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Fark NotNewsletter: Throw on your panic pants and check out some changes to Fark
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-08-21 11:50:49 AM, edited 2018-08-21 3:45:05 PM (186 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Hey everyone!  Thanks again to everyone who signed up for TotalFark and BareFark last week - we really appreciate it!  We haven't heard anything back from Google, but in this case, no news is good news. Click here for a summary of our latest ridiculousness with them.  

Now for something completely different: We're adding a couple new tabs this week.  The last time we did this was something like five years ago. I've been thinking for a while about what other categories we could add that would have enough traction in the daily news cycle and have come up with two possibilities.  We're going to try them out for a couple weeks and see if that's the case, and if so, we're going to leave them up permanently. If not, we'll take them down and/or change them. If you're a link submitter, you'll notice the new options later today.  We'll be putting the tabs live later this week once we've got a few stories on them. Keep your eyes open for them!

Next week: Fark's mobile site is getting some new changes.  Find out what they are! Or just sign up for TotalFark where we'll be releasing the changes early to subscribers.  

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Mentions

Omarosa Manigault Newman - 1111
Aretha Franklin - 417
Security clearance - 526


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
Naido had something to say about leaning forward while using the toilet
Herb Utsmelz sang a song for adults who were threatening a 12-year-old child
I_Am_Weasel preferred a more relaxing hobby
Mugato solved a tricky math problem
Gordon Bennett found the perfect location for Donald Trump's parade
Circusdog320 cried over a heartbreaking problem
sirrerun shared a secret to saving money
SoupGuru felt sorry for someone who pushed her friend off a bridge
The Pope of Manwich Village figured there are good people on both sides of the pushing your friend off the bridge issue
Pocket Ninja linked to Marilyn Monroe's previously-lost nude scene from "The Misfits"

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:    
bearded clamorer supported the FDA's caution against using lasers as a medical treatment for lady parts

Smart:
peasandcarrots tried to explain what it means to be a transgender person
padraig discussed racist medical professionals
fappomatic appreciated what a church did during a Pride parade
codergirl42 shared an upsetting story
Madman drummers bummers noted something admirable about the young woman who pushed her friend off a bridge
Gubbo had an idea to help people pay their medical bills
saintstryfe beautifully explained how to "understand" trans people
hubiestubert shared a perspective on gender
KodosZardoz brought up some of the problems that kids have to deal with these days
hubiestubert shared personal experience to argue that police might not have needed to use a Taser on an 87-year-old woman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Candygram4Mongo comforted a Farker whose car had died
Funny: maddan had advice for a wedding vendor who has an issue with a client
Funny: RedPhoenix122 doesn't eat TV dinners anymore
Funny: brap knew how to handle complaints about your photography business
Funny: EggFool's daughter is a smartass
Smart: Shostie explained why people need to carry concealed firearms
Funny: Literally Addicted added insult to self-injury
Funny: doglover explained why it's best not to sleep with an arm under your pillow

Politics Funny:
make me some tea recited an old adage about Donald Trump's tweets
theDesertHamster figured that Trump should have been careful what he asked for
BizarreMan explained why Omarosa Manigault Newman's Situation Room tapes aren't a big deal
Marcus Aurelius had some bad news for Trump about the Fake News Media
AirForceVet still has a security clearance after sending Trump a gift

Politics Smart:
D_PaulAngel shared a reaction to Trump's joke that military members should reject raises to help pay U.S. debt
Bathia_Mapes pointed out how some members of the military desperately need to be paid more
Shadow Blasko figured that Trump could be causing more legal trouble for himself
Straight Outta Wells Branch suggested a more effective way of communicating with Trump supporters
MattytheMouse thought that the United States dodged a bullet

CSB Sunday Morning:  Memorable moments at the state fair
Smart (also tied for Funny):
Oakenraven only cared about one thing at the fair
Funny: BowtoMogul had a stomach-curdling time at the state fair

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator made breakfast for people who wake up feeling like zombies
Cork on Fork had the perfect gift for someone who already has a dick in a box
Alligator showed a visit to the Golden Arches
manyone had some fun blocking the view
I_Am_Weasel showed what's worse than getting your truck stuck in a tunnel
I_Am_Weasel found out what all those shrunken heads are used for
Circusdog320 created the last cereal you'll ever eat
hail2daking added to an iconic painting
sl4psh0t added a little rock 'n' roll to a sibling band
hail2daking got ready for a sequel to a Stephen King classic

Farktography:
henryhill won Farktography Contest No. 693: "Monochromatic Masterpieces 2" with a beautiful orange scene in Skoura, Morocco

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Another difficult one last week, with no one getting the elusive 11/11 and the 1000 club. In first place was Billlbo with 911, followed by foo monkey in second with 908. Denjiro brought in third with 848, bud jones managed 833 for fourth, and dionysusaur rounds out the top five with 827. Looks like we'll try for a little easier quiz this week.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which state had the highest per capita consumption of booze. Only 22% of quiztakers knew that in New Hampshire, you don't have to choose between Live Free and Die, you can do both while drunk off your arse. At 4.76 gallons per person, New Hampshire-ites(?) drink more than twice the national average of 2.35 gallons per person. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with all the presidential candidates roaming around there year after year bumping into things and annoying the locals.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was, oddly enough, which state had the highest pot consumption in the country. 60% of quiztakers knew that more than one out of five Massachusetts residents surveyed had partaken of marijuana in some form in the past month. Oddly enough, although pot has been legal there since December 15, 2016, the recreational use market only opened on July 1 of this year. So it seems everyone in Massachusetts has been growing their own for the past year and a half. Yeah, that's the ticket.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over where to find the limited-time-only Reese's "Outrageous" Doughnut. Only 46% of quiztakers knew that Krispy Kreme was the place to catch the latest in insta-diabeetus this season. One of these monuments to human excess is 300 calories (130 of which are fat calories), 14 grams of fat, 41 grams of carbs, and 24 grams of sugar. No word on the scientific breakthroughs necessary to cram this much into a single doughnut, but I'm sure E.T. will say it was money well spent.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which celebrity chef was causing controversy for "cultural insensitivity" for their new series, "Uncharted." 78% of quiztakers knew that Paula Deen has had enough cultural insensitivity in the spotlight for several lifetimes, and that Gordon Ramsay was the chef trotting across the globe to find someone new to yell at. Is it more or less insensitive if he learns to swear at people in their native tongue?

Congratulations to the winners. If you missed the quiz, you can catch up on it here. We'll be doing the same thing again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Google is at it again
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-08-15 10:52:22 AM (115 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Tl;dr Google's at it again - could use some more subscriptions

So here's a weird thing that popped up early last week.  Google flagged Fark for being out of compliance with Google's advertising layout standards again.  

As you might remember, this happened to us in late 2016.  At the time, Google just shut all our ads off for six weeks for a false positive on inappropriate content - you can read all about that in our original note here.  As luck would have it, things have changed since then; now Google notifies us in advance and only shuts off ads to the specific page rather than the entire site IF action isn't taken in a timely manner.  

This time around, Google says we have links too close to the ad units - which might cause people to accidentally click on the ads instead of the links. Here's the problem: The links in question are our "report this ad" links, which we'd rather people actually click to report bad ads - ads with sound on by default or other annoying behaviors, which we specifically don't allow but somehow seem to sneak through Google's ad system anyhow despite Google being almost a trillion dollar company that makes substantially all of its revenue from advertising.  

Anyhow, we asked Google how close was too close for our "report this ad" links.  Their response: "We can't tell you."

So to sum up: Google has told us we're out of compliance but won't tell us how to be in compliance.  We've had this problem before, a few years back Google told us we were hosting an image with "too much sideboob" but wouldn't answer the question, how much sideboob is too much?

So far this hasn't affected ads any, and I'll update once we have a resolution on this issue.  But meanwhile this is a great time to remind everyone to sign up for TotalFark or BareFark if you haven't already.  Last time this happened, we lost a month and a half of revenue and if it wasn't for a huge surge in subscription signups, that would have been a mortal blow to Fark.  Our revenue hasn't been shut off so far, but just in case I figured it would be worth mentioning - without subscribers Fark would have disappeared years ago. As an added bonus you get a spiffy tag next to your name, as well as bragging rights next time you run into me in person that you personally kept Fark running.  

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 

Comment Mentions

Solar probe - 15
Parker - 42
Space Force - 463
Charlottesville - 136


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
Redh8t had some bad news for a Farker who's tried not to look suspicious
Snarfangel was eager to find out more about how bad Amazon is
scottydoesntknow knew how to keep people from thinking you're a serial killer
Mr. Coffee Nerves was impressed by how white supremacists have been demonstrating their supremacy
Wadded Beef wanted the recipe
eriphila pointed out why it's good that Macaulay Culkin turned down a role in "Big Bang Theory"
Naido offered advice on what to do if someone is fapping, riding a bike, and breaking into your house
naughtyrev had a great idea for the big hit movie of next summer
AintNoAmoeba let us know who's upset at the idea that skinny eyebrows might be cultural appropriation
jaytkay argued in favor of face tattoos
skinink pointed out something that's even worse than fake power outlets in airports

Smart:
jaytkay was not sorry for a tourist who was arrested in Dubai
edmo thought that racist people could teach us all something
Pocket Ninja agreed that Amazon didn't have a reason to ban any self-published authors
LessO2 figured that things could have gone very differently when a man stole a plane from Sea-Tac airport
jtown pointed out who the real airport villain is
SpaceyCat explained why the stolen airplane wasn't shot down
Zevon's Evil Twin has high hopes for the future (and also does nice things for senior citizens)
jbc figured that dead people have some work to do
Snarfangel gave a visual lesson on face tattoos
ElFugawz was shocked by some bad news about baby boomers

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: OneFretAway found something important to remember about another Farker
Smart: Badafuco explained why Ansel Adams took black and white photos
Funny: JerseyTim revealed the reason some people have dandruff
Funny: merrillvillain gave advice on ordering authentic Chinese food
Funny: rcf1105 knew why a Farker wasn't offered the "real" Chinese menu
Funny: mmagdalene thinks that this photo of Ross Martin is Ed McMahon for some reason, but the description is legit

Politics Funny:
Snarfangel found evidence that Jeff Sessions was eager to avoid being held in contempt
markie_farkie pointed out how Donald Trump knows that California's environmental laws are to blame for the wildfires
dripping with sarcasm knew what Trump was referring to when he tweeted "5 for 5!"
KC Dutchman sang about Rick Gates testifying against Paul Manafort
dugitman improved one of the Space Force insignia options

Politics Smart:
justGreg got an idea from "I'd rather be a Russian than Democrat" t-shirts
Ambivalence explained the difference between Sen. Dianne Feinstein having a Chinese spy on her staff and Mueller's Russia investigation
nekom suggested a way to make the best of Republicans' cozying up to Russia
Weaver95 had a plan in the event that Trump resigns because of the conclusions of the Russia investigation
Ambivalence discussed what fighter pilots were called upon to do on 9/11


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
cowgirl toffee was living the dream
hail2daking gave Fark a new favorite football team
RedZoneTuba found that Zorro has started working within the law
Yammering_Splat_Vector took a literal approach to "Space Force"
#2 gave a reason to support Jeff Sessions
Driver showed us a couple of Russians who are meddling in a U.S. election
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a strange transformation
RedZoneTuba came up with a name for members of the Space Force
Yammering_Splat_Vector noticed a similar taste in fashion
RedZoneTuba showed a candidate whose motivations might not be sincere

Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 692: "Beverages" with this green tea

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Last week's quiz was another toughie, with no one breaking the 1000 mark. In first place, we had the Mole of Production with 909, followed closely by Balder333 with 906 and bobobolinskii with 899. In fourth it was fuzzyracing1967 with 882, and rounding out the top five was Denjiro with 868.

The hardest question for most on the Hard Quiz was over the motivations of Florida Man in his recent conviction for conspiracy to blow up Target stores. Although it's not hard to believe "living in Florida" would be motivation enough for all kinds of idiotic behavior, in this case, he had a grand plan. Only 32% of quiztakers knew he wanted to tank the company's stock so he could buy it up on the cheap for a massive profit. So, just basic human greed. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was, oddly enough, our history lesson for the week. 77% of quiztakers knew that John Komnenos was so fat that he literally broke the throne of the Byzantine Empire when he attempted to sit on it following his coup, which ultimately failed. No word on if they refunded his security deposit. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which software company was re-branding and asking its users to decide on new company and product logos. Only 51% of quiztakers still feel Mozilla is relevant enough to read a story about. They plan to return to the glory days of 1998 and their browser dominance, I'm guessing because Microsoft no longer imbeds IE and no one likes this "Edge" crap in Windows 10, no matter how many stupid little adverts that pop up when you open Chrome, telling you that Edge is "faster" and "more secure". 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over a recent trading card sale on ebay. 85% of quiztakers heard that a Black Lotus card from the original printing has sold for $87,672. It seems that black borders are tens of thousands of dollars cooler than regular borders, which is apparently the only difference between the card in the first and second printing. For 80 grand, I'd expect the thing to physically eat my opponent's entire deck and do 3 points of real damage to my opponent himself so he can serve as a warning to others.

Congratulations to the winners, and if you missed the quiz, you can catch up right here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The kids most Farkers wouldn't mind on their lawns
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-08-07 11:05:38 AM (49 comments) | Permalink

In case you missed it, there was a cute story about this super lucky neighborhood in Boise, Idaho that was invaded by a horde of hungry goats on Friday. Can  you imagine how awesome it would be to look out your window and see that? I'm so jealous. A few weeks ago, I woke up from a Saturday afternoon nap and casually looked out my window to see that the trees in the gully across the street were on fire, and that was significantly less adorable than a swarm of 118 goats. I wasn't too nervous because, though the flames were high, it looked like firefighters had it under control and no structures or people were in danger. Indeed, it was out very soon. I really wish that it had been a horde of happy goats attacking that vegetation instead of a stupid fire.


Comment Mentions

Enemy of the people - 92
LeBron James - 121
Trump Tower - 130
Goat - 234


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
gabethegoat did "challenges" before they were cool
guestguy showed us what "wistful white people" might look like
Snarfangel figured out where Disney went wrong with James Gunn
Harry Freakstorm encountered a paywall
holdmybones didn't think Pocket Ninja would find a certain article
Promo Sapien pointed out an issue with the Stone Mountain Confederate monument
skinude1 defended a decision that led to a plane crash
Aurric had a good reason for intentionally splashing pedestrians while driving
WelldeadLink predicted what a lawsuit might do to the operator of the duck boat that recently sank
Pocket Ninja looked forward to reading an article about a particular high school janitor

Smart:
nmrsnr used this one weird trick for staying out of trouble in high school
hubiestubert discussed race in America
Wessoman had advice for one of the few white workers in a chicken plant
Pocket Ninja looked forward to reading an article about a particular high school janitor
CarnySaur has a decent person's reaction when hearing people speaking a foreign language
AdmirableSnackbar had an idea for reducing policy body cam malfunctions and/or shootings
Lambskincoat predicted what could happen if TSA stops screening passengers at small airports
Pazuzu Smith-Jones shared what it's like when your parents disown you for being gay
Mr. Coffee Nerves argued in favor of making people pay for using police resources for frivolous 911 calls
Trivia Jockey had a different proposal for addressing people calling 911 for ridiculous reasons

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: rickythepenguin was inspired by a Farker's brothers new job as a radio DJ
Funny: Your Naught They're will be the one to save us all
Funny: vegas_greaser a-holed up a couple of movies, and harleyquinnical a-holed another one
Smart: Eli WhiskeyDik reacted to a Farker's adorable and innocent "best wake-up experience" in classic Farker fashion

Politics Funny:
TelemonianAjax figured out what Donald Trump was saying about Dianne Feinstein
nytmare explained why Snekretary is an incel
AdmirableSnackbar was right about last week
Merltech sensed President Trump's fear
Kubo let us know what the NRA meant when they said they were in financial trouble

Politics Smart:
fusillade762 saw nothing special about Robert Mueller's relationship with Trump
NateAsbestos had some advice for analyzing Trump's tweets
Mad Scientist reacted to Rudy Giuliani telling Mueller to "put up or shut up"
stan unusual shared some words of wisdom about politicians
weddingsinger analyzed the analysis of the proposed "Medicare for All" plan

CSB Sunday Morning: My staycation
Smart (tie):
gordian and a friend had every 13-year-old's dream weekend
Smart (tie): davidphogan got the most out of a year of being jobless
Funny: gordian and a friend had every 13-year-old's dream weekend


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator put Fish in charge of the world
Snubnose made protesting a lot easier
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed an alien invasion of privacy
RedZoneTuba found out what Melania Trump is doing to keep the White House beautiful
Cork on Fork used a tripod to grab a prize
Mojongo showed us what happens when the fish turn the tables on us
RedZoneTuba extended a sexy invitation
RedZoneTuba showed Trump running a tight ship
noazark supersized the first lady
Don_cos updated a classic Bloom County comic strip

Farktography:
Deveyn won Farktography Contest No. 691: "Mental Health Day" with a grumpy fish

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Beyond Fark

We're very sad to have lost Farker QueenofDenial. Her partner Ovuzai wrote a beautiful tribute to her and told us about her life in her memorial thread.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had a tough one last week, with no one breaking the 1000 mark, and only one person hitting 900. notyoucoach takes home first place with 904, followed by Equilibrist in second with 860 and Denjiro in third with 853. Harry Freakstorm took fourth with 849, and Evildog finishes out the top five with 834.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which departing police commissioner got a bong as a going-away present from the local public radio station. Only 20% of quiztakers caught the article about the Boston police commissioner and his weekly "Ask the Commissioner" radio show, in which he gave many public statements about marijuana legalization. Let's hope he finds a good use for it in his retirement.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about the impending release of the updated 8110 phone. 76% of quiztakers recognized the curved yellow "bananaphone" as used by Neo in "The Matrix" as a Nokia device. Although the phone doesn't support the most popular Chinese apps such as WeChat or Alipay, preorders are through the roof. I think it's more to do with the bananaphone song (now it's stuck in your head!).

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over DC's latest branding effort dor the DCEU. only 38% of quiztakers caught the article about their newest iteration, "Worlds of DC". Because obviously a new label is all that stands between Henry Cavill's CGI de-moustaching and Marvel money. Here's a tip, DC execs: forget the labeling, go watch Batman vs. Superman, and don't do that anymore. Then watch Wonder Woman, and do more of that. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over whose yacht got vandalized and set adrift. 91% of quiztakers knew that the $40 million yacht belonged to the family of Betsy DeVos, and was presumably filled with Deter soap and Nutralife bars. Then again, with that kind of money they probably don't purchase any Amway products anymore.

Congrats to the winners, and we'll do it all again this week. If you missed last week's quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: That's so hot 🔥
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-07-31 11:35:50 AM (42 comments) | Permalink

As July turns to August, many of us find ourselves melting in the summer heat. Some people cope by lounging in swimming pools or cranking up the air conditioner, but much of California gave up entirely and just caught on fire, yo. If you're trying to escape the (non-fire) heat, Fark recommends staying inside and sitting around pantsless with a cold drink... but we always recommend that anyway.


Comment Mentions

Blood moon - 22
Mars - 199
Eclipse - 57
Pants - 622


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
nekom identified the real problem with being raised by a gay couple
Hagbardr was taken aback by some advice for incels (the reply is also great)
Shostie shared a story about attending a bachelor party
Fear the Clam figured out how anyone can get dates
AsparagusFTW reacted to a body being pulled from a grave by the roots of a fallen tree
hissatsu had a plan for dealing with incels
sirrerun noticed something about these poor guys who are "involuntarily celibate"
Mr. Coffee Nerves wanted to use technology to help incels
Schroedinger's Glory Hole made a point about serving expired food to your guests
Xcott pointed out why it's good to get rid of the headphone jack on iPads

Smart:
sirrerun suggested something that might help incels get a date
Pocket Ninja critiqued a Vice article denigrating "Animal House"
Ghastly had advice for "looxmaxing incels"
Sgt Otter could see why 4chan would be in a morally superior position
rzrwiresunrise spied the real reason for the attack on Sarah Silverman
DO NOT WANT Poster Girl gave tips on becoming a DO WANT Poster Boy
winedrinkingman blamed incels' problems on their gullibility
I Browse explained why it's not such a great idea for black people to "turn the tables" by calling police on harmless white people
Lady J pointed out why most people feel no sympathy for self-proclaimed incels
MikeyFuccon reacted to the idea of reenacting Civil War battles to pay "tribute to the fighting man"

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: MBK doesn't put up with crimes against burritos
Funny: Mudgen told us how trying to talk the spouse into a threesome would go
Smart: MattytheMouse explained why some men think a woman who's had many partners becomes "loose"
Funny: IvyLady confessed to being an amateur archeologist
Funny: oldfarthenry suggested a term for female self-attention

Politics Funny:
Circusdog320 thought of a way for Melania to really piss off Donald
Chariset wrote a Trump-themed holiday song
bdub77 wanted someone in charge of the men "guarding" Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame star
MrBallou figured out who has the most to gain by testifying against Paul Manafort
Eddie Adams from Torrance defended the planned arrest of Stormy Daniels

Politics Smart:
NutWrench explained why some groups are considered "hate groups"
MasterAdkins empathized with Republicans who don't feel welcome in New York City
Diogenes discussed how the Trump Administration disseminates information
pueblonative had a message for Alex Jones
mrshowrules predicted bad news for Donald Trump Jr.

CSB Sunday Morning: The worst book I ever read
Smart:
There weren't a lot of stories for this, but Farkers really think that "Atlas Shrugged" sucks
Funny: Zevon's Evil Twin learned why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba took a cue from the headline
hail2daking found all the little swimmers reaching the finish line together
RedZoneTuba gave Phil Spector a new wig
durbnpoisn shot a very strange apple
ionthrust showed the impressive benefits of a Samsung phone
Don_cos decided to teach us something
hail2daking gave this little swimmer some help to be brave
Alligator showed off the latest in pachyderm fashion
Vortex Dweller figured that it's never a bad time to show off your tattoos
Circusdog320 did something hilariously horrifying to the Fark squirrel

Farktography:
henryhill won Farktography Contest No. 690: "Navy" with a photo of the USS Wasp

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had some fun last week with the quiz and discussing smoothie recipes. Looks like I'm not the only Farker who likes fruit and milk and ice, but I have to admit I was surprised at what some people choose to drop in the blender. 

On the quiz itself, TheYeti came out on top with 992, followed closely by bobobolinskii with 990. Yellow Beard took third with 985, Staffist was right on his heels with 984, and kevinatilusa finishes out the top 5 with 935.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over why soccer players sit in racecar-like seats on the sidelines. Only 23% of quiztakers caught the article about a CEO of a seat manufacturing company who was also on the board of a local team. The team manager had some physical problems with his back, and had to sit on an uncomfortable wooden bench for hours, and so the CEO had a seat made up for him to make things easier. Then someone had the bright idea of letting the people who are actually on the field and physically exerting themselves maybe have some comfy seats as well, and so the company made up a whole bench of them. So it was pretty much a fad instigated by car seat manufacturers who pointed out that other teams were nice and comfy and got to pretend they were driving racecars on the bench, and it eventually every other team bought in and so it became a tradition. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over where one could find the "007 Elements" attraction, a supervillian lair high atop a mountain dedicated to the cinematic universe of James Bond. 80% of quiztakers knew that now Austria finally has something else to be famous for other than Steve Irwin and Yahoo Serious. I think it's a pretty good choice, since it's relatively easy to find crocodiles for the moat.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which movie generated the most complaints to the British Board of Film Classification in 2017. Only 51% of Quiztakers knew that a not insignificant number of Brits were a bit taken aback by the level of violence in the movie Logan. Logan received a 15 rating in the UK, as opposed to the R rating in the US, so I can see where many people might have been surprised at the violence.For the record, even though it also received a 15 rating in the UK, IT received only 6 complaints for the same reasons. Are the Brits becoming as desensitized to violence as we Americans? Next thing you know they'll stop using so many superfluous U's.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was also about our friendly but inexplicably monarchical folks across the pond. The question was over which actor was being featured as a giant, bare-chested statue reclining in a park by Tower Bridge in London. 87% of quiztakers caught the story about the upcoming 25th anniversary of Jurassic Park and someone's bright idea to feature the weirdest scene from the movie with a 25-ft. open-shirted Jeff Goldblum statue. I'm tempted to believe that Jeff Goldblum spent so much time working out prior to filming that he himself insisted on the bare-chested look the statue is paying homage to. It's more believable than thinking Steven Spielberg thought it was a good idea.

Thanks to all the quiztakers, and congratulations to the winners. We'll do it all again this week!


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks as always to our amazing submitters and to our TotalFark voters!  We love Headline of the Week because it lets us highlight the kinds of headlines that make us Fark. Creative, funny, looking at the world sideways, the kinds of headlines that make you take a second - and third - look, and make you laugh.  The kinds of headlines you can share on your other social media and say *this* is Fark.

Here are a few of our favorites this week, to see *all* the chosen headlines, check out the Headlines of the Week here.

Main

Lava bomb hits Hawaii tour boat after captain fails his saving throw against fire mage

Australian plane struck by lightning mid-air, proving Australia will try to kill you at a distance too

Zagreb Blew

Sports

Liz Cambage sets WNBA record with a 53-point game, or 67 male points

Geek

There's a new phase in the Earth's history - the Meghalayan Age - defined as the length of time between two Meghan Markle stories in the Daily Mail Online

Entertainment

I AM GROOOOO (James Gunn fired before script was finished)

Politics

Richard Marx rules. Wait, Richard Marx? Damn, I hate this timeline

Business

Amazon boasts biggest Prime Day ever. Optimus inconsolable

Discussion 

18 Women on the very specific things that turn them on. *Scrolls down* ok, not too weird * scrolls more* ok, a little strange, but shouldn't judge *scrolls* "Listening to my boyfriend list ingredients in tacos" that's my fetish (Not safe for work)

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The end is nigh
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-07-25 11:38:21 AM (43 comments) | Permalink

If there's a restaurant you wanted to try out or a book you've been wanting to read, you better do it before Friday night, because that's when the blood moon is coming for us. Sure, most Farkers won't even be in a position to witness the event directly, but this lunar eclipse will be accompanied by the red planet, as Mars is approaching the closest it has been to Earth since 2003. That's definitely when the Martians will make their move, as they'll already be in the neighborhood and the full moon will provide light for their nighttime raids. So get ready, because the end is nigh!


Comment Mentions

James Gunn - 431
Duck boat - 73
Maria Butina - 615
Horses - 298


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
bearded clamorer made one of those "you're going to hell for laughing at this" jokes
NeedlesslyCanadian showed how some men are reacting to the redesigned She-Ra
Mr. Coffee Nerves explained how Jenny McCarthy's house became haunted
Pocket Ninja was disappointed about all the articles about white people calling the cops on black people for doing normal things
cgraves67 answered a question about one of the sons of "Old Man" from "Pawn Stars"
HawgWild was cruising for a bruising
bring to a festering boil had an interesting reaction to a woman finding maggots in a hotel bathroom
ThomasPaineTrain had advice for anyone who got asbestos on their clothes when a pipe exploded
Pocket Ninja knew what the most important thing was when 17 people died when a duck boat sank
Oreminer was reminded of another kid who liked face paint

Smart:
MikeyFuccon made some assumptions about why the ill-fated duck boat went out in bad weather
Benevolent Misanthrope had advice for women dealing with unwanted sexual touching
doglover wanted to punish the punishers
Smock Pot had an idea of who's really upset about She-Ra's new look
RedPhoenix122 suggested a reason why there's an increase in atheists going to church
fusillade762 wanted a different headline when James Gunn lost his job over old tweets
PreMortem was angry about kids these days
Tr0mBoNe reacted to a Holocaust denier's arrest in Germany
HawgWild approved of an ass-kicking server's GoFundMe effort
doyner gave some information about the rollout of a new type of aircraft carrier

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: CommieTaoist had experience in dealing with ant hills
Funny: Your Naught They're brought up the worst part about a Farker's cats eating a litter of bunnies
Funny: aquigley changed another Farker's name to make it sexy
Funny: xanadian was willing to take one for the team

Politics Funny:
Gordon Bennett had a question about who is siding with Russia against the U.S.
Carter Pewterschmidt had evidence that Barack Obama is an evil person
nekom brought up some inexcusable ethics violations
kevlar51 had an idea for how we can find out for sure whether or not Maria Butina is a Russian spy
pueblonative predicted what will happen if Donald Trump is forced to show his hand

Politics Smart:
Grand_Moff_Joseph wanted to burn the witches
FlashHarry thought that it was fair to look into someone associated with Bernie Sanders
doyner wanted everyone to remember something about the FISA application for Carter Page
FlashHarry brought up how Bernie Sanders' chief strategist was connected to Paul Manafort
enry discussed Ronald Reagan's presidency


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator showed a bad sign for Shinzo Abe
noazark revealed who really controls the Bert and Ernie Muppets
RedZoneTuba shared a movie about two swinging couples
Yammering_Splat_Vector found Japan's Prime Minister waiting for clean knickers
hail2daking took a drive with Sally Field
Yammering_Splat_Vector commemorated breaking in some office equipment
durbnpoisn collected a couple of bad hombres
Cork on Fork made a coin that would make all of you very wealthy
Snubnose offered up some worthless currency
RedZoneTuba designed a very presidential coin
Herb Utsmelz sent Shinzo Abe a memento from Trump

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 689: "Nth Degree" ended in a tie between henryhill's black and white New York scene and Warthog's New York buildings

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had fun discussing the weird and crazy stuff that gets greenlit from the Nabisco test kitchens on the last quiz. Personally, I believe the exacs in charge of those decisions are sharing whatever drugs are getting passed around by the chefs. How else do you explain American Idol Commemorative Pop-Tarts?

On the quiz itself, Datanerd came out on top with a score of 926, followed by Priapetic with 922 and the Mole of Production in third with 904. In fourth, we had rrl with 870, and finishing off the top 5 was Denjiro with 862. 

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about where many of the world's extremely poor live. Only 26% of quiztakers caught the WaPo article on the findings of the latest Brookings Institute study showing that after decades at the top (or bottom, I guess), India is actually getting better and has been replaced by Nigeria as the home to the most poverty-stricken people. India now has only 70.6 million living in extreme poverty, while Nigeria has 87 million. Which does make one wonder where all those princes who keep emailing me get their money.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which British monarch sent specially commissioned chocolates to soldiers fighting in the Boer War. A little history knowledge helps, as 69% of quiztakers Queen Victoria was the reigning monarch when the chocolates were commissioned in 1899. Honestly, I'm wondering if 69% of Americans know who was President in 1899. (William McKinley. There, I saved you a Google search.)

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over whether it was physically possible for The Rock to make the jump between crane and building as shown in the trailer and movie posters for his new movie "Skyscraper". Only 39% of quiztakers caught the article explaining the math that showed that not only was it realistically possible for a physically fit 6'5" person to make that long of a jump, he would have to jump slightly downwards in order to match the parabola shown. Jumping forward or slightly upwards would actually make the jump easier.

The easiest question on the Easy quiz was about which big-box wholesale club was trolling Costco with their snack bar. 79% of quiztakers knew that after Costco announced they were doing away with their Polish dog to make room for healthier stuff, Sam's Club stepped in to keep the People of Walmart in People of Walmart shape by offering their own unhealthy arrangement of porcine organ meat and spices on a bun. 

Congratulations to the winners, and if you missed the last quiz, you can catch up here.


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks as always to our wonderful submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  Main was the standout tab again this week, and gems in every other tab as well.  We love Headline of the Week because it lets us highlight the weird, creative, and just plain funny way that Farkers see the world.  The kinds of headlines you can share on postcards you leave randomly around your local bars and coffeehouses - and say *this* is Fark.

Here are a few of our favorites, check out here for all of your Headlines of the Week!

Main

Racist comments. Horrible pizza. Papa's Gone

Downward dogwhistle

Sports

After paying €105m for a single striker, Juventus's owner finds itself with thousands of strikers it didn't know it had, in a Fiat accompli

Geek

You know how it is when you've waiting for the block of cheese and it still doesn't come and you know you should move on and look somewhere else but you don't want all that time to be wasted? Humans do that too

Entertainment

George Clooney returns to ER

Politics

I detect an air of defiance from the Scots

Tusk to Trump: If you don't EU meet, you can't have any Putin. How can you have any Putin if you don't EU meet?

Business

Microsoft introduces SQL (subscription query language)

Pfizer pfreezes pfrice hikes amid pfressure pfrom Trumpf

Discussion

Bristlecone pines can be old... really old. There are bristlecone pines that have been around since before the crucifixion. Did any of them try to stop the crucifixion? No, because bristlecone pines look out for bristlecone pines

Here we see the mating rituals of the 1980s. The man drums on the Casio while the woman flashes her broad shoulder pads provocatively

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: A tale of two asses
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-07-17 11:15:32 AM (46 comments) | Permalink

Sometimes I just can't think of a topic for an intro, but I usually manage to pull something out of my ass at the last minute. I'd do that today, but unfortunately all my ideas are in my other ass. You know how that is - you switch asses and you go somewhere and realize all your stuff is still in your other ass. It's so inconvenient.


Comment Mentions

Papa John - 316
NATO - 1188
Queen Elizabeth/the queen - 309
World Cup - 214


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
ZAZ remarked on a man and woman who died while having sex in a running car in a garage
BizarreMan let us know how things went when a soccer team was rescued from a cave by Thai Navy Seals
propasaurus defended the founder of Papa John's
bearded clamorer commented on an unflattering mugshot (and the next commenter really missed an opportunity for a great response)
PainInTheASP found a reason to keep a white supremacist locked up
fusillade762 noticed something about the conference call during which "Papa" John Schnatter said a racial slur
Prank Call of Cthulhu was alarmed by how old another Farker is
Mugato figured that Schnatter was probably right about one thing
grokca was in awe of a feat in adult film making
HotWingConspiracy found a problem with the rescue of the Thai youth soccer team

Smart:
hubiestubert shared a story about suspecting someone of being a child molester
optikeye had a good argument against businesses going "cashless"
I_Am_Weasel pointed out that employers sometimes only take actions when they're pushed into it
Hobodeluxe had already been pushed away by Papa John's priorities
snowjack felt that a man whose aunt is suing him is extra lucky
koder reacted to a claim that laws are biased against privileged white males
Catlenfell wanted fines for people calling 911 about harmless people
MattytheMouse had a different reason for not hating the rich
pkjun summed up the "crazy" rules that Disney imposes on Marvel movies
August11 discussed the reasons some men might be advised to avoid working with women

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Ceteris Paribus says had a bad one-night stand
Funny: Beeblebrox had a question about another Farker's sexual adventure
Funny: farkingismybusiness had advice about what to do with shared in-game currency in a divorce
Smart: ahab gave an example of something that stupid people tell themselves
Funny: Flab revealed this one weird trick for getting rid of a conspiracy theorist

Politics Funny:
markie_farkie was hoping for a a special announcement during Rod Rosenstein's press conference
whither_apophis imagined Stormy Daniels getting out of jail
snowshovel was glad that there would finally be justice in the Russia investigation
AkaDad welcomed our new leopard overlords
FarkingIceHole showed us what a stable genius might look like

Politics Smart:
Ringshadow wanted to use up some old produce
Hobodeluxe thought that an accusation against Antifa could apply to another group
phalamir had a suggestion for saving Social Security
blastoh thought that House Republicans were inconsistent
Marcus Aurelius commented on how Trump chooses who to pardon


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Mojongo found a way toupee for Trump's travels
RedZoneTuba came up with a new theme week for "Jeopardy!"
Cork on Fork showed why you shouldn't do dangerous stunts
Yammering_Splat_Vector brought dinner
thatguyoverthere70 updated an old game show
RedZoneTuba gave a weightlifter another reason to strain
Cork on Fork found a way for Trump to express himself as he arrives
Don_cos fed the real Big Bird
Yammering_Splat_Vector painted Air Force One for Trump's most recent trip
FarkingIceHole made a quiz show with only three questions

Farktography:
bobug won Farktography Contest No. 688: "Float Like a Butterfly 2" with a black and blue beauty. Or is it white and gold? Either way, be sure to check out this contest if you like pretty bugs. 

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, July 18: 6th Annual Farks In The Wild Party at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Thursday, July 19: Hop-Con w00tstout release party in San Diego, CA
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Why I'm never going outside again
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-07-10 11:44:41 AM, edited 2018-07-10 11:59:41 AM (34 comments) | Permalink

Since it's summertime, many Farkers are venturing out of our moms' basements and sometimes even going outside where there are scary things like insects and sunlight and other people. And most people are really weird about insects, even harmless ones. If a pretty one like a butterfly or ladybug lands on us, we think we're magical and living in a Disney movie. But if an ugly one is skulking about, most people want nothing to do with that bullshiat and start noping up a storm. Personally, I refuse to buy into that superficial mindset - the pretty ones don't automatically get a pass anymore. I'm not going to slap a butterfly, but a figeater beetle chased after me the other day, and I wasn't having it. They say that figeater beetles don't chase people, and that they just run into people a lot because they're clumsy and adorable like baby elephants, but this is not true. That stupid thing was after me like I owed it money. It was coming for me like I'd insulted its mother. Some guy saw my "leave me alone" dance, and I'm pretty sure he didn't see the beetle, so he probably figured I was on bath salts or something. Stupid bug.

Anyway, if you missed it last week, Drew told everyone about his nutbutter. Don't worry, it's not as scary as it sounds. It's a w00tstout nutbutter, available for purchase here. A portion of the proceeds will go towards Fark, so if you enjoy nutbutters and you're looking for a way to help us out other than signing up for TotalFark, give it a try. Yeah, it's not cheap, but it's some tasty-ass Farknutbutter.


Comment Mentions

Scott Pruitt - 553
Cave - 1355
Second Civil War - 47
Fireworks - 680


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
ralphjr had a member of the NYPD comment on a story
squidloe pointed out an advantage of the kids trapped in a cave
elvisaintdead complimented an allergy sufferer
Lady J knew who wouldn't be helpful in a rescue attempt
Chabash was really picky about what counts as sex
phalamir figured out who was buried in a recently-discovered sarcophagus
sno man decided that a kid's path in life is set by the time kindergarten starts
RodneyToady addressed concerns that radioactive wolves from the Chernobyl exclusion zone are spreading mutations (this comment really deserves more attention)
foo monkey knew exactly how to save that youth soccer team from the cave
Cyrus the Mediocre predicted trouble for the Roe v. Wade movie

Smart:
scottydoesntknow pointed out something about people who always complain about drama
Pin Fiften Clob was reminded of someone when a Starbucks employee mocked a customer's stutter
harleyquinnical discussed the U.S. health care system
Marcus Aurelius brought up another problem with health care in the U.S.
Ishkur wanted to correct a Vice writer who didn't understand "The Simpsons"
hubiestubert discussed one of Anthony Bourdain's main contributions to the world
PirateKing gave a brief history of dreadlocks
RodneyToady had issues with a study of the effects of cannabis for pain treatment
sno man decided that a kid's path in life is set by the time kindergarten starts
Walker had a question about use of a taser

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: whatshisname offered to help a submitter with a dad joke
Funny: Drew shared an important message
Funny: EggFool asked a good question about food
Smart: xanadian gave the answer to "What state has the most attractive people?"
Smart: KingKauff met some weirdo at a barbecue

CSB Sunday Morning:  How my family got here
Smart:
gordian's family discovered a relative through DNA testing
Funny: ThomasPaineTrain's ancestors wanted to escape sucky lives

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman.

Politics Funny:
Ranger Joe hoped Donald Trump would practice gun control
mrshowrules helpfully captioned a right wing protester
derpes_simplex had an idea for construction of Trump's border wall
Mike_LowELL was done with taking everyone's crap
HawgWild made a huge mistake

Politics Smart:
Snapper Carr compared some politicians' homes
Ranger Joe hoped Donald Trump would practice gun control
Maybe you should drive discussed being proud of being an American
hugram summed up the history of America's relationship with Russia
Bob_Laublaw shared a story about feeling privileged


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed the secret to U.S. foreign policy
Cork on Fork found out what happens when you get your appliances mixed up
Yammering_Splat_Vector told a tale as old as time
ElectronChaser went with the Halloween costume version of Disney princesses
ionthrust corrupted a Pixar movie
RedZoneTuba ruined an innocent elephant
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned Trump into royalty
Herb Utsmelz experienced a familiar server issue
RedZoneTuba rubbed the wrong lamp
ionthrust broke some Chinese laws

Farktography:
SoCalChris won Farktography Contest No. 687: "Boom 2" with the happiest fireworks on Earth

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, July 18: 6th Annual Farks In The Wild Party at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Thursday, July 19: Hop-Con w00tstout release party in San Diego, CA


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks as always to our awesome submitters and to our TotalFark voters!  We especially loved Sports and Geek this week!   

We love Headline of the Week because it lets us showcase the headlines that make us Fark: funny, creative, and looking at the article in sideways and unique way.  The headlines that you can share with your other-social-media-using friends and say *this* is Fark.  Here are a few of our favorites, check out the Fark blog for all the Headlines of the Week!

Main

A bear on a diet is surely a riot / a dog on a meal plan will get thin by the fall. / Buy a small bowl for the cat if he ever gets fat / but a hedgehog can never get slender at all

Sports

Praggnanandhaa becomes 2nd youngest chess grandmaster ever, credits help from Dr. Hfuhruhurr and Mr. Mxyzptlk

For the second straight time, Germany is defeated in Russia

Yellow cards matter

Geek

Astronomers dazzled by a brilliant supernova apparently haven't ever checked the resale value of one

Origins of those chocolate coins discovered

Entertainment 

I have a Bo Burnham New Yorker article for that

Politics

Jon Stewart has a message for Trump, though the rest of the Green Lantern Corps remains neutral

Business 

United Airlines installs TVs in all of their food prep facilities specifically to broadcast blaring 24x7 anti-union messages. And really, $11 an hour is pretty good after 30 years at work so they have a great point

Discussion

Is gin actually just flavored vodka? Is vodka really a subset of gin? Is gin really made of Christmas trees? Can vodka actually make me dance better?

Five best adventure movies of the '80s. Otherwise known as four goofy movies and "Aliens"

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: What's even nuttier than Fark's favorite squirrel?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-07-03 11:31:17 AM (56 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

The 4th of July is a great time of year for Fark.  For the week before, we get all the great stories out of Florida warning people not to shoot guns into the air or take fireworks through security at airports.  For the week after, we get all the stories of people blowing themselves up accidentally. Good times.

As some of you already know, this year will be the 6th annual release of Stone Farking Wheaton W00tstout at Hop-Con 6.0 at Stone Liberty Station on July 19th.  Tickets are still available if you're interested in going. I'll be there along with my friends Rebecca Watson and Adam Savage for a round of Quiz-o-Tron, as well as quickly and haphazardly judging a costume contest while inebriated.  

In addition to this, turns out in his spare time, Greg Koch has been trying to disrupt the U.S. nut butter market.  Nutista has announced a special W00tStout NutButter. In their words, here's what they were trying to do:

---

How did we do it:

·         We first drank a lot of 2017 release of w00tstout.
·         Used ingredients to echo the flavor of the beer like bourbon-soaked malt, malted rye, roasted barley.
·         We added our own nutty flair - raw Elliot pecans and dry roasted peanuts, a healthy amount of pecans are used to mimic the flavor profile of the beer.

Why is this noteworthy: This is one of the world's first nutbutters designed to be awesome when paired with the beer, and that authentically uses brewer's ingredients like rye, barley, and bourbon-soaked malt.

---

A sample of this arrived at my house last week, and holy crap is it good.  

If you'd like some, they've released a small prototype batch and it's available for purchase here.  A portion of the proceeds will go towards Fark and paying off my exorbitant beer tabs in other states.  So if you were looking for a way to help us out other than signing up for TotalFark (which you should do), why not pick up some prototype W00tstout nutbutter?  And yes, it's not cheap, but nothing good is.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________  

Comment Mentions

Canada Day - 78
Anthony Kennedy - 707
Supreme Court - 1221
Harlan Ellison - 101


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
bigpeeler admitted to spreading numerous STDs
HighlanderRPI commented on the aftermath of an explosion at a hospital
joemack621 gave us some background on the "girlfriend" from the "distracted boyfriend" meme
you are a puppet knew how far criminals will go to impersonate firefighters
Miss5280 wanted to see a wider variety of sexy swimsuit designs
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat discussed some shooting victims
Pocket Ninja predicted what will happen to teens who mocked a man as he drowned
Tax Boy found the original of that
buzzcut73 figured out what was wrong with a car crashing, flying, and coming to a stop at a gas pump
Jack Sabbath pointed out why 50 Cent shouldn't make fun of Terry Crews

Smart:
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers noted the timing of the Capital Gazette shooting
PaulRB compared different types of murderers
blender61 lamented hermit problems
Torgo_of_Manos discussed one of the saddest episodes of any television show
shower_in_my_socks brought up recent high-profile verbal attacks against journalists
bluorangefyre saw the Capital Gazette shooting as a battle between amendments
Gunboat reacted to an artist's arrest for leaving a sculpture of a giant bent spoon outside a drug company
FormlessOne understood why people are "ghosting" employers
Diogenes wanted to discuss ghost job listings
Farkin_Crazy discussed Trump's initial reaction to the Capital Gazette shooting

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny & Smart:  NoseBrain had advice on how to get your ex to leave you alone
Funny: Louisiana_Sitar_Club knew what to do when an ex gives you an expensive gift
Funny: meg12279's remains won't go to waste
Funny: Exluddite explained why details of the next "Spider-Man" movie will be leaked

Politics Funny:
impaler presented a very confused Snekretary
ThomasPaineTrain came up with a Secret Service code name for Sarah Sanders
hissatsu showed us what Sean Hannity's platform might look like
lilbjorn found a reason to delay finding a replacement for Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy
fusillade762 was shocked by something Attorney General Jeff Sessions did

Politics Smart:
DeaH appreciated seeing some progress in civil rights
freddyV noted that "civility" has been lacking for a while now
whither_apophis pointed out something about "blue-sky" policies
sigdiamond2000 wasn't buying Roseanne Barr's apology
lilbjorn found a reason to delay finding a replacement for Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator made this passenger a little less cute
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed a guy who was desperate to stop the best song ever
RedZoneTuba arrested a furriner
ElectronChaser discovered gravity
stertz found a convenient trampoline
Wrongo updated a classic magazine cover
Cork on Fork made a dirty phone call
RedZoneTuba found someone who can communicate with oversized crustaceans
RedZoneTuba revealed the inspiration behind a well-known song
RedZoneTuba showed that Steve Tyler has had some work done

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 686: "Midway" with a very fishy photo

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, July 18: 6th Annual Farks In The Wild Party at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Thursday, July 19: Hop-Con w00tstout release party in San Diego, CA
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Just the tips for an enjoyable summer
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-06-26 11:12:58 AM (34 comments) | Permalink

It's summertime for most of us, which means hiding from the sun so our faces won't melt like Nazis' faces do when gazing upon the Ark of the Covenant. If you do venture out into the daylight for some reason, be sure that the lotion that you rub on your skin lest you get the hose again has a decent SPF level, or at least check that it's really lotion and not mayonnaise again. Be sure to drink plenty of water, especially if you've been drinking enough vodak to caught sayof a pricipal. And whatever you do, watch out for sharks - they can be very snarky and rude.


Comment Mentions

Space Force - 236
Womp womp - 405
Cages - 953
Koko - 73
Summer - 978


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
Carter Pewterschmidt defended driving slowly in the left lane
CipollinaFan recommended a "decent Scotch at or under $100" for a submitter
Too Pretty For Prison wanted to be an Internet Tough Guy
redoctober65 knew why someone needed to call the police on a little girl who was selling water
OkieDookie noticed something about celebrity deaths
oldfarthenry tried the "make your dog think you've magically disappeared" trick
edmo shared a photo of a high-profile woman without makeup
Xcott became an autocorrect victim when asking a question about Bruce Campbell turning 60 (the comment right before this one)
HighlanderRPI knew how a kid could've gotten away with recording a conversation with school administrators
Mr. Coffee Nerves criticized a cosplay choice

Smart:
bronyaur1 had a suggestion to change laws about recording conversations
Lochsteppe wanted everyone to be more aware of other people
PirateKing defended staring at a cartoon character's butt
davidphogan shared a story about someone calling police on a kid selling dog treats
jasonvatch knew what you should do if a nuclear missile is heading your way
nekom chose an "all of the above" approach to impending doom
Pocket Ninja pointed out that some people can't afford to be picky
Gawdzila explained why some people share videos of their bad experiences on social media
OdradekRex looked on the bright side of being infected with cow pox
foo monkey suggested a good scotch for up to $100

Annual Father's Day thread:
Maybe you should drive shared a story about Dad coaching the Little League team

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Smart:  merrillvillain did the manliest thing when it mattered the most
Funny: Fat Old Broad knew all about real estate for amphibians
Funny: merrillvillain noted that experience doesn't always make you better at doing things
Funny: Current Resident found the flaw in a story about finding a notepad from 1969 with bank account information
Smart: FrancoFile compared living in Florida to living in rural New York state

Politics Funny:
mscleo suggested what to do after Donald Trump decided to stop separating children from their parents
Weatherkiss was impressed by something Trump has accomplished
ChimpMitten had a new name for the cages that immigrants are being kept in
blastoh noticed how much Fark's politics tab has changed
revrendjim had some bad news for a Farker in Texas

Politics Smart:
snowblur discussed Melania's statement against separating children from their parents at the border
FormlessOne reacted to Geraldo Rivera asking when Republicans "became the party of child abuse"
Markoff_Cheney wanted the United States to learn from history
naughtyrev responded to George Will's request that people vote against the GOP
FlyingFarmer thought of somoene well qualified to answer a question about Michael Avenatti


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
ionthrust locked her up
RedZoneTuba showed the wrong way to use a cooling tower
ionthrust found a happy fiiish
Cork on Fork showed a good reason to wear a hazmat suit
Circusdog320 approached the rear hatch with caution
Glockenspiel Hero found where the well-dressed gentlemen hang out
Yammering_Splat_Vector put this girl into a dramatic movie
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a train that says, "I think I pan"
Circusdog320 should probably just do the cooking
ionthrust gave Trump a campaign vehicle
Herb Utsmelz made lunch for the president

Farktography:
FuLinHyu won Farktography Contest No. 685: "Modern Day Still Life 2" with a colorful arrangement

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, July 18: 6th Annual Farks In The Wild Party at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Thursday, July 19: Hop-Con w00tstout release party in San Diego, CA
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Last week's harrowing tale of triumph over adversity
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-06-19 11:30:40 AM, edited 2018-06-19 2:03:10 PM (46 comments) | Permalink

For a couple of days last week, much of the internet came together to worry over a little raccoon that was climbing up a 25-story building in downtown St. Paul, Minnesota. There were concerns that the li'l trash panda might fall, or get too hungry or thirsty, or change direction and end up running out of fuel before it could find safety. Luckily, the masked weirdo made it to the top, where a trap with tasty cat food was waiting, and the raccoon was released somewhere less buildingy. And the internet rejoiced.
 
   
Comment Mentions
 
Raccoon - 134
Chris Hardwick - 670
Concentration camp - 519
Internment camp - 120
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
Funny:
OdradekRex came up with a slogan for Not See Kola
doglover compared millennials to cops
Theaetetus explained the problems with libel suites
farkingismybusiness figured out why an orgy fell short of breaking the world record
Farkspeare knew how a clarinet player could have avoided falling for a fake rejection letter for a scholarship program
Mad_Radhu commented on Chris Hardwick's wife standing by him
Mr.Poops gave a convicted sex offender a makeover
Pocket Ninja listed valid reasons why a landlord needs a bank statement with an applicant's recent transactions
steklo revealed the true identity of a fathers' rights activist who pulled out his balls on TV
Miss5280 had something to say about Kate Upton's breasteses
 
Smart:
FormlessOne argued that parents were negligent when their kid broke a sculpture
pueblonative could see why a high school doesn't name a valedictorian anymore
Benevolent Misanthrope argued in favor of naming a valedictorian
Travis_Bickle described the problem with "nerds" nowadays
itsdan had a suspicion about why some businesses are having a hard time finding employees
A Terrible Human discussed the damage that psychological abuse does to victims
Pope Larry II thought that George Lucas made plenty of bad decisions with "Star Wars"
BKITU shared some background information about the "man with the world's largest penis"
Bith Set Me Up had a theory about all the articles about millennials
OtherLittleGuy had a solution for a decrease in DUI fines due to people drinking at home instead of going out
 
TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers   
Funny:  Tziva demonstrated some poorly-thought-out laptop camera placement
Funny:  birdmanesq was experiencing marital problems
Funny:  NoseBrain was confused by an eyewear compliment
Smart:  MBK appreciated the positive impact Anthony Bourdain had
 
CSB Sunday Morning:  Yard sale stories
Smart:
  Ooba Tooba bonded with elderly neighbors after a yard sale
Funny:  Snarcoleptic_Hoosier saved an old CPU at a yard sale
 
CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman.
 
Politics Funny:
Schmerd1948 told us why Paul Manafort had to go to jail
impaler showed us a low-speed chase
wood0366 took the words right out of another Farker's mouth
Warthog discussed reacting appropriately to Larry Kudlow's heart attack
STDMan69 reacted to another Farker's drink of choice
 
Politics Smart:
markie_farkie wanted to see people stand up in Donald Trump's presence
HedlessChickn had a message for Republicans
Farking Clown Shoes argued that Trump's deal with Kim Jong Un doesn't deserve praise
red230 made some predictions after Manafort's bail was revoked
JustToLetYouKnowFriend let us know that the G7 produced another meaningful photo
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Cork on Fork spied a pair of hungry eyes
markie_farkie found out what happens when a dog lives too close to a nuclear testing site
RedZoneTuba showed the team's best CATcher
Alligator fed the most valuable player
ionthrust put on the best halftime show ever
Circusdog320 sent help to a remote emergency
Alligator updated a classic RCA ad
Wrongo showed us the kayaking nun
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a new place for this trio of sitters
RedZoneTuba became TwilightZoneTuba
 
Caption:
Halfabee64 captioned a scene from the G7 meeting
 
Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 684: "Can I Get a Show of Hands 2" ended in a six-way tie between:
No Catchy Nickname
spidermann
Elsinore
CiliarySpasm
CiliarySpasm (again) and
Petit_Merdeux
 
Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, June 23: Chicago Fark Party
Wednesday, July 18: 6th Annual Farks In The Wild Party at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
Thursday, July 19: Hop-Con w00tstout release party in San Diego, CA
· · ·


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