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Fark NotNewsletter: What were we talking about a year ago?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-12-12 2:41:55 PM (32 comments) | Permalink

You might have seen a new meme going around, "Me at the beginning of 2016 vs. me at the end of 2016." This got me thinking about what we were talking about a year ago compared to today. So I went back and found the Fark NotNewsletter issue from one year ago, and I swear to Bob, the intro was all about how we'd been talking about Trump and Star Wars all week. Now we have Russia added into the mix, which I have to say isn't exactly a positive development.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Russia - 1458
Pizzagate - 348
John Glenn - 117
War on Christmas - 69
Bacon - 232


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
kobrakai explained why a couple broke up
fusillade762 shared a relevant "Cyanide and Happiness" comic
toraque thought it was time to get over Pearl Harbor
Sin_City_Superhero showed decorations that were bursting with the Christmas spirit
calbert summed up the reason a white supremacist lost her job
Snarfangel had mixed feelings about John Glenn's death
daRog fixed Trump's Time Magazine Person of the Year cover
mama2tnt knew someone else who shops at Nordstrom
Eli WhiskeyDik answered the question, "Are people without kids happier?"
Relatively Obscure decried gauche vandalism

Smartest:
thorpe guessed at why a jury was deadlocked
abfalter had a message for those calling racist vandalism a hoax
doglover thought denying condemned inmates a last meal request misses the point
doglover had a suggestion for changing police culture
FlashHarry wanted to be fair about John Glenn's death
Silverstaff gave a very interesting comparison of military training and law enforcement training
docpeteyJ described what a child went through before dying from medical neglect
TuteTibiImperes discussed what a mistrial could mean for the officer who killed Walter Scott
WhyteRaven74 listed additional things that the French might find odd about the U.S.
Eli WhiskeyDik answered the question, "Are people without kids happier?"

CSB Sunday Morning: Changing it up
Smartest: bizprof told us how volunteering for the Big Brothers Big Sisters program was a life-changing decision
Funniest: Oddly enough, there weren't really any stories that got "funny" votes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
fusillade762 shared a harrowing tale from the front lines of the War on Christmas
Mrs.Sharpier was really angry about Russia's intrusions into the U.S. election
Telephone Sanitizer Second Class had a parting message for Pat McCrory
shanrick explained what is happening to Texas electors voting against Trump
calbert revealed what else could have been handled differently (be sure to check out this thread where Farkers had fun with the quote, "The intel on this wasn't 100%.")

Politics Smartest:
Laughing Budda had some questions for people who voted for Trump
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha discussed Trump's fight to keep companies from moving jobs to other countries
Mrs.Sharpier had another question for Trump supporters
Weaver95 discussed Trump going back on promises he made during the election
shanrick shared a tweet about the election


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Wrongo made time for this Photoshop contest
Yammering_Splat_Vector accidentally the whole thing
Don_cos showed us how a Real American eats breakfast
Ldrtchbrd gave us a good dose of vitamin B
DrPainMD revealed the most dangerous part of performing with Miley Cyrus
Herb Utsmelz created a screwy system for restroom classification
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave these women a corny task
Herb Utsmelz gave this driver an state-of-the-art stereo system
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium found a reason for this cat to hide
wickedfish went with the easy way to get votes

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm's photo of a vintage Pontiac hood ornament won Farktography Contest No. 605: "Auto Detailing"

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, January 26th: CES Fark Party in Las Vegas

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)


Police collar decapitation suspect

Driver killed in Rising Sun crash. Locals say it's been the ruin of many a poor boy

America's math skills are getting worse with the country's test scores falling to levels not seen since 2006, a full 20 years ago

Child goes WahWah when MaMa goes BlahBlah at the Wawa

Toxic Butte hole kills thousands

World record 72,000 candles were placed on the same cake. The achievement was then celebrated with everyone present singing "Happy Birthday" to Larry King

Trump named Time's Person of the Year. So there's another thing he has in common with Hitler

Steve Bannon to launch Breitbart in the original German

You can see the rest of them here: Fark Headlines of the Week for 12/4 - 12/10.


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

The quizmasters managed to stump quite a few people this week, with only one person cracking 1000. Congratulations, Megateuthis, your score of 1009 makes you this week's winner.Keyser_Soze_Death and JasonOfOrillia tied for second with 937, followed by md37 at 934 and edmo at 930 rounding out the top 5.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 9
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-12-06 11:49:13 AM, edited 2016-12-06 11:52:17 AM (44 comments) | Permalink

You might wonder why the NotNewsletter is a day late this week. Well, I'll give you a hint: I'm hopped up on cold medicine right now. So now you know that either I'm sick, or I have a very sad way of partying.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Taiwan - 363
China - 1055
Dan Quayle - 62
Mitt Romney - 352
Bacon - 527


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
FirstNationalBastard proved to be a master of romance
fragMasterFlash proposed a solution for a law student whose skirt was supposedly too short
FarkQued cleared up some misconceptions about what West Virginians do with relatives
MaudlinMutantMollusk shared what it's like to eat herring
grokca found evidence that a contested Yelp review was accurate
nekom learned the hard way to check reviews before hiring someone
Prank Call of Cthulhu shared an account of what it's really like to be an astronaut
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers showed what it might look like when a woman vandalizes a car for six hours
ralphjr shared some information courtesy of Ice T
fusillade762 let us know about one of the perks of being a Trump voter

Smartest:
davidphogan explained why people might not confront a guy ranting on a plane
Astorix pointed out to some nutbags that other nutbags might get fed up with their nutbaggery
duppy saw irony in a woman's panic over a male CoverGirl model
ThisIsntMe let everyone know that something that obviously didn't happen didn't happen
mama2tnt wondered why a woman freaked out over a valid question
Butterflew suggested the obvious answer
Herb Utsmelz wondered how other kids knew about someone's birth defect
Unobtanium shared the obligatory information about freedom of speech
edmo figured maybe a woman was overestimating her homeschooling skills
Gawdzila discussed high school kids making drugs at school

CSB Sunday Morning: When you were on TV
Smartest:
docpeteyJ shared a story about a paramedic being the hero that was needed
Funniest: Highroller48 had a well-documented eventful day in Hong Kong

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
El_Perro thought that there are more efficient ways to steal an election
edmo shared the most frustrating game show
Soon Right Away wrote the best movie review ever
Serious Black suggested a prank for Obama to play on Trump
Mike_LowELL knew that something was afoot before the election

Politics Smartest:
Two Dogs Farking discussed the concern about the costs associated with Trump's wife and son staying at Trump Tower
El_Perro thought that there are more efficient ways to steal an election
low_dazzle reacted to Trump's reaction to recount efforts
dickfreckle noted how weird 2016 has been
bighairyguy gave Trump a choice


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
FarkNUSA created a May-December romance for millennials
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a novel about a mom with low standards
Surly U. Jest improved a classic AnGif
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium showed that a key can provide a different kind of security
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium taught us something about geography
Yammering_Splat_Vector messed with the government's secret weather machine
grampy made a flag that states the first rule of Grampyland
RedZoneTuba created a pro-legalization government
grampy gave Bob Ross some bushier hair
Wrongo made a tasty dessert

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 604: "Barking Up the Wrong Tree" with a dead scene

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, January 26th: CES Fark Party in Las Vegas

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)


That guy that smuggled $165K worth of gold in his butt? He said he'll pay it back. Give him 3 hours. Stand clear

Man wins Vincent Van Gogh lookalike contest. I SAID MAN WINS VINCENT VAN GOGH LOOKALIKE CONTEST

All you sperm donors can breathe a sigh of relief now. Well, a second sigh of relief

New York Jets' Darrelle Revis says he doesn't want to play football anymore. Unclear whether he means as of right now, or retroactive to week one of this season

New 'embryoscope' photo technique allows parents to witness the beginnings of their child's life in the first few days of fertilization. Yes, it's the ultimate 'cellfie'

The Amphibiously Gay Duo

Candidate Trump: "Drain the swamp, drain the swamp." President-Elect Trump: "Actually, our wetlands are a national treasure and vital to the survival of our ecology"

Adidas unveils footwear made from lab-grown spider silk. Read about it on the web

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/27 - 12/03


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Our Fark quizmasters managed to block most everyone out of the 1000 club this week, with only two managing to sneak in. Congratulations to sugaryvitamin, this weeks winner with 1016. Twilight Farkle nabbed second with a very respectable 1004, and Oliver Twisted missed it by that much with 999..

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - December 1
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Guess what day it is
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-11-28 11:03:50 AM (26 comments) | Permalink

Holy cow, it's Cyber Monday! While everyone else had to hit the malls for Black Friday, cyber nerds like us skipped the lines and waited until we got back to the office today so we could use the World Wide Web to snatch great deals. What bargains have you excited? Personally, I'm planning on hitting Circuit City's internet website for some LaserDiscs, a Zune, and a new beeper. I'll get my kid sister a Tamagotchi if they're not sold out.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Florence Henderson - 32
Fidel Castro - 346
Standing Rock - 63
Dakota Access - 24
Recount - 975
Black Friday - 233
Bacon - 335


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Rapmaster2000 got serious about boycotting Hamilton
IlGreven found someone who's managed to beat 2016 thus far
doglover demonstrated some deductive reasoning
hogans explained why a sloped stoop can't stop homeless people from sleeping there
phlegmmo granted a request for a Chrissy Teigen photo
Satanic_Hamster let us know what to do now that Fidel Castro is gone
Archie Goodwin knew why Castro was finally able to let go
ralphjr shared a very special "Family Circus"
duppy shared a tweet about the struggles of the alt-right
Satanic_Hamster reacted to Fark's headline about Castro's death

Smartest:
Satanic_Hamster let us know what to do now that Fidel Castro is gone
jaylectricity invited us all to the VFW
Justin Beaver reacted to a police officer's demotion
El Freak made a guess about political affiliation
feckingmorons disapproved of connecting a tragedy to politics
BizarreMan explained why Christmas specials aren't as good as they used to be
daphne argued that some things should be politicized
BarkingUnicorn had some thoughts about a guy going on a pro-Trump rant on an airplane
Discordulator cautioned against defending the actions taken against the protesters at Standing Rock
doyner thought that some stupid confusion shouldn't have been surprising

CSB Sunday Morning: Giving thanks
Smartest:
SkerriNinja discovered that sometimes, it is a toomah
Funniest: MooseBayou was grateful for a bunch of weirdos

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Therion thought voters fell for a bait and switch
shanrick found the person who is happiest about Trump's win
Chariset reacted to an editorial accusing the left of projection
phrawgh called out people complaining about Trump's election win
Conservative Humor was defensive about being called out in a thread

Politics Smartest:
Farking Clown Shoes suggested a time saving device for poltab regulars
Chariset reacted to an editorial accusing the left of projection
edmo discussed Trump's temperament
kronicfeld thought reaction to Donald Trump's behavior showed a double standard
Silverstaff argued against just going along with things


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium proved that those who can't probably shouldn't teach
Wrongo showed what could happen if we allowed someone born outside the U.S. to become president
RedZoneTuba upgraded Uncle Joe's car
frankahutch granted a wish for Chris Christie
grampy found that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
Snubnose greatly improved a wedding
Surly U. Jest made first contact with these very mobile homes
Alligator found that safety in a construction zone can be stylish
grampy caught the queen showing off
#2 found that droids can enjoy sports, too

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 603: "Eat Me 3" ended in a tie between Zero Exponent's "Breakfast Plate" and mr_larry's hunk o' meat.

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

There are currently no Fark parties planned, which is often case around holidays. Maybe you should plan one so you can sneak off for drinks and avoid the family. Fark: We're not the best at relationship advice.

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Beyond Fark

We're sad to have lost Mini Ditka, a Photoshopper who enjoyed using his talents in the mugshot roundup threads. You can read Mini Ditka's memorial thread here.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Former Greek president Constantine Stephanopoulos nolongeramongus

Mom-to-be still CrossFitting while 8 months pregnant. Fetus already won't stop talking about it

Deaf man denied commercial driver's license demands hearing

The Roof, the Roof, the Roof is on trial

New NHL team in Las Vegas goes with blandtastic "Golden Knights" as its name because "Bodies in a Ditch Ten Miles Out Of Town", while historically accurate, was both verbose and off-putting

New weather satellite named GOES-R launched into space. To be followed next year by ZUU-L

Since Donald Trump won, he has gone out of his way to avoid intelligence, briefings

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/20 - 11/26


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The Quizmasters should have seen it coming. For a few weeks, they'd managed to keep most people zigging or zagging just enough that they'd mess up and miss at least one question. But it was a short week with apparently not enough work in the lead-up to Thanksgiving, and the Farkers were ready, with the top four scores all above 1000 and nobody below 900 on the list. It was humanconditioner leading the pack with 1031, followed closely by edmo with 1025 and Salted Metal Honey right behind at 1022. Well done.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - November 25.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: It's got what plants crave
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-11-21 11:54:06 AM (34 comments) | Permalink

This week is a special one for 'Merican Farkers, as we have Thanksgiving coming up on Thursday, followed by the most quintessentially American day of all: Black Friday. If you're participating in either holiday, please remember to keep the fighting to a minimum and try not to burn the place down lest you find yourself the subject of a Fark headline.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Bannon - 849
Sessions - 438
Cabinet - 604
Hamilton - 213
Bacon - 350


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Too Pretty For Prison was angry about internet scam artists
Slypork made the obligatory "Star Wars" hook-up jokes
calbert played along with another Farker's guessing game
Massa Damnata showed how America's hat views America
fusillade762 learned something from Confederate flag enthusiasts
Enigmamf came up with a motto for Trump's administration
lemurs proved that a picture is worth a thousand words
Marbleisheavy made an unfortunate typo when talking about AdultFriendFinder
elvisaintdead shared the Jim Jones view on humor
TuteTibiImperes felt sorry for Obama

Smartest:
Prank Call of Cthulhu discussed the anti-abortion movement
Flappyhead guessed at why Donald Trump ran for president
Snapper Carr admired Obama's attitude
LordJiro disagreed with a characterization of Hillary Clinton
stan unusual thought a school was shirking their responsibilities
Butterflew compared Trump and Obama to types of cars
stilted imagined how tariffs could work out for the U.S.
MechaPyx explained why many people are unhappy with the election results
stan unusual argued that sometimes Meat Loaf lyrics aren't applicable
Sneakernets encouraged a woman who is suing her transgendered child for transitioning

CSB Sunday Morning: Cheers
Smartest:
jaylectricity was comforted during a terrible time
Funniest: Astorix's daughter found one way to deal with bullies

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
kbronsito could see why Donald Trump was being so touchy
Silverstaff knew how Pence ended up seeing "Hamilton"
nekom helped Psychopusher write a white nationalist version of "White Christmas"
elkboy explained where the funding for another moon mission will come from
North_Central_Positronics revealed how Trump will be changing his hairstyle

Politics Smartest:
DammitIForgotMyLogin discussed people who voted for Trump
WorldCitizen talked about the rights of being an AmericanCitizen
Justin Beaver asked about a political double standard
incendi thought Trump was confused about theater
2xhelix felt sorry for someone


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator improved Thanksgiving with a frosty beverage
Herb Utsmelz tried to make the holiday a little more peaceful
Herb Utsmelz turned a cat from shocked to dismayed
RedZoneTuba created the perfect award for a Fark Photoshopper
Don_cos showed us something that should happen every Thanksgiving
Thrakkorzog found out how this woman was defying gravity
RedZoneTuba devised Fark's new advertising campaign
wickedfish used cutting-edge stealth technology
Yammering_Splat_Vector found some fellow eyewear enthusiasts
Surly U. Jest made an award cup to store your teabags in

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 602: "Orange 2" with this super hot scene

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Well, smack me twice and call me Sally - there are currently no Fark parties planned.

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Canadians vote for common loon. America nods its head in knowing agreement

Bull in a 'gina shop

Pope names seventeen new Cardinals, hopes to unseat the Chicago Cubs as NLDS Champions

Vikings release kicker Blair Walsh. He missed the doorway wide left on the way out

Professor Jay Forrester, inventor of RAM, dies at 1100010

Trump chooses white nationalist Steve Bannon as his chief strategist and senior counselor. He'll be in charge of finding solutions to the nation's various problems. Final solutions, if you will

Scientists are now monitoring bears in Alaska by collecting their saliva. Field equipment consists of a Q-tip and a pair of track shoes

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 11/13 - 11/19


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a few weeks of the Quizmasters keeping the baying Farkers behind the gates, there was a breach this week, with high scores in the 1000s and nobody on the Top 10 list below 900. The top of the leaderboard was FrancoFile with a mind-boggling 1038, followed closely by PirateKing with 1014 and Oliver Twisted nearly breaking through as well, at 995. Jesus Farking Christ requested disqualification as he ripped through the quiz and intended to answer a few wrong to disqualify himself, but accidentally guessed right. Regardless, being a Quizmaster himself, he can't get the credit for the top slot as he worked some Quizmaster voodoo. Specifically, writing a bunch of the questions.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - November 18.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: What's long and hard and has kept you up at night?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-11-14 12:44:38 PM (53 comments) | Permalink

This election, am I right? Anyway, enjoy this week's Fark NotNewsletter, and try not to stick any body parts in the mashed potatoes.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Janet Reno - 51
Robert Vaughn - 41
Leonard Cohen - 131
Hallelujah - 37
Dave Chappelle - 64
Move/moving to Canada - 172
Thunderdome - 79
Bacon - 343


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
MaudlinMutantMollusk learned a lesson from a pumpkin cannon accident
ralphjr had Ice T explain a woman's supposed health drink
bearded clamorer felt sympathy for a woman who has had a hard life
HighlanderRPI shared an amazing trick
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat felt violated
70Ford found some interesting survey answers
blahpers helpfully animated a confusing illustration
Sin_City_Superhero appreciated the versatility of a McDonald's straw
Fir3y pointed out a happy coincidence when it comes to immigrants from Mexico
filetofish bigmac quarter pounder with cheese discussed how Trump's win affects liberals

Smartest:
Mikey1969 pointed out how doing what you're supposed to do sometimes works
HatMadeOfAss discussed threats/promises to leave the U.S.
mjbok denounced violence and destruction in reaction to the election
NOLAhd had a message for protestors
Catsaregreen compared reaction to this election to previous ones
timujin didn't think marijuana legalization was enough
Monkey2 explained why pedestrians and bicyclists don't "assert the right of way"
GooberMcFly pointed out that laws are pointless
Snotnose thought that any other candidate could have beaten Trump
Norad responded to Catsaregreen's comparison

CSB Sunday Morning: Watching history
Smartest:
docpeteyJ and a stranger comforted each other after a tragedy
Funniest: brigid_fitch's spouse was not impressed by a giant leap for mankind

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
The Headless Horseman's Headless Horse had a question for Sarah Palin
19jug-head75 gave the Canadian response to Trump's win
jso2897 let us know how 4chan is taking things
Boo_Guy did not agree with Ivanka Trump's fashion choices
GardenWeasel posted something that elicits a different reaction in hindsight

Politics Smartest:
Clutch2013 reacted to the decision to not charge Hillary Clinton after reviewing the Wiener emails
ecmoRandomNumbers saw something as a sign
Sid_6.7 defended people who fear what might happen under President Trump
Rapmaster2000 argued that Pence is worse than Trump
Pats_Cloth_Coat said goodbye to Janet Reno


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
frankahutch showed us all what really makes the moon rise at night
grampy knew what Trump's very first step will be once in office
wickedfish proved that God gave rock and roll to you
RedZoneTuba created a touching scene
Yammering_Splat_Vector altered Fark's mascot
Don_cos thought Trump would make good on this promise
wickedfish spotted a playground bully
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel gave Bill Clinton his own hat with a motto on it
wickedfish added a fine sculpture to the White House lawn
Snubnose revealed one of the great deals that Trump will make

Farktography:
TheHighlandHowler won Farktography Contest No. 601: "Libations" with this beach scene

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, November 19th: Sonoma Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

The house dressing comes on the side... the table... the ceiling... the carpet... the walls... the dress

Auto-erotic asphyxiation

Gorjak Gak ruled eligible by the NCAA. Apparently it took a while for his high school transcripts to get here from the Klingon home world

Scientists develop HIV test on USB stick. That's gonna smart when you plug it into your port

The head of the NSA is personally testing Boeing's new self-destructing smartphone. Samsung to sue for patent infringement

Lady Gaga savagely attacks an illegal immigrant

Orange is the New Black

The rest of them are here:  Fark headlines of the week for 11/6 - 11/12


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Overall, while nobody cracked 1000 this week, we still gotta hand it to the quiz takers, who positively littered the Top 10 list with scores in the 900s. Leading the pack this week was jvl, who sported a top score of 931, narrowly beating Myk-House of El who trailed with 927 and Grizwald right behind at 924, edging out both Oakenraven and calbert who had identical scores of 910.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here:  Fark Weird News Quiz - November 11.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: It's finally here
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-11-07 9:56:25 AM (40 comments) | Permalink

Whew, Halloween is finally over, and now we have some quiet time in America before we start preparing for Thanksgiving. So relax, and maybe check the stores to see if there's candy left on clearance!


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Cubs - 1609
World Series - 566
DST - 514
Bacon - 323


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
EngineerBoy shared a photo of a winning Halloween costume
derpes_simplex revealed the truth behind the Cubs' big win
oldernell argued in favor of daylight saving time
dankaiser wore a topical Halloween costume
phlegmmo reviewed a naughty coffee shop
a particular individual had trouble understanding another Farker
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers knew that a saucy photo was fake
nekom wrote a possible reply to a guy with a big problem
bark_atda_moon figured out what a family's costumes revealed about them
clodcomplex shared something you don't want to fool around with

Smartest:
Lando Lincoln told baby boomers that they're stuck with the blame
Helen_Arigby discussed the effects of bullying
bdub77 replied to some fashion police
lycanth saw how everyone in a story could get a free trip
gilatrout's son did a really good thing
pkjun was in favor of a change made by stores that sell clothes
Saborlas wasn't buying an attacker's story
Weaver95 predicted what could happen if Hillary Clinton wins
Pocket Ninja criticized a website's article about another website's article
This About That suggested the next thing to tackle after marijuana is legalized

CSB Sunday Morning: Welcome to my nightmare
Smartest: Roman Fyseek has a bad dream that's so common that there should be a vaccine against it
Funniest: GRCooper learned that some things are too gross even for monsters

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
dr_blasto let us know how to reply if you're asked if you're voting for Crooked Hillary
doyner pointed to evidence that Melania Trump is an illegal immigrant
Sheila_McSly broke some bad news
gopher321 described how Secret Service agents saved Trump
Psychopusher defended misspelling "Hillary" on a ballot

Politics Smartest:
TuteTibiImperes discussed a woman's lawsuit against Donald Trump
King Something thought a circumstance would be intimidating
TuteTibiImperes asked a question about media focus
BigPhecal pointed out a problem that people should pay attention to
Duke Phillips' Singing Bears shared a memory of the '90s


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel created a paradox
RedZoneTuba shared a hard copy of something we've all completely read through
frankahutch found the queen in her natural habitat
durbnpoisn wrote a real page turner
RedZoneTuba lost a game
wickedfish gave the Empire some steampunk equipment
zeon put some traffic on this road
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what a bird dog might look like
grampy fixed some of the flaws in the Galaxy Note
Yammering_Splat_Vector brought some drama to a lonely erection

Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 600: "WTF 2" with a photo of a vanity plate that celebrates a special kind of love

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Smart: Chris Ween proved that even someone known as Ween can teach us a lesson on maturity
Funny: rcf1105 shared his experience with Reddit's secret Santa gift exchange
Funny: CapnPlaty had an idea that could launch the new Fark TV
Funny: JerseyTim Made a prediction that shouldn't be a joke, but obviously is


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, November 11th: San Diego Fark Party
Saturday, November 19th: Sonoma Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Unsure about Trump or Clinton? Some lucky D.C. residents now have a better, third option

Man steals 39 accordions worth $160,000. An entire nation rejoices

I'm Rick James, bench

The human brain is predisposed to negative stereotypes, according to a bunch of pencilneck scientist dorks

The Secret Service grabs a p***y

High inflation causes Venezuelan merchants to weigh money instead of counting it out, thus changing their currency from the bolivar to the pound

Drunk, naked man roams condo, knocking on doors for sex. Trick-or-treat was Monday, dude

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/30 - 11/05


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

We seem to have hit a point of equilibrium the last couple weeks, where the Farkers are having trouble cracking the top 1000, but are still scoring pretty solid nonetheless. This week, Misch led the pack with 910, edging osmotw at 909 by a single point, while xrayspx led the rest of the pack at 890.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - November 4.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Halloween farkery
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-10-31 2:14:26 PM (23 comments) | Permalink

There's lots of Halloween farkery going on, so be sure to join in. Here are some of Fark's Halloween threads:

Farktography Halloween thread (closed to new comments)
Fark's annual scary story thread
Annual Fark Halloween Pumpkin Carving Photoshop Contest
Fark Sunday Morning Music Club, Halloween song edition
Fark Saturday Morning Book Club, horror genre (closed to new comments)
Fark costume contest

Also check out the recycled Farking Tip about the various ways of contacting Fark, and what each method is for, because knowing really is half the battle. Go Joe!


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

James Comey - 1600
Anthony Weiner - 517
Halloween - 1114
Candy corn - 164
Bacon - 402


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
toraque wondered why Russians thought Spain would give them fuel
Glorious Golden Ass saw Mike Pence's error when his plane overshot the runway
HighOnCraic wrote more lyrics for the song started in the headline
Zombie DJ announced the arrival of Mike Pence's flight
BumpInTheNight shared more information about a drug known as "pink"
johnsoninca was unprepared for the new venison sandwich at Arby's
Demetrius knew what went wrong with Pence's plane
aagrajag was familiar with another Farker's home
Rabid Badger Beaver Weasel had yet more lyrics for the Trump song
timujin had the perfect response to another Farker's joke

Smartest:
Serious Black reacted to news that the Oregon standoff leaders were acquitted
Private_Citizen predicted some bad weather
Hollie Maea reacted to the jury's decision
GreenAdder wanted party poopers to chill out
ecmoRandomNumbers took a professor to school
Sandelaphon pointed out some evidence against the standoff participants
mikemoto thought someone should pay for breaking into a car to rescue a wig
Shocktopus thought a verdict would encourage copycats
Whatthefark doesn't trust people who break your window and take off
docpeteyJ gave a paramedic's point of view

CSB Sunday Morning: Memories of grandparents
Smartest: ModeratelyProfane learned a lot from a wise grandpa
Funniest: pastramithemosterotic's grandpa wasn't one to procrastinate

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
duppy responded to Trump's suggestion that he be handed the presidency with an appropriate nickname
RadioAaron described the manner in which Joe Walsh will be grabbing his musket if Trump doesn't win
fusillade762 described what happened after Sen. Mark Kirk insulted his opponent, Rep. Tammy Duckworth
bdub77 wasn't surprised when Yuengling endorsed Donald Trump
scottydoesntknow showed reaction to Obama's retort to an insult from Trump

Politics Smartest:
Sneakernets reacted to news that more emails would be investigated
Nadie_AZ explained some of the hurdles that Hillary Clinton has faced
Nadie_AZ reacted to Trump's warning to the GOP that they won't win in the next presidential election
pkjun described the history of paranoia in American politics
EvilEgg looked at some reasons why "Democrats play the 'War On Women' card"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
doyner made a warning to all Farkers
Vortex Dweller is now banned
RedZoneTuba is also banned
RedZoneTuba showed what happens when you let your kids join Fark
Vortex Dweller taught us how quickly problems can snowball
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a costume that would scare everybody
RedZoneTuba found that grabbers can't always be choosers
RedZoneTuba grabbed the bull by the horns
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium designed the perfect new military aircraft
RedZoneTuba improved the most famous photo of Marilyn Monroe

Farktography:
MorningBreath won Farktography Contest No. 599: "Hallowe'en 8" with a photo of a g-g-g-ghost!

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


TotalFark Discussion

Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts.

Funny: a particular individual explained the trick to making clear ice cubes (awesome tip, I'm going to use this)
Smart: doglover weighed in on whether it's unfair to ask a husband to not drink while a wife is pregnant
Funny: Spoon over Marin gave advice on pleasuring modestly-sized men
Funny: Louisiana_Sitar_Club judged another Farker for sleeping with a third cousin


Farking Tip

Trying to figure who to contact with your Fark problem can be confusing, so here's a breakdown of the main contact methods and what they're for. Maybe bookmark this for future reference.

Comment report buttons: These are the little radioactive symbol thingies above each comment. They turn red when you hover over them, which can provide endless hours of entertainment. Use these to report a comment that violates Fark's posting rules. So, if a Farker posts a photo of his nekkid wangdoodle, you'd click on the report button above that comment and type up a quick note to let the moderators know what the problem is. You can also use this to ask to have your comment removed if you accidentally post your credit card number or a photo of your latest pickle adventure in a thread.

If a Fark thread has gone completely off the rails, you don't need to report each individual comment that you think is breaking a rule (please don't do this). Instead, just report one where you think things got off track and let the moderators know that there are multiple problem posts that seem to start there, and if there are particular users involved, it's helpful if you say who they are and what they're doing. Give the moderators some time to go through the thread, and if the problem is still there, try checking the Fark Notification Forum to see if your report has been addressed yet. Don't worry, only you and the admins and moderators can see your report here. If your report has been dealt with, it will most likely either say "got it" or "reviewed" for the delete reason. If you don't understand why a certain action was taken (or not taken), contact Farkback for clarification.

Report this link to moderators: This is the link at the bottom left of each comment thread, just under the comment box. Since individual report buttons have been added to all the comments, you'll rarely use this anymore. Moderators only handle problems with comments and not problems with links or headlines, so only use this if there is a problem with multiple comments in a thread, and please be specific about where and what the problems are. Again, you'll probably want to use the individual comment report buttons instead.

Report this link to admins: This is the link at the bottom right of each comment thread, just under the comment box. Admins handle problems with links and headlines and not problems with comments. Use this link to let admins know if there's a typo in a headilne, a mispelled headline, a headline that's just flat-out wrong, or if there's a problem with the link. This includes things like repeats (provide the thread number of the original if you're feeling particularly helpful), the link going to a crappy slideshow when the deslided version works fine, a link to a summary when the full article is available elsewhere, or a link to a better source for a breaking news story. You can also use this to report it when a drunken admin accidentally does something like greenlighting spam or repeats, because they're often in charge of drinking the booze that gets spilled on the servers.

Ad reporting link: Under each ad, there is a link that says "Report." Use this if there's a problem with an ad on Fark. You can get more information about what ads are allowed and not allowed on Fark here.

Farkback: Farkback allows more communication than the other methods. Please don't use this to report posting violations or link/headline problems since it's not the appropriate place for these issues and it will likely take longer than simply reporting those problems to admins and moderators. You can, however, use it for questions or concerns about moderating practices (after you've already tried reporting comments) or link/headline selection. Farkback is also where you can share your brilliant ideas for new Fark features or to report a bug or security issue or other technical problem. So, if you forgot your password is "password," ask Farkback for help.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Friday, November 11th: San Diego Fark Party
Saturday, November 19th: Sonoma Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Surfer bitten at beach says shark 'came out of nowhere.' Investigators suspect the ocean

Man steals Torah scrolls valued at $200,000 from Brooklyn synagogue. Suspect described as a cleric with +85 spell power

Delta releases new app to track your luggage, letting you see in real-time when it falls off the cart, gets run over by the catering truck, wins second place in the bag handler's free-throw competition, and finally arrives in Antarctica

What has 414 legs and four penises? No, not the Russian women's track team

How does Team Trump prepare for debates? By keeping their nose to the grindstone with some hands-on outreach to 18-25 year old female swing voters

Inspired by complaints from cleaning staff about too much hair in the drains, hotel offers instant per-night discounts at front desk for balding guests. That's right, less toupee

Netflix cutting its labor costs of next season's JESSICA JONES production by 20%

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/23 - 10/29


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Overall, the Quizmasters are probably pretty happy with their questions this week. Nobody cracked 1000, and only one person managed to break 900. Still, it was a pretty tough quiz, with the top of the leaderboard occupied by JasonOfOrillia with 932, at a pretty good stretch ahead of FarkerMcFarkface with 895 and Craw Fu with 888.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - October 28.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Soon.
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-10-24 12:44:07 PM, edited 2016-10-24 12:51:00 PM (131 comments) | Permalink

It's an exciting and scary season, with creepy clowns, sinister witches, hideous pumpkins, villainous goblins, hungry ghouls, and ghosts of the forgotten rising up from their graves. While many people enjoy the adrenaline rush, others are fearful of what will happen in their parties and how awful they might feel the day after. Also, Halloween is coming up.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Puppet - 295
Putin - 615
Bad hombres - 157
Nasty woman - 209
Voter fraud - 242
Bacon - 266


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Skarekrough suggested one way to deal with a chlorine gas cloud in Kansas
skylabdown apparently misread "yoga pants"
naughtyrev implied a question about the headline
Benjimin_Dover looked on the bright side of a messy real estate listing
clancifer saw some validity in a teacher's excuse
doglover saw no excuse for men to not use the urinal
AverageAmericanGuy had the perfect response when you think your date is looking to harvest your organs
Mr. Coffee Nerves had a tougher childhood than that of today's precious little snowflakes
Barfmaker ironically made something other than barf
Evil Mackerel showed a scandalous mother (keep watching)

Smartest:
thorpe wondered why a child was killed
Sin_City_Superhero pointed out just how much better off someone was
namegoeshere gave some advice on child rearing
BizarreMan thought that what's good for the goose is good for the gander
AstroJesus saw that the people at Expedia were being wankers
tin_man was feeling philosophical
BumpInTheNight got really picky about coffee pairings
Mugato explained why you shouldn't try to keep up with the Joneses
Marcus Aurelius offered a choice to parents
dr_blasto shared some information about holey esophaguses

CSB Sunday Morning: It happened while I was asleep
Smartest: Maturin found out what it's like to be missing and assumed to be lying in a ditch somewhere
Funniest: ModeratelyProfane shared some adventures in sleepwalking

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
blastoh shared a truly terrifying Photoshop
Someothermonkey proved that the debate was rigged
Mike_LowELL lamented the death of democracy (this post is a work of art)
fusillade762 shared a favorite joke from the Alfred E. Smith Foundation Dinner
mrshowrules found proof that Joe Biden is a serial groper

Politics Smartest:
markie_farkie wrote a possible reply for Hillary Clinton if Donald Trump challenged her on Benghazi
Cyberluddite replied to Trump's claim that SNL is biased against him
Glitchwerks blamed some groups for the country being divided
JonBuck worried about possible terrorism in the U.S.
Theaetetus wanted one of Donald Trump's fans to take Trump's advice


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel had Dora make a very unwelcome entrance (graphic image warning)
ToastmasterGeneral brought a classic comic to the real world
Alligator improved a royal portrait
Vortex Dweller decided that it's not too soon
RedZoneTuba gave Dora a mystery to solve
Circusdog320 made a handy power source
wickedfish created a scene of delicious horror
Yammering_Splat_Vector found secret evidence of the Illuminati
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed a reason to avoid Apple products
grampy gave Dora some help to find her way around

Farktography:
Clockwork Kumquat won Farktography Contest No. 598: "What's Bugging You?" with this mayfly in its "pale subimago stage"

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party
Friday, November 11th: San Diego Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

China is about to launch stealth fighter designed to counter the USAF's weaknesses, which are reliance on tankers and the fact that the F-35 is only a threat to enemy aircraft if they hold still long enough for us to drop one on them with a crane

Bricklayer has his penis snapped in half during vigorous sex session. Well what the hell did he expect? They're bricks

Meal Team 6 threatens armed revolution if Trump loses. Hoverounds, unite

Novak Djokovic smashes racket, rips off his shirt and has an on-court meltdown after losing in the semi-finals. Most compelling tennis action of the year

Superomniphobic tape adheres to any surface. Um dittle-ittle dittle, um dittle aye

A new J.R.R. Tolkien book will hit the shelves next year, eventually to be made into 12 Peter Jackson movies

NC Governor Pat McCrory turns 60 today. HB2 you, Governor

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/16 - 10/22


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

This week was pretty balanced for both sides. On one hand, the Quizmasters managed to keep everybody out of the 1000 Club, but just barely. With most of the scores distributed in the 800-900 range, the Farkers were clawing at that door. This week, the three that raced to the top of the list were JasonOfOrillia with a masterful 996, mfgordon with a solid 933, and rick42 right behind with a score of 926, edging the fourth place finisher by just four points.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - October 21.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Orange you glad we didn't say Trump?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-10-17 2:20:44 PM (46 comments) | Permalink

A note from Drew Curtis about the avalanche of Trump articles:

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty much at peak Trump myself.  Seems like the guy is grabbing all the taglines on Fark some days.  The problem is we don't have the luxury of being able to ignore these stories.  We have to use material from the news cycle we have, not the news cycle we wish we had.  I personally wouldn't mind taking a day off, but the guy's a walking news cycle bomb-generator, so we can't.

That said, with more non-Trump submissions it makes it easier for us to drown him out.  If you've never tried submitting a link to Fark before, give it a shot!  Give us your funniest take on the article. Some of the best threads and headlines come from local stories that have universal appeal instead of the national news. So as you're looking through your local news on media websites or social media feeds, think about things that may be Farkworthy and give us some fresh stories.  Please don't use the original headline and avoid using puns because rhyming isn't humor.
 ______________

And now, back to our regularly-scheduled NotNewsletter


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Wikileaks - 601
Kansas - 297
Orange - 687
Rigged - 334
Bacon - 205

Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
Marksrevenge had an honest answer to a common interview question
amfv sympathized with a poor decision made by Ruth's Chris Steak House
ransack. proved that vacuuming gasoline out of your car won't cause an explosion
Paris1127 knew how a doctor should have responded to a flight attendant
Rent Party posted a requested photo from Miley Cyrus
bdub77 made the obligatory Cosby comment
The All-Powerful Atheismo defined one of Nancy Grace's favorite nicknames
Snarfangel shared a very strange book with the Saturday Morning Book Club
Mr. Coffee Nerves told us what to eat instead of Ben & Jerry's ice cream
Johnny Stalker Black wanted people to learn from an educational TV show

Smartest:
BKITU helped out anyone who was too lazy to RTFA
Rapmaster2000 suggested an alternative to Columbus Day
ginandbacon thought there should be a planeload of lawsuits
gopher321 figured out how many Sandlers it would take to make a Carrey
Mikey1969 engaged in the Fark tradition of insulting the submitter
Mentat asked an important question about the foiled terrorists in Kansas
Somacandra reacted to news of Nancy Grace's departure from HLN
Cubs300 gave some background information about a radio talk show host who quit on air
Pocket Ninja was caught by surprise by news about Billy Bush
palelizard thought that one thing proves that a missing couple is dead

CSB Sunday Morning: I'm never drinking again
Smartest: durbnpoisn shared a story that's actually about never drinking again
Funniest: acad1228's drinking left a legacy that would affect future generations

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
drumhellar pointed out one of Donald Trump's victims
sdd2000 had bad news for Mike Pence
Mike_LowELL predicted a November surprise
UNC_Samurai summed up the second presidential debate
ucantseeme found the locker room that Trump keeps talking about

Politics Smartest:
thorpe appreciated an invitation to bring it
bdub77 shared a comparison of how Trump supporters judge Trump and Clinton
hubiestubert had a different take on Trump invading Clinton's space during the debate
gaspode pointed out a statement that would later get more attention
JerseyTim let us know exactly when the glory days of SNL were


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish revealed a superhero's identity
wickedfish found a plane having an "accident"
Don_cos gave this card game a classic ending
grampy showed a huge improvement to the presidential debate format
Wrongo found someone to thank Obama for stealing his fish
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered Trump's true colors
zeon got us lost in an endless tunnel
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium All of the moderators and admins would like this joke explained to us
ToastmasterGeneral switched some people around
gerbilpox proved that even minifigs have trolls

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 597: "Collections 2" ended in a tie between Ldrtchbrd's buttload of caps and Wrongo's wall of sound

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Obama finds solution to closing Guantanamo

After being blown up, beaten, tied up, and drug into the river, the Grigori Rasputin Memorial Bridge has finally come down

County carves pumpkins underwater, known as Halloween H20

Kaepernick to start against Bills on Sunday. Rex Ryan reportedly to play national anthem on third downs

Former 'Apprentice' staffers claim Donald Trump routinely insulted the Kardashians on set. No official response yet from Gul Dukat's office

In light of impending lawsuits, Theranos to begin construction of "mini labs" for blood tests, Infinity Gauntlet

Greg Hardy to move to MMA, challenge Ronda Rousey

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/9 - 10/15


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

After a few weeks where the Quizmasters held the reins, the Farkers crashed through the front gates and stormed the castle last week. Every score on the Top 10 page was above 900, with two breaking into the 1000 Club. Your leaderboard this week was topped by a pair of players earning the gold: both rick42 and SilverStag each had an identical score of 1020 to top the list, while Yoeman nearly got into the four-digit club with a score of 992.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - October 14.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Last week was bananas
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2016-10-11 1:16:34 PM, edited 2016-10-11 7:51:38 PM (51 comments) | Permalink

When Monday is a holiday, it's a splendid excuse to go into ProcrastinationMonkey mode and put off posting the Fark NotNewsletter until Tuesday. It doesn't even matter how minor or imaginary the holiday is. From the Fourth of July to Festivus, they're all fair game. In fact, I hear next Monday is National I'm Not That Fond Of Raisins Day. I might have to take that day off.


Comment Mentions

The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week

Matthew - 584
Pu**y - 1570 (censored here for email friendliness)
Grab - 2094
Tic Tac - 159
Ken Bone - 48
Columbus Day - 78
Bacon - 342


Comment Voting

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funniest:
markie_farkie provided a less offensive logo
bearded clamorer has a product to help Venezuelans
Non Sequitur Man exposed green-on-orange violence
Feel_the_velvet decoded a secret message
Dahnkster posted an update about the Oregon Balonians or whatever they're called
TheSopwithTurtle gave advice to a fellow Farker
scottydoesntknow reacted to the lack of news from Wikileaks
Kouta was happy to see the return of Fark's favorite group
blatz514 knew who else the NY attorney general told to stop fundraising
hugram showed a reaction to bad news for a sports team

Smartest:
Gyrfalcon stated the facts
somedude210 reacted to more great work done by the U.S. Congress
Weaver95 feared some people's fear of knowledge
basemetal shared some parental wisdom
whither_apophis suggested some money Illinois could seize instead of some lottery winnings
That Guy What Stole the Bacon gave advice that will save some Farkers some embarrassment and discomfort one day
hubiestubert wondered why a bunch of lawyers seem confused by how laws work
sigdiamond2000 re-posted a comment from Xcott explaining the three hacker modes
sigdiamond2000 made a guess as to why some people vote for Trump
STDMan69 commented on the Trump Foundation being told to stop fundraising in New York

CSB Sunday Morning: Asking someone out
Smartest: vudukungfu shared a story about a seamless transition from one girlfriend to the next
Funniest: doyner told a story about being a wingman

If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.

Politics Funniest:
Sin_City_Superhero offered a helpful suggestion for Trump's campaign
duppy shared a tweet about the Republican party's predicament
Mike_LowELL commented on political differences among football players
doyner shared a grab bag of memes
Diogenes had thoughts about Trump's thoughts about PTSD

Politics Smartest:
jaylectricity thought that a comment was potentially harmful
RadioAaronsu summed up Trump's 2005 "Access Hollywood" comments
Mentat discussed Trump's mic problem in the first debate
One Bad Apple explained why John McCain is a hero
markie_farkie probably isn't voting for Trump


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
wickedfish made a pic-a-nic for this family
RedZoneTuba created the official soda of Fark
JerkStore made a couple of drinks that you probably don't want
RedZoneTuba has something to soothe your stomach
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium found out what happened to your lost iPhone
Herb Utsmelz must have had a power outage
RedZoneTuba made a new fundraising product for Trump
Wrongo found out what's moving those desert rocks around
Herb Utsmelz made some bad dental work even worse
wickedfish gave a dancer a new skirt

Farktography:
Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 596: "The Fungus Among Us" with a little redhead

If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats

Saturday, October 15th: Detroit Fark Party at Greektown Casino
Saturday, October 29th: Fort Worth, Texas Fark Party

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.


Beyond Fark

We're very sad to have lost Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer, a very active and talented contributor to many our Photoshop contests. You can visit Herr Docktor Heinrich Wisenheimer's memorial thread here.


Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Unfreakable)

Indian authorities capture pair of Pakistani spy pigeons before they could plot coo

Matthew up to Cat4, approaches U.S. coast at 16Mb/s

Expert believes dogs can detect the passage of time with their noses by noticing changes in scent. Oh, so a watch dog

Cop arrested for pleasuring himself in public was also drafted in the 10th round of the MLB draft. Presumably by the Yankees

For some reason, researchers block gene to reduce cigarette smoke toxicity in fish embryos, when everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in schools

And the October Surprise Advent Calendar gives us another treat

Ford to reintroduce the Bronco SUV to its lineup. First 5000 buyers will receive a commemorative pair of black leather driving gloves - one size too small, of course

The rest of them are here:  Headlines of the week for 10/2 - 10/8


Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by Unfreakable)

All in all, it was a mixed bag this week. Nobody managed to crack 1000, but chawco led the pack with 934, followed by coscausticevil with 924 and Hawkin05 with 887. The rest of the pack was all in the 800s at a full gallop.

There's room for better scores--highest theoretical score is 1100--so if you think you can beat them, go get your name on the list--give last Friday's quiz a shot here: Fark Weird News Quiz - October 7.
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