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| Sun January 19, 2020 |
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"Oh what a day, what a lovely day" Dust storm in Australia shows "Fury Road" was a documentary
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Methodist church has message from God to Boomers: "Get out"
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How stupid do you have to be when you have to be rescued from a tree after your kayak overturns in January in Pennsylvania?
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Photoshop Theme: a friar, a dryer, and a pyre
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Just some news about a dentist performing a tooth extraction on a sedated patient. Fark: While riding a hoverboard and recording the procedure so he could send the video to his friends
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Whatever happened to just getting leid in Hawaii?
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Photoshop this sassy grandfather
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If you're going to steal a running car with a pit bull inside, you might as well crash immediately into a power pole before the dog has a chance to kill you
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TX DMV to KGAF radio owner wanting station callsign on personalized plates: LOL, NO, GFY, KTHXBYE
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Fark ready headline: "Oregon marijuana sales 420% stronger near Idaho"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Meanwhile, in SW Missouri, tomorrow is "White Day"
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Smoking is still bad for you, but it can make you richer
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Not News: Conductor asks passenger to give up her seat. 1950s News: A black passenger. Wait, this isn't 1950: the president of the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund
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♫ ♬ So ship yourself some dirt so your kid's not birthed on foreign land. If you wanna be born in Texas, ya gotta have some soil in a pan ♬ ♫
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What do you do with a bike trail that's become a homeless encampment? Fark: a mile-long homeless encampment
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Can't get your opiate of choice?..Try anti-diarrhea medicine (constipation tri-fecta in play)
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Someone filed a class-action lawsuit challenging federal asset theft. Why didn't anyone try this sooner?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Anubis and friends
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CSB Sunday Morning: When did you first realize you were truly an adult?
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Bank robber's pillow case disguise had no eye holes after deciding to operate purely on blind faith
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Slow and low barbecue soothes tensions of everyday life, right? (note the tag)
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Pilot: Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff. *Short Pause* Pilot: Flight attendants, prepare for landing
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Furries improve everything ... including stopping an assault on an Uber driver
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"Good fences make good neighbors." Unless you are a church. And you want a spite fence because you have a beef with the antique shop next door. Then it is up for debate. A Frosty one, at that
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Jersey town that couldn't get a real groundhog for their Groundhog Day now have a human mascot in a groundhog costume, townspeople now waiting to vote whether "it does or doesn't see the stuffed animal's shadow"
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'Oh Bother'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man goes full Elvis, dies after pooping with excessive force
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Meet the Yanks who tried to take out the British monarchy. You better believe she's on there
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Scary things are afoot at the Circle K
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| Sat January 18, 2020 |
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Blob killed 62,000 murres in unprecedented event of unintelligible Fark headline (warning: shows dead murres)
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These disasters could happen at any moment and kill us all. Supervolcano, asteroid, megathrust, or zombies? Pick your poison
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Navy to name new $13 billion aircraft carrier after Pearl Harbor hero who manned machine gun to fight off Japanese aircraft, also first African American to receive the Navy Cross for valor
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"Bald eagles dying from lead poisoning caused by ammunition" is a single cheeseburger and a Coors Lite away from collapsing into a singularity of the American condition
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Even country-looting foreign plutocrats can't afford Manhattan real estate these days
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these mouth watering monkey fingers
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Lord tunderin jaysus, 'tis a real screecher today, b'y
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Another warehouse of undistributed FEMA aid revealed in Puerto Rico. Wait... "another one"?
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Want to be fat and stupid? Use marijuana
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English royal will give up his official title for the woman he loves. This is not a repeat from 1936
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"Next stop: Boulder" "But Mr. Conductor, isn't this a St. Louis to Kansas City line?"
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Hope you weren't trying to escape the midwest this weekend
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Photoshop these totally flaccid mushrooms
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America: Try and stop us
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Not News: Man smuggles mobile phone into jail. News: Guards allowed him to keep it during booking. Fark: Phone is confiscated when inmate asks guard to charge it. Double Fark: 12-year prison sentence for phone possession in jail
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Royal Caribbean: Here are videos of grandpa leaning out the window, proving he knew it was open before dropping the baby out. Family: Well there are 11 other cameras that could exonerate him. This is unfair
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Doesn't he know he can't park up there?
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Cryonics firm is stiffed for preserving millionaire's head
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If the catastrophic Australian wildfires don't kill you, the lifesaving rains will
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Man in Speedo raises money for charity by attempting to join the Proclaimers
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TikTok Nation thinks the Cereal Challenge is gr-r-r-r-r-eat
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Need to straighten your teeth? Do it yourself. What could possibly go wrong?
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That China virus. Pretty bad, right? Wrong. It's worse
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Guantanamo Bay commander convicted of lying about a man's death on base. You can't handle the truth
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Well that test of faith failed
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Photoshop this study in curves
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Millennials discover Friday nights without booze and act like they invented it. Obviously haven't heard of the 1920s
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Cat loses his ears due to medical issues, gets a new set crocheted for him just in time for Caturday
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After enduring days of heavy snow that shut down roads and other infrastructure, residents in rural parts of Washington greet DOT plow drivers by throwing shovels at them and climbing on top of their trucks to yell at them
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| (Some Guy) |
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That's not how you're supposed to launder money
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Woman pays $53,000 to settle lawsuit filed by her HOA for feeding birds, like vultures, along with raccoons, bobcats, alligators
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Amtrak: You want a one-way ticket from Chicago to Bloomington, Illinois? That'll be $16 each. Oh, some of you are in wheelchairs? That'll be $25,000, please
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Portland Bike Theft Task Force has bike stolen
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Whooping cough is getting whoopier
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Everything you need to know about million-dollar Rolexes, except that you can't afford one
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Ok, let's look at this thing from a standpoint of status...what do we have on the aircraft that's *good*?
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| Fri January 17, 2020 |
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If you're that conscious of your gambling addiction that you self-impose a ban from every betting shop in the county, then apply for, and accept a job offer from a gambling shop, there's a good chance you haven't really got your shiat together
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News - compensation awarded in case of movie actor mauled to death by dog. Fark - actor was a chicken and the compensation was for her acting lessons
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There are important things in life. Getting the right price on a toothbrush from Target is not one of those things
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Trying to revive Where in the World is Carmen San Diego, Canada says black boxes from Ukranian airliner shot down in Iran should be sent to France for analysis by Americans
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"Broadway violinist performs for abused animals". Haven't they suffered enough?
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Old and Busted: Draping yourself in lead for an X-ray. New Hotness: Eh, you're good
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Um, that's not for car parking. That's for shopping cart parking. You know what, never mind, we'll work around you
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Mrs Ho arrested for operating brothel. Day-Day unavailable for comment
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"...but apart from that, what else have the Romans ever done?"
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Researchers at Cal poly San Luis Obispo have discovered how to get blood from a stone
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Here's how to harness the energy of Uranus
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"Hey, do you know who donated that couch I just bought? Because I think they forgot something they hid in there"
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If your water in Flint is still brown, it may not be just lead, this time
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Nothing to worry about, the government's just gonna immediately (today) start screening thousands of travelers for a new Chinese virus, you know, just to be safe
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HBO announces that, on second thought, it won't be allowing the two men who destroyed GoT to produce a new slavery fanfic series
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News: Bodies found at airplane crash site. Fark: The crash was in 1973 and there were no fatalities
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Food court customers get revenge for Pearl Harbor and small portion sizes
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The secret to Betty White's longevity is plenty of wieners
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Q: How many politicians on typewriters does it take to "accidentally" reproduce Nazi propaganda? A: One Brazilian
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'Gettysburg Reenactment canceled because of Glenn Beck's visit to Gettysburg, but promised for 2021' Man this timeline is strange
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Januhairy is the pits
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Crews round up over 1,700 piglets after a semi overturns. Not easy, but the real challenge was finding enough blankets
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It's the 100th anniversary of the 18th amendment. Drink up
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Australian town flooded by a caravan of illegal emus
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Some people just can't function until they have had their coffee
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Totally ripped Edinburgh brothers smash world record for rowing across the Atlantic Ocean by six days
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Fed-Ex delivery drivers caught on video working in an efficient manner
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While American cops are busy shooting family pets for no reason, police in Wales find a horse running loose in the middle of a main road and put it on the next bus home
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Problem: You've got some vacation time coming up, but you're a miserable wet blanket of a human being who is absolutely incapable of relaxing, having fun, or doing anything that you can't use to virtue signal. Wat do?
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Andrew Wakefield, still trying to kill us all, and he has help
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Drugs are bad, mkay? They make you do stupid shiat like eating your mom's cremated remains
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Photoshop Neil Armstrong's lightsaber
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Fark-ready headline: Deaf man sues Pornhub over lack of closed captioning
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This is what a million pound coin looks like, and it is super hard to lift, too (possible nsfw content on page)
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Easy-to-catch ISIS warlord nabbed from his hiding place by SWAT team because he's so fat he needed to be carried around in back of pick-up truck (possible nsfw content on page)
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"Why isn't it creepy for you to know when the next bus is due, but it is creepy for the bus company to know that you're waiting for a bus?"
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Here is your real-life Joker, who killed his wife and collected her insurance. Difficulty: Locked in Arkham Asylum for life
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That Utah condom story that just broke has caused a much bigger mess than expected
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Over 170 visitors to Yosemite National Park sickened by norovirus. NPS rangers got a little lackadaisical in wiping down surfaces of cliff faces and Yosemite toads
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Mayor Anne Hidalgo vowed to make Paris bicycle-friendly in one year. She succeeded
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Truly this is the worst disaster to ever happen. Beware. Say a prayer. Hug your children. Innocent beer has been harmed. It's a bad day for Canada and therefore the world
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She was just test driving the vehicle. Police asked how long she had been test driving it. "A couple of months"
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Man bitten by shark south of Wollongong. Thank goodness
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Old and busted: Swallowing Tide Pods. New Hotness: "You become a big ball of fire"
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Municipal court judge removed from bench and disbarred for fixing 4 traffic tickets... *squints, puts on glasses* ...er, that's 4,000. He fixed 4,000 traffic tickets
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| Thu January 16, 2020 |
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"Teacher of the Year" kneels during anthem at college football championship "to stand up for marginalized people." Bonus: Trump was attending the game
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Perhaps that Mike Tyson tribal face tattoo wasn't a good idea after all
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| (Some Guy) |
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Helpful unicorn spotted clearing snow for his neighbors
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Old person wonders if it is discrimination that her car insurance went up due to her age. She could always ask young males who just got their license and pretty much any minority about what makes your rates higher
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Storm expected to bring rain and snow to southern California, threatening closure of the Grapevine. Remember, you heard it through here first
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Coming soon to a northern state near you. Good luck. You're gonna need it
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Nine-year-old boy no-sells dyslexia, makes a portrait of John Cena using 750 Rubik's Cubes
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And as the undertow pulled her away from shore, her cries of thanks became one with the waves
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Woman walks naked through Miami Air-------- and you already clicked the link
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this charging phone
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"Futuristic thief" steals television while floating on hover shoes. Marty McFly wanted for questioning
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Now wait just a darn minute. I thought the rule was that if I build something on county land that means the land becomes mine. Are you trying to tell me that my neighbor would lie to me?
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You gave a customer gas money from your own pocket so they can get home on Christmas Eve? That's a firing
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Not news: Traffic in downtown Austin is hell today. Fark: Literally
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Houston apparently has a "bloodthirsty squirrel" problem
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Meth seizures have quadrupled. I didn't even know that was a side effect
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Rev. Schindler of the FUMC, Rev. Bolger of the BUMC, Phil of the BFUMC, and Baber of the SPUMC debate LGBTQ+ issues in the UMC. Got that?
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On this day in history, in 1945, Nazi leader Adolf Hitler descended into his bunker to begin recording Downfall video memes
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I mean, isn't that what binge drinking is?
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Mexico City says pee is one of the top causes of escalator breakdowns
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Shoe that makes runners go faster may be banned because it makes runners go faster
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Kansas nuclear missile silo converted into castle now on the market for you wannabe nuke overlord types
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Video of two pedestrians almost getting hit by a collapsing building just as a firetruck was on its way back from a previous call
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Note to self: Don't be a lonely pig farmer and die by yourself, your pigs will not miss you. Not one bit of you (possible nsfw content on page)
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Most of you uneducated philistines don't even know how to properly diagram a sentence anymore. And don't even get me started on your cursive
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Man sentenced to 42 months in prison for stealing people's mail, presumably on a Friday night
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Photoshop this big dump
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Moron: I'll just use this 360-foot rope to descend into the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone river - it can't be much deeper than that, can it? Narrator: The canyon was a lot deeper than that
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"Um, flight attendant, I really hate to bother you, but I notice you've provided us with a flaming engine. Will we be charged for it? I see. And the dry cleaning for our pants?"
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Texas inmate executed for killing his wife in 2005. Why we're just hearing about this now, I dunno
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Old & busted: Polishing your resume to impress HR. New insanity: Polishing your acting skills to fool the AI robot that's analyzing your video interview and making hiring decisions on the spot
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Man points bow at car in road rage incident. No word if police informed him that it still only counted as one
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Virginia man allegedly coordinated swatting activities for racist group and decided to swat a security reporter. Let's see how it worked out
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is National Nothing Day, invented to give Americans a day where they celebrate nothing. So here's how to celebrate it
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More than 20,000 women have applied to be the girlfriend of a divorced 44-year old Japanese businessman and amateur astronaut who is looking for a "life partner" on reality TV. Did I forget to mention he's a billionaire? 'cause that seems important
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I wonder if they saw it coming
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Maybe Joe should have tried peeing on the volcano
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To keep Florida judges from slapping people who accidentally sleep in and miss jury duty with jail sentences, two state legislators say they want to change state law
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Man with load of cocaine in his hat says it's not his
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| (Some Guy) |
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Two months ago, Zombo celebrated its 20th birthday. Here's a link to a webcast of the festivities
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| (Some New Wave Guy) |
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Time for another dive into the historical vaults of alt, post-punk, new wave, etc, including Cabaret Voltaire, Wire Train, and World Party. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on PastFORWARD #116. Starts at 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Man posts swastika, hateful language on condo, yells at reporters to "Call the White House"
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Like Trump, Bernie Sanders is no fan of "slow flushing toilets," according to his 2020 tour rider
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Here's some mugshot goodness right before the weekend. He's holding one in, get a haircut, and who farted?
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Natural Light giving free 'beer' to anyone turning 21 this year
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Chair of Drexel University's engineering department took $185,000 in research grant money and blew it on strippers and iTunes. Investigators want to know: iTunes?
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Sometimes, you need to find your own entertainment, as this kid has done by gluing objects owned by his father to the ceiling every day until his dad notices
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Virginia is, again, attempting to pass a law that would ban drivers from using handheld devices or having open containers of alcohol in their cars. In other news, Virginia drivers are allowed to have open containers of alcohol in their cars
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Not content with angering the fire gods, Australia must have annoyed the hail gods, too
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New virus that started in China has spread to Japan and could make its way across the globe
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Photoshop this puttin' in the paddy
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The new Sheriff of Orleans doesn't care what you may think of her Louis XIV hairstyle
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Utah's interesting take on branded condoms has been halted. Not sure if it was the "SL,UT," or the "Toss the jello salad" that did it. With helpful pics of said condom pack slogans and others that are...amusing, to put it mildly
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Prosecutor resigns after being arrested for shoplifting at the grocery store, $400 worth
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Get a job, please: Canadians don't want to cover costs for Prince Harry, Meghan Markle
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New generation of Neo-NEETs still don't want to be in work or school, prefer sponging treats off rich folk on social media. "Mere possession of things no longer gives the pleasure it used to. One alternative is to support interesting lifestyles"
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Purple haze all in my brain. Lately the sky, it don't look the same
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Pope Francis names first woman to top Vatican post, although she's still not in charge of the porn stash
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Ontario court allows anonymous internet posters to be sued for thousands for defamatory statements, you mangy pest of a filthy dog
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If stalking you and smearing a heart made of bodily fluids on your window is wrong, I don't want to be right
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Denver International Airport responds to noise complaints, 25 years in advance
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18 terabytes? More like 18 pedobytes
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 767: "Curves 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 15, 2020 |
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The best country in the world to raise a child? It's not America, survey finds
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Auto club gives tips for cocaine users
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Take note, Farkers. "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds" does not apply to meth
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Like a frozen set of nesting tables made of irony, a university cancels mass snowball fight due to overnight snowfall...in Canada
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Old and busted: doing extra assignments for better grades. New hotness: Follow the prof on Twitter to get better grades
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Suspects arrested in theft of 1967 Chevelle. No word if owner will be sending the pain below
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The past decade was the hottest decade ever recorded in human history, beating out the previous record holder which was the decade right before it. This is fine
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| (Some Strands) |
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Photoshop this windswept sculpture
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War between Great Ormond Street surgeons puts patients at risk, review says. Although if they're just doing surgery out on the street, how great could they be?
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So the company that's poised to dismantle the Indian Point nuclear power plant in New York State is only 'incentivized to maximize their profit'? What could possibly go wrong?
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Crystal Geyser Springwater dumped arsenic into waterways, thus ensuring continued customer demand for their product
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Sure, I know Larry. We fought in 'Nam together man
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The Duchess of Sussex on the Seaplane. Did she sell seashells on the seashore?
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Her beauty makes her a mark for predators, unsolicited duck pics
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The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, but the shrapnel from exploding chemical plants tends to land on a guy named Sergio
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Spotify launches playlists for dogs left home alone. Your dog wants reggae
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On this day in history, in 1919, the Great Boston Molasses Flood killed twenty-one people, a horrifying event which is commemorated every rush hour when the streets of Boston are flooded with different kinds of asses
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Your daily dose of WTF is this about
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Boomer asks if it's okay to say "Okay Boomer"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this glowing globe
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The UN is warning people who want to be the best cryptocurrency thieves to stay away from the best cryptocurrency conference, which just happens to be in faaaaaaabulous Best Korea
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Todts bis todt? Germans vacationing in Florida not surprised. Not concerned
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Good luck finding erotic hypnosis content online these days. The internet HATES it
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Truck driver says he had no idea that he was pushing a car onto the shoulder (with scary video)
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Freedom-class ships upgraded to Venator-class ships
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It's bad enough for a zoo to lose one lion, but losing a second lion in two weeks has to be some kind of zoo record
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There is no such thing as an "alpha male human," so get that Dothraki paint off your face and go love somebody
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♫ ♫ In Butthole Lane, cheeky Brits are taking photographs - What was town council thinking we will never know ♫ ♫
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Microburst gives school gym a wedgie on camera
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Of course your cat loves you. Your cat loves you so much that it'll happily eat your corpse
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Farker Forty-Two, wife of long-time Farker BKITU, has been assassinated by cancer. She no longer has life, but the universe and everything are better for her having been here
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"Ms Houska said the agent pulled her braids behind her shoulders, "laughed and said 'giddyup' as she snapped my braids like reins"
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The Army's new sighting system for shooting around corners might be as reckless as the old way of shooting around corners without looking
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Latest Megxit hullabaloo: Baby Archie will develop a Canadian accent & sound like a degen from up-country, eh
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Shopkeeper: "Meh, so you're robbing my store ...anything else? Meh" (possible nsfw content on page)
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I think it is fair to say that Thomas Markle won't be getting a Father's Day card from Meghan anytime soon
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Iran arrests person who filmed the missile strike on the Ukrainian airliner. Charges include breaches of national security and vertical videoing
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Stephen King doesn't consider diversity when it comes to his Oscar votes. Just make good movies. Problem: he wrote this on Twitter
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100 years ago tonight it was last call for the 1920s for the US
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Global warming means rising water levels which mean dam failures so if you're near the Mississippi River you might want to dust off your swamp boat
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Hey kid, sorry your parents died. Now get the fark out
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Apparently the city of Chicago has a bit of a problem with a Christian ministry opening up housing for sex offenders right next door to a children's playground, although you do have to admire the potential efficiency of that setup
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As God as my witness, I did not think pigs could fly into a millionaire's pool (possible nsfw content on page)
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'Meth-induced paranoia' + AR-15 + Oklahoma RV Park
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Photoshop what this train driver sees
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Pit bull goes from dog fighting to fire fighting. Please welcome Hansel, a K9 arson detective to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday thread
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Being pantsless and trying to break into a home through a doggy door is no way to get through life, sir
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The Texas Incel Semen Tsunami's a-comin', y'all
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City: these new LED streetlights will save us $400,000 per year. Electric Co: sure, if we bothered to adjust your bill, but uh, we forgot
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The Khalil Mack Foundation donated $80,000 to pay off layaways at a Walmart store. Turns out there was only $60,000 in layaway balances at that store. I wonder what happened to the extra money
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Aggressive squirrels terrorizing Tampa Bay family in their condo. Hey, now I have a name for my garage band
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| (Some Guy) |
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Could a one dollar chill pill be the key to personal productivity? Soma time soon
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Get in that barrel, darling an' we'll do it hurricane style
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I'm not saying it's cold in western Canada right now but the Calgary Zoo kept their penguins inside today
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Maybe TSA was on the ball after all when they banned nail clippers
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It's a story of nine lives, three coyotes, and a house cat named Max with zero farks to give
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McDonald's worker seen with his hands down his pants, apparently searching for the special sauce
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Jet fuel can't melt monkey bars
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The Golden Globes, weird stuff at the CES, and overseas philatelic endeavors are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, Jan 4-11: Stupid Tech Edition
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A British company will sell knives with square tips after a sharp rise in knife crime. What's the point?
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Fark-ready headline: "Maryland school district studies how 2-ply toilet paper will affect its bottom line"
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The instructions were clear: Take two inches of Jack Daniels and park your truck in the pool
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"Cardinal denies he manipulated retired pope on celibacy book." Read into that what you will
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I don't know about a chicken bacon ranch sandwich, but a half gallon of Colt 45 works every time
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Most wastelanders opted for the cheaper Rad-X, as opposed to the more effective Rad-Away
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Fark NotNewsletter: 2020's full
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Photoshop this dog going after a treat
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If you don't want to fight the crowds visiting the Sistine Chapel in Rome, there's a more accessible one in a church in Sussex
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Nice, a sacred Machu Picchu temple FOR ME TO POOP ON
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Bus Ride to the Center of the Earth opens in China
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Pro tip #1: If you're going to intentionally hit a motorcyclist with your SUV, don't volunteer to show your dash-cam footage to the police. Pro tip #2: Don't fight with the police after they arrest you for violating tip #1
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♪ Some day you'll find it, the Christian school rainbow-expelling connection, for 15-year-old girls who like rainbows, and thee. La lala la lala la la la lala la la la
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Dark and lonely on the summer night. Kill my landlord, kill my landlord. Watchdog barking - Do he bite? Kill my landlord, kill my landlord
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Terrified villagers flee homes in India as crazed gang of 400 taunted dynamite monkeys terrorize and plunder village (possible nsfw content on page)
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No matter what the charges are, it's best to have a good mugshot
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Photoshop this beary tree
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FOLLOW-UP: The missing autistic teen found at a gate in Orlando International Airport didn't used a drink coupon to pass through security. She found another passenger's boarding pass and used that; TSA doesn't require ID for anyone under age 18
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AI clergy perform religious sermons in Japan, funerals in China. Remains to be seen about when the Father O'Malley TouchBot will appear in the US
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Abe and Abu Dhabi prubince mubeet
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Rough camera sex, who knew it was a thing among Komodo dragons (possible nsfw content on page)
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Tattoo Archive in Winston-Salem preserves history of tattoos, poor decision making
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Indian tribe to build casino near world's largest Navy base in easiest business decision ever
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If your life is actually an action movie and/or you were hoping to one day to date a smoking hot cartel assassin, I've got some bad news for you (PNSFW video)
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Alabama man about to stand trial for the 1990 strangulation of his wife is set free instead... because someone else stepped forward and confessed, providing details only the killer would know. Whoopsie!
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Iran is going to fast-track some people to the firing squad over that downed plane, so hey protesters, we cool now, right?
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Custody battles can be contentious, but usually don't get to 'trial by combat' with samurai swords
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A top-secret Russian spy satellite that was reportedly designed to inspect and destroy enemy satellites in orbit just "disintegrated" in space ... probably shot down by Space Force (possible nsfw content on page)
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14-year-old girl repeatedly tries to report abuse at the hands of her stepfather, but nobody believes her because he is a "prominent business owner," so she resorts to a very 21st century solution: planting hidden video cameras around the house
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WNITE PowER
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Well, one way to keep Scotland from breaking away from the UK is to forbid them to have a second referendum
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60-year-old babysitter arrested after 4-year-old found naked outside in January says she fell asleep after drinking a Four Loko
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The OC sets up flu quarantine tents after first flu death. This is not a rerun episode of "Fear the Walking Dead"
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WHO says new China virus could spread. Subby doesn't know, but it sounds pretty serious
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Scottish kiltmaker producing vegan-friendly kilts. Presumably one which only covers the two veg
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NYC's housing projects are in such bad shape, they need $40 billion in repairs - $100,000 for every person who lives there
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Duchess of Rutland suggests revamp of McDonalds menu as England's smallest county debates granting planning permission for a drive-thru. Pheasant nuggets anyone?
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Kids: how is babby formed? Parents: this is an outrage
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Library takes 25 years to notice that they were missing $8 million worth of rare books, plates and maps. Late fees said to be staggering
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The world's oceans are warming at the same rate as if 5 Hiroshima atomic bombs were dropped into the water every second. Is that bad? That seems bad
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Washington, DC is not just the capitol of the United States, it's the bedbug capitol too
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Remember when you could literally buy cocaine accessories in magazines?
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If Big Ben chimes on "Brexit Day," it could cost $500,000
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Photoshop this performing pair
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When the story includes the phrase, "dental hygiene student-turned-Instagram model" and the law, you know it's got to be...well, not good, but amusing at least
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Meanwhile in Canada, while on his way to the hockey rink a man was given a $240 ticket for driving with an unsecured load on top of his vehicle. The unsecured material in question was snow
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Man gets locked inside "24 Hour Fitness" when employees close up for the night, decides to have some fun
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If your penis is stuck in a pipe, go see a doctor sooner rather than later
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Police? Arrest people for the crime of being black? The hell you say
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Resourceful mom finds everything she needs at local Walmart to build a bomb to set off right there in the scented candle aisle
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Australia: Thank goodness the wind has finally blown some of our smoke away to the East. Hey, what's that funny cloud coming from the West?
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Man buys old firehouse that is advertised as a "unique residential dwelling." Three years and multiple renovations later, the same city that sold him the property is suing him for using it as a residential dwelling instead of as a firehouse
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Two months after severe floods, Venice canals almost dry. Dry canal jokes about Subby's mom to the right
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It was like the trolley problem, except with a silver Uber and not a trolley, and with the owner of a notorious towing company jumping in front rather than an innocent on the rails. So nothing like the trolley problem, but still morally complex
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Goofus forces the police to go out and find him when driving with a .271 BAC, Gallant courteously crashes his car directly into the police station to save them the trouble
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The orange tip was a clue
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"We've got hellish blizzards, whiteouts, and black ice. You know what we need?" "A 75 MPH speed limit?" "Exactly. What's the worst that could happen?"
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| Mon January 13, 2020 |
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Probably because most of us have just switched to hard liquor at this point
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Think Meghan and Harry are overreacting to their treatment by the British press? Here are 20 specific examples proving you barmy
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Remember holding signs up to the back seat car window when you were a kid? Yeah, kids still do that
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With the Titans one game away from the Super Bowl, Titans head coach Mike Vrabel would like to let everyone know that he was joking when he said he'd cut off his own penis if the Titans win the Super Bowl this year
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Iran denies shooting protesters calling for action against Iranian officials who denied shooting down a passenger plane that they eventually admitted to shooting down
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Florida Man - Look there is just too much going on here so lets just go with Florida Man struts his stuff, almost shot down
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Photoshop these eerie equines
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Florida... gets something right? And becomes one of the first states to use data-driven analysis to track criminal-justice outcomes
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Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) picks up the swing through the alphabet at the letter "R", probably the first of two weeks there
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British socialite shares lifehack for funding jet-setting lifestyle
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Man takes erectile dysfunction pill meant for bulls, ends up with three day T-boner (possible nsfw content on page)
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The 'orgy stone' of Merton which if moved causes "erotic debauchery" and maybe the end of the world. Well, challenge accepted
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Study shows animals are too stupid to know high radiation zones are uninhabitable
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What if instead of Bugs Bunny playing the Roadrunner in "Hare-Breadth Hurry", Elmer Fudd played Wile E. Coyote's role, and Wile played the Roadrunner's part? An Iowa man decides to roleplay that
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Record number of men that had a snapped penis, in an article that you don't want to read for something that is too painful to think about
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Earth's oldest trees will likely outlive us humans because they are post-apocalyptic trees
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DMVs in multiple states experiencing system outage in driver's license processing system. Guess what line subby was in when he found out. Go ahead, guess
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Their love is "stronger than ever" despite the husband not having a penis anymore. For one thing, she has more hat-buying time
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Photoshop this creepy-ass seal
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Star Wars fan makes bulletproof stormtrooper suit. Shoots at it multiple times, misses (possible nsfw content on page)
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Boob plates, apparently not to be confused with breastplates, "are already a strong contender for fashion item of the year." Unlikely tag obscured by the glare of the boobies tag
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Two Canadian guys start sex doll rental service. Eeeeeuw. Eh (possible nsfw content on page)
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Supreme Court gets uptight about being upright and perky, refuses to "Free the Nipple" in topless women case
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Doctors: Pot overuse can bring on permanent psychosis in some users. I don't know, Snoop and Willie seem fine to me
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Forbes' list of the top 10 journalism sources that provide actual fact-based news instead of alternative facts does not include Forbes
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Missing teen with autism gets through TSA PreCheck at Orlando International Airport using an airline drink coupon instead of an ID
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Practicing yoga might help this Tarantino fan with his temper
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Buy the lakefront home of your dreams today Must act fast; motivated seller. Can't emphasize "today" enough
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"Thank you for flying Hong Kong Express Airways with direct flights to Saipan. Please have your ticket, passport and negative pregnancy test ready for inspection before boarding"
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Smart enough to be a medical student, dumb enough to drink and jump between rooftops
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Office treats have a way of bringing out the worst of humanity. Anyone have a good story from their own office?
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The story of one New York librarian's 25-year campaign to keep "Goodnight Moon" out of children's hands
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Stunned witnesses stop in their tracks as biblical prophecy finally gets 'fulfilled' as floodwater 'flows from Jerusalem into Dead Sea'...either that or it's just raining more than usual there (possible nsfw content on page)
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Beautician Instagram model ignores several warning signs, and a FENCE to get that perfect shot of her looking cute on a seaside cliff. You'll never guess what happens next
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Porch pirate ends up with 2 pounds of Pez
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It was a perfect day. The bridesmaids were adorable, dad didn't start a fight and we even had a volcano erupting
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New pope: is there really still a reason priests cant get laid? Old pope: Priests cant get laid because reasons. Trolling LDS: we always believed you need to get laid to get into heaven
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Couple sell everything they own in order to drive around the country with their two children, presumably to solve mysteries
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Honest farmer tried to follow the hemp growing laws, and got arrested and saw his $1 million crop bulldozed for his troubles
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Jeff Bezos donates $690,000 to Australia bush fire relief. Cheap bastard
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Photoshop these Darling Children
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Iran begins applying recent air traffic control measures to people protesting recent air traffic control measures
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And so it begins: Man builds bulletproof stormtrooper suit with 3-D printer
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Delta Airlines workers getting robotic exoskeletons so they can more powerfully mangle your luggage
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May the autographed record be with you, always
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A cure for sickle cell disease? Thanks Obando
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Bad kitty
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1,200 buildings, 100 trains, and 8 miles of track. (It's only a model)
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The only thing injured was her pride as reporter falls for drop bear tale
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Georgia cop hit by train while chasing a suspect. Bonus: His body cam is running the whole time. Bonus bonus: he's just fine
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Whatever you do, don't choose "previously owned" when you buy diapers on Amazon
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