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Sun April 26, 2020
(10TV Columbus)
 
 
 
Relax, nurse. You head on in to work. I got this here
source: 10tv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
School board votes to remove, I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, Invisible Man, What They Carried, The Great Gatsby and Catch-22 from curriculum. The Bible as History and Literature still fine
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
This is a rental. It's Fran from Bethel
source: 92moose.fm   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these buses
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
It's hard to isolate when your "cage" apartment is less than 100 square feet
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Words of wisdom from a Prominent Farker in these trying times
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 5 New York)
 
 
 
"Quarantine fatigue" is finally starting to set in for frustrated parents who are now giving up on home schooling
source: fox5ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this relief effort
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Man robs Dunkin Donuts, immediately begins burning off calories on his rollerblades
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Captain Crozier's reinstatement is now bogged down with the top brass at the Pentagon. Enjoy your retirement, Captain
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Welcome Fark Artists to the weekly "Fartist Friday" contest. Our theme this week is "A Portrait of the F'artiste: Selfie Edition." Difficulty: Use MS Paint to recreate your visage
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
When paying the princely sum of £3.98 for veneers from Amazon, you might be slightly disappointed with the results
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
What *won't* change after the Coronavirus crisis passes?
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
...and for the 11th straight day China has no new COVID-19 deaths to report
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Spanish children finally get to venture outdoors for first time in six weeks. "I never thought I would miss school but I really miss it," said that one kid who always reminds the teacher about tonight's homework
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
While white people waving Confederate flags protesting stay-at-home orders are free to block ambulances, black people get riot police called on them for having an outdoor birthday party for a 1 year old
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Press-Enterprise (So. Cal))
 
 
 
Witnesses say Aviation Museum's pilot heroically tried to save historic last surviving original Flying Wing by doing barrel-roll over California freeway. Authorities infer plane crashed because pilot did barrel roll. Either way, no more Flying Wings
source: pe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Cheerleaders or serial killers, you decide
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these aristocrats
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Old and Busted: Catfishing to get a date. New Hotness: Catfishing to commit a federal crime
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
What are the coronavirus conspiracy theorists truly worried about?
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"This pause in our lives can lead to reflection and greater fulfillment." Man, this oughta be good. *cracks into the second handle of whiskey for the day*
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 12 West Palm Beach)
 
 
 
Call in bomb threat on personal cellphone to get out of work because you're "having a bad day?" Your day's going to get a lot worse
source: cbs12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Driving on closed beach "out of boredom" doesn't merit any exceptions, Wannabe Florida Man
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Fark ready headline: Man allegedly killed in street race has died
source: themediahell.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
In Mother Russia, PPE includes a parachute and goggles
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 25, 2020
(NYPost)
 
 
 
STD cases plummet now that your mom has to stay at home
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Fast & Furious 33 UK Split: I say, what's all this then, are you popping it out now, love?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Globe and Mail)
 
 
 
Doug Ford shows how frontline healthcare workers should be treated
source: theglobeandmail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Wild train sneaks up on another unsuspecting victim
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Globe and Mail)
 
 
 
Weasels, angry they can't make money off of a family that wishes no part of their shenanigans, call the subjects self absorbed for refusing to dance for them
source: theglobeandmail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Not News: Warnings of Road Rage in Florida. Fark: from gators
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
So, not only is FEMA hijacking shipments of medical equipment from states and cities to boost Jar-Jar Kushner's private stockpiles, it's also stealing from the VA. The farking Veterans Administration
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
"No evidence shows that having coronavirus prevents a second infection". Other than that, though, how's your day?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these baseball 'fans'
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wisconsin State Journal)
 
 
 
What do you do when a doll company makes a copy of you and gives the doll your name? Subby would be flattered
source: madison.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Forbes)
 
 
 
Apropos of nothing, there's a hurricane in the eastern Pacific right now. In April
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
How do you get your whole town tested for coronavirus? Rich hippies
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Nice try PETA, would you like a large or small order of fries with that whopper, mate?
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
"The plumage don't enter into it"
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
While everyone is distracted by COVID-19, China is revoking Hong Kong's autonomy
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bring Me the News)
 
 
 
Couple caught bringing large amount of meth from Arizona to Minnesota, but it's the WTF mugshot that's the real story here
source: bringmethenews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this interchange
source: wi-images.condecdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reason Magazine)
 
 
 
Westport police chief has toys taken away after world learns about spy drone plan
source: reason.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
He might be dead. He might be alive. He's Schrödinger's dictator
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Covid-19 has globally killed 200,000 people and it only took 4 months unlike that slacker influenza that takes a whole year to get near those numbers
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Meet a real American hero
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Meanwhile, in Southern California it's already too hot to go to the beach
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Caption this proud hunter with his trophy
 
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
Finally, my grant for a Ministry approved Silly Walk is gonna pay off big time
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chattanooga Pulse)
 
 
 
Live in the South? Think your state is re-opening too soon? Unsure what to do? How about a thoughtful analysis of the situation from the heart of the "too soon zone"
source: chattanoogapulse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Reopening has begun, and may the odds be ever in your favor
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Arson attacks on UK cell towers alarm US officials concerned over conspiracy theories. Deep State unavailable for comment
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lincoln Journal Star)
 
 
 
Beach party in Nebraska busted. Citations issued for alcohol not for lack of social distancing. Wait, Nebraska has beaches?
source: journalstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQXR New York)
 
 
 
Here's what NYC sounds like when there's nobody outside in these coronavirus times
source: wqxr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Alert)
 
 
 
NASA's JPL designs new ventilator in 37 days with one seventh as many parts, which can be produced cheaply and quickly. FDA approval anticipated by weekend. NASA releasing license for free
source: sciencealert.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jacksonville.com)
 
 
 
As Jacksonville moves to retake the crown as The Murder Capital of Florida, the Sheriff talks to a reporter in what sounds like a scene from The Wire
source: jacksonville.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Photoshop Covid chic
source: cdnph.upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
"In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers"
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
"Actually discussed in a virtual meeting today: how to keep cats from accidentally commanding spacecraft." Live long and prosper on Caturday
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Everybody Dance Now
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
With no sports or concerts, MLSE turns Scotiabank Arena into a 10,000 meal per day kitchen for front line workers and the homeless
source: toronto.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
If you're not irate after reading this article, you probably live on Fisher Island (UPDATE: Residents have rejected it)
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Nurses are making house calls for patients who need to avoid exposure to coronavirus because of pre-existing conditions. Free house calls
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Chicago to ban horse-drawn carriages by the end of 2020, presumably to make way for steam-powered automobiles
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"Challenge trial" time for potential COVID-19 vaccines. What's that? Oh, just a thing where you give some people vaccines and others a placebo and then deliberately expose them all
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
California decides to kill two birds with one...okay poor choice of phrasing...CA decides to solve two problems at once by creating a massive meal delivery program for seniors that uses and pays local restaurants to cook and distribute the food
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOCO Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Note: House cats in pictures can appear larger than in real life due to topography and photo angles
source: koco.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
"Black leaders say reopening Georgia is an attack on people of color...it's no coincidence that the businesses being reopened -- including barbershops, nail salons and churches -- are communal gathering places for black residents"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Brazilian scientists cut short chloroquine study due to "primary outcome of death." That's bad, right?
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 24, 2020
(8 News Now)
 
 
 
Las Vegas Mayor Goodman: "It's a dry heat and it will kill coronavirus" Vegas locals: "Our ACs are already on"
source: 8newsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
*roll safe guy puts finger to his temple* Can't have a second wave if everybody dies in the first wave
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Again showing that Irish boozers will not let the coronavirus pandemic take them down, publicans open first virtual pub and becomes the only boozer open during lockdown
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Tonight 8pm et, Drew and Dallan are going to watch party Pulgasari, the North Korean Godzilla ripoff with a truly unique and bizarre production history. Plus Drew's going to drink heavily the entire time. Come join us Warmup starts around 730pm
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Social distancing: ☑. Getting exercise and staying fit: ☑. Not involving first responders to pull you out of steep, snowy and icy conditions on mountain trails: ☐ *buzzer*
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Smokers rejoice. Your addiction is your salvation
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
More Pennsylvanians expected to be seen on curbs holding bottles of hard liquor in near future
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
 
 
Would not buy again
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
A cleaner who found themselves in charge of an empty library after social distancing decided that "size order" was a good way of organising books. Dewey sucks
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
People who don't care about spreading deadly diseases also drive recklessly
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
Occasionally, the answer to a headline in the form of a question is not just yes, but hell yes
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Photoshop this nuclear multiplex
source: static01.nyt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Life in Taiwan without a lockdown and just 6 fatalities: police tracking you on your phone, thermal scans in building lobbies, hazard pay for taxi drivers, restaurants with every other seat taped down with an X for distancing, and masks everywhere
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
Not news: Federal appeals court denies silly appeal... New: Appeal sought immunity from prosecution for Louisiana prosecutors who used fake subpoenas to pressure witnesses
source: lawandcrime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flathead Beacon)
 
 
 
On the lighter side of things today, The Flathead Beacon police blotter, full of no good grandsons and firewood thieves
source: flatheadbeacon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Men are better than women at fighting coronavirus because they just want to get the hell out of the store is a thing an elected official shouldn't say out loud
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Post)
 
 
 
Rock, Paper, Scissors, Judge
source: nationalpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
For the love of God and all things holy, do not try to sanitize your masks in the microwave
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Now the FDA is suddenly concerned about the use of hydroxychloroquine. Just in the nick of time
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Nova Scotia currently dealing with an active shooter situation. Sadly, this is not a repeat
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 2 St. Louis)
 
 
 
Why are St. Louis County liquor stores and adult shops open while parks are closed? "A lot of our lube companies were switching over to make hand sanitizers"
source: fox2now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
The City of Juarez Dept of Tourism reminds you they are a lawless Hellscape and pretty much any other destination in the world is safer. Enjoy your stay
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Today's mad libs headline: UK submarine commander probed over 'rave barbecue' amid coronavirus lockdown
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
So what happens when an opioid addiction crisis meets a pandemic crisis?
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
On the Fark and Schnitt podcast: An interview with Brooke Binkowski from TruthOrFiction.com, formerly of Snopes. She's a conspiracy theory connoisseur and she has an interesting observation about what might be driving the current crop of Covid-related dumbassery
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Upton asks Whitmer permission to motorboat
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this tree
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Next Web)
 
 
 
Yesterday, at 2:14 PM, Skynet became aware and drew its first dickbutt
source: thenextweb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 17 Columbia)
 
 
 
Man armed with a large sword, nunchucks, and a butcher's knife decides his best weapon is saliva that may or may not contain coronavirus
source: abc17news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
A growing number of homeless people are discovering that a passenger free NYC subway is a great place to live and sleep, just don't ask them to pass the Grey Poupon
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(6ABC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
The Philly Spitter has been arrested. Let's breathe a sigh of relief
source: 6abc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"Given the choice to listen to a plastic bottle or the president of the United States, I beg you: Listen to the plastic bottle"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
"I got nothing. Can I run a story on a video about the royal servants uploaded to YouTube in 2011?" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Stupid Brit boozers don't let the coronavirus lockdown spoil their fun of getting blotto, use 'secret knock' pubs to mingle with other stupid drunks (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CP24 Toronto)
 
 
 
COVID-19 baby boom a myth? It's called makeup sex
source: cp24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Police investigate girl's 'Help' sign on window; the solution adds up
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Bad: Your wedding venue says your reservation is cancelled. Worse: It's charging you 80% of the cancellation fee
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
BBC article fails to deliver on its sexy-party headline: "Shoppers swap clothes for alcohol amid record sales drop"
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Onion)
 
 
 
The good folks at The Onion have slipped up and given us proof they actually have a time machine: "Man Just Buying One Of Every Cleaning Product In Case Trump Announces It's Coronavirus Cure". - Published MARCH 25, 2020
source: local.theonion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medical Xpress)
 
 
 
Sociologist from the University of Kentucky explains why it's important to stay socially connected even when we can't physically be together and why Duke sucks even as it remains isolated
source: medicalxpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WAVY Virginia)
 
 
 
Walmart to deliver People of Walmart development kits to your house
source: wavy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Psychology Today)
 
 
 
Spend more time in Fark's D'awww tab
source: psychologytoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Courier-Journal)
 
 
 
Kentuckians are poisoning themselves as they battle Covid-19 by inhaling toxic fumes from cleaners. It's a good thing no one gave them the idea to inject disinfectants instead
source: courier-journal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
No matter what you think of your elected officials, remember that they're just like us. They put their pants on one leg at a time and keep women locked in their basements just like you
source: wnky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Not news: Prisoners at risk from COVID-19. News: Washington state Supreme Court denies medical release. Fark: ONE VOTE stopped parole of Gary Ridgeway, The Green River serial killer
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bothell-Kenmore Reporter)
 
 
 
Report shows impact of Coronavirus on hotel industry, as eight of ten hotel rooms are empty nationwide. Please, take a moment to think of all the empty rooms in which no weird sex with cheap hookers will take place
source: bothell-reporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Pizzagater, who tried to burn down a restaurant to save imaginary victims of child sexual trafficking, sentenced to 4 years in federal prison
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Let's not forget the TRUE hero of the pandemic: The fitness model that posts naked selfies and wears tiny bikinis to cheer up fans in lockdown. (May not be SFW, assuming you're working)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
The Head of the VA ignores a study that relies on his department's own hospital data and doubles down on hydroxychloroquine. VA? Very Awful
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
"I didn't mean to speed, officer. I thought you wanted to race"
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Kim Jong-un is either dead or alive, either his sister is running North Korea or not, or maybe the DRPK's military are running the show. Any way you shake it the Magic 8-Ball says 'war.' (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Your delivery is two stops... three... wait... four stops away
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
You know who DOESN'T want the beaches open in Florida? Most Floridians
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C|Net)
 
 
 
Just how much does a foreign government have to offer to bribe a U.S. government worker to reveal login information? Also what the hell is that stock photo?
source: cnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sad and Useless)
 
 
 
Face it - we'll never be as cool as the Swedes were in the '70s
source: sadanduseless.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
In other news, Kim Jong Un probably already dead and buried
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Many hospitals are going to go out of business because of the coronavirus, here's just one that's losing $1 million a day and is furloughing 575 employees for up to 60 days
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"Dear Americans; please don't inject our product into you, despite what Trump says." Sincerely, Lysol
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Oh my god what if companies like Exxon and BP never recover from the oil downturn and don't get to run the world anymore?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Only the New York Times could "both sides" a headline about whether injecting yourself with bleach is a bad idea or not
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gannett Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop these lean runners
source: gannett-cdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Here's some early morning nightmare fuel to go along with your coffee
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Piles of fake dead crisis actors seen in Brazil. Probably just trying to make Trump (Bolsanaro - whatever... the same thing) look bad
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Traffic goes up, revenue goes down. You can't explain that
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
China donates $30 million to WHO to ensure they're stigginit to Trump
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
US wants Mexico to reopen. How else are they going to pay for the wall
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vanity Fair)
 
 
 
April 4th: White House "really want(ed) to flood NY and NJ" with Trump's gonzo unproven miracle pill that since has shown to kill more people
source: vanityfair.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Meanwhile, in Russia, social distancing is measured in "bears"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
Florida lawyer is traveling around newly-opened Florida beaches dressed as the Grim Reaper
source: god.dailydot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Only in Florida would a fight break out over who gets to hand out free food for the impoverished
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
The first rule of Dinner Party is you don't talk about Dinner Party
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 23, 2020
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Scottish lockdown to be lifted in phases, no doubt starting with Loch Ness, moving to Loch Lomand, and ending with drunkenly stabbing someone in the neck with a broken beer bottle outside a bar at 2 AM
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Elk gets the shaft in Colorado
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mid Hudson News)
 
 
 
12-year-old describes the horrors of being quarantined with a bagpiper
source: midhudsonnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My High Plains)
 
 
 
You heard the leprechaun: put down the Lucky Charms - playtime's OVER, futhamuckas
source: myhighplains.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Union Leader)
 
 
 
Cut your own hair in New Hampshire? Congratulations, you're a criminal
source: unionleader.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Before you fly away, here is the pigeon news of the day; yeah New Yorker pigeons and Boston pigeons don't get along
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Police raid "spa" for offering illegal services. It's not what you think
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
"Thanks for your efforts during this difficult time, ma'am. Could you pop your trunk for a moment for me?"
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Paramedics thought a man waving at them from a parking garage was cheering them instead of trying to flag for help as his wife was going into labor in their car
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Whack-a-mole. New hotness: Remove-a-mole
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gannett Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this scenic overlook
source: gannett-cdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
PETA tries to put little finger to corner of mouth but can't quite reach it
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Wait, now facemasks are bad again (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Facebook publicly: "we're doing everything we can to stop the spread of misinformation and dangerous health advice on our platform. Facebook to advertisers: want to reach users who are "pseudoscience" believing wack-a-loons? Just click here
source: themarkup.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan's somewhat daily News Summary livestream probably at 545pm or so. Bringing you what's important (Covid rates in NY), what's not (Tom Brady), and body cam footage of three cops trying to catch an escaped piggy with serious moves
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
"Here's your nine pence." "I'm not dead." "'Ere. She says she's not dead." "Yes, she is." "I'm not." "She isn't?" "Well, she will be soon. She's very ill." "I'm getting better." "No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment"
source: q1041.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Method Man by Wu-Tang Clan QUARANtune by Flula, his bathroom, and a Speak & Spell is what you need this morning
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Geekologie)
 
 
 
"Daddy, what was it like around the house before I was born?" "I can't lie, Junior--sometimes things were a little stupid"
source: geekologie.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KRTV Great Falls)
 
 
 
Wedding get put on hold due to the pandemic? Miller High Life will pay you 10 grand and and send an officiant to your house to do the honors, as long as you're good with not having actual beer at your reception
source: krtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
It's not so bad being cooped up with my beautiful SO. After all, we get to...OH FOR CORN'S SAKE (possible nsfw content on page). Counterpoint: even if it's not, how would you prevent it?
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Central Maine)
 
 
 
Man, Scott Baio sure has gone back in time and let himself go
source: centralmaine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABL13 Houston)
 
 
 
Houston Fire Department serves notice of violation to restaurant for allowing people to gather and eat on the patio. FARK: Restaurant was offering free meals to first responders and police officers were the ones gathered
source: abc13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
♫ I want to use my sledgehammer / To rob this museum / Get my sledgehammer / To steal this Van Gogh / I'm gonna be the sledgehammer / This will be my testimony (If I don't plead the Fifth). Sledge. Sledge. Sledgehammer. ♫
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Not sure which is stranger these days, half the people of a flight not wearing masks or that the plane itself was 80-90% full
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Common Mistakes People Make When Buying Harley-Davidson Motorcycles. Omitted: Buying Harley-Davidson motorcycles
source: thethings.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop this munching beastie
source: scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Actual headline: "'Confused' driver threw large amount of money out window on Northern Michigan road." I assume 'confused' is a synonym for drunk, senile, or bat-shiat crazy
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida woman arrested for spitting chewed food into fruit bins, earning a $15,000 bail and lifelong membership into the Legion of Evil as 'The Masticator'
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
"The beavers are getting quite habitual, coming out at certain times - and the rangers have caught them all on camera and know they are doing well"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
In her continuing search for those Dalmatian puppies, DeVos excludes DACA recipients from Coronavirus rescue package
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Dammit, Carole Baskin (shakes fist)
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 46 Atlanta)
 
 
 
Brian "Leeroy Jenkins" Kemp response to the White House: LEEROOOOOY JENKKIIIINNSS
source: cbs46.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gulf News)
 
 
 
Ramadan Kareem, Ramadan starts this evening, wishing all who celebrate a blessed holiday. LGT 10 easy Arabic phrases to learn if you wish
source: gulfnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Anti-Semitic sign at protest against Ohio stay-at-home order is sadly not surprising in this Harry Turttledove/Tom Clancy/Stephen King timeline mashup
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
I hate to seem rude, but where else would you be hit by a train
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Apparently Rosie's is off limits. It's a MASH joke. MASH was a TV show. It had the most watched finale in history. Get off subby's lawn
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Liberal conspiracy to kill the economy and make Trump look bad reaches all the way back to 1918
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Yinz gotta color chart. Learn it. Don't be a jagg off
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inquisitr)
 
 
 
Thousands of people sign petition to have fees waived for the single Netflix account they all share
source: inquisitr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
China undisappears journalist who got too close to the truth in Wuhan
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
This week's serving of vintage 80's alt/goth/post-punk/new wave includes Furniture, Biff Bang Pow, Any Trouble, and A Certain Ratio. Come hear what terrestrial radio doesn't sound like on PastFORWARD #130. Starts @ 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
source: kuci.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Site of the first episode of the A-Team discovered in Spain
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Coat-maker Canada Goose signs a pledge to no long use "virgin fur" in their garments, say that from now on they will only use pelts from animals who were filthy sluts that had it coming
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Iran promises to 'crush' US forces if their ships are attacked, possibly by writing a mean note just like Sally in third grade. Dammit, Sally, I never got over that
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Harvard: Hey you, know, we were just poking around in our old sock drawer and we found this $40 billion permanent endowment, so maybe we don't need that $8 million emergency stimulus loan after all
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Man jailed for yelling racist abuse at nursery children, attacking school crossing guard with his own stick. Police quote: he "finished off a busy day by smearing his own faeces across the entire cell", which had to be "professionally cleaned"
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
This is a really bad time to have your phone number be one digit off from the state unemployment office fax line
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
'If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you make us read Romeo and Juliet, shall we not mock thee with National Talk Like Shakespeare day?'
source: nationaldaycalendar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Nobody wants to read "why I left New York during coronavirus" personal essays
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
A couple wanted to support a local business. They find a place called "Pasqually's Pizza & Wings" on Grubhub and decide to order. Guess which chain's pizza shows up at the door
source: nbcphiladelphia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SILive)
 
 
 
NYC likely to delay the start of Manhattan congestion pricing as if there has been any congestion in almost six weeks
source: silive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
When self-isolation on the high seas hits reality: Couple sailing around world have no idea about coronavirus pandemic when coming to port
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vulture)
 
 
 
So, apparently, young girls putting on makeup while lip-synching effete comedian John Mulaney is a thing
source: vulture.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
With the backing of each one of their 4,781 Twitter followers, One Million Moms rails against a cartoon duck having two cartoon duck dads
source: pride.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
California drivers are acting like Iowans during the lockdown
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Photos of what the world looks like before and after a decline in air pollution, and it's a beautiful thing
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Jesus, are we not doing phrasing anymore
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop these meeses to pieces
source: thedickinsonpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC4i)
 
 
 
Man's social media posts against stay-at-home order go viral after he dies from COVID-19. Obvious tag just holding place for Repeat tag
source: nbc4i.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Martha's Vineyard Times)
 
 
 
There are dozens of us, dozens. What's that you say? 10 people showed up? Nevermind
source: mvtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
There's a Riot Goin' On: Paris is going through the 4th night of riots in the streets (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Different strokes for young adults with COVID, folks
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
It looks like Las Vegas workers don't appreciate it when the mayor says she wants to gamble... *puts on sunglasses* ...with their lives
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Kentucky attorney gets arrested for terroristic threats against Kentucky Governor, hires Kentucky attorney
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Pro Tip: If you've successfully gotten away with murder for 24 years, don't leave pieces of evidence lying around your house for police to find a couple decades later
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Connecticut)
 
 
 
Uh-oh, the Pandemic Drone knows I'm blowing bong hits
source: nbcconnecticut.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
Construction crew hits underground phone lines belonging to the 'call before you dig' call center
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Just when you thought this timeline couldn't get more weird
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
There's gold in them thar Hills... Well, more specifically there's money to be made selling the Free Lunches that Hillsborough School District is handing out
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Way to go Arkansas. You're finally number one in something besides teen pregnancy
source: rt.live   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
31 surreal COVID-19 pandemic pics. They're all worth a look, but #29 might literally murder you with irony (shared in first comment)
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 781: "You Card". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 22, 2020
(Twitter)
 
 
 
So it turns out HHS Secretary Azar undermined the pandemic response from the start
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orange County Register)
 
 
 
Skateboard park filled with sand to prevent skateboarding. Guess what happens next
source: ocregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
I think that the problem may have been that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being eaten by a dwarf
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Last week: Why does India have so few Covid-19 infections? This week: Oh boy
source: worldometers.info   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Aquarium makes breakthrough that could help save third largest coral reef in the world. However, being Florida, they'll find a way to screw it up
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
If you're the human shart who stole an ER nurse's puppy in Concord, CA, your safest bet might be to give Max back before the public gets its hands on you
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Breaking into funeral homes naked and leaving beers in coffins is no way to go through life, son
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baltimore Sun)
 
 
 
What do you do if you think the bar surveillance video shows you assaulting your girlfriend? Why burn down the bar, of course
source: baltimoresun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop this fireplace/TV wall feature
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
They realized Sycamore's Secret just isn't catchy
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
San Francisco woman likes to get drunk and make prank calls to police in Ohio, because why tie up local resources?
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Former mayor of Tallahassee found in incoherent state. In other words, Florida
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Dentists would like Coronavirus test kits before they reopen, and who can blame them?
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The US Sun)
 
 
 
Two New York house cats test positive for COVID-19, the first in the US, signaling what could be the end of Caturday as we know it
source: the-sun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitch.tv)
 
 
 
Drew and Dallan are back with another Fark Daily News Summary starting soon as they get their act together. Come find out what important stuff happened today, plus creepy museum objects and monkeys that look like Chewbacca
source: twitch.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Doctors say that execution drugs could help COVID-19 patients...because when you're dead you don't have the virus anymore?
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WISN Milwaukee)
 
 
 
Why is this Wisconsin bar owner defiantly planning to open amid the coronavirus stay-at-home order? Because this is America
source: wisn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Willamette Week)
 
 
 
There was a time when this kind of problem would have been solved with explosives. That time has passed our nation by
source: wweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Man in standoff with police falls for the old "come out of the house" trick
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quinnipiac University)
 
 
 
"76 percent say that the state's economy should only reopen when public health officials deem it safe, compared to 17 percent who say it should reopen even if public health officials warn against it". Difficulty: Florida voters
source: poll.qu.edu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Is this the person who could tame North Korea's generals for a 4th round of "The Kim Dynasty?" Short Answer: No. Long Answer: Noooooooooo
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
NASA "cuts live feed" on ISS cameras so the crew can have some private time with our new overlords as they stop in for a bite and some chat time (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Hope none of America's enemies have robust, healthy naval forces, because we currently don't
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this collector's camper
source: i.redd.it   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
University of Louisville research team has devised a way to deny Coronavirus infections, NCAA championships
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Scientists discover new species of snek. Name it after the most appropriate person imaginable
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
B.C. doctor invents 'fairly simple' device that aims to curb the spread of COVID-19 in hospitals, has incredible eyebrows
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
I have no idea what you're talking about so here's a monkey flying a kite in India while the country is locked down
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Scientists are reporting they are seeing a mystery illness killing tits. No word on the report that seeing tits causes kittens to be killed
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Mayor de Blasio announces that Macy's annual NYC 4th of July fireworks show will go on, somehow, someway
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inquisitr)
 
 
 
Connecticut firefighter wistfully recalls joke about rescuing cats from trees as he changes his pants
source: inquisitr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Aside from increasing demand for pineapples, what are the effects of banning alcohol?
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Thanks to coronavirus there's a whole new way to get your ass spanked online (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
These are the five biggest threats to the US's food supply chains
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Bad: Tornado season in Oklahoma. Worse: The hospital that's your nearest shelter won't let you in because it's full of virus patients
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Apropos of nothing, here are all 14 window cameos from the original 60's Batman TV series
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Covid toes now a thing
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Horseman of the Apocalypse #2, come on down
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Myth: during the pandemic, bored teens want to meet up with you for sex. Reality: of course they're cops
source: restonnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Those big banks that managed to screw up the $349 billion loan program for small businesses by giving most of it away to huge corporations also managed to pocket $10 billion in fees for their trouble
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
COVID-19 puts Tyson meat processing plant in a "cocoon of horror"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Not news: Woman gives birth. News: Woman gives birth to twins. Fark: 68-year-old woman gives birth to twins
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
While nobody was looking, Iran's Revolutionary Guard photoshopped a military satellite into orbit
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Need more proof this timeline is f*cked up? El Chapo has become a true Covid-19 savior for people
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Examiner)
 
 
 
Mmm those stimulus checks be all stimulating and such
source: washingtonexaminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
This is the equivalent of having Boss Hogg, Roscoe, and Enos manage your state's future
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Savannah Now)
 
 
 
Photoshop this ironwork
source: savannahnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Dodo)
 
 
 
🐾 Bleu the golden retriever sings a sweet sweet song accompanied by his very own set of wind chimes, just in time for Woofday Wetnose Wednesday 🐾
source: thedodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghai Observed)
 
 
 
Old and busted: stockpiling TP. New hotness: stockpiling cremation receptacles. Boo, urns
source: shanghaiobserved.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
If you were pinning your hopes on a COVID-19 vaccine to allow civilization to reopen, prepare to be disappointed
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
First Covid deaths in California occurred on February 6, 2020, way earlier than previously thought
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Coronavirus is doing more for Earth Day in cleaning the planet than we have ever done
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
2700 dead in the last 24h from COVID-19... but it won't be peak death day since at least 3 states have re-opened everything
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Legal troubles may have cost NRA $100 million. Let's send them thoughts and prayers. Womp womp
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
How did the shooter in Nova Scotia manage to kill 22 people over the course of a day? Wearing a RCMP uniform and driving a replica police car might have helped
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(1011 Now Lincoln)
 
 
 
Despite attempts to blame the Grand Island, Nebraska surge in COVID_19 cases on Nebraska's lack of stay-at-home order, a large share of the cases have a single origin. No, too many people did not go to the beach
source: 1011now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Hopefully you don't need your cable fixed while this whole coronavirus thing is going on
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Las Vegas mayor wants to play Russian roulette with her city
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fast Company)
 
 
 
Farker's buddy and a couple smart guys 3d print a "ventilator multiplexer" and get FDA approval in just 3 weeks. Now every ventilator can be two. Bulldog. Bulldog. Bow, wow, wow
source: fastcompany.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Those who intentionally spread coronavirus could be charged as terrorists. So say we all
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Dealer)
 
 
 
Drug prices in New York are through the roof because of the pandemic. No, not those drugs
source: faq.nyc   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 21, 2020
(CNN)
 
Boobies
 
Sales are booming for the new kevlar implants
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Review)
 
 
 
Say "It's a flu" again, motherf*cker
source: nationalreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sky.com)
 
 
 
UK, Saturday: "What PPE shortage? Why, we've got an enormous shipment coming in from Turkey, been in the works for ages, be here any day now." UK, Sunday: "Uh, hi Turkey, so, erm, any chance you might want to sell us some PPE?"
source: news.sky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
So, um, hurricane season is approaching
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
NYPD busts 4/20 "pot party" in Manhattan after getting social distancing tip from snitch at ...wait for it ...4:20 p.m. on Monday
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Tom Hanks donates his blood so science can create a Hanks-cine. Just don't let Forrest Trump get any
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
The Guardian waxes navel-gazey about the prospects for a cybersexual revolution or some such bollocks
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHKY Hickory)
 
 
 
Car burglary isn't an essential service
source: whky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
CDC chief warns that the flu could tag-team with covid-19 to kick our assess this winter
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
The 'Gimp Man of Essex' goes out shopping for his essentials, stuns other shoppers who are perplexed he's not wearing his ball gag for coronavirus protection
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Police admit that it's unlikely that anybody would go within six feet of the flag-caped diaper man
source: chroniclet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KQED San Francisco)
 
 
 
Procedures for fighting wildfires during pandemics ...will be known in 3-6 months
source: kqed.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Savannah Now)
 
 
 
Photoshop this stairwell
source: savannahnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Hacker steals $25m in crypto-currencies only to return the funds two days later. He reportedly wanted to steal something valuable
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC 12 Richmond)
 
 
 
"You saved my life, have a sandwich. You saved my life, have a sandwich. You saved my life, have a sandwich. You saved my life. have a sandwich. You saved my life, have a sandwich. You saved my life, have a sandwich." (Repeat 4994 times)
source: nbc12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
New York's snitch line is seeing results, if by results you mean pics of middle fingers and penises
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
Most people dealt with not receiving a stimulus check in an adult manner. Then there is this guy
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
"Republicans are going to turn the election into a red vs. blue culture war battle-not over abortion, not over climate change, not over guns, but this time, over death itself. Because death is every authoritarian's last play"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
State of Michigan buys $836k in liquor to keep bars and restaurants afloat, immediately changes name to Drew
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Italy marks first day of decreasing active COVID-19 cases, smallest number of new infections in two months
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(City Pages)
 
 
 
"A triptych of fast-casual carnage"
source: citypages.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Forbes)
 
 
 
Do you miss your weekend getaways to Paris, spring and summer skiing in Zermat, Enrico Crippa's deer with foie gras sauce at Piazza Duomo in Alba? Here's when you will be able to travel to Europe again
source: forbes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
UK government: "Oh crap, we're running out of PPE." Suppliers: "Here you are, we've made lots of them." UK government: "*crickets*"
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
We're in the phase of the pandemic lockdown where people are getting weird and freaky with household objects (NSFW)
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KMBC Kansas City)
 
 
 
Missouri sues China to take back COVID-19
source: kmbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
Harassing and threatening the grocery store staff? That's a public shamin', on camera and plastered on the internet. Thanks, Dad
source: god.dailydot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
♫ How we doing? Less COVID today? ♫ Not a chance, doc, Nay, nay, nay ♫ We've flattened curve but the cure it still shuns ♫ Nothing is working...SEND IN THE NUNS ♫
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TownNews)
 
 
 
Photoshop this cat up a tree
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
COVID-19 is devastating jazz. Impact on bootlegging, flappers, West Egg still unknown
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
You could be creating a new accent in your prolonged coronavirus isolation
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Journalist Jeff Weiner reports Austin Gillespie aka Augutus Sol Invictus ordered his wife to bring their kids to Dickson Azalea Park ― "or else." What a cock
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Probably for the same reason she refers to herself as "we"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Would you like some Bat Fried Rice with those sexy yoga pants, Miss?
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Canceled. C-a-n-c-e-l-e-d
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Man who posted on social media "Does anybody have the guts to say this COVID-19 is a political ploy? Asking for a friend. Prove me wrong" proven wrong
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida among slowest states to process virus unemployment claims, hopes problem will solve itself
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 2 St. Louis)
 
 
 
Street parties, virus loads, have exploded in St. Louis City and County
source: fox2now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
The COVID Challenge, calling for young people to volunteer for vaccine trials, is going viral. Put some of that in a Tide pod, I'm in
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Federal projections for what happens if Trump and the "I'm a vector" protesters get their way
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Roadside America)
 
 
 
Daddy, can you choke a headless chicken? Why, yes son, you certainly can
source: roadsideamerica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Could I be any nakeder?
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
She sells sea shells by the sea shore. The shells she sells are surely sea shells I see piling up on the sea shore thanks to coronavirus keeping sea shore tourists away
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
FDA approves at-home covid-19 test. Eligibility requirements include platinum-level insurance, a doctor's note, and being able to jam a swab down your own nose so far that it hits brain tissue
source: wraltechwire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Minnesota Man auditions for part of Florida Man; steals snacks and has a shoot out with police from his getaway raft
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Which U.S. states have idiots for governors?
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
Drew gives an update on the Fark revenue situation - tl;dr it's still bad. We also discuss the end of Pennsylvania's sober hordes marauding in nearby states, and special guest Brooke Binkowski gives us an overview of Covid conspiracy theories
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Choose cardboard caskets, it's better for the environment and faster to burn down in the crematorium
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Scheisse. Oktoberfest is cancelled
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Happy ninety-fourth birthday, old Queen. What a marvelous queen you have been
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Meanwhile, in Holland, New Zealand, and Ireland, people are killing the 5G Internet to solve the toilet paper problem due to coronavirus, but to US, whats 5G?
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
Even though you'll probably be dead and buried, your masks, ventilators, and Zoom recordings will one day become the artifacts of our time preserved in museums
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Bad: You have to isolate in a formerly vacant house. Worse: Bees
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
And the winner of the "World Social Distancing Champion" goes to...
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
Boobies
 
Good news everyone. Motorboating is allowed during the lockdown
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Of the $349 billion in emergency loans to help small businesses during the pandemic. $300 million went to 75 publicly traded companies, some with a net worth of over $100 million, 25% of whom told investors they were going under BEFORE the crisis
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Philadelphia Inquirer)
 
 
 
Morgue's full. Portable refrigerator trailers are full. Hey Pete, you drive a pickup, don't you?
source: inquirer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Sheriff files charges after Amish hold large party despite isolation order. "There was one that was too intoxicated to run and that person had to be transported by ambulance. "
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
The university with the world's largest endowment took over $8M in bailout money
source: bostonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
"Yeah you may not be on campus for classes, but you still have to pay your rent for your apartment there"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop a cereal we should definitely NOT eat during this pandemic
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
ER doctor self-isolates in his kids' treehouse, With pic of pretty cool treehouse
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Boston Strog
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Doctor who came out of retirement to help amid COVID-19 pandemic develops illness himself
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
This is why Americans can't have nice things
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yonhap News (Korea))
 
 
 
South Korea says to pause Rocket Man's countdown
source: m-en.yna.co.kr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Arrest warrant issued for pastor Tony Spell. No wonder he asked all his parishioners to send him their stimulus checks, he's going to need bail money
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
While there are Covidiots crawling the earth demanding the freedom to be infected, Real Patriots volunteered to live in a factory for a month to manufacture plastic for PPE
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Small businesses: The insurance policy we've been paying for should cover some of the losses from the coronavirus shutdown, right? Insurance companies: LOL, No
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
If you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain, they have this adult ice cream truck in Houston
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter