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Fark NotNewsletter: Who's gonna drive you home tonight?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-09-17 12:54:43 PM (54 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Todd and I recorded the second beta podcast of Fark & Schnitt last night, it dropped at 5 a.m. Eastern this morning.  New episode can be found here for Apple folks, should show up on the other platforms later this morning.  It contains a really surprising/strange followup to last week's lawyer prostitute story that almost requires a Venn diagram to sort out what actually happened.  That plus strange things people have tried to file trademarks on other than "Taco Tuesday," and Antonio Brown once "had a lot of fiber" during a doctor visit. Good times.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
special20 thought that an Instagram "travel influencer" resembled a certain celebrity
Wyalt Derp figured a boy who'd been teased about a shirt he decorated himself now had a good comeback
Pocket Ninja explained why Felicity Huffman's sentence is perfectly appropriate
AdmirableSnackbar commented on an accusation against Antonio Brown
starsrift was offended by a teacher's choice of words
Monkeyfark Ridiculous replied to teasing from a TotalFarker
Abe Vigoda's Ghost enhanced an asstastic photo
Dead for Tax Reasons recognized the style of a smoking man who was mistakenly thought to be a child
whither_apophis defended the Sackler Family and their role in the opioid crisis
markie_farkie had a question about Eddie Money's death

Smart:
MrSplifferton gave an example of the unfairness of school dress codes
RyansPrivates discussed some of the problems with bullying people over their weight
winedrinkingman had a theory about why houses in America are so big
endosymbiont shared some trivia about Calvin and Hobbes author Bill Watterson
backhand.slap.of.reason had a thought about the writer of The Far Side
edmo shared some first-hand observations about U.S. factory workers
raerae1980 discussed archaeological methods for determining sex from skeletal remains
centrifugal bumblepuppy brought up Gary Larson's great contribution to science
Dryad did the math on how much gas can come out of a deuce and a half
shut_it_down explained what's wrong with "punching down"

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
czei shared important information about homelessness and mental illness

CSB Sunday Morning: At the library
Smart: TheLastFrontiersman shared a story about not being old enough to check out a Michael Crichton book
Funny: redsquid did not appreciate a judgmental coworker's intentional unhelpfulness at the reference desk

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Murflette's typo led to regret and a hasty correction
Funny: Murflette wrote a poem about Literally Addicted's electrical power being out
Funny: croesius gave some helpful advice about storing an itch relief product
Funny: Chris Ween criticized a wiener dog's outfit
Smart: hobnail had a plan in case a mean genie shows up to inflict a very specific curse
Funny: Eclectic remembered what people used to do when they wanted to relax in a fizzy bath

Politics Funny:
phlegmjay explained exactly what Donald Trump means when he calls himself a "very stable genius"
itsdan was a stickler for proper terminology when discussing second amendment rights
Ivo Shandor had a solution for Bahamian evacuees who have been turned away because they lack U.S. visas
SpecialSnowFlake worried about innocent people affected by Sarah and Todd Palin's divorce
Subtonic figured out How Trump got a 38% approval rating

Politics Smart:
Cyberluddite listed reasons to believe that Trump really did write one of Mike Pence's tweets
stan unusual thought of one way in which allowing presidents to run for third terms could backfire on Trump
eurotrader had a theory on why Fox News is so nice to Marianne Williamson
RaptorLC pointed out something unusual about John Bolton's resignation
NeoCortex42 thought that Democratic lawmakers are too gullible


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Stephen_Falken got ready to play Farkemon
Iggie gave an Ewok a facelift
RedZoneTuba made a game about a prehistoric Farker
Snubnose showed a baby rhinoceros leaving the nest
Unscratchable_Itch played a game of bruised egos
Yammering_Splat_Vector took Photoshopping to a whole new platform
verchad spotted the toughest horse in the race
hail2daking demonstrated the easiest way to get a new mattress for upstairs
RedZoneTuba distracted a baby turtle when it should have been heading to the sea
Alligator showed shirtless Putin riding yet another animal
hail2daking proved that this gym is open to all body types

Farktography:
FuLinHyu won Farktography Contest No. 749: "P's & Q's" with a gorgeous specimen of masculine beauty

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

We had more fun than a leaky pipe on the Quiz this week, and the renovations are done just in time to reopen the 1000 club. afghanwhiggle is our first customer as he takes home top honors with 1016, followed by scrumpox in second with 996 and eagles95 in third with 942. Bear151556 makes fourth with 937, and Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel finishes out the top five with 932.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over the newly opened Superbia Credit Union. Only 30% of quiztakers knew that the new bank is opening in Michigan specifically to serve the LGBT+ community, with loans and banking programs geared towards circumstances straight people don't often find themselves in. It's a wide open market that many banks haven't even considered yet, so it's a great thing for a bank to open specifically for the market.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over why an Alabama high school had removed the stall doors from many bathrooms. 94% of quiztakers knew that it was vaping the administration was trying to prevent, because stall doors are important to the nicotine levels or something. I'm willing to bet they're all vaping now behind the school where the janitor left the stall doors he took down.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what to buy at a French boulangerie. I thought it was cigarettes, berets, and mime paint, but it turns out that it's a bread bakery. 53% of quiztakers knew you could pick up a baguette there, or maybe a croissant or Le pain aux figues or maybe some of those Olive Garden breadsticks. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over who parents are really going to see when they tell their kids they're going to an "Unusual Commoners" show. 80% of quiztakers knew that this is the name used by The Wiggles when they perform their more adult-oriented material in pubs rather than libraries. I'm sure parents also find it a bit less embarrassing to tell their single co-workers at the water cooler the next morning. "I went to see The Wiggles" probably means something dirty in Australia anyhow. 

If you missed the quiz, you can catch up on it here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing the same thing again next week!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Holy Fark and Schnitt!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-09-11 10:03:04 AM (89 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hope everyone's weekend went well.  Got a few items of note:

Fark's been having database issues as of late related to our migration into The Cloud.  Mike's working on it. Stiff upper lip, everyone. Apparently the problems stem from us not sacrificing the Fark Rubber Chicken to the God of 502 Errors, who you may remember from last season's "American Gods" premiere.  Personally, I'm hoping to see several 418 errors in the near future. At any rate, Mike's on it, thanks for your patience. If you have further frustrations, don't yell at him, yell at me - and I'll pretend to take it as sage advice.  Or we could just troll each other. Let me know what works.    

The Fark & Schnitt Podcast launched yesterday.  Last week I said we'd be running a beta for a few weeks for TotalFark only, turns out that the Powers That Be still retain 20th century conventional wisdom that big launches with little preparation is the way to go.  My apologies there. On the plus side, we cut the first episode the other night and I think it went very well. Todd's getting used to having a second person in the room and I'm just winging it as usual, but we did figure out a lot of stuff.  In particular, I got to recount the story of how Google accidentally shut Fark's ads off for several weeks due to mistakenly identifying a photo as badly out of compliance with their content requirements in a way that I can't put in an email without risking content filters deleting it (it wasn't). Also, you'll get to hear the story of how I stumbled into Jerry Bruckheimer's Man Cave of Film Memorabilia in Bloomfield, Kentucky by complete accident when I was on a bike ride last year.  I'm expecting we'll improve with each week's episode, and if for some reason we stall out, I'll start drinking during the recordings instead of after. That should fix it. 

First episode available here: "Wait the Lawyer is a Prostitute?": A real-life sex worker/lawyer, $120,000 bank mistake, and a guy dies after he's erroneously accused of a heinous crime by an employee of a major U.S. retailer.

On the TotalFark side of things - we've got a couple of interesting new ad units that I need to run by TotalFarkers first.  One involves quizzes, the other might involve methed-up Alabama squirrels. Want to know more and give input/advice?  Sign up for TotalFark, I'll be posting a thread to get your input later this week, probably Friday since it could double as office hours and I haven't done one of those in awhile either.  Too much travel lately. First world problems etc. Anyhow if everyone hates the new ad units I'll spike them, so get on TotalFark and let me know.  I think they're OK personally, but I want to check with you first.  

Alright that's it - as you were.  Enjoy the week!

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
gerbilpox knew how someone was able to upload a YouTube video during a hurricane
potierrh obeyed a command
FortyHams found someone who approves of a Farker's method of getting intoxicated
TomTudbury shared what a cow said about her ordeal
BizarreMan knew what could cause people to riot in the middle of a hurricane
Flappyhead had proof that people with tattoos are reckless and impulsive
Petit_Merdeux isn't here to judge
WeatherNerd showed us a purricane
Diogenes had a backup plan when alcohol sales shut down for Dorian
bearded clamorer supported the idea of keeping your eyes down during yoga

Smart:
Magorn was not buying someone's reason for apologizing
NeedlesslyCanadian suggested a bunch of alternatives to Joker
markie_farkie had some thoughts on why a house was doing so well against Hurricane Dorian
Clarence Brown discussed the origins for some of the mistaken beliefs about what's in the Bible
FirstNationalBastard felt vindicated for buying DVDs and Blu-rays
grokca explained why it's okay that a huge yacht has been blocking the Statue of Liberty
nekom knew why it wasn't a big deal that alcohol sales were suspended as Dorian approached
BadReligion found a good reason to believe a Target employee lied about seeing illegal material on a man's phone
padraig explained why an interracial couple called attention to a business that denied them service
Magorn shared a part of the Bible that contradicts what a business owner thought it said about race

CSB Sunday Morning: And now I'm a loyal customer - Note: This is another great one to read if you need something to help you feel good about people. 
Smart: gordian's grandmother was visited by an angel with raptors
Funny: stvdallas had a hard time trying to get an engine replaced

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: merrillvillain showed an entirely different level of on-the-job accident
Smart: Eclectic noticed that men tend to drastically change their attitudes when it comes to their own butts
Funny: merrillvillain tried to make a controversial term happen
Funny: Earthworm Jim Jones had advice for when you feel like you have water in your ear
Funny: Brawndo explained how to restart a server

Politics Funny:
impaler discovered that yet another state was in danger of being hit by Hurricane Dorian
scottydoesntknow explained why Ivanka Trump's sleeves were sticking up in big circles
arrogantbastich thought Ivanka's dress was experiencing emotions
FortyHams figured out how to get money from Congressman Dan Crenshaw
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That showed what Trump stuck in a Sharpiegate feedback loop might look like

Politics Smart:
pkjun explained Dinesh D'Souza's M.O.
bloobeary cleared up a confusing part of the timeline of Trump claiming Hurricane Dorian was expected to hit Alabama
aimtastic had a theory on why Trump thought the hurricane would hit Alabama
Asa Phelps listed main sources of environmental contaminants
Asa Phelps wondered why politicians are focused on a certain group of people


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork found a replacement for Trump Vodka
Driver got ready to do some drunk fighting
hail2daking found a good hunting spot
hail2daking stocked up for Hurricane Dorian
Cork on Fork commemorated a very bad day for Abraham Lincoln
hail2daking erected and defaced a Trump statue
hail2daking discovered that one flavor of Absolut Vodka isn't what you'd think
Mojongo gave the "Straight Pride" flag a little twist
zeon played a game of Deer Kong
zeon brought Grandpa closer to the objects of his wrath
RedZoneTuba exposed a top-secret World War II submarine

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 748: "This Contest Theme is Under Construction" with an awesome photo of this new home builder

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

The latest Fark Weird News Quiz is up and ready for quizzing here, so go give it a shot instead of getting back to work!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: In the mood for some aural pleasure?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-09-04 3:06:53 PM (67 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Happy short week, everyone!  

New project announcement: tl;dr new podcast, beta episodes available on TotalFark starting next week.  

A few months ago, my friend Todd Schnitt hit me up about doing a joint podcast.  Previously there had been a Fark podcast I was doing a few years ago with my friend Twitch from ZRock, but it got put on hold when Twitch was put in charge of literally everything at his station in Lexington.  Doing the podcast with Twitch was a fun experience but my main takeaway was radio/podcasting is hard and I have zero audio technical experience. Basically, like pretty much everything else I do in life, I need a partner or I'm useless.  So when Todd hit me up about doing a new podcast, I took him up on it.  

I've known Todd since at least 2002 when I first went on his morning show live in Tampa.  Todd has the distinction of possibly being patient zero for the Florida Man story epidemic.  Lots of folks think Fark was first on Florida Man, and while we were early to catch on, Todd has been covering weird Florida stories on his various shows since the early 1990s.  Also of interest is the fact that for whatever reason, dozens of people who worked with Todd in the past have gone on to be successful radio hosts in other markets. I can't tell you the number of times I've done a radio interview and run into someone who was involved in Todd's show at some point in their careers.  In fact my friend Twitch, who worked with me on the Farkcast, worked with Todd back in the day. Twitch has been the morning guy on Z103 Lexington since 2003, but he got his start on Todd's show just like dozens of other morning folks. Todd has no explanation for it, and neither do I, but it's definitely a thing.  

We're calling it the Fark and Schnitt show.  As for what it's about, I still haven't worked out the 30-second elevator pitch.  We're definitely avoiding unfunny politics. Past that, any other ridiculousness is fair game.  The best description I've got is we cover Fark-ready material but without making the story its own punchline - we go way past that.  

For example, in an earlier demo we discussed a story about Steve Bannon getting disinvited as a keynote speaker at a sex robot conference and segued into an article a friend of mine wrote back in 2017 about Steve Bannon's (alleged) sex dungeon meth house in Miami that at the time no one believed, but since the same journalist was integral in breaking the Deepwater Horizon Story and I know the guy personally, you can bet the farm it's real.   

(And yes I said we're going to steer clear of politics but that one-two punch combo was too weird to resist.)

Todd and I are both new to this, but we've got mad skills and unlimited material so we feel good about our chances.  The show will no doubt evolve over time in both format and concept. We're launching in beta for the first several episodes starting next week and we'll be releasing them to TotalFarkers to get their input.  We could seriously use any help/suggestions/etc that anyone happens to have. Once we get all the rust out, we'll be having a Grand Opening of sorts. More on that later.  

So if you'd like to help us out with that and haven't already signed up for TotalFark, get right on it!

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
cgraves67 pointed out that a boss who accidentally sent an offensive text to an employee was getting what he wanted
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That weighed in on people who like using condoms
wejash shared a love story
SoupGuru knew how a lot of the people we read about could easily avoid negative encounters with cops
Some Junkie Cosmonaut figured out why a listicle put someone on the list twice
hobnail found a use for a witness's shocked expression
holdmybones shared a story illustrating the hazards of being a douchebag at work
hissatsu lamented that the writer of an "article" had missed her calling
Ambivalence indulged in some schadenfreude
propasaurus worried about the real victims
FirstNationalBastard told us more about the man who invented ATM machines

Smart:
GRCooper figured if you say people won't like it if you're an a-hole, then you're an a-hole and people don't like it, that means you win
capt.hollister noticed something about when miracles occur
Pocket Ninja explained why some schools are giving kids very short lunch breaks
Caelistis thought that school schedules are having an unintended effect on students
hissatsu offered diet advice
HowiPepper described preparing for Hurricane Dorian and being ready to help out
odinsposse explained how a law firm made things worse after the boss accidentally sent an offensive text to an employee
Action Replay Nick gave advice on how to treat people you're sexually attracted to
JerseyTim argued that a sports talk radio host was right, but not in the way he thought he was
vpb shared something that helps Floridians deal with hurricane season

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: This funny image thread isn't new and original Fark content, so normally its comments wouldn't be listed in the NotNewsletter, but it's fun to look through, so have at it. 
Funny: Rev.K solved a door puzzle
Funny: Ponzholio had a special message for some of Fark's women who work in IT to share
Funny: Fingerware Error thought that a Farker was mistaken about the possibility of having tetanus
Smart: libranoelrose posted a photo of some really dangerous weapons

Politics Funny:
theflatline interpreted the way Melania Trump looked at Justin Trudeau
SoupGuru gets asked the same kind of questions Donald Trump does
Hey Nurse! answered a question about Trump's staff
mrshowrules explained what would happen after Queen Elizabeth II agreed to suspend Parliament
UNC_Samurai figured out who's behind a Fark account

Politics Smart:
jayhawk88 predicted some future revelations about Trump
Brosephus thought that the Trump administration was attempting to make an unconstitutional change
Gubbo commented on Alabama Republicans' resolution calling for Ilhan Omar's expulsion from Congress
hubiestubert had advice for men who are afraid to work with women
RoyFokker'sGhost shared information about the abortion rate in Denmark


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator showed an ill-conceived practical joke
zeon opened a time capsule full of mockery
Cork on Fork found an artist painting a deceptive mural
Cork on Fork came up with a clever way to sneak a pet into places where it's not allowed
Alligator brought supplies in case of flooding
Professor Science discovered that a talented amphibian finally went too far
Alligator took advantage of the high arch of a moon bridge
zeon gave this ballet company a new member
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what the White House china is often used for
RedZoneTuba found that sometimes Sigourney Weaver is overly dramatic

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 747: "Airplane" with a featherless Blackbird

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week with foxes. They really are silly animals, and I wish that one in particular would stop screaming in my front yard at night. I mean, file a grievance with the union or something about the continuous night shift - you've been around long enough to have some seniority at this point. Silly fox.

On the quiz itself, Worcester22 gets the big chair in the 1000 club with a score of 1009, followed by Denjiro in second with 942 and loveblondieo in third with 935. Branniganslaw takes fourth with 928, and runwiz finishes out the top 5 with 922.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over OYO hotels and their takeover of the Hooters Casino Hotel in Las Vegas. Only 28% of quiztakers knew that OYO is an Indian company - they were originally a web service that helped book budget hotels, but have since expanded into actual hotel ownership. While they are one of the top 5 in China, they only just started in Japan this year and the Hooters purchase marks their first foray into the American market. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over who gets paid when you roll to "Gin and Juice" by Snoop Dogg. "Doggystyle" was released under the Death Row Records label, and the catalog went up for sale when the company declared bankruptcy after Suge Knight's incarceration. 92% of quiztakers knew that last week, it became a free bonus when Hasbro acquired the rights to Entertainment One, mostly in order to get their hands on the Peppa Pig franchise. It's like buying your dream home for your family and discovering some vintage S&M gear in the basement. But, I mean, come on, what children's show wouldn't be better with theme music based off of a deep cut by Tupac Shakur?

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about which fired "Today" host was being tapped for a new iteration of the tabloid program "Extra", called "Extra Extra". Only 43% of quiztakers knew that it was Billy Bush who will be plowing through his Rolodex to score interviews with B-list celebs. Hopefully they'll keep the "locker room talk" in the locker room this time.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz dealt with actress and comedian Valerie Harper. 86% of quiztakers knew that she played the role of Rhoda on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" and later reprised the character for the spin-off. One of my favorite exchanges with that character was Phyllis: "I just thought I'd see what you swingin' singles do for fun." Rhoda "Same as you - sit around and wonder what it would be like to have a happy marriage."

If you missed last week's quiz, you can catch up on it here

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: You are hereby ordered to read about how our auction turned out
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-08-27 11:07:09 AM (54 comments) | Permalink

Last week, we told you we were auctioning off Fark's iconic rubber chicken environment monitor. The auction is over, and the proud new owner of THE Fark rubber chicken is Farker CipollinaFan. Server Monkey Mike sent the chicken on its way, and inquired as to what's ahead for our vulcanized friend. CipollinaFan was happy to share: "I am going to take it on a tour D.C. There will be pictures. Then I will give it a nice home where he can retire peacefully with a healthy diet of Maker's Mark and a nice bed of discarded RJ45 cables to simulate his natural environment." It sounds like Fark's chicken has found its happy forever home, and will enjoy a fun and enriching retirement. 

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Nickelback cited evidence that the Titanic is actually in better shape than reported
Noticeably F.A.T. exposed a conspiracy to cover up the lie about what made the Titanic sink
BumpInTheNight told us about an obnoxious gamer
TomTudbury recalled a lesson from a classic Fark thread
Sliding Carp translated Disney's CEO's explanation for Disneyland's decreased ticket sales
Ghastly shared how a man who beat his sons with guitars might have answered a judge's question
born_yesterday explained a photo of Christina Hendricks
SumoJeb answered a question about what you can expect after knee replacement surgery
Banned on the Run wondered if a woman ran into a problem that all Farkers have been warned about
jay_bones15 commented about newlyweds who were killed in a car crash minutes after the ceremony

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
RaceDTruck knew how a movie screening for service dogs in training could've gone horribly wrong

Smart:
eurotrader thought that there are jobs not suitable for men who follow the Billy Graham Rule
blender61 had a message for people complaining the $1 Burger King tacos don't look like the advertisements
Pocket Ninja had an opinion about jobs referred to as "side hustles"
WickerNipple noticed a difference in how a priest's crime was handled by the church
rudemix pointed out what some parents are "enabling" when they pay for things for their adult kids
koder explained why an article was wrong about the problems with flying first class
grinding_journalist had a good way to describe a multi-level marketing scheme
I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account gave definitions of two types of police officers
raerae1980 gave examples of archaeological sites that suffered once they became well known
davidphogan explained why "sovereign citizens" persist

CSB Sunday Morning:   Scope creep
Smart:
ElPrimitivo got swept away while fixing a leaky bathtub faucet
Funny: wademh had a busted TV lead to big dreams

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: middleoftheday explained why polygamy is still taboo
Smart: CommieTaoist knew why a Farker's wife keeps going after that Farker is done
Smart: JerseyTim had an important question about bringing leftover pizza to an attractive neighbor's house
Smart: Eclectic took a guess at why someone isn't feeling a connection with girls while on dates anymore
Funny: flucto described a bride's unreasonable demand
Funny: sarahthustra knew what to do when the bride only allows guests one pre-ceremony cocktail
Funny: IvyLady takes parenting very seriously
Funny: Drew dropped in to set the record straight

Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That had a sincere reaction to billionaire David Koch's death
scottydoesntknow figured out why there was a crowd of Donald Trump fans outside the arena
Bimmer Jones was amazed that someone figured out how to get Fark admins to greenlight a submission
bloobeary knew why one person showed up for Steve King's town hall
gopher321 showed us how Denmark reacted when Trump cancelled his visit

Politics Smart:
FirstNationalBastard agreed with Trump that we lack "an honest media"
AdmirableSnackbar pontificated on moderate Democrats
Jack Sabbath wasn't satisfied with the DOJ's explanation for sending out an email with a link to a white nationalist website
weddingsinger complained about equal time for nutjobs
tudorgurl shared the fear that many people in America are living with now


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz gave us Disaster Girl with a Pearl Earring
FarkingIceHole painted American Gymnast
FarkingIceHole spied a mustard distributor working the night shift
Cork on Fork proved that some men are turned on by sharp knees
Cork on Fork made sure the roads will stay open
Driver made traffic more fun - just not for the people in it
hail2daking gave us goosebumps on Christmas morning
Alligator gilded The Blue Boy
Circusdog320 showed how excited Captain Picard is to be eating at Olive Garden with his friends
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave us a peek at the not-too-distant future

Farktography:
Elsinore won Farktography Contest No. 746: "Totally Tubular" with a musical series of tubes

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

I'm still at a loss as to the purpose of the numbers on the side of coffee carafes and why the "cups" graduation has no relation to any sized coffee commonly used in the United States. But we had fun anyway. Congratulations go to Denjiro who came out on top with 989, followed by UnrepentantApostate in second with 932. bobobolinskii takes third with 930, patcarew made fourth with 921, and Autoerotic Defenestration finishes out the top 5 with 914.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about where the Chief Economist of Finland's S-Bank chose to give his triannual Economic Forecast. Only 22% of quiztakers caught the video of him speeding around in the passenger's seat of a European rally car, cracking jokes about "sharp turns" and "bumps in the road". Pretty sure he didn't go with a roller coaster because those actually come back up.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over Elon Musk's latest fashion statement. 81% of quiztakers knew that you can purchase a T-shirt with "Nuke Mars" on it from SpaceX's website. Musk says that nuclear weapon blasts at Mars' poles would release tons of water vapor and greenhouse gases into the Martian atmosphere, thus making it somewhat more livable for humans. I'm personally in favor of just activating the alien artifact to break Cohaagen's air monopoly, but I guess nukes work, too.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about Jelly Brains - the thingies in the water, not some new Halloween concoction made from colored high fructose corn syrup. Only 34% of quiztakers knew that byozoans were actually a colony of millions of tiny invertebrate animals that like to stick together into spheres. They aren't very tolerant of contaminants in the water, so seeing them is actually a sign that the water is fairly clean - I mean, considering fish poop in it.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the island of Greenland, which on a Mercator projection appears to be three-fourths of the Earth's land mass or something. 90% of quiztakers knew that it was the Prime Minister of Denmark who refused to discuss the island's sale. Greenland has had self-rule since 1979, so you'd kind of need the permission of the (checks Wikipedia) Greenlanders as well. Not to mention the Queen of Denmark, although Margrethe II is a lot like England's Queen Elizabeth these days and just walks around and waves at people.

If you missed the quiz this week, you can catch up on it here, since you already know some of the answers now.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: You can own Fark's rubber chicken. Rubber chicken? I hardly know 'er
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-08-20 12:07:21 PM (78 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone - a couple items of note.  First, if anyone lives near the Lexington, KY area, there's a w00tstout 7.0 tapping at Mr. Brews Wednesday evening at 6 p.m.  Last year we floated the keg before 7 p.m. (or so I'm told, I don't specifically remember) so be sure to get there on time if you can make it!

Also, Mike is auctioning off the Fark Rubber Chicken.  We both autographed it, and as an added bonus, he's going to include a bona fide lump of Kentucky coal that he found in his front yard.  So jump on that if you can.  See below for details.
________________________

A message from Mike:  
________________________ 

We're still selling old Fark hardware.  The selection continues to shrink slowly, but there is still plenty left.  Drew and I are willing to autograph pieces if there's any interest.  Bonus points if you can come to KY to pick it up -- especially the cabinet.  We had an unexpected amount of interest in the rubber chicken, so we've put Fark's rubber chicken environment monitor on eBay, and as Drew mentioned above, we'll include a proto-diamond, otherwise known as eastern Kentucky coal.  For everything else, read the instructions at the top of the sale page if you'd like to make an offer. 

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Quick note: Shots for the 2019 - 2020 flu season are available now, so make sure you get one if you have the means and don't have a medical condition that prohibits it. Be a good citizen and don't spread cooties!

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
null could have given expert advice
scottydoesntknow knew how an enhancement might help an angler
johnnygew pointed out consecutive headlines that seemed to belong together
jjorsett created a potentially helpful license plate
I dont want to be on this planet anymore was curious about a thread about wearing the same underwear for two days or longer
theDesertHamster commented on a woman's misadventure with a cucumber
Snarfangel let us know how an advertiser handled backlash against a creepy casting call
mainsail appreciated that someone else did the math on Dove Cameron's selfie
GungFu found out who was responsible for a questionable ad
FirstNationalBastard informed us that a controlling boyfriend hasn't changed his ways

Smart:
ThomasPaineTrain shared helpful information about suicide hotlines
BunkyBrewman pointed out the irony with complaints about a photographer taking photos at a fair
markie_farkie discussed the use of roundabouts in road design
DoctorCal thought a casting call seeking a child for an ad campaign was familiar
Gordon Bennett gave advice to anyone shopping around for a religion
johnsoninca spotted evidence that a parent was lying about a bad experience at a restaurant
MizzouFTW explained why sometimes an excessive number of police will show up for something minor
Pocket Ninja thought that a "Game of Thrones" director explained more than he meant to
Hachitori shared a great story about learning why it's important to stop pollution
AdmirableSnackbar wanted you to know something about a West Virginia man who was interviewed about a tree that fell on a car

CSB Sunday Morning:   The kindness of strangers - This is a great thread to read if you need to feel good about people
Smart:  Maybe you should drive shared a story about being a police officer with the opportunity to help a teenager and his mother
Funny:  Squid_for_Brains told the story of a drugstore hero

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: rosekolodny showed off a snoozing kitty
Funny: KiwDaWabbit knew the most painless way to die
Funny: CommieTaoist had exactly what Flab was avoiding
Smart: rcf1105 recommended a book to read
Funny: Ceteris Paribus says explained what a "ZJ" is (based on this sign)

Politics Funny:
doyner pointed out the the naughty humor in another Farker's grammatical error
darkhorse23 wanted to be sure an assault wasn't being committed
gopher321 refrained from writing "Moscow Mitch"
This Is Bold Text noticed how liberals taking over would affect people
cgraves67 had some rare praise for Jeffrey Epstein

Politics Smart:
aaronx thought that one particular subject is not taught enough in the U.S. anymore
bloobeary noticed people missing in a political cartoon
mrshowrules discussed neck bones breaking from a hanging
Sgt Otter looked at Donald Trump's desire to call a political movement a terror organization
ox45tallboy pointed out why a guy's tweets might come across as smug


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork redesigned the cover for Nirvana's best-selling album
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed the creatures that inhabit our ponds
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel checked up on a pregnant Wookiee
Cork on Fork showed an ATV rider getting an unwanted ride
I_Am_Weasel found out where the music on "Star Trek" comes from
Iggie spotted a voyeuristic inflatable marsupial
Alligator didn't get Mad about falling for a practical joke
hail2daking put Calvin and Hobbes on a curvy road
zeon found out where this road leads
Yammering_Splat_Vector helped Leonardo DiCaprio strut into your life

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 745: "People" ended in a tie with CiliarySpasm's photo of a "great-niece feeding her cousin" and MorningBreath's photo of "Dancers, UNC Greensboro"

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

We had another fun time on the quiz, although no one wanted to talk about salamanders. That's okay, we don't see them much here in the U.S. where lizards and frogs are far more prominent. But they can be pretty cute. On the quiz itself, we have a 1000 club entry this week! Curseyoukhan takes the top spot with 1012 and a key to the executive lounge, followed by freakingmoron with 990 who we'll let watch from the doorway. skloon takes third place with 929, followed by MostlyLurking and BeotchPudding who tie for fourth with 928, and WoolyManwich who slides into the top 5 with 927.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over NHL goalie Robin Lehner and the Masterson Trophy he was awarded for "best exemplifying the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to ice hockey." Well, only 23% of quiztakers knew that one of the most important things you can do in any team sport is wear the uniform of the team you''re playing for, which is why he was so surprised that his team was listed on the trophy as the New York Rangers - he played for the New York Islanders. Unless possibly his former team had disowned him - he had signed with the Chicago Blackhawks for next season when he got the trophy.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which U.S. government agency's mascot celebrated its 75th birthday last week. 93% of quiztakers knew that Smokey Bear (not Smokey "the" Bear) has been telling us for 3/4 of a century to not burn stuff down. FWIW, Woodsy Owl started telling us to not litter in 1971 (really, look at the clothes he wears) and McGruff in his creepy trench coat started telling us to take a bite out of crime in 1980. I think he's now on a few watch lists, or probably should be.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which band once had an extended legal battle with Burger King over, of all things, Chicken Fries. 51% of quiztakers knew that Slipknot's managers had a huge problem with "Coq Roq", the weird chicken-head wearing garage band spokespeople BK's marketing department somehow greenlit to sell processed chicken. Their "music" also sounded suspiciously like Slipknot, which to me is saying a blender with ice sounds a lot like fish bones in the garbage disposal, so the lesson here is many folks were glad it didn't go to trial and they managed to settle. And I guess someone somewhere is somehow glad we still have chicken fries. Possibly.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over what item is now permanently available at Chick-Fil-A. 93% of quiztakers knew that you can now get macaroni and cheese with your chicken sandwich, except for the fact that you're not having a chicken sandwich at Chick-Fil-A anymore, you're getting a far better chicken sandwich from Popeye's - which, by the way, also has Mac & Cheese.

If you missed the quiz, you can catch up on it here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Getting more greenlights on Fark using this one weird trick - no, really!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-08-13 11:44:46 AM, edited 2019-08-13 12:00:10 PM (187 comments) | Permalink

You may have read previous editions of the Fark NotNewsletter in which Drew has talked about what he looks for when selecting Fark submissions to greenlight. Drew focused mainly on writing good taglines, which is always important, but I'm about to tell you about an easy hack to increase your chances of getting more greenlights. It bothers you that I called it a "hack" just now, doesn't it? Yeah, I did that just to be a jerk. But no, really, here's an easy tip that can help you get more greenlights: Submit against less competition. How do you do that? I'm glad you asked. 

The first thing is, the majority of our submissions are for the Main page and the Politics tab. If you have a hard time getting greenlights, consider those tabs already covered and submit good links and conversation topics for the other tabs: Discussion, Sports, Business, Geek, Entertainment, D'awww and Food. These tabs don't get enough love, and you can be their knight in shining armor. Be sure you come up with a funny tagline, and select the proper tab in the category drop-down in the submission form

Nextly, we get most of our submissions during normal office hours when people are avoiding work and screwing around on the internet, and we're often short on good content late evenings, over weekends, and on holidays. Try submitting more during those times instead of going up against the business hours submitters. Not only are you more likely to get a greenlight, but the night and weekend admins will really appreciate having more to choose from. Everybody wins!

And now for something that might surprise you: You might think it's hardest to get a greenlight for a thread that we only run once per week, but often those are the ones that have little to no competition at all - meaning the moderators and admins either scramble to come up with something, or they just don't bother with the dang thread that week (I'm looking at you, CSB Sunday Morning). Below are the weekly threads we seem to struggle with the most, and what admins are looking for for each of them.

* CSB Sunday Morning threads: The idea here is to have a topic, and Farkers share their own true stories about it. You can submit your CSB thread with a relevant link, or just link it back to Fark.com and the Fark robots will magically change the link to go right to the thread when you submit it. As far as topics go, take a look at past CSB Sunday Morning topics, and avoid submitting one we've done before -- at least recently -- if possible. Try to think of a topic that the majority of Farkers will have a story for. For example, avoid topics that would only apply to women, or people who have had pet snakes, or someone who had a privileged upbringing, or Farkers with red hair. You also want to either avoid topics that will elicit short answers rather than stories, or put a reminder in the headline or the Boobies to share stories about the topic, rather than just answers. Speaking of the Boobies, you can write one with instructions and even include your own story to get it started, or you can just make sure the headline has enough information so that an instructive Boobies isn't necessary. If you are writing a Boobies, though, you'll want to have it ready to copy and paste in so you can post it immediately after submitting (this will require a TotalFark subscription). Please submit your CSB Sunday Morning thread contenders on Saturday evenings. They're usually selected late Saturday and are posted in TotalFark Discussion overnight to get them started, then they go live to the Main page Sunday mornings at 9 Eastern.

* Saturday Morning Book Club and Sunday Morning Music Club: Winterlight was kind enough to write about these threads in a previous Fark NotNewsletter. Please check that out for guidelines on submitting topics for those, and you can also check out Sunday Morning Music Club and Saturday Morning Book Club threads that we've done before.

* Woofday Wednesday: Woofday Wednesday is our canine version of Caturday. Submit dog articles that make your tail wag on Tuesdays by 2 p.m. and use the Woofday tag. You can check out some of the previous Woofday threads to get an idea of what kinds of links to submit. 

A few more tips for getting more of your submissions selected by Fark admins: We often run short on Photoshop contest submissions, so those are a good bet. You can check out all the live Fark Photoshop contests here, and TotalFarkers can see those along with all of the upcoming Fark contests here. Also, we often miss out on local funny and weird news stories or don't get them until after national outlets pick them up, but you can help us out by keeping an eye out for them in your local news and submitting them early. You might also consider setting up alerts for phrases and topics that tend to be good Fark fodder. 

With anything you submit for consideration to be selected by Fark admins, always keep these general tips in mind to increase the chances of your submission being posted on Fark. Fark is, above all, a humor website, so the funnier the tagline, the better its chances of being chosen. Please don't submit headlines that are the same as the article's - it's not against the rules, but it's the last one the admins will choose. Also, try to use "good" sources, meaning ones that give the full story and don't block a lot of people from viewing their content. We'd prefer you take a few extra minutes to submit quality links and headlines rather than racing to be first to submit the story. And even if you follow all these tips and guidelines and you're the only one to submit a particular story or link for a weekly thread, that does not guarantee you will get a greenlight. If you want to know why your submission was redlit, please do not complain about it in a comments thread, but contact Farkback instead. One final note: There is a common misconception that TotalFarkers get preferential treatment when admins go through submitted links, but that's simply not the case. It can appear that way, though, because Farkers who submit a lot tend to join TotalFark, and having a TotalFark membership means you can see what's been submitted, what's in the queue, and what hasn't been submitted yet, so it definitely can give you an edge. 

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
dailygrinds figured out why a man had no trouble confronting a deadly snake
stevenboof empathized with straight men who worry that carrying reusable shopping bags will make them look gay
CruiserTwelve realized that our parents have been lying to us
Martian_Astronomer was inspired by some news about city pools in Barcelona
weddingsinger will soon be making $4,000 a month reposting other people's content
Snapper Carr revealed what happens when you call Emma Watson's free hotline for women experiencing workplace harassment
Martian_Astronomer reworded a letter to an advice columnist
Somacandra had a question about updating the U.S. Navy Minesweepers with navigation systems that run on Windows 2000
WhiskeyBender was confused by a referenced used when complaining about how police treated someone
maddan explained who Aaron Carter is

Smart:
Benevolent Misanthrope discussed what made an unqualified person think she could care for malnourished children
Martian_Astronomer was inspired by some news about city pools in Barcelona
Target Builder disagreed with advice to obey a police order
Screaming Candle addressed the idea that parents of autistic children grieve when their child is diagnosed
Naido gave more information about Sarah Silverman's reaction to an anti-Semitic preacher's attack on her
johnsoninca had advice for someone who had trouble with a state trooper on the way home from jury duty
Xuge argued that it was unreasonable for people to complain about a bride's wedding plans
vudukungfu gave many Farkers an additional reason to use reusable shopping bags
NephilimNexus had an idea of why a lion in a zoo ate her own cubs
scottydoesntknow gave examples of how Captain America has changed through the course of the MCU

CSB Sunday Morning:  Things that don't exist anymore, or not in the way they used to
Smart:
wademh shared a story about climbing the metal rocket at the playground
Funny: Colour_out_of_Space used a car window to confuse a child

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: EggFool had good advice for any Farker. Side note: This comment from the same thread didn't get many votes because it came late, but Staffist had a funny story about mailing a care package
Funny: Al_Ed apparently has met many interesting women
Smart: Al_Ed answered the question, "What would you do if you had groupies?"
Smart: johnryan51 shared a beautiful view in Ireland
Smart: myschief gave advice on what to do if you're arrested for something you didn't do
Funny: howtomilkagoat was looking forward to meeting merrillvillain
Funny: maddan is cautious when visiting the devil

Politics Funny:
naughtyrev knew who was responsible for driving traffic from Fark to Donald Trump's campaign website
thismomentinblackhistory reacted to the news that Jeffrey Epstein died of suicide
blastoh noticed something about the anti-anti-fascist resolution being pushed by Bill Cassidy and Ted Cruz
wildsilverfox didn't understand a really old reference
gopats commented on Epstein's cause of death

Politics Smart:
I'm just going to drop the "Jeffrey Epstein's dead" smart vote results here. So go here for your Epstein death conspiracy theories, anger that he got out of going on trial and wasn't watched more closely, and calls for all the evidence to be released
scottydoesntknow had a response to Neil deGrasse Tyson's tweet comparing mass shooting deaths to other deaths
BizarreMan knew how to tell the difference between a Trump tweet and a mass shooter's manifesto
jayhawk88 figured out why Fark refers so much traffic to Trump's campaign website
stan unusual responded to an Arizona State Senator's complaint about "the browning of America"
eurotrader suggested a time to declare Antifa a "domestic terrorist organization"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba gave Mitch McConnell a job as a spokesperson
Yammering_Splat_Vector posted a sign that things have gone quite wrong
RedZoneTuba raced to save a dog from the government
RedZoneTuba mapped out the male brain
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us your mom's favorite app
Cork on Fork found the elusive dog snout monkey
hail2daking showed Fark on your mind
hail2daking revealed Santa's dik dik
I_Am_Weasel ran into the nutsack dik dik
RedZoneTuba started using an old rotary phone again

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 744: "Rain, Rain, Go Away 2" ended in a tie between DrWhy's fark this particular neighborhood right here and Elsinore's bird that doesn't have enough sense to come in out of the rain

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.

Fark Weird News Quiz

The new Fark Weird News Quiz is up and ready for quizzing here, so go give it a shot instead of getting back to work!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: What do squirrels dream about? 🐿💤
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-08-07 10:00:56 AM (63 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Happy Wednesday, all!  I managed to complete my 519-mile bike ride across upstate New York this past Saturday, raising $3,500 for cancer research in the process.  Special thanks goes out to all you Farkers who contributed, especially to DoctorCal who kicked in the final amount on day five to close it all out.  I rode across Iowa last year; this ride had more challenging hills and an extra 80 miles of distance.  My butt is very angry with me.

Had a great time meeting folks in Utica and Buffalo as well! Special thanks to envirovore and Mr. Fuzzypaws for setting those up!  Hopefully I'll be back soon and we can do it again!
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
bearded clamorer had a bad experience with the self-checkout at the grocery store
snowblur showed a strange reenactment of an impending animal attack
elkboy had a question about a Victorian-era pleasure device made of ivory
gameshowhost helped evilsofa understand a mysterious photograph of a helicopter
Naido shared a story about a friend being rude to a cashier
MythDragon summed up what happened to a woman who died on her way to see the bus Christopher McCandless died in
bigfatbuddhist described a teacher's near-fatal failure
theDesertHamster knew how a teacher could have protected herself
markie_farkie shared a story about a Michelin dining experience
doyner explained how dangerous a Labrador-beagle mix can be

Bonus FarkStaff Picks:
Autoerotic Defenestration had the most appropriate use of the "Survivor" reaction GIF I've ever seen
Monkeyfark Ridiculous explained how a 4-year-old girl survived accidentally shooting herself

Smart:
Dinki gave some reasons for airlines to be happy when you don't reboard the plane after a layover
optikeye predicted the legal strategy of anyone arrested by a particular police officer
Knautilus suggested a new Fark Headline of the Year category
Benevolent Misanthrope found a reason why a woman's accidental shooting by a cop is being investigated
Tourney3p0 pointed out the real reason stores have installed self-checkout lanes
leeksfromchichis suggested a punishment for kids who almost killed a teacher by using bananas as weapons
Summoner101 was confused about things people are currently worried about
UltimaCS figured that airlines are lying about why they don't want you taking only one leg of your flight
I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account had mixed feelings about either a submitter or a hat
Ker_Thwap gave advice for someone visiting a loved one with dementia

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Badafuco showed off a new member of the family
Smart: generalDisdain nominated "the best word ever coined on Fark"
Smart: Badafuco told the story of kitteh's welcome home
Funny: Smock Pot ... uh, turned away would-be visitors
Funny: Rev.K didn't let not being a graphic designer ruin the chance to be a cool parent
Smart: envirovore met up with some weirdo
Smart: Snuffybud showed off some photos of "The Boyz"

Politics Funny:
Mike_LowELL was excited about the globalized homogenized agenda
wildcardjack hoped everything was just a big misunderstanding
Bootleg had a question about getting "under Moscow Mitch's skin"
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That got all worked up
whither_apophis wanted to know more about right-wing politics

Politics Smart:
FlashHarry shared an opinion about gun control as a gun owner
somedude210 discussed thinking things are true versus finding out they are true
lindalouwho thought that NewportBarGuy stumbled onto a good idea
Sorelian's Ghost figured one Trump supporter has an evil superpower
Jack Sabbath pointed out the reason most Farkers were siding with Al Sharpton


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork found out what these puppets do during commercial breaks
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a more realistic version of the Cowardly Lion
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed one of America's new voting machines
Alligator showed us how serious the Ceiling Cat hiring department has gotten
RedZoneTuba gave Spock a very tough decision
hail2daking found a defiant woman
Yammering_Splat_Vector provided some mood lighting for these diners
Herb Utsmelz tried to find a new home for a pet
RedZoneTuba surprised a meerkat
FarkingIceHole had an unwelcome guest
Circusdog320 demonstrated technology to help you stay alive

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 743: "Look Out Below 2" by staring down the stairs down the hillside. Be sure to check out the rest of the entries - there are a lot of beautiful photos.

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.

**Special note from Elsinore: One extra aside this week: We would like to feature some Farktography pictures as preview images for Farktography threads on the mobile site. We might rotate through several as options and/or we could even have a contest specifically for these images. If you're interested in collaborating on something like this, hashing out details of designs, watermarks, contributing etc. please email me at farktographerelsinore .at. teh googgles.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the quiz this week, filling out forms and playing with the styluses and complaining about Bluetooth. Denjiro came out on top  with 905, followed by beggindogwith 858 in second and jayfurr in third with 846. sugaryvitamin made fourth with 835, and scrumpox finishes out the top 5 with 816.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over who designed the "Nudge" supermarket pop-up in London. Only 8% of quiztakers caught the article about it being a product of The Royal Society for Public Health - basically the UK version of the FDA. The supermarket was designed not just with healthier food, but in such a way that promotes healthy choices rather than high-profit junk food and "fizzy drinks". It actually went over surprisingly well, although people were a bit miffed when their toad-in-the-hole and lager pints weren't in the usual spots.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over the World Hide-and-Seek Champion, 44 years running now. 77% of quiztakers knew that Jimmy Hoffa used to be the head of the Teamsters Union, who controlled America's trucking industry for decades. And because of OJ, we'll never revisit the office from Naked Gun 2 1/2 where the location of Jimmy Hoffa's body was listed.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which preventable disease was experiencing a large outbreak. Only 22 of quiztakers identified July 28 as World Hepatitis Day, and knew there were over 22,000 preventable Hep A infections currently in the US. For clarity, World Measles Day is March 16 and there have been fewer than 2,000 cases so far this year in the US - although they tend to get a lot more publicity.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over Katy Perry's 2013 hit "Dark Horse". 77% of quiztakers knew that a jury ruled the song was waaaay too close to something called a "Christian rap" song from 2005, which I think is something you get when religious bands try to be too hip. Th real downside for Katy Perry isn't the loss of royalties so much as a jury of her peers determined that she must have listened to that Christian rap song at some point.

If you missed the quiz, you can catch up right here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this weekend.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: A really Farking funny thing happened last week
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-07-30 11:15:16 AM, edited 2019-08-10 6:27:01 PM (39 comments) | Permalink

You probably heard that President Donald Trump walked out on stage at a conservative group's student summit with a version of the presidential seal behind him that had been altered in several hilarious ways to mock him. Fark's headline for the embarrassing mishap was "Okay, which one of you Farkers switched Trump's presidential seal for a Russian eagle holding golf clubs?" That headline turned out to be a lot more accurate than we realized, because a Farker showed up in the thread to reveal that he was actually one of the parties responsible for the debacle. He wasn't involved in the event where the fake seal was projected behind Trump, but he was the person who originally created it, having no idea something like this would happen. You can see the comment in which he outed himself below, because naturally it was the comment that got the most funny and smart votes for the Politics Tab. And don't miss the followup article where The Washington Post gave that Farker's side of the story.

In other news, we are still selling some of Fark's old hardware. The selection has changed slightly since we first told you about it two weeks ago. If you asked about any of it already, please ask again, because some potential sales fell through. Be sure to read the instructions at the top of the sale page if you'd like to make an offer, because if you ask in the NotNewsletter thread, I'm not going to have any answers for you - DisseminationMonkey doesn't mess with the hardware. 

Keep reading for a Drew News update.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hope everyone's week is going well so far.  I'm currently on a 500-mile bike ride across upstate New York raising money to fight cancer on the Empire State Ride.  I'll be in Utica Thursday, Rochester-ish on Friday, and we're doing a Fark Party in Buffalo on Saturday evening at Public House.  I gotta say, I'm impressed with the hills so far.  New York doesn't have hills like Kentucky does, but the organizers of the ride apparently decided to send us up all of the ones that are similar to the hardest of what I'm used to locally.  On a related note, I checked my data yesterday apparently at some point on this ride I was going 55 mph (I assume it was downhill).  So well done, New York!
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
UltimaCS gave an example of the kind of job ads there are these days
Colour_out_of_Space had a very bad experience with Captain Kangaroo
Snort inquired about a picky cheerleader's wedding
Exluddite figured out the source of the thousand of bones found in a Vatican crypt
FirstNationalBastard knew what a cat was trying to do to its owner at night
Ow! That was my feelings! remarked on a missionary's death on a forbidden island
Diogenes figured out what compelled police to handcuff a child for going to church
FarkingReading revealed who was at fault for Canadian police streaming a conference about a double murder with the cat filter on
HedlessChickn's user name checked out
TheAlgebraist gave advice for encountering unexpected things in the workplace cafeteria

Smart:
FortyHams commented on the late Rutger Hauer's body of work
BizarreMan had advice for a school board president who was concerned about school lunch debts
TheGrayCat suggested something Farkers could do in Rutger Hauer's memory
UltimaCS gave an example of the kind of job ads there are these days
Nonrepeating Rotating Binary knew why employers complain they can't find job candidates with needed skills
Naido predicted the future for a parent who's concerned about a daughter who doesn't want to socialize
Benevolent Misanthrope doubted an evangelical Christians author's sincerity in backing off from some of his earlier ideas
Benevolent Misanthrope suggested a way to help pay off student school lunch debts when the school board makes it difficult
2chris2 had a suggestion for surveying women about what they look for in a partner
TenaciousP discussed the harmful messages that come with "purity culture"

CSB Sunday Morning:  Space stories
Smart:
The Pope of Manwich Village continues to benefit from lessons taught by when a TA had to take over for an astronomy professor
Funny: SBD3_Dauntless's father was disappointed to see the Apollo 11 moonwalk

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart:  EggFool knew what you should see on your drive across the country to surprise your TotalFark crush
Funny: Badafuco described the gang factions of Boise, Idaho
Funny: rcf1105 was frustrated by feline demands
Smart: myschief was sad to hear that a fellow Farker's hands were tied
Smart: FrancoFile explained what a salesperson was most likely offering for $800/month

Politics Funny:
Titor's Time Machine turned out to be the designer of a doctored presidential seal that was projected behind Donald Trump at an event
Ivo Shandor showed how Trump fixed a problem that he saw during Obama's presidency
Mike_LowELL celebrated a mission accomplished
Lochsteppe added insult to Jeffrey Epstein's injury
Diogenes told us how a good employee handles sick days

Politics Smart:
Titor's Time Machine turned out to be the designer of a doctored presidential seal that was projected behind Donald Trump at an event
Ambivalence pointed out that Republicans already did what Trump wants to do again
NewportBarGuy did not want to kill a fellow Farker with kindness
BizarreMan wondered about legal accountability for fake news
Mad Scientist adapted a classic headline from The Onion to describe a false claim that Trump made in his speech for the Turning Point USA summit


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork made this woman very happy
Mojongo showed the Trump brothers after killing a one-of-a-kind animal
FarkingIceHole found that Donald Trump Jr. wrote a very honest book
MrBallou discovered that Junior chose a strange photo for his book cover
Don_cos dared to post some T&A in a Photoshop contest
Cork on Fork shared the worse time to be told that there's no soup for you
gopher321 checked out Don Junior's tell-all autobiography
Benevolent Misanthrope shared Donald Trump Jr.'s take on how his dad became president
RedZoneTuba showed us what a real "monster flower" looks like
Yammering_Splat_Vector did maybe the most creative 'shop I've seen using these two characters

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 742: "Signs 3: Everywhere a Sign" ended with a three-way between Tom G's literate cows, Snubnose's hungry tree and Queen Mab's signs of connectivity

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Saturday, August 3: Fark Party with Drew in Buffalo, NY

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, please use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Want to know what's really hot right now?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-07-23 11:49:04 AM (82 comments) | Permalink

The weather. The weather is really hot right now. There are Farkers all over this flat planet of ours, but the majority of us live in areas that are hot this time of year, and there have been heat waves causing sweat, misery, and car biscuits. If it's unusually hot where you are, make sure you stay safe, and maybe lay out a towel before you sit down if you're Farking in the nude.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
bdub77 brought in an expert to warn about kids abusing wasp spray
Biscuit Tin's mom found the connection between lawn jarts and teenage pregnancy
TylerParry figured out why billionaires who pledged money to repair Notre Dame Cathedral aren't following through
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That amazingly had one for a pastor who tricked male parishioners into letting him suck the demons out of them
EdgeRunner was finally ready to say "no" to Idris Elba
bearded clamorer figured out how someone could get a spot on the 100 best memes list
Prank Call of Cthulhu fixed a wedding photo where a guest got in the way of the shot
jaggspb issued an invitation
bittermang shared the rest of what a cleaning expert had to say about vacuum cleaner attachments
Keeve wanted an update on a happily married couple

Smart:
Kit Fister was fine with someone picketing a panhandling homeless man who turned down a job since the homeless man didn't give a reason
FirstNationalBastard had a great nickname for a bartender who thought a promotional punch card looked strange
sassyfrancis was excited about an investment opportunity
mama2tnt thought that someone was running into more than the normal share of inconsiderate dicks
Literally Addicted came up with a good phrase to embroider on a pillow
Abox does not experience racism against a group that Abox is not part of
Gubbo somehow found a sports bar with a semi-decent kitchen?
Gubbo had a theory on why God is punishing farmers
koder explained why airplane travel has become so unpleasant
Zevon's Evil Twin explained why a school should not threaten to take children away from parents who owe lunch money

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart:  myschief made a bet about an HR manager who supposedly stormed out after an interview
Smart: Murflette gave advice on how to handle high school reunions
Funny: Badafuco shared some happy news
Funny: Ass_Master_Flash told everyone why Fark was giving people 502 errors
Funny: merrillvillain refused to be underestimated
Funny: MethySophocles thought a couple of Fark posts worked well next to each other

Politics Funny:
italie wished something nice for Ted Cruz
no1curr encouraged Farkers to keep being Farkers
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat pointed out that Donald Trump could help Japan end a dispute
HedlessChickn translated part of a Trump tweet
wattsd3 knew what NASA should tell Trump when he keeps asking why we can't go directly to Mars

Politics Smart:
HMS_Blinkin saw that Trump is confused about what it is that elected representatives are supposed to do
Jim_Callahan pointed out that Donald Trump was right about something
odinsposse knew who Trump could've meant when he tweeted, "If you hate our Country, or if you are not happy here, you can leave!"
transporter_ii thought of a reason to give Ilhan Omar a chance
Arachnophobe had a theory about Trump's statements about Omar


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Cork on Fork knew how to make a wall a lot more fun
hail2daking showed us how birds are adapting for the eventual takeover
Cork on Fork dared to ask, "Who's Waldo?"
Alligator planted giant food for normal gardeners, or normal food for tiny gardeners
Cork on Fork proved that you should be careful which dogs you take a job cleaning up after
RedZoneTuba's cat decided to take on a new project
Cork on Fork showed us The Creation of Adam and Bill
Louisiana_Sitar_Club gave us the cutest singing drunks
hail2daking got some fancy new chess pieces
RedZoneTuba found the person we were always warned not to be

Farktography:
BBH won Farktography Contest No. 741: "Christmas in July" with a tree that just needed a little love

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: What's the deal with Fark lately, plus how YOU can own a piece of Fark history
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2019-07-17 11:53:59 AM (94 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Mike (Fark's server monkey):  
________________________ 

On July 10, we completed a long project to move Fark off of our own aging hardware onto cloud hosting.  For years this has been cost prohibitive - as has buying desperately-needed newer equipment - but we finally found a way to make it work, by splitting things between two providers (DigitalOcean and Amazon).

This has not been completely trouble free - for example, email notifications blowing up two weeks ago, and random 502 errors we still see occasionally. (I fixed the 504's though, and the 502's should be much improved now.)  I think I did about as well as I could considering I did it solo.  Meg and I are working through the remaining issues and will hopefully have them sorted in the next week.

So, that means we now have all our old hardware for sale.  The full details are with the list of hardware that Fark's selling, and we'll update that page as things go.  As the page says, it's all in Lexington, Kentucky, and we'd prefer to not ship it if possible.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Rapmaster2000 underappreciated a van
Naido pointed out that scottydoesntknow's summary of "Pearl Harbor" actually sounded really good
Ivo Shandor noticed how appropriate someone's yam bag story was
FarkingReading was ready to get mad at someone for speaking another language
Prank Call of Cthulhu gave another example of how labeling works
Abe Vigoda's Ghost gave a Barbie girl a facelift
ReverendLoki was impressed by the restoration of Aerosmith's first tour van
Kubo explained what the numbers next to a woman in her mugshot meant
Abe Vigoda's Ghost helped a woman whose hands were full
optikeye was wary of possible future bidet technology

Smart:
Weaver95 noticed that loopholes are not evenly distributed
mekkab found the positive when some kids painted racist graffiti on their school
holdmybones admitted to having been a teenage shiathead but still having limits
Prank Call of Cthulhu gave another example of how labeling works
cgraves67 asked a question about a choice in vacation companions
bigbadideasinaction shared a riddle
Alwysadydrmr took a guess at why some people get so angry when strangers are speaking a foreign language
hubiestubert didn't want a racist woman to be told something
WalkingCarpet was a little worried about something Russia isn't too careful with
Deece blamed most of the plastic in the ocean on other countries

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Butterflew helped with a response to an impatient potential mate
Smart: The_Sponge had advice for a Farker who claimed to come home to find the missus waiting in bed half naked
Smart: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat wanted to say something to a Farker's coworker's wife who was angry with him for having a heart attack
Funny: Rev.K took issue with a statement about U.S. geography
Smart: hobnail thought a question about dating stars of films for grown-ups was backward
Funny: ltnor asked a question about a receipt for legal devil's lettuce

Politics Funny:
mrshowrules thought that Ann Coulter's attitude is similar to another celebrity's
jasonvatch pointed out a reason you don't need to associate Donald Trump with Jeffrey Epstein
GardenWeasel demanded more kneeling
mrshowrules figured out that French people were not actually cursing Trump
eviljimbo showed Ivanka Trump's reaction to Acosta's resignation

Politics Smart:
Dusk-You-n-Me appreciated the way some members of Congress respond to people talking trash
nmrsnr explained Trump's losses in court
ThomasPaineTrain helped someone who was unfamiliar with Sebastian Gorka
doyner listed possible reactions to Trump's relationship with Epstein
Farking Clown Shoes figured that banks cutting off agricultural lending is part of a larger plan


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking made a Mad Fold-in for Fark
Yammering_Splat_Vector designed the final Mad Magazine cover
Snubnose saw trouble in the White House
Alligator built a memorial
trvth was all out of yucks to give
hail2daking showed a rude man checking out some foxy lady in front of his dismayed date
RedZoneTuba gave a band a fruit-inspired rebranding
RedZoneTuba knew why there's no longer a need for Mad Magazine
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered an eerily familiar rock formation
Circusdog320 ran into a Starfleet captain picking out a snack

Caption Contest:
Cork on Fork told us what Amanda Nunes and Holly Holm said to each other

Farktography:
MorningBreath won Farktography Contest No. 740: "Bokeh 5" with a blooming blue blossom

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Thursday, July 18: San Diego Fark Party - Hop-Con 7.0 & w00tstout release party with Drew

If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, please use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·


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