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Sun September 29, 2019
(Public Radio International)
 
 
 
♬ Walked out this morning / Don't believe what I saw / A 50 year old bottle / Washed up on the shore / Seemed like I'd never find where it was from / A hundred online Facebook sleuths / Found the writer's home ♬
source: pri.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
We're only making plans for Nigels
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Elementary school cancels Halloween party to "honor the school value of equity and to be inclusive." Some kids and parents have a problem with this
source: digitaledition.chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this embroidery machine
 
(Ozarks First)
 
 
 
Washington man needs some TLC after plummeting 30 feet off waterfall
source: ozarksfirst.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Santa Rosa Press Democrat)
 
 
 
Police spend two hours wandering around corn maze in search of criminal
source: pressdemocrat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(St. Catharine's Standard)
 
 
 
Today's mass shooting brought to you by ... St. Catharines, Ontario? At a grape and wine festival?? O Canada, what's happened to you???
source: stcatharinesstandard.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wyoming News Now)
 
 
 
Spraying gas all over someone trying to steal your car at the gas station turns out to be a pretty effective way to get them to go away. Luckily this car thief ran away before any lit matches got involved
source: wyomingnewsnow.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
Maybe the air freshener was the wrong color?
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Dairy farmers seen investing in Kevlar vests
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
If you left a black doll with a noose around its neck at the Illinois Math and Science Academy, police would like to arrest you
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this diver
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
These new GI Joe toys look amazing
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 8000 La Crosse)
 
 
 
As homecoming approaches, the La Farge police department would like to remind students that they need to get the homeowner's consent before toilet-papering local residences
source: news8000.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Thanks to beige diets, picky eating, and aversion to veggies, scurvy is back on the rise
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
 
 
Stealing your grandmother's van and taking it on a 30 mile joy ride is bad. Being only nine years old when you do it is worse
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Objects in mirror are closer than they appear
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Weather Channel)
 
 
 
And Lorenzo's getting laaaaaaarger
source: weather.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Iceland Review)
 
 
 
Photoshop this geothermal energy worker in a geodesic dome
source: icelandreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Ever been locked out of something or maybe locked in? What are your stories?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
It's always hard to drive in windy conditions
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in Hong Kong ( as seen from a tall building )
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Delish.com)
 
 
 
September 29th, the day we celebrate the most important invention in history: coffee. Here's where you can score the best deals on National Coffee Day
source: delish.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Zealand Herald)
 
 
 
"Hackers" stream porn movie for hours to screens above shoe store. Article is useless with the pixelated video
source: nzherald.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Storm brewing in the western Rockies could drop up to four inches of snow. I'm sorry, I meant feet. Four feet of snow
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
French Spiderman caught climbing a building that is only 42 stories tall
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(6ABC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
If you're going to illegally dump a load of trash on a city street, don't get caught on video, especially if you're driving a City of Philadelphia trash truck
source: 6abc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat September 28, 2019
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady))
 
 
 
The corpse on the bus gets stiff stiff stiff, stiff stiff stiff, stiff stiff stiff when left overnight
source: dailygazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
I'll try some bean dip. Hold the meth
source: www-m.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jacksonville.com)
 
 
 
Viking funeral, Florida-style
source: jacksonville.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Antioch trolls vegans, PETA
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this art exhibit
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Headline raises more questions than it answers: "Navy divers destroy WW2 bomb found in 17th Century warship"
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Oversized jawa breaks into bar at 4 AM on a Thursday, does $1,000 worth of damage in order to steal $75 worth of liquor. Police looking to find his identity, whereabouts, Fark handle
source: wfmynews2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
♬ ♫ And everbody's sayin' that there's nobody meaner... Than that little old lady near Pasadena... She's gotta little Sharpie for a calling card.. She's the terror of Colorado Boulevard... ♫ ♬
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this unamused cat
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Well, to be honest, that bong hit really WAS the bomb. Just sayin', dude
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Do you know how fast you were driving, mister? Go sit in time-out and think about what you did
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Snap crackle duuuuuude
source: philadelphia.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Bird Brain)
 
 
 
That horrific birdpocalypse? There was a coordinated media campaign to hawk a conclusion that may have been a bit of ostrich. It's not a cardinal sin or ill eagle, but publicists made the ornithologists look stork raven mad, and should eat crow
source: undark.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Orangutan granted human rights moving to Florida to retire, possibly write memoir
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Caption this scene at the library
source: cantonpl.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Let's just make it easy for the FAA and agree to never set foot in any plane that starts with a "7"
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Oh, the huge manatee
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTEN Texoma)
 
 
 
Lawsuit settled after Malaysian flag in Kansas mistaken for American flag with ISIS symbols
source: kten.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this 1965 catalog cover to make it appropriate for 2019
source: live.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Above the Law)
 
 
 
Dr. Leon Advogato, a lawyer from Brazil, is ready to take your case on Caturday
source: abovethelaw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
There's nothing funny about a clown standing in the moonlight
source: kark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 58 Milwaukee)
 
 
 
Guy applies for a job, inadvertently puts on his resume that he has a "G.E.D. in biochemistry." HR worker thinks that's Facebook-worthy. Applicant believes that's lawsuit-worthy
source: cbs58.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox2 Detroit)
 
 
 
Airline flight too stuffy? Fellow passengers farting too much? Just roll down the window or open the door
source: fox2detroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Woman pumping gas receives a boot to the head from a deer. With "You got cervid" video
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
$1,600 worth of bras stolen from Victoria's Secret. Police are hoping to bust these ladies
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Pop quiz, hotshot. The hot air balloon you're riding has just lost its pilot. What do you do? What do you do?
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Free advice: It's best not to adjust the gun in your waistband while watching a football game with your friends
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
White Claw drinkin' Florida woman learns that rhyming legal advice is not always accurate
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Princeton graduate who murdered his father for cutting his allowance gets grounded and sent to his room for 30 years
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Subby going out today to buy Jennifer Lawrence figurines
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Let's see what $800k buys you in San Francisco VS what it buys you in Texas. Of course if you bought the McMansion you'd have to live in Texas
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri September 27, 2019
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
There's the sinus headache, and there's the migraine headache, and there's the bullet lodged in your skull headache, and there's the tension-----wait a minute, go back one
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
The moral of the story is, always buy the extended warranty. Or else
source: amp.local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Today's "Naked man on the airport tarmac" brought to you by Birmingham Alabama
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Federal judge to Trump: "Just because you tell me it is night outside doesn't mean it is not day." In addition, please don't micturate on her lower appendages and call it atmospheric precipitation
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
He should have claimed he was drunk when he accepted plea deal
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Coach-class minion has the audacity to try and use a first-class bathroom on cross country flight, gets arrested for being out of class
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Cameron Strang, the son of influential Christian magazine publisher Stephen Strang, is stepping down as CEO of his own popular progressive Christian magazine amid accusations of sexism, racism and losing the green time stone
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
This is a strong woman, a beautiful strong woman. The world is a much better place because of Marcia Nelson and people like her. Organ donation is so very important, please consider being a donor and telling your family
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Protip for aspiring pizza delivery robbers: Don't use your own phone to make the order and lure the driver like this genius did
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Australia, where pulling monster snakes out of people's homes is a daily occurrence. NOPE thanks
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop this dining room with an expansive view
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Look at me from your car, while both of our cars are stopped at a red light? That's a murderin'
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Residents fighting to keep Evangelicals out of Sanford, possibly because Lamont suspects another scam
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Pet owners in Australia could be fined up to $2,700 for failing to walk their dogs, which is hardly surprising coming from the place that gave us Hitler
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Hey, everybody, my mom just had a column published in the Guardian and...ah, jeez, she only used to overshare at Thanksgiving
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
A Florida deputy has been placed on leave after a woman reported that she gave him oral sex at a homeless camp while he was on duty. His defense is that all he did was watch her masturbate in a tent
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local 12 Cincinnati)
 
 
 
Protip: If you work at the drive thru window, always make sure the customer's order is right. And also, don't take front and back pictures of the customers' credit cards
source: local12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
The main question: will the final list of eateries include Taco Bell?
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Anyone who has ever worked in retail will feel her pain. Especially if they'd been out all night drinking the night before (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
Man pulls emergency switch after falling in shower. Neighbor comes to locked apartment door and calls 911 after hearing screams for help. Then things get bad
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Apparently, New York has prisons on the moon
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Cyclomer
source: scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Now that Saudi Arabia is open to tourists, you can visit famous airstrike craters, see where journalist murders were planned, and walk in the footsteps of 9/11 hijackers
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Islam is on the decline in Iran, with women leading the way. In other news, Persian women are hot. Yes, literally, but I also meant the other way
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
U.S. Air Force Airman pulled a person from a flaming car, served on a Presidential security detail, helped rescue Thai kids trapped in a cave, and saved the lives of both a SEAL and a baby. No, not all on the same day. But it's still impressive
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Too much fun headline of the day: "Major party foul closes N.J. highway ramp after beer truck couldn't hold its liquor"
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PetaPixel)
 
 
 
Right out of Shakespeare's Winter's Tale, exit bride and groom, pursued by bear
source: petapixel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
China demands to know why everyone blames them for hacking, according to statement by Zhao');DROP TABLE students;--
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Russia seizes 262 Best Korean fishermen and 30,000 illegally poached squid. Hopes for their release depend on Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un agreeing on some kind of squid pro quo
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
"Hey girl, here's my penis." - "Hey boy, here's mine" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Black Hole Star Shredder is the name of my new Star Wars punk tribute band
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KRDO Colorado Springs)
 
 
 
Let's review the times when it is NOT helpful to call the police: A. When you're black. B. When the meth you purchased is fake. C. When the hooker you hired steals your wallet
source: krdo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark and Schnitt)
 
 
 
Todd powers through a colonoscopy and a 16-hour day while Drew lays out plans for the weekend now that Kentucky's speed limits have been declared unconstitutional. Plus all about Truck Stop Florida Woman and Camel Testicles
source: podcasts.apple.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Used leather armchair for sale. Very low price, mostly because several months ago the cushion got soaked in maggot-infested blood. But don't worry: A little saddle soap will make it just like new (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Des Moines Register: Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Connecticut Post)
 
 
 
Beer, ravioli and a hot pink thong. Boy, a fella could have a pretty good weekend with those
source: ctpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Jesus didn't take the wheel
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 1938, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt appealed to Hitler for peace, a tactic which might have changed the course of history had he not begun his missive with "Listen, you one-balled smarmy c**ksucker"
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Farker is going to the butt doctor. What entertaining thing should they draw or write on *that* area to amuse the doc?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Further testing of the vapes that made people sick reveals that yes, this problem would have been mitigated if people had access to a legal, controlled marijuana market
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
. . . and if you believe that, Washington State DOT has a bridge to sell you
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Even Satan can't stand the Westboro Baptists
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vintage Everyday)
 
 
 
Vintage ads containing children have to be wholesome. Have to be, right? Righhhhhttt
source: vintag.es   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Pope urges Silicon Valley to avoid slide to new 'barbarism,' possibly fearing the rise of Cyber Conan and the Techno Vikings
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Researchers encourage scissoring for health benefits
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Bakersfield sheriff has a plan for the homeless? The Dickens, you say
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
Well, that's convenient
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Getting a job in a jail + helping a woman escape + getting caught and going to jail + getting out and hooking up with your ex + getting drunk + fighting + thinking you've killed her + hiding out in the woods is no way to keep your leg, son (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Skydiver dies after crashing into truck after jumping out of her plane. Which again proves why people and trucks should not be skydiving together
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wired)
 
 
 
Photoshop this alien gathering
source: media.wired.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 17 Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
WWII veteran celebrates 100th birthday at bowling alley. Even better: Bowls a 140. Fark: He hit 200 as recently as April
source: fox17online.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Highway construction company fined $445,000 for: a) industrial manslaughter; b) gross constuction faults; or c) farty smells?
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Deer can now not only cause you to wreck your car, but can also give you tuberculosis as well
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
"When asked how many Nazis she had killed or helped kill, she demurred: 'One should not ask a soldier any of that.'" So, a lot
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
This arrest is the GOAT. No, really, it's a goat
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Baggage handler accused of stealing $300K in cash released on $80K bail. truly a mystery how he had that much cash available for bail
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Get off my lawn. New grumpiness: Stop moving my rocks
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox9 Minneapolis)
 
 
 
STOP. Squirrel time. Pulaski's Best goes nuts
source: fox9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metal Injection)
 
 
 
Someone turned Greta Thunberg's UN speech into a death metal song 🤘
source: metalinjection.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(International Business Times)
 
 
 
South Korean mayor makes sure there will be plenty of trash on the beach for "Clean-up Day"
source: ibtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Yeah um, Pizza Rat is still the BOSS of Gotham town Nutella Squirrel. Go dumpster dive somewhere else
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
San Francisco residents pool money to cover their sidewalk in anti-homeless boulders. City officials vow to sanction them. No, the other kind of "sanction"
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Think you've felt bad buyer's remorse before? *Brazilians* were disappointed in this dumb purchase
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu September 26, 2019
(WJRT)
 
 
 
Well, Grand Blanc DOES translate to Great White. So maybe it is Nazism
source: abc12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military Times)
 
 
 
Military PX says - Vaping = bad. Enjoying the smooth flavor of 100% Virginia grade tobacco in your T zone = Good
source: militarytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sacramento)
 
Video
 
Get your motor runnin', head out on the highway, lookin' for adventure, and the jerk who stole my wallet
source: sacramento.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spiegel)
 
 
 
Der Spiegel goes to Drew's Jungle Lair. Danilo holds Fark Party in Bogotá. Drew unavailable for comment
source: spiegel.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
How about them apples?
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
The Wiscasset police department has a standard procedure for old ladies who drive through walls -- file a report so she has to take a road test next license renewal
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wired)
 
 
 
Photoshop this bird watcher
source: media.wired.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
Spilled milk isn't worth crying over, but thrown milk can get you arrested
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Walking in to work like
source: geo.tv   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
Tailgating driver Airdrops message that he doesn't like being number two
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Voice of America)
 
 
 
Photoshop this flower hopper
source: media.voltron.voanews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
As attack drones multiply, Israeli firms are developing defense systems. But can they defend against an incoming third useless election there?
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Four-foot python found under back porch in Milwaukee, will soon become giant bratwurst
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Japan Airlines introduces seat selection tool to avoid sitting near infants
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Why frequent fliers are the devil. Signed, some author who lives in the middle of Europe and doesn't have a passport
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sacramento)
 
 
 
Sacramento McDonald's installs an outdoor anti-loitering siren. Let's see how a drive thru customer likes it
source: sacramento.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
A drone drops a bag of marijuana and other contraband to an inmate in an Ohio prison. Also narrowly misses scoring three points in cornhole
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Woman with garden shears prunes a little more than the overgrowth of lover's willy plant during bondage sex (don't scroll down if you're sensitive about blood)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
36 years ago today, Stanislav Petrov saved the world
source: petrovday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
"And on that note, we, for one, would like to welcome our new insect overlords," the [Philadelphia Police] department quipped
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
And the world record for longest nail extensions goes to the lovely.......dude over there. Uh
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Judge rules paralyzed man is a flight risk and must remain behind bars
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Match.com played games with fake ads. FTC announces lawsuit. After settlement, claimants can fill out a form to receive _____
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NOAA)
 
 
 
Hurricane Lorenzo oiled up to a Cat 3; expected to move north into the middle of the Atlantic
source: nhc.noaa.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Who wants to ride this record-breaking waterslide with Subby?
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Utah Booze News podcast tackles White Claw, stripper pasties and a tavern inside a grocery store. Then it gets, no, this is already weird
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Wanna make friends at a wedding? Wear a dress that looks like a HOO-HAW and see what happens like this woman did
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
Father, aunt arrested after toddler is found on roof of home. Speculation of how a toddler gets on roof to the right
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
$300,000 goes missing on flight at JFK airport. Authorities searching for Jimmy, Tommy, Carbone, Frenchy, Joe Buddha, Johnny Roasbeef, even Stacks Edwards
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
Weeners
 
"Hey shoplifter, is that a suspicious package in your pants or just your 10 inch penis?"
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Harrisburg is a safe city, except for 1/3 square mile area that has had 88.88% of the city's homicides this year
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Sweetie)
 
 
 
Photoshop this moon walker
source: i.redd.it   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS San Francisco)
 
 
 
California, here I come, to set your hills on fire with my lighter gun
source: sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Jacques Chirac, who knocked Iraq hawks, now defunct
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS San Francisco)
 
 
 
Freemont, CA. Police Department soliciting bids for a longer Extension cord
source: sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
15 things about life in the U.S. that are super not-normal. Come for the circumcision, stay for the rehearsal dinner. List fails though without the Electoral College, medical bill bankruptcy, and school shootings
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
God and religion didn't save my baby from cancer. Medical science did
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Off-duty cop tries to stop off-duty cop from speeding. Off-duty cop pulls out gun and shoots off-duty cop. Off-duty cop/
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Never bring a samurai sword out on GARBAGE DAY
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Why you shouldn't kill the spiders in your home, by 100 spiders swarming a keyboard
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
Truck driver cracks up and scrambles 136,000 eggs. Tired of coddling bystanders that were poaching the eggs, hard boiled cops said they would fry for it
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Upper Michigan's Source)
 
 
 
Giant sink-hole swallows parts of US-2 in Michigan. Since it is a Michigan road it's surprising that anybody noticed
source: uppermichiganssource.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Tip to the DA: when they ask you why you're in the county jail, go with robbery or public urination or anything but I pissed off the judge by violating a gag order I knew about since January
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(10TV Columbus)
 
 
 
Donte Slash and Abraham Shears arrested in connection to deadly knife attack
source: 10tv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 751: "Software Hootenanny 9". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed September 25, 2019
(KATV Little Rock)
 
 
 
It's important to remove all belongings from your shopping cart before leaving it at the cart return area. Especially your baby
source: katv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
With sea level rise looming, Dutch government plans to reinforce the Afsluitdijk, adding more concrete, possibly more consonants
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 1775, Ethan Allen is captured by the British, who were in control of the city of Montreal and no doubt wanted some high-end stylish furniture and home accessories, possibly decorating design services as well
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
Airport gets in trouble for showing underage landing strip on Twitter
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Woman rescued after getting stuck on top of crane in Seattle, showing yet again why Frasier always had that smirk
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
Math question. A hot dog stand owner writes a check for $531 and drops it in the mailbox. Two days later, it comes back to him as a $6,300 cashed check. Why are Americans still having to write checks?
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Cop lucks out with Costco's buy-one-shoot-one-free special
source: nbclosangeles.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Ancient sippie cups discovered in Bavaria. The real news is that they weren't filled with beer
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baltimore Sun)
 
 
 
A different kind of house boat
source: baltimoresun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this beverage
source: postprohibition.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Irish Post US)
 
 
 
Irish fisherman strikes gold, catches monster 8ft tuna worth almost €3 million. Well kinda struck gold, he let it go
source: irishpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
New Zealand university student found dead in his dorm room. Fark: TWO MONTHS after he died
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Boris Johnson says the best way to honor Jo Cox - the pro-Remain MP who was murdered by a pro-Brexit ultranationalist - is to... wait for it... "get Brexit done"
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Sorry officer, I'm late for work and don't got time for that
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Once I snorted you, now I die from you, this tainted coke you've given, I give you all a boy could give you, take my life and that's not nearly all...tainted coke, whoa oh oh tainted coke
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
'Person planning to float to Kentucky on log rescued from Mississippi River'
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IGN)
 
 
 
Alexa, what's the weather today? Currently it's 75 degrees with a chance of showers later today motherfarker, did I stutter?
source: ign.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Oh, that's just Mickey Mouse heading down the row of urinals to stand right beside you and let you know he's a vegan now
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this man ahead of his time
source: histmed.collegeofphysicians.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida man dies after rousing rendition of "You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel" on I-95
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston 25 News)
 
 
 
Signs stating "Islam was right about women" cause intense A: outrage from Muslims B: outrage from women C: confusion from everyone
source: boston25news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Edgy standup comic pleads guilty to burning down local synagogue. Whoops, my bad, it was a homeless guy who immediately realized his error and tried to spit on fire he set. Well, they look alike
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
"Now here's the pic of my wife and me at the beach. Here's Billy hitting a home run at his baseball game. This is the homeless guy I set on fire. And this one is little Susie at dance recital. Doesn't she look cute in that tutu? What?"
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a beautiful Nordic woman summoning cows with an ancient herding call
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Mont Blanc is losing a lot of its blanc. This is the worst Match Game ever
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
🎶 Last night a DJ stole his wife 🎶
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Tropical Storm Karen to meander in Atlantic for days, possibly demanding to see your supervisor
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Retired trooper suing for his right to take a gun into an Iron Maiden concert is not afraid to shoot strangers, having seen the evil that men do and knowing that if you don't run for the hills, you gotta be quick or be dead
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
There are better things to hydrate you than water. Please let it be whiskey. Please let it be whiskey. Please let it be whiskey
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Gazette)
 
 
 
For the last time, there are no hitmen on the internet. Also, if you've been expelled from medical school, trying to have the person killed who said you were expelled is simply bad form
source: thegazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Couple ecstatic to receive wrong package in mail
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Man caught with 1,000 marijuana plants tries to convince police they're peppermint plants
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
Just because Native Americans performed liver surgery with the "Native American scalpel," doesn't mean that you should try it today
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Doorbell camera shows coyote charging at girl in her front yard. Girl runs away yelling, "Meep meep!"
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Man visiting Disneyland Paris takes LSD, falls into a lake, and emerges confused and naked hours later. Officials at Disneyland Paris were just thrilled someone came to visit
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Weird food concoctions, Classic TV, and old books are on this week's Fark Weird News Quiz, Sept. 15-21 Jerky Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Area man raises $1 million to support charity. We better dig through his old tweets to make sure he didn't say anything bad
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Trying to wean yourself off the stupid thrill-seeker selfie craze? This should do it
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
This is how to train your cat to be a dog
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Fronts)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Vintage Hen
source: cdn.vox-cdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Daisy the beagle proves that motherly love has no boundaries when she becomes a surrogate mother to two kittens. Welcome to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Tennessean)
 
 
 
Protip: If you're a cop and are responding to a call of a man lying down in the middle of the highway, please drive carefully
source: tennessean.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Drunk couple? Check. Stumbling into neighbor's backyard? Check. Public sex? Check. Florida? Oh that's a big 'ol check
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
The joy of divorce parties
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
The Army posts ad looking for corpses and frozen body parts
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Thailand becoming the most liberal country in Asia when it comes to marijuana
source: wikileaf.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
The Rt. Hon. the Baroness Hale of Richmond DBE, President of the UK's Supreme Court trending. Because of yesterday's big announcement? Nope, it's because of her brooch
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Performance issues with Washington Monument's newly upgraded erection system blamed on mixed signals, mishandling, and inexperience, according to Mike Litterst
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
"We need to move the road over a few feet." "Should we move the utility pole, too?" "The what now?"
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Tree company prunes stranded pilot from top of tree
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Coast Guard intercepts cocaine submarine, in an octopus's garden, in the shade
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue September 24, 2019
(CNN)
 
 
 
Non-celebrity rich person gets four months in prison for USC admissions scam
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Sweetly maddening miraculous beatific benevolent overlord and savior of mankind wishes you would take it easy on the adjectives
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Karen doesn't care about your useless "earthquake". Also, she's sinking into a bit of a depression
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Generalísimo Francisco Franco to be still dead somewhere else
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mad River Union)
 
 
 
Help bring awareness to the plight of the elusive human-sized squirrel. It may sound like acorny hoax, but would a nut be able to offer a $1 million reward for proof of the murrel's existence?
source: madriverunion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveLeak)
 
 
 
Get in loser, we are going clowning
source: liveleak.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Is it autumn or is it fall? Either way, it's not camel-biting season
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Gun)
 
 
 
Photoshop this sticky situation
source: greaseexpert.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPXI.com)
 
 
 
The worst part of America's Opioid Crisis is that it can cause some people to go from codeine to blow
source: wpxi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Women, robots, space stations.... Best. Moon Mission. Ever (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Reckless dad who bungee jumped while holding his 2-year-old daughter on the backlash he's facing: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Brooklyn has been invaded by Teletubbies for some reason
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
New Jersey's most dangerous water park generated five to ten ambulance trips to the hospital per day, and now there's a documentary: Class Action Park
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida man checks out of hospital, has condition downgraded to 'immediately struck by car'
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop a cleaner version of this pool
source: media.glacvcd.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Amid wars, natural disasters, and acrimonious politics, let us take a moment to revel in this man's world record tortilla toss
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Apparently, bath salts are still a thing
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Freeway shut down in Avocado Heights as tanker truck overturns, frustrating commuters who claim it was perfectly green just minutes ago
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Bad: Intense heat and drought in western Spain have caused water levels at a reservoir to drop precipitously. Good: They found a new "Stonehenge"
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Confession in "Making a Murderer" killing. SURPRISE TWIST: confession is from someone other than the two convicted for the murder
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
You can't enter Heaven unless Jesus enters you. Lube up, buttercup
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
The greatest inventor of the 21st century is a 9-year-old girl who put cheese into a lip balm tube so she could snack on it in class (w/pics)
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 1969, the Chicago 8 trial opened, eventually proving that you can't get justice in a courthouse but you can sure have some fun if you turn it into a funhouse
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
Weeners
 
A painting of Channing Tatum's scrotum has sold for more than $6,000
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
93-year-old WWII veteran gets to fly on a B-17 again
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Couple accused of abandoning adopted daughter claim she is actually an adult posing as a child and was trying to kill them
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMTW Portland)
 
 
 
Apparently, blue lobsters are so rare, they just keep netting them in Maine
source: wmtw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPLC Lake Charles)
 
 
 
Subby can't decide if there's a "replace all" error here or if the suspect's actual surname is "ICAL-Quip," so she's asking Fark to decide
source: kplctv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
For personal protection, experts recommend a concealed: a.) handgun, b.) knife, c.) avocado
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Delish.com)
 
 
 
You can be a Sexy Beyond Burger this Halloween, driving the Food, Geek, and Entertainment tabs batty
source: delish.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Dolphins go on bizarro hippy crack-style bender after 'smoking' a puffed up puffer fish
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
So how did you celebrate your Chicagohenge?
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WNEP Scranton)
 
 
 
Wedding guest pulls knife, threatens to rape and kill everyone at reception, is really committed to his Dothraki cosplay
source: wnep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, it's off to work to endure tourists who scream, punch and even grope we go
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this classy chassis
source: tiresandparts.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
It's the 30th anniversary of the Labradoodle's debut; let's hear from the breeder who created them: I released a Frankenstein's monster. The majority are crazy or have a hereditary problem. Why people are breeding them today, I haven't got a clue
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Russian Navy vessel attacked and sunk by rogue SEAL. Wait, sorry, large walrus. Don't scare us like that, dugong it
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Now that is an interesting strategy, claim self defense after you murdered a man who you say confronted you while you were intruding in his home
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
Need a halloween costume? Why not go as a can of sexy White Claw? In other news, this article is not a paid advertisement for White Claw...maybe
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Navy Times)
 
 
 
A study in Navy
source: navytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Things hitting Puerto Rico: hurricanes, paper towels and insults thrown by Trump, and now 6.0 earthquakes in hurricane season
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Breeze)
 
 
 
Redondo Beach Pier will say goodbye to an ancient arcade at the end of the year. Santa Cruz and Santa Monica piers still have their arcades -- and vampires and murderous dopplegangers
source: dailybreeze.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Court rules that hangovers are an illness. Subby expects to use a lot more sick time at work
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KRTV Great Falls)
 
 
 
Identical triplets born on Palindrome Day. WOW
source: krtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Utah man has a problem with someone smoking too close to his place of business, tries to extinguish their beef
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
New book explores all the animals that tasted so good we ate them into extinction. Mmmm, carrier pigeon
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon September 23, 2019
(Patch)
 
 
 
Must have been one of Amazon's grave shift workers, or dead beat driver, or fill in the blanks ____________
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Let's see...two vaginas, plus two wombs, equals four babies?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Chanel Miller, woman assaulted by Brock Turner, speaks out publicly for first time. If you're reading this as an anthropologist 1,000 years in the future: This is a feminist hero, not a designer; Brock Turner is a rapist, not a Zoolander character
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Protests erupt outside Gates Foundation over human rights abuses, which oddly do not involve Windows ME
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Kids learn how to grow food at preschool's community garden. Also learn how to set up produce stand and sell homegrown fruits and vegetables to neighbors. Learn even more about how city government feels about illegal produce stands
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C|Net)
 
 
 
Nerf sub-machine rifle is basically an operational crowd-control device for toddlers
source: cnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Relax, the Orlando cop didn't arrest a six year old and an eight year old. Fake news. It was two six year olds
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
You may think you're having a bad day but then again you haven't been put on a volcano so you'll get hit by lightning as an offering to Incan gods
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Now that scientists finally have proof that the Loch Ness Monster is real, let's move on to the more terrifying mythical monsters from around the world that haunt the tabloids and keep them in business
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Photoshop Jake the Jackdaw
source: i2-prod.mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox2 Detroit)
 
 
 
Meanwhile, in Detroit
source: fox2detroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
The Triple Play on Paul's Memory Bank continues tonight at 8PM EDT. The end is in sight for Stan Freberg's show but My Favorite Husband and Superman are still developing their characters
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Think the police can be trusted to just give you a soda when you're in standoff with them? For Florida Man, the results were shocking
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Fifty years ago Paul McCartney didn't die or did he?
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"Blinking Guy" finally outs himself to the Internet who created him by using his own meme to raise money online. Fark: For a ride to help find a cure for MS
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Nuclear tomb leaking radioactive waste from the Enewetak atoll in the South Pacific has a 'rude message' for mankind beneath its crumbling shell
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Add bottles of dry shampoo to things you shouldn't leave in a hot car
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
So just how DOES a Muslim pray in space when they see 16 sunrises a day? And how do they find Mecca from orbit?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WKOW Madison)
 
 
 
Cows sneak into brewery to claim what is theirs
source: wkow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
From a completely unbiased study that was backed by a completely unbiased group, marijuana is killing people EVERYBODY PANIC
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
If you were looking for an easy-care houseplant that makes its own fertiliser this is your lucky day. Small downside: it eats sheep (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Japan Times)
 
 
 
Woman awarded damages after her same-sex partner develops affair with her sperm donor who has now undergone sex change. The Aristocrats?
source: japantimes.co.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
"Arrr, and next up on me Sports channel, can the gulf pirates win the 100 meter plank walk? Find out after these scurvy messages"
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Brisk walks can help ease pain after surgery, though presumably not after a leg amputation
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Messy Nessy Chic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this photo of a woman going into a bathing machine
source: static.messynessychic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WYMT Hazard)
 
 
 
This is fine cosplay has gone a bit too far
source: wkyt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
I read the article, and I still have no farking idea WTF this is all about, and why anyone should care. More importantly, why is a grown-ass woman writing about what teenagers are doing?
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
The myth of money =/= happiness floated for years by angry, bloated, boomers might not be correct after all. Millennials last seen furiously texting Capt. Obvious
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Hot Girl Summer. New hotness: Clown Boy Autumn
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
I'll take "Inadvisable Hobbies" for $400, Alex
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
In another case of "You can take the person out of Florida, but you can't take the Florida out of the person," it turns out the camel that was bitten in its balls will be okay because the ball-biter "didn't have any teeth"
source: wwl.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Woman, 19, attacked elderly relatives after being denied "more than her fair share of tomatoes at the dinner table," cops say
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
Video
 
Man scares the bejesus out of his best friend every day for a year, edits all the clips into hilarious supercut
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Rural America outraged over influx of young people who could revitalize their dying towns
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
FEMA manager is about to get an earful
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lex 18)
 
 
 
You don't spit into the wind, you don't tug on Superman's cape, and by god you leave the Deliverator alone when he's on a mission
source: lex18.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
"And whoever does not take up CrossFit and follow me is not worthy of me" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Ouch. It's 100º in the shade. All the way in the shade (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Atlantis is real. Narwhals, not so much, say Brits (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
For shiats and giggles, some folks decided to crash test a golf cart. Never do 31mph in a golf cart
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Firefighters help deer in tank. Although, if a deer's already got a tank, it probably doesn't need anyone's help
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
'911 what's your emergency?' 'Our school bus driver reeks of booze and is running red lights'
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Florida man, charged with his 12th driving with a suspended license offense and his fifth felony DUI, auditions for Ultrabrite toothpaste model
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 1779, John Paul Jones issued his famous "I have not yet begun to fight" declaration, which came as rather a surprise to the British ships whose asses he eventually kicked
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
I thought I had made it when I got into Cambridge. Then I realized it's full of rich kids and I'm still working class
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Man shot dead after attempting a Clark Griswold inspired robbery. To be fair, his gun could have broken the skin and caused a very bad infection
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Climate Activists protest cars by blocking traffic in D. C. while drivers use more gas getting to work by being held up in blocked traffic
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
How do these massive asteroids keep sneaking up on us and whizzing right by? Evil minds who just want to watch the world burn must be at work watching this stuff
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Naked man sets off package at Manchester airport because Manchester (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Welcome to your fall body. It's like your summer body, just, you know, fatter. And -- gah -- pale. Oh, wait. That's your normal body? OK, carry on then
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Thousands of tarantulas migrating across Colorado roads hoping to get lucky
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Seven Days)
 
 
 
"We can't hurt them, and we can't destroy anything they own. But we love vomiting on them"
source: sevendaysvt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop this window dressing
source: scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Folkestone really know this but it's the kinkiest place in Britain, hosts bondage event in local cafe (NSFW)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Couple's smart home gets hacked. "Their camera began talking to them, and their thermostat reached upwards of 90 degrees"
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Zillow)
 
 
 
Scroll, scroll, wait for it... wait for it
source: zillow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
ISS live feed captures "triangular UFO" "hovering" over Earth, leads the tinfoil hat crowd to believe it's part of the U.S. Space Force that has already been implemented (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
School recess for two third graders turns into impromptu McDonald's field trip
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
The true cause of the measles crisis? Idiots
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
US military briefly expressed a sense of humor by @ing a picture of a stealth bomber to the Area 51 raiders
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Grilled buzzard. It's what's on the menu
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Man grateful his organ is functioning again
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KBZK Bozeman)
 
 
 
It's a helluva rock show when the rolling stones come to Billings
source: kbzk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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