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Fark NotNewsletter: A million views of Drew Twitching and Farking
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-07-15 12:06:07 PM (27 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week went well.

Last week I happened to notice that the views on our Twitch channel went up over 1 million.  This was a surprise because I hadn't been watching the stats at all, I had no idea we'd even gone over 100,000.  For those who haven't checked it out, the main show is me telling my friend Dallan what happened today - what's important, what isn't, what's under the radar, and then we get into the weird stuff.  In particular, there's an emphasis on why a particular subject is in the news cycle right now.  At any rate, it's a lot of fun.  We're planning on streaming at 4 p.m. Eastern today, so drop by if you can.  And if you miss it, the video is saved to the channel as well.  On Fridays, we've been doing movie nights and playing Quiplash with the Fark community.  You'll also find some videos of Dallan playing Mercenaries 2, but that was mainly to push us up over 25 hours in a 30-day period.  However, we're considering perhaps doing a Friday evening where Dallan and I attempt to play a game we've never played before.  We're still experimenting, but so far so good!
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
FightDirector considered what would happen if women didn't go back to wearing bras when lockdown ends
gilgigamesh explained that it wasn't actually a "white power" sign that a cop flashed at a Proud Boy
Mantour described what happens if you refuse to wear a mask in a Canadian hospital
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat took a guess at the reason LaGuardia Airport's Terminal D was evacuated
Ivo Shandor asked a question about Arizona ordering refrigerated trucks to use when a morgue ran out of room
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That showed us what "moral outrage and bikinis" might look like
naughtyrev predicted a replacement for the brassiere
Bowen built a tribute to Fark
Doctor Funkenstein recognized a new technique that businesses are using to handle problems
Diogenes summed up what happens when you cough on Yuma Walmart employees who ask you to wear a mask

Smart:
gilgigamesh explained that it wasn't actually a "white power" sign that a cop flashed at a Proud Boy
SoupGuru adjusted a famous expression to fit our current struggles
Langdon_777 gave more information about an incident where a cop unnecessarily pointed a gun at a man's head
mrshowrules thought that one medical professional might not always be so professional
LordZorch forgot to mention using your sudden wealth to buy nice things for DisseminationMonkey
Chief Superintendent Lookout told us about running into a covidiot in the wild
Snaptastic met your dad last week (I'm just kidding, please don't be mad at me)
Prank Call of Cthulhu talked about how incredibly dangerous it is to wear a cloth mask
G. Tarrant pointed out that a woman who was kicked out of a hospital for refusing to wear a mask actually lucked out
HerptheDerp explained the "OK" hand gesture being taken over by white power douchebags

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Cafe Threads discovered that sometimes you can't count on your parents to help you save money
Funny: olapbill is not someone to forget a lover
Smart: make me some tea needs to make me this platter
Smart: Murflette explained the subtle difference between Russian blue and Prussian blue

Politics Funny:
markie_farkie did some serious multitasking
Mr.Tangent figured out why Joe Biden released 21 years of his tax returns
pkjun explained why the U.S. has such high numbers of daily deaths from COVID-19
Farking Clown Shoes looked at what a couple who defaced a Black Lives Matter mural managed to accomplish
adamgreeney reacted to news that the Ayn Rand Institute received money from the Paycheck Protection Program

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
farkingismybusiness had a bit of dark humor

Politics Smart:
Raymond Perjurytrap noticed someone had a strangely calibrated bullshiat detector
Private_Citizen figured that a grim prediction about the coronavirus is probably somewhat optimistic
A Cave Geek thought that Joe Biden will have a stack of work prepared for his first day if he wins the election
Megathuma looked at how some nurses who've helped fight the pandemic are being treated
Tell Me How My Blog Tastes helped explain what was happening with the case against Michael Flynn


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
fluffy_pope decided to narrow down who will be on the rebranded D.C. football team
Nothing To See Here wanted to honor a respected historical figure
opalakea chose a design based on a major influence in the D.C. area
Thrakkorzog knew what a real sharp dressed man looks like
RedZoneTuba doubled down on Washington
west.la.lawyer decided not to have any skin in the game
Thrakkorzog showed us how Skynet will be born
asstamassta really earned that screen name
Alligator appropriately went with a nautical theme
RedZoneTuba made this into a Hans-on art piece
Yammering_Splat_Vector tucked these hanging tents away in a shady spot

Fartist Friday: Create a portrait of summertime
FeuDePoubelle has a lovely garden

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Show us what your pet would say if they could talk. Use any medium you like - art software, pen and paper, etc.  

Farktography:
Circusdog320 won Farktography Contest No. 793: "A Fire in the Sky" with an amazing shot of flaming hills and lightning

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, although I didn't get any good tips on avoiding griefers in online gaming. On the Quiz itself, jayfurr gets solo possession of the 1000 club Zoom channel with a score of 1049, followed by runwiz in second with 914 and Skerry_Monkey in third with 913. bradley547 took fourth with a score of 912, and the_colonel finished fifth with a respectable 880.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about newscaster Hugh Downs and his extensive career as a broadcaster. Only 16% of quiztakers knew that the job he had never held was weatherman for WABC-TV in New York. In fact, he was never involved in weather forecasting throughout his career, and never worked at WABC (the vast majority of his career was with NBC until 20/20). He was indeed host of "Concentration" for over ten years beginning in 1958, and announced for "The Tonight Show" for the last five years of the Jack Parr era from 1957-1962.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over where a Louisiana man went for a swim in his very mature and humble quest for "TikTok fame." 83% of quiztakers knew that the man took a dip in the aquarium at the Bass Pro Shop in Bossier City. The irony, of course, was that the person who filmed his antics got far more views on their social media than he did on his TikTok. So maybe if you're going for TikTok fame, do something idiotic in private where no one else is filming. Or maybe, you know, just don't do idiotic stuff. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over Kanye West and his congratulatory message to his wife on her becoming a billionaire. While I can see why 55% of quiztakers would think that tweeting a pair of Yeezys would be completely on-brand with Kanye, in truth, nothing says Kanye more than something completely bizarre - like a couple of tomatoes and some random weird flowers, as only 45% of quiztakers knew.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the location of the famous Globe Theatre, built by Shakespeare's theatre troupe and where many of his plays debuted. Surprisingly, only 94% of quiztakers knew that London was a far more appropriate venue for plays written in (and inventing a small part of) the English language to premiere than 16th Century Paris. But then again, the best way to appreciate Shakespeare is in the original Klingon, so I can understand the confusion of the 6%.

If you missed last week's Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Seems like the right time for the robot uprising 🤖
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-07-08 1:01:15 PM, edited 2020-07-08 1:07:33 PM (34 comments) | Permalink

There's no message from Drew in the Fark NotNewsletter this week because his laptop went off and joined the AI takeover. This also means there won't be a Fark News Update Livestream until he gets it back, which could be as soon as Friday. Hopefully it doesn't elope with his bot.

Remember: Computers don't need to become self aware in order to decide to take over control of the world, they only need to become aware of us.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
OK So Amuse Me explained why a woman's explanation for her Trader Joe's freakout seemed legit
Dork Gently expressed shock when police repressed the rights of a group of musicians to hold a vigil for a man who was killed by police
gopher321 offered a free service for your parking lot or car park
Naido found a group that would've appreciated the pizza design that got two Little Caesars employees fired
grokca showed the woman who scared a man so much that he followed her for two miles
Demetrius was surprised to see who Christina Ricci's estranged husband is
oldernell figured out why police broke up a vigil with musicians playing violins
maxandgrinch revealed the spouse of a woman who threw a mask tantrum at Trader Joe's
Boo_Guy asked Parthenogenetic a technical question about probiotics
blatz514 was very confused by what Queef Wellington wanted to happen

Smart:
brap discovered an unexpected benefit to wearing a cloth mask
iheartscotch pointed out that there's merit to a suggestion for how Black Lives Matter protesters can be safe from police interference
HawgWild gave a spelling lesson that's valid - at least for now
thecactusman17 had information that might be useful if you're ever feeling shooty in Oklahoma
Rapmaster2000 explained why some people even get angry about other people wearing masks and being cautious
CruiserTwelve noticed a positive sign after cops were photographed reenacting a chokehold that killed a man near his memorial
ecmoRandomNumbers had a theory about what started the downfall of the English language
Cache made a prediction of what's to come in the fight against police brutality
Uranus Megahertz shared a possible farewell message from an entertainment icon
Znuh gave an update on the hellish journey through COVID-19 - see this thread from May for the beginning of Znuh's story and some advice in case you end up needing it

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Louisiana_Sitar_Club faced major problems after installing solar panels
Smart: generalDisdain learned an unfortunate lesson
Smart: croesius wanted to see a reward for people in an important profession
Funny: Roman Fyseek shared a story about boats and a blind date
Funny: CommieTaoist learned to do all thinking above the waistline
Smart: Beeblebrox suggested a way of handling the situation if your neighbor gets paint drops all over your house

Politics Funny:
bambi121899 made an observation when Donald Trump Jr.'s girlfriend tested positive for the coronavirus
Diogenes compared raising boys to raising girls
HugeMistake was confused by President Trump's harsh treatment of Russia
Cubansaltyballs recognized where Arizonans got the idea to have gyms with liquor licenses
TDWCom29 knew what will happen now that Ghislaine Maxwell has been arrested

Bonus:
A thread asked Farkers to "describe the Trump Presidency as a GIF." It's basically impossible to tell which GIFs are used in an original way here and which ones have been used for mocking Trump before, and the thread has much hilarity anyway, so here are the voting results. Enjoy! 

Politics Smart:
HugeMistake was confused by President Trump's harsh treatment of Russia
shopball had a suggestion for when airplane passengers won't wear their face coverings properly over their noses and mouths
bdub77 appreciated the argument Mary Trump's lawyer used to challenge the NDA she signed
null pointed out an example the Trump administration should have learned from
Ambivalence looked at how Trump is outsmarting America's enemies


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us some people to avoid
RedZoneTuba revealed the price of idiocy
Yammering_Splat_Vector broke a big story out of the White House
clovercat showed what's hopefully not at the other end of the waterslides
Alligator came up with an exciting way to repurpose NASA's X-38
hail2daking gave this pup a riding companion
RedZoneTuba made a more representative flag for Mississippi
clovercat figured a proper space toilet already exists, just needs the NASA seal of approval
RedZoneTuba Phoebeed in the pool
asstamassta found out how Batman ruined the fireworks show

Fartist Friday: Write an original Haiku about the view from your window
This ended in a tie between bucket_pup's flexible sunbather (with helpful photo) and Cafe Threadshowl at the moon

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Summertime: Create a portrait of summertime using any medium - pen and paper, Photoshop, sculpture, MS Paint, etc.

Farktography:
threnodyj won Farktography Contest No. 791: "Breakdown" with rusty old worker in a retirement home

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, although no one made the 1000 club. Tracianne came out on top with 989, followed by bud jones in second with 921 and Oliver Twisted in third with 916. SoundOfOneHandWanking made fourth with 912, and Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs finishes out the top five with 909.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which President signed the first GI Bill (officially, the Serviceman's Readjustment Act) which offered low-cost mortgages, tuition and living expenses for higher education, and up to a year of unemployment benefits to returning soldiers. Only 25% of quiztakers knew that this was signed way back in 1944 by Franklin D. Roosevelt, who saw it as an expansion of his New Deal, although in truth it was a compromise - FDR wanted more focus on all poor people, not just veterans.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which burger chain native Texan and NFL MVP Patrick Mahomes was likely to see in his new home of Kansas City in the near future. 72% of quiztakers knew that Whataburger, based in San Antonio, is King of Texas burgers for anyone from the state. FWIWI, Krystal is based in Dunwoody, GA, and Popeye's is of course Louisiana Chicken but for some reason based in Miami, FL.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over a £12,500 auction win of a 1935 letter addressed to one "Buffkins", written and illustrated by artist E H Shepard. Only 37% of quiztakers caught the story and knew that it was Xi Jinping, er...Winnie the Pooh who sent his regrets of being unable to attend young Buffkins' birthday party. Paddington Bear was not introduced to the world until 1958.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was also an auction question, this time about a 1959 Martin D-18E guitar that just went for $6 million. 86% of quiztakers knew that it was Kurt Cobain's guitar he used for the 1993 "Unplugged in New York" performance. Interestingly, this was the exact guitar he was holding when he lamented that he could not afford the $500,000 that the estate of famed blues guitarist Ledbelly was asking for his guitar, and that David Geffen wouldn't buy it for him.

If you missed out on last week's Quiz, you can catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz right here

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The results from Adblockblockingpalooza
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-07-01 2:50:30 PM (50 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your week went well.  Been slammed here, but it's not all bad.

An update: Two weeks ago, we ran a 24-hour test where we blocked adblock to see what impact it was having on our revenue, since Fark's adblock rate is well over 50% of our overall traffic.  We wanted to compare that test to the same time period a week later to see if folks would turn adblock off and leave it off for Fark. One week later, that's what the data indicates.  Ad revenues are nearly identical during the block test and the same period the week following.  Plus we picked up a bunch of BareFark subscribers during the test, which was awesome because we'd prefer everyone have BareFark than display ads.  So tl;dr, 1) the test was a success and 2) we don't have any plans to block ad blockers in the near future.

However, one interesting result of the test period was we discovered that there is some entirely valid confusion as to why TotalFark doesn't include ad-blocking.  There's a long story behind that, the short conclusion of which is: the confusion is totally understandable.  The flagship subscription -should- include a no-ads experience.  I've got some ideas about what could be done there - and if you'd like to get in on that conversation, I'll be discussing it on TotalFark probably Friday.  By the way, one of the benefits of TotalFark is that we discuss long-term changes with TotalFarkers while we're still in the brainstorming phase.  So if you'd like to have input, come join us.

The Fark News Update Livestream continues this week - today at 4 p.m. Eastern, tomorrow sometime, and we haven't decided on Friday, but since we did games last week, we should probably look at movie night again.  Open to suggestions there.  Come join us at our Twitch channel at 4 p.m.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
TheHighlandHowler was in a toxic film with Ron Jeremy
NeoCortex42 reacted to news of The Hedgehog's alleged crimes
Doctor Funkenstein described a disturbing scene (I'm not kidding)
Uzzah felt pretty smug about Samsung Blu-ray players malfunctioning
rudemix defended the suspicious rope found hanging in Bubba Wallace's garage at at Talladega Superspeedway
Tr0mBoNe ran into a problem when Samsung Blu-ray players suddenly stopped working
FormlessOne explained why one of the cops charged in George Floyd's death wasn't wearing a mask while shopping
Cythraul comforted Doctor Funkenstein
Tr0mBoNe showed that even Jesus has a wandering eye
TorpedoOrca revealed a little-known fact about Nova Scotia

Smart:
felching pen had an idea for special packs of Skittles
leviosaurus pointed out that one of the cops involved in George Floyd's murder did yet another stupid thing
CarnySaur noticed another thing for a person who throws a fit over masks at Starbucks to get angry over
SumoJeb noted that a woman who accused an innocent family of stealing her car had things that didn't seem to belong to her
lindalouwho shared reason to believe that most people can manage to breathe with a cloth mask just fine
FormlessOne explained why one of the cops charged in George Floyd's death wasn't wearing a mask while shopping
hobnail took a close look at the noose found at Talladega Superspeedway
WalkingSedgwick must've posted this using a rental or a friend's computer or something
Winterlight came up with an idea for a sadly useful device
gameshowhost explained, in a Gen-X way, why Gen-Z doesn't seem to be too worried about giving the virus to baby boomers

CSB Sunday Morning: Summer vacation
Smart & Funny: GRCooper learned that sometimes a trucker's honk isn't just because kids in another vehicle requested it

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be.

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Beeblebrox gave an opinion on a TotalFarker's imaginary tattoo quandary
Smart: ytterbium had some insight about couples with different levels of education
Funny: Beeblebrox asked a question about an ex breaking health guidelines by taking a child into Best Buy
Funny: Shakespeare's Monkey's mom is about to be invited to a bunch of concerts
Smart: TheSteelCricket revealed the truth about online IQ tests
Smart: rebelyell2006 suggested a fun new way to celebrate the Fourth of July
Funny: Dance Party told a TotalFarker how to mount a large TV by yourself

Politics Funny:
Ken S. pointed out that President Trump really has done a lot to help Maine's fishing industry
Marcus Aurelius knew who's to blame for Trump's attempts to stoke racism
RodneyToady completed a sentence with a familiar cadence
iago mentioned someone who managed to pull off what Trump couldn't
common sense is an oxymoron knew why there weren't more people at Trump's rally

Politics Smart:
Jack Sabbath compared the Chicago murders that "horrified" Trump to potential murders that didn't seem to trouble him
GardenWeasel argued that Trump actually did something about intelligence indicating Putin put a bounty on members of U.S. military
markie_farkie saw in hindsight a hint that Trump ignored information about Russia posing a threat to Americans
kazrak had a suggestion to encourage police departments to ban chokeholds
Butterflew considered what it would take for some Trump fans to turn on him


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a new aunt to get pancake syrup from
DarkJohnson somehow created a breakfast mascot that's even more controversial
Thrakkorzog figured that nobody should be this happy
Godscrack put the instructions in the name of the product
Yammering_Splat_Vector was a little late with this gift
Yammering_Splat_Vector made an ad for the Sackler family business
Iggie found a new market for vape pens
RedZoneTuba showed that there's still a need for this classic disinfectant
Iggie gave this red panda the ultimate gift
RedZoneTuba gave us a glimpse of mating season

Fartist Friday:MS Paint your fantasy job
jbtilley is all out of bubble gum

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Window View Haiku -  write an original Haiku about the view from your window

Farktography:
Badafuco won Farktography Contest No. 790: "Tiptoe Through the Tulips 3" with a beautiful striped and speckled rose

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, although thanks to a screwup on my part, several dozen quiztakers got all 14 questions instead of the usual 11 and this threw off the whole rankings. Still, I'm going to give the top 10 a shout-out here:

The Third Man - 1228
Recoil Therapy - 1093
Mztlplx - 1067
zerkalo - 1028
mybluemake - 1000
bud jones - 1000
TheMothership - 991
mfgordon - 965
bababa - 963
leftofcool -948

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over the ingredients of SPAM. Since Nigerian princes and male enhancement weren't choices, we were stuck looking on the label. Only 31% of quiztakers knew that the secret ingredient was sugar - a trick also utilized by many restaurants in their kids meals, because, well, sugar tastes good. It also does help with the caramelization when you're frying it up. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about which company announced they were no longer going to make "commemorative" police batons. 83% of quiztakers knew that for some reason, Louisville Slugger, famed manufacturer of baseball bats, has been quietly making these truncheons designed to commemorate police officers and their act of whacking people with wooden sticks for the past "15 to 20 years" (no one at the company seemed to know). I mean, good on them for stopping production, but talk about bad taste...

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over why Ford decided to change the date of its new reveal of the upcoming redesigned Ford Bronco from their initial choice of July 9. It seems 46% of quiztakers will be owing Mr. Orenthal James Simpson a birthday card, since you knew that this was his special day. Also, any tips on the Real Killer should be sent c/o any metro Las Vegas golf courses.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which sitcom cast was reuniting for a special promo show for NBC's Peacock streaming service. 77% of quiztakers knew that it was "30 Rock" that was getting the band back together. "Scrubs" was picked up by ABC for its eighth and final season which would have made things weird if they did a promo for rival NBC. (I do not acknowledge that show they called "Season Nine of Scrubs" as existing). 

Congratulations to the winners, and if you missed last week's Quiz, you can catch up right here.

This week's Quiz is up, so go test your Weird News knowledge!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Livestream Taste Test
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-06-24 1:05:51 PM (62 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Last week we ran a 24-hour test of blocking ad blockers, and I had hoped to have the results for you today.  However, we need to compare last week to the same time period this week due to incredibly boring but relevant reasons, and that doesn't end until later today, so I'll have that for you next week.

Meanwhile, one thing the test did reveal is that there is confusion as to why TotalFark doesn't include the BareFark no-ads experience.  The tl;dr reason for this is a bunch of incremental changes over the past 20 years, but folks have a point - it doesn't make any sense.  I've got some thoughts on where we go from here that I'll be sharing with the TotalFark community probably next week-ish.  By the way, one of the benefits of TotalFark is getting to hear about upcoming changes in advance and weigh in on them.  TotalFark is our focus group, we run policy changes, redesigns, and so on by the TotalFark community to get input.  Join TotalFark and lend us your input.

At 3 p.m. Eastern today, we're running the Fark News Summary Livestream - find out what's important and what's been overlooked in the news today.  Today's stream includes a meta-rundown of how to parse otherwise incomprehensible mainstream media articles about crime - specifically an incident that happened in Milwaukee yesterday.  We're also trying a new Lightning Round feature today for articles that don't have a lot of nuance to them but are still of interest.  So join us at 3 p.m. if you can.

A quick note - this week we're trying to debug something on the Twitch Livestream embed.  For some reason it autoplays audio sometimes even though we've told it not to.  We've got a fix, but we're running tests on a smaller percentage of browsers to try to nail down what the culprit is.  If you get autoplay audio, drop us a Farkback and let us know.  If the test works, no one will get autoplay audio.  So we'll see how it goes.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
duppy knew the truth behind an article claiming women show less interest in men who hold cats in their dating profile photos
derpes_simplex described the problem with exercise ropes a man hung from trees in a public park
styckx noticed a Twitter user's false advertising
Pocket Ninja was ready to start producing some reality shows
Doctor Funkenstein reacted to news that Aunt Jemima products will be rebranded and renamed
Naido explained always suspecting white females when a crime is committed
common sense is an oxymoron had a concern about a well-known Scientologist who was charged with three counts of rape
LordOfThePings found another movie that, due to modern sensitivities, should have a warning label
ababyatemydingo could kind of understand why someone would burn down a Wendy's
Mad Scientist discovered that there's someone who's feeling pretty smug right about now

Smart:
King Something straightened out a rumor about a fast food CEO
karl2025 considered the clues to an old mystery
lennavan made a particularly apt comparison considering what was being protested
August11 described how inappropriate and offensive some professors can be if they've had no experience outside of classrooms
capn' fun shared how COVID-19 has affected an ICU as well as an otherwise healthy young woman who works there
Pocket Ninja marveled at a man's dual dualities
McJaemes had personal experience with being retaliated against for trying to put a stop to racism at work
Sachlpch described what it's been like working in retail during the pandemic
Bennie Crabtree had a theory about why the name of a cop who kept washing away children's BLM messages wasn't revealed

Check out Fark's annual Father's Day thread:What would you say to your dad today if you could?

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: a particular individual had a name for the Proud Boys to use for their new dating app
Funny: meg12279 came up with an interesting way of thinking about people
Funny: Por que tan serioso complained that birdmanesq debased an oral discussion
Funny: IvyLady called Beeblebrox a name, but Beeblebrox liked it
Funny meg12279 shared the right way to say goodnight to your date
Funny: farkingismybusiness questioned a TotalFarker whose daughter might be allergic to sage
Smart: Flab showed how wonderfully things can turn out

Politics Funny:
King Something showed that some guys can do it with one hand
jbc explained why Matt Gaetz would have adopted a teenager - (In case you don't get that, it's a reference to a story His Mexcellency shared last year)
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That demonstrated how Donald Trump could've done a worse job
gunga galunga felt the magnitude of such a feat
NewportBarGuy showed how one senator felt about John Bolton's claim that Trump asked Xi Jinping to help him get reelected

Politics Smart:
Type_Hard figured that Rep. Mo Brooks would be willing to apply his reasoning to all types of discrimination
markie_farkie argued that evidence shows that Brad Parscale lied about protesters blocking supporters from getting into Trump's rally
Boondock3806 recounted a conversation about battling systemic racism
Pocket Ninja discussed the two types of conservatives on the Supreme Court
FrabjousDay pointed out that "free" can turn out to be very expensive


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector decided this vehicle is better as a sedan
hail2daking brought out this figure's noble spirit
verchad made a statue more aerodynamic
Thrakkorzog figured out how Chris lost his head
Large Marge sent me showed us how you make sure nobody else catches the foul balls
Driver proved that we're living in The Far Side
RedZoneTuba fixed this statue so it's better than new
Bumcheese went where no Farker has gone before
Large Marge sent me replaced some famous shells
Thrakkorzog gave RedZoneTuba a major award

Captions:
From Caption this mammal meeting:

Driver misread the instructions
clovercat apparently made the same mistake
As did Thrakkorzog and Snubnose
From Caption these wee turtles:
Devolving_Spud gave a clue about which state these turtles are turtling in
kdawg7736 knew what these little guys were heading out to do
Grumpy Cat showed that some band names are actually quite literal

Fartist Friday: Show us a work of art you've made and tell us the story behind it
Holy cr*p, there are so many talented Farkers! I'm not really surprised, though, because we have an awesome community. Thunderboy won this week's contest with a gorgeous scrappy homemade electric bass (the string instrument, not the other kind of musical electric bass). Be sure to check out the rest of the contest for a variety of really cool works of art and the stories behind them. 

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Use MS Paint (or similar) to draw your fantasy job and let us guess what it is

About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 789: "Purple 3" ended in a tie between beerrun's purple-topped musician and Ldrtchbrd's lavender lily

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the quiz, but I still don't think anyone is interested in my fried coleslaw recipe. Recoil Therapy took top honors with a score of 1007 and will be sharing the Virtual 1000 Club with edmo, who came in second with 1004. Denjiro made third with 975, Glockenspiel Hero took fourth with 942, and rick42 finishes out the top five with 940.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over a, well, "cheeky" billboard on the side of a semi-trailer that was seen cruising the QE II Highway in Alberta last week, featuring a half-exposed butt. Only 24% of quiztakers knew that those wacky Canadians thought an exposed bum was a great way of promoting a gardening centre at a department store chain, oddly enough called "Canadian Tire." 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over King Leopold II, one of the most brutal kings of the past hundred years who took over the area now known as The Congo, enslaved the residents, and declared the land and the people to be his personal property outside his government functions. 73% of quiztakers knew he was the king of Belgium, a country that really doesn't want statues honoring him around anymore. I mean, I'd rather be known for waffles than a racist genocidal maniac, too.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was about the facial recognition technology known as "Rekognition," which totally doesn't sound like something from a '90s sci-fi movie directed by Paul Veerhoven at all. Only 39% of quiztakers knew this technology actually came from Amazon, which seems to be a puzzling thing for a retailer that advertises shopping in your underwear to be involved in. I mean, at least it's *facial* recognition, right?

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over drummer Frank Beard and his 51-year career. 91% of quiztakers knew that one of the most ironic things in  music was a guy named "Beard" in ZZ Top, a band famous for giant beards who happens to be clean-shaven. He's been quoted as saying about the matter "Why compete if you can't win?" I'm not sure that's advice I can always follow, but hey, it works for him.

Congratulations to the winners. If you missed out on last week's quiz, you can catch up here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Here's what true believers ask Drew about his time travels
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-06-17 5:09:59 PM (47 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hope everyone's week is going well.  We ran a 24-hour adblock test yesterday and today to see what impact it had on ad revenues.  Thanks for bearing with us on that.  Thanks also to everyone who took us up on our offer for free BareFark for those with a need.  As I've said in the NotNewsletter before about adblock, I totally understand there are many reasons for needing it and we're fine with you using it - however if your adblock use is just casual, we thank you for whitelisting us. And thanks to the 100+ folks who picked up BareFark during the test, we really appreciate it!

So my time travel tweet from May 1st is still going viral and jumping platforms.  I thought I'd share the most common time travel questions I've been getting.  Lots of "will I be famous?" and "will everything be OK again?" - I've been saying yes to the latter.  The strangest consistent questions have been about BTS (I admit I had to look that one up), and lately about whether or not we're all going to die on June 21st because of the Mayan Calendar (no).  The number one question I've been asked, by far, is "When will One Direction get back together?" Probably whenever the first one of them runs out of money, I figure.

The Fark and Schnitt podcast is still on hiatus this week, but hopefully things will calm down enough next week for us to do the next episode.  Then again, the way 2020 has been going, the only three things left on my 2020 Apocalypse Bingo card are Robot Uprising, Busy Hurricane Season, and Alien Invasion.

The Fark Livestream is still going, however.  Next episodes are 5:30 p.m. Eastern today (Wednesday), sometime tomorrow, and I think we're doing movie night again Friday evening.  I'll post links as details present themselves.

Speaking of the livestream, last Friday evening, we tested out embedding the Twitch player on Fark.  For some reason it fired up and autoplayed audio for a lot of folks.  We don't know why that happened, we set it to start muted but for some reason it didn't. This seemed to happen mainly for Chrome and Android users.  We're still trying to figure out why that happened, sorry about that!

Be well, be safe, be excellent to each other.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
johnsoninca was unhappy with a bully's racism
Boo_Guy knew who set an Atlanta Wendy's on fire
Visual Howlaround Title Sequence illustrated gilgigamesh's greatest fear
EvilEgg felt for the person who wrote a bunch of thank-you notes to the Austin Police Department
potierrh explained why law enforcement officers slashed tires at Minneapolis protests
outtatowner could see how a busybody found her vocation
nekom had a different take on the Wendy's arson
Tanqueray shared the general opinion of burning down that Atlanta Wendy's
Fart_Machine pointed out that the story Al Roker's Forecast shared could've been so much worse
Nana's Vibrator described another crime committed by the [Filipino] man who was called out for stenciling a BLM message on a wall

Smart:
NotCodger gave police a reason to destroy every tire in the world
edmo had a sobering thought about the many instances of police brutality that have been captured on video since protests against police brutality started after George Floyd's murder
pkjun gave advice that should be obvious, but apparently isn't for some people
TelemonianAjax analyzed the Thin Blue Line flag
pkjun argued that sometimes there are reasons people "just happen" to catch others' bad behavior on video
Devolving_Spud noticed something police officers often do when they know onlookers are taking video
Dinjiin pointed to something that factored into deciding to leave the Republican Party
I Ate Shergar tried to dash any hopes that the world is about to end
Squid_for_Brains has had some experience with staring down awful men
shabu offered to help people who didn't have time to watch Dave Chappelle's new video

CSB Sunday Morning: "Do you know who I am?" - Unexpected encounters with famous people
Smart: Winterlight met a legend between SLO and LAX
Funny: libranoelrose chowed down with a player in The Locker Room
Funny (honorable mention because it's not a celebrity): MythDragon respected the command hierarchy of the PX line

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be. 

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: flucto explained how a puppy earned her name (with cute puppy photo)
Smart: bostonguy shared a photo of a Black Lives Matter demonstration that started with just one person
Funny: Joliebleu disapproved of a certain form of self ornamentation
Funny: levitcleos suggested a nickname for flucto's puppy
Funny: It_Really_Does_Glisten wished to register a complaint about a TotalFark Discussion headline
Funny: farkingismybusiness took a BuzzFeed quiz very seriously
Smart: croesius took a great photo for a future Farktography contest
Smart: WickerNipple apparently doesn't think Fark is social
Smart: Munden suggested a name for a puppy who is "too sweet" to be a police dog

Side note: I did a survey and discussion about what I include in the TotalFark Discussion section of the Fark NotNewsletter. You can give it a read, and contact me through Farkback or email if you have thoughts or questions about it.

Politics Funny:
Mike_LowELL reacted when a doctor from the World Health Organization made a statement (that has since been walked back) about asymptomatic transmission of COVID-19
vudukungfu explained why it makes sense for K-pop fans to take over hateful hashtags on Twitter
Dahnkster pointed out that the Confederacy will still be represented at NASCAR races
edmo shared a Trump tweet that might not be real
nekom quoted the wise words of Megyn Kelly

Politics Smart:
bloobeary addressed Dilbert creator Scott Adams' complaints about Black Lives Matter protests
Ken S. hoped that Mitt Romney joining a protest march to the White House could lead to another moral stand
Lord Bear had an idea to get cops to stop appropriating the Punisher logo
Precious Roy's Horse Dividers continued a spicy headline
MattytheMouse looked at recent progress that's happened as a result of protests


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
west.la.lawyer showed us what it takes to make perfect rotisserie chicken
Private_Citizen gave a Confederate memorial the frame it deserves
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a modern Moses
GardenWeasel made good use of the world's largest "Calvin peeing" decal
Yammering_Splat_Vector literally scaled down the architecture
Yammering_Splat_Vector memorialized a man who suffered from racism rather than men who fought for it
RedZoneTuba demonstrated the proper way to cross a glass-bottomed bridge
Large Marge sent me showed that the skyway wasn't the only thing getting crossed in this thread
DarkJohnson came to the gran finale (more on this below)
Large Marge sent me brought back a classic Fark urban myth
jaylight2003 figured this man should win again

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
DarkJohnson did a week-long, one-Farker, multi-thread, 18-'shop tennis match. Here they are, in order - hopefully I don't miss any:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18

Fartist Friday: Create a brand logo for your user name
hail2daking made a displeased royal

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Show us a work of art you've made and tell us the story behind it

About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
it's lisa e. won Farktography Contest No. 788: "Y M C A" with a defiant celebration

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Watch Drew lose to Fark's top headline writers
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-06-10 3:08:12 PM (54 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

A few quick notes:

Next Monday we're going to be running a no-adblock test to see what impact that has on ad revenues.  If it's minor, that'll be the end of it.  If it's substantial, we'll probably end up leaving it in place going forward.  As I mentioned in earlier NotNewsletters, ad revenues are way off due to the pandemic, and as such, we need to take action to keep the lights on going forward.  Thanks to all of you who have signed up for TotalFark, ads-free BareFark, and bought Farks2Give and the OhFark pandemic badge have done heroic work helping us keep going during these coronavirus times.  Sign up if you haven't, it helps very much!

In other news, the Fark and Schnitt podcast is going on a hiatus due to the state of the current news cycle.  We're running into a double whammy of less available weird material in the news cycle and less of a public appetite for offbeat stuff. Switching to a real news format is problematic because of the speed at which things are moving, it doesn't lend itself to a weekly format.  So we're going to hit pause for a bit until calmer times and hopefully be back soon.

The Fark Livestream continues on, however, since it's more of a daily format as well as more breaking news oriented.  Dallan and I will be live at my Twitch channel at 7 Eastern today with a roundup of what's really important today, especially the items that got overlooked by most folks.  We'll be streaming news again Thursday, time TBA.

This Friday's Livestream at probably 7 p.m. is going to be a special event - Drew and Dallan are going head to head against some of Fark's top link submitters playing Quiplash. For those not familiar, it's like Cards Against Humanity except you write the answers yourself, funniest one wins.  We're probably going to get our butts handed to us, these folks are seriously talented. You can also get an "audience" slot where you can vote for the winner, so definitely come check it out and participate.  We may have a couple audience slots open if anyone wants to jump in the game with us.  Probably happening at 7 p.m., but keep an eye out on the main page as it gets closer to time.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
bthom37 had to correct an assertion that Suflig shared about Drew's famous time travel tweet
eurotrader sought to clarify what the previous comment was disagreeing with
sirrerun thought that an angry cyclist looked a little familiar
Prank Call of Cthulhu praised a gentleman's weapon of choice
Shostie figured out how a creepy dad could get his desired revenge on a man for sleeping with his daughter
Colour_out_of_Space summed up the thoughts of men who are overly concerned about their daughters' virginity
Magorn figured an incel might have made himself even more incelly
lurkey had advice for people who were trying to beat off an angry archer
Palined Parenthood was not happy with the statement Nordstrom put out after their Seattle store was looted
Stands With A Tiny Fist corrected a belief about Ford Mustangs

Smart:
Butterflew figured that two of the cops being new to the job explained one officer's behavior with George Floyd
Elegy felt a little sorry for one of the officers involved in Floyd's death
Private_Citizen noted differences in two autopsy reports
Walker thought that there was a sadly appropriate warning that Floyd had coronavirus
aperson liked the idea of police officers learning something from the U.S. military
IvanTheSilent had some thoughts on the difference between police unions and other unions
BumpInTheNight started to see the appeal of Google Glass
koder had a different kind of theory about Floyd's death
Flappyhead noticed some cities that didn't experience destruction during protests
Prank Call of Cthulhu praised a gentleman's weapon of choice

CSB Sunday Morning: Allowances and the chores that came with them
Smart:
basicstock cleaned for love and now loves to clean
Funny: CommieTaoist made a small error while polishing the furniture

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be. 

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: Hyperbolic Hyperbole told us the proper term for a group of penii
Smart: generalDisdain gave some Farking advice
Smart: generalDisdain recalled a good thing TFDers did recently
Smart: Barry McCockner explained the TotalFark discussion selfie thread process
Smart: Theeng was grateful for a small gift just when it was needed
Smart: ytterbium suggested a high school graduation gift with a $100 limit
Funny: merrillvillain has some experience with "medicinals"

Bonus FarkStaff Picks:
Funny:
Louisiana_Sitar_Club took "smoking cloves" literally as a wee child
Smart & Funny: Madison_Smiled shared a great stitching project

Politics Funny:
Devolving_Spud showed what Donald Trump thinks of the Tennessee National Guard laying down their shields at a protest
Gramma was worried about zombies
I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account found out that Sesame Street is in trouble
Diamond Joe Biden replied to Megan McCain's complaint that her neighborhood "looks like a war zone"
ultradeeg came to the only logical conclusion when the FBI didn't find evidence of antifa involvement in violence at D.C.-area protests

Politics Smart:
FightDirector analyzed Chairman to the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Mark Milley's message to the Joint Force
King Something came up with a male name to use when applying the "Karen" meme to a man
weddingsinger noticed that a judge's decision triples down on civil rights violations
12349876 contrasted the protective gear provided to two different groups
Xai compared right wing reactions to quarantines and protests against police brutality


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba found Trump with something a former president must have left in the White House
Yammering_Splat_Vector learned that there are some things you're better off not having to assemble yourself
Abe Vigoda's Ghost discovered how lucky we are that this guy never reads anything
Circusdog320 showed us that Austin was telling the truth about those things not belonging to him
Thrakkorzog revealed the secret behind the worst Halloween candy
derpes_simplex had some insight on why Trump is so loyal to Vladimir Putin
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave an example of what can happen if you don't practice good oral hygiene
Alligator found a guy who seems to have big problems with rodents
verchad saw some signs that these protesters are stuck with each other
fdlgrl built a Texan's dream home
west.la.lawyer gave this monster something I'd be willing to fight it for

Honorable mentions:
Usually Fark Photoshop contests don't allow entries that just add text, but we had one contest that specifically asked for a title for "Trump's little black book." The top entries for adding text are from duppy and two entries from Mr.Tangent.

Caption:
From Caption this image of a dystopian future ... that is happening now:
Warthog figured this was a moment of self reflection
fragMasterFlash knew who really provided the soldiers guarding the Lincoln Memorial
LarryDan43 found out how these people ended up guarding the Lincoln Memorial

Fartist Friday:

Fartist Friday took a week off. This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake:
Create your own brand logo for your username using whatever you like - MS Paint, Photoshop, pen and paper, etc.

About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
common sense is an oxymoron won Farktography Contest No. 787: "June Bug" with an action shot of The Pollinator. Be sure to check out the thread for some great bug pics. Arachnophobes are warned to stay away.

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: How Trump's Twitter tantrum affects Fark
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-06-03 1:54:15 PM (74 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

A couple of things of note THIS WEEK.  Firstly, I don't know if anyone's been wondering why Fark hasn't done a "we support black lives" display and/or UI update, so let me address that.  To be clear, I do support the cause.  However corporate messages of support for social causes have always seemed off to me.  For example, I don't really want to know what Bed Bath and Beyond's opinion on the subject is, especially since corporate opinions are usually wrapped in an implicit "come shop with us after."  I also don't have a good feel for what an appropriate display of support would look like, past Fark linking heavily to the events in question so everyone knows what's going on.  Anyhow, tl;dr we're on board if anyone was wondering.

Secondly, relative to last week, a couple of folks flagged me in separate comments last week before the protests started asking me to weigh in on Trump's executive order for social media websites. I'd meant to respond but, as happens during heavy news cycles, time got away from me.  However, someone else suggested I make it a topic for this week's newsletter.  It turns out the topic is both interesting and weird, and the tl;dr is yes, Fark qualifies under the EO, but I don't think anything will come of it.  Plus, if it were actually implemented, it would be worse for folks complaining about platform censorship.

Also, don't let the length of the discussion that follows imply that I think this is more important than the protests, I just happen to know a lot more about this subject than the other.

The Trump administration is attempting to use an executive order to smack down Twitter for putting advisories on some of Trump's tweets, correctly saying they encourage violence and/or are factually inaccurate.  The EO targets Section 230, which is a part of U.S. law that social networks in particular are obsessed with. It's literally all they want to talk about when I visit in person, it comes up even in casual meetings over drinks.

Section 230 lives in the Communications Decency Act, passed in 1996 and specifically states the following: "No provider or user of an interactive computer service shall be treated as the publisher or speaker of any information provided by another information content provider."  While the CDA was a big anti-porn thing in the mid-'90s that has mostly been ruled unconstitutional, Section 230 remains in effect.

This provision in the law came about mostly as a reaction to a 1993 lawsuit against Prodigy arguing they were liable for user-generated content because they took an editorial role.  This shares similarities with the Good Samaritan theoretical legal quandary, which worries for example that people who might try to give CPR to someone choking would became liable for a person's death if they failed to save them.  The theory goes that without legal protection, people would be less likely to help strangers in need.  Therefore Good Samaritans were carved out from liability laws.

In Prodigy's case, the court ruled that since Prodigy usually tried to moderate harmful content but failed in a specific instance, they were liable for the damage caused.  This seemed very similar to the Good Samaritan problem, where trying to do the right thing but failing in a specific instance triggers liability. Fast forward to 1996 when Congress is all bent out of shape over boobs on the internet. Telcos and ISPs argued that Section 230 was needed because without it, platforms wouldn't moderate anything for fear of liability (they also wanted blanket protection for themselves but that's the argument they made anyhow).

Section 230 basically says that content providers aren't liable for user-generated content as long as they at least attempt to keep things clean and safe.  However there's no guidance on how much work they have to do to keep things clean, which could include doing very little.  And therein lies the problem, because arguably most of the negative societal issues caused by social media company inaction are protected under Section 230.  Part of the problem was the focus of the Communications Decency Act was pornography, not disinformation.

I should note that this, by the way, is my perspective, and while it's exactly opposite of what I've seen tech writers say about this law, I can assure you from personal experience that this is how social media companies actually perceive it.  Section 230 allows them to take little or no action with impunity.

In short, Section 230 allows Twitter to do nothing about bad content.  It also allows them to devote very little in the way of resources to monitoring content. In either event, there's no liability for Twitter.  Whether that's a good or a bad thing, opinions differ.

Social media companies are terrified of losing section 230 protection because they think their behemoth platforms would be impossible to moderate.  Perhaps they're right, I wouldn't know because Fark doesn't have 500 million monthly active uniques. However, given how little effort they've put into trying to reign in Nazis, racists, and disinformation, I think the jury is out on that one - we don't know because they haven't tried.  I'd be willing to bet if Twitter threw a billion dollars into moderation, they'd make some kind of a dent at least.  And although I'd like them to try harder, I would concede that 100% enforcement is almost definitely impossible.  I'd settle for them trying much harder, however.

It's unclear what effect the administration thought its executive order would have.  Clearly they were trying to punish Twitter for flagging presidential tweets.  However, the EO they issued, if followed through, would actually end worse for the administration.  Social media uses Section 230 to do less than they otherwise would be required to do.  If Section 230 were altered or removed, social media would be forced to spend significantly more on resources for moderating content.  And just looking at a small sample of Trump's tweets in a given day, if Section 230 protections didn't exist and Twitter could be held liable for content, he'd be moderated so hard he'd barely get a single tweet published.  Same goes for a lot of the disinformation spreading accounts out there.  And I'm not sure extra vigilance would be such a bad thing,

However, from a practical standpoint, the impact on social media lies in the details of what happens next.  The EO instructs the FCC to take a look at Section 230 and issue more specific guidelines, implicitly asking for guidelines that would punish Twitter. I don't think this is likely to happen at all, mainly because FCC head Ajit Pai is fairly anti-regulation and likely isn't in any hurry to examine the issue.  I would expect him to slow-walk the EO until after November, at the very least.  Then whatever they come up with has to be approved by 3 out of 5 FCC commissioners, and it's not clear how that would play out either.

So now to the question at hand: How does the EO affect Fark? Well, currently it doesn't - it all depends on what the FCC does. If the FCC requires more stringent moderation - whether it affects Fark or not depends on to what degree.  If the FCC requires a best efforts moderation strategy, we already do that.  It's imperfect, but we try to do our best.  If the FCC requires every comment to be reviewed internally before posting, that would absolutely negatively affect Fark along with the entire social media ecosystem.  But I'm not sure it's the outcome the administration wants or intends.

So tl;dr we're good for now.  Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast: Brooke Binkowski from TruthorFiction.com is back to help us make sense of rumors of outside actors interfering in the nationwide protests. Who are they and what are they trying to do? Brooke has the answer, and it's both fascinating and nuanced as hell.  Check it out. 

Also later today at 7 p.m. Eastern, Dallan and I are back with the Fark Livestream News Summary.  On today's episode, the news cycle went full bore apocalypse - mutant ticks, hurricanes, Yellowstone, and social distancing monkeys.  Also a summary of the news you actually need to know. And cats with chickens on their heads. Join us at my Twitch channel And if you get a chance check out our movie night from last Friday, it's easily the funniest thing we've ever done.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Farking Clown Shoes was surprised by what Alphax was listening to
felching pen told us what scientists were able to predict after measuring virus levels in municipal sewage
AdmirableSnackbar figured out why "Central Park Karen" got fired
Russ1642 knew what modern police training is missing
Badmoodman considered the prospect of University of Michigan not playing football this year
169th Cousin shared a sexy redhead photo
nyseattitude pointed out the ridiculousness of a fire safety rule where another Farker lives
Shostie was defensive about what One Million Moms claimed about Pixar movies
SanityIsAFullTimeJob taught Mugato a new word
moos revealed the truth about a guy who's hooking up with his mom's friend while he's staying at her house because it's close to his work

Smart:
bdub77 had some ideas for police reform
Ishkur talked about how the ubiquitousness of cameras changed people's perception of the world
pkjun described the process of trying to have a police officer held accountable for abuse
fusillade762 explained why a bunch of guys review bombed a movie before it even came out
Xai discussed the first video that was released of the murder of George Floyd
LOLITROLU had an idea for Amy Cooper's next job
Hoban Washburne looked at the way Derek Chauvin knelt on George Floyd's neck
jso2897 noted Derek Chauvin's demeanor as he killed George Floyd
Cheron pointed out something familiar about the "Central Park Karen" story

CSB Sunday Morning: That one time at summer camp
Smart:
parasol shared great stories about running a summer camp
Funny: whatsupchuck got a hurt paw as a wee cub

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be. 

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: JerseyTim showed up to appreciate myschief's new fence
Smart: Butterflew shared photos of little Baloo (there are lots of great photos in this thread)
Smart: The Headless Horseman's Headless Horse grew a patio
Smart: Eclectic shared an opinion on the protests happening in response to the killing of George Floyd
Smart: IvyLady pointed out the first sign that Gaston was indeed the bad guy
Smart: Badafuco updated us on the basics
Smart: brap went to a party

Politics Funny:
Tannhauser had a sad realization about MAGA
arrogantbastich had a mild reaction to having been beaten to a joke
cretinbob took a guess at why Donald Trump's posture is so strange
Devolving_Spud knew how to mess with "poll watchers" recruited by Republicans to challenge people's right to vote
FlyingFarmer challenged the rumor that Donald Trump murdered Carolyn Gombell in 2000

Politics Smart:
shadow01 thought that there's a flaw in the Republican poll watcher plan
markie_farkie argued that Twitter took the right approach in handling one of Trump's tweets
My Sober Alt compared opinions about 100,000 Americans dead from COVID-19
pkjun talked about how to help the economy recover
Lambskincoat noted the most important thing about Trump's attack on social media


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba knew what all Farkers should have on their faces
PSpsychopath showed that Trump is being resourceful when it comes to virus protection
Yammering_Splat_Vector found out where that missing tomato ended up
#2 created a mask made out of the finest jewelry
DisseminationMonkey designed some protection for when people get all up in your grill
hail2daking scooted over for some social un-distancing
Alligator wasn't impressed by all your coughing
Yammering_Splat_Vector dressed up this little duckface
Large Marge sent me could tell that these guys were way too hot
verchad made a little something for the athletic supporter in your life
hail2daking showed us what comes from forbidden love

Fartist Friday:
Ldrtchbrd won Recreate a movie poster with a poster for a fun summer beach movie

We'll be taking a break from Fartist Friday this week, but it will return next week.

About Fartist Friday:

Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
Earguy won Farktography Contest No. 786: "Squares 4" with a stairway to somewhere

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: It's harder than it looks 👀
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-05-27 11:48:34 AM (67 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hope everyone's Memorial Day weekend went well.  I spent most of it sitting in my driveway drinking beer.  Some friends joined, appropriately socially distanced.  So not much changed on my end this year.  

A few notes of interesting things happening today:

On this week's Fark And Schnitt podcast, Todd recounts his Cannonball Run from NYC to Tampa in a U-Haul, and I get to explain how when Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear says he's not afraid of the Flu Klux Klan, it's because he's got the literal firepower to back it up.

At 3 p.m. Eastern today, Dallan and I will be doing the Fark Livestream News Summary, come check it out!  Lots of stuff worth talking about in the news this week.

At 4:30 p.m., we have the first U.S.-based rocket launch in a decade - keep an eye out for a live thread on that.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 

If you've noticed that the Fark NotNewsletter has been going out on Wednesdays instead of Tuesdays lately, it's not your imagination. It's not my imagination, either. Both the NotNewsletter and the Fark and Schnitt podcast have officially moved to Wednesday releases for the foreseeable future. The NotNewsletter will still cover Sunday morning (7ish) through Sunday morning (7ish), so that part hasn't changed. I don't mind having the extra time to put this whole thing together, because, as with many things in life, it's harder than it looks.

XOXO,

DisseminationMonkey


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Moderator had to lay down the law when Farkers started getting too excited
Devolving_Spud devolved a band name
dothemath outweirded a spunk snorter
Krieghund reacted to news of hazing involving alcohol and nudity at the University of Kentucky
Naido figured out what a TV cameraman who didn't realize his conversation was livestreaming was talking about
Marcus Aurelius thought that God had a whole new punishment in store for those who won't keep from spreading COVID-19
Snapper Carr could see why a cameraman had such a potty mouth
Diogenes knew why an underdressed nurse was disciplined at work
elvisaintdead remembered something about bears being Catholic
JerseyTim shared the final photo of an unfortunate man
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That answered a question about an article that could possibly bring new visitors to Fark

Smart:
Pocket Ninja thought about the purpose of sex offender registries
koder made a recommendation that may or may not involve sunning your perineum
Magorn had a theory on how a man and his mother ended up being victims of police brutality
GardenWeasel might have figured out why some older generations were so picky about the cleanliness of their homes
SMB2811 read through to an article's source and explained one way in which some delivery companies screw over businesses
lolmao500 took counterpoint on a health tip
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha implored a fellow Farker to consider goose physics
WalkingCarpet has quite the night planned
rebelyell2006 found the most generous way to describe what the three men who killed Ahmaud Arbery had planned
Albert911emt urged us to make assumptions

CSB Sunday Morning: Green thumb stories
Smart:
buckwebb started a garden as doubtful neighbors looked on
Funny: jimjays' mom was very proud of her child's green thumb
Funny honorable mention (it also came in first a year ago): davidphogan helped a dog who had learned a painful lesson

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be. 

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: weddingsinger gave an update after Mrs. Weddingsinger had open heart surgery
Smart: Badafuco let everyone know that that the kitty was back home after surgery
Funny: generalDisdain had a name for Skittles' all-white "pride packs"
Smart: Badafuco shared a photo of Miss Maci in her cone of shame
Funny: croesius helped Candygram4Mongo solve a puzzle
Funny: We Ate the Necco Wafers had some information for a TotalFarker who claimed to be dating four men at the same time
Funny: Rev.K solved a riddle about a dead parachutist

Politics Funny:
orangehat noticed something about the #youaintblack shirts the Trump 2020 campaign is selling
hobnail felt a little defensive about the #NoFap movement
Psychopusher had a solution for dealing with businesses that have "no masks allowed" signs posted
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat reacted to news of plans to remove and possibly euthanize 220,000 wild horses and burros from public lands
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise had a name for the people behind the anti-fapping movement

Politics Smart:
GardenWeasel figured there's something Democrats cannot do
NeoCortex42 pointed out the severity of the U.S. government's response to 9/11
centrifugal bumblepuppy reminded us what health experts said when the pandemic arrived in the U.S.
derpes_simplex defended Donald Trump against a claim that he's an expert in money laundering
I Ate Shergar gave advice on how to identify a possible radical


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking made an honest spiciness scale for a Mexican restaurant
Yammering_Splat_Vector designed a protective mask that you can wear in your booking photo
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us what makes Mighty Mouse so mighty
FarkingIceHole ordered the Paleo diet family meal
hail2daking made the produce angry
opalakea swallowed a coconut
DarkJohnson revealed a shocking reason for the decline in the rhino population
DarkJohnson made a surprisingly subtle switch
opalakea came up with an ingenious way to save money on hamburger buns
Excelsior proved that the more things change, the more they stay the same
DarkJohnson found the reincarnation of Nero

Captions:
From Do as the San Diego Zoo says and caption this angry potato:

bearded clamorer figured out why this potato was so angry
Grumpy Cat knew that this potato was following someone

Fartist Friday: Create a Fark-themed greeting card
gordian immortalized Fark's favorite squirrel

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Recreate an existing movie poster using Photoshop, MSPaint, etc.

About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
afghanwhiggle won Farktography Contest No. 785: "And the Band Played On" with a xylophonist at work

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz last week, and we may have figured out why you're supposed to buy mattresses on Memorial Day. The 1000 club gets two socially distant occupants this week, so it's a good thing we installed that second bar. Priapetic took first with 1012, followed by TheMothership in second with 1005 and bingethinker in third with 993. Denjiro made foourth with 951, and Oak rounds out the top five with 949.

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over the Walker, Louisiana Police Department's odd call of the week. Only 17% of quiztakers caught the story about a chicken that was harassing people at a local bank's ATM, even going so far as to try to fly into cars. I'm guessing the chicken was protecting her nest egg as she neared retirement. 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over Queen guitarist's Brian May and his recent hospitalization. 87% of quiztakers knew he had ripped his butt muscle after a bit of what he called "overenthusiastic gardening". Suuure, Brian, I mean you could have said "Bicycle" accident or maybe partying with some "Fat-Bottomed Girls" or that you found "Somebody to Love" because you "Want it All", but you went with "gardening", Who Wants to Live Forever, anyway?

The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was over the Instagram star "Miquela" and her 2.2 million Instagram followers and ridiculous endorsement contracts. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that we really are living in an episode of Black Mirror, as Miquela is a CGI constructed singer and personality designed to appeal to Gen Z'ers. I will not be surprised when her new diss track drops next month bashing Microsoft Tay's racism and calling Alexa and Siri "old and out of touch". 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which reality show star was now engaged for the second time since the death of his wife only eight months ago. 87% of quiztakers knew that Dog the Bounty Hunter had found love yet again. Considering Beth was his fifth wife, I think he's going for some kind of Zsa Zsa Gabor record here. Or maybe he thinks he's Larry King and will soon be doing a webcast from his basement, I dunno. 

If you missed last week's Quiz, you can catch up here. Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: The story behind Drew's time travel
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-05-20 12:55:41 PM (69 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

Hey everyone, hope your pandemic is going well.  

Let me lead with the podcast blurb because it leads into the topic at hand - whether or not I am a Time Traveler.  Last night we were recording the latest episode of Fark and Schnitt podcast when Newsweek dropped an article entirely devoted to my time travel tweet.  

Here's the backstory: On New Years Eve 2015, everyone on social media was trashing 2015, as folks do pretty much every year.  2015 hadn't been a particularly bad year per se. Part of the problem with social media is that people don't tend to post "wow that year was reasonably average," so the good-riddance 20xx posts tend to be the strongest signal.  So in response to the negative trend, I posted the following tweet: "Admission: I'm a time traveler from 2020. Enjoy 2016 - it's as good as it gets for awhile."  

I figured if something really truly terrible happened by 2020 I could pop up out of nowhere and complete the joke.  But a couple things intervened.  One, I forgot about it entirely, Two, pandemic.  For some reason I woke up about two weeks ago, remembered it, and retweeted it with "This tweet aged well," and hit post.  

It's been interesting watching the viral ramp - I've had a couple other tweets go viral, but this one spread like wildfire.  It really took off later on the first day when it got picked up by other aggregator accounts.  By the end of the first weekend, it had 650,000 likes.  I figured that was the end, but then it jumped over to Reddit and Instagram the following week, then Imgur and Facebook, and finally TikTok this week.  Then the Newsweek article.  

The responses I've gotten on social media have been super interesting.  More people than I would have expected seem to think I might actually be a time traveler.  Also, many people seem to confuse time traveling with being a psychic based on the questions I'm getting asked.  Lots of people want to know when things will get better.  Some folks want to know who will win the EPL/Superbowl/NBA finals.  A few want to know what stocks to pick.  Lots of people asking for a trip the hell out of here.  That one I do understand

You guys already know I'm not really a time traveler.  I am a really good guesser, though.  Sometimes it can seem like the same thing.
________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
vudukungfu told of an adventure in a store with an anti-mask policy
no1curr figured out why a woman in a parking lot in Hawaii was so upset
wademh found an appropriate way to remember Farker Sid_6.7
MagSeven's cat had feelings about a woman's temper tantrum
OkieDookie checked on People of Walmart's competitor
Marcus Aurelius answered the question, "If band names were literal, what would be the scariest band to fight?"
The Googles Do Nothing cared more about the method than the message
Pocket Ninja listed sure signs that your partner is cheating on you
thatguyoverthere70 knew the truth about AstroJesus' friend who tried to ward off coronavirus with cannabis
Yoda's Pen Is revealed what one guy did before becoming a defense attorney

Smart:
wademh described what Sid_6.7 was like on Fark
Befuddled had a suggestion for trying to keep people from causing even more trouble during the pandemic
cretinbob had a theory on why some businesses have had problems with customers as soon as they reopened
stoli n coke had parting words for Jerry Stiller
Raymond Perjurytrap noticed something about a reporter covering a story about an HOA president blocking a delivery driver from leaving
wademh found an appropriate way to remember Farker Sid_6.7
hubiestubert thought about what it will be like for people to one day tell their grandchildren about the COVID-19 pandemic
Chariset could see why some people think that doctors are wrong about the severity of the novel coronavirus
vudukungfu told of an adventure in a store with an anti-mask policy
dark brew remarked that they would've gotten away with it if it hadn't been for that bumbling lawyer

CSB Sunday Morning: This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife
Smart:
wademh went through a series of awkward interviews for a job
Funny: DocBubba wasn't in Kansas anymore

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share true stories from their own lives based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please contact Farkback ahead of time, or just submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. If you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies. Please note: While submitted CSB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there is no guarantee they will be. 

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  

First, a sweet TotalFark Discussion story:
Badafuco's cat needs surgery, so TFD friends, including generalDisdain, suggested submitting a thread to ask for help so she can get it. TFD came together to help pay for Miss Maci's surgery. Fundraising was a success, thanks to awesome TotalFarkers who were able to help out by donating and/or getting the story out. Many TFDers, including meat0918 and mcsiegs, noted that TotalFark Discussion helping Badafuco and Miss Maci gave them hope in humanity when everyone's going through a difficult time. 

Smart: meg12279 gave advice on raising a daughter
Funny: My Daddy Ate My Eyes had been waiting for this thread
Funny: Ceteris Paribus says pointed out something about a homeless woman's boyfriend
Funny: The Pope of Manwich Village had a message for someone who would eat at a packed Chinese food buffet right now
Funny: MBK showed how one-way aisles can be safely enforced in supermarkets
Funny: Louisiana_Sitar_Club shared a scientific fact about Earth's moon

Politics Funny:
physt figured that maybe it's finally the right time
WoolyManwich recognized the real meaning behind some signs in front of a store
dionysusaur shared some famous words of wisdom
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat broke the news to Marcus Aurelius
Martian_Astronomer thought about how a fight between lockdown protesters might start

Politics Smart:
Marcus Aurelius brought up some of the things Barack Obama said in a leaked phone call that angered Mitch McConnell
hubiestubert made an observation about a store with a sign outside reading "no masks allowed"
Ambivalence argued that Sen. Richard Burr was the one who was being vindictive
physt figured that maybe it's finally the right time
eurotrader wanted to know more about Obama and Biden's alleged crimes


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
opalakea showed how much President Trump used to enjoy moshing
Mojongo caught someone photowreckingballing Chrissy Teigen
Excelsior found out who this model likes to hang out with
Alligator went with the cheapest option at Edible Arrangements
RedZoneTuba followed the rules exactly
RedZoneTuba discovered what happens when a nurse really dislikes a patient
hail2daking remembered the tragic tropical fruit disaster
Alligator caught Joe Biden failing to follow proper social distancing guidelines
opalakea showed McMurphy on the way to therapy
Yammering_Splat_Vector figured out why you give Polly crackers instead of cookies
hail2daking showed off dat peach
hammettman really ruined Fark's mascot's day

Captions:
From: Caption this dog and some french fries

RedZoneTuba decided the dog was trying to make sure there would be more fries for itself
hail2daking knew that there was something missing

Fartist Friday: Create your Team Farkistan uniform for the Farklympics
CordycepsInYourBrain showed us why Team Farkistan won't be invited to the actual Olympics

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake: Create a Fark-themed greeting card using anything you like - Photoshop, MSPaint, pen and paper, etc

About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 784: "Happy Farktography Anniversary 15" ended in a six-way tie between Elsinore's surly bird, gregscott's colorful hovering shuttlecock, MorningBreath's pensive primate, Lovesandwich's conifers enjoying a sunset and moon enjoying an eclipse, and Earguy's shiny ball


Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the Quiz this week, with a set of mostly socially distant results. jayfurr gets to be isolated in the 1000 club with 1031, followed by Evildog in second with 912 and needalife in third with 871. relaxitsjustme made fourth with 809, and sprgrss is less than six feet away in fifth with 807. 

The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over how NASCAR driver Denny Hamlin wound up finishing last at the  eNASCAR iRacing Pro Invitational Series GEICO 70 virtual race when he was having a great run up until the last lap. Only 36% of quiztakers knew that his daughter had wandered into the room with the living room TV remote, and when he shushed her away, she hit the power button - and the monitor he was using to race happened to also be a Samsung. I guess the lesson here is to show a little less brand loyalty when you're working from home.

The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was over what led to a Vallejo, California City Planning Commissioner's resignation after a Zoom meeting he participated in was made public. 90% of quiztakers knew that he thought it would be cute to introduce his pet cat to his coworkers, and then followed it up by tossing kitty aside like Carrot Top after a prop joke bombed. Not only were his coworkers about as amused as they would have been had it been Carrot Top making a prop joke, his constituents were angrier than if they had been forced to sit through an entire Carrot Top set.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over one of the Louisville traditions surrounding their yearly custom of putting mint leaves in their bourbon to watch horses run around in a circle for a day, because TV cameras are in town and it's classier than their normal drinking straight bourbon and watching cars run around in a circle. Only 44% of quiztakers knew that ordering a "Hot Brown" in Kentucky would get you a turkey and bacon sandwich covered in cheese sauce and toasted and served on a fancy plate. While most of the finer restaurants in Louisville serve some form of the "Hot Brown," the original dates back to the Brown Hotel in 1926, and was based on traditional Welsh rarebit (a similar dish made with rabbit meat, which apparently the Brown Hotel was out of that day). 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the French "Fromagissons" campaign and its aim to encourage support of local industry. 86% of quiztakers knew that the French government is essentially a Monty Python sketch at this point and is reminding folks that the cheesemakers are indeed blessed and should be patronized. While Arthur Fromage may have been the Sausage King of Chicago, his ancestor was likely a blessed one, as "fromage" is the French word for cheese.

Congratulations once again to the winners, and if you missed it, you can catch up here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Know of any good murder hornet recipes?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2020-05-13 3:14:19 PM (61 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________ 

We're about halfway through May now and industry-wide ad revenues are still at 50% of what they were.  Thanks to folks stepping up and buying TotalFark, BareFark and Farks2Give subscriptions and the new OhFark badge, we've got a couple months of breathing room - thanks so much to everyone who pulled the trigger.  If you haven't done so yourself and you have the means to, now would be an excellent time to jump in. Also, special thanks to LazyAtWork for making the supreme sacrifice of eBaying his Guinness bar towel, to the hoopy frood Farker who bought it, and for the TotalFark subscriptions that were purchased as a result.  Thank you!

On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast, we brought Brooke Binkowski from Truth or Fiction back to do a deep dive into both the Plandemic conspiracy theory and Jacob Wohl, who must have some sort of humiliation fetish as far as we can tell.  

Also, today through Friday, Dallan and I will be livestreaming daily at my Twitch channel.  We're also hosting a movie night on Friday -- still haven't nailed down which movie, but we should have it by Thursday.  Keep an eye on Fark for start times, it moves around due to our respective schedules, but the good news is if you miss it, the videos are saved on my Twitch channel so you can catch up later. We're doing tonight's livestream at 7 Eastern time.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Top Comments

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
scottydoesntknow expressed sorrow over Roy Horn's death
Znuh shared what it was like to have COVID-19, and gave advice (the funny part is at the end)
make me some tea showed the possible cause of Jim Bakker's stroke
felching pen appreciated a news outlet's work on Elaine Paige
elvisaintdead is keeping notes after Znuh's COVID-19 story
koder showed someone who wasn't at all disturbed by a video of a praying mantis eating a murder hornet
Byno had a message for a woman who was upset about being stuck on a plane packed with people
VanillaEnvelope made a strong argument in favor of government social media accounts making immature jokes
Biscuit Tin was a bit off in guessing what an ad was going to be promoting
qorkfiend was both surprised and unsurprised by another Farker's comment about winter weather

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
mjjt shared a transcript of a reporter interviewing a local about the many uses of murder hornets and their nests

Smart:
Znuh shared what it was like to have COVID-19, and gave advice on what to do if you end up having to go through it
thrillbilly1967 shared the pain of losing a child, and could imagine how it would hurt to not be able to have a funeral
Redh8t had a tip for anyone who's making their own wine
Znuh gave a health status update and offered to be of assistance
Ker_Thwap had advice for people in areas where restrictions are being eased
AirForceVet was reminded of the lesson everyone needs to learn about COVID-19
YakBoy42 discussed Sikh doctors deciding to shave their beards so they could properly wear N95 masks and help fight COVID-19
DoBeDoBeLurk shared a story about a likely COVID-19 infection
dark brew explained what happened with the two district attorneys who recused themselves from handling the case against the men who killed Ahmaud Arbery

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: namegoeshere shared the very sweet story of a cat named Bob
Funny: CommieTaoist comforted a Farker whose tomato plants were ruined by a hail storm
Smart: meg12279 advised a Farker who feels let down when friends don't reciprocate caring gestures
Funny: flucto helped by offering a snack
Smart: FunkJunkie's answer to a hypothetical question was based on a limited definition of time travel
Smart: FunkJunkie knew what would happen if a bunch of Farkers were marooned together somewhere

Politics Funny:
nealb2 had a question about Donald Trump's command to "TRANSITION TO GREATNESS!"
markie_farkie applied something learned from President Trump to an everyday situation
Marcus Aurelius explained why Chile's COVID-19 death rate is so much lower than Sweden's
OdradekRex thought about the sorts of tasks Trump's valets must handle for him
Bootleg helped Trump's campaign manager with comparing the Trump campaign to the Death Star

Politics Smart:
NeoCortex42 figured that one of Trump's fixations might come back to bite him in the butt
Jack Sabbath looked at how Trump is planning on having the U.S. "TRANSITION TO GREATNESS!"
jake_lex discussed people who believe in American exceptionalism
Rav Tokomi considered what the fact that people who work in the White House are starting to test positive for COVID-19 means
pkjun explained why some people fly both the Confederate and United States flags


Top Contest Entries

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
levitcleos did what absolutely needed to be done with the new Land O' Lakes design
Alligator found Harry reading about another Prince
Yammering_Splat_Vector took a trip to The Far Side
hail2daking showed someone doing a trick on a bike worth more than a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars
p51d007 found out how to make walking your dog even more fun
Alligator might've shed some light on the real reason two Cold War spies were always after Rocky and Bullwinkle
eyeoftheaxis decided to put a different woman on packages of Land O' Lakes butter
noazark showed us the worst way for your neighbor to take the dog out to do its business
Vortex Dweller went ahead and gilded the Sunflowers
noazark knew that this redesign is gonna make it after all

Fartist Friday: Create a blanket fort
Wynn built the majestic kingdom of Cuteyland

This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-brake:To prepare for the 2020 Summer Farklympics, create your Team Farkistan uniform using MSPaint or actual real-life clothes

About Fartist Friday:
Fartist Friday is a weekly contest to help keep you entertained by giving you a way to show off your artistic skills - or lack thereof - during this time of social distancing. The winners of the Fartist Friday contests will be named in the following Fark NotNewsletter, where we'll also announce the theme for the next contest. Fartist Friday contests will be submitted Thursdays and will show up on Fark's main page on Fridays, and will close to both comments and voting at the end of the day (midnight Eastern) on Sundays. All times are approximate because we're all drunk. We're asking each person to limit their entries to three per contest. We might change things up depending on feedback. Please contact Farkback to let us know what you think, and feel free to submit your own Fartist Friday ideas.

Farktography:
Morchella won Farktography Contest No. 783: "Fresh Photos" with a cutie pie in a different kind of mask

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, please contact Elsinore.


Beyond Fark

We're very sad to have learned of the recent loss of longtime Farker Sid_6.7. He was a Farker for nearly 18 years, and was especially active in Fark's politics discussion threads. Thank you to the family member who reached out to let us know. Our love and sympathy goes out to Sid_6.7's family and friends. Farkers can visit Sid_6.7's memorial thread and express condolences here.


Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)

Another fun time on the quiz last week, with the socially distanced 1000 club open (sort of) as long as everyone wears masks and we drink our beer from 6' straws. terrybear takes top honors with  1019, followed by VicKevlar in second with 1007 and Myk-House of El in third with 1006. Cock Robin takes fourth with 992, and sprgrss makes fifth with 992.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which actor has received the most Academy Award nominations for a male actor. Only 44% of quiztakers knew that it was the 83-year-old Jack Nicholson who held that distinction with 12 nominations. His first came for the 1969 film Easy Rider, and his last for 2003's About Schmidt. He has won three times, for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest,. Terms of Endearment, and As Good as it Gets. Dustin Hoffman has been nominated 7 times, and Gene Hackman 5 times.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over the recipe that IKEA released on one of their standard "instruction cards" that never tells you what to do with that last #5 screw. 96% of quiztakers knew that they could now make the stores Swedish Meatballs "at höme" even if they didn't have a hex key. No word on how many folks tries and still had them fall apart in the oven.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over where to get a chocolate covered vegan ice cream bar. Only 58% of quiztakers knew that Dairy Queen had relaunched their signature Dilly Bar in vegan form, made with coconut milk. TCBY has vegan options, but none in bar form. Pity that, everyone knows that things sell better onnastick, as CMOT Dibbler would say.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the new ESPN series "The Last Dance". 93% of quiztakers knew that the series was based on the career of Michael Jordan, which is somewhat confusing as he did have another dance with the Washington Wizards after his second retirement. The show is breaking records as Americans seem desperate for new sports programming, although South Korean baseball is also starting to pick up in popularity.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week!
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