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| Sun April 25, 2021 |
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"Brine doesn't pay"
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Old and busted: Identity theft. New hotness: Catalytic converter theft
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At the risk of stating what should be obvious: once you get your vaccine jab it takes many weeks to be effective so stay locked down until it kicks in
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| (Some Guy) |
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McLaren 765LT definitely one hot car
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Texas man had a burning desire to get arrested
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Here are some of the things that Millennials are thinking now that they're reaching 40. Grampa Simpson seen off to the side, pointing & saying "It's happening to youuuuu"
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Rural Kentucky + new roundabout = confusion
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Porn blocked by beaver
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Photoshop this impatient chef
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John Richard's has died
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Text messages from Mexican cartels showing decapitated bodies, and threatening you and your family are as genuine as emails from a Nigerian prince, IRS collection calls, or right-wing "news" sites
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Strapped for ideas, editors steal and reprint a deadly python story from WaPo... that's 3 years old. Predictably, news aggregators across the web republish the story as new
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For sale: Jaguar convertible. Will need a bit of work before it is ready to leak oil again
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Do you want karate?
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Now that the lockdown has been lifted, Hawaiians wants all the tourists to stay away
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Florida Woman, already on probation for vehicular manslaughter, speeds by trooper at 100+ mph, loses control, slides down embankment, goes airborne over fence, slams into parked truck, light pole, palm tree. That's a bingo
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Photoshop this walk through nature
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The neighbor's dog found your duffel bag full of meth. Police found your Powerball ticket in the bag. Then they tracked you down by looking at surveillance footage from the exact place and time you bought the ticket
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After a year of parents serving as their substitute teachers, students who flunk a standardized reading test are about to be held back for a year
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"If you call the IRS, there's only a 1-in-50 chance you'll reach a human being." OK, I'll settle for an IRS employee then
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Did you think you have covid? Don't lower your mask and tell your work colleagues "I'm going to give you all the coronavirus" as this may result in 22 new infections and your arrest
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CSB Sunday Morning: Stories of rushing around at the last minute
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The orders came in whispers. The go juice was loaded out. The pilots worked the weekend, should the rioters start to shout. Records were erased. And the bird never flew. But if you're in CA, someone wanted to send an F-15 after you
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Photoshop this "eye been watching you" moment
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| (Medievalists.Net) |
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For example, the name John le farker appears in 1278, but this likely could be just a different spelling for the word 'fulcher' which means soldier
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In the continuing trend of "completely believable police statements," cop shot a Black man on the phone with 911 because he thought he had a gun to his head
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Coming up next: SARS-CoV-2 mutant "UFC21"
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Independent report on police response against protestors during 3 June 2020 BLM rally describes it as clusterfark
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Not news: 7-year-old boy saves his allowance for new fishing rod. Still not news: He takes it out to try his luck. Fark: He lands 83-pound catfish
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Bought "Miracle Mineral Solution" from Genesis II Church of Health and Healing recently? Don't even think about drinking it even if it's been proposed by Trump
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Vaccine passports face their first test. Canada catches 13 fraudulent Covid test results at Canadian ports of entry, three dozen at the USA border, and many more documents are suspected. Meanwhile, UK finds over 100 fake Covid test documents a day
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| (Some Guy) |
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$300k for 7,400 square feet. Clearly this is a steal
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Better Crocker vaccine mix now available
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There's truly a fine line between Satire & Disgusting and this is way past the satire line
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29 million tax returns are being delayed, including 8 million refunds that are being held until an employee can review them. Boy does his job suck
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| Sat April 24, 2021 |
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Hospital: "Um, sorry we made a mistake and legally named your baby 'Korn'. We still cool though, right?"
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Old and busted: Self-parking cars. New hotness: Self-parking pools
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Historic 110-year old pub forced to close because A: It had a fire? B: The roof collapsed? or C: Its beer garden is too tall?
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Tonight at 11PM ET it's Noise Factor Episode 5. We're going back to the 90s for some breakthrough albums, sleeper hits, and ample F-bombs. This is why you kept your flannel, now put it on and tune in
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Burn it down Harold. Burn it all down
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Bring out your dead. Bring out your dead, bury them in the backyard or build your own funeral pyre. Whatever works best for you
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Some guy on the internet named Josh challenged others named Josh to fight for the right to the name. Thousands showed up. Spoiler alert: Josh won
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Puerto Rico suffers its worst Covid month yet, thanks to vacationing mainlanders
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this frustration
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On Paul's Memory Bank tonight (8PM EDT), Walter's prank call to Mr Conklin backfires, Liz is railroaded into teaching the samba to the son of one of the bank's Directors and Clark & Jimmy are trapped in a cave by a rockslide
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Terror in southern England as dozens are felled in the dead of night. UPDATE: Police had arrested a 24-year-old man in connection with the attacks, which had claimed at least 35 lives
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Have your vaccinations? Here's your free stuff
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It's true - flight attendants are mirin' Subby every time he gets on the plane. Looks are free, ladies - and so are tickets to the gun show. 💪
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"Let's dim the Sun" say American businessmen, who forgot everything on Earth eats plants
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"As 2021 sees systemic changes in how consumers purchase goods and services it made me realize that some Ontarians have a fundamental misconception about what The Beer Store is and is not"
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Which raises the question: How exactly is "online crowdfunding" now any different from "begging on a street corner"?
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Photoshop this industrial scene
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Not saying aliens are probably lurking under the surface of Mars right now, but since the Sun is there ... aliens are definitely under the surface of Mars and waiting to take over the Earth
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Bar owner in hiding will surrender herself if conditions are met. Why yes, this is covid-related
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720,000 unsold boxes of Girl Scout cookies, and that's just in Atlanta
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Virginia State Trooper pulls over black man and plays up the stop for his body camera. It did not end well for him
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Caption this dubious dog
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Returning to normal after the pandemic is going to be very hard for some people
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Surprisingly, the cops didn't shoot the Roomba
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Man buns and skinny jeans are out, suspenders and wrinkles are now in
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Ultra-rich problems: Paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to "tree brokers" to help you secure the latest in-home status symbol of a trophy tree
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Oklahoma woman charged with felony embezzlement over: A) her company's money, B) a relative's trust fund, or C) not returning a VHS tape from 21 years ago
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Photoshop this elephant
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A cat that went missing four years ago in Colorado has finally been reunited with his person after a thousand-mile journey to Texas. Welcome to Caturday
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One of our submarines is no longer missing
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Here are ten great ways to say "thank you" to your child's teacher after this awful year
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Controlled burn isn't
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Two words you don't like to see used together: toxic laxative
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In Ontario, two people die of Covid at home, alone, because overnight they became too sick to get help. Reports newspaper that has consistently published editorials opposing Covid restrictions
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Fish and Wildlife agency plans to airdrop over a ton of poison onto Farallon Islands off San Francisco to eradicate mouse infestation, followed by the Chinese Needle Snakes
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Fark Ready Headline: Man arrested after head-butting staffers at Southie restaurant, fleeing crash with trash bags full of marijuana
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Trudeau's got tats
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"Everybody loves teddy bears." This guy a little too much
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11foot8+8 eats Penske truck. This is/is not a repeat. "I tell you, the sign and the bridge are working together"
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| Fri April 23, 2021 |
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Company to engage in proto-crypto mining
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Americans ignoring that the pandemic is the worst it's ever been, continue to keep Covid circulating through air travel
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*bzzzt* "I need a price check on a bottle of water and a big blood-cleaning mop at checkout, please..." *bzzzt*
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Rogue goes on dungeon crawl, searches for secret doors and treasure
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After the former Maryland medical examiner testified that Floyd maybe possibly died from carbon monoxide or a heart attack and not from Chauvin suffocating him, Maryland is re-examining every "in custody" death he signed off on
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A year late and 10 times the price that would make it useful
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Desperate to meet rising demand, Uber and Lyft are resorting to *gasp* paying drivers more money
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Yes it's a crime but it was pretty cool
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Someone finally finds a use for an IoT web-tracking gadget: keeping tabs on beer kegs
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Church spreads more than just the word of the Lord. This is not a repeat from, well, all the rest of them
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Florida man with $5,000 in cash, marijuana and THC wax decides to outrun police on I-99, which is less than 86 miles long. It was a short chase
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Yes, doing drugs during pregnancy will harm the child
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"Not much, man. Just hanging out here in East Hollywood. How about you?"
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South Dakota high school rodeo club: On second thought, maybe we won't host a Slave/Branding Auction this year
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Old and busted: Gold paint face mug shot. New hotness: Cocaine face mug shot
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Photoshop these cherry trees
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Psychologist at state sex offender program charged with getting a little too close to her work
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Antivax Business Owner declares intention to become Anitvax Ex-Business Owner
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Protestors remember to vandalize the Maine in NYC
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'She was just playing'
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Housing association stops members from hanging out
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"Denny's estimated their total loss at $1"
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Workmen dig up five skeletons which may date back to the start of the plague, possibly even from as far back as 2019
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Indonesia offers Musk an island to launch rockets from, but he's holding out for an extinct volcano
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Hot seat: Mentos, as they're no longer needed. Cool throne: renegade pop bottles on a one way mission of destruction. Sadly, far too often the innocent have to pay for the butter fingers of others
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He died doing what he loved - falling
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Officer friendly punches handcuffed woman in the face during arrest, fellow officers intervene, realizing they are on camera and actions now have consequences
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Truck carrying watermelons crashes. Gallager already on the scene to clear the cargo
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Physically threatening students while drunk and taking them to a strip club may have a negative impact on your teaching career
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Photoshop this outdoor teacher
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Parents. Are your children passing bats around?
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You would expect this kind of thing to happen at a Waffle House, but not at IHOP
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Cop who shot and killed Rayshard Brooks, a black man who was doing nothing wrong, is now saying his own rights were violated and he should get his job back
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The dog killed my ex, officer. Then how do you explain the 10 bullet wounds? He's a dog, he doesn't know when to stop. Mind if we look around? Sure, anywhere but that box, it belongs to the dog and he doesn't give consent
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Aussie grandfather has 'proof' he's the secret son of Prince Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall and could be the heir to the British throne. (With photo evidence)
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Bad apple #12,983
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39 British postal workers who were convicted for theft 20 years ago have their convictions overturned as "an affront to the conscience of the court" after the UK's high court court found the software used to detect their "thefts" was hot garbage
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Those next-gen 'Easy-Bake Ovens' really leaned into it
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CDC decides it may be time to resume the Johnson & Johnson vaccine
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It's "ducklings rescued from storm drains" season again
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At last, our long national nightmare is over and the healing can begin
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Virginia kindergarten teacher arrested at school after cocaine found in desk. With mugshot of what a coked up kindergarten teacher might look like
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Worst game of hide-n-seek ever status update
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Derek Chauvin: career criminal
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'One New Hampshire family's gender reveal party was such a blast that it rattled towns, set off reports of an earthquake, and could be heard from across the state line, police said.'
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Cops seem to be lashing out and rioting after Derek Chauvin's conviction
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Just a reminder that you're allowed to film police while they brutalize civilians and murder minorities. Here's how to do it without hurting their fee-fees so they don't decide to come after you, too
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While some plane crashes remain a mystery, occasionally you find a passenger's camera in the wreckage which could write its own clickbait headline
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So it turns out autism is caused by genetics, not vaccines. Huh. Who would've thunk it
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The pandemic has shrunk our social circles and made us realize that it's the quality, not the quantity, of friends that matters. To the right, discussion on the people you've cut out
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In other news, this guy has 34 girlfriends while you sit at home alone staring at social media in your pajama pants, unwashed t-shirt, and 6 cats
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People with severe COVID-19 have a much higher risk of developing very severe long-term complications such as heart disease, diabetes, and mental health disorders, which idiots can then use to say they didn't "actually" die from COVID-19
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Cummings all over front page due to Johnson leak
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"Nicole Marie Poole Franklin had actually been involved in three separate racist incidents in December 2019." You know what they say, if at first you don't succeed, try running over a girl because she looks Mexican
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If you had 'less than 2 days' after the verdict before someone defaced the George Floyd mural in Houston with a racial epithet, come forward and claim your prize
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It may take 30,000 years, but then your landlord won't mind your wall paintings of wild animals
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Let me put it for you like you're 6 years old: Restrictions go down, cases go up. Restrictions go up, cases go down. You shut down, you go down, you open up, you go up. Get it now? Good. Now go sit in the corner
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"I love Disney World, but wokeness is ruining the experience"
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Virginia high school that had been named after the lead racist responsible for the traitor South getting its ass kicked during the Civil War is now named after an actual hero instead: John Lewis
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Las Vegas strip clubs given OK to reopen May 1. With pic of what strippers' feet might look like
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| (Some Guy) |
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Arkansas woman fired from cannabis dispensary for refusing COVID vaccine is a group of words that would have made no sense two years ago
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Oxygen supplies given armed escort in India as supplies run out, threatening death to Covid-19 patients and imperiling President Skroob's Perri-Air supplies
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CEO of Turkish crypto exchange flees country as platform shuts down, blocking almost four hundred thousand users from accessing their Dunning-Krugerands
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Millennials are moving back into their childhood bedrooms. Millennials are also in their 30s and 40s
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Woman finds flute that's been missing for nine years. I won't tell you where it's been, but it went missing at band camp
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Photoshop this rock climber
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| (Some Scared Guy) |
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What do you do when you hear a strange noise during the night?
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Police officers are two separate but equally important groups. The majority, who never fire their guns. And the minority, who fire their guns repeatedly. These are their cities
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"Peabody Woman Gives Birth in Bathroom to Surprise Baby." Jeez, lady, just play peekaboo like everyone else
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You can't catch meeeeeeeeeee
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Alcohol, backyard fire, and gunpowder. Splendid idea. Gunpowder trifecta in play
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Prince changed his name to ... whatever that was, now Roger Daltrey insists you call him "Tedros"
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Bali Bali oxygen-free
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Iowa Man sentenced for criminal irony
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Unlike in normal years, students are looking forward to summer school this year
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This firefighter's career was over before it started
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Maybe Tom Hanks is available. "Terminal" meets "Captain Phillips"
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Hialeah traffic cops fill their ticket quotas. By writing tickets on random plate numbers they see on the street
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Cocaine shmocaine, or words to that effect
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fine. I'll just create my own lottery with blackjack and hookers. You know what, forget the blackjack. And the hookers. And the taxes
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Richard Nixon's nine-bedroom "Western White House" where he retreated after the Watergate scandal to write his memoirs goes on the market. For only $65M, you too could live like a Dick
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| Thu April 22, 2021 |
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Remember to count your kids
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COVID Я Us
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If it works for San Francisco, might as well try it in the UK
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Google Argentina done screwed up
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Head of crocodile shot by Prince Philip to be sold for £5,100 at auction. So if you've got any heads of crocodiles shot by Prince Philip lying around, now is the time to cash in (possible nsfw content on page)
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Black Minnesota man says "When I see a squad car behind me, my heart skips a beat." Black man is also chief of police
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Not news: A school district has adopted a new gender-neutral dress code so male students can wear nail polish to school. News: A Texas school district. Fark: A Central Texas school district
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Check out this beautiful home just a stone's throw from Big Gunpowder Falls
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Army Research Laboratory working on giving robots living muscle tissue. Why is the leading edge research always terminators?
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Want a COVID-19 vaccination? Come play the slots at West Virginia casinos no matter what state you live in and you can get one
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8:30pm Eastern - it's the Fark News Livestream, Terrorist Honey Gay Cornflakes edition
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Photoshop these storks
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No, you can't have a pony. Not yours. Unless you're Lady Louise. Then you get ponies
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COVID didn't shut down everything. The moths loved it. The Getty museum, not so much
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Child gets stuck inside arcade claw machine, but thanks to patient firefighters with $73 worth of quarters, the kid is now free
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Louisiana state police ask Baton Rouge woman to give them the tracking device they put on her car back
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They found a way to use their grant money to drink beer, that's gotta be a heartfelt hero tag
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"What is that weapon?" asked Tom, energetically
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A history museum somewhere in Syria appears to be missing a missile
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Yellow Pages apologizes for coupon advertising former denture clinic
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Do you think kids living on planets orbiting Proxima Centauri like Nick Cage and collecting smooth black stones?
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Who just carries a horseshoe around at 4am?
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For those of you who still can't pay your rent because of the pandemic, there is someone who rented a house in the Hamptons for $2 million for the summer. Something about supply and demand
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Japanese animation shows what happens when 10 naked people stand closely around a table and start vomiting on each other. Subby didn't watch until the end but assumes that tentacles and used panties became involved at some point
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Have a Guinness for justice.*Towel not included
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Photoshop this flying horse
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PETA up to its usual PETAnneigans, says Scottish zoo is 'sexually assaulting' their pandas for human entertainment by trying to produce babies
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Whoopsie-doodle
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US Air Force reaches a new milestone. Unfortunately that milestone is its first ever court martial of a General. Tag is a hint as to why
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This is how you make a passenger safety announcement aboard your flight as a flight attendant if you want to OWN the aisle
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The pandemic work-from-home boom has raised US worker productivity by five percent, partly due to savings on commute time, and partly by not having to deal with Marcia blocking the coffee pot and talking about her goddamn kids all the goddamn time
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"But we know that someone thought it was acceptable to appear in court with their clothes off getting an injection. And that says to me both 'Florida' and 'Man' better than almost anything"
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You can let it all hang out at Burning Man, but you best have a shot card, man
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Yesterday was historic because: A. We hit 200 million vaccination.s B. Biden announced a global climate meeting. C. Two people spun $1 on The Price Is Right
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Maybe they should relocate the shipyard? Just sayin', but I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch
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On this day in history, in 1778, American naval hero John Paul Jones successfully raided England, starting fires, purloining silverware, and stealing the Earl of Selkirk's wife's breakfast tea
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On this day in history, in 1978, the Blues Brothers first set forth on a mission from God
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Message in a bottle bypasses the oceans of the world, takes over 30 years to travel 250 miles from Kentucky to Tennessee
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India beats the US record for most new coronavirus infections in one day
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Tech company Razer announces plastic-free, single-use, bamboo toilet paper, which honestly raises more questions than it answers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meet the man in a bear suit walking from Los Angeles to San Francisco: 'Jesse Larios says he does not know exactly what inspired him to dress up as the character he has named Bearsun and start the over 400-mile trip'
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NASA Ingenuity helicopter completes second Mars flight. Higher, further, faster baby
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Today's 2 hour serving of 80's alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Oingo Boingo, The Replacements, The Damned, and Japan. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #211. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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"'God-Awful Blast' That Rocked NH Towns Was Gender Reveal Explosion"
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"RV explosion blows dog through windshield at Schuylkill County campground, severely burns woman in her 70s" - FTFA: Both woman and dog alive, no hint on how you're supposed to pronounce 'Schuylkill'
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Good news for folks who regularly decry BMI as a weight index because it doesn't correctly account for a powerful 6'4" build with 260 pounds of pure muscle: Doctors are going back to measuring waistlines again
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Naked woman: "I'm a beer drinker, hell raiser, yeah" State Police; "Well, baby, don't you wanna come with me?"
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Ow my balls: Hot coffee edition
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Who wants to look inside Derek Chauvin's new forever home?
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U.S. sees unprecedented drop in vaccinations over past week
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In Australia refusing to get vaccinated is a quick way to enjoy unemployment
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| (Some Guy) |
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Illinois legislature concerned about releasing too many balloons in to the air. Point to the documentary "Up" as evidence
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86% of people really need to find something better to worry about
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Police Department in Massachusetts would like to apologize for the anti-George Floyd post that went up on their Facebook page, says the officer who posted it actually meant to put it on his personal page. Because that's so much better
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Why yes. I *am* an amateur radio operator who Tweets public alerts about natural disasters, examines satellite imagery to identify and track local wildfires, and has a hobby of looking for the remote spots where photos are taken. Why do you ask?
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Couple attempts to hold wedding at mansion they did not own. '"I have people trespassing on my property," the owner told a 911 dispatcher. "And they keep harassing me, calling me. They say they're having a wedding here and it's God's message."'
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As of April 13, the CDC had tracked just 5,814 reports of "breakthrough" infections, out of 75 million fully vaccinated Americans
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"Honestly, Mr. TSA Officer, I don't recall packing that loaded gun in my carry-on bag"
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Penguin inquires as to your sudden interest in his business
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Guy challenges boxing coach to a fight. Coach who had just had hip surgery. Guy chose poorly (lots of NSFW language)
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Hallucinations, changes in behaviour, sleep disturbances, visual coordination problems, severe muscle/brain atrophy, and death are just some of the symptoms you can expect from a mysterious brain disease going around in Canada for over a month now
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Today in 'money spent well' news: Migrants on the southern border now jumping Trump's multi-million dollar border wall using simple $5 ladders
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♫ We all live in a cocaine submarine ♫
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"I kept talking to it to show that I was a human and not to be mistaken for another animal." That, or a pic-a-nic basket. They tend to stay quiet, as well
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Utah police say they beat all the high scores on a Nintendo Switch found at local park
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Cows, catalytic converters, crystal meth
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If you've been searching for a bulletproof mansion in Scottsdale, Arizona give Steven Seagal a call
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Brazil promises to cut deforestation by 40%, but only for one beeelllliiiooonnn dollars
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200 million
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Lyle Lanley sighted in New Zealand
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Motorcycle stunts should be done by professionals under controlled conditions, not by amateurs at night on I-95
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 833: "Psychedelics 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 21, 2021 |
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French bulldogs and other Instagrammable fails
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Wisconsin once again proves they can't drive in snow
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Rich Brooklyn Heights people problems, residents terrorized by serial flowerpot thief
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After getting just five applicants for forty minimum wage jobs that require a national certification, city does the unthinkable and raises wages
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Nice young man gets in trouble for having mom over for dinner
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There is drunk, then there is two bottles of wine and trying to stab people at a Vegas 7-11 drunk
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We will avoid the fee by driving over the toll booth
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And this is why we're going to have to shut gross antivaxxers out of our society. Leper colonies worked
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Turtle crashes through windshield on I-95, injures woman. Koopa Paratroopa general unavailable for comment
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Time in a bottle: Beal Botany Experiment is 140 years old and still growing
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Another unexpected legacy of lockdowns: bananas as art
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| (Firefighter Nation) |
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OK you saved my life, now get the FARK out or I'll fill you full of holes
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Fark NotNewsletter: Give me your weird, your silly, your Floridian masses
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Protip: If you wake up around 1 a.m. and need to put in eye drops, make sure you don't put in nail glue
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Tax preparer, file thyself
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Photoshop this grim graffiti
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UK woman admits to murdering Phoenix Netts, confusing dozens of NBA fans
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A huge explosion happened over Israel that half the country heard. Unconfirmed reports: the explosion was the result of a patriot battery responding to a missile launched toward Israel
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Between the poisoning, prison camp, and denial of medical care, Alexi Navalny's supporters are starting to think Putin might want him dead
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Lying to a grand jury might just get you arrested, isn't that right Mr. Broward County Public Schools Superintendent? On a related note, you will also get arrested for leaking grand jury proceedings
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Write here, write now, there's no other place I'd rather be. This is your Fark Writer's Thread, timely edition
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143 goldfish found in DC backyard pond put up for adoption, not expected to have any bad memories of their ordeal
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Ships on Lake Ontario are safe again as Toronto Police have caught the dread pirate terrorizing the area
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India is vastly undercounting the number of deaths from COVID. Cremations vs official covid deaths = 10 times more on average. That would make the last week death toll over 100,000. Scary tag doesn't even cover it
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Crimewave of shooting and abduction turns out to be a man who accidentally shot himself and a girl who "borrowed" her sister's car and lied about it. Only in one state
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Mommy's alright daddy's alright, they're vaccinated. Surrender, surrender, give your kids away to open
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The latest thing waiting to kill you in your own home? Glass shower doors. The explody kind
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Soldier dies in paratrooper training jump, completing this week's Fark Parachute fatality trifecta
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these seaside huts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Get up and make your own Ooontz Oontz Oontz with this endless algorithmic acid banger
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Because we all remember Jesus saying "love one another, unless somebody does something you don't approve of and then you should be all judgy and ostracize them. Oh, and be sure to use my name as a justification for doing so"
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Man killed by Worcester police responding to bomb threat. Soy sauce police continue to show restraint
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On one hand, this is horrible. On the other, when the American version is launched it stars the Kardashians or James Cordon
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Bad day: You get shot. Worse Day: Cop car rushing you to the hospital crashes
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We lost Prince 5 years ago today. Let's go back and relive his incredible solo on "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" at the 2004 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony (about 3:27 in)
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Visit North Macedonia and luxuriate in the fresh air of Bejing on a bad day combined with the picturesque charm and go-go lifestyle of Borat's Kazakhstan
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To truly appreciate TFA, you have to imagine Putin standing upright with his shirt pulled up on top of his head while he clenches both fists in fury and screeches, "Are you threatening me?" over and over again
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You should come to the party tonight. There's going to be TONS of people there. Tag is for the load-bearing floor joists
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Looking for your dream European job?
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Transportation, festivals, shoes, actors, and beer are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 4-10 Time to Mow the Yard Edition
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DOJ to investigate Minneapolis Police for possible patterns of excessive force, timing of horses and barn doors
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Manhattan to double down on blackjack, possibly fire trucks
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FDA: "Yeahhhhhhh, sorry J&J, you won't be making Covid vaccine in that lab for quite some time"
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If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
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A new study found the exact number of cups of coffee you should drink in a day is ... five, ahh ahh ahh, five cups
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6th grade science fair project answers the eternal question: "Does your cat's butthole really touch all the surfaces in your home?" Yes, there was lipstick involved
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To protect, serve, and make out in grocery store parking lots
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Indonesia's navy had a submarine. Had
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Would you take $50 to come in for an interview? What if is was for McDonald's? In Florida?
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| (Some Guy) |
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In other news, the right to trial by combat still exists in Jersey law
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Lower your tassels to half-staff: Burlesque icon Tempest Storm dies at 93 in Las Vegas home
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867-5309?
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Photoshop this wheeltapper
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Thanks to Roanoke's Saint Francis Service Dogs placing Duxi with him, 8-year old Charli, who was born with no hands or legs, is able to have more independence. Please extend a very warm welcome to all of them on Woofday Wetnose Wednesday (w/video)
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Call Diane Keaton because the UK is bracing for a Covid baby boom
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Why Trump still matters so much to so many Republicans. Take your pick -- is it because A) they're stupid; B) they're really, really racist; or C) they just can't bring themselves to admit their mistakes?
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I was told there'd be no math
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A new study found that we automatically make assumptions about men who wear shirts with big logos and not in a positive way
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India's gone vertical and this is bad news for them and the rest of the world
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I learned giving a hoot about your brain on drugs can prevent forest fires. 10 PSA's that Gen X'ers can recite from memory
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They saved the Boobies
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Back into the driveway turning, all my soul within me burning, soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. You can't quote Raven anymore
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Stuff you'll find on Yahoo Auctions: Vintage capsule toys, vintage sports cards, vintage leprosy patient lists
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"If you take this popular supplement, stop now, because it's actually Viagra"
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With all the unrest as of late in Portland, people are fleeing the city left and right, not putting bids $150,000 over the asking price on a 65 year old home... right?
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Take note Marvel, of what a REAL hero is
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Now is the perfect time to climb Everest. It's perfect. Remote, people who climb tend to understand science, social distancing is automatic... Virtually guaranteed to not catch Covid. Virtually. Guaranteed
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Giving witch thousands in cash so she can remove "a darkness in the money" guarantees she'll disappear into thin air as next trick
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Cops announce "take-back" day for unused drugs, but won't take the ditchweed your cousin bought, or that weird blue meth you got in New Mexico
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| Tue April 20, 2021 |
| (CDLLife) |
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Ok, you've got it...come on, keep going, wait, a little to the right...ok...oh fark...UGGHHH
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It was a bad day for white sucker
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Police respond to vandalism at Target Field in Minneapolis
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Performance artists are really getting out of hand
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I think I might need to spend less time on Fark, because at a first glance I thought this headline was telling me that the NY teachers' union was backing a stripper
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'Thanks so much for stopping the robbery at our restaurant. Here is a 25% off coupon for your next order.'
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Indiana Department of Transportation wants you know how close they are to completion with the I-69 Finish Line. Nice
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The real story of 420 is even better than you thought
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The Floyd verdict is a drop of water in an ocean of blood. Columbus Police just killed a 16-year-old girl
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You reach a certain age when you really stop paying attention to fashion and just keep on wearing what you've got until ... well ... until the end. Which now means you are in style. No, really
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New Jersey man dies in Pennsylvania skydiving accident creating possible skydiving fatality trifecta
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| (Some Quint) |
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Photoshop this shark-copter
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Don't you hate it when you come home from work and discover a sinkhole in your living room?
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Outdoor masks may soon go the way of Mud Season in New England, ayuh
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For your 4/20 Day enjoyment, here's David Attenborough narrating a tortoise mating with a shoe
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The dark, gritty reboot of Yogi the Bear has some terrible marketing people
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Person who nominated Dr. Drew for LA Homeless Services Authority withdraws his nomination, making him homeless
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Diver finds gold ring in river, immediately searches for large volcano whence it came
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The hero of the 2021 Suez Canal constipation has finally been paid
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Protip: Faking your own kidnapping for laughs is never a good idea. The police take these things seriously for some reason
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Derek Chauvin convicted on all counts
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Woman threatened teens playing basketball with a knife before driving into them. That's definitely a charge
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You would think a murder/dismemberment trial would hold your interest enough to keep you awake
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In case you're wondering why Baltimore smells like a creme brulee today instead of its normal aroma of fish and rotten eggs, the Domino Sugar factory is on fire
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If you got saltwater running in your veins, either you're a sailor, or you got injected with saline instead of the COVID-19 vaccine
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North Dakota governor signs law that allows you to kill anyone you want if you say afterwards that you felt threatened
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Photoshop this precarious precipice
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Shreppy uses his tow truck to pull a burning dumpster away from a nearby structure, unclear if he is a real life Pixar or Dreamworks character
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That was quick
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Man steals Doritos truck and leads police on a chase ending just outside Enid OK. Hey he was just trying to get to Kirby Paint and Tile Plus
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It's last call for Yahoo Answers, so get your questions in now, or we may never find out how babby is formed
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The latest COVID conspiracy says people who are vaccinated are no longer human, and the new movement's motto? DO NOT BREED WITH SHEEP
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"But Hole was previously known to authorities." Uh huh huh
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The Rick Romero Institute finds that if you live near a Superfund site you may have a shorter life expectancy. No word on wetness of water
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Greetings from one of the 25 most popular beach towns in the United States, Asbury Park, the boardwalk of Tony Soprano's dreams
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New antibody-resistant COVID mutation shows up in Texas. Probably because of reasons
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The NYT wants you to know that it's OK that you turned into a porked-out lardbucket during the pandemic. Everyone did
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China continues to push apps designed by former East German Stasi officers
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Birthday parties have changed since subby was a child. We used to have pin-the-tail on the donkey, musical chairs, tag, etc
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"So you see, kids, sexual consent is like rubbing your milkshake in someone's face and then getting pizza for dinner when you want to touch their butt"
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Aaaaaaand...here comes the megadrought
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FedEx mass shooter was a "Brony", said he hoped to meet his favorite "My little Pony" character in the afterlife. Joke's on him as mass murderers go straight into "Caillou" hell
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Maryland archaeologists find Harriet Tubman's childhood home, where she hid from the Nazis before discovering radium
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Soldier, you do not stare at these breasts, you salute them
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Stop & Shot
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Let's check in on how India is coping with Covid-19. "Crematoriums have been running so long that their metal parts have begun to melt." Huh
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Today's 2 hr serving of 80's alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from OMD, Lowlife, Screaming Trees, The Communards, and Laurie Anderson. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #210. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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