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Fark NotNewsletter: When the U.S. sends its culture, they're not sending their best
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-11-20 11:31:40 AM, edited 2018-11-20 11:33:46 AM (33 comments) | Permalink

Well, it's Thanksgiving week in the U.S., and of course we have Black Friday, which apparently has spread to other countries because all our worst things end up infecting the rest of the world. It seems like stores are putting more of their sales online and trying to minimize stampedes, I guess because they're a biatch to clean up after. It's hard to believe that after people have literally died because of these Black Friday sales, the stores still advertise "doorbuster" deals, but nothing should be surprising anymore, right? Just, if you feel the need to do any Black Friday shopping, be sure to wear protection and get me something nice.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Yoda's Pen Is predicted one more appearance for Stan Lee
Weatherkiss had another reason for believing we'll see Stan Lee again
wkndfrk was worried about George Zimmerman
gaslight had fun teasing classmates
UncleDirtNap revealed which company stands to gain the most from the anti-vaxxer movement
Subtonic had some advice for asking out millennials
Warthog gave a good reason for not wanting to move to a less expensive country for retirement
BizarreMan commented on Stan Lee's condition
HawgWild said goodbye, Fark-style
AintNoAmoeba imagined a man's conversation about being sued by an ex

Smart:
HotWingConspiracy described how police killed a security guard who was doing his job
koder listed the next steps for police to do after a cop killed a security guard
Gordon Bennett explained "white privilege" for anyone who still doesn't get it
unyon had some questions about the changing standard tip in restaurants
Glockenspiel Hero knew a group that is sure to stand up for an armed security guard who was killed by a police officer
Weaver95 figured that a man's crimes were so bad that he's likely to do more when released from prison
Xanadone had a retort to Bill Maher's criticism of adult comic book fans
DarkSoulNoHope pointed out when people don't need concealed carry permits
Marcus Aurelius knew what all megachurch pastors really want
alechemist thought that certain people profit from the anti-vaxxer movement

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  brap doubted the veracity of a Fark submitter's story
Funny: a particular individual knew who submitted a thread about getting some satisfaction during an upcoming trip
Smart: flucto gave advice to a vegan who doesn't want a car from a company that uses leather
Smart: JerseyTim had a helpful reminder for people who steal jokes for Fark headlines

Politics Funny:
Hobodeluxe reassured us that Donald Trump is solving the wild fire problem in California
impaler showed Snekretary's reaction to some bad news
plecos predicted a very mature name for a new right wing social media platform
FlashHarry showed a reaction to news that one of the men behind the "Swift Boat" ads attacking John Kerry will be charged in the Russia investigation
NeoCortex42 explained why Trump couldn't make it to the American Cemetery in Paris

Politics Smart:
FormlessOne answered the question of whether or not Mike Pence is loyal to Trump
FormlessOne argued in favor of the methods left-wing protesters have taken lately
Dusk-You-n-Me summed up the argument that left-wing protesters are as bad as the other side
Mantour showed someone who would feel sorry for Trump having to stand in a little rain while thanking veterans
BizarreMan gave one reason for preferring Beto O'Rourke over Bernie Sanders

CSB Sunday Morning:  Teachers
Smart:
FrancoFile's professor exceeded expectations
Funny (less storyish): Norquist Vagprobe made a teacher feel old
Funny (more storyish): Recoil Therapy got advice from the chemistry teachers when building a still

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
DrSandyBeech found that Thomas the Tank Engine took a very wrong turn
hail2daking showed that Ralphie is always there to help anyone who is changing a tire
gaslight discovered that Thomas the Tank Engine enjoys providing a public service
sl4psh0t revealed Queen Elizabeth's appearance in a classic music video
Yammering_Splat_Vector put an elderly woman back to work
crispy pizza showed us that Thomas has a smile that can't be trusted
Don_cos found a very stylish Dalek
hail2daking gave two best friends a perfect place to nap
RedZoneTuba exposed the Fark mascot's life of crime
Alligator found out that the queen had a side job

Farktography:
CiliarySpasm won Farktography Contest No. 706: "Profiles" with this fancy fin

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had some fun with the weather and the early snows seen in some parts of the country last week. DrunkenGator managed our only 11/11 on the quiz and sits alone in the 1000 club, drink in scaly claw. Evandar made second with 936, followed by FrancoFile in third with 924, and PeddlerOfBombast in fourth with 920. kuzo rounds out the top five with 916.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over where you could pick up some KKK robes and Nazi memorabilia at the National Gun Day Expo. Although the sale or giveaway of items bearing the Confederate Battle Flag was strictly prohibited, event organizers never thought it would be necessary to explicitly ban Nazi crap, because come on. Only 27% of quiztakers knew that it was Kentucky where vendors were openly offering these things. Although, for the record, the vendor with the swastika Christmas ornaments (?!?!) was actually from Florida (of course).

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what Fat Sal's Deli in Los Angeles was "dressed as" for Halloween. 74% of quiztakers knew that the fictional restaurant of "McDowell's" featured heavily in the plot to the Eddie Murphy comedy "Coming to America". Interesting note: Madge Sinclair, who played Queen Aoleon, later played Geordi LaForge's mom on an episode of "ST:TNG", and then teamed back up with James Earl Jones to act as a royal couple once again - this time as the parents of Simba in "The Lion King".

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which state did not observe Daylight Savings Time in the entirety of its borders. Only 35% of quiztakers knew that the area of Arizona owned by the Navajo Nation did indeed observe DST in order to keep it in sync with the Navajo Nation parts of Utah and New Mexico which also observe the time change. Therefore, the correct answer was Hawaii. I mean, it's not like they really need to save any daylight anyhow, since they're solidly within the tropics. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which online social network got the boot from both payment processors and their hosting provider after horrific anti-Semitic and anti-immigrant messages posted by the Tree of Life shooter surfaced. 84% of quiztakers knew that it was Gab who was given the boot by just about every company it did business with. When you offer "freedom of speech", you tend to get the people who want to read and write stuff no one else wants to read, and that becomes your user base. There's a good reason most social networks don't tolerate that kind of thing.

Congratulations to the winners, and this week's quiz should be up very soon. I'll post in the comments when it's ready.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Drew wants to marry you 💍
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-11-13 11:08:49 AM (71 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

A couple of friends of mine are getting married in December and asked me to officiate their marriage.  Since they met on Fark, I did a quick search to see if there was an online church that best fit the Internet.  Tl;dr I am now an ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

There have been thousands of Fark weddings over the past nearly 20 years, but this will be the first one I've personally officiated.  And hopefully not the last! I'm mentioning all this because if anyone's interested, and assuming my schedule lines up, I'd be happy to officiate other Fark weddings in the future.  Ramen.

Also if you've been wondering what to get me for Christmas, look no further than a TotalFark subscription.  We need a quick bump to finalize end of year finances, so if you have been thinking about signing up, now's a great time.  If you already have TotalFark or BareFark and still want to help, you can buy it for me an unlimited number of times. I'll even drop you an email to say thanks if you like!  

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Farking Tip (brought to you by Winterlight)

So if you're one of the cool kids who can't stay away from Fark even on the weekends, you're probably aware we have a lot of cool weekly discussion threads. And not just football (both American and the OG overseas version) and CSB, we also have a pair of threads for the book and music lovers: the Saturday Morning Book Club and the Sunday Morning Music Club. 


Each week we pick a topic and then spend hours talking about...well, books and music. I know, we've spent the past fifty years of intense technological progress and innovation to bring together an interconnected online community to do what our grandparents used to do over tea and hands of pinochle. But hey, who are we to stand in the way of progress?


"I have a great idea for a topic! How can I share my brilliance with the world?" Funny you should ask. It's really quite simple: submit your topic early on Saturday and/or Sunday morning or you can email Winterlight at ultrafark.com with your idea. The threads go live at 10am ET and are usually greenlit for TotalFark members around 7am for those who can't wait to start talking about books and music. 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Close2TheEdge thought that "South Park Susan" looked kind of familiar
Noticeably F.A.T. had the perfect response if someone blackmails you with a video of you fapping
doglover wrote a review of a flight where a flight attendant breastfed a baby whose mother ran out of formula
bearded clamorer came up with a great slogan for a restaurant with grass-covered tables
Diogenes explained why Mom is okay with not having grandchildren
farkingismybusiness commented on a man's death after being paralyzed because he ate a slug
Scanty Em had a solution for people who want or don't want babies
dodecahedron wasn't about to just let someone get away with a typo in a Fark thread
ralanprod claimed to be banned from a store
Marcus Aurelius found a problem with advising Arizonans on what to do about a scarcity of water
Relatively Obscure noticed something about unwelcome comments that men have made to a mermaid

Smart:
Cagey B did not approve of destroying food that was meant to feed homeless people
ArcadianRefugee thought that the government was only getting in the way instead of helping
I can't believe I have to put anything from this mermaid debate in the smart column, but here's fusillade762's opinion on fish on the top versus fish on the bottom mermaids
gaspode questioned the motivation behind laws regarding feeding homeless people
NeedlesslyCanadian knew the real reason why companies aren't having holiday parties anymore
GameSprocket discussed the context in which Viggo Mortensen said the N-word
AdmirableSnackbar saw a flaw in companies claiming that they don't have holiday parties because of sexual harassment liability
Drakuun had comforting words for a "ex-gay" therapist who was caught using gay dating apps for hookups
koder had a plan for doling out water in Arizona
Rent Party thought that perhaps health inspectors could choose a different path

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  no1curr had some alarming news for a Farker who was in the hospital
Smart: thatguyoverthere70 had some advice for a parent whose child is "going goth"
Funny:  flucto totally didn't lie about a first kiss
Smart: gottagopee described some bullpoop that women have to deal with
Smart: meg12279 was surprised by a speaker from the American Legion

Politics Funny:
Tanqueray received commentary from a Fark server while trying to read about Jeff Sessions' firing
impaler showed Snekretary handling the fallout from Jim Acosta's White House press pass being confiscated
I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise explained why Fox News stopped tweeting
mrshowrules noticed a sinister someone joining a meeting with Mitch McConnell and Rupert Murdoch
enry knew why Donald Trump couldn't brave the rain to visit Aisne-Marne American Cemetery

Politics Smart:
thatguyoverthere70 reacted to Trump professing his love of barbed wire
bloobeary reacted to Lindsey Graham changing his mind about what would happen if Trump fired Sessions
gunga galunga shared why it's okay to "Godwin" a conversation about Trump
Gubbo saw evidence that Twitter could clean up some problems if they wanted to
JohnnyApocalypse examined an argument that it's fine to not bother voting

CSB Sunday Morning:  Memorable birthdays
Smart:
wingedkat threw Dad a huge surprise party
Funny: GRCooper's parents sound like Farkers

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (if you're posting an intro, you'll want to write it out first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking needed surgeons with very steady hands
RedZoneTuba was about to perform an extraction
RedZoneTuba showed an unusual variety of Afghan Hound
RedZoneTuba revealed why messages from aliens haven't been getting through to us
alicechaos found a comfy place for a polar bear to rest
Yammering_Splat_Vector made a cloud adorable
Don_cos showed us who's to blame for the lack of alien visitors
Tom G revealed why they called her "Aunt Bee"
RedZoneTuba assembled a tremendously classy jury
Mojongo discovered what Melania Trump's project is really about
Yammering_Splat_Vector prepared for a very frightening procedure

Farktography:
Warthog won Farktography Contest No. 705: "Travel Photography 2" with a view from above Northeastern Afghanistan

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Go get your dogs, your cats, your hedgehogs and your bunnies 🐕🐈🦔🐇🐔
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-11-06 11:49:55 AM (129 comments) | Permalink

Well, there's nothing going on this week. It's going to be really quiet. Absolutely no news or anything. Basically we should post pictures of cute animals all week because that's all that's going on. Nothing to debate, just animals being cute and funny and sometimes being jerks because that's funny, too.

XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
CruiserTwelve figured out why a white woman harassed two black women who were waiting for AAA
optikeye found the most shocking part of the "South Park Susan" story
Petit_Merdeux knew why incels are so angry
poorjon participated in the Halloween scary story thread to tell the tale of a haunting car accident
duppy thought that South Park Susan looked familiar
Dimensio explained the main benefit of having a lifetime pass to Ark Encounter
Snarfangel put out a call for the next racist white woman story
steklo showed that someone finally found the right woman
RaceDTruck gave partial credit
hugram predicted where this trend of white people calling police on black people doing normal things is going

Smart:
Xcott saw a big part of the problem with incels
sozelle noticed another sign that the man who opened fire in a yoga studio was messed up
Petit_Merdeux knew why incels are so angry
RaceDTruck gave partial credit
pxlboy pointed out yet another mistake incels are making
Danger Avoid Death shared an interpretation of "religious liberty"
meg12279 told us about a late father-in-law who likes to visit in the Halloween scary story thread
steklo doesn't approve of a stepdaughter's driving
Biscuit Tin could have done without hearing about some blogger's bloody experiment
mgshamster noticed how articles describe the relationship between city and rural people

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: Mrs.Sharpier produced evidence that "the mething hour" is a real thing
Funny: thatguyoverthere70 wanted more information about why another Farker was dropped by a client
Funny: Eli WhiskeyDik had problems with a squirrel feeder
Funny: harleyquinnical explained what it takes to murder a ghost

Politics Funny:
AdmirableSnackbar reacted to news that Mike Pence had a "Christian Rabbi" speak at a campaign event
elvisaintdead objected to Canadian laws limiting free speech
Mike_LowELL noticed that the news media didn't report on when a heckler owned Barack Obama
Karac noticed something amusing about a site meant to compete with Twitter
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That despacted the fite (a link to fite despacting is provided by Markoff_Cheney in the next comment)

Bonus FarkStaff Pick:    
EvilEgg responded to Democrats feeling "confident" about taking control of the House

Politics Smart:
bobug pointed out completely different ways of responding to sexual assault allegations
Dubwise considered Donald Trump's suggestion that the military should shoot migrants who throw rocks
odinsposse explained the difference between obfuscation and a suggestion
Gubbo argued for shutting down sites that are widely used for hate speech
GooberMcFly agreed to a Fox News host's plea for empathy for fellow Americans

CSB Sunday Morning:  School field trips
Smart:
chicken_little learned something about a friend at sixth grade camp
Funny: McFifenstein was extremely helpful while making a video with the fire department

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector has a perfect autobiography cover
Circusdog320 wrote a very honest memoir
Wrongo showed that some people live up to their names
Yammering_Splat_Vector found out what Abraham Lincoln is up to these days
hail2daking saw Johnny Cash hanging out in the strangest place
RedZoneTuba made a Sasquatch-themed coffee shop look more realistic
RedZoneTuba gave us a look at the 'shopper behind the 'shops
Tom G replaced a microchip
hail2daking confused sound waves with microwaves
hail2daking was very honest about extracurricular activities

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 704: "Halloween 9" ended in a tie between Elsinore's spooky red house and SoCalChrissexy redhead

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: It was a Fark and stormy night
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-10-30 3:56:57 PM, edited 2018-10-31 9:03:20 AM (31 comments) | Permalink

Have you ever tried bobbing for apples? I can only think of one party that I've been to where that was going on, and it involved a huge tub full of floating apples and water that was filthy with scum from Halloween makeup, wig fibers, and the saliva of all the participants -- and the big prize was that if you won, you got to eat an apple that you caught with your face. For some reason, I didn't find this all that appealing. Another year, I went to a party where they hung doughnuts from strings, and participants had to try to eat those without using their hands. Now THAT was a much better deal. Hell, I'd try that any day of the year. String up the doughnuts, I'm going in.

In news that's more string-doughnut than scummy apple water, we have some fun Fark Halloween threads up. So go, enjoy, and whatever you do, don't waste time working while nobody's watching. 

Fark Halloween threads (all times Eastern):
Sunday Morning Music Club Halloween songs thread
Halloween candies from your childhood that don't exist anymore
Fark's Annual Jack-O-Lantern Photoshop Contest
Show us your Halloween costumes and decorations
Farktography Contest No. 704: "Halloween 9" (not accessible to non-TotalFarkers until 12:01 a.m. on Thursday)
Fark's Annual Spooky Story Thread

And here are all the previous spooky story threads from each year since it started: 
2004    2005    2006    2007    2008    2009    2010   2011    2012    2013    2014    2015    2016   2017


XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Man On A Mission saw a lot of potential in a Fark thread
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That shared some facts about average penis length
8 inches was way too mature for this conversation
theDesertHamster reacted to news that a bomb was sent to Robert De Niro
Krieghund took sides in a bar fight between cops and bikers
Mad_Radhu found perhaps the strongest argument against contextual advertising
North_Central_Positronics crunched the numbers on a woman's blog post about taking her kid to Disney World
xanadian knew that a fad in China of pretending to fall with luxury goods strewn around you is not new
668NeighborOfTheBeast wasn't impressed by a story about nipple piercings
Benevolent Misanthrope has a visceral reaction to a woman's passion for shiplap

Smart:
Sid_6.7 noticed that a woman complaining about millennials didn't know what she was talking about
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha figured that the bad math went both ways
North_Central_Positronics crunched the numbers on a woman's blog post about taking her kid to Disney World
AnotherBluesStringer addressed The controversy over Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Pfighting Polish listed the various reactions to headlines inspired by the original "Pricipal . Caught sayof" headline (here's the original, TotalFark-only "Pricipal . Caught sayof" thread)
Snarfangel thought that there was a missed opportunity to make a trial more entertaining
dkulprit gave background information on cops "accidentally" destroying evidence on a hard drive
Big_Doofus could see why a mommy blogger complained that childless adults are ruining Disney World
OgreMagi proposed an agreement between adults and kids
dv-ous had a theory on how law enforcement agencies handle the dark web

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Smart: flucto gave advice to someone who caught the person buying their house skulking around when nobody was home
Smart: RexTalionis thought that the church has come full circle
Funny: rcf1105 knew the perfect place to take Jesus for dinner
Funny: rcf1105 had a question about being telepathic during sex
Funny: flucto's first girlfriend was really dirty
Funny: sarahthustra ruined a movie title by changing one letter

Politics Funny:
Karac listed the only three genders that will be recognized under the Trump administration
maddan had high hopes for the militia groups planning on stopping the migrant caravan at the border
Karac expressed admiration for Caitlyn Jenner
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat knew why Donald Trump told the migrant caravan to "turnaround"
mrshowrules pointed out that the militia groups planning on stopping the caravan were getting ahead of themselves

Politics Smart:
Weaver95 thought that Americans are expected to ignore reality
Boo_Guy explained that Trump didn't say that it's okay for you to grab women by the private parts
nekom explained the difference between the MAGAbomber and the Unabomber (sadly, not a riddle)
scottydoesntknow had one problem with Caitlyn Jenner's change of heart about Trump
bloobeary felt that Jeff Flake's thoughts on the mail bombs were consistent with decisions he's made

CSB Sunday Morning:  Things you believed when you were a kid
Smart:
Phineas J. Whoopee was almost right about how people get jobs
Funny: Zevon's Evil Twin was worried after a horse on the family farm had to be euthanized

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector made some coffee that's as happy to see you as you are to see it
Herb Utsmelz created the ultimate condom designed "for her pleasure"
Alligator proved that a little cloud doesn't have to ruin a nice day at the beach
RedZoneTuba's superhero saves the day with style
Wrongo found out that the president has replaced his press secretary
hail2daking showed someone who's clearly had a lot of pic-a-nics lately
Yammering_Splat_Vector made the beach a lot brighter
RedZoneTuba found out what Mitch McConnell does when Congress is in recess
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed a woman who is cracking up
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave a traveler some bad luck

Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 703: "Shoot the Photographer" with a stunning photo from the Holocaust memorial in Berlin

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We weren't able to come up with anything worse than the "Baby Shark" song, but I'd say it's bad enough. So bad, in fact, that I think it caused the quiz to suffer. We had only one person break 900. TwoHead took first with 930, followed by Denjiro with 827 and foo monkey with 818. FrancoFile took fourth with 758, and cyberspacedout finishes out the top five with 755.

The hardest question that tripped the most people up on the Hard Quiz was over what word the Academy of Country Music was eliminating from their newly-renamed categories of the Country Music Awards. Only 21% of quiztakers knew that the Academy was replacing the word "Vocalist" with "Artist." I'm guessing this might have something to do with Autotune, or maybe Prince has some posthumous stuff they've unearthed and are adding a steel guitar and fiddle.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what business U.S. Senate Candidate David Hof was famous for owning. 80% of quiztakers knew he had died the night of his 72nd birthday party after partying with Heidi Fleiss, Joe Arpaio, and Grover Norquist, and was discovered by his friend Ron Jeremy at one of his other brothels - although he was most famous for owning the Bunny Ranch.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over the U.S.'s latest diplomatic screwup with Australia, following the arrest of the head of the U.S. Marine contingent there for drunk driving earlier this month. Only 26% of quiztakers knew that the embassy in Canberra had sent out invitations to a "cat pajama-jam," and not a kangaroo barbecue. While many Australians feel a certain cultural reluctance to partake of kangaroo meat, it is completely legal and openly served there and wouldn't have been as big of a "WTF" to Australian diplomatic staff as the expectation to show up in your jammies and party with cats. Australia actually exports kangaroo meat to more than 50 countries - one being the U.S., except for California where they think Skippy is too cute to eat. (Yes, that was the correct answer to the "mystery meat" question on the hard quiz as well). 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over which professional sports team was owned by the late co-founder of Microsoft, Paul Allen. 88% of quiztakers knew that he owned the Seahawks of his hometown Seattle, Washington. As exclusive of a club as the NFL ownership is, it's really amazing when you get to purchase your hometown team that you grew up watching. I'm guessing he wasn't involved in the Marshawn Lynch trade. That probably came about via the same person who greenlit Windows Vista.

If you missed the quiz, or just want to see the Baby Shark Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo video, you can catch up here. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks to all our submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  

We love Headlines of the Week because we get to highlight the best of the creative, sideways thinking, insightful, and damn funny headlines we enjoy every day.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your friends as you sit on the driveway and drink beer or hot cider while the kids trick-or-treat - and say, "thisis Fark." 

Below are some of our favorites; check out all the Headlines of the Week for Sun 2018-10-07 to Sat 2018-10-13 here, and all of the Headlines of the Week for Sun 2018-10-14 to Sat 2018-10-20 here!

Headlines of the Week for Sun 2018-10-07 to Sat 2018-10-13:

Main:
No injuries reported after explosion at Wisconsin ethanol plant. Officials suspect alcohol was involved

Sports:
Indians, Braves and Redskins all lose on Columbus Day. Really, what did you expect?

Geek:
Neuroscientists create most detailed map ever of hippocampus, and are astonished at the number of dining halls

Entertainment:
*knock knock knock* Harley. *knock knock knock* Harley. *knock knock knock* Harley

Politics:
Conservative commentator Max Boot calls for America to give the Republican party the.. uh.. thing that goes on your foot. Has a heel. And straps. Can't think of the word

Business:
Best Buy: "Welcome to our lawn"

Discussion:
Isaac Asimov's First Law of Robotics: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. But what if the robot is a BDSM sex robot? What then, smart guy?

D'awww:
FTA: "We don't know anybody who knows a llama personally and definitely no one who gave us blank pictures of a llama as a wedding invitation." Damn llamas, man. They're always at the center of mail-theft rings

Food:
If you have ever been a chef at Medieval times this may be your dream job

Headlines of the Week for Sun 2018-10-14 to Sat 2018-10-20

Main:
For sale: voter registration records for thirty-five million Americans. Includes full name, phone numbers, physical addresses, voting history, and affiliation. For amusement purposes only. $42,200

Coffee rust threatens Latin American crop. 150 years ago, it wiped out an empire, presumably due to fatigue and caffeine withdrawal

Sports:
Save Ferris? Duke sucks

Geek:
♪ Oh, what a feeling. When we're sleeping on the ceiling ♪

Entertainment:
Sunny day, Big Bird is sweeping his Sesame Street clouds away, can you tell him how to get, how to get to Retirement Street

Politics:
The Artful Dealmaker is now also The Contrarian Grammarian

Business:
Oh, those crazy backwards Canadians, with their extra Us, fancy Zeds and interrogative headlines where the answer turns out to be "Yes"

Discussion:
Subby forgot what he packed for lunch today and took a big bite of what his brain thought was going to be a peanut butter sandwich. It was tuna fish. What the hell do you call the brain blue screen that happens at times like that?

D'awww:
H ... a ... p ... p ... y ... I ... n ... t ... e ... r ... n ... a ... t ... i ... o ... n ... a ... l ... S ... l ... o ... t ... h ... D ... a ... y

Food:
Ontario pot store mislabels genital cannabis spray as an oral product. "Honest mistake. What? Why are you laughing?"

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Beware the Halloween Police 🎃👮
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-10-23 11:47:12 AM (52 comments) | Permalink

Have you noticed that kids don't seem to trick-or-treat as much as they used to? A lot of it has to do with their parents being afraid someone will give their children treats full of razor blades, needles, drugs (like anyone wants to waste good drugs like that), poison, and Necco Wafers. Then, of course, there's good old-fashioned stranger danger. So instead of going door to door, parents are taking their kids to trick-or-treat events at businesses, churches, schools, and, I don't know, truck stops maybe? It also doesn't help that a handful of cities have decided to go as assholes for Halloween and impose age limits on trick-or-treating, complete with the threat of jail time for those who try to enjoy the wholesome fun of trick-or-treating when they're past the cutoff. Personally, I like seeing kids trick-or-treating up into high school age. Let them enjoy this last bit of childhood instead of sitting around playing video games or getting drunk and doing drugs like we all do did.

XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
Devolving_Spud knew the biggest worry of Flat Earthers
Mike_LowELL showed us the challenge a man faced when trying to enter his apartment building
physt had one concern when hearing that Yuimetal has left the Japanese band Babymetal
Mr.Hawk noticed some unfortunate ad placement
MattytheMouse predicted another problem after Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died of cancer
brap had one thing to say about hooking up with an ex
MattytheMouse found something better to do than become a Flat Earther
Parthenogenetic continued the journey that Mike_LowELL started
BunkyBrewman wondered if another Farker is actually Roger Waters
dv-ous helped define the phrase "vast expanse"

Smart:
whidbey thought that where pot was bought and where that bought pot was brought and how the guy got caught was not important
PainInTheASP interpreted what a couple's "year off from marriage" really meant
BizarreMan had a legal strategy for a man who was convicted of drug trafficking
akula might have figured out the real problem that broke up a marriage
Super Chronic saw a point at which "Apartment Patty's" explanation seemed to fall apart
nekom thought of a good reason to believe the moon landing was real, if you need it
raerae1980 seen evidence of the moon landing firsthand
whither_apophis explained one of the problems that has been affecting Sears and Kmart
Farkomatic criticized the choices a woman made in regards to her marriage
FortyHams pointed out the main problem people have with Natural Light offering a 77-pack

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: merrillvillain found a good reason to report another Farker's comments to moderators
Funny: reagabeast had an idea for removing a stuck DivaCup
Smart: I Said summed up how a lot of people feel about gender reveal parties
Funny: Shostie suggested a tried-and-true method for removing a DivaCup
Funny: Ceteris Paribus says knew all about another Farker's high school experience

Politics Funny:
Conservative Humor chose to believe the positive spin
Wellon Dowd wanted another Farker to be more sensitive when accusing Donald Trump of not paying a debt
Vlad_the_Inaner knew how to solve any issues between Trump and Prince Mohammed bin Salman
spooky.action figured out what's happening in a painting of Democratic former presidents
OptionC figured out what happened to Jamal Khashoggi

Politics Smart:
NateAsbestos thought it's an awesome idea to argue over whether Elizabeth Warren has enough Native American blood
maddan explained that not all Trump supporters are crazy and/or racist
AdmirableSnackbar clarified what Warren claimed about her ancestry
hubiestubert had some confusion about Trump supporters being upset that SNL makes them look "either crazy or racist"
Catlenfell thought that Trump had a different reason for arguing that he didn't offer Warren $1 million

CSB Sunday Morning:  Putting your foot in your mouth
Smart:
acad1228 learned that it's best to not joke about some things
Funny: sarek_smile is really picky about blind dates

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking's Photoshop is brought to you by the letters "M" and "J"
retrophil showed us a statuesque bowler
RedZoneTuba showed Bert and Ernie relaxing with a good book
Alligator found that rescue workers dropped an elderly couple off in a strange place
hail2daking showed Grover making extra money through questionable methods
Wrongo rescued a couple of well-known hecklers
Herb Utsmelz revealed Sesame Street's dark side
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a new "Sesame Street" cast member
Circusdog320 delivered a couple of evacuees to a secure facility
AllerJeez replaced the heads on some terrifying attackers

Captions:
PainInTheASP let us know what a peeking moose has to say
Wadded Beef revealed why a moose was making such a funny face
bearded clamorer found a squirrel that does celebrity impersonations
RedZoneTuba showed us a bear in denial
Resident Muslim found a very embarrassed athlete

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 702: "Toys in the Attic" ended in a tie between a creepy... bear... monkey.. man? from gymratz and a classic Wienermobile from Katwang

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Although on the whole a higher percentage of people got each individual question correct, the top scores were a bit lower than normal this go-round. Denjiro came out on top with a score of 908, followed by notyoucoach in second with 904 and foo monkey right behind with 902. Cyril Sneer takes fourth with 878, and HungryMonkey makes the top 5 with 874. 

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which Asian country had ordered its ISPs to block all porn sites, blaming increased availability of porn for a recent upticks of sexual assault cases. Only 22% of quiztakers knew that with the new extensions of wifi to base camps, you can upload your selfie from atop Mount Everest but don't try to access PornHub, since Nepal has blocked it out. I'm not sure if the authorities have heard of the Streisand Effect, but I really hope me saying that doesn't self-satisfy Rule 34.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what piece of technology provided key evidence that a 90-year-old man had lied to investigators about his stepdaughter's apparent suicide, resulting in him being arrested for her murder. 89% of quiztakers knew that her Fitbit showed the time at which her heartbeat had slowed and stopped, and, together with video evidence of the times he had came and went, put him at the scene of the crime at that time. Obviously he hadn't Googled "how to commit the perfect murder" or he would have known from Chapter 38 to check for heart rate devices. At least, that's what I heard.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which kids' breakfast cereal was going retro by returning to their '90s-era shapes. Only 21% of quiztakers knew that it was Trix that would be returning to fruit shapes instead of the little imperfect spheroids from the '80s and what's being used currently. Although Lucky Charms added a unicorn this year, this is a completely new marshmallow unrelated to any used in the '90s. I still want the sparkling rainbows back.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was about which series on Netflix was going to feature a "Choose your own adventure" style of interactive episode. 80% of people knew that the British sci-fi anthology Black Mirror would be featuring such an episode in the upcoming season, now currently in production. No word on if it involves a pig.

If you missed the quiz, you can catch up on it here.

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing it all over again this week.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Shirting all over the place
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-10-16 1:21:15 PM (62 comments) | Permalink

Last week, we offered you a chance to get your sweaty hands on a vintage Fark t-shirt. You were asked to answer an overly-complicated question in exchange for this great honor, and the winning replies were Big Beef Burrito's well thought-out, hairy selection, The Third Man's appreciation for a malfunctioning deathtrap, and Hyperbolic Hyperbole's "I actually understood the question" response. Thanks to everyone who participated and voted. Winners, please email Drew to see what he has in your size.

XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
433 pointed out that Elon Musk is only making the water quality in Flint worse
DayBreakBoys defended a "Good Day L.A." host's surprise that members of a Canadian band speak English
SecretAgentWoman shared Halloween costume plans
NeoCortex42 was surprised at how many people died in a limousine crash
Pocket Ninja thought of a good way for people to stay safe when a hurricane hits
Myk-House of El wrote a song in honor of Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner getting high together
gopher321 recognized the setting for a mugshot of a guy who lost a leg trying to kill his lawnmower-riding son with a chainsaw
Zafler paid a compliment to a fellow Farker
Mugato had one question about the guy who ran over his chainsaw-wielding dad with a lawnmower
toraque lamented the death of a Medieval knight re-enactor who accidentally impaled himself with his lance

Smart:
doglover had some feelings about people with nut allergies using airline travel
darthaegis discussed the policing of women's attire
Miss5280 shared some insight about why religious schools might be better for kids
HawgWild gave a convincing argument in favor of grunge music
Pocket Ninja thought that the U.S. Navy definitely needs more money
Mike_LowELL reminded us about the most important thing to remember when people are affected by a hurricane
wax_on gave reasons to disbelieve that network executives regret firing Roseanne Barr
MattytheMouse thought that resurrecting "Roseanne" was a bad idea
hubiestubert defended Rose McGowan
Miss5280 was willing to pay a little more money for a convenient service

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: EggFool was concerned about another Farker's cough
Smart: MissFeasance tried to steal some kid's hoodie
Funny: generalDisdain has the tribute band you've been waiting for
Smart: Smock Pot answered the question, "Can you fark someone without liking them?"
Funny:
JerseyTim had a question for a Farker who didn't get any sleep

Politics Funny:
Pinnacle Point empathized with a Lyft driver who was being harassed by some passengers
hobnail thought that a Trump-loving mother was missing part of the story
UberDave explained why one Navy veteran doesn't have to fear "radical feminists with an axe to grind"
abhorrent1 recognized the unruly Lyft passengers
ralphjr found the Republicans who posed as communists to donate to a Democrat

Politics Smart:
HawgWild reacted to Donald Trump praising Robert E. Lee
bloobeary saw Trump's "rule of the mob" from a different point of view
hubiestubert replied to Colin Powell's concern about how the world is changing
edmo discussed who ends up being blamed for problems in the U.S.
snowjack responded to Melania Trump's claim that she's "the most bullied person in the world"

CSB Sunday Morning:  Sports mishaps
Smart:
 The Third Man nearly started a riot at a basketball game
Funny:  gordian brought the house down with some sweet volleyball moves

CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morning is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening (you'll want to write out your intro first so you can copy and paste it in for the Boobies), or email dugitman


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator found a familiar face making an appearance in a James Bond film
Yammering_Splat_Vector didn't let us down with this Easter egg from "2001: A Space Odyssey"
hail2daking found out why they call him the "Tin Man"
theDesertHamster set a high-tech cat trap
hail2daking revealed King Kong's hidden secret
RedZoneTuba got some mechanics to work on Fark's airplane
RedZoneTuba made a new spread to put on your toast
hail2daking got your new favorite band together
Yammering_Splat_Vector noticed some very bad flair
RedZoneTuba showed us why "Angel Eyes" was also sometimes known as "Bubbles"

Farktography:
Farktography Contest No. 701: "The Low Down" ended in a tie between FuLinHyu's cute little rodent friend and CiliarySpasm's view of a statehouse

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Sunday, October 21: Bay Area Pokemon Go October Community Day Fark gathering in San Francisco
Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had a fun time playing with the free pencils on the group W bench last quiz, and I think we came to the conclusion that no one likes to eat food that's looking at them. The average scores were way up, but only one Farker reigns supreme in the 1000 club this time around. bratface is on top with 1018, followed by A_fuente in second with 956 and leftofcool right behind in third with 953. FrancoFile takes fourth with 949, and Civchic finishes off the top 5 with 931.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over which Disney Princess was going to be re-animated following backlash to her appearance in the trailer for Wreck It Ralph 2. Only 43% of quiztakers knew that when you only have one black princess in your entire catalog, it's probably not a good idea to lighten her skin and hair and change her facial features. It's bad enough that Hollywood insists on changing Asian and Persian characters to white actors, but it's just dumb to "whitewash" a black character. Thankfully, they're fixing it.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what "mundane" task newly-minted royal Meghan Markle was caught doing for herself. 80% of quiztakers knew that she had been seen closing her own car door, which probably wasn't in the original Instructions for English Royalty from circa 300 C.E. However, I'm sure some Royal Protocol Expert somewhere has successfully argued that the passage on carriages was meant to denote all forms of wheeled conveyance, and therefore she has committed some serious breach of etiquette and must apologize to the Queen. 

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which company had moved the cheese above the meat in their latest cheeseburger emoji, 39% of quiztakers knew that Google had finally decided to let the cheese melt above the burger, while 61% of quiztakers don't really care, and they wouldn't mind an actual cheeseburger right about now, no matter which way the cheese is. 

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over the impending renaming of iconic breakfast chain Dunkin' Donuts. 91% of quiztakers knew that they were dropping the "Donuts" in the name, but not off the menu. 9% of quiztakers agreed with me that "Double D's" would be a pretty cool name, but that's why I write quizzes and not marketing for multi-million dollar companies. Also, they save on printing ink, so there's that. 

If you missed the quiz, you can find it here.

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing it again this week.


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Many thanks as always to all our amazing submitters, and huge thanks to all our TotalFark voters!  

Main and Geek were our favorite tabs this week - take some time and go back and look!

We're always impressed that submitters can make Politics funny and we've got quite a few great headlines this week.  That being said, the political news can get rough and there's a lot of room for competition in Politics if you're looking for a place to stretch your comedic wordplay and creativity!  

We love Headline of the Week because it lets us showcase the best of the site for the week:  the headlines that have that extra level of creativity, sideways thinking, and humor that we all love.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your parents, your kids, your friends, and your pets, and say *this* is Fark. 

Here are a few of our favorites!  Check out the rest of the Fark Headlines of the Week here!

Main:

Pizza driver calls 911 after seeing kidnapped woman mouth "Help me" in Waldo, Wisconsin. No word on how long rescue was delayed while the police tried to figure out where that was

Listen. Eight-year-old girls walking in ponds and finding swords is no basis for a system of archaeology

Sports:

Tom Wilson goes full Tom Wilson. Never go full Tom Wilson

Geek:

Spacesuits protect microbes destined for space. Really, really tiny spacesuits

Watching a friend get eaten could help animals learn to stay alive. Hmm, I'm not sure how that works exactly, but I do happen to have some extra friends. I guess I could do my part for animal education. Where do I sign up?

Entertainment:

Why do we still love the Predator? Well, let's just ask him ... wait, no, it just ripped that dude's spine out. Ok, how about we let him chill and just read this article instead?

Politics:

Brett Kavanaugh takes his case to the people... Who subscribe to the Wall Street Journal... Which is behind a paywall

As God as my witness, I never thought Turkey inflation could soar

Business:

Little Caesars Arena in Detroit will no longer use paper tickets. Download download

Discussion:

"I live in Colorado, and we USED to have a 420 mile marker on our N/S highway. Long story short, people kept stealing it, so now we have 419.99 instead"

D'awww:

Hey, free bear cubs

Food:

Enjoy a Harpoon Dunkin' Coffee Porter. Solves that age old problem when despair drives you to drink early but you can't nap until the afternoon. Pairs with a jelly donut

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Hey nerd, wanna win a prize? - Post your entry and vote for your favorites!
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-10-09 1:17:29 PM, edited 2018-10-09 1:34:55 PM (222 comments) | Permalink

We're trying something different this week. Well, different for the Fark NotNewsletter, anyway. In the comments thread for this NotNewsletter, please answer this question: If you could live in a world where we have all of the technology from any one movie or television show, which one would it be, and why? There are more rules, though:

1)  You can only choose one, so you can't, for example, have lightsabers from "Star Wars" and tricorders from "Star Trek"

2)  While you get the technology, you don't necessarily get other things from that universe. So you might have the Enterprise, but that doesn't mean you get Vulcans. You get whatever you get with that tech and this universe.

3)  You don't get anything supernatural from whichever show or movie you choose, unless that tech makes it possible. So you can't read someone's mind unless there's tech that allows it. You won't have the Force. You can't bust ghosts unless there turn out to actually be ghosts to bust - so that tech might end up being useless if there are no ghosts - but at least you'd know for sure.

4)  If you choose an anthology, including one where they might overlap a bit, you still have to choose just one episode. So if you're going for something like "Black Mirror,"  you have to specify which episode.

5)  Most importantly, if you are going to have spoilers in your comment - including followup comments, replies, and comments about old shows or movies - you must include a warning at the top of your comment saying, for example, "Warning: Battlestar Galactica (1978) spoilers."

And now for the prize: Drew has a bunch of leftover vintage Fark t-shirts stored in his attic from when the Farkstore t-shirt inventory got cleared out. He's not sure which ones are left and which sizes remain of what, but they're random things like the hero tag and UFIA. The "smartest" and "funniest" answers that follow all the rules will each win one shirt - a choice of whatever he can find in the winners' sizes. 

So share your answer in the comments, and get your voting fingers ready!

XOXO,
DisseminationMonkey


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
djfitz took the opportunity to make a great new "Welcome to Fark" image
akula channeled an inner Wooderson
Wolsey figured out who's going to have to pay for San Francisco's leaning Millennium Tower
phlegmmo was glad that The Sun was there to clarify something about a pleasure robot tester
bearded clamorer figured a grocery store could've done a better job apologizing to a pregnant woman for bad delivery service
NephilimNexus had one takeaway from a story about a guy banging a love robot until it broke
Oysterman addressed Kanye West's assertion that Abraham Lincoln might have been black
Madman drummers bummers summed up how a man's reckless driving caused his death
Great_Milenko proved that climate change is a hoax
Pocket Ninja explained why companies need to ask "oddball questions" during job interviews

Smart:
jst3p wanted to give some credit for a killer being found guilty
yanceylebeef thought there was a reason why a cop killer was taken in alive
Jack Sabbath explained empathizing with a parent who attacked a child who she claimed bullied her child
Gawdzila noticed two verdicts that one would not expect to go together
netizencain offered some career advice to certain police officers
Grillsergeant gave a chef's view of some parents' expectations when taking their kids to restaurants
edmo discussed some of the problems that white parents of black kids have to face when dealing with other people
Gaddiel felt cynical that a conviction would stick
Flappyhead had a plan for how to handle a lot of money in the lottery
At least part of this comment from neongoats was probably a joke, but Farker seemed to agree with it

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: meg12279 shared an adventure in co-parenting
Funny: KangTheMad found it necessary to report an offensive comment to moderators
Funny: meg12279 figured out how to stop dating a "SUPER religious" guy
Funny: Snaps demonstrated the fine art of getting your cat to give you a dirty look
Funny: Old Man Winter knew what gets another Farker off

Politics Funny:
eurotrader wondered why Sarah Palin was talking about 2022
Mike_LowELL was feeling flirtatious
Algebrat reacted to news that former Portland Trail Blazer Chris Dudley was involved in a bar fight with Brett Kavanaugh
Guybird gave a Kavanaugh-style warning
foo monkey had bad side effects to a medication

Politics Smart:
Ambivalence discussed an anonymous letter making sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh
NeoCortex42 considered how Donald Trump managed to walk to Air Force One with tissue stuck to his shoe
FormlessOne discussed the bigger issue behind Trump mocking Christine Blasey Ford
Monkeyfark Ridiculous considered Kavanaugh's demeanor during his testimony
FormlessOne saw a connection between Trump's taxes and the rush to confirm Kavanaugh


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector made some corrections to an old calendar
retrophil figured TV in Hell would be a familiar experience from many people's adolescent years
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed who has her own TV show in Hell
Driver found that you get a choice of television channels in Hell
hail2daking made better mascots for a golf tournament than just plain ol' penguins
Don_cos showed that some people stick with their passion even in the face of change
Herb Utsmelz knew who would really appreciate this fancy L
Herb Utsmelz had a familiar problem installing windows
Yammering_Splat_Vector caught a very rude bird doing something bad
theDesertHamster demonstrated how to properly and safely clean your ears

Caption:
Sensei Can You See helpfully translated some hand washing instructions

Farktography:
bobug won Farktography Contest No. 700: "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" with some very wet plants

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Sunday, October 21: Bay Area Pokemon Go October Community Day Fark gathering in San Francisco
Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks as always to our amazing submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!

We love Headline of the Week because it lets us highlight the headlines that make us think, twist our brain with a new perspective, and make us laugh.  The kinds of headlines you can share at parties or over coffee the next morning, and say "*this* is Fark".  

Here are a few of our favorites from this week, check out all the Fark Headlines of the Week!

Main:

They're puddin' Cosby away for 3 to 10

Hurricane Rosa upgraded to Category 4; may travel inland as far as Phoenix. That's in Arizona, though, so it'll be a dry hurricane

Sports:

Butt hurt

Geek:

How the Mobius strip eschered in a new branch of mathematics

Entertainment:

Wiseau serious?

Politics:

The FBI is investigating Lincoln's hat. Why not Ford's claims? Maybe it has something to do with her theater

Trump's NAFTA isn't NA, won't be F, and has a distinct lack of A

Business:

Aurora Cannabis is becoming the Berkshire Hathaway OF WEED, gives new, like, meaning to buffet, man

Discussion:

The "35 Most Frequently Banned Books" list is out. Also known as "Your kid won't read? Show them this list" list

D'awww:

Otterly aware

Food:

"How can I make my tiny kitchen work for me?" Just give it some thyme and you'll grow to love it

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Let's play Halloween article BINGO! 👻
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-10-02 12:39:52 PM (55 comments) | Permalink

October just started, and there are already articles coming out about people calling the police because they think some Halloween decorations might be real and that someone is in trouble or killed. We should probably have BINGO cards set up for the usual Halloween stories. Squares could include: thing that it's offensive to have a sexy costume of, actual dead person mistaken for Halloween decoration for a while, warnings to not accidentally hand out your marijuana edibles to trick-or-treaters, someone complains that neighbor's decorations are offensive or too scary, school releases list of prohibited costumes that includes thing that people are angry to see included, warnings that people are trying to kill your children with tainted treats, warnings that people are intentionally wasting good drugs by giving them to your children, mugshots of people arrested in costumes, idiots wearing blackface costumes, college students wearing offensive group costumes, inappropriate children's costume for sale, and frog


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
nekom shared part of a letter home from a Civil War soldier who had to fight dinosaurs
relaxitsjustme explained why police had to tase an 87-year-old woman who was cutting dandelions
Brawndo got a new tattoo
Marcus Aurelius has this one weird trick for saving money on Halloween candy
GooberMcFly lauded police officers for saving an elderly woman's life
Archie Goodwin censured a sex offender
invictus2 was confused by additional proof that dinosaurs were around during the U.S. Civil War
Gordon Bennett commented on what a sex offender has admitted to
Martian_Astronomer taught us what really happened during the Civil War
atlantic_lotion shared a sexual fantasy that breaks the law
drayno76 learned a couple of lessons during sex play

Smart:
edmo responded to a warning about public restroom baby changing tables
Xai found a few problems with police tasing an 87-year-old woman
raerae1980 doesn't approve of archaeologying wrong
Spectral-K shared a sad story about growing up with parents who treat you like you're not good enough
Warthog needed a little more clarification on which sailor was being discussed
Pocket Ninja discussed people who express concern about false rape accusations
Lershac judged a cop by his looks... and because he tased an 87-year-old woman who was cutting dandelions and didn't follow his instructions because she didn't speak English
scottydoesntknow figured that Megyn Kelly overestimates her contributions
Deece thought that there's one thing Bill Cosby might want to stop lecturing people about
puffy999 reacted to news that former Cracked writer John Cheese faced a day of reckoning

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny: merrillvillain gave advice on putting a sick pet fish out of its misery
Smart: weddingsinger shared some good news
Funny: feckingmorons warmed TotalFarkers up to an idea for a tattoo
Smart: GhostOfAChance showed off some cool custom shoes
Funny: sarahthustra helpfully identified a mystery bug

Politics Funny:
Intel154 figured out how a new Eagle Scout ended up with a letter from Donald Trump discussing Barbara Bush
Shostie found that Brett Kavanaugh somehow had technology from the future when he was in high school
Destructor issued a plea when world leaders at the United Nations General Assembly laughed at Trump
impaler showed a discussion at the White House about Kavanaugh
scottydoesntknow gave Kavanaugh-like advice

Politics Smart:
hubiestubert listed a lot of red flags that should have disqualified Kavanaugh already
bloobeary spied a Russian invasion
somedude210 had an idea of why Republicans were in such a hurry to confirm Kavanaugh last week
wejash found a reason why confirming Kavanaugh won't cost Republicans the support of Republican women
GardenWeasel had a question about Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy's concern over "the death and decline of democracy"


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Alligator had a few questions for a Farker's kid
Vortex Dweller put the boy in a real cockpit
RedZoneTuba showed us how Trump traveled to college
markie_farkie found out what happens when you let a little kid fly the plane
Alligator had a coworker with a questionable appearance
verchad discovered that this boy can fly without a plane
Yammering_Splat_Vector sat around on dat molecule
RedZoneTuba proved that eating on a plane can be a bit messy
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a time-warped room where celebrities read the news
zeon sent this boy on a very long trip

Farktography:
Clockwork Kumquat won Farktography Contest No. 699: "Sweet Things" with a worried-looking Daim

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Special Promotion (brought to you by Drew)      

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

Well it seems that although no one actually watched the Emmys this year, we all caught up on the results Monday morning. This made the Quiz somewhat easier this week, with no less than six Farkers crowded into the normally cozy 1000 club. M-G reigns supreme with 1038, followed by richh99 in second with 1031 and Bruce Campbell vs Army of Farkness in third with 1025. jaycharms was right behind in fourth with 1024, followed by the Mole of Production in fifth with 1015, and we'll also give a shout-out to BeotchPudding for a very close sixth place with 1014.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was about where you can now buy the "meal replacement" Soylent. Only 32% of quiztakers knew it was hitting the market in the UK, who apparently no longer need to worry about EU food regulations. I think if you're naming your food after a substance that was made from dead people, it shouldn't taste like gritty algae. Maybe chicken, but definitely not gritty algae.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over  which video game was being cited the most in UK divorce proceedings. No less than 82% of quiztakers knew that it's no longer 2008, so people are no longer ignoring their spouses over World of Warcraft and instead have moved on to Fortnite. The episodic content seems to have a bigger draw than Netflix and Chill with the spouse nowadays.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over which billionaire is investing in a company called Neuralink which promises a direct computer interface with the human brain. Only 37% of quiztakers knew that Elon Musk was looking for a new business opportunity, perhaps due to the impending SEC case that has now ousted him from Tesla. I'm somewhat relieved it wasn't Jeff Bezos, because the last thing we need is people walking around having seemingly one-sided conversations with Alexa.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz came from the Emmys. 79% of quiztakers knew that it was Henry Winkler who finally got his first Emmy, 42 years after being nominated for the first time for his role as "The Fonz" (He was nominated twice more for "Happy Days" and three additional times for other work, but this was his first win). For the record, Danny DeVito took home his first Emmy 37 years ago in 1981 for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy or Variety or Music Series for his role of Louie in "Taxi". He has not been nominated for an Emmy since 2004.

Congrats again to the winners this week. If you missed the quiz, you can catch up by clicking here


Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by blythe)

Thanks to all our fantastic submitters and thanks to our TotalFark voters!  

We love Headlines of the Week because it lets us showcase the clever, unique, sideways-thinking, and damn funny headlines that we get to enjoy all week.  The kinds of headlines you can share with your spouse, your co-workers, and the people at the bar or coffee shop next to you, and say "*this* is Fark".

Here are a few of our favorites, check out the Headlines of the Week for September 9 - September 15 and Headlines of the Week for September 16 - September 22 for all the headlines chosen the last two weeks!  Take an extra look at Food and D'awww for the week of 9/16 to 9/22 - thanks submitters for making these tabs funny!


Headlines of The Week for Sun 2018-09-09 to Sat 2018-09-15

Main:

Man discovers new kind of rock that glows under black light. Geologists speculate that the rock is composed of Grateful Dead posters and old hotel bedspreads

Sports:
"Welcome to Wahlburgers, how can I help you.... Yes, I know who Nomar Garciaparra is...No, I didn't make out with Derek Jeter...Would you like fries with that? "

Geek:
I was told there would be no wine

Entertainment:
Pay no attention to the Jennifer Garner behind the curtain

Politics:
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTB--wait, no, sorry. Culture War. Are you ready for a Culture War

GOP bringing in the smartest, most articulate Republican president of the 21st century to aid in midterm elections

Victims in alternate timeline speak out against the atrocities of President Clinton, Hillary Clinton

Business:
MGM decided it would sue the 1000+ survivors of the 2017 mass-shooting incident as sort of a reverse class-action, and they'd now appreciate it if those people would identify themselves

Discussion:
Are you one of the millions of Americans who suffer from premature inoculation?

D'awww:
Rocket corgi awaaaaaaaaaaay

Food:
McDonald's stores in South Florida are testing McD's international menu items that have sold well abroad, such as Grand McExtreme Bacon Burger, BBQ McShaker Fries, McSpicy Chicken, and the Dutch Stroopwafel McFlurry which is not a sex practice


Headlines of The Week for Sun 2018-09-16 to Sat 2018-09-22

Main:

Girl in good condition after being freed from washing machine. She is reported to be dizzy and missing one sock

Sports:
NFL player says there's nothing to do in Buffalo. Well, there is one thing

Geek:
Does this fat make me look Cambrian?

Entertainment:
It belongs in a museum

Politics:
American voters want the anger to stop, but they just can't stop BEING SO ANGRY. Maybe tell them anger has glutens?

Business:
Coca-Cola is eyeing the cannabis market. It's the real thing, man

Discussion:
Do you think Van Halen's opening act ever thought to ask for all the brown M&Ms Van Halen insisted be picked out of theirs?

D'awww:
Eighty-seven teams from across the nation are competing to see who is top dog at the National Police Dog Trials. None of them will fall for your fake throw

Food:
🍑🥦🍍🍅🥒➡🗑

________________________ 

Voting for headlines is one of the perks of being a TotalFarker. You can join TotalFark here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: How to become Fark-famous
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-09-25 11:12:31 AM (99 comments) | Permalink

________________________

A message from Drew Curtis:  
________________________  

Hey everyone!  Happy equinox/ramp-up to Halloween.  My crew and I have already eaten one 10-pound bag of candy since last week, which was a huge mistake on my part, thinking that three kids would somehow not raid the candy stash at every available opportunity. I'll be finding candy wrappers underneath things for months to come.  Speaking of Halloween, the sexy costume articles have started super early this year.  Sexy Handmaid's Tale seemed a bit of a stretch, Sexy Ghosting started making the rounds as of yesterday.  Personally, I'd love to see Sexy Octopus on Ecstasy, which I'm sure probably already exists.

So back in May, we ran a TotalFark signup drive and selected one lucky new or re-subscribed TotalFarker for an interview - which was incredibly popular!  So popular we have had people begging for us to do it again.  So let's do it again!  Starting today and going through the end of October, if you sign up for or renew TotalFark or BareFark subscriptions, we'll throw your name in the hat to possibly be the subject of our next interview in November! And remember, you can buy subscriptions for others as well, so if there's someone you've been curious about, feel free to throw them a sub and perhaps we'll learn more about them in the near future.

________________________

We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
________________________ 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
*Personal note: Two of these comments made me double-facepalm. One of those was a head-shaking double-facepalm.
FormlessOne struggled when discussing the man with a tattoo that says "Devast8" covering the lower half of his face
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That came through when a celebration of the Cleveland Browns' win was requested
Tr0mBoNe thought a man was especially stupid for climbing on top of a train and getting electrocuted
Thong_of_Zardoz was disappointed that something was missing from the "Captain Marvel" trailer
Super Chronic explained why it's not surprising that there's some racism in Australia
Diogenes had an idea for how a 3D gun printing advocate could have avoided getting arrested
guestguy served as an example as to why police consider screwdrivers and wrenches to be evidence of drug dealing
Abe Vigoda's Ghost was appalled by what kids are allowed to do at school now
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That was confused by a tweet that was supposed to explain things
davidphogan wondered if trans fats were the only fats Canada is worried about

Smart:
Benevolent Misanthrope thought that some people could learn something from a criminal's lack of jail time
Miss5280 responded to the statement that college isn't a requirement
Tr0mBoNe saw a connection between Cody Wilson's opposition to any type of gun control and his sex crime
LarryDan43 missed the good old days, cellphone-wise
baorao longed for a time a few minutes earlier
siyuntz shared this one weird trick to keep from sending or publishing something you might forget to edit
Seeing Marines enjoy shenanigans during a hurricane reminded MattytheMouse of a scene from "Rocky V"
RexTalionis had a message to share about vegan food
MrBallou considered the love between Bert and Ernie
edmo figured that what police did when one guy died would be done when two other people did

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  merrillvillain didn't appreciate being exposed in a TotalFark Discussion headline
Funny:  sarahthustra responded to a mandatory meeting notice
Funny:  generalDisdain knew what a Farker's supposed one-night stand supposedly left on the armoire
Funny:  KangTheMad very recently saw something wacky on the internet
Smart:  Ceteris Paribus says attempted to save italie's life. See, you can get good advice from TotalFark Discussion!

Politics Funny:
ralphjr noted that Ted Cruz has a long history of sending questionable mail
xanadian knew how to use newly-released information to get Donald Trump out of office
Marcus Aurelius thought that former Trump aide Jason Miller looked familiar
Farxist Marxist explained why the public hadn't heard much from Trump lately
mrshowrules was nice enough to let some other Farker have all the fun

Politics Smart:
somedude210 interpreted a Supreme Court ruling for confused Farkers
FormlessOne discussed Sarah Palin's contributions to American culture
vudukungfu saw a problem in the GOP
ThomasPaineTrain had a question about allegations that Jason Miller hid an abortion pill in a smoothie
eurotrader commented on what's happened since Trump withdrew from the Iran nuclear deal


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
Herb Utsmelz found out what kind of moosic cattle like
hail2daking showed us that sometimes art is borne out of frustration
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave Princess Leah hair that can help her fly
Wrongo discovered what went wrongo with this house
RedZoneTuba found a new Emmy winner having some fun
RedZoneTuba showed us what the Australian Embassy looks like
Herb Utsmelz warned us that the scariest hurricane ever was coming
Yammering_Splat_Vector turned the blueprints over
RedZoneTuba helped a butterfly live up to its species name
zeon learned that the pyro girl has other hobbies
hail2daking revealed where the idea for "ball chairs" (not the slatted kind) came from

Farktography:
USAF Retired won Farktography Contest No. 698: "A Shore Thing 2" with a photo of Miyajima's floating torii

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We didn't have much to say about pot roast this week; I mean, it's meat and carrots and potatoes, and really hard to screw up. But we did have fun on the quiz. FrancoFile wasted the most time on Fark last week and reigns supreme with 1038. Ass_Master_Flash made second with 983, followed by kqc7011 with 976. little big man made fourth with 959, and Evildog takes us through the top 5 with 932.

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz came from the D'awww Tab. Only 16% of quiztakers had checked out the cute little baby hyenas and knew that they were called "cubs". Although they are more closely related to big cats and civets (those critters that poop out Kopi Luwak coffee beans), Hyenas look, act, and sound more like dogs, so why name their babies like bears? 

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over which car was getting its final production run in 2019. 82% of quiztakers knew that Volkswagen was finally discontinuing the Beetle (again!) since it has turned into little more than a VW Golf trim package. All of the subtle changes over the last decade have kind of caused it to lose its personality anyways, so it really won't be missed.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what Roanoke, VA had decided to call their Harry Potter Festival after legal threats from Warner Brothers. Only 37% of quiztakers caught the story about the upcoming "Generic Magic Festival", where I'm sure you'll be able to play "broomstick ball" and drink some "margarine ale" while battling the forces of "nonspecified evil".

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was a repeat from a couple of months ago, when the product was being test marketed. 85% of quiztakers knew that White Castle is now proceeding with a nationwide rollout of their 100% vegetarian "Impossible Slider". It even contains heme, which gives it a red color and causes it to "bleed" when cooked, for people who want simulated animal murder, I guess.

If you missed the last quiz, you can catch up here, since you now know a few of the answers. 

Congrats to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Now we know why we need a Space Force
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2018-09-18 12:21:06 PM (55 comments) | Permalink

Last week, we learned that a mysterious hole was found in the International Space Station. Meanwhile, the National Solar Observatory in New Mexico was shut down by the FBI. The observatory has since reopened, with vague explanations for the closure, but I think we all know that what really happened is someone at the observatory saw some space termites or space woodpeckers attacking the ISS. The question is, why are they covering this up? Get your bug spray and tennis rackets ready, people. 


Comment Votes

Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week

Funny:
pkjun brilliantly demonstrated different publications' takes on the same story
markie_farkie fixed another Farker's shed ahead of Florence (here's the original post with that photo)
GardenWeasel had a great idea for how to end "The Walking Dead"
Marcus Aurelius figured that we'll need the best people on the job in the wake of Hurricane Florence
tommyl66 gave an update on a guy who planned on riding out the storm on his boat
theflatline inquired about the accommodations a Farker was offering to evacuees
dletter had high hopes for the Cleveland Browns
JulieAzel626 shared a little-known fact about storms
oldfarthenry was happy to see the Frying Pan Tower
Nuclear Monk figured out what caused the hole in the International Space Station

Smart:
whither_apophis felt somewhat cynical about the origins of an illegal drug that police found
wejash tried to give police the benefit of the doubt in the search of Botham Jean's home
dopirt knew the man who was shot in his home by a cop who thought it was her home
HMS_Blinkin thought that there was something worse than marijuana found in Jean's apartment
FormlessOne had words for anyone expressing pity for the cop who killed Jean
Munden found evidence that "cop culture" was at play in Jean's death
Xai considered what it would have meant if that police officer hadn't been charged
Marcus Aurelius figured out what police needed before they could charge a fellow officer for killing a man
Farking Clown Shoes gave a defense that might possibly be used to absolve that cop
scottydoesntknow noticed another odd aspect of a Weather Channel video

TotalFark Discussion:
Note: This section can only be accessed by TotalFarkers  
Funny:  Brawndo saw the problem with another Farker almost getting a hole in one on the 17th hole
Smart:  Badafuco celebrated an important anniversary
Smart:  Ceteris Paribus says defended a mother forgetting her own child's name
Funny:  Large Marge sent me shared an interesting bit of trivia
Funny:  Rev.K shared what a TotalFarker's schedule might look like

Politics Funny:
I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That showed what Donald Trump's "hysteria of sorts" might look like, was up for a challenge, was ready for the leak of a certain video, and appreciated a compliment
Angry Drunk Bureaucrat knew how a book Trump writes about his administration would start
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha discovered that a crazy conspiracy theory turned out to be true after all
somedude210 mocked Donald Trump and Sarah Sanders
snowshovel figured out what Paul Manafort's plea agreement meant

Politics Smart:
FormlessOne reminded us how Donald Trump got to this point
scottydoesntknow recognized a list of excuses
bingethinker discussed the white power/OK sign
Marcus Aurelius thought things should never have gone this far with Brett Kavanaugh in the first place
wademh thought that there were problems with an Associated Press fact check


Contest Votes

Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down

Photoshops:
hail2daking found that an old favorite is back at McDonald's
RedZoneTuba showed a rivalry that has escalated quickly
hail2daking came up with a way to make football a lot more interesting
Alligator gave us a reminder that playing with children is hazardous
Vortex Dweller showed some karate kids what a real crane kick looks like
Wrongo discovered some jerks disrespecting the national anthem
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed us a panel from an early Superman comic
Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed that the Supreme Court hearings have really gotten out of hand
manyone used the Force to keep this doggy dry
RedZoneTuba showed that not much has changed for Calvin and Hobbes

Farktography:
Kirablue42 won Farktography Contest No. 697: "Fruits and Vegetables 3" with this berry good photo

Farktography is Fark's weekly photography contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.


Upcoming Fark Parties

See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 

Wednesday, February 27: Las Vegas Fark and 50th Birthday Party


Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)      

We had some fun discussing the merits of salad greens and toppings, with only one person daring to bring up kale. The quiz was a little on the tough side, with no one breaking into the 1000 club. Cardinal Ximinez took first place with 915, followed by Denjiro and kittyhas1000legs tying for second with 849. 70Ford made third with 828, followed closely by skondris with 827, and scrumpox wounds out the top 5 with 796. 

The hardest question on the Hard Quiz was over where in Europe the local government spends taxpayer money operating drive-in sex booths for legal prostitution. Only 25% of quiztakers knew that Zurich, Switzerland was the ony one of the three choices where prostitution is actually legal. According to the article, if you are on foot, you'll be directed to another part of town, but you can still receive service on a bicycle. So essentially if you son't have transportation to the other part of town, that's where you need to go.

The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over what you can get paid to eat. 78% of quiztakers knew that a group of four universities are sponsoring a weight loss study, and will pay people $300 to eat avocados every day for 3 months. If they furnished the avocados, they could probably just sign hipsters up outside Starbucks, although the weight loss program might not be a good idea for a generation that insists on skinny jeans.

The hardest question on the Easy Quiz was over what Ben Affleck's rumored girlfriend posted to Instagram while he's whiling away his time in rehab. Only 39% of quiztakers caught the story about her choosing to put up a snap of herself enjoying a glass of wine while he's in for alcohol addiction, seemingly showing him two things he can't have. Yeah, you're helping.

The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over how Serena chose to react to the French Open banning her well-received catsuit she wore at a previous match. 95% of quiztakers knew she showed up in an ultra-feminine tutu, although some say Jim Carrey still wore it better in Ace Ventura. 

If you missed the quiz, you can check it out here.

Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again this week.
· · ·


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