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Fark NotNewsletter: The stars look very different today
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-01-11 1:23:07 PM, edited 2016-01-11 1:26:27 PM (25 comments) | Permalink

We're mourning the loss of one of the few people it seems we all admired. Most of us had no idea he was sick, and in fact it never occurred to us that he could be mortal. There are several threads about David Bowie today, and no doubt there will be more. You can share your thoughts and memories in the David Bowie memorial thread.

And in case you missed it, the Fark Headlines of the Year were announced last week. Congratulations and thank you to all the winners.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Militia - 649
Bundy - 1126
El Chapo - 52
The Chapo - 5
Sean Penn - 38
Gun control - 338
Obama - 2193
Golden Globes - 40
Lemmy - 109


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Codenamechaz provided a flag for the militia occupying the Oregon wildlife refuge
Cake Hunter thought a "men's rights" attorney looked familiar
Sgt Otter rewarded another Farker for a correct guess
Prank Call of Cthulhu posted a warning from birdwatchers to the militia in Oregon
Diogenes explained what former militia member Fluffy Unicorn was wearing on his wrist
wiredroach provided some romantic fan fiction about the Bundy militia
Mr. Coffee Nerves discussed why it would be useless for the government to seize some assets
IgG4 pointed out the militia's biggest mistake in storming the wildlife refuge
Rev.K provided the transcript for a phone call to the Oregon militia
Chris Ween shared additional complaints that someone had about a restaurant on New Year's Eve

Smartest:
jasonvatch offered a solution to the militia's occupation
hardinparamedic pointed out the difference between what the Oregon militia is doing and a sit-in
iron de havilland suggested a different solution to the occupation of the government building in Oregon
hubiestubert discussed how to handle the Oregon militia situation
Pocket Ninja called for more public shaming
fusillade762 interpreted a CNN analyst's comments
skinnycatullus differentiated between two actions
leeto2 disagreed with the statement that the Oregon militia group is involved in a peaceful demonstration
kxs401 reacted to the news that the militia group had stormed the building
Chariset had another suggestion for dealing with the militia's armed takeover

CSB Sunday Morning: Stage Fright
Funniest:
Demetrius described feeling a lot of pressure
Smartest: The Pope of Manwich Village shared a story about succeeding when thrust into a different world

Politics Funniest:
fusillade762 feared what might happen as a result of Saudi Arabia and Iran severing diplomatic ties
Pocket Ninja reacted to Obama's tears
markie_farkie shared a story about seeing a Texan exercising his right to open carry
Lionel Mandrake shared the problem that's keeping some supporters from joining the militia members in Oregon
propasaurus slightly altered a mugshot

Politics Smartest:
ginandbacon reacted to news that terrorists started using Donald Trump in their videos
Aussie_As discussed the rumor that Obama used raw onions to help him cry about children being killed
TheEdibleSnuggie talked about what the cynicism shown by Fox News meant
hubiestubert felt for a grieving father who is angry with Hillary Clinton
FormlessOne went into Cliven Bundy's background


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Wrongo hinted at a good hiding place in "Photoshop this 4th century silver coin bearing a likeness of the Greek goddess Athena dug up in Israel"
RedZoneTuba brought a mad cow to "Photoshop this muddy meet and greet"
RedZoneTuba gave an audience member his sidekick for "Photoshop Chris Christie metaphorically cutting taxes"
Let's assume he's spanking her in this "Photoshop Chris Christie metaphorically cutting taxes" 'shop by RedZoneTuba
redmax
gave this runner a lift in "Photoshop this arctic athlete"
Large Marge sent me found a dangerous animal in "Photoshop something for this guy to point at"
RedZoneTuba showed a kid who keeps getting robbed in "Photoshop this black bass"
Thrakkorzog went for the easy votes in "Photoshop this 4th century silver coin bearing a likeness of the Greek goddess Athena dug up in Israel"
#2 simply photoshopped this coin in "Photoshop this 4th century silver coin bearing a likeness of the Greek goddess Athena dug up in Israel"
durbnpoisn demonstrated an optical illusion for "Photoshop this 4th century silver coin bearing a likeness of the Greek goddess Athena dug up in Israel"

Farktography: "Desolation 2"
blastoh won with this lonely trail


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The Kid's in the Hall

New from CES: a toilet you only clean once a year. Really? Because I've already got one of those

Archer, on a mission for ISIS, yanks a cop's piece and unloads into another cop. PHRASING

UK lad ODs on deodorant. Careful with that Axe, Eugene

Hyman breaks at AtM, to be filled with Woody

College professor may lose herjab


The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 1/3 - 1/9


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable

Last Friday was the 500th quiz, which saw a little bit of nostalgia and a lot of people fighting for the top slots. But the three that came away with the highest scores were JasonOfOrillia, the only person in the 1000 club with an enviable 1019, followed by hunh with 953 and sugaryvitamin with 938. Here's to 500 more.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - January 8.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: 2016 is the new 2015
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-01-04 12:57:56 PM (28 comments) | Permalink

The coming of a new year is traditionally a time for making changes to better one's life, whether that means starting a new diet, beginning a fitness program, getting out into the dating scene, or participating in an armed takeover of a federal building. It's also a time to appreciate how far we've come. While we still don't have flying cars, we do have hoverboards. Okay, yeah, they don't actually hover and therefore aren't hoverboards, but they do have other neat features, like spontaneous combustion.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

New Year - 1282
2015 - 1953
2016 - 1099
Hoverboard - 91
Flying car - 42
Apocalypse - 36
Bacon - 448


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
scottydoesntknow reacted to an arrest warrant being issued for Bill Cosby
Rusty Shackleford came up with a name for a Muslim woman's stand giving out free donuts and coffee
Mr. Coffee Nerves discussed a hair razing experience (sorry for that joke)
jaylectricity replied to a request for photos of hot Brits
Great_Milenko shared the bumper sticker of a proud patriot
lifeboat revealed the cause of a huge hotel fire
doyner suggested a better analogy
ProfessorTerguson offered help to a Farker having difficulties posting a link in a Seinfeld thread
Bloody William helpfully supplied a requested photo
nmrsnr cleverly edited a monologue

Smartest:
STDMan69 had a message for parents of people with mental illness
Dusk-You-n-Me compared how two different people were handled by police
ecmoRandomNumbers discussed the choice of having a Jesuit pope
the_sidewinder responded to the news that the officers involved in the killing of Tamir Rice won't be charged
timujin suggested a response to a woman claiming God gave her power over a tornado
Pocket Ninja analyzed some crappy journalism
timujin corrected a headline
Weaver95 discussed a possible reason why some people dislike the pope
MmmmBacon offered an explanation for a vulgar message on a Domino's Pizza receipt
Twilight Farkle explained why the First Amendment is so important

CSB Sunday Morning: Your favorite gift
Smartest:
Roman Fyseek came up with the perfect housewarming gift
Funniest: xanadian took the smartest comment to heart


Politics Funniest:
Lackofname described a law prohibiting women from being topless in public
dahmers love zombie commented on what happens when you don't get a joke
Curate's Keg shared an xkcd comic
Non Sequitur Man applied a saying to Donald Trump
Psychopusher told a lesser-known part of a Christmas story

Politics Smartest:
enry compared two armed people
quatchi discussed whether a crime was exposed by the Planned Parenthood video
whatsupchuck admired one of Paul Ryan's accomplishments
fusillade762 explained why Democrats aren't going to say something
Non Sequitur Man applied a saying to Donald Trump


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
I got really nervous when I saw that #2 entered "Photoshop Theme: Make an image out of your own Fark handle"
cowgirl toffee shared a winning strategy for "Photoshop Theme: Make an image out of your own Fark handle"
RedZoneTuba referenced another famous fark up in "Photoshop this Philippines foul-up"
Yammering_Splat_Vector spread the love in "Photoshop this Philippines foul-up"
maxandgrinch thought the situation seemed familiar in "Photoshop this Philippines foul-up"
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed what a Yammering_Splat_Vector might look like in Photoshop Theme: Make an image out of your own Fark handle"
Nothing To See Here created a true masterpiece for "Photoshop Theme: Make an image out of your own Fark handle"
ionthrust revealed the strange secrets of the Hilma Hooker in "Photoshop this piece of history"
Photoshop This Photoshopped that for "Photoshop Theme: Make an image out of your own Fark handle"
MortalComedy wasted good food for "Photoshop Theme: Make an image out of your own Fark handle"


Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 556: "Potent Potables 3"
turbocucumber won with a photo of a drink that's happy to see you


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, January 7th: Las Vegas Fark Party
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.

Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Man trying to climb NYC's Four Seasons hotel makes it past summer, winter and spring

Address Hotel in Dubai on fire. Firefighters searching for location

First Trapper, now Hawkeye

Humpback whales slow to arrive in Hawaii. Damn shoddy Klingon engineering

Arrest warrant issued for famous actor/comedian - DA found Probable Cos

Scientists sequence first Irish DNA, report amino chain is B-E-G-O-R-R-A-H

The last time Spartans lost this badly, their empire fell apart

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 12/27 - 1/2


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

While I wasn't sure that there would even be a quiz because of Fark's national drinking holiday, the quiz writers came through big, getting nearly all of the questions written on New Year's Eve, which the quiz takers actually did well on, hangovers notwithstanding. Leading the pack is Twilight Farkle who nearly got into the 1000 club this week with a 993, followed closely by ruudbob with 962 and uncleacid with 948.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 25.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The schlong and schlort of it
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-12-28 1:57:19 PM, edited 2015-12-28 2:00:00 PM (41 comments) | Permalink

Say what you want about Donald Trump, but you have to appreciate the fact that he got us all talking about schlong. It's a true gift to see the TV news networks stumbling over the word, wondering if it's okay to say or if they should censor it. And just think of the names we could have for this debacle. Sure, there's Schlonghazi and Schlonggate, but I think if we're going to use Watergate for inspiration, Waterschlong is a much better term.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Schlong - 411
Steve Harvey - 34
Philippians - 6
Columbia - 123
HGH - 100
Flood - 182
Bacon - 636


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Krieghund pointed out something we all have in common
Crass and Jaded Mother Farker didn't approve of the incarceration of a woman who miscarried
Weatherkiss reminded Farkers to have compassion
akya was surprised at how long a school had been around
Twitch Boy shared a relevant comic
foo monkey hinted at a solution for the Steam and Valve security problem
what_now fell victim to a hilariously appropriate typo
Barricaded Gunman attempted some damage control
Unobtanium appreciated that SpaceX achieved the Holy Grail of rocketry
toraque explained why a taekwondo instructor knocked out a 5-year-old

Smartest:
Shrugging Atlas didn't mind a newsflash so much
Benevolent Misanthrope wondered why we can't all just get along
Beaver1224 pointed out that a professor should practice what he teaches
hubiestubert wanted a lunch lady to get more support
Satanic_Hamster made a prediction about a story about Muslims protecting Christians
Really, you guys? You had to do what doyner wanted?
edmo had a question about the 46-year prison sentence for a woman who miscarried
Nadie_AZ commented on the evidence required to convict
MaudlinMutantMollusk had a solution to the wrong winners being announced at beauty pageants
Shostie approved of an alternative to school field trips to see Santa

CSB Sunday Morning: High school hijinks
Funniest:
Giltric shared a story about a scavenger hunt mishap
Smartest: ginandbacon told us about a tricky teacher

Politics Funniest:
Lionel Mandrake pointed something out to Bristol Palin
vrax speculated about Bristol Palin's latest pregnancy
Pazuzu Smith-Jones expressed understanding for hatred of Clintons
Marcus Aurelius recognized an authority on fascism
Rabid Badger Beaver Weasel pointed out a different way of seeing things

Politics Smartest:
Pocket Ninja argued that Republicans created a monster
SurfaceTension compared pregnancies from two politicians' families
Lionel Mandrake pointed something out to Bristol Palin
fusillade762 explained a Breitbart article
Sgt Otter had a suggestion for handling family arguments during holiday meals


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
grampy gave proof that your mom's warnings were correct in "Photoshop theme: What really happened to the dinosaurs?"
ionthrust threw in some curves for "Photoshop this tall tower"
i-dig made the scene more Homie in "Photoshop this lady of the lake"
Yammering_Splat_Vector brought enough food for everybody in "Photoshop this unusual wabbit hole"
i-dig discovered the dangers of gravity in "Photoshop this ominous sign"
Large Marge sent me showed a panicked reaction in "Photoshop: Why you never hold a sign for a picture"
durbnpoisn exposed a bad habit in "Photoshop theme: What really happened to the dinosaurs?"
whyRpeoplesostupid showed who was really at fault in "Photoshop theme: What really happened to the dinosaurs?"
Yammering_Splat_Vector went where no Photoshopper has gone before in "Photoshop this ominous sign"
RadiomanATL was festive or something in Captain Steroid's 6th Annual X-Mas Photoshop Contest

Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 555: "Seasons' Greetings 9"
Ldrtchbrd won with a photo of some chilly berries


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: CommieTaoist sang a schlong song


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

An armed robber dressed as Father Christmas climbed through the window of a drive-through KFC restaurant before fleeing with cash. Staff are now suffering from claustrophobia

Grand jury finds nothing of interest in Bland death

Deal made on Craigslist to sell a video game console turns into a first-person shooter

Kim Dotcom one hop closer to US Dotgov

Lions have been added to the world's endangered species list. The causes are habitat destruction, disease, overall improvement of the NFC North

♪♪ Ta-king hu-man growth hor-mone ♪♪

Canadians expected to smoke 1,425,600 kg of weed per year, double that if Seth Rogen moves back

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 12/20 - 12/26


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable

In all honesty, we didn't expect to see too many people around on Christmas day, but lots of people showed up to play. I'd like to think they were on Fark just to play the quiz, but I know better. The top three Christmas scores were Bear151556 with 921 beating both Master Jason with 914 and nanim with 888

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 25.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Big week for douchebags
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-12-21 1:48:22 PM (22 comments) | Permalink

It was quite a week for notable douchebags. Douchebag "Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli was arrested, but it was for ripping off rich people rather than possibly killing poor people. Meanwhile, douchebag "Affluenza Teen" Ethan Couch went on the lam with his mommy, fleeing punishment not for having killed people, but rather for violating probation. It just goes to show you that douchebags are often douchebags in more than one way, and they may eventually have to pay for one of the ways in which they practice douchebaggery.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Tagline - 26
Logo - 156
Disney - 416
Nerds - 122
Bacon - 460
Shkreli - 99
Wu Tang - 32
Affluenza - 89


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
doyner shared the touching story behind a family heirloom
lemming42 knew who another Farker worked for
Boo_Guy showed what it's like to spend time with Bill Cosby
scottydoesntknow preferred something other than a swastika-shaped table
Mugato made a good joke that seemed familiar
Relatively Obscure pointed out the problem with freezing the "affluenza teen's" parents' assets
Barry McCockner gave us the scoop on New York's diversity
Boo_Guy revealed the true identity of Snow White's evil stepmother
Theaetetus presented the worst game show in the country
MaudlinMutantMollusk made a guess at what "receiving tainted property" means

Smartest:
Shostie had a message for someone wanting to troll conservative family members at Christmas
pxlboy explained why some people drive illegally
eurotrader had an idea for catching the fugitive "affluenza teen"
CRtwenty pointed out why a teacher might use the I-word in world history class
Speaker2Animals suggested a different way to react to angry parents
NSA Monitor No 276 discussed people losing their licenses for unpaid tickets
Pocket Ninja examined the Salon troll cycle
August11 shared a secret about primary education in the U.S.
Relatively Obscure pointed out the problem with freezing the "affluenza teen's" parents' assets
baka-san felt sorry for some upset parents

CSB Sunday Morning:First Fark
Funniest: Lava Lamp Repairman shared a passage from The Book of Fark
Smartest: hubiestubert reminded us why we hang out here

Politics Funniest:
Snarfangel taught us about the number 40
STDMan69 had a solution to Donald Trump's hair washing difficulties
markie_farkie played Marco Rubio's favorite game (you have to look at the comment before this one, too)
Mike_LowELL pointed out why Matt Bevin's plan to roll back Medicaid expansion in Kentucky is a good one
Wyalt Derp showed how some people might determine the difference between good guys and bad guys

Politics Smartest:
somedude210 listed some of the dangers Americans are likely to face
quatchi discussed some claims made by Carly Fiorina
fusillade762 explained why so many Kentuckians voted against their own interests
Weaver95 foresaw some lasting negative effects from Trump's campaign
Highroller48 talked about ways in which the terrorists won


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Noitall showed some of the many dangers Santa faces in "Photoshop theme: Santa Claus as an action hero"
Yammering_Splat_Vector found the sea's deadliest creature in "Photoshop this lesson learned"
#2 revealed how that sleigh really flies for "Photoshop theme: Santa Claus as an action hero"
cowgirl toffee showed Santa's buffed-up team in "Photoshop theme: Santa Claus as an action hero"
Lee451 invented a handy tool for a night out in "Photoshop theme: There's an app for that"
redmax revealed a kitty's fate for "Photoshop this trophy"
Alligator just couldn't resist in "Photoshop this model"
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel couldn't hear Santa scream in "Photoshop theme: Santa Claus as an action hero"
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed what could possibly go wrong in "Photoshop this shameless imposter"
noazark showed why you better be good for goodness sake in "Photoshop theme: Santa Claus as an action hero"

Farktography: Still Life 2
CompoundWarp won with this photo of tools and artwork


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: Spoon over Marin suggested a title change for the Fark moderators
Smart: rcf1105 shared data on the long-term effects of bullying


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headline of the Year contests (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The first three quarters of the Headline of the Year contest were greened last week (Round 1, Round 2, and Round 3) so keep an eye out for another quarterfinal contest today (Monday) and more contests over the next week.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Researchers discover cockroach poo contains chemical messages from microbes. I hope that someone gets my, I hope that someone gets my, message in a butthole

Husband accuses wife of cheating on him with a camel. Article does not state whether it was one hump or two

Amber Heard will stand trial in Australia for dog smuggling, the first salvo in what some are calling the War on Terrier

WWJDUI

If you've got shareholders, I feel bad for you, hon; they've got 99 pages, and Marissa's got none

Maple Leafs to have new uniforms for their 100th season in 2016. Players say the matching golf shoes for use in May are a nice touch

Former Speaker Dennis Hastert has a stroke. Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place?

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 12/13 - 12/19


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable

A solid week for the quiz takers as a few broke to the surface and the lowest scores were still pretty respectable. The top names on the list this week were Old_Fark with 961, leading both sugaryvitamin at 945 and LlamaMama at 915.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 18.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Let the Klingon win
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-12-14 12:46:34 PM (28 comments) | Permalink

If your favorite topics are Star Wars, Trump and Christmas, last week was a great week for you. If you're not excessively interested in these topics, I have bad news for you about this week. But cheer up: Star Wars talk will die down in a bit after the new movie is released later this week. Then Christmas is next Friday, and people stop talking about that within a few days after it's over. But when it comes to the reality show star who is running for president, I don't know what to tell you. He's like the herp.

On a related note, internet traffic is always down around the holidays, with so many people taking time off from work - including journalists. Our admins end up with fewer links and topics to choose from. So if you want a little less competition for greenlights, now is a great time to submit links with funny headlines. And don't forget to check out these tips for getting your Fark submission accepted.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Stigginit - 81
Star Wars - 605
Trump - 4279
Christmas - 2076
Sandwich - 441
Sammich - 66
Bacon - 578


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Snarfangel pointed out why ISIS members like Axe body spray
xanadian answered the question, "Why is ISIS afraid of girls?"
#2 revealed where hipsters got the idea to put glitter in their beards
scottydoesntknow knew the total farking amount to tip
ransack. cleared up a misunderstanding
fusillade762 made a plea for tolerance
Red Shirt Blues made that ISIS joke
whither_apophis disapproved of segregation
charlesmartel11235 revealed some information about the Quran
STDMan69 explained how someone could spend $12,000 a year on alcohol

Smartest:
TuteTibiImperes is obviously secretly from Ohio
AirForceVet is obviously secretly a millennial
ecmoRandomNumbers is also obviously secretly a millennial (okay, I'll stop now)
Doktor_Zhivago didn't think the death penalty was called for
Pocket Ninja was moved by a student's struggle
markie_farkie shared a comparison of two politicians
thorpe described some protesters
timujin addressed a misconception about food stamps
jaspyrnyte pointed out how a terrible stereotype hurts people
capn' fun discussed how some people struggle to feed their families

CSB Sunday Morning: The Christmas Party
Funniest:
Raddamant got a special surprise at the company holiday party
Smartest: Brawndo discovered one neat trick for not looking like Charley Stiner

Politics Funniest:
The.anti-Larry had a theory on Scalia's opinion about affirmative action
Ivo Shandor shared a thought about a common insult
Mr. Coffee Nerves shared a common lamentation among Kentucky voters
Mark Ratner explained why Anonymous is in trouble
Pocket Ninja educated Farkers about Islam

Politics Smartest:
FlashHarry had a message for wingnuts
FlashHarry knows who else should have been dismissed as a racist crank
PocketfullaSass shared some thoughts about Planned Parenthood
phaseolus didn't remember things the way a submitter did
mjjt shared a timely reminder


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Godamnlimey steamed things up for "Fark Coloring Contest: Floral Edition"
ionthrust flamed the thread in "Fark Coloring Contest: Floral Edition"
i-dig found a treat for this furry friend in "Photoshop this territorial claim"
Godamnlimey stopped traffic in "Photoshop this lady breaking her mother's back"
Noitall brought art to life in "Fark Coloring Contest: Floral Edition"
Yammering_Splat_Vector did some painting in "Fark Coloring Contest: Floral Edition"
Godamnlimey hit the pavement for "Fark Coloring Contest: Floral Edition"
Mock26 wanted to know if this was too soon in "Photoshop theme: A new look for Santa Claus"
cowgirl toffee shared a message from Santa in "Photoshop theme: A new look for Santa Claus"
Yammering_Splat_Vector changed this to a head game in "Photoshop this move in the dark"

Farktography: Red Light, Green Light 2
Warthog won with a nighttime photo in Cairns, Australia


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart: meow said the dog thought a thread that makes one wonder how the submitter knows what that tastes like should get a greenlight
Funny: birdmanesq told a story about oral displeasure


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Investigators believe that the wife may have been the driving force behind the San Bernardino massacre, have reportedly recovered a "Honey Do" jar filled with slips that said "murder infidels," "commit jihad" and, of course, "clean the gutters"

Nineteen year-old dies feeling chipper

Chinese researchers unveil car controlled by driver's mind. Overnight, car-breast collisions rise 10,000 percent

Sleek urban Sikhs' turbans freak weak geeks, disturbin' Sikhs' week, but turban chic is on fleek. Sneak a peek

Two teams of researchers post papers describing large objects observed in the outer edges of the solar system. The Swedes call the object they observed "Gna", after a Nordic God; the Mexican team suggested "Gary Coleman" for theirs

Islamic State will go after China this Christmas, posts song in Chinese titled "We Are Mujahid" at its propaganda site Jihadology. For the record, the next line is not "I've got all my martyrs and me"

Scientist says he's found woman under the Mona Lisa. That explains the smile

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 12/6 - 12/12

Also, we've now finished the preliminaries for the Mainpage HotY contests, so the quarterfinals will be going live for Farkers on the main page as soon as today. For the TotalFarkers, there are still lots of subtab contests to run, so keep an eye out there.


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The last several quiz weeks have been a slug fest. Some weeks the quizmasters are throwing down the gauntlet, other weeks it's the quiz-takers with the smackdown. Last week was definitely the latter, with three scores in the 1000 Club and everybody in the top 10 comfortably above the 900 mark. The top three this week were Maud Dib with a mind-boggling 1056, solidly beating rick42 who still earned a club invite at 1006, edging chrisco123 with 1004.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 11.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Today, Fark reached a milestone
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-12-07 2:01:29 PM (91 comments) | Permalink

Ever wonder what the Weeners on Fark was? Unfortunately, the thread it was in is now lost forever (the thread number was later recycled to be used for the Fark Forum), but the comment was made by some guy named Drew on June 14th, 2000, and it said, "Laf.  Yeah sure..." Since the article he was commenting on has gone to Internet Heaven, we really have no idea what he was talking about.

Today, 15.5 years later, Fark has reached its one hundred millionth comment. Congratulations, Alassra!


FarkCast

Drew and Twitch are back after taking some time off so Drew could run for Governor. In the newest episode, they cover the recent rash of mass shootings and look for a pragmatic answer on how to stop it. They also talk about sexbots with attitudes, the reason for Walmart greeters, and fortune cookies.... You know, a well-rounded show. You can get FarkCast on iTunes, get FarkCast on Stitcher, or get FarkCast here.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Hanukkah/Chanukah - 34
War on Christmas - 102
Babby - 51
Internets - 52
Interwebs - 7
lulz - 162
Star Wars - 357
Bacon - 416


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Shostie had a calm, reasonable suggestion for dealing with children in restaurants
EvilEgg discussed the drawbacks of being comfortable with yourself
Pocket Ninja gave instructions for being the hero in an active shooter situation
Unobtanium shared a relevant comic strip about men in the locker room
elkboy was traumatized
kronicfeld reacted to the news of journalists ransacking the San Bernardino shooters' apartment
Gyrfalcon had some rules for the third thread about one shooting (makes more sense if you read the comments before it)
MagicBoris shared a CraigsList ad for a valuable item
BlousyBrown shared a comment from the linked article
RI_Red posted a line from "Airplane!"


Smartest:
Ghastly shared some thoughts about trigger warnings
433 offered to help anyone who needed it
Man On A Mission fixed a dick move for you
Pocket Ninja explained a bigoted headline
shower_in_my_socks expressed frustration with mass shootings
Benevolent Misanthrope wants you to keep your screamers to yourself
August11 suggested taking precautions if you don't like screaming kids
BizarreMan pointed out why Millennials might want to keep their bits covered
ransack. disapproved of a ransacking
MaudlinMutantMollusk pointed to evidence that mass shootings won't stop

CSB Sunday Morning: Awkward bathroom moments
Funniest:
Lsherm told a tale of experiencing plumbing problems when meeting a girlfriend's parents
Smartest:spoontasic shared a story about being cheered up by a horny stranger

Politics Funniest:
Pocket Ninja explained how a few people might remember something most people say never happened
In another thread, Pocket Ninja told us why there might not be any evidence of that event happening
Kumana Wanalaia revealed how Donald Trump keeps track of his endorsements
timujin shared a thought for those who might wish to harm others
Pazuzu Smith-Jones explained why wealthy people should get more tax cuts

Politics Smartest:
Codenamechaz politely disagreed with the submitter
NateAsbestos discussed the goals of the people who made the anti-Planned Parenthood videos
Pocket Ninja pointed out some problems with American news networks
make me some tea shared a politician's relevant tweet
Lionel Mandrake talked about why Kim Davis is a poor choice for Time's "Person of the Year"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
freetomato showed some doggie justice for "Photoshop Theme: If dogs ran the world"
redmax found some fierce competition in "Photoshop this charging critter"
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this guy a tuber top in "Photoshop this noble tuber"
RedZoneTuba made a new pool toy for "Photoshop theme: Uses for anvils that we did not know of"
Noitall made an inspirational poster for "Photoshop Mark Zuckerberg's floating mop"
RedZoneTuba fundamentally changed an annual event for "Photoshop this charging critter"
Abe Vigoda's Ghost laid down the rules in "Photoshop Theme: If dogs ran the world"
Noitall showed us the dangers that lurk in our oceans in "Photoshop this bait"
redmax found a fun toy for "Photoshop Theme: If cats ran the world"
Noitall brought down the house in "Photoshop this little house on the prairie"

Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 552: "It's About Time 2" with this wedge of time


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny & Smart:CommieTaoist possibly spoiled the ending of Fallout 4 in a thread requesting people to anger other TotalFarkers
Funny: rcf1105 complimented a selfie posted by Chris Ween (and I was confused about what body part that was for a minute)


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

♫ Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim cheroo, bungling burglar gets roasted in flue ♫

Stolen circumcision ambulance found after tip-off

Navy Midshipmen will wear helmets this week decorated with B-2 through B-7 and A2-B2-C2-D2

New helium filled hard drive increases capacity, but sounds funny

Desperate religious extremist runs amok during Ben Carson's meeting with Syrian refugees in Jordan, but the refugees put up with the doctor as best they can

New Amazon drone unveiled by Jeremy Clarkson, who promptly crashed it into a steam powered caravan driven by Richard Hammond while James May tried to cross the Thames on a boat made out of two motorcycles and a Reliant Robin

MSNBC's Brian Williams off the air for several days after back surgery to fix herniated disc he sustained after lifting a Ford F250 off a trapped toddler. In Fallujah. During the Arab Revolt of 1916

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 11/29 - 12/5

The preliminary Headline of the Year contests are in full effect, and I'll be doubling up to two contests a day this week. TotalFarkers: keep an eye on TotalFark Discussion (look for the HotY tag). Non-TotalFarkers: uh, sorry. You'll have to wait for the greenlit threads to come. Soon.


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a few weeks where the quiz takers were on top, the quizmasters struck back with a solid quiz that people couldn't quite dominate. Nobody cracking 1000 or even 900--the top scores went to ipissexcellence26 with 880, abhorrent1 with 878 and dallylamma with 833.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 4.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: We'll help you look busy
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-11-30 11:08:38 AM (22 comments) | Permalink

We had our first Fark Bazaar about a month ago, and we learned a lot from it. For one thing, trying to have the moderators bump all of the "storefront" posts to the top of the thread was a mistake. It ended up being too chaotic and didn't really work like we'd hoped. Also, I personally grew to really hate the name Fark Bazaar because of that cheesy song that kept popping into my head. Luckily, Angry Drunk Bureaucrat came up with a much better name (link is TotalFark only): Farketplace. In the same thread, it was suggested that we add in a flea market/garage sale aspect to it so that Farkers looking to get sell some random things can do so.

So, what did you think of the Fark Bazaar if you participated in it? If we have another one, do you like the proposed changes? Are there other changes you'd like to see?


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Mole - 180
Squirrel - 70
Hedgehog - 10
Skunk - 36
Bacon - 659


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
bearded clamorer shared a tip for softening butter
wademh has seen some suspicious behavior on an airplane
SwiftFox showed what a childless couple might look like
cameroncrazy1984 explained why the Planned Parenthood attacker wasn't a terrorist
HawgWild shared a joke
devildog123 spotted a warning sign that someone might be a bit too extreme
alizeran shared a homeopathic "life hack"
the_sidewinder revealed the end result of Nestlé using slave labor
I_Am_Weasel shared some miracle toast
Dayglo Brown felt philosophical about the Phuc Dat Bich hoax

Smartest:
ransack. cast blame for the Planned Parenthood attack
gadian pointed out a logical inconsistency
Rapmaster2000 had guesses about the Planned Parenthood shooter
SoCalChris shared a message for any would-be killers
Astorix didn't think murderers should get GoFundMe pages
fusillade762 made a guess at what some white Americans are afraid of
Grumpy Cat did not approve of a woman's plastic surgery
Sin_City_Superhero offered some perspective for the family of a cop arrested for murder
Satanic_Hamster listed evidence of a cover-up
serpent_sky pointed to a possible cause of violence

CSB Sunday Morning: Turkey-day disasters
Funniest:
A tie between WickedKitten with the tale of the gobble gobble box, and Lsherm with a story about Grandma dying on Thanksgiving that was somehow actually funny
Smartest: spoontasic told about helping Mom move on during the first Thanksgiving after she lost her mother

Politics Funniest:
Rusty Shackleford knew how Jeb can tell if people are Christian or not
Bith Set Me Up shared a portrait of Donald Trump
Dimensio explained why the minimum wage should be repealed
OtherLittleGuy showed a reaction to a Breitbart attack on Jennifer Lawrence
phrawgh posted a suggestion for Syrian refugees

Politics Smartest:
quatchi reacted to Obama letting Syrian refugees into the U.S.
nmrsnr explained Obama's reactions to conservatives versus terrorists
heavymetal knows who else demonized groups of people for political power
OtherLittleGuy showed a reaction to a Breitbart attack on Jennifer Lawrence
fusillade762 predicted how Trump supporters would react to Trump retweeting made-up racist statistics


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
whyRpeoplesostupid had the contest all locked up for "Photoshop theme: What celebrities would look like if they were normal people"
DrPainMD kept it in the family in "Photoshop theme: That's just plain wrong"
ionthrust Googled it for us in "Photoshop this bridge that never ends"
zeon brightened things up a bit for "Photoshop this vintage pic of a woman and her IBM punch card Christmas wreath"
Yammering_Splat_Vector compared some fighters in "Photoshop theme: That's just plain wrong"
I_Am_Weasel honked out a tune for "Photoshop this catch"
RedZoneTuba took a trip to the carnival for "Photoshop theme: What celebrities would look like if they were normal people"
RedZoneTuba had an unfair fight in "Photoshop theme: That's just plain wrong"
Large Marge sent me showed off some creative manscaping for "Photoshop this vintage pic of a woman and her IBM punch card Christmas wreath"
redmax didn't have time for that in "Photoshop theme: What celebrities would look like if they were normal people"

Farktography:
predle won Farktography Contest No. 551: "Giving Thanks" with this photo of a goofball


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: Mirrorz was the moral authority in a thread asking for a humane way to kill a turkey


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

New evidence suggests that Christopher Columbus did not bring syphilis to Europe, so if your Niña or your Pinta hurts, don't blame the Santa Maria

Sleigh bells ring are you listening? In the lane snow is glistening. A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight - lighting up green women's underwear

Sacramento Kings now considering making Nancy Lieberman the NBA's first woman head coach. Which would unofficially make her the queen of Kings

In space, no one can hear you stream

Willie Nelson reveals he had stem cell surgery, say doctors were nice enough to at least pick out the seeds first

Bye, bye miss American Pfizer. They're buying Allergan in Ireland where the taxes are wiser. An inversion is planned, expatriation is nigh. Botox and Viagra 'cause your youth is a lie...have a burger, lipitor and some fries

Family earning over $1 million living in NYC public housing. "They should move them out," said Carmen Santiago, a building resident, whose whereabouts, as usual, remain unknown


The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/22 - 11/28

A side note for those of you that like to be involved in the preliminaries for the Headline of the Year contest, we ran three of the contests last week prior to Thanksgiving, and will be doing at least oni contest per day on TFD the rest of this week. If you hold out on TF normally but wanna be in on the voting, now's your chance.


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A very, very strong week for the Farkers last Friday, topped by daisygrrl breaking into the 1000 club with a score of 1027, beating Brian6828 just missing it with 996 and ProfessorTerguson with 985, who edged Twilight Farkle by a single point to sneak into the third spot.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 27.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Farksgiving in Farkistan
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-11-23 12:34:50 PM (72 comments) | Permalink

Farksgiving is almost here, for those who have a Fark left to give. If you don't give a Fark, maybe you would if you had a Fark buddy. But just remember, while you might like getting Farked by your friends, Farksgiving is more important than Farksgetting. I think Farksgetting is in February, anyway.

Okay, I got that out of my system.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Thanksgiving - 554
Turkey - 612
Tofurkey - 9
Turducken - 2
Stuffing - 64
Cranberry sauce - 15
Sweet potato - 20
Yams - 11
Pumpkin pie - 20
Bacon - 767
Crazy uncle - 11


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
calbert thought that ISIS wasn't prepared for threats from Anonymous
MichiganFTL answered a question about a Catholic saint
doyner mocked Charlie Sheen
Officer Barrelroll pointed out why one ex-wife might know things
optikeye showed what one plane that made an emergency landing might look like
blatz514 suggested a name for an explosives-laden van
fusillade762 summed up a terrorist organization
sxacho was feeling nostalgic
nekom quoted the recording from the ISIS help desk
Prank Call of Cthulhu posted a sensitive reaction to Charlie Sheen's bad news

Smartest:
SurfaceTension commented on the source of religious extremism
CalvinMorallis discussed the cause of and effects from terrorism
Lizara wondered how much everybody's stealing from everybody all up in here
Gulper Eel suggested a way to stop terrorism
Curate's Keg commented on the effects of legalizing drugs
FrancoFile had a plan for attacking terrorism
Marcus Aurelius shared a picture referring to the creation of a power vacuum
The Kitchen Ninja proposed a method of combating workplace theft
doglover pointed out what was the actual shocking part of a story
Arkanaut discussed how far CNNickers has fallen

CSB Sunday Morning: Memories in French
Funniest:
Bondith shared a story about fake Frenching to stall for time
Smartest:hubiestubert talked about a Cajun influence in Germany

Politics Funniest:
markie_farkie explained why Bobby Jindal dropped out of the race
Alphax revealed what Ben Carson has really been hiding
Marcus Aurelius examined Donald Trump's desire to shut down mosques
abb3w theorized on what God might say about Bristol Palin's out-of-wedlock pregnancies
grokca made a counterpoint to a Fark headline

Politics Smartest:
Silverstaff shared a point about keeping Syrian refugees out of the U.S.
brantgoose explained why Marco Rubio's comparison of Islam to Nazis was wrong
Grand_Moff_Joseph discussed voters hurting themselves in an attempt to hurt others
Grand_Moff_Joseph extended a meal invitation to those same voters
neritz shared a graphic about U.S. states' reactions to terrorism


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer gave George Clooney a new TV show for "Photoshop George Clooney"
whyRpeoplesostupid showed a pet exchange in "Photoshop this boy and girl with a cat and an eel"
bighairyguy found the proud father in "Photoshop this boy and girl with a cat and an eel"
RedZoneTubadecided to send in the clones (sorry) in "Photoshop George Clooney"
Circusdog320 revealed what's lurking under the surface in "Photoshop this lonely object"
RedZoneTuba showed why you shouldn't let strange kids hold your cat in "Photoshop this boy and girl with a cat and an eel"
RedZoneTuba discovered why George Clooney was making that face in "Photoshop George Clooney"
grampy hoped to reduce the Wall of Hair for "Photoshop this hairdo"
RedZoneTubagave this dirty guy an audience in "Photoshop this slow exposure shot"
RedZoneTubatook us to the Shantytown Cathedral in "Photoshop theme: If America were a third world country"

Farktography:
Elsinore won Farktography Contest No. 550: "Artistic Bent 2" with "Water Drop Flowers"


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

ISIS fighters in Raqqa see a Mirage

Man who shot up Little Wayne's tour bus will spend twenty years in prison, presumably for missing

ISIS has a 24 hour help desk for terrorists. Representative. Representative. REPRESENTATIVE

Crystal Lake man ch-ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah-ah-arged with animal cruelty

Cincinnati Bengals owner says he 'regrets' Carson Palmer leaving the team on bad terms. Although it was preferable to the way other players depart - in handcuffs and leg irons

Obfuscation index utilized in consideration of dissimulated jargon intended to complexify substandard statistical data outcomes

Charlie Sheen isn't just sure he's got a secret medical condition, he's HIV positive


The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 11/15 - 11/21


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A pretty good week for the quiz-takers overall, with more than half over 900 and solidly so. It's never easy to crack 1000 but this many scores at this level says the Farkers were ready for it. Top three this week were Glockenspiel Hero with his first win on the list, scoring an impressive 945, beating both Tax Boy at 939 and Twilight Farkle, who got back into his groove with a solid 934.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 20.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The TL;DR version of Fark
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-11-16 2:41:31 PM (89 comments) | Permalink

What's up with those weird headlines we greenlight on occasion that say a bunch of gibberish and either "Last Post" or "LP" and then a number? Head down to this week's Farking Tip for an explanation. If you have an idea for a Farking Tip or if you know that last idea I had since I can't remember it, send me an email. Then maybe read the rest of the NotNewsletter since you're already here.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Politics tab - 343
Fallout 4 - 246
Starbucks - 557
War on Christmas - 163
Pickle - 117
Bacon - 656
Badger - 63
Mushroom - 45
Snake - 310


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
meat0918 shared a post with a suggestion for Christians who are upset about cups
Dead for Tax Reasons made the same joke that pretty much everyone else made
Amish Tech Support appreciated Ben Carson's big accomplishment
hungryhungryhorus revealed some spoilers for the upcoming Star Wars movie
hundreddollarman reacted to the news that Jennifer Lawrence is looking for a boyfriend
Testiclaw asked a question about Ben Carson's home
carnifex2005 caught Ben Carson in an obvious lie
Mike_LowELL plugged Fark's exciting new product
Nadie_AZ reacted to news that a Windows 3.1 bug closed a French airport
abitofbuffalo showed how Ben Carson proselytizes

Smartest:
fusillade762 set the record straight on the creation of the universe
Highroller48 voiced some hopes about the fate of a terrible judge
lycanth thought some Yale students had something to learn
rewind2846 told the baby boomers why they're being blamed for wrecking the economy
Delta1212 had news for those who always struggle with an argumentative relative
Pocket Ninja had a suggestion for Florida kids who are punished for fighting off bullies
dr_blasto probably isn't voting for Ben Carson
Marcus Aurelius reviewed the work of a Florida school official
what_now gave an example of how sometimes parents just don't understand
ariseatex shared a point about refugees

CSB Sunday Morning: Ducking Out
Funniest:
Kimyo stuck with the thread's theme
Smartest: A tie between Delay with a story about a dad helping a daughter who takes after him and dugitman with a tale of two weddings

Politics Funniest:
Mr. Coffee Nerves told a very American Christmas story
optikeye pointed out that Bristol Palin is a Farker
Ivo Shandor shared a comic about an undecided voter
Mike_LowELL knew how to keep the U.S. from going bankrupt
doyner smelled something fishy about Donald Trump

Politics Smartest:
Elandriel pointed out a case where one might say, "Thanks, Wasserman-Schultz"
Pocket Ninja requested a different match-up
vernonFL pointed out a reason for Jeb Bush to not murder a baby
FlashHarry said, "They knew what they were getting into. Let 'em crash"
Delta1212 offered a companion to a Fark headline


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
grampy showed the virtues of sharing in "Photoshop theme: Create your own Goofus and Gallant comic strip"
Voodoo_Stu helped Gallant diversify his sales in "Photoshop theme: Create your own Goofus and Gallant comic strip"
redmax brought some magic to "Photoshop theme: Create your own Goofus and Gallant comic strip"
#2 took us on a strange journey for "Photoshop theme: Create your own Goofus and Gallant comic strip"
X-Geek demonstrated the importance of a name in "Photoshop theme: Create your own Goofus and Gallant comic strip"
RedZoneTuba examined the candidates in "Photoshop theme: Create your own Goofus and Gallant comic strip"
Yammering_Splat_Vector got philosophical in "Photoshop theme: Create your own Goofus and Gallant comic strip"
grampy got a call from Bear Resources for "Photoshop this bear surfing"
godxam showed a kid who follows the news in "Photoshop this lonely tricycle"
Don_cos showed a fun day at school in "Photoshop theme: Create your own Goofus and Gallant comic strip"

Farktography: orionid (who happens to be a veteran) won Farktography Contest No. 549: "Soldiers in Uniform" twice with a uniformed biker and a memorial visit


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by doyner)

This past Veteran's Day (Armistice Day) we learned about the hallowed, storied history of the original Last Post.  A somber, sobering, and ceremonial tradition born of the blood and brotherhood of battles before, it reminds us of those people and those things for which we should be most grateful. And while Fark is a raucous, rambunctious, and reflexive place, it is nonetheless a familiar foundry of free folk finding friends, forged in feels, funny findings, and (frequently) foresight.

Which brings us to this week's ignoble, inglorious, and inane iteration of the NotNewsletter's Farking Tip: LAST POST.

Centered around the pointless pursuit of having the last post in a thread before the mods close it, LP is a one-thread-at-a-time forum that acts as a stage for LPers to share laughs, cries, and gifs much like Miami set the stage for the Golden Girls.   In a couple days or so, someone will get the last post in the thread. Said person is obliged to start the next Last Post thread. They'll submit a link in a timely fashion (ideally within the hour, but 12 to 16 hour allowances have been made for people who were reasonably believed to have been sleeping), set the URL to the last LP thread, and come up with a suitably failtastic title. They will set the topic to FAIL, the Link Type to TotalFark Discussion, they will check this before submitting the link, and then the rest of us will congratulate them on their phaylure. Rinse, repeat, fail.

Last Post threads have been around for years, only first codified in LP1, which you can find here. You may see them routinely in TotalFark Discussion, but when the planets align, the Admins bestow their grace upon this little corner of Fark and place a thread on the Main page.  This is so that the legion of LPers may gain new blood, corrupt the next generation of Farkers, and sit in frustrated bemusement at how the next n00b got LAST POST.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Beyond Fark

Fark is sad to have lost one of our own, Farker RobertBruce. Unfortunately, his memorial thread is closed now, but you can read it here.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Scientists find evidence that humans have been using bee products like honey and wax for at least 8,500 years and may have been keeping bees nearly that long-a practice believed to have originated with the ow Ow OW goddammit OW tribe of central Africa

Leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre found dead, his body laying Stihl

Ted Cruz: "Any president who doesn't begin every day on his knees isn't fit to be commander-in-chief." Well, that's one way to repay the Koch brothers' campaign money, Senator

Heisenberg's hat is in the Smithsonian, but its velocity is unknown

Danish politicians call for 'animal police,' raising the terrible specter of having your door kicked in at 2 AM by jack-booted Basset Hounds

British Member of Parliament calls for hedgehog to replace lion as national symbol. Parliament puzzled by entity with all the pricks on the outside

Hicks join Yanks in the oddest pairing since the Civil War

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 11/8 - 11/14


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

It was a quiz that leaned slightly toward the Quizmasters this week, with no scores in the 1000s or even the 900s. Topping the list this week was Old_Fark with 868 ahead of jurisenpai who trailed with 855 and then coscausticevil 833, who edged jxb465 by just two points to secure the third spot on the top list.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 13.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Gettin' unlucky in Kentucky
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2015-11-10 11:12:46 AM (67 comments) | Permalink

Sorry the Fark NotNewsletter is a day late this week; Drew was making me hand count votes in Kentucky. Okay, so he didn't win, mainly because voters were confused by his promise to put bacon in charge of Justice and Public Safety. And that's really a shame because all the Headline of the Year winners were going to get to be Kentucky Colonels. I guess they're just stuck with the usual carton of cigarettes and block of suspicious-looking cheese.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Governor - 502
Bevin - 302
Conway - 233
Curtis - 107
Kentucky - 591
Bacon - 975
Anonymous - 282
Veteran - 189


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Lenny_da_Hog explained why a certain state acted to end unlicensed braiding
Pocket Ninja exposed some of the dangerous code words teens use
Twilight Farkle commented on Fred Thompson's amazing life
Gulper Eel commented on the revolution that Iranian actresses are starting
Pocket Ninja used the science of numerology to expose a threat
the_rev noted that a comment was appropriate
Psychopusher had a message for conservatives who thought Chick-Fil-A supports a gay agenda
Rapmaster2000 explained the controversy surrounding an officer's treatment of student
Stile4aly mentioned a new dish inspired by a Taco Bell executive's attack on an Uber driver
Abe Vigoda's Ghost found evidence that the Great Depression has been exaggerated

Smartest:
Astorix discussed overly-controlling parents
Justin Beaver talked about what jerks casinos are
Forbidden Doughnut suggested ways of addressing problems with contracts
ArkPanda pointed out what another Farker was overlooking
Lenny_da_Hog explained why a certain state acted to end unlicensed braiding
scottydoesntknow remarked on the Christian fear of Sharia law
WGJ had a suggestion for addressing bad coppery
Billified asked if we prefer freedom or something else
Dusk-You-n-Me wondered when an apology would be issued
BizarreMan was out for Dear Prudence's job

CSB Sunday Morning: Hobbies gone wild
Funniest:
xanadian misread the topic
Smartest:Praise Cheesus shared a story about getting lucky with some rocks

Politics Funniest:
fusillade762 questioned claims of tough questioning
ox45tallboy helped Bernie Sanders share a personal anecdote
doctor wu spoke up for the little guy
Epic Fap Session is going to hell for this one
ransack. defended the mayor's husband who had a Klan- themed party for Halloween

Politics Smartest:
Weaver95 offered an explanation for Ohio not passing pot legalization
generallyso shared some images about influencing voters
fusillade762 questioned claims of tough questioning
VendorXeno posted a message about bigotry and politics
quatchi addressed the belief that there's a conspiracy to put a stop to Christianity in the U.S.


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
grampy found these conservative fellows letting loose for "Photoshop these Oktoberfest Damen"
redmax revealed a little problem in "Photoshop this worldly selfie"
Wrongo recreated a tragic scene for "Photoshop this big sanitation project"
redmax brought some danger to "Photoshop these incipient stargazers"
DrPainMD showed why this gymnast is going to need Penicillin in "Photoshop this gymnast"
RedZoneTuba discovered what this chef was really making in "Photoshop this man shaping things up"
DrPainMD really earned that login with this entry for "Photoshop this German electromagnetic radiation pollution detector official"
RedZoneTuba found a fitting meal for "Photoshop this big mouth"
redmax proved that this model has what it takes in "Photoshop this Russian supermodel"
Knockers gave this serpent a new groove for "Photoshop this sneaky snake"

Farktography:
SilverStag won Farktography Contest No. 548: "What Once Was Will Pass" with this house that's being eaten


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny & Smart: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat shared the portion of the Bible about Jesus turning cucumbers into pickles
Smart: LlamaGirl suggested a sandwich in Chicago
Funny: Current Resident shared a husband's decision-making process


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by ox45tallboy)

Hello fellow Farkers.

Due to popular demand, we've enhanced one of our most popular features - the ignore list. Now, when you load a thread that includes posts from that guy with the opinion you don't like, that pansy liberal SJW, or that insane gun nut, you won't even see the grey bars indicating that they ever commented in that thread. It's like they don't even exist.

Some folks have noticed that occasionally the comment count shown on the main page differs from the in-thread count. This is by design. You'll see a total number of comments on the main page, but only a total of the comments that aren't from people you're ignoring in the thread itself. When you see that these numbers are different, it's not because the server monkey is cramming bananas into the database server, it's because people you are ignoring have posted in that thread.

And just a quick recap on ignoring users - in the header of each comment, you'll see a red circle-slash kind of like the Ghostbusters logo, or the "No Farting" sign seen in the Broncos' management meeting room. When you click on that icon, all traces of that person will be removed from your Fark experience. If you miss the gray bars and wish to see just how many posts you're missing from ignored users, you can always change back to the classic style from the Preferences section of your MyFark profile in the "Comment Preferences" section.

Finally, remember that it's far better to leave someone on ignore than to respond to their completely wrong ideas about housebreaking marmots or their thoughts on peeled versus unpeeled carrots in a slow-cooker pot roast. Moderators really do consider the number of people who ignore a particular user. So have fun and happy Farking!


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, November 11th: Nerd Nite Providence could-be Fark Party
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Briton smashes record for longest continuous ironing session by a man. That must have been four minutes of pure hell

Town in Galicia celebrates 'Clitoris Festival,' confusing many men who don't know where Galicia is, either

Study shows owning puppies and ponies lowers the risk of asthma in kids. Scientist who prepared the study suspected to be a child in a long lab coat standing on the shoulders of another child

Using topless models to sell things is nothing new but using them to sell coffins seems a bit much, especially since the customers are already stiff

Today is George Boole's birthday. Either you know about it (1), or you don't (0)

"Senator Franken wants to flip the Senate" Maybe he can convince Jill Stein to run for Senate. Then it'd truly be a (•_•) ( •_•)⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) Franken-Stein monster

Facebook more valuable than General Electric. Next target: Sheinhardt Wig Company

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 11/1 - 11/7

Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

In the perpetual battle between quizmasters and the Farkers, the Farkers had the upper hand this week, with two people breaking into the 1000 Club and every score of the top ten comfortably above 900. Winners this week were Bear151556 with very impressive 1032, caddisfly with a solid 1018 right behind him, and LizardOnAStick leading the rest of the pack with 947.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 6.
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