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| Sun May 17, 2020 |
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Some people had no problem filing for unemployment
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There was an old man named Ken/With a strong necrophiliac yen/'Til the cops caught a whiff/He was screwin' a stiff/And he's been in the hoosegow since then
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Now that's one helluva grocery store run for Alaska man
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Large pane of tempered glass won't fit in an elevator without some gymnastics that require letting go of the door open hold button. You know where this is going
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Protip, landlord edition: If you're going to force someone out of their apartment during a pandemic, maybe get someone else to shoot the marketing video
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Puerto Rico to hold referendum on becoming U.S. state. Flag manufacturers seen drooling with dollar signs in their eyes
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I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
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Photoshop this ascending astro
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Umm... You fellas have nothing to worry about. I'm a professional
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Turns out hiding at home from a possibly lethal virus is not as sexy as it sounds. The same reason "The Purge" is a lousy date night movie
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Canadian Forces Snowbird crashes immediately after takeoff. Pilot and flight tech seen ejecting. Developing w/video
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Area man passionate defender of what he imagines constitution to be
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Karen thinks you should shut the f*ck up
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Badges, we don't need no stinkin' badges...oh wait, it's New Jersey? I guess you do need badges. Never mind
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this attentive modern couple
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Welcome Fark Artists to your Fartist Friday Contest. Our theme this week: To prepare for the 2020 Summer Farklympics, create your Team Farkistan uniform using clothing or MSPaint
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For all of you wanting to come out of lockdown early, here's how the second wave of the Spanish flu was even deadlier than first (possible nsfw content on page)
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"Hello, I'm polio. I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Did you miss me?"
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I suppose that's ONE new way you can use a mask
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Hashtagged
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Talk about hammering the spike into the railbed: Risky randy couple put their lives at risk with steamy rail tracks romp
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Man alone at sea for 3 months emerges to a changed world, can't wait to get back out on the ocean where it's safe
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Welcome Tropical Storm Arthur to the hellscape that is 2020. Bonus: expected to clear out East Coast beaches, so it's got that going for it, which is nice
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Photoshop this gun show
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CSB Sunday Morning: How does your garden grow? Share your best green thumb stories
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Thanks to the coronavirus there will be plenty of time for rolling doobies WHEN YOU'RE LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER
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Want to hear the sound of a TV cameraman getting fired? (NSFW language in video)
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Re-opening gyms in defiance of pandemic protection rules: Yo momma's so fat, she outweighs the needs of the many
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Turns out cotton swabs and Q-Tips are not the same thing
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China: Here we go again
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Wisconsin is now suffering from a horrible infestation of the most vile kind after lifting the lockdown
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How to talk to people who don't wear face coverings. Don't?
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If you enjoy taking dips in Bass Pro Shop fish aquariums, you might be a Floridian
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People are sharing the last "normal" photo taken on their phone before Coronavirus changed everything
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North Carolina: One is coming
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By "disinfecting" the subways, the MTA means "taking a mop and moistening the filth"
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| Sat May 16, 2020 |
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230 firefighters on scene, 10 firefighters injured, multiple buildings on fire after explosion in downtown L.A
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PSA: When the three year old asks to pet you and your wife's dog, you should just keep walking, unless you really want to be arrested for attempted kidnapping, perp-walked on the evening news, and run out of the town that you were born and raised in
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Video from a suburban street in Guadalajara ends too soon to answer the question: What happens *after* you manage to lasso a tiger?
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Son, you got a watermelon on your head
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Dumbass nearly takes out Blue Angels getting up close video with his drone
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Photoshop this icy flow
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Further muddying the waters, cops asked Arbery murder suspect to keep an eye on house under construction
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Man tries to perform an exorcism on a four-year-old in the worst possible way
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Hawaii requires a 14-day quarantine for all out-of-state visitors. Let's see what happens when a New Yorker goes to the beach instead
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A man who used God as his anti-viral protection learns his lesson
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Man upset after being "told" to pull through McDonald's drive thru instead of being "asked"
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| (Some Masked Man) |
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Quarantine Boredom Iron Photoshop Challenge: Take a famous photo or work of art and replace part of it with a piece of fruit
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Sure. This is what we needed. Blue dragons washing up on Texas beaches. Scary tag ran away
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| (Postimees) |
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Meanwhile, in Estonia...
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Here's the list of Canadian government's six guiding principles for working during COVID-19. America, you need dis
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We have cameras and YouTube now, we don't need you to tell us what is going on
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The time has come for backyard camping
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Coronavirus hotspots migrating to the South, Midwest, enjoying the warmer weather and crowds of unprotected people
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Caption this dog and some French fries
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| (KOTA TV) |
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The city of Sturgis, South Dakota is still debating whether to cancel the Motorcycle Rally. Considering the rally is the only reason anyone even knows about Sturgis, it is not an easy decision
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these serious listeners
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Callie the mom cat was already caring for five kittens when she met Arnie, but she was still happy to take the orange baby cat in as one of her own, just in time for Caturday
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VA refuses to remove headstones etched with swastikas in national cemeteries because they died for der Führer
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Next up on Lockdown Wars: dog walkers vs. cyclist. Don't forget to vote on which side you hate most
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Deputy fired for not responding on-scene to 2018 Parkland high school mass shooting reinstated with full back pay, seniority. "When he arrived the murderer was still in the building firing shots off and he did nothing, he just waited behind his car"
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Subtropical storm Arthur has 80% chance of forming Round Table of Doom this weekend
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If you're wondering what happened to your trench roller, your skid-steer loader or your hot air balloon gondola, Santa Fe police may have good news for you
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Lindsey Graham busted for operating illicit salon
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Congratulations on graduating high school. It's all downhill from here
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News: Arsonist on the loose in Minneapolis. Fark: With a flamethrower
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Oh, not this shiat again
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He's shooting down Nazis with the angels now. Jerzy Glowczeski, believed to be the last of the Polish pilots who flew for the RAF in WW2, brought down at 97 by Covid-19
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Bodies of 2 half sisters found under a bridge in Georgia. So, at least they've got a whole
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University of Illinois students line up at local watering hole for masks-optional cold beer and hot COVID-19
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| Fri May 15, 2020 |
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Did your horny peacock escape and terrorize neighborhood while looking for a mate? There's an app for that
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That's some pretty fine policing, Lou (possible nsfw content on page)
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Drew and Dallan are back with Friday Movie Night. This week: Strange-but-real Mormon short films with questionable messages, one of which might have been the basis for "Shallow Hal." Grab your popcorn and join us live 9 p.m. ET
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Thousands of Philippine people say screw this coronavirus lockdown stuff, here comes Typhoon Vongfong and we're outta here
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Dutch government puts a whole new meaning to the saying "Going Dutch"
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Class of 2020 starting to figure out that they should have commencement ceremonies where they've spent most of their youth anyway
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It's officially 'firefighters rescuing ducklings from storm drains' season
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Exposing the bigotry of blaming a Chinese bar for the coronavirus outbreak
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Hey say, has anyone in the Bronx misplaced an enormous nope lately?
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Scientists say the best treatment for COVID-19 may be a cocktail, which means Drew is likely immortal
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Photoshop this NYC gargoyle
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Brazillians of coronavirus patients are now waiting hours in ambulances for hospital beds
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Laid-off workers seeking new post-pandemic careers, possibly as scavengers, wasteland raiders, that guy with the flamethower guitar on the truck, or god forbid, even worse: Salesforce administrators
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Officer please, you know it's hot out here. I just wanted to go for a drive and air my penis out
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U.S. Customs and Border Protection seized more than 86,000 counterfeit Pokemon. They certainty caught them all
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Two words: Penguin Jenkem
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Stupid prize won
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Attorneys for Gregory McMichaels say that the shooting Ahmaud Arbery was *not* about race. Wait, let me laugh even harder
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Bet the driver wishes this business had opened its doors sooner! Subby works for this Fire Department
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Teach a man to start a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life, and the DC police will be looking for you
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This pandemic might actually end up saving the National Parks system
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Photoshop the man
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Hemorrhagic rabbit disease found in California for first time as one of the four horsemen goes for extra credit
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After nearly two months of tough sacrifice, hipster finally gets to show off his top hat in the news
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In 2018, a co-owner of a bookstore published "Notes from a Public Typewriter" after receiving thousands of anonymous submissions on his bookstore's typewriter. Now the "typewriter" has gone virtual and is accepting new submissions. Care to leave one?
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And there it is, the stupidest thing I'll read all day
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Welp, looks like Jordan might start shooting at Israel if the West Bank gets annexed
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Russia's coronavirus deaths may be higher than reported, according to exclusive reporting from the Ric Romero Institute for Timely News
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So this means we can have all their stuff, right?
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F-22 crashes in Florida. Pilot ejected and has been recovered safely. Fortunately it was for routine training mission and not on a vanity health care fly by
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Three year old child diagnosed with Kawasaki after contracting COVID-19; will face an uphill battle of ridicule by Harley kids who shame him for buying foreign
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Rich guy says public dock near his luxury home gets in the way of his three boats. Bonus: he knew it was there when he bought the house but assumed he could "fix the problem" with enough money and lawyers
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Mississippi casinos to reopen before Memorial Day weekend for people who like to gamble with their lives
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The latest hoarding craze: stand alone freezers so you can stock up on meat before the shortages
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Happy 18th orgy to you .... on you
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In most countries, a cannabis plantation might be guarded by a dog. In Australia, it's guarded by a carpet python
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Hungary's Victor Orban promises to give up emergency powers 'soon,' while holding not one but four fingers to the corner of his mouth
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Official guidance suggests those without a permanent sexual partner come to mutually satisfactory agreements with like-minded individuals
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"A grandmother of eight, Washington City resident Rebecca 'Becky' Collet says she was surprised when she walked into her kitchen Tuesday morning and saw a man she didn't know wearing nothing but boxers and socks and eating food from her fridge"
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EVERYONE GET EXCITED.....then probably disappointed again. Company claims they developed an antibody that can provide "100% inhibition" of COVID-19
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Behold the trikini: For when you want to be sexy at the beach, but also don't want coronavirus
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Belgian Trappists reopen monastery tap as lockdown eases. If you want salty fries with your cold beer, go see the chip monk
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Assault rifle-totting fun police roll up to disarm a guy walking around in a knight outfit carrying a sword... letting him go on his way.after taking a picture with him
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Typically, if you lose a leg while surfing, just say it's gone, man, let it go. Not Florida Man
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Joey, have you ever been in a Singapore prison?
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Casino sees a mass firing by Zoom meeting and raises by firing via voicemail
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New Orleans TV station takes drive through creepy empty French Quarter before it reopens. 'The streets were silent. No noise. Surprisingly it smelled fresh and clean.'
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Seniors pose for socially-distanced photo in front of high school destroyed in tornado, in photo that perfectly captures the world today
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"You know what? We give up." - United States of America, 2020
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Photoshop this stairclimber
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Suddenly, lizards
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It tastes of oppression
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6.4-magnitude earthquake rattles Nevada about 225 miles northwest of Las Vegas. Tens of dollars of damages expected
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Wisconsin nurse goes full Wisconsin with news crew at bar after virus restrictions tossed out
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Yet another Maine stream media story about some white prick
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So, what are the odds that your next Amazon package will be covered in coronavirus?
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'What started with a couple of beautiful peacocks many years ago has turned into a flock of at least 50 large birds that rule Hillside Terrace in Brandon. They're loud. Very loud. And messy. Very messy.'
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Another day, another KKK mask in a grocery store
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So kids having heart attacks is what we have to look forward to. Sure there's an R.E.M. song we could use as reference but we won't
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Florida man wanted for drawing gun in grocery store. Fark: The man is described as wearing blue gloves and a blue face mask
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Mount St. Helens eruption photo origin partially solved. Sasquach Sassenach live long Spock
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From an ER doctor at New York Presbyterian and a friend of a farker trying to decompress and process the insanity of the last couple months
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FDA: Remember that Covid-19 test we rushed into use? Yeah, it doesn't work. Oops
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| (Some Guy) |
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Has your self-isolation during this pandemic got you feeling lonely? Be thankful you're not living with ghosts yet
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Prom photographer needs camera with autofocus
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| Thu May 14, 2020 |
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Some people decide to clean out their cabinets and freezers due to the coronavirus. The products shouldn't be too old, right?
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After roof collapse, Safeway not so much
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Hey, man, you do you -- but can we have your stuff after you expire on one of those floating plague barges?
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Suddenly, another semi
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Doug, it's about Limu. You may want to sit down for this
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Mmmm, Barber queues
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Killer dog fatally mauls owner. Well, that's what you get when you raise pitb.... wait, it was a French bulldog?
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There's always that ONE GUY
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AAA predicts record low travel for Memorial Day travel but anecdotal evidence says their guess is as accurate as Trump predicting the end of coronavirus
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You better believe that kid got his Lamborghini. Well, at least a ride in one. Make that two. With famous people
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Photoshop this keyboardist
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The College Board has one job: Give AP Exams to high school students. With exams administered online this year, about 2% of students are experiencing "Significant Disruptions" AFTER they finish and are told their only option is a make-up exam
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Bria nursing home in Geneva, Illinois might as well be renamed Corona nursing home, with residents enjoying 82 percent infection rate and 26 percent fatality rate. First positive test was less than a month ago
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North Carolina Christian leaders are demanding Governor Cooper allow their followers the freedom to catch the coronavirus
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Talking sh*t to Stone Cold Steve Austin for wearing a mask? Bad idea, son
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Old & Busted: Morans hoarding up TP & hand sanitizer. New Hotness: Morans hoarding up Listerine
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So sorry for your loss. Our sincere condolences after conducting dangerous and harassing maneuvers near us
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White Castle is offering tens of thousands of free sliders throughout the day on Friday, May 15th. Air Fresheners are optional
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Stony Brook University Hospital workers hold virtual happy hour via Zoom. Gets crashed by Alex Rodriguez. No word if J-Lo walked out of bathroom during call
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Anti-lockdown protesters are now apparently fighting each other (with video)
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Would you like the fury of a thousand dead ancestors with your breakfast omelette, sir?
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Drew and Dallan are back with the Fark Daily News Summary Livestream at 4pm Eastern. Come find out what happened today that was important, under the radar, not important at all, and just plain weird
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McDonald's employees will spend more time disinfecting tables when they reopen dining room. Even though an increase from 0% is still an increase, it's getting an Unlikely tag
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"The best way to fight for freedom of expression is for everyone to speak as if we already have freedom of speech," according to a man who was immediately arrested in China
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There's creepy, then there's really creepy
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Photoshop this nut cage accent wall
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Dude bros less likely to wear masks cause they're not cool, bro
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Barber defies "New York on Pause" order, keeps cutting hair. If you're reading this on Fark, you know what's already happened
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Article asks "can riding an elevator give me coronavirus?". The answer is yes. Especially if you're raw-dogging it
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There are smart and safe ways to re-open a country. Then there's the US
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If you tweet, "Do I have to show the lame security guard outside of a ghetto store my Covid-19 test results? I will show him my Glock 21 shooting range results," you might not want to work for a law firm nor use your real name on social media
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Do you put your phone face-down? When did you start cheating on your partner?
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Th-th-th-th MEEP MEEP *zoom*
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Philippines: Last week, Duterte shutdown TV network. This week, Vongfong - a cat three typhoon
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Everyone has a good reason why they should be treated differently and allowed to break quarantine... scattering body parts in the forest may be the best yet
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Who's that riding a horse on the streets of Chicago? It's the Dreadhead Cowboy. YEE-HAW
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NYC MTA placing "X" marks on the floor of subway platforms as part of a social distancing pilot. Nice try, I've seen too many Road Runner cartoons to fall for that
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This week's serving of vintage 80's alt/goth/post-punk/new wave includes a tribute & sendoff for Florian Schneider & David Greenfield. Come hear what terrestrial radio doesn't sound like on PastFORWARD #133. Starts @ 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
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America's Finest News Source is here with the explainer in the killing of Ahmaud Arbery that will finally clear up all the questions
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| (Some Guy) |
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Seems even Batman has been scaling back during the crisis
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I never knew bible study was so "Why don't you have a seat right over there?"
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Sure it's rough out there in Portland, Oregon but did you really have to crap in my mailbox?
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For those that think injecting bleach is too sensible, other conspiracy theorists are offering 'Ascension' from our hell world for the low, low price of $333
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Chicago didn't see cleaner air during the lockdown despite a downtick in pollution
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In a little bit of good news, renewable energy poised to eclipse coal in US
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Fark NotNewsletter: Know of any good murder hornet recipes?
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Employee anxious over nine-week-old banana left rotting away in desk drawer at work
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113-year-old woman survives two world wars, Spanish flu and now coronavirus in order to keep her grip on the Oldest Woman in Spain title
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A 22-year-old was arrested after a high-speed police chase from Mississippi to Memphis involving a stolen barbecue food truck. Mmmm, this Smokey and the Bandit remake sounds tasty
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It's a gas station in Florida. this likely wasn't even the strangest thing that happened there on that night
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No idea why this is in the news right now, but Kim Jong Un was into some interesting porn as a teenager (possible NSFW content on page)
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Catching fog and other creative solutions for clean water access. Subby tried to catch fog once. Mist
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Brace yourself for the glorious idiocy of the anti-vaxxer civil war
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Photoshop Challenge: Create an updated 2020 cover for Internet Tough Guy Magazine (LGT examples)
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Appliance delivery driver records as HOA president blocks in his vehicle and demands to know what he's doing and who gave him the gate code. Guess their skin colors
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PNAS ejaculates: Fluid discharge could bring a messy end to intimate gatherings
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Anti-vaxxers have a new insane belief that is going terrifyingly mainstream
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Would you like to split your coronavirus surcharge between yourselves or just for the guy who ordered the steak?
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Restaurant worker used contract tracing to stalk, hit on customer
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*huuurk* I'd better plant more food in the garden
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40 years ago today, Washington State officials gather to discuss reopening the area around Mt. St. Helens. Not sure what all of these scientists are whining about, it's a perfectly sensible plan
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FBI just seized the phone of the Chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, Richard Burr
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Forget the coronavirus, now is the time to be hunting for Bigfoot. Just wear your mask
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 784: "Happy Farktography Anniversary 15". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 13, 2020 |
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The latest legal excuse for opening your business in violation of a quarantine: freedom of religion, and equal protection under the 14th Amendment
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Old and busted: do not taunt the dynamite monkey. New arrestedness: do not taunt the FBI with bomb threats over Twitter
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"Look at this place. Do you live in a cave?" "Well, um, sorta"
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Despite a $115M endowment, think tank thinks there wouldn't be a problem with the $8 million federal small-business loan they received
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Masks not required in Oklahoma courthouse, briefs still OK
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They are calling for violence and the assassination of your leader. Would you like to know more?
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147,000 dead by Aug. 4
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All of South Africa becoming lack toes intolerant
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Drew and Dallan are back at 7pm eastern with the Fark Daily News Summary. We'll cover what's important, what's not, and moms flashing boobs at babies on Tik Tok among other things
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Photoshop this sloth just hanging around
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Surely these French nursery school children sitting alone in their own playground 'isolation sections' will not surrender once the bouncy ball goes bouncing through their school yard
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Man breaks into home, takes bath, does not make a clean getaway
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Texas decided to open businesses earlier than recommended. Let's see how that's turning out
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Wall off Wisconsin
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One day after tourist falls into scalding thermal pool during illegal visit, Yellowstone Park decides to open 'er all up and let Darwin sort things out
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Assault with a deadly bouquet
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Another thing that's opening early? Hurricane Season
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Mom?
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Texas decides not to pay after a ransomware attack, so there will be no more decisions issued by the Texas Supreme Court or the Court of Criminal Appeals
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"Come on man, what are you thinking?" Sheriff Judd said. "Were your three brain cells in overload? Why don't you just let it go? Get you a bottle of liquor, go back to the house, have you a drink. But no, they had to have a kerfuffle right there"
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An under reported side-effect of the pandemic is the number of people presenting in public places with symptoms of Extreme Karen Syndrome
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Call before you dig, or you might find yourself in deep sh*t
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Chrissy Teigen challenged her followers to a Photoshop contest. Have at it, Farkers
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Like an 80-pound sturgeon, caught for the very first time by a 9-year-old in Tennessee
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"Celebrate" as the music license used by Paul's Memory Bank expires at midnight tonight. Starting at noon, each of the 3 DJs gets 4 hours. Yours truly gets the 4 - 8 PM EDT shift. I'll put up random stuff and take requests. DIT
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Today's Slatesplanation: Why your Zoom gatherings are so annoying
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Alleged rapist who was released from jail due to Covid-19 then had standoff with police. Decided fireworks would bring a little levity. It did not work out as he anticipated
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It's starting to look like standardized tests such as the SAT and ACT that massive companies have fooled us all into thinking have merit and meaning may be yet another casualty of the pandemic. *insert grumpycatgood.gif*
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Farker of 17 years passed away last week. We hope the message boards where you've gone are already filled with your snark. Goodbye, Sid_6.7
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The true death toll in Mexico City from coronavirus appears to be staggering
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The FBI accidentally leaked the name of the mysterious "third man" who assisted the 9/11 attackers. Turns out, the help was coming from inside the Saudi embassy all along
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How do you scare a blee? BLUE-BEES (with pics)
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Amateur video appears to show a corpse 'waving' during burial service, and while that's probably not true, it's still creepy as hell
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Patients with low testosterone more likely to die from COVID-19. Hey wait a second, has anyone seen Stephen Miller lately?
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One positive about the lockdown is that there are fewer cars on the road to get in the way when gunfire erupts
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Giant illegal scanning device found in self-checkout at DC store. But wouldn't it make sense to make these things smaller so that people don't notice them?
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Spread it far and do read it wide: A drug company actually doing something to benefit mankind that does not make them richer
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First, you get the syphillis. Then, you get the hallucinations. Then, you get the Florida villa. Then, you get the death. Then, you get dozens of movies and Fark headlines misattributing fictional gangsters' quotes to you
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Massachusetts Attorney General is worried about the drop in domestic violence reports. Somebody's glass is definitely half empty
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'Murder hornets' spotted in the UK. As usual, the Sun has a calm, rational headline to alleviate any fears the British people may have...uh oh (possible nsfw content on page)
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Coronavirus, Murder Hornets, and now 17-Year Cicadas are in the picture to drive you slowly insane with the relentless BZZT-EWW BZZT-EWW BZZT-EWW BZZT-EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
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This wildlife invasion is really getting out of hand
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Sex work is still work, rules judge. Strip clubs will get pandemic relief funds
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Even when the restrictions ease and people can return to work in New York City, they may still stay home and work due to it being cheaper
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You'll never guess what's happening after hundreds of anti-lockdown protesters crammed together in Michigan recently
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Remember when His Orangeness gazed with steely confidence into the future and predicted we could lose as many as 100,000 Americans to COVID-19? Well, he was right. Assuming there aren't any more deaths at all after June 6
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Breonna Taylor was an EMT fatally shot by police. In her bed. While the suspect they were looking for was already in custody. You can guess the rest of the details
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NYC officials proposed using streets, curbs and sidewalks for businesses to open up for socially distant dining and drinking, making it easier for panhandlers to talk to people
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Is it though?
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State Department of Transportation: "If you like your driver's license photo, you can keep your driver's license photo. If you don't like your driver's license photo, you can keep your driver's license photo"
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Tiny violin story of the day: Stranded super-rich now confronting tax chaos after they fled to their evil lairs for the coronavirus pandemic lockdowns
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New York City's lockdown order went into effect 51 days ago, which *might* have something to do with the city currently having had a record 58 days pass since its last pedestrian death. HEY, nobody's walking HERE
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COVID-19 cases spike in Des Moines, jump by 94% in 7 days
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"...remember it's not just Taiwan or Norway that is exposing America's chauvinist boasting about itself as a bitter joke. Sierra Leone, Greece, and Croatia are also exposing America as the tenth-rate failure it is"
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Photoshop this window lounger
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This sweet foster dog put the "Mother" in "Mother's Day" when she surprised everyone by giving birth on Sunday. Please welcome Chloe and her six beautiful babies to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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Trans woman that had case heard by SCOTUS for being fired from funeral home for being trans finds different path back to workplace
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Not YOU, of course, but average Americans (possible nsfw content on page)
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British railway ticket office worker murdered with bio-weapon that recently became widely available
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Remember that German guy who ate another dude? He is now allowed out on day trips, as long as he wears a disguise
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Remember that guy that infected 13 after a night of clubbing in South Korea? Yeah, turns out it's more like 108
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Jogger's lung collapses because he wore a mask while jogging? Lesson learned? Don't jog
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Oh, here's something that might explain why the first two DAs were so very hesitant to press charges against Ahmaud Arbery's killers: one of them worked at the office for years without proper certification. Or the power to arrest people
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Mugshot of the Year? Bonus info: Was once arrested for "licking a man's face"
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♫ Stolen Camaro, stolen Camaro, donuts on your lawn, stolen Camaro, stolen Camaro, Tony Orlando and Dawn ♫
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Woman ignores moose out front, is severely burned in Yellowstone thermal area
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Things are really starting to go to the dogs in Detroit. And the bears. And the zebras. And, apparently, the green-skinned three-eyed extraterrestrials
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Trump created a demand..the market responded
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Texas announces highway disinfecting plan, still no tests for citizens
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Aaaaaand here come the potheads
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And the Lord said go forth and purchase a hot tub. Well, go forth, already
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LA County expected to extend stay-at-home order through the summer
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'And the second angel poured out his vial upon the sea...'
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Police in Connecticut put the smack down on a five-year-old who won't do his homework. JK, they were firm but sweet
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Unlike conservative groups, evangelical churches, and 'murican patriots, this anarchist community book store is not being run by a bunch of hypocrites
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Photoshop this beach
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Life's a beach for Mayor Peduto in Pittsburgh
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Then they ran, they ran so far awaaaaay
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Woman who lost her legs in an NYC subway accident brings home a case of Covid-19 with her prosthetics. Worse vacation ever
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Nashville man who placed a plastic target on the lawn of the NAACP president said he did so because he thought it looked like a beautiful flower (w/pics)
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Hospitals: The flyovers were a nice tribute, but we could really use more masks and equipment. Govt: More flyovers, gotcha
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Suspicious looking man with a large flat screen TV jogs for two miles with nothing happening to him. Of course he was white
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Is it dusty horse lips?
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Woman spends two nights in hospital with pneumonia in early March but tested negative for Covid19. Got better and went about her business. Then she recently got an antibody test. Whoops
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If you're wanted by the police for murder, make sure your car is working properly
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Stay at home. It will help prevent you dying from the Coronavirus or when your drunk friend crashes the McLaren he was driving
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Queensland restaurant owner uses his heads to create the illusion of a busy establishment
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The few. The proud. The socially distant, facemask wearing, always faithfully wiping their exercise machines after use, Marines
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Photoshop this killer hornet
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500 young Navy recruits have been holed up in a closed indoor waterpark resort. This is not the plot of a wacky comedy that was in heavy rotation on HBO in the 80s
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Italian town is apparently so evil locals just call it the "village with no name," la la, la, la, la la la, la la la, la, la
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Cure found for the 'rona: shove a flashlight up your nose
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We secretly replaced Alex Jones with Chuck E Cheese. Let's see if anyone notices
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Fun things to do during quarantine should not include breaking into a morgue to drink all the embalming fluid
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Is there no end to the oppression and outright business tyranny perpetrated on the restaurant going public, where are my cheddar bicuits
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UK lockdown transforms Brighton garden into a shoe magnet
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Police officer sues for getting passed over for promotion. Because he's a white man. When will white men finally get a break around here?
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Not girls gone wild, but girls in the wild
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A coronavirus vaccine should be mandatory for all Americans, across the board to put it behind us
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Portland to go ahead with its naked coranvirus bike riding party
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We join the debate in progress as shirtless guy still thinks making dinosaurs is a good idea and Jeff Goldblum disagrees, vigorously
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Scientists discover a new coronavirus living in bats. No not that one. Another one
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Vladimir Putin's spokesman hospitalized with Covid-19, showing the dangers inherent in the task of putting playing cards in the spokes of Putin's bicycle
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Have not been to People of Walmart lately, let's see how they're handling the pandemic
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New antibody data suggests that Ohio's first case of Covid-19 was in early January. Vintage tag because that was, like, ages ago, man
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Man who wore KKK hood in California grocery store won't be charged due to "insufficient evidence" of anything other than protected free speech, being a dumbass
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Pickup truck fleeing cops careens across several lanes of highway, does barrel roll along divider, lands on wheels and keeps fleeing. With crazy video
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Inmates try to get early release from LA County jail by deliberately infecting themselves with Coronavirus
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American ingenuity at its best: Virginia Beach strip club knows how to take care of their horny customers, beats the coronavirus lockdown order by offering drive-thru pole dances
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Mid-June now the "peak" of Coronavirus in Illinois since Chicagoans can't stay the hell home
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California faces it's dumbest threat yet: Rodeo Clowns
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Let's open up the beaches, I'm sure everyone will follow social distancing rules. Darwin: challenge accepted
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Meanwhile in Russia: Overloaded ventilator bursts into flames and kills five coronavirus patients
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Do you want Hellraiser? Because this is how you get Hellraiser
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West Virginia library board holding a Zoom meeting get an unexpected presentation of child porn and racism. In other words, it was a Monday
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Two manbabies arrested in Van Nuys after face mask altercation at a Target
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Trump set to express his full support of Dr. Fauci after he issues a stark warning on the risks of reopening the country too soon in his testimony to the Senate
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Crap: New COVID-19 outbreak in Wuhan. Holy Crap: Public health authorities respond by preparing to test the entire population of 11 million people. Holy Crap x2: In only ten days
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Decades of global progress are about to be undone by Coronavirus
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At least we got chicken and a haircut
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It's not just men who smile when they see boobs
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While the United States was concerned with Florida Man liftbro-ing at a gym, this past Saturday striking garbagemen in New Orleans were fired and replaced with prison labor
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Posting a rant about a store requiring you to wear a mask and threatening them with a handgun and hollow points is a good way to guarantee you won't be standing in line in a grocery store, but rather an unemployment line
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Speeding trifecta in play as 19-year-old clocked at 308kph (191mph)
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Not news: Police initiate traffic stop knowing driver doesn't have license, pursuit ensues. News: Car wrecks, police pull driver from car, it's the wrong driver. Fark: Police cruiser and pulled over vehicle both catch fire
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Police pop punks for pandemic pranks
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Tennessee appeals judges say it's OK to make creepy videos of women without their consent. So Cooter can film y'alls cooter ladies
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Just because senior graduation ceremonies are canceled doesn't mean senior pranks are off the board
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T-shirts
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Being a low-level Target employee and following company policy by refusing admission to customers without masks? That's a face-punchin' and arm-breakin'
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Reality: Not one psychic, fortune-teller or astrologer predicted the Covid-19 pandemic. New York Times: Who cares? That's our story and we're gonna run with it
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El Sobrante man arrested for killing 90-year-old grandmother. And for those who don't speak Spanish, 'El Sobrante' means 'The Sobrante'
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Kayaker attempting to paddle entire length of Mississippi River doesn't quite reach Gulf of Mexico; didn't bring life jacket and gets as far as "still in northern Minnesota" before needing rescue
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Granite Falls man killed in head-on crash. See, that's the danger of applying granite directly to the forehead
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U.S. diplomat's wife who killed a motorcyclist while driving on the wrong side of the road: "I have diplomatic immunity." Interpol: "It's been revoked"
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National leader announces easing of Coronavirus restrictions, even as daily infection figures are peaking, shifting responsibility to regional governors. No, not that one - but it might as well be
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I am the NRA, and I stomp all over the Do Not Call Registry to flog memberships
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Let's reopen state parks but leave restrooms closed. What could possibly go wrong?
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The Colorado diner that defied the state's public health order on Mother's Day has been ordered to close until further notice
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It's quite possible, but if they're half empty, I just don't see it happening
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Just another example of the Patriarchy punishing a woman for daring to be a successful entrepreneur
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Deep fried butter consumption-related coronary deaths predicted to decrease this summer in North Dakota
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No, I did NOT say a Hobbit found Legolas
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Photoshop this music festival hoopster
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In the name of safety, India plans to restart rail operations with restrictions, allowing only people wearing masks to climb on the outside of the train as it barrels through the countryside at high speed
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