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| Sun June 07, 2020 |
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US Deaths from COVID top 112k. Remember COVID?
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The Forrest Fenn treasure has been found. My last reason to go camping is gone
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"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."― Elie Wiesel. Civil unrest, Day 13
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NY Times Op-Ed editor James Bennet resigns. I guess he finally read the room
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Black firefighter, on duty and in uniform, is accosted by cops with weapons drawn
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Photoshop this royal steed
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Just like you'd rather fark without your boss watching, zoo animals would rather fark without you watching
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Minneapolis City Council to disband police department
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Pig in a blanket
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What the Robert Ludlum is this unholy sh**? Woman thrown into an unmarked van, and bystanders warned, "You follow us, and you will be shot. You understand me?"
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Photoshop this CIA guy not recording your phone calls
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So if you're a reporter and law enforcement slashed your rental car's tires in retaliation on video, can your rental company sue for damages?
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A 62-year-old Tennessee woman's dying wish was for her journalist friend to tell the world the story of her death. By assisted suicide. In Switzerland. Because it was illegal for her to get help dying in her own bed. This is that beautiful story
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Tropical Storm Cristobal says, "Hey, remember me? Storms like us used to be headline news...what happened? Whar the panic, whar?"
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Man charged with hate crime after committing hate crime against himself. Ooh... sick burn, dude
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Photoshop this girl on glass
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CSB Sunday Morning: Allowances and the chores that came with them
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The Big Bad Seattle PD is no match for protesters wielding their deadly umbrellas
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Austin PD apparently thought nobody would notice when they wrote fake letters from the public saying how much people love them
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Subby went down a rabbit hole and came face to face with a rattlesnake, the story of eugenics in America (Vintage tag is hiding in the corner)
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Seattle PD tweets out a photo of an "improvised explosive device" they seized at a protest, forgets to remove the "candle" tag first
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What will happen at the conclusion of the protests?
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The George Floyd protests on Saturday were great and these photographs proved it
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May: Coronavirus outbreak in meat processing plant. June: Coronavirus outbreak in seafood processing plant
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Everyone was just marching along peacefully in Philadelphia when suddenly a wedding broke out
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Meal Team 6 celebrates epic victory over AntiFa terrorist cell, which apparently were too scared by REAL MURCANS to even try to come and burn down their Applebee's
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Man steals bulldozer to drive to the city to protest
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| Sat June 06, 2020 |
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Auschwitz survivor to protesters as she shows her tattoo, "They're all sons of biatches", she said. "You should see what they did to my brother"
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Man finds $850,000 worth of cocaine in a car he just bought at auction and does the right thing, no really
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Karma Wins, Feel Good Edition
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Anthony Brennan III, the hothead cyclist who assaulted young women posting BLM flyers, barfs up a few lines from the usual Sorry I Got Caught apology template
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WHO says masks are necessary, apologizes for getting fooled again
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Fark Ready Headline: Drunken Attleboro man broke into zoo because he wanted to 'look at the monkeys'
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"Racism is so American that when they see me protesting it, they think I'm protesting America" - Anonymous sign seen at protest. Civil Unrest, Day 12
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Photoshop this rock remover
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Yeah buoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
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You don't often hear the term 'Stowaway Golfers', except in Scotland
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A Pittsburgh man who was seen on video placing a backpack full of homemade bombs downtown has been charged. Apparently 10 more backpacks have been found in his home
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Suspect arrested in Madeline McCann disappearance. Not that one. Not that one either (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop this Daredevil
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Cop seriously injures protestor, arrests him and refers him for prosecution. The prosecutor reviews the evidence and Officer Bologna is now charged as it turns out the cops story was... Bologna
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God bless you, Sesame Street
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Nurse now looking for a job after commenting on Facebook that "Protesters make great hood ornaments"
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Two Buffalo cops arrested and charged with assault after injuring 75 year old peace activist. Buffalo emergency response team inconsolable
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Russian oil leak blamed on global warming. Keeping 21,000 tons of oil in a shoddily constructed tank had nothing to do with it
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On this day in history, in 1944, a massed army of Antifa super soldiers stormed Normandy
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Catholic Bishop kneels in solidarity with George Floyd. Two days later: "Um, Bishop Seitz... your boss is on the phone, and he sounds happy"
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"Orange man arrested for making online threats to protesters"
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News: Two Ohio men found with a carload of knives, weapons, radios, gas masks and such. Fark: In NYC. UltraFark: Police were alerted by peaceful protesters of their presence
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Man who regularly trains police on non-violent de-escalation repaid for his efforts by being shot in the groin with a rubber bullet for daring to try to get the police to de-escalate in public
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Photoshop these sign-holding protesters
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"When you sign up to foster, you know it's going to be hard when the time comes to say goodbye. With Linda, it was even more difficult because we've gone on such a journey with her, and she is truly a special little cat". Welcome to Caturday
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The U.S. Marines have discovered that the Union won the Civil War
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Good news: Lawrence Welk Village in San Diego County to pay $5.5M to settle timeshare scams. Bad news: Lawrence Welk Village in San Diego County to continue selling timeshare scams
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Call-a-Senior programs are creating friendships during the quarantine, helping the elderly and lonely during isolation
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FAIR does a FTFY for corporate captured media's misreporting on the protests and racist police violence
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Now so the aliens can read it from space
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Two of the men charged in the death of George Floyd were rookies who had been full-fledged officers less than a week
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President Madagascar: No lollipop for you
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So how does Antifa bus service compare to Greyhound and Megabus?
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| Fri June 05, 2020 |
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Protest planned for....wait, is that the Hall of farking Justice from the Justice League??
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Female student decides to wear pants instead of dress to graduation at South Carolina high school. Let's see what happens next
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Florida Woman shows Florida Man how it's done .... with a hamburger
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They came at him in waves yet he battled on, alone
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"Protesting is never a disturbance of the peace. Corruption, injustice, war and intimidation are disturbances of the peace."― Bryant McGill. Civil Unrest, Day 11
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7 p.m. Eastern it's another Fark Friday Watch Party. This week we have "Chuck E. Cheese's University," "Spaceport Arcade," and "How To Succeed With Brunettes," brought to you by the U.S. Navy in 1967 - and more
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Everybody calm down. We only need to worry when the warm Caribbean water precipitates sharknado and they mate into a mutant species of killer super pests with really sharp teeth
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Photoshop this Boy Drinking
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Good news if people ever take mass transit or fly again
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Man who aimed bow and arrow at Salt Lake City protesters charged with three felonies, still strong contender for "Worst Legolas cosplay 2020" award
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Finally an article that explains what the hell is wrong with America
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Protip:If you show up at the ER with "a missing hand. Several fingers on the other hand also gone, and shrapnel wounds to the neck and throat"; neither the ER docs, nor the FBI are going to buy your story of a freak gardening accident
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"Where are all the good cops?" Well Timmy, you should read about Adrian Schoolcraft, a good cop who reported corruption in the NYPD and was rewarded with harassment and abuse from the brass and coworkers before being illegally institutionalized
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The Greeks threw down their shields and picked up inflatable gators, and a shark
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Call the Red Green towing company for our low, low prices. You won't be disappointed
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Arizona surpasses 1,000 Coronavirus deaths. And here we thought the heat would kill this thing off. Today's high in Phoenix is 105
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Congratulations to Lara Logan. She cracked the case. It was Ass Dan the whole time
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Some residents in Forks, WA suck even more than the vampires there
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Photoshop this bowl of porridge
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How to take part in the protests while only risking your wrist (possible nsfw content on page)
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For those trying to keep score; an interactive map over police attacks on the press - with date and time, location, type of attack, what newspaper or newscaster, and link to source
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If you are expecting a Amazon package delivery today in Southern California, it may be delayed
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#YouAboutToLoseYoJob is pretty epic
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Yesterday's crazy Clawman of NYC is today's incarcerated jackass
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Woman attempts to become a Farker during these coronavirus times, says her boozing has soared during lockdown by drinking during breakfasts, vodka lunches and having nightly cocktails in the garden
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Subby wants to go marching with the protesters, but needs a good sign to carry. Help a Farker out
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Governor Cuomo talking about the police brutality at the protests on Thursday: "They don't do that. That'd be illegal". Governor Cuomo today after the video with the old man in Buffalo went viral: "I appear to have been mistaken"
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1 million terrorists expected to show up in DC on Saturday
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Dibbles seek hoon in fya tyred ute
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Let's check in on what Russia has to say about - holy crap
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Good News: San Franciscans are doing an excellent job of following shelter in place orders. Bad News: Coyotes are taking over the city
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"I don't believe there's ever been a good person of color killed by a police officer" writes former mayor of Temecula, CA. in an email
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For no particular reason let's review what happened in Romania 30 years ago
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Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson says Cleveland is perceived as 'butthole of the world'
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Police face no repercussions for lying about protesters
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Standing still, hands up and behind head, not resisting arrest? Let's give him a flying leg kick in right in the back
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"And my chainsaw"
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Camden, NJ fired its entire police force in 2013 and re-started from scratch. Fark: It reduced excessive force complaints by 95% since 2014
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Power Wheels Karen upset that a child was driving a toy car "without a license" in a park
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Simi Valley Mayor wants to hose down George Floyd demonstrators with sewage, is concerned about the town's "bad rap because of the Rodney King trial"
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For the first time in almost three months there were zero point zero deaths from Covid-19 in NYC
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The truth about rubber bullets and other "nonlethal" police weapons, all of these can seriously mess you up
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Police face no repercussions for attacking protesters
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Pour me wine in a tumbler? You bet that's a pooping on your doorstep
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Photoshop this half of headphones
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Cross burned on interstate overpass in Alabama, which in this timeline just means it's Friday
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Overzealous New York cops say the beatings will continue for the protestors until moral improves concerning the states curfew
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Clearly this elderly man presented a grave danger to the police (warning: graphic, disturbing video)
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In Russia the aliens probe you. Hey wait a sec
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2020 marches on. And to the North, in the Arctic, things are looking like Armageddon is just about here
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Kendall Jenner has shown us the way
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Wisconsin man is sentenced after his arrest for his 15th OWI. Officials were so impressed they kept his license for framing and awarded him a five year all expenses paid stay at the Crowbar Hotel
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We all know family disputes can be infuriating. But spearing your father to death is no way to prove your point
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Drinking alone at home in your underpants proven most effective way to stop Corona virus from spreading as Finland reports zero new cases and virus reproduction rate of 0.8
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Judge to Bernie Madoff: I sentenced you to 150 years so that you would spend the rest of your life in prison. Release denied
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Lost whale swims up river in Alaska, turns around when it sees locals stocking up on barbecue sauce
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Submerged dam Italian village reappears every few dam years during dam maintenance
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| Thu June 04, 2020 |
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An attorney has been compiling a list of "isolated incidents" of police misconduct during the protests in a single twitter thread. Nearly every incident is on video. He's up to 238 and still counting
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Mark Zuckerberg Announces Virtual Roundtable With American Hate Groups To Better Understand How They Work
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Louisville mayor calls for review of police department, apparently angling for that five star 'Would be beaten again' recommendation on Yelp
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"Snot Palaces" could help human construction, scientists say, if they can crack the mucus architectural code. To be fair, being able to build a house of used Kleenex would be nothing to sneeze at
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On this day in history, in 1989, a brutal, repressive regime massacred its own citizens in the name of power. Welp, it's a good thing we all learned our lessons from that and it'll never repeat
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Florida Man arrested for threatening to blow up Sanford police station, being a big dummy
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"The Habeas Corpus secures every man here, alien or citizen, against everything which is not law, whatever shape it may assume" - Thomas Jefferson. Civil Unrest, night 10
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"Florida offers drive-through Botox to quarantined residents." Trying to improve this headline would be like putting lipstick on a pig
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7pm Eastern - It's the Fark Livestream News Summary Tonight we have four-bladed weapons, Nacho Vidal did what now, and hey is that a hurricane on the horizon? Also come see Fark's new layout test page for where the livestream will live in the near future
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Man hatches a cunning plan to beat the queues as McDonald's re-opens, also appears to be speaking english
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Photoshop this smoker
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Chinese dissident to be honored by PEN American, showing again how strong and vital the American PEN is
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He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. That's the Chicago way. But... but... this is Brooklyn
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Floridians stocking up on guns, ammunition during pandemic, civil unrest. Well, more than usual, that is
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Austin Police get splashed with a few drops of water, fire into crowd, miss their target, and manage to hit innocent black protester in the head, sending him to the hospital in critical condition with brain damage, then lie about being attacked. There's video
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When teargas teams up with coronavirus: the chemical agent seeps into homes, contaminates food, furniture, skin and surfaces, and can cause long-term lung damage
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| (8 Can't Wait) |
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Eight changes to policing which need to be made immediately. Find your city on the list, see what's missing, call your Mayor and demand change
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Armed white man who murdered unarmed black man used racial slur after the murder. Good luck guessing which case this is about before clicking the link
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Powerful
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"I lost an eye; George Floyd lost his life. What right do I have to rage on my own behalf?"
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Bowser lifts curfew after night with zero arrests. The protest is in another castle
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Eighty years ago today Winston Churchill gave his "we shall fight on the beaches" speech after the miracle at Dunkirk
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Looks like Tropical Storm Cristobal is weakening to a depression as it hits Mexico. But don't worry, meteorologists predict that it will strengthen into a hurricane before it slams into the US Coast, cracks the 2020 Top 5 WTF Olympics
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Photoshop this collection of cactus
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Student arrested over crossbow killings of 3 family members following quarrel
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It's just a few bad apples. Like this New York cop who flashed a white power symbol during a protest
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Bellevue police officer on leave for violating social media policy, possibly being way behind on their beatings quota
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Not News: National Guard chides protester for shoddy formation. News: Protester chides National Guard for shoddy formation. Fark: National Guard listens and starts closing gaps protester points out (NSFW language)
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Farker attends peaceful candle light vigil for George Floyd with 5,000 people in attendance.... In Boise, ID
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Police chief is done dealing with police union's white supremacist spokesweasel. Difficulty: not Minneapolis
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Taking the time to wash your car by hand will improve your health. Washing your car while wearing a bikini could improve the health of your neighborhood [NSFW]
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Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti and City Officials announce that they're cutting up to a 150 million dollars from the LAPD budget and reinvesting it in communities of color
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1317...1419
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Hey everyone, over here...remember me? It's Coronavirus and I'm spreading faster than ever now but don't worry, carry on with whatever it is you're now doing and just forget about me
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In the US, the President tear-gasses people for a publicity photo. In Australia the locals tell the Prime Minister to get off their lawn
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Despite Coronavirus locking us inside, Earth's carbon dioxide emissions hit a record high
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Citizens: Our facebooks and twitters have told us we're all going to be attacked and looted. Sheriff: ( paraphrasing ) you're all idiots. Reality: one man arrested for threatening peaceful protestors
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Sɹǝʇɹodǝɹ sʇᴉ ɟo ɹᴉɐd uo ʞɔɐʇʇɐ ǝɔᴉlod ǝʇɐƃᴉʇsǝʌuᴉ oʇ S∩ sʞsɐ ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀
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Iran has freed US Navy veteran Michael White after nearly two years of captivity for coronavirus
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This week's serving of vintage 80's alt/goth/post-punk/new wave includes music from Nico, John Foxx, The dB's. and The Jasmine Minks. Come hear what terrestrial radio doesn't sound like on PastFORWARD #136. Starts @ 1PM ET, LGT streaming options
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2020 pulls a throwback move, figures now is the time to bring back the tick-borne disease that has symptoms just like COVID. Stores run out of DEET in 3...2
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On this day, June 4th, we take time to remember Ten Cent Beer Night
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Caption this image of a dystopian future ... that is happening now
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Lincoln, NE protests have reached an interesting new phase involving line dancing
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Some people can analyze a problem, take immediate action, and save lives. This boy could do it at the age of three
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Well if nothing else, maybe George Floyd can get the last laugh by giving Derek Chauvin coronavirus
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Europe's bars reopen with a million beers waiting as lockdown at home gives way to heaven on earth
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NRA has apparently 'forgotten' to rise up against tyrannical government
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Harvard Law School to be 100% online in fall 2020 at 100% tuition ($68,875), but at least the Zoom is free
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Lawyers, Guns and Money: Forget the money and the lawyers, America is running out of guns
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Cop who shoved kneeling protester relieved of duty and will face investigation
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I know this feels like last year but it was only last week that we were talking about Central Park Karen. Anyway she got her dog back
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The USA is literally being torn apart, but sure, let's have a flyover at Mt Rushmore. That will fix everything
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Photoshop this cliff
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Reminder: Facebook is not your friend. Here's how to delete it
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This week's podcast: Brooke Binkowski from TruthorFiction.com is back to help us make sense of rumors of outside actors interfering in the nationwide protests. Who are they and what are they trying to do? Brooke has the answer and it's both fascinating and nuanced as hell
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Chicago GTA reenactor unlocks multiple achievements during chase from police
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Suddenly, swordhands
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It has been almost a whole week since 54,000 gallons of raw sewage spilled into the water; I'm sure it's safe for swimming by now
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A bad thing about the George Floyd protests? COVID-19 spikes
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Actual headline: Spanish porn star who likes to advertise his aromatic candles shaped like male genitalia on Twitter, has been arrested on manslaughter charges following a man's death during a mystic ritual in which he inhaled psychedelic toad venom
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It's pretty rare to read a dusty fishing story. This is one
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In other news, it would appear that Greek protesters have torched the US embassy
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Those "DOJ" forces dispatched to DC who won't identify themselves? They're BOP guards specially trained on putting down prison riots. Sleep well
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Subby thinks he handled that interviewer well...what do you guys think?
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The Border guards will consider these factors when deciding to let you in when visiting your girlfriend, in Canada
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Okay, we got a pandemic, protests, tropical storms ... uh, California, what've you got? Wildfires? Not yet, but we got a little earthquake. Is that good?
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King Henry VIII's mound given protected status. PHRASING
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Man goes on silent retreat in March for some meditation, comes back and discovers he missed out on a little stuff
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That is one hell of a sleepover
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 787: "June Bug". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 03, 2020 |
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Watch Desiree Barnes put rioters in their place for rioting in her neighborhood (NSFW language, captioned video in thread)
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San Francisco apartment rents plummeting like there's no tomorrow, um, I mean like wildfire, um, I mean like crazy. Let's go with crazy
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European Commission re-classifies new coronavirus from "EVERYONE PANIC" to "everyone panic"
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2020 takes a brief break from screwing with the US to send a cyclone straight at Mumbai, the first in 70 years
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For those keeping track at home, it appears we've now arrived at envelopes on the 2020 shortage list
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Huge landslide sweeps several houses into the Norwegian seas, bites sister. Luckily, she and everyone else there survived
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Walmart decides that maybe it's best if they tuck all their guns and ammo safely behind the counter rather than in display cases for the next little while
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Fark NotNewsletter: How Trump's Twitter tantrum affects Fark
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There is a "secret plan" to reopen bars in England by June 30, though it's clearly not that great a secret now, is it
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I think someone just lost their job
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Protests, Police, and US Military Forces in DC. It's the Civil Unrest thread, Day Nine
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Snooker LUCA Brecel is through to the next round of the...look, I'll be honest here. I just wanted to add to the anagram trifecta in the queue
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7pm Eastern - it's the Fark Livestream News Summary. There were 10 lesser apocalypses in the news cycle in the past 24 hours including mutant ticks and Giant Meteor(s) 2020. Come find out what the other 8 are. Plus important and fun stuff
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these distant observers
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Square grouper usually found in the ocean off Florida confuses everyone by turning up in small Massachusetts pond
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Governor announces Florida bars and movie theaters can reopen. In related story, Fark braces for rash of 'Fail', 'Dumbass', and 'Florida' submissions
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Japan teen arrested for asking cop to star in sex videos, thereby violating the penal code
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Naked and picking fights in the Bronx is no way to through life, son
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Remember when all the doomsayers scoffed at Florida for reopening everything?
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The Rupert Murdoch-owned NY Post is blowing the dog-whistles so hard the subterranean cave-dogs living beneath Mars just perked up their ears
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Today's media apocalypse: Giant toxic toads
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2020, not satisfied with only large-scale mayhem, decides to play joke: "...a container of almond milk was being sent away for a urine analysis, according to a police report"
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"Daddy changed the world" (video)
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"I was traumatized. I was with three black men and 15 police come to us and they're thinking I was trying to vandalize my own store"
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Company supported by Google, Twitter and Facebook sues Trump over executive order on social media clampdown. You can read about it all over the net
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Police in Asheville, NC destroy a city-approved medical station during a protest, stabbing water bottles and spraying supplies so that anyone attempting to give care would be subject to chemical burns
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Perhaps the reason these George Floyd protests are getting so out of hand is that more Hollywood stars haven't weighed in with their thoughts on how we should be acting
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Perhaps the Westchester County DA should have come clean when they knew about massive police corruption last year rather than having it found out by the press, you know, right now
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Photoshop this blank mind
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After saving them from the rotary hot dog machine, Niagara Falls man hands out baby raccoons in front of 7 Eleven
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Giant Meteor 2020
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Protip: if you're going to wear a mask and burn a cop car, be sure you cover up your shiatty neck tattoos
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Officer Derek Chauvin's charges upgraded to second-degree murder; other three officers now also facing charges
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Police called to the scene say the man was screaming outside, shouting: "I am God." Jesus heard muttering to himself, go home Dad, you're drunk
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Scientist admits Sweden could have handled the coronavirus outbreak better, possibly by doing something, anything
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Mother Nature has entered the chat
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New Hampshire man determined to make his daughter the most hated person in high school
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Police sources: 'looters steal 2.4m of Rolex watches'. NY Post headline: 'looters swipe 2.4m of Rolex watches'. 4th paragraph: 'store spokesman says no watches were stolen'
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Today is National Running Day, so get out there and show your patriotism by running away from tear gas and cops
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Screaming, drunk resident with barking dog doesn't understand citation for noise disturbance, begins stomping on her floor and pounding on the walls. In other news, apartment for rent, cheap
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Shock jocks fail to read the room and try to tap dance around using the N-word... find out their tap shoes are still plenty loud
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| (Some Guy) |
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Latvia has no islands. Estonia has thousands. Solution: Estonia sells an island to Latvia, with the selling point being that there's so much wine stored there that one wouldn't have to go back to the mainland for a year
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Kate leaves black people alone when they're sitting in a park. Karen calls the cops because she can't fathom a black person living in her neighborhood. Don't be like Karen
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Old and busted: working your way through college as a stripper. New and hot: working your way through college writing dinosaur erotica. (NSFW if your boss isn't into dinoporn)
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Nude sunbather mistaken for dead body near railway line in the UK. "It is not as uncommon as you might think"
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Trump to ban Chinese passenger carriers from flying to the US starting on June 16
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Under Alabama law, removing Confederate monuments can result in $25,000 fine against city, county doing so. Tennessee Valley Progressive Alliance: "Hold my beer"
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Black man posts that he's now scared to walk home alone, so 75 of his closest friends from the neighborhood help him out
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Italian medics defeat Covid-19, now set to face off against Darth Malak apparently according to the actual headline
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"I don't give a shiat [what the law is]," says officer sworn to uphold the law
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In the wake of the protests and unrest in Minneapolis, some of the best on-scene reporting has been done by...a sports anchor?
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There are many simple ways of getting over a fence. These are neither of them
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So, just what SHOULD you do if shot with a rubber bullet?
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Sad trombone
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On this day in history, in 1943, the Zoot Suit riots began as sailors charged Los Angeles and attacked any person of color wearing the all-wool suit, after which many of those attacked were arrested as the law pulled the wool over its own eyes again
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More and more Americans are skipping things like mortgage and car payments in order to afford necessities, like Disney+ subscriptions, cell phone plans, and that new gaming monitor
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On the other hand, 24 hour meat vending machines
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Intrepid reporter Adam Wren reports from the mean streets of Carmel, Indiana after last night's 9:00pm curfew. Those Karens be badass, yo
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If you are in a zoom meeting, just assume the camera is always on, especially if you're a Mexican Senator
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So, if you attended any protests or gatherings the past few days you should self-quarantine for 14 days now. And anyone you met with, live with, talked to, or interacted with should too
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ACLU to police: "RELEASE THE LAWYERS"
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LAPD uses UCLA's Jackie Robinson Stadium as a field jail for those protesting that George Floyd wasn't respected as a human being
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Shopping list: yeast, gaming headsets, thermometers, fitness equipment. Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff
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High profile papers on treating COVID-19 with hydroxychloroquine and ACE inhibitors are based on secret data that experts say can't be real
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Last Civil War pensioner has died
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Harvard University study says couples should wear face masks during sex to cut risk of spreading the coronavirus, big brown bags if partners are fugly
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For totally mysterious reasons Tik-Tok's algorithm only suppresses creators of a certain race. Hint: Not the White
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Minnesota authorities: When our Director of Public Safety said we were using "contact tracing" on arrested protesters, he was...err.."being metaphorical" and CERTAINLY not implying we are abusing new surveillance tech developed for Covid-19, no sir
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Trump's little black book needs a title. You know what do, Farkers
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Dog-friendly bar, Hops & Hounds will officially open just in time for Woofday Wetnose Wednesday. It will feature dog runs with ramps & obstacles for your four-legged friends to play on & a separate puppy play area. Hooman social distancing, of course
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Remember Dr. Fauci and the pandemic? Well he says the US should have 100 million doses of vaccine by the end of year
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FBI issues stunning report showing Antifa's level of involvement in Sunday's protests
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Philly police: we used tear gas on the protestors on the highway because the crowd turned hostile. Video: umm... Where?
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Bound protestor knocks out cop, slaps another to the ground. Can't anyone stop the violence?
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Your blackout squares on Instagram aren't helping any
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| (Some Sci-fi Guy) |
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The oldest independent science fiction bookstore in America has been disintegrated
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Only the penitent man will pass
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Richmond VA Police Chief be like, "Protesters kept firefighters from a house fire... (Sob)... WITH A CHILD INSIDE (meltdown)" Richmond VA Fire Department be like: "Cool story, bro, but here's what really happened"
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Seattle department store Nordstrom's response to getting looted during the protests
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No, no, it's "Let's eat, Grandma". Use the comma, OK?
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Daytona Beach police have big plans to deal with the next George Floyd protest: they'll be marching in it, with local black leaders, carrying signs. Cue very confused FOX commentators
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Bingo. Serious business
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| Tue June 02, 2020 |
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The state of Minnesota has filed a human rights complaint against the Minneapolis Police Department
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I could focus on the heartwarming aspects of this story, but I'd rather point out that the CEO of American Airlines flies Southwest
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Add another absurd arrest to the pile
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And you think your HOA is bad
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| (Some Guy) |
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In non-riot news, police chase man on stolen tractor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man accused of having fully automatic pistol, Covid lockdown hair style
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Good news doomsdayers, the 6th mass extinction in Earth's history is now accelerating
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What the actual Fark: More than half the Minneapolis police union board members have been involved in shootings, and the union head has been in 3. UltraFark: They don't get PTSD because shooting at people doesn't bother them
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Thieves use a $5,000 stolen car to break into a store that sells $5 pizzas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Deez ain't nuts
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Photoshop these onion bags
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The military generals are speaking out. Unfortunately, they're all retired
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QAnon idiot who blocked the Hoover Dam bridge with an armored truck full of ammo has his plea deal shot down by a judge
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[The military] fights the enemies of the state, [police] serve and protect the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people. -Adm. W. Adama. CIVIL UNREST, Night 8
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LAPD chief walks back his statement suggesting that George Floyd's death is on looters' hands
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Reset the Pickle Incident clock
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The Feds release COVID-19 numbers from nursing homes before Anonymous can beat them to it
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Derek Chauvin's wife files to change her last name, probably to Baskin
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"If you're planning to take part in protests, know your rights. Read this"
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Woman steals security vehicle, somehow causes two vehicles to drive into lake. Then it gets weird
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Zuckerbot cannot process inferior human concept. ERROR:ID 10T; ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?∎
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If you got a boob job from a dentist, don't be surprised if the results are terrifying
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Does it seem like this round of police protests has a lot more salt in its pepper? That's because it does, because white liberals are tired of this shiat too
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Man dead after trying to blow up ATM. See, that's why you never go ATM, you burn your lips
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Photoshop this graduation
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Do you want soggy ghosts? Because this is how you get soggy ghosts
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Seattle Police declare Capitol Hill protest 'a riot.' Apparently, a good time was had by all
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Everyone: Is that all you've got 2020? We're still standing 2020: Activate Yellowstone super volcano
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Aaaaaaaaand, here come the mosquitoes carrying West Nile Virus and St Louis Encephalitis
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Most comprehensive list yet of police attacks on the press, with videos. Larger list expected tomorrow, and Thursday, and Friday, and...
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Having high blood pressure may make having coronavirus much more dangerous. Hey, anyone remember coronavirus? We're supposed to be in the middle of a global coronavirus pandemic
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Aaaaand here comes Tropical Storm Cristobal
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And now for your viewing pleasure, I will explode
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♫ There is no life I know to compare with COVID intubation ♫ Living with the disease can make your brain stroke and seize ♫ In this ICU paradise, family isn't as you knew it ♫ Pick a face and stare right through it ♫ Here's some HQC go on and chew it
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Tribe of taunted marauding monkeys shows stupid humans how to act by observing perfect social distancing in these coronavirus times (possible nsfw content on page)
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Mutant ticks? OK, why the hell not? Let's add mutant ticks to the 2020 end-of-world hit parade (possible nsfw content on page)
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If you own a popcorn company in Detroit, never use an alt to express controversial, unpopular opinions about police brutality victims
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Floyd Mayweather knocks out George Floyd's funeral bill
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Strap yourselves in tight boys and girls. "The law, for all practical purposes, leaves this to the president with very little judicial review with any teeth"
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The Internet Archive is possibly about to be sued out of existence
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Looters bricked by the Apple Store
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Photoshop these claws
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Camden NJ, known for previously always ranking #1 as the murder capital of the U.S. held a George Floyd protest and it ended with zero violence. Why? Because the police chief and other officers protested with them in full dress uniform
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NPR reporter follows gang of club and axe toting white guys around Philly all day as they threaten black people, rub shoulders with cops, and then beat the reporter when they realize he's been recording (tag is for him)
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The police departments of Arlington, VA and Washington, D.C. had a mutual assistance agreement. Emphasis on the word "had"
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Oo
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Check out this new office layout for the post COVID-19 world. Uhh, guys?
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Who owns Wynnewood Zoo? Carole 'Farkin' Baskin
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Van Nuys police responded to complaints of looting by arresting the black store owners. Fark: during a live news broadcast
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Walk around naked?
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Unmanned boat takes off down lake, hits pontoon boat, runs aground before crashing into house. TA-DAAAAH (pic)
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"People with sneeze fetish have divided feelings about the pandemic." People without a sneeze fetish: "sneeze fetish, what the fark?"
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| Mon June 01, 2020 |
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Today's FARK-ready misspelled headline: "Forests are for the pubic, not the timber industry"
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The British have made a decision .... the miniskirt is the most iconic fashion statement of all time, of all time
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That Gotdanged Woman from Michigan and her Gotdanged stay-at...what? She lifted it?
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After their Minnesota grocery store burned down, neighbors asked the public to help provide 80 bags of food for neighborhood students. The public responded with 25,000 bags of food
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Which is more likely to spread coronavirus, going to a pub or singing hymns? Let's ask British Housing minister Robert Jenrick
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For those of you planning ahead, it looks like July or August's major 2020 issue will be hurricanes as the season is off to a busy start
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Photoshop these cookies
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"America. Where property damage is a greater offense than genocide."― Darnell Lamont Walker. This is your Civil Unrest thread, Day 7
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Thanks to the pandemic there has been a decrease in the number of predators trying to physically meet up with kids. But cockroaches always find a way
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Tonight's Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) brings you continuing episodes of Our Miss Brooks, My Favorite Husband and a 6-part Superman
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The 'Saudi game of thrones' continues as European legislators demand release of jailed prince, in move that will no doubt start strong and end up a hackneyed disappointment
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Nothing else to do while locked down in NYC? Listen for these 13 birds
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Hiker dies in Sandwich, but authorities say she wasn't hotdogging it
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Aaaaand, here come the Portuguese Man o' Wars. (Or is it Men o' Wars?)
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It turns out reports of tiger released from zoo during Oakland protests are about as credible as those of Tiger King being released back into the wild any time soon
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The independent autopsy will confirm that George Floyd died of perfectly natural causes. Perfectly natural homicide by asphyxia
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The offence is "riding on a cycle," which means even having a go on your mate's bike while in the park could see you found guilty
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Photoshop this pie
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Well maybe if one of them ever spent a few seconds learning how to find a clitoris
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Please, don't feed homeless people pepper spray
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