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| Sun January 26, 2020 |
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Cut this "belt" off the front of your engine to "thwart" the "Oil Companies'" evil "plans" to ruin your fuel efficiency, causing you to use more "gas." Report your results here in a couple of victorious days
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Reporter stutters on the air, soon to be burned as a witch. Duck scale unavailable for comment
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Millennials are killing houseplants -- literally and accidentally. 22 percent are apprehensive about owning new plants because of what happened to their old ones
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Fertility doctor who used his own sperm defends himself with the most technically correct response ever
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Who am I to argue with Jameson?
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U.S. Embassy in Baghdad hit in Katyusha rocket attack
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Photoshop what's in the Tupperware
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Puerto Rico's disaster relief funds keep getting held up while Florida's disaster relief funds keep .... um, getting held up
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Florida man crashes Florida plane into Florida home, causing Florida fire
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$900k of fake cash confiscated. Fark: fake $1 bills
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It's your afternoon coronavirus thread, coming to you from Los Angeles ... which is not a repeat from the Orange County case from this morning
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this sunrise
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Teen raises $10,000 to install baby box. As of a few nights ago, he only needs three more babies to break even
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Meet the 80 year-old spy who went undercover to expose the goings-on at a retirement home
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Kobe Bryant among nine dead in helicopter crash. His 13-year old daughter, Gianna was also on board
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Whacking Day is a real thing in Florida. Because Florida. Duh
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Rest easy, America. Penis Man has been apprehended. And it only took 25 heavily armed SWAT team officers to take him down
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Fire in NYC's Chinatown may have destroyed 85,000 museum artifacts
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Much like the streetlight, Bigfoot is a tree
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Public footpath to be rerouted around nudist campsite. Signs to be erected, bushes planted to screen nesting tits, old people's dangly bits
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Gee, ya think?
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Why do we even bother with a clock anymore?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what this photographer is really shooting
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CSB Sunday Morning: What's the nicest thing you've ever seen someone do?
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In Australia, even the cakes are trying to kill you
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It's your daily coronavirus thread, coming to you today from sunny Orange County, California
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Locust plague in Africa the worst in 70 years. With War never leaving and Coronavirus doing its bit, looks like the Four Horsemen are getting the band back together
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Happy Year of the Rat. This is good news for Disney and denizens of NYC's sewers, bad news for mobsters and Crispin Glover
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Atlanta jewelry store owner chases thieves out of his store, beating them with a bag full of pickle jars. Rick nods approvingly
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Man nabbed for illegal possession of wildcats, faces 15 yards and loss of down
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| Sat January 25, 2020 |
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It's official, raisins really are the worst
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Teens killed after doorbell prank remembered as close-knit ding-dongs
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"Most of the psychics agreed that we would find Haylee in a neighboring county by morning," he said. "And we did"
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Photoshop this surprised bear
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Man in bunny suit arrested for hit and run. In his defense, he points out his Aunt Clara had for years not only perpetually labored under the delusion that he was 4 years old, but also a girl
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Rock on, lady (awesomeness ensues in link thread)
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Remember the woman US Bank fired for helping a customer before Christmas? She's got other job offers, and US Bank is doubling down on firing her
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Firefighters are most afraid of A) Fires, B) Bomb scares, or C) Highways?
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Not news: Police auction vehicle. Fark: with 97,000 amphetamine tablets hidden in bumper
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Thanks to last week's blizzard, St. John's is home to the world's greatest snow forts
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Sir, the reason I pulled you over here in the HOV lane is that your "passenger" looks like he is hungry
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Principal expels girl for having a rainbow birthday cake because it "promotes homosexuality". Sadly, as a private school that's well within his rights. Then posts her disciplinary record publicly after being criticized for the move. Now THAT'S a lawsuit
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Photoshop the Best Horseback rider ever
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Captain Trips visits Chicago. Is it time to start worrying yet?
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A fight over dinner rolls in a Kentucky restaurant escalated into a gun battle that left one dead and one injured. Must be some tasty dinner rolls
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Alabama parents arrested in Alabama after Alabama child fires Alabama gun at Alabama school in a very Alabama story. Alabama
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Fruits and veggies can save your life. Especially if you fall off the 7th floor into a crate of them
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Pittsburgh police urge residents not to fall for the old "crying baby and a child calling out for help" trick
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mystery box
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Are you hungry? This will decrease your appetite (possible nsfw content on page)
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"They see other cats come and go and they're still here. And it's just not fair because it's no fault of their own, they didn't do anything wrong." Welcome to Caturday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Saturday, January 25th is National Florida Day, and shall be observed with solemn dignity, pre-warmed crack pipes, and a bath salt parade
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The warden who was in charge of Jeffrey Epstein when he died will be punished... with a promotion
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Wuhan residents describe 'doomsday' scenes as patients overwhelm hospitals
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What would you do if you found $8,000 in your mailbox?
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Seattle-area home too disgusting and unsafe to allow anyone to enter gets 17 offers
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Pot amnesty box at Midway airport robbed. So, if I put it back will I still get amnesty?
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Man who said he was "locked and loaded" for killing spree uses machete to threaten cops, who load him with electricity then lock him in jail
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Some people make art. These Japanese rice farmers take it to the next level and then some
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| Fri January 24, 2020 |
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Lived in London 23 years? Own a renowned Michelin-rated two-star restaurant? Doesn't matter, after Brexit you can GTFO
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Rolls Royce to develop fashionable new miniature nuclear reactor, available in at least 10 different colors including Radiation Green and Deathshine Blue. No word on leather options from the skins of irradiated wildlife
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Low-level marijuana possession no longer enforced in Austin. No longer will people be forced to possess low levels of marijuana
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Shop owner at Kanagawa tourist destination posts No Chinese Allowed sign, lists Coronavirus as reason, tells reporter Chinese nationals had caused trouble in his store in the past
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What exactly does a NY state trooper need to do to be suspended without pay? Shooting at tires to get a driver to pull over, apparently
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Bats in Australia prepare for virus apocalypse. Well of course they would
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It's a sickly streetlamp
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Head of Buchenwald concentration camp memorial confirms "There are increasing entries in our visitor books that describe National Socialism and the concentration camps as useful and good for Germany"
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"Now, cops have declared war on Penis Man." (w/ lots of pics, all SFW)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this forever amused teen
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Walter White jailed for allegedly violating probation in felony meth case
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Millennials just might be the first "death positive" generation, so they've got that going for them. Also, sounds pretty metal
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Nancy Drew comic celebrates her 90th anniversary as an iconic character and role model for girls by... *checks notes* having the Hardy Boys investigate her murder
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Florida to mandate the installation of night drop boxes. Florida: To get rid of your baby
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Victim of the airliner shot down in Iran ran a company suspected of flouting UN ban on arms shipments to Libya
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For those who've progressed WAAAAY beyond mere silicone butt plugs, there's always this
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Two men from fight at Greensboro Steak 'N Shake share their sides of the story' Fark: it includes finger biting, eye gouging and shots fired
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My my, hey hey Neil Young is now a U.S. citizen
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It's time again to rip off your own scrotum. For those without a scrotum, it's fuzzy, it's wrinkly, it's covered with hair. But where would your balls be if it wasn't there?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having solved all other societal problems, the Vermont legislature is considering a bill to allow drivers to use emojis on their license plates. Subby, who lives in Vermont, will be first in line for new plates so he can has cheezburger
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| (Some Gals) |
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Photoshop this really big cowgirl shew
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So, you're saying that airplane vents are NOT there to dry the insides of your wet shoes?
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Casino being sued by O.J. Simpson for defamation argues O.J. could not possibly be more defamed than he already is
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Your hourly Corona virus update: Two cases now confirmed in France. Ferme tout
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Middle school fight sends two kids to the hospital with stab wounds and skateboard beating injuries. Man, back in my day, we just kind of waved our hands at each other like we were fighting
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Me: hot German blonde girl, sitting here in my RV, and everything is getting so wet and slippery. You: manly man, who has big equipment and knows how to use it in tight and slippery places. Also helps if you don't mind if a friend watches
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US Navy probing videos featuring service members on PornHub. Boy there really is a category for any fetish
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This kid's only 17 and has his whole life ahead of him. Not exactly sure how beating up cops in an upholstery store while naked is going to play into that though
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Coyotes are moving into the Pittsburgh area. This isn't related to the Phil Kessel trade
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On this day in history, in 1972, a Japanese soldier was found hiding on Guam twenty-eight years after the end of WW2. That's nothing, Subby still has a Myspace page
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All about America's first family of bourbon: the Beams
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Jury awards $5.5M over woman's injuries at Tarzana Senior Facility. Man, Cheetah's gonna be in trouble this time
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Coronavirus gets all the headlines, but Fishstabitis has the scariest images (graphic image warning)
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The GDP's of dictatorships have exceeded the GDP's of democracies for the first time in 120 years. And we all remember how great 120 years ago was
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Folks, please keep your hands and arms inside the John Denver Experience at all times. There's no sense in trying to unloop at the latch at any time during the ride at the John Denver Experience. Have fun
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"Am I getting arrested?" "Unfortunately, you are"
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Uber and Lyft criticized for introducing new 'escape from mass shooting' price model
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Over 30 Million people are quarantined in China as deaths from Coronavirus rise
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman named Felisha turns down deal for 20 years for drug charges, gets 99 years instead. Well, bye
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Research warns PA police of potential bias in vehicle searches. PA police: End the research
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Spiffy: Police used DNA to identify the "Pillowcase Rapist" who terrorized South Florida in the '80s. Scary: He was building a dungeon under his home when caught. Umm: He was identified when police took a DNA sample from his son during a domestic violence arrest
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Straight from the Connecticut DMV, it's the 2019 rejected license plate list. A55 RGY strangely absent
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A coronavirus pandemic simulation from 3 months ago resulted in 65 million dead. Thankfully, now we can test the accuracy of the simulation in real life conditions
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China just might be hiding the true magnitude of the Coronavirus
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"We heard Gwyneth Paltrow was selling a Smells Like My Vagina candle for $75. So we made a Smells Like My Penis candle for $100, in accordance with Canada's gender pay gap"
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Lawmakers target self-checkouts to ensure Oregon grocery stores are as inconvenient as their gas stations
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Here's how the nation's fattest city, Huntington, West Virginia has turned things around ..so you don't see their fat arses anymore
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| (Some Guy) |
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Did coronavirus come from the meat market in Wuhan or the biocontainment research lab there that was studying it?
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Photoshop this back yard view
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Are you constantly 5 minutes late for work? Congratulations, you're not late
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Woman hospitalized in New Jersey with coronavirus symptoms. Shut. Down. Everything
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Rough sex defense when you kill a woman exonerates you half the time
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Houston, we have an explosion
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Things aren't that bad in China concerning the Coronavirus, they're just building a 1,000-bed hospital in 6 DAYS in a bid to stop the out-of-control outbreak (possible nsfw content on page)
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All your Base are belong to a New Jersey Nazi who is either a Russian asset or running a honeypot operation for the Feds
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Welcome to Detroit, where we'll jack the wheels off your pre-production 2020 Corvette Stingray
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What happens in Vegas now stays with you for the rest of your life
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Forever chemicals in drinking water? Relax
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Don't cry over spilled milk, they say. What about 97,000 gallons of wine?
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Code Brown on California Highway
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HOA cameras capture video of burglary suspect. Florida: HOA refuses to share the video with community residents to help catch the thief
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Some professors get really serious about assigned seating
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Florida man thought he had a pretty wise scheme going when he fooled the IRS into giving him a nearly $1 million tax refund on only $19,000 annual income. Now he's going to prison for three years
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Never expected to ever say this, but the only thing missing here is a juggalo and a quart of Faygo
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| Thu January 23, 2020 |
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Protip: don't pay your kid to take Morphine and Adderall so they can pass a pee test for you
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One of the Organizers of the 2017 Rally in Charlottesville, Chris "the crying Nazi" Cantwell has been arrested on federal charges of making interstate threats. Yes, AGAIN
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Careful planning of your getaway is quite important when robbing a mobile phone store
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Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived
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Millennials, always on the cutting edge, they're even getting their midlife crises started early
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| (Some Guy) |
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Canadian hotel offers free stays on Valentine's Day for 18 years if you have a baby 9 months after popping in for special nooner package
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| (Some Guy) |
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Everything you need to know concerning how not to get murdered in a quaint English village
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The Goddamn Batman swings and misses with his Bat Bat, but scores a perfect hit with his thrown Bat Nickle
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♪ You can have / anything you want / at a Florida traffic light (according to Google) / Walk right in, the car is stopped / just before arresting at the Walmart shop / You can have / anything you want / at a Florida traffic light ♪
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A monument to honor fallen police officers has fallen. Coming soon: a monument to honor the fallen monument
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WHO declines to declare Wuhan coronavirus outbreak a global health emergency. What? I don't know. Third base
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Photoshop this baseball-themed wrecking ball
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Student shot in Oxnard. I bet he screamed like a banshee
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Worried about the Wuhan Flu? Now is the time to stock up on surgical masks. They are an excellent way of accomplishing nothing
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'Human-like' sex robots who hump their randy owners go on show
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The beatings by the HOA board will continue until morale improves
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Bank discriminates against check that was won in a discrimination lawsuit, prompting lawsuit for discrimination. Discrimination
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Pictures of a bald eagle taking a bath. In other news, bald eagles bathe
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Coronavirus may have spread to Australia; locals expected to retaliate with Fostersvirus
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2020? More like 42020 you know what I mean?
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One patient infected with the coronavirus has managed to infect 14 health care workers but there's just 600 cases. If you believe that, you probably think Tiananmen Square Massacre is a CIA lie
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Ça commence
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"My night with a male sex doll." tl;dr: as disappointing as a real man (possible nsfw content on page)
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Voice of a 3,000-year-old Egyptian mummy reproduced by 3-D printing a vocal tract. Pretty sure this is how we end up bringing back Imhotep
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Man with "Murder" tattoo on his face sentenced for
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The reason you're so lonely is that you're not spending enough time becoming close friends with those morons at work who can't even microwave popcorn without setting the bag on fire
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Fun fact: 'Happy N-word Day' is not the official holiday name of the third Monday in January
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this perplexed fire hydrant
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Argue over a bag of shrimp? That's a stabbing
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Worry not so much about the coronavirus currently spreading across the Earth, be more afraid of the ancient unknown viruses that have been found locked in China glacier ice when the big melt comes
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Massachusetts serial pooper arrested. And given the mugshot, she appears to have kept right on going about her business
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Woman argues with family so she a.) steps back and begins civil discussion, b.) goes jogging to blow off steam, c.) gets naked and roars off in Volkswagen Jetta
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RIP: one of the greatest moderators of our time. Not Drew, he's just passed out on his private email server again
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Remember that time some guy tried to use "Pepsi Points" to buy a jet? Then hilarity ensued
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Washington State ranked third worst for driving. State of inebriation still on top
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Witch Bottle discovered under Interstate 64 in Virginia. Drivers stuck in traffic start tossing coins at it
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Today in "good news for anyone looking to test the validity of the hot/crazy graph"
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On this day, Jan. 23rd: "You know, for kids"
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Darth Vader with Frank Costanza's voice is just the thing you need to help brighten up your day
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| (Moo Bark Zap) |
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K9 cop responds to rural burglary call. Cop releases the dog. Cow moos. Dog bites cow. Cop tasers dog. Cow tramples cop. There also was no burglary. The Aristocrats
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Kuwaiti couple arrested for "outraging public morals" after posting a video of the husband brushing the wife's hair (w/video)
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Monarch butterflies critically low for second year straight, showing the dangers of equipping them with Boeing software
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Passenger arrives at LAX from Mexico City with possible corona virus symptoms. Dos Equis virus, tequila virus symptoms not reported
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Dear Employee, if you don't replace that busted-ass hoopty in the parking lot, we will fire you
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Five cities now quarantined in China
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🎵ONE. MINUTE. (and forty seconds) TO MIIIIDNIGHT. THE HANDS THAT THREATEN DOOOOOM🎵
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| (Some New Wave Guy) |
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Time for another serving of historical alt, post-punk, new wave, goth-y goodness, including PWEI, Tones On Tail, and Fields of the Nephilim. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on PastFORWARD #117. Starts at 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Everything you think you know about the invention of the vibrator is wrong
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In a follow-up to yesterday's lively main page discussion of emotional support animals on planes, man registers his beer as emotional support animal
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Fight breaks out at trampoline park. Witnesses say it went on longer than usual, since as soon as someone was knocked down they just bounced back up
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After Saudi crown prince's WHATSAPP trolls Jeff Bezos with phone hack, Bezos trolls back with photo from Khashoggi Memorial
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On good thing about all the Iguanas falling from the trees in Florida because of the cold snap, the meat is being sold online for those who like 'chicken of the trees'
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Good: Going on a snowmobile trip with your elderly relatives. Bad: You get lost in the woods. Good: Friendly locals offer to lead you out. Fark: The locals lead you into a swamp and then decide they're cold and would rather fark off and abandon you
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"I've seen it all: bird flu, SARS, and the rest. But the Wuhan pneumonia makes me feel extremely powerless. Most of the past epidemics were controllable, but this time, I'm petrified," says noted fear-monger *checks notes* the guy who discovered SARS
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Sorry folks, China canceled New Years. You'll have to relive 2019 all over again
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Unsure how to deal with cold weather, Florida man sets fire to his apartment to keep warm
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China reports total of 634 coronavirus cases. Which means there are waaaayyy more than 634 cases. Link goes to briefest article ever
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Chiefs fan scores free tickets to Super Bowl for being responsible designated driver
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Huanggang joins the Wuhan Lockdown Clan
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U.K residents have a bit of a shaking. One person: "What's all this, then?"
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Actual headline: Oak Island Mayor Defends Racy Mural on House. Fark: It's the Mayor's house
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Photoshop this possible alien visitor
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Couple arrested after cutting the heads off six parking meters and damaging 60 in total. Sentence expected to include eating 50 eggs
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Zombie virus outbreak being cured by robots. Vampires, ninjas being 'held in reserve' (possible nsfw content on page)
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You know it's going to be a bad morning commute when you have livestock running around NYC's Verrazzano Bridge
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Masked vigilante named 'Night Watch' patrols the streets of Winston-Salem helping those in need. What could possibly go wrong?
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Q: How do you quarantine a city? A: You don't. Surviving Farkers should plan to meet in Las Vegas
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Sure, the Washington man who has Coronavirus is in isolation with security guards and a robot with a stethoscope so that people don't have to touch him. But don't worry, it's not that dangerous
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The Barbers Hill Independent School District picks the hill they will die on, will not be bullied into giving up their freedom to force a black kid with dreadlocks to go to a barber
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Pentagon goes through its pockets and $35 trillion falls out
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DirecTV satellite poised to blow up real good
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In case you were wondering, Australia's bushfires are still menacing the national capital, dust storms are still raging and Thor the water tanker has crashed while battling fires, killing three. Just another day in paradise
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What would your facial expression be in your mugshot if you were pulled over with $4 million worth of drugs in your car?
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Evidently somebody out there wasn't tired of farking these farking snakes, and now a snake virus is infecting humans. Samuel Jackson disapproves
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The best thing about this zookeeper's failed murder-for-hire plot is the INTENSE mullet he rocks in his mugshot
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Creepy white van stealing credit card info with big antenna is really just a businessman on vacation with his dog. Law enforcement admits "feathers got ruffled" thanks to their "confirmed criminal activity" Facebook post with picture of van
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Looks like he has the original of that
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 768: "Farkitecture 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 22, 2020 |
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Tractor trailer hauling printer ink sliced in half by a passenger train. Damage estimated to be in the billions. With video goodness
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After years of killing others, Mr. Peanut has finally died
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Fifty pounds of meth? Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend not being able to answer basic questions in Bellingham with that
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Enough is enough, I've had it with these motherfarking fake emotional support animals on my motherfarking plane
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Former Insys executive sentenced to a year and a day in jail for bribing doctors to prescribe more opioids, after judge rejected her argument that it was TOTALLY unfair to point out that she'd worked as a stripper before coming to work for Insys
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Seattle downtown core on lockdown as gunman on the loose. Several people injured, ordering decaf to calm their nerves
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🎶 Van Ecyk made a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow. Now that it's been restored, its eyes will pierce your soul. 🎶
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Ambulance crash on Southwest Side sends 4 to hospital in ambulance crash on Southwest Side sends 4 to hospital ambulance crash on Southwest Side sends 4 to hospital
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Burglar jumps from window, slips on ice, breaks leg, limps into emergency room and is promptly arrested by police. Tada, the sophisticates
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this crab
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Fark NotNewsletter: We're nutty for squirrels
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Ryanair flight fills with smoke as passengers scramble for change to pay the oxygen mask fees
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Politicians taking things literally, '80s TV, '90s bands, and of course Florida Man are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, January 12-18: Just One More Thing Edition
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Three little piglets up for adoption after being found abandoned in a park, said to prefer brick housing and hurricane shutters
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Asia taking no chances with new coronavirus as WHO meeting looms. Only time will tell, but they won't get fooled again
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Man accused of stealing $1,100 worth of lingerie, adult toys. And he has facial tattoos? What a dildo, and unable to give police the slip
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Artist colony chooses Painter as new chair. No word if poets will remain ottomans or a sculptor can be used as a chaise lounge
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The copyright on F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby" ends in 2021. Coming soon: "Jay Gatsby and the Zombie Apocalypse"
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An officer asks you to stop twerking on top of a parked car. Do you: A) Comply, B) Take off your pants and keep twerking, C) Spit at the officer, or D) Both B and C?
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Plane crashes at Corona Airport. Tecate and Dos Equis airports remain unaffected
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Two cops busted for having drunken sex in the bathroom of a government building. Yes, there are pics
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As god is my witness, I was sure the law that says you can shoot welshmen with a crossbow was an urban myth
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California police: If you see this convicted sexual predator covered in face tattoos, his name is "Pirate." Please ignore him and go about your business (w/pics)
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| (Some ET) |
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Photoshop this ironclad proof that we are being visited
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China quarantines a city of 11 million to contain the outbreak of coronavirus, zombies
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A Utah state lawmaker wants to stop cops from fishing around in consumer genealogy databases. The upside: Protects privacy (and 4th Amendment rights). The downside: That's how they nabbed the Golden State Killer
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Cop who left his 8-year-old alone and naked in a car in a bar parking lot already back at work. You look surprised
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Multiple do not enter signs, flashing lights, bollards, rumble strips, and finally an automatic gate were installed to keep people from driving into the streetcar tunnel. SUV driver: Challenge accepted
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Defendant in McStay murder trial sentenced to McGo
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Lawmakers push for stricter crane regulations in Seattle, threatening fines for workers who remove bolts from Niles or Frasier too early
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Dear future potential victims: For the last time, predators cannot combat dangerous spirits in your bodies through prayer sessions involving erotic, full body oil massages
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When in Rome, watch your step
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If you work at a winery and accidentally send 5000 litres of wine down the drain, an apology isn't going to save your job
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China changes their official tune on Coronavirus from "Nothing to see here." to "Basically, do not go to Wuhan. And those in Wuhan please do not leave the city"
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Grandma done run over her accomplice, stealing from Sunny's last Tuesday. "He fell off and this caused the complainant to fall and become run over by the passenger side rear tires, resulting in the death of the complainant,"
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Good news: puppies finding forever home. Wait, make that 'chemicals' instead of puppies and the forever home is 'your drinking water.' Also, it's not good news
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Firing a flaming projectile at the probation office will not get you off of probation
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Florida Man sues pirates over deafness caused by cannon
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Oh nothing much. Just confirmation that Ronald Reagan committed High Treason to get elected
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Researchers discover phubbing puts children at risk of depression, and also those just now learning of the term phubbing
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Note to self: Do not drop trousers and scratch ass while making sandwiches for customers at Subway (possible nsfw content on page)
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The NYC subway, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Jean-Luc Picard Metrocard, boldly going where many have gone before
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Doctors now urging men to stop using banana peelings to pleasure themselves, say they might slip and fall during the friction of the moment
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Less than a week left to vote on the name of the Mars 2020 rover name. Subby couldn't find Rover McRover Face on the list
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Rule 34 rears its ugly head in a Pornhub lawsuit, so to speak. Also, it appears Sanders hates low flush toilets as much as Trump does
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I only wanted to see you breathing in the fiberglass rain. Fiberglass rain, fiberglass rain
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On this day in history, in 1984, Apple's iconic "1984" commercial aired, heralding a bright future where no monolithic corporation forced conformity on their customers
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Today is the last day you'll be able to file for YouGetNothing.gif from the Equifax breach settlement
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"Judge Deals Blow To Woman Trying To Overrule Utah Topless Ban." Are we not doing "phrasing" anymore?
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That moment when the tarp blows away and you see the body
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Scientists drop three gator corpses to the bottom of the ocean to see who's hungry, leave perplexed after mysterious deep-sea giant devours alligator whole. Now they wonder whether it's a good idea to keep feeding the Chulthu beast (possible nsfw content on page)
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Look Up in the Sky. It's a bird It's a plane It's a...vague blue blob (possible nsfw content on page)
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French university textbook maker apologises after book suggests that the 9/11 terror attacks were "no doubt orchestrated by the CIA" to stir up the Middle East. Still won't apologize for thinking Hulk Hogan brought down the towers
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"Experts believe the boa constrictor could have been hiding in the woman's bathroom for six months. Another snake is also missing"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this confident public speaker
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'Surprised' pup gets surprise adoption in time for Woofday Wetnose Wednesday. SURPRISE!
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While awaiting trial, a Chicago madam advertised the hell out of her kinky services, and now prosecutors are demanding her remand
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Javier Ortiz, a white police officer in charge of defending officers involved in high-profile shootings of unarmed black men, has twice claimed to be black in order to get promotions. And it gets worse
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Who farked the goat?
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Terry Jones finally gets on the cart
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El Avenatto
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Court turns on lawsuit tap of officials from Michigan and Flint governments claiming "qualified immunity." Drink deep, darlings
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After massive wildfires and dust storms, Australia decided to go full Australia with "floods of deadly spiders"
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Amtrak puts locomotive in reverse, won't charge disabled users $25,000
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Cute as they are, no one wants a wombat up their passage
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Just this one time, the HOA is not the villain
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That's it - I'm off to Fisterra to sleep in the wildflowers and burn my clothes
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Brooklyn resident beats Drew to it, registers beer as his "service animal"
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What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area
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Cut one tree, $250 fine. Tally stands at $125,000 and counting
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| Tue January 21, 2020 |
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Bezos gets hacked by Saudi Prince but remains in one piece
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FBI searches Georgia landfill for missing Florida woman and several others that are probably there too. Hell, at this point the landfill should just start offering mortuary services
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Paranoid anti-government employee murders pro-government boss
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Penn State to host ghost exhibit today. Not as cool as it sounds
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Glenn Greenwald charged with Brazilian cybercrimes
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Female game developers to "League of Legends" publisher Riot games: Sex discrimination and sexual harassment were rampant in your workplace. Riot: Terribly sorry, will $10 mil make your lawsuit go away? State of CA: not so fast, let's try $400m
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Three-year-old inducted into MENSA after scoring 142 on the Stanford-Binet IQ test, while subby's 3-year-old was inducted into the Greater Springfield Preschool Hall of Shame for eating paste then flinging turdlets at the other kids, with malice
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It has long been said: 'Oft evil will doth evil mar'
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The forecast calls for chilly nights and a chance of falling iguanas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this militia
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Ever wonder why doctors don't catch the diseases of their patients? Oh wait, they do?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"It's difficult to buy lottery tickets when you're at the lighthouse all the time"
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Queen Victoria's bloomers could be yours, for a price. The price of your dignity of course
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Washington Square Park vigilante poet who's trying to stop desperate tools from hitting on women is NYC's new hero
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Donuts cleaned from expressway, fail to save The Enterprise
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Man claims his dad cooked his Fleshlight sex toy thinking it was a piece of his 'vegan meat' then posts it on Twitter. The Twitternet has a hard time believing it (possible nsfw content on page)
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Apparently, Russia's new hypersonic missile has nits and chickenpox
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Fark's favorite bridge briefly had a new contender
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School custodian fired and arrested for making the mistake of thinking boxes of candy left in the maintenance room were meant as "a year-end thank you" to the crew from staff just before Christmas break
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French strikers turn off power to Orly airport. Ya, rly
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Photoshop this pic of a partially submerged Putin
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| (Isreal 21c) |
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Smart fire hydrant senses water theft, terror. No word on ability to rebuff canines
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Chick-Fil-A discovers that anti-LGBT restaurants don't do well in a country where the men wear skirts
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Canada mobilizes its Armed forces to help dig out Newfoundland and Labrador from the effects of a monster blizzard. In other news, Canada has Armed Forces. Very polite Armed Forces, apparently
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If Pope Francis wants people to procreate he needs to stop visiting them, study finds people have less sex after his visits
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Those who hunt with muzzleloaders are a cut above the average hunter. Usually
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Man who claimed to be Ohio boy who has been missing for eight years given two years to find himself in prison
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If any of you encounter any marijuana out there that appears to have been stolen, please contact the Washington County (OR) Sheriff's office
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First U.S. case of Wuhan coronavirus hits America like that last crappy Mexican beer after a night out in college
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"This is your captain speaking; I need your clothes, boots and your motorcycle" (possible nsfw content on page)
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Never ones to give up on the clone stamp tool, Iran says two missiles were fired at downed Ukrainian airliner
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Commercial for coffee features lesbian teen make out session and tolerance. But most of us missed the last part
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They finally figured out who makes wikiHow's bizarre art
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Leaking stolen information doesn't work out for Glenn Greenwald the second time around
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Do not drag race through a construction zone in the middle of the day while transporting three inmates, Mr. deputy who was also involved in a choking incident in which another inmate died
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Couple cancels wedding after learning they may soon be brother and sister
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Bill would create 32-hour work week in Washington State, which is nowhere near enough time to get all your on-the-clock websurfing done
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Iranian leader promises 'manly' revenge for Soleimani killing, which probably involves leaving toilet seats up all across the United States
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German man jailed for prank phone calls where he talked women into self-administration of electric shocks. Judge Rotenberg Center unavailable for comment
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Today's finally the day when eating Tide Pods wasn't the stupidest thing you've ever seen
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Men use forklift, cherry picker to steal 2-ton safe. Fark: One of them was wearing an ankle monitor
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"Please pay £100 for staying too long in our car park" "I have doorcam evidence and a shop receipt proving I didn't stay in the car park at all" "Please pay £160 for staying too long in our car park"
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Your attention please... would the passenger with the WiFi called "Remote Detonator" please go with the nice officers? On a related note, tell us your favorite wifi network names
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Angelic 'Jesus' cloud spotted over homes in Willenhall, England, debates whether to turn into a tornado and wipe out all the heathens below (possible nsfw content on page)
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Prince Harry deported to Canada. Says he's not from there
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Coronavirus is coming to kill you. Really? I've drank a lot of those before and while I felt like I might die the next day, I never did
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Photoshop this wall-o-bookshelves
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Rockets fall inside Baghdad's Green Zone. Damn, the NBA is really trying to expand
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"'I love this. This is like the Super Bowl for the Second Amendment right here,' said P.J. Hudson, a truck driver from Richmond who carried an AR-15 rifle just outside Capitol Square"
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Georgia jail depriving inmates of water for "days" in defiance of law, sense
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Welp, nice knowin' y'all
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Alabama allows 2,000 more lynchings to be public knowledge
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Just how small is his penis?
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Target employee earns $30K bonus after telling customer "no"
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When it absolutely, positively, has to have the Florida tag overnight
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Drivers in Australia to be fined $11,000 for throwing lit cigarettes out of cars. Which in NYC would be enough money to buy a whole new carton
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Vegan arrested after his pitbull performs the hind lick maneuver on him
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Coyote messes with the wrong pup, killed in hand-to-hand combat
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The TSA announces that Atlanta and Dallas led the nation in their annual "shucks, where did I leave that gun?" contest
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