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| Sun July 21, 2019 |
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While the moon landing was happening, an adventurer finished his trek rowing across the Atlantic--but no one remembers his story
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Justin Bieber versus Donald Trump. All right, now I'm kind of on the fence
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Ministry of Sucking Every Last Bit Of Joy Out Of Life threatens to put historic steam trains out of business because it's for your own good, you know. Think of the children
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In 2005, Trump proposed a whites versus blacks season on The Apprentice - with a light-skinned & dark-skinned black team vs an all-blonde white team
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Photoshop these small soldiers
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Don't you hate when you just about have a fish hauled in and a great white shark jumps out of the water to snatch it off your hook?
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Insane clown leads posse
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The highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
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The 50 ugliest college campuses in America. Come for the mismatched campuses, stay for almost the entire SUNY system
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Welcome to Australia, where we have ninja pythons on the veranda. Here's your Fosters, and watch where you sit... you might hurt one
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| (Some Pippin) |
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Photoshop this indicated apple
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We bet this cat was feline pretty high after taking some of this stash
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Changing the locks, welding the door shut, changing the law to evict tenants, and putting up massive concrete blocks still not enough to shut down this chain of illegal weed shops run by a counterfeiter and a douche bag
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Thousands of bones found in Vatican while searching for missing girl. Oops?
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You CAN regrow over-plucked eyebrows so stop looking so surprised
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Excellent, because what America really needs now is irradiated crocodiles
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"Uh, you just raided our house again. And again it was a mistake"
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Not news: Teens playing GTA. News: Teens stealing car from guard at detention facility and breaking out
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In today's straight from the 1950s debate comes the great "air-dry vs machine dry" laundry argument
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It's National Ice Cream Day, which for some utterly incomprehensible reason is not a federal holiday. But aside from that, here's a rundown of where you can get free or discounted ice cream today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this 'ere image
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CSB Sunday Morning: Space stories
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The littoral combat ship cost $30 billion. Too bad it doesn't work
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Three-year-old boy in critical condition and great pane after falling out a three-story window
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Ohio just puff, puff, passed a law raising the legal smoking age to 21
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High-five. Bro-hug. Winglet-bump
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Three heads on a baby (possible nsfw content on page)
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Cars of future past: Sci-fi writer Arthur C. Clarke's predictions for July 20, 2019
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It's hot outside, please don't crime
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| Sat July 20, 2019 |
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"Go back where you came from" Where have we heard that before? TIM HORTONS?
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Just some of the people sending messages of support and hope for the Kyoto Animation Studio arson
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Are you thinking about donating your body to science?
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Photoshop this casual sitting area
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Tonight on Cops: Atlanta police are on the lookout for a man who specializes in robbing Waffle Houses: Bad wig hat edition
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Not News: Newcomer to town robbed at gunpoint. News: Newcomer is new Deputy Police Commissioner. Fark: Welcome to Baltimore
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Florida Woman gives a slice when denied a slice
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Tacoma resident paraglides over beautiful Swiss valley, takes very close look at mountain, lands normally. Ta-da
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Photoshop this majestic floating ship
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Baked Alaska
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That sound you heard was every lawyer in the country falling over themselves to represent this man
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Alligator multi-fecta continues
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Stretch of Interstate 494 closed for "a significant period of time" on account of ... mashed potatoes?
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God continues his nearly 3-year punishment of America's farmers
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Begun, the ice cream man turf war has
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Harrison Ford / Harrisoff Ford
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Wait, the chandelier this woman wants to marry is female? Well that's a step too far
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Oh nothing, just another NSA employee caught with 50TB of files he had been taking home for decades
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Conspiracy theorist still thinks moon landing was fake. That's the punchline
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The Italians take making coffee very seriously
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Oh great, lawnmowers are trying to kill us now
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"One sales agent says that he believes many of his clients will be very interested in the unusual property because it has "bags of potential. It's ideal for some Captain Pugwash or some aspiring James Bond villain"
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Overdose deaths are falling nationwide, except Tennessee, where they're just falling over
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Photoshop these people and their big tools
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The latest thing you're doing wrong: household chores. Yep, all of them
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It's 5:37 a.m., do you know where your cat is? Of course you do. He's sitting at the foot of your bed, screeching at the top of his tiny lungs to be fed before you get lost reading Caturday
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Dark side of moon contains a secret lunar base set up by the Nazis, claims Bulgarian researcher who just finished watching Iron Sky
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Abduction: If at first you don't succeed, fail again?
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2½-year-old decides since his parents won't take him to the county fair, he'll just hop on his Power Wheels and drive there himself
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Badger badger badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM badger badger badger badger badger
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Still disappointed your parents didn't get you an Easy-Bake oven? Mother Nature has got your back
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Sleep tight, don't let the million bed bugs bite
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Delta to start carrying Narcan on flights after an OD death on a flight. No snark. Just a good for you Delta on making a smart decision. Now maybe ambulances can be allowed do the same thing
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U.S. military reoccupies prominent Saudi airbase. Rapidly spinning underwater object detected off the coast of Pakistan
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Dear parent, please remit a cashier's check for $450, payable to the Wyoming Valley West School District, or we will be forced to take your child into protective custody
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Alan Dershowitz:"Your honor, I did not force minors to have sexual intercourse with me and I can prove it. Behold, exhibit A: my perfect sex life"
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Mom learns Keanu Reeves is filming "Bill & Ted 3" in their neighborhood, puts "You're breathtaking" sign in her yard, Keanu stops by for coffee
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"Miss Michigan World America stripped of title over 'offensive' social media posts"
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| Fri July 19, 2019 |
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Judge: This previously convicted murderer should be given a light sentence for his most recent assault, because he will be too old to pose a threat by the time he gets out. Convicted murderous stabby guy: Challenge accepted
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You say the potholes are deep in your town? New Orleans says hold my beer
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If you are into flash mob ballet, well, enjoy this, weirdo
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Hot time, summer in the city. Not noticing the news camera crew interviewing people about the heat as you rob a jewelry store is not too witty
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Three people directly responsible for the Unite the Right rally that led to the death of Heather Heyer are sentenced in Federal court for their crimes
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When you are driving at twice the legal blood alcohol limit, do it in your own city, Mr. Wilmington Fire Marshall
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In a surprising move CPD fires officers for attempting to cover for officer shooting Laquan McDonald
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Woman is upset to find out that she doesn't have cancer. I mean, that would have been useful info to know back when she was diagnosed, or possibly before all the procedures, but hey: no cancer. Yay
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Judge taking too long to get to your case? Photograph yourself holding a firecracker and threatening to blow up the courtroom, post it on social media. Yeah, that's the ticket
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Spider-Man escapes fire by climbing down balconies of 19-story high-rise. J. Jonah Jameson quick to condemn his cowardly retreat
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Another alligator has been found in Pittsburgh. Penguins looking nervous
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Photoshop these avid tennis fans
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Coming to DragonCon, staying at the Sheraton? You should think about making alternative reservations
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Remember Dunedin, FL the town that made headlines for foreclosing a guy's house over uncut grass? Well they've decided to double-down on that bad publicity and fine a woman $100,000 over a dirty pool. Three years after she sold it to the bank
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When Walmart and Florida Man meet
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Looks like incognito browsing WaPo links is back on the menu
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Palm Beach sheriff launches internal probe of Jeffrey Epstein's so-called rough "jail" time to see if any deputies helped him have a 'rough' time
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The Michigan Pool Pooper has been caught, police said to have used pool logs to sniff him out
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This 2-year-old's reaction to her birthday cake saying 'Happy Birthday Loser' is pure internet gold
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Purchasing a gift for your son while Black? Well, you already know
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Left-wing lunacy
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Curtiss unleashes pistol-like e-motorcycle it describes as 'the ultimate expression of two-wheel minimalism.' Unclear if this will be available for MegaFark subscribers
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Photoshop this fire man
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Iran seizes HMS Franz Ferdinand
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The town in America where every cop has been convicted of domestic violence ... including the chief of police
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♪ You bust fifteen tons, and whaddya get? A helluva party for the police dragnet ♪
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Xu Xu peddles
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What can we possibly put on a t-shirt that's even more stupid than Che's face?
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Pro tip: If you can't drive a stick, make sure the car you are car-jacking is an automatic
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What if they move the aliens from Area 51 to one of these even secreter military bases? What then? (possible nsfw content on page)
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Man who never heard of Uber arrested for 18 car thefts in 24 hours
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On this day in history, in 1553, Lady Jane Gray was deposed as Queen of England, in history's first recorded case of anti-mutant bigotry
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The top 1 percent may have all the money, but at least the bottom 99 percent have the 99 cent store. Can't wait for the Pickin' Through the Garbage store to open
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A carpenter from Iowa who only owned two pairs of jeans and a rusty old truck saved up $3 million to pay the college tuition of 33 strangers
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Good news, Farkers: "habitual drunkard" laws are unconstitutional
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Definitely beats the hell out of a packet of peanurs
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China's space junk will fall out of the sky today...somewhere. Maybe right there (possible nsfw content on page)
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Nice mural. Wait, is that pigeon having sex with a rabbit?
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"He's hacking and whacking and smacking"
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"The Complicated Orbit of Jeffrey Epstein." You're going to want to take notes
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Correctional officer tries to cash in a forged lotto ticket, may get to experience life on the other side
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Convenience store worker has been fired for telling customers to "go back to their country". Honestly where do people come up with these phrases?
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Photoshop this wader
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First they came for the avocado toast, and I said nothing because I don't like avocado toast. Then they came for the coffee, and I was too tired to do anything. Give me back my coffee
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Check your pennies, you may have one that is worth up to $200,000
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Strong earthquake rocks Athens has people running into the streets, statues still rock solid but shaken
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"He was buried in a casket labeled: 'Flight Recorder Inventor: Do Not Open'"
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According to a new poll, 55% of men today are ashamed of their own body hair. Kelly Clarkson
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Nebraska woman claims Spider-Man sculpture is a "hate crime against the church." Well isn't that special?
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Birds Aren't Real
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It's just like Ocean's Eleven, but if the heist involved one guy grabbing 47 separate $1 chips from a casino table and the guy getting arrested at the end
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Well, there's your problem, we left this tube inside you that drained all your blood out. Our bad
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Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo *puke* buffalo Buffalo buffalo
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I'm sorry ma'am, your homeowners insurance policy doesn't cover alligator damage
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Five guys arrested after fist fight at Five Guys
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Broken Beer Bottle Park to undergo changes, hopefully starting with the name
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Is taking three minor US citizens hostage for 13 hours a step up or a step down for CBP?
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But is there really any such thing as a sober hammer fight?
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| Thu July 18, 2019 |
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We all knew Pharma Bro had no appeal, now it's official
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Trump says US Navy destroys Iranian drone in 'defensive action,' escalating tensions in Gulf region
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It's almost as if the whole concept of a charter school is a grift
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Surfin' in the NYC MTA
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How do you show proper respect to a man who died when a shark ate his leg?
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Workplace farewells are usually tepid affairs with cake and cheap bubbly. Then there's how they do it in Philadelphia
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A woman showed her phone to an immigration official to prove her marriage was legitimate. Then came the text from her boyfriend
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O_o Seems legit
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At last: killer robots you can drink (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop these um, sculptures?
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Billionaires in April: We each pledge tens of millions of euros to help rebuild Notre Dame. Billionaires in July: We didn't mean, like, actual money
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"Bah Gawd JR, we've got disorder in the court"
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Women are now seen as equally intelligent as men. So, they're getting dumber
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Fifty years on, a mysterious letter claims to have the truth of what happened with Sen. Ted Kennedy's crash on Chappaquiddick
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Another day, another racist cop story, I'm sure nothing will happen to the cops. Wait, what? They got fired?
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Florida man, Titsling Freeballer, wanted for auto burglary in Florida
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Photoshop these seabirds
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On the bright side, there are currently no salmonella or e. Coli outbreaks at Chipotle. On the other hand, SUV
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200th FDNY hero dies of 9/11 related illness. RAND PAUL
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Berkeley City bans the name of hundreds of gay bars
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Largest mafia bust in Ontario history: 15 arrests, $35 million worth of maple syrup seized
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Guy who started the Area 51 craziness: "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?"
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The DEA tracked every pain pill sold in the United States. Here's what they found
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"I yelled to my husband, 'Can you come in here? I think there's a black widow in the grapes.'"
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The simple, powerful headline that announced Apollo 11's success. And we're not talking about the Onion's coverage of "HOLY SH*T MAN WALKS ON F*CKING MOON
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Florida Man about to smell a whole lot worse
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Remember what it's like to have an active shooter at your business? Foster Farms remembers [Update: no injuries, suspect in custody]
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If you insist on displaying graphic images of amputated leg-stumps on cigarette packet, best to make sure the amputation was actually as a result of smoking, and not because the guy's leg was shot off in '97. You could also try asking him first
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New twist to the Area 51 1.5million-strong Facebook plot, ISIS could infiltrate it and storm the secret 'alien' site. The Sun will be there for the alien/terrorist war
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Florida man can't name current U.S. President to deputy after huffing can of dusting spray. To be fair, we've all kind of wanted to be there lately
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While waiting for the undertaker to arrive at the family home of a dead child, try to resist buying porn on the family's cable TV account ... officer
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| (Global Landscape Forum) |
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In the past it was known as the Gilbert and Ellice Islands. Today it is known as Kiribati. In the future it will be known as Glub...glub...glub
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On this day in history, in 1969, Senator Ted Kennedy invented the submersible car
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Apparently, it's pointless to SHUT... DOWN... EVERYTHING
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Giant Meteor drops out of election
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One more reason why aliens refuse to visit us
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$10 Victorian mansion in New Jersey fails to sell and gets demolished. Why? Because it's so expensive to move a whole house ... and it was probably also haunted
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Not news: Man digs hole for a pond on his property. News: Gets convicted of interfering with "navigable waters." Fark: Closest navigable waters are 40 miles away. UltraWTF: Court vacates the conviction 4 months after his death
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Photoshop this proud American swimmer
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One unexpected side effect of the entire Area 51 hoax: searches for alien pr0n are up 58,992% in the past week. Which may be the main reason aliens are leaving us alone
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Faith in humanity restored, Canadian edition
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The Washington Monument commemorates 50 years since America helped humanity per ardua ad Luna, er, Cronos V
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Seriously? What happened to just buying someone you're interested in a drink and chatting them up?
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Cop learns home security camera doesn't break as easily as his body cam. With video, naturally
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Not news: watching TV. Weird news: watching TV and changing channels with your bare feet. Sick news: IN PUBLIC ON A F*CKING AIRPLANE
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Six minus fore equals xxx
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Fire lookout didn't
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San Diego Fark Party - Hop-Con 7.0 & w00tstout release party with Drew, Thurs. July 18
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Kyoto Animation studio attacked by arsonist, multiple deaths reported and several missing. Story keeps progressively getting worse
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"People can't decide if it's cute or pathetic that this woman's man can't grocery shop without pictures"
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This is one of the proper times to split heirs
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Do it for the gram and get those likes they said. It'll be fun, they said
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Berkeley, CA, decides to pass (on) gas
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Police raid turns up 500 weapons, 120 grams of assorted drugs, 26 cell phones, and 30 gallons of alcohol. Difficulty: Inside a prison
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 741: "Christmas in July". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 17, 2019 |
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Town has solution to the loneliness that prevails thoughout the town, wants you to have a seat over there on the "chat bench"
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Suddenly, sinkhole
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Who could have spun such a tangled trap for children's minds? Could it be SATAN?
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Seattle woman visits her fiance's parents, steps out onto the porch for a minute. Then it gets weird
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Foreign investment in US real estate is tanking for some reason. Is it the strong dollar? Domestic competition? Access to credit? "We call it the Trump effect"
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Insanity wolf says: "Stop injecting insulin. Inject sugar instead"
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City hopes to drive homeless people from park by A: Increasing police patrols? B: Building homeless shelter next door? or C: ♫ "Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo ♫ Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo ♫ Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo" ♫
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The jury finds the defendant guilty, and they'll tell him as soon as they find him again since he wandered off during deliberations
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Ultra high-speed rail could let riders go from hipster to grunge in one hour
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Outrage ensues when police officer uses taser on volunteers. Well, how else are they going to learn not to volunteer?
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Toddler on inflatable duck raft begins to float out to sea before being rescued. Alex Kintner unavailable for comment
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"No, we are not smuggling drugs, we are not attacking the U.S., we are just all Californians having a good time"
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One gallon of water per person per day. One portable radio. One battery powered light source. One extra pair of clothing. Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good time in an earthquake with all that stuff
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Fark NotNewsletter: What's the deal with Fark lately, plus how YOU can own a piece of Fark history
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Airline rewards disruptive passenger who endangered flight and forced it to divert with a lifetime ban and an £85,000 bill
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And there was much self congratulation and reciprocal patting of backs
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Parts o' de feet bones found where Bonepart defeated
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Photoshop these mud bathers
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Suddenly, llamas
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Girl selling lemonade for charity gets robbed of $9 by neighborhood punks. Cops respond--with hundreds in cash
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Man who never googled Roomba and dogs learns why you shouldn't let the two play together after you leave the house
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"Off the record I do thousands of horses," says renegade horse dentist
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Warning: Do not use Big Penis
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Suddenly, penguins
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Suddenly, Sudan
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Alcohol consumption may increase a person's sunburn risk. Mostly for the ones who pass out in the yard and don't wake up until after noon
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Train sparks brush fires in county, officials say. So if you're going to run a train, use protection
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NYT Style Page Editor: What's the most clueless, boneheaded, out-of-touch thing we can run in tomorrow's edition in light of the Epstein thing? Reporter: Boss, do I have a story for you
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Suddenly, Susan
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Notre Dame came within minutes of total collapse but was saved by hero firefighters, field goal as time expired
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On this day in history, in 1945, US President Harry Truman recorded his impressions of meeting Stalin. Critics later gave the performance only two stars, claiming his impression of Elvis Presley was more authentic
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Suddenly, flaming tempura flakes
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$1,500. prize for the winning vision of a Maine city. I hope my idea to wall it up into an Escape From New York-style prison wins
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Suddenly, Seymour
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Suddenly, Alice Cooper
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Photoshop these toy cars
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CHP Officers would like you to meet "Angel"
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Five places where you can retire for less than $30k a year. Difficulty: you have to live there too
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Gen X is financially wrecked, apathetic about it all. All apologies
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Free-range bacon found on Kentucky interstate
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Oh Fark: free beer for life. Aw Fark: Busch beer
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Suddenly, Rebar
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Suddenly, bees
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Do not feed the bears, take vertical video
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They are some older memes, sir, but they check out. List of the top 100 memes to the left. Well reasoned discussion to the right
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Father arrested for: (A) disorderly intoxication; (B) diving off beach pier into ocean; or (C) throwing 5-year-old son into deep water to learn how to swim. Bonus: Claimed he was "going to jail for being awesome"
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Florida man makes bold achievement by a.) being at cutting edge of climate change relief science, b.) making strides in artificial intelligence research, c.) chugging 33 beers at once at strip club
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Mercedes is not German for "amphibious"
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Man, that tick looks huge
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Disneyland is turning 64 today, and lots of people have tips on how best to enjoy a day trip to the amusement park. Tip #1: Go to Knott's Berry Farm instead. They have jam
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Indianapolis man charged with being the Jeffery Epstein of candy sales
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Your mom spotted near Pittsburgh
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You know that 'FaceApp' on social media that you use to show your friends what you'll look like when you're older? Congratuations, you're now working for the Russians
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Caption this happy boxer
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El Chapo el sentencedo to el lifeo
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How far has NASA slipped since the moon landing? It couldn't hold a 50th anniversary party for it without the power going out. Twice
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Australian family refuses to pay taxes on religious grounds. Judge that has actually read Matthew 22:15-22 tells them to pay $1.6 million. Jesus wept
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Ready-made Fark headline: "People Overdosing On Synthetic Meth Made From Wasp Spray." Also, do not read the comments
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British woman hospitalized for overdoing it at Worcestershire 3-day sex festival. Saucy
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Cocaine is a hell of a rug
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Scenes from the Target warehouse: "Hey Joe, isn't it almost time for Halloween?" "Sure, Bill, let's go ahead and put all of our costumes up on our website." "Good idea...that should leave us plenty of room for the Christmas stuff"
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When it comes to which crimes get prioritized in Philadelphia, beware the Pool Police
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Boy prompts lots of calls to police department after setting up roadside stand with sign selling 'Ice Cold Beer' Utah: Root Beer
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Slithering mystery creatures form one monster of NOPE on pavement in bizarro Brazil (possible nsfw content on page)
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Rail firm hit with million dollar fine after a passenger decided to stick his head out the window just as a signal was within head-hitting distance
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Photoshop this brass and glass
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With a wiggle wiggle here and a waggle waggle there, watch guide dog puppies in training go through an airport security line on Woofday Wetnose Wednesday (With maximum cuteness videos)
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You're driving without a license with a sleeping 14-month-old in the backseat, and your friend in the front seat is a wanted man. You run a red light in front of cops. What do you do?
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No one expects the Bovine Inquisition
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A killer heatwave has descended on the Midwest. Stay hydrated, chill, and be safe, Farkers. Check in here. Also, look for Killer Heatwave this fall on SyFy
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People report strange signs being drawn outside of their homes. Turns out it's just a kid drawing butts
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Sirs, this is a Chick-fil-A
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Cherokee writings forgotten in Alabama cave have been transcribed after more than 150 years
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"The people who lied about soap and lampshades are lying about gas chambers and ovens"
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In shocking news Florida man is in the paper again. This time for personal sausage theft. Very personal sausage involved
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Road rager arrested and told he cannot operate his vehicle. Fark: his bike
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The birds are finally exacting their revenge on us humans. They've waited for this day a long time
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Woman attempts to clean her SUV at a car wash and ends up driving into the Hackensack River. This is why people in New Jersey can't be trusted to pump their own gas
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I'm not saying it was Scientologists but it was Scientologists
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Well, any landing you can swim away from
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Woman climbs nearly to the summit of Mount Rushmore before police arrive, Martin Landau falls to his death
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This can only end with Jerry Lundegaard crawling out of a motel window clad only in his tightly whities
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Head of Planned Parenthood, Leana Wen, terminated after term of less than nine months
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| Tue July 16, 2019 |
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"Don't try this at home. Never. Ever. Ever"
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Sadie Roberts-Joseph was killed by registered sex offender, tenant who owed her back rent
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Welsh town Harlech will celebrate Ffordd Pen Llech's designation as world's steepest street with a street party, which is expected to go downhill quickly
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Retired Justice of the Supreme Court, John Paul Stevens, who served for 34 years and retired in 2010, dies after complications from a stroke at age 99
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Woman arrested with loaded gun at LaGuardia Airport, uses the old "I had borrowed the suitcase" excuse
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Too few bad yoots
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Yosemite gets historic names back, is once again the rootinest, tootinest, shootinest, bob-tailed wildcat in the West; the fastest gun north, south, east, aaaaaaand west of the Pecos
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Hitler found alive. Sorry that's Hiker found alive
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Water slides: Harmless summer fun? or SILENT DAMP KILLERS? (possible nsfw content on page)
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Praise the Lord and pass the fish liver sauce
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What's worse than a phone call interrupting your breakfast? How about a plane slamming into your kitchen?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this handsy guy
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West Virginians have started using a new ingredient to make meth, hope not to get caught in a sting
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Fyre festival takes place in Croatia. Well, better late than never
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Congress is forcing the Pentagon to testify if they weaponized ticks and released them in the continental U.S
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Officials say a massive Manhattan power outage Saturday night was not the result of an attack, failed equipment, or Jennifer Lopez turning on all her makeup lights
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It's an op-ed piece by The Onion, but subby, who worked in opinion sections in newspapers and was an '80s kid, feels it's the satirical editorial we need for these times. And Burgertime was awesome, whatever the fark all it was about
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The head of the Iowa Dept Of Human Services was asked by the governor to resign because of A: nepotism, B: inappropriate use of department funds, or C: an obsession with Tupac Shakur?
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a plague of land crabs devouring a house
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$172 worth of merchandise stolen from TJ Maxx. No word on how many trucks were used to haul off the entire store's inventory
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Ken Ham: If you mock my Ark Encounter theme park, you suffer from 'Arkophobia'
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How Jeffrey Epstein groomed, abused his "Number One girl"
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Guns. Lots of guns
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Photoshop something interesting into this alleyway
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Things have gotten so bad in Sheffield that people are stapling bread to trees
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According to Amazon, the cost of accessing shoppers' data is $10
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After 150 cocks, man tries chicks, then can't decide at all
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Lake Tahoe's full. Overpaid techie out front shoulda told ya
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Missing lamp from A Christmas Story movie found
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Naked brunette who jumped off 148ft bridge in Porto has perfect form, somehow survives (NSFWish)
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In case you needed any more evidence we're in the Worst Timeline: Bagel Boss guy signs deal to fight other viral celebrities. They'll probably be very short bouts, though
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Terrifying, 260-foot tall, glass skywalk that simulates shattering will either help you get over your fear of heights or scar you for life
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Barely up in the sky ..it's a bird ...it's a plane. It's right on top of us
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This is your daily We're All Doomed update - Alert in Nunavut, the northernmost permanently inhabited place in the world, only 500 miles from the North Pole, is warmer than southern Canada
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| (Some Bike Historian) |
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Because we had to invent hollow steel tubing before we invented Spandex, and even if we hadn't, nobody wanted to see someone in Spandex attempting to ride a penny-farthing
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"Police said a Springdale man stole a box of Bagel Bites from a local Dollar Tree, assaulted the manager with the box and then ran into a nearby Wendy's and slapped a customer"
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OK?
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Chance the Snapper taken into police custody, hopefully putting an end to those Taco Bell commercials with the nonstop gibberish
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Too hot in back of a police cruiser? Simple, just call 911 to request air conditioning
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Caption Kate Middleton and these groundsmen
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When their vehicles get stolen, most people call the police and then their insurance company. Most people. Then there's the Kansas City way
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In news that will bring CNN to tumescence, MH370 investigators report 'mystery load weighing 200lb' was added to the cargo manifest after take-off
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Challenge: Getting back in the dating game after becoming newly single. Solution: Ask teen daughter for fashion advice. Problem: Forgetting that teens share EVERYTHING on social media
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Fifty years ago today, three men launched on one hell of a magic carpet ride
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It's a bad time to be a Kiwi, as first New Zealand loses the Cricket World Cup to England, and now Wales has taken the world's steepest street away from them. One local notes: "We're still very angry. It's a bad week, it really is"
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Someone just scienced the hell out of BBQs (possible nsfw content on page)
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Oh shiiiiiiaaaaaaaaattttttttttt! (video)
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Nazi founder of Nazi website Daily Stormer unleashed a Nazi troll storm on a Jewish person, and now he must pay $14 million to his victim, and it's clear he did not see that ruling coming
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Twenty years ago on this day, JFK Jr. lands his plane eight miles short of Martha's Vineyard
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U.S. needs to stop pointing its Geiger counter at Fukushima and Chernobyl, radiation levels in the Marshall Islands still exceed both of them
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Photoshop the people of the mist
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Day care owner accused of sexually abusing children sentenced to 30 days. Will be fast-tracked to run a Trump border camp upon release
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There's usually only traces of cocaine in your hair follicles. Then there is this guy
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A panhandler rejects a guy's offer to work for $15 an hour, so the guy retaliates with his own sign warning drivers not to give him cash
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Woman's topless photobomb ruins family's Texas state park vacation. "We're trying to recreate memories. Having some chick's boob isn't allowing us to do that" (sfw)
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T minus 1 hour
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Stetson Baptist Church winds up with a tithing surplus for the fiscal year. Does the pastor A.) Buy a new Porsche B.) Build an addition to his mansion D.) Buy and then cancel $7.2 million worth of medical debt for 6,500 families
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New York City restaurant worker killed by dumb waiter. Well there goes his tip
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Self-styled vigilante "creep catcher" nets his first arrest
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Everything you ever wanted to know about the Bagel Boss but couldn't be arsed to ask
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"I'm fifteen, and I would rather have a criminal record that be complicit in climate change." Gotdamn, there is hope for the future
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Power outage on Capitol Hill. Totally unrelated to what happened in NY, right?
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Fedex in Atlanta expands to include priority delivery for gunshot victims to hospital
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"Fark them. They're 20-year-old dopes," says Phoenix news anchor in reference to local alternative newspaper, not realizing she was broadcasting at the time
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Man finds a tin of beer in a fish that he caught and cracks it open -- yep, still good
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| Mon July 15, 2019 |
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Officials are "reviewing logs" to find the serial pooper at the community pool. Carl Spackler nods approvingly
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Why give up chicken farming? "Ducks can swim"
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The state is losing the battle against sea level rise and damage to infrastructure and valuable beach property; no, not that state, the OTHER state with lots of coastline
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Italian police raid Swiss-owned warehouse, discover French air-to-air missile originally sold to Qatar but suspected to be destined for Russia-backed separatists in Ukraine. The Gambia denies any involvement, walks away whistling
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Hey baby, I'm a modern human, wanna hook up sometime?
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Spiffy: eight-year-old girls beats cancer. Awesome: donates all her birthday gifts to the hospital that treated her so other kids could have them. Damn it, don't they ever dust these rooms?
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"All gas no brakes" turns out to be foreshadowing for this lucky guy (Mugshot goodness)
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Throwing a vacuum at your brother's head, wielding a pitchfork in your underwear, and hiding in a kiddy pool isn't normal. But on meth it is
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When future internet searches return your name along with "particularly heinous" and "moose poaching," don't blame anyone but yourself if dating and job hunting don't go so well
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Dog dropped off at shelter in a CapnCrunchBerry cereal box now named 'Razz Berry'
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ICE offers family a literal Sophie's Choice. But don't you dare call them Nazis
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Alaskan man shoots, kills polar bear, leaves body outside home for five months to rot, presumably as a warning to others
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This is your brain on drugs trying to use a toy phone and a toy credit card, kids
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Paul's Memory Bank - OTR Edition (8PM EDT) continues the radio series of 'My Favorite Husband', 'The Stan Freberg Show' and 'Superman'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this blue door
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Please select the reason why you are returning your glitter mug: 1) product arrived damaged 2) product was not what you ordered 3) you discovered the person who made it has autism
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Penguins? In my sushi bar? It's precisely twice as likely as you think (possible nsfw content on page)
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Sequel to The Last Starfighter being developed. Well, they've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against incredible odds
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Former bar host arrested for pimping out his girlfriend in Osaka to cover both her host club debts and his debts. Nomination to Boyfriend Hall of Fame seems out of reach
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