A note from Drew Curtis:
 
You would probably assume that Google, a company that makes nearly all of its money from advertising, has a crack team of ninjas instantly handling issues in their publisher network. That assumption would be totally wrong.
 
This past October we suffered a huge financial hit because Google mistakenly identified an image that was posted in our comments section over half a decade ago as an underage adult image - which is a felony by the way. Our ads were turned off for almost five weeks - completely and totally their mistake - and they refuse to make it right.
 
The thread in question, which contained the image flagged by Google Policy, was originally posted back in 2010. The thread linked to an ABC.co.au article about a guy who was acquitted of charges of possession of underage material in Puerto Rico. He'd bought a pirated DVD in Venezuela and was busted by U.S. Customs because there was a picture on the cover that looked like she was underage (I'm certain this picture isn't the same as the image Google flagged, by the way). At the trial a child psychologist even testified that there was no way she could be an adult.  Someone managed to locate the actress, however, who flew down and testified in person that she had been 19 years old at the time. He was cleared of all charges.
 
The image in the thread was of the actress, who in addition to being an adult at the time, was fully clothed in the photo. We've posted a copy of the photo in them comments under this blog post on Fark if you're curious. We're not including it on the email newsletter on the off chance other content algorithms might make the same mistake. It's completely and totally safe for work, however.
 
We took down the image in question and pointed all this out to Google Policy, who took another week to respond that the problem actually was there was a small pedo bear logo in the lower left corner. This is total bullsh*t. They specifically accused me of having committed a felony. The presence of that logo would not have triggered a felony charge. They screwed up and were scrambling to cover their butts.
 
What's insane about this is Google ostensibly makes all of their money from advertising, yet for some reason has customer service worse than any cable company ever dared deploy.
 
Google's Policy team lets an algorithm shut ads off on media companies without warning and without human review - because no actual human being would have ever approved this decision.
 
It is literally impossible to contact Google Policy without going through an intermediary. And even intermediaries have immense difficulty contacting Google Policy. First contact with Google Policy took two full weeks.
 
During this five week period where our ads were shut off, every single interaction with Google Policy took between one to five days. One example: Google Policy told us they shut our ads off due to an image. Without telling us where it was. When I immediately responded and asked them where it was, the response took three more days.
 
In talking with other media companies, I've discovered that my experience is unfortunately not an uncommon one. Many other sites I've talked to have had this same thing happen to them - some have even gone under as a result. They're afraid of being blacklisted by Google so they don't talk about it publicly.
 
I'm not afraid. I'm pretty sure Google corporate has no idea Google Policy operates with such a high level of incompetence. They need to know.
 
This happened once before back in 2013 - Google shut our ads off, again with no warning, over an image they said had "too much sideboob." When I asked them how much sideboob was too much sideboob, they said they couldn't tell me. In 2013 I raised hell and actually got reimbursed for the lost revenue, something I've been told by many others is close to unbelievable because Google has never reimbursed anyone else I've talked to.
 
This time, no reimbursement is coming.
 
And 2016 wasn't the greatest year for Fark financially - we were already off-kilter before this. We waited until the end of December, hoping that Q4 ad revenue might be enough to fix things. It wasn't.
 
What we need from you: Due to the way Fark was built, we are invisible to both SEO and Social Media traffic. The only way anyone finds out about Fark is word of mouth.
 
To our regular readers - if you wouldn't mind, please tell your friends on social media that you read Fark. Also, it would be great if you could sign up for either of these options as well:
 
TotalFark: $5/month, Fark's special content section. Even if you never use the special content, if you could sign up for this it would help tons
 
BareFark: $2.50/month for no ads. We'd prefer everyone sign up for this rather than Fark serving any ads at all
Or both if you're so inclined
 
You can also buy subscriptions for other Fark accounts if you like. And if you've managed to run out of people to sign up for TotalFark or BareFark, we've made it so you can subscribe me - Drew - and username Fark as many times as you want. If you do, I'll personally buy you a beer next time we meet in person.
 
To our media audience - many of you are morning radio shows, late night talk show writers, journalists, and thought leaders. You use Fark as a resource for your work and we love you for that. Now more than ever we need you to send some love back to us. If there's any way you could work a Fark mention into your content, even once in a blue moon, it would help us immensely. We don't mind that you use Fark content - take whatever you like but please drop us an occasional hat tip. And if you could sign up for one or both subscriptions that would help us as well. And if there's ever anything I can help you with, please let me know. I would love to collaborate on something.
 
If we could get about 10,000 new subscribers, we'd be able to get back on track. I'll post updates next week as to how things are going. As an added bonus, if we hit that threshold I promise to schedule a night where I delete the politics tab exactly the same way I did the last time it happened. If you weren't around for that, it involved a lot of capslock and was enjoyed by many.
 
----------
 
So that's the main thing - however allow me to ramble on a bit.
 
This February, Fark will have been around for 18 years. We've been around a long time and survived two tech crashes, the great recession, any number of disastrous changes to the ad market, etc. You name it, we've been through it.
 
Over the years, an amazing community has sprung up spanning two generations now. I've lost count of the thousands of marriages and thousands of kids that happened as a result of two people meeting on a message board I started just so I could learn how to code in Perl and SQL. I am friends with hundreds of you on other social media platforms. Even folks who don't frequent Fark as often as they once did still have friends from their Fark heydays.
 
Our lives change with time, and so has the Fark community. People wander away. Some come back. Some don't. New folks wander in. Over the past few years, Fark's community has declined slightly month over month as the amount of spare time people have became consumed by other activities. Most of Fark's initial audience was made up of people who were trying to kill time at work. When we ask people why they left the audience, the number one reason given was they got a promotion at work.
 
Adblock adoption hasn't been the greatest thing for Fark's bottom line either, but don't worry, I totally understand why people use it. The ad industry seems fixated on video ad units, usually loud autoplay ads, and the CPU load these ad units create can crash browsers on older computers - incidentally we don't allow this type of ad, although it's becoming a larger and larger percentage of overall ad spending in general. People don't use adblock because they hate ads, they use adblock because they hate what online advertising has become. I personally believe this is a temporary situation, like popup ads in the early 2000s. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like the ad industry is any closer to realizing that antagonizing potential customers is an entirely counterproductive way of marketing. As a business owner, I also can't assume they'll magically figure this out in the next 3-6 months. My main point here is I don't blame Adblock, I blame the ad industry for sucking.
 
Combine these two trends and you get a shrinking revenue picture. Fark has never made a ton of money, but it provides a living for me and a small staff. And I love doing it.
 
It's hard to predict how ad spend revenue cycles will play out over time. For example, we went nearly 18 months during 2008 and 2009 with practically zero revenue, but fully recovered as ad buying picked up again. You never know when things will pick up again. As a business owner, however, I can't just assume things will magically get better.
 
As 2016 progressed, the financial situation started to get tighter and tighter. I began to consider the possibility that we might have to make a return to Fark's original revenue model. In 2002 we launched TotalFark, a special section of Fark you could access for $5/month. This predated online ads by about three years. TotalFark revenue was powered the website for almost a decade, until ad revenue actually managed to pass it up.
 
Initially, we thought the product was access to every article submitted to Fark, instead of just the ones we chose to put on the public part of the site. This is still a feature you get when you sign up for TotalFark, but it's not the reason people signed up for it. The community is what really shines.
 
The folks on TotalFark are amazing, smart, funny, and awesome. Over the years, they've helped each other in times of calamity. They've raised money to help with each other's medical bills, rescued people from abusive relationships, and opened their homes to each other during natural disasters. I've been to dozens of your weddings, funerals, baptisms, bar mitzvahs, you name it. They've also done hilarious things like mistaking streetlights for UFOs, having medical issues related to slatted wooden chairs, and spent thousands of hours contemplating how to find out the bacterial consequences of cats sitting on kitchen counters using lipstick. The real value of TotalFark has always been the people themselves - a small vibrant community of the smartest, funniest people I've ever met.
 
We've done a poor job promoting TotalFark. Most Fark readers probably don't even know it exists. We haven't tried to push new subscribers in almost a decade, and the revenue from TotalFark is now much lower than it ever has been. This wasn't much of an issue as long as ad revenue was strong.
 
2016 was a rough year. Then October happened and Google shut our ads off. We waited until the end of the Q4 ad revenue to see if we might get enough of a bump to recover. We didn't. October knocked us off kilter.
 
Folks have asked what they can do to help. Please tell your friends you read Fark. If you could sign up for TotalFark or BareFark that would be amazing. It does actually make a huge difference to us. If you're a member of the media, please let people know once in awhile that you use us as a resource. We're glad that you do, and we're hoping all of this will help us help you for another couple decades if not longer.
 
I'm working on a few other solutions as well, one of which is a tangent project I'll be announcing sometime in February. I'm also open to any other solutions if anyone has them, please email me with any thoughts: Drew at some website .com.
 
Thanks for listening. I appreciate it.
 
PS (some inside baseball stuff):
 
There are a couple of issues I'd like to address ahead of time, specifically the questions that have come up about the timing and intent of this subscriber push.
 
I don't want to go into detail about behind the scenes financials. I know folks are curious but I don't discuss them as a rule. We're in a revenue short situation and we need to fix it. If anyone needs specifics to approve of my personal financial lifestyle choices, I fly coach, I eat mostly at food trucks, and my friends hate buying Christmas presents for me because there's literally nothing I want to own. Again - I'm trying to push forward a few other solutions, but I can't assume any of them will work at the end of the day. I'm optimistic though, because that's how I work best.
 
To the alpha skeptics who have wondered if this wasn't some huge scam to reap a windfall and then disappear to the Cayman Islands: I can assure you that I didn't just wake up one morning after running a fiscally conservative business for two decades in order to rake five figures in income and run off to Mexico. I figure I've got at least three decades of a career in something ahead of me, and the last thing I would do would be to torch 20 years of hard-earned goodwill at this point in my life.
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Drew - 1795
TFD - 1646
Welcome to Fark - 46
Bacon - 351
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Petit_Merdeux explained how a guy whose drink was switched got the last laugh
b0rg9 showed a troublemaker's biking jacket
Mad_Radhu gave a helpful tip for sorting laundry
nekom explained why some landlords won't rent to plumbers
mattj1984 admitted to being very sneaky
Louisiana_Sitar_Club identified with the wise words of Abe Simpson
Dimensio experienced the Daily Fail effect
Smoking GNU gave safety advice for the hairy palm types
doyner complained about Mariah Carey's sharp knees
Curate's Keg figured out why a couple had to spend so much on vet bills for their dog
 
Smartest:
Shadow Blasko would rather not have tax money spent on religious items
WickerNipple guessed at why Mark Zuckerberg is now open to religion
Weaver95 discussed words added to U.S. money and the Pledge of Allegiance
Marcus Aurelius summed up some football players' habit of poking other players' buttholes
unyon explained that sometimes one size doesn't fit all
Sin_City_Superhero busted a stereotype
doglover shared a helpful Venn diagram about TV shows
serpent_sky pointed out that "young and stupid" isn't a valid excuse for some things
GRCooper discussed praying to "Lord of the Rings" characters
dittybopper disputed someone's authority to act as the fashion police
 
CSB Sunday Morning: New Year's Day
Smartest:  jaylectricity shared a story about going to a Patriot's game with Bruce
Funniest:  Lsherm had an exciting New Year's Day flight
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
WickerNipple showed Trump reacting to the post above him
fusillade762 shared a plea to respect the president-elect
drumhellar implied that people should leave Trump alone
mjjt shared a tutorial on how to draw a pig
Demetrius posted alarmingly similar photos
 
Politics Smartest:
stan unusual doubted Paul Ryan's opposition to a House vote
bobbiepaws discussed some difficulties with the American health care system
markie_farkie compared the Affordable Care Act to the original Republican proposal
make me some tea shared a tweet from Elizabeth Warren
Silverstaff explained why Hillary Clinton's supporters keep responding with "But her emails!"
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba found that Carrie Fisher always lit up the stage
ADHD Librarian put the spotlight on Darth Vader's dramatic side
Don_cos added a walking carpet to the scene
Surly U. Jest used the opportunity to do a rain dance
Wrongo gave this dog some swimming companions
Surly U. Jest made a time traveling ghost
Stantz found young Carrie Fisher waiting for her mom in the wings
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium showed us why they call it a layover
Wrongo showed a woman and a little girl on a stage
Surly U. Jest made this rainbow 100 times more magical
 
Farktography:
Morchella won Farktography Contest No. 609: "Potent Potables 4" with a photo through a beer lens
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where women dressed up as bats get all of my press? This town needs an enema
 
Police in New Jersey seek overweight, excessively hairy, naked man. That narrows it down
 
A toddler has shot someone in the U.S. every week for the past two years. Can we lock that damn kid up already?
 
Janet Jackson gives birth to child at 50. That's a long gestation
 
Huge explosion reported outside court in Turkey. At least 10 injured, cars on fire, feathers everywhere
 
Brandon Marshall says the New York Jets season was like sitting on a wet diaper. Which is not a fair comparison, because even inside a diaper something actually runs
 
Leicester City weren't sure if Nigerian midfielder would sign with them, but Ndidi did
 
Scientists successfully engineer human stomach tissue in lab, but say they need time to digest their findings
 
Sarah Jessica Parker gets trapped in an elevator, but not furlong
 
Russia begins pulling out of Syria, still balls deep in Donald
 
With no other products to export, Zimbabwe starts shipping its elephants to China. Presumably in trunks 
 
 
Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
A special shout-out to quizmaster ivan for his work in putting together this week's quiz, which had a few real stumpers in there. Still, mattj1984 managed to pull out a respectable 937 for the top spot, followed by Vaginosilicosis with 910 andUnrepentantApostate with 904.Kidsmakeyoucrazy snagged 4th with 902, with Garza and the Supermutants and Twilight Farkle tying for 5th with 897.
 
This week's hardest question by far was the one about the U.K. being second only to the U.S. in something. Only 9% of quizzees knew the correct answer from an article this week was "Military might." For the 81% who put "Obesity," according to the CIA World Factbook, the U.S. is currently ranked 12th in the world for obesity and the U.K. is 27th. (The previous year listed the U.S. at 18th and U.K. at 43rd). See? We're not that fat.
 
This week's easiest question was about Scarface the pit bull. 82% of quizzees knew he really, really, really didn't want to get into that sweater.
 
You can take last week's quiz right here. Look for a new quiz every week on Fridays, and look for the answers all week in the weird news from all over we feature every day.

So, it's a new year, but you already knew that. What you might not have known is that I discovered something alarming about Drew last week. What do you think - vampire, zombie, or clone? Or something even more sinister? I'm thinking someone cloned Alexander III... but to what end?
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Debbie Reynolds - 118
Ball drop - 38
Dick Clark - 24
Mariah Carey - 121
Bacon - 322
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
toraque shared a story about being the victim of discrimination
CipollinaFan reacted to news of Carrie Fisher's death
Parallax was hopeful for the new year
JerseyTim was sad about losing George Michael
bluorangefyre let us know how some deaths affect Keith Richards
Incorrigible Astronaut made fun of an actor's appearance
markie_farkie commented on regional difference in TV viewing
Mr. Coffee Nerves made note of a fatal error
Torgo_of_Manos showed a sad George Michael
ChipNASA thought a certain racist woman should look in the mirror
 
Smartest:
Coco LaFemme reacted to the death of Debbie Reynolds
markie_farkie posted a photo of Carrie Fisher in the costume she hated
HeadbangerSmurf was angry at a number
thekingcobra showed how most of us felt about Carrie Fisher's death
Dictatorial_Flair eulogized a gun legislation opponent
timujin listed some basic firearm safety rules that someone ignored
Parallax was hopeful for the new year
crow shared an appropriate Star Wars quote
Highroller48 discussed the "terrified masses" in the U.S.
Theaetetus posted a picture of some happy ghosts
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Performing for the holidays
Smartest:  vudukungfu's interests include getting in bar fights and playing the mandolin in hospitals
Funniest:  docpeteyJ told us about acquiring the nickname "Tink"
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Pocket Ninja had a lesson for the grammar Nazis
shower_in_my_socks showed a disagreement about friendship
Mike_LowELL shared a sad story about relationship troubles
Pocket Ninja exposed the truth about spelling rules
Coelacanth posted a photo of a proud voter
 
Politics Smartest:
MorduTheLarge commented on the timing of the sanctions against Russia
MrBallou analyzed articles telling people how to get along with relatives with different political opinions
Mr. Coffee Nerves had a suggestion for avoiding political arguments at family gatherings
adamgreeney pointed out this one weird trick for knowing you belong to a hate group
naughtyrev thought Trump's Twitter habits are a warning of things to come
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector created a horrifying Rose Parade float
wickedfish made a Mustang 60% groovier
Thrakkorzog didn't blow a seal
RedZoneTuba took this car on vacation
cowgirl toffee's autobiography cover is inspiring
cowgirl toffee's illustration of a sports cliché is equally inspiring
Alligator found out what Mitt Romney's been up to
Wrongo's autobiography cover features honest reviews
Yammering_Splat_Vector taught us to stop worrying about this Photoshop contest
Thrakkorzog grabbed second place in the Rose Parade design contest
 
Farktography:
sherpa18 won Farktography Contest No. 608: "Red Light, Green Light" (with the help of the Caturday crew) with a serious cyborg kitty
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Friday, January 6th: CES Fark Party in Las Vegas
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Seal rampages through Tasmania suburbs, probably still upset with Heidi Klum
 
Carrie Fisher in stable condition, which is a personal first for her 
 
Carrie Fisher has become more powerful than you can possibly imagine
 
"The first black box was found by a remote-controlled underwear vehicle at a depth of 17 metres, one mile from the resort of Sochi." Underwear vehicle? Did it detect skid marks?
 
"Kentucky travelers will not be able to fly with driver's license." Well DUH. Everyone knows you need a pilot's license to fly
 
Police suspect Social Media in mall violence in at least nine states. Subby hopes they will get that guy before he strikes again
 
'Faulty wing flaps' to blame for Russian air crash. Next time you fly in a Russian plane, make sure the pilot knows how to flap its wings
 
Butthurt butthead head coach's butt hurt after Butt hurt, but hurt Butt won't hurt coach's butt
 
Samsung's next generation of Galaxy phones will include "Bixby" AI. It won't explode, but don't make it angry 
 
Scarlett Johansson named Grossest Actor of 2016 by Forbes 
 
"Did you say his panic? That makes no sense Kellyanne." "No, Donald, I said HISPANIC. As in, you need one in the cabinet." "I said that. His panic. I'm not panicking. How can you say his panic at a time like this."
 
"No, Donald, you need...never mind" 
 
Soylent introduces new flavors, which vary from person to person 
 
The rest of them are here: Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2016-12-25 to Sat 2016-12-31 
 
 
Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
This week in Weird News Trivia, quizmasters Jesus Farking Christ, phlegmmo, and Henry Fnord kept EVERYONE out of the 1000 club. Our top scorer was FrancoFile with 955, followed by M-G with 937 and loveblondieo coming in third with 920. Rounding out the top 5 were cresloyd and bud jones, who each scored a respectable 916 on one of the more difficult quizzes we've had in a while. 
 
If you think you can beat this - highest possible theoretical score is 1100 - go for it right here. Be sure to check back each Friday afternoon for the new edition so you can get a mention in the Newsletter.

If you do the holiday thing, hopefully your holiday was/is/will be great and full of rainbows and puppies and rainbow puppies. Going into the new year, may your glass dragons be shiny and your clamcakes plentiful.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Carrie Fisher - 166
George Michael - 192
2017 - 473
Bacon - 481
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Gulper Eel thought of something to help Carrie Fisher
ralphjr shared a relevant "Dysfunctional Family Circus" for holiday shopping
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat expressed surprise at the assassination of a Russian ambassador
Frank N Stein agreed with another Farker in the smartassiest way possible
a particular individual submitted this with a better (but misspelled) headline
DammitIForgotMyLogin showed off some lovely furniture
Jodeo had a new take on the Fark R.I.P. meme
Pocket Ninja took a stand for tradition
Twilight Farkle wasn't feeling optimistic
Farking Clown Shoes predicted a response to Google filtering out hate sites
 
Smartest:
Farking Clown Shoes accepted things up to a certain point
optikeye makes it pretty easy to be on the "good" list
Galileo's Daughter wanted to protect Carrie Fisher
whither_apophis thought the DEA's priorities were wrong
Bathia_Mapes was unhappy about Carrie Fisher's heart attack
Silverstaff explained why police officers should get an investigation and a hearing
Cheez_Wit gave a 14-year-old's reaction to learning about Zsa Zsa Gabor
basemetal thought caffeine wasn't to blame for a DUI charge
AverageAmericanGuy thought people unhappy with Trump's win have focused on the wrong things
AntonChigger broadened another Farker's statement
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Gifts from Strangers
Smartest:  docpeteyJ discovered a hidden gift
Funniest:  armor helix practices a very random act of kindness
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Sneakernets discovered what it takes to make the heart grow fonder
DittoToo told a joke about Trump's wall
holdmybones explained how Trump will use his experience to run the country
naughtyrev was feeling patriotic about Trump's inauguration
TheFoz drafted Trump's next tweet to China
 
Politics Smartest:
spongeboob asked a question about why Democrats are more likely to block Republicans on social media
FirstNationalBastard blamed Dancing with the Stars for Democrats' losses
Sneakernets discovered what it takes to make the heart grow fonder
Grand_Moff_Joseph thought that some things shouldn't be put on hold
fusillade762 explained opposite reasons for coming to the same conclusion
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba showed us why this kitty had a lantern
Don_cos made a new Tim Burton classic
wickedfish showed someone's Christmas being stolen
wickedfish found out how ceiling cat happens
RedZoneTuba created a tripping hazard
durbnpoisn boldly went where no Farker has gone before
Surly U. Jest made it a lot more fun to go downstairs
Surly U. Jest needs to have a taco 'bout going for the easy votes
#2 was Colin back to an earlier Doctor
Surly U. Jest made the cutest bush you've ever seen
 
Farktography:
Elsinore won Farktography Contest No. 607: "OrnaMENTAL" with a trashy memento of 2016
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Friday, January 6th: CES Fark Party in Las Vegas
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Jordanian security forces storm castle to free tourists held by armed men. No word if they had fun
 
Australia: where even your Christmas tree ornaments want to kill you
 
Heritage without hate is just 'erig'
 
Help solve the ten second attempted robbery, which is also what your wife calls the last time you had sex
 
Woman wins over $77k on scratch-off lottery ticket after husband dies of cancer. No word on what her third wish was 
 
Black ice causing accidents along I-64. Local police now attempting to shoot the road 
 
Peanut butter jelly crime, peanut butter jelly crime, peanut butter jelly crime 
 
Satellites keep track of Amazon tribes, like the Amazon Prime tribe, which gets all its packages delivered within 2 days with free shipping 
 
New high tech KFC will scan your face and decide what you should eat. Apparently most customers want chicken 
 
Italy's government set to bail out the world's oldest bank, will assume 37 chariot loans, mortgages on 6 bathhouses. 2 vineyards
 
The rest of them are here: Headlines of the Week 12/18 through 12/24 
 
 
Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
This week, our quizmasters ivan and phlegmmo managed to keep all but two out of the 1000 club. Congratulations to rick42, this week's winner with a score of 1029. sugaryvitamin placed second with 1009, and dionysusaur made third with 980. Rounding out the top 5 are robertus with 963 and timmerov with 959.  
 
There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 23

You guys, I usually try to keep my own beliefs out of the NotNewsletter, but I have to tell you what happened to me yesterday. I'm just livid! So I was at the grocery store in the checkout line, and everything was going fine until after I paid. The cashier handed me my receipt, and then said to me, "Have a nice day."
 
Seriously?! Look, you can do what you want, but I'm an American and I celebrate Morning like our founding fathers did. I'm so tired of everyone kowtowing to every tiny little interest group and saying to have a nice day rather than saying "Good Morning" like we used to do. We can't let them attack Morning like this anymore. We need to stop giving business to any company that gives in to politically correct bullcrap like this.
 
This country is built on people who get up and greet the Morning, so let them keep their Afternoon, Evening, Night -- and now there are people even celebrating Dusk! -- in their own homes and stop trying to spoil Morning for the rest of us!
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Faithless elector - 99
Alan Thicke - 64
Zsa Zsa Gabor - 78
Bacon - 398
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Sin_City_Superhero figured out that some of you are cats
HighlanderRPI has a pretty good user name for posting this image
Weatherkiss is hopeful that Obama will do this one more thing before Trump's inauguration
ArkPanda provided the transcript of Obama's most recent press conference
ROFLSAUCE showed who plans on being the reason for the season
smerfnablin shared some people being jerks on the internet
Sin_City_Superhero was angry about a serious transgression
UberDave illustrated the toll 2016 has taken on us
Badgers prefers sharper knees
fusillade762 showed concern for the real victims
 
Smartest:
Pocket Ninja ranted about the phrase "faith friendly"
markie_farkie commented on Obama's press conference
MetalMen thought that Farkers excuse people making up hate crimes
cretinbob thought that a preacher telling kids that Santa isn't real was missing the irony
Sgt Otter noticed something strange about conspiracy theorists
mattharvest argued that you can have good intentions and still be a monster
Blathering Idjut was glad that a presidential news conference was a presidential news conference
DeArmondVI has extra reason to be angry about Sandy Hook truthers
GooberMcFly wondered about journalists' priorities
Nexzus pointed out that sometimes portrait orientation for video is the right call
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Kid sayings
Smartest: Glockenspiel Hero discovered that children should be in charge of some things
Funniest: Demetrius found a practical use for kidspeak
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Snarfangel hinted that it's not the Lizard People that we have to worry about
Sgt Otter shared a tweet about people's votes coming back to bite them
Petit_Merdeux revealed who's really at fault for a family's health problems
doyner responded to fears that Muslim immigrants are taking American jobs
shanrick found proof of a close relationship between Putin and Trump
 
Politics Smartest:
Weaver95 made a prediction about Trump's presidency
kbronsito showed what a stigginit attitude is like
fusillade762 thought the whole mess smelled like coup
Silverstaff argued in favor of electors getting an intelligence briefing
lilbjorn gave an example of the importance of intelligence briefings
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
verchad went for the easy votes in this motorboat Photoshop
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium managed to make this statue a little less horrifying
RedZoneTuba showed a sad devolution
Surly U. Jest put the "pole" in North Pole
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed a very unfair fight
wickedfish made an updated sunblock ad
Surly U. Jest discovered that huffing alone doesn't keep a person warm
zeon proved Lucy is a dick to everyone
Circusdog320 made some art to sell to the Trump Foundation
Yammering_Splat_Vector brought Christmas to one Easter Grinch
 
Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 606: "White 2" with a head collection
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats
 
Friday, January 6th: CES Fark Party in Las Vegas
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Flying turkeys hitting power lines cause outages in Oregon. As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fry
 
If you haven't seen McDonald's newest coffee cup design, goatsee it now before they pull it
 
KKK Grand Dragon arrested for alleged knife fight after too much vodka and OJ. Never bring a screwdriver to a knife fight
 
Captive woman turns to UPS guy for deliverance
 
NFL announces London game schedule for 2017, including one minor league game between the Browns and Vikings
 
Scientists "reprogram" cells in mice to reverse aging process. Great, now the eek shall inherit the Earth
 
Bob Barker turns 93, or at least close to it without going over
 
Donald Trump has decided Mittens just won't fit his tiny, tiny hands
 
Millions of Cuisinarts recalled due to oral lacerations. What are you pervs doing with your kitchen appliances, anyway?
 
You can see the rest of them right here.    
 
 
Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
This week our awesome quizmasters phleggmo, Ivan, and Sim Tree, were at it again, with no one breaking 1000, and only 4 people breaking 900. When they say it's the hard version, they mean it. Our top scorer this week was dv-ous with 963, followed by Theaetetus with 921 and QifufuWahuta with 908, with Type random string here's 902 and chrisco123's 899 rounding out the top 5.
 
There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 16.

You might have seen a new meme going around, "Me at the beginning of 2016 vs. me at the end of 2016." This got me thinking about what we were talking about a year ago compared to today. So I went back and found the Fark NotNewsletter issue from one year ago, and I swear to Bob, the intro was all about how we'd been talking about Trump and Star Wars all week. Now we have Russia added into the mix, which I have to say isn't exactly a positive development.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Russia - 1458
Pizzagate - 348
John Glenn - 117
War on Christmas - 69
Bacon - 232


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
kobrakai explained why a couple broke up
fusillade762 shared a relevant "Cyanide and Happiness" comic
toraque thought it was time to get over Pearl Harbor
Sin_City_Superhero showed decorations that were bursting with the Christmas spirit
calbert summed up the reason a white supremacist lost her job
Snarfangel had mixed feelings about John Glenn's death
daRog fixed Trump's Time Magazine Person of the Year cover
mama2tnt knew someone else who shops at Nordstrom
Eli WhiskeyDik answered the question, "Are people without kids happier?"
Relatively Obscure decried gauche vandalism

Smartest:
thorpe guessed at why a jury was deadlocked
abfalter had a message for those calling racist vandalism a hoax
doglover thought denying condemned inmates a last meal request misses the point
doglover had a suggestion for changing police culture
FlashHarry wanted to be fair about John Glenn's death
Silverstaff gave a very interesting comparison of military training and law enforcement training
docpeteyJ described what a child went through before dying from medical neglect
TuteTibiImperes discussed what a mistrial could mean for the officer who killed Walter Scott
WhyteRaven74 listed additional things that the French might find odd about the U.S.
Eli WhiskeyDik answered the question, "Are people without kids happier?"

CSB Sunday Morning: Changing it up
Smartest: bizprof told us how volunteering for the Big Brothers Big Sisters program was a life-changing decision
Funniest: Oddly enough, there weren't really any stories that got "funny" votes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
fusillade762 shared a harrowing tale from the front lines of the War on Christmas
Mrs.Sharpier was really angry about Russia's intrusions into the U.S. election
Telephone Sanitizer Second Class had a parting message for Pat McCrory
shanrick explained what is happening to Texas electors voting against Trump
calbert revealed what else could have been handled differently (be sure to check out this thread where Farkers had fun with the quote, "The intel on this wasn't 100%.")

Politics Smartest:
Laughing Budda had some questions for people who voted for Trump
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha discussed Trump's fight to keep companies from moving jobs to other countries
Mrs.Sharpier had another question for Trump supporters
Weaver95 discussed Trump going back on promises he made during the election
shanrick shared a tweet about the election


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Wrongo made time for this Photoshop contest
Yammering_Splat_Vector accidentally the whole thing
Don_cos showed us how a Real American eats breakfast
Ldrtchbrd gave us a good dose of vitamin B
DrPainMD revealed the most dangerous part of performing with Miley Cyrus
Herb Utsmelz created a screwy system for restroom classification
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave these women a corny task
Herb Utsmelz gave this driver an state-of-the-art stereo system
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium found a reason for this cat to hide
wickedfish went with the easy way to get votes

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm's photo of a vintage Pontiac hood ornament won Farktography Contest No. 605: "Auto Detailing"

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, January 26th: CES Fark Party in Las Vegas

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)


Police collar decapitation suspect

Driver killed in Rising Sun crash. Locals say it's been the ruin of many a poor boy

America's math skills are getting worse with the country's test scores falling to levels not seen since 2006, a full 20 years ago

Child goes WahWah when MaMa goes BlahBlah at the Wawa

Toxic Butte hole kills thousands

World record 72,000 candles were placed on the same cake. The achievement was then celebrated with everyone present singing "Happy Birthday" to Larry King

Trump named Time's Person of the Year. So there's another thing he has in common with Hitler

Steve Bannon to launch Breitbart in the original German

You can see the rest of them here: Fark Headlines of the Week for 12/4 - 12/10.


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

The quizmasters managed to stump quite a few people this week, with only one person cracking 1000. Congratulations, Megateuthis, your score of 1009 makes you this week's winner.Keyser_Soze_Death and JasonOfOrillia tied for second with 937, followed by md37 at 934 and edmo at 930 rounding out the top 5.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 9

You might wonder why the NotNewsletter is a day late this week. Well, I'll give you a hint: I'm hopped up on cold medicine right now. So now you know that either I'm sick, or I have a very sad way of partying.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Taiwan - 363
China - 1055
Dan Quayle - 62
Mitt Romney - 352
Bacon - 527


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
FirstNationalBastard proved to be a master of romance
fragMasterFlash proposed a solution for a law student whose skirt was supposedly too short
FarkQued cleared up some misconceptions about what West Virginians do with relatives
MaudlinMutantMollusk shared what it's like to eat herring
grokca found evidence that a contested Yelp review was accurate
nekom learned the hard way to check reviews before hiring someone
Prank Call of Cthulhu shared an account of what it's really like to be an astronaut
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers showed what it might look like when a woman vandalizes a car for six hours
ralphjr shared some information courtesy of Ice T
fusillade762 let us know about one of the perks of being a Trump voter

Smartest:
davidphogan explained why people might not confront a guy ranting on a plane
Astorix pointed out to some nutbags that other nutbags might get fed up with their nutbaggery
duppy saw irony in a woman's panic over a male CoverGirl model
ThisIsntMe let everyone know that something that obviously didn't happen didn't happen
mama2tnt wondered why a woman freaked out over a valid question
Butterflew suggested the obvious answer
Herb Utsmelz wondered how other kids knew about someone's birth defect
Unobtanium shared the obligatory information about freedom of speech
edmo figured maybe a woman was overestimating her homeschooling skills
Gawdzila discussed high school kids making drugs at school

CSB Sunday Morning: When you were on TV
Smartest: docpeteyJ shared a story about a paramedic being the hero that was needed
Funniest: Highroller48 had a well-documented eventful day in Hong Kong

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
El_Perro thought that there are more efficient ways to steal an election
edmo shared the most frustrating game show
Soon Right Away wrote the best movie review ever
Serious Black suggested a prank for Obama to play on Trump
Mike_LowELL knew that something was afoot before the election

Politics Smartest:
Two Dogs Farking discussed the concern about the costs associated with Trump's wife and son staying at Trump Tower
El_Perro thought that there are more efficient ways to steal an election
low_dazzle reacted to Trump's reaction to recount efforts
dickfreckle noted how weird 2016 has been
bighairyguy gave Trump a choice


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
FarkNUSA created a May-December romance for millennials
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a novel about a mom with low standards
Surly U. Jest improved a classic AnGif
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium showed that a key can provide a different kind of security
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium taught us something about geography
Yammering_Splat_Vector messed with the government's secret weather machine
grampy made a flag that states the first rule of Grampyland
RedZoneTuba created a pro-legalization government
grampy gave Bob Ross some bushier hair
Wrongo made a tasty dessert

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 604: "Barking Up the Wrong Tree" with a dead scene

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, January 26th: CES Fark Party in Las Vegas

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)


That guy that smuggled $165K worth of gold in his butt? He said he'll pay it back. Give him 3 hours. Stand clear

Man wins Vincent Van Gogh lookalike contest. I SAID MAN WINS VINCENT VAN GOGH LOOKALIKE CONTEST

All you sperm donors can breathe a sigh of relief now. Well, a second sigh of relief

New York Jets' Darrelle Revis says he doesn't want to play football anymore. Unclear whether he means as of right now, or retroactive to week one of this season

New 'embryoscope' photo technique allows parents to witness the beginnings of their child's life in the first few days of fertilization. Yes, it's the ultimate 'cellfie'

The Amphibiously Gay Duo

Candidate Trump: "Drain the swamp, drain the swamp." President-Elect Trump: "Actually, our wetlands are a national treasure and vital to the survival of our ecology"

Adidas unveils footwear made from lab-grown spider silk. Read about it on the web

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/27 - 12/03


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Our Fark quizmasters managed to block most everyone out of the 1000 club this week, with only two managing to sneak in. Congratulations to sugaryvitamin, this weeks winner with 1016. Twilight Farkle nabbed second with a very respectable 1004, and Oliver Twisted missed it by that much with 999..

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 1

Holy cow, it's Cyber Monday! While everyone else had to hit the malls for Black Friday, cyber nerds like us skipped the lines and waited until we got back to the office today so we could use the World Wide Web to snatch great deals. What bargains have you excited? Personally, I'm planning on hitting Circuit City's internet website for some LaserDiscs, a Zune, and a new beeper. I'll get my kid sister a Tamagotchi if they're not sold out.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Florence Henderson - 32
Fidel Castro - 346
Standing Rock - 63
Dakota Access - 24
Recount - 975
Black Friday - 233
Bacon - 335


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Rapmaster2000 got serious about boycotting Hamilton
IlGreven found someone who's managed to beat 2016 thus far
doglover demonstrated some deductive reasoning
hogans explained why a sloped stoop can't stop homeless people from sleeping there
phlegmmo granted a request for a Chrissy Teigen photo
Satanic_Hamster let us know what to do now that Fidel Castro is gone
Archie Goodwin knew why Castro was finally able to let go
ralphjr shared a very special "Family Circus"
duppy shared a tweet about the struggles of the alt-right
Satanic_Hamster reacted to Fark's headline about Castro's death

Smartest:
Satanic_Hamster let us know what to do now that Fidel Castro is gone
jaylectricity invited us all to the VFW
Justin Beaver reacted to a police officer's demotion
El Freak made a guess about political affiliation
feckingmorons disapproved of connecting a tragedy to politics
BizarreMan explained why Christmas specials aren't as good as they used to be
daphne argued that some things should be politicized
BarkingUnicorn had some thoughts about a guy going on a pro-Trump rant on an airplane
Discordulator cautioned against defending the actions taken against the protesters at Standing Rock
doyner thought that some stupid confusion shouldn't have been surprising

CSB Sunday Morning: Giving thanks
Smartest: SkerriNinja discovered that sometimes, it is a toomah
Funniest: MooseBayou was grateful for a bunch of weirdos

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Therion thought voters fell for a bait and switch
shanrick found the person who is happiest about Trump's win
Chariset reacted to an editorial accusing the left of projection
phrawgh called out people complaining about Trump's election win
Conservative Humor was defensive about being called out in a thread

Politics Smartest:
Farking Clown Shoes suggested a time saving device for poltab regulars
Chariset reacted to an editorial accusing the left of projection
edmo discussed Trump's temperament
kronicfeld thought reaction to Donald Trump's behavior showed a double standard
Silverstaff argued against just going along with things


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium proved that those who can't probably shouldn't teach
Wrongo showed what could happen if we allowed someone born outside the U.S. to become president
RedZoneTuba upgraded Uncle Joe's car
frankahutch granted a wish for Chris Christie
grampy found that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
Snubnose greatly improved a wedding
Surly U. Jest made first contact with these very mobile homes
Alligator found that safety in a construction zone can be stylish
grampy caught the queen showing off
#2 found that droids can enjoy sports, too

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 603: "Eat Me 3" ended in a tie between Zero Exponent's "Breakfast Plate" and mr_larry's hunk o' meat.

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

There are currently no Fark parties planned, which is often case around holidays. Maybe you should plan one so you can sneak off for drinks and avoid the family. Fark: We're not the best at relationship advice.

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Beyond Fark

We're sad to have lost Mini Ditka, a Photoshopper who enjoyed using his talents in the mugshot roundup threads. You can read Mini Ditka's memorial thread here.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Former Greek president Constantine Stephanopoulos nolongeramongus

Mom-to-be still CrossFitting while 8 months pregnant. Fetus already won't stop talking about it

Deaf man denied commercial driver's license demands hearing

The Roof, the Roof, the Roof is on trial

New NHL team in Las Vegas goes with blandtastic "Golden Knights" as its name because "Bodies in a Ditch Ten Miles Out Of Town", while historically accurate, was both verbose and off-putting

New weather satellite named GOES-R launched into space. To be followed next year by ZUU-L

Since Donald Trump won, he has gone out of his way to avoid intelligence, briefings

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/20 - 11/26


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The Quizmasters should have seen it coming. For a few weeks, they'd managed to keep most people zigging or zagging just enough that they'd mess up and miss at least one question. But it was a short week with apparently not enough work in the lead-up to Thanksgiving, and the Farkers were ready, with the top four scores all above 1000 and nobody below 900 on the list. It was humanconditioner leading the pack with 1031, followed closely by edmo with 1025 and Salted Metal Honey right behind at 1022. Well done.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - November 25.

This week is a special one for 'Merican Farkers, as we have Thanksgiving coming up on Thursday, followed by the most quintessentially American day of all: Black Friday. If you're participating in either holiday, please remember to keep the fighting to a minimum and try not to burn the place down lest you find yourself the subject of a Fark headline.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Bannon - 849
Sessions - 438
Cabinet - 604
Hamilton - 213
Bacon - 350


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Too Pretty For Prison was angry about internet scam artists
Slypork made the obligatory "Star Wars" hook-up jokes
calbert played along with another Farker's guessing game
Massa Damnata showed how America's hat views America
fusillade762 learned something from Confederate flag enthusiasts
Enigmamf came up with a motto for Trump's administration
lemurs proved that a picture is worth a thousand words
Marbleisheavy made an unfortunate typo when talking about AdultFriendFinder
elvisaintdead shared the Jim Jones view on humor
TuteTibiImperes felt sorry for Obama

Smartest:
Prank Call of Cthulhu discussed the anti-abortion movement
Flappyhead guessed at why Donald Trump ran for president
Snapper Carr admired Obama's attitude
LordJiro disagreed with a characterization of Hillary Clinton
stan unusual thought a school was shirking their responsibilities
Butterflew compared Trump and Obama to types of cars
stilted imagined how tariffs could work out for the U.S.
MechaPyx explained why many people are unhappy with the election results
stan unusual argued that sometimes Meat Loaf lyrics aren't applicable
Sneakernets encouraged a woman who is suing her transgendered child for transitioning

CSB Sunday Morning: Cheers
Smartest: jaylectricity was comforted during a terrible time
Funniest: Astorix's daughter found one way to deal with bullies

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
kbronsito could see why Donald Trump was being so touchy
Silverstaff knew how Pence ended up seeing "Hamilton"
nekom helped Psychopusher write a white nationalist version of "White Christmas"
elkboy explained where the funding for another moon mission will come from
North_Central_Positronics revealed how Trump will be changing his hairstyle

Politics Smartest:
DammitIForgotMyLogin discussed people who voted for Trump
WorldCitizen talked about the rights of being an AmericanCitizen
Justin Beaver asked about a political double standard
incendi thought Trump was confused about theater
2xhelix felt sorry for someone


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator improved Thanksgiving with a frosty beverage
Herb Utsmelz tried to make the holiday a little more peaceful
Herb Utsmelz turned a cat from shocked to dismayed
RedZoneTuba created the perfect award for a Fark Photoshopper
Don_cos showed us something that should happen every Thanksgiving
Thrakkorzog found out how this woman was defying gravity
RedZoneTuba devised Fark's new advertising campaign
wickedfish used cutting-edge stealth technology
Yammering_Splat_Vector found some fellow eyewear enthusiasts
Surly U. Jest made an award cup to store your teabags in

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 602: "Orange 2" with this super hot scene

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Well, smack me twice and call me Sally - there are currently no Fark parties planned.

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Canadians vote for common loon. America nods its head in knowing agreement

Bull in a 'gina shop

Pope names seventeen new Cardinals, hopes to unseat the Chicago Cubs as NLDS Champions

Vikings release kicker Blair Walsh. He missed the doorway wide left on the way out

Professor Jay Forrester, inventor of RAM, dies at 1100010

Trump chooses white nationalist Steve Bannon as his chief strategist and senior counselor. He'll be in charge of finding solutions to the nation's various problems. Final solutions, if you will

Scientists are now monitoring bears in Alaska by collecting their saliva. Field equipment consists of a Q-tip and a pair of track shoes

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/13 - 11/19


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a few weeks of the Quizmasters keeping the baying Farkers behind the gates, there was a breach this week, with high scores in the 1000s and nobody on the Top 10 list below 900. The top of the leaderboard was FrancoFile with a mind-boggling 1038, followed closely by PirateKing with 1014 and Oliver Twisted nearly breaking through as well, at 995. Jesus Farking Christ requested disqualification as he ripped through the quiz and intended to answer a few wrong to disqualify himself, but accidentally guessed right. Regardless, being a Quizmaster himself, he can't get the credit for the top slot as he worked some Quizmaster voodoo. Specifically, writing a bunch of the questions.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - November 18.

This election, am I right? Anyway, enjoy this week's Fark NotNewsletter, and try not to stick any body parts in the mashed potatoes.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Janet Reno - 51
Robert Vaughn - 41
Leonard Cohen - 131
Hallelujah - 37
Dave Chappelle - 64
Move/moving to Canada - 172
Thunderdome - 79
Bacon - 343


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
MaudlinMutantMollusk learned a lesson from a pumpkin cannon accident
ralphjr had Ice T explain a woman's supposed health drink
bearded clamorer felt sympathy for a woman who has had a hard life
HighlanderRPI shared an amazing trick
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat felt violated
70Ford found some interesting survey answers
blahpers helpfully animated a confusing illustration
Sin_City_Superhero appreciated the versatility of a McDonald's straw
Fir3y pointed out a happy coincidence when it comes to immigrants from Mexico
filetofish bigmac quarter pounder with cheese discussed how Trump's win affects liberals

Smartest:
Mikey1969 pointed out how doing what you're supposed to do sometimes works
HatMadeOfAss discussed threats/promises to leave the U.S.
mjbok denounced violence and destruction in reaction to the election
NOLAhd had a message for protestors
Catsaregreen compared reaction to this election to previous ones
timujin didn't think marijuana legalization was enough
Monkey2 explained why pedestrians and bicyclists don't "assert the right of way"
GooberMcFly pointed out that laws are pointless
Snotnose thought that any other candidate could have beaten Trump
Norad responded to Catsaregreen's comparison

CSB Sunday Morning: Watching history
Smartest: docpeteyJ and a stranger comforted each other after a tragedy
Funniest: brigid_fitch's spouse was not impressed by a giant leap for mankind

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
The Headless Horseman's Headless Horse had a question for Sarah Palin
19jug-head75 gave the Canadian response to Trump's win
jso2897 let us know how 4chan is taking things
Boo_Guy did not agree with Ivanka Trump's fashion choices
GardenWeasel posted something that elicits a different reaction in hindsight

Politics Smartest:
Clutch2013 reacted to the decision to not charge Hillary Clinton after reviewing the Wiener emails
ecmoRandomNumbers saw something as a sign
Sid_6.7 defended people who fear what might happen under President Trump
Rapmaster2000 argued that Pence is worse than Trump
Pats_Cloth_Coat said goodbye to Janet Reno


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
frankahutch showed us all what really makes the moon rise at night
grampy knew what Trump's very first step will be once in office
wickedfish proved that God gave rock and roll to you
RedZoneTuba created a touching scene
Yammering_Splat_Vector altered Fark's mascot
Don_cos thought Trump would make good on this promise
wickedfish spotted a playground bully
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel gave Bill Clinton his own hat with a motto on it
wickedfish added a fine sculpture to the White House lawn
Snubnose revealed one of the great deals that Trump will make

Farktography:
TheHighlandHowler won Farktography Contest No. 601: "Libations" with this beach scene

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, November 19th: Sonoma Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The house dressing comes on the side... the table... the ceiling... the carpet... the walls... the dress

Auto-erotic asphyxiation

Gorjak Gak ruled eligible by the NCAA. Apparently it took a while for his high school transcripts to get here from the Klingon home world

Scientists develop HIV test on USB stick. That's gonna smart when you plug it into your port

The head of the NSA is personally testing Boeing's new self-destructing smartphone. Samsung to sue for patent infringement

Lady Gaga savagely attacks an illegal immigrant

Orange is the New Black

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 11/6 - 11/12


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Overall, while nobody cracked 1000 this week, we still gotta hand it to the quiz takers, who positively littered the Top 10 list with scores in the 900s. Leading the pack this week was jvl, who sported a top score of 931, narrowly beating Myk-House of El who trailed with 927 and Grizwald right behind at 924, edging out both Oakenraven and calbert who had identical scores of 910.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 11.

Whew, Halloween is finally over, and now we have some quiet time in America before we start preparing for Thanksgiving. So relax, and maybe check the stores to see if there's candy left on clearance!


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Cubs - 1609
World Series - 566
DST - 514
Bacon - 323


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
EngineerBoy shared a photo of a winning Halloween costume
derpes_simplex revealed the truth behind the Cubs' big win
oldernell argued in favor of daylight saving time
dankaiser wore a topical Halloween costume
phlegmmo reviewed a naughty coffee shop
a particular individual had trouble understanding another Farker
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers knew that a saucy photo was fake
nekom wrote a possible reply to a guy with a big problem
bark_atda_moon figured out what a family's costumes revealed about them
clodcomplex shared something you don't want to fool around with

Smartest:
Lando Lincoln told baby boomers that they're stuck with the blame
Helen_Arigby discussed the effects of bullying
bdub77 replied to some fashion police
lycanth saw how everyone in a story could get a free trip
gilatrout's son did a really good thing
pkjun was in favor of a change made by stores that sell clothes
Saborlas wasn't buying an attacker's story
Weaver95 predicted what could happen if Hillary Clinton wins
Pocket Ninja criticized a website's article about another website's article
This About That suggested the next thing to tackle after marijuana is legalized

CSB Sunday Morning: Welcome to my nightmare
Smartest: Roman Fyseek has a bad dream that's so common that there should be a vaccine against it
Funniest: GRCooper learned that some things are too gross even for monsters

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
dr_blasto let us know how to reply if you're asked if you're voting for Crooked Hillary
doyner pointed to evidence that Melania Trump is an illegal immigrant
Sheila_McSly broke some bad news
gopher321 described how Secret Service agents saved Trump
Psychopusher defended misspelling "Hillary" on a ballot

Politics Smartest:
TuteTibiImperes discussed a woman's lawsuit against Donald Trump
King Something thought a circumstance would be intimidating
TuteTibiImperes asked a question about media focus
BigPhecal pointed out a problem that people should pay attention to
Duke Phillips' Singing Bears shared a memory of the '90s


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel created a paradox
RedZoneTuba shared a hard copy of something we've all completely read through
frankahutch found the queen in her natural habitat
durbnpoisn wrote a real page turner
RedZoneTuba lost a game
wickedfish gave the Empire some steampunk equipment
zeon put some traffic on this road
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what a bird dog might look like
grampy fixed some of the flaws in the Galaxy Note
Yammering_Splat_Vector brought some drama to a lonely erection

Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 600: "WTF 2" with a photo of a vanity plate that celebrates a special kind of love

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart: Chris Ween proved that even someone known as Ween can teach us a lesson on maturity
Funny: rcf1105 shared his experience with Reddit's secret Santa gift exchange
Funny: CapnPlaty had an idea that could launch the new Fark TV
Funny: JerseyTim Made a prediction that shouldn't be a joke, but obviously is


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, November 11th: San Diego Fark Party
Saturday, November 19th: Sonoma Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Unsure about Trump or Clinton? Some lucky D.C. residents now have a better, third option

Man steals 39 accordions worth $160,000. An entire nation rejoices

I'm Rick James, bench

The human brain is predisposed to negative stereotypes, according to a bunch of pencilneck scientist dorks

The Secret Service grabs a p***y

High inflation causes Venezuelan merchants to weigh money instead of counting it out, thus changing their currency from the bolivar to the pound

Drunk, naked man roams condo, knocking on doors for sex. Trick-or-treat was Monday, dude

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/30 - 11/05


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

We seem to have hit a point of equilibrium the last couple weeks, where the Farkers are having trouble cracking the top 1000, but are still scoring pretty solid nonetheless. This week, Misch led the pack with 910, edging osmotw at 909 by a single point, while xrayspx led the rest of the pack at 890.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - November 4.