In yet another sign that "Idiocracy" was a prophecy, the "Tide Pod Challenge" has been everywhere lately. If you've managed to not learn what it is so far, it's another one of those "I'll post video of me doing something stupid on the internet" things, this time with people biting into Tide Pods. When I first heard of it, I thought it was just the news media falling for another urban legend about what kids are supposedly doing, but it turns out this one is actually true. Maybe they saw toddlers and old people doing it and thought it looked cool - kids are always trying to look like babies and geriatrics, right? So now adults are trying to distract these laundry detergent-eating daredevils with lookalike recipes, with local businesses cashing in on the soapy craze.
 
Anyway, I guess the moral of the story here is that there are worse things kids can do than just sitting around eating Doritos and playing video games all day.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Tide Pod - 192
Stormy Daniels - 332
Girther - 48
Shutdown - 1506
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Ambitwistor helpfully provided a GIF of a video so nobody would miss out on the excitement
Mr_Fabulous came up with Krispy Kreme's next new doughnut flavor
buzzcut73 shared a story about a friend's career-ending lapse in judgement
Subtonic wasn't amused by another Farker's guess as to what a mystery room under a house was for
Absolut Height Advantage disapproved of a reaction to a quarterback's death
kdawg7736 was disappointed to not get the greenlight for an article about Walmart criminals escaping on electric scooters (but this was made right by  the followup thread)
Mad_Radhu proved that there are worse things than having your face blurred
bearded clamorer found that a sneeze can be enjoyable
Abe Vigoda's Ghost altered the graphic for an article about sexual harassment
Weatherkiss shared more information about kids in China addicted to sniffing cats
 
Smart:
Voiceofreason01 analyzed a homeschool mom who wants her daughter to be allowed to ride the school bus
JustinZ pointed out that a headline submitter was mistaken about U.S. combat in the '80s
ElPresidente came up with a cheap way for us all to get around town
This About That discussed the reason naval commanders are being charged with negligent homicide
wejash had more '80s U.S. combat to add to a submitter's study list
Redh8t discussed leadership and responsibility
calbert shared a child's reaction to Tom Petty's death
Rev.K had an alternative to a sexual consent app
AdmirableSnackbar spotted a major flaw in a behavior study of bicyclists
FormlessOne explained why Border Patrol agents are destroying humanitarian supplies
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: Adjective Bird Whiskey revealed the "personal" videos a Farker found on a coworker's laptop
Smart: MalloreeH noted that TotalFark Discussion isn't equipped to handle some problems
Funny: MalloreeH gave an example of why people are opposed to incest even between consenting adults
 
CSB Sunday Morning: The worst thing you ever broke
Smart: croesius busted the nose of someone who deserved much worse
Funny: Roman Fyseek figured out the wrong way to store quilts
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Eddie Adams from Torrance explained why Donald Trump won't be taken down for money laundering
OdradekRex told us what it will be like when Stormy Daniels talks about Trump's... thing
Eddie Adams from Torrance wanted people to stop complaining about Trump putting a gag order on Bannon
BizarreMan pointed out that Melania still has some baby weight to lose
mrshowrules figured out how Chuck Schumer can work out a deal with Ryan and McConnell
 
Politics Smart:
Geriatric Goodman Brown discussed running for office
casual disregard gave a Department of Defense employee's opinion on the government shutdown
El_Perro found inconsistencies in someone's story about coming out as a Republican
aaronx discussed Trump's place in the Republican Party
Makh pointed out that Trump voters got what they asked for
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
daRog found Donald Trump dealing with a personal crisis
Lava Lamp Repairman changed words on a magazine cover
manyone showed us what a beautiful screw might look like
Yammering_Splat_Vector got an elephant ready to take on some poachers
Surly U. Jest discovered the WWII plane you never knew about
manyone found Master Yoda showing off
damat01 really mixed some genres here
Circusdog320 gave the rebels a secret weapon
RedZoneTuba picked the wrong week to stop Photoshopping
doyner showed us what a flock of hate might look like
 
Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 663: "Pink 2" with a photo of some kind of noodle monster
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Beyond Fark  
 
We're sad to learn that two Farkers died in November. We're very grateful, though, to their family members for telling our community of internet weirdos about their loss.
 
gremlin1 was most active in Caturday threads where she shared many stories and, of course, pictures. Her sister was kind enough to answer an email and break the bad news when the Caturday crew became concerned at gremlin1's absence. You can read gremlin1's memorial thread here.
 
Otto's_Jacket submitted a thread about his recent pancreatic cancer diagnosis back in November. Unfortunately, he died a week later. We're thankful to his wife for contacting Farkback to let us know because "he loved Fark so much and really enjoyed getting to know other Farkers." You can read Otto's_Jacket's memorial thread here. It's a continuation of the thread he submitted about his diagnosis.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
We're back with Fark Headlines of the Week!  We had so much fun with Headline of the Year - thanks everyone for reading and voting!  We're now slowly catching up on the last weeks of December and beginning of January Headlines of the Week - they're all *mostly* done, but those last few steps to get to our favorites sometimes takes a bit because we like so many. 
 
We kept a few more favorites than usual this week, especially in main and politics.  
 
Thanks to all our submitters and to our TotalFark voters! 
 
MAIN - this tab is the absolute best for laughs and creativity.  We kept extra this week and still had so many more that we wish we could include.  
 
SPORTS - this tab has some gems and we kept some extras this week, thanks for the creativity!
 
GEEK - always smart *and* funny, geek submitters find so many great articles that we just don't see elsewhere on social media.  Thanks! 
 
ENTERTAINMENT - these stories are oddly challenging to make funny, but we've got some good ones!   
 
POLITICS - thanks for making politics just a little more palatable by making it funny!  One tip for submitters - we get a lot of Trump-centric headlines, we can use a lot more policy and other politics.  Those are harder to make funny so they're more of a challenge to get greenlit, but we're looking for them and we're trying to greenlight more of them! 
 
BUSINESS - fun headlines in this tab, especially about the joys of bitcoin investing.  
 
DISCUSSION - lots of great discussions, live threads, weekly threads like the always creative Fark Writer's Thread - and more than a few funny headlines! Discussion doesn't have to be funny, but it's more fun when it is. We look at both the multi-sentence / multi-question headlines, and the traditional one-liners. Thanks for getting creative here!  One extra shout out - a pair of submitters somehow managed to get back-to-back headlines for an extra punchline.  Go take a look, and nice job.  
 
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  
 
So it's the one year anniversary of the announcement of the most recent Google fiasco.  So how are things going?
 
First and foremost, we were facing a pretty big financial shortfall last year.  A ton of folks signed up for TotalFark and BareFark and that got us through!  Now that we're a year out from the event, a bunch of year subscriptions have just ended.  If you haven't signed up for either/both, now would be a really good time!  Seriously get right on that.  It may not seem like it helps much, but Fark wouldn't be here today without all the signups from last year!  You can sign up for TotalFark here, and sign up for BareFark here.  You can also gift TotalFark and BareFark to your friends and enemies.
 
Google and I had some prolonged conversations after the January 2017 announcement about how to prevent similar future situations.  They've actually implemented one of the suggestions, which was to shut off ads to just the pages that had iffy content as opposed to the entire website.  We've gotten just a few notices since, where ads were shut off only on the offending page, and things have worked extremely well for both us and Google.  So kudos to them for taking action to fix the situation.  
 
As for Fark, we're going to make it.  However things are still financially tight and we've got a bunch of updates on our to-do list I'd love to get to.  One of those in particular is we're switching Fark to SSL in the next couple of weeks.
 
If you have TotalFark, you might have noticed that yesterday all your Fark pages are now HTTPS instead of plain old boring HTTP.  For those of you unaware of such things, HTTPS is a more secure version of HTTP.  It encrypts all information to and from our servers, making it so that that creepy guy at Starbucks can't sniff your traffic (not a euphemism).  We've wanted to do this for a long time, but most ad networks weren't up to speed yet and we couldn't afford to take a big hit on revenue.  But most of the ad networks we use now support HTTPS pages and we're happy to announce that we just switched to all-HTTPS for TotalFarkers.  If all goes well, we'll switch everyone over to all-HTTPS in a few weeks.  If you're not signed up for TotalFark yet and you don't want to wait, it's only $5/month - you can sign up for TotalFark here."
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Executive time - 114
Shiathole - 2328
False alarm - 112
Hawaii - 493
Missile - 362
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
WyDave remarked on the likelihood of finding love in rural areas
What_Would_Jimi_Do found the description of a burnt car to be inaccurate
FortyHams recognized a criminal caught on security camera
fusillade762 recognized what a critic of the "Me Too" movement was doing
Dimensio knew how to deal with an HOA's open garage rule
Mike_LowELL uses racist laundry detergent
Rapmaster2000 explained why teachers don't need raises
Brian Dead lamented the death of casual sex
Sum Dum Gai pointed out the real problem with the tech industry
Prank Call of Cthulhu didn't appreciate being summoned to a thread
 
Smart:
FormlessOne discussed problems that schools are facing
Millennium had a suggestion for how a hospital shoudl deal with mistreatment of a patient
Benevolent Misanthrope gave an opinion on local school boards
MontanaDave thought something could be learned from the federal government's bungling of the Cliven Bundy standoff case
LordZorch did not see the problem with Apu
blastoh explained why HOAs are often a problem
jasonvatch suggested punishment for prosecutors and police officers who work against justice
abb3w explained how the government lost the Cliven Bunday standoff case
abhorrent1 discussed Trump's handling of the ballistic missile false alarm in Hawaii
Carousel Beast explained why it was helpful for a witness to get video of hospital staff dumping a patient outside
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: Mike_LowELL wrote a heartfelt plea to Drew
Funny: Huck Chaser answered the question, "What's something that seems to be sexy in adult films but not in real life?"
Smart: PolloDiablo revealed a favorite hobby
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Homebound
Smart: GRCooper found that sitting at home Farking all day can pay off
Funny: davidphogan escaped across the country after being homebound
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Tanqueray explained why the head of HHS's family planning programs resigned
Mike_LowELL learned one thing from Donald Trump's "shiathole" comments
Erma Gerdd had a vision when reading a Fark headline
thisisyourbrainonFark summarized the Fusion GPS testimony
Epoch_Zero showed how the Fusion GPS transcripts were handled
 
Politics Smart:
Dimensio reacted to the release of the Fusion GPS testimony transcripts
BigBurrito said something about people who live in glass shiatholes shouldn't throw stones
shower_in_my_socks pointed out why more Norwegians aren't trying to move to the U.S.
Mike_LowELL learned one thing from Donald Trump's "shiathole" comments
NateAsbestos provided a short version of the Fusion GPS testimony
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Alligator had an invention that would definitely not result in more road rage incidents
I_Am_Weasel made an Apple product for your cat
wickedfish stuck up a reminder that everything has its limits
RedZoneTuba went where no cat has gone before
wickedfish brought back memories for older Farkers
manyone doesn't have this light bulb to kick around anymore
anustart put out an unnecessary warning
Surly U. Jest showed the life and death of an automobile
Don_cos had enough of these kids and their loud music
RedZoneTuba gave this woman a better view
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 662: "Mmm Bokeh 4" ended in a tie between wickedfish's really cool shot and Circusdog320's tall, slender model
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)    
 
We had a good one this week. Unfortunately, no one hit the 1000 club for the third straight week. We'll go a little easier on you this week, we promise. (Ed: No we won't.) In first place, barely missing out on the big one-zero-zero-zero was brokentype14, scoring 996, with HighwayBill in second with 949 and xrayspx taking third with 934. Tax Boy saw fourth with 931, and skloon rounds out the top 5 with 928. Remember that time is a factor on the quiz, so the quicker you choose the correct answer, the higher your score.
 
The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over In-N-Out's new menu item. Only 38% of quiztakers knew that the chain had moved from the coastal west to colder climates, and hot cocoa was therefore in demand. No word on if it's available on your burger as a "secret menu item," but  really, it's only a matter of time before someone tries and then blogs about it.
 
The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over who Barack Obama was going to be interviewed by in his first late-night appearance after leaving the Oval Office. 84% of quiztakers knew that his interview would be with David Letterman on his new limited Netflix series "My Next Guest Needs No Introduction." Which brings the question, is it "late night" if it's on Netflix? I watched it at 10:30 AM local time. Also, is it just me or does that show needs a different editor? The cameras jump around so much it's like I'm watching a Hollywood fight scene where they keep jumping between the actor and the stunt double every 2 seconds. I was half expecting Michael Bay's name in the credits.
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over the most popular genre of music by total consumption in the U.S. last year. Only 48% of quiztakers knew that Rock had been overtaken by R&B/Hip-hop for the first time. Country/Western still sits back in third across the nation, although here in the South most cities have about 9 different flavors of country stations, one modern rock, one classic rock, and one R&B that might on occasion play a rap song late at night. And NPR.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which computer guru claims to have had his Twitter account hacked after Tweets showed up promoting some obscure digital currency. 87% of quiztakers knew that it was John McAfee who wasn't using two-step verification. I mean, really, why would he bother? Who's going to try to hack John McAfee? Also, Peter Norton has long retired from public life and spends his days on charitable work and art collecting. My research failed to turn up a public Twitter account, so at least he's not at risk for plugging ZernubooCo!n or whatever "The Next Big Digital Currency That Will Overtake BitCoin" is. 
 
If you didn't get a chance to take the quiz last week, you can do so right here. Thanks to everyone who participated, and we'll see you next week!
________________________ 
 
Note: The Fark Headlines of the Week will be posted within the next few days. Keep an eye out!

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  
 
Hope everyone had a great holiday break.  Here in Kentucky we're back into the swing of things.  It's still several months before people take their Christmas lights down, the media cycle is running on all cylinders, and we've already had two "snow" days for intense cold which means at this rate school's probably getting out in July again this year.
 
Have you ever considered submitting a link to Fark?  On a regular day, I'm personally picking the taglines that go up on Fark up until beer o'clock, sometimes later than that.  We get a lot of great submissions, but we'd love to see more variety.
 
Here are a few tips to submitting links to Fark, some not-so-well documented and some undocumented.
I'm looking for pretty much anything newsworthy, but of particular interest are articles that are from small local news outlets that might otherwise get missed.  
 
As far as Fark is concerned, taglines > article content.  It is far more likely I'll greenlight an inspired tagline to a boring article than the other way around.  
 
I'm looking for good riffs on headlines, as opposed to a copypaste of the exact headline or a vanilla summary of the article.  
 
When I'm choosing links, I tend to avoid picking puns. Once in a blue moon there's a good one, though.    
 
To keep Fark admins from going insane with a flood of repeat submissions, the Fark Submit a Link thinger blocks duplicate link submissions - unless you've got a TotalFark account in which case it allows your submissions to bypass the block.  This rule was implemented years ago to reduce workload for me and other folks who pick links for Fark.  
 
If you work for a news organization: Fark does allow you to submit links from your own sites, however please keep the volume down to the 2-3 best per day.    
 
Our current submitters do a fantastic job - really, we couldn't do it without them!  We've got a couple topic holes in the rotation, though - in particular, we could use more submissions for Sports and Business. So if you have some good taglines for these tabs, your chances of a greenlight are greatly increased.
 
The easiest possible greenlight to get is submitting a Discussion topic.  The weirder the better.
 
Speaking of topic tags, during a Newsflash-worthy event, I'll usually wait at least 10-15 minutes after the first submission to see if anyone can submit a better tagline.  On TotalFark, when I do this live, you'll see me redlight the taglines that are out of consideration and leave the remaining taglines under consideration in the queue.  TotalFarkers can vote on taglines on TotalFark, and I'll keep an eye on those while I'm waiting.  If a particular Newsflash tag gets a ton of votes and I'm on the fence between 2-3 of them, I'll go with whichever one TotalFarkers vote for.
 
Next week: it's the One-Year anniversary of The Google Incident - an update.
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Michael Wolff - 731
Stable genius - 110
Gorilla Channel - 85
Sloppy Steve - 123
Bomb cyclone - 57
Bombogenesis - 13
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
The_Sponge enlisted the help of Rodney Dangerfield for a punchline
GRCooper found one sentence in an article to really identify with
Shrapnel showed us what a human Venn diagram might look like
Pocket Ninja explained why a mosque paid the fine of the man who vandalized them
FormlessOne knew what showing drug use on CNN will lead to
TheLopper had a solution for a restaurant owner who claims he makes less money than his employees
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That came through in a thread about a former adult film star
SuburbanCowboy reacted to news that a "Fixer Upper" star is pregnant
scottydoesntknow recognized what happened to an air base in Syria
nmrsnr felt betrayed when learning some frightening news
 
Smart:
ecmoRandomNumbers had advice for a struggling restaurant owner
Bith Set Me Up shared some words from Franklin D. Roosevelt about living wages
abhorrent1 discussed people's annoying dietary choices or requirements
Marcus Aurelius talked about the reasons police have for taking belongings of an innocent man they killed
Deece interpreted Paul Sorvino's threats against Harvey Weinstein
BizarreMan explained why a "solution" for a girl whose boyfriend demanded naked pictures would backfire
edmo had a theory on why CNN showed drug use during their New Year's Eve show
stan unusual thought that was counts as justification for police shootings has gotten out of hand
ecmoRandomNumbers had a theory about a restauranteur's wealth
Munden had an idea for why more people got marijana after it became legal for recreation
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: impaler found out the truth about President Trump's nuclear button
Funny: Chris Ween had some bad news for Trump about his big button
Funny: Your Naught They're asked about an action that got another Farker fired
Funny: Don't make me pull this car over got up to some hijinks with a scale
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Last day
Smart: lovely_filth shared a story about the final few days with Dad
Funny: jaylectricity had an interesting last day as a pizza pro
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Tax Boy reacted to news of a fire at the Clinton house
spooky.action came up with a new way to display a Trump tweet
Cortez the Killer shared Trump's real reaction to Michael Wolff's book
BizarreMan explained why Fark has had so many Golf Channel links lately
Walker noticed that it takes one to know one
 
Politics Smart:
Ambivalence pointed out something about Donald Trump's "stable genius" tweets
scottydoesntknow discussed Trump's reasons for running for president
shastacola reacted to Trump's "like, really smart" tweet
fusillade762 showed how Trump feels about peaceful protests
Ambivalence explained the plan behind most of Trump's tweets
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Surly U. Jest proved Earth is flat with some not-so-huge tracts of land
RedZoneTuba shared some bad news for the U.S. Navy
Surly U. Jest showed someone needing a little more privacy
Alligator revealed what Earth's rotation really looks like
RedZoneTuba found some former presidents going for a stroll
Alligator showed us kitty in a bad mood
Yammering_Splat_Vector tried to flatten the planet
RedZoneTuba discovered that a popular Beatles song was really about Paul
Snubnose found out why the Earth is flat
fisker stretched out the Rose Bowl
 
Farktography:
flondrix won Farktography Contest No. 661: "Mr. M" with a photo of Earth's little friend
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)   
 
We faced another difficult one again this week, as no one made it to the 1000 mark. On the plus side, that means people were getting work done, I guess.
 
In first place we have a tie between jaycharms and Dead Skin Mask, both with 931, followed by Minor Catastrophe with 921 and Oliver Twisted close behind in third with 920. In fourth was Ariesfish scoring 870, and in ye olde fifthe place we have LizardOnAStickwith 868.
 
The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over what brand of beer was available in Quebec in a 99-can holiday pack. Only 24% of quiztakers knew that Les Quebecois do have cheap American swill like Pabst available, although it's unclear if natives drink it or they just keep it around for hoser tourists. Also, it's my understanding they call it "Le Pabst" to comply with their bilingual requirements. 
 
The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about Twitter's new algorithm that detects if someone is tweeting about committing suicide, and flags the Tweet and automatically replies to it with contact information for a suicide prevention organization. 79% of quiztakers had heard about Twitter Japan's response to the mass murder in which the killer had targeted those contemplating suicide on social media. Now if only Twitter would set up some kind of algorithm for world leaders threatening nuclear war...
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which movie contained a disclaimer regarding its depictions of smoking. Only 48% of quiztakers knew that a Winston Churchill biopic wouldn't be a Winston Churchill biopic without showing Winston Churchill chewing on or puffing away at a fat cigar, even when he's played by Commissioner Gordon. For some reason, the producers of "Darkest Hour," a movie featuring the horrors of war and the torment of leaders who must make the decision to send soldiers to their death, wanted to be sure we didn't come away from the movie thinking they were okay with people smoking cigars. I took it as the equivalent of sticking a message at the end of "Trainspotting" advising people to wash their hands after mucking about in a public toilet.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over what brought out the bomb squad to a Seattle ferry terminal. 87% of quiztakers knew that someone had left a gift-wrapped fruitcake beneath a decorative Christmas trees in the terminal  I'm guessing the police detonated it anyhow on general principle due to it being a fruitcake, but there is a nonzero chance it was regifted by a bomb technician to her great aunt Ethel who keeps asking when she's getting married.

 
Fark Headlines of the Year (brought to you by Blythe)
 
2017 FARK HEADLINE of the YEAR
 
And we'll save you a click - here are the links and the winners!
 
Thanks to everyone for voting for the Fark Headlines of the Year 2017!  We've had quite a journey, from the weekly curated Headlines of the Week, to the preliminary contests in December for all TotalFarkers to vote, and finally to the main page for *all* Farkers to vote and decide the ultimate winners.
 
Thank you to all submitters!  We love all our submissions!  We have so many favorites and we want to highlight so many great headlines.  Headline of the Week and Headline of the Year is our chance to recognize the headlines the rise to the top, but just spend a day on Fark to see hundreds of examples of equally Fark-worthy fun, funny, and creativity.
 
Here are the winners and runners-up for Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2017!  Congratulations to all!
 
Feel free to look back at all the top headlines from this year in all the contests!
 
TotalFark-only viewing and voting preliminaries:
First half of the year Main page preliminary contests
Second half of the year Main page preliminary contests and half the tab preliminaries
All tabs preliminary contests
 
Main Page finals for *all* Farkers:
Main Page - best in show - overall Headline of the Year
Main Page Story headlines
Main Page Context headlines
Main Page Puns and Wordplay headlines
Main Page Politics headlines
Discussion Tab headlines
Business Tab headlines
Entertainment Tab headlines
Geek Tab headlines
Sports Tab headlines
Politics Tab headlines
 
2017 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
Man charged with robbing magazine salesman is looking at time, maybe even life
Submitter: wiredroach
 
Runner up:
North Korea threatens to nuke Australia. Australia threatens to mail them a box of local wildlife
Submitter: TommyDeuce
 
MAIN PAGE STORY HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
After 60 years, Hamilton, Ontari -- CAR -- Hamilton, Ontario legalizes stre -- CAR -- legalizes street ho -- CAR -- After 60 years, Hamilton, Ontario legalizes street hockey a -- CAR -- AFTER 60 YEARS, HAMILTON, ONTARIO LEGALIZES STREET HOCKEY AGAIN
Submitter: GooberMcFly
 
Runner up:
Boy rescued from claw machine after firefighters spend 30 minutes and $20 trying to win him back
Submitter: rnatalie
 
MAIN PAGE CONTEXT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
An Oxford comma changed this court case completely. Come on people
Submitter: Biggs Farklighter
 
Runner up:
Falcons win popular vote
Submitter: bronyaur1
 
MAIN PAGE PUNS AND WORDPLAY HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
Judge: "I understand your sexual partner cannot testify today because she's got laryngitis." Defendant: "No, your Honor, I said she's a little horse"
Submitter: phlegmmo
 
Runner up:
Man turns himself in for bestiality charges, because the evidence against him was mounting
Submitter:TheAbstractor
 
MAIN PAGE POLITICS on the main page HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
North Korea threatens to nuke Australia. Australia threatens to mail them a box of local wildlife
Submitter: TommyDeuce
 
Runner up:
Those 700 jobs Trump "saved" at +++CARRIER LOST+++
Submitter: The English Major
 
DISCUSSION TAB HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
Indjánafjöður from Reykjavik rescued by Þorvarðardóttir, just in time for kötturdag
Submitter: sherpa18
 
Runner up:
There are two types of people: Those that believe 'Die Hard' is a Christmas movie, and those that are wrong
Submitter: Badger
 
BUSINESS TAB HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
Soylent introduces new flavors, which vary from person to person
Submitter: Learned Hand Job
 
Runner up:
If the meal that you eat has an eel for the meat, that's a moray
Submitter: phlegmmo
 
ENTERTAINMENT TAB HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
Paris Hilton claims she could have been like Princess Diana if it weren't for sex tape. Which is understandable because Diana's life was also ruined by one night in Paris
Submitter: Optronami
 
Runner up:
Carrie Fisher has become more powerful than you can possibly imagine
Submitter: HawgWild
 
GEEK TAB HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
Mass circumcision ceremony for pre-teen boys scheduled. Tip-off at 9:00am
Submitter: phlegmmo
 
Runner up:
NASA sending probe to center of solar system. The Sun is there
Submitter: Barry McCockner
 
SPORTS TAB HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
NBC (commercial break) will (tragic backstory of athlete) broadcast (plug for NBC shows) the (history of host country) Olympics (talking over opening ceremonies) live (you already know what happened) next (edited, tape delayed events) year
Submitter: WyDave
 
Runner up:
You would think that Tiger Woods would know when to use a driver
Submitter: Johnny Rockets
 
POLITICS TAB HEADLINE OF THE YEAR:
In the midnight hour, Xi cried "Mao, Mao, Mao"
Submitter: The English Major
 
Runner up:
The Rockettes have been informed that they are obligated to perform for Trump, because nothing says President Trump like a group of women forced against their will to dance in his presence
Submitter: FortyHams

Okay, 2017 is over. Sure, 2018 might be a lot like 2017, but it definitely has more eights. And remember: Any car can be a flying car if you're brave enough.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Golf Channel - 52
Iran - 356
Deep State - 268
Happy New Year - 497
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
bearded clamorer figured out why a guy chose a strange place to put his phone and money
bearded clamorer had a question about a man with a coin stuck in his butt
ZAZ figured out the source of a German Navy frigate's problems
foo monkey reacted to news that almost half of Puerto Rico still doesn't have electricity restored
PainInTheASP enlisted our help in finding a neo-Nazi fugitive in Ohio
freakingmoron had a sweet Christmas tradition with a girlfriend
wademh gave an example of religious groups creating new atheists
ralphjr showed Trump casting blame for a shortage of IV supplies
foo monkey was reminded of a traumatic experience
Mugato asked a medical question about people getting things stuck up their butts
 
Smart:
SpaceyCat thought that police should take precautions against killing innocent people
pkrzycki reacted to an article about drinks that bartenders don't want you to order
ecmoRandomNumbers shared a personal connection to a sad story
doglover reacted to police killing an innocent man
FormlessOne thought that a a police investigation is focused on the wrong thing
Weaver95 hoped for some racist trolls to have their racist feelings hurt
blastoh commented on how many Americans carry guns with them
Darth_Lukecash weighed freedom to own guns versus gun violence
maddermaxx pointed out that police should not be killing innocent people
sdd2000 gave examples of the free market version of civil rights
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: Adjective Bird Whiskey figured out why a first sexual experience got low marks
Funny: Dr. Tuttle escalated the submitter's willingness to blow a guy for $500,000
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Odd Christmas traditions
Smart:Winterlight always has a special Christmas dinner
Funny: Rotcorp trolls the wife with some non-traditional head
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Pocket Ninja explained why Donald Trump won't be in a room with people who mock him
I_Am_Weasel described exactly who Mike Huckabee is
ToastmasterGeneral shared a conversation between Trump and Angela Merkel
scottydoesntknow found someone interested in a hacker's "calling card"
King Something discussed Trump's obsession with size
 
Politics Smart:
pueblonative wondered about the U.S. limiting involvement in the U.N.
Ambivalence had a suggestion on dealing with Trump's feelings
Kubo found a message behind Trump taking credit for people saying "Merry Christmas"
FormlessOne knew why Trump's inauguration crowd seemed smaller than Obama's
NeedlesslyCanadian reviewed many of Roy Moore's run-ins with the law
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
#2 added more primates to a Christmas card
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed that Steven Seagal doesn't just eat carrots
Alligator showed this kid wasn't worried about his school project
Surly U. Jest translated the cover of Steven Seagal's book
wickedfish found a way for Farkers to participate in sports
Private_Citizen found expert advice from Steven Seagal
cowgirl toffee showed us a book that gives a little too much information
Glockenspiel Hero filled in the missing pieces of Mada'in Saleh
wickedfish needed a bigger can of bug spray
Colour_out_of_Space showed us a jerk on his book cover
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 660: "Hit Me With Your Best Shot 2" ended in a tie between Elsinore and Elsinore . Awkward.
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
Beyond Fark 
 
We're sad to have lost Farker brightestfell. Many of you also knew her as Garnet Cat on Facebook and Twitter.  You can read brightestfell's memorial thread here.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week Year Update (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Here we are at the Final round of Fark's Headline of the Year.  It's been a lot of fun getting here.
 
First we have the Headlines of the Week, each week, every week, all year long.  Then we have Preliminary Headline of the Year contests in TotalFark all December - breaking out four categories of Main page headlines: Wordplay and Puns, Context, Politics on the main page, and Story.  Then we have Finals for all Farkers to vote for the top headlines in each category.  Those winners of the Main page categories are part of this last contest and will be officially reported next week!
 
And now we have one more step.  In previous years the Headline of the Year came from the category that this year we labeled "Story" headlines.  This year we had so many great headlines in all four categories (Wordplay and Puns, Context, Politics on the main page, and Story) that we didn't think it was right that only the Story headlines got considered for Headline of the Year.  So we added one final voting round.  We've taken the top headlines from each for the Headline of the Year - a kind of "Best in Show" for the Main page - regardless of the category.
 
Voting will remain open until Monday January 8, 2018 at 1 p.m. Eastern Time for THE Fark Headline of the Year!
 
(Tab preliminaries finished in TotalFark yesterday and are being tabulated as we write!  Final voting for all Farkers for the Tab contests starts tomorrow and will also run until Monday!)

We're in the last week of 2017, so if you're the type to make New Year's resolutions, you only have a handful of days left to smoke everything, eat all the food, sleep around, shoplift, drink too much, be a couch potato, shove things in your butt, or whatever it is that you're planning on changing about yourself in 2018. So be careful, enjoy your final days of freedom, and don't put it in there unless you're sure you can get it out again.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
New year - 386
Top ten - 62
End of the year - 48
Listicle - 13
Penis - 463
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
I_Am_Weasel thought George Lucas was malfunctioning
Grumpy Cat explained why so many debt collection scammers operate out of Buffalo
dailygrinds interrupted an argument about semantics
Prank Call of Cthulhu thought a hotel's policy of charging $350 when people leave bad reviews seemed familiar
bearded clamorer had a better way of handling it when a restaurant serves clams that are too small (user name checks out)
Biledriver found out what happened to Mike Myers
doomjesse knew why a Farker's wife would let Miss Israel hide out in their house
Saiga410 suggested a tagline for Will Smith's new movie that features mythical creatures
All Latest cast blame for a tragedy at Flinders Street Station
fusillade762 asked a question about working in adult films
 
Smart:
Metastatic Capricorn thought news of Cardinal Law's death should have come from a different source
EasilyDistracted wasn't easily outraged by an airline security procedure
snocone applied Pappy's advice to Bitcoin
fusillade762 reviewed Gene Simmons and Kiss
sithon sensed why a woman became an adult film star against her husband's wishes
scottydoesntknow shared a video of a decoy box for thieves
optikeye had an idea of why you don't see Mike Myers much anymore
Jeff5 longed for the old days
syrynxx thought the word "conservative" is often misused
themindiswatching pointed out part of the reason "phantom debt" exists
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: Check out this thread and video where slackananda followed through on a dare from another TotalFarker
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Weird gifts
Smart: Badafuco's mom and aunt win for the most morbid sense of humor
Funny: wearsmanyhats received an apt gift from a TotalFark Secret Santa
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat was wary of another Farker's request to "let THAT sink in for a while"
fusillade762 filled out an approval poll from Trump Headquarters
Mike_LowELL showed us why Donald Trump looks so frazzled
mofa explained why it's obvious that The New York Times lied about Trump
RoomFullOfMonkeys thought something seemed fishy
 
Politics Smart:
TelemonianAjax gave advice on what to do if Trump has Comey fired
puffy999 showed why a warrant wasn't required to obtain an agency's emails
somedude210 had a message for Senator Susan Collins
Anastacya commented on people not being able to get dates because of their politics
rwhamann told Hillary Clinton to go away
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector replaced the White House press secretary with a well-qualified individual
Mycroft_Holmes_IV found a press secretary with stock answers
Dumski's press secretary has an obvious tell
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned Prince Philip into a Fark favorite
RedZoneTuba demonstrated some arcade etiquette
RedZoneTuba found a new job for Tommy Flanagan
RedZoneTuba gave this redhead an unpleasant surprise
Glockenspiel Hero brought back a character from a series of '80s commercials
StainedGlassRuby found a way to make a lone polar bear less lonely
wickedfish fashioned lava wings
 
Farktography:
Earguy won Farktography Contest No. 659: "Seasons' Greetings 10" with a lovely Christmas card
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week Year Update (brought to you by Blythe)
 
The Headlines of the Week for December will be posted in January, along with January's Headlines of the Week. 
 
Right now our focus is on Headline of the Year!  
 
We've had a lot of fun re-reading the headlines and the stories - we hope you are enjoying reading and voting!
 
Headline of the Year Preliminaries are finishing up for the year.  The Main page preliminary contests ended earlier today (one-liners, puns and wordplay, context, and politics) and are being tabulated for final voting as we write.  
 
Preliminaries for the Tab contests have been posted and open for voting for in Business and Discussion; Sports and Entertainment preliminaries were added today; -  Geek and Politics will be posted soon as well.  
 
The tab preliminary contests will remain open for TotalFark voting until January 1, 2018 13:00:00 Eastern Time.
 
Final Rounds for Main page Headline of the Year contests will begin tomorrow!  Watch for them on the main page!
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

Well, this War on Christmas has been going on for many years, yet Christmas Day just keeps on coming. Farkers have been discussing the battle since at least 2005, when President George W. Bush apparently attacked the sacred holiday. Overall, Farkers seem to think this war doesn't even exist, which probably makes us complicit in the bloodshed. 
 
I'll be in my bunker.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Vulnerable - 107
Fetus - 110
Diversity - 88
Transgender - 122
Entitlement - 100
Science-based - 33
Evidence-based - 26
Affordable Care Act - 16
Marketplace - 25
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
optikeye was sensitive to the needs of others in a thread about horse meat
optikeye knew why Guy Fieri wasn't the famous chef accused of sexual misconduct
doglover explained why it would be bad to be in Beirut right now
Bondith was impressed by a change in Saudi Arabia
LarryDan43's son needed help after being bullied
AirGee reacted to a grammar correction
slackananda was glad that Fark is above the nonsense found on other websites
Plant Rights Activist reacted to a protest at the U.S. embassy in Beirut
Smashed Hat waited for a reaction to the protest in Beirut
festus explained why Smashed Hat might have to wait a while
 
Smart:
UnrepentantApostate pointed out one of the benefits of the public school system
alechemist had an idea of why Salvation Army donations are down
gar1013 pointed out that bullying is not okay
winedrinkingman defended schools
Huntceet explained not donating to the Salvation Army anymore
duke3522 had another reason why Salvation Army donations have decreased
jmr61 thought that school has something to offer
andyofne shared a really great story (Be sure you read this one. It would have been the FarkStaff Pick this week if it hadn't gotten enough votes on its own.)
ToastmasterGeneral explained why people fly the Confederate flag
rcain painted a dismal picture of the future
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: JerseyTim suggested a CB handle for female TotalFarker
Funny: Al_Ed probably won't be getting much BIE after this
Smart: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat named the very worst Christmas song
Funny: sarahthustra had another CB handle idea
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Getting stuck
Smart:vudukungfu learned that it's nice to pass gas to people in need
Funny: gordian had an adventure with a flat tire
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Arachnophobe shared a message from Alabama voters to Roy Moore
derpes_simplex shared Donald Trump's condolences for Roy Moore
ralphjr found another Fox News graphics fail
Fart_Machine had an example of the wrong time to abbreviate a state's name
Non Sequitur Man was happy about the outcome of Alabama's special election
 
Politics Smart:
thatboyoverthere gave credit for the Alabama election outcome
Arachnophobe shared a message from Alabama voters to Roy Moore
GardenWeasel had a suggestion for not looking foolish in a Fark thread
MAJ Ethanolic explained a change in party membership
cptjeff placed blame for the FCC's net neutrality vote
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Glockenspiel Hero presented the 2017 version of a classic Christmas song
RedZoneTuba showed us what the "B" in "B-52s" stands for
wickedfish heard you like B-52s
Don_cos made is so everyone can have a gay Christmas
Circusdog320 gave us the last Christmas album ever
sl4psh0t had a Christmas gift for internet service providers
Circusdog320 gave asparagus the theme song it's always needed
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel had the best makeover yet for Trump and his friends (they look so pleased!)
Yammering_Splat_Vector found really big evidence of aliens
RedZoneTuba found a Fark-worthy Christmas tree
 
Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 658: "Foods" with some tasty-looking soup
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)  
 
Last week's quiz saw only one person in the 1000 club. rick42 made it in with 1009, followed by The Third Man with 963 and Oliver Twisted with 925. BogglePlayingChicken made 4th with 920, and jurisenpai rounds out the top 5 with 866.
 
The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over what condiment prompted the official Pop-Tarts Twitter account to contact Illinois State Police. Only 26% of quiztakers knew that there was some guy on Twitter tweeting away about his love of mustard on his Pop-Tarts, which should be a crime in any jurisdiction. Although the Illinois State Police didn't respond, the Dixon, IL police department did. The offending post was removed a short time later, showing just how effective local police departments can be at getting crimes against nature out of our kitchens.  
 
The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over which nation had just legalized marriage equality for same-sex couples. 75% of quiztakers knew that Aussies can now marry who they love regardless of gender, and celebrate afterwards with weird things on the barbecue and really crappy beer, just like Americans. For the record, New Zealand has had same-sex marriage since 2013, and South Africa... has a ways to go.
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over the restaurant corporation in the UK that was most concerned about Brexit and what it would mean for their staff and management. Only 33% of quiztakers knew that over half of Domino's store and regional mangers were immigrants in the UK, not to mention a large number of employees, and that their immigration status post-Brexit is currently up in the air. 
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which charity received the milled lumber from the Christmas trees at Rockefeller center. 91% of quiztakers knew that the beautifully branded wood went to Habitat for Humanity, where it was usually used as bracing due to its low tensile strength and placed inside of walls and covered up. 
 
Thanks to everyone who took the quiz, and if you missed it, you can take the Fark Weird News Quiz right here.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week Year Update (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Our Headline of the Year contest is underway!  Headline of the Week will be posted in the next day or two, but for the NotNewsletter this week we're focusing on Headline of the Year!  We're already more than halfway through the preliminaries for the Main page headlines - voting remains open on all! - and preliminaries for the tabs will start tomorrow. TotalFarkers, take a look on the TotalFark Discussion tab and vote for your favorites!  
 
Take some time to read and enjoy the headlines, and have fun voting!
 
December 2016:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9828083​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-starts-now-Toda​ys-voting-is-for-headlines-from-Decemb​er-2016-HotY-runs-December-December
 
January 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9829560​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Today​s-voting-is-for-main-page-headlines-fr​om-January-2017
 
February 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9831086​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-February-2017
 
March 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9832245​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-March-2017
 
April 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9835078​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-April-2017
 
May 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9838079​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-May-2017
 
June 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9843432​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-June-2017
 
July 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9843434​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-July-2017
 
Puns and Wordplay headlines from the Main page - December 2016, January 2017, February 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9835090​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Puns-​Wordplay-main-page-headlines-from-Dece​mber-2016-January-2017-February-2017
 
Puns and Wordplay headlines from the Main page - March 2017, April 2017, May 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9840602​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Puns-​Wordplay-main-page-headlines-from-Marc​h-2017-April-2017-May-2017
 
Context headlines from the Main page - December 2016, January 2017, February 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9835092​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Conte​xt-main-page-headlines-from-December-2​016-January-2017-February-2017
 
Context headlines from the Main page - March 2017, April 2017, May 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9840604​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Conte​xt-main-page-headlines-from-March-2017​-April-2017-May-2017
 
Politics headlines from the Main page - December 2016 - May 2017
http://www.fark.com/comments/9840606​/H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Polit​ics-headlines-from-main-page-from-Dece​mber-2016-to-May-2017
 
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

Hold onto your dentures - preliminary voting for Fark's Headline of the Year contest has begun. Pull up a slatted chair and scroll on down for an update and links to the voting threads so far.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Jerusalem - 728
Brush fire/Wildfire - 110
California - 507
Trent Franks - 124
Dentures - 165
Alabama - 1337
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Mike_LowELL had major cryptocurrency problems
Louisiana_Sitar_Club showed what a model looked like before she was Photoshopped
bearded clamorer had a solution for a woman's "eat me" tattoo
King Something censored Michelangelo's David (warning: contains statue peen)
sniderman revealed the real author of a bleak letter to Santa
guestguy knew the real reason Steam stopped accepting Bitcoin
GardenWeasel explained why it's okay to enjoy an adult movie star's work after she dies
ralphjr gave a literary example of "millennial" being used as a pejorative
Elliot8654 wanted to see one person's reaction to Time's choice for Person(s) of the Year
RJReves answered a question about an asteroid being described as "Chrysler-sized"
 
Smart:
Marcus Aurelius explained why the United States won't decriminalize all drugs
lostcat described the problem with running government like a business
PunGent found another reason to stay away from Scientology
Barfmaker listed the steps to not being warned that an asteroid is approaching
dv-ous noticed a problem with a Fark submitter's arithmetic
Diogenes knew of one way to keep from being berated for your thoughts
gaspode crunched the numbers on residents "fleeing" Colorado
lindalouwho noticed something about an opinion regarding adult movie stars
alaric3 explained how you know if a cow is female
xaks had hopes for Time's choice for next year's Person of the Year
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Holiday parties
Smart: This was a tie between Siskabush's office crushes and meerclarschild's military Christmases
Funny: Oakenraven described the penalty for harassing a woman
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
doyner reacted to the idea that Donald Trump was having strokes during a speech
thorpe explained what Trump did after knowing in January that Flynn lied to the FBI
AdmirableSnackbar knew what was bothering homophobic State Rep. Daryl Metcalfe
Paris1127 discovered evidence that Micheal Flynn helped gather evidence against Trump
This Is Bold Text pointed out one illness that Trump doesn't have (and then delivered the punchline here)
 
Politics Smart:
naughtyrev summed up how Trump explains his self-incriminating tweet
ababyatemydingo had a message for evangelicals
Shostie thought an opinion about Trump ignored some key evidence
dr_blasto rephrased an article's headline about Alabama Republicans
domino324 reacted to "Fox & Friends" attacking the FBI
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Surly U. Jest showed us the scariest prehistoric beast
Yammering_Splat_Vector created the worst dinosaur
Yammering_Splat_Vector used the Kent State massacre in a Photoshop
Alligator took a scenic flight
wickedfish sent a band on a North Korean tour
wickedfish showed this woman that every ounce must be accounted for
Don_cos created a Firefly-class B-52
MaliFinn had Paul Ryan serve up the daily special
redoctober65 broke some sad news
RedZoneTuba showed Mitch with a gift for the American people
 
Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 657: "The Light at the End..." with "the cellarium at Fountains Abbey"
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week Year Update (brought to you by Blythe)
 
It's time for the Headline of the Year contest!  Headlines of the Week will be posted in the next day or two, but for the NotNewsletter this week we're focusing on Headline of the Year!  Quite a few of the preliminaries have already been posted in TotalFark Discussion and have a good number of votes cast.  TotalFarkers, take a look and vote for your favorites! 
 
Right now we've been posting the monthly headlines from December 2016 (Headline of the Year runs from December to November), January 2017, February 2017, and March 2017.  Today we've added April 2017 and the preliminaries for the Puns and Wordplay contest and the Context contest.  (Politics headlines from the Main page will also have a separate contest - look for it!) Take some time to read all the headlines and enjoy voting!
 
We're making our way through all twelve months of the year for the preliminaries for main page headlines - voting remains open!
 
December 2016 voting:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9828083/​H​eadline-of-Year-voting-starts-now-Toda​ys-voting-is-for-headlines-from-Decemb​er-2016-HotY-runs-December-December
 
January 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9829560/​H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Today​s-voting-is-for-main-page-headlines-fr​om-January-2017
 
February 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9831086/​H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-February-2017
 
March 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9832245/​H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-March-2017
 
April 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9835078/​H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-main-​page-headlines-from-April-2017
 
Puns and Wordplay headlines from the Main page - December 2016, January 2017, February 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9835090/​H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Puns-​Wordplay-main-page-headlines-from-Dece​mber-2016-January-2017-February-2017
 
Context headlines from the Main page - December 2016, January 2017, February 2017:
http://www.fark.com/comments/9835092/​H​eadline-of-Year-voting-continues-Conte​xt-main-page-headlines-from-December-2​016-January-2017-February-2017
 
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 
 
Net neutrality is about to be gutted next week.  Definitely contact your respective political folks and let them know you're not in favor of this.  The easiest way to do this is to check out Countable's writeup on the subject and click "Take Action" - this will contact FCC head Ajit Pai with one click.  Check out https://www.countable.us/articles/17​13​-countable-explains-net-neutrality for more info.  
 
Rather than rehash Countable's excellent summary of the problem, I thought I'd share my early experiences dealing with net neutrality.  
 
One of the things I find interesting about the subject is that it's politically partisan at all.  Republicans are supposed to be against it, Democrats are supposed to be for it.  
 
When Fark first started back in 1999, I owned a local dial-up ISP in Frankfort Kentucky - in fact this is the reason Fark exists at all, because we had available web hosting which was rare-ish at the time.  I was involved in lobbying at the state level for net neutrality at the time because it was clear the telcos were going to use their market power to wipe out local ISPs - which they eventually did.  The telcos had already started politicizing the concept, but since the Democrats were in power at the federal level, they dropped all their lobbying efforts on them instead of the Republicans.  As a result, I spent a lot of time talking to state-level Republicans who were staunchly in favor of net neutrality.  It was an interesting example of how lobbying dollars can change any politician's mind on any issue.  
 
At one point in early 2000, Bellsouth was attempting to get a bill passed that would deregulate state authority over them in all sorts of ways.  However, this gave us small ISPs a bill we could work with.  After weeks of conversations with Republicans, we managed to convince them to insert language into the bill that would prevent Bellsouth from offering preferential wholesale pricing to its Bellsouth.net dial-up ISP subsidiary.  Which interestingly they claimed they weren't doing anyhow, and regardless of that, at some point near the top of the corporate hierarchy all this money converged anyhow.  So we didn't expect much of a response from them when the bill was amended.
 
The following day I made a few calls to the Republican representatives who had helped us.  No response.  A few days later, I went up to the legislative offices to visit previously welcoming representatives, and no one would see me.  Finally I managed to run into one of them in a hallway, he pulled me aside into his office, closed the door quickly, and said "I can't be seen talking to you." 
 
Apparently, the Rep told me in a hushed voice, the day after the amendment was attached to the bill, Bellsouth rolled a literal busload of lobbyists up to the state capitol, including one former Governor, and ran a full court press on every legislator they could get in touch with.  Unsurprisingly, the amendment was soon removed, but they went further than that - I don't know what language the lobbyists used but they put the fear of god into the entire legislature to the point where they couldn't be seen talking to us at all.  
 
A few months later, Bellsouth rolled out its wholesale DSL pricing, and not surprisingly, the only company capable of signing a contract at the lowest possible level was its own Bellsouth.net subsidiary.
 
I tell this story because the cable companies and telcos have said that they have no intention of violating net neutrality, yet they've spent billions of dollars trying to gut these same rules.  It's a bald-faced lie - they have every intention of using market power to shape the Internet.
 
So definitely contact Ajit Pai via the Countable link above - it's one click and won't take that long.  
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
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Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Michael Flynn - 1862
Matt Lauer - 581
Garrison Keillor - 199
Banana - 241
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
doyner had a nickname for Garrison Keillor
Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste spotted the problem with Thanos in the new Avengers movie
Prank Call of Cthulhu shared the news from Lake Wobegon
dwelling noticed the most surprising part of Matt Lauer's firing
Sum Dum Gai identified some mystery airplane food
markie_farkie predicted what will happen after all incidences of sexual misconduct become public
SkylineRecords had a term for a guy posing with a hand grenade with the pin pulled out
PlaidJaguar didn't understand a complaint about the new Avengers trailer
scottydoesntknow knew why a note was hidden in a Jesus statue's behind
Markoff_Cheney chided another Farker's lack of understanding of workplace sexual harassment
 
Smart:
FlashHarry replied to someone who asked what the hell was happening
themindiswatching thought that Republicans have a reason for wanting to raise the deficit
Mrs.Sharpier thought that more people should pay for what happened with Matt Lauer
Walker wanted to know why there are different penalties for sexual misconduct
GRCooper argued in favor of universal basic income
pastramithemosterotic was confused by something that keeps getting men into trouble
clodcomplex designed a congratulatory card to celebrate good news
Kubo made an ornithological greeting card
Witchyman explained why Matt Lauer is ashamed
vwarb discussed the idea that millennials are "killing" things
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Adventures in shopping
Smart: Vansthing shared a story about the first time buying Christmas gifts for the family
Funny: MBK learned the hazards of jewelry shopping with a sibling
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
ArgusRun's reaction to Michael Flynn's guilty plea on December 1st went viral because it was spectacular
nekom provided damning evidence of a War on Christmas
Mr. Coffee Nerves had a novel suggestion for dealing with James O'Keefe
naughtyrev suggested a solution for a guy who doesn't want to be known as the Nazi sympathizer next door
LarryDan43 showed us the dish of the day
 
Politics Smart:
Mr. Coffee Nerves had a novel suggestion for dealing with James O'Keefe
Fingerware Error gave the reason behind unhinged attacks on Donald Trump
BizarreMan explained the tax bill's negative effects on the poor
Bith Set Me Up described the hand that millennials have been dealt
El_Perro thought that there was something to learn from Project Veritas trying to fool Washington Post with a fake rape victim
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba boldly went where no tattoo has gone before
verchad found out that Popeye isn't just a sailor man
RedZoneTuba discovered that Popeye has fallen on hard times
RedZoneTuba found a clue about Richard Simmons' secret past
ADHD Librarian added a new employee to a Fark classic
Tom G showed a bike trick either gone very wrong or very right
Thrakkorzog helped Budweiser get its flavor
Iggie sent a special visitor to the White House
Don_cos showed how Fark's science division lost its funding
FarkingIceHole showed that women can perform more tasks than men can
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 656: "Dream a Little Dream" had Farktographers use the "Deep Dream Generator" on their photos. It ended in a five-way tie between  D_PaulAngel,  Badafuco, CiliarySpasm, Tom G and Queen Mab.   
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, December 9th: L.A. Fark Party
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy) 
 
We had only one person crack the 1000 barrier this week. DrunkenGator sits alone atop the heap with 1033. Denjiro makes second place with 978, and sticksjr hits third with 949. Rounding out the top 5 are HighwayBill in fourth with 938 and bingethinker just behind in fifth with 937.
 
The hardest question on this week's Hard Quiz was over what kind of critter got loose and wandered around a small town near Toledo, Ohio. Only 29% of quiztakers knew that "Scooby" was a camel. Understandable, since Toledo isn't quite in a desert area and Scooby is a silly name for a camel.
 
The easiest question on this week's quiz was over what company had a data breach it did not disclose to people. 90% of quiztakers knew that it was Uber who decided to try to bribe the hackers rather than simply disclose the hack and take the fallout. You know, at some point, our personal information is going to have to become pretty much worthless since everyone already has it, right?
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what vegetable Campbell's blamed for a drop in profits. 56% of quiztakers have been to grocery store lately and seen the price of carrots. To Campbell's credit, they kept their prices level and did not adjust their recipes. If it were up to me, I'd just get rid of the annoying orange lumpy things that don't really add to any soup other than Vegetable Beef.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about what infamous outlaw showed up in an old picture found at a flea market alongside famous Wild West sheriff Pat Garrett. 93% of quiztakers knew it was Billy the Kid in the photo. Garrett would later gun down poor Billy while serving as sheriff of Lincoln County, New Mexico, which goes to show you that you should be careful who you're photographed with.
 
If you'd like to take a shot at this week's quiz, you can take the Fark Weird News Quiz right here.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Voting for the Fark Headlines of the Year begins on TotalFark tomorrow! The "year" runs from December 2016 through November 2017. Sign up for TotalFark so you can vote.
 
Thanks submitters for so many awesome headlines this week and thanks to our TotalFark voters for voting up the best!  We love all our submissions!  To make it to Headline of the Week they have to be funny, creative, look at the article in a new amazing way, make us laugh while giving us context why we should care - the headlines that you can show to your spouse, your kids, your parents, your co-workers, and the person at the bar next to you and say *this* is Fark.  
 
For the NotNewsletter we pulled out a few of our favorites from this week - check out the Headlines of the Week for *all* of the very best!
 
MAIN - this tab is back on top again this week, consistently funny and clever.  Take an extra look at the epic top headline of the week, and an amazing more subtle one we almost overlooked - 10 amazing reasons why big tech should subsidize real journalism. You won't believe what happens next, and a Fark standby that gets great mileage out of of a CNN article What's New Yorker for "Hey, ya'll, hold my beer"?
 
SPORTS - thanks for the laughs in the sports tab, we took the top seven this week!
 
GEEK - as always, the geek tab is funny and smart!  We took the top nine - we especially liked TL;DRfor a four-line Slashdot article on readers voting without reading the articles. Nicely played.  
 
ENTERTAINMENT - lots of fun, subtle humor in the entertainment tab this week - some weeks we have trouble making entertainment funny, but this week was a lot of fun and funny!
 
POLITICS - this tab was back to being really funny this week, and still keeping us informed!  Check out the top twelve!
 
BUSINESS - we're really enjoying the business tab, take a look at Headline of the Week for the top four this week. Our personal favorite that you might have missed - Long story short: Synopsys upgraded
 
DISCUSSION - great week for the discussion tab, live discussions on sports, tv, politics, and more, and more general discussions from John Wick-themed Christmas gifts, 40-year-old tattoos, and the tipping point for not be phased by strangeness.  For HotW the headlines have to be good headlines *and* funny, and we had quite a few this week!  The best six - three of the multi-sentence / multi-question format, three of the usual one-line format - are in Headline of the Week.  
 ________________________ 
 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 
 
Happy Cyber Monday, everyone!  We don't have any sales however, just a quick reminder - I know it's a couple of steps to go through, but if you can, sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend!  Here's why:
 
Last January we announced that we'd been having some issues with Google - tl;dr version is they shut off ads to all of Fark for several weeks over a misidentified sfw image.  We announced a huge subscription drive and the Fark community responded - without people signing up for TotalFark or BareFark, we wouldn't have made it through the year.  I can't thank you enough - without the surge in subscriptions we would not have made it through 2017.  
 
Incidentally, just last week we got our first warning since then about a user profile on Fark that was out of compliance for advertising - however, there has been progress!  This time we actually got a warning, and this time Google only turned off ads to the page itself, which gets next to no traffic anyhow.  Compliance was super easy, and we were able to quickly solve the problem.  So kudos to Google for fixing their compliance process!  
 
However, the ad market still sucks - everyone's fixated on ads served via a digital media version of a TA teaching a college 101 course.  We've all seen them - videos of someone reading you the story itself.  
 
All I want for Christmas 2017 is for you to sign up for TotalFark and/or BareFark (you can sign up for both).  You can also sponsor accounts for other Farkers - we did this so that the TotalFark community could choose to curate some its own members.  You can also sponsor me unlimited times - as an added bonus, next time we're in the same room together, remind me and I'll buy you a beer!  And whether or not you do one of these, please remember keep visiting Fark and tell your friends about us - that helps us, too!
 
Next week: Net Neutrality
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 
  
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Net neutrality - 676
Charles Manson - 258
LaVar Ball - 71
Egypt - 127
Person of the Year - 98
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Peaceboy reacted to new of Charles Manson's death
Pocket Ninja explained how sex traffickers get their victims
bigfatbuddhist taught us all about hornets (read this post, it's a work of art)
ImOscar shared Norm Macdonald's reaction to Manson's death
The-Brain understood why a family named their poop removal business "Call of Doodee"
calufrax shared Donald Trump's reaction to Manson's death
Archie Goodwin was offended by a statement in an article about pegging
Brian Dead reacted with relief to a video about an exterminator's struggle with a hornet nest
foo monkey was unwilling to settle for just any television set
Naido thought that Charles Manson died just in time
 
Smart:
docpeteyJ noticed that a submitter was confused about sexuality
bigfatbuddhist taught us all about hornets
Gordon Bennett explained what the problem is with gentrification
Exluddite thought that Activision is full of shiat
JK47 explained not feeling bad about what was done to Native Americans
ArcadianRefugee suggested an edit to a New York Post article
JNowe appreciated the way a man handled some unwelcome fondling
The-Brain understood why a family named their poop removal business "Call of Doodee"
derpes_simplex argued that a woman's audio recording at her child's school wasn't illegal
bloobeary showed evidence that a rotating restaurant was an obvious danger
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: School lunch
Smart: Thosw's mom went to great lengths to keep her kids from going hungry
Funny: GRCooper won a game using this one weird trick
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That reacted to Trump saying he should have left LaVar Ball's son in jail
TheMysticS had advice for Steven Mnuchin
PainInTheASP imagined Trump's conversation about "invisible" fighter jets
Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs showed off a beautiful pie
Eddie Adams from Torrance thought that one thing explains Trump's behavior
 
Politics Smart:
ToastmasterGeneral wasn't impressed by one man's definition of "the swamp"
cherryl taggart talked about what it's like to spend Thanksgiving with Trump supporters
Glitchwerks recognized current events from a type of science fiction
mrshowrules discussed what it means if Flynn is or is not cooperating with Mueller's investigation
Pazuzu Smith-Jones had a message for Trump supporters at Thanksgiving
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Iggie showed that Farkers would use Burning Man to settle an old score
Yammering_Splat_Vector proved that sports are different in an 8-bit world
Alligator knew how to spread the love at Burning Man
RedZoneTuba showed the White House press secretary's side business
ParallelUniverseParking found the person who Burning Man was made for
Surly U. Jest took a mask for a sea voyage
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel made something that Farkers have no use for
There's a lot going on in this picture that #2 made
Surly U. Jest brought enough beer for everyone
wickedfish provided the perfect Thanksgiving beverage
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a creepy thing even creepier
 
Farktography:
No Catchy Nickname won Farktography Contest No. 655: "Autumn 5" with a fall waterfall ... fall
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Beyond Fark
 
Sadly, three very well known Farkers died last week.
 
too-old succumbed to cancer. He was popular on Fark and he helped a lot of individual Farkers through hard times in their lives. You can read too-old's memorial thread here.
 
MorrisBird used to be a regular fixture on Fark before her health declined. She was known for her intelligence and sense of humor. You can read MorrisBird's memorial thread here.
 
grampy also succumbed to cancer. He was a long-time, prolific Photoshopper with a love of "Fark cliches." His work has been recognized in many Fark NotNewsletters. You can read grampy's memorial thread/Photoshop contest here.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, December 9th: L.A. Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Thank you to our amazing submitters and our TotalFark voters!  We love all our submissions, but we especially love our Headlines of the Week.  These are the headlines that make us laugh, make us marvel at creativity, and make us look at a subject in a new or sideways way.  The kind of headline you can share with anyone and say *this* is Fark.
 
Here's a summary of our tabs this week for the NotNewsletter, and go here to see your Fark Headlines of the Week!
 
MAIN - check out the Headlines of the Week for the top nine - we had room for competition in Main this week!  We had tons of great articles, but the Thanksgiving week we were apparently more focused on content - instead of context and funny.  We still enjoyed this tab!  We're looking forward to more funny this coming week!  Enjoy the top nine gems - there are some great ones! - in Headlines of the Week.
 
SPORTS - thanks submitters for the gems in this tab!
 
GEEK - as usual, this tab is smart *and* funny, thanks submitters!  We took the top 6 for this tab this week.
 
ENTERTAINMENT - this tab was fun, take a look at the top three!
 
POLITICS - lots of great submissions this week, but not as many funny ones.  Our politics tab keeps us really well informed, but other weeks it's made us laugh more.  Even so, we still had some great headlines for Headline of the Week!  Check out the top ten!
 
BUSINESS - we had a few gems in this tab - take a look at the Headlines of the Week to see the top three!
 
DISCUSSION - we're loving all the discussion submissions - great Live discussions on wrestling, science channel, MST3k, White House briefings, the National Dog show, more... and more fun, general discussions like "Why I wish I drank more."   It's a challenge to make headlines for discussions both discussion-friendly *and* funny, but if you're up for the challenge, the field in this tab is wide open for Headline of the Week.
 
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.

Fill in the blanks:
 
Adjective _______________ 1
Animal _______________ 2
Noun _______________ 3
Adjective _______________ 4
Plural Noun _______________ 5
Liquid _______________ 6
Noun _______________ 7
Adjective _______________ 8
Verb _______________ 9
Verb _______________ 10
Adjective _______________ 11
 
 
To have a very [1] Thanksgiving, you'll need a roasted [2], some [3] to stuff inside it, and plenty of [4] [5] to serve on the side. Make sure you have plenty of [6] on hand to drink, and decorate the [7] so it looks [8]. Don't forget to [9] your family, then [10] down to your [11] meal.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Keurig - 263
Firefox - 145
Thanksgiving - 573
Black Friday - 36
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
bigfatbuddhist provided the definitive list of things you should never serve on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure I like what thisispete is implying
Mr.Tangent helpfully posted a picture of some boobs
Mr. Coffee Nerves wears shoes that are more intimidating than Doc Martens
bearded clamorer noticed that Grabher's expression looked familiar
Harry Freakstorm knew what to do when cops are fighting in front of your house
Subtonic saw that an event would bring about tougher gun control legislation
Chris Ween found a way out of the "Justice League" movie
Pocket Ninja explained why game companies are including microtransactions in games that have already been purchased
Nick Nostril provided an illustration to go with a headline
Munden discovered a helpful tip for people who are in trouble with the law
 
Smart:
holdmybones commented on the different ways people are treated by police
galahad05 guessed at why a couple was held "for hours" for possessing hibiscus plants
eurotrader compared power production in the U.S. and China
dv-ous speculated on possible reasons for a 15-year-old girl's death
holdmybones noted some good police work
WilderKWight noticed a sampling error when discussing what men want from a partner
lindseyp suggested that journalists could be more careful when identifying weapons
fusillade762 asked a question of some angry bigots
Anastacya figured out Jared Fogle's plans for the future
Ghastly wasn't willing to let Nazis claim a style of footwear
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: meg12279 explained why nobody is boycotting travel to Alabama
Smart: jakesense admitted to the reason why a coworker would not be invited to TotalFark Discussion
Funny: birdmanesq noticed a user name that didn't check out
Funny: maddermaxx thought a coworker's kiss was a bigger deal than originally believed
Funny: All of merrillvillain's exes have something in common
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Veteran Tales
Smart: Tie between kiwimoogle84's story of romance during the Korean War, and Recoil Therapy's valuable advice to never be one of the first few back
Funny: Recoil Therapy used the valuable advice to never be one of the first few back
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
RJReves appreciated some snark in the Gizmodo comments section
hugram only wanted one limitation on which rich people can benefit from tax reform
derpes_simplex told us what will be the most awkward thing this Thanksgiving
scottydoesntknow noticed the underlying theme of Bob Marshall's letter to the editor
Last Man on Earth knew how Trump will defend himself in the face of revelations about Donald Trump, Jr.'s actions
 
Politics Smart:
rynthetyn was the author of the linked article, so was getting a kick out of these comments
Tsukue figured that if a woman was wrong about exactly when a photo was taken while she was asleep - a photo she  didn't know about until after she got home - then somehow the whole thing never happened even though the other person in the photo admitted it was real
nmrsnr pointed out that consent and non-consent are two entirely different things
NeedlesslyCanadian discussed the possibility of Alabama postponing their election
Great Porn Dragon discussed the problem of young girls being pushed into marriage
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
bloobeary made Donald Trump's drinking style look more appropriate
elkboy got Trump a job as a musician in a band
Don_cos put this kitty on ice
ionthrust invented the cattuccino
Surly U. Jest made a sign into a self-fulfilling prophecy
RedZoneTuba found that it's never too late to read the manual
Circusdog320 showed us how to confuse a goldfish
Don_cos discovered that sometimes you catch a virus, sometimes the virus catches a toy
RedZoneTuba showed some truth in advertising
RedZoneTuba released a photo of Trump stepping on the American flag
 
Farktography:
wickedfish won Farktography Contest No. 654: "Top This" with a photo of his dad, who apparently kept his hat on for 92 years
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Beyond Fark
 
We're sad to have lost Farker jerry2a. You can read jerry2a's memorial thread, submitted by his brother, Farker Eddie Adams from Torrance.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Saturday, December 9th: L.A. Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Thank you to our submitters and thank you to our TotalFark voters for our Headline of the Week choices!
 
We love all our headlines, but to make it to Headline of the Week it needs to be funny, creative, look at the world sideways - so you can show the headline to the person looking over your shoulder asking why you're laughing, and tell them *this* is Fark.
 
Here's a quick summary of our tabs this week - go to the Fark Headlines of the Week thread to check out the top headlines!
 
MAIN - always the best, always the funniest, always the most competition.  We took the top 25 this week.
 
SPORTS - sports is a lot funnier lately - even if you don't follow sports, come by and read the headlines!
 
GEEK - funny and smart and stories we just don't see elsewhere on social media.  We took the top seven this week.
 
ENTERTAINMENT - lots of chuckles this week and three standouts for Headline of the Week.
 
POLITICS - still funny this week, but we've had funnier weeks.  We take the top ten headlines from this tab, sometimes a few more - there's room for a little more competition right now!
 
BUSINESS - this tab is getting funnier and funnier - thanks submitters!  We took seven of the top funniest for Headline of the Week this week.  Check them out!
 
DISCUSSION - great discussions this week, especially the Live links to sports, TV shows, politics, and other events; and also more fun discussions like rabies saliva and horrible things to put on pizza - see the top choices for the week.  We take the top three funny headlines for two types of headlines in this tab, the multi-sentence, multi-question headlines, and also the more traditional one-line headlines.  We're getting lots of funny ones for the multi-part headlines, there's lots of room for competition for the one-liners.  We're getting great, fun one-line headlines for great discussions, but for Headline of the Week they need to be funny!  Keep submitting!  This is getting to be a fun tab!