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Sun August 04, 2019
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Baptist church to close and liquidate its assets to enrich ... charities?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Florida's new Board of Education chairman would like you to know he's a "person of faith" and won't have any of this evolution nonsense being taught in his schools unchallenged
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop Hot Chicken & Cold Beer
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in Wisconsin...
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Ohio couple loses both children in Dayton shooting: daughter was a victim, son the shooter
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this brain map
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Santa Rosa Press Democrat)
 
 
 
Hope floats: Message in a bottle originating from the Hawaiian island of Maui found in California 13 years later
source: pressdemocrat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Travel and Leisure)
 
 
 
Ever wondered what it was like to visit a country where skyscrapers are illegal and the residents take a deep pride in being as hospitable as possible? Well come on ever to the Middle East. No, really...Oman you will love this place
source: travelandleisure.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Grab some milk and celebrate National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day, and take advantage of these freebies while you're at it
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
On this day in history, Anne Frank's plane goes down in the Bermuda Triangle after hitting an iceberg
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Won't (puff) someone (puff) think of (puff) the children?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AlterNet)
 
 
 
The latest public health crisis? Sitting
source: alternet.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Feeling helpless in the face of all the recent shootings? Wishing there were something you could do today to help? There is: Give blood. Because no matter where you are, there's never enough blood
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Can alligators and fashion show models share a swimming pool? Let's find out (NSFWish)
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this guy and his pump
source: ca-times.brightspotcdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deslidefied)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Things that don't exist anymore, or not in the way they used to
source: deslide.clusterfake.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Tim Dorsey is here to encourage us all to laugh at the stupidity of Florida Man
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPVI Pocatello)
 
 
 
Want to know how Illinois got the marijuana legalization bill passed so quickly? I'll give you three guesses, but you'll only need one
source: kpvi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Press of Atlantic City)
 
 
 
If you've ever been seagull-bombed at the beach, Ocean City NJ would like you to know that they will be employing trained owls, hawks and falcons to scare off the rat-birds. Enjoy your funnel cake in peace. Even the Humane Society approves
source: pressofatlanticcity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(We Are Central PA)
 
 
 
God hits the Smite button on church
source: wearecentralpa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
NewsFlash
 
Mass shooting in popular nightclub area in Dayton, Ohio. Update: 9 dead, 26 injured. Shooter down
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
In today's Weird or Cool from Japan: a playground where kids could potentially hurt themselves with saws and hammers, burn themselves with fire, and there are no soft padded surfaces to be found anywhere. Which is the whole point of this playground
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat August 03, 2019
(KIMT 3)
 
 
 
Woman sentenced to probation for stealing $1,100 worth of vacuum cleaners from Target. She didn't make a clean getaway, so that doesn't suck
source: kimt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
It's time for United to step up and put a car breathalyzer on their flying bars
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DW)
 
 
 
10,000 bottles of beer on the road, 10,000 bottles of beer. Take one down pass it around, 9,999 bottles of beer on the road🎶
source: dw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Four dead after quake strikes Java island. Yeah, I get the shakes with too much caffeine too
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wordpress)
 
 
 
Photoshop this ball (difficulty: no squirrel)
source: apolotheo.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Weather Network)
 
 
 
How aboot no
source: theweathernetwork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Irish Times)
 
Weeners
 
Can't make this up: Victorian-era sex toy 'returned to Ireland' after crowdfunding bid. And yes, the pics are Not Safe For Work because what part of "Victorian-era sex toy" was not clear?
source: irishtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Billionaire founder of Broadcom gets busted bringing more drugs to Las Vegas than Hunter S Thompson. Guess how many days he is going to spend in prison
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
McDonald's worker fired for refusing to serve paramedics, whom she mistook for cops
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Flag swiped by Georgia Tech fraternity pledges returned to Jekyll Island 40 years later
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
When you pull up to a gas pump and a snake is slithering behind the glass of the touch screen. Nope nope nope
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Cop who accidentally shot woman while trying to shoot dog accidentally left his body camera on
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop these learner drivers
source: scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(4Utah.com)
 
 
 
Rich white woman who killed three out of four family members while driving recklessly gets (A) three years in jail, (B) three months in jail or (C) probation
source: abc4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Thieves break into Airbnb rental, do laundry, leave funny note
source: edmonton.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTSM)
 
NewsFlash
 
Confirmed active shooter in a Walmart in El Paso. Update: 20 dead, 26 wounded, single suspect in custody
source: ktsm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Painted ladies are flooding the UK
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
дерьмо on fire, yo
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(24/7 Wall Street)
 
 
 
Not sure if this is relevant to the average Farker, but "sextortion" is back and better than ever, baby
source: 247wallst.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSDK St. Louis)
 
Boobies
 
The offer of discount coupons was rejected
source: ksdk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Southern CA Public Radio)
 
 
 
Photoshop this state-of-the-art voting machine
source: a.scpr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Mama cat and her nine kittens rescued from a storm drain find safe harbor with big-hearted Bronx foster family, just in time for Caturday (w/video of the rescue)
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
Amazon drivers and pawn shop owners come up with a unique profit sharing initiative
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox Business)
 
 
 
Some dirtbag scammed Amazon out of $370k before they managed to sift through the evidence to locate him
source: foxbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Los Angeles 2)
 
 
 
Company offering $1000 for one lucky person to stay at Joshua Tree three days, two of which must be "tech free". Don't worry though, you can still post on Fark using smoke signals
source: losangeles.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pix11)
 
 
 
Predictably, America's obsession with blending yoga classes and other random things has led to death
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Saturday, August 3: Buffalo, NY Fark Party with Drew after his bike ride across NY 🚴🗽🐃🍺
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KWCH Wichita)
 
 
 
Bullseye
source: kwch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rochester Democrat and Chronicle)
 
 
 
Here's an update on those missing bison who broke free from their upstate New York farm: "They are in no rush. They are on bison time"
source: democratandchronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri August 02, 2019
(NBC San Diego)
 
 
 
The cliffs at San Diego County beaches aren't bluffing anymore
source: nbcsandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
"No word on whether the bricks are less uncomfortable when stepped upon"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WISN Milwaukee)
 
 
 
Family on crusade to force people to use their heads for something other than pavement impact testing
source: wisn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
🦇 Get this motherfarking bat off this motherfarking plane 🦇
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
The state of New Jersey is here to help NY Jets fans
source: 1010wins.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Cocaine-snorting bird apparently responsible for suspension of college quarterback from team
source: sports.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Turns out the El Paso Police Department just so happened to want a word with this "Texas mom" who miraculously vanished. What a strange coincidence
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
We knew there'd be casualties of Global Warming. We just didn't think it would be this direct
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arch Daily)
 
 
 
"Repurposed Decommissioned Industrial Tank" is the name of my anti-government grunge band, and also the latest hipster housing trend
source: archdaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mint Press News)
 
 
 
Photoshop this surfing locale
source: mintpressnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Hit by a golf ball, you die. Hit by a golf cart, your friend owes you $3.6 million
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Michigan man wins FBI investigation
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Source checks out
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Cheap plastic surgery in a foreign country? How could I lose?
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Seven drunks show up at your restaurant and won't leave. Mitigating factor: six in bikinis
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
If you broke into a high school and went for a joyride on a floor cleaning machine, police would really like a word with you
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Dying dad writes book for his baby son. Who sneaked in here and smeared onion juice all over subby's keyboard?
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Battle of Britain pilot dies after his 100th birthday. He was the last of the six remaining 'Few' to become a centenarian, but the candles were just too much
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Culprit caught stealing toilet paper after leading cops on a foot chase that left their faces flush. He's in a crappy situation now. He will have 2-ply his trade in prison. This headline stinks
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
Colorado tries not to party like it's 1349
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Outline)
 
 
 
Gallant spends his lunch money on scratchers. Goofus saves his allowance for a pony
source: theoutline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGAL 8)
 
 
 
Retirement home housekeeper cleans up $4,000 in cash and $30,000 in jewelry. But before you get all mad, just know, the place is spotless
source: wgal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gannett Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this weighty celebration
source: gannett-cdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WANE Ft. Wayne)
 
 
 
I know Al Franken has been on the outs lately, but did he really need to attempt to rob a bank
source: wane.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSYX ABC6 Columbus)
 
 
 
"Dumb criminals, dumb thinking, it was stupid"
source: abc6onyourside.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
It's good to be king
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Good News Network)
 
 
 
India: We planted one hundred million trees. Ethiopia: We got tree fiddy
source: goodnewsnetwork.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
Having clawed its way past Mississippi & Texas in educational rankings from 50th to 48th, Louisiana orders "In God We Trust" displayed in every public school to "ensure every child understands that this country was built on biblical principles"
source: wwl.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTP St. Paul)
 
 
 
What's the problem, officer? I stopped for the red light and am fully on the ground
source: kstp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Masked burglar foiled during unwise getaway attempt
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Still, people should recognize that alligators could stalk them on land
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Man decides the best way to get rid of weeds growing next to a shed is to use a blowtorch. You know what happened next
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Missouri College student is sued for giving five of his Fraternity brothers "step-by-step Instructions" on "how to deal with their depression"....Fark: by killing themselves
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Subway etiquette, serious business
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mr. Crimemore)
 
 
 
His mission: Meet 10,000 people, one at a time, for an hour at a time. His goal: Human connection. His findings: People enjoy food and naps
source: inquirer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Montserrat Reporter)
 
 
 
Montserrat is releasing the endangered mountain chicken into a controlled environment. Before you start the BBQ, the mountain chicken is a frog
source: themontserratreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Well played, Reuters headline writer. Well played
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Protip: Don't take a selfie with your drug stash that you just got from your prison drone mission and leave it on your phone in your cell, prison guards will surely laugh at you when they trawl it
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
What? Why anybody could have put it in there when I wasn't paying attention
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Pastor embezzles more than half a million dollars from charity, says he is "entitled" to it
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Michigan man sentenced to "60 weekend days" in jail for poisoning his wife's coffee. During weekdays he can apparently poison all the coffee he wants
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
When you try to be a cop but you're accidentally more of a cop
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Page Six)
 
 
 
Creating an idiotic net persona of 'Carlos Danger', cheating on his ex, doing time in prison for propositioning underage girls, etc. Unlike the average Farker, this guy has no trouble getting dates
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Evangelical pastor Rick Wiles: Jesus wants you to give me $100 million
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop this happy granny
source: scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
Man convicted of attempted murder flees courthouse, gets ride home from juror. Wait, what?
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
What happened, Friday? You used to be cool
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Chinese Navy accused of stealing U.S. Navy operational tactics
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Drug smugglers busted with three million of meth at southern border. Canada's southern border
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Beautiful helicopter pilot wins over 170k Instagram followers by showing off her cockpit
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCVB Boston)
 
 
 
Dead Kennedys announce reunion tour
source: wcvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oddity Central)
 
 
 
TnediserP eht teem ot selim 005 sdrawkcab sklaw nam naisenodnI
source: odditycentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
The case for legal magic mushrooms ...because tripping should be magical, not illegal
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu August 01, 2019
(CBS Minnesota)
 
 
 
Not news: Pit bull attacks. Fark: Pit bull attacks venomous snake while protecting owner
source: minnesota.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Golf star attacks woman and pees in 1st class aisle of British Airways flight. Ambien Defense in 3... 2... (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Charges dropped against a 10-year-old boy who injured a classmate in a dodgeball-like game. Mostly because isn't that pretty much the whole point?
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
Drivers in Mary Esther, Florida, set a new world record in picking up counterfeit bills lying alongside the road
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
You'd think that if a python is found 3km away from a family that recently lost a python, said python would belong to them. Well, you'd be wrong
source: narcity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Belgian woman tells of surviving her 6-day crash ordeal. "There was no food or drink in her car before the crash, so when it began to rain following the heatwave, she collected rainwater to drink in an empty chewing gum box"
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Uncle Sam to try the "pulling out" strategy, but only partway
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Man convicted for stealing wine given time to age
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Brain Salad Surgery)
 
 
 
Perhaps "the feeling of rust against my salad fingers is almost orgasmic" is not a good lesson for your students, Mr. Creepy Teacher Guy
source: vancouverisawesome.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
It's hard work covering up for a pedo doctor in the athletic program, worthy of a hefty golden parachute
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop these dogs in a hallway
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
One more bad pizza than this dude could handle, apparently
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
If you must protest live exports by cycling in front of a truck as it's negotiating a roundabout and dodging other protesters, it's probably best to check which side of the cab the driver is sat on before you end up... never mind
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Juneau Empire)
 
 
 
Coffee stand robber forgets his ski mask, so barista laughs at him. He pulls a wrench, she pulls a gun, he hits the stand with his car. It's the American way
source: juneauempire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
Savvy New Yorkers now storing their cars in overgrown potholes; maybe not on purpose, but still. Rescue operation still cheaper than 20 minutes' parking in Times Square
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTNV Las Vegas)
 
 
 
Step 1) Write a few personal checks to a Casino for more than $600k that you DON'T have. Step 2) Take those chips and money to the casino and gamble for profit because HEY...everyone knows Vegas was built on WINNERS
source: ktnv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
In subby's day, we threw a half-a-ton of garbage off the side of a side cliff because we had seen another pile of garbage and wanted to make one big pile, which is better than two little piles, rather than because we didn't like recycling
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
The old dummy convict in the cell trick. Second time I've fallen for it this month
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Magical disappearing Canadian teen murder suspects possibly spotted in Ontario. Or not, we don't know, eh
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
July 2019 - Hottest. Month. EVAR
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Chinese General: "If we have to crush you demonstrators beneath our tank treads, it's your own damn fault." Fark needs a "Chilling" tag
source: news.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Pro-tip: don't bring your rocket launcher on commercial airline flights
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Former Florida deputy accused of falsifying drug arrests is being held on a $1 million bond. No Follow-Up tag because this is a DIFFERENT Florida deputy being accused of falsifying drug arrests
source: us.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Drink. Your. Ovaltine (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Older drivers find working for ride-share service keeps them young
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Pity the poor newsreader who has to enunciate this sentence: " Friends and former co-workers have described Epstein, a wealthy financier now accused of trafficking and sexually abusing young girls, as a talented pianist"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(🐂)
 
 
 
Photoshop this typical herd mentality
source: media-mbst-pub-ue1.s3.amazonaws.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Police respond to a naked man having a psychotic episode. Do they A: get him the medical help he needs, B: sit on his back until he suffocates, or C: drive him to the county line and toss him out there where he'd be someone else's problem?
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
71-year-old Lyft driver fatally shot on his 52nd wedding anniversary. How will his widow get Über it?
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yakima Herald Republic)
 
 
 
Aussie croc farmer finds human orthopedic plate in stomach of dead crocodile....doesn't realize that after pig farmers, crocodile farmers are the most suspicious farmers
source: yakimaherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
This is the only time it's acceptable to tell a passenger to spread her legs. Hero tag is for the cabbie/lamaze coach
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
United is cracking down on customers who book tickets to one destination, but get off at layover, because that's where they really wanted to go, saving them money. Subby never even considered this genius method
source: skift.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Newly discovered planet only 31 light-years away may be (dramatic pause) class M
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Woman makes over $6000 a day from hand jobs
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
"You wouldn't know my girlfriend, she's from Canada. And probably has syphilis
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
A new service lets you rent a stranger's swimming pool by the hour-what could go wrong?
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Damaged dam wall threatens to drown nearby village. It should hold as long as the weather stays fine. Difficulty: British weather
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Sin doesn't cause autism. Vaccines do. Duh
source: patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
OfficeMax ships bulletproof school backpacks to war-torn hellholes like Syria. No, wait -- Dallas, Columbus, Kansas City, Phoenix, Chicago, and countless other places. Fark: They won't stop the most popular mass school shooting ammo of choice
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
This was one time that WWJD was not the answer
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
DNA "giving new life" to remains of supposed vampire, say scientists who have never watched a horror movie
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Witness described a massive gas pipeline explosion near Junction City " like an atomic bomb went off, basically.". Well sir, unless your last name happens to be something akin to Nakitomi or Fukiwara, I'm gonna cast doubt on your frame of reference
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
FAA states there wasn't anything in the air we can't identify. Same night as mysterious UFOs are seen. So what was it FAA? An intergalactic hit squad? Maybe alien spores? Perhaps drop bombs for later use during the alien invasion (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Caption this sexy businessman rocking out his high tech gadget
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
The Ohio cops who arrested Stormy Daniels at a strip club are now all facing departmental charges of "improper conduct" over the arrest
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
The only sensible way to win an argument is to steal a bulldozer and destroy the other person's front porch
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Man opens fire in national park, claiming he was shooting at Bigfoot. Now you know why he stays hidden
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Question: What do you get when you put 5000 economists in a room? Answer: 5000 different opinions
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Get your chequebook out, Mr. Bond
source: rmsothebys.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Florida real estate agent lists house on Zillow with photos of it fully engulfed in flames
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(1011 Now Lincoln)
 
Boobies
 
Woman arrested for driving car with top down. No, it wasn't a convertible
source: 1011now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop this cupcake
source: scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Yorker)
 
 
 
What's THE FARKING DEAL with yelling? Wake the FARK UP and start YELLING
source: newyorker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Psst, Hey buddy. I hear you want some drugs ,eh?
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Guess it's time to shut down everything
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
'A Frayser woman returned to her home Tuesday to find that a woman broke into the home, was wearing her clothes, cooked a meal and drank a bottle of her wine.'
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Now that you know the gals around here have that kind of money, you best get yourself a haircut
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
An ancient church long-rumored to be built over the house where the apostles Peter and Andrew lived has been found near the Sea of Galilee in Israel
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Look out ladies, handyman Bill is single, and only has time for hanky panky, if you know what I mean
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Chevy Chase financial adviser gets 20 years for Ponzi scheme. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Observer & Eccentric)
 
 
 
Headline: "Man accused of killing Redford girl now in psych ward". I'm not sure why they're keeping the dead girl in the psych ward. No matter where she is, you should probably put her murderer in jail
source: hometownlife.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Illegal immigrants, federal & state prisoners can sue for medical malpractice, but active duty personnel cannot when military doctors, hospitals screw up
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPXI.com)
 
 
 
There are many things to do in Pittsburgh this weekend, but the 41st annual Three Rivers Regatta is not one of them, to the surprise of everyone
source: wpxi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 New Orleans)
 
 
 
Don't like the quality of the restaurant's food? Do you a) punch the cook 2) demand a refund at gunpoint III) fire a shot into the wall & flee FARK) trifecta?
source: fox8live.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Montreal is hosting a giant 'Goth Picnic' on Mount Royal this weekend. Don't forget your moontan lotion
source: mtlblog.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
Topgolf wants to open a new location. FARK: Inside DFW Airport. Because what could go wrong with arming people who already cleared security with three-foot long steel spikes with metal bludgeons attached to the end?
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 743: "Look Out Below 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed July 31, 2019
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Yo, next time you's gotta get sauced and drive, maybe let Tommy, Ricky, Billy or Bobby to give you a ride before you go crankin' down the Mass Pike with a gas nozzle stickin' out ya gas pipe
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Family keeps loaded gun on kitchen counter as bear protection, successfully protects themselves from 4-year-old relative
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Rest easy citizens, the Walmart Peetato suspect has turned herself in
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Six fairy terns dead, and 215 more driven from their nests at an Australian bird sanctuary. The culprit, one solitary, highly adorable, murder-floof
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rare.us)
 
 
 
The other day, subby wondered why the shampoo bottle didn't have a safety seal. Then subby read this. Subby is still wondering
source: rare.us   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGME Portland)
 
 
 
"The friends wanted to watch Mr. Stover ram his pickup truck into the outhouses," McFadden said. "In his condition, that sounded like a reasonable thing to do"
source: wgme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Flint, Michigan residents are still lining up for miles to get drinking water. Which sounds like a pain until you realize what else is there to do all day in Flint, Michigan?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Times of India)
 
 
 
Little boy celebrates shark week by having 526 teeth removed from his mouth
source: timesofindia.indiatimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Criminal Mastermind makes Rookie Mistake
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop this circular office seating area
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
Dear future ex husband, if you're going to poison the wife you should do it quickly, or at least quick enough so that she can't install hidden cameras by the coffee pot
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
A Navy F/A18 fighter jet crashed near Death Valley's 'Star Wars Canyon.' Officials are concerned of possible site looting by Jawas and attacks by Tusken Raiders
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
Man stands in 110 degree heat passing out resumes to people driving by, gets multiple job offers
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Not news: Drunk man removed from airplane. Fark: The pilot
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Lawyers, drugs, and money: Billionaire Ju$tice
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Elevators have been getting stuck at the former John Hancock Center in Chicago. Officials now taking steps to avoid the problem
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
Exxplosion at Exxon
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
As one so often does, Jeffrey Epstein had plans to "seed the human race" by impregnating women on his New Mexico ranch
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
All Rise. Except for you, because I shot you
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
New York assemblyman proposes a law to make "disrespecting police" a felony
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Massive 'tsunami' hits north-eastern China, injures 44 swimmers at waterpark because of a faulty wave machine
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Maxim Magazine)
 
 
 
Photoshop this memorable scene
source: maxim.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Uncle Leo??
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Millennials are finding it difficult to bring dates home because they live with their parents
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Irish Examiner)
 
 
 
PROTIP: Dash cams don't work only when you are a victim of crime. Dumbass and Asinine tags seen yelling "prank call"
source: irishexaminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(North Jersey)
 
 
 
Pro tip: Before disposing of your old sofa make sure your cat is not hiding in it
source: northjersey.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Porta-potty blew over in windstorm, leaving woman blue all over
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Just how farked is Jeffrey Epstien? According to prosecutors in pre-trial discovery, *pinky to corner of mouth* One MILLION pages farked
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C|Net)
 
 
 
Amazon Ring doorbell cam owners are inundating the cops with false calls. In a more self-reliant time, people would just shoot through the door when somebody rang the bell
source: cnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dallas News)
 
 
 
Body cams show Dallas cops making jokes for four full minutes about a man they'd restrained who'd gone limp before finally having an "oh shiat" moment after paramedics tell them he's not breathing. Bonus sadness: He called the cops HIMSELF asking for help
source: dallasnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
You've probably seen this a couple of times already, but Spanish police arrested a Dutch meat trader for his role in a 2013 scam that passed off cheap horse meat as pricier beef. Again, sorry if this feels like old news. "REPEAT" tag seems necessary
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Seems Old Grand-dad is getting wasted on Old Grand-dad
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
Video
 
Worst Spider-Man audition ever
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Getting hammered, encouraging everyone to have sex, and threatening to knock out the principal is the best way to celebrate prom. Unless you're a teacher, of course
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
Rich white people don't want emergency response tower in their neighborhood because of ummmm health reasons, yeah that's it
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
It's nice to see a woman smiling brightly for her Mother of the Year photo
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
If only there had been some clue as to what he was planning to do
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Jersey 101.5)
 
 
 
The Walter White of New Jersey is no longer the danger
source: nj1015.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Expert predicts murderous teens in Canada manhunt most likely eaten alive. Not by bears, but by insects
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
It's like pepper-spray on your wedding day
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 1975, Jimmy Hoffa began his attempt to capture the title of 'hide and seek champion of the world'
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
I would have submitted this with a better headline, but Fark wouldn't grant me extra time
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop these ponderers
source: umma.umaine.edu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
My dog is under strict instructions to never get old, but for the rest of you out there, let's dedicate this Woofday Wetnose Wednesday to your all grown up senior pups
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
And so shines a good deed in a weary world: Wounded veterans teach children with missing limbs how to play ball
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Province)
 
 
 
In the U.S., police use bait cars. In Canada, the Mounties use bait diapers
source: theprovince.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Japan needs new heatwave mascot
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Passengers, please fasten your seat belts, make sure your tray is in the upright position, and make sure your flight attendant is stored in the overhead bin
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Body of John Dillinger to be exhumed according to permit citing because reasons
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Two skateboarders help give NYPD cop the finger
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
Man jumps in river to escape cops, succeeds
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Authorities have narrowed the search for teenage fugitives to most of Canada, say its a toss up which kind of bear will eat them first
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Call me skeptical (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Eight (Arizona PBS))
 
 
 
When you think you're putting money in a meter to park your car, you're actually helping the homeless
source: cronkitenews.azpbs.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sacramento)
 
 
 
Goodwill apparently mistaken for bomb disposal unit
source: sacramento.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue July 30, 2019
(Marine Corps Times)
 
 
 
Bengay. Testicles. Marines
source: marinecorpstimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Hate speech saves lives. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME SAVE LIVES?
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KCCI Des Moines)
 
 
 
Porch pirate swipes box of nine tarantulas. Police lack a suspect at the moment and are looking to the web for help
source: kcci.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
FEMA official says Americans need to start saving more for a rainy day or week or month whichever. Surely one of those two jobs you're working will allow you to save a dime or two
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ZDNet)
 
 
 
On the plus side, all these Brexit delays give Britain more time to copy Europeans' fingerprint and car registration data off EU servers
source: zdnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
🎵Grandma got hit with a taser, for refusing to sign a ticket🎵
source: newsmaven.io   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
Dead person who was discovered to have another dead person in their freezer trifecta officially in play
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
"The Archbishop of Canterbury said to us that if you don't know how to have fun in cathedrals then you're not doing your job properly." Pretty sure he wasn't talking about Cathedral Minigolf
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Concerned that the sea continues to encroach on their shores, North Korea sends more warning shots into its cold depths
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
Someone is killing honey bees. At least that's the buzz
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: A really Farking funny thing happened last week
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Feds arrest two men accused of providing ISIS with terricloth, velour, and gabardine
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(👑)
 
 
 
Photoshop this true king
source: media-mbst-pub-ue1.s3.amazonaws.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Glutes of iron; kidneys of mush
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Public Radio Tulsa)
 
 
 
Today's fark ready headline: Marijuana dispensary takes a hit
source: publicradiotulsa.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Seacoastonline.com)
 
 
 
Ordered Whopper, got bobcat, would not order again
source: seacoastonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Times Union)
 
 
 
Where's the beef? And if you find them, please give the Bison Island farm a call
source: timesunion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military.com)
 
 
 
Sergeant Leon is getting laaaaarger
source: military.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Voice of San Diego)
 
 
 
"Part of the problem was that he needs eyeglasses and that students may have misinterpreted his attempts to focus on them as staring, according to the investigation records"
source: voiceofsandiego.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
School bus driver may have set up attempted hit on student, complete with Ottomatic weapons
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
You drink and drive, you go to jail. Usually not quite this directly, but hey
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(🤓)
 
 
 
Photoshop this due dilligence
source: media-mbst-pub-ue1.s3.amazonaws.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Climate change activists chain themselves to evil power company HQ in the City of London. Difficulty, the evil power company moved out last year, new occupants are a renewable energy company
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(10 News)
 
Weeners
 
Amazon delivery driver steals couple's dog, tries to sell it onlne, offers free shipping
source: 10news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(10TV Columbus)
 
 
 
Man sings song from 'Lion King' with help from donkey. Wait, should he be singing the theme from 'Shrek' instead?
source: 10tv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
The US has done 'almost nothing' to stop cyber attacks. "Very little has been done in the last 10 years to protect our electric power grid, our gas pipelines, and other sorts of critical infrastructure"
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
This bookstore, yes they still exist, just won a national award for romance novels. Don't worry, it is fine to like them too
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Car mechanic graduates medical school at age 47 to help address the shortage of black doctors. Dr. Hibbert approves
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Trust.org)
 
 
 
Mexico refuses to be a safe third country for immigrants...or something. I dunno. The article is shorter than a tweet
source: news.trust.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
I'm not an environmental scientist, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night because they ditched those little shampoo bottles to save the oceans
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Trump is going to Poland for a WW2 celebration. I sure hope he doesn't know any Polish jokes
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Walmart: Come for the low prices, stay for the police shooting
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(6ABC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
A bad chain reaction accident in New Jersey, but not to worry -- an ambulance and fire engine are already on the scene
source: 6abc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Teacher digs up 2.12-carat diamond at Arkansas' Crater of Diamonds State Park, but is forced to put early retirement plans on hold after learning what diamonds are actually worth if you're not part of an international cartel
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Federal judge rules that making fun of the fuzz is not an arrestable offense
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Walmart now selling Idahoes, russets, and pee-tatoes
source: philadelphia.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Because nothing says "blue collar" like UAW-branded wine bottles
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Right-Wing Christian group: When men cheat, it's the wife who is at fault
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, coal of Blackjewel. Go back to the Shadow. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
source: wymt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Thrillist)
 
 
 
Snickers to give away one million free candy bars if the date people celebrate Halloween is changed
source: thrillist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
Florida man + vape pen =
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
"79-year-old Garfield Heights woman sentenced to jail time for feeding stray cats." Odie humanity
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Live Science)
 
 
 
They'll eat your brain. They'll steal your sight. They're in your shower: AMOEBAS
source: livescience.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Brewhaha erupts over missing coffee magnate last seen at bridge. It's unclear if he jumped and sanka over a latte problems, suffered from depresso, or got tired of the daily grind
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Thurrott)
 
 
 
Apple patents headset-based AR expression tracking system transcending mere facial recognition, supplies a simple diagram to visualize it. Photoshop some improvements, or at the least add some colors
source: thurrott.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
After she dies of cancer, son cleans out mother's freezer and ... what's in the box?
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
Cunning plan of a "positive ticketing" campaign backfires immediately for police
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Capital One stops asking what's in our wallets long enough to ask who's in their servers. If you have one of their credit cards, you might want to as well
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
It's 'Riding that train, high on cocaine' - not meth
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Teacher posts signs and tells students not to bring bananas into class and to wash their hands after handling one because she's deathly allergic. 7th graders decide to smear them on her door and throw pieces at her, nearly killing her
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
School starts in three weeks, and North Carolina still needs hundreds of teachers. Tag is for the kids
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Dirt)
 
 
 
'The SWAT team members asked for the lawsuit to be dismissed, claiming qualified immunity shielded their attempt to set someone's living room on fire during normal warrant service.'
source: techdirt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Victoria Times Colonist)
 
 
 
Just because pot is legal in Canada doesn't mean you can throw a lit roach out the car window. While speeding. In a school zone
source: timescolonist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ProPublica)
 
 
 
Step 1. Give guardianship of your teenager to a friend or relative; Step 2. Have her declare herself financially independent and receive financial aid for college; Step 3. Profit, baby
source: propublica.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Whilst a dog will save you from a house fire, your cat will start one
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
It's not easy being green, especially if you're poor
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Respect the lavender
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Wait. People think air conditioning will save them from global warming? For f*ck's sake
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(War is Boring)
 
 
 
Air Force adds hand-to-hand combat as requirement during basic training. Wait, what? What do you mean 'adds'?
source: warisboring.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Italian town passes anti-blasphemy law, with up to a 400 Euro fine. Jeebus H. Cripes, the nerve of some people
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOIN Portland)
 
 
 
TJ Maxx shoplifters in Salem, Oregon hit bicyclist while speeding out of parking lot. Portland unicyclists report they are fine at the moment
source: koin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Billings Gazette)
 
 
 
Don't harass the wildlife. Just because it's not YNP doesn't mean the bison won't gore you
source: billingsgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon July 29, 2019
(CNN)
 
 
 
Super troopers ask for cat food instead of cash for parking tickets. Right meow
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
Woman gives birth in Costco parking lot, helpful staff checks and marks the placenta upon leaving
source: 1010wins.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
A shop with no staff depends on the honesty of Halifax citizens to take what they need and leave payment behind in a mail box or via credit card, and it works. Hope they don't try that in NYC
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
After initial "fruitless search," 84-year-old Piney woman who was berry picking and was lost for four days is found alive. Sappy tag used due to lack of a Sweet one
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Alan Dershowitz starts at "Jeffrey Epstein? Barely know the guy," blows through "well I only got one massage, and it was from an ugly old lady; besides, my sex life is awesome," and crashes hard into "that young gal was old enough to know better"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Woman has had it with waking up to these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday hotel bed
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
ICE kills eight-year-old separated from mother
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Comic Book)
 
 
 
How awful is Florida Man? Well now he is a beast you can battle in Dungeons & Dragons. Be wary party, Florida Man has many tricks up his sleeve
source: comicbook.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this yellow moment
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Tonight's Paul's Memory Bank - OTR version continues with episodes of My Favorite Husband, The Stan Freberg Show and a 3-part episode of Superman. TuneIn at 8PM EDT
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
The Houses of Parliament in England are in terrible condition and are slowly crumbling. "Better late than never," says Mr. Fawkes
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Man beats up friend, trashes his own home because he was chasing his kitten. Florida tab beats Caturday tag since it's only Monday
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Man throws drum set and then punches officer repeatedly. *rimshot* No wait, that was a taser
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Because the proper, reasoned response to being told that you can't have a bounce house in a park is to glue garbage to the floor of the pavilion you were using
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
What's with the line at the airport? Probably just the TSA being overzealous and conducting security theater, right? A missile launcher? OK, carry on then. Good job. God Bless America
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
China casts giant images of its national flag on skyscrapers facing Hong Kong in ominous warning to protesters
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop whatever this is
source: board.ttvchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
It's not a real team-building exercise until multiple teenagers are in the hospital
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Oh, you know, maybe two or tree or 110 million
source: educateinspirechange.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
A non-profit with ties to the Vatican helped play the shell game of moving pedophile priests to new victims
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
Words I would prefer not to see in a news story: "Unreported nuclear plant accident in Russia"
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Viewers have enjoyed previous looks back at the OJ trial, so let's do it again. In real-time
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Garlic festival shootings are a white supremacists' instagrammable moment
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Anne Frank, history's first and most notable weed-infused menstruatrix
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
News flash, Scott Adams is still a douchebag
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Brazilizan prison riot sees at least 50 dead, 16 beheadings, countless punny headlines
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Cops are pulling people over for (checks press release) good driving. Bonus: Get a 'ticket' for a free drink from Circle K
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
A new mosquito-borne virus that attacks the human brain has been discovered in Florida, is expected to quickly die off due to absence of a target population
source: www-m.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Gazette (Schenectady))
 
 
 
Rivers Casino
source: dailygazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
Problem: Lead-based paint found in half of all inspected US schools. Solution: 72% of districts don't bother testing
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
South Dakota will require "In God We Trust" signs in all public schools, giving students a new motto when they haven't studied for upcoming tests
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Minister preaches that God is the rightful owner of your body
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gannett Images)
 
 
 
Caption this baseball interaction
source: gannett-cdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(En.Delfi)
 
 
 
Lithuanian chicken catchers forced to sleep with the chickens. With a helpful picture of what chickens might look like
source: en.delfi.lt   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Elementary school graduating class reunion has trouble finding time capsule they buried on school grounds 30 years earlier. If only there were some permanent record
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
A shark bites Florida Man, so he: A) Goes to the hospital, B) Finds an affordable clinic, or C) Goes to the bar, shows off his wound, and collects free drinks
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
CNN: "These consumer products are linked to traumatic brain injuries in kids." First item on this list: Floors
source: www-m.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Trust.org)
 
 
 
Now *THAT'S* news
source: news.trust.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Local Area 51 residents hoping for economic windfall from "Storm Area 51" but are expecting Woodstock without the peace, love and music
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this beachgoer
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Ancient Roman pen with an inscribed joke found under streets of London. "I once brought ... a jackass and a honeycomb to a brothel"
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
Game of dodge ball (or something) results in a 10-year-old boy getting charged with aggravated assault
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military Times)
 
 
 
US military can meet its future manning needs by: A) letting 16-year-olds enlist; B) conscription using lotteries with no exemptions, no deferments: or C) enlist immigrants with path to citizenship
source: militarytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
The US celebrates World Hepatitis Day by announcing major outbreak
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Well...bye
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveLeak)
 
 
 
You know who also likes fish? Bears
source: liveleak.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Since it is making us look really bad we are going to cancel that extra $519,000 we charged you for your dialysis. But it wasn't our fault and we weren't being greedy
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Man walks into police station with long knife, asks to be shot. Police: Request granted
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Alert)
 
 
 
Radar detects something falling on England that is not rain
source: sciencealert.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
You may have made poor decisions if the fire department has to use foam to extinguish a fire in your a) car, b) drug lab, or c) swimming pool?
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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