You might try our Headline Search for easier navigation here.
These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Sun May 02, 2021 |
 |
|
Jet skis: Crotch rockets of our waterways
|
 |
|
And you thought dogs hated wearing the cone
|
 |
|
Florida man has a huge boner
|
 |
|
Alberta's government runs away from the mess it made. Quebec gives up and eases Covid restrictions. Ontario continues to ignore its science advisory panel. The ghost of 2020 is haunting Canada
|
| |
 |
|
Runaway horse flees from pursuing police for miles on Pony Express Parkway, loses them in hills
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop this cocky cockerel
|
 |
|
Farmers will be selling pot directly to customers on their property. Just keep the degens from upcountry away
|
 |
|
The needles and the damage done
|
 |
|
While these Australian caterpillars are, of course venomous and can cause severe rashes from the slightest contact, you probably won't need to worry about that as you'll be dead from a severe myocardial NOPE just from watching them on the move
|
| |
 |
|
Momfluencer momfluences her way to prison after falsely claiming a Latino couple tried to kidnap her two children
|
 |
|
Two more people arrested trespassing at Prince Andrew's Windsor home. No information on taxi payments. Trespass trifecta now in play
|
 |
 |
The best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is with a POed tire shop manager from Jersey. Needs 'Bad-ass' tag
|
 |
|
State rep arrested posthumously after rollover crash. (re-reads TFA). Sorry, State Rep Posthumus arrested after rollover crash
|
 |
|
Photoshop this aggrieved accordionist
|
 |
|
Nashville Police called to Kid Rock's Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock N' Roll Steakhouse when shiat hits the fans
|
 |
|
Impressive: Talking your way past security and into Prince Andrew's house. Next level: Persuading the guards to pay for the taxi you arrived in (possible nsfw content on page)
|
 |
|
Probably not the best idea for everyone to vacation at once this summer
|
 |
|
Welcome Fark Artists to your Fartist Friday Contest. In honor of "National Bugs Bunny Day" we'll write limericks about our favorite childhood cartoon characters. That wascally wabbit, the daffiest of ducks, Hmmm it's Marge and Jinkies it's Velma
|
 |
|
Some random civilian challenged US Navy SEAL Marcus Luttrell to a shooting competition at SHOT Show in 2016. Guess who won
|
 |
|
Happy 90th birthday Empire State Building. You don't look a day over 75
|
 |
|
Men Of The Internet™ share what they've learned after discovering the world outside of their moms' basements
|
 |
|
Italian police absolutely ruin American's weekend plans in Palermo
|
 |
|
Photoshop this funky modern home facade
|
 |
|
Don't be so quick to think this pandemic is over, the world is now in the midst of the worst coronavirus outbreak yet
|
 |
|
Man's best friend, my arse
|
 |
|
Cars crashing into gas stations have only made gas stations angry. Now, their vengeance begins
|
 |
|
When you realize your outdoor wedding will be impacted by Brood X cicadas
|
 |
|
Jet delivered mid-air, mid-ocean to new owner
|
 |
|
Apparently, Santa lives in Shreveport, LA
|
 |
|
Paid parental leave as popular as chocolate
|
 |
|
Hooray: Police visit 315 gatherings that defy Covid lockdown. Wah-wah: Fewer than one ticket issued per gathering
|
| |
|
Pro tip: if you're going to scam someone in a fake meth deal, make sure they don't know where you live
|
 |
|
Lake Huron folks admit there is a "Sauble Beach of the South" that is almost as good
|
 |
|
Good: street with no street signs finally gets some. Bad: with a name no one knows it as. Fark: including delivery drivers and GPS apps
|
| Sat May 01, 2021 |
 |
|
In Wyoming, game commissioners mull how to suck as much tourism money out of wolves in Yellowstone while allowing their destruction by any means elsewhere. "This is the first time I'd seen a wolf in the wild. Now we just have to keep them up here"
|
 |
|
Man buys house, not news. Man makes only one mortgage payment, again, not news. Man still living in house 23 years later. Now that's news
|
| |
|
Their luck ran out: active shooter at casino in Green Bay, Wisconsin
|
 |
|
If a tree falls on a porta potty on a Civil War battlefield, will the occupant make a sound?
|
| |
|
The safest activities the fully vaccinated can do
|
 |
|
Photoshop these dumbstruck dogs
|
 |
|
On Paul's Memory Bank tonight (8PM EDT), Connie and Osgood are vying to be elected cheerleader, Liz wants to hire an interior decorator and engineering teams designing a road to link North & South America are disappearing over the Andes
|
 |
|
Pro Tip: Bear spray goes on the bear, not on you
|
| |
|
Change your underwear, you dirty freak
|
 |
|
What book do you bring to an arson?
|
 |
|
How small kids are x-rayed and serial killers created
|
| |
|
In case you were thinking gas prices might not go up too much
|
| (Some Timmy) |
|
Photoshop this well and bucket
|
 |
|
Elderly couple with dementia use knowledge of Morse code to escape secure assisted living facility, make dash for freedom despite their dotage
|
 |
|
Never attempt to rob someone while they're pumping gas
|
 |
|
You may have played too many computer games if you've been found dead clutching your Xbox controller after an all-night session
|
 |
|
Writing is being done wrong by you
|
| |
|
It's going to be a violent, hot, American summer because, well... America
|
 |
|
Nature always finds a way to give hikers a high
|
| |
|
Are we finally seeing the light at the end of the COVID tunnel?
|
| (Royal Gazette) |
|
France: we'll just test out these ICBMs over this completely empty patch of Atlantic Ocean. Bermuda: HEY WAIT A MINUTE HERE
|
 |
|
Heads up Spain, a ragtag band of Mexican revolutionaries plan to cross the Atlantic Ocean in a wooden boat and invade you. They say it's peaceful but don't believe them
|
 |
|
Florida demands recount when Oklahoma declared Lightning Capital of USA
|
 |
|
A collared mountain lion has been spotted roaming Guadalupe Mountains National Park. One small problem. The Park hasn't collared cats since the 1980s
|
| |
|
Photoshop this beautiful scene
|
 |
|
Zombie cat wants chicken instead of brains on Caturday
|
 |
|
So what exactly is May Day anyway?
|
 |
|
Students of the Scandinavian Cello School perform for cows. No, this is not a Far Side cartoon but probably should be
|
 |
|
In today's episode of "JFC, get a grip"
|
 |
|
Eli Broad died today. Made his $B's from KB Homes and SunAmerica but wasted it on: LA's MOCA, Broad Prize, Broad Museum, the Broad Stage, LACMA, LA Opera, Disney Concert Hall, Broad Foundation, research facilities at UCLA/USC/Harvard/MIT etc
|
| |
|
Janky & Johnson
|
| |
|
Great news for Fark, booze is getting cheap. Alas, you have to fly down to the land where every plant and animal wants to eat you
|
| |
|
Order up for a venti homicide in the drive-thru
|
 |
|
News: Radio morning show host gets laid off. Fark: Less than a week after he got a tattoo of the radio station on his shoulder
|
 |
|
U.S.S Chattanooga found in the last place you would expect
|
 |
|
Watch your fruit intake
|
| |
|
Crowded House
|
| Fri April 30, 2021 |
| (Some Guy) |
|
Nigerian teen wins $5 million in scholarship offers in the US and UK. But first she'll need to send a $5000 cashier's check to release the funds
|
 |
|
US Fish and Wildlife Service crew caught a 240-lb, 6'10" sturgeon last week, believed to have been hatched prior to the 1920s
|
| |
|
Not news: British police chase suspect. News: For 8 miles in a canal. Fark: Suspect was in a 4mph diesel boat
|
| |
|
6,000 people gather for weekend party in Liverpool "to see how it goes." It doesn't get any better than seeing Fatboy Slim while totally amped up on remdesivir and hydroxychloroquine
|
| |
|
You know it's time for a bigger fishing boat when a croc can launch itself into your boat
|
 |
|
Well, it's not exactly "Kevin the dolphin", but it's at least something
|
 |
|
Austin is the number one city in America for naked gardening. In related news, there are people that like to garden naked
|
 |
|
We investigated ourselves and..... errr.... sent four cops to court for assault and covering it up. More police accountability from the UK
|
| |
|
'The polar bear became his one true love' - I'll take Unfortunate Epitaphs for $500, Alex
|
 |
|
Council worker with a weed burner takes 15 minutes to destroy artwork composed of living plants that took three years to grow after thinking 'It's a deathtrap," trap being Dutch for stairs
|
| |
|
Sure, why not, throw a "mice plague" of biblical proportions on the barbie for our Aussie friends
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Fill this empty stage
|
| |
|
It's like 10,000 debunked theories from a Kenyan doctor when all he needed was a vaccine
|
 |
|
Now we know what the Queen has been up to since she's been single
|
 |
|
There goes the caddy scholarship program
|
 |
|
Zillow Gone Wild: Inside a wonderfully weird St. Louis home
|
 |
|
Balls of STEEL
|
 |
|
Knock knock. Who's there? Ali? Ali who .... OH HELL NO
|
| |
|
Pooty poot the Putin reminds US President Biden that it doesn't have coal-fired supersonic cruise missiles after US ships enter the Black Sea (possible nsfw content on page)
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Gen Z term used to describe out of style millennials causes controversy. That is so fetch
|
 |
|
Lede of story: people protesting the government taking land from small time farmers. Buried so deep Jimmy Hoffa says hi: small time farmer is LLC producing $11 million in dairy products
|
| |
|
So, just how bad is it in India right now? Holy shiat
|
| |
|
Only a month after losing her husband, "It is with the deepest shock and distress that the Royal Family announces the unexpected passing of Her Majesty..." No, not that one
|
| |
|
Florida Man is so unpredictable. A samurai sword today, an armed man without hands tomorrow. We never know when. We never know how. We only know where
|
 |
|
The Clayton County, Georgia Sheriff's Office has had a bad week. The Sheriff was indicted, a prisoner escapes during transportation, and another prisoner has escaped during transportation today
|
 |
|
Photoshop this sculpture
|
| |
|
Comedian awarded $35,000 for 2019 incident in which he was pulled off a bus by border patrol agents... at the Washington-Oregon border
|
 |
|
Protip: if you're going to snatch a woman's purse, a U-Haul is not the best getaway vehicle
|
| |
|
Al Qaeda promises war 'on all fronts' with US on 10th anniversary of Osama bin Laden's death
|
 |
|
Iowa doesn't want its prisoners reading
|
 |
|
Five Prince George's County, MD volunteer firefighters (including a 24-year-old who looks 13) charged with generating demand
|
 |
|
Boomers now going ahead and retiring earlier than they'd planned thanks to the past year of stock market gains. See youngins', this why you take advantage of all other generations
|
 |
|
Just a reminder that today is National Boba Day, so shine that helmet, make sure your jetpack is in good working order, and for christ's sake stay away from any Sarlaac pits
|
| |
|
And now for something completely different: the weirdest doorbell you've ever heard
|
| |
|
"Why so many people in China are becoming mermaids." Man, wait until conservatives learn who they'll be sharing bathrooms with now
|
 |
|
Teenager accidentally moves into retirement community, finds herself loving life in the senior lane, elderberries smell and all
|
 |
|
Major economist says coming economic boom will be like The Great Gatsby for some, Grapes of Wrath for others. Just as long as it's not A Separate Peace because John Knowles sucks
|
| |
|
Apparently your dog can be repossessed by the bank in some states
|
| |
|
To mask or not to mask, that is the question for pandemic plagued America
|
| |
|
Pool owners this Summer look forward to stinky, smelly, off colored water
|
| |
|
Because they would've been killed, too
|
| |
|
Who knew putting the template of an easily forged document online could lead to forgery?
|
 |
|
Fellow Farkers, our dream job has arrived
|
| |
|
You had me at 'butt squad' (NSFW)
|
| |
|
Things that might interrupt your wedding: A) Bad weather, B) An angry ex, C) A cow giving birth
|
 |
|
Are we prepared to hear the truth about the January 6 terror attack?
|
 |
|
Two shot after a man brings a luger to Peter Luger's
|
| |
|
42 may the answer to life, the universe and everything, but 46 is the age when we all stop giving a fark about what other people think
|
| |
|
I'll take endorsements NOBODY wants for $1000, Alex
|
 |
|
62% of Americans think they are far more interesting than they really are
|
| |
|
Use mulch in your yard? Your home could be on fire
|
 |
|
"They got it from the iCloud" shouts an hysterical Giuliani at a bewildered Tucker Carlson
|
 |
|
Looks like the Precogs have stopped another future criminal. Rest easy, everyone
|
| |
|
Texas rancher brags to Fox News about how he "caught" three immigrants on his property
|
 |
|
Even the Burners who might have attended it are glad that Burning Man was canceled again. "A lot of people have gotten sick of what Burning Man's kind of become"
|
 |
|
That's a big duck
|
| |
|
Companies are delivering an ultimatum: Either get vaccinated or GTFO
|
| |
|
How to socialize again after the pandemic. I mean, seriously. You just type what you want to say in the box and then click "add comment," I don't see what's so hard about that
|
| |
|
You know Blake Bailey, the Philip Roth biographer whose book got canceled? Here's an in-depth exploration of how creepy he is. And yes, we're talking "grooming your 8th grade English students to have sex with you the minute they're legal" creepy
|
| |
|
Raging digger-driver goes on bulldozing rampage, leaves £700,000 trail of destruction after demolishing offices
|
| |
|
Photoshop these birbs
|
 |
|
Today is National Honesty Day. Or is it?
|
| |
|
May 24. Sunday. Victoria day. Time for barbecue. Time for beer. Smoke a joint. Bang your spouse. And get your shot
|
| |
|
Armed robber raids, demands Chicken Mcnuggets but has to settle for Sausage McMuffin because it was too early
|
| |
|
Can I / should I do anything to help some people living in their car next to a neighborhood park? DIT
|
 |
|
Remember that bar owner on the lam? So did the authorities
|
 |
|
Epidemiologist Joe Rogan says Joe Rogan's a farking idiot for saying kids don't need COVID vaccinations
|
| |
|
If I can take your wife home tonight, you get a promotion. "No." How about your daughter? "She's.... 12"
|
 |
|
Florida Bear. That is all
|
 |
|
4,189 Helen Lovejoys: Ban Netflix for mocking Jeebus
|
 |
|
Remember that TSA takes dim view of carrying cat eyes in carry on baggage
|
 |
|
Mocking another man's Range Rover can lead to serious consequences, even though Range Rovers suck
|
| |
|
Deputies ignore neck tattoo that clearly states suspect is a flight risk
|
| |
|
So it has come to this: Americans who are "losing interest" in the free life saving vaccines are having to be bribed with beer, pot and discounts on ATVs. Add meth to the list and they might end the pandemic overnight
|
 |
|
Video voyeurism is illegal, can lead to jail time. So why did county jailers set up visitation cameras with clear view of inmate showers?
|
| |
|
World's longest NOPE opens in Portugal
|
| Thu April 29, 2021 |
 |
|
Maybe these statues were a bad idea
|
| |
|
The truck-eating bridge has a parking garage cousin
|
 |
|
U.S. Navy unveils humanitarian breakthrough: Unmanned ship-killing missiles
|
| |
|
Are the people of Finland happy? Bwoah, it's alright
|
| |
|
Who knew waxing your armpits was so painful? I mean, other than everyone in the world. And oh you bet there's NSFW language
|
 |
|
It's hard to not watch this video of a reporter's live shot going sideways in Memphis. It's like a car crash or something
|
| |
|
Having solved all real problems, Canada is now in the grips of a crippling professional bridge cheating scandal
|
 |
|
10 to 20 years and Counting
|
| |
|
Dozens killed in stampede at Jewish festival. Oy vey
|
 |
|
Police called on diners violating no-eat-in order. Suspects remained mute in the face of questioning, maintaining wooden expressions
|
| |
|
Yesterday's softball results from Texas and Oklahoma
|
 |
|
8:30pm Eastern - it's the Fark News Livestream, Cat Butthole Sex Grenade Wing Shortage edition
|
| |
|
Photoshop this art exhibit
|
| |
|
Michigan hotel offers fly-fishing package with a Hemingway twist. Raging alcoholism and clinical depression optional
|
 |
|
Please do not pet the fish. It is not a fish. It's a ticking time bomb. Bork, bork, bork
|
 |
|
Air Force base in Alaska complains that increased Russian activity is making them do actual work for the first time since the 90s
|
 |
|
Pandemic exacerbated existing problems at the Y - M - C - A. Including the earworm that's now in your head at the Y - M - C - A
|
 |
|
Cruises could start up again this summer. With the caveat of a D20 roll on whether you'll encounter an unvaccinated passenger
|
| |
|
Our long national nightmare is slowly coming to a close. In Heinz sight, it could have been avoided
|
 |
|
Now that everyone is quite familiar with delta 9 tetrahydrocannabinol and its associated cannabinoids, it's time to flood your internet with stories of Delta-8, the new evil and menacing psychoactive compound that will steal your children's souls
|
| |
|
It's a common pizza topping. It would be strange if a pizzeria owner didn't have any.... Oh. Never mind
|
 |
|
Bones dating to the Ice Age found in Vegas, showing that even back then it was a bad idea to mess with the mob
|
 |
|
On this day in history, in 1429, Joan of Arc relieved Orleans, in a stunning victory which no doubt brought comfort to her later in life, as the flames rose to her Roman nose and her Walkman started to melt
|
 |
|
People are soiling their underwear to help the earth, and not just because someone said we're running out of bourbon
|
| |
|
Egyptian archaeologists have uncovered dozens of rare pre-dynastic tombs, which places them in the transitional period before 1981 when the other soap operas were Guiding Light or General Hospital
|
| |
|
Photoshop these beds
|
 |
|
1 billion down, 6.674 billion to go
|
 |
|
Organizers of a small 9/11 rally in NYC end up being technically correct
|
 |
|
Woman forgets how pizza delivery works. Hilarity ensues
|
| |
|
Police officer, "You don't understand...he stole a CHICKEN"
|
| |
|
Russia returns 'Kalibr' to the Lady of the Lake
|
 |
|
Why do we bother even plugging in the clock?
|
| |
|
With Covid-19 rampaging through India and the funeral pyres lighting up the skies, aircraft are swamped as Indian nationals panic and fly . . . back to India?
|
 |
|
"World famous wrestler" arrested in Florida. No word if he was going to start kicking down buildings, snap into a Slim Jim
|
 |
|
Man wins £23,500 Mitsubishi Evo sports car in a internet giveaway. Since you're reading this on Fark, you can guess what happens next
|
| |
|
Unauthorized trees, some planted two decades ago - and the 261 complaints about them from one individual over a two-day period - make Hawaii slightly less para-dicey. The trees would say "Please leaf us alone." Larch. The Larch
|
 |
|
For a mere $2,500, you too can ride the simple elegance of a genuine Italian crafted electric Dong
|
| |
|
Turkey prepares to be stuffed
|
 |
|
Nibblin' on sponge cake, watching the cruise ships, slicing through coral covered in poop
|
| |
|
Rogue Canada Goose claims entire stretch of highway for himself. Prime Minister considering calling in military
|
 |
|
Nebraska woman accepts position of Most Dangerous Job in America, the one no one survives
|
 |
|
Today's 2 hour serving of 80's alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from The Happy Mondays, Squeeze, Xymox, and Hazel O'Connor. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #213. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
|
| |
|
China launches important module for space station, reports say, although they strangely omit saying if it was Tomb of Horrors, The Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth, or one of those Ravenloft ones
|
| |
|
Once again, Florida scohols the world on how to be stupid
|
 |
 |
Are Chinese wives secretly feeding husbands impotency drugs to stop their cheating? "It took about two weeks after giving it to my husband for the drugs to take effect. My husband is now very good at home"
|
| |
|
On this day in history, Adolf Hitler married Eva Braun, in what was to be a short marriage that ended with a bang
|
| |
|
Man who lives in giant house, wears gold jewelry, drinks from golden cups paid for by people giving money to God aims to cut down on corruption
|
 |
|
Alabama considering holding back all third graders who can't pass the University of Alabama entrance exam
|
| |
|
You're not suffering from exhaustion, cynicism, and a lack of efficacy. You're just overextended, ineffective, and disengaged
|
 |
|
Today is National Zipper Day, so let's all celebrate by unzipping something
|
| |
|
Poker night turns into super-spreader night. We can assume liquor was involved, too
|
| |
|
"Better watch out for those cockatoos, Dave. They may look cute, but once they join a gang they'll just take over the neighborhood. And it won't be pretty"
|
 |
|
A new study out of the University of The Blindingly Obvious in the U.K. wanted to see if there was a connection between kinky sex and drugs. Captain Obvious last seen in a leather cowl carrying a whip
|
| |
|
Ever Given crew who clogged up Egypt's Suez Canal now stuck on vessel, maybe for years. Constipation could ensue due to costs and damages
|
 |
|
Couple to get divorce over differences regarding a) infidelity, b) extravagant spending, c) wild boars
|
 |
|
'Zoom effect' leads to increase in demand for cosmetic surgery, blurry filters
|
 |
|
Man was in his garage "surrounded by chainsaws" when police stopped to question him about chainsaw thefts. Lou seen taking notes on this fine police work
|
 |
|
"Boulders block road in Boulder Canyon near Boulder according to Boulder County Sheriff's Office"
|
 |
|
Turns out, the Feds were going to arrest Derek Chauvin if his trial ended the other way
|
| |
|
Three years later, someone found out
|
| |
|
Photoshop this A Soyuz-2.1b rocket booster
|
 |
|
NYPD puts down their robotic dog for being too aggressive. Major unavailable for comment
|
| |
|
Columbus OH officials ask DOJ to investigate their police force. "My dearest Merrick, Columbus is hell. It has been hours since the last killing and morale is low"
|
 |
|
We're beginning to think the "most popular baby names" people are either just pranking everyone or have been hitting the bong way too much while working from home this past year
|
 |
|
You can thank Obama for the reason your once cheap-arse piece of pine 2×4 lumber is so shockingly expensive
|
 |
|
Jim Bakker: Zombies are real and they're coming after you
|
| |
|
Giant octopus comes ashore on Aussie beach, looks for sacrificial virgin as first step towards world domination
|
| |
|
26-year-old Mario Gonzalez was strangled to death by the Alameda police for the horrific crime of loitering in a park
|
| |
|
Rudy Giuliani's neighbor gives an impromptu press conference that's straight out of Seinfeld
|
 |
|
Buying a decrepit old house, tearing it down and building something new sounds like a great idea - except to the lady who's been living there for almost a decade and thinks she owns it
|
| |
|
Catholic priest fully embraces science over mythology and fear. That's the joke
|
| |
|
British naturism society reports "exponential" growth in social nudity during the pandemic, aided by virtual meetings and classes. Club members can visit online cooking classes with Pam, who shows how to make flapjacks
|
 |
|
The new malaria vaccine is a major game changer
|
| |
|
Rich dude problems: Fighting over the Moon
|
 |
|
CT makes it official that Jesus can be your vaccine, but you better hope he can also afford your private school tuition
|
 |
|
Alexa, help I've been attacked by bees and I'm near death
|
 |
|
Those three guys guarding the neighborhood who just had to kill Ahmaud Arbery? They're charged with federal hate crimes. Love, Merrick
|
 |
 |
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 834: "In Memoriam: Curious". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
|
| Wed April 28, 2021 |
 |
|
Cameras recording passing cars in the right lane with the civil forfeiture stops in the left lane
|
 |
|
RIP, Spanish Laughing Guy meme guy Juan Joya Borja
|
| |
|
NJ woman embezzles $2.6 million from nonprofit organization, spending it on gambling and luxury vacations. The rest she just squandered
|
 |
|
Man finds out that cowboy boots are not fireproof
|
 |
|
The 20 most terrifying places on Earth. Subby's bathroom after a night of IPAs and hot wings strangely absent
|
 |
|
Medical examiner rules Marvin Scott's in-custody death as: A few officers are going to get a nice, long paid vacation
|
| |
|
Fark NotNewsletter: A licky boom boom down
|
| |
|
Major supercell storm headed for San Antonio TX. If you live in San Antonio, take action to protect property and lives now
|
| |
|
Embezl mor munee
|
| |
|
Good news. It stopped snowing so you won't get fined for parking on the street when we plow. Oh, and don't park on the street, we're sweeping them
|
| |
|
Torso Killer confesses to another murder, catfishing Morgan Tookers
|
 |
|
Ain't nobody here but us chickens
|
 |
|
Photoshop these students' shrine to Olivia Newton John
|
 |
|
Florida man clearly tired of waiting to be in a headline, carjacks own car because if you want something done right, well
|
 |
|
Hundreds of locals turn up to protest when Australian gay guy proposes to paint his house in rainbow colours. Wait, no, they came and helped him paint. Strewth
|
| |
|
Sup, fam? This your homie, JP Morgan, letting you know that our wealth management teams are on fleek and ready to diamondhand your nest egg to the moon. Lit
|
| |
|
This is your Fark Writer's Thread, sharp criticism and pointed observations edition
|
| |
|
Another N.J. college to require students to get COVID vaccine. Thanks Drew
|
| |
|
Saskatchewan RCMP impound a Ferarri, Lamborghini and Aston Martin for excessive speed. Reportedly one driver was an arrogant loudmouth, another was a bore and the third they were amazed didn't crash
|
 |
|
More than 100 rounds fired in home assault. No word on condition of assaulted homes. With self explanatory 'It's coming right for me' mugshot of the house hunter
|
| |
|
California home hosts remake of Alfred Hitchcock movie
|
 |
|
Train hits tractor-trailer carrying bricks and unlike the cartoons of yesteryear, they did not all fly up in the air and land in a nice, neat pile resembling a bank, or library
|
| |
|
Vaccinated and ready to be at the gym in 26 minutes? Great, here's what you need to know. And remember, it's leg day
|
| |
|
Lebanese musician missing in Saudi Arabia, media claims, although there's no explanation of why it matters what kind of organist they are
|
 |
|
Photoshop this lemur
|
 |
|
10 years for woman who smuggled loaded .22 caliber revolver into jail in her prison pouch
|
 |
|
So you accidentally got the wrong second shot. Don't Panic. You may have a delayed superpower response, and some of your new mutations may be disturbing. You are protected, but please notify the CDC if any monster-ism occurs
|
 |
|
Pandemic causes spike in chicken rentals. In related news, apparently you can rent a chicken
|
 |
|
Woman gives birth to Chris Griffin meme
|
 |
|
Microsoft fails once again to give the people what they want: Comic Sans
|
 |
|
GNU Terry Pratchett
|
| |
|
If you're a teacher, do not text female students telling them to buy slutty underwear or ask them if they masturbate or to describe porn scenes. Aristocrats
|
 |
|
Hell hath no fury like a woman with access to thy iCloud (possible nsfw content on page)
|
 |
|
Treasure hunters to dig up 48 crates of Hitler's gold worth half a billion under 18th-century palace in Poland. No word whether Geraldo Rivera will be there for the dig
|
| |
|
UK to send Queen Elizabeth aircraft carrier through South China Sea in show of force, demonstrating the Royal Navy's modernization with rum, sodomy, and F-35B's
|
| |
|
Unlike Subby last night, here are the five things you're doing that are disappointing your mom
|
| |
|
Australia to upgrade military bases and expand war games with the U.S., offering a potential strategic game-changer in the struggle with expansionist China by equipping F-22 Raptors with radar-guided drop bears
|
| |
|
Parents: We're vaccinated so off to Hawaii we go. Son: *coughcough thud*
|
 |
|
Feds execute search warrant on Giuliani's crypt
|
 |
|
Minnesota suburb says Black Lives can matter until May 4th, but after that it's a $200 fine
|
| |
|
"Forgotten" astronaut Michael Collins will never be forgotten
|
| |
|
On this day in history, in 1789, Fletcher Christian led a mutiny on the HMS Bounty, an act of naval crime later repeated on the HMCS Scott, the USS Brawny, and the CNS Great Value
|
| |
|
Russian Foreign Minister says US ties are worse than during Cold War, before going on to insult our hats, haircuts, and haberdashery in general
|
| |
|
Seattle Police Department warns of staffing crisis after 66 officers leave, offering a bleak vision of a city where people who call for help may remain unshot
|
 |
|
Man builds wall of poop after dispute with neighbor. The county is fine with it and say they can't do anything about it
|
 |
|
"Donald Hump" gets angry about bag fees and threatens to blow up Las Vegas airport while flipping the bird and yelling racial slurs at check in counter. He has finally become more presidential
|
| |
|
Texas man dies after being attacked by aggressive bees, as the warnings from Lorne Michaels on Saturday Night Live went unheeded
|
| |
|
On this day in history, in 1945, 'Il duce' became ,ǝɔnp lI
|
| |
|
12-year old set to graduate High-school and college in the same week this May, a decision he will in no way regret in 20 years when his friends and co-workers share stories about their exploits at prom or the wild parties they went to in college
|
| |
|
Bird smuggler caught after someone heard the hair curlers around his legs chirping and singing
|
 |
|
Apparently there is a replica Family Truckster from the film "National Lampoon's Vacation" owned by a couple in upstate New York, and they drive it around all the time. Aunt Edna still on the roof
|
 |
|
Geaux Coronavirus
|
 |
|
Feds arrest Russian Swede Bitcoin oligarch for massive cryptocurrency money laundering scheme. Bonus: They tracked him down via blockchain analysis that his company was supposed to defeat
|
| |
|
Want to keep cool? Can't afford a pool? Don't be a fool. Use this farm tool
|
| |
|
Photoshop these workers hosing a statue
|
 |
|
A chihuahua who had been described in his adoption ad as a "neurotic, man hating, animal hating, children hating" dog who looks like a gremlin has found his forever home. Please welcome Prancer and his new owner to Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
|
| |
|
Canada envious of America's prick
|
 |
|
City finally gets around to billing woman for all the false alarms caused by her non-existent alarm system
|
| |
|
Tennessee governor:"25% vaccinated? Not great, not terrible. Let's open her up again"
|
| |
|
Tesla now has $2.5B in Bitcoin. Once they go vegan and take up Crossfit, the Quadrangle of Suck will be complete
|
 |
|
In a world with no entertainment, man must make their own. But when you've spent 6 years parking in every space in one particular car park, there's something else going on
|
 |
|
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus guitarist Yahtzee purple monkey dishwasher bingo
|
 |
|
Former county deputy uses stand-your-ground defense to justify strangling his son to death. Let's see how that chokes out for him
|
 |
|
Hey everybody, free beer May 19th-31st in CT if you're vaccinated. Book your pub crawls now. Free hangover day is June first
|
| |
|
Cops, claiming body cam video proves their Taser darts only hit suspect, didn't electrocute dog, forget electricity conducts
|
 |
|
There's no superspreader event like a 25,000-person event because a 25,000-person event has 25,000 people in it
|
 |
|
Man steals Jeep. Then things get weird
|
| (The Press) |
|
Delta Delta Delta, can I help ya, help ya, help ya (with free community wireless internet from "WiFi on Wheels")?
|
 |
|
Grab your rifle and head for Arizona
|
 |
|
If the Seattle underground tour is on your bucket list you might want to get certified for scuba diving
|
| |
|
It's OK everyone. For his affiliation with Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew has received a polite scolding
|
| Tue April 27, 2021 |
| |
|
They "forcefully acquired wives"? Well that's one way of putting it
|
| |
|
After 32 years living on an island, Italy's 81-year-old Robinson Crusoe is giving up his WWII shelter and moving into an apartment
|
| |
|
This is a very important question for Farkers: How much booze can you drink after you've been Covid vaccinated?
|
| |
|
Not news: Woman takes an Uber ride. News: The drives goes into a canal and she has to walk the rest of the way. Fark: She is still charged for the ride
|
| |
|
'Not a tree,' say reports (possible nsfw content on page)
|
 |
|
Attack of the drones. Unmmaned helicopter crashes into U.S. Navy ship
|
| |
|
For some parents of young adults, the pandemic has meant new opportunities to reconnect with their children. If by "reconnect with their children" you mean "let these grown-ass adults move back into the basement rent-free for the rest of their lives"
|
| |
|
Better stock up on Newports
|
 |
|
Burning Man has been put out this year
|
| |
|
How does Publix thank a student for promoting its subs? Here's your cease and desist order
|
 |
|
Sign, sign, everywhere a sign, Blockin' out the scenery, Breakin' my mind
|
 |
|
Photoshop this shot in the dark
|
 |
|
Second-rate tv station reports student at second-rate journalism school gets article published in second-rate newspaper
|
| |
|
Happy birthday, boy, here's your giant custom-made 7ft steel penis (possible nsfw content on page)
|
| |
|
Racist white woman takes over a military base in Myanmar, according to this headline
|
 |
|
From the "every country suffers from its own idiots" files: Another person caught throwing coins into plane engine for "good luck" in China
|
 |
|
If you want an unhealthy bush, head for Australia
|
 |
|
Saitama cement factory blows up real good, damages property. "My daughter was on her way home from a cram school and was surprised to see something that looked like snowflakes falling"
|
| |
|
Remind me again -- what's that thing about headlines phrased as a question?
|
| |
|
Irish Taoiseach Micheal Martin dodges call of nature from gibbon on visit to Dublin Zoo after it reopens. Apparently the primate had been holding it in for the 244 days since it closed
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop this reflective meeting
|
| |
|
Anything is a WWII hand grenade if you've brave enough
|
| |
|
A bottle of whiskey dating back to the Revolutionary War is about to hit the auction block for as much as $40,000. At that price the Mountain Dew had better be complimentary
|
| |
|
One, two three, four, I declare a Sign War
|
 |
|
Not News: Yoopers are upset that someone failed to note the existence of Upper Michigan on a map. Fark: The U.S. Census Bureau
|
 |
|
These guys get a fancy write up and are called disrupters. Meanwhile Subby stashes a few bodies in shallow graves in the woods behind his house and suddenly the police get involved
|
| |
|
Ready for the restrictions to ease and head out on a road trip this summer? Good luck finding gas due to a tanker driver shortage
|
 |
|
Stealing moisturizer and women's underwear from Walmart is no way to go through life, Mr. Police Officer
|
| |
|
Mark it zero
|
| |
|
Travel writer extols the value of traveling with a good towel. Maybe someday they will figure out how to be a hoopy frood. Or perhaps that their idea is not even remotely new
|
| |
|
"Disaster Girl," now a 21-year-old college senior, just made a nice mint off her meme
|
| |
|
♫♪♫ Sexbomb, sexbomb, yeah, you're a sexbomb, uh, huh ♫♪
|
| |
|
Normally, a car exploding on the side of the road is enough to get noticed - but it's 2021, and people stopped giving a fark sometime last year (with video)
|
| |
|
Irony has become the weapon of choice for many extremists, which is pretty ironic since they and most of their followers would have less than a 25 percent chance of picking irony's correct definition from a 2-option multiple choice quiz
|
| |
|
'Teeth have become the new boob job.' HEY HEY HEY - eyes down here, thankyouverymuch
|
 |
|
New York Times announces that it is retiring the term "Op-Ed," presumably to replace it with the much more accurate term, "trollbait"
|
| |
|
Most Americans Would Take Pay Cuts to Keep Working From Home. Problem is, the corporations who employ them stopped reading after the headline's sixth word
|
 |
|
Newly released bodycam footage clearly shows Atlanta Police officers....uh -oh...Saving a man from a burning car that crashed in a gas Station parking lot? Nicely done fellas
|
 |
|
Bar company thinks that Scots, alcohol and throwing axes make for a good combination
|
| |
|
Bomb destroys Port-a-potty and police have nothing to go on
|
| |
|
No your honor, I do not think I was breaking any laws when I was arrested for smearing Nutella on my body and running through a football game. You see, free will does not exist and the gods demanded I stop the Browns from winning. At any cost
|
| |
|
Sports, billionaires, sports billionaires, and poor sportsmanship are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 11-17 First Barbecue of the Year Edition
|
| |
|
Teenage girl chooses the wrong pedal and parks inside a NAPA auto parts store. Police say they're still investigating the cause of the accident; subby points at first two words of headline
|
 |
|
"An explosion believed to be caused by an electrical vault early Tuesday morning injured four people in Hollywood." - Subby not sure what an electrical vault is, but is pretty sure that they shouldn't 'esplode
|
 |
|
This week in design fail: city public health department urges residents to "Take the sh*t." Difficulty: not San Francisco
|
| |
|
West Virginia will give $100 savings bonds to people aged 16 to 35 who get vaccinated. Difficulty: You need to live in West Virginia
|
| |
|
Meet up and engage in "mutual combat"? That's a stabbing
|
| |
|
"Makeshift crematoriums" is the nice way of saying "open-air funeral pyres in public parks" in Delhi these days
| | |
