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| Sun November 17, 2019 |
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Chris Hansen just impersonated underage girls, but this prosecutor takes it to the next level by using his 13-year-old daughter as bait
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Creepy cultist crazies caught in a California forest turn out to be false Faukes freaks. Police are still trying to figure out who they are
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Apparently the 'K' in Vitamin K stands for 'Kidnapping'
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Cue the tiniest of violins: Two multi-million dollar 'superyachts' burned in the most expensive fire in Fort Lauderdale's history
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Now can we finally have a 'Spliffy' tag?
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Entitled doctor and his wife have their lives ruined by a new utility pole that can actually be seen from their home. Cue the world's smallest violin
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There are cold cases, but this one was downright frigid
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Seattle named 'gloomiest place in America,' having apparently never been at a Fark party after the drinks ran out
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Suddenly Big Mouth Billy Bass
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Responsible gun owner mistakes his brother for a wounded deer in a cornfield, shoots him. Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year
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Photoshop this ceramic quartet
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Fake reviews for Prince Andrew's favorite sweaty Pizza Express are popping up, and some of them are actually good
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Derek found a GPS tracker on his car, so he removed it. The Indiana Supreme Court will decide whether that was theft from the tracker's owner
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"I got my rights to do anything I want to do. I'm a police officer," shouted Judge Dredd as he detained two black shoppers
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| (Some Gun) |
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The US city with the highest rate of gun violence is A) Chicago, B) Detroit, or C) Do I see a Florida tag over there?
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Should have made coffee
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After an unscheduled physical exam for President Trump, the White House reports that his health is the best health in the history of presidents
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Today's made-for-Fark headline: "Flat earth conspiracy spreads globally"
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Photoshop this hoser
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CSB Sunday Morning: Stories from the playground. Share stories about things that happened while you were at a playground
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That's it, we're going to Waffle House instead
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Land near airports is like soooo cheap. Counterpoint, this
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Hong Kong police officer has his adventuring career cut short
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Bill Gates has given away so much of his money that he has again become the richest person in the world
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Great, now Buffalo will not only be known for slamming ourselves through tables, but also for having 11-year-olds who sound like they can hang drywall
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Why aren't we procreating like we should?
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Five-year-old brings heroin to school and tells teacher that when he tastes it, he becomes Spider-Man. At least he didn't become Florida-Man
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From getting dressed in the dark to the corset, petticoats, and hand-sewn clothes, Betsy Ross impersonator labors to keep it real. Except for the taking the train to work part
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| Sat November 16, 2019 |
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Fark-ready headline: UK man, 32, nearly died after parasite crawled up penis, laid eggs as he swam in lake on Africa trip
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The annual Culling of the Frat-Bro has commenced
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'Bad meth' leads to deadly North Las Vegas stabbing. 'Good meth' would likely lead to deadly North Las Vegas stabbing as well
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Prince Andrew: I couldn't have had underage sex with Epstein's girls because I was having "cheese pizza" with children. So that's all cleared up then
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Photoshop this doomed airplane
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Do you live in Detroit? Want to buy marijuana now that it's legal in Michigan? Too bad, you'll have to keep driving over to Canada like you've been doing for the past year
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Border Patrol agent shoots Russian citizen trying to cross the border. Trump expected to issue a formal apology by noon
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Tweet-shaming a couple for a KFC proposal is the best thing this journalist could have done for them. Dumbass tag lets this one slide
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Photoshop this Kookaburra
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Actual headline: "Portland Mayor Clarifies: I Will Take Money From Strippers"
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Natural beef-based cat food that is antibiotic and hormone free is being recalled for not being salmonella free
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What were you doing when you were 14? Hopefully not what this kid was doing
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Photoshop this rooster
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Protests erupt around Iran as gas prices approach 50 cents per gallon
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For the past 16 years, two old friends have done just about everything together. Now they get to join Caturday
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Note to permitted marijuana handlers: Do not try to import heroin "internally" if you hold a permit. We can only guess where the heroin was internally concealed, but can probably guess correctly without phoning a friend or using the 50/50
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Diogenes was right, follow the dog's nose and it will lead you to the person fleeing an accident scene and trying to hide up a tree
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The driver of a Dodge Nitro strikes a fire hydrant, then steals the hydrant but leaves the bumper behind. Police looking to press charges against the driver, presumably for driving a Dodge Nitro
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Captain Dick, inventor of the "Sourtoe Cocktail" has passed... and yes he has requested all his toes be removed so others may also "Kiss the Toe"
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If you can squat 315 pounds ten times, the Marines might have a job for you
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A mountainous stretch of I-70 in Colorado was closed due to: (A) heavy snow (B) a jackknifed semi (C) sunshine
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Airplane mating season is seldom pretty, as the photos in this article show
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Recreational pot to go on sale months earlier than expected in Michigan. That really pisses the sellers off. *pause* Wait, what?
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Bad landlord checklist: Not fixing the heating. Raising your rent. Keeping your security deposit. Erecting a giant iPhone that blocks daylight getting into your apartment
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| Fri November 15, 2019 |
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Millennials, the homebodies that they are, really love homebodying
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Famous authors drag Northern State University student through the mud on Twitter for an innocuous quote in a local newspaper. BONUS: She mentions she studies online harassment: "The irony has not evaded me"
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Last survivor of Hindenburg disaster dies. Oh the humanity
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Your move, Kentucky and Waffle House
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Need to know where the most drunk people with cellphones to steal are at 2 AM? Seattle has you covered
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Denial of service kingpin gets 13 months denial of freedom
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Photoshop this tennis player
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I mean, it's great that you love thy neighbor, but can you please embody that by turning down the volume?
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I bet Zuckerberg feels a right tit now
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Charter schools can provide many options to students, from a 'non-traditional learning environment' to 'flexible scheduling options' to 'Florida Man taking upskirt photos of your groin'
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Coming soon: Rainbow-colored blood
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Suspect in critical condition after being shocked by stun gun, police say. To be fair, it is pretty surprising to not be shot on sight by them these days
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Good news, pet owners: specialty Christmas trees are available to offer your cats a mild challenge
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Photoshop this outdoor entertainment terrace
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It's always good to recognize your fellow workers, especially if you're going to offer them forty bucks for sex when you're a Seattle police captain
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Florida Man hopes Facebook can help him find Jesus
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Popular bagel shop forced to close after squatters are found in attic. You'd think a place like that would have good lox
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It's a bad scene when you have to move to Ethiopia to get away from having to deal with Canadians
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In the criminal justice system, the people of Florida are represented by two separate but equally important groups: the police, who investigate crimes, and scammers who demand prepaid gift cards for missing jury duty. DUNN DUNN
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Ha Ha we're all gonna die ..again, because Chinese killer robots have been sold to the Middle East that will leave 'every human dead'. Whoopie (possible nsfw content on page)
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Things smoke alarms shouldn't do. #1: Set fire to your house
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With witchcraft and black magic on the rise in UK schools, priests are putting chili powder in children's genitals to rid them of Satan
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After gay marriage was legalized in Sweden and Denmark, something fabulous happened
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Suddenly, daughter
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Caption what the commentators are saying at this chessboxing match
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Today's example of the "Master Race" comes to us from Washington State by way of Texas, with this young man and his expression of complete incomprehension
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Things to hide behind a false wall: your bat cave, your wine cellar, your porn emporium. Things found behind false wall in Colorado: twenty-six toddlers
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♫ Dead singer, walking down the street. Dead singer, the kind I'd like to meet. ♫
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You think you're a citizen just because you were born in the U.S.? Think again
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Do you have a bag? What's in your bag?
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The CDC would like to reminded you again to get the flu shot because herd immunity only works when most of the herd actually gets immunized
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Teenagers are getting bad sex ed in school so they're turning to TikTok
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Nothing says gangsta like a giant 'Mighty Mongrel Mob' tattoo inked all across your face for the cops to pick you up nice and easy
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Here's your chance to be prepared for the future as you can now buy an abandoned missile complex for the fire sale price of $400,000
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this picture of Richard Branson riding a conveyor belt full of giant sushi
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Look at this woman. If you see her, do NOT date her. When she gets frustrated, she WILL bite your penis
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74-year-old man distraught after catching his 21-year-old wife snogging another man in the shower ... a man who was 14 years younger than him. Subby can only wish he will have these problems at 74 (possible nsfw content on page)
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Man found with bag of drugs in car tells cops wind must've blown it in the back seat
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Residents in Venice: This flooding is bad, as bad as we've seen it, and very well may be a sign that our continued life in this centuries-old city could now be unviable. Tourists in Venice: OMG FLOODING SELFIE SQUEEEEE
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It's that time of year when the nights grow longer, the temperatures get colder, and Arizona builds its annual tumbleweed Christmas tree
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What's worse? Getting your pay cut in half when your boss learns you're gay? Or your boss saying your pay will now be on par with "other females in the office"?
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Venetian council rejects proposal to combat climate change. Guess what happens two minutes later
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Bank teller follows elderly customer home after he made large withdrawal, delivers home invasion service free of bank fees
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Officer gets creative, draws Fark-style diagram of deer versus car accident on official report. This is what all accident reports should look like
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If these walls could talk
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You don't know how vital it is that the pizza delivery guy be able to make it to you in Canada. Hence this guy. No Honda Civic for him
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Instead of sitting in LA traffic with the entitled douche bags, they will now be flying overhead in a new Air Taxi
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Perseverance. Destiny. Root for NYC Subway Rat
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It takes special crazy to steal a sheriff sergeant's personal truck out of the parking lot at the sheriff office headquarters. But with Fark's favorite state, anything is possible
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| Thu November 14, 2019 |
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Dollar Tree apparently has not been testing the drugs they import. FDA issues warnings of people developing "Wookieism;" advises you head straight to the ER if you show any signs
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Let's see how things are looking for Aunt Becky. ... . ... .yikes
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With Thanksgiving two weeks away, NJ announces plans to take on the M-13 wild turkey terror of Toms River. Pass the gravy
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You know who else liked vegetables?
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Minnesota unveils new device to keep roads ice-free all winter, under construction all summer
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Well that's one way to get out of going to prison - just don't show up to the sentencing hearing, after you've been found guilty of assault with intent to murder and felony firearm possession
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US customs seize fake sports rings, "Souperb Owl" and "Word Series" engravings tipped them off
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Robbing 7 and 11 gets you 18 and change
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Warning signs indicating an elderly driver may not be safe on the road include hearing loss, slower reflexes, inexplicable gravitational attraction to farmers' markets
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Bad: Throwing someone out third-story window. Hero: Throwing someone out third-story window
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'99 bottles of beer on the wall' is a great song to sing on the school bus, but not so great of a parable to emulate when driving one
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Pregnant woman miraculously gives birth to 4kgs of marijuana
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Suspicious man approaches high school students for directions, surprising some as he obviously needed no directions for masturbation
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Photoshop this model maker
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Man arrested four days after statute of limitations expired - OR DID IT?
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Supreme Court of Canada says if you let a naturopath give you an IV, it's on you
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Michael Wier found guilty of 'double jeopardy' murders, possibly as his defense strategy was not in the form of a question
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Chesapeake Bay Education Center learning important lesson about climate change, and building so close to the water
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Fan of Die Hard being held on $100,000 bail
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Had this been an actual emergency you would be dead because you ignored instructions
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The New York Times continuously gets Los Angeles so wrong that there is now a Bingo game for it
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Texas state rep drops envelope full of cocaine while getting into car at airport. In front of a security camera. "The envelope had a letterhead that was from the "Office of the State of Texas House of Representatives Member Poncho Nevarez"
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What does a pastor do when finally required to pay taxes? Put his $4.4 million home on the market
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| (Some Guy) |
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Brave officer fears for his life in this take down arrest
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Elephants will no longer be exploited at Angkor. Wat?
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Drax just adopted two dogs that were separated after being dumped at a Florida shelter
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If you're going to vandalize 425 million-year-old sandstone formation used as an ancient Native American gathering place, it's probably best not to brag about it on Instagram
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Now HERE'S a solution to get through the holidays at your relative's house without killing anyone
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Photoshop Rod Stewart's model train layout
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Sorry Gen X, you didn't think you stay on the sidelines of generational WW I, did you?
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Nine-year-old super genius set to graduate college, won't be able to get a job without at least another 15 years of experience
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Ohio admits that global warming is caused by a lack of pirates
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YMCA calls out city over police officer's 'intense and traumatic' arrest of fourteen-year-old, although article does not say if the spokesperson was the Indian or the construction worker
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You know how easy it is to flip over an ambulance in Grand Theft Auto? Since you're reading this on Fark
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If you have any element 115 laying around, the FBI will probably raid your facility
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Geometry teacher arrested for threatening to shoot students, proving she was not on the side of the angles
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More Popeyes violence after black car honks at white car
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Remember that angry little guy in the bagel shop? He just had a stroke
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Two people tried stealing 192 gallons of gas by pumping it into 55-gallon drums in the back of their van. When a fire broke out, police say they nearly caused a "devastating explosion that would have leveled Kwik Trip"
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Illinois DCFS announces it will no longer drive foster children around in leg irons and handcuffs. Wait. What?
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Man has tumor the size of a soccer ball removed. Picture looks like the worst teabagging of all time
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Stealing jewelry from a dead patient's fingers is no way to go through life, Miss EMT
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New homes in California to be equipped with rooftop solar panels. Whether you like it or not
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Chinese embassy in Norway resorts to suppressing Uighurs with classic "Do you have Prince Olaf in a can" strategy
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Arrested in drug bust? :( Even though you're the wife of the police chief? :o
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On this day in history, in 1851, Herman Melville showed the world his big white Dick
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Well, antibiotics, you had a good run, but, it's back to the Dark Ages, and dying from a stubbed toe for humanity now
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You wouldn't think a school shooter's sartorial choices would be important, but here we are
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The William Shart School District is appropriately named. Also reset the clock
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Stressed at work? It might be because you drove through Tacoma. Especially if you don't live or work in Washington State
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Chilean "protestors" shoot down police "drone" with "lasers"
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Investigators wonder why people in the legal weed states are not lying about their usage like in the good old days
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Austrian Army soldier tries to feed service dogs, succeeds
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is National Pickle Day. Let's not have any incidents out there, people
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Fragile ceasefire holds between Israel and smoking pile of rubble
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The Top 10 list of higher ed schools that offer a positive long-term return on investment include -- surprise surprise -- a bunch of private ones you can't afford as well as 2 maritime academies. No word on the color of their flag fringe
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'Meet the Colorado cellist who performs in trees'
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| (Some Rancher) |
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Not content with fattening up your family with the traditional holiday foods, Hidden Valley Ranch is now offering a stocking filled with ranch dressing
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Teacher suspended for not knowing how to send email after screwing up X-rated email to lover and projecting it on classroom whiteboard during lesson
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'Alexander Wilson Elementary School students adopt sea turtle, learn bubble butt syndrome is no laughing matter'
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As a matter of fact, they do come out of a factory
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Police shut down all the schools in Roanoke, VA in the manhunt for a marine deserter accused of killing his mother's boyfriend. Police say the motive for the crime is "unclear", but don't think it'll take Sherlock Holmes to puzzle this one out
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Hong Kong protesters go all Medieval on cops, build catapult to fire petrol bombs as they ramp up war for democracy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this table
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'Tony Hawk, RuPaul Charles to be inducted into California Hall of Fame'
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PETA's Christmas jumper is baaaad
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Tests show lead levels 1,000 times above standard at one Memphis school's drinking fountain. Kids can now form their own fallout shelter right in the classroom
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38-year-old man awarded $2 million after going into the hospital for a circumcision and leaving with a vasectomy instead
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Yo dawg, I hear you like accusations of sex abuse, because this bishop who was investigating accusations of sex abuse has just been handed an accusation of sex abuse
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In case of national emergency, the Swiss government stockpiles essential goods such as sugar, cooking oil, medicine, water, and coffee. For some reason, no booze
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The War on Christmas continues. Turns out that wreaths and lights are too religious. If Jesus was known for one thing, it was electric lighting
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U.S. citizen and PTSD afflicted military veteran receives $190K after being held for three days thanks to Grand Rapids police captain turning him over to ICE. Police captain was suspended for 20 hours so at least he learned his lesson
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American home ownership isn't a dream, it's a nightmare
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All the bugs are disappearing, but don't worry, you don't really need to eat food, do you?
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Oh, that's terrifying
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Kentucky Judge: If you're going to allow pro-Christian vanity license plates, you cannot deny the same of other religions, or atheists
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Woman trying to uncover agent at CIA fails. Seeks solace at Obama's house
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That Costco coupon that your elderly aunt and uncle are posting on Facebook is, of course, a scam. Spread the word, snicker after
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 758: "Monovember - Monochrome". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 13, 2019 |
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I swear I spent hours searching for the perfect card but eventually just gave up and chose this one because the truth is no card could every express how truly sorry I am for what I did
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The Berlin Wall of brightly colored ribbons
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Researchers looked at the selfies people were taking with endangered monk seals. Turns out, people are not particularly cautious around endangered species
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Baltimore Mayor: "I didn't do it"
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Underwater treasure hunters hit the mother lode of booze, salvage hundreds of bottles of rare cognac and liquor from ship that was sunk by a German U-boat during World War I. Booze expert Drew being sent to the scene find out if it's drinkable
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop challenge: Create a tag you'd like to see on Fark
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Pickle the pig manages to delay repairs to a burst water main and stop trains without leaving the comfort of his field. Good job he doesn't have opposable trotters
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Passenger performs "disgusting act" on airplane, above a poor woman's head, using their naked, foot-long appendage
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Police capture Donut shop robber in two minutes. You were expecting any other tag?
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So, uh, we found your cows you lost at sea
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30-50 feral hogs destroy $22K of cocaine in Italy, leading to capture of drug smugglers. Now Italian police only have to worry about 30-50 coked-up feral hogs
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One upside of the impeachment inquiries is that DC bars are opening early with drink specials
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No problems with that legal weed in Califor OOOOOOOOF (warning: violent video)
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NYC woman being investigated over 24,200 bogus 911 calls gets caught making fake 911 call as cops arrive to arrest her
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Man uses drill to make "cat coolers" to help feral cats escape winter cold, will be spared death when the feline uprising happens
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Photoshop the Parthenon
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In Modesto, mighty Modesto, the Lion Bridge cracks tonight
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A new airplane auto-landing system from Garmin can save planes when pilots pass out. And now that's in your head. Pilots. Passing out. While in mid-air
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Bird knocks out power to 24k people in California. Truly amazing how robust the California electric grid is
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Affordable housing has finally returned to Los Angeles, where $800 gets you a "capsule" the size of a bunk in a Navy sub
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Stroking the pussy best way to relax at Minn-St.Paul airport
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Subby doesn't quite know what to make of this, but, batman
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What really happens to a city when MTV films 'Floribama Shore' there
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Not to panic, but Facebook has been taking pictures of your feet while you were sitting on the toilet scrolling through your feed
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It's been eleven years and the answer is still Florida brought this on itself
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Old and busted: Princess Barbie birthday party. New hotness: Great White shark birthday party (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop this whispered secret
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Why headline writers shouldn't microdose: "Cops Bust Unicorn Protesting White Supremacy at Indiana Farmer's Market"
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New York socialite burns through ten divorce lawyers in her quest for getting this over with. Will now represent herself in her two year battle for a child support increase despite the marriage only lasting 14 months
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Gynecologist says you should not use your electric toothbrushes as a sex toy
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According to Massachusetts police, there is such a thing as too much whiskey
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Alibaba says Singles' Day went over like the breakfast shift on a Monday at a strip club down by the river
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Venice is flooded right now but how can they tell?
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In which we finally discover what it takes to get a judge suspended in Indiana. Of course, alcohol was involved. And somewhat surprisingly, White Castle
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We'll all be eating hair pie in the near future. Oh, air pie. Sorry, my mistake. I'll need a few more minutes
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M. Night Shyamalan couldn't write a story this great
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop how you would decorate and/or improve this car dashboard
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Having dogs can increase your lifespan. I have two dogs. Does that mean my lifespan will likely be twice as longer? I want to know now, which is just in time for Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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Black Death confirmed in Red China
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Daddy's Little Slut kids t-shirts may have been removed from Amazon but there's still plenty other off color Xmas merch to buy. Plus hear all about Drew's adventure wearing a #freehongkong shirt courtside at a Warriors home game last week
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Remember that pedestrian bridge collapse at FIU in March 2018 that killed 6 people? Turns out, it wasn't an accident as much as it was intentional gross negligence on the part of everyone but the actual workers
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Family discovers racist clauses still lurk in home sale agreements
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The dome covering the radioactive waste left by the US in the Marshall Islands after our bomb tests is rapidly degrading because of climate change. So of course we're not paying the money we already promised and denying that the mess is even ours too
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Anger management consultant opines on the rash of violence at Popeyes. He encourages people to take a time out to think about their actions and DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT CUTTING THE GOTDAMN LINE OR I WILL CUT YOU
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Finally, a reason to live in a neighborhood with an HOA
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51 children injured after man attacks Chinese kindergarten with sodium hydroxide. YOU LYE
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Mr. Limpet is still 'thrumming' along
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Man attempts to blow up strip club after being kicked out for bad behavior. Apparently getting kicked out did not stop his bad behaviour
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Are you a homeless vet that needs a home? How well do you like Milwaukee?
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| (Some Guy) |
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There is a new hypercar being launched. The most powerful and quickest production car yet. Over 2,000 horsepower. Quicker than a Tesla. So what name did they think fitting for such a car? The Owl. I guess no one ever took a marketing class there
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First, yes, AOL is STILL a thing, and second, enjoy this "controversy" about the pigs in a blanket chew toy being included in something called a BarkBox
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| Tue November 12, 2019 |
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If he was the medical examiner, who will examine the medical examiner? Coast Guard?
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Technically, using a chainsaw does not give you "the edge" in an argument, but it does give your argument teeth. Bonus quote: when asked if the victim needed an ambulance, Stasiuk replied: "I'm going to make sure he doesn't"
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Horny deer smashes through medical center window because he thought his reflection was going to buck-block him
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Suspected "gardeners" break into hardware store, stealing bags of potting soil, pots, and a bird feeder. Also make off with four chainsaws. Maybe they need to fight some evil dead, but that doesn't really explain the bird feeder
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Happy birthday to two Oregon legends, Tonya Harding and blowing up a beached whale
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Catastrophic medical outcomes result as patients are not seen by doctors, but apparently by whatever intern happens to be standing around
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"Begun...the Omaha Inflatable Turkey Wars have"
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"Move fast and break things" worked out great as a governing philosophy for Facebook, so there's no reason we should be worried about the new batch of orbital companies adopting it too, right?
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Reckless driver told cops he was speeding home after "cheating on his wife"
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Eight people hospitalized in hazmat situation in North Hollywood, that strangely does not involve a new Jayden Smith movie
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Florida man loses thousands to a guy playing cards, gets revenge by setting him on fire in a car, but leaves behind a trail of clues including burns on his body and Google searches of "can u shoot through a seat" and "how to treat burns"
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| (Some Test) |
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Photoshop this soil sampler
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Fark NotNewsletter: Watch this video of Fark's Server Monkey going bananas
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Now here's a gender reveal you can get behind (NSFW)
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The federal government wants states to mandate cyclists wear helmets. Cyclists say: Fark that
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She failed the bar exam but decided to open a law firm anyway. Let's see if anyone noticed
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Cat swap costs man frequent flyer miles
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"Catastrophic Fire Day" proves to be one of the least popular Australian holidays
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Fisherman survives crocodile attack by going all Three Stooges on him and poking him in the eye
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Want to visit Harrod's famous Christmas grotto this year? Hope you've spent some money during the year. "Visiting Father Christmas shouldn't be reserved for those that are fortunate enough to frequent the store and spend thousands of pounds"
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Jordan foils plot against diplomats and US troops. Hopefully, this will finally get him in the Hall of Fame
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85-year-old man converts mobility scooter into a tank. You'll stay off his lawn now, whippersnappers
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New investigation reveals priests accused and found guilty of pedophilia have evaded the sex offender registry and are preaching at a parish near you
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Felicity Huffman, Paris Hilton, and Naomi Campbell have all had to perform community service as a result of being arrested and convicted for some wrongdoing. Let's take a look at what their respective sentences actually looked like, shall we?
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Rare three antlered deer spotted in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Status of legendary five assed monkey or hypothetical sober Yooper unknown
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Over 100 explosions have happened in Sweden this year, above and beyond people eating surströmming
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Charity auctions, beauty queens, and classic movies are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, Nov. 2-9: It's Too Early To Be This Cold Edition
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Manhattan man scores bigtime with Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, claims he found half-smoked joint inside it
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Eight UK apartments evacuated after explosion. Say what you want, but those eel pies can be powerful stuff
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At what point can you get in trouble for pointing your pointer finger at someone? Florida woman made it a point to find out
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| (Some Cats) |
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Photoshop this herd of cats
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Why New York City may have just put up an ISIS statue in Brooklyn
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Hot Diarrhea Attack, not just a cool name for your taco stand smooth jazz band
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How a shadowy abusive cult operated in New York for decades, headed by an actress from the film "Slaughterhouse Five"
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Critic gives stage performance in Saudi Arabian capital a rare 'three knives down' rating
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Donate canned goods and receive free beer. Its a Fark dream come true
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| (Some Guy) |
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TFette is doing her master's thesis on alts, and needs your input. Fill out her survey on why you have alts and what you do with them
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King of Swaziland distributes his wealth among the needy, solves country's huge public health problems. LOL, jk: He buys a Rolls Royce for each of his 15 wives, plus a few spares (possible nsfw content on page)
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While it's good form to donate unused items to Goodwill, it's best to stick to clothes and shoes and not, say, bear spray
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"Experts" are only just now starting to realize that holding constant "active shooter drills" in schools might be traumatizing students far more than helping them. "We don't light a fire in the hallway to practice fire drills"
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San Diego State University freshman becomes the proverbial "one guy who ruins it for everybody" as the University suspends all 14 on-campus fraternities after he dies shortly after attending a fraternity-sponsored event
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Protip: Be careful when using initials on clothing because they also may have another meaning
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1,000 year old UK castle wall collapses (no injuries). Inspectors offer "advice and support" a day late and a pound short
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'A man has been taken to a local medical facility after running naked through Fayetteville.'
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Some of the worst baby names of 2019 include: Chardonnay, Khaleesi, Danger, Blaykelee, Fark, Cletus, and Pinches. Hey one of those is actually fantastic (possible nsfw content on page)
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Man in richest county in richest state in richest country in the world wonders why homeless people won't go away when he calls the cops
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You can be - what you want to - and all you need is to get your boogie down. This is LP #1300. LGT LP #1299
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| (Some New Wave Guy) |
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Long time Farker has a radio show diving into the historical vaults of alt, indie, goth, post-punk, shoegaze, etc, plus new cuts from the genres. Tune in to hear what terrestrial radio doesn't sound like. Starts at 1.00PM ET, LGT streaming options
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Anthrax may be the next tool in the fight against bladder cancer. Still no cure for Creed or Stapp infections
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There is no 8chan only 8kun. And you don't have enough proxies to get there
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Serial dine and dash offender gets... it says here... his just desserts (possible nsfw content on page)
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Hospital invokes the ten day rule. Thankfully it didn't invoke the five second one
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"A survey conducted by market research firm Euromonitor International found that more than half of U.S. men now say they've tried some kind of facial cosmetic, whether that's foundation, concealer or bronzer." OK, groomer
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The dominant human emotion is happiness except on the politics tab
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On this day in history, in 1864, General William T. Sherman stared down at the city of Atlanta and cracked his knuckles
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Denver to pay $300,000 for arresting man for being naked in his own 10th-floor hotel room
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For those of you raised by wolves on the spectrum, here's an etiquette guide on behavior while you're a guest in someone's home. And yes, "I clogged the toilet, wat do?" is on there
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Sixteen dead as two trains collide in Bangladesh. If only there were some way to keep track of where the trains were going
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Man arrested for dumping dead body in Banana River is certain to file a peel
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The makers of a South African gin infused with elephant poop swear it's no gimmick. Don't know that it's much of a selling point either
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Racy ad campaign actually helped more people find the G-spot
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today is "National Pizza with the Works Except for Anchovies Day" because screw anchovies, apparently. And pineapple but perhaps it's implied
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Is it time for Smokey the Bear, 75, to retire? Not only his age, but, well......the whole "prevent fires" message doesn't seem to be working
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Retirees upsizing their houses when they move south. "It's not just a house; I bought a lifestyle." OK, Boomer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this model VF 3 CNC milling machine
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Ron Lafferty, 78, famous Utah death row inmate, misses his final cigarette by that much
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Hospital gives out candy in prescription pill bottles to children at a career day. Some parents have a problem with this because they're not real pills and they have a problem
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Frisky lemur motorboats Playboy model during her visit to rescue center. Was that wrong? Should the lemur not have done that? (possible nsfw content on page)
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Mark Cuban invested $250K in matching clothes for dogs and humans, and you deserve the looks you get
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Giant Meteor, I am disappoint
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While Illinois is preparing to legalize THC, those in public housing won't be allowed to possess the drug
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How journalism can survive and thrive. Having links to your publication's articles hit Fark's main page is definitely one answer
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Gaza go boom. Al-Ata dead. Everybody panic
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Sixty mile chase ends with an escape in a mall. Guess they were on a mission from God
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Vanilla Funk is: A) A new Ben & Jerry's flavor, B) The general malaise felt by The GOP, or C) The white drum major at a predominantly black high school
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You should not say "thank you for your service" to a veteran as it rings hollow
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Fark should have a temporary "Popeyes" tag
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Massachusetts man finally gets reply to a message in a bottle he put in Atlantic nine years ago as a boy: "Quit putting trash in the ocean"
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Nature branches out for new death hazards
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"Miller and Nealey were in Florida for special training in distinguishing between homicides, suicides and natural deaths in death scene investigations." One of them died. Training class pissed about extra problem to solve
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| Mon November 11, 2019 |
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So...remember that story about the "bride" absconding with "donor's" money to the tune of $30K? Yeah...about that. Turns out, it was all an elaborate hoax
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Where Alabama homeless veterans can find help to the left; where homeless veterans can get help in your neck of the woods to the right
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Arby's location forgets that it's a farking Arby's, and not some fancy restaurant
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Let's get pedantic about getting high in Colorado
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You're landing a 727, and you get a gear warning. The flight engineer recommends you recycle the gear. The first officer recommends you go around. Do you A) recycle the gear, B) go around, or C) say "ah I'm gonna go... I got, it, I got it"
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Former President Jimmy Carter admitted to Emory University Hospital for surgery to relieve pressure on his brain
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Noblesse oblige isn't a great stain remover
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Pub crawl in North Korea? Tour offers St Patrick's Day party like no other ...because when you think of great St Patrick's Day destinations to get tanked you think of NK
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Here's a list of restaurants giving away free food to veterans today. Bonus: Fark favorite Chuck E. Cheese makes the list
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Photoshop this early sk8r boi
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Are you a drug user in need of needles? The sea shall provide
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What are we up to tonight? "N"? Ok we've passed the halfway point of the swing through the alphabet on Paul's Memory Bank (8PM ET)
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Florida Woman's bail set at $750,004 after failing to stop when a passenger fell out of her car and died. No word on what the extra four bucks was for
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Just when you think you have it all figured out - turns out that who you played in the nativity pageant definitively decides how much you will make. Sorry, sheep. Helloooo ... oxen?
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Florida . . . Man . . . pleads . . . guilty . . . to . . . trafficking . . . tortoise
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What's the secret to this 100-year-old WWII Vet's longevity? "I live by the five W's," he said without missing a beat. "Wine, whiskey and wild, wild women"
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Even if you're not descended from aliens who came from another star system, you're probably pretty valuable as a blood donor (possible nsfw content on page)
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American Airlines flight 4125 now landing at O'Hare's Gate 2... Gate 3... Gate 4... Gate 5... and it's off the runway
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Sharks headed for Florida now, and not the kind that make loans with 100% interest rates
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Photoshop theme: advertise a fake product
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Inmate who attempted to remove tobacco from another inmate's rectum with toothbrush loses appeal. Story does not clarify whose toothbrush was used
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It is illegal to feed elk in Pennsylvania. Still okay to feed Masons, Hibernians, Knights of Columbus and Odd Fellows. But don't make a video, just to be safe
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Woman who was body slammed in Popeyes parking lot denies using racial slurs. Clarifies if she did use racial slurs, it was in the heat of the moment (disturbing video)
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On this day in history, in 1918, World War One formally came to an end, with the world exhausted by war and fearing that its unfortunate naming choice had trapped them into a bleak future of increasingly bad sequels
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The Onion continues its transformation from satire to a regular news outlet
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At last night's Cavs-Knicks game, the National Anthem was played by a 96-year-old World War II veteran on a harmonica. It doesn't get more Veterans Day than that
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Founder of White Helmets commits suicide, presumably after whipping up a fresh batch of sarin IEDs and catching up on correspondence with the CIA and Al Qaeda
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Anyone else think this Black Privilege is getting out of control? Check out this uppity guy that had the nerve to eat food while going to the train. EAT FOOD people, he's eating food while black. This mayhem has to stop
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Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning. We will wish them a happy new year
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Family desperate for answers after man plummets 60 ft over Victor Falls. My personal opinion, gravity
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