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Fark NotNewsletter: I submitted to your mom
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-07-25 1:08:26 PM (44 comments) | Permalink

A big congratulations and thank you go out to Principal Clarinet for passing 20,000 greenlit links last week. I mean, he's had over 20,000 greenlights total, not just in the past week. That would be excessive for just one week. Well done! And while we're at it, here's a thank you to all of our top submitters, middle submitters, and the poor schmucks who can't get a greenlight to save their lives. We really appreciate your contributions, and we never really mean the things we say about your mothers.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Melania Trump - 1400
Ted Cruz - 1366
Tim Kaine - 618
Mike Pence - 770
Roger Ailes - 239
Wikileaks - 257
Debbie Wasserman Schultz - 81
Bacon - 387


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
question_dj reacted to another Farker's comment about the left, the right, and science
wejash figured out who the real racist is
RagnarDanesk discussed which side really believes in science
gopher321 sported some fancy headwear
FlashHarry explained why an autistic man's caretaker was shot by a police officer
cfletch13 reacted to police officers being killed
Danger Avoid Death shared a mother's words of wisdom
Bareefer Obonghit explained how important 7% can be to most people
some_beer_drinker found a chance to use this old meme and have it actually be relevant
TheGrayCat defended an officer who shot an unarmed, cooperative man

Smartest:
WhyteRaven74 thought that some jobs shouldn't be filled by overly nervous people
xaks shared a popular sentiment
sigdiamond2000 suggested one way for police departments to deal with accidents
IronTrilobite thought an explanation only raised more problems
Barfmaker made some observations about the officer shooting the therapist
MetryPapi probably isn't an NRA member
Farkin_Crazy didn't give a fark
Beerguy pointed out how an accident was made even worse
misanthropicsob admired some creative writing skills
Gordon Bennett suggested that a trend in policing should be reversed

CSB Sunday Morning: Game obsession
Smartest:
  UnrepentantApostate found a video game that was useful for pain relief
Funniest:  L.D. Ablo is apparently one of those circle jerks

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
El_Perro pointed out that different universities have different rules
make me some tea showed the reaction of a proud speechwriter
Eddie Adams from Torrance was confused by a reaction to Megyn Kelly's outfit
Bathia_Mapes shared the ultimate Paul Ryan selfie
ABQGOD explained what Melania Trump was thinking as she prepared her speech

Politics Smartest:
Lionel Mandrake provided a script for Obama and the GOP
IbiEvacua didn't mind if things were wonky
El_Perro found a flaw in a statement accepting blame for Melania Trump's speech
Dusk-You-n-Me shared some information about Hillary Clinton's running mate
mrshowrules discussed constitutional rights and wrongs


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
zeon gave a rock something to watch
grampy created a somewhat inspirational poster
hammettman reminded us that breakfast is in the eye of the beholder
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium made all the breakfast anyone needs
grampy made a logo that has another use
RedZoneTuba predicted the future
DrSandyBeech kept the bipartisan spirit
#2 found the perfect side dish for a fast food breakfast
Yammering_Splat_Vector visually represented the question on many voters' minds
Wrongo created a beach that's as happy to see you as you are to see it

Farktography:  Otto's_Jacket won  Farktography Contest No. 585: "Panoramics 2" with a colorful photo fromBadlands National Park, South Dakota

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart:  JerseyTim reacted to Melania Trump's possible plagiarism
Funny:  Louisiana_Sitar_Club had strong feelings about putting mustard on ham
Funny:  Chris Ween continued the submitter's use of fishing as a metaphor for dating

If you'd like to see these posts and make all your wildest dreams come true, join TotalFark.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Roger Ailes' career over after being screwed by blonde, which is pretty much the opposite of how it started

Dane Cook is immortal

Police show up for a 5-year-old's birthday, wind up shooting his dog. SURPRISE

Nuclear submarine suffers costly damages after they let Troi take the helm

No Mohr Cox

Ailes out. Murdoch in. Hannibal, Face, and B.A. nowhere to be found

The best phone you've ever come across?

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 7/17 - 7/23


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a few strong weeks by the Quizmasters, last week's quiz was a mixed bag. While most scores were in the 800s or lower, Glockenspiel Hero crushed the field as the sole member of the 1000 Club with 1008, beating Garza and the Supermutants with 978 and Oliver Twisted with 905. The rest of the field was sadly left in the dust.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 22.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Ain't no party like a hump day party
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-07-18 2:37:39 PM (35 comments) | Permalink

There are two big Fark Parties coming up on Wednesday. In New York, Farkers are meeting up at the Buffalo Zoo, though I don't know how you can have an entire zoo just filled with buffaloes. Well, I guess it'll be stocked up with buffaloes and Farkers on Wednesday, so plenty of hairy beasts will be on hand. In California, Farkers are getting together at Hop-Con to enjoy some Farking Wheaton W00tstout. There will be nerds, nerd drinks, nerd games, and nerd kibble. Oh yeah, and some nerd named Drew.

Remember, you can plan a Fark Party in your neck of the woods. Someone on Twitter suggested having one at the Ark Encounter in Kentucky. Guess that would make it the FArk Encounter, el oh el.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Erdogan - 683
Cleveland - 369
Open carry - 228
Bastille - 71
Wootstout/W00tstout - 21
Bacon - 187


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Pocket Ninja warned us to be careful when trolling people in real life
Gordon Bennett discovered one weird trick for staying safe while playing Pokemon Go
ski9600 shared someone's story about a friend's dying gift
Two Dogs Farking showed a terrible shirt to give to a child
Smock Pot explained why a woman might tip less than a man would
lewismarktwo posted someone's run-in with the police while playing Pokemon Go
FirstNationalBastard wrote an open letter to haters of open letters
Hobodeluxe showed a grownup's response to kids playing Pokemon Go
Munden explained why a judge wouldn't marry atheists
1nsanilicious posted a very frightening photo of a spirit leaving a body

Smartest:
Kouta condemned a judge's excuse for discriminating
spamdog agreed with a point made by a police chief
Barfmaker pointed out the silliness of a marijuana study
mama2tnt thought that same study was missing the point
Somacandra discussed a Fark submitter's possible assumption about protestors
RexTalionis gave a reason for not knowing how much interest a credit card charges
MasterAdkins talked about how smoking pot ruins lives
WilderKWight discussed the dangers of trying to catch them all
scottydoesntknow had an opinion about a Duggar family rumor
winedrinkingman brought up another way Colorado helps their state budget

CSB Sunday Morning:   A mundane decision changes everything
Smartest:
   gordian told a story about talking to actual real-life people
Funniest:   jetzzfan did a play on "Office Space"

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Stile4aly posted an animated version of the Trump/Pence logo
FirstNationalBastard went with the "Full Frontal" Trump/Pence logo
what_now commented on the futility of asking people to follow Wheaton's Law
King Something revealed the true origins of the Trump/Pence logo
minnkat posted yet another version of the infamous logo

Politics Smartest:
Mr. Coffee Nerves remarked that a joke has passed it's best-by date
Don't Troll Me Bro! appreciated a source tag change
ox45tallboy commented on the Republican plan to return Federal land to the states
what_now commented on the futility of asking people to follow Wheaton's Law
Laughing Budda commented on a plea to not be so second-amendmenty at the RNC


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork turned a drawback of having a cat into a benefit
grampy exposed a dangerous Johnson
Surly U. Jest showed a child's conundrum
Alligator taught this kid some slick moves
redmax created a hilarious shootout
RedZoneTuba fixed a broken bridge
RedZoneTuba contributed to the delinquency of a minor
Yammering_Splat_Vector was also a bad influence on a child
RedZoneTuba showed an obscure album from a well-known duo
zeon made a fishing spot more lively

Farktography:   Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 584: "Go With the Flow 2" with a pretty picture of Silver Falls

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:   atlfarkette answered the age-old question, "What is a group of Weens called, anyway?"
Funny:   Mrs.Sharpier shared the story of someone's first time talking dirty
Funny:   ffish told everyone about washing a cat crotch in an airport bathroom
Smart:   Chris Ween described what you'd be doing right now if the internet didn't exist


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)


Suicide now leading cause of death for Utahns ages 10-17. Internet blamed for showing them what life is like outside Utah

Baked Alaska

Woman gives birth after having her ovaries frozen for 10 years. Infant is promptly declared the King in the North

US Women's soccer reveal the players who will go for their 4th straight Olympic gold. Cholera passes to Zika, Zika passes to Rubella, back to Zika who shoots and ... GOOOOOOAL *COUGH* * COUGH*

Dwarf planet discovered outside Pluto's orbit; scheduled to soon have all life there devoured by Tyraids and all mention of it wiped from the Imperial Archives

David Copperfield tricks out his new Las Vegas mansion, makes $17.5 million disappear

One Pence None the Derper

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 7/10 - 7/16


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A solid week for the Quizmasters as they wrote last week's quiz hard enough to get Farkers to zig when they should have zagged on at least one question, keeping everybody out of the 1000 Club for at least 7 days. This week saw two gold medalists with PirateKing and mutterfark sharing the top of the podium with 922, rounded out by Sofa King Smart with 887 and timmerov with 880.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 15.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Let me show you it
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-07-11 3:20:51 PM (67 comments) | Permalink

Some awful stuff happened last week, but I'm not going to talk about that here because I don't think you've been holding your breath waiting for DisseminationMonkey's input. Aside from those things, for some damned reason, it seems like the biggest topic of conversation is Pokémon Go. I haven't played it, and I'm not even sure what a Pokémon is. But if Fark is any indication, it's getting some people to accidentally exercise, and others to perhaps find themselves in some shady situations. For those of you who play it, I just hope it's more rewarding than Ingress.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Beer - 823
Wine - 358
Vodka - 65
Vodak - 16
Whiskey - 589
Whisky - 7
Tequila - 53
Bourbon - 36
Bacon - 376


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Non Sequitur Man showed what could be the last thing the Hitomi black hole satellite saw (warning: gross)
scottydoesntknow had a question about the surprise party thrown for a girl who came out to her family
Chris Ween knew what a ham sandwich represented
shanrick discussed a versatile accessory
Abe Vigoda's Ghost agreed with a Donald Trump supporter
FirstNationalBastard found the original of an Emma Watson photo with The Rock
Gordon Bennett detected the sand in a sandwich
Paris1127 had something for fans of "50 Shades of Guy"
Drunk Astronaut greeted an old friend
TheAlgebraist had a question about the attack in Dallas

Smartest:
dittybopper discussed the killing of Philando Castile
Giant Clown Shoe reacted to Philando Castile's death
Super_pope gave thoughts on what led to the sad events of last week
lindalouwho pointed out that there's plenty of nothing good to go around
Astorix felt that terrorists aren't our biggest problem
xanadian pointed out that some people are unwittingly helping ISIS
Benevolent Misanthrope provided a script of how a story should conclude
FlashHarry commented on the decline of the U.S. coal industry
AirForceVet saw potential for a CDC study
Prank Call of Cthulhu offered suggestions for improving American policing

CSB Sunday Morning: Fireworks
Smartest:
  gordian told two stories, with the first being heartwarming, and the second being... different
Funniest:  orezona shared a story that miraculously ended with no death or dismemberment

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Mentat thought about why the NRA is quick to defend the gun rights of only some people
Prank Call of Cthulhu revealed how Joe Walsh got his look
Cheron thought there was one way there might be charges against Hillary Clinton for her emails
The Madd Mann reacted to news that Hillary Clinton won't face charges
SmackLT showed us the picture that's really hanging in Joe Walsh's office

Politics Smartest:
GooberMcFly suggested a headline fix
Mentat thought about why the NRA is quick to defend the gun rights of only some people
ManateeGag thought Joe Walsh could use some company
MmmmBacon discussed the NRA's response to Philando Castile's death
Mugato thought Sarah Palin's plan sounded familiar


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork discovered an allergy sufferer
Munden got this monkey some drinks
Yammering_Splat_Vector hoped for some news
zeon sees what you did there
Wrongo returned a strange family heirloom
redmax and everyone who voted for this are terrible
redmax found that you never know who will turn up in a Photoshop contest
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium altered Volkswagen's emblem
Surly U. Jest made a weird thing even weirder
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this monkey a reason to quit drinking

Farktography:
olavf won Farktography Contest No. 583: "Hidden Summertime Gems" with a photo from Golden Gate Park's Conservatory of Flowers

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny & Smart:  Incorrigible Astronaut pointed out why one option was probably off the table for some people (go up and read the headline)
Funny: EatenTheSun helped with another Farker's fantasy
Funny: TravelingFreakshow had the winning idea for which film to remake with all fat people


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Edsel Ford II, great-grandson of Henry Ford, will not be charged with domestic violence. Since it's a Ford, prosecutors now wait for the inevitable recall

Man hit by blow dart in drive by shooting. Police seek information...if only they spoke Hovitos

Kobe gets a vintage Pontiac Parisienne in Lakers colors from Snoop Dogg. The car drives okay but it smokes like crazy

Milwaukee Bucks forward Jabari Parker vows to protect Obama from Joe Walsh after ominous tweet. Anybody who's seen the Bucks defense know what a hollow promise that is

Microsoft stored an OK Go music video in strings of DNA. Copyright violation claim in 2, 4, 8, 16, 32

Erik Estrada joins the St. Anthony, ID, Police Department. It's official..."Ponch" is now a Potato CHiP

Gretchen Carlson files lawsuit against Fox News alleging she was fired for not giving Roger Ailes the chance to bring her to climax with the clinical efficiency of the assassination of Bin Laden

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for7/3 - 7/9


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A good week indeed for the Farkers taking the quiz, with every single score on the Top 10 list above 900. The winner this week was bratface, joining the 1000 club with an impressive 1024 while PeddlerOfBombast and abhorrent1 went neck-and-neck for second place, with the former beating the latter by a single point: 984 to 983. Better luck next week, abhorrent1.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 8.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Another special Fark event is coming up
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-07-05 12:31:05 PM, edited 2016-07-05 12:36:33 PM (41 comments) | Permalink

Hopefully you all woke up today with the same number of fingers you had yesterday. It might be hard to count them, though, if you're still drunk and seeing double. Plus, if you count things on your fingers, you can't count your fingers if you can't count on your fingers to all be there.

Anyway, worry about your fingers later, and enjoy this week's Fark NotNewsletter. Check out the Farking Tip to learn about an awesome event that's coming up, the Fark Book Fair.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Istanbul - 72
Saudi Arabia - 71
Bangladesh - 59
Jupiter - 139
Juno - 114
Game of Thrones - 111
Bacon - 380


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Benevolent Misanthrope figured out why a woman can't get no satisfaction
MichiganFTL noticed something about a death in the "Game of Thrones" season finale (spoiler)
North_Central_Positronics explained why the U.S. will never change to the metric system
CipollinaFan posted a new "nope" image (contains "Game of Thrones" season finale spoiler)
JW illustrated the relationships of all the characters from "Game of Thrones"
Pocket Ninja explained how another mass shooting was averted
HighlanderRPI was impressed with the Pope's abilities
Mugato saw innocence in a woman's eyes
ChipNASA showed a war between two Farker factions
Psychopusher explained how another Farker's comment actually touched on the real problem

Smartest:
Walker thought another Farker was mistaken when calling something a mistake
Daesh Rip Rock agreed with sued people billing some suers for suing
Quasar discussed the idea of a good guy with a gun stopping a bad guy with a gun
Dancin_In_Anson said goodbye to America
Codenamechaz hosed down the submitter's parade
kronicfeld spoke up for Team Cinemark
Sgt Otter didn't think NRA members have always demonstrated their commitment to their cause
dittybopper had no patience for a conspiracy theory
vpb argued over which group is more diluted
question_dj compared two shooty situations

CSB Sunday Morning:  Getting promoted
Smartest:
J Noble Daggett described the anatomy of a promotion
Funniest: tshauk explained the joys of self employment

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Lurky McLurkerton posted a picture of the Gonadsden flag
Mike_LowELL explained how Donald Trump is winning
ChipNASA shared a family discussion about abortion
The English Major discovered Boris Johnson's long-lost twin
hillbillypharmacist mathematically proved that Trump will win

Politics Smartest:
Dusk-You-n-Me shared a portion of the Supreme Court's majority opinion striking down a Texas law
Dusk-You-n-Me posted more information about HB2
Trivia Jockey guessed at which point Texas was boned
pkjun encouraged Nigel Farage's Brexity smugness
Lurky McLurkerton posted a picture of the Gonadsden flag (and I'm glad to use "Gonadsden flag" twice)


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork showed how robots know which restroom to use
RedZoneTuba gave Keith Richards a new look
redmax revealed what machine overlords will do for fun
Cork on Fork showed us what will replace bacon
godxam made a cuter Yoda except for the creepy hair
Surly U. Jest discovered a neat thing you never knew a spider could do
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this guy something to be smug about
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer revealed the truth about Fark
grampy made a huge improvement to Donald Trump's hair
stertz couldn't resist booping

Farktography:  Farktography Contest No. 582: "Nuts & Bolts 2" ended in a tie between Fr._Peter_Fitznuggly with a really hot photo and  Iamos with these dark bumpies

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Farking Tip (brought to you this week by Somedude210)

It's funny. When I started the whole "Fark Writer's Thread" idea a little over a year ago (wait, really?), it was mostly to give myself a reason to keep writing, and encourage other writers to keep writing and show off their projects.

...Okay, so maybe less funny "ha ha" and more funny "uh oh."

Suffice it to say, I did not expect the amount of enthusiasm for the Fark Writer's Thread from Farkers. We have quite a few fantastic authors in our midst, and to show off the talent we have curated here on Fark, we're going to host our first ever Fark Book Fair.

Remember that Fark Craft Fair we held? It's gonna run like that. Farkers with books to sell will show off the covers of their books and give a link of where to go and buy them (such as an Amazon link). The comments will be their "storefront." Those storefront comments will remain at the top of the thread, and the non-storefront comments will proceed below them. Occasionally a mod will rotate the top comment to a different storefront to give a different author a chance at the boobies.

Not only will we have Farkers with books to sell, but we will also be showcasing the first Fark Writing Anthology: "Heart of Farkness," a collection of short stories that have been submitted by Farkers over the last few months. All proceeds from HoF will go to a children's cancer research charity (who won't let us use their name, the bastards). I cannot take credit for this portion, it was strictly the brainchild of toraque.

"So when is all this happening?" you may be asking. It will be Saturday, July 16th. It's less than two weeks away, so mark your calendars, clear off your Kindle, pry your wallet out of your pants, and prepare to delve into the Heart of Farkness (and all the other crazy, fun adventures your fellow Farkers have written up for you... except me. I haven't finished my project yet. Next year, I swear!).


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart:  Jesus Farking Christ has a rather appropriate login for this comment about pharmacists who don't want to do their jobs
Smart & Funny: Smock Pot explained why some Farkers vote for their own comments
Smart: CommieTaoist, it's called the NotNewsletter


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

New color is discovered, immediately taken for rough ride in the back of a police van

Leming jumps off cliff

Former supermodel claims she needs $262 million from her ex-husband to live the lifestyle she is accustomed to, not counting $83 a year just for food

NASCAR drivers John Wes Townley and Spencer Gallagher get into an aggressive hugging match after a wreck. NASCAR considering fining them for actions detrimental to the sport of MMA

First Detroit Lions cheer squad in 40 years draws hundreds of hopefuls. Winners were the ones who were most convincing in yelling out the team's traditional cheerleading chant of "Nice try"

Seagate spins down and parks 1,600 jobs due to a lack of cache

Yo dawg, so I herd you like regex, so we put a regex in your regex so you can :(?:[^?+*{}()[\]\\|]+|\\.|\[ (?:\^?\\.|\^[^\\]|[^\\^]) (?:[^\]\\]+|\\.)*\]|\( (?:\?[:=]|\?)

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 6/26 - 7/2


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Looks like the epic battle was back on last week. There was a pretty good distribution on the top 10 list with scores in the 1000s, but half of the people on the list were only in the 800s. Last week's podium featured FrancoFile, who crushed it with 1035, followed by Ivo Shandor with 1014, giving them the only two slots in the 1000 Club. The top three were rounded out with Hassan Ben Sobr who got an impressive 964, even if it wasn't quite enough for the keys to the penthouse this time.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - July 1.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: What's all this, then?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-06-27 12:15:31 PM (29 comments) | Permalink

Last week, the Enchanted Kingdom voted to leave the United Federation of Planets. They're calling this withdrawal the Brexit, because that's what English people call cookies. English people are known for clever wordplay and Cockney rhyming slang, which is seen here because the process that makes cookies rise is called leavening, and the Enchanted Kingdom is rising up and will be leaven the rest of the Europians .1

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Brexit - 1514
Cameron - 407
Scotland - 969
London - 669
Bacon - 476

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Vash's Apprentice helped out with a question about Anton Yelchin
orezona shared Australia's reaction to Brexit
Sybarite was inspired by a woman's topless walk to educate about breast cancer issues
revrendjim thought some symptoms sounded familiar
scottydoesntknow said goodbye to a pastor who was being evicted
SpaceBison berated some immature Farkers
IgG4 suggested an alternative to racial profiling
doyner proved that judgement goes both ways
Uzzah said a sad goodbye to Anton Yelchin
WyDave shared a prediction of the next popular baby name

Smartest:
dpaul007 thought that maybe someone shouldn't have been so shocked by something
ginandbacon discussed the Orlando shooter's background
jim90291 outlined how private prisons operate
LordJiro talked about talking about wages
Alphax found one thing about Anton Yelchin's death particularly surprising
Gyrfalcon discussed employers forbidding workers from discussing how much they're paid
jethroe had a suggestion for a gun restriction
enry recommended some common sense when it comes to guns
Astorix discussed the history of federal anti-marijuana legislation
Ned Stark pointed out the disparity in which things are considered criminal

CSB Sunday Morning: Annual Father's Day thread
Smartest:
The Pope of Manwich Village was grateful for a father who planned ahead
Funniest: cheezitmojo is apparently a Jedi

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Butterflew figured out Donald Trump's speaking style
ManateeGag compared Donald Trump's religion to his rallies
monoski shared the possible consequences of Brexit
Mr. Coffee Nerves posted what Trump might say about Jesus
simplicimus gave a good reason to be hypnotized

Politics Smartest:
Lionel Mandrake explained what a politician is really trying to accomplish
optikeye made a prediction about Clarence Thomas
FlashHarry wrote a disclaimer for a bigoted pastor
timujin had some words to say to a moronic redneck
Pocket Ninja discussed possible reasons for not releasing all information related to a crime


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork showed what might happen to a peeping tomcat
Alligator augmented a long, flowing beard
stertz did some detective work
stertz is a dirty bastard
#2 created an equation
Don_cos really turned on the waterworks
RedZoneTuba looks just like Dawn Wells
Don_cos showed what happens when HULK SPLASH!
RedZoneTuba gave a couple of clues to this invisible guy's identity
#2 recycled an old muppet

Farktographyolavf won Farktography Contest No. 581: "Dramatic License" with this expressive fellow

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  First, read the Boobies. Then, read generalDisdain's suggestion for handling this strange urinal user's behavior
Funny:  marius2 let submitter know how to determine if men have micropenii


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Rome elects first female mayor in MMM years

Our first proof of time travel

Tourists put out fire in historic cathedral by splashing it with holy water, simultaneously saving the day and doing 2D4 damage to all nearby undead

Cavaliers win NBA championship, ending 52-year drought for city of Cleveland. Warriors vow to take it to the convention

Christie Brinkley is selling her 125-year-old mansion, although it doesn't look a day over 49

More casting details for Rogue One, including Mads Mikklesen, Alan Tudyk, and Riz Ahmed. Man, Star Wars character names are weird

Voters in the UK are shedding the pounds with this one simple trick

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 6/19 - 6/25


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The Quizmasters were up this week as they managed to keep everybody below 900 for the first time in a while. Still, Twilight Farkle led the pack with a hard-earned 866, followed by Blackstone with 849 and xrayspx rounded out the top three with 830. If history is any indication, the Farkers will bounce back next week and earn some higher scores.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - June 24.

1 I apologize for this entire intro. - DisseminationMonkey
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Goats and strawberries
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-06-20 1:01:19 PM (30 comments) | Permalink

Today is the summer solstice, but since it also falls on the strawberry moon, you're supposed to feed strawberries to goats instead of sacrificing them. The goats, not the strawberries. The strawberries will be sacrificed. Anyway, it's the longest day of the year, so the strawberries have a lot of time to get their affairs in order before the moon comes out, and with it, the ravenous goats.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Father's Day - 625
Summer - 764
Filibuster - 118
Bacon - 979

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
shower_in_my_socks shared a possible reaction to finding out the Orlando shooter was (most likely) gay
James! summed up why Fark is better than other sites
you are a puppet felt something should be acknowledged about the Disney gator attack
Kimyo found evidence that one of Donald Trump's claims is true
bearded clamorer calmed our fears when Justin Bieber fell through the stage at a concert
doyner suggested one way of dealing with the mass shooting in Orlando
Mr. Coffee Nerves shared inside info about a mommy blogger with a kid named Titan
calbert showed what the Disney alligator might look like
Atomic Spunk named a legitimate reason for a civilian to need to buy body armor
cowgirl toffee described a favorite position

Smartest:
Dragonflew had a word for people who reacted a certain way to the Orlando night club shooting
TuteTibiImperes explained why some restaurants don't have children's menus
winedrinkingman disagreed with a murderer's father
mama2tnt shared words of wisdom from Mr. Rogers
RadiomanATL gave some advice
miss diminutive wasn't impressed with a woman's tale of woe
doyner suggested one way of dealing with the mass shooting in Orlando
factoryconnection pointed out that one completely horrible person is even worse than another completely horrible person
nekom shared another sad fact you probably hadn't thought of
kbronsito thought that someone was lacking in both tact and timing

CSB Sunday Morning: "Summer swimming"
Smartest:
Caelistis told about being launched into puberty by a bikini
Funniest: Evil-ish demonstrated kids' ability to be both terrible and awesome simultaneously

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Mike_LowELL has proof that Donald Trump will win the election
quatchi thought that Paul Ryan hadn't quite thought things through
nekom proposed a solution to the Twitter war between Trump and Clinton
Munden provided evidence of Trump's tiny hands
Snarcoleptic_Hoosier pointed out why Conservatives feel left out on social media

Politics Smartest:
null used a Fark filter suggestion to get votes
Butterflew had some words for Paul Ryan
domino324 gave Bernie Sanders supporters a reason to vote for Hillary Clinton
hubiestubert shared that xkcd "free speech" comic, but with some other site's URL on the bottom
Dubwise refused a request


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish showed work from Vermeer's Blue Period
Alligator shared Grant Wood's lesser-known "French Gothic"
bighairyguy found your parents' road sign
maxandgrinch cleaned up the Enterprise
Alligator revealed what George Washington really looked like
verchad showed that Napoleon looked very different when he was just an admiral
#2 replaced Batman with a villain
Ldrtchbrd dared to ask, "Why not Zoidberg?"
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium created the Ford Thunderbird Locomotive
DrSandyBeech showed us Paranormal Rockwell

Farktographyhenryhill won Farktography Contest No. 580: "All Your 2000 Parts" with these sets of stems

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Tuesday, June 21st: Fark meetup at Weird Al concert in Portsmouth, VA
Saturday, June 25th: Chicago Fark Party
Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Teens save man in sinking car by hurling bricks and breaking car windows. When interviewed, teens said, "What? There was a guy in the there?"

Japanese city offering public funds to freeze women's eggs. Those vending machines keep getting weirder

Texas man arrested in serial rock-throwing case, because only parallel rock-throwing cases are licensed in Texas

Russia develops shot that protects track and field athletes from contracting Zika virus at 2016 Brazil Olympics

Scientists discover "quasi-satellite" that's orbiting both the Earth and the Sun. No one knows where it came from or how it got there, but it's going to stick around for centuries. Kind of like Gilbert Gottfried

Visa is upset that its indentured serfs are being treated like pawns by Walmart who sees them as economic vassals

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 6/12 - 6/18


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The quiz takers had a good run against Fark's cadre of Quizmasters this week, with every score in the top 10 over 900. The gold medal went to mutterfark who was the only four-digit score with 1022, trailed by skippy.fluff with 961, and then FrancoFile rounding out the medal podium with 952.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - June 17.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Well, crap
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-06-13 1:47:35 PM (76 comments) | Permalink

I can't even with an intro this week.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Orlando - 836
Associated Press - 31
Pocahontas - 82
Bacon - 396

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
AvoidThoseTentacles shared a comic about workplace attire
TommyDeuce posted a joke about dressing for work
tommyl66 paid tribute to the late Gordie Howe
FrancoFile summed up an author's rant about techies
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat explained some premature aging
GameSprocket pointed out what an airport shooter was doing wrong
Solid State Vittles knew why a man died while fapping
Pocket Ninja doesn't like the name Brock, but explained when Barack (B-rock) is okay
cowgirl toffee showed a disappointment that's technically SFW, but you should probably use caution when viewing at work
MaudlinMutantMollusk made an astute observation about Brock Turner and his father

Smartest:
nmrsnr discussed the debt that was purchased by John Oliver
DammitIForgotMyLogin pointed out who was obviously the real victim
MaudlinMutantMollusk made an astute observation about Brock Turner and his father
RexTalionis reacted to rumors about Richard Simmons
Marcus Aurelius felt no sympathy for an awful person
docpeteyJ responded to the idea that Christians are the most hated group in the U.S.
The Goddamn Batman proposed a new rule about ribeye steaks
sno man thought a Slate writer missed the point
factoryconnection suggested a worker should mind his own business
American-Irish eyes figured that murdering your daughter is evil

CSB Sunday Morning: "Things got a bit out of hand"
Smartest:
  MooseBayou shared an action-packed tale of heroism
Funniest:  NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!! told a story of passion and drama

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
shanrick shared a tweet about Donald Trump's boastfulness
LarryDan43 knew who was responsible for Hillary Clinton's win in California
Bloody William discussed job requirements in employees of the Cherokee Nation
Telephone Sanitizer Second Class won "Dirty Jeopardy!"
Lionel Mandrake shared an unbiased pollster's opinion

Politics Smartest:
timujin told idiots to keep their meat
Diogenes wanted to explain something to a "victim"
August11 discussed comparisons of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton
timujin summed up the Trump/Warren fight
Ambivalence explained the problem with income inequality

Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Don_cos Farked up a movie poster
Ldrtchbrd traded one set of chompers for another
Wrongo didn't need no water
DiggidyDan prepared for amphibious warfare
RedZoneTuba created some nightmare fuel
Cork on Fork exposed a secret admirer
#2 found something scarier than a lion
Cork on Fork showed why you should quit while you're a head
zeon showed us a scary invasion
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a fixer-upper

Farktographyjust kat won Farktography Contest No. 579: "B's" with this busy nope

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, June 25th: Chicago Fark Party
Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Yoga instructor murders twin by driving her off a cliff. Did they double-check the dental records? Will the twin come back with amnesia? Tune in tomorrow

TIFF in PNG leaves four pixelated

Firefighters in Arizona hoping their effort shields Yarnell, for now remain silent

Denmark launches all-refugee football league, although every team has to be the Visitors

Stupid Flanders

After two decades, The Parent Trap house is still standing. To the surprise of everyone, so is Lindsay Lohan

Gawker is bankrupt. Also, they just filed for Chapter 11

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 6/5 - 6/11


Weird News Quiz Results ( brought to you by Unfreakable)

This was a well-balanced week. On one hand, nobody broke 1000. On the other hand, 8 of the top 10 scores were over 900 and the quiz takers generally got the majority of the answers right. FrancoFile led the pack with 949, followed closely by sugaryvitamin at 941, while Oakenraven wasn't far off with 932, placing third to edge out another Top 10 regular. Well done, all of you.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - June 10.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: What is a Moral Highlander?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-06-06 1:11:26 PM (76 comments) | Permalink

Moral Highlander: Someone who thinks that when you're talking about the outrage du jour, it means that you don't care about whatever their pet cause is. Moral Highlanders are often seen during high-profile animal killings (Harambe the gorilla, Cecil the lion), but they also show up for terrorist attacks ("Your outrage over the Paris attacks means you don't care about Boko Haram") and activist groups (thinking that Black Lives Matter is somehow implying that other lives don't).

You can thank dugitman for coming up with this wonderful new term. Use it in good health.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Muhammad Ali - 81
Superdelegate - 286
Sandwich - 520
Bacon - 531

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
ecmoRandomNumbers figured out who wrote an article
Benevolent Misanthrope has a way of dealing with landlords who force tenants to friend them on Facebook
spoontasic showed us what Keith Richards is up to
mamoru might have figured out how the boy left in the woods by his parents survived
Chris Ween reacted to news that kids are using chocolate at raves
Chris Ween reacted again to news that kids are using chocolate at raves
Lionel Mandrake provided the Texan term for haboob
Angela Lansbury's Merkin reacted to a woman's racist Facebook rant
Fear the Clam thought some short shorts looked familiar
derpes_simplex provided the Mobile, Alabama math test

Smartest:
meat0918 shared an illustration of things moving the wrong way
Laughing Budda described the consequences of legalizing marijuana
Fark Me To Tears pointed out that Bank of America actually did something right
ecmoRandomNumbers apparently goes to some really bad parties
MFAWG explained why Muhammad Ali was not a draft dodger
what_now explained the difference between what happened at Baylor and what happened with Bill Clinton
mama2tnt wondered why nobody's talking about papa2tnt
MmmmBacon described this one weird trick for getting revenge on an ex
Brave had a solution for dealing with things like the killing of that gorilla
Bathia_Mapes suggested possible reasons for a man's firing from Time Warner Cable

CSB Sunday Morning: "The Talk"

Smartest:
  hubiestubert's father gave advice on the emotional aspects of relationships
Funniest:  Dodger's daughter asked an awkward followup question after learning where babies come from

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
HighOnCraic pointed out how Donald Trump might handle criticism
Mr. Coffee Nerves explained why Bernie Sanders supporters would vote Trump over Clinton
MaudlinMutantMollusk let us know how to find a good place to stop for a snack
incendi was offended by another Farker's statement about Donald Trump
log_jammin discovered Trump's one weird trick for answering questions about the election

Politics Smartest:
FlashHarry had advice for business owners
jake_lex found a restaurant's theme to be unappetizing
AirForceVet thought some people had their heads in an uncomfortable place
aaronx discussed blaming political sides for forced sterilization
fusillade762 explained why Camacho would be a better president than Trump


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium assembled the best new band
hungryghost made a sign for your mom's package
RedZoneTuba gave a sign holder another job
grampy showed a giant woman being resourceful
Herb Utsmelz showed us a very bad kitty
retrophil found some brothers enjoying a meal
RedZoneTuba gave a different Dino a ride
Yammering_Splat_Vector saw a yoga class
Yammering_Splat_Vector better get a bucket
Yammering_Splat_Vector knows perfectly well what this is about

Farktography:  Farktography Contest No. 578: "What You See Is What You Get" ended in a tie between Elsinore with "Water Drop Parasol" and turbocucumber with a kid touching a gold thing

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, June 25th: Chicago Fark Party
Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Mannford man escapes from western Oklahoma prison. Just another runner in the night

13-year-old boy suffers from Michelle Duggar Syndrome after shark attack

Active shooter has been barricaded in SF Chinatown building for over an hour, costing landlord over $10,000 in rent so far

Scientists study rare disease that makes you believe you're dead, decide to name it "Nebraska"

Chris Evans calls the new Top Gear a "hit." Think he's missing an "s" somewhere

Feel the Johnson

New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman calls Trump University "phony and heartless". Later he backtracked on the statement, says he didn't mean to include the "university" part

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 5/29 - 6/4


Weird News Quiz Results ( brought to you by Unfreakable)

Looks like the Quizmasters had the upper hand this week with nobody in the 1000 Club and only two people managing to score above 900. Congratulations in order to rick42 who just missed quadruple digits at 996, leaving the other top scorers robertus and UseUrHeadFred in the dust with their scores of 907 and 886, respectively.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - June 3.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: A look at the controversial subject that's tearing our nation apart
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-05-31 10:05:26 AM, edited 2016-05-31 10:10:59 AM (146 comments) | Permalink

With the U.S. presidential election only a little over five months away, you'd expect it to be the chief cause of discord in the country. Last week, however, one topic rose to cause more arguments and anger than any other: the hot dog. It started when someone brought up the National Hot Dog Council's 2014 ruling that adults should never put ketchup on their hot dogs. Seeing this argument resurrected just before Memorial Day, Merriam-Webster decided to throw gasoline on the fire by claiming that a hot dog is a sandwich. At last count, four states have threatened to secede over these issues. May God have mercy on us all.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Memorial Day - 223
Barbecue/BBQ - 249
Hot dog - 272
Hotdog - 113
Ween - 4833
Bacon - 414

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
Diogenes knew why a lawyer accepted sex as payment for legal representation
alizeran found that a desired Christian Mingle login was already taken
ox45tallboy has unwittingly created art
farkingismybusiness couldn't believe a movie and the sniper's story it was based on could both contain lies
Huntceet expressed discomfort with the wife's idea to spice up marital relations
LarryDan43 let us know how pilots stayed safe when dropping nuclear bombs
koder explained how Donald Trump discourages violence at his rallies
hi13760 shared a fat joke
AdolfOliverPanties provided a romantically-captioned photo of Casey Anthony with her lawyer
edmo shared a comment from an article about "puppy play"

Smartest:
Voiceofreason01 pointed out that Venezuela collapsed because it wasn't scrappy enough
texdent refused to live by society's rules
pueblonative sincerely felt that a phrase could take a hike
Eddie Adams from Torrance felt that there are worse things than archaic software
That Guy What Stole the Bacon thought there was a clue that Chris Kyle might not be a great guy
fusillade762 shared a graphic about the difference between a cult and a religion
wejash talked about how to start to change the country
aagrajag agreed with Facebook's rejection of an ad
doglover pointed out why a U.S. Air Force tactic wasn't stupid
timujin gave a reason for favoring Calvin and Hobbes over The Far Side

CSB Sunday Morning: "Unplanned home demos"

Smartest:  This ended with a tie between Lamberts Ho Man with a story about flooding the crawl space and TelemonianAjax's tale of Dad and maternal Grandpa remodeling a bathroom together
Funniest:  The Pope of Manwich Village shared an adorable story about a Mother's Day present

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Mr. Coffee Nerves knew how Donald Trump would build a seawall to protect a property from nonexistent global warming
Two Dogs Farking revealed the real way to make America great again
Two Dogs Farking shared a related political cartoon
Sandusky Knows Best answered a question about Hillary Clinton creating jobs
Pocket Ninja outlined the consequences of raising minimum wage

Politics Smartest:
aaronx pointed out that NRO is a reliable website
Weaver95 discussed the $5.7 billion generated by Disneyland Resorts each year
Cyberluddite had a suggestion for getting a debate to happen between Trump and Sanders
hobbes0022 thanked Disney for their job creation
kbronsito shared the prompt for the essay portion of this year's SATs


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
maxandgrinch showed a couple of lawyers in their natural habitat
Alligator created the new Nope Airlines
RedZoneTuba exposed the dangers of mall shopping
MortalComedy gave us a reason to believe in dog
grampy showed us that gold spray paint huffer guy was actually innocent
Danger Avoid Death found that the Bundy brothers continue the struggle
Surly U. Jest helped this woman put her legs on display
Don_cos gave this guy a really big heinie
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a flowing floral frock
RedZoneTuba added insult to injury

Farktography: Kenny B won Farktography Contest No. 577: "Onion Belt" with an old Texaco station

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, June 25th: Chicago Fark Party
Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Verschlimmbesserung is the German word for "improvement that makes things worse." Or as we say in English, Microsoft

Six-month-old girl water skis across Florida lake. That's nothing, a two-month-old can skip across a lake if you've got a strong enough arm

Obtuse man jumps into Angle Lake, acute drowning ensues

Tests show that drivers can't accurately judge the speed of approaching trai

Things just keep getting worse for Fort McMurray fire evacuees

North Korea rejects Trump's offer to meet with Kim Jong Un, citing the ancient law that allows for only one egotistical dictator with a god complex in the country at a time

Surprise Johnson might leave a mark on election. This is not a repeat from 1996

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 5/22 - 5/28


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A pretty solid week for most of you, with all the scores on the Top 10 above 900, led by SoundOfOneHandWanking with 1016, followed by End_Of_Line with 975 and rrl with 940, pipping third place from Oakenraven, whose 938 wasn't quite enough this week.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - May 27.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The Wookiee mask for your soul
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-05-23 1:01:09 PM (25 comments) | Permalink

Last week, a baby bison accepted a ride from strangers, a woman discovered the secret to happiness in a Chewbacca mask, and the Canadian Prime Minister went all "Macho Man Savage" on a female politician - at least the way some people tell it. So sit back, knit some bison sweaters, and relive last week's outrages in this week's Fark NotNewsletter.

Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Bison - 236
Elbow - 192
Delegates - 783
Morley Safer - 22
Bacon - 278

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past seven days

Funniest:
dookdookdook figured out why Kansas might have problems dealing with criminals
fusillade762 shared a helpful chart for comparing temperature scales
sigdiamond2000 described the simple path to financial stability
70Ford showed how to get a baby bison into your car
MaudlinMutantMollusk revealed the motives behind proposing strict laws for exotic dancers
nekom had a Rooneyesque reaction to Morley Safer's death
The Pope of Manwich Village posted an animated gif full of breasteses
JerseyTim shared a funny photo that hints at spoilers to last week's episode of "Game of Thrones"
70Ford revealed a bison's sad complaints
Danger Avoid Death told us a buffalo story
Harry_Seldon showed another Farker why you don't mention your mom on Fark

Smartest:
rzrwiresunrise commented on the most ridiculous overreaction to a dress that doesn't involve an argument about what colors it is
sigdiamond2000 explained what the Confederate flag symbolizes
TuteTibiImperes compared weather reporter fashion
HawgWild described the proper handling of complaints about a TV reporter's outfit
kbronsito explained why a Tor developer wasn't just being paranoid
ArkAngel guessed at who complained about a woman's gym attire
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat added to sigdiamond2000's explanation of Confederate flag symbolism
vegas_greaser thought some people needed to chill the fark out
jso2897 agreed with some limits to gun rights
DOCTORD000M didn't think a proposed explanation excused a cop's actions

CSB Sunday Morning: "8th grade dance"

Smartest:
  koder is probably really going to hate being mentioned here
Funniest:  daRog wondered about the topic for the week

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
mrshowrules shared a tweet where Donald Trump replied to a Farker's criticism
Deveyn knew what a politician had been up to
Eclectic set another Farker straight
CipollinaFan chastised some people for being worse than Hitler
KarmicDisaster had some encouraging words for Texas

Politics Smartest:
UberDave explained Nate Silver's wizard powers
Weaver95 saw bad things in store for the Democratic Party
Weaver95 thought a religious group was becoming extreme
docpeteyJ discussed the danger of hatred
nmrsnr dissected an argument against science


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Ldrtchbrd showed a problem that affects millions of people every day
whyRpeoplesostupid found the perfect friend for a paper tiger
Herb Utsmelz demonstrated why you don't want to let the internet give you a makeover
Alligator helped this astronaut draw a self portrait
Yammering_Splat_Vector put us to sleep with this Photoshop
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a brave protestor
Octafrye showed us where Popeye went when he was done sailing the seas
wickedfish gave us a dangerous young boffin
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium combined science and nature to make a complicated lawnmower
redmax showed us someone who needs to go back to flight school

FarktographyWarthog won Farktography Contest No. 576: "Let's Get Personal" with a bubbly selfie

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, June 25th: Chicago Fark Party
Wednesday, July 20th: 4th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo in NY
Wednesday, July 20th: W00tStout 4.0 Fark Party at Hop-Con in San Diego

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you this week by Two Dogs Farking)

Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybellween (link not safe for work)

Cutting crew finds woman's body off interstate, and ooooAHHH she just died in your arms tonight

"Ever wanted to lick your cat?" "No." "Meet LickiBrush, the-" "No." "-new way to bond with-" "I said no." "-your furry friend without risk of-" "Stop." "-hairballs and-" "I DON'T WANT TO LICK MY CAT"

Kobe Bryant's new shoes from Nike are called "The Black Mamba." He declines to actively market them, making it the first time in his career that he's actually going to pass

Johns Hopkins University says its medical school will no longer use live animals to train students. Hopefully they'll go back to the old way of training students using qualified professors

Meet Arizona's No. 2 TV reporter

"Why Hillary won't blow it," an article oddly not written by Bill Clinton

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 5/15 to 5/21


Weird News Quiz Results ( brought to you this week by Two Dogs Farking)

Looks like this week's quiz was a little tougher than last week's, with just three people answering all 10 questions correctly so far. Of course, they're also the current top 3 and only three members of this week's 1000 Club: mama2tnt with 1029, caddisfly with 1017, and mutterfark with 1010.

The highest theoretical score is 1100, so if you think you can beat them, give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - May 20, 2016
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