There's lots of Halloween farkery going on, so be sure to join in. Here are some of Fark's Halloween threads:

Farktography Halloween thread (closed to new comments)
Fark's annual scary story thread
Annual Fark Halloween Pumpkin Carving Photoshop Contest
Fark Sunday Morning Music Club, Halloween song edition
Fark Saturday Morning Book Club, horror genre (closed to new comments)
Fark costume contest

Also check out the recycled Farking Tip about the various ways of contacting Fark, and what each method is for, because knowing really is half the battle. Go Joe!


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

James Comey - 1600
Anthony Weiner - 517
Halloween - 1114
Candy corn - 164
Bacon - 402


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
toraque wondered why Russians thought Spain would give them fuel
Glorious Golden Ass saw Mike Pence's error when his plane overshot the runway
HighOnCraic wrote more lyrics for the song started in the headline
Zombie DJ announced the arrival of Mike Pence's flight
BumpInTheNight shared more information about a drug known as "pink"
johnsoninca was unprepared for the new venison sandwich at Arby's
Demetrius knew what went wrong with Pence's plane
aagrajag was familiar with another Farker's home
Rabid Badger Beaver Weasel had yet more lyrics for the Trump song
timujin had the perfect response to another Farker's joke

Smartest:
Serious Black reacted to news that the Oregon standoff leaders were acquitted
Private_Citizen predicted some bad weather
Hollie Maea reacted to the jury's decision
GreenAdder wanted party poopers to chill out
ecmoRandomNumbers took a professor to school
Sandelaphon pointed out some evidence against the standoff participants
mikemoto thought someone should pay for breaking into a car to rescue a wig
Shocktopus thought a verdict would encourage copycats
Whatthefark doesn't trust people who break your window and take off
docpeteyJ gave a paramedic's point of view

CSB Sunday Morning: Memories of grandparents
Smartest: ModeratelyProfane learned a lot from a wise grandpa
Funniest: pastramithemosterotic's grandpa wasn't one to procrastinate

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
duppy responded to Trump's suggestion that he be handed the presidency with an appropriate nickname
RadioAaron described the manner in which Joe Walsh will be grabbing his musket if Trump doesn't win
fusillade762 described what happened after Sen. Mark Kirk insulted his opponent, Rep. Tammy Duckworth
bdub77 wasn't surprised when Yuengling endorsed Donald Trump
scottydoesntknow showed reaction to Obama's retort to an insult from Trump

Politics Smartest:
Sneakernets reacted to news that more emails would be investigated
Nadie_AZ explained some of the hurdles that Hillary Clinton has faced
Nadie_AZ reacted to Trump's warning to the GOP that they won't win in the next presidential election
pkjun described the history of paranoia in American politics
EvilEgg looked at some reasons why "Democrats play the 'War On Women' card"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
doyner made a warning to all Farkers
Vortex Dweller is now banned
RedZoneTuba is also banned
RedZoneTuba showed what happens when you let your kids join Fark
Vortex Dweller taught us how quickly problems can snowball
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a costume that would scare everybody
RedZoneTuba found that grabbers can't always be choosers
RedZoneTuba grabbed the bull by the horns
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium designed the perfect new military aircraft
RedZoneTuba improved the most famous photo of Marilyn Monroe

Farktography:
MorningBreath won Farktography Contest No. 599: "Hallowe'en 8" with a photo of a g-g-g-ghost!

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: a particular individual explained the trick to making clear ice cubes (awesome tip, I'm going to use this)
Smart: doglover weighed in on whether it's unfair to ask a husband to not drink while a wife is pregnant
Funny: Spoon over Marin gave advice on pleasuring modestly-sized men
Funny: Louisiana_Sitar_Club judged another Farker for sleeping with a third cousin


Farking Tip

Trying to figure who to contact with your Fark problem can be confusing, so here's a breakdown of the main contact methods and what they're for. Maybe bookmark this for future reference.

• Comment report buttons: These are the little radioactive symbol thingies above each comment. They turn red when you hover over them, which can provide endless hours of entertainment. Use these to report a comment that violates Fark's posting rules. So, if a Farker posts a photo of his nekkid wangdoodle, you'd click on the report button above that comment and type up a quick note to let the moderators know what the problem is. You can also use this to ask to have your comment removed if you accidentally post your credit card number or a photo of your latest pickle adventure in a thread.

If a Fark thread has gone completely off the rails, you don't need to report each individual comment that you think is breaking a rule (please don't do this). Instead, just report one where you think things got off track and let the moderators know that there are multiple problem posts that seem to start there, and if there are particular users involved, it's helpful if you say who they are and what they're doing. Give the moderators some time to go through the thread, and if the problem is still there, try checking the Fark Notification Forum to see if your report has been addressed yet. Don't worry, only you and the admins and moderators can see your report here. If your report has been dealt with, it will most likely either say "got it" or "reviewed" for the delete reason. If you don't understand why a certain action was taken (or not taken), contact Farkback for clarification.

• Report this link to moderators: This is the link at the bottom left of each comment thread, just under the comment box. Since individual report buttons have been added to all the comments, you'll rarely use this anymore. Moderators only handle problems with comments and not problems with links or headlines, so only use this if there is a problem with multiple comments in a thread, and please be specific about where and what the problems are. Again, you'll probably want to use the individual comment report buttons instead.

• Report this link to admins: This is the link at the bottom right of each comment thread, just under the comment box. Admins handle problems with links and headlines and not problems with comments. Use this link to let admins know if there's a typo in a headilne, a mispelled headline, a headline that's just flat-out wrong, or if there's a problem with the link. This includes things like repeats (provide the thread number of the original if you're feeling particularly helpful), the link going to a crappy slideshow when the deslided version works fine, a link to a summary when the full article is available elsewhere, or a link to a better source for a breaking news story. You can also use this to report it when a drunken admin accidentally does something like greenlighting spam or repeats, because they're often in charge of drinking the booze that gets spilled on the servers.

• Ad reporting link: Under each ad, there is a link that says "Report." Use this if there's a problem with an ad on Fark. You can get more information about what ads are allowed and not allowed on Fark here.

• Farkback: Farkback allows more communication than the other methods. Please don't use this to report posting violations or link/headline problems since it's not the appropriate place for these issues and it will likely take longer than simply reporting those problems to admins and moderators. You can, however, use it for questions or concerns about moderating practices (after you've already tried reporting comments) or link/headline selection. Farkback is also where you can share your brilliant ideas for new Fark features or to report a bug or security issue or other technical problem. So, if you forgot your password is "password," ask Farkback for help.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, November 11th: San Diego Fark Party
Saturday, November 19th: Sonoma Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Surfer bitten at beach says shark 'came out of nowhere.' Investigators suspect the ocean

Man steals Torah scrolls valued at $200,000 from Brooklyn synagogue. Suspect described as a cleric with +85 spell power

Delta releases new app to track your luggage, letting you see in real-time when it falls off the cart, gets run over by the catering truck, wins second place in the bag handler's free-throw competition, and finally arrives in Antarctica

What has 414 legs and four penises? No, not the Russian women's track team

How does Team Trump prepare for debates? By keeping their nose to the grindstone with some hands-on outreach to 18-25 year old female swing voters

Inspired by complaints from cleaning staff about too much hair in the drains, hotel offers instant per-night discounts at front desk for balding guests. That's right, less toupee

Netflix cutting its labor costs of next season's JESSICA JONES production by 20%

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/23 - 10/29


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Overall, the Quizmasters are probably pretty happy with their questions this week. Nobody cracked 1000, and only one person managed to break 900. Still, it was a pretty tough quiz, with the top of the leaderboard occupied by JasonOfOrillia with 932, at a pretty good stretch ahead of FarkerMcFarkface with 895 and Craw Fu with 888.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - October 28.

It's an exciting and scary season, with creepy clowns, sinister witches, hideous pumpkins, villainous goblins, hungry ghouls, and ghosts of the forgotten rising up from their graves. While many people enjoy the adrenaline rush, others are fearful of what will happen in their parties and how awful they might feel the day after. Also, Halloween is coming up.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Puppet - 295
Putin - 615
Bad hombres - 157
Nasty woman - 209
Voter fraud - 242
Bacon - 266


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Skarekrough suggested one way to deal with a chlorine gas cloud in Kansas
skylabdown apparently misread "yoga pants"
naughtyrev implied a question about the headline
Benjimin_Dover looked on the bright side of a messy real estate listing
clancifer saw some validity in a teacher's excuse
doglover saw no excuse for men to not use the urinal
AverageAmericanGuy had the perfect response when you think your date is looking to harvest your organs
Mr. Coffee Nerves had a tougher childhood than that of today's precious little snowflakes
Barfmaker ironically made something other than barf
Evil Mackerel showed a scandalous mother (keep watching)

Smartest:
thorpe wondered why a child was killed
Sin_City_Superhero pointed out just how much better off someone was
namegoeshere gave some advice on child rearing
BizarreMan thought that what's good for the goose is good for the gander
AstroJesus saw that the people at Expedia were being wankers
tin_man was feeling philosophical
BumpInTheNight got really picky about coffee pairings
Mugato explained why you shouldn't try to keep up with the Joneses
Marcus Aurelius offered a choice to parents
dr_blasto shared some information about holey esophaguses

CSB Sunday Morning: It happened while I was asleep
Smartest: Maturin found out what it's like to be missing and assumed to be lying in a ditch somewhere
Funniest: ModeratelyProfane shared some adventures in sleepwalking

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
blastoh shared a truly terrifying Photoshop
Someothermonkey proved that the debate was rigged
Mike_LowELL lamented the death of democracy (this post is a work of art)
fusillade762 shared a favorite joke from the Alfred E. Smith Foundation Dinner
mrshowrules found proof that Joe Biden is a serial groper

Politics Smartest:
markie_farkie wrote a possible reply for Hillary Clinton if Donald Trump challenged her on Benghazi
Cyberluddite replied to Trump's claim that SNL is biased against him
Glitchwerks blamed some groups for the country being divided
JonBuck worried about possible terrorism in the U.S.
Theaetetus wanted one of Donald Trump's fans to take Trump's advice


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel had Dora make a very unwelcome entrance (graphic image warning)
ToastmasterGeneral brought a classic comic to the real world
Alligator improved a royal portrait
Vortex Dweller decided that it's not too soon
RedZoneTuba gave Dora a mystery to solve
Circusdog320 made a handy power source
wickedfish created a scene of delicious horror
Yammering_Splat_Vector found secret evidence of the Illuminati
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed a reason to avoid Apple products
grampy gave Dora some help to find her way around

Farktography:
Clockwork Kumquat won Farktography Contest No. 598: "What's Bugging You?" with this mayfly in its "pale subimago stage"

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party
Friday, November 11th: San Diego Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

China is about to launch stealth fighter designed to counter the USAF's weaknesses, which are reliance on tankers and the fact that the F-35 is only a threat to enemy aircraft if they hold still long enough for us to drop one on them with a crane

Bricklayer has his penis snapped in half during vigorous sex session. Well what the hell did he expect? They're bricks

Meal Team 6 threatens armed revolution if Trump loses. Hoverounds, unite

Novak Djokovic smashes racket, rips off his shirt and has an on-court meltdown after losing in the semi-finals. Most compelling tennis action of the year

Superomniphobic tape adheres to any surface. Um dittle-ittle dittle, um dittle aye

A new J.R.R. Tolkien book will hit the shelves next year, eventually to be made into 12 Peter Jackson movies

NC Governor Pat McCrory turns 60 today. HB2 you, Governor

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/16 - 10/22


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

This week was pretty balanced for both sides. On one hand, the Quizmasters managed to keep everybody out of the 1000 Club, but just barely. With most of the scores distributed in the 800-900 range, the Farkers were clawing at that door. This week, the three that raced to the top of the list were JasonOfOrillia with a masterful 996, mfgordon with a solid 933, and rick42 right behind with a score of 926, edging the fourth place finisher by just four points.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - October 21.

A note from Drew Curtis about the avalanche of Trump articles:

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty much at peak Trump myself.  Seems like the guy is grabbing all the taglines on Fark some days.  The problem is we don't have the luxury of being able to ignore these stories.  We have to use material from the news cycle we have, not the news cycle we wish we had.  I personally wouldn't mind taking a day off, but the guy's a walking news cycle bomb-generator, so we can't.

That said, with more non-Trump submissions it makes it easier for us to drown him out.  If you've never tried submitting a link to Fark before, give it a shot!  Give us your funniest take on the article. Some of the best threads and headlines come from local stories that have universal appeal instead of the national news. So as you're looking through your local news on media websites or social media feeds, think about things that may be Farkworthy and give us some fresh stories.  Please don't use the original headline and avoid using puns because rhyming isn't humor.
 ______________

And now, back to our regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Wikileaks - 601
Kansas - 297
Orange - 687
Rigged - 334
Bacon - 205

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Marksrevenge had an honest answer to a common interview question
amfv sympathized with a poor decision made by Ruth's Chris Steak House
ransack. proved that vacuuming gasoline out of your car won't cause an explosion
Paris1127 knew how a doctor should have responded to a flight attendant
Rent Party posted a requested photo from Miley Cyrus
bdub77 made the obligatory Cosby comment
The All-Powerful Atheismo defined one of Nancy Grace's favorite nicknames
Snarfangel shared a very strange book with the Saturday Morning Book Club
Mr. Coffee Nerves told us what to eat instead of Ben & Jerry's ice cream
Johnny Stalker Black wanted people to learn from an educational TV show

Smartest:
BKITU helped out anyone who was too lazy to RTFA
Rapmaster2000 suggested an alternative to Columbus Day
ginandbacon thought there should be a planeload of lawsuits
gopher321 figured out how many Sandlers it would take to make a Carrey
Mikey1969 engaged in the Fark tradition of insulting the submitter
Mentat asked an important question about the foiled terrorists in Kansas
Somacandra reacted to news of Nancy Grace's departure from HLN
Cubs300 gave some background information about a radio talk show host who quit on air
Pocket Ninja was caught by surprise by news about Billy Bush
palelizard thought that one thing proves that a missing couple is dead

CSB Sunday Morning: I'm never drinking again
Smartest: durbnpoisn shared a story that's actually about never drinking again
Funniest: acad1228's drinking left a legacy that would affect future generations

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
drumhellar pointed out one of Donald Trump's victims
sdd2000 had bad news for Mike Pence
Mike_LowELL predicted a November surprise
UNC_Samurai summed up the second presidential debate
ucantseeme found the locker room that Trump keeps talking about

Politics Smartest:
thorpe appreciated an invitation to bring it
bdub77 shared a comparison of how Trump supporters judge Trump and Clinton
hubiestubert had a different take on Trump invading Clinton's space during the debate
gaspode pointed out a statement that would later get more attention
JerseyTim let us know exactly when the glory days of SNL were


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish revealed a superhero's identity
wickedfish found a plane having an "accident"
Don_cos gave this card game a classic ending
grampy showed a huge improvement to the presidential debate format
Wrongo found someone to thank Obama for stealing his fish
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered Trump's true colors
zeon got us lost in an endless tunnel
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium All of the moderators and admins would like this joke explained to us
ToastmasterGeneral switched some people around
gerbilpox proved that even minifigs have trolls

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 597: "Collections 2" ended in a tie between Ldrtchbrd's buttload of caps and Wrongo's wall of sound

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Obama finds solution to closing Guantanamo

After being blown up, beaten, tied up, and drug into the river, the Grigori Rasputin Memorial Bridge has finally come down

County carves pumpkins underwater, known as Halloween H20

Kaepernick to start against Bills on Sunday. Rex Ryan reportedly to play national anthem on third downs

Former 'Apprentice' staffers claim Donald Trump routinely insulted the Kardashians on set. No official response yet from Gul Dukat's office

In light of impending lawsuits, Theranos to begin construction of "mini labs" for blood tests, Infinity Gauntlet

Greg Hardy to move to MMA, challenge Ronda Rousey

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/9 - 10/15


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a few weeks where the Quizmasters held the reins, the Farkers crashed through the front gates and stormed the castle last week. Every score on the Top 10 page was above 900, with two breaking into the 1000 Club. Your leaderboard this week was topped by a pair of players earning the gold: both rick42 and SilverStag each had an identical score of 1020 to top the list, while Yoeman nearly got into the four-digit club with a score of 992.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - October 14.

When Monday is a holiday, it's a splendid excuse to go into ProcrastinationMonkey mode and put off posting the Fark NotNewsletter until Tuesday. It doesn't even matter how minor or imaginary the holiday is. From the Fourth of July to Festivus, they're all fair game. In fact, I hear next Monday is National I'm Not That Fond Of Raisins Day. I might have to take that day off.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Matthew - 584
Pu**y - 1570 (censored here for email friendliness)
Grab - 2094
Tic Tac - 159
Ken Bone - 48
Columbus Day - 78
Bacon - 342


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
markie_farkie provided a less offensive logo
bearded clamorer has a product to help Venezuelans
Non Sequitur Man exposed green-on-orange violence
Feel_the_velvet decoded a secret message
Dahnkster posted an update about the Oregon Balonians or whatever they're called
TheSopwithTurtle gave advice to a fellow Farker
scottydoesntknow reacted to the lack of news from Wikileaks
Kouta was happy to see the return of Fark's favorite group
blatz514 knew who else the NY attorney general told to stop fundraising
hugram showed a reaction to bad news for a sports team

Smartest:
Gyrfalcon stated the facts
somedude210 reacted to more great work done by the U.S. Congress
Weaver95 feared some people's fear of knowledge
basemetal shared some parental wisdom
whither_apophis suggested some money Illinois could seize instead of some lottery winnings
That Guy What Stole the Bacon gave advice that will save some Farkers some embarrassment and discomfort one day
hubiestubert wondered why a bunch of lawyers seem confused by how laws work
sigdiamond2000 re-posted a comment from Xcott explaining the three hacker modes
sigdiamond2000 made a guess as to why some people vote for Trump
STDMan69 commented on the Trump Foundation being told to stop fundraising in New York

CSB Sunday Morning: Asking someone out
Smartest: vudukungfu shared a story about a seamless transition from one girlfriend to the next
Funniest: doyner told a story about being a wingman

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Sin_City_Superhero offered a helpful suggestion for Trump's campaign
duppy shared a tweet about the Republican party's predicament
Mike_LowELL commented on political differences among football players
doyner shared a grab bag of memes
Diogenes had thoughts about Trump's thoughts about PTSD

Politics Smartest:
jaylectricity thought that a comment was potentially harmful
RadioAaronsu summed up Trump's 2005 "Access Hollywood" comments
Mentat discussed Trump's mic problem in the first debate
One Bad Apple explained why John McCain is a hero
markie_farkie probably isn't voting for Trump


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish made a pic-a-nic for this family
RedZoneTuba created the official soda of Fark
JerkStore made a couple of drinks that you probably don't want
RedZoneTuba has something to soothe your stomach
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium found out what happened to your lost iPhone
Herb Utsmelz must have had a power outage
RedZoneTuba made a new fundraising product for Trump
Wrongo found out what's moving those desert rocks around
Herb Utsmelz made some bad dental work even worse
wickedfish gave a dancer a new skirt

Farktography:
Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 596: "The Fungus Among Us" with a little redhead

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Beyond Fark

We're very sad to have lost Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer, a very active and talented contributor to many our Photoshop contests. You can visit Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer's memorial thread here.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Indian authorities capture pair of Pakistani spy pigeons before they could plot coo

Matthew up to Cat4, approaches U.S. coast at 16Mb/s

Expert believes dogs can detect the passage of time with their noses by noticing changes in scent. Oh, so a watch dog

Cop arrested for pleasuring himself in public was also drafted in the 10th round of the MLB draft. Presumably by the Yankees

For some reason, researchers block gene to reduce cigarette smoke toxicity in fish embryos, when everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in schools

And the October Surprise Advent Calendar gives us another treat

Ford to reintroduce the Bronco SUV to its lineup. First 5000 buyers will receive a commemorative pair of black leather driving gloves - one size too small, of course

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/2 - 10/8


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

All in all, it was a mixed bag this week. Nobody managed to crack 1000, but chawco led the pack with 934, followed by coscausticevil with 924 and Hawkin05 with 887. The rest of the pack was all in the 800s at a full gallop.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - October 7.

A strange form of hysteria has been sweeping the country in recent months, causing apartment communities and schools to go on lockdown. Having the potential to wreak more havoc than the "Satanic Panic" of the '80s - the Clown Scourge of 2016 is upon us. As clown sightings rise, American patriots hunker down with seltzer, confetti guns, and pies. Please, be careful out there, but also remember that real clowns - those who wrote their clown dissertation, received their degree from Clown College, and are licensed and bonded for clowning,  are not the threat. They are simply professionals who, while as terrifying as spiders, snakes, Zika, and commitment, are just trying to earn an honest living filling children's lives with laughter and dread.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Alicia Machado - 411
Miss Universe - 266
Check out sex tape - 35
Sniffing - 68
Clown - 889
Bacon - 245


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Cake Hunter was relieved to hear about a new drug making the rounds
Slives found something alarming in an anti-Trump statement
UberDave wondered about the logistics of cops busting women for breasfeeding in public
Gordon Bennett shared Han Solo's Facebook status
Im_Gumby found the flaw in a plan for changing air traffic control methods
Weatherkiss found an explanation for a teenager who seemed out of place
scottydoesntknow noticed a trend when "Storks" moved up in the box office rankings
ralphjr illustrated what can happen when you invent statistics
jso2897 thought that another Farker made the wrong choice
August11 translated a letter to an advice column

Smartest:
Earguy found that a 9-year-old kid wasn't well versed in the scientific method
BadReligion thought that everyone should be held responsible when they shoot someone
Chris Ween still had some questions about Terence Crutcher's killing
Ambivalence had suggestions for getting a dangerous drug off the streets
Theaetetus discussed arrests at a public library event
tuskahoma man shared a sad story about addiction
Praise Cheesus thought a gun owner's response to signs not allowing guns was interesting
Marcus Aurelius reacted to a police union officials false statements
Banned on the Run had advice about lunatic fringes
Marcus Aurelius had a request for that 9-year-old genius who wants to prove the existence of God

CSB Sunday Morning: Interviews gone wrong
Smartest: Praise Cheesus shared a story about an interviewer with his head up his butt
Funniest: feckingmorons talked about making some noise in the library

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
duppy gave a sneak peek into the adult film featuring Donald Trump
browneye showed a pivotal scene from the presidential debate
Mr. Coffee Nerves discussed the belief that Trump won the debate
Obscure Login was pleasantly surprised by the debate
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha shared one of Trump's tweets about Taxes

Politics Smartest:
Praise Cheesus explained Hillary Clinton's comments about millennials
vudukungfu perhaps wanted building a wall of some sort
Glenford suggested an alternative to voting for Trump
JerseyTim analyzed Hillary Clinton's remarks about millennial voters
aaronx discussed one purpose of estate taxes


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops (and Caption):
grampy referenced a classic eBay listing
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium got read for some sharp shooting
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer showed some unhappy passengers
Shostie captioned what Obama said to Leonardo DiCaprio
zeon found out what was pushing this young fox back
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium gave us an authentic bass player
Stantz gave proof of a popular conspiracy theory
Stantz found some clues to who is in this uniform
Thrakkorzog found some military Muppets
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned a photo into Escheresque art

Farktography: wickedfish won Farktography Contest No. 595: "Giving Up and Giving In" with a colorful photo of sunrise over Lake Selmac, Southern Oregon

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart: optikeye pointed out what a TotalFarker who caused a kitchen fire did wrong
Funny: merrillvillain gave an example of a worse fire to deal with
Funny: mitchcumstein1 tracked down the source of the fire


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)


Customs officials stop woman who had packed dead husband's intestines in a suitcase. Would that qualify as carrion luggage?

Over 8% of the population of Norway eats tacos every Friday; meanwhile, Mexico reports no plans to engage in reciprocal lutefisk consumption

Former WWE wrestler Jamie Noble stabbed twice in West Virginia trailer park. Heath Slater's 137 kids wanted for questioning

George Washington used vaccines to help defeat the British. So the next time some anti-vaxxer annoys you, remind them if it hadn't been for vaccines, we'd all be speaking English now

Muslim journalist, 22, poses for Playboy wearing a hijab. Which is great for people who read Playboy for the articles of clothing

SABMiller shareholders toast $100 billion takeover of AB InBev, presumably with an ice-cold odorless, tasteless, refreshing beer-like beverage

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 9/25 - 10/1


 Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a strong showing by the Farkers last week, the Quizmasters put together a pretty hard quiz on Friday, and the scores reflected it. Nobody cracked 1000, and only Evandar broke into the 900s with a top score of 924, followed by AstroJesus edging runwiz, with respective scores of 895 and 893.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - September 30.

The presidential debates are upon us, and the hype makes it sound more like a drawn-out Celebrity Deathmatch than anything else. Actually, that's not fair - with the threats of possible grudge-picks in the audience, preemptive attacks on the moderators, and proclamations that one or both candidates will be arrested soon, this is a lot trashier than a Celebrity Deathmatch. But I still kind of hope to see some hair pulling.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Gennifer Flowers - 129
Mark Cuban - 38
Debate - 1412
Skittles - 461
Bacon - 367

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
bikerbob59 shared a love story
Non Sequitur Man showed an obstinate obstacle
Lance Robdon figured out what kind of equipment a bomb maker used
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer hoped for a new candidate
MaudlinMutantMollusk figured out how the Ark Encounter can reach attendance goals
JerseyTim pointed out how the bombing suspect suffered
you are a puppet wanted to discuss the real problem this country faces
DaWormyPimpsta was sad about the Brangelina breakup
count_chimpula revealed the real reason for a photographer's arrest
Louisiana_Sitar_Club could totally see the resemblance

Smartest:
Benevolent Misanthrope made note of some things about the police officer killing Terence Crutcher
WhyteRaven74 asked a legal question about the shooting
maddermaxx argued that the Disney "Moana" costume wasn't racist
you are a puppet wanted to discuss the real problem this country faces
WhyteRaven74 wanted a common attitude to change
Serious Black wondered why cops don't deescalate situations for more people
Relatively Obscure pointed out that there can be many consequences of a stupid law
neapoi noticed a growing trend
shroom requested a reminder
HedlessChickn found another way to stop a bad guy with a gun

CSB Sunday Morning: Past and Present Home Projects
Smartest:  croesius made a Farking desk (with photos)
Funniest:  ModeratelyProfane shared The Legend of DickTable (with photos)

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
DeltaPunch shared a wicked burn from George Takei
MaudlinMutantMollusk described Eric Trump
Grand_Moff_Joseph suggested a new flavor for Skittles
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers pleaded with a racist firefighter
Dallymo shared a different meme using Skittles as a political symbol

Politics Smartest:
PocketfullaSass had an idea for the first question of the presidential debates
PsiChick listed some nothings
DeltaPunch shared a wicked burn from George Takei
kbronsito suggested a group that should be profiled as a threat to America
make me some tea appreciated a new phrase


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Wrongo found him
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium made a greeting card for a rare occasion
#2 showed a happy guy on his first and last day on the job
JasonOfOrillia stayed inside the lines
stertz did some self censuring
zeon colorized a family meal
Alligator showed what an infamous photo might look like from the other side
grampy caged some creepy animals
Alligator didn't have a square to spare
wickedfish gave this family the best maid ever

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 594: "Talk Like a Pirate, Walk Like a Pirate" ended in a tie between Queen Mab's photo from pirate weekend at the RenFest and CiliarySpasm's photo of a wealthy, poorly-hydrated individual

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Man arrested for having sex with a horse fears he'll never again have a stable relationship

Joan of Arc's sword missing, search centered on San Dimas Mall

Six-year-old appeals for Obama's help in his human trafficking scheme

ISIS wives are given suicide vests and machine guns as wedding gifts. Brides will now wear something old, something new, something borrowed and something blew

Former NFL linebacker has quite an adventure accidentally solving a murder case and, thanks to CTE, will treasure those memories for the next 3.5 hours

Fish use "mobbing" technique to fight the Bobbit worm, as opposed to the more traditional method of using a knife while it's sleeping

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 9/18 - 9/24


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A solid week as the Farkers got the best of the Quizmasters. Fully half of the Top 10 were in the 1000 Club, and the lowest score was 930, which is enough to win the whole thing some weeks. The three at the top of this week's list were dionysusaur with 1036, edging blinkybluegnome at 1033, with Hawkin05 barely trailing at 1023. Looks like the Quizmasters will have to up their game this Friday to stay ahead of you all.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - September 23.

A note from Fark's dev team:

We want to announce a new tool that we hope will be useful to all you Farkers.  We're adding a widget to the side of the page to help you find the Fark stories you'll be most interested in.  There are a few different views.  If you comment a lot, you can pick the option to see either your "Recent Commented" or your "Recent Mentions."  These are the same as you'd find on your myFark Recent page, except you won't have to leave the page you're currently reading to see them.  Just click the refresh arrow (the circle with the arrow tip) on the bottom right.  If you don't comment a lot, you can quickly see the Top Commented, Clicked, or Voted links, whatever interests you the most.  Once you scroll down past the other sidebar content, the widget will stay on the page (as long as your screen is wide enough to show the whole page... if it's not wide enough, it won't stay put).  This is a perk for anyone logged into their Fark account.  If you're not logged in, you'll see stories you might be interested in on other sites.
______________

A note from Drew:

Hi everyone!  We've got a new sponsor for the newsletter: It's called Book In A Box. They created a new way to help people write books. Basically, they interview you in a structured process that takes about 20 hours over about 6 months, and turn that into a book.

They've done this with 300+ authors already, their website is here: http://bookinabox.com/

I know the folks there really well, I'd love to do an email intro if you're interested. They can talk through your book idea and their process, and see if you're a good fit. No obligation, obviously.  Drop me an email if you're interested - drew­k­r­afcom

______________

And now, back to your regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Birther - 461
Body double - 123
Chelsea - 224
Bacon - 384

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Non Sequitur Man shared a story from Ammon Bundy
Non Sequitur Man posted an inspirational nature photo
12349876 guessed at the cause of an explosion
gnosis301 gave the answer that's always correct
Ivo Shandor shared an obligatory friend zone post
Soon Right Away encouraged everyone to vote for Trump
Pocket Ninja gave a passionate speach
Cyrus the Mediocre asked for an update on a news story
Rapmaster2000 told an inspirational story
optikeye had a question about an article

Smartest:
jaylectricity called attention to an argument made in the linked article
August11 said the things that a high school counselor should have said
SundaesChild pointed out what Brock Turner and his parents still haven't learned
OtherLittleGuy brought up some evidence that is going to waste
Cheron found a major flaw in the Bundy brothers' reasoning
IvanTheSilent found fault with a submitted headline
H31N0US gave an example of why some people aren't standing for the American National Anthem
Marcus Aurelius disagreed with a sentiment about the military
Sin_City_Superhero tried to clear up a prisoner's confusion
NephilimNexus described the problem with many homeschoolers

CSB Sunday Morning: Memorable Family Vacations
Smartest:  GRCooper shared a story about a trucker aggressively driving up on a family on a road trip
Funniest:  Chris Ween told about being sacrificed by siblings for the greater good (apparently typed on a potato)

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
abb3w explained why Nate Silver gave a presentation to GOP donors
Hobodeluxe shared a tweet from George Takei about Trump supporters
Mike_LowELL gave the true story behind Hillary Clinton's body doubles
kbronsito exposed the truth about Hillary Clinton's health
Mike_LowELL described how Donald Trump will save two countries

Politics Smartest:
pkjun thought some Sanders supporters were reacting irrationally
JerseyTim factchecked claims about the Clinton Foundation
physt told us one thing that will happen if Hillary Clinton's health deteriorates
namegoeshere discussed what Hillary Clinton's pneumonia diagnosis meant
El_Perro disagreed with claims about Hillary Clinton


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba showed us someone who you probably don't want as your bartender
Alligator found this fellow carrying an appropriate beverage
RedZoneTuba gave this enthusiastic guy the perfect job
RedZoneTuba showed what happens when Pooty-Poot's bear is in the shop
Wrongo discovered what Seth Rogen does between films
Alligator stopped by the local hardware store
RedZoneTuba found a sale at Clint Eastwood's store
verchad showed us what a dry cleaning Bill might look like
verchad suggested a change to football games
Alligator found something useful for Bieber to do

Farktography:
Earguy won Farktography Contest No. 593: "Less is More 3" with a stack of balconies

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  Theaetetus spruced up another Farker's dating profile photo
Funny:  Theaetetus fixed up another photo for that Farker
Funny:  LlamaGirl had a question about a water birth
Smart:  MissFeasance gave advice to someone whose mom was being pushy with a kitten


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 22nd: Houston, TX Fark Party
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

French emergency services called into Paris catacombs after illegal drug-fueled party goes bad. Current estimates are six million dead

So long and thanks for

Man who used counterfeit $100 to pay for a lap dance is ordered to pay $100 in restitution. Justice was finally served. So were Charity, Jade, Destiny

Jackson destroys Seminoles. This is not a repeat from 1819

Ex-girlfriend of Mark Hamill's son says the Star Wars actor tried to use the force to get her to get an abortion. Sounds like she was looking for love in Alderaan places

PolitiFact debunks Trump's claim of becoming an AfterBirther

Robot snatches gun from man during police standoff. Also needs his clothes, his boots, and his motorcycle

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 9/11 - 9/17


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A pretty good distribution on the quiz scores this week. While rick42 took the gold with 1016, he was the only person to crack the 1000 Club, followed by AintNoAmoeba with 928--the only score in the 900s--and then dingorm01 with 839. The remainder of the Top 10 were scores in the 800s and even 700s, which is usually indicative of a harder quiz, but a few high scores shows that a few of you figured it out.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - September 16.

It seems like every year, a handful of companies learn that while Americans love a good sale, they will probably never be happy to see 9/11 used as a promotional theme. Most businesses at least have the sense to not joke about it, but even attempting a tribute has the potential to rub people the wrong way. If you're planning on referencing a national tragedy to promote your brand, just remember that even 72 years later is still too soon.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Pneumonia - 545
Mattress store - 28
Walmart - 186
Bacon - 319

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Ow! That was my feelings! expressed feelings about Phyllis Schlafly's death
anuran had advice for those who don't want to raise their kids to be like the Bundy brothers
timujin tried to look on the bright side
MrBallou thought a funeral home operator should face stiffer charges
Non Sequitur Man shared a bit of sorcery
doglover appreciated wardrobe malfunction photos
what_now did something nice in memory of Phyllis Schlafly
ArkPanda noted that a torch has been passed
HighlanderRPI gave a nod to the Fark R.I.P. meme
BKITU is a mattress store truther

Smartest:
d23 came to bury Phyllis Schlafly, not to praise her
what_now did something nice in memory of Phyllis Schlafly
Miss Stein noted some irony about Phyllis Schlafly
timujin tried to look on the bright side
PocketfullaSass put on some dancing shoes
MasterAdkins found evidence in favor of labor unions
doglover argued in favor of some vandalism
unyon listed accomplishments of labor unions
ox45tallboy said goodbye to Phyllis Schlafly
EvilEgg pointed out that even if a horrible person was telling the truth, he was still wrong

CSB Sunday Morning: Pet sounds
Smartest:  ginandbacon begged people to take proper care of their pets
Funniest:  ModeratelyProfane shared a story about two canine partners in crime (with photo)

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Psychopusher explained how Daniel Radcliffe became an atheist
grokca knew why Donald Trump wants Gary Johnson to be included in the debates
I_Am_Weasel told us why a politician has punctuation coming out of his wherever
Walker showed how atheists and Christians might see each other the same way
naughtyrev could imagine why Putin might like Trump

Politics Smartest:
Codenamechaz found one reason why Phyllis Schlafly didn't have more fans
doyner showed an example of what liberals are said to be ignorant about
iron de havilland gave advice on how to have a good obituary
Kurohone noted that decades of work have been effective
Nadie_AZ countered some claims about U.S. history


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba revealed the true circumstances behind a flour bombing
RedZoneTuba found a replacement for one of The Supremes
Mojongo showed us how to identify a worker bee
wickedfish turned this woman into a butthead
grampy got downright cheeky
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium made an office a lot more fun
RedZoneTuba showed an enthusiastic world traveler
TrollingForColumbine found the queen cooling down
RedZoneTuba discovered the guys this restaurant was made for
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium found out what the queen is so happy about

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 592: "Out in Left Field" ended in a tie betweenReaperman with a photo from  Beachy Head, East Sussex, England and Cndn Bacon's photo from  Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 22nd: Houston, TX Fark Party
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Nashville held its annual National Beard and Moustache Championships this past weekend. Top prize included a tube of Brylcreem, a one-way ticket to Brooklyn, and a copy of the Village Voice

Intoxicated man destroys Merrimack home during angry rampage, now must wear a Monitor

Google's parent company Alphabet is testing drones that will be equipped with payloads of biological weapons

John Hinckley Jr released after 35 years in a mental hospital on promise he will not shoot at Reagan again

Apple confirms jack off

"The media's five unspoken rules for covering Hillary" misses the crucial #6: Learn how to evade her Five-Finger Vince Foster Death Punch

Phyllis Schlafly has information that will lead to Hillary Clinton's arrest

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 9/4 - 9/10


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A pretty consistent week for the Farkers this week, who ran up some pretty good scores consistently (the entire top 10 was in the 800s) but couldn't quite break through the ceiling to the 900s and the 1000s. Top three this week consisted of Seussie with a very solid 890, barely edging Mukster who was only a split second behind at 888 and planetdad at 866.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - September 9.

If you haven't been to Fark's main page in the past few days, you might want to take a look at the tabs. There's a temporary adjustment in place. And no, we didn't go back to the Skittles™ colors that were oh-so popular.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Gene Wilder - 308
Phyllis Schlafly - 126
Mexico - 989
Colin Kaepernick - 426
Garrison Keillor - 51
Potato - 684
Bacon - 334


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Diogenes sort of explained who Chris Brown is
Danger Avoid Death is going to hell anyway
sex_and_drugs_for_ian figured that a lawyer had the wrong priorities
Heamer said goodbye to Gene Wilder
L.D. Ablo posted something that, unfortunately, used to actually be a real game
SmackLT named what would be the world's worst band
MrBallou predicted how things would go for a raging moron who trashed his own car
70Ford posted a relevant joke about bears
Mr. Coffee Nerves had a hunch about North Korea's new submarine
Boo_Guy posted a Jared Fogle joke

Smartest:
Ambivalence reacted to theater shooting victims having to pay the theater
techrat had a bittersweet goodbye for Gene Wilder
BadReligion thought someone didn't look as young as she supposedly did
gaslight gave an outsider's view of the American healthcare system
fusillade762 felt that two things are connected
what_now pointed out some things that should be obvious
PoweredByIrony isn't enjoying this year
dittybopper disapproved of a vegan forbidding her friends from eating meat around her
what_now gave some reasons why women do not owe strange men their attention
kronicfeld didn't think a theater was negligent

CSB Sunday Morning:  Theme Parties

Smartest:  docpeteyJ shared a story about living up to some costumes
Funniest:  Hankie Fest had a toga party full of punchlines

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Potato Funniest:
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat showed the perfect car for Russian dash cam videos
Blues_X sounded the Potato Tab alarm
Conservative Humor responded to a hater
ecmoRandomNumbers calmed some concerns after Sarah Palin fell
wejash was feeling sympathetic

Potato Smartest:
HMS_Blinkin gave one reason why some people oppose voter ID laws
enry pointed out some hypocrisy
Satanic_Hamster explained how difficult it can be to obtain a state ID
Guntram Shatterhand wrote a brutal analysis of Donald Trump
TuteTibiImperespointed out why voter ID laws affect some groups more than others


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba found Donald Trump having dinner with his close pal
Tribs probably gave Drew some ideas
Herb Utsmelz showed us a maverick nun
retrophil invited the dinner guest from hell
grampy discovered the fine print
Yammering_Splat_Vector made dinner more depressing
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium let Donald Trump eat with his favorite person
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer brought us "the moment before disaster strikes"
Alligator welcomed John Travolta back with an action film
zeon made the best of a flooded street

Farktography:
billc226 won Farktography Contest No. 591: "Teh Funnay 4" with a pessimistic warning

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  rcf1105 found the identity of a guy who was trying to get some office nookie
Smart:  cjo said something smart
Funny:  birdmanesq reviewed the Whopperito
Funny:  Mrs.Sharpier replied to an inquiry about net worth and wiener size


If you'd like to see these posts and make all your wildest dreams come true, join TotalFark.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 22nd: Houston, TX Fark Party
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)


Connor McLeod successful in getting Australian treasury to issue blind-friendly paper money. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONES

♫ I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble for ya / I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble for you / I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble for ya / I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble ... ♫

Uzbek President Karimov dies with no clear successor, according to incoming Uzbek President Vladimir Putin

Zuckerberg's satellite lost when SpaceX rocket explodes hours before its scheduled launch. It must suck having something you poured resources, time, and creative effort into, taken away from you just before it really took off

When the United States sends its people, they're not sending their best

Huma cuts off Weiner

Apple to unveil iPhone 7 on September 7th. iPhone 8 will be introduced on October 15th, the iPhone 9 on November 3rd, and the iPhone 10 on December 23rd

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 8/28 - 9/3


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

A mixed week for the quiz, with the top scores evenly distributed through the 800s and 900s, led by QifutuWahuta and 987, chased closely by jaksmata at 978 and JSRevenge with 973. All in all, despite nobody cracking 1000, I'd still have to give the edge to the Farkers this week.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - September 2.

Some of you TotalFarkers might have noticed improvement to headline/link voting over the past week. It used to be that the entire thread would reload when you voted for or against a link. Our dev team sobered up long enough to change that, so now you can cast your vote without having to deal with the agony of a reload that might cause you to lose your place or your sanity. In addition to this spiffy change, they also added the ability to undo your vote. So if you vote for a link and then realize the joke was about your mom, you can take that vote back! Or if you vote against a headline, then you remember that you were the one who submitted it, you can undo that vote, too.

Those of you who want to vote for or against links and headlines but are currently unable can earn your suffrage rights by joining TotalFark. Remember: A poll tax isn't unconstitutional when we do it.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

EpiPen - 221
Tornado - 156
Burkini - 224
Trigger warning - 211
Safe space - 222
Alt-right - 370
Cheese - 558
Bacon - 328


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
phrawgh showed why they call it cursive writing
TuteTibiImperes cleared up some confusion for a lot of us
shower_in_my_socks provided some information about the tornado in Kokomo, Indiana
Relatively Obscure gave a reason for being opposed to leaving a 12-year-old home alone all day
OtherLittleGuy reacted to the hacking of Leslie Jones' website
Danger Avoid Death showed how an Iranian ship might have reacted to the U.S. Navy
Sgt Otter gave an early review of North Korea's own version of Netflix, Manbang
El_Perro proved that sometimes it's fair to characterize someone based on one action
Petit_Merdeux discussed getting tattoos in one's youth
jst3p shared a rejection from a dating site

Smartest:
Pocket Ninja explained why some people hate the "Star Wars" prequels
what_now pointed out what should have been obvious to a lawyer and his scummy client
spamdog memorialized Gawker
Car_Ramrod summed up the people who hacked Leslie Jones' website
stan unusual suggested an edit for a Fark headline
docpeteyJ discussed the effects of a lenient punishment
bronyaur1 shared a dean's point of view of a crackdown on trigger warnings
cman proposed a possible solution to judges not properly punishing certain crimes
Lsherm described the type of golf course that more people might want to live next to
labman described one reason why a doctor should have known that a hospital ethics interpretation was ridiculous

CSB Sunday Morning:  It's a major award
Smartest:  Praise Cheesus shared a story about managing to pull off some impressive set decorating on a small budget
Funniest:  armor helix shared probably the best karate story ever. I laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
kbronsito made note of Donald Trump's doctor's expertise
elkboy commented on Donald Trump's lack of recent tweets about the polls
mithras_angel helpfully corrected another Farker's comment
themindiswatching mathematically proved that Donald Trump will win the election
BKITU reacted to some election analysis

Politics Smartest:
Elfich made a long list about Donald Trump
FnkyTwn discussed how Minnesota's "libby lib policies" worked out for them
kronicfeld commented on liberals calling people racist
BKITU reacted to some election analysis
Jiro Dreams Of McRibs discussed how an insurrection in the U.S. would end


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
verchad revealed who secretly helped defeat the Empire
Thrakkorzog showed us the scariest Hitchcock villain
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed William Shatner's theater performance
RedZoneTuba found the happiest person in Oz
retrophil showed why the happiest person in Oz was so happy
RedZoneTuba created a new motivational poster
Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer uncovered a secret about the monoliths
verchad discovered what Porkins had for his last meal
wickedfish knew how a ship got its shape
Tribs found out what really defeated an AT-AT Walker

Farktography:
blastoh won Farktography Contest No. 590: "Fresh Photos" with "Beach on the Olympic Coast under the full moon Friday Night"

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny:  Louisiana_Sitar_Club advised a TotalFarker whose spouse tested positive for an STD
Smart:  Adjective Bird Whiskey wrote some Queensrÿche-inspired lyrics for a masculinity thread
Smart:  megarian replied to a story about a creepy bar dude
Funny:  doglover gave some advice on cleaning car parts

If you'd like to see these posts and make all your wildest dreams come true, join TotalFark.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Thursday, September 22nd: Houston, TX Fark Party
Friday, September 30th - Sunday, October 2nd: EuroFark 2016 in Berlin, Germany
Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Robots are getting teenagers pregnant. Skynet seems to have been learning from the wrong sites

Mortal Wombat

A new event at the next Olympics may be Hide and Seek, allowing Francisco Huron from Paraguay to exact his revenge on the reigning champion, England's Don Roberts from Hinckley in Leicestershire

In her sexual harassment lawsuit against Fox News, former anchor Andrea Tantaros describes the network as "a sex-fueled, Playboy Mansion-like cult, steeped in...indecency." Unclear if she is complaining or doing recruiting work for them

An argument of why Ford should kill off Lincoln. Although if you just add "Theater" after the word Ford, history sorta takes care of the rest

Mongolian beef

Astronaut Jeff Williams sets a record for the most days in space at 521, breaking the previous record held by Dennis Rodman

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 8/21 - 8/27


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Well, no real surprise this week. After a strong showing by the Quizmasters last week, the Farkers roared back into the picture. While nobody joined the 1000 Club, every single score on the Top 10 list was over 900, led by the Mole of Production with 998, edging Atomic Jonb with 996 and Twilight Farkle, who had 966--enough to win, most weeks. Looks like the Quizmasters will have to step up their game for next week.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - August 26.