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| Sun September 01, 2019 |
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Get married you heathens, it helps prevent dementia and keeps you from the stupid
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This apartment is so small you have to go outside to change your mind
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Shark convention at Cape Cod
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London soldiers falling down, falling down, falling down. London soldiers falling down, dehydration
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Healthcare professionals say pharmacists suffer from premature inoculation
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Photoshop this Mongolian Derby winner
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Ku Klux Klan Kookout Kancelled
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these tiny woodland scenes
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Annual "Tomatina'" festival held on the streets of Spain town. Participants give it a 99% rating on Rotten Tomatoes
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If Labor Day was established to honor the American labor movement and the laborers who are essential for the workings of society, then why are my bank and government offices closed while the gas stations and restaurants are still open?
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Seventy-four year old churchgoer bakes cookies for congregation. Since this is Fark, you'd better believe they were laced with hash
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Well, it is Death Valley
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| (Some Guinness) |
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Caption this mayo-guzzling record holder
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Pope Francis was MIA for 30 minutes. Illness? Violence? Abduction? Nah- he was stuck in the elevator
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Cletus down under
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Nancy Drew the tortoise goes to his local pub every night for a drink. How he manages to get onto the stool though is a mystery (possible nsfw content on page)
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Don't be poor. Murica for the win. Are we tired of winning, yet?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this twine
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CSB Sunday Morning: "And now I'm a loyal customer": When a business went above and beyond for you
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Hurricane Dorian is now a category 5 hurricane with maximum sustained winds of 160 MPH. Stay safe, East coast Farkers
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Royal Family: We've picked out a darling estate for you near the Welsh borderlands. Duke and Duchess of Sussex: Fark off
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Bicyclists are predators. Pedestrians advised to cover themselves in mud
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| (Some Guy with Bones) |
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There are some things you shouldn't buy used. Bone grafts seems like one of those things
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Woman bites Uber driver. That's not how Uber Eats is supposed to work
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Several people in Texas and Arizona suddenly develop glaucoma
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| Sat August 31, 2019 |
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Court rules that TSA screeners can be sued for mistreatment. Hero tag is for the Judges
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Woman throws bottle of gasoline and lit fuse into DHS office, fortunately not connected to each other
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DARE, Best Korea style
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If your elevated levels of anxiety can take it, here are eight ways the world could end
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Tom's One Hour Photo opened in LA in 1991. Business was good back then. Lately it has been very slow. One customer a day kind of slow. That is, slow until recently, when Kacey Musgraves tweeted about the shop to her three million followers
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Photoshop this anonymous troll
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It's a tie between America and France with both going 10-0
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Lemonade Lisa (or Larry) calls cops. Cops respond, saying thanks, we were thirsty
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Mass shooting in Texas, 30 people shot, five dead. [Update: shooter is dead]
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Boston's 'Straight Pride' event, Well, surprise surprise - it's basically a pro-Trump rally featuring Milo Yiannopoulos
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You only moved the headstones
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Subby can't wait to hear Zuckerberg's latest version of how this was an "accident" and "shouldn't have happened"
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ATM: in a hospital, in a box, in a Subaru
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Photoshop this overprotective drink machine
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This article paints a picture of Dorian grazing the Florida coast. Stay tuned for more updates on this Wilde weather. This is your official Fark hurricane preparation and speculation thread [Update: Now heading for the Carolinas]
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| (Some Guy) |
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Texas takes a hard stance on dicks
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Enjoy your next Amtrak trip, citizen. Don't forget to smile at the nice man when he comes by to search you and your luggage for drugs, and to confiscate any excessive amounts of cash you are carrying. And have a nice day
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The true Florida hurricane indicator
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Caption this excited audience member
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High school football game ends in a 10-0 score, which is also the same score the shooter at the game achieved
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Well, that explains a good deal of things
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Photoshop this huge muff
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A Florida man who feared his cat had been eaten by coyotes was reunited with the feline three and a half years later thanks to a stranger, a microchip and an animal hospital. Florida tag last seen heading for Caturday
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Oh so it's wrong to sell cookie cakes with frosting that looks like Hurricane Dorian attacking Florida
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There is at least one person in the world who likes using condoms
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Mandatory evacuations of Florida's Atlantic coastline to start Saturday
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ATM machine inventor celebrates 50th birthday birthday
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Tired of waiting for the city to fix their street, residents of this New Orleans neighborhood furnished their pothole and listed it as an Airbnb rental
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Sirhan Sirhan shivved shivved
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Hear you like defending against DUI, dawg. Here is a DUI to use your DUI defense company to defend against
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How would you like paying 1959 prices for gasoline in 2019? Tag is for the gas station
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Seldom is the question asked: Is our children high achieves?
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| Fri August 30, 2019 |
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Just say "pussy." Cats are always welcome on social media
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If you have the gun, do you really need the badge if all you want is free stuff?
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Fark-ready actual headline: "Family of man who died while working at the vacant Northridge Mall is crushed over razing lawsuit." So which of you Farkers is writing stories for CBS58 now?
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Climate change is bad news for everyone. Except the guys who want to sell you new maps (possible nsfw content on page)
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Look America, I thought we settled this: If it's not Scottish, it's CRAP
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Hopefully they'll be blown into the ocean
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Surfer successfully completes the rarely-attempted Board-to-Shark Transfer With a Half-Twist, scores 9.5
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This is what it's like to bring a mini service horse on an airplane. You know, in case you're feeling a little giddy up
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On this day in history, in 1967, Thurgood Marshall is confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice, and would later weigh in with opinions on the legality of being Bad to the Bone, or the availability of One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer
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Drugged, castrated, and ready to mate: No, it's not some Brave New World Coachella, it's infected Cicadas
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Happy national slinky day. Thanks go to Betty James who named and marketed the slinky, no thanks to her deadbeat husband
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Small town yokels lament that it's getting hard to enjoy high school football games when so many of the kids are all sad and distracted and stuff about their parents being deported in ICE raids
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Valerie Harper dead at age 80, will not be replaced by Sandy Duncan this time
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People are reporting a cougar wandering Twin Cities suburbs, and not the fun kind
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Well, this is a sh*tty excuse for speeding
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Photoshop this office nook
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Eighty-year-old woman falls asleep in her car, wakes up without it. How does that even happen?
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It's not a good idea to watch porn at work on your government computer and lie about it under oath, right Mr. Deputy Assistant Attorney General?
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Having helped save Afghanistan from terrorist invaders, former U.S. marine now tries to save the world from UFOs, warns that snake-like objects in sky could be something "beyond" a classified military program, and could be aliens (possible nsfw content on page)
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@jack hack
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911 dispatcher on her final shift lectures woman trapped in her car by floodwaters: "This will teach you next time don't drive in the water." Well at least the dispatcher can sleep soundly knowing there certainly won't be a next time
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| (Rubber band man) |
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Do not strangulate. Strangulating is bad. So is going off half-cocked
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Florida men prep for Hurricane Dorian in the most Florida way possible
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"What am I hurting?" -Seattle man who sleeps in a network of 20 rundown cars parked across the city and has evaded over $17k in parking tickets
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For Sale: Padded hard shell rifle cases valued at $35. Asking $800 call for details... *wink*..*wink*
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In today's edition of "guess the race of the perpetrator," a campground manager is fined $250 for brandishing a gun at couple who didn't have reservations prior to arriving
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Trump dispatches B-2s to intimidate those smug, funny-accented Europeans into selling him Greenland
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Suddenly, Rhino
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Atlantic Coast Florida Farkers, please secure your lawn chairs, because it's about to get a little breezy. Post your advice and pictures of empty bread shelves in this thread
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Indianapolis police officer responds to high school student pleading with him to "chill out, bro" in a way that inspires confidence in the selection and training process of IMPD officers. (With graphic video)
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Photoshop this rooftop
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I...I shwear offisher...I only had...two drinks
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I'd prefer a herpy Slurpee
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Bee sting? Better drink my own urine
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Apparently there was a chicken massacre in Brooklyn last night
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The FBI would like your help in identifying "The Dapper Desperado"
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'No way to prevent this,' says only nation where this regularly happens
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Florida Prophetess to Dorian: In the name of Jesus, YOU SHALL NOT PASS
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If only this sign was outside the Neverland Ranch
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Hottie pulls up to Taco Bell drive-through and pours alcohol into the mouth of drive through window attendant. Yo quiero DUI
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Seriously, who hacks a butt plug? (NSFW)
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Please don't shoot at hurricane Dorian
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'Huge drugs bust' at Gatwick airport turns out to be vegan cake mix
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Ok, here's how to get free beer, eh? Get a baby mouse and, like, put it in a bottle, and when it's so small it will fit in, like, this hole, eh?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these Titanic manufacturing workers
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You know that Johnny Cash song "One Piece At A Time?" Well, picture it in reverse and you have this Wichita Falls man's story
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| (Some Guy) |
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For centuries it's been thought that the original "Joe Miller's Joke Book" was lost in time, perhaps intentionally. After a copy was recently found buried in an Old London excavation site, we can understand why
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Decades-old tradition started by Yuri Gagarin where Russian cosmonauts urinate on a wheel before take-off will end - because the new spacesuits don't have a fly
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Old and busted: Foreplay. New and improved way to get house work done: "Choreplay"
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"One minute there was 20 of them and then the next minute the whole sea front was covered in cowboy hats. They were all wearing cowboy hats". Wait until you hear what happened to the playing cards
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Time to replace that Harrier you got from all those Pepsi points years ago. There's an Air Force Lawn Dart for sale
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Attention Floridians: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES
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OK. You've been assigned to write an article titled "What We Can Learn From Video Game Violence." You need to pick 5 video games to use as an example. Which 5 are best? Got your picks? Great, now click the link and look at what this idiot selected
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| (Some Mythical Guy) |
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Photoshop theme - The gods of love and war
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Nye County in Nevada declares state of emergency over internet joke
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Mom finds a novel use for her lube now she has a boyfriend that she actually "fancies": Creating a very slip 'n' slide for her son (possible nsfw content on page)
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Who has an abnormally large thumb and loves to show it off? This guy
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Bang Bros buy porn star database, make it hotter by setting it on fire (possible nsfw content on page)
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Randy couple jump into outdoor meeting pod, turn it into the orgasmtron
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No working cameras in or around Epstein's cell, but the footage of this woman giving birth by herself in jail is perfectly framed
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In Alabama, a teenager's messy room is protected by the second amendment
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Hillary ties up another loose end
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Spoiler alert: Atomizing mysterious liquids and circulating it through your pulmonary system is exactly as healthy as it sounds like it wouldn't be
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Zoo worker: Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers
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Ten science-backed tips for bringing serenity into your home. No, screaming "Serenity Now" at the top of your lungs isn't one of them. But it damn well should be
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Well it IS called dope
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How Burning Man mirrors our evolution of human cities, from free-form egalitarianism to rich dickheads enforcing VIP lines
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| Thu August 29, 2019 |
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Man looks down the barrel of a shotgun during robbery and calmly lights a cigarette, proceeds to argue with the robber about how he's doing this all wrong. Just another night in St. Louis
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Apparently some people take it very personally when vegan influencers quit being vegans
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Jacob Wohl, professional provocateur, has decided to travel the world and post photos. Difficulty: His mom's fence is visible in the background of the photos
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Trump cancels trip to Poland so he can monitor hurricane Dorian as it impacts Mar-a-La...erm, Florida
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Traffic guy retires after 40 years on-air in DC. Who is gonna call Beltway drivers "self-entitled jackasses" now? (listens to earpiece) Oh, everybody? Carry on
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The Russian nuclear reactor missile that exploded? Joke's on you, it exploded when they were trying to recover it from the ocean floor, not when it was flying. Great success for Motherland
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After years of claiming it was one, the day has finally come where Ontario's Highway 401 is literally a dumpster fire
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High sticking, 2 minutes
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Shiat's on fire, yo, the Tesla home solar panel edition
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In short, all the associated risks with any mind altering substance from developmental harm to the potential for abuse, but... teh marijuannas ooga-booga
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Jeffrey Epstein's criminal case is officially as dead as him and the two cameras that were outside his cell
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| (Igor Siwanowicz) |
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Photoshop this hickory horned devil
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How rough is commuting in NYC? Man cuts his commute from 90 minutes to 15 by buying a jet ski to get from Jersey City to Brooklyn, a distance of only a few miles
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You know what really helps to sell a house? A picture of the realtor getting head in that house
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"Nine facts about evacuations in Florida" strangely misses the important "Mimes and Rodeo Clowns are legally allowed to carjack you when wind speeds are above 105 mph" factoid
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Don't you hate it when you want to get married but you're still married to your best friend, whom you married as a joke in Las Vegas a few years back?
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Disgruntled bridesmaid reveals 'always at the gym in 26 minutes' bridezilla and groomzilla asked her to lose weight ahead of their fit and trim wedding so that the wedding pictures will be more "symmetric"
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"FEMA looks woefully understaffed and unprepared as hurricane season ramps up." REPEAT
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Remember when schools tried to ban Bart Simpson t-shirts in the '90s?
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What is "much-needed good news," Alex?
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Aussie aviation body with no sense of adventure investigating custom giant drone flight carrying "flying fisherman"
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Human remains found near Lake Tapps. See, this is why I only swim in Lake Yakety Sax
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Confused Welshman decides that the best way to transport his old junker auto to the scrapyard is ... to strap it to the roof of his current car and hope for the best. With video
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Victim of sexual assault expelled from school for "sexual impropriety". Same school also rules that shooting victims should be charged with stealing bullets
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First Hasbro owns Death Row Records, now Billy Corgan owns NWA? What is the world coming to?
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Photoshop Bernie Sanders' first pitch
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Spectacular eruption in Stromboli sends residents fleeing. No word on German scientist, his nephew, or their porter
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Someone took their dinghy out during Hurricane Dorian. It didn't go well
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This Halloween, complete your look with the HOO-HAW on your face Available now where Halloween makeup is sold
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Colorado couple fought off a bear in their home with their fists. Bear hands, if you will
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Court rules that finger guns are illegal in Pennsylvania
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A Picasso or a Garfunkel
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Lego playsets now accessible to the blind, sleepy barefoot adults
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So never wash your clothes, that's the lesson I'm getting here
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Well digger accidentally invents elephant trap (possible nsfw content on page)
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Here's a phrase you probably thought you'd never see in an article about Iran and the biggest political scandal to hit the conservative Islamic Republic in 40 years: "leaked sex tapes"
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The tragic story of the first car-crash victim, which was closely followed by the story of the first rejected car insurance claim
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On this day in history, in 1533, Spanish conquistador Francisco Pizarro executed the last Incan Emperor, after defeating his armies. The Incans, having never seen guns or cannon, had no way of expecting the Spanish Ammunition
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Hurricane Dorian is just determined to ruin Labor Day in Florida
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One minute you're searching for a job on Craigslist and the next you're defending El Chapo and Jeffrey Epstein
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Bring the marshmallows and graham crackers - LOTS of them
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A look at what's going to happen when someone commits a major crime ... in spaaaaace
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School lunch? Cookies, chips and pizza. Duh
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That "no nitrates added" label you see used at the deli? Yeah, it's actually more along the lines of "yeah, we added nitrates, but they're different nitrates from the ones we normally use so it's all totes cool"
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Photoshop this tasty meal
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From the Fark-ready headlines vault: Volunteers polish giant's erection by hand
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Man complains that he's not allowed into his local convenience store without a shirt on, but his bikini-clad wife is. Article includes helpful picture explaining why
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Video shows naked murder suspect chasing police officer, needs more Yakety Sax
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Dust off your internet GEDs in law. Councilman charged with 4th DUI, attorney said it will be treated as a first, because rules. Bonus, you can tell in TFA, there is a Golden Girl Easter egg
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Who lowers your inhibitions at the party? SPONGEBOB ECSTASY
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It ain't easy to look furious about a shower that's incorrectly installed, but damn if this dude won't give it the old college try (possible nsfw content on page)
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Woman who fatally stabbed boyfriend 39 times during sex game is released from prison after 18 years, can't wait to take another stab at the dating scene
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Which one of you military Farkers scheduled a laser tag party for this weekend and bounced the check for the arena deposit?
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Man fails to flush toilet. Suddenly, machete
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♫♬ Love Train soon will be making another run. The Love Train promises something for everyone ♫♬
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My eyes are down here
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Smack crackle popped
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Should've let it go, man. She's not coming back
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 747: "Airplane". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 28, 2019 |
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Toyota: Man, first you're all angry that our airbags might explode and kill everyone, and now you're all angry that they don't inflate enough in an accident. There's just no pleasing you people
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No
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"That's what I love about these college girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age"
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"Vaping kills" possibly downgraded to "Vaping THC oil of an unknown origin kills"
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Former MSU doctor & convicted sexual abuser Larry Nassar is trying again to appeal his child pornography sentence saying that a lifetime ban on contact with minors is unconstitutional and deprive him of "more liberty than is reasonably necessary"
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Gov. Ron DeSantis declares a State of Florida
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this crowd
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Australian officials warn of bushfire danger. Roam, love shack still ok
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Check out Kevin's giant trouser snake
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If you are able bodied enough to attempt kidnapping maybe you shouldn't be eligible for a handicap parking placard
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Welsh firefighters still responding to more 'cow stuck in bog' calls than actual fires (pics)
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Apollo 11 astronaut states the obvious, UFO nuts go wild in 3...2...1 (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop this bridge
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Skull of male Lucy relative found in Ethiopia. Security blanket found nearby
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Doctors save a carpenter's hand by attaching it to his groin, so in other words no real change for him
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Kid with autism throws epic tantrum on United Airlines jet. Rather than kick him off, flight attendants go above and beyond to cater to his needs. To be fair, they did confuse him for a 1K elite frequent flyer
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Florida Man gets upgrade to "Drug Kingpin"
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Sentimental mug is the only thing stolen in bizarre home burglary, says homeowner, who eagerly awaits the thief's mug shots
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Man who looks absolutely stoned shares "marijuana facts" on Fox News. Larry Kudlow wanted for slurring comments
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Trump's lawyers are threatening legal action against MSNBC and Lawrence O'Donnell for reporting that Trump had Russian co-signers on his loans. Anyone else smell a setup here?
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Come take a tour of Epstein's pedo mansion. See the naked ladies on the wall, and check out the art too
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Satellite images suggest that North Korea has grown tired of launching missiles AT the ocean, and now is going to try to launch them from UNDER the ocean
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Somebody killed 42 burros in the Mojave. Subby is impressed, as the best he's been able to do is four chimichangas and a couple of soft tacos
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Thank God, someone thought about the rabbit
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So you're drunk, wearing headphones and vomiting on an active subway track. What's the worst that can happen? (w/ video of the worst thing amazingly not happening)
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Burning Man aims to be carbon negative. Not burning stuff would be a good start
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Caption Abraham Lincoln being chased by the cops
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New Smyrna Beach in Florida is the shark attack capital of the world according to ISAF. It is estimated that anyone who has swam there has been within 10ft of a shark
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Florida expecting Labor Day hurricane. This is not a repeat from 1935
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Wait, the words 'porn star' has SEXUAL connotations? Who knew?
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Bardstown, Kentucky, 'The Most Beautiful Small Town in America,' harbors a dark secret: five unsolved murders in six years. In their defense, it's hard to solve crime in a place where everyone is charisma based and has INT and WIS as dump stats
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It's Freddie Mercury, if Freddy Mercury had been a pork chop
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Finally, a Bible everybody should read
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"Queen suspends Parliament" in the oddest band fusion ever
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Want to measure your disgusting habits against everyone else? Of course you do
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Loverboy was wrong Pig and elephant DNA will splice (possible nsfw content on page)
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In a smack down match pitting Mrs. 'Stone Cold Steve Austin' against Mr. Jiu-Jitsu, the winner and loser get jail time
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Here we go again. Parents are concerned about short lunch times for their precious -- wait a sec, is this a real school schedule? Things have changed
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| (Some Wino) |
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Today is National Red Wine Day. According to researchers, 12% of Americans have put down an entire bottle of wine by ourselves. Pfft...amateurs
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Soaked to the skin and covered in mud is no way to go through a family photoshoot, son (possible nsfw content on page)
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New details on Russia's mysterious missile disaster suggests they might have a Chernobyl 2.0: Nuclear Boogaloo
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Photoshop this beluga whale trying to have a snack
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Some say a dog is man's best friend, but a group of four conservation biologists and ecologist believe dogs could also help make the world a greener place. Meet some of the Working Dogs for Conservation this Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Missed out on your chance to own the Fark chicken? You still have time to bid on these full scale Union Pacific locomotives
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You know it's a slow news day when a 7lb, 14.6oz grapefruit the size of a basketball makes the AP news wire
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TV anchor compares cohost to new gorillas at the zoo, goes about as well as you'd expect
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The Imperial Parliament will no longer be of any concern to us. I have just received word that the Queen has dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Democracy have been swept away
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Ten beers and twelve gauges don't mix
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Amelia Earhart's last flight was probably out the back end of a massive coconut crab the size of a small dog
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It has become troublingly easy for people to buy cheetahs on social media, apparently
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Back to basics: U.S. Army to redouble efforts to teach soldiers to shoot straight
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Uh, guys? Islamic State is still a big farking problem
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Please note: when taking a test drive of a new car from a dealership, you are required to eventually let the salesman out of the car
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Today in it's NOT news about alcoholism: Ireland consumes 80% more alcohol than the global average. ***hiccup***
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Zion sees exodus, God knows why
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| Tue August 27, 2019 |
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Here is the church, here is the steeple. Everything's burning, call the fire people
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City Official is watching you poop...and testing the results
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Iranian-backed bloc in Iraqi parliament claims US 'fully responsible' for Israel attacks, having apparently not noticed that we haven't been remotely responsible for a while over here
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Sales of tweed water wings and stout leather pool noodles expected to skyrocket (possible nsfw content on page)
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Wisconsin lawmakers want to set a minimum age for looking like a total douchebag
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Stamp-making company sells out of anti-groping UV hand stamps in under an hour, vows to check on its inventory more often
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Facebook to world: Truth is a choice
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Teachers in Florida can go stare at dolphins and whales for free all year long now. Thanks SeaWorld
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5.7 million kids water bottles sold at Target and Walmart recalled for choking hazard, because, if a sea creature chokes on plastic, that's one thing. Turtles can't sue
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Compton and Long Beach, together yeah you knew we were trouble
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Assuming looking at their property tax bills doesn't do the trick, NJ residents can kill themselves again
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There's yoga, then there's EXTREEEEEEMMMMME yoga
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Photoshop this Kusudama origami
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Fark NotNewsletter: You are hereby ordered to read about how our auction turned out
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Like typical lazy weed smokers, it has taken scientists 50 years to kick their dirt weed dealing hookup to the curb and find a new connect
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Can cops, judge demand passcode to search your mobile phone, even though it's not relevant to your case, requires you to make a statement? Let's find out
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A school in Australia has gotten rid of garbage cans because students will totally take their trash home with them and not stuff it in their lockers all year
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Former Viking city installs helpful "Pillage/Don't Pillage" signal lights
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Woman who volunteers with a missing persons organization goes missing. Talk about dedication
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In a move probably everyone should have seen coming, the US forest service is closing Snake Road in Southern Illinois until October due to
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After 15 years, New Hampshire DMV decides that PB4WEGO is not ok
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Suddenly, tidal wave
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New exoplanet is like a bad Miley Cyrus song
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Registered sex offender found walking naked down the street told cops he was forced to by his drug dealer because he owed him $350
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If a doctor tells you to poop in a cup, just do it
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It's pretty sad when the conspiracy theorists are predicting the actual news but here we are: There was a security camera directly outside Jeffrey Epstein's cell, but, for some unexplained reason, a "glitch" has rendered footage from it "unusable"
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What's better than a vintage 1980s Porche 911 Carrera? This
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Second-generation lesbian faces new challenge after her partner comes out as a trans man and now everyone thinks they're just another straight couple
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Why would you need a criminal back ground check to rent a storage unit, even in Florida. Do they disqualify you if you've got no convictions?
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Irregardless of how you feel about it, It's literally time to stop complaining about how people use the word Literally. Its just something your going to have to deal with
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Purdue Pharma offers $10-12 billion to settle opioid claims, instead of the more popular option of sending the entire Sackler family to Jail for life
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You know it's hot out when the crime everyone in town is talking about is a Dilly Bar heist
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Liven up this old brick wall
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Maybe don't start school in August?
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Good afternoon, everyone - this is your cockpit speaking. If you look out to the left, you'll see the ancient city of Vigo in the distance. By the way, does anybody know how to fly a plane?
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Eight times in history art forgers totally got away with it (at least for a while)
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Shriners forced to cancel beloved sandwich sales at State Fair after thefts. So if you've been hankering to find a little man in a car with a big helping of roast beef, you're on your own
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The latest out of Russia: strontium-91, barium-139, barium-140, and lanthanum-140
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That ridiculous "news" circulating on the net that Hasbro Toys now owns Death Row Records. Snopes rides to the rescue and finds that ... it's actually true
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Travel to Ethiopia for the food and culture, stay for the bubbling hyper-acidic green sulphur pools
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Graffiti artist Stan 153 has died. remains to be mixed, sprayed upon walls in NYC
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I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral. I'm a newly titled Consort of the King and that's historical. Come see me in a fighter jet made up to look adorable
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Not News: Harvard-educated doctor files a complaint against a racist cop who repeatedly asked her if she understood English because she's Asian. News: Cop gets fired. Fark: as do six more cops because the complaint uncovered massive time card fraud
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The first Amazon employees are beginning to arrive in Northern Virginia, and it's turning into every bit the clusterfark that critics said it would be
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Web tool analyzes your personality type based on tweets. Subby decided to run President Trump's Twitter handle through it. Tag for the results (posted in comments)
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Puerto Rico declares state of emergency ahead of tropical storm Dorian before Hurricane Trump hits it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Suddenly, Chupacabra
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Ceiling thief is watching you shop
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Nightmare fuel: The opening of the first Costco in China
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By now, we all know that the Amazon is on fire. Just how bad is it? Really, really bad, and it's getting worse. Sleep well
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In today's WTF moment, it turns out that a lot of modern medicine relies on sucking the blood out of crabs
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Look at the bright side: your kid will have the best Chewbacca costume ever (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photographer sets out to take some moody snaps of a bridge in the fog, gets something 100% crazier (possible nsfw content on page)
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Secure your load, troopers say, or your mattress might blow away
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Drunk, shoving brisket and a propane tank down your pants, and assaulting the police is no way to go though life, son. Sounds like a hell of a barbecue though
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CIA not spying on UAE, but NSA is, so FYI keep it on the QT if you don't want a UFIA
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Annual "rolling balls of poop" warning issued for the Great Smokey Mountains
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Tom's Diner is closing, da da da-dah, da da-da dah, da da da dah dah da-da-dah
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Fast food items, fast economic forecasts, and slowly moving things in Iceland are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, August 18-24 Coffee Cup Edition
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Woman uses grinding saw to break into Botox clinic, makes off with anti-aging products. Police reportedly looking for someone named 'Karen'
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Bangladesh ends requirement for women to declare whether they are virgins on marriage registration forms. In other news, this is 2019
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The British Veterinary Association (BVA) says some insect-based foods may be better for pets than prime steak. Your dog flees in terror
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Photoshop this levitating dryer
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Judge denies order letting unvaccinated kids go to school. Spiffy tag is hospitalized with measles, so Hero tag dons protective mask and fills in
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Mercedes driver and possible demon rams car that was blocking her in near taco truck, returns on foot to assault people in the crowd
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For those of you with $200mil burning a hole in your pocket, "The Beverly Hillbillies" estate just went on sale again. Financing available through M. Drysdale at The Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills
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"Metal detectorists taken ill eating 'cannabis cakes' in High Melton". Good thing they didn't meet in Scoonthorpe
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Convenience store from Kevin Smith's "Clerks" sells winning Powerball ticket. Post any cliche lines to the right
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Couple who ran religious boarding school for boys arrested for abuse, neglect, labor violations, fraud, human trafficking. Will be either prosecuted or deified
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Ireland's 'worst driver' fails driving test twenty times, vows to keep trying until he can find a driving instructor brave enough to stay in the car to pass him
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Shares of big pharma companies jump more than 5% overnight because Johnson & Johnson was ONLY fined $572M for precipitating an opioid crisis across America
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Sometimes discount drugs are not the best option
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68-year-old man arrested for exposing himself to woman inside Walmart restroom, charges include assault with a dead weapon
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French photographer comes to America to photograph our strip clubs. Stumbles upon a metaphor for men who spend their days with strippers (video)
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$4 million in diamonds stolen in heist. Man with four fingers and a briefcase sought by police, two crooked diamond dealers, Uzbeki arms dealer, pawn shop owners, and a hoodlum with a false tooth made from a bullet
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The library: so useful, so quiet, so ... disease-ridden?
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Each year 3500 donated kidneys are thrown away. Lost, like cat food in rain
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The Farmers' Almanac says we should expect a Polar Coaster this year. They're messing with conservatives, right? To make them sound even more ridiculous when they're like, "Global Warming? Explain how we have a Polar Coaster then"
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Teen registered people to vote as they waited in endless Popeyes line for new chicken sandwich
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Forty people go to Raging Waters, get their money's worth
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| Mon August 26, 2019 |
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What has been seen cannot be unseen [NSFW-ish]
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The HOA went all the way to the Virginia Supreme Court over $884 in fines and lost
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Chicago Police report the stagecoach line is once again safe from bushwhackers
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McFlurry meltdown leads to a filet of fists
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Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp
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Old, myth-busted: Fake $2 bill at Taco Bell. Hot new menu item: Fake $20 bill at Taco Bell, plus a side of three needles, one loaded with methamphetamine, as well as a meth pipe and a metal container with meth inside. To go
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Now this is instant karma
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Nurses to face charges in Florida nursing home deaths during Hurricane Irma, because even if marijuana is legal you shouldn't let your charges get baked
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Man finally finds out why he's been a pain in the ass for the last 10 years after surgeons remove eight embroidery needles from his buttocks
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The train in Des Plaines causes pain to pedestrian
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Johnson & Johnson found guilty & guilty
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Paul's Memory Bank OTR Edition continues. More Stan Freberg, a 6-part Superman adventure (the first featuring Jimmy Olsen) and My Favorite Husband. 'Tune-In' at 8PM EDT
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| (Some Hungry Guy) |
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Photoshop what's for dinner
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Rogue Instagram moderators are apparently demanding bribes from popular Instagram influencers in return for not deleting their posts
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If you're wanted for unsolved crime, you might not want to apply for job that requires finger-printing. Isn't that right, Florida Man?
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| (Some Guy) |
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While everyone is watching how The Family has made inroads into the Republican party, the DNC just passed a resolution recognizing atheists and religiously unaffiliated
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I used to be a driver like you, then I took an arrow to the door
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Trump invokes Chewbacca defense to explain absence from G7 climate meeting
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Huge blaze erupts in San Antonio Harbor in Ibiza, evacuations ongoing. If only there was a source of water nearby that firefighters could use to help put it out (possible nsfw content on page)
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Do you know what else you never forget how to do once you've learned it?
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Congratulations on your new law firm, Sarah
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In a very special Little House on the Prairie, Hmong immigrants helped save Walnut Grove but now their kids are bailing
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Not content with just harmlessly snorting H like Subby's generation, kids these days are simply getting more high on weed
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If you don't have a motorcycle license, it's probably best not to take one 100mph through the Florida Keys. "Police said they were able to find the clothes (the suspect) had been wearing during the pursuit under a kayak"
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Photoshop this thing lurking in the woods
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Your dog wants steak, but does not want to wash it down with a side of NYC pond water
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An analysis of how long it takes Americans to forget about their last mass shoot-- OMG did you hear about Mel B showering with her dog???
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On display at annual Free the Nips parade in NYC. This was Sunday, so West Coast Farkers should be getting home right around the time this headline is greened
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