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Sun March 08, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
The Best Korea, sick of losing the spotlight to Covid-19, resumes its relentless punishment of the Sea of Japan
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 46 Charlotte)
 
 
 
A tranquilizer dart has one job
source: fox46charlotte.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
You're getting into your car and suddenly shot at in a paintball drive-by. What do you do?
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TownNews)
 
 
 
Photoshop this lifesaving effort
 
(San Antonio Current)
 
 
 
Appropriate: Tipping a carhop when she brings you a drink. Inappropriate: Demanding all the money in her apron
source: sacurrent.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
WHO says we're not past the point of containment
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
US says we're past the point of containment
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Chicago)
 
 
 
There are things that don't belong in girls' restrooms at school. This is one of them
source: abc7chicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
Untimely bankruptcy filing, tough talk from Mayor puts Michigan in history books for World's First Furniture Store Riot
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Italian winery accidentally implements plan to sterilize drinking water amidst coronavirus infections
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KUTV Utah)
 
 
 
Well, it looks like the Salt Lake City Public Library guards will no longer carry batons after this confrontation with a patron was recorded
source: kutv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Throw in some oil-can-sized cup holders and you'd easily have the most Australian story of the day
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Mayan ball player
source: mk0mexiconewsdam2uje.kinstacdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Ben Carson: "We have a plan for the 3,500 people on that COVID-19 cruise ship." George Stephanopoulos: "Cool, what is it?" Ben: "I can't tell you." George: "Shouldn't you be able to?" Ben: "Uhhh...MIKE PENCE" (smokebomb)
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Thread Reader)
 
 
 
Excellent piece: A deep dive into the science of why soap is better than hand sanitizer for all viruses
source: threadreaderapp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Plans to go somewhere this spring in jeopardy? You've got travel insurance to cover your cancellation, right? You sure about that?
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Smithsonian Magazine)
 
 
 
Old news is so... wait, *how* old?? And how exactly was I supposed to find this out?
source: smithsonianmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Virgin leaks virgins' porn-watching habits
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this portrait of a car
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
First British supermarkets start rationing essential items due to coronavirus hoarding, a full 10 months ahead of planned post-Brexit rationing
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Coronavirus is driving blood donations down across the U.S. Subby is going to give up some B-Negative today, each donation helps 3 people. Let's roll
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: The change an hour can make
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Northwest Indiana Times)
 
 
 
Man draws gun in bar after becoming upset with karaoke song. No one likes The Eagles, man
source: nwitimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Well, this pic of a 36 year old woman with coronavirus being wheeled into a hospital in Nebraska isn't unsettling in the least
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Highway Patrol, county medical examiners, and two funeral homes in Fark's favorite state mix up bodies of two teens who don't look similar. Mother of one teen only finds out later when viewing the wrong body
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Do You Remember)
 
 
 
Bob Ross original paintings are not for sale ... and likely never will be
source: doyouremember.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Interesting: Pig wears pedometer to prove that it is free-range. Weird: Pedometer is eaten by another pig. Fark: Pig excretes pedometer remains which then set fire to farm
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Belfast Telegraph)
 
 
 
Won't someone think of the men on International Women's Day? Oh wait, never mind
source: belfasttelegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Toyota car salesman diagnosed with COVID-19, and dealership immediately closes up through March 9 and enacts hygiene measures. Who could ask for anything more?
source: kirklandreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
Bad news: Seems to be more criminals than ever. Good news: Most of them are dumber than shiat
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
Amtrak suspends service between DC and NYC, and by service I mean the Acela train. The slow rolling service for peons will continue as planned
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Not The Onion: Man infected with coronavirus goes to bars 'to spread the virus'
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Want a good night's sleep? Good luck, tonight you get screwed out of an hour
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Iron Man is French, and maybe doesn't get the part about flying
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
School security guard faces charge of possession of a firearm on school property, but that's not the worst part of this story
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat March 07, 2020
(CNN)
 
 
 
Thousands of meals from Ohio's canceled Arnold Sports Festival will instead be sent to Nashville to feed first responders and tornado victims
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
New South Wales police called to a grocery store to stop a brawl over.....toilet paper. "There is no need for it. It isn't the Thunderdome, it isn't Mad Max, we don't need to do that." You know the law: three shoppers enter, one shopper leaves
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
After six years new search for missing Malaysia Airlines plane demanded by families, CNN
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Quarantined children in China find ways to deal with homework. Not ways to *do* their homework, ways to deal with it
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Photosohop this ice-encrusted house
source: a57.foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Twister Guy)
 
 
 
You know those 80+ patients at the Cookeville TN hospital, being treated for injuries from the tornado? Hospital says NO CHARGE will be billed for their stay in the hospital
source: wvlt.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Italy to quarantine whole of Lombardy due to coronavirus. It's about the size of New Hampshire and 10 million people live there
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSVN Miami)
 
 
 
World War II veteran? Check. Career firefighter? Check. Running the Spartan Race at 93 years old? Check. For the fourth time? check check check check
source: wsvn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Paging Mr. Noshiat. Mr. Noshiat, please pick up the white courtesy phone
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
C'mon, we put you out there as a school crossing guard. You can't have a side gig recruiting sex workers
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(APM Marketplace)
 
 
 
Photoshop this empty shopping cart
source: marketplace.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Attention citizen: Your Google fitness app put you in the proximity of a burglary. Police have requested all of your data. You have seven days to hire a lawyer and appeal, or we will comply
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Well there is Florida crazy and then there is Virginia crazy. The Judges have decided, and it's Virginia for the win
source: fauquiernow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Educated Man)
 
 
 
Yes, yes all the teachers know that one student is a pain in the ass .... but paying another student to hit the pain in the ass would still be frowned upon
source: mytwintiers.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Hotel in China used as a coronavirus quarantine facility mysteriously collapses
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Antarctica scientists preparing to make their research base a fallback location for humanity's last hope (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Snopes)
 
 
 
For only a 10% fee Subby will wash and iron your money and return it to you virus free
source: snopes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PoliceOne)
 
 
 
Finally out of jail and looking for something to do? Break into the Courthouse, eat some Girl Scout cookies and jam to some Cardi B. Duh
source: policeone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Not to be an alarmist or anything, but why are people still getting on cruise ships right now?
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
That dream modeling job that's flying you out for a photo shoot? Yeah, you're being sold to human traffickers
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: create a poster for "Coronavirus: The Movie" (link goes to inspiration)
source: images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Next Web)
 
 
 
♬ Young man, you can go to a pool / I said, young man, where a bot watches you / You can swim there, and you'll have peace of mind / That your lifeguard's run by A.I. *pew pew pew pew pew* The droids are here at the YMCA... ♬
source: thenextweb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOCO Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Lunchbox wants to be a bunny on Caturday
source: koco.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(6ABC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Big seizure at Philly airport. Was it a) heroin, b) cocaine, c)1,400 fake toothbrushes?
source: 6abc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCPO Cincinnati)
 
 
 
Using stolen credit cards 101: Today's lesson, don't use your own store rewards card while also using a stolen credit card
source: wcpo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
CNN 4:35 PM: Minnesota reports first coronavirus case 5:20 PM: First case in Oklahoma 6:35 PM: Connecticut reports first case 7:18 PM Kentucky 8:05 PM Nebraska 8:46 PM Hawaii
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nisqually Valley News)
 
 
 
Satanists show up at Washington State's capital, ostensibly to conduct a Satanic ritual but more likely to check on the souls inside the building who were signed away to their boss
source: yelmonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
KING COUNTY YESTERDAY: We're buying an unused motel in Kent to house coronavirus patients and we're going to spend 10 days preparing it... KING COUNTY TODAY: We're moving patients in tonight...KENT MAYOR: Not so fast
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Wielding the "Ancient Sword of the Meth King" will not protect you from getting arrested
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Be sure to tell family members not to throw away original blueprints to iconic structures, especially the ones worth $250,000
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri March 06, 2020
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
In some sort of elaborate false-flag operation, robots are working with humans to disinfect hospitals and examine patients and finding Sarah Connors
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
Today's headline: "Twitter bans Tweets making fun of people over their weight, age, or a disease." Tomorrow's headline: "Twitter file for bankruptcy"
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Neighbors unite against sobriety
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Italian museums reopen with rules to fight coronavirus. Mormon barn dance rules
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Event based on historic epidemic is threatened by modern epidemic
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
US hospitals are quietly gearing up for 480,000 deaths and 96 million cases of Democratic hoax
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(JAMA)
 
 
 
Epidemiology of the Fark Cohort
source: jamanetwork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Top 15 disinfectants to use against COVID-19. Coincides with the "shelves that are empty" list
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Good news NJ parents. Due to the coronavirus, teleschooling has been approved. Bet you really wish that legalized marijuana had been approved too
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this orange confection
source: cutefetti.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WKBW Buffalo)
 
 
 
Man accidentally shoots girlfriend in the leg. That's what they all say
source: wkbw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Max Katie?)
 
 
 
Cape Fear cheerleader creates program that feeds hungry, terrorizes innocent family
source: highschoolot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
A rare Florida Woman story, with 10 felonies and a grinning mugshot
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Typically, university jobs are filled through a strict hiring process, but this is Florida
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Asian American Journalists Association to the NYTimes, NYPost, and The Hill: hey, quit using photos of NY's Chinatown as the stock photo for your Coronavirus stories, you racist farks
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KVUE Austin)
 
 
 
Fears of coronavirus cause plans for SXSW 2020 to go S
source: kvue.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(OK Whatever)
 
 
 
If you're going to steal a 19-inch double-ended dildo, maybe don't do it from the sex shop with a known habit of publicly shaming their shoplifters online?
source: okwhatever.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 5 San Diego)
 
 
 
1.2 million lethal doses of fentanyl found hidden inside car's seats. Talk about a killer ride
source: fox5sandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
He must have had a big-ass hovercraft
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Among the anecdotes at nursing home Ground Zero of COVID-19: resident dies at 3:30 AM, overwhelmed nurse calls relatives to inform them she's dead, fails to update her chart, official calls relatives at 10 AM to assure them she's alive and well
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Nazi concentration camp guard found living in US based on index card recovered from sunken ship. Michael Bay to direct
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chattanooga Times Free Press)
 
 
 
Photoshop this komodo dragon
source: media.timesfreepress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
What happens when you taunt the monkeys for too long? They go marauding all over the place and take over government offices, forcing officials to flee for their lives (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida cops borrow a page from last week's clever ruse by Arkansas cops
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Finally, someone is asking the important coronavirus questions
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Godzilla-size flamingo will soon 'feed' at Tampa airport
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Lets see what's happening in Florida schools today. 41 students taken to hospital after middle school student mistakes pepper spray for body spray. SNAFU then
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Now)
 
 
 
C'mon Texas, that ain't no kind of way to treat a Bartender
source: actionnewsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 5 San Diego)
 
 
 
More than 300 pounds of meth found hidden inside stone cargo. Massive amounts of drugs hidden in things trifecta in play
source: fox5sandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady))
 
 
 
Who would have thought that a passenger in a dangerous high speed chase would also conspire to violently attack and rob a man with the pretext of a booty call
source: dailygazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Bill Clinton: my affair with Monica Lewinsky "helped me manage my anxieties". And by "managed my anxieties", he explained that meant "blow my load"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The US Sun)
 
 
 
National Guard helicopters deliver coronavirus tests to 3,500 on stricken cruise ship wandering endlessly off the coast of California. The vital tests will soon determine who will be the early zombies attempting to bring it to Davey Jones's locker
source: the-sun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IndyStar)
 
 
 
Indiana draws the 1st assignment as Covid-19 begins boxing out Drew and KY
source: indystar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Pennsylvania governor confirms the first two cases of Coronavirus in his state reminds residents that in the state its available ONLY by the case, and only from licensed package stores
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Idaho State Journal)
 
 
 
Rock climbers face many dangers, but being crushed to death by a plummeting member of the Antilocapridae family is not typically among them
source: idahostatejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oddity Central)
 
 
 
For dessert I'll have the ashtray full of butts
source: odditycentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
If you're planning a trip to Thailand, make sure you don't have a Machu Picchu stamp in your passport
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Flood of Hungarian tourists that you missed probably thinks you're weird
source: dailynewshungary.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Newly qualified teacher can't even make 12 months in his first job without knocking kids off chairs, shooting staple guns at them, dragging them along the floor, and discussing their vaginas
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
The Joker is up to his old tricks trying to become the best chess player in the world
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WKRN Nashville)
 
 
 
Bad: You lost your home in the Nashville tornadoes. Fark: The home you're now staying in burns down
source: wkrn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Crypto Currency News)
 
 
 
The U.S. is now starting to export cases of coronavirus, which should narrow the trade gap with China
source: ccn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Understanding is the key to fighting Coronavirus. We're screwed
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSLS Virginia)
 
 
 
Woman celebrates her 100th birthday by getting arrested for the first time. Now THAT's a party
source: wsls.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DW)
 
 
 
Panic buying supplies for an upcoming emergency? Your word of the day is "hamsterkauf"
source: dw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Arsonist sets barbershop alight for 2nd time in less than two weeks; owner proclaims it's shear torcher
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
India has 35 coronavirus labs ready for testing. Which means each lab only has to test 39 million people
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AM New York)
 
 
 
"I never thought it would happen to me," says man beaten and cuffed for resisting arrest for the dual crimes of walking peacefully down the street and asking an NYPD officer for ID when stopped
source: amny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Wait, if I have Corona virus I shouldn't go to a rock concert? Someone really should have told me
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DeadState)
 
 
 
Good news everyone; the coronavirus has now been declared 'illegal' on Earth, according to Christian "prophet" Cindy Jacobs
source: deadstate.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Even God has the Corona virus
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Page Six)
 
 
 
Good news everybody, Willian Shatner gets to keep the horse semen in the divorce
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Crunch)
 
 
 
Lyft advises its tech employees to work from home. Drivers should continue to expose themselves to dozens of strangers a day for below minimum wage
source: techcrunch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
First coronavirus victim found in Las Vegas, a city that millions of people pass through every year AND THEY TOUCH EVERYTHING. Roll them bones
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Famous photographer dresses himself in clothes he finds in the trash on the way to his exhibit, gets upset when he's mistaken for a homeless person, and so on and so forth
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Eagle Tribune)
 
 
 
Giving drunken presentations to sixth-graders still frowned upon. This is not a repeat from 1775
source: eagletribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Hu hu grr... *stampa stampa*
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LGBTQ Nation)
 
 
 
That awkward moment when your Christian neighbor realizes you aren't sisters
source: lgbtqnation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop the cliffs of Moher
source: scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Things that need to be clarified, NYC edition: No, Febreze does not destroy the Corona virus but even if it did, which it doesn't, you still don't get to spray it on Asians riding on the subway
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Adweek)
 
 
 
Normal companies: Just record the new trucks driving down the road. Volvo Trucks: Stack them. Director: But.... Volvo: Stack four of them and I'll ride the pile through a thunderstorm
source: adweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
All you little sluts need the principal's approval
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
If you're not from Texas, then "We were just sitting around eating Beaver Nuggets, and I was like, 'Man, this is so delicious I think it belongs in beer... It like, melts in your mouth" might seem a bit odd to hear
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Taylor Swift donates a million dollars towards helping Tennessee hurricane victims. Your move, billionaires
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Northwest)
 
 
 
Expert claims Washington State is becoming Wuhan 2.0 with its slow response to coronavirus spread. However, full functionality won't really be working until version 3.1
source: mynorthwest.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Loaded gun found smuggled into Manhattan federal jail where Jeffrey Epstein was suicided
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Ancient pyramid of King Djoser reopens after renovations. Millions spent on kennels for Zuul and Vinz Clortho
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Pomeranian tests "weak positive" for Coronavirus. Sick tag wins out over Scary and Woofday tags
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Tell us a sentence that you can say either during sex or at a job interview
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
♬ O little town of Bethlehem, in lovely Palestine / Expects a bump in tourist chumps, each year at Easter time / Yet in thy holy shrine is coronavirus fright / Thanks to this year's pandemic fears, we're closed for a fortnight ♬
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If your dream is to own a trick steal box used by Harry Houdini, I have some great news for you
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hawaii News Now)
 
 
 
Friends of Haiku stairs | Desire to manage loved trail | How to do it right?
source: hawaiinewsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu March 05, 2020
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Shoppers so upset that Costco ran out of bottled water due to panic buying the sheriff's department had to restore order
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(Chron)
 
 
 
Houston's iconic "Be Someone" graffiti has just recently been sprayed over with "WASH UR HANDS". Legal or not, a busy highway into a city is quite a good location to put that message
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(Washingtonian)
 
 
 
New pop-up shop in DC carrying all your disinfectant needs. Tag is for the address of the shop there in the District
source: washingtonian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
Man who vent viral from licking Blue Balls... sorry from licking Blue Bell gets 30 days
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Some of the doctors treating coronavirus patients in Wuhan are still alive. Here's what they have to say about it
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Stranger)
 
 
 
Clutch your pearls: WA passes comprehensive sex ed bill. Opposing party tries sinking it with 232 amendments, including not discussing fetishes such as sticking vegetables in poop chutes (very specific there, Mr. Representative)
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(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Farker calls out in the wilderness for reinforcements. Farkistan would rejoice with your presence. 5 minutes a day browser game participation is all we ask. And beer. Send beer
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
How do you get coronavirus in Oklahoma? By attending Jesus fest in Germany
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this public housing
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCTV Tallahassee)
 
 
 
Although it normally happens the other way around, fast food worker shoots at customers after order mix-up
source: wctv.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
No, ghost rider, covering yourself with a blanket on public transportation won't save you from coronavirus, stupidity
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
The pitfalls of fame, explained by someone you've never heard of
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Think you have the Corona virus and are considering going to a hospital? Have you stopped to ask yourself whether you want to go anywhere near a hospital right now?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
"F*ck Plastic," a book which teaches you how to rid your life of non-biodegradable materials, comes wrapped in... oh, dear
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(CNN)
 
 
 
After learning nothing from the devastating hurricane last year, Alabama is one of the states not currently testing for COVID-19
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Twenty Four people died in Tennessee tornadoes on Monday. Franklin Graham: "We found an intact Bible. It's a miracle"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
They see my testes. They be bouncin'
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
If you're a high-end jewelry thief committing multi-million dollar heists, don't leave your water bottle behind
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
People upset that Nik Wallenda didn't fall to fiery death in volcano
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washingtonian)
 
 
 
Giant colon to be displayed in downtown Washington, DC on Friday, although it looks more like a semicolon
source: washingtonian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this volcano
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Due to climate change, The Great Barrier Reef faces its third mass bleaching event in the last five years. You submitted this with a weed reference
source: earther.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
UK moves to Part two of coronavirus plan, could soon move on to part three, then part four, and after that the epilogue and appendices
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
Breakdancing in elevator banned after elevator breaks because of someone breakdancing
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NWA Homepage)
 
 
 
Teacher accidentally drops phone. What's the worst that could happen?
source: nwahomepage.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Worst-case scenario predicts COVID-19 illness will leave 15 million dead. Oh wait, that's not what it says
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Tito's pleads with customers to stop making hand sanitizer out of its vodka, urges them to continue making sh*tty margaritas
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Eye on Design)
 
 
 
Marmots, hikers, spiders, reclining nude women. Just a few of the tiny doodles added to official national maps over the decades by sober, unsmiling Swiss cartographers
source: eyeondesign.aiga.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Las Vegas Sun)
 
 
 
Randall Flagg has arrived in Vegas
source: lasvegassun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Everything is fine citizen, just the big banks all simultaneously telling their employees to work from home so they can "test out some routine contingency plans". For the next two weeks
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
1 dead, 5 injured in shooting at a Celebration of Life party. That's not how any of this works
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Air Force Times)
 
 
 
Fark's least favorite plane has a demo team. Fark's least favorite plane demo team has a chick pilot. Fark's least favorite plane chick pilot has cool nickname
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(TC Palm)
 
 
 
Burn my barbecue? That's a shootin'
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Can't find hand sanitizer? You can make your own out of super-high potency vodak. Farkers, THIS is the moment you were born for
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Super Mark, et al)
 
 
 
Woman demonstrates the most efficient and cheapest way to get your drink on
source: 702.co.za   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some New Wave Guy)
 
 
 
On this week's serving of 80's post-punk, new wave, goth, and shoegazy goodness, it's Ghost Dance, Classix Nouveaux, and The Jam. Come hear what terrestrial radio doesn't sound like on PastFORWARD #123. Starts @ 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
source: kuci.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Rosalind P Walter, of "This PBS Program Sponsored By" fame, passed away at 95. If that's not interesting enough for you, during WWII she took a job in an aircraft factory, was profiled in the news, and became the inspiration for Rosie the Riveter
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Navy Times)
 
 
 
Lasers are a definite no-no but what about shining a flashlight attached to a garden rake at aircraft? Class-6 felony?
source: navytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Big time joker says "I don't have no weapons on me...except all these bombs." Shockingly, police didn't find it funny
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPXI.com)
 
 
 
There are currently statues of Franco Harris and George Washington at the Pittsburgh International Airport. They will be joined by a statue of a) Andy Warhol b) Jeff Goldblum or c) Nellie Bly
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
Hot mother and daughter combinations, can you guess who's who?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
Pennsylvania State Police have loosened their ban on troopers having arm tattoos. In other news, you couldn't be a state trooper in PA if you had arm tattoos
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
Boobies
 
I'm too sexy for my TikTok ....too sexy for my TikTok (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
NewsFlash
 
Warren submits her plan for dropping out of the race
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Woman sues Chuck E. Cheese's after a ticket machine wanted to taste her long, beautiful hair
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Space.com)
 
 
 
First known extraterrestrial protein boldly goes where no extraterrestrial protein has gone before
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(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Oh look, matching his-and-her mugshots
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Due to flu panic, CostCo is temporarily out of enchanted battleaxes
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(WBIR Knoxville)
 
 
 
The search for victims following Sunday's tornado in Tennessee is going so well that police just found a body that was a victim from something that seemed to have happened a year ago
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(Guardian)
 
 
 
Suddenly, moai
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Law and Crime)
 
 
 
Federal Appellate Court rules that if police say that they can smell the devil's lettuce they can turn your home into a tossed salad
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(WRIC Richmond)
 
 
 
Teen learns long hair and go-kart engines don't mix
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(WRBL Columbus)
 
 
 
Usually it's only chickens that are decapitated at a chicken processing plant. Usually
source: wrbl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
If you thought vegans and cross-fitters were insufferable, hold onto your butts. Here come the demisexuals
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
The Church can change for a virus but pedophile priests are a bridge too far
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Stop touching your face, Farker. Here's how
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these fighting knights
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Florida Man arrested for practicing dentistry without a license on hundreds of patients. Fark: For the second time
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Four. There are now four coronavirus cases in NYC. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Enjoy your subway commute New Yorkers
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
In America, everything is bigger. Now automobiles are getting too big for garages
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(Twitter)
 
 
 
Know how to tell a vibrator from a taser?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
♬ The Bug Boat... Soon will be making another run / The Bug Boat... No, not a repeat, a different one... ♬
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Jesus saves man from being pucked by a devil
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(South China Morning Post)
 
 
 
The recovered are becoming sick again and dying
source: scmp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pulptastic)
 
 
 
I heard fashion in the '70s was terrible, but could it have been that... OH COME ON
source: pulptastic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
This is fine. Everything is fine. At least it's not blood
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Russia and China are manipulating coronavirus information online: the former broadcasts lies, the latter hides the truth. Pffft, Commie amateurs; in glorious America, we don't have to choose
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
And in non-coronavirus-related news, there's a PANTSLESS WEIRDO on the loose
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Brigham Young University: Despite our previous actions, we'd like to assure you we remain strongly devoted to the anti-gay doctrine and apologize if we confused anyone
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 774: "Tools of the Trade 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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Wed March 04, 2020
(The Poke (UK))
 
 
 
The Upper Class Twits of the Year have been breeding
source: thepoke.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tri-State Homepage)
 
 
 
Google News feed: "Olive Garden fires manager who allegedly provided customer with a 'server that wasn't bl..." Me: Please let it be blonde. Please let it be blonde
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Australian police wait with baited breath for any tips on the line to help them catch the one that got away in the hope they can net the fishing rod robber
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(K2 Radio)
 
 
 
$470,000 seized in Wyoming traffic stop, no charges filed. After 7 years the Wyoming Supreme Court forced law enforcement to return the full amount, plus interest. Just kidding, no one knows what happened to the interest
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(NPR)
 
 
 
In these dark days, as Coronavirus continues its slow march toward pandemic status, one group of heroes will hold the line for us all: Tik Tokers and their humorous-yet-edgily- educational hand-washing videos
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(Metro)
 
 
 
Wasted Days and Wasted Nights: Couple let their 3 y.o. daughter get high on meth. Was going to go with Mother and Father but
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
"Alleged Roomba attacker facing 10 years in prison." Cats everywhere placed on death row
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily News Online)
 
 
 
Snowmobile ✔ Helmet ✔ Bikini ✔
source: thedailynewsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Happy Birthday Chicago. You survived that cow starting that fire, Al Capone and the roaring 20's, and the Democratic Convention in 68. Drink-up
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
People panic buy toilet paper all over the country creating a national shortage. Supermarkets scramble to restock their shelves. Guess what happens next
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these shoes
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Register)
 
 
 
Here's a newspaper you can literally wipe your arse with
source: theregister.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Subby can see news outlets haven't played "Knifey-Toilet Papery" before
source: au.news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
One can't explicitly say this enough but ...please don't bike on the NYC subway tracks
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
The federal government forces legal marijuana to operate as cash only business so naturally the federal government has a problem with that
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
First responders hold convention during coronavirus outbreak
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
George suggests using glue
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
First New Hampshire Coronavirus patient gets the 'f*ck everyone' spirit after being told to stay isolated: Screw your quarantine, I'm going out
source: nbcboston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Good news everyone. Our long national nightmare is over. Vice President Pence announces the availability of 2500 coronavirus testing kits
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
California decides to not let Washington have all the coronavirus attention: one dead of COVID19 in Placer County, bringing US total to 11
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Tired of the same old boring Corona Virus? Now - Two types to choose from
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Infectious disease expert asks that someone get the lights, states that the 'world has lost the battle to stop Covid-19'
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
So... Iran's Covid-19 death toll is up to 483. Or more. We don't know because they're a secretive authoritarian regime. ARE YOU LISTENING, TRUMP?
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(Helpnet Security)
 
 
 
The number of healthcare records exposed due to data breaches doubled from 2018 to 2019. HIPAA HIPAA, HOORAY
source: helpnetsecurity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Identical twins both got cancer, same exact type of cancer - one in the US and one in the UK. You'll never guess who had the bigger medical bill. Go on, guess
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this festival attendee
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The US Sun)
 
 
 
"Jst passed drvs exam, lets cruz to.." **SPLASH**
source: the-sun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
FDA bans use of shock devices on mentally disabled patients. In other news, shock devices were used on mentally disabled patients
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Page Six)
 
 
 
MSNBC: We need a new prime time host to replace Chris Matthews. Brian Williams: How about me? MSNBC: No, Brian. No, no. Not you. Don't touch anything. Just stand back
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Italy: SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTH .... Schools, how about we just start with closing the schools?
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
El Kabong shot dead by Arizona police after beating his 4-year-old son to death with a guitar
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Pilgrim)
 
 
 
The Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes, a destination for sick pilgrims to be miraculously healed by its water, is closed due to coronavirus fears
source: indcatholicnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
President issues solid instructions about how to handle the coronavirus outbreak
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
Under new bill, Florida landlords won't be able to prohibit emotional support animals, but people who falsely claim to need one could face jail time. Your emotional support chinchilla unavailable for comment
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 5 Atlanta)
 
 
 
Runner asks neighbors to close windows when cooking meat because the smells were 'overpowering and offensive.' OF COURSE he's vegan, why do you ask?
source: fox5atlanta.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
You'll be pleased to know that the U.S. data on coronavirus infections are so deeply flawed, we have no idea what we're looking at
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark." -Michelangelo. This is your Fark Writers Thread, falling edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Manchester Evening News)
 
 
 
Man regrets not paying Ryanair's Don't Knock My Drink Out Of My Hand surcharge
source: manchestereveningnews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
(Waves hands in air) "Le scuole hanno chiuso per timori di coronavirus"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
I'm not saying that mystery objects have simultaneously emerged from hangars again at a secretive Air Force base in Nevada, but they've emerged again
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
You're an 8-year-old kid who wins a raffle at a youth hockey tournament. Do you get to take home: A) a hockey stick, B) your favorite NHL player's autograph, or C) a lid, some THC-laced chocolate, and a bong?
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
"Make sure everyone knows I love 'em": Crane operator 375ft in the air videos message to his loved ones as Nashville tornado hits
source: 1075theriver.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 17 Columbia)
 
 
 
Vader chosen to lead Jefferson City Catholic Schools, finds your lack of faith disturbing
source: abc17news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some good speaker guy)
 
 
 
All to day its National Grammer Day
source: nationaltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
US Navy warns China after its navy fires a military-grade laser at one of our aircraft, 'you don't want to play laser tag with us'. We know how to 'pew pew pew' like no one else
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
It wasn't easy, but we managed to round up some funny coronavirus stories - including "Can you catch Covid-19 from farts?" and Washington Post links that text your mom "I have the corona virus and it's not so bad"
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Stolen vehicles, toys, and a ton of food questions are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz Feb. 23-29: Who Is That Masked Man Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sky.com)
 
 
 
Prince William jokes he and Kate are 'spreading' coronavirus. Somehow hilarity fails to ensue
source: news.sky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
🎶 Spider-Man, Spider-Man, 🎶 does whatever a spi -- whoa, whoa, put that away
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 2 St. Louis)
 
 
 
Not content with Coronavirus, construction workers in St. Louis dig up skull from 1849 cholera outbreak
source: fox2now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this ice climber
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWLTV New Orleans)
 
 
 
Meet Buddy, the adorable pup who went from a survivor of horrific abuse to an ambassador for animal welfare. Welcome to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday thread
source: wwltv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(GeekWire)
 
 
 
Popular online retailer offers free two-day shipping on fomites when you spend $35 or more
source: geekwire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Should you fear the farter? Plus, your chance to get your writing published
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
The Kalashnikov Kids: New Russian TV comedy, or scary rifle contest? (video)
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
This is called dedication to a bit
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 21 News)
 
 
 
There's dumb, and then there's "charging 10-year-olds with a felony for playing with a Nerf crossbow and an orange-tipped toy gun and causing some yahoo to have a panic attack" dumb
source: fox21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
I'll take "What an incredibly kind, gracious and generous man" for $100,000, Alex
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Hi, CDC? I just flew into the USA from an area under a coronavirus travel warning, and I don't feel well. Maybe you should screen me? *checks Family Guy skin color chart* Nah, you're OK. Now hurry up, or you'll miss your connecting flight
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Have you ever needed to lift a lamb over a wall, but not known how? Well, wonder no more
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Good news, everybody. It looks like that 2 percent death rate they were talking about earlier for coronavirus isn't correct. It's more like 3.4 percent. Wait
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
In the wake of declining viewership and losing in the ratings to CoronaVirus Plague, Australia cancels the rest of Bushfire Apocalypse
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(StudyFinds)
 
 
 
How many Millennials does it take to change a light bulb? Study finds apparently more than one
source: studyfinds.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue March 03, 2020
(Slate)
 
 
 
Italian woman describes her experience having coronavirus: "The thing that hurt me most about this whole ordeal was the people from my city, who treated me as if I had the plague." UMMMMMmmmm yeah, you kinda did have the plague
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
We've got some good news and some bad news. Good news: COVID-19 is still sparing young children who get infected causing mostly mild symptoms. Bad News: Because they hardly show any symptoms they are just a bunch of Covid-Mary's walking around
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Relola launches a symptom self reporting site for Coronavirus. We're working with epidemiologists out of UC Berkeley to better predict new local outbreaks. Free & anonymous. Zombie apocalypse and flamethrowers not included. Neither are alphorns
source: stopcoronavirus.relola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Clean the lint trap in your dryer folks. Or stop buying explosive clothes
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
911 dispatcher receives call asking for help for stroke victim, ignores pleadings by caller and insists they must hear directly from the victim to send help. Stroke victim dies and dispatcher is disciplined with suspension... with pay
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(Yahoo)
 
 
 
The strange tale of how British commandos attacked Hitler's fish oil production, increasing his chances of heart disease
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(Honolulu Star Advertiser)
 
 
 
Sorry, I must have the wrong address, but as long as I'm here, gimme all your stuff
source: staradvertiser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this barred window
source: media.thegospelcoalition.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Guess I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
"Did she hightail her way out of the courtroom?" "Yeah, but the transcript spelled it differently." "Maybe the court reporter's British"
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(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Woman ordered to pay $750,000 after posting a bad review of a lawyer on Google. But, in the lawyer's defense, she was never actually a client of his and continued to post similar reviews under pseudonyms after Google took the initial review down
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(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
If you're gonna swipe something from the library it might as well be Alan Turing's medals, Harry Truman's swords and daggers, JFK's rocking chair, fiberglass skeletons, or Lyndon Johnson's class ring
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(CTV News)
 
 
 
Oh how the mighty have fallen: Fark's former server room mascot and accomplice identified after being caught on video stealing donation box
source: calgary.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
The State of Florida would like to remind you that Corona Virus is best served cold. Whilst traditionally served with a side of lime, lemon or orange as garnish works as well. Corona Virus should never be served watermelon or unwashed hands
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(Vice)
 
 
 
Hot Lesbians caught on camera going wild
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(Fox 5 Las Vegas)
 
 
 
Virgin to host porn party
source: fox5vegas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Steer at rodeo may have infected people with rabies. Gives different meaning to mad cow
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio Alt 102.3 FM)
 
 
 
KISS your expendable income goodbye at the new KISS-ino being erected in Margaritaville
source: alt1023fm.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Little man in boat dies near Lesbos. Giggity tag in mourning
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPXI.com)
 
 
 
Man claims he chased a demon dog into his neighbor's home on behalf of Satan. Meth may have been a factor
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(🌛)
 
 
 
Photoshop this night scene
source: images.wsj.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Florida Man goes to Florida restaurant and shows them how eggs over easy are done
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
For no reason at all, here's an article from a year ago describing what it would be like trying to get food, if the complex global system of food production and distribution gets disrupted
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(GQ)
 
 
 
"Why is it so hard to stop touching your[self]? ... If only we could stop"
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(Greenwich Time)
 
 
 
Yes, final answer, lock it in
source: greenwichtime.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
TV presenter describes Jack Black as a pig-faced (synonym for rooster) and an absolute (nickname for Richard) (possible nsfw content on page)
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(Twitter)
 
 
 
Happy Anniversary to Fark's Favorite State
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(CNBC)
 
 
 
The Fed's emergency rate cut was so successful, the 10-year Treasury yield has dropped below 1% for the first time ever
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
The unnamed airman "knew or should have known" to "refrain from urinating in the squadron coffee maker"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Places that offer paid sick leave are more likely to contain coronavirus outbreaks, guess which country doesn't offer it. Hint: rhymes with Kited Crates
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(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Today's mugshot goodness is brought to you by this guy, who called 911 several times saying the KKK and Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were out to get him
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(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Disgruntled UPS worker accused of attempting to deliver 20,000 rounds of ammunition to his workplace
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
Boobies
 
If this trend catches on, we could have some serious underboob going on this summer (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Nashville tornado launches full-size car into the third story of an apartment building. #nashvillestrong
source: 1075theriver.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSBY San Luis Obispo)
 
 
 
Turns out your bills don't give a shiat about quarantine
source: ksby.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Smoking hot Welsh woman goes on TV and claims to give the best BJs in Cardiff (possible nsfw content on page)
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(Daily Star)
 
 
 
How to shave your balls (possible nsfw content on page)
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(OK Whatever)
 
 
 
"I thought it was a bomb going off," said one victim, until the stench of dog food hit her nose
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(USA Today)
 
 
 
Death toll rises to 19 in Tennessee tornadovirus outbreak
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(Guardian)
 
 
 
Well, this will certainly put a damper on the Chinese version of the Fark Entertainment tab
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(News 12 Westchester)
 
 
 
Drunk driver? Check. With two flat tires? Check. Open container of alcohol? Check. Drives into a ditch? Check. Runs away barefoot? Check. Karate kicks arresting officers? Check. Assaults EMT? Check. Florida? Well, can't check them all
source: newjersey.news12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KYMA - TV 11)
 
 
 
Being Arizona, this is not the one with the snow blower
source: kyma.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
"We all know cow dung is very helpful. Likewise, when cow urine is sprayed, it purifies an area. I believe something similar could be done to cure coronavirus." Uh how about no
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(ITV)
 
 
 
Mark Hamill goes to Tosche Station to get a young amputee an R2-D2 bionic limb. Still hasn't gotten those power converters
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(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Let's peek in on this sweet grandmother up in Windsor, Vermont and see what she's got cooki... Uh oh
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
If you dumped a horde of hamsters stuck in takeout containers in an alley, authorities would like to speak with you
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
To combat coronavirus NYC MTA announces that they will double their efforts to keep subway cars clean. Passengers note that double of nothing is still nothing
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCPO Cincinnati)
 
 
 
Police chief of an Ohio village with a population of 900 allegedly uses village funds to purchase 64 machine guns and illegal armor-piercing rounds "for demonstration," then sells them and keeps the profit
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(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Akira was not supposed to be a documentary
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
WHO Chief says we are in uncharted territory with current Coronavirus outbreaks. I don't know WHO chief either, but they sound concerned
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
When you see a monkey, spank it before it spanks you. Wait that doesn't sound right, Siri. Fark it (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Coronavirus has been through Hartsfield-Jackson Airport. Have a nice day
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(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop these dancing bears
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(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Chinese company invents "bat-style" suit that claims to protect against and even kill the coronavir... what the heck is that?
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
With coronavirus fears running wild, Japanese are now shamelessly stealing toilet paper and hand sanitizer from public restrooms. When will the murders begin?
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Creepy troll gets several years of behind prison bars activity because he couldn't stop himself from being psychotic to Parkland shooting survivors
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(Heavy)
 
 
 
Tornado in downtown Nashville. HOWWWW DEEEEE
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(Lowering the Bar)
 
 
 
I will not engage in conduct that is prejudicial to the administration of justice. I will not engage in conduct that is prejudicial to the administration of justice. I will not engage in conduct that is prejudicial to the administration of justice
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(CBC)
 
 
 
Seattle CEO finds business to be working just fine after experimentally hiking everyone's salaries - only had problems with critics
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(NBC DFW)
 
 
 
The Leaning Tower Of Dallas will be getting on the cart tomorrow. It's just resting now
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(NBC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Penn State students holds a vigil for all of the victims of... just kidding, it's for the closing of the local Taco Bell
source: nbcphiladelphia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
While taking U.S. citizenship test, blind man is told to read sentence in English. Guess what happens next
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
London KFC apologizes for taunting vegan who came in to complain after drive-thru gave her a chicken sandwich. "I felt humiliated and have been left traumatised due to not only a lifestyle choice but also religion being broken and made fun of"
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(Montana Standard)
 
 
 
Man shot in Butte with a crossbow hospitalized with chest wound. That's one long arrow
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(KRQE News)
 
 
 
Albuquerque, If you've had to pay $700,000 in lawsuit settlements in only three months I think you have some serious problems with your city. But then again, it's Albuquerque that we're talking about here
source: krqe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon March 02, 2020
(Independent)
 
 
 
Man allegedly harasses woman with unwanted explicit pics and messages, leading to criminal charges. For her
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Remnants of Eighties beach picnic, unearthed by windstorm near Liverpool, include old sweet wrappers, crisp packets, juice boxes, fizzy drink cans, and 1983-dated loaf of bread. Further discoveries will have to await a New Wave
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(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
Well, they farking know about it now
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(The Drive)
 
 
 
Russian troops in Syria upgraded from "Observers" to "Human Shields"
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(Twitter)
 
 
 
HHS Secretary Azar: The threat to everyone is low, unless you've been exposed; then it's high
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(Guardian)
 
 
 
Husband of L.A. DA stands his ground with Black Lives Matter protesters. L.A. (D) DA
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(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Fisher the weasel is back in Washington State. Now let's duct tape him to a chair in a cargo container with his younger self and interrogate him
source: nationalgeographic.com   |   share: