Spring is upon us, and it's a time for popping allergy pills while eating chocolate eggs filled with a mysterious substance and watching college basketball. I'm not really into that March Madness stuff, but I have it on good authority that Duke sucks. Oh, and a little tip for next weekend: Peeps make an excellent garnish for Easter morning mimosas.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Garland - 600
Spring - 461
Equinox - 12
Hulk Hogan - 67
Bacon - 468

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
CipollinaFan pointed out why a defendant was in trouble
koder offered up a defense for that same defendant
Doctor Funkenstein let Ice-T explain what happened at the Oregon wildlife refuge
Badgers showed what an excited cetacean might look like
Eddie Adams from Torrance experienced unequal treatment under the law
Doctor Funkenstein helpfully captioned a photo of participants of the Oregon standoff
ChrisDe shared a personal story about married life
Pin Fiften Clob found that it's always the same person to blame for any problem
FirstNationalBastard made a joke that I don't really get because I haven't seen the movie
SmackLT wrote up a report as a secret shopper

Smartest:
jchic discussed prison violence
Pocket Ninja provided a reusable summary
TsarTom pointed out that sometimes a name tells you what to expect
dameron Snopesed a stupid article
Bob Falfa noticed some signs of guilt
Sgt Otter made the comment Bob Falfa replied to, so belated spoiler alert
Bloody William had a theory about the thinking behind the Wildlife refuge occupation
Pocket Ninja discussed a truly horrible person
Pocket Ninja applauded responsible journalism
Delta1212 pointed out that a submitter was comparing apples and really stupid oranges

CSB Sunday Morning: "Embarrassing Moments"
Smartest:   Ebenator did something embarrassing while trying to do a favor for a crush
Funniest:   Keyth spent a long, hot time trying to get into a car with the keys locked inside

Politics Funniest:
incendi came up with a name for some Trump supporters
doyner captioned a photo of Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton
Mike_LowELL pointed out who the really bad people are
Pocket Ninja suggested we not judge someone by the color on her skin
Doctor Funkenstein noticed someone can do more with her hands than just the Nazi salute (I swear I can't think of a way to phrase this that doesn't sound dirty)

Politics Smartest:
Z-clipped felt that evidence of a problem was there all along
djkutch pointed out that someone seemed to be missing part of his bible
Doctor Funkenstein thought some COWS officials' actions sounded familiar
namegoeshere posted a thought about what politicians think of the public
cgraves67 shared a Wikipedia edit that had been made


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
MortalComedy invented a game for married people in "Photoshop theme: Create a new game show"
Circusdog320 created a game that, gosh, ya hafta be playin' for "Photoshop theme: Create a new game show"
RedZoneTuba made a game for Farkers everywhere for "Photoshop theme: Create a new game show"
skinink had contestants decipher a code for "Photoshop theme: Create a new game show"
Alligator showed a familiar dance in "Photoshop what these people are waiting for"
Circusdog320 went where no game show has gone before in "Photoshop theme: Create a new game show"
ionthrust let us see what spring's like on a-Jupiter in "Photoshop this post-modern living room"
MathProf showed a northward migration in "Photoshop what these people are waiting for"
Octafrye showed this princess getting more comfortable in "Photoshop this fairy tale princess"
zeon found an oblivious Boehner in "Photoshop John Boehner's post-Congressional career"

Farktography:   Farktography Contest No. 567: "Dinosaurs" was a three-way tie between hackhix with Godzilla vs. Mothra,  spinach gunk with a Canadasaurus, and Queen Mab with a newborn dinosaur army

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  generalDisdain showed someone getting an idea from the submitter
Funny:   Moderator might have dropped a hint about who submitted a thread


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, March 26th: Windsor, Ontario Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Police seek hipster ninja masturbator in Seattle. Ironically, someone saw him coming

Woman's addiction causes her to eat her armchair foam. She hopes eventually to recover

Chip Monk

Man ordered to undergo mental health evaluation jumps from court house's third floor balcony. Evaluation complete

Trump supporters deface cemetery at latest rally. To be fair, the dead in Illinois were going to vote straight-ticket Democrat anyway

Apple claims the DOJ actions would appall the Founders. And who would know better than a company owned by white males that uses slave labor?

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for  3/13 - 3/19


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Looks like equilibrium has finally been restored between the Farkers and the Quizmasters. Last Friday's quiz yielded a single 1000 Club member in mamacass9 with an impressive score of 1028, a full 100 points higher than the next three: BeotchPudding with 922, Fark admin Two Dogs Farking with 918, edging out SoundOfOneHandWanking with 916 for the third slot at the top of the list.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - March 18.

What with leap days and daylight savings, I'm pretty sure we're timing wrong. But at least it's Pi Day, and tomorrow's the Ides of March, then things really pick up with the first day of the Bacchanalia on Wednesday, and St. Patrick's Day after that. So overall, not a bad week.

In Fark news, we've announced a new Fark Store today, so check it out if you're curious. The announcement thread is here, along with a discount code.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Madness - 79
Bracket - 82
Daylight saving - 95
Bacon - 496


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
FirstNationalBastard posted an appropriate first post
Dr.Zom answered LaVoy Finicum's question
433 revealed the dark secret behind Cheerios
Gordon Bennett shared some tweets from a civilian
toraque knew how Spain might take over Gibraltar
Old_Chief_Scott shared a story about helping to make a family
nekom showed a more educational version of a flag
Vlad_the_Inaner discovered a stalker
Non Sequitur Man shared information about a failed dream
CipollinaFan appreciated good detective work

Smartest:
FTJones discussed "Trump anxiety"
eurotrader evaluated the effectiveness of brake checking when someone is tailgating you
whither_apophis pondered how far open carry advocacy goes
phaseolus thought someone else should share in the blame for LaVoy Finicum's death
fusillade762 hopefully doesn't know this from experience
ecmoRandomNumbers made a public service announcement
R.A.Danny defended Maria Sharapova
jchic thought some conspiracy theorists wouldn't believe evidence
Bathia_Mapes gave sarcastic praise
Danger Avoid Death shared a scoreboard

CSB Sunday Morning: "What's in a name"
Smartest:  This ended in a tie between August11 sharing a poetic history of family lechery and ginandbacon discussing family names
Funniest:  Victoly figured out what another Farker's last name is

Politics Funniest:
UseUrHeadFred let us know how senators are handling Nancy Reagan's death
bedonkadonk shared a very '80s photo
FirstNationalBastard had a question for Kentucky
Dusk-You-n-Me showed a grave insult against Donald Trump
GooberMcFly suggested a correction to a Fark headline

Politics Smartest:
what_now pointed out what someone really did wrong
enry suggested that states trying to change Colorado's laws might have unintended consequences
bmwericus reacted to Donald Trump's encouragement of violence against protesters
Bith Set Me Up basically agreed that he who smelt it dealt it
JohnnyC shared a relevant xkcd comic


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
redmax showed Luke Skywalker overreacting for "Photoshop this completely useless activity"
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer showed a hero down on his luck for "Photoshop theme: A new G.I. Joe character"
Alligator gave us a different kind of fighter in "Photoshop theme: A new G.I. Joe character"
retrophil showed a faithful soldier in "Photoshop theme: A new G.I. Joe character"
Circusdog320 created a doll of a presidential hopeful for "Photoshop theme: A new G.I. Joe character"
Yammering_Splat_Vector was all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in "Photoshop theme: A new G.I. Joe character"
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what to eat with our Volkswagen sausage in "Photoshop these artfully lit pieces of chocolate"
whyRpeoplesostupid showed some real competition for Bernie Sanders in "Stretch your Photoshop muscles on this banner-bearing bro"
retrophil gave the team a new foot soldier in "Photoshop theme: A new G.I. Joe character"
Circusdog320 revealed Suzy's least-favorite product in "Photoshop theme: Old-timey ads for new products"

Farktography:  Farktography Contest No. 566: "Graves 4" ended in a tie between Queen Mab with a spooky figure and Warthog with a bony wall

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, March 19th: El Segundo Fark Party
Saturday, March 26th: Windsor, Ontario Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Cetaceans needed

Head stand by Sharapova

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl farts

Kim Kardashian has her ass tweet for her

Sleepy endorses Grumpy, to the dismay of Dopey

Obama denies he let Wall Street off the hook. Mostly because when it comes to the crimes committed on
Wall Street, no one has ever actually been on the hook

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 3/6 - 3/12


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After the absolute shellacking of the quiz team over the last few weeks, we seemed to have stopped the bleeding a bit with a quiz that yielded no 1000 Club members. Nonetheless, it was still a very solid showing by the Farkers, with notyoucoach leading the pack with 975 followed by FrancoFile who edged jurisenpai by a single point, 943 to 942. So, it wasn't the best we've ever done, but at least we didn't get too embarrassed by you folks last week.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - March 11.

For a month now, TotalFarkers have had the ability to embed YouTube videos in their Fark comments, and we've all survived it, somehow. So today, we're expanding that functionality to all of Fark. Okay, okay, try to remain calm. It will be okay. We'll get through it together.

If you want to embed a YouTube video, click on the little YouTube icon above the comment box and it will give you the options to paste the embed code or just the URL. You can also specify the start time, which is pretty nifty. If you have any technical problems, please contact Farkback. You can also let them know if you have suggestions, praise, or a suspicious-looking mole.

Don't want to see the embedded videos? You can go the the preferences tab in your profile and select the option "Convert images to links, leave other HTML formatting intact" under "Comment Preference" to change the videos and images to links. If you prefer to turn images and videos to links in just one thread instead of sitewide, you can use the dropdown at the top of the thread and select "Change images to links," then click the refresh button.

A few reminders:

Autoplay is disabled for embedded video comments, so you won't open a thread to find a cacophony of YouTubiness. As far as what you're allowed to post, the same posting rules that apply to any other comment are applicable to embedded videos. For example, if it's not safe for work, please link it with a warning rather than embedding it. If you find out after posting a video that the preview image is NSFW, just report it to the moderators so they can delete it for you.

If you're wondering why YouTube videos and not other platforms, the answer is simply that it's the easiest to start with. If this goes well, we'll likely eventually add the ability to embed videos from other websites.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Ow! My Balls! - 74
Drumpf - 2887
Small hands - 49
Politics tab - 254
Clarence Thomas - 27
Nancy Reagan - 130
Bacon - 599

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
doyner revealed an occupational hazard of being in law enforcement
wxboy asked an important question about the Forever Alone Chair™
sigdiamond2000 reacted to a perfectly cromulent statement
Mangoose felt betrayed by the Ashley Madison hack
Sybarite showed why selfies are sometimes dangerous
farkingismybusiness showed the versatility of Iggy Pop's torso
Snapper Carr gave an example of why you don't want to deal with Rick from Pawn Stars
bearded clamorer wondered about the number on a particular produce item
stpauler might have figured out why in-laws ignored their son's step-daughter
Pocket Ninja offered a list of ways to hold up the line in a grocery store

Smartest:
Somacandra had a message for a kid who stole risque photos off his teacher's phone
I Browse pointed out the worst thing about people who cry wolf
Ivan the Tolerable was a horrible person
stan unusual discussed a teacher being punished after having her privacy violated
Smackledorfer would not accept any excuses
grokca had advice for anyone whose in-laws are thoughtless toward a child
abhorrent1 pointed out part of what made a lie so stupid
I Browse discussed why a particular lie was especially offensive
MonaLisaFrown explained why abuse victims are called survivors
rjakobi mentioned one good thing about the Ashley Madison hack

CSB Sunday Morning: "First kiss"
Smartest:  The Third Man shared a story about a smoking hot first kiss
Funniest:  It was a tie between charQuats with a story about kissing the little red-haird girl and Praise Cheesus with the kiss that kept on giving

Politics Funniest:
Demetrius provided a transcript of the question Clarence Thomas asked
SmackLT explained why Hugh Hefner's son is qualified to comment on a politician
BSABSVR had a Trump-esque argument against Hefner's son
WhoIsWillo showed what it might look like if Ben Carson participated in a debate
harleyquinnical narrated a rare event

Politics Smartest:
dookdookdook responded to concerns about the Republican party's identity
BKITU listed some effects of the Affordable Care Act
bloobeary commented on Alabama keeping Birmingham from raising minimum wage
timujin pointed out that a politician was doing the exact thing he claimed to be stopping
Eddie Adams from Torrance remarked on Antonin Scalia's consistency


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Wrongo showed that Van Gogh really did like paint in "Photoshop Theme: Improve an already classic painting of your choice"
redmax found Kim Jong-un commanding the North Korean navy in "Photoshop this classic battleship"
RedZoneTuba decided that some things will never change in "Photoshop theme: What would the world be like in 2066"
wickedfish appreciated some beachfront property for "Photoshop theme: What would the world be like in 2066"
redmax added a certain je ne sais quoi for "Theme: Reactions Facebook needs to add"
RedZoneTuba revealed what the Mona Lisa's expression really means in "Photoshop Theme: Improve an already classic painting of your choice"
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer remembered a terrible event in "Photoshop Theme: Hyperpatriotic American imagery from an alternate universe where the Turkey won out over the Bald Eagle to be our national bird"
Krieghund reacted to a common type of Facebooker in "Theme: Reactions Facebook needs to add"
Circusdog320 showed that things won't go well in "Photoshop theme: What would the world be like in 2066"
Sensei Can You See displayed a variety of emotions in "Theme: Reactions Facebook needs to add"

Farktography:  Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 565: "Boats 2" with this photo of HMS Victory, Southampton

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, March 26th: Windsor, Ontario Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Windmill collapses. Police say main suspect is a tall thin man wearing a barber's shaving basin as a helmet

New bulletproof furniture available in either duck down or hide

Burglars in monkey masks break into marijuana dispensary. Officials say the situation is evolving

Ben Cur

Pentagon invites hackers to try to gain access to sensitive--Breaking: we're getting word that we've declared nuclear war on a frisbee golf course in Oklahoma

O/ \o \o \o \o \o \o \o \o \o \o \o \o \o

Twitter has now lost $2 billion over the past ten years, surpassing the old record held by Pets.com

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 2/28 - 3/5


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

It looks like the quizmasters are getting their mojo back as only one person managed to crack the top 1000 club this week. Congratulations to kuzo with the top score of 1010, followed by Sofa King Smart at 945 and mamacass9 with 930. Yes, Jesus Farking Christ has the top score shown, but his doesn't count since he's one of the quiz writers and can see all the answers. Nice try, buddy.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - March 4.

Remember when Superman flew really fast against the earth's rotation so he could reverse time and save Lois Lane? The truth is, that put ideas into his head. Ever since he realized he could turn back time, he's taken advantage of that for selfish reasons. For example, he used that trick to cover up the time he got really drunk and tricked some guy into jumping out a window. Study it out; Superman is a mean drunk.

Anyway, all of this messing with time has caused problems. To try to account for some of that, we have a leap day almost every four years. We use the terms "leap day" and "leap year" as a passive aggressive middle finger to the guy who can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

And now you know the rest of the story.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Leap year - 15
Leap day - 20
Idiocracy - 90
Oscar - 416
DiCaprio - 50
Mad Max - 175
Bacon - 562


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
scottydoesntknow posted that spoof Quiznos ad in a Fogle thread
timujin shared a Donald Trump anti-iPhone tweet (the Snopesing of it is later in the thread)
FirstNationalBastard showed Emma Watson protecting her protector
dookdookdook shared Ammon Bundy's message from prison
Sybarite summed up a police officer's self-loving in a patrol car
jake_lex showed one reaction to the Uber driver who shot people in Kalamazoo
Zarquon's Flat Tire found something else odd about the Kalamazoo shooter
MaudlinMutantMollusk wasn't impressed by a bank's clueless offer
Cheesehead_Dave showed some reactors reacting
Kegovitch wanted to cheer up a child with a dog allergy

Smartest:
Hobodeluxe argued against low wages
browneye had a sincere message for the Deadpool haters at Forbes
secularsage wrote a negative review of Yelp
vernonFL found it odd that Apple was the only one being accused of aiding terrorists
Next week's Tom Sawyer shared a comic related to Apple withholding data
dookdookdook thought a child had "help" with some homework
Hobodeluxe stated another argument for paying people living wages
stan unusual discussed Brisol Palin's custody dispute
hubiestubert discussed a better style of policing
Ambivalence empathized with Ammon Bundy

CSB Sunday Morning: "Nicknames"
Smartest & Funniest:  ModeratelyProfane shared the bittersweet story about the nickname earned while playing high school football

Politics Funniest:
Serious Black knew what kind of a rumor there might be about the governor of Kansas
HighlanderRPI helpfully illustrated a Fark headline
Mike_LowELL defended Donald Trump
doyner posted an epitaph for Jeb Bush's campaign
neongoats expressed sympathy for Jeb Bush's campaign suspension

Politics Smartest:
Mentat found shock amazing
TheSopwithTurtle found a better candidate than Donald Trump
rumpelstiltskin discussed poor people who don't pay federal income tax
Strolpol had a mood swing when Jeb Bush exited the presidential race
Somacandra pointed out that Southern Baptists are not all alike

Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
eyeoftheaxis made the perfect book for a Sunday morning in "Challenge: Create the appropriate title for this classic book cover"
Yammering_Splat_Vector found this guy's hidden talent in "Photoshop this bar hopper"
Alligator gave this kid something to cry about in "Photoshop this bugaboo not enjoying the Chicago skyline"
noazark found that it was time for adventure in "Photoshop this bugaboo not enjoying the Chicago skyline"
stertz gave Chicago a couple of things to cry about in "Photoshop this bugaboo not enjoying the Chicago skyline"
stertz created a masterpiece for "Photoshop this smudge-faced woman"
Yammering_Splat_Vector unblocked the view in "Photoshop this bugaboo not enjoying the Chicago skyline"
Dumski revealed what our fearless leader has been up to for "Photoshop Theme: self-help books for people who don't need help"
manyone showed that things aren't what they seem in "Photoshop this bugaboo not enjoying the Chicago skyline"
grampy showed Al Gore's next book for "Challenge: Create the appropriate title for this classic book cover"

Farktography: Farktography Contest No. 564: "I'm Beginning to See a Pattern Here 2" ended in a tie between henryhill with a vertigo-inducing spiral and Queen Mab with a motion sickness-inducing boxy thing. There are a lot of great entries in this contest, so be sure to check it out.

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  meow said the dog said something that, if you don't read the headline, you'll wonder why it got so many "funny" votes
Funny:  ami5000 advised a TotalFarker who was wondering how to approach two attractive women


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, March 2nd: Cary, NC Fark Party with Drew
Saturday, March 26th: Windsor, Ontario Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

One-legged armed robber holds up store, gets away on foot

Man has a bruschetta with danger on Valentine's Day at Olive Garden after his Prego girlfriend found out he gave his free breadstick to another scampi

Kyrie Irving joins the long list of men who caught something from a Hilton

Fat Man Endorses Little Boy

Germans find evidence of civilisation in Mars

Green Acres ain't the place to be. My woman put the knife in me. Blood spreadin' out so far and wide. Plead manslaughter, she'll get off on homicide

Batman arrested for Robin tourist

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for2/21 - 2/27


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After two straight weeks of being absolutely destroyed by the quiz takers, the team knew that a rally was in order, and while a pair of Farkers joined the 1000 club, overall we managed to revert to the norm, with Dionysus taking the top spot at 1045, followed by a resurgent Joelogon with 1011 and Hassan Ben Sobr with a still-respectable 933.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - February 26.

Last week was the ninth anniversary of an oft-referenced, much-loved epic Fark thread: the "It's a streetlight" thread. It's a personal favorite of mine because it's truly beautiful to watch it unfold as the submitter goes through the five stages of grief.

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Harper Lee - 25
To Kill a Mockingbird - 32
Tim Cook - 37
Back door - 75
Kalamazoo - 35
Deadpool - 657
Kanye - 433
Jeb - 960
Bacon - 388


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
MaxxLarge was moved to poetry by a story about a possessive girlfriend
Two Dogs Farking pointed out the problem with another Farker's movie viewing
Pocket Ninja set the record straight on Cliven Bundy
I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros reacted to some distressing news
baronbloodbath shared a warning from the former occupiers of the wildlife refuge
scottydoesntknow told us why a Christian radio host was behaving inappropriately
lack of warmth described the reaction to an executioner's execution
buckeyebrain showed a disappointed reader
D-Liver felt that a singer's valentine was dating out of his league
I think I felt teeth showed an alternative version of a horrible fashion

Smartest:
fusillade762 discussed providing bad medical care because of religion
naughtyrev felt that a phrase from an article revealed true motivations
theropod discussed non-religious motives for outlawing abortion
his name is my name too wanted medical professionals to be held accountable
timujin did a favor for a privileged whiner
Satanic_Hamster wondered why some things weren't being considered to be benefits
Bathia_Mapes pointed out a time when it's okay to be upset with someone
MaudlinMutantMollusk only had one concern about Scalia's death
tlchwi02 felt that Scalia died doing something he loved
August11 talked about some aspects of civil disobedience

CSB Sunday Morning: "The best laid romantic plans"
Smartest was a tie this week:
big pig peaches gave advice for how to handle it when your significant other asks a question you don't want to answer
Lsherm explained how many men think of lingerie and gave an opinion about a roommate's games
Funniest:
That Guy What Stole the Bacon shared a story about being in paradise with a crush

Politics Funniest:
Nobodyn0se imagined the next person to become a Supreme Court justice
blastoh shared a tweet about Scalia's wishes to be cremated
balloot let us know how Clarence Thomas handled Scalia's death
markie_farkie described Antonin Scalia's final transition
F5 F5 Esc was profoundly affected by Scalia's passing

Politics Smartest:
Nobodyn0se imagined the next person to become a Supreme Court justice
Bith Set Me Up explained where millennials are coming from
Heamer made a prediction about the person Obama appoints to the Supreme Court
Pocket Ninja rephrased a public statement
FormlessOne chastised a turtle


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector saw a water bear in "Photoshop this lighthouse being attacked"
noazark added this abomination to "Photoshop this lighthouse being attacked"
Yammering_Splat_Vector decided to make it rain in "Photoshop what this kitten is watching"
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed off an attractive model in "Photoshop this overabundance of cladding"
ionthrust cloned Michael Jackson for "Photoshop this overabundance of cladding"
Yammering_Splat_Vector needed more cowbell in "Photoshop this enormously enthusiastic head"
ionthrust showed a rabid Bernie Sanders supporter in "Photoshop this Fußballspielerin"
RedZoneTuba went to Mach Five in "Photoshop this vintage car and driver"
manyone had an inspirational vision in "Photoshop what this kitten is watching"
Yammering_Splat_Vector chose a more stable location for "Photoshop this Fußballspielerin"

Farktography:
Linguine won Farktography Contest No. 563: "Daybreak 2" with a phenomenal view

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart:  stevenvictx advised another Farker who'd been tipped with a religious tract disguised as a $20 bill
Funny:  Literally Addicted figured out who the bigger, fuzzier Fark moderator was


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, March 2nd: Cary, NC Fark Party with Drew

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Massive 404-carat diamond not found in AngolaScientists discover "stoner gene." Hah, I know that dude

Assembled crowd goes wild for German shorthaired pointer. This is not a repeat from World War II

The Pope says that using condoms is better than getting a little head

Kim Jong-un's nuclear tests might make North Korea's volcano erupt. Scientists predict it could be the most impressive Darwin Awards death ever

Tardy sharks arrive in Florida. But honestly, where else would sharks like that go?

Wake Forest University scientists print living body parts. In related news, the school has decided to award an honorary degree this year to Cher

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 2/14 - 2/20


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After last week, where half of the Farkers taking the quiz joined the 1000 club, the quiz writers knew they had to step up, and we thought we'd do better this week. Instead, the Farkers stormed ahead even farther. For the first time ever, every single score on the top 10 list was over 1000, led by mamacass9 with 1036, timujin with 1031, and Two Dogs Farking at 1021.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - February 19.

A note from Drew Curtis:

Sometime during the week of February 7th, 1999, I was sitting at my computer desk in my apartment trying to decide what Fark should become.  My two choices were a comedic news website, which you are familiar with today.  The other was a Curry Recipe Database.

I never got around to making that curry database.

Here we are, 17 years later.  It's not one of those nice divisible by 10 anniversaries but it's significant anyhow.  When I started Fark I was 26 years old.  Today I'm 43, I have a wife and three kids, the oldest of whom is starting to show an interest in helping run Fark.  So if you see strange things showing up in the video tab, that's why.

So here's to the next 17 years!  Might as well keep this thing going I figure.

______________

And now, back to your regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

David Fry - 148
Scalia - 1227
SCOTUS - 432
Supreme Court - 829
Monkey - 906
Valentine - 743
Bacon - 608


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
bdub77 recognized another Farker's knowledge on a certain subject
Non Sequitur Man found some camping gear for sale
vernonFL discovered a holy relic
bikerdiva revealed that the Oregon militia found a snack
ihateallofyou figured out what sort of booby traps were at the wildlife refuge
wineguy showed what it might look like when someone is Photoshopped with a medal
enry made a shrewd legal argument
flucto made a confusing graphic a bit clearer
stan unusual explained when you are allowed to drive without a license
some_beer_drinker reacted to a poorly-phrased headline

Smartest:
STDMan69 kindly suggests that the headline is written incorrectly
jake_lex explained what the people occupying the Oregon wildlife refuge were fighting for
stan unusual discussed a militia member's version of events
alienated stated a possible reason law enforcement had for not arresting Cliven Bundy sooner
dj_bigbird had a suggestion for insuring police officers
Fat Old Broad responded to people hating Lindy West
RexTalionis pointed out the different treatment two police officers received
433 offered help to Farkers dealing with addiction
Marcus Aurelius didn't think that someone followed the golden rule
Z-clipped had ideas for dealing with a prosecutor guilty of misconduct

CSB Sunday Morning: "Rookie Drinking"
Smartest: hubiestubert shared Grandma's drinking lessons
Funniest: Lsherm talked about being one of the worst roommates ever

Politics Funniest:
James! reacted to Chris Christie withdrawing his candidacy for president
Blues_X had a suggestion for Carly Fiorina's aborted presidential run
Stile4aly narrated the termination of Carly Fiorina's campaign
Doctor Funkenstein showed what Chris Christie has been up to
whither_apophis explained why an actor's past was unnknown

Politics Smartest:
bborchar was grateful to Chris Christie for one accomplishment
ginandbacon commented on having women be eligible to be drafted
Astorix discussed Carly Fiorina's legacy
Brakebills Alumni Office posted a comparison of views on equality
Diogenes talked about accusations of treason


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
noazark gave us goosebumps in "Theme: Fark memes & cliches on a '50s-style science fiction movie poster"
ionthrust explained Donald Trump's hair in "ABC was kind enough to provide a solid blue backdrop for the recent GOP debate"
grampy went with a Lootie reference in "Theme: Fark memes & cliches on a '50s-style science fiction movie poster"
Herb Utsmelz got rid of all the nopes on the planet in "Theme: Fark memes & cliches on a '50s-style science fiction movie poster"
RedZoneTuba was indeed too soon in "Theme: Fark memes & cliches on a '50s-style science fiction movie poster"
Alligator showed Donald Trump's attempt to make nice with Mexico in "ABC was kind enough to provide a solid blue backdrop for the recent GOP debate"
noazark was feeling greedy in "Theme: Fark memes & cliches on a '50s-style science fiction movie poster"
whyRpeoplesostupid found these friends hiding out in "Photoshop this Cretaceous polar bear"
RedZoneTuba featured a favorite dancer in "Theme: Fark memes & cliches on a '50s-style science fiction movie poster"
I think I felt teeth showed Ted Cruz feeling something other than teeth in "Photoshop Ted Cruz"

Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 562: "Up Close 4" with a photo that proves that beauty is in the eye of a bee holder

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  That jerk DisseminationMonkey responded to an attempt to skew NotNewsletter results
Funny: mitchcumstein1 asked a question about another Farker's private film

Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida
Wednesday, March 2nd: Cary, NC Fark Party with Drew

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Answering the door covered in blood was a little on the creepy side, but no matter how you slice it, police also think it was a little on the patricide

Scalia dies on Texas hunting trip. Dick Cheney's current whereabouts unknown

Cam Newton quickly walks out of his post-game press conference. Bystanders say they hadn't seen him move that fast all night unless he was avoiding diving for a fumble

Alfa Romeo may return to Formula 1 to show the world what a car falling apart at 200 mph looks like

American Museum of Natural History now has a 100% complete specimen of Homo erectus

Stray bullet finds its forever home

Obama asks Congress for a new icebreaker. You'd think 'Hey, baby, I'm the President of the USA' would be good enough

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 2/7 - 2/13


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

There's no way around it--last week was a good week for the quiz takers. You all came in snorting fire and pretty much knocked it off its hinges, with five separate people in the 1000 club and the rest not trailing by far. Congratulations to those of you that managed to do it in the least amount of time: Al_Khowarizmi, hochstmm and mfgordon were a photo finish at 1022, 1021 and 1020, respectively. Very well done.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - February 12.


Beyond Fark

Sadly, we lost Farker dolphkhan last week. You can read his memorial thread here.

A note from Drew Curtis:

Every once in a while we get suggestions for new features on Fark. We tend to prioritize them by how much work they'll take to install. Once in a while we get a simple suggestion that's super easy to implement.

Someone suggested allowing people to embed YouTube videos in comments.  I personally haven't ever considered wanting to do that, but I guess some folks do and it seemed easy to implement.  So why not flip the switch?

Turns out it wasn't easy - due to some strange quirk in the code this actually took a few years off the lives of Fark's dev team trying to figure it out.  It ended up being one of those "this should -just- work but it doesn't" types of bugs.  In the end they solved the problem though.

So it's going live for TotalFarkers today - let me know what you think.  If it ends up being a bad idea we can always back it out later. If it works out, it'll go out to all Farkers soon. I'm sure Rick Astley's going to rack up another million video views by this time tomorrow.

We've got some more features coming down the pipeline soon - nothing major like algorithmic timelines or display ads that scream your name out.  If you'd like to help us beta test these, feel free to sign up for TotalFark - we roll the big changes out to TotalFark subscribers first.  Plus it helps fund the site and keep us up and running :)

______________

And now, back to your regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter.

This is where I (DisseminationMonkey) try to anticipate some of your questions and concerns.

First off, autoplay is disabled for embedded video comments, so you won't open a thread to find a cacophony of YouTubiness. As far as what you're allowed to post, the same posting rules that apply to any other comment are applicable to embedded videos. For example, if it's not safe for work, please link it with a warning rather than embedding it. If you find out after posting a video that the preview image is NSFW, just report it to the moderators so they can delete it for you.

If you're wondering why YouTube videos and not other platforms, the answer is simply that it's the easiest to start with. If this goes well, we'll likely eventually add the ability to embed videos from other websites.

If the idea of embedded videos fills you with rage, please take a deep breath, calm down, and give it a week or so. If the videos still bother you in a week, tell us why, and give us a reason beyond "GRR, NEW THINGS BAD!" In the meantime, please use Farkback to report any technical issues.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Caucus - 1172
Iowa - 2409
Please clap - 9
Super Bowl - 775
Superbowl - 223
Superb Owl - 123
Panthers - 408
Broncos - 408
Carolina - 547
Denver - 412
Bacon - 628

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
psychosis_inducing shared a roadside giveaway
Non Sequitur Man finally sent snacks
toraque posted a diary entry of a wildlife refuge standoff member
toraque shared another diary entry of one of the militia members
Madman drummers bummers shared some questions asked by Australian customs agents
a particular individual posted a Spanish judge's reasoning for allowing people to throw turkeys from bell towers
LonMead shared one reason why you might get a flight all to yourself
toraque added a followup diary entry
Super Chronic noticed an important detail about Cliven Bundy's letter to authorities
MorningBreath remarked on a seal's unusual behavior

Smartest:
fusillade762 was shocked by an article's revelation
Marcus Aurelius reacted to the news that many people would have their food stamps cut off
keylock71 had some suggestions for an anti-government protestor
FirstNationalBastard shared some thoughts about company loyalty
wildcardjack posted a quotation about earning a living
basemetal mentioned other factors that have eroded company loyalty
Weaver95 discussed people who are glad to see other people lose their food stamps
Weaver95 commented on unintended consequences
seventypercent shared a photo of a sign carried by a resident near the refuge occupation
jake_lex described how a tyrannical government operates

CSB Sunday Morning: "Checkout adventures"
Smartest: Skyd1v shared a heartwarming story about helping out a neighbor
Funniest: August11 told us about a confused little boy

Politics Funniest:
Pocket Ninja expressed disappointment in Donald Trump
Pocket Ninja wrote a brilliant country song about Trump
Cheron described the Republican alternative to the Affordable Care Act
GoodDoctorB found the triumph of Cruz over Trump in Iowa somewhat familiar
Pocket Ninja explained how to get more accurate statistics about defunding Planned Parenthood

Politics Smartest:
mrshowrules wanted to disenfranchise a group of Americans
eurotrader discussed a single-payer healthcare system
hubiestubert posted an argument against an anti-Muslim sentiment
timujin addressed the idea that millennials support Bernie Sanders because they're misogynists
STDMan69 compared Bernie Sanders rage to Donald Trump rage


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
ionthrust made a mushroom shroomier in "Photoshop this mushroom"
grampy created a first-person shooter for the whole family in "Photoshop these bushy liberators"
Etchy333 showed that even birds love America in "Nikon awards photography prize to photoshop. Can Farkers do better?"
redmax cleaned the place up in "Photoshop this sapphire pool in Denali National Park"
zeon made DiCaprio into DiCaptain in "Photoshop this smug guy doing his smug thing"
redmax made this tourist's luck twice as bad in "Nikon awards photography prize to photoshop. Can Farkers do better?"
redmax gave you the weirdest boner in "Photoshop this mean case of the grumps"
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel created the world's worst children's show in "Photoshop this mean case of the grumps"
Ijustworkhere put the fox in charge of the henhouse in "Photoshop this emptiness"
RedZoneTuba took these guys on an Omaha Beach vacation in "Photoshop these beach boys"

Farktography: jamspoon won "That's Cold 2" with this icy barrier

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida
Wednesday, March 2nd: Cary, NC Fark Party with Drew

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

So my girlfriend asked why I carried a handgun in the kitchen. I told her "In case of government spies." She laughed. I laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster. It was a good morning

Latin American Catholics have to decide which is worse: Using birth control, or getting a little head

Huck, Fin

Tyson Foods profits rising faster than a speeding pullet

Hasbro and Mattel now considering a merger, immediately dismiss new company name Has-Mat

The Chargers are going to Detroit

Futurologist says that humans will merge with computers by 2050. Critics say he's late on that prediction since it's now impossible to pry an iPhone out of the hands of a 16-year-old

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 1/31 - 2/6


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Try as we might, some weeks the Farkers are just ready for what we throw at them. This was one of those weeks where we felt good about the quiz questions, but the Farkers were ready for it. Every single score was in the 900s, and the whole pack was led by a trio in the rarefied 1000 club: buckler with 1032, beating HedlessChickn at 1012, who himself edged UnrepentantApostate at 1010, a score that would win the whole thing most weeks.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - February 5.

We said goodbye to a Fark favorite last week when beloved actor Abe Vigoda died at age 94, and there were major developments with the militia that's been occupying the wildlife refuge in Oregon. Throw in the election coverage and a circumcision thread and it was a busy week for Fark.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Abe Vigoda - 531
Thanks for all the fish - 32
D*ldo - 2466 (censored here for email filters)
Fark/Fark's servers - 27
Bacon - 692


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Abe Vigoda's Ghost posted a sad farewell
Eddie Adams from Torrance envisioned an unfortunate mix-up
Needlessly Complicated confirmed a woman's worst fear
Dallymo hoped for a detailed investigation at the wildlife refuge
Peaceboy shared a rallying cry
lifeboat showed how different countries deal with snow
Raptavio reminded us that we still have Betty White
Shadow Blasko posted an update on what was happening in Oregon
Danger Avoid Death shared a movie poster parody
IgG4 chose to look on the bright side

Smartest:
Abe Vigoda's Ghost posted a sad farewell
Sgt Otter posted a now-outdated update
Benevolent Misanthrope wanted to know what was taking so long
Coelacanth wanted to know where's the beef (from)?
Stranded On The Planet Dumbass had some suggestions for how to treat the military
Bathia_Mapes didn't agree with the backlash against a celebrity
basemetal suggested a plan for dealing with some police officers
dripping with sarcasm said goodbye to a Fark favorite
Delay gave an argument against waiting out the wildlife refuge occupation
Bathia_Mapes defended getting snippy

CSB Sunday Morning: "When I was a kid and it snowed"
Smartest: hubiestubert shared a story about the transformative powers of snow
Funniest: AgentKGB talked about building a fortified fort

Politics Funniest:
MrBallou had some complaints about Obamacare
iron de havilland shared an informational gif of a medical procedure
mrshowrules gave evidence that Sarah Palin was right about something
shanrick thought a Cruz kiss looked familiar
STDMan69 shared a related political cartoon

Politics Smartest:
FlashHarry offered evidence to back up a claim
fusillade762 commented on things Americans worry about
Lionel Mandrake called for an investigation
a particular individual discussed wild scenarios in politics
mjjt posted a statement about restrictive laws


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
zeon pulled a Ted Turner in "Photoshop this family portrait, 1915"
MortalComedy added some character to "Photoshop this woman hailing a cab in New York City, 1956"
zeon pulled a zeon in "Photoshop this woman hailing a cab in New York City, 1956"
Yammering_Splat_Vector was feeling patriotic in "Photoshop this woman hailing a cab in New York City, 1956"
redmax hinted at trouble ahead in "Photoshop what's in your rearview mirror"
ionthrust made a role reversal in "Photoshop this view at an aquarium in Atlanta"
Yammering_Splat_Vector shared a story of space lust in "Photoshop this joy ride"
#2 showed some future Farkers with a new toy in "Photoshop theme: Let there be light"
RedZoneTuba showed how dangerous things used to be in "Photoshop this family portrait, 1915"
manyone gave this woman something to carry in "Photoshop this woman hailing a cab in New York City, 1956"

Farktography: "Shades of Gray 2"
orionid won with this haunting photo of L'Hermione

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida
Wednesday, March 2nd: Cary, NC Fark Party with Drew

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Nine-year-old collects Barbie dolls for homeless girls her age. No Barbie dollhouses please...it would be mean to rub it in like that

Scientists are now closer to finding the cause of schizophrenia. They would have solved it already but only work late at night, in a hidden location, away from the people trying to steal it from them

If the Chargers go to LA, Oakland is ready to move the Raiders to San Diego, a city that's already proven itself to be accepting of supporters in ridiculous cosplay outfits

Kevin Hart named as a presenter at this year's Oscars, also nominated as Best Short Subject

Rump pumps Trump

Twitter loses four important characters

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 1/24 - 1/30


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

This was a split week. On one hand, Farkers did pretty well on the quiz, led by loveblondieo with 919, followed closely by rick42 with 914 and scrumpox with 903 in a week where the lowest score on the Top 10 was still over 800. On the other hand, the quizmasters were pretty good with the redirection, and three different questions on the hard quiz had majority scores on the wrong answers, which is hard to do.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - January 29.

If you're into numbers, you might be interested in the fact that Fark unlocked another achievement last week: five threads with over 10,000 comments. It was the nine millionth thread that got us there. You can visit Fark's top-commented thread page to see what else got you guys so yappy. Topics include pretty ladies, sports, dead terrorists and those weird Last Post people. Surprisingly, there are no tipping or circumcision threads in the list.

Thanks to doyner for bringing the 10,000+ comment threads to my attention.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Palin - 979
Fey - 141
Eagles - 324
Frey - 269
Oscars - 137
Boycott - 80
Bacon - 548


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
shower_in_my_socks described what a bombing of the Oregon militia site would look like
MaudlinMutantMollusk penned a farewell song
kbronsito explained why a guy's upset his Confederate flag tattoo is keeping him from being a Marine
SmackLT shared HR breaking some bad news to ISIS
Doctor Funkenstein insulted a Bundy brother's fashion sense
bearded clamorer shared a message from some Burmese pythons
MaudlinMutantMollusk discussed the drawbacks of ISIS sampling the product from their pot farm
Parthenogenetic pointed out a mistake in a psychic's prediction
STDMan69 provided more context for a Fark headline
I_Am_Weasel answered another Farker's question about monkey head transplants

Smartest:
Doctor Funkenstein discussed a militia member's complaints about losing his foster kids
Rev.K pointed out what should be obvious
Pocket Ninja shared a tip for possibly learning something about yourself
cman shared an opinion about religion
IvanTheSilent was in favor of placing a restriction on a certain type of person
That Guy What Stole the Bacon called in a called in a pinch hitter
cameroncrazy1984 isn't crazy about American Christians
Satanic_Hamster thought a set of characteristics seemed familiar
factoryconnection discussed tipping in restaurants
vudukungfu suggested a term for the Oregon militia members

CSB Sunday Morning: Changes
Smartest: hubiestubert talked about getting an attitude change from a professor
Funniest: August11 Camelot, when the walls fell

Politics Funniest:
Eddie Adams from Torrance pointed out the absurdity of a limitation on Welfare families
Paris1127 hit the nail on the head
Jiro Dreams Of McRibs gave an idea of how the Oregon militia occupation might be remembered
Sgt Otter shared someone's confusion about the Iran/U.S. prisoner swap
GooberMcFly posted a comparison of Republican and Democratic debate strategies

Politics Smartest:
Weaver95 knew who else thought it was okay to do anything to get power
hubiestubert argued that GOP factions are not a bug, but a feature
Sgt Otter posted an updated list about the individual militia members
Coco LaFemme hinted at some sort of bias
mamoru wanted to see some political showboating


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
redmax showed a bit of an overreaction in "Photoshop this bubble boy"
RedZoneTuba added this easy rider to "Photoshop this unbearable traffic jam"
Yammering_Splat_Vector created a space face for "Photoshop the interior of the new SpaceX Dragon V2 spacecraft"
Alligator brought in some hillbillies for "Photoshop this killer granny"
Wrongo switched orientations in "Photoshop this Beatles fan"
redmax used that photo of a Viet Cong prisoner being executed for "Photoshop this Beatles fan"
Wrongo gave this farmer a location change for "Photoshop this crop circle under development"
DrPainMD made this guy into a champion in "Photoshop this flabulous fighter"
redmax made a really weird jump in "Photoshop this dirty fun"
redmax created a mutant in "Photoshop this judge"

Farktography: "Broken Lines"
Linguine won with these latticed fronds

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, January 31st: NYC Fark Party
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Boston mobster Enrico Ponzo who posed as an Idaho rancher is now set to go on trial. Apparently, authorities became suspicious after learning there was an Idaho rancher named Enrico Ponzo

By an 8-1 vote, the U.S. Supreme Court re-instated the death sentence, formerly thrown out by the KS Supreme Court, for the "Wichita Massacre brothers," who in retrospect, probably should have called themselves something else in their appeal

Madrid hairdressers have homeless line up for free haircuts. It's a lovely day for a barber queue

366 Chinese cities do not have safe air quality. Which answers the question: "How many cities are in China?"

NFL plans U.K. franchise in 6 years. Which is pretty ambitious considering it took them more than 20 years just to get another team into Los Angeles

Wikipedia turns 15 years old. Although at various times it was listed on Wikipedia as being either 20 or 25 years old and had reportedly died earlier in the week

Nike headquarters will add 3.2 million square feet, making their shoes completely unwearable

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 1/17 - 1/23


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable

The quiz takers took the upper hand this week after the quiz writers shifted the way they write the questions a little bit, and you guys responded, with drbenak leading the pack with a solid 991, followed closely by damphool with 986 and PeddlerOfBombast rounding out the top three with 978.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - January 22.

Fark recently reached its one-hundred millionth comment, and we passed another milestone over the weekend - our nine millionth thread! It's a fun thread, with over 3,000 comments, so go check it out if you haven't already.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

State of the Union - 107
SOTU - 260
Martin Luther King/MLK - 289

Y'all Qaeda/YallQaeda/Y'allQaeda - 82
Vanilla ISIS - 99
Yeehawd - 9
Yokel Haram - 18
Bacon - 254


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
aimtastic was reminded of some famous siblings
STDMan69 posted an important question about the Oregon militia
scottydoesntknow knew what to send to the militia next
Pocket Ninja worried about a weather event
The Zen Philosopher Basho provided the source of an opinion
dr_blasto knew why a guy joined up with the Oregon militia
Barry McCockner shared the obligatory photo in a thread about a lecherous doctor
shanrick shared a picture of a hopeful militia member
shanrick learned something on Facebook
Pocket Ninja posted all the comments before anybody else could

Smartest:
carnifex2005 posted the David Bowie animation made by artist Helen Green
Pocket Ninja took a pretty firm stand against bad journalism
NSA Monitor No 276 didn't think an accusation added up
shanrick learned something on Facebook
Snapper Carr shared a tweet about David Bowie
themindiswatching shared a sentiment about cancer
martissimo gave some reasons for be in a union
Cyberluddite had a question about things being sent to the Oregon militia
Sgt Otter posted about the individual militia members
hubiestubert thought some gifts were well deserved

CSB Sunday Morning: Doing it yourself
Smartest: hubiestubert's health is supernaturally connected to a house
Funniest: NSA Monitor No 276 gave some advice that every Farker should know by now

Politics Funniest:
bdub77 helpfully provided a transcript of Obama's State of the Union speech
FlashHarry shared another flag for the Oregon militia members
Danger Avoid Death guessed at who was sent to get groceries for the militia
timujin pointed out why it's okay for militia members to take federal vehicles
lemurs posted yet another flag for the Oregon militia

Politics Smartest:
Benevolent Misanthrope raged against the chucklef*cks getting away with stuff
Pocket Ninja had a theory about opposition to raising minimum wage
Pazuzu Smith-Jones was in favor of Kim Davis being at the State of the Union address
MaudlinMutantMollusk felt sad
fusillade762 approved of a plan to get rid of Obamacare


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator showed a final flight in "Photoshop this avian photobomb"
RedZoneTuba showed this consensual scene in "Photoshop this reasonable reaction"
redmax made the jump much cooler for "Photoshop this takeoff"
ionthrust created a spectacular new event for "Photoshop this man putting his foot down"
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer found a mysterious new creature in "Photoshop this reasonable reaction"
ionthrust showed a slow-motion hover in "Photoshop this avian photobomb"
grampy found a familiar friend in "Photoshop this gripping fear"
Alligator discovered a warrior in "Photoshop this man on his chair"
Large Marge sent me found something fishy in "Photoshop this day at the office"
maxandgrinch found this dancer a partner in "Photoshop these moves like Jagger"

Farktography: "Animals 2"
Otto's_Jacket won with a photo of a tarsiercat


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: mikaloyd made probably the dirtiest version of a "Sound of Music" song
Funny: Shostie figured out why another Farker's cat has started vibrating


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Sunday, January 31st: NYC Fark Party
Sunday, February 21st - Sunday, February 28th: Jonathan Coulton's JoCo Cruise 2016 departing from Port Canaveral, Florida

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Under Maryland law, one can be in a special legal status whereby they're not allowed to have sex with anyone. In the rest of the country it's simply called "marriage"

Sperm thieving scandal throws greyhound race into a spin, as a bunch of jerks stole a dog to try to come into money

Chris Davis agrees to 7 year, $161M contract with Orioles; expected value $575K per HR or $115K per strikeout depending on how you look at it

New evidence suggests that autism may be 'hiding' in a fold of the brain, quietly repeating baseball statistics to itself

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves / Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: / All manslaughtered were the Mims men / And the Florida Police outgrabe

Germany credits David Bowie with helping to topple the Berlin Wall. Coincidentally, Justin Bieber now being credited with the movement to build a wall between the U.S. and Canada

Hillary Clinton is proposing a 4% tax on the super-rich, effectively bringing their total tax rate up to 4%

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 1/10 - 1/16


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Last week was a tricky one for the quiz takers, as it seemed nearly everybody missed at least one question. Still, some Farkers distinguished themselves with impressive scores, starting with Twilight Farkle, whose score of 916 was a split second faster than TriKaya, whose 915 missed the top slot by a single, devastating point. Two Dogs Farking rounded off the top three with 841, and will be kicking himself for not doing a little better.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - January 15.