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| Sun May 09, 2021 |
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Go home French language, you're drunk
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Famed architect Helmut Jahn killed in bike accident. Should have worn his helmet
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Blown up again in Margaritaville...looking for my health insurance card. Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I know, it's the gas pump's fault
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You sheeple with your flat earth, no trees, and cheese moon are all blind to the real truth of the world: the time cube. If you can't trust the wisest man of earth, who can you trust?
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Castle Dracula offers tourists a couple of jabs
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Live Better Electrically 👍
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Since we've never actually been to the moon, how do we know it's *not* made of green cheese and the earth's atmosphere is altering the light wavelengths, making it appear yellow or white?
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The Sun pays tribute to a reporter on his passing, omitting one slightly important detail
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Photoshop this loverly stroll
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2021's best generator options to take to the beach for running the blender, charging devices, and powering the portable AC unit
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| (Some Eukariote) |
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There's no such thing as trees. Prove me wrong
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Birthday party shooting in Colorado trailer park leaves 7 dead, lots of uneaten cake
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News crew doing story on stolen dog sees thief and interviews him. Guy has worst alibi ever, is arrested, dog recovered
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The Queen is selling drugs to support her expensive habit
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And this is how we can get rid of covid
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As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could hike
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Photoshop this fire escape
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The Merriam-Webster word of the day for May 9 is "Paean" as in: "It is important to respect the artistry of the chef, so next time you're at fancy dinner, make sure to paean the soup"
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♫ Just goin' for a bike ride in the coulees, me and my friend and NOPE NOPE NOPE ♫
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Welcome ANDREAS our first named tropical storm of 2021. Coastal Farkers, sorry party's over. Time to download that dozen or so hurricane apps, and order your hurricane provisions - don't forget the bourbon. Oh, and Happy Mother's Day mofos
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Welcome Fark Artists to your Fartist Friday Contest. As we celebrate "World Migratory Bird Day," let's flip the bird to classic internet memes: Using any medium, recreate iconic memes using birds instead. Distracted Birdfriend, Ceiling Catbird, etc.
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Because, Florida
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| (Some Guy) |
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Government building in danger of collapse under the weight of paperwork
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How bad are the UK Labour concession speeches going? "He looked like he had been farking tasered. It was terrible"
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And this is why we'll never get rid of COVID
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Grandmother claims she's been abducted more than 50 times by aliens since she was a little girl, has bruises to prove it. Since this is an English tabloid, you can believe she was used as a punching bag by their writers (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop this gorgeous gorge
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CSB Sunday Morning: Mother's Day edition
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The out-of-control Chinese rocket landed in the Indian Ocean roughly where MH370 went down. Coincidence? Cue the conspiracy theorists
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Americans not getting sufficient mental health care during the pandemic. Obvious tag pops another Prozac while rooting through the liquor cabinet
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74 parishioners at a church that sued for the right to have in-person, maskless services really have something to pray about now
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Bomb kills at least 30 near girls' school in Afghan capital. No word on girls schools in Duvet capital or Throw capital
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America's "longest juvenile lifer," convicted at 15, finally released at 83
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Have you seen the cool as a cucumber driver evading robbers in South Africa? How about a new camera angle?
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Honey, I'm home
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That high suspension bridge with glass panels in China? Strong winds blew out the glass panels stranding some of the vistors
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Must...not... answer... question... out loud... gasp ...must keep the quiet part quiet... aaarrggghh
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Long March 5 booster lands on top of MA 370
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Enjoy more blackouts, Texas
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Free weed for Covid vaccines proves to be a popular perk. YOU DON'T SAY
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Amazon: Move fast and break things
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| Sat May 08, 2021 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Nautical nonsense in a homemade "boat"
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Tempted to go to a pandemic wedding? Wait a little while. They're like trains; another will come along eventually
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1981 Times Square is back baby, sorry about the bullet
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| (Edmonton Community Radio) |
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Noise Factor has a new home on Big E Radio and the re-launch debut is tonight at 11PM ET. A sneak peek at a new album from Part Chimp and the usual stories and fun. The new site is ten thousand times better. Check it out
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"If anyone walks along the [River Walk] and wonders what these are, they aren't aliens," says official who is definitely not under giant alien snails' pink egg cluster control
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Tennessee police use multiple tasers to subdue agitated civilian, who is still alive only because he's half white
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They'll be dancing in the dark, remembering the glory days, if this brilliant disguise hits their hometown, if the backstreets become badlands. And where will the Boss be? At least some were born in the USA. It will take the power of prayer
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| (Some Peeper) |
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Photoshop this dilated pupil
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On Paul's Memory Bank tonight (8PM EDT), Connie tries to get Mr Boynton in a jam so she can "save" him, George and Rudolph trade places with Liz and Iris, and Jimmy apparently doesn't know enough to keep from opening an escape hatch at 18,000 feet
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When we say "systemic racism," this is what we mean
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| (Some Guy) |
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OK, it's best zoo in the country voting time again. I begging for Omaha votes. But wont hold home zoo votes against anyone. And if you've never been here, the Omaha Zoo is worth the trip. Tag for the final results
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cyclist hit by car files modest lawsuit demands: $32 trillion, 500,000 Tesla shares, private audience with the Queen, suspension of trade with China, postponing of an election. Fark: judge not reimbursing defendants' legal fees
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News: Alabama police officer convicted of murder. Fark: Serves 2 1/2 hours before getting out on bail
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They brought a pistol to a water gun fight
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Ernest Angley dead at 99. His toupee is reported to be inconsolable, but hoping to date soon
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| (Some Treehugger) |
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Photoshop these birch trees
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All the steps you take / Every pic of cake / Every YouTube take / Each Facebook friend you make / They're still watching you
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Go east, young man
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After attending AA meeting, man hit by drunk driver. Who would've thought...it figures
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The latest trend in low cost housing: Quonset huts
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Centuries old Viking hymn sung in a German train station will give you chills but calm you for the coming of Ragnarok
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Budweiser is just as bad at Door Dashing as they are at making beer
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Kill your wife, refuse to drop your gun and get shot by deputies, bond out of jail, cut off your ankle monitor, hold a car salesman at knifepoint during a test drive, steal the car, and escape. That's how you start your search for the one-armed man
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Ever wondered how future us got to Skynet? This is how future us got to Skynet
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Just in time for summer driving: cyberattack shuts down pipeline supplying half the gasoline used on the East Coast
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British pricks cause havoc in New Zealand
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The driver on the bus says 'Where's my gun, where's my gun, where's my gun'. The driver on the bus says 'Where's my gun', on the way to school
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Court: Lose the rock or lose your kid
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Photoshop this cape
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Giant spider attacks 34m space antenna in Canberra, Australia to help prepare for the invasion of Earth
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"When people tell me I'm so kind for adopting a special needs cat and that he is lucky to have me, I can only think about how lucky I am to have him in my life." Welcome to Caturday
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Building your city on a lake problems: Mexico City is 'unstoppably sinking', with some parts falling half a meter a year thanks to good planning by the Aztec empire
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"DWI Dude" lawyer sees what happens when you find a Colombian drug trafficker in the Alps
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To-go alcohol orders looking at becoming permanent. Difficulty: PA
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When life gives you lemons, create a public safety hazard
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Amazon successfully crushed the union in Alabama. Then, the murders began
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Yeah, it's a great commercial. Really does a good job of making fun of coming out of lockdown. Umm. Not to be a prickly pear, but uh... How did you film it?
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Hunt for 'shark' on Aussie university campus finally ends after satellite tracker found. Yes this being Australia, sharks are everywhere
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Local bar that has been curbside-only since March 2020 is finally opening the doors for customers. **cocks ear** Hey what's all that howling? Ohhhh, they are opening the doors to vaccinated customers. Tag is for the howlers
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The city deeply appreciates your efforts to turn this former dump site into a community garden and playground. As a way of saying thanks, here's a notice to vacate
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Don't take your snake out in the cold
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| Fri May 07, 2021 |
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Rutgers University: Due to Covid we can not have a live commencement at the football stadium. Also Rutgers: come see spring football live at the football stadium next week
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I didn't shoot the sheriff, because he stole all the guns
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Thousands of cockroaches on the menu at restaurant to settle debt dispute between owner and local criminals, patrons not amused
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Covid-19 has canceled LA's Pride Parade
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What "Mythic Quest" gets right and wrong about ethics in video game journalism
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Free House 🡆
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If you plan on organizing an illegal hike through the Grand Canyon, scrub you social media postings before lying to the Feds about it
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DC: If you've really missed the feeling of sitting in rush hour traffic, you're gonna love Memorial Day weekend
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NHS website lets you check the vaccination status of anyone in England as long as you know their date of birth and postcode. But its ok, because no-one could possibly gain access to that sort of data, right?
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Covid vaccine pro-tips, for your dumb fark friends
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Photoshop this ancient archeological site
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Nazis on the Moon, OK. Nazis on Mars? That's Teslariffic (possible nsfw content on page)
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If you're gonna go around stealing mail, don't do it in a loud ass muscle car with no license plates.... on second thought, yeah, go ahead and do that
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If at first you don't succeed. Florida Man style
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Okay, the extra $20,000 would be nice, but did they have to go and ruin it with a year's worth of Miller High Life as well?
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Goodwill is not your personal garbage ejecta site
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Feels like Californians are invading your community, you say?
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Normal: TripAdvisor review describes destination as a great place to bring children and "fun for the family". Fark: The Auschwitz Museum
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70% of Americans can't even spot obvious commercialization when it stares them in the face. Also, be sure to get your mom a card and some flowers this Sunday
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Fark-ready road trip
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Uhhh... bullseye?
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The CEO of Washingtonian magazine writes a Washington Post Op-Ed threatening to switch her employees' status to contractor and cut their benefits if they don't come back to the office to celebrate co-workers' birthdays. No, she really said that
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Flight attendants always ask if you can open the emergency exit door when you sit next to it. They never ask if you can keep it from opening
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36% alcohol. Not great, not terrible
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Subway's new sandwiches unsafe says North American Association of Subway Franchisees
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Photoshop these neat tools
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Dude, that's probably not going to help your case
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It's still not legal if you only sell drugs on occasion
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Who steals a goat?
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The world's most dangerous islands are far from paradise, being that they have flesh-melting snakes, hungry cannibals and nuclear wastelands (possible nsfw content on page)
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The majority of Americans are intelligent enough to know vaccine proof will keep us safe
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The bodies of nearly 750 NYC victims of COVID remain in trailers along the Brooklyn waterfront more than a year after they died. Well waterfront property is valuable, no wonder they don't want to leave
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When you let your child's lice infestation get so bad that it depletes her hemoglobin to 10% of normal and almost kills her, that's a jailin'
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Poland, Hungary continue to prove why old white guys in power are earning the grief they're getting
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January 12th is already National Pharmacist Day, so the Missouri Legislature decides to doubly-recognize it with the man who holds the national record for oxycontin consumption
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| (Some Guy) |
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Sorry folks, Australia's closed until 2022. Kangaroo out front shoulda told ya
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Who among us has not been in the middle of Army Basic Training and said to ourselves "I'm going to take this rifle, hop the fence, steal a bus and get the hell out of here. My recruiter lied to me. This ain't like Call of Duty"
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"There was smoke in every orifice of the building," said Butte fire chief of blaze which destroyed historic watering hole
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Brussels rejects the UK's false Brexit compromise (possible nsfw content on page)
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Today in over-inflated news: Man shows off 'world's oldest balloon' that hasn't lost its air in almost 30 years (possible nsfw content on page)
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The NRA's Person of the Week is a plucky little twelve year old girl from Rigby Idaho who is doing her part to smash that "glass ceiling" by showing that girls can be school shooters too
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Ziptie Guy is asking a judge for permission to call his Mom on Mother's Day; which ordinarily wouldn't be a problem, but both of their pre-trial release conditions include not talking to any other people facing charges in connection with the riot
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You mean the search warrant doesn't cover slamming a door into your car, sorry my bad
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| (Some Half Naked Guy) |
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Today is National No Pants Day. Or, as subby calls it, Friday
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In a year where hundreds of thousands of people lost a loved one, companies are slowly realizing that bombarding people with "Hey don't forget mom on Mother's Day" sales pitches might not exactly be the most welcome or sensitive approach
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If you're going to crash a funeral by running the procession off the road, at least be polite and bring firearms and heroin to the reception
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Morons burn syringe effigy in Moroni
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Never trust a poodle, they'll give you up in a heartbeat
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Subby doesn't know which is more 'impressive', being known as the woman with the 'world's biggest mouth' or bragging that you can fit an entire McDonald's large fries into it (possible nsfw content on page)
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Your personal holodeck just took a big step closer to reality
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What the "Stupid" tag was invented for: any headline that includes the phrase "new TikTok trend"
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Pothole penis painter prosecuted
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NFL announces that it's giving away 50 free Super Bowl tickets to fans who've been fully vaccinated. Presumably they'll locate the winners through their microchips
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"She's got a concrete sarcophagus, and a nuclear reaction that just won't quit" (possible nsfw content on page)
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Baby shark-infested waters, doo doo doo
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An electric vehicle is believed to have started a fire at a home in VA that caused $235,000 in damage. In other news, electric vehicles have become sentient, are partial to arson, and should be viewed as hostile
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Massholes truly are the worst drivers in the world, and here is a live video feed to prove it
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What kind of "Medical play set" for kids is this?
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Dog Day Afternoon II
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After meeting Epstein, Melinda went home and locked up the kids
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South Carolina is joining Montana in announcing an end to pandemic unemployment benefits
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A group that has significant contact with the public also has lower vaccination rates than the general population. Gee, I wonder who could be so unwilling to protect the public?
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The GOP is doing its best to overrule the voice of the people
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Economic "experts" expected 1,000,000 jobs to be created in April. They were only off by about 80%. Meanwhile, if you miss a deadline at work you get fired
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Some call him . . . Satan?
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| (David the Gnome) |
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Photoshop this gnarly gnome
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Labour Party suffers humiliating defeat by Tories in by-election, leaving Keir Starmer angrily speechless
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Chicken comes with the egg for woman having fried one, not before or after
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Clusters of India's Covid variant are popping up in the UK
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Apparently, it needs to be said again so here it goes. There are no minors looking to meet for sex on the Internet, right Mr. Florida Golf Pro?
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Angry birds, California-style
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Love Has Won cult being prosecuted for use of glitter
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McDonalds does better background checks than the Alabama State police
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RIP, "I need more beer" lady. May you always have a cold brew in your hand wherever you are now
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What do Patrick Stewart, Bruce Willis, the President of Ireland, Seal, and Donald Trump all have in common?
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Slow Ways
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The typical Tesla owner has a Master's degree and earns $143,000 a year. Not this guy
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It's not just Everest Base Camp: the rest of Nepal is getting overwhelmed by COVID-19, and the only supply flights in are from neighboring India
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| Thu May 06, 2021 |
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There will be no getting footloose in here
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| (Some Guy) |
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I'll take a light beer, fries with extra gravy and pepper, and 1 covid shot por favor
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Old Corner Saloon: Free Pool, Thirsty Thursdays, Dancing Karaoke, Drink Specials, Fake Vaccination Cards, Arrested Owner
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Walker toddler killed by runner
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Because if James Huntsman gets his tithing back, then EVERYBODY will want their tithing back
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I scream, you scream, we all scream from ice cream
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Fark NotNewsletter: Would you rather listen to cicadas, a vuvuzela, or screaming goats?
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Turbo lying: people are more willing to lie to computer software than to their accountant about their taxes
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Denmark claims Corona Pass app that tracks negative test results and vaccine status is allowing bars, cafes, restaurants, museums and other social events to safely open. Florida shakes head in disbelief, pounds another White Claw
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CNN - It's not news that old people get divorced. Oh, wait. Bill and Melinda Gates did it? Look at this trend
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Melting ice in the Italian Alps reveals that the ice was last melted during World War I
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8:30pm Eastern - it's the Fark News Livestream, Covid Squid Sperminator Colostomy Bag Turtle edition
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| (Some Doorstop) |
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Photoshop this prehistoric Amazon page
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"Let me tell you about the time I got hit in the face with 30 pounds of bacon"
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Those are some nice red and white socks you're wearing. That will cost you $900. And you're getting off easy
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40 new hospitals, or a monument to your enormous ego. Choose wisely Modi
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Just the tip
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The owl may have broken your dumb vase but the good news is you've been accepted to Hogwarts
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Study calculates that the true US covid mortality is over 900 thousand
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Eleanor Rigby, picks up the shells in the school where a shooting has been
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Nee-naw nee-naw nee-naw nee-naw ǝǝu-ʍɐu ǝǝu-ʍɐu ǝǝu-ʍɐu ǝǝu-ʍɐu
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UN condemns Taco Tuesday
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Birthing 9 kids at once is amazing. More amazing will be to see what the House of Mouse does if the Disney art on the walls of the Moroccan hospital isn't licensed
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| (Some Guy) |
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The US loses another overall #1 ranking but still leads on the crucial "per capita" basis
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Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
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If you're going to pretend you're some kind of guru and spray poisonous insecticide into your mouth while dancing topless you're probably going to die. Oh well, anyway (possible nsfw content on page)
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To fight COVID, the best possible team has been assembled: Dr. Fauci, Pope Francis, and Aerosmith. Leading doctors from around the world say, "I don't wanna miss a thing"
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Photoshop this running man
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Prince blamed for shooting one of Europe's biggest bears, and he's been dead for five years now
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Royal family wishes Archie a happy birthday. Jughead indifferent, Betty pissed off
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CDC issues statement that COVID could be under complete control by the summer in the U.S. if people get vaccinated and are careful. Welp, we're screwed
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What's in a NameyMcNameface? That which we call a RoseyMcRoseface by any other name would smell as SweetyMcSweetface
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Dear Ocean City please free the boobies
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Bushkill, there's a cream for that now, Park padlocked by owner who says manager who has spent 6 years restoring the rides is a fraud who doesn't have a lease, and is interfering with the owner's ability to sell those same rides
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"What started as a wriggling snarl of buttholes becomes a swarm of autonomous, sex-seeking torpedoes"
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Finally, a job that most of us will excel in
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Clueless homeowner who never thought to pull the handle of his 'fake cupboard' discovers he has a dishwasher in his kitchen after 2 years (possible nsfw content on page)
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Turknado kills 4,000
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Oh the humanity
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TFW the only UK politician who talks any sense also wears a trashcan on his head (possible nsfw content on page)
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Kellogg mansion listed for $4.59 million, currently under contract with closing set for May 15. Application for permit to demolish it was filed on April 23. Because it is set to become a nature preserve (w super cool pics)
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Today's 2-hour serving of '80s alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Love & Rockets, Shriekback, Stan Ridgway, and Gleaming Spires. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #215. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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"Sadly, history shows that spats over fishing between France and Britain have a habit of getting out of control. It was only in 2018 where scallop catchers were throwing rocks and smoke bombs at one another"
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Could I get an extra large tub of popcorn with butter, salt, cocaine, napkins, and a straw? Here is $100
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I mean who wouldn't want a home with attached caves
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Five New England states have already vaccinated about 70% of adults. How many Rhode Islands is that?
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Homeowner gets a home appraisal they think is way too low. Then removes all evidence that it is a Black family living there, and have a white person sit in on the next appraisal. Magically the next appraisal comes in over $100k higher
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Man takes car to the dealership for repair, app shows it was then taken for 90-km trip. Cameron left inconsolable
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French fishing boats do the typically French thing to do and raise white flag off of the Isle of Jersey after Royal Navy gunships called to 'act of war' blockade
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Scientists warn that this could be a really, really bad year for wildfires in the West. As opposed to every other year for the past decade
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King Henry VIII's shipwreck reveals surprising racial diversity* ... (*there may have been a black guy on board in an unknown capacity)
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"Back when I was kid in the 20's, we used to not have school when it snowed." "Wow, grandpa, that must have been awesome." "It was, kid, it truly was"
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Won't someone think of the ball pits?
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41% of Americans will try to kill their mothers this Sunday
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In 2015, Maine stopped the review and approval process for vanity license plates, and it's pretty much been an A55 RGY ever since
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Welcome to the United States of Narcissism, population YOU
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| (Some Thrifty Guy) |
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It's almost like a worldwide pandemic that completely changed social and workplace dynamics might have actually had an effect on consumer spending. Shocking, we know
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Photoshop this moody mandolinist
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In his defense, they are really good popsicles
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Human remains found at Big Arm State Park identified, after authorities were initially stumped
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Sock, sock, goose
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Mentally ill man barricades himself inside a conductor's cab on the NYC subway. Next stop Bellevue Hospital. Stand clear of the closing security doors
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| (Sanitized Database) |
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Little Bobby Tables has a new baby brother
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Italy: Come for the culture, food, and history. Stay because you stabbed a policeman to death in a botched drug deal
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Peloton's quality control problems continue. Their API exposed all user data. Maybe they should have just stuck to overpriced stationary bike hardware
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Fresh off burning and looting a police station, Boogaloo Bois conduct foreign relations. "He offered to sell the purported Hamas member gun silencers .. as well as ,, devices that convert a semi-automatic rifle such as an AR-15 to fully automatic"
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Bookies are offering odds on Bill Gates' first date. Jennifer Aniston is 33-1 but the smart money is on Queen Elizabeth at 1000-1
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Much like the actual Imperial forces, the Bismarck, ND police seem to have missed whatever they were aiming for with this one
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If you want to do cocaine and methamphetamine, please do it in the privacy of your own house, because doing it while shooting fireworks at a neighbor's house is just going to get you arrested
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There's one plastic surgery everyone is getting behind during the pandemic
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Josh Duggar granted bail while the court revealed interesting observations: "It's not the average defendant who can operate in the black web and partition their computer and bypass sophisticated monitoring devices"
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The U.S. is finally getting somewhere in this coronavirus pandemic hell, the positivity rate has dropped to 3.8%, the lowest of the entire pandemic
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| (Some Points Guy) |
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Threaten a Delta employee? Say goodbye to your elite status and your skymiles
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Here's your chance to be like the rock
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 835: "Negative Space". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 05, 2021 |
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An eye for eye. A tooth for a... leg? Somebody's getting the better of this deal, and I think it's the shark
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New Zealand man uses the Farkiest method known to man to get potholes fixed
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Residents have a problem with planned machine gun range
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Arson string of political signs lit on fire, usually in a way where it could spread to the owners home, have "no indication" that they're politically motivated. Sure, Jan
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Life is like a box of chickens
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White House: Hey red states, if you don't want all those vaccines we'll send them to states that do want them
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That one burned down, fell over, and sank in the swamp. But this one stayed up
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The Merriam-Webster word of the day for May 5 is 'Sprightly' as in: "When bartending, always pay attention the soft drinks you use as mixers, lest your customers complain that your drinks taste too sprightly"
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Great news, all you armchair Buzz Lightyears - it looks like "Space Force Reserve" is going to be a thing
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Garden of Eden threatened by sewage, which is why its a bad idea to give away your flaming sword
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Germany aims for zero emissions by 2045, which means there's only twenty-four years left for the sauerkraut industry
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Photoshop this cat and cat warning
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Fertility apps have a leaky back-entrance which may leave you farked in several different ways
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Good news for West Coasters, the U.S. earthquake early warning system is now prepared to message any cell phone when a nearby tremor is detected to alert you about your impending doom
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Due to time pressures and a malevolent editor, today's Writer's Thread headline has been reduced from my original magnum opus to the single word 'Bork.' This is your Fark Writer's Thread, borked edition
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ModeRNA's booster shot proves successful against emerging variants
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Pay them in Skoal?
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Convenience store clerk involved in robbery. His first mistake was being there that day
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| (Some Guy) |
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News: Woman pulls a gun in the carpool lane. FARK: Of an elementary school
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British cat passes the gang initiation
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Carol Baskins is selling her scat if I'm reading this right
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Gallagher now claims SEAL team planned to kill unarmed ISIS fighter, most likely with sledgehammer/watermelon contraption
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Photoshop these military men
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Yo dawg, I heard you think you need a different way to think about thinking
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Unrepentant white supremacist, who shot and killed three people outside a Jewish community center in 2014, has just made the appeal of his death sentence moot
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School Superintendent can confirm incident happened, would also like to stress that no students were involved in incident. The incident being the arrest of two teachers, acting as chaperones during senior trip, for public drunkenness
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So...you're a US citizen who owns a vacation home here in Canada. Great news: we'll levy an additional tax on you because we won't let you cross the border to use it
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The big beast of Somerset England, the size of an "Alsatian," filmed in what might be clearest-ever footage of a big cat EVER (with blurry images and video)
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Peloton recalling 125k treadmills for eating more small children than permissible by law
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Is your headache about to KILL YOU? Click here to find out
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Scientific antichrists propose using Mammon to incentivize getting the Mark of the Beast
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There are secret US intelligence documents on Joe Exotic
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Why do we have public hair? I bet the local pubic library has an answer
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And here we go: Federal judge opens national eviction floodgates
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Real estate listings, celebrity endorsements, wacky food and drink ideas, and little known roles of famous actors are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 18-24: Silly Hat Edition
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England bans wet firewood, will still allow fires on both dry days of the year
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Buy the Shorts
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In 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was produced in England, and there were thousands of jars of it on the Titanic, destined for Mexico after a brief stop in New York. Today, we commemorate the loss of the condiment cargo as the Sinko de Mayo
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| (Road.cc) |
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Action can be achieved when individuals play their own private parts. Especially as it relates to potholes and penii
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Mega sturgeon found hiding in Detroit River, seeks to revitalize Scotland's independence
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The entire Indian delegation to the G7 meeting in the UK are having to isolate following positive Covid tests, but hey, at least they managed to meet the Home Secretary first, eh?
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Pregnant woman gives birth to seven babies, then two more after someone found them hiding from all the others who were at the party (possible nsfw content on page)
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Welsh mountain climber mistakes bleats for cries of help because he could not goat see
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Step 1: Stick cigarette in taco. Step 2: post photo to social media. Step 3: Hey, free food
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Madrilenian feminists in topless protest against far-right candit....why bother? You've already clicked (NSFW in the US)
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Porn and alcohol served at sleepovers at lunch lady's house. No word if she served hoagies, grinders and sloppy Joes
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There is something afoot at the Circle K: a $5.99/mo "subscription plan" that gets you one free fountain soda, slushie, tea or coffee every day. Future plans include teaming up with drug companies to offer a discount on insulin supplies too
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Negative, Pickle Rick, the pattern is full
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The Giggity tag returns to Nevada after a year of lockdown
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Facebook announces it is out of toilet paper for at least the next six months
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Snapchat is quietly pulling the upcoming Russian Roulette feature from the next release
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop whatever the rinky-dinky is going on here
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Thanks to generous donations, including one from a millionaire, the senior dogs at Living Grace Canine Ranch have a place where they can thrive, be loved & live the rest of their lives in comfort. Welcome them all to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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CDC reports more progress against leading parasitic infection in US women
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Neck tattoo lady pleads not guilty to driving over graves, attempting to run down mourners at ex's funeral. Claims she was just lost on the way to Florida
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Advertiser reports they were banned from Facebook and Instagram for literally telling the truth about what kind of ads they're running
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"Grievance proceedings are typically confidential, but we know the allegations against Lin Wood that are being investigated. Why? Because he sued the state bar" and made them all public
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They keep their door wide open. 🎶 Because it's meth they're toking. 🎶 The diapered kid makes his way. 🎶 Into the trailer next door. 🎶 That door wide open. 🎶
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"Everything in my life is very average except my mom is a cult leader, or was a cult leader, I should say"
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Once you're fully vaccinated, are you planning on catching up on all those doctor visits you put off because of the pandemic? Well, if you get your medical care from San Diego-based Scripps Health, you might need to wait a little longer
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Hosting parties during Covid? Better have a criminal lawyer on retainer
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Here are some things to say to assert your dominance over Timothy in your next meeting
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Trial round two?
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Known pervert and molester says he's too famous to flee and wants out on bail
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There should be no phones allowed at the cocaine party
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| Tue May 04, 2021 |
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99-year-old Prince Phillip's death certificate reveals he died from being 99
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Alligators have migrated all the way up to Iowa
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Smart: Wearing an Amazon vest while porch pirating. Not so smart: Using a bike as your transport vehicle
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The good news is the Congo's Ebola outbreak is over. The bad news is there's still a Covid pandemic worldwide
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We've secretly submitted a house generated by an AI to a home listing company. Little things give it away, like the carpet in the kitchen and the closet on the ground floor bigger than most houses
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Man shows support for police by painting blue lines on streets, without permission, using paint that he shoplifted. Then it gets weird
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Okay, people, let's review: Reading advice on the internet does not automatically qualify it as a GOOD advice
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OK, Prime Minister Bedhead
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Lazy crook tries to snatch purse while driving a Uhaul. Continues with a slow speed police chase and a demolition derby
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There is no try. Wear a seat belt you will
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Think you're ready to get outside and play as lockdowns ease? Consider Hungary's fire jugglers, who have been smoldering for far too long
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'We cannot ignore the violence that is claiming innocent lives,' Orlando Police chief says, no doubt while unholstering his gun and looking around for a target
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Photoshop these stilt-walkers
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Students get tired of idiot anti-mask protestors, swing into action with humor. "Krusty Krab Unfair," "Valet Parking," "Legalize Ranch" win the day
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Dave Thomas made it to a hundred. No not Wendy's dad. Not that hoser either. This is the one who helped the Chinese fight the Imperial Japanese and then came home to raise a family
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Another sign that the Covid pandemic is nearing the end and people are getting out again: There is finally enough litter along state highways to justify bringing back the roadside litter removal crews
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This is a TEST of the British Columbia Emergency Alerting System, issued by Emergency Management British Columbia. This is ONLY a TEST. If this had been an actual beaver attack, you would now hear instructions to hide your lumber
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"Hot shucking" melts ceiling tiles, light fixtures and activates fire sprinklers
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Crazy lady assaults someone with billiard balls, cue sticks, cookie sheets, DVD Player, loaded rifle, and a knife. Mad Kung Fu skills or advanced game of Clue?
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This just in. The Prophet Mohammed [pbuh] does NOT like big butts, say reports (possible nsfw content on page)
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Starbucks "the customer is always right"s their baristas complaints about customer orders
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This 68-mile Neon is the last Plymouth ever built and it could be yours
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When you're among the millions of Americans who can't afford dental care, "your mouth becomes a minefield"
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After pleading guilty to possession of child porn, Australian businessman is forced to surrender his knighthood. He'd probably feel more at home as a bishop anyway
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Two all beef patties, special sauce lettuce cheese on a feces stained wrapper
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How Fark's favorite NPR station got its name to stick
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But did he get the pic he was hoping for? (possible nsfw content on page)
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"Far right crime hits record high in Germany". The 1940's would like a recount
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You too can be the owner of some 200 year old nasal mucus belonging to Napoleon Bonaparte
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Web cam captures web, film at 11
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Searchers in Utah find woman missing since November 2020. She just wanted to be left the hell alone for a while
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Photoshop this unusual tee
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President Biden pledges to bring nationwide 5G coverage to 70% of American adults by July 4th
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🎵 Insurrection charges for this guy, who fought for Orange Twitler and his lies, he forgot what his oath said, and assaulted the Capitol in his Green Beret 🎵
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New comic teaches kids how to make art out of what's available during the pandemic. Used syringes, discarded masks, unwanted vaccines, and ignorantly selfish asshats?
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Turns out India still has Covid deniers despite the huge funeral pyres of thousands of bodies burning round the clock
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What's behind Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk's Moon feud? Obviously, only one can become Emperor of the Moon
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Middle-schoolers soon to be eligible for top-notch 5G coverage
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What has six legs and is sticky?
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Nine-year-old lives the dream of every nine-year-old who ever went to an airport
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Has she tried turning it off and turning it back on again?
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Meet the 'Sperminator'. But if he offers you something in a cup to drink, don't fall for it
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Disney reveals plans for Star Wars themed Galactic Starcruiser, where vacationers can play with their lightsabers and find out who their daddy is
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"Cave Syndrome" is keeping the vaccinated in social isolation and browsing Fark all day long
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Never 'drive' in the left lane. Especially don't drive in the left lane for o | | |
