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| Sun December 22, 2019 |
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Help I am enslaved in a headline factory, forced to submit stories against my will
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Banksy does his own take on the Nativity in, of all places, Bethlehem
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Man shoots barber multiple times after expressing dissatisfaction over his son's haircut. Police have already cut to the chase
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Photoshop these frozen berries
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CNN's news of the decade quiz by category. Test your knowledge of the decade and see which parts you did and didn't sleep through
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Legal weed is just 10 days away. Here is everything you need to know about buying the narcotics in Illinois on January 1st
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Breweries making specialty beers to help out cancer patient, because Fark cancer
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Yikes Virginia, there's lots of ice and fog
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Happy Hanukkah, Jewish Farkers. Subby is in Tel Aviv
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Leading Canadian marijuana producer halts project to build large facility in economically troubled Alberta town in a move that is in no way related to weaker than expected sales of legal pot
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Photoshop this photographer taking a photo
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Captain Picard proves his point
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183 years later, and the Battle of the Alamo still goes on. Now it's between Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick and Land Commissioner George P. Bush
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"Baby Yoda uses a car seat, be safe he will"
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The stench was like an outhouse fire ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ That's had started with burning tires ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ But they've cleared the road to let you pass ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ And though the road still smells like ass ♪ ♫ ♬ Roll up your windows if you drive through ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ Moline
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Brazen thieves escape with several dollars worth of merchandise
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Yeah, cushy new dorms and more administrators are driving college tuition (and thus student debt) up, but they're drops in the bucket compared to the fact that state spending on college hasn't kept up with inflation
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Turns out the green ooze leaking on to a Detroit freeway is a cancer-causing chemical called hexavalent chromium, which is harmful to the respiratory system, kidneys, liver, skin and eyes. Someone call Erin Brockovich, fast
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A look back at the former glory and delight of department stores. Those were the days
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| (Some Guy) |
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Forty different ways to protect Christmas trees from pets. Post pics of your solutions
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Photoshop these radio fans
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This week in CSB Sunday Morning, it's holiday road tripping story time. Let's just hope it didn't involve a four-alarm holiday emergency
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School district opting to build the new football stadium instead of an elementary school, both of which cost about the same, would seem to be a play towards the wrong goal line
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Instant karma: Man accidentally shoots himself in the leg while trying to flee with stolen puppy
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The man who wanted to engage in a white nationalist war and was found to be a participant in domestic terrorism is using Trump's impeachment as his own defense because of course he is
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Man armed with a lightsaber causing trouble at a QuickTrip. Just another day on the mean streets of Omaha, Nebraska
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Didn't everybody have a Y2K closet growing up? "Go get some spaghetti sauce out of the Y2K closet. It's in there next to the D-cell batteries"
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A tree may grow in Brooklyn, but this Christmas tree is traveling all around New York City
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Seventy-eight foot long alligator basking in Louisiana. Bring your s'mores fixings
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We're getting closer to realizing Star Trek DS9's Sanctuary Districts
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Perp: Buy this Spam. Clerk: Eat a bag of weeners, instead
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Christmas cards from grandma were even freakier in the 1800s
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| Sat December 21, 2019 |
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Report for the state of Massachusetts says one of the groups least vaccinated for the flu is healthcare workers. Well what could go wrong
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$10,000 visit to a car dealership usually ends with a new car to show for it at least
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Hmm. Wow. Oh god. That's incredible. That's insane. Creepy. Dear god, no. Hey, fantastic. Oh no. Uh huh. Aw geez (some images may be disturbing)
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Forget killer bees. Asian Giant Hornets spotted in Washington state
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Woman gets catfished while driving
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| (Some Guy) |
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Decorate your Christmas stocking and show us what you hope will be inside
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On the anniversary of the Branch Dildonian invasion, the Hammond boys have their grazing permits revoked permanently
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I triple-dog-dare you. Times six
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Four college baseball players playing a round of golf help lift an overturned mower off a groundskeeper. Bonus: It weighed 500 lbs. Extra bonus: it was pinning him completely underwater at the time
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SSA releases list of most popular baby names of decade. "King" and "Maximus," while low on the list, did actually make the list
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| (Some Sunny Guy) |
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Sunny
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Photoshop this diminutive folding desk
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Another unforseen side effect of DNA and Ancestry sites is locating people who were abducted as babies from hospitals
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Mississippi police arrest cereal drug dealer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Cop in America's greatest state shoots himself ... while trying to shoot someone's dog
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If you filed for a cash payout from Equifax as part of the credit bureau's settlement for its massive 2017 data breach, you're not getting anywhere near that much money. Because the lawyers emptied the trough, of course
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"Downfall" parodies are now apparently too offensive for today's college students
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Photoshop theme: An improvement to Christmas
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| (Some Guy) |
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"I knew I had to do something so I ran straight up and punched it straight in the head," says Aussie dad about a python trying to take his 4yo son
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"He just showed up at the back door of the police department and that's how he got his name. Outside Cat at Rear, which spells Oscar." Welcome to Caturday
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"Little bastard shot me in the ass"
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Man takes a nap and, well, THAT escalated quickly
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You know that Italian organization that exists but doesn't exist? Italian police arrested 300 members of it
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Largest demolition company in Detroit suspended after demolishing the wrong house for the second time in 18 months. Dumbass tag fills in for Follow-Up while the latter searches for a new house
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"Mystery liquid" oozes onto Detroit freeway. RoboCop on the case
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| Fri December 20, 2019 |
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If you ever see me coming and if you know who I am ♪ ♫ Don't you breathe it to nobody 'cause you know I'm on the lam ♫ ♬ ♭ I might be in Colorado ♩ ♪ ♫ I might be hiding in the attic ♪ ♫ ♬ shoot, you found me ♪ ♫ ♬
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Two pedestrians, one in wheelchair, hit by car, and here come the pedants
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Kung Fu Nuns - what's their favorite weapon? Nun-chucks
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Man found dead in freezer had notarized letter saying his wife wasn't responsible for his death. Well that's not suspicious at all, no sir
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this jumper
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| (Some Guy) |
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Normal Police officer pleads not guilty to stealing $12k. No, that's not normal, that's not normal at all
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Tag Team Buck Battle Royale
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In Australia, even the food-borne illnesses are becoming STDs and are trying to kill you
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| (WOSU) |
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Starbuck and Apollo wanted for questioning
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"He and his mate - who was also his daughter and half-sister". It's not Alabama, it's Northern Michigan
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It's HAPPENING in the Mojave Desert: 5 earthquakes in one day rattle secretive Navy base ...which of course means the worms are on the move
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If you're an Iowan driving down the road and see what you believe to be "a Mexican," here's something you shouldn't do
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If your travel plans go awry, Burger King will be there to add insult to injury
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Elf abuse
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Photoshop this super-modern train
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Thirsty headline of the day: "Water Thieves Steal 80,000 Gallons in Australia as Our Mad Max-Style Future Becomes Reality"
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So it turns out there was plenty of PG&E smoke before the California wildfires ignited
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Sex, smoking and verbal humiliation that some men pay $300 an hour for are the latest tools to make ballet training cool again in Vienna
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If he hadn't made the main page in 2012 when he drove a tractor over six police cruisers and a van, this would just have been the Dumbass tag
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The Boston lobster war continues. Louie the Lemmon and Butters Vino wanted for questioning
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Where's Santa? Hanging out in San Diego with Ron Burgundy and living at a year-round Christmas store. You stay classy, Mr. Claus
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"The secret that makes Baby Yoda so captivating." Well, I didn't really think the Disney marketing behemoth was that much of a secret, but here we are
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In case you have ever wondered how Times Square's Naked Cowboy avoids shrinkage and keeps warm in winter
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Requirement: Driver of upgraded Belgian military armored vehicle must be 5'7" or shorter. Degree of difficulty: Average Belgian is 5'11"
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Crash-up derby isn't supposed to involve cruiseliners, right, Carnival captain? (nsfw audio)
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Music students perform concert for dogs in shelter, suggest followup poker game
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China's hinting it might open the door to same-sex marriage. Whether that's the front or back is entirely up to the loving couple
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Not news: pilot medically cleared to fly. Xmas news: Santa's reindeer medically cleared to fly
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What ever happened to people involved in lacrosse just having a good old sex scandal or some butt chugging?
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Take a gander at these two love birds-of-a-feather who've found that a singles' ads for ducks really is all it's quacked up to be after suitor fits the bill. (Warning: Article contains fowl language)
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'Maquoketa high school students play flag football with a cow tongue to talk about climate change' Yeah, we're not topping that headline today
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It turns out even Charles Dickens had trouble getting his holiday packages shipped by Christmas
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Prince Philip admitted to hospital with 'pre-existing condition'. Pre-existing condition is known as BEING 98 YEARS OLD
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Iowa man wants coyote back as emotional support animal, doesn't realize it's trapped under an emotional support anvil
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Police catch armed robber after using DNA he left behind after face-planting on a door
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As God is my witness, I was just scratching an itch
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Theme: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Link goes to inspiration
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Mum says Elf On The Shelf is what's for Christmas dinner with yummy prank
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Jesus Christ, it's a sea lion GET IN THE BOAT
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Police officer stops moving car with his bare hands, redirects it away from children. Take that, cosplayers
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Boeing Starliner flies into wrong orbit, jeopardizing trip to Space Station. Now Bungling Starliner may soon be docking in a parallel universe
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How 11-year-old girls experience the internet
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Christian megachurch is trying to resurrect a dead 2-year-old. Jesus Christ
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To the left, the 10 bestest Christmas songs. To the right, aww who cares. We all know subby's taste is perfect
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Two teens injured themselves trying to stab a man on a bus. They're doing it wrong
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So about the Department of Defense posting a picture of a Nazi who killed American POWs during the Battle of the Bulge. Was that wrong? Should we not have done that? Were they the baddies? Are we? Because there were very good people on both sides
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Texas police rudely interrupt Rise of Skywalker
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The luxury yacht market in Miami is heating up
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One resident called the police department to let them know that the holiday speed cameras gave him "the giggles"
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| Thu December 19, 2019 |
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Fox news suddenly explained in a headline
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German Jack Nicholson decides he doesn't want to die alone; offers free room and board for 10 people under 70 to live in a communal situation on his estate in New Zealand
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Branch Dildoian update: You did Nazi see this coming
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Gene Masseth has to take a cab now
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Intuit CEO explains that their agreement whereby the IRS does not provide free tax software: "We do this for good; this is a philanthropic effort"
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Florida vegans cherish all life, except for their own children
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According to the headline, the first two days of living next to a barricaded gunman was pretty low stress. Some people are on edge now that we're on day 3. It is Detroit, so props for accuracy?
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As your attorney, I advise you to avoid these properties no matter how cheap they seem
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Two friends decide they're not buddies anymore over a bong hit
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156 guns seized after Anaheim man trips own burglary alarm, roommate invites police to investigate
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Trans dancer wins suit against pasties allowing more nudity
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Drunk driving reaches a new low with a crash into a parked helicopter
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Photoshop this majestic birb
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Want to work your full time job with your baby in tow? If you are a state employee in New Hampshire, you are in luck
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Meet MAMBO-9, one of the most distant galaxies to ever be observed and not a desperate attempt by Lou Bega to have another hit
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Here's why it's important to wash your hands before eating and also why you shouldn't wipe your food on a chromebook. (w/ pics)
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English soccer geezer who had a J. Arthur in his jam jar in front of a finger and thumb and her bricks and mortar, cops Captain Kirk for no bees and honey and 15 ponies' compo fee from the local garden gate, but avoids bird lime in porridge, innit? (possible nsfw content on page)
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Someone was really keen on getting their vehicle back to the rental company on time
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Pop quiz, hotshots: Is Amazon's Alexa possessed by [a] Satan, or [b] irresponsible Wikipedia editors? With bonus unnecessary cleavage photo (possible nsfw content on page)
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A hater's guide to the 2019 Williams-Sonoma Catalog
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Photoshop your pet (dog, cat, hedgehog etc.) as a superhero
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If a stranger asks to show $2,800 worth of puppies to his girlfriend who's waiting in the car, just say no
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Parishoners flock to see image of the Virgin of Guadalupe, which some men have commended as being strongly Georgia O'Keeffe-ish
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Hanging Christmas decorations actually goes back to the 5th century, BC Roman feast of Saturnalia. Fruitcakes are still being carbon-dated
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Fark HQ city of Lexington KY reminds locals that you must be at least 18 years old to own and operate a Death Star within city limits
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Randy rompy couple do an upper decker on bus in broad daylight
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SWAT cop busted on suspicion of incredible 78-crime long rap sheet of perverted shiat - of which "making semen cupcakes" is somehow the mildest offense (possible nsfw content on page)
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No, you see, when I said I wanted a nice school shooting to distract from Impeachment, I meant a school shooting where nobody is hurt. I just want to traumatize children without killing them, you see
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For your reading pleasure while in line for The Last Skywalker, an essay on how the Prequels could have been so much better, if only they'd been completely different. Bonus: author thinks the Sith represent Libertarian ideals
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For once, the shootings at Lubyanka aren't coming from the basement
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Not to panic you, but there's a deadly U.S. "doomsday" aircraft that carries no weapons but can "kill billions" flying around in the skies (possible nsfw content on page)
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One of subby's fun games is identifying British terror-of-the-day tabloid articles on Drudge merely by reading the headlines. "Russia's top general warns World War 3 is coming" is a winner (possible nsfw content on page)
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Some of you swore you'd give your left nut for Trump to be impeached but this guy actually did it
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"AAAAAAHHHHH" (Peeks again). "AAAAAAHHHHH" (possible nsfw content on page)
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That Russian spy ship that was "acting erratically" off the coast of South Carolina and Georgia was probably trying to track the most recent SpaceX launch. Hey Ivan, good luck trying to out-erratic Elon Musk
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High-powered executive says he's perfectly capable of procuring his own underage sex slaves, thankyouverymuch
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Jellyfish have invaded Crimea. Putin, stroking a jellyfish, denies all involvement
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Photoshop this urban street view
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The town so tough if you can make it there you can make it anywhere got a surprise dusting of snow and it's national news somehow
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Is your neighborhood's little free library a Little Free Library or a shameless ripoff?
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You're telling me that just because two young McDonald's workers were tragically killed by the soda machine, I can't get my 10-piece chicken McNuggets with honey barbecue sauce? Is that what you're telling me?
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Where's your head, man?
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Australia on a weather map looks like this many temperatures in Celsius
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Owl be home for Christmas
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Break out the world's tiniest violin. And the world's tiniest guitar. And maybe a little picoscopic drum set. It's a party in the world's tiniest gingerbread house
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Just in time for your Christmas giving, it's a Lego set based on a popular entertainment franchise. Star wars? No. Friends
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If you find a few pounds of red chiles under the hood of your car, it will probably run funny. Might start running hot too
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Surveillance footage taken during first Epstein suicide attempt is now missing. Obvious tag is missing too
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WHO moves closer to cheap breast cancer treatment. Yes, that's what I'm asking you
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Missouri Legislator tackles our next national crisis...electronic highway signs
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Oregon Man goes full GTA by robbing a bank, stabbing four people, and stealing two cars. Extra Fark: Subby was going to be going there after work
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 763: "Holidays on Display". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 18, 2019 |
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After you've hidden 30 bags of frozen crustaceans in your jeans, you're gonna act cool
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Teachers love getting homemade cards from their pupils - although primary school teachers would be just as happy with booze
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These pricks are really on the inside
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What are their Fark handles?
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Airplane stolen by teenager crashes into fence in Fresno. Fresno? Nobody goes to Fresno anymore
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Substitute teacher decides to have a discussion on Pot while torching up a blunt in the classroom. What, was that wrong? Should I have not done that?
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How do you say "the Streisand effect" in Chinese
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Florida Man impeached by the House of Representatives
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Hope everyone enjoyed healthcare while they had it; an appeals court just ruled that the individual mandate is unconstitutional
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| (Some Gal) |
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Photoshop this javelin thrower
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$300K worth of medicine stolen in a San Diego burglary. In other news, party to take place somewhere in San Diego where the medicine will be burned one gram at a time
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For once, Florida man isn't acting like a complete idiot
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♬ Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Gonna make a fake social media account or two ♫
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The Newport Beach Public Library could update its policies to specifically prohibit bathing in restrooms
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"The house was nice. I must have traded the rings for drugs"
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Apparently Saint Nick was careless in the workshop because Santa's finger bone donated to monastery collection
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Man on cycle path attacked by psycho path
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Meeting your doppelgänger has been seen throughout history as a portent of death and doom, maybe because they want to kill you to assume your identity like Florida Woman here
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Ex-Miss Kentucky sent her student sexual photos of herself because she had accidentally sent one and just assumed he'd blackmail her for more
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Happy 85th birthday to Lord Lucan, still living the dream in New Zealand
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| (Some New Wave Guy) |
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2019 has brought some spectacular new under-the-radar alt, indie, shoe gaze etc. Stop by for a retrospective: it's what 2019 commercial radio didn't sound like on PastFORWARD #112: The Afternoon Edition. Starts at 5.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
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We tracked down adults to see if the (really dated) letters they wrote Santa as kids in the '80s and '90s came true
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Apparently in the Halloween off season, Jason goes around robbing convenience stores in Florida
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| (Guys and Dolls) |
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Photoshop these letter sweaters
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Here is the Texas way to recycle materials. Fark: It closes down a school
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Walmart shoplifter uses flaming bible as distraction
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"
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Nothing to see here, just a dozen mystery objects showing up out of nowhere at a secret Air Force base near Area 51. Probably just an unmanned combat squadron run by our alien overlords
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Good: Colorado's RTD creates new bus service to alleviate traffic to ski areas. Bad: Inaugural riders spend 8 hours on bus. Fark: Bus driver takes wrong turn and has to be rescued by ski area's Sno-Cat
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You can now watch the video for Wham's "Last Christmas" the way is should be watched, in glorious 4K resolution
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50% of women in a relationship have a back-up partner which explains why she is not backing it up with you
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A dog chased a cat up a tree and got stuck. The cat got down on its own. The dog, however...
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Liquor taxes could go up 400% if Congress doesn't extend current tax cut. Say what?
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If you're ambitious enough to cover a home with cheese slices, you may one day become legend
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"Alexa, Uncle Joe is drunk again." "The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, Roman, nor an empire. Discuss". Alexa feature added that just might save Christmas in some households
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If you combine Angels We Have Heard On High and bellydancing, this is what you get. No, you are not dreaming after drinking tequila and eating garlic. Merry Christmas
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Are you prepared for ... The Puppy Plague?
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Gold bar worth $1,500 found in Salvation Army red kettle
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More and more Americans are asking the question: Why can't Santa be female or gender neutral? No, seriously. They're asking
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Because you need an end of the decade reminder, here are some of the worst gadgets that you wasted your $$$ on over the past ten years. Or just look in the back of your closet
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If you're going to rob a caricature artist but leave your portrait behind, the police just might use it as your suspect description
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| (Some Motile Guy) |
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Photoshop this frenzied activity
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Just in time for Christmas, this boy received the best gift ever. This is your I'm Not Crying, You're Crying edition of Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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When a Hard Times article comes to life: Local punk band holds show at Denny's causing damage
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Legal expert on sex offenders turns out to allegedly be an expert sex offender
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You can tell it's global warming season in Alaska because the roads are sinking, the bridges are tilting, and the greenhouse gases are escaping
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If you think you've had a bad day, just take a look at this person's accomplishments: Destroying $150k+ of cars en route to a dealership. Yes, that's just two Mustangs
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You can add flying with a pet opossum to the list of things that will get you kicked off a JetBlue flight
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The US XVIII Airborne Corps celebrated the 75th anniversary of the Battle of the Bulge on its FB page with a glowing portrait of one of the battle's commanders. Strangely, they picked the Nazi war criminal who murdered US POWs during the battle
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Elf has too much eggnog, engages in mayhem before being arrested. No, Will Ferrell isn't wearing yellow tights again
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You're not a very good Minnesota snowmobiler if you're rescued in Montana. Or maybe you are very good
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Architecture kills Architect
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Porch pirates in the DC area realize they can get more packages in less time if they just steal the whole package truck
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Florida man drinks two bottles of adult beverage after train hits his car. Who wouldn't?
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| Tue December 17, 2019 |
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People celebrate Festivus by sharing their top complaints about 2019
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Suddenly, pick up truck
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Who knew that scientific instruments that have secret source code, operated by high school graduates, using home brewed calibration standards may be inaccurate even though the results can send you to jail?
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Dear Warden, You were right. Salvation lies within
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Backstory for a Batman villain: A former sheriff's deputy gets caught trying to break into houses while the occupants were away at a funeral. Her name? Picasso
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When you pass out drunk in your running work vehicle and emergency responders have to break the window you should expect a DUI, unless you're a cop
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Grandfather unlikely to take a plea deal in cruise $hip toddler death. I wouldn't know the rea$on why
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Remember that New York woman whose 16-year-old daughter was "kidnapped" in front of her? Well, there's a reason the word "kidnapped" is in quotation marks
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FDA approves "lower nicotine" cigarettes, available in regular and menthol flavors. Because nicotine, not tar, causes cancer
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"This holiday decor is making me rock hard"
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The weekend is not a good day to die at home in France
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Stupid food mashups, aviation milestones, and holiday promotions gone wrong are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, Dec. 8-14: Digital Watches Edition
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Thrown off the balcony naked, jump on the hood of a moving car, jump off, steal a car, hit an officer. Tada for not being shot by the police for being black
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Why build walls to protect people at bus stops from wind when you can build rotating cocoons?
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Dashing through the skies in 180 horsepower plane, 'oer the fields he flies, dropping presents down like rain
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Photoshop this dirty jockey
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Fark NotNewsletter: Making your GIF wishes come true, plus Headline of the Year voting begins
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Force a homeless person to clean the bathroom with his tongue in order to avoid arrest? Urinal-lotta trouble, officer
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Dawn introduces dish spray, to be used in "dish soap breath spray challenge" in 2020
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Bad: student stabbed by teens. Good: suspects identified and arrested. Bad: one of them jumps from a car and is now on the loose. Good: suspect ate bad shellfish. Okay, I'm making the last bit up
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Second dog killed by gators. Experts fear it will only get worse as the Orange Bowl creeps closer
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The creator of the Nomex racing suit has died. A Viking funeral would be an exercise in futility
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Father and daughter scammed the IRS out of millions after falsely claiming they won the lottery, and now they're hedging their bets on a trial
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Starbucks barista quits his job with spectacular expletive laden song
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Three-legged bear spotted wandering around suburbia
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It's here: Oh, No, Not Again: The 2019 Fark Fiction Anthology is available on Amazon. Stars, bars, quasars, and more, and once again all proceeds go to charity
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Last week, we learned that Amazon throws away all your returns. This week, we learn that dumpster divers pull things out of the trash to sell on Amazon. So it all evens out, right?
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Utah is strange place, but keeping your dead husband in the freezer for 10 years to collect $177,000 in government benefits is "kind of smart..still creepy"
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Yemenis are blaming sin for their climate change misfortunes. Sounds familiar
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Seals with high-tech hats are collecting climate data, are more fashionable than you could ever hope to be
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Photoshop this wallaby
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If you live in Florida, you better learn to run faster than 11mph
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Finland has already apologized for Mart Helme on a number of occasions
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Get your cow tools: The Far Side is finally online and full of surprises
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He then told the attorneys to eat a bowl of male genitalia
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The French are still revolting
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Residents of Sussex have completed a petition asking people to stop referring to Harry and Meghan as the "Duke and Duchess of Sussex". The primary beef appears to be "I didn't vote for them" and maybe something about oppression (possible nsfw content on page)
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Man accused of contacting juveniles through social media, asking them for pictures of their bare feet for sexual gratification. Sounds like it's time for some serious sole searching
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| (Some Guy) |
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Some people choose to shape their final legacy by including a charitable bequest in their will. Some donate to a university, others build a hospital; Sir Donald Gosling left £50 million to the Queen of England to buy a new yacht
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Mother horrified to learn her young son wrote some not-so-jolly messages in her Christmas cards
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Museum visitors have spent hours waiting in line at museums and galleries around the world to experience just a minute in one of Yayoi Kusama's Infinity Room installations. Now there is one in Aspen, so expect bottle service and cocaine
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Behind-the-scenes Star Wars facts you can pontificate while in the theatre line. Impress the ladies with your knowledge & unshaven neck
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116 years ago today, two bicycle repairmen from Ohio changed EVERYTHING
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The owner of the Can Can Room, one of Vegas's oldest strip clubs, looks exactly like you think he would
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You're not going to believe who told Politifact's "Lie of the Year." Close runner up: whoever submitted this headline
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| (Some New Wave Guy) |
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Up on this week's dive into the historical vaults of alt, post-punk, goth, etc, it's Split Enz, Curve, and a band with a glyph for a name. Hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like on PastFORWARD #111. Starts at 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
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OK, maybe you're not in a big hurry to get to Cleveland. Maybe you want to leave it at 700 mph
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Caption this good boy
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Three adorable kiddos bring back souvenirs for nearly 179,000 total strangers from popular vacation/measles hot spot
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Magnetic north just drifted through an arbitrary imaginary line created by humans. Please take appropriate action, it might drift through another imaginary line at any moment
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"Shiatter's full. Have some candy"
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Honey, I shrank the douchebag
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Guess who turns 30 today. D'OH!
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Measles enthusiasts manage to block New Jersey vaccination exemption change
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Fat cops, fat cops, whatcha gonna do? This U.S. Navy pilot's farkin' done with you
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Des Moines Pallet Nazi receives some helpful feedback from the community
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ominous cave
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Doorbell cam captures stranger pooping on man's front porch. 41 videos worth. "Next, he goes over to a corner of the porch and defecates on it, and then spends the next few hours stumbling and spreading feces all over the porch"
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If this NJ yard looks familiar, you are spending too much time on Fark
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Cluck Norris has been caged. Coo-lamity Jane still free as a bird
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A whistleblower sent a complaint to the Internal Revenue Service that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has amassed about $100 billion in accounts intended for charitable purposes? Say it ain't so, Joseph
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Cousin Eddie says Twitter is full
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Good news: doctors have found a way to avoid the common cold. Bad news: it's the flu
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NJ: Voters will decide next year whether to amend the state constitution to legalize "a controlled form of marijuana called cannabis." Uncontrolled forms of marijuana would still be illegal
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Ho ho ho, Merry Closet Druggie
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? Porcupines don't get stolen from a dealership in Arlington, Va by the dozen
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Sappy: 12-year-old boy saves dog from Australian bushfire. Straya: By fleeing in his big brother's pickup truck
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| Mon December 16, 2019 |
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"An Ontario man said he was skating on his lunch break when he came across three deer stranded on a frozen lake and decided to take action." F*cking degen
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Federal embargo enacted on snow being imported into Canada
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Why do we allow people to vote who we don't trust to buy booze? Or cigarettes?
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No big deal, just a Russian spy ship that's not responding to calls operating off the coast of South Carolina
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dice game
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The first of the year-end shows on Paul's Memory Bank (8PM ET). Tonight the most played songs in my iTunes library (sorta like a "greatest hits")
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Newest thing to be killing you? Clutter. If accurate, subby is posting this from the grave
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Sex robots to be able to determine who is desperate out of a crowd (possible nsfw content on page)
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Hey you Farkers, stop stealing Amish warning signs
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A truck loaded with Brussels sprouts overturned on a Scottish highway, leading to concerns Christmas dinners will be affected. Yes, really
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| (Some Plastic) |
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Photoshop this weird 3D printed tentacle art thingee
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Here's a good reason NOT to open your front door this holiday season if you hear knocking late at night. Maybe don't even look at your Ring app either. TRUST A FARKER ON THIS ONE
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"Hey lady, nice clam you got there". Uh, excuse me, it is an oyster
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Professor charged for offering to pump for a guy on Grindr
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MS man may be released from death row on bail while awaiting his SEVENTH trail for a 1986 quadruple homicide. Prosecutors are pretty sure they've got the hang of this fair trial thing now, and they can get a conviction WITHOUT violating his rights
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Australia declares two or more alcoholic beverages per day is unsafe, meaning most Australians are probably already dead
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You're going to want to sit down for this shocking news, turns out inhaling unknown substances into your lungs makes you more likely to get lung diseases
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5-year-old girl could not wait to show her mom a boo-boo on her middle finger during school play. One particular finger in the middle of her hand
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Former NASA engineer Mark Rober is back again with the Glitter Bomb 2.0 for would-be porch pirates, now with improved fart spray and Macaulay Culkin
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Teacher says turning his classroom into a slaughterhouse was a huge success
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All he wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi
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NASA's SpaceX launch captures large winged dragon lurking in the clouds around rocket. Probably looking to mate with fellow fire breather (possible nsfw content on page)
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The Santa doing blow sweater is now available on Amazon
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Woman blamed for her own murder by: A) Bitter ex-boyfriend, B) Drunken stepparent, or C) The head of the NYPD's Sergeants Benevolent Association?
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Strike number three for Starbucks employees dissing cops. To be fair, the barista really did think the guy said his name was Oinker
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Getting drunk then getting 'caught having sex with a corpse' in an autopsy room is no way to celebrate a footie win, sick scientist (possible nsfw content on page)
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Probably not a good idea to light a cigarette if your car is full of air freshener
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Princess Peach costume
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French authorities: Our turret-mounted speed cameras are invulnerable to attack. French drivers: Challenge accepted
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Mother learns she is pregnant, then gives birth nine days later to "the best Christmas gift since Jesus"
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Just because I surrounded my house with pallets painted with Confederate and Nazi flags doesn't make me a racist
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Hallmark and the Lesbian Love Story Wedding Kiss, episode 3: The Redemption
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Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will result in the school cop slamming me repeatedly into the floor
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Deceived man finds allegedly undisclosed workers' healthcare surcharge on restaurant bill, sues for $50,000. Well, back to tips and ER visits
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If you don't like the way I drive, stay out of the convenience store
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Israelis say it's not kosher to kill the wild boars that are blocking traffic and tearing up landscaping
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Mom: "I'm on a boat." Kids: "We're in a bus." Cops: "You're going downtown"
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American transit agencies shocked, shocked I tell you, to discover that the Chinese firm supplying their train cars has some serious ethical shortcomings
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SantaCon Santas subdue slur-shouting stabbing suspect
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In Today's "Weird or Cool From Japan": The last DIY kit you will ever need
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These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
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