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| Sun June 06, 2021 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Invasive species intercepted in Alaska by US Coast Guard
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Think that your verdict being vacated meant you could go free? Tag says it all
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NY, Friday: Schools, you can lift the mask mandate. NY, Sunday: Oopsies, not yet. Check again Monday
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Last surviving Auschwitz liberator dies at 98. David Dushman: may his name be for a blessing
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Before bathing, check the duck count
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these two towers
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Queen Elizabeth II has another great-granddaughter, spawned by he who shall not be named
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Asking a Black delivery driver for his papers in your wealthy white neighborhood just isn't the cheap thrill it used to be
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Woman arrested for pretending to be a 13-year-old middle school student. Awkward
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When we call them "cowboy cops" I don't think this is what we had in mind
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Can't release bodycam footage if there wasn't any to begin with. Taps forehead guy really getting tired of this
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Lady in the lake discovers missing camera
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Photoshop this beverage
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Fourth time's a charm?
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Naked kidnapping car crash and attempted baptism all rolled into one eventful afternoon
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42 years ago today a DC-6 carrying 13 tons of pot crashed and burned in Charleston, WV. For days afterward the area was known as Happy Valley
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Top Covid scientist is being hunted by an AWOL Army sniper
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Elon Musk just can't get a break in his quest to get to Mars: Furious Texas locals hit out at him after his rocket launches ruin their quaint little beach town
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People suffering from long COVID reporting rapid improvement after getting vaccinated
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Welcome to Brooklyn ..... CRUNCH
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Dare accepted
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Once thought to be destroyed, the original rainbow pride flag returns to San Francisco and finds a home in the Castro
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Welcome Fark Artists to your Fartist Friday Contest. This week's theme is "Album Covers." Ever say to yourself, "Self, this artwork I made looks like it could be a neat album cover"? Show us that artwork of yours AND tell us what that album would be
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CSB Sunday Morning: Wait, that actually happened? Tell your surreal stories. Difficulty: Nothing from the news
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In the Netherlands summer has arrived, the lockdown is slowly being lifted and people can once again enjoy drinks in bars, fight afterwards amongst the 100 or so patrons of two rival bars. Bats were used, wooden or mammal is not clear
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| (The Tech Tack) |
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♬ Blinded by the headlights ♪ Revved up by a douche, another hummer in the night ♬
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Photoshop this tunnel entrance
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June 6, 1944
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That time an asteroid 'more powerful than Hiroshima' crashed into the atmosphere over the Mediterranean that almost started a nuclear war (possible nsfw content on page)
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Mysterious brain syndrome grips Canada, with symptoms including insomnia, impaired motor function and hallucinations such as nightmarish visions of the dead. Possible causes include cellphone towers, fracking, and time-traveling COVID-19 vaccines
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"But I'm not under oath, so can I lie?" is not the best opener to your testimony in the defamation lawsuit you filed
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Florida Man goes hunting for shark teeth, finds alligator teeth in the most Florida way
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Cop slaps baby, is cited and freaks out
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Phoenix recycling yard demonstrates that everything can be biodegradable with the right kind of process -- in this case a six-alarm fire that even the National Weather Service is reporting on
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Inmate at the Montana State prison demonstrates he doesn't have the guts to remain incarcerated
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It's bad enough when a 14-year-old is accused of murder, but it really makes you wonder what the world is coming to when his mother tries to destroy the evidence
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Woman goes on roller coaster ride in Holiday World in Santa Claus, Indiana. Unfortunately, the story goes downhill from there
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An angel of the Lord appeared unto Zuck and said "Use their 'thoughts and prayers' and they will worship you"
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I guess that's why they call it a blast furnace
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| (Some Guy) |
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Old and busted: making plowshares from swords. The new hotness: building greenhouses from police riot shields
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PA Judicial Discipline Commission said a judge's actions were the "most egregious case of rude demeanor, failure to timely proceed, and imperious action it has seen," so she has to say sorry to the people she wrongly jailed and take six months off
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| Sat June 05, 2021 |
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El Salvador to adopt Bitcoin as legal tender. Economists kermitsippingtea.jpg and Gritty are on board, whilst Professor Farnsworth offers up assorted lengths of wire
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The Carolina Squat may be banned
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Snakes found on a motherfarking plane. Samuel L Jackson unavailable for comment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Noise Factor this week features 'The Angry Show', an all heavy metal set with Slayer, Meshuggah, Ministry, and more. Start a slampit in the living room with whatever person(s) or objects are nearby, this one is guaranteed to leave a mark. 11PM ET
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Protip: When fleeing police, it's never a good idea to distract them by throwing a A: Smoke bomb? B: Firecracker? or C: Baby?
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Authorities on the Italian island of Sardinia are X-raying tourists luggage as they leave to check for illegal contraband ... sand
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Need to get rid of your hammer-wielding tenant? Stab him in the butt with a samurai sword. It's the Pittsburgh way
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Who doesn't love Italian pastries like Sfogliatella, Pasticiotti, Oxycodone, Cannolis, wait... back up one
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86-year-old man should not have to beg to work one more year for financial reasons. 86-year-old man should also not kill his boss when told no
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Humanity lucks out. Angry God vows to get them next time
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Cavemen and women were like the hippies of prehistoric times, they had raves and would 'dance for hours in psychedelic trances'
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Photoshop this meditative mountaineer
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We've reached peak barbecue
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Paul's Memory Bank returns (at least for tonight) 8PM EDT. Tonight, a rival school tries to steal Madison High's star athlete, after making out a will Liz thinks George wants to off her, and Superman solves the Pan-Am Highway mess
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"I took pictures and video. I did not break anything. The police were present and I was not asked to leave. I fist bumped and 'Devil horned' the swat line"
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More reasons why this coronavirus pandemic isn't going away anytime soon: China is vaccinating the world with vaccines that don't work well
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Burger King customer complains about employee's uniform being "a distraction". Sir Mix-A-Lot nods in approval
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Police force, apparently with a lot of Officer Lou's, uses an eight ton flatbed truck to tow an electric scooter (possible nsfw content on page)
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Finally someone to point out the source of all evil and everything that ails the modern condition: clocks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tortoise
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You know that awkward moment when you realize your guests are almost there, there's a little more cooking left, and you still have to shower? Imagine the convenience of not having to leave the kitchen to take it
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You ever been so drunk you tried to order McDonald's from the cop arresting you?
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How are COVID-19 vaccinations tracking in your state? Check out this interactive map
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The world needs a chief risk officer
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Everyday thing we've been doing wrong all this time: Splitting the bill. Hey, at least it's not another tipping article (possible nsfw content on page)
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Lawyer doesn't read contract. Lawyer's family now needs to find a new place to live. Hopefully she also finds a new line of work
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Love Boat will not be making another run; Captain Stubbing distraught
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Yeah it was me, I clamed right into it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Urban explorer who started scaling buildings and bridges to help ease his PTSD now facing more than 25 years in prison
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New "mystery illness" now spreading viciously across America. Also known as the common cold
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The biggest failure of the pandemic was the belief that Americans would magically band together and listen to experts to fight a major national threat. Will we learn anything?
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Listen, Betty. Don't start up with your white zone shiat again
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How will that nice prince get me my money now?
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Photoshop this cable car view
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EMT revives O.D. resident of Knights Inn with ye old Narcan, rewarded with the Rabbit Of Caerbannog treatment
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"We cannot say for certain what might have caused her injury or how long she had been suffering for. But we are very happy that she and her little family are safe." Welcome to Caturday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Don't you just hate it when your neighbours start using their bees as weapons?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Waterloo, couldn't escape robbing pizza delivery drivers if you wanted to
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Takeoff checklist probably should include making sure no key parts have been re-installed upside down and backwards
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The bald eagles are sick of your shiat Idaho. You know what you did
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Get your money for nothing, and your Oktoberfest beer for free
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If you have read this USA Today article, the FBI would like to have a chat with you
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Know someone who claims to have climbed to the top of the highest mountains in the world? They're probably lying
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Fisher-Price recalls Rock 'n Glide Soothers after 4 infant deaths. In submitter's day we were thrown on a pile of straw and tossed a hunk of wood to gnaw on
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Swarms of insects invade SW Florida. Are they love bugs? Palmetto bugs? Giant cockroaches? Mosquitoes? Oh, just gnats. Call us when something serious pops up
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"Welcome to La Roccia"
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*Bing search* "Tiananmen Tank man"...Bing results: Who?
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Crews rescue child who came tumbling down wooded hillside. No word on condition of Jack, pail of water
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Yeehaw
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Tik Tok Tik Tok This sounds fine
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| Fri June 04, 2021 |
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No need to RTFA; all you need to know is that in the middle of *another* major lockdown, a Covid vaccination centre in Melbourne has had to be relocated in order to accommodate a sex toy convention. Asinine tag takes Giggity tag roughly from behind [NSFW]
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The US Navy will christen a new, $360m Independence class LCS on Saturday. In unrelated news, the US Navy is decommissioning two Independence class LCS to cut costs
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Two pissed off UK women to change Festivals and outdoor events forever. The "Peequal" is 6 time faster to use than Porta-potties and has 10 less touch points than public toilets. As William Wallace's niece once said "PEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOM"
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Taking cheap rafts down a river with rapids did not work
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| (Some Guy) |
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Anyone up for tern omelettes, because here's your chance
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Noah's Ark detained at Ipswich, UK for being unseaworthy
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It is amazing they caught him when they had nothing to go on
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Museum fire caused by ignited "dandelion fluff"
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Hugely positive new data builds meteoric expectations for a whopper number for Friday's closely watched gargantuan jobs report on steroids, adjectives
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This is your Captain speaking. You are now free to fark around and find out
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After Alabama returns guns to a man who had them confiscated due to a domestic violence charge against his wife, he used his second amendment rights to kill her
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Well I'm already doing life in prison .... let's add 6 more to the list
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| (So) |
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This Portuguese dam has a spectacular access stairway so steep that it's sometimes easier to mountaineer the hillside
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Trudeau to Church: Shame on you
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'The New Normal' rolls on as Washington state DOT teams begin putting out this year's murder hornet traps
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| (Some Splasher) |
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Photoshop this posh pool
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Let's look at what states are primed for a major Covid outbreak
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Carnies steal trailer loaded with 14 guns
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Asheboro City Schools prove once again that no one is as petty and power hungry as school administrators
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7pm Eastern - Suddenly, it's The Return of Fark Friday Movie Night! Added bonus: Drew's been day-drinking since 2pm
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Cybersecurity lessons are in session today
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Bad: Semi-truck crashes. Worse: Semi-truck catches on fire from crash. Fark: It was carrying fireworks
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British police car chase vs. your country. How would this have gone different? Difficulty for Americans, no one was shot or threatened with being shot. (Video in article)
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The sk1ll3d h8x0rs took down Colonial Pipeline by accessing a single authentication VPN, using an old password passed around the dark web, from a former employee who used that password for everything, and Colonial never deactivated the login
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You're allowed to rat on the Cosa Nostra if a ghost says it's OK (possible nsfw content on page)
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Bat found in Madison park tests positive for rabies. Officials cannot confirm or deny rumors it originated in a Chinese research lab or Transylvanian castle
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WTF headline of the day: "TikTok bee-f? TikToker's critique of viral beekeeping influencer goes viral"
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It takes some balls to steal the sheriff's SUV from outside of his office. Brains not so much
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Photoshop this ancient Mediterranean bottle
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Jerry Falwell, Jr. says that Liberty University's lawsuit is just an excuse to shame him, and that he's kinda into it
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"Honey, I'm going to my strip club to get a COVID vaccine ... Err, I mean, I'm going to a local pop-up clinic to get a COVID vaccine, that's what I meant"
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Land of the Free and Home of the BRAVE??
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Thanks to Bolsonaro, South America is a Covid shiatshow
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Last known letter sent before Amelia Earhart's disappearance found by California man. 'Send Lawyers, guns and money'
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This artist created his own Tiny Town on a single acre, where every building represented part of his life. Now he's selling it so you can be the mayor
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Goat Noises
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01/07/2023: It Returns
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Not news: Road trip to the beach. Still not news: With your four-year-old sister. News: You have an accident ten miles into your road trip. Fark: You're nine years old
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If you're running from the cops and try to hide out in a building, maybe check the sign outside first. Just saying
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Tree hit by lightning Wednesday still glowing with heat the day after. Fire - how does it work?
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Rosita the Riveter
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Teacher sues school district so he can continue disrespecting his students
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A rioter who screamed at Capitol police that they were protecting pedophiles has a previous conviction for hanging out with Matt Gaetz
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The U.S. economy added over half a million jobs in May, but, you know, Biden's president now so the media has no choice but to wring their hands and lament over whether this means our economic system is on the brink of utter collapse
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Supreme Court decides that, hey, why shouldn't police officers be able to use their work computers to access and then sell citizens' license plate numbers in exchange for some extra cash?
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Bee experts called after hive starts swarming around a bin in busy town centre. Article worth it for the bowler hat alone
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The latest pump and dump scam?
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Oh, there goes that rascal Elon, manipulating currencies again. C'mere, you *applies headlock, gives noogie*
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Hugs are coming back now that people are getting vaccinated. The question for you is: Do you want to be hugged or not?
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Yeah having a 'vile' image of kidnapped woman tied up on the back of your pick-up truck will probably get you some cred with your local rednecks but not much else (possible nsfw content on page)
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U.S. Intelligence: We're not saying it's aliens, but
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And so it begins
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Today's Slatesplanation: Why it feels so weird to go maskless in public. Probably for the same reason it feels so strange to have sex without a condom, am I right guys?
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The annual Trapper's Convention is back. It's not about folders
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Two 5.9 earthquakes hit the subduction zone of Gold Beach, Oregon
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Photoshop this quarantined feline
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Let's not call them Karens. That slurs a wide-ranging group of people. Let's find a more objective way to describe the women kicked out of the pool --- bigots. Bigots who have since paid a lawyer to say gay kissing is sexual intercourse
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England's outbreak of the Delta Covid Variant increases the risk of hospital admissions
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Hobby Lobby sues antiquites professor alleging that the ancient manuscripts he sold them to go on display at their museum next to their black market antiquities were in fact stolen from a cabal of drug dealers
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Remember the Castle Fire in California last year? Turns out it killed about 10% of the world's giant Sequoias
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Texas deputies sexually assaulted at booze and sex filled prostitution stings. Bonus: tax payer funded trips to sex shops
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scientific study finally establishes which generation is the most sensitive. Obvious answer to the left, comments by people who didn't read the article to the right
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Hey, wake up back there
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Get that fish some sunscreen
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It's a Family Affair
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Investigators find MTA's description of plummeting chunks of subway as "isolated incidents" relied on reports from track inspectors who didn't bother with the doing-the-job part of doing their jobs
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| Thu June 03, 2021 |
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Self-described "Trump man" busted for serial pooping spree targeting Ohio home of Biden-supporting Democrats
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A Michigan Highland Park police detective is busted for selling fentanyl-laced heroin. Fark: Ten years ago she was fired by the Wayne County sheriff's department. Mega Fark: Wayne county fired her for helping felons smuggle drugs into prison
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Sure it's nice, until you find the body of a young Canadian tourist in it
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Mexican family unhappy with neighboring pool
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Old and busted: Coyotes invading urban neighborhoods. New hotness: Bears invading urban neighborhoods
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Treasure hunters find gun, 21 knives in East Memphis canal. Nicholas Cage already signed for movie adaptation
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With those prices you're guaranteed to get gas
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Wait, so you're saying that living next to an oil well could be a health risk?
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| (Some Guy) |
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South Korea launches drones over beaches to identify hot sunbathers
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Fark NotNewsletter: Much like that rash on your whosis, Fark Friday Movie Night is back
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| (Visit Humboldt) |
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If you go on this new sky walk in the California redwoods, the tallest trees in the world, you can get a free seedling to plant at home
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Weirdos with too much time on their hands think another online store is a secret front for child trafficking
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Crush covid and get an orange crush
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Photoshop this atomic chonker
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Couple tests the axiom that a thief who steals from a thief gets 100 years of pardon. Finds it has not yet been codified in Louisiana
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Governor's bulldog not impressed with WV vaccination lottery, probably because steak isn't on the prize list
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Australian wildlife finds a solution to the mouse plague - fish that eat the mice. No word on when the gorillas will be released, or whether it can get cold enough to freeze them
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F. Lee Bailey falls off the bench at 87
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Touring bands, classic movies, new technology, and of course Florida Man are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, May 23-29: Polish Spareribs Edition
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"Mt. Juliet man lucky to be alive after boat explosion at gas station" - the link to his GoFundMe account notwithstanding
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Good News: College professor raises $200K to pay down children's school lunch debt. Bad News: Professor allegedly keeps $120K of the money. Fark: Professor teaches ethics at local college
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Walmart announces that it will be distributing, for free, 740,000 Samsung smart phones to their associates so they can download and use the new "Me@Walmart" app, which is totally not designed in any way to track their every movement and action
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Protip: Before allowing a man to test ride a bicycle that is worth $6,374.73, you might want to ask for I.D. first
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Husband shocked ... SHOCKED to find video of his wife marrying another man on social media
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Numbers show the US is turning the tide on the Covid-19 pandemic - unless you click on the unpaywalled WaPo link mentioned in the article that adjusts numbers for the unvaccinated
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Any vaccinated Illinois Farkers want to get together and have a free beer?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this warning sign
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"Anthony Warner's girlfriend told police in 2019 that Warner was making a bomb at his home on Bakertown Road...16 months after the complaint was made...Warner detonated a bomb that rocked downtown Nashville" - that's some fine police work Lou
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Nine months after the first lockdown the Netherlands experienced a higher than expected birth rate. Apparently nobody here has heard of the Dutch rudder
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Citius, altius, fortius, stultissimus, mortiferius
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Florida's conundrum: The state is surrounded on 3 sides by ocean, and sea-levels ARE rising, but the 20 ft seawall necessary to protect against hurricanes would be really ugly
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"Nonprofit group that helps Black and marginalized communities in Kentucky receives six-figure donation from white donor who says they recently inherited family wealth, and then learned that their great-grandfather owned enslaved people"
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Officials launch investigation into MD state police who decided that a traffic enforcement campaign named Make Waldorf Great Again was such a good idea it deserved a commemorative coin. No word if a crying, silver-clad Klansman rises from the obverse
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Driver hits five parked cars and a fire hydrant, would have been a for sure DUI but he missed a fence
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The bride died? That's terrible. Is anyone else available?
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Singer who used powerful soprano voice to scream 'f--k' and 'c--t' during Capitol riot arrested by FBI
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Humboldt State University under consideration to turn into third Cal Poly campus, no word if the proposed name is Humboldt Kush OG State Agricultural University
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Long Island driver busted trying to stay in the carpool lane with fake passenger after putting white drama mask on headrest, which is pretty impressive ingenuity
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SpaceX launches squid creatures to the ISS at 1:29 PM ET. Remember when using a never-flown booster was not notable?
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Lene Lovich, The Comsat Angels, Animotion, and The Tragically Hip. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #223. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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"The first noise I heard was a big sonic boom. Like something you would hear from a tank," said a witness who has no idea how fast a tank can actually travel
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'Time travelling' exorcist goes back to 1980 after getting sucked into a vortex on London Underground. Sadly only finds lousy English side dish of peas, not the good soup made with ham hocks (possible nsfw content on page)
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In other news, it gets hotter as we move into the summer months
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Obvious tag just took out a "secret" loan from the bank to finance the purchase of the fourth railroad and got accused of cheating by that annoying younger brother and the next thing you know everyone is mad at each other. Fun times
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Sure crypto currencies have a downside, but how else am I going to pay for a trip to Thailand for . . . a thing
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Only one in five Irish people admit to being on work Zoom calls in their underwear. In related news, apparently you're not supposed to do that
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Alaska has always used its breathtaking landscapes to lure tourists. Now, it's using free COVID vaccines, too. Wait, there are places where the vaccine isn't free?
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Should we start paying kids an allowance to pursue their hobbies instead of for doing their chores? One mom thinks we should ... and she may be on to something
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| (Los Pollos Hermanos) |
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Sign posted at Popeyes denying service to white people turns out to be a hoax, but they still charge extra for all white orders
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Captain Ric "Obvious" Romero reports that the best cities for a "staycation" are Honolulu and Orlando. And here's N.S. Sherlock with the weather
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Man threatens to kill people over pornographic video. Then it gets very strange
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If you have a flight coming up on Qantas Airlines anytime soon, you might want to spend a little more time than normal checking your seat area for rattlesnakes. Just sayin'. Bonus: "wheel whackers"
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The British Army's new tank is great. Apart from the fact it can't go more than 20mph. Or fire its gun on the move. Or reverse over objects bigger than 20cm. Or be used for more than 90 minutes at a time. And deafens anyone who gets in it
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"If Lake Oroville falls below 640 feet, state officials would shut down a major power plant for just the second time ever because of low water levels, straining the electrical grid during the peak demand of the hottest part of the summer." With stunning pics
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AMC literally warns investors not to buy their terrible stonks, then proceeds to sell a bunch of their own stonks and tanks the price for everyone else. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works
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Photoshop this bigly buffalo
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With apologies to all the good and helpful Karens out there, the internet has ruined your name ... to the point where the name is now on the verge of extinction
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UK may ban bosses from emailing employees who are off the clock. Spilling beer on the server and deleting the entire Politics tab queue still OK, if not encouraged
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Campaign event disrupted by dildo-dangling drone and fistfight. Even stranger, there was no Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in the vicinity
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Old and busted: The Dream Police. New hotness: The Shoe Police (tag ain't for them)
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We heard you like stolen cars, so we stole your stolen car
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Reason 7: 'murica
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Two busted for stealing from school: Pop Tarts, cartons of milk, strawberry apple sauce, compound bows, cheese sticks and...hold on a second...strawberry apple sauce?
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The Sackler family are a step closer to immunity from future opioid lawsuits
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It turns out the good people of Arizona really like their legal weed
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They were making a list. And checking it twice. City decides who's naughty or nice. Palm Coast City voters are pissed
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How dare they
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Maybe it just wanted some Texas BBQ. You ever think about that? Of course not, you only think about yourself
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One year ago: Police forced to tear gas a youth march because of Molotov cocktails thrown at police. Today: OMG you guys this is so embarrassing, but...
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 839: "Tracks". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 02, 2021 |
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News: Florida Man takes son on a "drive-by" with his paintball gun. Fark: Residents think it's a real drive-by and fire back with live rounds. Florida: Dad accidentally runs over son after the son is shot
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English road left looking like a 'horror film' after tomato puree spillage
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You'd think a sculpture that sells for $18,000 would be really something, but in this case it's literally nothing. Italian artist sells "invisible" sculpture for $18,000 smashing pre-sale estimates of $3,000-$6,000 for the non-existent work
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FDA says to not eat cicadas if you have a seafood allergy. Advisory is six words too long
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"She even managed to convince her supporters to cough up over $87,400 in a crowdfunding campaign, which she used to buy a new Tesla"
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A black valedictorian and salutatorian in Mississippi? That's a whitening
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California, Maryland, Vermont, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, New Jersey, Rhode Island, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire --- blue states doing the heavy lifting once again
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Side effects of Farkitol includes vomiting, santorum, anniversaries of missing coed white girls, and dry mouth. If these symptoms persist or become worse, please see your local Farker for memes
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♫ "I went to the beach on vacation...And in the hot sun I did sit. ♫ I came inside because of sunburn...♫ So I treated it with lots of..♫...Shaving Cream. Be nice and clean. Shave every day and you'll always feel keen." ♫
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Facing down a grizzly bear's bluff charge, Yellowstone park ranger demonstrates the ice water in his veins and the shotgun shells in his pocket
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"2 Manhole Explosions Shut Down Road In Taunton" - and you thought they smelled bad on the outside
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Maybe she should have wished not to get caught
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this cloudy day on Mars
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Help find the kitchen sink
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"Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work." - Stephen King. This is your Fark Writer's Thread, sitting around and waiting edition
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Today is National Leave the Office Early Day, a day to remember that there are other things in life than sitting behind a desk working your life away, like, uh . . . cats, I think, and drinking
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Ransomware attack delays ferry service to Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket. Take that, snowbirds
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Chauvin's lawyer has a promising career ahead of him in satire/fiction writing
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There is now evidence that Bicycle Repair Man is living in Japan
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Sometimes you just gotta see god
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Cue the Minion with the fire alarm helmet
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Florida Man pleads guilty
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Elvin Hunter arrested for trying to join ISIS. Man, this new World of Warcraft expansion is dark
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Controversy erupts over tight pants in Tanzanian parliament. Tanzanian Devil unavailable for comment
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| (Some Temporary Drunk) |
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Photoshop this work from a failed WW2-era painter
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"Sure, a few extra people may die, but you gotta understand - I was on 12%" (possible nsfw content on page)
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Man who robbed taco shop with water gun back in 1981 asks for clemency [again], having earned three associate's degrees and several college credits while in prison. Fark: His victim says let him out
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BREAKING: US TROOPS ATTACK BULGARIA... *rereads article* ...N sunflower oil factory during botched training exercise
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Is there a Kidz Bop version of 'I fought the law'?
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Judge tells defendant that 'stand your ground' doesn't apply to iguanas
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Looks like all those burning dildos are gonna fark up Sri Lanka's environment
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On this day in history, in 1865, the American Civil War ended. And everyone lived happily ever after
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Man shot in Ajax; culprit made clean getaway
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| (Some Suspicious Guy) |
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Think about how many people you really trust in your life. Friends, family ... maybe Tom Hanks? How many did you count? (Tom Hanks not included)
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Du e Suc s
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What is Medina Spirit's Kentucky Derby win?
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President Biden is offering free beer as an incentive for people to get vaccinated before July 4. What Anheuser-Busch has to do with beer is unknown at this time
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China: Drone strike ALL the elephants
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19th-century iPhones: time travel or aliens?
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One of the Iranian navy's largest ships catches fire and sinks, showing exactly why you never apply a clone stamp brush to a layer with a drop shadow
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CT leads the nation in percentage of the population fully vaccinated, percentage of the population willing to shoot holes in the State Capitol building
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Idaho family suing school district after girl is pushed down stairs in a reenactment of a Shakespeare play, proving that the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stairs / But in ourselves
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Today's Slatesplanation: What's up with all these frogs having teeth?
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World's largest meatpacker blames cyberattack on Russian criminal organization, which at this point could be the FSB, the GRU, or just Vladimir Putin picking up a new hobby
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John Hinckley Jr. posting love songs online. Can he borrow a feeling?
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The Queen has some whitesplainin' to do
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Um... has anybody checked on the Queen lately?
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When subby tried this at Disney World, they just turned him away at the gate
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Fifth grader writes what appears to be Hitler's self-assessment as part of the annual review cycle at work
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Don't touch that dial or change that pre-set, terrestrial radio is back
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Looks like there's no paywall for this reporter, if you know what I mean
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Some states are offering lotteries as an incentive to get vaccinated. Others are offering gift cards or cash prizes. Then there's West Virginia
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Here's why you always say "rabbit rabbit" on the first day of each month. Oh, you don't say "rabbit rabbit" on the first day of each month? Well, here's why you should according to superstitious hundred year-old nonsense. Also it's June 2nd too late
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these bygone boxes
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After being pushed out of a moving car this sweet girl ended up at a Humane Society shelter, but thankfully her original owner spotted her on the shelter's Facebook page & they had a joyous reunion just in time for Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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A recent poll found nine in 10 people have experienced déjà vu before. In other news, a recent poll found nine in 10 people have experienced déjà vu before
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| (Some Farker) |
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America has a Farking problem, which is that its users don't know how to disable javascript to circumvent aggressive paywalls. Also, us farkers are drinking too much
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Iran's largest naval vessel, the Kharg, catches fire and sinks in the Gulf of Oman, leaving unanswered the question of why the Iranians are using Klingon to name their ships
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A cannabis grower from Wales / Tries to buy a kebab but he fails / They took him to task / For not wearing a mask / And that's when things went off the rails
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"I'm 21 and live in a 72-square-foot NYC apartment that costs $1,345 a month. Here's what a day in my life looks like"
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Another day, another hate crime in NYC
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Stray dogs are eating Covid victims in India (possible nsfw content on page)
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Australia was one of the first countries to shut their borders and still locks down entire states over single digit COVID case numbers. Their economy must be in tatters, right? No, it's now better than before the pandemic started
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Amazon opens disaster relief hub. Donated supplies ready to fly out of ATL within hours
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Minecraft gets a little too realistic
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Firefighter opens fire
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And now for something completely different, a concrete truck stuck under a bridge. In New Zealand
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The July 2021 cover of British Vogue is out
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California's drought is bad. How bad? Some farmers are shredding almond orchards, while others are simply abandoning their crops
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| Tue June 01, 2021 |
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Why you still can't easily buy a PS5, why Galaxy probably won't release a new smartphone this year, and why you can't find a rental car in Alaska
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That awkward moment when you harass people in a boat on a lake for flying LGBTQ pride flags and then have to swim to them for rescue when your boat explodes
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Well, he wasn't going to use them anymore
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They got off his lawn but took the mower
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The reason you see these 'ghost ships' humping on the horizon explained
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Las Vegas celebrates full reopening, a return to spreading all the other viruses it used to
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Alligator fractures skull of diver and 34 staples in head. Chubbs Peterson gives it a thumb up
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Today on "Wheel of Chinese Saber-Rattling" we have... *spins wheel* ...Malaysia
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No word on what the man was doing in the bear's garage
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Where there's smoke there's fire, sometimes in exactly that order
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| (Some Peppy Pilot) |
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Fotoshop this flyover
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Fire crews rescue ducklings from storm drain in PA to chance a Fark trifecta
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Florida woman gets married. Don't guess what happens next
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Greek Islands gonna party like it's 2019
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High school teacher quits his job to chase TikTok fame, becomes face of Honey Baked Ham
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If you're going to rob a motorcycle dealership, make sure you can get the motorcycle through the door
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Perhaps not the best choice of words to use in a headline here
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"I can't come to work today. I've got cows"
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It's the first day of Hurricane Season, everybody. Hurry up and look at the National Hurricane Center's list of 2021 storm names before they're all used up by next week
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Officer who tackled Boston Marathon bomber retires after 41 years of service
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This article on how to deal with aggressive drivers might as well just say, "Let them do whatever they want and under no circumstances try to hurt their precious fee-fees"
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Luxury shops at the Gold Coast Shopping Center learn that breastfeeding mothers are like hydras: Get rid of one exposed boob, a dozen more appear
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| (Some Guy) |
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A short time ago and in our own galaxy, "The Darth Vader House" went on sale
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In what was ground zero for the Covid-19 pandemic in the US, New York City has for the first time reported zero new deaths from the virus
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Photoshop these hurdling horses
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Stray cat confused for bobcat causes school to dismiss early
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This week in cyber ransom attacks: your hackers want steak
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𝟢
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"Mama, 'nother bear got in the house." "'Nother bear? Gimme that shovel"
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Position Available: "Director of Lifestyle and Experience". Job involves cocaine use with police officer, giving massage, handling pistol, accidental shooting, and body disposal
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Today's Slatesplanation: What Mare of Easttown gets wrong about the real Delaware County. Cliffs notes version: Pretty much everything, especially if you're the sort of person who loves the word "ackshually"
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No, Canada
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Escaped Zebra avoids capture from Tennessee police for three hours. One officer threatens to 'Tase' it. Well it is half black
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You may now resume pooping in Target fitting rooms
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Arlington VA, with half Wyoming's population living in 26 sq. miles, went all-in on COVID vaccinations earlier this spring. The result? A net of only 5 new COVID cases in the last 7 days, with -1 cases reported over one 5 day period last week
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Wisconsin police chase ends with Most Wisconsin pic ever
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Spokane police arrest a man for attempting to buy a child and for using the wrong glass
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The DSM may no longer recognize sexual addiction as a thing, however there is such a thing as Sexual Addiction Anonymous - full of very repressed, but very horny Christians
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A list of all the hidden costs you really should be considering before you commit to that superyacht purchase
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Roxy Music, The Specials, Danielle Dax, Icehouse, and The Alarm. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #222. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Another spring day, another group of baby ducklings rescued from a storm drain
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Five things to know about the new spotlight on streetlights
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Moderna joins Pfizer in seeking full FDA approval, which includes direct-to-consumer marketing. Which is great because the "Can You Hear Me Now" guy has been struggling to find roles for a few years
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Study finds the best cities for 'naked gardening' should you desire to show off your peas and beanstalk or beautiful melons for the neighbors
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Apparently the sex dolls are sick of his non-stop obsessing about bodybuilding
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108-year-old message in a bottle found at Ford construction site, appears to read "We've been trying to reach you regarding your car's extended warranty"
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Is this is why American presidents golf?
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Aaaaannnnnd...here comes the H10N3 bird flu
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Creepy 'humanoid' with long limbs and pale skin walks along bridge in dead of night, creeps out Indian locals thinking it's an alien. But the real question is where do people find terrible video cameras these days?
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