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| Sun November 24, 2019 |
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Brigham Young University - Idaho tells students on Medicaid to go be educated somewhere else
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A vegan diet will help men last four times longer in the sack. That's ridiculous. Uh, pass the carrots please. And maybe some of that kale (possible nsfw content on page)
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Freeway bridge in Northern Italy collapses after heavy rains. This is not a repeat from last year
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Sudden sinking of sheep ship sees sea of swimming sheep
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Photoshop this deep conversation
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The Day the Music Died: More high school students signed up for ukelele classes than guitar classes
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Ken Burns is back at it again, releasing an entire database of tools for high school teachers to try and teach teens. Teens hoping it is history in 3 second Tik Tok videos
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Don't rake
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Power lines 1, Piper Cub, 0
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Florida man decides to race the guy next to him on a sweet straightway at 3am. Gets the jump and maxes out at 124 before he is declared the winner and arrested by the occupants of the other car
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Pro tip: it's probably best when you flee the scene of a crime not to immediately hang out at the heavily police monitored train station next to it
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Painting zebra stripes on cows isn't as udderly ridiculous as it sounds
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Kicking troopers and assaulting Ubers is no way to go through life, young lady, even if you do have the eyes of a demon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drunk yoga. Coming up next: Drew...wasted...in yoga pants
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Photoshop these old riders
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"I know you are allowed to read my letters. That's fine. Read them. But I'm 47, he's 35. If I want to have sex with this man, why is it your business?"
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| (Some Ritzy Guy) |
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Dressed up like a million dollar trouper, trying hard to look like Gary Cooper, taco saves man's life in shooting
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Police: "Sir, we'd like you and 899 other men to provide your DNA to us." Man: "What's the magic word?" Police: "Now"
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Zombie David Bowie falls to Earth and crashes in Oregon of all places to seek water for his planet
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In honor of the upcoming American Celebration of Gluttony Day, let's settle this debate once and for all -- which part of the turkey is better: white meat or dark meat?
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| (Some Wagon) |
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Photoshop this Brookwood gone camping
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CSB Sunday Morning: Family rules
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This has been declared "a clear and present danger." Is it: A) Best Korea, B) a resurgent ISIS, or C) a half-finished Bel-Air mansion?
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Pssst ... someone might want to tell the inhabitants of Iceland that due to global warming they will probably have over a million just sitting on their sunny warm beaches by 2068
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Like a Good Neighbor, My Kidney is Yours
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You know US Murica is truly farked when the smartest state in the Union turns out to be New Jersey
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Good
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I used to paint houses like you. Then I took an arrow to the knee
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Each week 900 cars in Miami Beach are towed by one of two local tow companies who illegally tow cars for ransom and steal all valuables left in those car. Enjoy your vacation
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Charges laid after $100,000 in damage done to business with soy sauce. Owner says he'd like to kick a man for that
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Hello 911. I'm late for my train so I need a police escort to the station. You guys do that, right?
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Gas station employee steals customer's winning $300 scratch-off lottery ticket. Business offers: a) immediate $300 cash. b) $300 cash plus a little extra for the hassle. or c) a reluctant and delayed $300 in store gift cards after a reporter gets involved
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Praise Commerce Jesus. My children, there will be a Bible Study at the Chess King Room at 11am. The children's sermon will be held in Kay-B-Toys Hall
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| Sat November 23, 2019 |
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Koalas dealing with burning sensation that for once isn't the chlamydia
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Remember the kid thrown from Mall of America balcony who suffered two broken arms, a broken leg, fractures to his face and skull? He's fine. He walks around, helps friends open potato chip bags with his adamantium claws
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Normally robbing an 82-year-old woman shouldn't have been much of a problem, but this 82-year-old woman gets Fark's Hero tag
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Taxi driver travels a little out of his way, 1,714 miles in fact, to pick up a regular who injured himself and was stranded
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RBG is sick again, EVERYBODY PANIC
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Complain about conditions at your mom's nursing home? That's a trespass order
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| (Some Tale) |
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Photoshop story time
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Do not put your rent on auto-debit on the same account that your retirement is deposited if you want to make sure that your body doesn't lay undiscovered for three years after you die alone in your apartment
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It's South Carolina. Were you all expecting boys and girls to be treated equally?
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New trial date set for woman charged in clown killing. No word if all jurors will arrive at the courthouse in one small car
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Mother Nature vows to ruin Thanksgiving
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Seriously, stop taking selfies near cliffs
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One-third of Americans will have a package stolen by porch pirates
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| (Some Guy) |
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The brave men and women of Customs and Border Patrol keeping us safe from... bologna
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Photoshop this deep fakery
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Pasta spilled over I-405. Police suspect it must have fallen off the back of a big rigatoni
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Man dies after getting stuck in donation bin. No word on what kind of tax write-off he would have been
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Man takes fire engine for a joy ride. With "Yep, that would be the guy" happy mugshot
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Foot clinics under investigation for kickback scheme
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Old and busted: being scammed by ponzi schemes, pyramid scams, etc. New and hip: US military scamming veterans and family members out of their post 9/11 GI Bill education benefits
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Jeff Bezos dumps his pocket change into collection kettle
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Grand Theft Burrito
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Prison decides to charge inmates for reading at a rate of 3¢ a minute...while paying them 4¢ an hour
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The power of journalism: The day after "child isolation in schools" article comes out, Illinois ends the practice. Hero tag for journalists that spent a year on this and the publication that paid them for it
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Photoshop this lost buoy
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No one's quite sure how Sasha the 6-year-old fluffy black cat made it from Portland, Oregon, to Santa Fe over the past five years, but he has finally been reunited with his person, just in time for Caturday
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Happiest mugshot of a man arrested for a bomb scare that you'll see all day
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If you're French-Canadian, you can have a pretty lucrative side gig of complaining about things written in English
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This story is a good example of why some adults are scared to help lost children
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Low-down, dirty suspect arrested after suspected robbery. The ferret's owner was also taken into custody
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Things you find in downtown Milwaukee while walking the river; parks, underground bunkers, theaters- wait, what?
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Don't like people hacking your baby cam and talking to the kid at night? Then the $50 cam off Amazon is not for you, no matter how good the reviews say it is
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| Fri November 22, 2019 |
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A man who is bananas driving across the country in a banana
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Well, Christmas shopping for just about everyone on my list is done
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Most American headline ever: worker who raised alarm before deadly New Orleans hotel collapse to be deported
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Bad: You're in the hospital with a gunshot wound. Good: 50-75 friends and family members show up to see you. Fark: your family and friends start a 90-minute brawl in the hospital
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Buffalo might not have much going for it, but at least there is plenty of meat
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| (Some Guy) |
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What happens when you play too much Red Dead Redemption 2
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NC is home to the first nail salon that specializes in deer pedicures
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Can't afford a cruise but still want to catch a norovirus? Visit a Colorado school
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Second naked cherubnapping in 22 years in Fredonia. Rufus T. Firefly vows to find the upstart
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NYPD cops ticket 'Subway Therapy' Post-It note guy on the MTA's order of a promised crackdown on quality of life issues in the transit system. Presumably on Post-It ticket
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| (Some Rocker) |
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Photoshop this towering geode
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Reward offered: Police are asking your help in locating about a million bucks' worth of stolen merchandise that subby expects will be recovered around the same time that shrimps learn to whistle
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Michigan hunters donating record amounts of delicious venison to food banks
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How long before you get sick of your relatives during the holidays? Four hours
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As a local, Subby is going to go with "50 sh*t drivers cause pile up"
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| (Some Guy) |
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If the Battle of Britain had gone another way, Queen Elizabeth might have been raised by Professor Charles Xavier. Her mutant power would have been a deathly, icy stare
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Fox 4 KC Traffic Reporter Nick Vasos sent in an email to tell his bosses he was sick and not coming into work on a Friday. Unfortunately, he sent the email to almost 200 stations. An epic response followed
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Reset the clo...oh...ok then, carry on
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Random chat apps sometimes hook you up with creepy people. In other news, congratulate Ric Romero for scoring a job at the Post
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It may take big balls to step into the Nut Hut, but it's for a good cause
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If you live in Virginia, each one of your asshat relatives who comes over for Thanksgiving is going to cost you $6.42 -- over $1 more than the national average
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Western street
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I don't know what you are talking about, so here's a Komodo dragon with a turtle on its head
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When UGG becomes AIIIIIGHHHHHHHHH. Difficulty: not at bar time
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Most dogs just use their legs to chase their tails. This one uses a sedan
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Soon to be added to Florida Man's arsenal: An increased pungence when letting one rip
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Doctors use zebrafish to treat 10-year-old boy with rare genetic condition. While experimental techniques can help, rarely are the results so black and white
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Today's pro-tip for aspiring burglars: write your holdup note in advance, plan your getaway vehicle, and for god's sake, tie your shoelaces before running away
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Pop quiz hot shot: you're in a hotel room when a police officer arrives to arrest the woman you're staying with. Do you: A. Stay out of the way. B. Call for a lawyer. C. Hit the cop with ramen noodles?
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Marijuana breathalyzer technology is here, and it's coming for drivers. Also can be turned into a bong which is nice
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Minnesota's Largest Candy Store now has Minnesota's Largest Anti-Theft Deterrent
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After road rage incident, Florida Woman gets a mouthful from Florida Man
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Woman saves her mother's life from an abusive boyfriend by calling 911 and pretending to order pizza
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On this day in history, U.S. President John F. Kennedy took politics back and to the left
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Headline: Mother furious about tattoo daughter got in class. FTFA during study hall and it was given by another student using the stick method. Guess we have to stop kids from having pins and pens on school grounds now
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Former Epstein housekeeper says that when Prince Andrew stayed at Epstein's place in New Mexico he was provided with a "beautiful, brilliant, young neurosurgeon" as a "companion". Well unless she was Doogie Howser's twin, at least she wasn't underage
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You, accused of urging boyfriend to commit suicide, to face judge. Everyone else: ack
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US Navy sails USS Gabrielle Giffords near disputed South China Sea islands, as China warns they need 'provocative actions' like they need a hole in the head
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Don't suddenly stop your car and scream at cops if you're on probation for drug charges and have meth and scales in the car
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"Revolution fist" in Beirut's Martyrs' Square destroyed by attack, infuriating Hezbollah and fisting aficionados across Lebanon
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Manila-bound Philippine Airlines flight makes an emergency landing in Los Angeles, gets stuck on the 405
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Suddenly, ramp
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That's not buffing out in a hurry
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Thaw your turkey our now before it's too late. Bonus: article uses a 32lb turkey as an example
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Nearly naked waitresses fined for wearing nothing under their aprons and I don't know why I typed anything past naked waitresses (NSFW)
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Here's your chance to win that bacon weighted blanket you've always wanted
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The Starved Rock Killer granted parole
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What will happen to Prince Andrews's daughters' hat obsession?
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Parents have found a new hack to make college cheaper and outwit the FAFSA: get divorced
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"It looks like an angry triangle"
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You have the right to a trial by a jury of people who aren't trying to sleep with a prosecution witness
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Police alert: Armed and dangerous man on a tricycle with bonus public comments
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Photoshop this canyon princess
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Sometimes the headline tells the whole story: 'Alabama police: Men pulled door off store to steal Faygo 12-pack'
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"If I knew that I could get burning pain almost 24-7 for the rest of my life because of Lasik, I would not have done it." Well duh
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Putin admits that the explosion in northern Russia a few months back involved the development of a super weapon dubbed "Skyfall"
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Woman's murderer: Who wouldn't?
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MacDill AFB officials notified forgotten graves may be on their property. Lost Tampa cemetery trifecta now in play
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Lego announces its new Cruise Ship set for Christmas
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The Prince and the picometer peter
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Cleveland makes a strong case for their own tag
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There's above and beyond the call of duty...and then there's this
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Toxic orange cloud descends on town 10,000 miles from House proceedings
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| Thu November 21, 2019 |
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What do you call it when an identical twin kills the other identical twin?
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Red Panda standing by. Come in, Dog Fort. Over
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W&L students demand right to strip George Washington and Robert E. Lee from their diplomas
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Japanese balloon bombs detonated in Oregon during World War Two, killing six. In other news,... wait, balloon bombs?
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New and busted: Soros, Navy UFO sightings, QAnon. Old and hot: Jimmy Hoffa's grave
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This kind of disguise only works for heroes, not criminals
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You can't be punished for mailing a Chick tract. Prospect of eternal damnation unclear
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Florida man demands $1,100 during bank robbery, complains when he's given $2,000. Why yes he was wearing MAGA gear
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Is that a fuzzy octopus on your face or are you just happy to see me? Photos from the 2019 Beard and Moustache Championships
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Anti-vaxxers step up their game, kill another 5000 people
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Photoshop theme: An improvement for Thanksgiving
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You can bite you face and you can bite your friends but you can't bite your friend's face. Wait, that one doesn't really work here (NSFW Graphic Content)
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Maybe the real reason children don't play outside anymore is because the HOA will fine their parents $150 each time they do
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Of all the places to hide the body, the bottom of a sewage tank has to be one of the more original. Who would notice the smell?
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It's salad-tossing time again
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"Man wearing latex gloves arrested at hair salon in Trussville (AL) with hatchet and knives." Guy definitely wasn't there for the mani-pedi special
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Only in Wisconsin: Crafty drunk caught driving with license plates made of cardboard beer cases
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For five days a year in North Carolina you can do anything you want to an opossum. Anything
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Just how the hell did a progressive state like Ohio send Gym Jordan to Congress? Many reasons, but one of them - Democrats
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Photoshop this D'AAAAWWWWWWW
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If Florida Man steals a front end loader to carry his Butts, sometimes you just gotta let him go
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Podcast Porn is on the rise. Other things on the rise as well, presumably
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Naked NYC inmate escapes attack by jumping off a balcony, nearly landing on a man using payphone below. For you youngsters, the once common payphone was a public device you would put money in to make a call when you weren't home. Crazy, right?
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According to Reader's Digest, where blivit first appeared in a 1945 column called "Humor in Uniform," a blivit was originally defined as "ten pounds of shiat in a five-pound bag"
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Deadly drug-resistant superbug Candida auris found in fourteen U.S. states. Like most Candidans, it can blend in with other residents and be difficult to root out without maple syrup or Tim Hortons
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Can I speak to your manager: e-bike version
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Junkie cop gets just probation for stealing heroin from the evidence locker. How much heroin? "All of it"
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On this week's Fark and Schnitt podcast, Meth: we're on it. I'm dreaming of a Ranch Xmas. And also possibly the worst bucket list item ever
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Russia returns Ukrainian ships minus weapons, toilets, dome lights...wait. What?
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Weapon in Sagus High School shooting was 'kit gun,' investigators say. Man, this new Knight Rider reboot is dark
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Before everyone was on meth, South Dakota had "Don't Jerk and Drive"
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Woman tries to steal eight pairs of jeans by wearing them all at once
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Wayne Bruce takes the stand on drug/murder trial. An an an an an an an an NAMTAB
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Nips may contain plastic
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It's probably a good idea to note when entering a gun as evidence that the gun is loaded and the safety is off. It's it's also probably a good idea to remove the bullets before actually bringing it into a courtroom
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Utah woman who was topless in her own home around her stepchildren now faces criminal charges that could force her to register as a sex offender
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Pippen indicted on hate crimes charges. Fool of a Took
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A bill that would clarify the ban on slavery in state's constitution is up for discussion. No. Not that state. Nope. You're getting colder
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Photoshop this WeelyWally, whatever the hell that is
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Largest U.S. study of mass shooters shows they have three things in common. Well four if you count the gun
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High school teacher Gavin McAnally, on trial for sexual assault, gets off on a technicality
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D.C. Fark Party with HacDC in Columbia Heights - Thursday, November 21
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Protip: accidentally blowing up a gas pump while DUI is not a good strategy on your way to DUI Court for another DUI
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OK, Boomer
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In Romania, the situation is starting to become unbearable
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And the nation with the worst heroin epidemic is A) USA, B) Russia, C) China, D) Seychelles
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Clinic doctor: "OK miss, just lie down on the table, and we'll start the laser hair removal process..." Technician: "Uh, doctor..." Doc: "Not now." Tech: "But doctor-" Doc: "What?" Tech:"It's overloading, I CAN'T SHUT IT DOWN" Doc: "OH DEAR GOD NO"
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Child shatters bear-proof glass with rock
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Colonel Mustard, in the church
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Good boy belonging to the Mole People of Las Vegas is rescued during flash flood. In other news Vegas has Mole People
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 759: "Monovember - Old Timers". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 20, 2019 |
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Arizona development bans cars. But how will residents escape?
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There is multitasking and then there is driving while high and watching South Park without hitting anyone multitasking
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Funny name, unfunny crime
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, it's our halftime show, featuring our NEW LA Laker girls dance team members, Venus Williams, James Corden, and Rob Gronkowski". Are there pics and video? Oh lawd, yes
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Suddenly, the Cretaceous
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Even remote controlled toys can defeat the border wall
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DUI suspect denies drinking, says making out with his drunk-ass girlfriend gave him booze breath
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⬅[Free Fish 🐟]
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this funky Kong
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Give me all your Sour Diesel and Blackberry Kush before I blow your head off
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Oh delicious irony: NC county is able to remove a Confederate soldier statue from its courthouse, despite a state law restricting the removal of public monuments, because the statue is the property of the Daughters of the Confederacy
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Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!
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Stop me if you've heard this one before. Family asks priest to talk about their son's life at his funeral. Priest decides to repeatedly point out that the kid killed himself and condemn him as a sinner, even after being asked to stop. Now he's being sued
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Today is Tampon Tax Day at two dozen law schools
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Uber and Lyft say front licenses plates really do have a purpose, preventing people from getting into creeps' cars
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Christians finally realize they have no God when it comes to poRn, turn to artificial intelligence to fight their little ones' addiction to online pornography
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If you have lost 145 bodies in Tampa, King High School has some good news for you
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Prince Andrew stepping away from "public duties" to pursue private ones again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this staring eye
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Sometimes life insurance companies just don't believe you when you file a claim for a deceased one, sometimes you just have to show up with a corpse in a body bag to make your point (possible nsfw content on page)
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Sure, you've seen Gallagher, Gallagher II, and Black Gallagher - but have you seen Japanese Gallagher?
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Hey, racist Florida Man! Stop punching library-goers in California
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"After talking to my mom, I really wanted to help build homes for veterans but together we decided on a more realistic goal. We came up with an idea to make hygiene and grooming kits with thank you cards for veterans in need. I call them Hero Bags"
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Pizza Rat has to respect the hustle of Soda Can Raccoon and Murder Cat
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When you retire from the Sheriff's Department, you stop learning when the massage parlor raids are scheduled
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See what a crisis the Royal Family is having because of Prince Andrew, the Queen has only seen Prince Philip TWICE in three months with no Royal sexy time between them since (possible nsfw content on page)
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Florida Man with identical twins born four years apart begins dating his 19-year-old daughter's boyfriend
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Hunter thinks he's shot a huge deer, but neigh
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Popularity of anal skyrocketing. Or perhaps I read that wrong
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Who the hell needs to get anywhere that fast in Iowa?
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Caption this seasoned Unix version Zero sysadmin
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Austrian police finally find a use for Hitler's birthplace
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'Vice Principal Resigns After Chicken Prank'. I have so many questions
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I used to be an adventurer like you, until I took a crossbow bolt to the leg from my own crossbow
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"I claim this HOA for my people"
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When "Get him to the Greek" gets real
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U.S. Marshals capture escaped Missouri inmate who was living "off the grid" in Delaware in what appears to be a hut from "Survivor"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this disco diva
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Thanks to the combined efforts of Miami-Dade Fire Rescue, Miami-Dade Animal Services and the Greyhound Association, steps are being taken to adopt dogs of different breeds and train them as station therapy dogs. Welcome to Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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You had one job, gun safety instructor
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The French hunting association said in a statement that there was no evidence of "the involvement of hunting hounds in the death of this woman." Except for the dog bites to her head, torso, and arms
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No joke. No snark. Illinois public schools are literally, legally torturing children
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Meteor struck, killed by car
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Once you've locked up a Nigerian scammer, you might want to restrict his internet access
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Watchdog group releases list of this season's coolest toys
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Yes, HOAs suck. Although, how else are you going to stop the guy next door from landing his helicopter?
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For those feeling slightly less "Grinchy" than most this year, you can adopt a letter to Santa from the USPS. You just can't send coal. No more of that
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Beach boys save brothers from drowning. Now they're beach men
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Today's lesson: delivery drivers, never chuck a heavy package over a fence. You might crush something. Something highly vital that had nothing to do with the package
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Massachusetts announces switch to mile-based exit numbers, frightening both drivers who pay attention to traffic signs
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| Tue November 19, 2019 |
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Your car is impounded. Do you A) pay the fee and get your car back B) work out an arrangement by bartering C) sneak into the lot, using a Porsche as a battering ram
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Chick-Fil-A chickens out
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For some reason, these parents got farking angry that a junior high student doing a science fair project used their grade school aged kids to test if child proof containers are indeed child proof
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Subway rider: "Hey, I was stuck in a tunnel for two hours and nobody gave us a service advisory." MTA: "First of all, it was 76 minutes and second, we got your advisory right here"
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ETs are everywhere. Just very good at hiding (possible nsfw content on page)
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Illinois prisons are keeping an eye on inmates
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Farmer finds booby traps in his field of corn, inquiring minds want to know why he didn't just build the baseball field
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A new Jeffrey Epstein accuser has hit the Prince Andrew throne
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Fark NotNewsletter: Take that, Mrs. Butler!
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Complex organ models grown in lab, say scientists who have produced culture models of lungs, liver, kidneys, and brains, and who are totally not staying late at the lab snickering at dongs growing in petri dishes
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Photoshop theme: the future of Fark
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"One of the nicest things about being in your fifties is I don't need any more friends,.....I think it is more important to credit people when they do a good job and ask a good question and call them out on their bullshiat when they do a bad job"
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$1000 Good To Go Toll questioned, as it appears not to be all that good and needs to go
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In addition to being a non-sweating thicko, Andrew also accused of saying Ni. Quite possibly ecky ecky ecky ecky pikang zoom boing
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Attempting to FaceTime the casino president while being arrested at his casino for a drunken tirade, and trying to call the Police Commissioner using your Apple watch is apparently the Millennial version of "Do You Know Who I AM?"
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Millennials are seeing their health decline faster than the previous generation as they age. Who knew Avocado Toast, Charcoal Water, Goat Yoga, and Quinoa could make one so unhealthy?
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Grand theft auto victim becomes Grand Theft Auto protagonist
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The words "penis" and "injection" should never appear in the same sentence
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Home invader: "Here's Johnny". Homeowner: "Here's shotgun"
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Q: What did the parrot say after mistakenly being picked up at the pet store? A: I don't know but it's not saying anything now
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"Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo", never ... your dildo"
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Online shopping, streaming video, and lots of fast food questions are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, Nov. 10-16: Nocturnal Photography Edition
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Cottage Cheese recalled for having too much cottage in it
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Grand Theft Auto tutorial videos are no way to watch the road while driving 70 MPH and rear-ending a stationary driver at an intersection, officer
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Subby has heard of several reasons why people get banned from a library but this would be a new one to him
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Tennis Match: Turkey Day Dinner Edition
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Here is a job opening for some Farker somewhere: Get paid $3k a month for testing marijuana and writing a blog about your experience
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Police say South Dakota man that shot off a gun in his pocket was intoxicated, possibly on meth just like everyone else there
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There are earthquake truthers, and yeah, they're a problem
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Much like Leon, the world's biggest lithium-ion battery is getting larger
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Fox files 'OK Boomer' trademark application. Hey, know your audience I guess
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Donald Trump's face growing out of someone's kneecap? It's more likely than you think
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Ear candling really works... if your goal is to end up with an ear full of ear candle wax
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Remember the world's first "pregnant man"? Here's what happened to him
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Marie Kondo launches a cluttering business to spark personal joy from both sides of the street
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is National Play Monopoly Day, so if you've been wanting to get in fistfights with siblings over who's stealing money from the bank, now's your chance
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Bundles of cash totaling almost $45,000 mysteriously keep turning up on the footpaths of a tiny English village. Even more bizarre is that the locals are an honest lot and keep turning the money in to the authorities. Strange times indeed
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Upcoming PG&E shutoffs might spoil Thanksgiving food donations, because California isn't farked enough already
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If you're arguably at fault in an accident, destroy the dashcam video before the cops take it from you
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Here's an example of how not to handle a rifle while moving into a new apartment
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"Meth: we're doubling down on it"
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Bored with Christianity but too afraid to quit? Jazz up your Christmas season with these Advent calendars that have nothing to do with Jesus
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Two federal workers who were on-duty the night Jeffrey Epstein died arrested and charged. Well, that was fun. Who's for Chinese?
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'Vulgar' poem sparking controversy in classroom. Man from Nantucket too busy to comment
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| (Some New Wave Guy) |
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Long time Farker has a radio show diving into the historical vaults of alt, indie, goth, post-punk, shoegaze, etc, plus new cuts from the genres. Tune in to hear what commercial radio doesn't sound like. Starts at 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Man appears as Jesus in court after standoff, judge doesn't buy it
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'Cell doors installed at Marshall County Jail'
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Man who survived being shot seven times in 2015 dies after eighth one proves to be the charm
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'Unicorn meteor storm' to be triggered by mysterious comet. I'm pretty sure I've seen this movie and it involved zombies
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Lawmaker pushes for tough 'cover your load' law. Let's hope they don't blow it
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The good news is, Amazon does same-day delivery for eyebleach (possible nsfw content on page)
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"It places the lotion in the basket, or it shuts down Daytona Beach International Airport"
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South Dakota states the obvious
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Air rage is back baby, thanks to alcohol and tiny seats
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Real life is not a video game: two broken legs edition
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From firearms to bowling balls, you wouldn't believe what Floridians try to recycle
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Doorbell camera shows teen getting his bell rung by car as he tries to cross street
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Spanish police uncover huge weed plantation in Aragon forest. Merry and Pippin arrested
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Bringing someone else's urine to a urine test is a Class IV felony. Police are now on the lookout for One-Eyed Johnson a known supplier of urine
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ALPR is always watching where you're going. Don't know what it is? Now is your chance
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State trooper stops to help elderly couple with flat tire, ends up throwing woman to safety in a ditch as sliding truck tries to kill them all - with OMG dash cam video
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Jealous of your daughter's boyfriend? Help her inject him with a meth overdose, bury him in a shallow grave, then marry her yourself. It's the West Virginia way
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The Texas woman convicted of sending a mail bomb to President Obama based on cat hair evidence looks exactly as you expect
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Photoshop this panda imitating Ian Anderson
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Homosexuality has been a part of nature since the beginning
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A woman needed 25 stitches to her face and almost lost an eye after being mauled by a kangaroo while walking her dog in the most Australia story you'll read today
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Putin pissed because $172 million was stolen from his pet spaceport project. Only he's allowed to do that
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Hey, now that I've upgraded your rental unit into a smart home, is that your significant other coming over for a booty call, or are you illegally subletting your apartment? None of my business, other than that I can evict you for it
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Hong Kong students told "Surrender is the only option"
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Today's lesson: Never buy a vehicle with a remote start if said vehicle has a manual transmission
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Botch a DIY penis enlargement procedure and win a free ticket to Australia
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Bet no one under 40 can answer all of these correctly. I missed two, only because I didn't recognize the setting they were in. And, now I feel very old
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Looking to get hurt? Go to an unregulated family amusement park. Like a trampoline park. You can get lots of hurt there
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Man loses 500-pound emerald worth $280 million in fire started by PG&E
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He wrote the book about the the crime. Now he has been booked
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Fark-Ready Headline: 'Hooting and hollering' illegal hunters nabbed after shooting at DNR decoys
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| Mon November 18, 2019 |
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And then they came for the Unitarians
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Wisconsin brothers found dead in Nebraska could be victims of a Missouri killer say police, your geography teacher
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Pennsylvania goes to great lengths to get rid of the murder that hangs around its state Capitol Complex. Got to try and get rid of the ick and gunk on the ground so people don't fall
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Once you catch all the little fish the only thing left is to get the big fish, in this case, His Honor, the Mayor
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383,000 gallons of oil found in North Dakota
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Llamas are now becoming popular therapy animals, because, honestly, at this point, whatever
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Plane that landed on highway in 2018 fails encore
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A list of all the holiday foods that the TSA will permit you to bring on a plane. Yes, fruitcake is permitted. Don't even attempt to smuggle on that brown gravy, though, you terrorist
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Untrustworthy drug dealers using iPhone calculator to "weigh" drugs. If you've been a victim of this scam, please contact the Mint Hill Police Department to have your purchase reweighed so you can file a report
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You know how they say that a human year is like seven dog years? Well, that's too simple. Now you can use a better formula: human_age = 16ln(dog_age) + 31
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Photoshop this hedgehog and his kayak
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The Incredible Journey II
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Britain's biggest food and drink producers say the price of spotted dick will rise
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"O" say can you swing through the alphabet some more. All the song titles on Paul's Memory Bank tonight (8PM ET) begin with the letter "O"
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Climate change puts 60% of U.S. Superfund sites at risk. We must act now to preserve these valuable ecologies for the Toxic Avenger
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You will probably know you're a hoarder if you get trapped for 14 hours because the rubbish in your house falls on you. Just sayin'
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Archeologists discover 6800-year-old ritual site in Poland that is 3 times larger than Stonehenge. So, 54 inches tall then?
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Man handcuffed to a radiator escapes police custody by jumping out of second story window
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Paging Wilford Brimley. Wilford Brimley to the cereal aisle
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| (Some Guy) |
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Now THIS is the Christmas decoration everyone needs. No word on status of sh*tter
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We have a contestant for the most awkward Thanksgiving family dinner this year
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Photoshop this malfunctioning shop-vac
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Lunch lady and student arrested after fight that started over comments about chicken wings and ranch dip
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Sexy hunter knows how to "process a carcass," if you know what I mean (warning: dead animal pics in article, duh)
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Supreme Court to Martin Shkreli:"Appeal request denied, bro"
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Authorities in England free 101 Dachshunds from captivity. Cruella De Vil sought for questioning
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Notes to Cartman's mother
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Roast beef fans rejoice: Beefy King hopes to reopen after solo fire
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During intake strip search, jailers find bag of meth "wedged deep within the belly button cavity" of 5' 8", 380-pound arrestee
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A Florida man got upset because he didn't agree with a call an umpire made at a youth baseball game. So he followed him into the clubhouse and punched him
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"China calls on US to 'stop flexing muscles' in South China Sea," claiming it's making the PLA "uncomfortably horny"
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Breaking: Another Walmart mass shooting, this time in Duncan, Oklahoma
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Florida man gets forked
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Rare genetic condition has man being pursued by hobbits, dwarves, wizards, elves, orcs, presumably searching for the one ring
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On Mickey Mouse's 91st birthday, this handy list of eleven things you didn't know about him strangely omits his career as a Marine Core sniper in Vietnam
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"I don't sweat, I don't party, and I don't do public displays of affection," said Prince Andrew. Anyway, here are some photos of him doing all three in 2007
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On this day in history, in 1978, Jonestown became a killer punch line
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop R2D2 on steroids
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USS Nimitz UFO mystery deepens amid disclosure that "unknown individuals" told naval officers to delete evidence
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