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Sun February 16, 2020
(NYPost)
 
 
 
American couple wants to stay on quarantined cruise ship because it's relatively safe and hey, free food
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Journal News)
 
 
 
Suburban NYC development linked to mob influence. This kind of headline should go green, and far be it from my legitimate associates and myself to make threats
source: lohud.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
Our descent into vertical heresy has begun
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this arcade game
source: thepinballcompany.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Hey Americans on the Diamond Princess cruise, I hear you like quarantines, so we're going quarantine you after your quarantine
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KERO 23 Bakersfield)
 
 
 
An illegal fish machine arcade next to an illegal marijuana store? Say what you like, whoever was behind that idea clearly shows promise as an entrepreneur
source: turnto23.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
1100+
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
How to find Kentucky on a map
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady))
 
 
 
City to respond to growing murder problem with lasers, pyrotechnics
source: dailygazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Come and see the violence inherent in the system
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this completely random and definitely not a police car
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Dancing Guy)
 
 
 
It appears someone is reporting how farkers dance at parties
source: theschooloflife.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
"New" Coronavirus treatment shows hope for cure. FARK: 3,000 year-old ancient Chinese secret
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Christian Post)
 
 
 
Looks like Sister Mary Clarence's luck has finally run out
source: christianpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Is your pain dismissed by doctors because of blanket opioid laws?
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Vigilante groups are springing up in New York City to combat crime
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
Rockets explode near US embassy in Baghdad, no casualties. Until they report them next week
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Your dog wants farking steak, dammit
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Record)
 
 
 
New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission computers crashed for 1.5 hours on Saturday morning extending wait times. The event goes unnoticed by customers
source: dailyrecord.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this stalker
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: "You're never going to believe this, but there I was..."
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Illuminati skull forehead tattoo. That is all
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 27)
 
 
 
The Power of Christ compels you to greenlight this article. The Power of Christ compels you to greenlight this article. The Power of Christ compels you to greenlight this article
source: abc27.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Of all the ways to die, no one ever thinks they will go due to accidental suffocation by hanging from a ski lift chair
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Well that's one way to raise test scores .... Might be time to leave Public Education behind
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
While Wendy's recommends that its employees take a bath daily, they would prefer you don't take it in the sink at work
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat February 15, 2020
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
That old guy in front of you at the grocery store is the only one still writing checks
source: digitaltransactions.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
David Simon says it better than subby ever could about this landing
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJLA Washington DC)
 
 
 
News: After 53 years woman meets her biological mother. Fark: She was stolen by her babysitter
source: wjla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAQ Green Bay)
 
 
 
And then, the coup de grace of all dares; the sinister triple-dog-dare
source: wtaq.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
The mayor of Georgetown excuses himself during a council meeting to use the bathroom, fails to turn off his mic. Fart-larity ensued
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
USA Today reporters somehow stumbled upon an "accredited" college with no faculty or students, and a bare storefront for an address. The website magically disappeared after reporters started asking questions. Fark: Reagan National University
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Iceland Review)
 
 
 
Photoshop these floating fishermen
source: icelandreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFist)
 
 
 
As Gen Xers and older Millennials are aging out of nightlife, the younger part of the Millennial generation isn't replacing them because they're all lame homebodies who aren't drinking as much or doing as many drugs
source: sfist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Not News: Student was committed to a mental facility for "observation" after exhibiting unstable behavior. News: Without telling the parent until after. Florida: Said student was 6
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Death toll moves past 1,500 in China. Probably more, but it's China so the truth has most likely been buried ... and we're doomed
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Passenger who reclined her airplane seat and sent a manchild into a rage does the truly American thing -- and plans to sue the airline
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KUTV Utah)
 
 
 
Girl scouts earn their marketing badge in the most ingenious way
source: kutv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Want to experience Groundhog Day? Live on a quarantined cruise ship
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Dump)
 
 
 
Photoshop this odd boat
source: ewscripps.brightspotcdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPRI Rhode Island)
 
 
 
Rhode Island state government to hackers: "Come at me, bro"
source: wpri.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
If the lady from "Free Newborn Photography" takes great pains to wipe her fingerprints off everything she touches in your home, it *might* be a sign something is amiss
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salt Lake Tribune)
 
 
 
Unacceptable personalized license plates in Utah: "COFFEE" and "MERLOT." Acceptable personalized plates: "DEPORTM," "J3WBRNR," "FÜHRER," and "NEGROS"
source: sltrib.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Montana Parenting: 100 pound 12 year old forced to ration food and accept beatings from his 14 year old 300 pound uncle, who is presumably the reason the food needed rationing
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(West Side Rag)
 
 
 
Before building a 52-story condo tower, it's probably best to confirm that the land is zoned to build above the 30th floor
source: westsiderag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MBL.is)
 
 
 
Caption this guy rescuing an injured Adirondack chair
source: m2.mbl.is   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
"We're gonna need a bigger boat." Not a repeat from 1975
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Most extreme elimination challenge: Shoplifter Edition
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Four cases of mumps confirmed. If only there were some... Oh, there is a vaccine? Well, then, if only some people weren't so farking ignorant
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Florida Today)
 
 
 
Florida man educated about dressing up as your favorite black leader during black history month spirit week
source: floridatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
If you left a baker's dozen worth of pythons in pillowcases behind the local fire station the RSPCA would like to have a word with you
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Photoshop this shopper
source: dynaimage.cdn.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Miami has a peacock problem. This is not a euphemism
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Two men arrested at bookstore after drinking on the job. Not because the men broke store policy but because they broke into the store
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KLFY Eyewitness News)
 
 
 
Cats Clocking In on Caturday
source: klfy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Pew Pew Pew
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
They can never be Royals - We don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Duluth News Tribune)
 
 
 
Hold the Mayo
source: duluthnewstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Things are really getting nutty in NYC, it seems the Peanut Butter Bandit has struck creamy terror into the hearts of helpless straphangers by schmearing the subway poles again
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
A list of myths about the Coronavirus and advice on what to do. But this is the Daily Mail so I'm going to do the exact opposite of everything they say just to be safe
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Oregon man who threw nails on local streets is hammered by judge
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(13 ABC Toledo)
 
 
 
That's a nice drop box you have there at the post office. It would be a shame if someone moved it
source: 13abc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri February 14, 2020
(Times of San Diego)
 
 
 
CA: Unlicensed marijuana store was upsetting local residents. What's that? I'm sorry, that should be unlicensed marijuana store was upselling to local residents
source: timesofsandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Some people go out to dinner on Valentine's Day. Others send flowers or candy to their sweetheart. Then there's THIS guy (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
NYPD alerts officers of 'credible' threat in email that stresses there are no specific threats. Just credible general threats, apparently
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Legendary rodeo clown Lecile Harris passes away at 83. In lieu of sending flowers, please throw a rubber chicken at an enraged bull
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOX Las Cruces)
 
 
 
"There are people who want to drink beer and don't want to pay for their beer." Thanks, Sgt. Obvious
source: kfoxtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reykjavik Grapevine (Iceland))
 
 
 
Icelandic penis museum curator excited to announce that it will be moving to a location "almost three times bigger", although size isn't the only thing that matters
source: grapevine.is   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
British onlookers told to drop their dynamite and stay away from 60ft starving whale that washed up on beach (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KATU)
 
 
 
This woman was determined to retrieve her truck from the tow yard
source: katu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Russian patients escape a coronavirus gulag in a manner that would make MacGyver proud
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Age (Melbourne))
 
 
 
Because your mom stopped answering my texts
source: theage.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science News)
 
 
 
Photoshop a wormhole or something in this Josephson junction transition between trivial and topological superconductivity
source: cdn.sci-news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
After more than 3 months of negotiations, defense secretary Esper announces he persuaded the Taliban into "a reduction of violence." For 7 days
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Couple celebrating 75th anniversary on Valentine's Day says marriage is not a trial, despite their seeming life sentence
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Got a shiatty job? This guy would probably trade you. Not safe for lunch
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Robbing banks is hard work. Cutting off your ankle monitor so you can rob the bank is easy .... He's done it twice so far
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Police say they've cracked the case of a Florida woman accused of performing botched butt enhancements without license
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
54-year-old woman had her arm cut off by her 27-year-old boyfriend. I guess that's one way to sever a relationship
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Alabama bill would force men to cut the cord at 50
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Creative Loafing Tampa)
 
 
 
Park closed on account of snake orgy
source: cltampa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ocala Star-Banner)
 
 
 
Drunk Florida man tells cop "you didn't pull me over, I pulled you over". Does not work out for him
source: ocala.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Delta Airlines CEO says he doesn't recline his seat. Sure, that's a big issue in first class
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Storm Denniss unimpressed by Storm Dennis
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Photoshop this leashed creature
source: img.buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
There is a time and a place for everything .... However the 4th grade classroom is neither the time or place for lap dances
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCPO Cincinnati)
 
 
 
Drunk-ass cop to officers who arrested his drunk-ass cop wife: "Tell your mom you met real cops tonight"
source: wcpo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
Shoplifter wheels full cart of groceries out of store. He and off-duty cop get into fight. Shoplifter's girlfriend puts as many bags in the car as she can while the two men wrestle at her feet
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Columbia Daily Tribune)
 
 
 
You can't just go into Hooters and start drunkenly fondling the staff. You need to warm up on your hired driver first, apparently
source: columbiatribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
80-year-old widower loses $200K in catfish romance scam. See, that's why I stick with widemouth bass
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Cows on the lam after truck driver falls asleep. Huh, subby usually only falls asleep after he's on the . . . oh, LAM
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
In keeping with a richly earned reputation for incisive investigative journalism, the Daily Mail brings us the pros and cons for going braless at work. Even this well-balanced article will no doubt have its knockers
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Ma'am I pulled you over for talking on your cell. That's a $50 fine and 5 points. Do you know who I am? ... Almost six years later, Conflicts of Interest Board: That will be $5,000 ma'am. No word on the points
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Shtupid barrtendr kickin me out after jus 20 drinks i'm not drunk he's drunk i'll show him gunna floor it HOLY SH*T
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
NASA now says that the giant asteroid hurtling towards earth will miss by a few million miles, citing orbital calculations, and the fact that Morgan Freeman is not President
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Fund manager who shorted Tesla for his clients last month - obviously, it didn't go very well - somehow blames coronavirus
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Much like your down-on-his-luck brother-in-law who needs that one investment to come through and needs your basement to sleep in for awhile, Coronavirus isn't going anywhere
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
'Man arrested in Tampa Chipotle voyeurism case works at youth skating facility' might be the most Florida headline of the day, but it's still early
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Amazon Fulfillment Center coming to Bremerton, the legendary inspiration of Sir Mix-A-Lot. Now, Bremelos of all kinds will be able to find fulfillment within
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pueblo Chieftain)
 
 
 
Police probe 'demonic sounds' at restaurant, turns out to be strange language from a screaming woman. Linda Blair brought in to help with the investigation
source: chieftain.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Ceiling fans sold at Lowe's being recalled for potentially being projectile-throwing killing machines
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
202-year-old Valentine's Day card to be auctioned off. It was sent to a Miss L Shafe, whoever she is
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Caption this photo of a man reclining while a woman is mowing the grass
source: img.buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WAVY Virginia)
 
 
 
How many wild horses do you see in this photo? The answer might prompt you to drive slower on North Carolina beaches
source: wavy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSL Salt Lake City)
 
 
 
No your honor, there was a misunderstanding. I was selling Gould bars
source: ksl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Revenge quitting is sweet for kitchen designer who was voted 'best ass in the showroom' after she blasts 'sexist' bosses in email to 4500 workers
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
You're supposed to spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring but who can afford $500?
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quad Cities Online)
 
 
 
Swim team member with swim team jacket traveling with swim team on swim team bus tackled and threatened with guns by cops who just knew he must be a hijacker. Yeah, he's black
source: qconline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Amsterdam took a survey on legal weed sales. When 42% of visiting Brits said they were less likely to return if the weed sales ended, the mayor decided, "Maybe that's not a bad thing," and pushed the proposal forward. Harsh
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
Pennsylvania mine fire burning for years to be extinguished. No, not that one
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Age (Melbourne))
 
 
 
Fap fap fap fappity-fap
source: theage.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
A list of things to consider before dipping your pen in the company ink
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Are you a lonely woman this Valentine's Day? Here's a polyamorous throuple hunting for some 'like-minded sexy women' to spend the day with (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
San Francisco bans most cars from Market Street, which should make it safer for pooping
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Police officer really on the fence about helping his fellow officer literally on the fence
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Swimmer)
 
 
 
Photoshop these bubbles
source: ewscripps.brightspotcdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Remember the time the people of Tulsa banded together to attack a prosperous black neighborhood, bombing it from the air and killing more than 300 people who were then buried in unmarked mass graves? Seems like we should remember that
source: email.nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, Al Capone's soldiers, dressed like police, laid the ultimate smackdown on rivals
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Think female genital mutilation in some cultures is horrendous? How about having your mother "iron" your breasts?
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Genetically Modified Organisms not only can feed the world, they also can build skyscrapers without the need for climate change inducing material such as steel and concrete
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
#TODAYSTALKER: How far would you go to make sure a single apostrophe doesn't completely darken the entire meaning of your Valentine's Day-themed tweet?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Every fire in New South Wales has been extinguished. Finally
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LAD Bible)
 
 
 
Sorry Miss but you can't be real, we've seen real so therefore you are outta here
source: ladbible.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Woman continues avoiding justice by hiding out in convents, and authorities are nun the wiser on catching her
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Apparently there are enough depraved individuals in the world eating Oreos with *mustard* to make it a legitimate crossword puzzle clue
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KJZZ Tempe)
 
 
 
You can change the name of a nature-themed entertainment complex that used to house a "swim with the dolphins" attraction, but locals will still remember it as "the place that killed those dolphins"
source: kjzz.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Ahhh...The old, "Beaten to death and left in a blueberry patch in 2002", ruse... Nearly worked too
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu February 13, 2020
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
British BMW owner recreates "Who's the U-boat commander" scene from Risky Business
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Want to attend an inclusive college? Better make sure that checkbook is inclusive too
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Ceiling in Cat Cora's Kitchen watching you masticate apparently couldn't stand it anymore
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Man charged with smuggling parrots into United States needs a good lawyer, crackers
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Police say man deliberately caused self-driving van to rear-end him. Kinky
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Crooks & Liars)
 
 
 
White House handing over control of public lands to people who don't recognize the public's authority
source: crooksandliars.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Trust.org)
 
 
 
Rio de Janeiro braces for risk of COVID-19 during Carnival, in addition to the hundreds of STD's you can get there while partaking in the festivities
source: news.trust.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medium)
 
 
 
Photoshop this decorated general
source: miro.medium.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
Video
 
Man performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on gecko that drowned in his beer. No word if it took 15 minutes or less or if he saved a bundle on car insurance
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Westport News)
 
 
 
It really tied the room together
source: westport-news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Outline)
 
 
 
1849: Let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby...and have a class war with riotous fisticuffs, militia troops called in and dozens dead And also have ourselves a treat
source: theoutline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Taxpayer money used to buy lubricants, porn and silk boxer shorts for the disabled
source: weareiowa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Woman wears surgical mask to protect from coronavirus while entering bank. Hilarity ensues
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Police poach passenger pirating pounds of prohibited pork products in pasta packages (pic)
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Poop confirms wolves are living in Colorado for the first time since the 1940s. T-shirt sales skyrocket
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Big Ben more badly damaged by Nazi bombs than previously thought. Man the Pittsburgh Steelers need to do a better job protecting him
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this scary drain snake
source: hillcrestplumbing.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Really? This one fall from a pole is the reason the entire stripping industry is under scrutiny?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Antarctica has a sense of humor apparently as it has topped its previous high temperature of 65 degrees earlier this week, and the new all-time high is 69, heh heh
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
New Mexico rejects legalizing marijuana at retail. No word on how this will affect people in the United States
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Jury acquits Chinese woman accused of trespassing at Mar-a-Lago, after buying her excuse that she didn't speak English and therefore had NO IDEA what the security guards were saying when they ordered her to leave
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Uber driver gets rear-ended by another driver. His two passengers livestream the ensuing chase to catch the driver that hit him
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(OK Whatever)
 
 
 
"We go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong..." when we wear this two-headed bondage collar
source: okwhatever.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Space.com)
 
 
 
The universe might be taking our "Giant Meteor 2020" calls a little too seriously
source: space.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
China plans yet another reboot of Battlestar Galactica (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WAFF Huntsville)
 
 
 
Alabama school superintendent on not delaying school for potential flooding: "I bet I've got a thousand messages from y'all. Instagram. Facebook. Twitter. Tic-Tac. Y'all aren't gonna melt!"
source: waff.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WAMU American University)
 
 
 
DC transit police tried to make competitive arresting a sport
source: wamu.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Peoria Journal Star)
 
 
 
Due to the sheer number of gullible morons on Facebook, police department issues a news release assuring citizens the local Kroger store is not running a kidnapping ring out of a white van in their parking lot
source: pjstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Ghosting is rapidly becoming the new normal when it comes to ending a relationship, because nobody is actually an adult anymore
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida grandma let her sons run a major drug operation out of her apartment in a high-rise tower for seniors
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg Law)
 
 
 
The late Judge Reinhardt has been accused of sexual harassment. No wonder I haven't seen him in any movies recently
source: news.bloomberglaw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some New Wave Guy)
 
 
 
On this week's serving of 80's post-punk, new wave, and gothy goodness, it's Magazine, Spear of Destiny, and Cowboys International®. Come hear what terrestrial radio doesn't sound like. It's PastFORWARD #120. Starts @ 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
source: kuci.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Old and Busted: Finding a mouse in your hamburger. New and WTF: Finding a live frog in your green pepper
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Utah Prison officials: Well, this inmate has a swastika tattooed on his forehead, and he DID stab another inmate 11 times while in jail, but, what the hell, I'm sure he's learned his lesson let's give him parole. *1 month later* OK, apparently not
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Things you should do on a first date: Go to dinner, see a movie, go out for drinks. Things you probably shouldn't do on a first date: Rob a bank
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
High school principal and likely Frankenstein cosplayer arrested for DUI
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
In today's things we shouldn't have to tell people news, please do not drink silver to cure yourself of or prevent being infected by coronavirus
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chattanooga Times Free Press)
 
 
 
There is now evidence that a "Miracle Bible" that inexplicably flows oil may now be a fraud perpetrated by the owner of the bible who travels the country with it and makes money. Who'd have thunk it?
source: timesfreepress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
North Carolina state court tells UNC they can't fork over $2.5M in state funds to treason enthusiast club
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Three naked Yoga poses to try with ... HEY. GET BACK HERE ..... Sigh... For those of you still here, did you hear Jennifer Aniston posed pantsless?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
47-year-old man who clearly has never heard of the internet offers $47,000 to anyone who can find him a girlfriend
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
75 years ago today, Allied forces finally get revenge for German bombing of Pearl Harbor
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Passengers stranded on the Coronavirus Cruise Ship are making "life long friends" with each other. Although, let's face it, "life-long" is a somewhat fluid concept for them at this point
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Dodo)
 
 
 
Aaaaaahh! Aaaaaahhh! Aaaaaaahhh! Oh. Never mind
source: thedodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hawaii News Now)
 
 
 
Catholic school ousts unwed pregnant director despite having Mary in the name. Bonus: it was in vitro
source: hawaiinewsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this little fight
source: ichef.bbci.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Who's wronger, the douchebro plane passenger punching the reclined seat, or Wendi who thinks she deserves her little slice of reclined cattle-car heaven? (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
"Welcome to Atlanta, the mosquito capital of America"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
WHO calls China out on BS numbers. Changes definition of the infected. +15000 cases in a single day, almost 300 fatalities
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
Woman who tried to run over several teens because they "looked Mexican" a few months ago has been declared too incompetent to stand trial
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Man complains to his boss about discrimination. Boss's cop buddies thoroughly investigate the situation and arrest the troublemaker
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Apparently even bonsai-sized ents can find their way home
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
Amazon.com pays zero taxes, and Jeff Bezos just bought the most expensive property in Los Angeles for like $75. How's "the best it has ever been" economy working out for you?
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(OnFocus)
 
 
 
Wisconsin woman has the Mondayest Monday ever when she hits a toilet bowl in the middle of the road. Fark: To avoid the other one
source: onfocus.news   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC 2 Fort Myers)
 
 
 
It's not a Louisville Slugger to both headlights, but Carrie Underwood would approve
source: nbc-2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 771: "Anything Goes 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed February 12, 2020
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Calgary restaurant closed indefinitely because some of the meat might actually have been cooked
source: calgary.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Fishing with eggs and toothpaste? Fishing with eggs and toothpaste
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPVI Pocatello)
 
 
 
Who is the only Indiana state legislator to oppose a bill making employer-mandated microchipping illegal? State Senator Chip Perfect
source: kpvi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJLA Washington DC)
 
 
 
DC Metro supposedly nears completion of two bike racks, only five years late and for a mere $3.8 million, which is only 3x over budget, but it's just like you haters to complain
source: wjla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
If you're on your way to court for a DUI hearing, you shouldn't drive drunk. You most certainly shouldn't drive super-drunk
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Ford to recall a quarter of a million vehicles. Hopefully soon, because the suspension is killing people
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
An in-depth, 1500+ word investigation into some guy who keeps reappearing on Tinder even after users swipe left. It's not news, It's The Atlantic
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Ryan Reynolds shares neat lifehack to fix a zipper using a fork. Just don't ask what the waiter does with the spoon
source: today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this notched kitteh
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Italian trying to stay in the UK post Brexit told by government that his parents must confirm his ID. Difficulty: just celebrated his 101st birthday
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
In the latest event of the saga, the Queen of England's grandson and his wife to get a divorce
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Now for your "funny funny, ha ha" news of the day in these COVID-19 times: Pranksters spark panic by pretending to spill virus on NYC subway (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Jacksonville area job opening for Milker. Difficulty? Milking Bulls (not really, but this article would have been way more interesting if it had been)
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Since their gift of maple syrup didn't provide the desired results, Ontario Provincial Police are now moving to remove indigenous protesters from their blockade of a major rail line. Wonder how that went last time
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
After not being able to dock in four different countries because of the fear of the coronavirus, stranded cruise ship finally finds a place to dock. Good luck Cambodia, we're all counting on you to make it through this
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Man accused of subway stabbing says victims were aliens, strengthening his insanity defense and ensuring E.T. is going to stay the hell away from us for the foreseeable future
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
How waste water from beer is revolutionizing the treatment of regular waste water in one Montana town. Now just imagine what we can do with bong water
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Seventy-four cats rescued from 'hoarding' situation. As we all know, illegally hoarding cats represents a threat to the free and fair exchange of goods and services in our cat based economy
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop Drew and his birthday cake
source: scontent-bos3-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
"Other than that, I'm alright" says Florida Man who brought a knife to a gunfight and got shot in the face and groin. Life is tough and so is he
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Turkey vows to hit Syrian government 'anywhere,' possibly in the gizzard, maybe the drumsticks
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
You can't drive drunk with your kids in the car, you can't sleep drunk with them in the car, just make up your minds already
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Snopes)
 
 
 
How Cheech and Chong's Facebook timeline unwittingly exposed a network of deceptive niche dating websites tied to a company that wants to build NASA's new lunar module. NSFW
source: snopes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
You're not going to believe this but Papa John has admitted that he didn't actually eat 40 pizzas in 30 days
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Michigan Man pulls a Beverly Hills Cop, moves into an unoccupied seasonal vacation home. He even made improvements to the property
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C|Net)
 
 
 
Betelgeuse appears to be unusually low on geuse
source: cnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Canadian man who swam to U.S. island of Zug is released, allowed to take off ostensibly for great justice
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Criminal gang steals priceless bonsai trees from museum, leaves very little
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
On this week's Fark & Schnitt podcast Drew manages to segue from a discussion of how and why media prioritizes coronavirus stories, to a naked meth'ed-up Richard Quest arrest in 2008, and then back again to complete his original point
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Top health officials warn that the coronavirus could infect 60% of the world's population and kill millions or just kind of go away and not bother us anymore in a month or two. One of those
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Register)
 
 
 
It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. Now go remove it from the park
source: theregister.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Doomsday preppers selling timeshares. More like end-times-shares, am I right?
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 57 South Bend)
 
 
 
Michigan man nearly becomes part of next 'Final Destination' movie
source: abc57.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 2 St. Louis)
 
 
 
Concert sold out? Why are many tickets are gone before the public can buy them?
source: fox2now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore--suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone rapping, telling me to post the writer's thread once more
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PBS)
 
 
 
Northern Ireland just held its first same-sex marriage between two young, attractive lesbians who -- hey, where'd everybody go?
source: pbs.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sleeping Tom)
 
 
 
Man climbs into woman's car, falls asleep and gets nabbed by police. Was definitely not resisting a rest
source: newschannel6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gannett Images)
 
 
 
Caption this hockey discussion
source: gannett-cdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Motorist feels the locust apocalypse in Africa as they swarm his vehicle leaving him to barely escape with his life (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in plastic and wearing googly eyes"
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
International House of Roaches 'investigating' after viral video shows pancake infestation
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
History, geography, modern automobile marketing, and of course Florida Man are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, Feb. 2-8: Valentine's Day Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Workers killed in India denim factory had only one door to escape through, officials say, neglecting to add that it was at the top of a ladder stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard"
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ottawa Citizen)
 
 
 
"Such initiatives, along with proposed social media posts like, "My bling are my medals" and "My war paint is camouflage" are among the various ideas the Canadian Armed Forces has come up with to solve problems in recruiting women"
source: ottawacitizen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Tractor-trailer carrying 41,000 pounds of steel bars versus train. FIGHT! (with aftermath video)
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Al-Bashir may finally face justice for Darfur genocide, Dominion war atrocities
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
7-foot alligator sneaks into Florida home. 'Sneaks'? Oh hell no
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
Sheriff's deputies arrive at local Target to confront Klansman standing outside, learn he's some black dude conducting a "social experiment." Do the open carry trick next
source: nbcwashington.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
For some reason, people aren't that interested in going on a cruise anymore
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop these little misfits looking to get picked up
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LAD Bible)
 
 
 
Pampered pooch put on a diet after porking out on Doritos. Farkers commiserate & wheeze at the same time. Welcome to your Valentine's Day edition of Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: ladbible.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
That awkward CEO moment when you wake up and realize that the new coronavirus' new name is the same as your company's
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Pope Francis says the clergy will remain cockblocked. That guy needs to lighten up
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Four high school students have filed a federal lawsuit saying the school district should not be able to suspend and/or expel them for sending racist messages to fellow students in a Snapchat group
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Send your kid to the prestigious Sarah Lawrence, but look out for that pervy dad who'll turn your kid into a hooker. It's soooo annoying
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
SCORE 0
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The American Independent)
 
 
 
Republicans think tampons need to be taxed to limit women from buying too many, because of course they do
source: americanindependent.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Idaho's having a bit of a European moment. Difficulty: Moment is 1347
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Half of Americans will be obese and a quarter will severely obese by 2030 report scientists at the University of No Duh
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KJZZ Tempe)
 
 
 
The paint is barely dry on Phoenix's newest stretch of freeway, and the asphalt is already deteriorating
source: kjzz.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Finally, a laboratory chemical hipsters can get behind
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Woman may be confined on Cruise Ship for unpaid medical bills. Oh, and not THAT cruise ship
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Latest person to get in on the nostalgia trend is God, who is playing some old testament favorites
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Is there anything badgers can't do? Evidence suggests they are definitely capable of falling through shop ceilings and running under perfume counters. Badger, badger, badger
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue February 11, 2020
(Time)
 
 
 
US Space Force General: A second Russian satellite is now shadowing our multibillion-dollar U.S. spy satellite. Maybe time to charge our space lasers
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fast Company)
 
 
 
C'mon snap out of it, you can learn from failure. No not you James Corden, carry on
source: fastcompany.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(City Pages)
 
 
 
The Law Machine of Minnesota has issued the following decree: "The city of New Prague will retain the same spelling but will now be pronounced Worcestershire"
source: citypages.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Altoona Mirror)
 
 
 
According to the police, it turns out the calls WERE coming from inside the house
source: altoonamirror.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Florida Dolphins found shot and stabbed. Authorities on the lookout for Jets and Patriots
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Jussie Smollet will be starring in a new courtroom drama
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Courier Herald)
 
 
 
Kidnapper pleads guilty to 2018 crimes. Man, he must have had a huge basement
source: courierherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: I'll be your Valentine if you'll be my Easter Bunny
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Zealand Herald)
 
 
 
It's Cocky time, yeah she's ready. Hole in one ... where you going? Don't click
source: nzherald.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this hairstylist
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jacksonville.com)
 
 
 
It's getting to the point where anyone with a title like "church youth volunteer" should be under suspicion
source: jacksonville.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Chicago)
 
 
 
Worst. Beanie Baby collection. Evar
source: nbcchicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
So, in the age of the internet, that is not going to happen
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Hate Western Civilization and want to bomb London but don't have a job and thus no money to build one? Solution: Ask mom for some of her £2000 per month welfare money
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
Jackson State University president resigns to spend more time trying to hire hookers on the dark web
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida woman hid meth in baby's diaper, police say, citing case as yet more evidence to never take the brown drugs
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vintage Everyday)
 
 
 
A 16th century plague mask looks pretty kinky
source: vintag.es   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Cop receives $10 million settlement after being told to "tone down" his "gayness". Fabulous
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 2012, Whitney Houston beat Bobby Brown to death
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this excited face
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IMDB)
 
 
 
Leslie Nielsen would have been 94 today. By the way, he faked every orgasm
source: imdb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Proving that even a global pandemic that threatens to exterminate humanity has a funny side, here's a cat in a mask (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Piano virtuoso: My one-of-a-kind grand piano is worth $194,000. Piano movers: Not anymore
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Macaulay Culkin, who has covered his body with tattoos, publicly battled depression, eating disorders, and addiction as an adult says Michael Jackson "never touched me" during their numerous sleepovers, swears he got that farked up all by his own self
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
If you're delivering $500K worth of cocaine, you may want to keep it under 85 MPH. Also, leave your wife and baby at home
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Action News)
 
 
 
Unless you're Danny Trejo, you shouldn't take a machete to McDonald's. (with mugshot goodness)
source: abcactionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Stripper falls from 15-foot pole, breaks her jaw and continues to twerk (w/video)
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Weather Channel)
 
 
 
Look, honey. There was a tornado in our back yard. Nature is truly amazing
source: weather.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Reset the (quarantine) clock for another 14 days for the 3,700 lucky recipients of the "extended stay" cruise package aboard the Diamond Princess cruise ship
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(NBC News)
 
 
 
In 2019, the Wuhan Coronavirus seemed like just another foreign pandemic but it wasn't. It was COVID-19. It was COVID-19. 19. N- N- N- N- 19 N- N- 19
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(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Man arrested for drunk driving on lawnmower. See, that's why you just stick to grass
source: newscentermaine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
I just have a Doctorate in Wildlife Management, what do I know? Just stick your wolf reintroduction ballot initiative below the one about legalizing recreational mushrooms
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(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Beware of the upcoming "Valentighting" -- the 'heartbreaking act of dumping someone right before Valentine's Day
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
Astronomers are creeped out by a mysterious deep-space object sending signals to Earth every 16 days. Why? Their supercomputer models have deciphered the signals as alien booty-call texts asking "U Up?" and "I wanna gleekflob your fimmelberb"
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Caption this killing machine
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(MLive.com)
 
 
 
When keeping it real goes wrong: elementary school dance recital edition
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(Fox News)
 
 
 
"Only private tourist beaches allow bikinis. Maldivian law does not permit the swimwear on other beaches" (with strugglin' bikini arrestin' video)
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
Bus cam video shows what it looks like inside when a school bus rolls over. Hint: kind of like a bunch of socks in a clothes dryer
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(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
If you lost some of your load of nails and broken glass on I-405, just keep going, because there's about twenty angry drivers with flat tires behind you
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(AP News)
 
 
 
China is closed. Moose outside should have told you
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(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
No you idiots, you can make a broom stand up by itself any day of the year
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(CNN)
 
 
 
Bad News: Coronavirus evacuee was mistakenly released from hospital. Good News: It happened in San Diego where it is warm
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(Metro)
 
 
 
Plane makes emergency landing as drunk passenger started threatening to kill people's families and eating his cell phone, among other things
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
3 2 1 The psychology of a threesome, it's time to get your mind right
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(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Erm... that's the wrong Tom
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this picture from BabyLand General Hospital
source: media2.trover.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
The coronavirus outbreak may now be over in China by April, says the government who first denied its existence and virulence
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(Insider)
 
 
 
Wait, people use 3 rolls of toilet paper per week?
source: amp.insider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Leaving school for a dentist appointment? Not on my watch - I'll shoot you says resource officer. Student expelled, resource officer still at the school. State says it all
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(ABC News)
 
 
 
Soldier pleads guilty in bomb plot case using "the devil made me do it" defense
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(Brand Eating)
 
 
 
7-Eleven testing a new store that doesn't require you to stare awkwardly at the cashier while he scans your condoms and beer
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(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Australia's high court rules that criminally convicted aboriginals cannot be deported. Wait, what, to where?
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(Jezebel)
 
 
 
Once again: Do not put anything up your vagina that doesn't belong there, ESPECIALLY if it is labeled "cleanse" or "detox". Your feminine energy chakras or whatever are fine the way they are
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(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Note to Self: Don't drop your hit list when you're out hitting houses. Oh yeah, don't let your daughter write notes in your hit list either
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(NPR)
 
 
 
Church arsonist didn't hate black people, he loved black metal
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(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
In today's tongue-twister: Dead Birds seized at Dulles
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(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
In vino veritas
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
A "Super Spreader" isnt just an accurate name for your mom. It could make the coronavirus outbreak much worse
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Mon February 10, 2020
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
People who spend $60,000 or more on a car complain that the city won't buy them a place to do donuts
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(WXII Winston-Salem)
 
 
 
Four sailors rescued from fishing trawler that wrecked along the "Graveyard of the Atlantic." This is not a repeat from the 1600s, the 1700s, the 1800s, or the 1900s
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(WVTM13 Birmingham)
 
 
 
Many left dead in Alabama flood
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(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Rule #1 in running a successful business: Know your market
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(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida man accused of impersonating state prosecutors gets to meet real ones
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(Seattle Times)
 
 
 
Rain-induced mudslide cuts off only road to 120-person housing development. Experts say the private road may take year to repair, are coming up with alternatives to walking, ATVs, or cannibalism
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(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
In a story made for Fark: woman discovers Satanic sex cult having brunch in a vegan cafe, tells everyone about it
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(CBS Miami)
 
 
 
Can't afford to fly to Australia to see something that will kill you? Great news: you can now head to Hatteras and get eaten by Jaws
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(NPR)
 
 
 
And now, just to keep things interesting in Australia, let's throw in some .... *spins wheel* ... MUDFLOWS. Mudflows it is
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(News 5 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Don't bring a pitchfork to a gun fight
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(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Detroit adopts an aggressive marijuana-marketing strategy: buy some weed or get shot
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(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Russia's Space Force now straight-up re-enacting old Bond movies (possible nsfw content on page)
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(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop these lumber lads
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(NBC Right Now)
 
 
 
That big rig driver behind you on the highway might not just be high on meth but laying down tracks for a new hit album as well
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(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Latest development trend is: A: Affordable low-income housing, B: Modest homes for new families, or C: Luxury condos for your car to live in
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(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Some men climb Mount Everest because it's there. On the other hand, 95-year-old men in nursing homes are there, too
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(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Who's the best Korea? The one where coronavirus has exploded
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(OK Whatever)
 
 
 
So many dummies on the roads these days. No, not the living, breathing kind
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(NPR)
 
 
 
On the plus side, though, the History Channel may have its next hit series coming. Look for "Melting Ice Road Census Truckers," coming soon to your television
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(Some Guy)
 
 
 
$40 vintage pencils. We have reached peak hipster
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(Straight)
 
 
 
When did Canada stop being cool?
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(WTAE)
 
 
 
Pennsylvania bill would allow local police departments to use speed radar. In other news, they can't use radar now, so put that pedal to the metal, baby
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(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Some find the pastrami to the be most sensual of all the salted, cured meats
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(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
The nuclear family was a mistake. In hindsight, solar was the way to go
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(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Airline passengers have a 'Ha ha, we're all going to die" moment five times as plane attempts landing in Amsterdam during Storm Ciara
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(Curbed)
 
 
 
Georgia DOT to study how to reduce congestion on I-85. Have they tried not closing due to a fire every few years?
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(MSN)
 
 
 
Agents also found in the couple's possession a capuchin monkey, a coyote, a prairie dog, a skunk, an American alligator and a raccoon. No word if they were all called "Eric"
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(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Residents told to still be on the lookout for Gimp Man, as he's 'still on the loose' in his fetish mission to terrorize the English village of Claverham, Somerset (possible nsfw content on page)
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(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this mighty sploosh
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(Independent)
 
 
 
Scientists in Brazil discover mysterious virus with no recognizable genes, name it "Yaravirus" after mythical Brazilian sea siren who lures men under water to live with her forever. This should end well
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(Twitter)
 
 
 
Having Got Brexit Done, the UK is now once more free to concentrate on important matters, such as whether you should actually eat the batter on fish and chips or peel it off and throw it away
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(ITV)
 
 
 
Number of lollipop men and women down by more than 2,000 warns union, guild
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Turns out the story about Bill Gates buying a hydrogen powered superyacht was as accurate as that email you got from him earlier offering you one million dollars
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(The Conversation)
 
 
 
Guy who makes $342,000/year as President of a university that costs, on average over $12,000 a year after student aid, tells kids they "Should not borrow money " to attend. Great advice, I'm sure they'll just dip into the trust fund now instead
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(Indy100)
 
 
 
They call me the breeze, I keep blowing down the road
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(CNN)
 
 
 
China turns up all the tools of its totalitarian state to combat nCoV: tracking potential vectors through ubiquitous cameras, clamping down on dissidents, spreading propaganda, threatening people with executions, etc. You know. Just like the flu
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(LA Times)
 
 
 
♪ ♫ The ship pulled in without a sound/ The faithful captain long since cold/ He kept his log till the bloody end/ Last entry read "Rats in the hold./ My crew is dead, I fear the plague"... ♫ ♪
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(NPR)
 
 
 
For just $1000 per year, you can join my prepper community and build my pepper compound for me. Hey wait, where are you going? I have beef jerky
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