kim Jong Un and Rex Tillerson sigdiamond2000 recalled one of the terrible things that Obama did while in office Politics Smart: markie_farkie warned Congress to act before it's too late Dusk-You-n-Me explained how Trump can get the "equal time" he's complaining about Precious Roy's Horse Dividers noticed Trump demonstrating his leadership abilities fusillade762 described someone's change of heart regarding gun control markie_farkie thought some American priorities are mixed up Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: Herb Utsmelz discovered what really caused a lenticular cloud to form RedZoneTuba updated two classic cereals for 2017 Don_cos made a much more useful keyboard Surly U. Jest made some tasty bird treats RedZoneTuba used a distraught person from the Kent State massacre in a Photoshop Surly U. Jest created a cereal for Trekkies Alligator showed us why dogs chase cats X-Geek found an Animal making noise on top of the house ionthrust should put this bird in the freezer Thrakkorzog revealed what the late bird gets instead of worms Farktography: Linguine won Farktography Contest No. 648: "Software Hootenanny 7" with a colorful storm Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy) We had a tough one this week, with no one cracking the 1000 mark. In first place is meadbh with 948 points, followed by Teaser with 931 and rick42 with 930. Lorenzo Von Matterhorn makes 4th with 914, and in 5th it's wildcardjack with 878. The toughest question on this week's Hard Quiz was over the memorial at this year's DerbyCon. Only 17% of quiztakers realized just how weird computer nerds can be when left alone without adult supervision. Poor Trevor was indeed a cockroach that one attendee had found drowned in high fructose corn syrup, dairy substitute, and imitation vanilla flavoring at a nearby restaurant. (And they say that those things will survive the Apocalypse when they can't even survive a milkshake. I don't believe it.) Anyway, look for a reference to this in comment lines of the source code of an obscure subroutine relating to firewall exceptions in a forthcoming Ubuntu build. The easiest question on this week's Hard Quiz was on what urban archeologists had discovered near the Paul Revere House in Boston. 76% of quiztakers knew that the archeologists were poking around in what used to be Paul Revere's Crescent Moon Room. Imagine hanging out with all the riders that night, waiting on the lantern signal, and someone randomly approaching the silversmith of all people and saying, "You are going to be so famous from this that over 240 years from now people will be waiting in line to poke through your poop." I think that had that happened, Revere would have likely excused himself and went to dig another latrine. A very, very, VERY deep latrine. One final note about the Hard Quiz: I received a couple of requests for stats on the question about the recent auction of a personal item belonging to Adolf Hitler. 49% of quiztakers thought it was his shaving kit, while only 47% knew it was Der Fuhrer's Fleisch-und-ein-Gemüse-Behälter. I really don't want to know what the buyer intends to do with it. I mean, it's almost less weird if this person is some kind of weird fetishist who would wear it around the house or to an Austrian key party than it would be if he/she intended to frame it and hang it on the wall or something. I mean, real conversation starter there. In the Easy Quiz department, our hardest question on the Easy Quiz this week was on the new religion founded by a Silicon Valley engineer. Only 42% of quiztakers knew that the former Google engineer accused of taking self-driving car trade secrets with him to Uber decided to call his new religion "Way of the Future." He, for one, welcomes our new Artificial Intelligence Overlords. Either that or Skynet has sent him back in time to wage a propaganda campaign against the inferior biological lifeforms. This week's Easy Quiz's easiest question was over which vacuum cleaner manufacturer plans to introduce their own brand of electric cars in the near future. 91% of quiztakers knew that it was Dyson, the "ball-vac" people. Let's just hope this new car doesn't su-- You know, that joke is lame. Hmmm... how about "Let's hope this car doesn't sit around collecting dust." If you missed the quiz last week, you can take it right here. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thanks as always to our submitters and to our TotalFark voters! Your Fark Headlines of the Week are here. As always, this week there were tons of funny, creative, and great sideways takes on the articles. Headlines that you could tell your friend, co-worker, bartender, and have the joke stand out as "hey, this is Fark!" Here in the Fark NotNewsletter we highlight the headlines that don't quite make it to the top, but we'd still like to give a little extra recognition. Enjoy! MAIN - so many great headlines in Main this week that I took the top 15. Even expanding it, there are a lot more that deserve extra recognition for the funny. Here are a few more - We expect too much from our romantic partners, the bar is just too damn high. You want in your mate a combination of: sanity + wealth + kindness + attractiveness + personal growth + not being a dumbass on social media, that isn't humanly possible This story has it all. Crash through the gate and a pole at the airport. Flee. Lay down in someone's yard, only in your underwear because a snake has crawled up your pants. While traveling from Mississippi to Louisiana to see a voodoo doctor Man carrying a .357-caliber Magnum, a loaded .45-caliber semi-automatic, a .223-caliber fully automatic assault rifle, a .308-caliber fully automatic assault rifle, more than 900 rounds of ammunition, and survival equipment pulled over for speeding ALIENS ARE COMING TO FILL OUR BODIES WITH ALCOHOL...bring on the invasion Criminal mastermind riding stolen motorcycle with revoked license notices the cops have his roommate pulled over in another stolen car, figures he may as well stop to ask what's going on SPORTS - this tab is getting funnier - do yourself a favor and check it out. You can never have enough Rice at a wedding When you don't pay attention to the speed bumps, the speed bumps take you down. Iowa State beats #3 OU for the second time in a half century How much can watching hockey stress your heart? Here's a damn fine pie chart, because wimpy-ass cake is for tennis and such Earlier: Seahawks starting RB does not have a broken leg. Now: .... in the first place we x-rayed GEEK - thanks for all the great links and funny headlines! Here are some of the best that still got beat by the top three. Submitter, thanks for the awesome call-out to an old school Farkism. We just blame the guy named Jeff Plate tectonics is 50 years old. Submitter is 50 years old. Therefore, submitter is one of the great scientific discoveries of the 20th Century If things seem weird right now, it's because a gravitational wave that warps space-time, caused by the collision of two black holes, has reached Earth Two years ago, one cosmologist wrote 'string theory is not a scientific theory'. Now, a string theorist who saw it writes back 'inflationary cosmology is not science'. Time to watch the fireworks ENTERTAINMENT - more funny headlines here, thanks submitters! Here are a few extras! These are not the droids for which thou search'st, writes the author combining Star Wars and Shakespeare Starship Troopers: the 90s sci-fi action comedy that continues to reflect our political past, present and future. Would you like to know more? The second half of The Tick's first season is coming in February. SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON POLITICS - lots of funny headlines in this tab again, keep them coming! Politics is hard enough, thanks to our submitters for making us laugh a little along the way. There are so many submissions in this tab lately that we're taking the top ten funniest, and there are still more that are great but don't quite make the cut, here's one more that almost made it to the top ten! Trump: "I'm the first American president to visit Puerto Rico." Narrator: But, he wasn't BUSINESS - great to see more funny headlines in this tab! Here's a great one that almost made the top three - Advertising agency regulator NAD advises T-Mobile to stop claiming it has a faster network than Verizon because there's no data to support that DISCUSSION - last week this tab had tons of funny, this week, tons of good discussions but funny headlines were rare. Tons of room for competition and creativity here! Two styles of headlines have developed in this tab, the longer, multi-sentence style, and the more traditional short headline. Try for both! Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: We've not received bribes from Adidas Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-10-02 3:11:33 PM, edited 2017-10-02 3:28:06 PM (73 comments) | Permalink The silly intro I had planned no longer seems appropriate, and I have no words of wisdom to offer about last night's shooting in Las Vegas. I will say, though, that no matter what's going on - whether it's a tragedy that's all over the news or just something in my own life - you guys make me laugh every single day. Thanks for that. Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words NCAA - 168 Adidas - 87 Hugh Hefner - 110 Tom Price - 48 Bacon- 500 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: kbronsito had some comforting words for an upset mother thisispete said goodbye to a legend MrPoopyPants shared a conversation that Martin Shkreli might have in prison Professor Farksworth posted a smug Keith Richards naughtyrev noticed that a WWE star has something in common with someone else mama2tnt shared posts from a man missing his lost love RodneyToady found Anthony Weiner's inspiration Dimensio takes precautions against gun violence blorpen found one of the rare times that a common guess turns out to be true OtherLittleGuy found someone who's happy that Hugh Hefner is gone Smart: Grand_Moff_Joseph found that Trump has accepted a challenge holdmybones had a solution for a woman who didn't want her kid to be mocked Weaver95 thought that Trump wasted a chance to change how people see him Prey4reign noticed that some character flaws run in the family HawgWild isn't a fan of the "American Sniper" guy nmrsnr spotted some evidence of bad parenting Markoff_Cheney explained Trump's strategy for helping Puerto Rico AdmirableSnackbar pointed out that children aren't so bad Flappyhead read between the lines Weaver95 explained what it's like to be poor in America TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Smart: Huck Chaser gave some advice to a contrite Farker Smart: Satan's Chocolate Starfish had a solution for arguments about that national anthem at sporting events Funny: Adjective Bird Whiskey gave examples of messages to leave for a lady friend Smart & Funny: meg12279 was very specific about what kind of WIE is acceptable Funny: Large Marge sent me shared some movie star trivia CSB Sunday Morning: Volunteering your skills Smart: Orion5k officiated a ceremony after after the couple's minister backed out Funny: rohar broke up a brawl at a hockey game CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: North_Central_Positronics shared a review of the steak at a Trump Hotel Paris1127 came up with a tagline for Tom Price's resignation What the hell was that reacted to Tom Price's departure scottydoesntknow shared a tweet about food at a Trump Hotel RJReves taught us about Trump's anatomy Politics Smart: RJReves taught us about Trump's anatomy BizarreMan read the comments in an article about kneeling during the national anthem blastoh listed some of Trump's troubling behavior meatofmystery hoped Price would still be held responsible for the money he spent freddyV showed that maybe the real complaint is that people are protesting at all Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: ionthrust took us on a fail flight X-Geek showed a daring backflipper WaitForIt found a World War I flying ace X-Geek created what could be a great "loading" animation ionthrust developed an awesome new app for cat lovers StainedGlassRuby proved that Darth Vader can laugh at himself Alligator found some early drone technology Circusdog320 showed us what happens when Disney has no shame manyone yanked the football away Iggie created a new feminine hygiene product Farktography: Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 647: "Don't Burn Bridges" with a photo of White Pass Railway, Yukon Territory Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Check out the top voted Fark Headlines of the Week here! And read on for more great headlines that *almost* made it to the top! Main and Politics consistently have the most content and the most competition - for true bragging rights submit your best headlines here! Geek is also consistently great - though it had a little extra room for competition this week. Business, Sports, Entertainment and Discussion always have a lot of gems, but also have room for competition. We love all our submissions and submitters! To make it to Headlines of the Week we're looking for funny, creative, and unique headlines - something that you can tell your friend, co-worker, bar buddy - "Hey, this is Fark!" Thanks to our submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters! MAIN - so many great headlines in Main this week! Check out Fark Headlines of the Week for the top voted! Here are more that almost made the cut - make sure to vote so *your* favorites make it to the top ten! Southwest Airlines saves the life of ungrateful woman with life-threatening pet allergies Local newspaper publishes irrefutable evidence of existence of imprisoned aliens and weird green men at Wright-Patterson AFB, home of Project Blue Book. I call bullshiat: everyone knows there's no such thing as a "newspaper" Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on this farm he had some methane-producing animals contributing a lot more to global warming than we initially estimated, E-I-E-I-OMG To the people of Sichuan, China, worry not about the 78 crocodiles that escaped from a Sichuan farm, worry about the 5 still on the loose Baby found with $5,500 and cell phone in Oklahoma. Baby refuses to answer questions, tries to grab officer's nose World's largest uncut diamond sells for 6 Rhode Islands Tombstones found on power plant property, meaning subby's Walking Dead/Godzilla fan fic mashup is one step closer to reality Snake handler death declared a "mystery" despite snake being found near body, snake-shaped bruises on the neck, snake confession note Intel unveils neuromorphic AI chip that mimics the human brain. It's out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. All for $279 SPORTS - this tab is getting better and better and still has room for competition! Here are a few more that almost made the top three! Oh look, what a surprise. The known super liberal magazine National Review comes out in favor of the kneeling NFL players NFL Fans speak out about the protests. Can be best summarized as "keep politics in the politics tab" Here's how it took the FBI three years to break the last bit of integrity the NCAA still had EA manages to fix Madden AI for formation run by such real teams as the Cleveland Browns, inadvertently demonstrating how to protect ourselves from a hostile AI TFA promises the "most embarrassing first half of Joe Paterno's career" and totally misses the point GEEK - always fun to read the Geek tab, but there was room for a little more competition this week! Still great stuff in the top voted, and a couple more funny ones that almost made the cut! Scientists using AI to identify irony in speech get the definition of irony wrong. Well isn't that sarcastic, don't you think? Dear Adobe, it's only Pretty Good Privacy as long as you refrain from posting the private key to the company blog ENTERTAINMENT - more competition in the entertainment tab this week! Keep em coming! Check out Fark Headlines of the Week to see the three that made the list, and here are three more that came close! Star Trek: Discovery reviews are trickling in, and are overwhelmingly positive. Angry Trekkies vow to still complain Amazon is going to Ringworld. Unable to guarantee free two-day shipping in event of Man-Kzin war General Hospital veteran Anna Jeffreys dead at 94. Or at least we think so, although we've heard that her long-lost identical twin cousin from the forgotten second husband of her mother who disappeared at sea may actually be the one who died POLITICS - so many great and funny headlines this week! Keep up the great work submitters! One favorite out of the top voted - U.S. Chamber of Commerce wants to prevent consumers from suing companies ... and has filed a lawsuit to outlaw lawsuits. We're not just through the looking glass here, folks, we're moving into entirely new alternate dimensions ... and a few more that almost made the list! John Kelly: I am sick of these motherf*cking tweets from this motherf*cking White House. Trump: *tweets* "Whoa, we got a badass over here." Kelly: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ I started to ask why anyone should be allowed to publish false information for the express purpose of angering their audience... but Stranahan cut me off. "Hey, I'm walking into the White House right now" White House capping refugees at 45 thousand next year because that's more than enough to accommodate those fleeing northern Europe Boeing: "We propose a 80% tariff on our competitors' jets." US gov't: "100%." Boeing: "But we only wanted-" US gov't: "150%." Boeing: "Uhh..." US gov't: "Alright, 219% you animals" BUSINESS - Lots of funny this week, and still lots of room for competition! Here are two that almost made the list! Legal Weed May Be a Windfall for McDonald's and Taco Bell" The Obvious Tag just exhales a long steady stream of highly pungent smoke, and nods sagely It appears that the whole robot overlord thing is gonna start with 2017 kids' toys DISCUSSION - Great job with more funny headlines for this tab this week, still room for competition! Two favorites of the 6 that made the HotW list - I think that in light of Twitter revealing that their 240 character limit is arbitrary that we on Fark should consider why we are limited to only 250. Do the owners and maintainers of this website believe that we can or shouldn't express our selves m Here are ten almost-extinct words we need to start using right away. Subby hopes he didn't embrangle you about that snollygoster Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Drew announces a new book with Adam Savage 🤖 Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-09-25 11:55:00 AM (204 comments) | Permalink ________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: ________________________ Hey everyone! I'm really excited because today I can finally announce a project I've been working on for several months now. Tl;dr: it's a new book called "Don't Give Guns to Robots" that I'm writing with my good friend Adam Savage! In December 2015, I'd just finished a huge project that took a lot of time and energy. Meanwhile, so had Adam. I happened to be at his house, and we were having the same kinds of discussions we always do about implications of near-term technologies. It was then we realized there might be a book idea here. Since my political run, our conversation had shifted to what simple policy decisions could sidestep disaster. We realized that the types of disruptions brought by technologies had happened before. For example, Universal Living Wage is being kicked around as an idea for how to handle vast numbers of people whose jobs might be replaced by rapid automation. Turns out social programs to handle technological upheaval have happened before. For example, in the 19th century, Universal Childhood Education sprung into being to try to mitigate the loss of manual labor jobs on farms due to early industrialization. The book is a not just a primer on what disruptions are about to hit, but also on how societies have handled these kinds of disruptions in the past, and what we could do easily, right now, to help make these near-term technology transitions cause the least harm. The problem is, we never seem to make these decisions in advance. We always make them after the damage has been done. Hence the title "Don't Give Guns To Robots" - because we already did. But it's not too late to change our minds. At any rate, here's Amazon's summary of the book: "Adam Savage, Mythbuster and editor-in-chief of Tested.com, and pioneering tech disrupter Drew Curtis explore what happens after the next tidal wave of innovations changes the world as we know it; what are the big surprises, threats, and challenges, and how can we make flying cars a reality instead of robot overlords? In Don't Give Guns to Robots, Adam Savage and Drew Curtis use seven of the biggest imminent technological changes that our society will face over the next twenty to thirty years--from driverless cars to asteroid mining to immortality to organic computers that can cure cancer from inside our bodies--as a jumping off place to discuss what our near and not-so-distant future may look like. They delve into all the possible paths the future may take--some good, some bad, and some that sound like the plot of a really wild sci-fi novel, helping us prepare for the massive changes that will affect our lives. What is going to happen in the near future? What should we fear and what can we stop worrying about? How can we prepare for it? And most importantly, what can and should be done right this instant to mitigate unintended consequences? Weaving together interviews from the most innovative and brilliant thought leaders of our generation including Elon Musk, Stewart Brand, Peter Diamandis, Astro Teller, Bill Gates, and Neal Stephenson, Don't Give Guns to Robots explores many of the possible unanticipated repercussions of technological innovations and is an illuminating, entertaining, and illustrated guide for preparing ourselves for tomorrow." The book is available for pre-order now, definitely pull the trigger if you think you might like it. Unless you're a robot that is. ________________________ We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter. ________________________ Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Rocket Man - 250 Dotard - 248 Puerto Rico - 339 NFL - 2131 Kneel - 583 Bacon - 336 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: skyotter noticed how the word "Nazi" gets thrown around these days darthaegis made a dad joke enry described what actors do when they pretend to be shot in a bulletproof vest enry shared a prediction about the future of country music ralphjr warned us about the soap dispensers at the Detroit airport naughtyrev explained what the problem really was with a teacher's outfit scottydoesntknow described the current relationship between the U.S. and North Korea Abe Vigoda's Ghost showed us how a model's sexy photo was altered Gaddiel cleared up some confusion about Star Trek Tanqueray shared some helpful signs Smart: lordjupiter noticed very different standards for evidence of guilt phalamir argued that it's okay to punch a Nazi FormlessOne had a tip for people visiting Seattle rudemix thought you don't have to hate a Nazi to punch one thegreatmurgatroid reacted to a few Farkers saying not to risk your life for someone else's money nijika was in favor of punching Nazis ginandbacon wasn't upset about someone punching a Nazi Man On A Mission named the best singer of all time dv-ous thought that overall, a guy was lucky to just be kicked out of Harvard DammitIForgotMyLogin explained "vulture capitalism" TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: reagabeast posted a couple of dad jokes Funny: Literally Addicted shared a joke about murder Funny: reagabeast had a dad joke to make while driving Smart: sarahthustra blamed insects for voting "smart" on their own posts CSB Sunday Morning: Always look for the helpers This was a fairly serious topic, so it didn't get many "funny" stories, but it did get a lot of great smart ones, which are great reading. Be ready to cry when you read through them. Smart: Praise Cheesus' grandparents were really amazing people CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: hobnail was surprised that Betsy DeVos uses her personal jet to travel for work kanesays provided proof that Obama surveilled Trump Kuoxasar sang about Donald Trump's threats against "Rocket Man" The Goddamn Batman let us know what John Kelly and Melania Trump were communicating WI241TH read something slightly different in their expressions Politics Smart: Ivo Shandor shared a tweet about peaceful protesting PreMortem pointed out that Paul Manfort and Donald Trump are not the same person JerseyTim reacted to a headline that condemned millennials Rapmaster2000 asked a question about requiring people to have insurance whidbey disagreed with John McCain's claim about the Affordable Care Act Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: Iggie shared some helpful advice on being a good neighbor RedZoneTuba called in The Hairstyle Police Alligator found someone who'd rather be doing something else Yammering_Splat_Vector took these women to get some help Circusdog320 called scientists out on their bullying Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel asked doctors to take some responsibility verchad must've used watercolors Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel had some advice for wealthy people RedZoneTuba wanted to get some sleep Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed proof of a government experiment Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 646: "Eclipses" ended in a tie between orionid's "The Big, Blue, Burning, Butthole in the Sky" and Queen Mab's tilted halo Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, September 30th: Houston Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Your top-voted Headlines of the Week are here! Thanks to TotalFarkers for voting and thanks as always to our fantastic submitters. Fark loves all kinds of headlines, but to be truly Fark-worthy and Headline of the Week, we're looking for funny, creative, and unique twists. Something you can tell your friends, family, co-workers, that 'hey, this is the story and this headline is what makes it Fark'. Here are Fark's Headlines of the Week. Top-voted funny headlines make it to Headline of the Week, but we always have more each week that make us laugh or have a take on the story that is awesome and unique but doesn't always get the votes - News: Maria destroys Caribbean islands, strips them of vegetation. CNN: "US mainland not out of the woods yet" is one of the best this week that stands out. So go read the top-voted Headlines of the Week posted here, and stick around for the Fark NotNewsletter highlighting extra headlines that deserve recognition. MAIN - great job submitters this week and TotalFarkers, great job voting! There were so many top voted that I just took all nineteen, take a look in Headlines of the Week. Even with all the great headlines and great voting, there are still more that deserve extra recognition - here are just a few! WA father claims that he accidentally shot his son repeatedly with flaming balls from a "fireworks gun" in a "safety lesson" that went accidentally awry. His 6-year-old son tells a different, more believable, and frankly better-constructed story With typical British understatement, UK police say the mysterious object that forced the closure of a major highway today was a trash bag full of "possibly hydrochloric acid" and they are "keeping an open mind as to how the object was left there" Good: Powerball winner says money won't change his heart. Bad: Pedophile Alexa, send me all the crackers News: Maria destroys Caribbean islands, strips them of vegetation. CNN: "US mainland not out of the woods yet" Mother and son hide in bedroom and call cops as half naked burglar breaks into their Oklahoma home. "No, we don't know where his clothes are. We've been locked in this room" SPORTS - a few gems, but lots of room for competition. The top three are in the Headlines of the Week, and here is one more fun headline from Sports. There is one solution to the sorry state of NFL football: Legalize Holding. Hey, no one said it was a GOOD solution GEEK - this tab is consistently one of the best, both for great headlines and for the stories. Our submitters find fantastic stories we're just not seeing anywhere else on social media. Do yourself a favor and come hang out on the Geek tab. Top vote-getters in Headlines of the Week, here are a couple more that deserve a second laugh. All staff safe and sound at Arecibo telescope but antenna badly damaged. Fortunately we still have 25,000 years to tell the backup to turn the starship around Security researchers discover that hackers breached the popular system cleaning app CCleaner and used it to secretly install malware on users' computers. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish transferring all my vital data onto clay tablets ENTERTAINMENT - we had some great headlines this week, the top vote-getters are in Headlines of the Week, here are a couple more that almost made it. Still room for competition! Shania Twain opens up about her fight with Lyme disease and her husband cheating on her while she fought the disease. On the plus side, she has a new country song POLITICS - we had so many great submissions this week that we're back to taking the top ten for this tab. Here are a few more great headlines that almost made it - Pruitt's EPA: I agree with my mining CEO buddy over here: these farking salmon have had it too easy for too long The White House's senior nuclear weapons expert is A) a Dr. Strangelove caricature; B) a former oil executive; or C) an ordained Zen Buddhist chaplain? Oh, that's actually somewhat comforting Robert Mueller hopes to make Sean Spicer's notebooks the #1 bestseller on Amazon this fall British terror level lowered to, "I say, old chap" China to Trump: yourenothelping.gif BUSINESS - a few gems this week - check out Headlines of the Week for the top vote-getters. Still room for competition! Here is one of the headlines that almost made it to the top. Uber driver helps Lyft driver escape from overturned SUV. This is the only positive Uber news you've heard in months so savor it DISCUSSION We've had tons more submissions to the Discussion tab, and two top vote-getters that have the multi-sentence style, and two that are the more traditional headline. Still lots of room for competition! The discussions are fun (my personal favorite was about where you got your username) but for Headline of the Week it has to be funny. The extra challenge of this tab is to get both. Good luck! Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Changes afoot for online advertising Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-09-18 12:57:45 PM (96 comments) | Permalink ________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: Hey, everyone! Wanted to hit everyone up about some inside baseball stuff - the tl;dr version is now would be a fantastic time to sign up for either BareFark or TotalFark! Things are about to get weird in the ad world. Chrome is about to start blocking autoplay videos - which we're 100% behind, we specifically don't allow those yet somehow they seem to slip through anyhow, perhaps which is why Chrome is about to start blocking them. Safari is about to start blocking third party cookies, something we also support but the ad industry is freaking out about. Neither of these things seem like that big a deal to me long term but - here's the important part - we don't know what impact all this will have on revenues going forward. So! Now would be a great time to sign up for either BareFark or TotalFark! You can also sign up friends as well! And if you do I owe you a huge debt of gratitude - without our subscribers Fark wouldn't even exist! ________________________ We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter. ________________________ Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Emmy - 105 ESPN - 403 Jemele Hill - 73 Boobs - 373 Bacon - 397 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: fusillade762 found a school that sucks more than Duke ox45tallboy described how Martin Shkreli will affect jail OdradekRex tried to look on the bright side of a horrible situation gilgigamesh summed up a woman's claim that she didn't mean to shoot someone real_headhoncho knew who else allied with Hitler ralphjr shared where Hitler hid out after faking his death cranked explained why a woman had to defend herself against a homeless man Farking Clown Shoes measures fries in number rather than mass Boo_Guy posted an update on the studman69 image Boo_Guy helpfully showed the bear that 40 percent of adults sleep with Smart: Bloody William discussed differences between how black and white children are treated by police gilgigamesh wondered if a black teen would have been described as a "young child" TommyDeuce thought a teen who was kicked out of class had a legal case scottydoesntknow noticed strange behavior for someone frightened for her life real_headhoncho knew who else allied with Hitler gilgigamesh summed up a woman's claim that she didn't mean to shoot someone Relatively Obscure disagreed with another Farker's statement Weaver95 pointed out what might make a person worry about certain things Farking Clown Shoes measures fries in number rather than mass Pocket Ninja really likes social media TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Funny: Al_Ed wrote a song celebrating the loss of another TotalFarker's virginity Smart: Prevailing Wind discussed the idea of a holiday for 9/11 Funny: sarahthustra explained why Chinese food isn't sold as gourmet food in the U.S. CSB Sunday Morning: Your classic TV Smart: For the Praise Cheesus family, "The Lawrence Welk Show" was a way of life Smart: Tom_Slick and family all got together for popcorn and "The Wonderful World of Disney" Funny: HighlanderRPI showed us some of the sexy stuff people used to fap to CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: mod_reright shared a reaction to Ted Cruz liking a questionable tweet uncleacid considered what might have been in Osama Bin Laden's stash naughtyrev heard some rumors about Alex Jones Marcus Aurelius figured out what an NPR headline was hinting at (it's since been fixed) iron de havilland reacted to wise words from President Trump Politics Smart: FlashHarry revealed Trump's decision making process scottydoesntknow thought we'd already agreed about Nazis Dusk-You-n-Me decided which 9/11 monuments liberals will want to get rid of FormlessOne discussed Trump's reasons for working with Democrats Benevolent Misanthrope described how Trump would handle Congress condemning Nazis Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: FarkingIceHole made breakfast for the alt-right Herb Utsmelz showed that you shouldn't just choose the lowest price sometimes ionthrust advertised an exciting new Broadway play retrophil found a cereal for the little rascal in your life Circusdog320 showed some guys on a bad career path maxandgrinch created a line of Big Lebowski-themed cereals Iggie moved on up to a nutritious breakfast verchad took product placement too far RedZoneTuba scavenged a delicious breakfast WaitForIt showed us a record that will never be broken Farktography: orionid won Farktography Contest No. 645: "In Memoriam: Night Skies, Landscapes, & Abandoned Places" with Eta Aquarids over Acadia. This contest was in memory of soosh, who was part of the Farktography community from almost the very beginning. Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Upcoming Fark Parties See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats Saturday, September 30th: Houston Fark Party Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) Thanks to all our submitters, and thanks to all who voted for Headline of the Week! Go to Fark's Headlines of the Week to see the top voted, and read here in the Fark NotNewsletter for more great headlines! MAIN - the top ten voted were awesome - and there were so many others that it was really hard to choose which others to highlight here in the NotNewsletter. Here are just a few! So they held a beer festival at a zoo and the bobcat got loose and it wasn't even a Fark party Members of 'uncontacted' tribe reportedly murdered by gold miners in Amazon. On the bright side, at least their remains are eligible for free next-day shipping "Another bear sighting in SE Iowa: Can Goldilocks be far behind?", asks TV station not familiar with the chronological order of the story Ever wonder why you won't find a 7- Eleven store in Alabama? Here's the reason anyway Look, we get it, Florida. You have nothing else to show us, right? Oh, wait, here are two guys who tried to steal a power pole SPORTS - this tab had a lot of funny headlines this week! Good job submitters!! Here are a few more that didn't make the top voted - Packers to Seahawks: Our twelfth man is the refs Not news: Pulling over to avoid an ambulance. News: Ambulance pulling over to avoid an accident. Fark: ...on a NASCAR track. UltraFark: ...and failing Hurricanes are attacking, wild fires are burning, and the Buffalo Bills are leading the AFC East GEEK - is consistently amazing. I grabbed the top ten again the week for HotW - and here are a few more Bacteria on ISS change shape to survive antibiotics. Does this make anyone else nervous? Saturn Cassini probe's last words: LEROOOOOY JENKINS Phrenology is back in vogue. This article has the brainpan of a stage coach tilter ENTERTAINMENT - this tab was fantastic this week - so great that I grabbed the top ten instead of just the top three for HotW - and here are a couple more great ones "Corinne's affair with a Jesuit priest, her subsequent pregnancy as a result, and later exorcism, are all unacceptable." Confused? You won't be after reading this link about Soap Kristen Bell cheers up kids in an Irma shelter with Frozen songs. How about Riders on the Storm by the Doors? Or Hurricane by Bob Dylan? POLITICS - the politics tab has just gotten better and better recently! Keep 'em coming! Here are a few that didn't make the top ten but are still great! Trump: "We're fairly close on a DACA deal" as Trump walks back the walk back of the previous walk back. Even Michael Jackson did less moonwalking Sadly SandersCare is nothing but cheap politics and magic math with unicorns dancing on top of the fluffy cake Headline you should never read while eating: "Ted Cruz Defends Dildos on CNN". THIS is why you put your phone away at the table (Not safe for work) BUSINESS - take a look at Fark's Headlines of the Week for the top three, there was room for more competition this week! DISCUSSION - for the past few weeks I've been grabbing the top funniest multi-sentence headlines and the top short, more traditional headlines - this week there were just a handful of funny ones. There were three top voted of each type this week - check out Fark's Headlines of the Week to see them. If you want greenlights and HotW candidates, the Discussion tab has room for competition! Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
Fark NotNewsletter: Equifax and the big mean hackers Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-09-11 12:27:29 PM (61 comments) | Permalink Last week, we discovered that one of the major credit bureaus is about as good at keeping your information - which you never gave them permission to possess in the first place - as secure as The Club keeps your car. So they set up a pretty exciting website where you get to plug in some of your information and, depending on secret factors such as the alignment of the stars, the direction the wind is blowing, the rotating TOS of the complimentary credit monitoring service, what color underwear you're wearing, and the last thing you ate, it tells you whether or not your information was compromised. Play again and again for different answers. It's fun for the entire family! Comment Mentions The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words Irma - 2189 Jose - 364 Evacuate - 942 Equifax - 371 Bacon - 356 Comment Votes Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: RJReves showed What Hurrican Irma really had planned for Florida Pocket Ninja knew one way in which Trump was sure to help Floridians Magruda shared a surprising illustration of the hurricane naughtyrev shared some feelings about FEMA's attentions jayhawk88 noticed the great plan for a guy who hates Chicago Ivo Shandor shared an alarming note on a restaurant receipt TomFooolery pointed out that a great pizza is available outside of Chicago Mad Scientist shared a comparison of the different hurricane strengths berylman posted a helpful "before" photo of a Florida landmark nekom knew that the Equifax problem would lead to a satisfactory resolution Smart: nekom knew that the Equifax problem would lead to a satisfactory resolution Miss5280 explained how an 11-year-old girl defeated an InfoWars reporter nekom pointed out why Hurricane Harvey by itself didn't prove climate change fragMasterFlash asked Hurricane Irma for a favor Louisiana_Sitar_Club thought a douchebag told a lie that made him look like an even bigger douchebag GooberMcFly explained a dad's way of punishing a babysitter when he caught her sleeping holdmybones was impressed by a level of douchiness BizarreMan had words of comfort for churches that aren't eligible for FEMA funds TuteTibiImperes weighed in on fashion for pregnant women AppleOptionEsc was not impressed by an article criticizing the Red Cross TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers Smart: skybreaker posted perhaps the most truthful comment of the week Funny: Roman Fyseek advised a submitter about what to do when interrupted during sexytimes Funny: 433 ruined a band name by changing a single letter (lots of good stuff in this thread) CSB Sunday Morning: Summer's end Smart: vudukungfu shared a romantic story Funny: L.D. Ablotold a story about a mysterious bag CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman. Politics Funny: soporific accused Trump of some unforgivable actions duppy shared a tweet arguing in favor of deportations scottydoesntknow explained why DACA can't be phased out jbc explained what will happen to Trump when Russia burns him Snapper Carr showed how Obama is feeling about the attack on DACA Politics Smart: blastoh talked about discussing politics with people with opposing viewpoints AdmirableSnackbar thought that some people care more about ideology than outcomes tudorgurl was upset about Trump's plan to end DACA RminusQ argued that racism isn't a point of view FormlessOne agreed with a child's assessment Contest Votes Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshops: RedZoneTuba had hopes to watch a specific event on television very soon ionthrust revealed the ending of the show "Some Like It Trump" RedZoneTuba made an ad for a very timely movie retrophil created a very depressing reboot of an '80s TV show Herb Utsmelz gave up on finding something to watch Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us the best new TV program Stantz needed a bit of glue for repairs SansNeural showed a girl who's been spending a bit of time at the gym ionthrust made a strong girl's feat even more impressive Circusdog320 isn't a fan of Pat Robertson Farktography: g0ats3x won Farktography Contest No. 644: "Farktography Classic: Sports Photography 2" with a photo of Olympic skiier Leanne Smith Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum. Beyond Fark We're very sad to have lost two well-known and beloved members of the Fark community: soosh, a Farktographer and host of the weekly Livingston Stapler Company Presents threads, and timujin, a prolific commenter whose login should be familiar to anyone who regularly reads the Fark NotNewsletter. You can read soosh's memorial thread here. You can read timujin's memorial thread here. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe) These are the headlines that TotalFarkers voted as the best! Thanks for voting! Vote early, vote often. We're looking mainly for funny - what headline could you tell someone else at the office or in a bar and make them laugh - and we also love smart and creative and fun. Thanks to our submitters, you are all amazing! This week's Fark Headlines of the Week MAIN - check out HotW for the top ten voted headlines. Here are more that almost made it. Vote to make sure *your* favorites get top billing! Man causes $2,000 in damages to 7-Eleven after being told he couldn't use the phone. What did he do, burn it to the ground? The Russian designer of the coal-rolling Admiral Kuznetsov aircraft carrier now works for China, suggesting we may see a whole new generation of Pacific carriers bursting into flames and exploding on their own 11-year-old finds gun, shoots himself. Police say parents need to teach kids to be more careful, point it at other people Grown man gets dumped, and you're reading about this on Fark Night food, outside beer, underwear drunkenness and other foreign concepts that don't exist in English SPORTS - Sports tends to have more straightforward headlines, but there are always a few gems - check out the top voted in HotW and here are are two more great ones! We'd love to see more competition! Here's the new alternate logo for the Seattle Seahawks, and it's looking right at you Antonio Cromartie is a fertility god GEEK - geek has been so fantastic that I had to take the top ten this week - here are a handful more that almost made it as well! Long-range interactions leave a quantum reminder. "Followup" tag in the box. Or not A new genetic marker for schizophrenia discovered that doesn't require tin foil Refrigerator encounters its arch enemy: the free-falling anvil Not content with 2 major hurricanes, raging fires out west, a raving nut job with nukes -- not to mention Kim Jong Un, floods in India, soaring racial tensions and the scourge of man-buns, the sun is sending a storm. Cue Far Side Crisis Clinic comic Cressida and Desdemona are set to have a hot time around Uranus ... and a classic Fark headline pair: Your genes determine whether you love or hate Marmite Your genes don't determine whether you love or hate Marmite ENTERTAINMENT - there were a few gems - check out the top three voted in HotW, here's one more than *almost* made it. If you're looking for more chances on HotW, the field in the Entertainment tab has some great submissions but a lot of room for competition! The Kardashian empire is expanding again. The Federation is on red alert POLITICS - the politics tab was great this week, check out the ten top voted in HotW, here are a few more that *almost* made the top ten Kentucky bears down hard on its last abortion clinic. Burlington Coat Factory braces for impact A 30-foot-high border wall and a 65-foot-high toddler Kasich fondles Schwarzenegger's gerrymander A Fark-based theory may be playing out soon in Belarus God is punishing Americans by hitting America with hurricanes. So God wanted Hillary elected? BUSINESS - the business tab was especially great this week - keep 'em coming! These almost made it, go read HotW to see the ones that got the top votes! Tractor company employees brace for a Deere John letter The EPA is eyeing limits for dicamba, an agricultural chemical linked to crop damage, just as soon as that horse is completely out of the barn Britain's car sales are not all right, in fact there's plenty left Something called a "Tronc" bought something called a "newspaper" for one dollar For anyone in Houston who might need a new car, here's a handy guide on vehicle customer satisfaction DISCUSSION - these links all made it to HotW - there seem to be two fairly distinct styles of discussion headlines, the multi-sentence, multi-question headline, and usual one-line headline. I've recently been taking the top three of both types for HotW. We'd love to see more of both for more competition! The most disturbing people you can sit next to on an airplane, but nothing beats the corpse story By the power of Jennifer Greyskull It's been over 10 years. Are we over it yet? "I believe that was already covered during the trial" and other smart arse answers not covered in the linked article about what to say when the job interviewer asks you to tell them about yourself This week on the Saturday Morning Book Club: What's the most difficult book you've ever read? Bonus points if you actually understood it Will reigns get fed to the inCenarator? Will anyone care of Enzo and Gable? Can subby manage to type this with no typos on his phone? It's your live Raw thread Starting at 8pm eastern on USA Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here. · · ·
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