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Fark NotNewsletter: Beware the damn dirty apes
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-04-03 11:44:37 AM (51 comments) | Permalink

It's now April, a month named for the God of Apes. Legend has it that the Ape God will return one April to lead the non-human apes in a war to take over the world. I'm not saying it's already starting, but a gibbon in Malaysia is responsible for hacking China's Tiangong-1 space lab, leading to its demise.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
David Shulkin - 104
Ronny Jackson - 33
Laura Ingraham - 463
Roseanne - 520
Tiangong-1 - 65
April Fool - 122
Sinclair - 294
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Streetwise Hercules figured out who Fox News will attack when they're done attacking Mister Fred Rogers
Madman drummers bummers commented on the object of a youth pastor's affection turning 18
Tax Boy shared a fact about Mister Rogers' dark past
ChipNASA revealed the worst part about a woman throwing out a coworker's fried rice
Prey4reign wanted to offer encouragement to a guy with super-gonorrhea
Louisiana_Sitar_Club was not convinced of a Twitter photo's cuteness
lolumadbro was surprised by the lengths that Trump would go to
Thong_of_Zardoz came up with a challenge for young people
BullBearMS put what was missing into a scary photo
tomasso made an alarming version of Mister Rogers' theme song
 
Bonus FarkStaff Pick:   
Fabric_Man wanted to clear up a few things
In an unrelated note, if you haven't already read about  seagull pepperoni incident, head on over and do so. It's good for a few laughs.
 
Smart:
Devolving_Spud saw irony in Fox News hosts' criticisms of Mister Rogers
Eravior thought there was a different reason for Fox News to dislike Mister Rogers
EvilEgg described the kind of kids who grew up watching Mister Rogers
naughtyrev gave an example of how weird things are these days
undernova had an idea for the people sending fan mail and gifts to the Parkland school shooter
TuteTibiImperes learned something about marriage
Old_Chief_Scott told a sad story about a clueless parent
doglover had a suggestion for policing the police
Mr. Coffee Nerves predicted another step backwards in how coal companies treat employees
TuteTibiImperes thought a different approach might have worked for a troubled marriage
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village explained a Farker's "walk of shame" from someone's boat
Smart: MBK sports the Riker
Smart: RexTalionis discussed the problem with some men who fetishize Asian women
Funny: The Headless Horseman's Headless Horse is hoping for a Tinder hookup
Funny: Barry McCockner got into an argument with Barry McCockner
 
CSB Sunday Morning: I want to ride my biiiiiiiicycle
Smart:
ox45tallboy told about getting a custom bicycle for Christmas
Funny: Reyito had an eventful "48 hours after spin class"
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
BizarreMan explained why the employee turnover rate in the White House isn't unusual
Ken S. discussed Laura Ingraham's fate
the.squid was thrown into a panic
scottydoesntknow knew how Trump can replace all his departing advisors
RJReves confirmed that Tomi Lahren was up to her usual shenanigans
 
Politics Smart:
bobtheme thought that turnabout would be fair play
Ambivalence discussed Democrats turning against Nancy Pelosi
Ambivalence found the anti-Santorum
Gubbo wanted journalists to adjust to Donald Trump's presidency
jake_lex pointed out the bigger problem than Laura Ingraham
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Don_cos made a very confusing playing field for Q*bert
RedZoneTuba showed us how fark back Trump's relationship with Putin goes
wickedfish found Barack Obama enjoying his retirement
Terrapin Bound made a gritty reboot of "That '70s Show"
Wrongo discovered that Barbie has made some poor life choices
RedZoneTuba hired the seven dwarfs for another dangerous job
retrophil dreamed of a new Barbie
ElectronChaser discovered how the "Lost in Space" crew fuels their ship
retrophil built a pretty sketchy-looking space station
Alligator put a blow-up doll mouth on a Barbie
 
Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 673: "What the L?" with some long-forgotten lightbulbs
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)     
 
We had another good one this past week, with great participation, but in the end, only one Farker stands alone in the 1000 club. scrumpox takes first with an excellent 1015, with carkiller taking second with 947. In third we have daddio with 911, followed by elpresidenteALO with 900 in fourth, and balko takes fifth with a respectable 854.
 
The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over which retailer had partnered with handyman service Handy's for delivery, assembly, and installation, which can be purchased alongside the product both in-store and online. Only 21% of quiztakers knew that it was Walmart that had inked this deal. While Handy's will perform this service for IKEA products, IKEA has no official partnership with Handy's, and Handy's services cannot be purchased through their stores. 
 
The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what candy you can buy in the UK to get a tan. 73% of quiztakers knew that UTanAndTone has introduced gummy bears that will darken your skin without all that annoying lying on the beach, listening to the waves, reading a book with a Greek letter in the title, and sipping something tasty with a paper umbrella in it brought to you by an attractive person who was not wearing much in the way of clothes. Who has time for that?
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over the theme of a burlesque show held in Salt Lake City to benefit a woman that had lost all four limbs due to an infection. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that the show had a Harry Potter theme. I can sympathize, I'm confused enough by burlesque shows anyhow, and adding in Harry Potter does not make things more clear to me.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over what artist would be releasing her latest 3-track album on "slug genitalia colored vinyl." 85% of quiztakers knew that only Björk could be that... odd. I await the arrival of this shade in trendy SoHo designer home decorating shops.
 
Thanks again to all the quiztakers. If you missed the quiz last week, you can catch up on Fark's Weird News Quiz here
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Police investigate $1,300 lingerie theft from Victoria's Secret. Given slip but no bust so far
 
McDonald's French fries spilled over California freeway after truck overturns. CHiPs immediately present at accident site
 
It's not a tumor
 
Long Island judge steals neighbor's dirty underwear, leads police on brief chase. Will most likely be suspendered. Still refuses to reveal what Step Two is
 
Dead man found in woods today. Authorities will wait until Sunday to see how this plays out
 
Kraft discounts any discord in Patriots organization. Friction is 20% off, and squabbling is buy one, get one free
 
"Woman living with debilitating jerk had 15 drinks a night to cope." Strangely enough, this is not about an average married couple
 
Trump calls Roseanne about her huge ratings. DO NOT CONGRATULATE
 
Alex Jones hits the meth pipe during commercial break. Phlegm at 11
 
Waymo to buy 20,000 Jaguars for robotic ride-hailing service. "Instead of transportation, received jungle cat. Would not hail again"
 
You can see the rest of the winning Fark Headlines of the Week here.
 
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: CamAnal adventures
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-03-27 12:43:48 PM, edited 2018-03-27 12:55:44 PM (70 comments) | Permalink

I don't know about you, but if I'd known Cambridge Analytica was mining my Facebook data, I'd have done a lot of things to screw with them. I'd have posted Tony the Tiger/Captain Crunch slashfic and about a thousand videos of furries wrestling in Miracle Whip. Instead, CamAnal was able to see that I commented on photos of my uncle's ferret (not a euphemism) and spent most of 2007 trying to sell my "Battlestar Galactica" spec script where Admiral Adama and President Roslin get stuck in an elevator and use their time to plan a surprise party for Colonel Tigh.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
Cambridge Analytica - 630
CamAnal - 57
DO NOT CONGRATULATE - 68
March for Our Lives - 194
60 Minutes - 231
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Sliding Carp had an idea for a safe place for the Chinese space station to crash down
wademh offered a solution for labial fusion
Farkspeare looked on the bright side of an airline returning only a boot and a bikini top from your luggage
Derp Du Jour took a guess at the Austin bomber's name
Super Chronic knew how to handle a pit bull on a rampage in a school
iron de havilland witnessed a shocking sight while driving
vygramul found some information about the Austin bombling suspect
detonator denied all responsibility
Facts_are_for_losers shared Daft Punk's new album
Tanqueray had a plan for Facebook's post-Cambridge Analytica comeback
Walker voiced a concern about the new Mr. Rogers postage stamp
 
Smart:
lennavan disagreed with John Kelly's characterization of the U.S. military
Sneakernets discussed the idea that clear backpacks are the solution to school shootings
Dead for Tax Reasons pointed out that the family of the Austin bomber does not know what "normal" is
DarnoKonrad had a radio station recommendation
Wretschko made predictions about Trump's statements about the Austin bomber
serpent_sky wanted to have an experiment in how U.S. courts work
ox45tallboy discussed the current mindset of police officers
Fingerware Error reacted to warrants granted for information on all mobile devices in an area
AverageAmericanGuy didn't think the Austin bomber was mentally ill
AdmirableSnackbar thought police are being trained to handle things the wrong way
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: Deece had a plan to end bullying
Funny: Earguy made a prediction based on a uvula story
Funny: LlamaGirl thought that a girth thread failed to deliver
Funny: Kouta figured out why a Farker made a mess at the urinal
Funny: IvyLady knew what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Stories from science class
Smart:
433 had a very kind chemistry teacher
Funny: ox45tallboy had a nutty chemistry professor
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That did not appreciate a comparison
Fingerware Error knew the evil reason for teaching kids Arabic numbers
fastibartslart lamented how consequences sneak up on you
Eddie Adams from Torrance found another alarming question that Donald Trump wants answered
Miss5280 figured out what happened when Tomi Lahren stuck a gun in her yoga pants
 
Politics Smart:
Ambivalence was fed up with predictions about Robert Mueller
enry pointed out that it hasn't just been Democrats investigating Trump
Marcus Aurelius thought that Trump doth protest too much
Nied felt vindicated
FatherChaos didn't remember Trump's speeches the way Trump remembers them
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
PainInTheASP obscured some dangling tits
Don_cos showed us how Tony Montana gets deliveries
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave the Fark squirrel some tits
RedZoneTuba gave us the fight we've all been waiting for
wickedfish found the mean girl
RedZoneTuba helped Lady Liberty show off her fungus
Yammering_Splat_Vector finished renovating this house
ElectronChaser found a crabby flower
Svatch did some catalog shopping
Herb Utsmelz put this boxy man in an uncomfortable spot
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 672: "Angels" ended in a tie between bobug's praying ape and  Queen Mab's sleeping cherub
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)     
 
Last week's quiz was one of our most popular in several years, with well over 5000 people taking part. Unfortunately, no one hit the 1000 club.
 
In first place was kevinatilusawith 941, followed by Keyser_Soze_Death with 938. Tied for third were edmo and i.r.id10t, each with 936. elpresidenteALO's 927 was good enough for fourth, and finishing out the top five was Seussie with 926.
 
The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over what a couple of bungling burglars left cooking on the stove in order to cover the evidence of their break-in of a former boyfriend's house. Only 39% of quiztakers knew that the go-to flame accelerant of Florida Man is spaghetti sauce. Hey, it's Florida. What can you say? I know I've burned plenty of spaghetti sauce in my day, and I'm not even from Florida. 
 
The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which Disney Princess single-handedly freed a Boston Police wagon from a snowdrift. 85% of quiztakers knew that a Boston drag queen would be sensible enough to dress as Elsa, it being a snowstorm and all. Insert your own "Let It Go" joke here, or just consider the fact he did wearing heels.
 
The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which major sport is the first to sponsor an E-Tournament of its officially-licensed video game. Only 47% of quiztakers knew that it was the NHL, that bastion of new technology, who would be paying out cash, merchandise, and tickets to winners of this year's EA Sports NHL '18 tourney. No word if the glowing blue puck option will be available.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which radio giant had declared bankruptcy. 85% of quiztakers knew that iHeartMedia had been sucked dry by vampire capitalist company Bain Capital (the same folks who bled both Kaybee Toys and now Toys R Us into bankruptcy.) Personally, looking at what Clear Channel (IHeartMedia's previous name) did to independent radio in the '90s and '00s, I think it couldn't have happened to a more deserving company. 
 
Congratulations to the winners, and if you missed the quiz last week, you can find the last week's Fark Weird News Quiz is right here. This week's Fark Weird News Quiz is right here.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
We had a great crop of headlines this week; some categories made it very hard to choose. If you're looking to increase your chances of having your submission chosen, be sure to check out our submitting tips page for some ideas on what we look for in headlines. Also, we get the fewest submissions on weekends, so headlines submitted on Saturday and Sunday, especially in the early morning hours, stand a better-than-average chance of being selected.
 
Here are a few of our favorites from last week:
 
Game not working? Blow in the cartridge
 
Brother and sister were 'jacking it together, and family reunions will now be more difficult
 
Pregnant tourist goes wading, gives birth in Red Sea. Well, yeah, it would be
 
Meghan Markle to receive first wax job prior to Harry wedding
 
Mormon Bishop accused of misusing missionary position
 
You'd think at a fancy NBA arena they'd serve Miracle Whip
 
Newer Blood Thinners Don't Raise Bleeding Risk. DO NOT COAGULATE
 
James Comey weighs film and TV offers for his memoirs. Finally a movie about an FBI director that won't need staff from both the men's and women's wardrobe departments
 
Conservatives see Pope Francis as a threat. Maybe they should lighten up
 
Restaurant owner fires employee for refusing to go vegan, won't even meat them halfway
 
You can find the rest of the Fark Headlines of the Week right here.
 
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Of horses and groundhogs
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-03-20 12:33:47 PM (57 comments) | Permalink

Today is the vernal equinox, which you might be disappointed to learn is not something dirty having to do with horses, but actually just means it's the first day of spring. Coincidentally, that also means that winter is over, which is bad news for "Game of Thrones" fans. It also proves that Groundhog Day is a sham and everyone's just humoring that creepy rodent every year.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
Stephen Hawking - 403
Rex Tillerson - 738
Andrew McCabe - 700
Retrievers - 34
UMBC - 187
Bracket - 292
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
fusillade762 knew how Stephen Hawking lived so long
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That was ready for an article about an unwanted kiss from Katy Perry
HenryFnord reacted to the bridge collapse in Florida
jaytkay noticed an embarrassing "American Idol" moment
Devolving_Spud deciphered a strange telephone message
Mike_LowELL was planning revenge for a news flash
Brawndo did not approve of a Chinese space station potentially crashing in the U.S.
Nicholas D. Wolfwood awaited more news about a neurosurgeon who wrecked his Ferrari
The Third Man went the long route for a "Christmas Story" reference
scottydoesntknow made the new "Tomb Raider" movie more like the game
 
Smart:
Befuddled talked about why a bridge collapsed
Hobodeluxe was talking about Stephen Hawking, but it sounds kind of like a dog
stainedglassdoll had a suggestion for someone who returned a dog for being too friendly
xaks proposed a new holiday
Pocket Ninja questioned someone's credentials as a bacon expert
rcain discussed the effects of sex offender registries
PainInTheASP talked about why a kid was suspended for his actions during the National School Walkout
NeoCortex42 made a prediction about the design of the bridge that collapsed
serpent_sky was not a fan of an article about O.J. Simpson
The Third Man wanted to believe
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: TomFooolery thought that the strangest item a Farker mentioned owning was being overlooked
Funny: Barry McCockner shared some trivia about numbers
Funny: Old Man Winter found an obscure episode of "Black Mirror"
Smart: Dr. Tuttle revealed how a Farker could take advantage of everyone at work thinking he's gay
Funny: Louisiana_Sitar_Club called out someone who burritoes everything
 
CSB Sunday Morning: You can't explain that
Smart:
cherryl taggart had a less creepy "Dolores Claiborne"/"Gerald's Game"-type crossover moment with a friend
Funny: Flab witnessed something strange and mysterious at Burger King
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Mr. Anon explained why Steve Mnuchin won't quit his job
doctorguilty saw evidence that Donald Trump can't build a border wall
ox45tallboy pointed out the real victim of Trump's firings
Farking Clown Shoes decided to change the channel
fusillade762 wanted to be clear about schools that Betsy DeVos visited
 
Politics Smart:
Glitchwerks had an idea of what precipitated Rex Tillerson's firing
This Is Bold Text predicted how John McCain will handle his disagreements with Trump's choices
Ivo Shandor discussed Trump's plans
JohnnyApocalypse talked about Democrats' problem in regards to Nancy Pelosi
SplittingAces discussed the problem churchy white women have with Trump
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Geordles showed some men playing with a very strong dog
Wrongo found out what's happening at Bushwood Country Club
Alligator revealed what's about to happen to a strange dress
Thrakkorzog showed us a cheerleader draped over some gold digger's ass
thatguyoverthere70 helped this guy pull off some impressive dance moves
SkunkWorx blamed a colorful mess on a sweet puppy
Yammering_Splat_Vector really put the "splat" in this Photoshop
sl4psh0t gave a cheerleader something to scream about
Yammering_Splat_Vector spotted a very familiar spaceship
ElectronChaser knew what a "UFO" really was
 
Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 671: "Up & Down 2" with beautiful blue steps in Morocco
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, March 25th: Forsythe P Jones (Richard Sousa) Celebration of Life
 
 
Beyond Fark   
 
We are very sad to have lost Farker evil_twin_skippy. He was best known as a regular in the TotalFark Discussion "cafe" threads and the Livingston Stapler Company threads. You can visit evil_twin_skippy's memorial thread here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: You down with DST?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-03-13 11:25:41 AM (81 comments) | Permalink

It's daylight saving time again. I'm sure you've already changed whichever clocks don't change themselves, but make sure you also change your smoke alarm batteries, your personal assistant, and your Secretary of State.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
Sam Nunberg - 440
David Dennison - 38
Peggy Peterson - 24
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Snapper Carr showed us Emma Watson's tattoo
Prey4reign was told by the doctor to stop fapping
Mike_LowELL had reassuring words after a problem with Oculus Rift
impaler showed one reaction to a "Snake People" error
derpes_simplex had experience with the world's smallest functioning gun
btch_cakes condemned a driver who was electrocuted after ignoring a barricade
TorpedoOrca reacted to the beginning of a very promising story
foo monkey was in a foolhardy mood
slackananda showed a diabolical scammer
SurfaceTension imagined if other things worked like airport security
 
Smart:
jaytkay had something to say about being angry about pineapple on pizza
meat0918 had a feeling about Rhode Island possibly charging people to unblock adult content on the internet
Exluddite discussed the "resisting arrest" arrest
Pocket Ninja was shocked by a life coach's point of view
you are a puppet was grateful to Martin Shkreli's judge
naughtyrev gave examples of the Bible stopping people from murdering each other
dr_blasto disagreed with an assertion about Generation X
pueblonative wondered why a judge and defense attorney weren't in jail
the_innkeeper did the math on a retirement claim and found it to be suspect
Petit_Merdeux thought there were other reasons why the U.S. military can't find enough qualified candidates
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: Al_Ed answered the question, "Would you rather be super intelligent or super attractive?"
Funny: LineNoise found something that''s more rewarding than taking candy from a baby
Funny: WelldeadLink helpfully identified a mystery tool
Funny: IvyLady solved a bowling alley mystery
Smart: Eclectic discussed the strength of the gay mafia
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Epiphanies
Smart:
 Glockenspiel Hero learned that the police aren't always the good guys
Funny: LlamaMama's mother found out what a popular "Star Wars" quote meant
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
AdmirableSnackbar explained why there's a U.S. Senate seal on the floor of a Russian news show
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat suspected a video of Donald Trump supporters threatening a book store owner was fake
Things hit a little too close to home for Mike_LowELL
fusillade762
was familiar with the dating site for Trump supporters
Diogenes shared the dedication from Kim Davis' book
 
Politics Smart:
enry had a "same to you, pal" message for Dana Loesch
mrshowrules had some advice for people wanting to attack liberals
lennavan had a message for Caitlyn Jenner
Ambivalence discussed Trump's attempts to renegociate trade deals
RJReves was torn over Stormy Daniels' claims
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Don_cos showed some kids playing in the desert
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed some kids playing in front of a giant Trump
Alligator turned a cooling tower into a lovely courtyard
ElectronChaser changed a caution sign
ElectronChaser found a strangely attractive Lord Helmet playing with dolls again
sens found a bumble bird
wickedfish gave a giant blue rooster the perfect mate
sl4psh0t put these kids in a dangerous area
RedZoneTuba showed why you shouldn't steal someone's hat
retrophil put three travelers way off course
 
Farktography:
Literally Addicted won Farktography Contest No. 670: "Low Key 2" with a photo of a Chihuly sculpture
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, March 25th: Forsythe P Jones (Richard Sousa) Celebration of Life
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: It's a Farking anthology
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-03-06 11:42:44 AM (38 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A special message from toraque :  
________________________  
 
The third annual Fark Fiction Anthology is now open for submissions!
 
We're looking for short, original fiction from the Fark community, up to 10K words in length, in any of the following genres: Fantasy, Science Fiction, Humor, Horror, or Suspense/mystery/thriller.
 
Our fearless panel of editors and readers is liquored up and ready to pick the best entries of 2018, which will be published on Amazon in trade paperback and Kindle e-book editions.  All proceeds will again benefit an excellent charity, although this year I didn't even bother to ask if I could use their name since they turned us down every time in the past.
 
So are you ready for the glory of publication along with the best and brightest writers on Fark? Submit your entries here!
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
Delta - 364
Hope Hicks - 336
Tariff - 734
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
HighOnCraic summed up the Pope's message to bad Christians
HighOnCraic posted a reminder about the father of a Parkland student who doctored emails from CNN
ZAZ either mistakes incest for love or really likes having the sister-in-law over for dinner
Byno didn't need an AR-15 to win a fight
scottydoesntknow didn't think the user name checked out
King Something imagined a silly argument about gun control
The_Sponge named the most disappointing ending to a TV show
wademh already knew someone's story
fusillade762 was alarmed by a discovery in the search for a missing CDC scientist
elkboy received a smartass Father's Day present
 
Smart:
cfreak became a fan of the AR-15
Daikiki noticed something when a teacher barricaded himself in a classroom and fired a gun
Pocket Ninja had an alternate view of a man with an AR-15 confronting a man with a knife
edmo had a theory on why Olympics ratings were so low
Pocket Ninja wasn't outraged that a winning Olympic team didn't get free flight upgrades
fusillade762 pointed out some reasons why it's unwise to harass your nurse
cleek knew the next step in keeping students safe at school
bloobeary explained Luke's plan to rescue Han in "Return of the Jedi"
SBinRR discussed cruise meal expectations
edmo thought there was another reason sheriff deputies were being accused of not acting during a school shooting
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Smart: TotalFark Discussion people apparently know something about a certain Farker's mom, because they voted "smart" on this comment from birdmanesq
Funny: meg12279 had the best "deer hunting caliber"
Funny: Ace Rockola explained why it's okay to vote for your own comments
Smart: ManateeGag knew the best thing to make if you have Spam and basic ingredients
Funny: whatshisname knew the best side dish for pork chops
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Pretty songs
Smart:
Recoil Therapy told the story of getting a song for a first dance at a wedding ready
Funny: gordian shared a strange story of a makeup song between friends
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
impaler showed Snekretary answering questions about charges against Rick Gates being dropped
HighOnCraic reacted to Donald Trump's admiration for Xi Jinping becoming China's "president for life"
AdmirableSnackbar provided some lawyerly credentials to help another Farker out
impaler showed how Press Snekretary Danger Noodle is taking his new copyright registration
Redh8t had a little trouble trying to add tears to a photo of Devin Nunes
 
Politics Smart:
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha had a theory on how Trump sees trade agreements
somedude210 had a message for Trump about betraying the United States of America
edmo had another way of describing having compassion only for those who are close to you
KodosZardoz commented on Trump's apparent interest in being president for life
fusillade762 found evidence of Kid Rock's great respect for the American flag
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
wickedfish showed Trump trolling everyone with a parade float
RedZoneTuba remembered Trump's great sacrifice
Yammering_Splat_Vector found this guy a less comfortable place to sit
Yammering_Splat_Vector pulled a hate fark float up to the prison
Circusdog320 perked up the Eiffel Tower
Yammering_Splat_Vector heated things up a bit
RedZoneTuba made this wood look good enough to put in your mouth
Alligator found someone for Tom Cruise to annoy
Alligator discovered some irresponsible target practice
Alligator showed us why this baby is so happy (safe for work, but maybe awkward for work)
 
Farktography:
wickedfish won Farktography Contest No. 669: "Geometry 2" with a bumpy bath mat
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, March 25th: Forsythe P Jones (Richard Sousa) Celebration of Life
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Beware the whole month of March
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-02-28 1:44:54 PM (57 comments) | Permalink

We're moving into March, which was named for Mars, the Roman god of war. The planet where green aliens live is also named after Mars. March 17th is St. Patrick's Day, when everyone is expected to wear green. A few days later on March 20th is National Alien Abductions Day, an obscure holiday that nobody knows the origins of. Clearly, it was started by Martians. This whole month is obviously one big alien conspiracy. Study it out, people.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
Dana Loesch - 328
CPAC - 450
Arm teachers - 105
Billy Graham - 190
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Pocket Ninja mourned Billy Graham's passing
GRCooper clarified a common expression
hobnail speculated on the effects of Mount Sinabung's eruption
croesius was shocked by a murder with an absinthe bottle
Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste took issue with an article opposing yoga pants
The Goddamn Batman explained why people like a pretty gross beverage
Mike_LowELL had an adventure at the movie theater
zamboni found a photo of yet another person doing the "senior portrait challenge"
baorao reacted to a man with two penes
NeoCortex42 remembered a consequential hit of the 1990s
 
Smart:
swaniefrmreddeer supported freedom of religion
Gubbo put the concern over kids using phones during school shootings into perspective
eurotrader compared a deputy sheriff's salary to a teacher's salary, and added more comments on this comparison
PreMortem discussed the resource deputy at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School not confronting the shooter
Pocket Ninja mourned Billy Graham's passing
hissatsu was unnerved by some of Trump's supporters
PadreScout explained why religion isn't like race, gender, or sexual persuasion
hobnail discussed problems that are caused by "purity culture"
wademh thought about what a high school resource officer was up against
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Smart: Barnacles! answered the question, "Who's the oldest person that you would like to see in the nude?"
Funny: casey.lurvs.bacon explained when people show off their homemade sex tapes
Funny: Barry McCockner was had a question about a confusing seduction scenario
Funny: brap had a polite way to relay some awkward information
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Strange friends
Smart:
wademh played kick with the soccer team's outcast
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village has a friend who is unintentionally funny
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
toraque discovered some shocking information in the Democratic response to the Nunes memo
duppy thought that the CNN Town Hall on the Parkland, Florida shooting looked familiar
boxbot2000 reacted to news that Twitter banned thousands of Russian bot accounts
StopArrestingMe had a plan to replace Twitter
King Something revealed who Mueller is going after in the U.K.
 
Politics Smart:
phrawgh disagreed with an NRA argument against gun control
RJReves explained to Trump why Obama didn't do more about Russian interference
wademh had something to say about Trump mocking John McCain at CPAC
luckyeddie discussed Trump's plans to have a parade this particular Vetarans Day
blastoh listed "the big 5 conservative myths"
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
wickedfish showed us a flock of superdogs
Circusdog320 helped a superhero dog watch over the city
ionthrust made an advertisement for a cool new movie
Iggie replaced the White House Press Secretary
markie_farkie captured an image of a supersonic pooch
Wrongo demonstrated the best way to core an apple
RedZoneTuba gave a compelling reason to join TotalFark
Me_Too_I_Ate_One_Too made a dream come true
Svatch had either a good deal or a threat
Yammering_Splat_Vector let us know what we should do for Farkistan
Alligator reminded us what to do every payday
 
Farktography:
pershing won Farktography Contest No. 668: "It's a Technicality 2" with this here doohickey
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, March 25th: Forsythe P Jones (Richard Sousa) Celebration of Life
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
Here are your Fark Headlines of the Week for February 11-17!

Thanks to all our submitters!!  We love all our submissions, and Headlines of the Week lets us showcase our absolute favorites.

Thanks especially to the Sports and Business tab submitters this week again - these tabs have usually been hard to make funny, and submitters have been knocking it out of the park on a consistent basis recently.

Any headline is in consideration for Headline of the Week, but to vote you need to be a member of TotalFark. Thanks to all our TotalFark voters!

Headlines of the Week for February 18-24 is processing and will be posted Thursday or Friday; in the meantime, enjoy these February 11-17 Headlines of the Week!
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Tastes like squirrel
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-02-20 10:53:49 AM (76 comments) | Permalink

Some weeks, I just can't come up with an intro. This is one of those weeks.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
13 Russians - 173
Valentine - 556
Thoughts and prayers - 486
Presidents' Day - 30
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
scottydoesntknow offered some words of wisdom for would-be poachers
Grumpy Cat noticed an appropriate comment in a tipping thread
tonguedepressor imagined Trump's conversation with Putin
Sid_6.7 paraphrased an ambiguous caption
wooden_badger figured that a church doesn't need to tip a server
Snarfangel hoped for a method of autism prevention
Unikitty had some bad news for a Farker
impaler reminisced about the glory days of adult entertainment
fusillade762 was excited about discussing circumcision
Recoil Therapy was appalled by a TV channel's schedule
 
Smart:
Skyking Skyking Do Not Answer admired a woman who stood up to an armed man at a daycare
SoCalChris wondered about equipment police took the the school shooting
elkboy defended a server who initially wasn't tipped for a takeout order
HawgWild appreciated some stellar journalism
Leandros A discussed how big of a problem sex trafficking is
Man On A Mission inquired about tipping practices
Pazuzu Smith-Jones was not impressed by a time traveler
impaler defended Alex Jones' poorly-timed tweet
beezeltown explained just how much of a bullshiat move a jackass magistrate tried to pull
docpeteyJ was sad about some preparation school kids have to go through today
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: EggFool replied to the headline, "HR lost subby's I9 form. Subby filled it out 15+yrs ago. What are you have having for dinner?"
Funny: Creepy Lurker Guy showed up when needed
Funny: Ceteris Paribus Says knew why a wife might get the wrong message from an excuse to avoid sexytime
Smart: Mrs.Sharpier advised someone who wasn't sure what to order at happy hour with new coworkers
Funny: Shostie explained why some Farkers haven't been around lately
Smart: MBK shared a very sweet story
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Sneaking in
Smart & Funny:
GRCooper wandered into the wrong hotel
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
naughtyrev was surprised by one of Donald Trump's affairs
Atomic Jonb gave us a helpful tip
ManateeGag was unable to fulfill a farking request
Archidude had an idea of what the unknown substance that was mailed to Trump's daughter-in-law was
Weatherkiss showed us what a nothing burger might look like
 
Politics Smart:
scottydoesntknow summed up Trump's complaint about Democrats and gun control
STDMan69 didn't think Bernie Sanders needed to comment on Russian trolls backing him during the election
ValisIV pointed to Sanders' support of Hillary Clinton after the primaries
ParallelUniverseParking amended Trump's tweet about the high school shooting victims
Devolving_Spud reacted to the claim that "'crumbling infrastructure' is a myth"
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
ElectronChaser reminded us how hard up we used to be
wickedfish took a private phone call
Glockenspiel Hero showed us the type of ad you don't see anymore
retrophil revealed the most high-tech repair tool
Don_cos remembered the best day of the week
Iggie found the treasure that that was mysteriously hidden in the woods by everyone's house
Circusdog320 shared a very important magazine
Alligator showed us what happens when a lion is struck by lightning
Thrakkorzog found a cool new pet
Don_cos sent a very rude wake up-call
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 667: "Shades of Gray 3" ended in a three-way between henryhill's train cars, Tribstreeline and CiliarySpasm's photo from the Indianapolis Museum of Art
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, February 24th: Houston Fark Party
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Everyone's just showing off
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-02-13 3:16:23 PM (57 comments) | Permalink

I don't know what's going on with everyone showing off lately. First, President Trump decides he wants to show off with a big military parade. Then SpaceX totally showed off by launching their fancy-ass rocket, with some dummy taking that as an opportunity to fark right off into space and the rocket boosters returning and sitting their asses down like, "We're back, biatches!" Meanwhile, athletes from around the world are totally showing off in Korea. I mean, there are snowboarders showing off by flipping around and shiat with their feet glued to planks like plastic army men. Then ice skaters are doing a bunch of tricks on a slab of ice with, like, knifeshoes strapped to their feet. And the curlers are showing off with, I don't know, how good they are at cleaning the floor? 
 
A message from Drew:
 
Happy Tuesday!  Hope everyone's not too distracted with the Olympics, "Altered Carbon," or whatever your favorite evening pastime might be.  A quick note: Last year, we had a bunch of TotalFark subscribers pick up one-year subscriptions to help with the Google ad revenue shortfall.  That pretty much helped us survive the year.  As of this year, a bunch of those year-long TotalFark subscriptions have lapsed.  If this was you, or you've considered signing up, now would be a fantastic time to get TotalFark or BareFark, and sign up a friend!
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
Parade - 1303
Falcon Heavy - 171
Tesla - 354
PyeongChang - 33
Olympic - 1001
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Mike_LowELL found out what's causing drops in the stock market
anjin-san recognized Obama's time machine at work
markie_farkie thought a stock trader's expression looked familiar
Nadie_AZ was dismayed when someone took a Tesla 3 apart
optikeye reacted to a photo of the Tesla that was shot into space
bearded clamorer donates hair to a strange charity
guestguy summed up the problem with too much snowfall in Moscow
Pocket Ninja explained why some people can't afford to tip 20% on an expensive bottle of wine
H31N0US gave advice on handling stock market dives
enry knew why you shouldn't get a flu shot
 
Bonus FarkStaff Pick:   
These comments were chosen for how they work together. First, Pocket Ninja ridiculed an article about an $85,000 salary not being enough to live in San Jose. Later, another thread was submitted, in which Dr.Fey had this bit of criticism.
 
Smart:
markie_farkie wasn't encouraged by Trump's track record
JerkStore thought that Tesla 3s were being judged too harshly
dailygrinds had an idea of why an expert found so much wrong with a Tesla 3
Kit Fister had an apt description of the stock market
Pocket Ninja discussed merging onto an interstate
Donald Trump's Vagina thought that there should be another benefit to military service
whidbey changed MAGA to MAGDA
FrabjousDay thought of a few things a young couple did wrong
cptjeff didn't think that a particular investment was more stable than the stock market
Ambivalence explained why it's possible for a forced haircut to qualify as abuse
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny:ManateeGag comforted someone who found a gray hair down south
Funny:JerseyTim knew why a Farker's kid threw an unauthorized horse party (this whole thread is pretty good)
Funny:Kegovitch had advice for a very sore Farker
Smart:Ace Rockola advised someone who wants to dig a grave in the back yard
Smart:K_Rock thought the party damage could have been much worse
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Things overheard
Smart:
Dodger learned something by overhearing moms talking
Funny:Brawndo found out something unsettling about mom's driving
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That had a question about Donald Trump's desire to have a parade
Slaxl helped Prince William handle hair loss in a dignified way
RJReves compared a politican to the prostitute he solicited
Paris1127 explained why Nancy Pelosi doesn't need adult diapers
Slaxl showed us all the people protesting U.K.'s health care system
 
Politics Smart:
Ambivalence explained why U.K. National Health Service is having problems
Mad Scientist saw irony in Trump's defense of Rob Porter
cman told us why a U.S. military parade would be inappropriate
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That had a question about Donald Trump's desire to have a parade
edmo examined the consequences of boycotting the Republican Party
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba made an argument for a superior video format
retrophil recorded over a special occasion
Alligator put a movie in a movie
wickedfish had a reality TV show star sighting
ElectronChaser made a moon be not a moon
sl4psh0t upgraded a video tape
At first, I thought it was supposed to be Don_cos on this tape
wickedfish replaced some frogmen with some frogmen
Circusdog320 found two ships passing in the night
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a great screensaver
Alligator gave this kid a new gig
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 666: "Mark of the Beast" ended with a tie between beerrun's winged friend and CiliarySpasm's horny red head
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, February 24th: Houston Fark Party
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe)
 
We love all our submissions and submitters, and we want to give an extra shout out to a couple tabs this week. The entertainment tab and sports tab are two of the hardest tabs to make funny, and this past week, both were hilarious. Go take a look at the Fark Headlines of the Week if you have a chance.
________________________ 
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Guess who turns 19 tomorrow
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-02-06 1:57:38 PM (113 comments) | Permalink

If you noticed that the Fark NotNewsletter is going out on a Tuesday this week, you might figure it's because I was watching the Super Bowl on Sunday. You'd be wrong, though. It's actually because we've decided to start releasing it on Tuesdays from now on. It will still cover the time frame from Sunday morning to Sunday morning, but you'll now have one more day to look forward to reading it.
 
Speaking of the Super Bowl, I really have nothing to say about it because I didn't watch it, but here's a thread for a great Super Bowl-related article that you might have missed. It's a good read even if you're not into sports.
 
In other news, it's Drew's 45th and Fark's 19th birthday tomorrow (Wednesday), so be sure to raise a glass. Whatever's in that glass is entirely up to you. Just make sure you wash it thoroughly when you're done.
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
 
Super Bowl - 1164
Superb Owl - 220
Patriots - 677
Eagles - 1206
Justin Timberlake - 122
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
brap shared words from a man whose tooth was knocked out by a stripper at the Hustler Club
slackananda explained why you shouldn't force your kids to drink bleach
NomenousQuandary saw a problem with telling internet trolls to collect their sandwich at the South Pole
Cyrus the Mediocre reacted to being told that feeding kids bleach won't make their autism go away
enry revealed the problem with a man's "forever" ticket for United Airlines
probesport thought that what happened and Larry Nassar's hearing sounded familiar
bdub77 made an accurate statement about "red-blooded American males"
EJ25T helped ask a question about sucking
bdub77 explained how taxes caused the U.S. Civil War
you are a puppet presented a "Wheel of Fortune" challenge
 
Smart:
Chariset pointed out a sad truth about anti-vaxxers and dangerous autism "cures"
rcain argued that homeschooling should be illegal
rcain thought that New Mexico is keeping prisoners past their release date for reasons other than the stated ones
winedrinkingman had thoughts about parents' dangerous actions to fend off autism
Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste saw nefarioius reasons for homeschooling to exist at all
edmo had a counterproposal to charging to un-block adult content on the internet
Pocket Ninja saw nothing wrong with most father-daughter dances
WyDave predicted what will happen because of insurance companies refusing to pay for ER visits
Leandros A didn't like the "red-blooded American male" excuse
Magorn saw through a common phrase
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: generalDisdain explained why a Farker's "hookup" was still hanging around the next day
Smart: Badafuco knew why someone's wife was giving permission to sleep around
Smart: MalloreeH offered some dating advice
Funny: L.D. Ablosmuggled a cat into a dog thread
Funny: flucto gave another reason for a spouse to allow sex with others
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Storm stories
Smart:
SBinRR almost went splat
Funny: Hankie Fest unintentionally pranked someone
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
jbc gave evidence of how much of a failure Devin Nunes' memo was
Jack Sabbathreacted to reports that a train carrying GOP lawmakers had crashed
NeuroticRocker had a counterpoint about the train crash
shower_in_my_socks explained what garbage the memo turned out to be
bdub77 showed us what was actually in the memo
 
Politics Smart:
Trump's decision to release Nunes' memo reminded Sgt Otter of something
danielem1 speculated on the reason FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe stepped down
tomasso figured out how politics and awards shows are allowed to intersect
somedude210 drew connections between Putin and Trump
mrshowrules wanted people to know that The FBI started investigating Carter Page even before Trump entered politics.
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
sl4psh0t showed us what this "natural bridge" is actually made out of
wiredroach figured that the world's worst job is a high profile one
Yammering_Splat_Vector created an oddly soothing wet belly animation
Don_cos found out what doctors practice in their spare time
Abe Vigoda's Ghost gave the U.S. Ambassador to the Vatican an eye lift
ElectronChaser discovered a severe case of worms
RedZoneTuba showed that sometimes your clients are your biggest problems
Carter Pewterschmidt discovered Fark's server monkey's side job
Iggie found Mr. Whipple at it again
Terrapin Bound gave these friends a colorful splashing puddle
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 665: "Comfort 2" ended in a tie between Ennuipoet's cat and inelegy's wife.
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
Fark Headlines of the Week
 
Here's the thread for Fark's Headlines of the Week
 
Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: I'm so confused
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-01-29 12:39:16 PM (44 comments) | Permalink

The Grammy Awards were last night and we got to see Sting and Bono a whole bunch, Patti LuPone sang, Elton John did a duet with that wholesome Miley Cyrus and wait a minute, what year is it?
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Secret society - 178
Autocorrect - 70 (you're welcome, Weatherkiss)
Fire Mueller - 162
Grammy - 115
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funny:
Mr. Coffee Nerves has complicated relationships
Subtonic knows how to please the ladies
FormlessOne recognized a pattern of behavior behind Dane Cook dating a much younger woman
Petit_Merdeux wondered why Fox News needs a meteorologist
King Something thought there was something familiar about deporting a Kalamazoo doctor
BafflerMeal had the perfect response for a crude comment
olapbill is a real trooper when it comes to dirty videos
Eddie Adams from Torrance had a song about Cliven Bundy
rcain explained why millennials aren't interested in spending time in "the great outdoors"
Prey4reign explained why Harry Styles would make a great James Bond
 
Smart:
FormlessOne explained why millennials aren't buying expensive new outdoor equipment
FormlessOne commented on ICE's crackdown on immigrants
YouWinAgainGravity had a suggestion for how the trend of eating Tide Pods should be dealt with
Mad Scientist saw some hypocrisy in a possible deportation
Marcus Aurelius had advice for men who want to criticize a woman's appearance
abhorrent1 thought ICE might have gone too far even for Trump
FormlessOne came up with a new name for Hobby Lobby
FormlessOne explained why it can take a long time for an abused child to escape
Gubbo asked a question after Larry Nassar was sentenced for sexual abuse
shastacola liked the judge in the Nassar case
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny: L.D. Ablo knew which "hub" site a Farker's friend showed up on
Funny: Al_Ed noticed something about sexy spots for women to get tattoos
Smart: Por que tan serioso thought of the perfect place for TotalFark Discussion regulars to hook up with each other
Funny: optikeye shared the tale of a car's demise
Funny: merrillvillain admitted to stealing something
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Childhood best friends
Smart:
TheXerox befriended a squeaky kid
Funny: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier enjoys trolling a childhood friend
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
spooky.action proved that a guy who punched someone was wearing an Antifa mask
Lochsteppe revealed the contents of recovered text messages between two FBI agents
kliq had a question about charges against Donald Trump
ToastmasterGeneral dropped some knowledge about cheeks
Barfmaker revealed what it takes to get rid of Stephen Miller
 
Politics Smart:
Mr. Coffee Nerves imagined if Hillary Clinton had won and ran things the way Trump does
Tr0mBoNe recognized the wisdom behind wanting to fire Mueller
bloobeary thought about what it would take for r/The_Donald to turn on Trump
Gubbo had an idea about what might be on Melania Trump's mind
wademh had advice for Melania
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
First, a note from Gwinny:

 
Yammering_Splat_Vector, reigning Photoshop God, recently passed the 1000 mark in contest wins. Not only does this truly make him our Esteemed Leader, but it also means he has won far more Guinness bar towels and hot cocoa samplers than anyone else. So let's all raise a glass to YSV. May he have many more years of triumph!
 
Be sure to check out the Photoshop thread celebrating Yammering_Splat_Vector's 1000th contest win.
 
#2 created a flag showing the deep trust forming between North and South Korea
Alligator made a classic Fark favorite into 007
Alligator presented YSV with a trophy that's happy to see you
Wrongo showed a shocking social media stunt
RedZoneTuba reminded us that there are more dangerous things than eating laundry packets
RedZoneTuba revealed that some old cartoons were actually documentaries
RedZoneTuba showed us a very strange thing to do with your Tide Pods
Geordles gave this tree a reason to be leaning
Alligator brought refreshments for YSV's celebration
wickedfish united Korea
 
Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 664: "Delineation" with some earth and sky
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Beyond Fark  
 
We're sad to have lost Farker Forsythe P. Jones to cancer.  You can read his memorial thread here.
· · ·


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