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| Sun August 25, 2019 |
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DidgeriDON'T
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The giant Banksy at Dover lamenting Britain leaving the EU has mysteriously vanished from the side of the building it appeared on. The fact that the building is owned by the same family that tried to sell another Banksy is completely coincidental
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Gas explosion blows up shopping mall area, no one is injured. Thanks, Amazon
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Photoshop this
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Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy Yelp rating. Give us this day our daily breakfast buffet. And forgive us our bill by 10%, as we present thy promo code
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Chicago PD have a new tool to track gun suspects but some people have a problem with it
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Hong Kong police now firing live bullets. Well, that escalated quickly
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Wait, there are filthy savages who don't wash the bottom of plates?
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Leaked documents reveal the government of Brazil isn't being inept in its response to the Amazon fires, it's actively sabotaging conservation efforts so they can build bridges, a highway, and a hydroelectric plant
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Photoshop this ordnance
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Not news: Burglar alarm goes off at house. Still not news: Police show up. What the hell, Raleigh?: Police arrest black homeowner at gunpoint and walk him to police car in his underwear
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It's not the fossil fuel industry that is killing the wildlife in the west. They're being loved to death by all you damn hikers. Back to the couch with all of you
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Sooner or later, Poseidon is going to get a bit annoyed at his realm constantly being attacked by some maniac with a terrible haircut and a bad suit
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... I got better
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Cluster of UFOs spotted over Crimea. Are they A) Spooky Bible stuff, B) Russian UFO weapons, or C) Flares? (possible nsfw content on page)
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What's in this 1969 time capsule? Nothing. Yet
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Birthday party supplies for your 2-year-old's party: cake, balloons, bulletproof vests
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It's not the going to church, it's the going to church potlucks
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Fox guest falls for the Becky story
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UK hopes to allow water bottles on planes by 2022, and it will only cost a mere $50M per airport
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Forty-four people decide to take a hike in 110-plus degree heat. This is Fark, so you know what happens next
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Twenty-five percent of Brits are stockpiling food and medicine ahead of Brexit. That's a lot of mushy peas
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♫ Get up you're asleep at the wheel / Get up you're asleep at the wheel / Get up you're asleep at the wheel ♫
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Aaron Burr had children of color. Well, I imagine so; I've seen "Hamilton"
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| Sat August 24, 2019 |
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Attention, Florida Farkers: if you have hurricane shutters for your house, now would be a good time to dig them out
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Vegan college professor is trying to save newborn lambs from slaughter, rescue Catherine Martin from Buffalo Bill
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| (Some Guy) |
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Wayward clown or possibly late night nitrous enthusiast speeds away from cops, crashes into own garage, winds up on Fark
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Let's see how Flint, MI is doing since we stopped talking about them...oh, dear
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Photoshop this organ
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Til death do us----*CRASH*
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"Fukushima crabs"? Excellent
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Aw, hell no
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There's a job opening in the Trump administration
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pretzel
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"Delta flight DL0975 is now sitting at Gate 12 ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... and sitting ... "
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Photoshop these soccer players
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Couple's cat steals the show as groomsman in his very own tuxedo at their wedding. These people must be familiar with Caturday
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Florida (teacher) Man tells his students how, if he were a school shooter, he'd kill at least a thousand people. Says he'd include bombs packed with nails... but, don't worry, he hasn't thought about it at all
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Composite sketch of rapist released. Last seen heading to Mordor with two short guys
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How a Florida boy can become a Florida man
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Good taste in theaters. Bad taste in movies
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Astronaut caught being astronaughty
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Felon with $1,000 in cash, drug paraphernalia, handguns, 500 stamp bags of heroin, 50 ecstasy pills, 50 hits of LSD, 1 ounce of methamphetamine, 10 grams of cocaine, suboxone, mushrooms, molly and marijuana, is enterprising, but busted
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Jury: "We award the plaintiff $22 million due to the brutality suffered at the hands of police." Police: "Can we have a do-over?" New Jury: "Sure, we award the plaintiff $50 million"
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Attended the World Hip-Hop Dance Championship? You may have caught more than just the rhythm
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Glad the Flux Capacitor didn't kick in
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Good: Prince William flew economy airline to set environmental example. Bad: Airline flew empty jet to make trip because they want the right logo on the Royal flight, causing extra 4.5 tons of carbon emissions
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Virginia man turns liquor store into farmers market
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He's just pining for the fjords
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| Fri August 23, 2019 |
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Couldn't be fired, but....can be sued
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Driving your dad's high-end rented Audi sports car through two sets of gates, then crossing a busy road and ramming it through a wall leaving an incredible trail of destruction is no way to go through life, son
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Firefighters spend one hour extinguishing fire at marijuana growing facility, four more hours with some Doritos, man
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Police chase involving e-scooter ends in e-tazing, e-shooting
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"How do you forget a baby in a hot car?" wonders mother arrested for leaving her baby in a hot car
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Baby dances to 'Baby Got Back' from inside the womb. Can't decide if it's cute or scary
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It was eight years ago today that Virginia was rocked by a massive, 5.8 earthquake. Share your survivor's story, Virginia Farkers. Did you rebuild? Are you still rebuilding? Has anyone picked up that lawn chair yet?
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Officer claims he was fired for invoking the Billy Graham Rule and now no other law enforcement agency will hire him
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The latest in "It would be an unbelievable joke in 1999" headlines: Hasbro now owns Death Row Records. Mr Potato Head and Rich Uncle Pennybags nod to the beat while sippin' on gin and juice
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Photoshop theme: Create a new water toy
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Honestly, who would be so dishonest as to steal an Honest bike. Florida man, that's who
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These guys figured out how to make over $100,000 from rewards points at a rural Maine gas station
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New Orleans neighborhood: Why do we keep flooding so damn much? New Orleans drainage inspectors: Well, here's your problem (pulls mid-size sedan from underground drain)
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People in the North Carolina mountains are taking their right to bear arms a little too seriously
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"Who is it?" "Danger Noodle, let me in"
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Lord of the Seven burns surreal pattern into the green
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Sheesh, not another TV show where chefs are shot in the face with a cannon full of food (possible nsfw content on page)
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From mosquitos to vipers to police who want to remove you from your island, being a modern-day hermit ain't easy
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Photoshop this pit viper
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Wall Street Journal investigation declares Amazon to be dangerous to society. No, no, not the forest fire
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Bringing back honey from Jamaica? That's 82 days in jail, Betty Naughtwite
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I know people like to criticize WaPo around here, but they're a serious paper doing serious journalism. Like this listicle featuring totes real 1-star reviews of world wonders posted online by critics. Nobody's done that before, right?
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Business Insider has found Jeffrey Epstein's social media accounts. To say the least, he had a very on-brand taste in music
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Woman goes to doctor thinking she's got water in her ear. Doctor pulls out a nope instead
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South Carolina Dairy Queen disappoints Charlton Heston with their latest denial
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Man high on drugs wields machete, last time he used an axe. Sounds like his inventory is mostly melee weapons, hope he doesn't have a halberd
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Woman steals stroller, immediately forgets why
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Remembering the time when a raging bull climbed a Scottish mountain, and there's no way he was goin' down. He don't go down for nobody
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There actually was a Nigerian Prince scam, and it worked
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Prince Andrew would disturb his mum's horses / The grooms they would throw such a fit / They'd just get out their shovels / and cover him in a big pile of ... Shaving Cream / be nice and clean / shave every day and you'll always look keen
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Caption Boris Johnson yapping it up with the ladies
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Woman reels in fish with 2 mouths (w/ pic). When mounted like a Big Mouth Billy Bass, will sing "Take Me To The River" in harmony
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China says that the U.S. selling advanced F-16s to Taiwan will do nothing but make American fighter jet makers rich because China has overwhelming air superiority...but they will be SUPER pissed if the sale goes through
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Uh, ma'am? This is a booking photo, not a glamour shot
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"Golfing in Florida is just different" Especially when a 7-foot alligator strolls near your ball before you take a shot
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Accidentally shooting a gun in your apartment, claiming the hole in the wall was caused by a screwdriver, and then taking your frustration out at work by sexually harassing subordinates is no way to go through life, your honor
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Australian man puts up small poster at coffee shop declaring himself "customer of the week," and then things escalate quickly
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What 36 holes might look like in Pasco County
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I woke up this morning to a stiff Koch
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Photoshop what the president is revealing
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Overcock.ru
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Louisiana sheriff's office explains why they held a U.S. citizen who produced a driver's license, Social Security card and PASSPORT on an immigration detainer: See he had a Hispanic surname, and they had a "policy" to assume all Latinx were illegal
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Don't get up Sunday to go to church? That's a guitar beating, boys
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Prince Andrew got a foot massage from a young woman at Epstein's NY apartment
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Ship's on fire, yo
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Woman rescued from a septic tank after "two or three days." Subby doesn't even have a shiatty joke to make about that
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When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Traffic Court Edition
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| Thu August 22, 2019 |
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Mountain Lions are getting into the face eating game in Colorado
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2,800-year-old stone tablet provides more detail on a Biblically-referenced Moabite rebellion against the Kingdom of Israel. Netanyahu immediately invades Gaza in retaliation
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Michigan high school being renovated to make shootings more difficult with curved and zigzag corridors, decreased line of sight into classrooms, and safe spaces for duck and cover
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Army says secretive warfare training is planned in 21 North Carolina Counties. Clearly more training is needed
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Badass ship's captain who has rescued thousands of migrants in the Mediterranean sea and faces 20 years in prison in Italy for "aiding illegal immigration" refuses a medal for bravery from Paris, pointing out they ain't any better than Italy on this
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New York man gets the shaft
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A concerned Fresno Police Chief has serious questions after bodycam footage shows an officer punching an unarmed teenager repeatedly without cause. Questions like "why didn't they turn their body cams off?" and "Why didn't you all lose the footage?"
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Don't you hate it when your depression sinks deeper and deeper, until you can no longer even ride your scooter, and it still takes four years for road crews to get around to fixing it?
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Elephants not cause of gas leak at San Diego Zoo
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Photoshop this following
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The obituary claims the 94 year old was the best Lay on the reservation, and the account her adventures support that claim
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"Five Killed in One Day of Shootings in New York City." Or, as New Yorkers from the 1980s call it, "The safest day of the year"
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On this day in history, in 1776, British Redcoats under the command of General Howe landed at Long Island. Who? No, Howe. Well, they marched, I assume. What?
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MTV is really upping their game this season
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'Nine Facts about Shark Attacks' somehow manages to miss the important 'never answer the door for a singing telegram if you're not expecting it' tip
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"Infant to Work" program expanded. Good, I was getting tired of those little slackers not carrying their weight
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Alaska Paratrooper dies after crashing motorcycle into guardrail. Unclear if deflated kickball was involved
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FAA expected to change certification rules after 737MAX crashes, logo to empty barn with doors wide open
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San Francisco eliminates all criminals and addicts. Oh, there are still plenty around, you just can't call them that anymore
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No injuries reported after small plane crashes at Oroville Airport. Captain Mercer inconsolable
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When wearing crotchless undies for a date goes horribly wrong (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop this Lincoln
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Help the city of Eugene, OR name three new waterfront streets. Difficulty: No Roady McRoadface
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The Fortunate Rake?
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An ode to the hottest makeup counter in NYC: the Port Authority bathroom
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Oh, that policy about not sleeping with students still applies during the summer break? Oops
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:( Your lieutenant has run into a problem that it couldn't handle, and now it needs to restart
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Florida deputy shot unarmed woman and lied about it, Federal prosecutors say. On the bright side, she was not shot by the sheriff, so maybe she can get an inverted version of that Bob Marley song going
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Wait, there is a such thing as a Skittles manicure?
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Federal audit finds that over $1 billion in fines have not produced any positive changes in coal mine safety or owner behavior. This either means fines and regulations don't work, or that "over $1 billion in fines" isn't actually that big a number
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We would not want to imply ownership (NSFW)
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Former Little League player: "uh, yeah, I'm looking for this ump I flipped off in the '80s?"
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Warning: Getting shot through the tip of your penis may cause uneven erections, soreness (with possibly awkward for work x-ray image)
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If you subscribe to the biggest conspiracy theories around Area 51, you might just be so out there you'll never come back
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"Microplastics in drinking water 'don't appear to pose health risk,' WHO says?" Exactly
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Wisconsin man wants you to know that not all drunk drivers are goofy idiots that fall down during sobriety tests: sometimes, they lead police on a high speed chase and then crash into a building, causing a gas leak. Not the farty kind, either
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The 2019 overzealous staffer roundup is currently in process
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Click here
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Crocodile given by Fidel Castro to a Russian cosmonaut bites man at a crayfish party in Stockholm - Madlibs or actual event?
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A million dollars for you, if you can just prove we don't exist, say entire town of German wackos (possible nsfw content on page)
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Bison smashes car in under 40 seconds. Perfect. Collects 30,000 points
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| (Some Guy) |
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Rare film of Monet, Renoir, Rodian, and Degas found. Shows their time before becoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
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Your local police department has a friendly reminder: Don't "get white girl wasted while drinking that fruity water and do something stupid"
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Please note: Quibbling over the distinction between hitting someone once and "attacking" them is a moot point when you're a master of the One Punch Death Strike move
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Caption these studious golf fans
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Florida Man coaxes sperm from coral in laboratory, in scientific breakthrough that could save coral reefs
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Gunman on the run after shooting deputy, evading capture, prompting a rare 'douche on the loose' alert
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Russia coughs, waves away clouds of radioactive smoke, demands United Nations Security Council meeting after U.S. tests new missile
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Khan rules out Kashmir talks with India, possibly because he's no longer interested in being a traveler of both time and space after being stranded on Ceti Alpha V this long
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Some addiction clinics are marketing an IV infusion called NAD therapy to patients even though it's neither FDA-approved or clinically proven to work, but they figure these people have proven they'll shoot ANYTHING into their veins, so
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You can dress up like Luke, BB-8, or Ren at Disney StarWarsLand. Chewbacca, Stormtroopers, and Stimpy are right out
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It's official: Swearingen is dead you farking corksuckers
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If the Amazon collapses - which Bolsonaro's "smoke 'em if you got 'em" policies practically guarantee - the carbon released would be equivalent to all human carbon output since 1880
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We've finally figured out how to bring peace to the Middle East: plant a lot of trees. Or maybe we're just misunderstanding the study
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Man sparks fire on his roof using a Roman candle to get rid of a pesky hornet's nest
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Photoshop challenge: Combine a well-known meme with a classic work of art. LGT famous paintings with a really easy quiz in case you want to feel smrt while looking for inspiration (SFW as long as you don't work with incredibly uptight prudes)
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"This is how mass shootings happen. I have mental problems." Is not the proper response to a prayer call in a church
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Man gets pulled over, tells the cops there's a half-naked blonde locked in his trunk, and somehow that works out for him
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Russia launches humanoid robot named FEDOR into space, so far he says "everything is normal" on his journey in a tweet. He's expected to dock at the ISS on Saturday with medical supplies and food rations for the crew. No word on vodak shipment
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40 pedophile priests named in church investigation. Maybe 50. No. Walt. I'll come in again
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Wealthy, well-connected sexual predator gaming the system? Say it isn't so
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Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring Banana Coke
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Cleveland cop goes full R. Kelly at a school bus stop and films it
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114 + 114
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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear who climbed upon a barber's chair but didn't lose a single hair, so Fuzzy Wuzzy was still fuzzy was he?
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Another mass shooter stopped- that's what five so far this week?
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Cocaindergarten
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Lions receive the death penalty for exhibiting lion-like behavior
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"Here's the deal. We can arrest you and claim you were on drugs, or we can let people know you're so stupid as to think Band-Aids can repair a tire with a split sidewall"
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 746: "Totally Tubular". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 21, 2019 |
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Arkansas's Crater of Diamonds pays out again
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When police saw the body laying on on air mattress covered in blood, they knew that something was not on the level
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Woman arrested for putting recyclables in black bags and not the correct orange colored bags, will now discover in jail that orange is the new black
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Accused wilderness snowmobiler's plane is now at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean"
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| (Kaiser Heath News) |
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A knee-replacement surgery is so much cheaper to do in Cancun that insurance will pay for all travel costs, for patient and doctor, and a $5,000 incentive upon return and still save money. Shoot, Subby doesn't need both knees, sign me up
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Technically, it's a mass shooting on the campus of an HBCU. But it's too small a mass shooting to make it on the evening news these days
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"Chickens in choppers, this is Finnish feral bovines calling. Over"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this sunny day
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Watch that poutine - it's hot. $187,000 worth of cheese stolen from Canadian dairy
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Priest spent $98,000 to have sex with adult men. Everybody else cool with this or just Subby?
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A two-year relationship ends in violence. Clearly the dating app that introduced the couple is to blame (possible nsfw content on page)
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Schrödinger's India is simultaneously out of water and experiencing record monsoon rainfall
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Please to show my your bobs and vagene
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The Adventures of Buckaroo Canine Across The Captivate Communication
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Hey, is that a drone? Yemen
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Photoshop this athlete
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Irish woman in search of her doppelgänger incredibly finds not one but TWO doppelgängers living just down the road from her in Dublin. In related news: Irish woman living in Dublin finally finds out her dad really slept around locally
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12-year-old bitten by shark at beach, doo doo doo doo doo
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Police help accident victim and discover his arsenal, white supremacist literature, pounds of drugs, previous felony record, and one heck of an owner's manual
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I do, take two as guy with dementia re-marries wife he had forgotten about (possible nsfw content on page)
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Here are 10 facts about Area 51 for your next conspiracy theory breakfast meeting
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Looks like someone working with the government's secret weather-making machines noticed Fark's 'There have been no hurricanes in the Atlantic this year' thread from yesterday
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Hutchinson Bridge is falling down, falling... well actually, it just collapsed
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"Pen Pineapple Apple Pen" singer's music career takes a dark turn
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No, Amazon doesn't really want to put human beings in cages to protect them from machines. They're just blatantly abusing the patent system, like every other corporation
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Cables on a slingshot ride snap just seconds before it launches. Of course, it happened in Florida and it was caught on video
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News: Judge rules cocaine is legal to use in Mexico. Fark: for only two people
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Woman claims people who get time off of work for dead pets are exploiting bereavement policies
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Two-year-old has a playhouse that's fancier than your actual house. Sorry. Correction. She has two of them (possible nsfw content on page)
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"Please stand clear of the open train door which could be very dangerous as the train is travelling at 280km/h. Thank you"
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First people to visit wreck of the Titanic in 15 years say ship is deteriorating rapidly. "That whole deck house on that side is collapsing, taking with it the state rooms. And that deterioration is going to continue advancing"
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Truck carrying fuel crashed and ignited near the town of Cereal, causing other cars to snap, crackle, and pop
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Florida man learns to his chagrin that the motorized scooters at Walmart have just enough battery to go about a mile away from the store
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Photoshop these bikers
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Columbus Barks, Columbus Barks! Welcome to this week's Woofday Wetnose Wednesday thread
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| (Some Nice Guys) |
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Faith in humanity restored, firefighter edition
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I told you owning 17 cats doesn't mean I'm crazy *laughs maniacally* *licks cat*
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Say what you want but he at least had goals: start a race war, eliminate a whole race in three years, outlaw Spanish. "I Thank God everyday President Donald John Trump is President and that he will launch a Racial War and Crusade"
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Catholic priest loses sex appeal
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The alcohol industry is being impacted negatively by the legal narcotics industry
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Thanks to anti-vaxxers, the measles outbreak hits 30 states
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The most important ecosystem on the planet has been burning at an unprecedented rate for three weeks and nobody has noticed
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Famous Brooklyn pizzeria closes after realizing it'll never be as good as Chicago. Also something about $167,000 in unpaid taxes
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Paradise by the sewage truck lights
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A snake got loose at a Newark Airport security checkpoint on Monday. Almost made a sequel
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Philadelphia Police Commissioner resigns because , spins the wheel of fortune.... of sexual harassment allegations
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The Trumps are really pushing to secure that southern vote, name newest member of the family "Carolina"
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| Tue August 20, 2019 |
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Man in search for fresh pants after nine storey elevator drop
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Man finds life-size female doll in dumpster, proceeds to drag it home. Panic and Hilarity ensue
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Straight from the desk of reporter Kitty Meows: How Dogs Are Becoming One of The World's Most Harmful Predators. Cats rule, dogs drool
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Happy little state park signs
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You had one job railroad conductor. One job -- open the doors on the side of the train facing the platform
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When should 3-year-old kids start dieting, using CBD oil? According to these Parents of the Year candidates, after being diagnosed with leukemia
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Uncle of the year candidate promises to only shoot nephew in the leg, and NOT kill him, over cuckoo kerflufle
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Unless your name is Peter Parker you really shouldn't try to escape hotel security by leaping between balconies
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Suddenly, EGGCEPTION (possible nsfw content on page)
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Unlike the victims of its family separation policy, CBP Press Secretary Katharine Gorka to soon be spending more time together with her kids
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China: "Stop building those missiles that are just like ones we've been building for years, you warmongers"
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"Zombie bus" crashes just feet away from cheering crowd in southern Indiana. And the zombie bus trifecta is in play
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I cant believe anyone would try to impersonate a police officer using an air horn and the emergency lights of their Nissan Sentra. But then there is Hicksville man
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Military tech comes from many sources. Defense contractors, trade with foreign governments, furries, resear-wait what?
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If you've ever thought there aren't enough boat/plane accidents, today is your lucky day. Not so much for the boats and plane
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Fark NotNewsletter: You can own Fark's rubber chicken. Rubber chicken? I hardly know 'er
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Sao Paulo plunged into sudden, unexplained darkness, thrilling local lamb's blood retailers
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Photoshop this yellow smoke
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Great, now I'll have to move the sex dungeon. Thanks a lot, HOA
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| (Some Guy) |
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Florida man sets record after streaming Runescape for 542 hours in one month. Hard mode: Still has a girlfriend
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Castration fetish: When the thrill of women's shoes is gone
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Camping at upcoming Phish concert in Colorado canceled due to plague infested fleas. Authorities unsure if fleas came from prairie dogs or Phish fans. Red Hot Chili Peppers sought for questioning
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Apparently it was one sound he did not hear coming
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Pop quiz: You were just in a motorcycle accident. Do you A) Make sure you get out of the road B) Call 911 or C) Arrange product placement so you can take pics of your accident for the gram
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"I was thinking about shooting a church up but I am afraid how it will affect my family in the flesh after I'm gone"
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Article about unusual electric vehicle/bike/motorcycle on the left, argument about "duck" vs. "duct" on the right
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♪♫♪♫ Bust out the R&B jams, nice and slow. Piss off your buddy, he's now a foe. It turned to disrespect; His "rep", must protect. You fall on his knife, to soothe the strife. So off to jail he goes. ♪♫♪♫
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Today, in ambiguous headlines: "Police shoot dead bus hostage-taker," which could mean we had a zombie situation on a bus, or a zombie bus that was taking hostages, or the cops just really like shooting
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Three guys from Staten Island catch a 500-pound shark, proceed to have the most Staten Island photoshoot possible with said shark
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Pennsylvania man's unconventional plan to improve Starbucks coffee right on Target
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Michigan officials believe that signs suggesting people drive below the speed limit will actually work
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If driving around smoking a cigar while a naked woman gyrates on your Ferrari is wrong, I don't want to be right [NSFW]
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Researchers find adding pink seaweed to cow feed eliminates their methane emissions. This is also relevant to Mrs. subby's interests
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Go ahead and add "mauled by a pack of dogs" to the list of ways Detroit can kill you
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Photoshop this fisherman
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Kid who boasted of private jet and fleet of supercars busted for traffic offense on way to buy train ticket because he didn't have private jet and fleet of supercars (possible nsfw content on page)
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And now for your creepy WTF of the day: Let's all go to the Island of the Dolls in Mexico where a hermit preacher has hung thousands of mutilated dolls to 'protect a drowned girl from evil spirits'
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You didn't need that extra $1,000 a year, did you? I mean, not when losing it means you get to be a noble foot soldier in Trump's glorious Trade War with China, right?
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Porn star found living in catacombs under Las Vegas says she has found her tunnel of love (NSFW)
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Mystery stone baffles scientists as to why it has kept London from crumbling since the 16th century
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Looks like the Scots didn't bother watching Chernobyl - that or they've learned nothing
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McDonald's employee burned by 'smoldering' dollar bill given at drive-thru
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DEVELOPING: No hurricanes. FOLLOWUP: Still no hurricanes. UPDATE: Still no hurricanes. It's Not News, It's USA Today
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Man whose wife was killed in El Paso shooting, then had his SUV stolen and wrecked after her funeral receives new SUV from local dealer. Damn dusty out in Texas today
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News: six arrested for lewdness in a public park. Fark: aged 62-85. Well, when life hands you lemons...
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Big Dental wants to educate you on the financial responsibilities and duties of the Tooth Fairy
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Got a black kid in your school with an initial cut into his hair that violates your dress code policy? Well, do you have any of those black permanent markers? Problem solved
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'Jelly Brains' spotted in Pennsylvania lake, already registered to vote
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For some reason, Elon Musk wants to nuke Mars. Here's the Bad Astronomer to tell him why that won't work the way he thinks it will
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British royal Prince Andrew may have some explaining to do, the flight logs from Jeffrey Epstein's private jet 'show he was in the same place as an alleged sex slave three separate times'
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Widow of man gored to death by yak sues 911 for not sending ambulance after he was unable to yak back on phone due to injuries from yak attack. Yak
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75 years ago, the SS Richard Montgomery drifted into a sandbank & sunk in the Thames Estuary about 30 miles from subby's house. There's so much unstable explosive on board that if it goes off, the force will be felt 5,000 miles away. I'll get my hat
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♫ ♬ What's in your buuuuuuutt, in your buuuuuuutt, zombie knife zombie knife-ife-ife ♫ ♬
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People who don't know how to ride mopeds can now rent them on the street. What could go wrong?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these jesters earning their stripes
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Apple: We intend to take real and significant steps to protect the privacy, safety, and security of children using our devices. App Developers: OMG THAT'S GOING TO RUIN OUR BUSINESS MODEL
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Comcast customer service rep does something right. Yes, this is news
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Movie extras, cult TV, and a lot of food questions are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz August 11-17 Salamander Edition
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"...the bear ate two cartons of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and left a little 'surprise' on the living room carpet"
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News: Man threatens murder over flat-earth bet. Fark: The round-earther
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"I rented them an apartment, and I got to see their junk." No, not like that (possible nsfw content on page)
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"I see we've decided to give up on sleeping"
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Millennials who went back to school near Ground Zero are now growing up with 9/11 illnesses
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NY Policeman's Benevolent Association spokesman on yesterday's firing of NYPD officer Daniel Pantelo :"The job has been dying; and today, the job is dead." So, not unlike Eric Garner then?
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Want to freak out a great white shark? Put giant eyes on your surfboard. "It intends to make the shark think it's been spotted" which deters it from attacking without the element of surprise"
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If a lack of pockets in your outfit mandates you carry your crack pipe in your vagina, then maybe it's time for a wardrobe update
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Couple leaves bar, decides to return Kool-Aid man style
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Ah, Colorado, where herds of wild mattresses gallop gracefully across the landscape
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| (Some Guy) |
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China to CEO: "Name any employees who took part in recent protests against us". CEO: "Me, myself, and I"
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Photoshop Uluru
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The absolute worst remake of The Highlander has to take place in Florida, of course
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Woman confronted by angry bystander over topless sunbathing doubles down, removes bathing suit bottom
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Puerto Rican women forbidden to speak Spanish in Florida clinic. "Never in my life did I think I was going to go through a situation like this one," Miranda said. Miranda meet Florida. Florida, Miranda
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Sorry, but selfies with the DILDO are strictly forbidden
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Yoga remains banned in Alabama schools because of its links to Eastern religions. Pagan rituals commemorating Celtic sabbaths still OK
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That photo of Ghislaine Maxwell reading about the CIA at In-N-Out burger was staged to send some sort of message. Bonus: "Good Boys" poster photoshopped in
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The beepocalypse is real
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Scorned husband lets pub landlord know how he really feels about him boffing his wife ...by dumping a huge pile of manure right outside the pub
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Okay poop coming out of bride's wedding dress
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"Did we land? Or, were we shot down?"
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If your hotel room mattress has bed bugs on it, don't do what this guy did
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Combining the power of two of the least trusted groups in America, what could go wrong? Turns out, pretty much what you expect
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Owe $20? No school lunch for you. Come back, one month
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| Mon August 19, 2019 |
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You're farkin-A right it is
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Because people are a**holes
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Dumbasses on rental scooters, Interstate 94 edition. Video goodness, too
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NASA preparing for "Colossal God of Chaos" asteroid to arrive in next 10 years. Will be so close it may pass under TV satellites EVERYBODY PANIC (possible nsfw content on page)
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Yob tourists filmed 'surfing' on the back of an endangered whale shark in Mexico feel the wrath of the yob Internets
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Stupid: Blow torching weeds around your house. Facepalm: Burning your truck in the process. Dumbass: Along with three of your neighbors houses
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The "Poppy Apocalypse" was bad enough; super bloom could fuel fall wild fire super-burn
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China's paramilitary troops appear to be preparing for some kind of boogaloo
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Ground control to major Tom
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Golf course demolition derby all the rage in the Pacific Northwest
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Lizard the size of a dog attacks dog the size of a lizard. Old geezer bite-larity ensues (possible nsfw content on page)
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Climate change is making spiders more aggressive, which is nice
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What's all this about a sexy selfie subway shoot? Oh. It checks out. Carry on, Subway BAE
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Photoshop these summer businessmen
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China' State Council calls for transforming the city of Shenzhen into basically a back-up Hong Kong, you know, in case something terrible should happen to the current one
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A radioactive spider bite may not turn you into Spider-man, but your chances of becoming a 'super commuter' just went up 29% in Southern California. Unfortunately, your only super power is a three hour commute, so there's that
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The Triple Play continues on Paul's Memory Bank, OTR edition (8PM EDT). "New" episodes of Stan Freberg, Superman and My Favorite Husband. Plus a status report, there's light at the end of the licensing tunnel
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| (WNKY.COM) |
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Citation: Naked man at shopping center shakes penis at woman, wanders nude into coin operated laundry
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Two teens water-ski 62 miles across Lake Michigan from Wisconsin to Michigan, jumping over several freshwater sharks in the process
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Because who wouldn't want three 12-year-olds for their birthday? 🤢⇨🤮⇨😠
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Male sex enthusiast provides free fitness training for local women, national publicity for taqueria, and series of challenges for police after being released from stay at Holiday Inn
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Looks like I'm going to have to rethink my vacation plans
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God looks after drunks, small children, and the GoPro cameras of people who die going over waterfalls, at least according to Florida Man
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Deep Thoughts at 3AM: "You're gonna throw ME out of your restaurant? Well, I'll just make sure no one tries to park in there"
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Secret door discovered in haunted cinema that 'just so happens' to have been converted into ghost-hunters' tourist attraction. Handy (possible nsfw content on page)
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♪ Kinka Kinkajou, where are you? I've got to go to work now / Kinka Kinkajou, where are you, and please stop biting me, ow ♪
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Not news: hoarder. News: kept a hog in a basement in Detroit. Fark: probably didn't feed it dead prostitutes. Probably
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Will the Minnesota winter kill the scorpions or did that already fail to work?
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Jeffrey Epstein, who conveniently committed suicide, conveniently left a will, which he conveniently signed two days before he died. How convenient
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It sort of a given that the words "horrifying discovery" will pop up in article about police raiding the home of an accused child molester; but usually not "mummified human remains and an altar to an unknown deity," -level horrifying
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Following Jeffrey Epstein suicide, Bureau of Prisons Director removed to make things look legit. All problems have been solved, everyone
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U.S. farmers, facing record number of acres not planted due to flooding, are stunned by WASDE reports forecasting huge corn harvests. Some are skeptical, others simply understand the supremacy of keyboard and mouse over a godless console controller
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mosaic
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Suddenly, groin blisters (warning: really gross photos of aforementioned groin blisters if you scroll down)
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Benihana unveils its newest frozen dinner, the Steak Yakisoba. It's quite enjoyable, but if you must toss sharpened knives around to simulate the Benihana dining experience at home, please put on some pants
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Bad: helicopter parents. Florida: helicopter birthday guests
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Norwegian Air pulls in emergency funding from stank bake sale. Hang on, flip that
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Several mailboxes damaged across the county with fireworks. Those responsible were seen driving away in a dark colored Chevrolet pickup truck with loud exhaust. Police will begin searching somewhere in the mid 1950s for suspects
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Subway restaurant becomes subway tunnel
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The NY Times: bringing you the cultural history of fire hydrants in NYC
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In move that will surely ruffle a few feathers, Turkey removes three top Kurdish mayors in major crackdown
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Computer simulation shows what would happen if a tsunami hit Washington State, as apparently it requires massive computing power to come up with the answer 'somewhat wetter than usual'
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New Zealand art gallery places giant anthropomorphic hand sculpture on roof. Locals describe it as "terrifying," "a nightmare," and "quite a shocker"
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You know it's a hot one when the city bus spontaneously catches fire and explodes
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Bwoah...Finnish economist delivers outlook while riding in a rally car
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Police have a suspect, but he has tattoos and none of the witnesses recall them... then someone comes up with a cunning plan
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