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| Sun April 11, 2021 |
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"'White Lives Matter' rallies flop as hardly anyone shows up"
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You really shouldn't leave your 4 year old in the car while you shop for new toys for yourselves, Moms
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Aw nuts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Soberana vaccine receives support from Caribbean countries. Farkers raise a distrustful eyebrow at the name
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Photoshop this grazing cow
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Well, there is a reason it's called DEATH Valley
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Lightning bolt 1, Tree 0
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Canada is the next Ukraine
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We're shocked, SHOCKED that red states are vaccinating at slower rates than blue states. Actually, not shocked
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There's vengeance. And then there's buying a tank and taking it in to battle to avenge your dead husband level vengeance
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| (Quora) |
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Photoshop this Empire State Building window washer
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Do a barrel roll! Sir, this is a tank
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Argh matey. Mother-daughter duo find centuries old pirate sword in North Carolina. Still no cure for finding the buried treasure
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Welcome Fark Artists to your Fartist Friday Contest. This week it's Show & Tell Volume 7. Show us a favorite work of art you've made & Tell us the story behind your process, inspiration, etc. Photos, paintings, jewelry, poetry, any art you've created
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| (Some Guy) |
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Culture tends to be forged on the fringes, to be embraced by mainstream society much later. There are signs we are in a culturally stagnant period
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Harry needs to lay off the polyjuice potion
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Introverts don't want to go back to the Old Normal after the pandemic is over
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Brits celebrate the return of bars
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Police use airplane water bottle from 1985 to nab murder suspect. And I thought the food on my last flight looked old
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Come to the Caribbean. Enjoy our warm sunshine, beautiful beaches, volcanic eruptions, rustic villages filled with intriguing shops and wait, back up a minute
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Just hours after starting up new advanced centrifuges capable of enriching uranium faster, Iran's underground Natanz nuclear facility lost power. Hmm... what a strange coincidence
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Imagine
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Photoshop this gooey chocolate
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CSB Sunday Morning: Spring Break edition
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| (Some ASDIC) |
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Today is the anniversary of the passing of Hal Lawrence, half of a duo of Canadian sailors who forced the surrender of a Nazi U-boat . . . while mostly nude
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In his defense, it is pretty easy to miss the speed limit signs when you are going 115 mph
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Eye-gouging Capitol insurrectionist in shock at being treated the same in jail as those 'inner-city' criminals
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NC wedding venue: "Thank you so much for your inquiry To answer your question, our owner has unfortunately chosen not to participate in same-sex weddings at this time. Highgrove Estate holds strong to its Christian beliefs"
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A concerned citizen called 311 to report someone smoking pot, forgetting it was legal and that the band 311 had nothing better to do than respond themselves
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Use a megaphone
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Popeye's employee pops cap in customer
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These kids invented a silent alarm to alert flight attendants that a victim of human trafficking is on the plane
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Study from Israel shows that South African variant of COVID19 beats Pfizer vaccine. Hope you are getting Moderna
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Fark's favorite low clearance (now +8 inches) bridge wakes from its winter slumber, decides it's time to NOM NOM NOM on some fresh RV parts
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Why aren't we charging antivaxers a premium for health insurance?
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Thank God for the vaccine. Now we can all get back to cornholing
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| Sat April 10, 2021 |
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Oslo man nine years behind on rent
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Brazil is building another big Jesus statue. Maybe this time he'll notice and stop the plagues
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With no live shows, why not take a stroll down heavy metal memory lane? It's E3 of Noise Factor and we're going back in time, baby @ 11 PM ET
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NSFW
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We don't have a model of "herd immunity" that succeeded without culls, except maybe smallpox. So please stop aiming for some number of vaccinations in order to re-open. Only the number of infections will tell us when we are winning
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Giant pet tortoise on the run after escaping Kansas home. Figured the neighbor's lettuce would be ready by the time he got there
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You're out! Finished! Expelled! I want you off this campus Monday morning! Well? Well? Out with it
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Photoshop these mints
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Rocks block Hwy 50 to Tahoe. Caltrans channels the Farm Film Report and blows 'em up real good
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"The unfamiliar nature of online learning left Daniela Watkins feeling unmotivated." Because ordinarily college sophomores can't wait to roll out of bed at 8 a.m., eat a healthy breakfast, and hit the lecture hall for a another big day of education
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Q: How does a man shoot at the police while his gun is in his waistband and the clip is still full after his death? A: NTIFA
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Florida, man
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Police accountability, UK style
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Photoshop this gruesome gargoyle
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Doesn't anyone watch movies? This is how we get Godzilla
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You might not believe this but Russia has hidden 300,000 deaths during the pandemic
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I double majored in Art History and Cannabus production
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Two New Orleans tattoo shop owners accused in a ransom plot that involved a threat to turn an Alabama Confederate monument into a toilet, and then it gets weird
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Pope Francis telegraphs his condolences to Queen Elizabeth. In other news, telegraphs are still a thing like phone landlines and print newspapers
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There are more clothing lines for dogs than disabled people
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Drivers license lost in a tornado in Calhoun, found by a boy in Calhoun. No big deal you say? Well think again
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Bad: There's something called the "doomsday glacier." Worse: It's becoming more unstable. Worst: It could collapse soon and raise sea levels worldwide, queuing a deluge of Kevin Costner meme pics
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You're at a gas station, checking your phone for directions to your next destination, when Gas Pump Gertrude starts biatching at you for sitting at the pump "too long". What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?
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Yo, I heard you like coverage of too much coverage of Prince Philip's death
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Sad photo showing the reality for COVID patients being treated in hospital captivates the world
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Huge 6-foot mountain of rubbish dumped in garden after son "advertises his cottage as illegal tip" (that's British for dump). Neighbors a little upset (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop the Mars Ingenuity Helicopter
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The race is on to help a woman in the East Bay who's lost almost everything she owned in a house fire except one of her beloved cats. "Stuart is the only thing she has left. It breaks my heart seeing this." Welcome to Caturday
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Woman finds 30-foot hole in her back garden. Local council refuses to look into it
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The few, the proud, the unvaccinated
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Death Valley lives up to its name
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"Scientists will study brain of former NFL player who police say killed five people then took his own life"
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How did this gator eat all of these bizarre items?
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Imagine the least dignified, most horrifying death you can think of. No, worse than that
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| Fri April 09, 2021 |
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Rare footage of serial stowaway Marilyn Hartman actually being caught trying to board a plane. Tag is for the hundreds of TSA agents she slipped past prior to this incident
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Scary in these coronavirus times is knowing that unvaccinated people are much more likely than the vaccinated to say it's safe for them to travel
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Breaking: University of Wisconsin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Well of course you can get a shot with your vax shot in New Orleans
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Burying the lede: "This bison trampled a woman to death in Amherst, NY 2004"
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Students screaming for SHOTS is going to have a different meaning on a lot of college campuses this fall
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| (Some Furries) |
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Fotoshop these furry friends
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Egypt: EVERGREEN owes us $1 Billion for getting their ship stuck, while our pilot was in charge. Pilot (n) In maritime law, a person who assumes responsibility for a vessel to navigate it through a river or channel, or from or into a port
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The latest sign that the apocalypse is upon us - the Selfie Museum
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Prince Phillip's funeral will be Sat Apr. 17th, but don't tell anyone. It's supposed to be a secret (possible nsfw content on page)
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Firefighters stage a 242 vehicle birthday parade for the 6 year old son of a fallen volunteer firefighter who was killed earlier this year battling a nursing home fire
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Metropolitan AME Zion Church in Washington DC could realistically bankrupt the Proud Boys
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US Air Force retreats from space and cyberspace
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Ten year old kid busted after boosting the family car to score some late night Cheerios. Parents claim their little honey is just plain nuts
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"Being a military veteran, I did not want to see his career ruined over one erroneous decision" is the ending of Officer Gutierrez's police report describing an incident that should actually have a negative impact on the officer's career instead
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Sad: Man tries to accompany body of dead partner to home. Weird: by driving with it in the passenger seat from Spain to Switzerland. Fark: Partner was 3 weeks dead and quite stinking
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Probably because some watery tart never flung a scimitar at him
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Investors have put more money into stonks in the last 5 months than in the prior 12 years combined. It's almost like someone was handing out free money in the hopes that we actually spend it
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| (Some Fit Fjord-piner) |
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Photoshop this iron-pumping parrot
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So Total Fark for the whole family?
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The main thing that HBO's new Steampunk series "The Nevers" proves is that Steampunk has gone mainstream, and it's time to move on to something else. I've already found a cool new genre, but you probably haven't heard of it
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America's brother decides that they want to be as cool as the USA
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Move over, van life. Boat life is here. Let this totally normal family who's just like yours in every way share how they escaped "uneventful and routine" lives to travel the world on their own yacht. "That's the beauty of boat life, it is so unknown"
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Man who broke Covid curfew laws to buy drinking water dies after police exercise him to death
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Police investigating shooting at Bourgeois Park, possibly by a proletariat
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56% of Americans blame pandemic for ruining their sex life. I mostly blame my wife's new boyfriend
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Merde
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Mistakes were made, masks were unworn, so here is another Covid surge
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Because it's not TOO SOON for a British tabloid, here are some of the Duke of Edinburgh's finest blunders and most shocking quotes (possible nsfw content on page)
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Trump Admin officials partied like big dogs every time they forced the CDC to alter its reports
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NC stops administering J&J vaccine due to adverse affects, uneducated rednecks
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The new Hemingway docuseries by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick is an excellent example of how the #MeToo movement can actually make something far better than it would have been otherwise
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Can you drink alcohol after getting the COVID-19 vaccine? Difficulty: Utah
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Bald eagles are beautiful, but over 80% of them have rat poison in their systems
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Pop quiz: How many Metro Transit Police does it take to violently subdue a 90-pound woman?
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Turns out the USA has lots of "zombie" programs not authorized by Congress that could save us $322 billion if we eliminated them. So we could close (checks list) the FBI, DEA, BATFE, FTC, NWS, and the State Department as unauthorized programs
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Levi's declares Skinny Jeans officially dead. Our long national nightmare is over
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Supply of the COVID vaccine could exceed demand by the end of the month, well before we've reached herd immunity. Thank you, white republicans
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Brian Kilmeade: Prince Philip killed by black lady
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Photoshop this morning mug
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Local gang leader started out with petty theft, escalated to home invasions and then formed a crew to go around town demanding protection fees. Locals decide enough is enough and order a hit
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There is no greater racist trope than that of the drug-crazed Black man
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Invasive species of dangerous giant African snails going faster than they should be seized at NYC airport
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Duke stops sucking
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CDC declares Republicans a serious public health threat
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Instagram model threatens to blow up airplane after being told she needed to pay for her glass of wine
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God tells you your brother is a lizard? That's a swording
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"Phantom lumberjack" chopping down trees along the Thames
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It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again
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Australia declares open season on wild stallions; Bill, Ted despondent
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St Vincent evacuated due to imminent eruption, album release
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Ammon Bundy's gonna Ammon Bundy. This time twice within an hour
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| Thu April 08, 2021 |
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Great, you made it just in time for hurricane season
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2.5 million mobile hotspots are being recalled for being mobile hotspots
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Man buried up to his neck in sand rescued from silo by industrial vacuum cleaners
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Free breakfast
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Bolsonaro's plan to fight insane pandemic problem? Brazilians dead
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Ah, spring, when the local police have to deal with people walking into traffic while reading, file cabinets trying to cross Main Street in search of mates, children on bikes being whisked to hospitals after damaging cars, and a stuck duck
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Fark NotNewsletter: Monkeys in mourning and the Great PENN15 Controversy
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88 yo with dementia drives 375 miles looking for the local repair shop. "I gassed up 3 times." PA Police - "he had his wits about him"
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Photoshop this wooden monkey
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And then the murders started - but other than that, everything is fine
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Having trouble finding a vaccine dose? Hire a wet nurse
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Can someone get a hold of CNN? A Google Maps user has discovered two 'abandoned' 747 jumbo jets in Malaysia that no one knows how they got there (possible nsfw content on page)
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The only thing missing here are the rhythmic slapping sounds
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Training for Olympics while Asian? You bet that's an assaulting by an "average American"
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Reset the clock, and fix the holes in the cabinets
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Photoshop these sorting chutes
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Walter Cronkite's former NYC home lists for $7.7M. And that's the way it is
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NYC singles now gearing for getting infected with good old fashioned STDs, ready to enjoy a "slutty summer" of casual sex as COVID vaccinations rise
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Not news: University of Kentucky sends out acceptance letters. News: To a selective program that only takes 30-40 applicants per year. Fark: They sent out 500,000 acceptance letters, some to students who didn't even apply to UK. Duke Sucks
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Facebook to deploy Satire tag, no word on possible Florida tag
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You know the guy who dug the stuck container ship out and cleared the Suez Canal? Well they have forgotten to fully pay the guy
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SF group to start first 'bad trip hotline', where they'll remind folks to take some vitamin B complex, vitamin C complex, and they're a living organism on this planet that should relax, stay inside and listen to some Allman Brothers
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RI steer captured after long steak-out
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Today's two hour serving of 80's alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from Blondie, The Stranglers, 10,000 Maniacs, and Orange Juice. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #207. Starts @ 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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You think your work-from-home setup is sweet? Meet the justice of the Michigan Supreme Court who's been Zooming in from Dubai and Israel for the last 3 months
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10-digit phone dialing coming to northern Mississippi. Effective April 17, 2021 when Sarah the operator retires. No more just dialing BR549
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Former NFL Player Philip Adams kills 5 then self in South Carolina
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| (Some Broke Guy) |
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Turns out all those new habits and hobbies we took on during the pandemic had a direct hit on our wallets, at least according to the researchers at the Ric Romero Institute For The Blindingly Obvious
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Up to five monkeys in one cemetery? In this economy?
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WV Wal-Mart worker who stole $124,000 in gift cards is now facing 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine for each of 3 counts of wire fraud. Meanwhile, Derek Chauvin is about to walk free on murder charges
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OxyContin heirs biatch about not being rich enough in self-pitying emails
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Suddenly paint
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Good news, everybody. The Air Force has a new missile, the ARRW, a hypersonic super weapon that moves at 5 times the speed of sound. And once they figure out why it doesn't detach from the airplane's wing when fired, it's gonna really kick some ass
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| (Some Nobody) |
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Back in 2019, someone created a people map of the US, where city names are replaced by their most Wikipedia'ed resident - someone who was born in, lived in, or connected to that place
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| (Some Omega) |
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Photoshop this magnificent museum
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Remember the Texas strip club that had its electricity and water turned off by the city? Remember the strip club got a big generator and water tank, and kept on twerking? Guess who doesn't have a generator and water tank anymore. Guess who took it
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The pandemic has led to a lot of people getting into new outdoor activities like hiking. The pandemic has also led to a lot of people getting lost ... and it's really annoying rescue crews
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Remember the Black guy arrested taking out his trash after the white woman called the police on her white boyfriend? LAPD finally released the video ( NSFW due to the nekked girlfriend )
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Texas man becomes the first person to run from Disneyland to Disney World, a journey of about 2,761 miles. Probably the last, too
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| (Some Bogan) |
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The Bill Gates vaccine microchips will not support internet access in Australia
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Click for the dude flipping off the cops, stay for the multiple PIT maneuver failures, and of course the mugshot. Tag says it all
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Man charged with manslaughter, endangering child, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after giving kiddie rides with John Deere backhoe
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Ft Lauderdale cop being sued for excessive force after mistaking Star Trek memorabilia for real weapons has previously been investigated for use of force SEVENTY-NINE times....though he's been on the force only 4 years
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I don't even
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Naked man lives life in the fast lane
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If we continue to use trichloroethylene medical researchers are expecting a whole lot more shaking going on
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We'll call that a fail then
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 831: "Challenge Accepted 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 07, 2021 |
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Tickle My Pickle Elmo
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"What do you do for a living?" "I'm a bridesmaid"
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Cow trapped in backyard swimming pool mooved to safety
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Departing CNN anchor missed Festivus, airs grievances anyway
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Woman looking to buy her boyfriend a fridge during Facebook Marketplace sale stabbed to death. Man, that's cold
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ʎoq pnoɹd
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LA Sheriff says Tiger Woods rollover accident due to gritty reboot of Keanu Reeves/Sandra Bullock action film
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| (Some Frosty Farker) |
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Photoshop this badly-insulated valve
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Southerners: "My, what wonderful weather we're having." Weather: "Hold my beer"
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In a world were everyone is wearing masks, today's bank robber has to do that little extra to get noticed (possible nsfw content on page)
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Pickle's Pub hopes to reopen after a year lost to the pandemic. Assuming, of course, he ever gets that damn lawn mowed
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"In any case, my headline from May of last year ... it was wrong, and by extension, I was wrong. It can be very good to be wrong. Mea culpa-and hooray, let's plan a wild summer"
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Massive fire at salvage yard. Nothing of value, et cetera
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Derek Chauvin's defense team: George Floyd saying "I can't breathe" was a form of resisting arrest that entitled our client to continue restraining him. No, really, that's his defense. No, really
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An ode to Reagan's Gate 35x... the worst airport experience this side of Siberia, the poorest parts of Africa, or LaGuardia
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China warns Washington not to boycott Winter Olympics, claiming it would be a shame if all those human skulls they used to line the luge track with were to be wasted
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Guy builds an 'AI robot woman' out of junk for £500, no explanation of what the other £499 went on (possible nsfw content on page)
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A Non-Fungible Token for this week's writer's thread can also be purchased for the low, low price of submitter's self-respect, or you can just click on this link. This is your Fark Writer's Thread, Non-Fungible edition
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| (Some Amphora) |
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Photoshop this wizened water-carrier
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If a stranger messaged you asking you for nudes to help him do reverse image searches to remove other alleged nudes of you on the internet, what would you do?
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Need to get rid of a lake of industrial waste? Just pump it into Tampa bay and into the underground aquifer of course. Need to pay for that? Just use money from the Covid relief bill of course
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Is it possible that working from home actually makes people drive more than when they're telecommuting? Slate doesn't know either, but they made up a bunch of hypothetical situations that imply it could be true. So, you know, be concerned
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Over 100 killed in clashes in Afar region in Ethiopia. Well, at least it's not close
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Cargo ship that's been innocently sitting off the coast of Yemen for years attacked with limpet mine. Witnesses report that its Christmas lights appear distressingly tangled
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Left-wing party opposed to mining wins Greenland vote, which seems totally unfair since their opponents only now figured out how to kill that elk boss and get the antler pickaxe
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Canukistan is now at level 4 warning against travel per CDC. The several covid variants out front should have told ya
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I will not stop for a light, I will not stop for a bite, I will not stop for a cop, I'm telling you I will not stop
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| (Some Guy) |
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It's International Beaver Day. May you all have a nice one
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School board with a hot mic incident had another hot mic incident whilst discussing their prior hot mic incident
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Kim Jong Un says North Korea is facing its "worst-ever situation," a time possibly even worse than when Dear Leader missed a five yard putt and had five hundred villagers executed by nine-iron as punishment
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On this day in history, in 1945, the battleship Yamato was sunk by Allied forces, ending Imperial Japan's last hope to destroy the Allied fleet and yet preparing the way for the eventual defeat of the Gamilons
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'Covid-breach' kayaker forced to call police when he got stuck on Scottish island without paddle. If only there was some phrase to describe his predicament
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Caption this observant dog
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Not news: Local politician is outraged by guy stealing street sign. News: Guy stealing sign is directly underneath a Chicago Police videocamera. FARK: Guy has only one leg, is stealing sign by standing on top of getaway van (with video goodness)
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Pop culture, snack food, space exploration, and breakfast cereal are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, March 21-27: Frozen Yogurt Edition
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Man digs up dirty secret after shoveling up concrete "treasure" box in his garden
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Woman with world's longest fingernails cuts them off. Is looking forward to doing things like typing, threading needles, wiping
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Reward offered for snatched beaver
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Zoom zombies
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"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good friend with a yacht." How NRA CEO LaPierre sought refuge from public outrage following the Parkland and Sandy Hook shootings by hiding on a friend's luxury yacht
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The story of a Welshman who tried to mail himself home in a crate from Australia in 1965. Things did not go as planned
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News: Someone stole all the drug money from the evidence lockers. Fark: They were inside the prosecutor's office at the time
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Public defender tells female employee her style of dress is causing inmates to masturbate. Employee says it's telling her to file a lawsuit
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Someone's been leaving uplifting notes in random spots around Toronto that say things like, "It's okay to make mistakes," and "Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing okay." Damn Canadians
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If you ever needed a reason to drink a bunch on a Wednesday, this is it: today is National Beer Day
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When life gives you brown paper bags, make...a cowboy costume and paper horse companion?
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Nature's way of saying stay away, #475: Wearing a hard hat, holding a crockpot lid as a shield and carrying a bathroom scale in a Dollar General
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Photoshop this unusual kitty view
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Sixteen teams of handlers & dogs from a local therapy dog group are helping to alleviate the stress & providing comfort at St. Clair County vaccine clinics. Please welcome these good boys & girls & their handlers to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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Millennials are panicking that low-rise jeans are back
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America should vaccinate the world
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What, did you expect him to drive a mile and a half while sober, then get drunk just for the fight?
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Would have been the Feel Good Story of the Year if those pockets weren't sewn on by a 1st grader working in a sweat shop for pennies a day
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The new B.1.1.7-variant school outbreaks seem linked to sports and extracurriculars, not classroom transmission
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Apparently by late 2020, an abnormally large number of high-school seniors had the same thought: "If I'm going to die soon anyway, why the hell not apply to Harvard?"
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First female President of Tanzania calls for freedom of the press and a scientific approach to COVID-19, reversing the policies of her predecessor who recently died of COVID-19
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Be sure to roll your windows up
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Minnesota is burning in the most Minnesota way possible
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I'm on a seafood diet, I seafood, I steal it
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Arkansas man proves that Twisted Metal tactics don't work in real life
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But I-5's still all cracked and broken / Sorry mom, the mob has spoken / Monorail... Monorail.... MONORAIL
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| Tue April 06, 2021 |
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Lake Superior State University in Michigan is offering college students a scholarship to study cannabis aaannnd you've already left to enroll
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Did you graduate from Original Stanford, Famous Original Stanford, Original Famous Stanford, Ray's Stanford, or Stanford's Gray Papaya?
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New York, Michigan, Florida, Pennsylvania and New Jersey together reported 44% of the nation's new COVID-19 infections
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From the people who brought you "What pasta dish are you?" quizzes, here's some actual journalism about how the police have used facial recognition technology. (Penne and meatballs with vodka sauce was my answer)
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Stock up on food buckets, the Covid-19 test is a smokescreen for zombies
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Honey, we will not be having kids
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Minneapolis is running out of police officers who haven't testified against Derek Chauvin
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US considering Olympic boycott. This is not a repeat from 1980
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1 out of 3 people who had COVID get new neurological or psychiatric diagnosis by 6 months
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1000-year-old graffiti covered by 1-day-old graffiti
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Saudi Arabia owes subway workers billions of dollars. Man, that's a lot of five dollar foot longs
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Today in Alabama news, Coach Outlet having massive sale. SEC fans left scratching their heads over what school Coach Outlet works for
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here's your sign
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Americans' fear of catching COVID hits a record low, which is amazing given that nobody was scared of it in January 2020
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8pm Eastern - it's the Fark News Livestream, Tuesday edition
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Rookie Royal Navy captain ends his career just like that after he smashes hole in warship causing £100,000 in damage after first attempt at docking in the dark (possible nsfw content on page)
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Study of online porn sites finds that 1 of 8 suggested videos contains sexual violence. Difficulty: Study based not on video content but on keywords in titles, the most common being "stepmother"
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Science: Your favorite band, in fact, sucks ass
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Hospitalizations among seniors declining quickly as vaccination rollout continues. This is Cool for about 2-3 weeks until it becomes just another arrow in the OK Boomer quiver
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Lake Mead water level expected to drop out the bottom this year
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Check the weather before you set off on your 40km journey to evade quarantine regulations by skiing across the border. Failure to do so may result in your hospitalisation, becoming a Fark headline
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The latest weird trend people are using to fight their boredom: Hula Hoops?
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| (Some Camelid guy) |
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Police in Wallonia find two Bactrian camels and a Dromedary just wandering around. Owner probably has the hump, at least he would if they hadn't run away
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pedalling peddlar
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Americans are spreading fake news faster than a government made virus carried by fleeing soldier and his family crashing into a gas station in east Texas
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Whose turn was it to feed the cat, Honey?
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Largest container ship to ever call at a Florida port arrives in Miami. Doesn't get stuck
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🎶 This is my rifle, this is my gun / keep both of them clean ev-ery-one. I got a virus in my computer / it wasn't as bad as one in the cooter. Roses are red and lilies are green / keep both your corn and your pie holes clean. Sound off 1-2-3-4. 🎶
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Highest-paying states for 50 jobs. DC has the most. Alaska makes list for: crossing guards and flaggers; dental hygienists; locksmiths and safe repairers; massage therapists
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Tik Tok teen tells on tripped up trick rider who tipped his trolley in the trees. Touted as toast of town
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OnStar should be attached to every Floridian
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Older Millennials realizing the long-term costs of student loans, such as delays in home buying, starting families, or resigning from Congress over sex trafficking and statutory rape
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Patton Oswalt lookalike stalker seems a bit pleased with himself
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Want to go to school here? Be vaccinated. Surely no one will have a problem with this
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Developers find that plans to erect giant Penn 15 rubs people the wrong way
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Dating emergency: Tinder is DOWN in the UK and US leaving singles confused, scared they might have to hook up old school
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Why "the pathway to ending the pandemic runs through a bunch of loons huffing Jesus farts"
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Today's 2 hour serving of 80's alt/post-punk/new wave includes music from The Alarm, Killing Joke, Howard Devoto, and Martini Ranch. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on pastFORWARD #206. Starts 1:00 PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Not news: Couple gets married. News: Mother of groom discovers at the wedding that the bride is her own long-lost daughter. Fark: Bride and groom can still get married
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They don't even exist yet, but Texas ain't wastin' no time in banning them got-dam vaccine passports. Don't need no got-dam passport when you's packing heat
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Shooter wounds 2 at military base in Frederick, MD. Shooter has been "taken down", probably to Burger King
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Visit New Zealand. Go to the toilet
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Beauty contestant has crown literally yoinked from her head on live TV by previous winner who claims she doesn't qualify
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It might be time to stop obsessively sanitizing everything. Here comes the disinfected science
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Experts predict Covid 19 will eventually become a seasonal infection much like the flu or common colds
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Good news: You matched the Pick 3 lottery numbers. Better news: So did 6,522 other players. Fark: It'll cost North Carolina $2.4 million to pay everyone off
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These Scenic Rim Jobs could help you discover your new passion
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Regretting a one-night stand doesn't really stop men or women from having more one-night stands in the future, according to a new study. So you're saying there's a chance?
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Are you an adult? After April 19th go get your vaccine
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What would happen to you if you drank 2 liters of a fiber supplement at once? Other than being awarded the Dumbass tag, that is?
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| (Some Brassica) |
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Photoshop this succulent savoy
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New Cheeto flavor Flaming Hot Bullets not a big hit with the first kid to try it
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Lt. Gen. Russel Honoré: We need background checks on all Congressional staffers
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The mass murderer was right - the end of "The Office" sucked
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"The 41-year-old died after choking on tacos while competing in the contest"
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Thelma & Louise are back. Seems less fun
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Happy Dyngus Day, South Bend Indiana
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You look tasty, is what the fox says
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You keep using that term...I do not think it means what you think it means
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1,800 prisoners escape when Nigerian jail is attacked. I hope the prince was one of them so I can get my money
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| Mon April 05, 2021 |
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You don't want to be near fire when you're made of marshmallow
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Move over free bobbleheads, tonight is FREE COVID NIGHT as the Texas Rangers host the Toronto Blue Jays With photos of fans reveling in the excitement of the COVID filled air
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Restrictions go down, Covid goes up
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Incorrigibly credulous people decide skepticism is warranted
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Jefferson Davis chair stolen in Selma will be converted into a toilet unless the United Daughters of the Confederacy agree to hang a banner outside its headquarters in Virginia
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That U-2 flight along the southern US border recently wasn't on a surveillance mission, it was mearly a training flight to learn how to spy on the southern border
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In an attempt to make everyone feel better about genocide, China releases a new musical: "Springtime for Pooh"
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Man accused of drinking Four Lokos while giving Botox injections without a license. His lawyer claims he didn't know you needed a license to drink Four Lokos in Florida
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Wednesday Night is Superspreader Night at Tipsy McStagger's
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Get a brain, Moran
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Photoshop this cool contrivance
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70% of covid cases in Tokyo are the variant reducing vaccine protection and none of those infected had contact with known cases. Community spread you say?
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Look, you may be the pilot, and yes, it IS called "the cockpit" , but that does NOT mean you get to whip it out during a flight, buddy
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Finally, the UK has an answer to its most pressing Covid-19 question: When can you reenter pubs if you have a vaccine passport
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"I thought only stupid people fell for phone scams. Then it happened to me"
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If his deposition is any indication, Wayne LaPierre tends to recall dates and events in his life by which mass shooting preceded them
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Doctor explains why you shouldn't pump bouillon cubes into your anus. Because that should be explained
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Yahoo Answers will be shut down forever on May 4th. Now I'll never find out how is babby formed
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On the bright side, "Death by Squats" will be the name of my speed metal Jazzercise band
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| (Some Guy) |
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"She claimed the altercation erupted after her husband showed his friends a nude picture of his late wife." Yup, Florida
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Photoshop this iced coffee
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"Magnet fishing" How the fark does that work?
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Brewery customer writes "I'm sorry the server gets screwed on this" on the receipt along with his reason for not tipping
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My brother DonWrite didn't get to see every continent before losing his battle vs cancer. Anyone know how to get a bit of him to Antarctica? LGT DonWrite's profile
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You are now hearing this endorsement of Covid vaccination in Morgan Freeman's voice. Titty sprinkles
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Jordan's Prince Hamzah vows to disobey order to stay in Amman palace. Which seems odd, because most of us don't manage to get anything bigger than a man cave
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There once was a nurse named Siobhan/key to the transplant team she was on/her car got into a wreck/sadly broke her neck/but donating her organs, she'll never be gone
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Children are the new Covid-19 variant vectors
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Apparently nobody wants to support George Floyd's murderer in the courtroom
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Navy SeaBees build Vice President Harris a desk using wood from the USS Constitution, the world's oldest commissioned warship still afloat; the Constitution was launched in 1797. Nicolas Cage thinks it contains a treasure map
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8-year-old saves sister's life because of John Cena, or something
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Dubai police make arrests over 'indecent' video of naked women on balcony, claiming the whole thing was just a cunning stunt [NSFW pix]
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Scientists finally solve mystery of giant hovering blobs thought to be Cthulhu turds off the coast of Norway. They're actually thousands of Cthulhu spawns wrapped in sacks
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Mugshot of stalker who crashed into a pole is strangely satisfying
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Today is National Flash Drive Day, so take off your pants, get your trenchcoat, and let's hit the road
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India sets record highs for new COVID-19 cases with 100K and no sign of slowing down
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Do walkers on escalators bother you? Then you might want to move to Japan. And while you're there, be sure to check out the incredible variety of Kit-Kats they have
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Northern Ireland police appeal for calm after unrest linked to Unionists and the IRA amid fury over the Belfast Agreement being broken, possibly prepping U2 to release a new song titled 'We told you this would happen, ya Brexit Bastards"
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Socialist community raises $260,000 for local volunteer fire co. to get new truck. How stuff works
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Woman breaks into stranger's house, strips naked and gets into one of the male owners beds. Seems damn proud of it in her mugshot (possible nsfw content on page)
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4.0 magnitude earthquake hits LA, aka "Who farted, y'all?"
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After a year of social distancing, do we even know how to socialize in person anymore? Asked an anonymous individual through a typed submission to an online messaging board where everybody uses screen names
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Please Photoshop this giant bell jelly
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Is "bystander intervention training" an effective way of combating a rise in hate crime? Some say it's just a new way to get yourself killed faster
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Politicians lied about lockdowns causing more suicides. In fact, suicides were lower in 2020 than the 3 previous years
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Head trauma from football, major drug problems, hallucinations, heart palpitations, headaches, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, paranoia. US Capitol attacker sounds like a typical American
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Person defending scumbag turns out to be a scumbag
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Ann Arbor 2: Fark Off Boogaloo
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You should never drive drunk. And you should definitely never drive drunk and hit the assistant fire chief who doubles as a police sergeant
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Mormons plan to build twenty new temples. Buried way down: they're still baptizing the dead
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Man went all out for April Fool's Day prank, wrote doctor a blackmail letter demanding $91,000 or else his two sons would be killed. Instead of $91,000, he got rewarded with 3 1/2 years in jail
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After Covid, some people just don't want to go back to "normal"
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