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| Sun September 22, 2019 |
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Panama demonstrates one of the worst ways to use 26 tons of cocaine
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Bears repeating... and fighting
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More like SCARE BnB...AMIRITE???
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Sorry, folks. Park's closed. Moose out front should have told you
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Today's Fark-ready story: Florida woman bites the testicles of Louisiana truck stop camel
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911: "You say there's a shooting in progress?" Robbers: "Yes, please go look over there"
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Photoshop these simple match heads
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Nothing to see here, move along. (Tanzanian Edition)
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Again people, if you're going to drive your car around town while carrying 24 pounds of weed and half an ounce of coke, make sure there are license plates attached
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Seven drug overdoses in Pittsburgh linked to orange wristbands, being in Pittsburgh
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Photoshop this two-tone wall
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The essence of being male, distilled to its purest form
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Americanes Eunt Domus
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Well that escalated quickly
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Plumber who refused to charge a 91-year-old retired woman for services receives over $100,000 in donations, vows to continue helping those less fortunate with their plumbing problems
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And the topic lighting up Twitter today is ... Geopolitical upheaval? Climate change? War? Nope, it's the Great Candy Controversy
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Threaten to call ICE on your undocumented tenant? That'll cost you $17,000
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Police are searching for a shooter who left six people wounded in downtown Indianapolis on Saturday night, which seems like a perfectly reasonable thing for police to be doing
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Tropical storm Karen expected to head toward Puerto Rico, your manager
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On whining: "Research shows that whining peaks in children between the ages of 2 and 4, but every parent knows that it continues well into the Politics tab"
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Six-year-old girl arrested for having in-school tantrum while black. Fark: not the only child arrested by the SRO that day
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Photoshop this early morning aquatic adventure
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Eviction squad faces eviction
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I guess it was time to (•_•) ( •_•)⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) change the baby
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Farewell to the world's greatest button shop
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The banana was not recovered and its whereabouts are unknown
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No, you can't haz cheezburger. Not yours
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Walmart underestimates just how many people are willing to steal car seats to get a free $30 gift card
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Boy brings his mother's menstrual cup to school for show and tell because he did not know what it was. Neither do the rest of us, kid
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Amtrak derailing dining cars
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| Sat September 21, 2019 |
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Postman fired for gross misconduct, upheld at appeal for a) stealing mail, b) kicking aggressive dog or c) missing a delivery slot by one minute
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Colorado man bitten by black bear shot by hunting partner. Sounds like Colorado man is having a Florida man day
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On Thursday, the Washington Monument reopened to the public after being closed for three years for, among other things, major repairs and restoration of the elevator. One guess as to what happened today
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Photoshop this sad elephant
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If vapes are outlawed, then only outlaws will have vapes
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Marko Feingold, Austria's oldest Holocaust survivor, who made it out alive from Auschwitz and three other camps, dies at age 106. Suck it, Hitler
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Protip: it's best to avoid putting a special needs student's desk in the bathroom. Especially if they have an autoimmune disorder
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American Airlines flight forced to make emergency landing because of "a security issue in the back." Terrorism? I guess you could say it was a high-jacking by a mu-ganja-din
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Do you remember the 21st of September?
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Photoshop this squash
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"Don't kid yourself, Jimmy; if a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about"
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If you've never visited the Florida Keys before, you might want to cross that off your bucket list sooner than later. Oh, and if you live there, well...sorry about that
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Pro-disease Karens bring their brand of idiocy to Maine, trying to fight its vaccination law
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Remember mom jeans, fanny packs, and oversized plaid blazers? Guess what's coming back in fashion this fall. Oh wait... it gets even worse
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Photoshop something in this Victorian gazebo
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"I'm not a hero. I just feel they get a bum rap. They didn't ask for this life. They have a right to live. They have a right to be happy". Paging the hero tag to Caturday
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Because apparently this needs to be said: Please be smart and do not leave explosives lying around willy-nilly
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Altoona man meths up his hand with dynamite. Florida Man shudders
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He loved weed. He loved Becky. Now they're dead
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Prettiest pest you'll ever see
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Well, he wasn't wrong
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| Fri September 20, 2019 |
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Anti-vaxxers descend on California's capitol, calling it Nazifornia and singing "We Shall Overcome" while demanding the right to spread infectious cured diseases and indiscriminately kill children
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Do you know why I pulled you over, sir? It's not because you're black. By the way, are you?
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DUI for NC BCBS CEO
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Whitey Bulger's family plans $200 million lawsuit because their mass murdering relative only lived to 89
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Expect many more Faces of Meth soon, it's making a big comeback in America
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When life hands you leukemia, make lemonade. Eight-year-old girl sells lemonade to raise money to cure cancer, is now cancer free. Still no cure for diabetes
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Today Area 51 was stormed by 29,900 invisible people
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Drunken blouser from Rhode Island plows car into the Town Hall. Keep it classy North Smithfield
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Russia orders troops to the Middle East following attack on oil facility
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Walmart promises to only sell cigarettes proven to give you cancer
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Photoshop this start of a reboot
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On this day in history, President Kennedy proposed a joint mission to the moon, having apparently misheard his two principal advisers, Ralph Kramden and Snoop Dogg
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Look, sometimes there's just so much going on that you don't want to get up out of your chair, no matter what happens
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"Disco pants and haircuts." "Baby clothes." "This place has got everything"
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If you were stuck in a CT nursing home, you'd want to be on cocaine too
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♪ "I hear those things are awfully loud." "It glides as softly as a cloud." "Is there a chance it could get stuck?" "Not on your life, Floridian Schmuck" ♪
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Robbery victim wishes Morongo Casino would take crime more seriously, having apparently not noticed the name
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Some crimes can be difficult to solve, requiring the likes of a Sherlock Holmes, C. Auguste Dupin, or Poirot. And then there's the Case of Florida Man and the Stolen Trailer
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A Florida police detective joked that he would shoot up the police station if he didn't get a plum assignment, but didn't really make it sound like a joke. Now he's out of a job
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The Secret Service would like to warn you - American money does not have Chinese or Russian writing on it, and if it says "For Motion Picture Use Only" it is only good if you feel like you're in a movie
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Argentine police seize a bunch of coked-up dicks
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Hmm...let's see what passes for school lunch in Minnesota these days...oh my
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Iran warns of 'all-out war' in response to Saudi or American responses to their only partially-out war
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Typical Florida criminal. She steals a shirt and doesn't wear it. Or ANY shirt for that matter
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Photoshop this tiny patio view
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American Airlines cancels flight due to: (A) Mechanical issues, (B) Weather issues, or (C) Because two Muslim men waved to each other and one of them had the nerve to double flush
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You gotta know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away, and when to run. And that 'run' part generally includes when the casino cameras catch you cheating them
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Want to see how the 'Storm Area 51' thing goes, but don't want to get shot or step on a land mine? Good news, video games are here with all sorts of predictions
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Robots will soon be picking soft fruits, salads... wait is that cow getting a massage?
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More than 20 men equipped with sex toys and lubrication, were arrested in an Ohio child sex sting operation that netted a total of 104 suspects including a doctor a church youth director
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Like when that hobo clown raw-dogged your mom 9 months before you were born, crew member says Conception was unsafe
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Tengo la erección extraña noa derecha (possible nsfw content on page)
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Saskatchewan Roughriders apologize for having the audacity to not have any say at all in commercial produced by Tim Hortons featuring Beyond Meat instead of real meat and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN WESTERN CANADA?
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Nuclear foes won't have Three Mile Island to kick around anymore
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College student shot in Sherwood forest, and not with an arrow
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Halloween 2019 sexy whatever costume season opens strong with a "sexy Mr. Rogers"
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Indonesia politicians, unaware there's no sex in marriage, plan to outlaw sex outside marriage
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At times, it is best to consider the randomness of fate, and say "There but for the grace of God go I, weaving back and forth across the road with my busload of other people's kids"
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The Call of the Wild may be a siren song too great to resist, but the Call of the Florida Man is generally just drunken, vulgar, and ties up 911
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Scientists stunned by major Antarctica discovery - possible ramifications across the world. What this really means is most of us will be under water a lot faster than we thought (possible nsfw content on page)
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Accused serial flasher, 69, tells cops, "I am just an asshole. What can I say?"
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India's Vikram moon lander not expected to survive the 14-day lunar night, due to damage sustained on landing and the difficulty of getting it to understand tech support calls with that long of a delay
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Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear giant mattress tags
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The latest thing that will give you and your family CANCER: tap water. Eau the humanity
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Top scientist admits that a mystery object approaching us from deep space could be an ALIEN spacecraft that has hyper-intelligent beings looking to probe us. The Sun is there ...in his eyes
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Drunken man can't wait to get home to have boozy sex with another human, has boozy sex with cleaning cone at train station instead
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They found The Highlander
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Canadian man who likes 'spontaneous and exotic stuff' pleads guilty to stripping naked at an aquarium and swimming completely nude in a shark tank
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You know who else wanted to get into Eva Braun's panties?
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Man breaks both the law and the wind
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Tinder to launch a Choose Your Own Adventure mode, as opposed to their normal Choose Your Own Venereal Disease
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And here are a bunch of idiots doing something called a "Naruto Run" at Area 51
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Someone is live streaming the raid on Area 51 and it's ***{carrier lost]***
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ICYMI - this week's Fark & Schnitt podcast - still in beta as we figure it out - covers how to pronounce Ocasek, great moments in trademark filings inspired by Lebron's Taco Tuesday, and an unexpected followup to the sex working attorney from last week
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Oh. Mah. Gawd. Becky... *look* at her butt
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Photoshop this open plan office
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Why airplane clappers are held in such scorn and derision by, well, everyone who isn't one
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How is roaches fromed? (Tag is for TFA headline writer)
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Ft. Collins, Colorado ban on women going topless struck down by the the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals. Awkward: that territory also includes you, Utah
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They said my penis would die
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In honor of today's reasonable discourse about the left lane law which requires slower traffic to move over for faster traffic without regard to the speed of either vehicle, we bring you the flare gun shot to the other motorist's neck. WARNING: Graphic content
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Today's swarm of insects showing up on weather radar: dragonflies
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U.S. declares war on pignoli
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Aliens, in conjunction wth the North Vietnamese, the Double Reverse Vampires, and the Rand Corporation, but mostly the aliens, are still pilfering our bovine's genitals
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New museum to open with child-friendly programmes for families and schools. Difficulty: Vagina Museum
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Go be high somewhere else
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| Thu September 19, 2019 |
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Fourteen-year-old boy earns coolest nickname, Fark handle, after freak boating accident. "I can't believe I had an anchor in my head. Like, that's pretty crazy. My friends now call me the 'Anchorman' so that's kind of cool"
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School guardian, civilians hired to protect students, arrested for pawning county-issued Glock 17 handgun, magazines, body armor for gas money. Good thing he didn't need that gear on the job
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Colorado Parks and Wildlife would like to remind you that there are many ways to deal with an injured bobcat. Putting it in the backseat of your car, right next to your three-year-old-child, is not one of them
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Florida risk reward analysis: Great discount on food in listeria tainted store under active stop order by the state, or pay full price elsewhere
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Do you have a super soaker? Then the National Trust of Scotland has a job for you
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Case of the legs found in the Susquehanna river might be related to legless body found in Philadelphia. FYI the Susquehanna does not flow through Philadelphia
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Storm Area 51 crowds have started showing up. And by crowds, we mean a handful of guys with campers
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ceiling light fixture gazer
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If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is... wait never mind. Someone was there and the tree landed on them
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Two people kidnap Patrick Mahomes from a McDonald's before wrecking their vehicle. Fortunately, Mr. Mahomes appears to be... hey, wait a minute
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Gang returns to the scene of the crime without noticing the blimp
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Horse of a different color
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Since 1970 there are 3 billion less birds to flip off
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Photoshop this ridiculously photogenic baby elephant
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So this new web extension allows you to upload your photo and it then classifies you based on computer algorithms? What could go wr.....oh dear
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Black Panther caught prowling rooftops of a French town. Klaw and Batroc the Leaper wanted for questioning
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Old and busted: Rubbing whiskey on a baby's gums to help with teething. New and stupid: Rubbing Fentanyl on a baby's gums to help with teething
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Man takes "once in a lifetime" photo of a great white shark in waters off Cape Cod. Photographer overheard yelling, "Smile, you son of a biatch!"
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San Francisco 1, Gentrification 0
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Petrified Delta passengers text their loved ones goodbye as their plane plunges 29,000 feet in seven minutes during terrifying emergency which left flight attendants begging no one to 'panic'
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"Say, Captain...we went through the landing checklist, but I think we forgot a critical step." "Nah, we're fine. What's the worst that can happen?"
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This wearable chair could change how we work and travel, get weird looks in public
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Poundland's x-rated penis selfie game shocks customers who seem to be unaware of the store's name (possible nsfw content on page)
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Today's Millennial vs. Boomer study brought to you by the Brits: Under 35s most unhappy; Older people have lots more fun. Boomer-like typing detected
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Artist and protestor prescribes his own medicine, drops an 800-pound opioid spoon in front of the Johnson & Johnson HQ in New Jersey to protest prescription drugs' role in the opioid epidemic
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The American Airlines mechanic accused of sabotaging flight story has a new twist; ties to ISIS terrorists
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Cuba's "sonic attack" weapon, the one that made diplomats ill and was used an excuse to end the U.S.-Cuba thaw? Turns out it was the pesticide being used to combat the spread of the Zika virus
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That $10 billion Purdue Pharma settlement? Less than half is cash, the rest is the promise of future revenue from continuing to sell OxyContin
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Hurricane Dorian: "Well, I pretty much wiped the Bahamas off the map." Hurricane Humberto: "Hold my beer" Alabama: "Hey y'all"
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Dog walker caught on camera drinking expensive bourbon. "If we didn't have the cameras in the house, we'd have no idea that he had his hands down his pants, his front, his back, touching all over the house, drinking out of our milk"
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'Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum' it's Talk Like a Pirate Day
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Remember when we were kids, we'd skip school and do nothing? Nowadays kids are skipping school to protest lack of adult interest in fighting climate change, such as is happening tomorrow
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Photoshop this cheeky water tower
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Turns out that millennials aren't horny after all
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Tourists on double decker buses are really sticking it to NYC street signs
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Chinese spies are looking at your LinkedIn profile
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Republic of China sending gas masks to Hong Kong protesters, much to the chagrin of the Beijing government
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National penis to reopen
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"Doctor, this toothache is making me feel blue"
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Hawaii Civil Defense farks up a training exercise causing emergency sirens to go off. Again
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Hearse Fest has become so big, it has outgrown Hell. No, this is not a euphemism
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Helicopter chainsaw is Subby's Slipknot/Foo-Fighters cover band
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Spider-Man to be recruited into the UK police force. I'm sure I read that right
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Someone's been tagging objects near the ground with blue hearts. Cops haven't spotted any green clovers, yellow moons or yellow stars, but still hope they'll get lucky
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An outbreak of a mosquito borne virus has the state of Michigan advising residents in eight counties to go inside, shut the door and stay there until the first frost
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 750: "Bird's the Word 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 18, 2019 |
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New residential building is so tall you can't even smell the urine from the streets below
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Hot love-letters start apartment on fire. Witnesses report letters were steamy, passionate and burning with desire
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Mr. McFeely's Speedy Delivery just got speedier
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Why did a French burglar intentionally leave traces of DNA all over the crime scene so he would end up in prison? Simple, so he could watch a premium TV channel for free
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Australian hiker miraculously survives Australian hike. Almost made it over the Alps to Switzerland
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It was one thing to learn commercial fishing was exploiting workers, but et tu, Nutella?
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Farking NOPE!
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Naked inmate bum-rushes guard while in jail. Yep, Florida
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A brewski a day could keep the 'beetus at bay, as if Farkers needed an excuse anyway
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Farrelly Brothers spotted in Ohio filming sequel to Kingpin
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Mumps is back. If only there were a vaccination for that sort of thing
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Local reporter spends night in the UK's cheapest AirBNB - the back seat of a Nissan Juke. It's not news, it's KentOnline
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop these Great Boer Warriors
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Community College in Springfield, MA advises students to stop licking the grass and eating dirt on the Quad, even if it is deliciously sweet due to all the lead contamination
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Star-Lord doesn't take kindly to people who refuse to drink from his bottle
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Police looking for clues after toddler found in Buffalo. Those little suckers will climb inside anything these days
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The BBC asks "Who's using drones in the Middle East?", concludes that the answer is "Everyone"
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Florida Man upset about news coverage of Florida Man
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Cool new back-to-school advertisement that will educate and thrill. Subby will check back as soon as he stops shaking from the last few seconds
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If you are going to blame a "corn rake accident" for your wife's death after you killed her, best to leave these search terms out of your internet history: "organs in the body," "killing unfaithful women" and "what happens to cheaters in history"
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Queer Nuns getting squeezed out of Folsom Street Fair
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"Why Baby Boomers' grandchildren will hate them." Wait, will hate? Like, something that hasn't happened yet?
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| (Some Gal) |
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Photoshop this Laundromat Lady
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Get a load of T. J. Hooker over here
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Newman heads for cover as Jerry strengthens into a hurricane
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Truck fails saving throw against gravity but not for lack of trying
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A stranger offers to pay for your cruise if you just pick up some suitcases from another stranger? Seems legit
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The law says that a driver may not drive in the left lane if they know, or reasonably should know, that they are being overtaken by another vehicle traveling at a higher rate of speed
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Smelting plant asks neighbors to please ignore the mysterious blue-green fog that tastes like metal and corrodes their houses
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Christian health insurance organization asks its Mormon members to change religions or leave because LDS isn't Christian enough
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Pastors outraged after parishioners targeted by scams without even giving them a cut
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Nearly a dozen Virginia men report severe hypoglycemia after taking sexual enhancement pill. With helpful measuring tape in the video
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Most dangerous place to walk is Florida. Chewing gum at the same time possibly instantly lethal
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China' new super stealthy hypersonic spy drone barely spotted in rehearsal for military parade. Obviously going too fast for most to see ..on the back of a flatbed truck
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Of course somebody had to ruin it for the queen's bar at Buckingham Palace
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Problem: your city has a "culture where people routinely speed on our streets." Solution: Lower speed limits even more. Fark: existing limits are 30 mph
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Second arrest made in connection to golden toilet theft at Winston Churchill's childhood home after police found something to go on
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Coffee shop with topless baristas turning heads, although you probably don't want a shot of cream with your espresso
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"Many residents have voiced their opposition... citing issues like glare." City opposed to solar power because the solar panels are too shiny
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Busch Beer is working on cementing its status as the official unofficial beer of the state of Iowa after deciding to match donations to the University's Children's Hospital, collected by an Iowa State fan just hoping for a little extra beer money
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Jack-Jack in the box pops out unexpectedly in a Jack In the Box parking lot
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Old & Busted: "No Christmas trees before December" New, heartbreaking, hotness: "You put your tree up whenever you like, lady" (possible nsfw content on page)
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You might need a new apartment when bats start biting you on the neck
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After a string of migrant landings at Dover, attention-seeking idiots from Britain First start patrolling the beach with binoculars so they can alert the authorities if they see anything
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Hurricane Imelda downgraded from dancing shoes to sneakers. Texas braces for a two-step. Alabama still confused
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Man rescues stray puppy with life-threatening illness, gets trashed on NextDoor for trying to raise money to pay the pup's bills
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Smart Streetlights in San Diego are watching you
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Photoshop this tree hugger
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TIL my alma mater does service dog training, with students doing socialization and obedience work. Welcome to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday thread
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Looks like the "I'm a clean, thoroughbred, former cheerleader" defense won't keep this honky out of the DUI hoosegow
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Not to panic you, but disease experts say we are not prepared for a devastating outbreak of a flu-like illness which could kill 80 million people across the world in less than two days. Enjoy the rest of your two days
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Major political donor finally arrested after a third person ODs at his house
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Indonesia votes to eliminate child brides, raises minimum marriage age up from 16 to 19. Your turn, rest of the whole farking world
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Woman calls police after seeing lawyer with rifle on balcony. Lawyer claims he was just using BB gun to shoot beer cans. Maybe it's time to start talking about common sense lawyer control
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A study of 28 countries finds that America has the highest concentration of goddamned morons
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I know, I know. You like the idea of owning a Sandy Hook or Columbine branded hoodie, but you don't want to seem like you're unaware of what happened there. Well, don't worry. These ones have pre-made bullet holes
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ΣΑΜ had been on double secret probation all along, it would seem
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To be fully comfortable on their big day, engaged naturist couple is willing to pay servers and bartenders £30 an hour to serve nude wedding guests while stark naked themselves. The giggity economy rolls on (NSFW)
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Subby didn't know what hell was until he read this article about conditions on fishing trawlers in the Pacific. Now he's gonna have nightmares for a long time. Enjoy your tuna salad sammiches, everyone
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Man buys Hummer with stolen recycling funds, the equivalent of 300,000 bottles wasted
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Large Missouri farms are now protected from local health regulations. This law stinks
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"Mummy Marauder" is the name of my Iron Maiden ska cover band
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Only in Montana: pair of grinning dudes peruse the merch at sporting goods store in search of new clothes, still wearing the hospital jammies they got while being treated for the grizzly bear attack they survived
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| (Some Guy) |
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Kentucky woman stops for gas, finds stranger in the trunk of her car
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| Tue September 17, 2019 |
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Someone missed the class in Journalism 101 on writing headlines
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Thanksgiving comes early to Ann Arbor
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Millennials turn to Twitter to discuss their plans for retirement. It goes about as well as you think it does
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Republican Shoot lives up to its billing
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"Hey Admiral, are we forgettin' somethin'?" "Like what?" "I dunno, somethin' important?"
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"The deputies searched the apartment and found two partially naked women in the master bedroom." The tag tells you that it's not the fun kind of police call
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Canada arrests former spy chief for stealing covert information. One can only assume maple syrup recipes and moose breeding guidelines
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Another problem with SoCal freeways is drivers don't know how to share the road with naked cross-wielding church vandals
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World's largest ball of lint to be set on fire in Michigan. Just to be clear, this is not a metaphor for Flint, the Lions, the UAW, Jim Harbaugh, or Betsy DeVos
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Fark NotNewsletter: Who's gonna drive you home tonight?
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California reporter explains on air that she tried to 'reach out' to a man killed in a police chase. He was unavailable for comment
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Photoshop this miniature driver
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FARC are about to cause serious mayhem in South America. Which everyone here already knew (possible nsfw content on page)
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No, you're not a monster, just inattentive
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Iowa Supreme Court to review murder conviction of Mose Schrute cosplayer
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Father helps wife deliver firstborn in bathtub at home after hospital sends them home. "Everyone that we showed the picture to was like, 'Wait ... why is there shampoo in the background?'"
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| (Some Dumbass) |
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Shirtless man who tries to fight grizzly bear only winds up paying $4,000 fine, but Darwin will surely balance the books one day
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Daily low-dose aspirin, which was sort of good for you and then sort of bad for you, is now sort of good for you again. Especially if you're trying to follow medical news without developing some sort of anyeurism
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Merriam Webster adds more than 530 new words and phrases to its dictionary, including "free solo," "deep state," "dad joke," and the nonbinary pronoun "they"
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Stop me if you've heard this one: a doctor, a church man, and a firefighter walk into a police sex sting
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Carson moves to ban gun sales, possibly following witty banter with Ed McMahon
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Buddhist monk and tiger
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SCENE: Beijing, China. A somber man stands up: "Gentlemen. We face a crisis of unprecedented proportions. It is time . . . to open the Strategic Pork Reserves"
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Today's hour-long Manhattan traffic jam was for a good cause, indistinguishable though it was from any other hour-long Manhattan traffic jam
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Godzilla?
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Wanna buy Anthony Bourdain's chrome duck press, steel and meteorite chef's knife, or collection of obscure oil paintings? Gather up your money and help fund a kid's scholarship to CIA
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Would you like to play a game?
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♫ "Redd up boppli? Ich bin die Jacob, and this buggy is rutsching around while rumspringa up in this barn. ♫ ACH JAH, ACH JAH, ACH JAH". ♫
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Florida deputies searched for a missing boy with autism for hours. Their bloodhound found him in 28 minutes
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Eighteen-year-old showed a coworker a video of her new AK-47, then said something about shooting 400 people for fun. Promptly reported and arrested. So we got that going for us
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Someone flew a plane under a bridge in 'dangerous stunt', but hey you only live once, right?
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U.S. Navy confirms UFO videos are real, never should have been released. So... space aliens are real
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Florida man fired for farting gets his own documentary
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Old and busted: spray painting racial slurs. New Florida: spray painting the word 'slur'
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Not News: Montreal man has $800 in rolled change. Fark: His bank won't deposit the money
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Christian protesters have spotted a musical that's just too darned sexy for their liking. Difficulty: The musical's from 1973 (possible nsfw content on page)
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Woman gets DUI after showing up to pick up boyfriend from his DUI
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The strike on Saudi oil facilities just proved that ballistic missiles and traditional air defense systems are obsolete, and pretty much anyone with enough money can attack whatever they want. Sleep tight
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Semen explosion leaves a mess for farmers who'll need to come up with an alternative
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Caption this meeting
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If you've been waiting for a huge Nutella covered waffle, the Indiana State Police hope you'll accept this portion of I-94 instead
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"Cheerio" __/\o_ __/\o_ __/\o_ __/\o_ "Bonjour" __/\o_ __/\o_ __/\o_ __/\o_ "Cheerio" __/\o_ __/\o_ __/\o_ __/\o_ "Bonjour" __/\o_ __/\o_ __/\o_ __/\o_ "Cheerio"
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*crash* .... "Recalculating"
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"Here come the judge, here come the judge ... if you witnesses won't stop talking about sexual partners. You're making me horny" (nsfw content on page)
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Latest forecast shows that Humberto threatens Bermuda and parts of Alabama
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Cokie Roberts unable to live in a world without respect for great journalism
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Fan with sign asking people to send beer money to his Venmo account gets on College GameDay. Winds up with thousands of dollars and decides to donate it to children's hospital. 'A lot of Clemson people donated. I guess they like Busch Light, too.'
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Y'know how you see all those videos of free runners on high buildings and say, "Why do I never hear of them falling off?" Well... (possible nsfw content on page)
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I'll take "game show host undergoing chemotherapy again" for $500, Alex. Fark cancer
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Russian LGBTQ activist killed after being listed on gay-hunting website. In other news, there are gay-hunting websites
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We've got music, we've got movies, and we've got stupid restaurant ideas on the Fark Weird News Quiz. September 8-14 Plumbing Edition
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Cop math now includes 12.5-gallon mason jars
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The US Army hits its enlistment goal by moving the posts
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Leonardo Dicaprio: "I have an Academy Award and three Golden Globes." Some random guy: "I have a chocolate bar that's older than your girlfriend" (possible nsfw content on page)
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| (The Growth Op) |
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"What I learned attending a cannabis and sex workshop". Article picture checks out
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Photoshop this podium
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It's like raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain on your wedding day
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News: Students complain that school-issued iPads have bugs. Fark: Bedbugs
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Male shot in Balzac
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Looks like there's gonna be one less windowless van in the MIT parking lot
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You're not a very good shoplifter if you get thwarted by a motorized shopping cart
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Your bomb-sniffing dog wants shawarma
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Pennsylvania has been invaded by spotted lanternflies. Not to worry, they're going to import Chinese lanternfly-killing wasps. Shipments of wasp-eating needle snakes still pending over tariff dispute, gorillas on backorder
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SeaWorld finds solution to its "Blackfish" problem
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Toxic pit charges you an admission fee. Surprisingly, this doesn't involve New Jersey
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| Mon September 16, 2019 |
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But was his dick still out?
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. . . Keeping time, time, time / in a sort of Runic rhyme / to the binbinabulation that so musically spins / from the Florida men hiding in the bins
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Aesop's fables for our times: "The Boy Who Cried Active Shooter"
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Man picks up unknown furball of something, finds out it's hundreds of creepy-crawlies of NOPE (possible nsfw content on page, definite NOPEs on page)
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Lawmaker discussing pigeon poop problem gets unexpected support from pigeon
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Meanwhile in Russia, there was an explosion at a government lab that houses some of the world's deadliest viruses like Ebola and smallpox, but even if all the other glass in the facility shattered, the Kremlin assures us it's safe, comrades
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And these blast points, too accurate for Iranians. Only Imperial American drones are so precise
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Photoshop this highwire act
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Evacuation orders lifted from areas near Horseshoe Fire, proving that close really does count for horseshoe fires
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The Triple Play of Paul's Memory Bank - OTR edition - continues with a little change in the order. Episodes of Stan Freberg, My Favorite Husband and Superman. TuneIn at 8PM EDT
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"They stole Reed's cannabis." Well at least his weed wasn't taken. Who talks like that?
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The propane in Maine rains flames upon the slain
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127 mile scenic tour to watch rutting elk, much more picturesque than watching the mating habits of Shriners but you don't get to see the elk drive around in miniature cars
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Police observed the suspect was standing strangely with clenched butt cheeks. The suspect then produced a "bullet" containing meth from his rectum
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So just why DOES the US hide oil in Louisiana salt mines?
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DUI Biking turns to sex in back of police cruiser. Yep, it's Florida
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It is usually not a good idea to climb stuff when you are drunk, especially power poles
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Suspected Daytona Beach serial killer may have focused on the wrong half of his criminal justice degree
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| (Some Guide) |
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Photoshop challenge: put this sign in an appropriate location
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Indianapolis prosecutor breaks open a can of whoop-ass on the cop who sucker punched a 15-year-old high-school student
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On this day in history, in 1932, Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest the British interference in Indian civilization. After six days, the British relented, possibly out of fear that his words were backed by NUCLEAR WEAPONS
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Los Angeles celebrates 'El Grito de Dolores," which for those of you who don't speak Spanish, translates to 'The Grito from Dolores'
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Oh. My. McGOD
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Dead roaches, rodents found in school cafeteria, health inspector says, which is frighteningly unsanitary and nearly as gross as the fish stick tacos or beefaroni
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The average American lives only 18 miles from their mom. Subby prefers to live 18 miles from your mom
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Police prank another officer by tossing fake snek in car. Hilarity ensues. (with video)
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Look, no matter how impressive it is, you can't just go slinging your meat around in public
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Horrified kids in need of major eye bleaching after witnessing newly widowed woman, 57, and man, 64, doing oral sex on packed rush-hour train (possible nsfw content on page)
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Captain Jack Sparrow look-alike missing after last seen on paddle board. Police spokesperson states the missing person is, without a doubt, the worst paddle boarder they've ever heard of
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If you've ever wanted to experience a nuclear explosion of your town in VR, now's your chance
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Suspects escaped with an undetermined number of fleas
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NPR explores the one true American anthem: Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. ""It's like the 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' of, like, middle school ... You have to know it. Everyone hates to love it"
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Home security camera confirms what we suspected: Cougars are on the prowl in DC's Georgetown
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Fire lookouts, "Bring with them a sense of understanding and the ability to help frame up and communicate what all of this looks like - the big picture that you definitely don't get with a camera." And now robots will replace them
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Creepy unmarked school bus recorded trying to pick up kids at bus stops
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It's like your dad blowing up his house on your wedding day
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Behold the face of Satan, in utero
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Inside the kooked-up Flat Earth conference where conspiracy theorists are trying to build a rocket program to "expose government lies." Let the tin-foil flow
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Instagram model makes up to £80k-a-year for pictures of her 6.5-inch tongue. Looks like she has life licked (possible nsfw content on page)
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Woman runs marathon in three hours pushing three children in a stroller. In other news, subby still hasn't crawled out of bed and isn't sure where his pants went to
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Photoshop this Albanian bunker
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Man gets new car, but the number plate sucks. Or is awesome depending on your tastes
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This story has everything: Hamilton, Q (Anon, but not that one), 1.5M for PS to HS, non-gendered bathrooms, political correctness, white guilt, standardized testing, integrated public schools, the effects of the 2016 election on children. And more
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When they came for the candy-flavored electronic cigarettes I said nothing, because I wasn't some candy-flavored electronic cigarette smoking weirdo
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Purdue Pharma: 1. Make billions of dollars fueling the opioid crisis 2. File for bankruptcy 3. Profit
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Aftermath of Hurricane Michael has caused A. Homelessness B. Insurance complaints C. Infusion of lizards
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You're right, no human being would stack cars like this
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Call of Duty gamer who solicited fatal "swatting" call sentenced to 15 months outside his mom's basement
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Lime Scooter vs Tesla in the most electrifying crash of the weekend
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| (Some Guy) |
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Florida man tries selling 2002 Mercury for $125,000 on craigslist, tries again on Car Export America for $128,000. Currently still available on both. Bugatti Veyron badges included
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