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| Sun July 07, 2019 |
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13-year-old boy thinks it's better to be in jail than spend eight hours in car with sibling, gets his wish
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Oh nothing, just a seagull covered in curry
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Illinois to regulate potency of legal marijuana. Multiple studies have shown a persistent association between marijuana use and psychosis, including schizophrenia, paranoia and hallucinations
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Not news: Couple goes through IVF with their frozen embryos, gives birth to healthy twin boys. Fark: Uh, they were supposed to be girls. Ultra Fark: the boys were from other couples, and aren't related to each other
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Photoshop these durians
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Thousands of fish die after the water was contaminated with 45,000 barrels of whiskey from the Jim Beam fire. But they died with smiles on their faces, and are pre-pickled for your consumption
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Hey, remember how the last time you renewed your driver's license you signed that form giving the FBI and ICE permission to add your photo to its facial recognition database? Oh, you never signed a form? No worries, they added it anyway
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| (Some Travelin' Man) |
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Too much excitement in your life? This list of the most boring tourist trap in each state can help fix that
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Theme: MAD Magazine has pulled the plug and Alfred E Neuman is dead. Photoshop your tribute to Alfred or other MAD characters
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Retired couple put a rooster on trial for crowing at sunrise. The bird's lawyer hopes he will be vindicated, but the plaintiffs hope for coq au vindication
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Three people gored and two suffer head trauma at the annual Running of the Morans
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How many more aftershock quakes do you think Southern California will experience by the end of the year? Ten? Twenty? Scientists estimate a few more than that
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Look, folks, I think God is really trying to tell you all to move. And he's not been very ambiguous about it, either
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Photoshop this cozy sleeping place
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A beginner's guide to butterfly watching. It's not news, it's Fark
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Hikers chased up tree by feral pig... which is still better than being chased up a feral pig by a tree. Or taking acid before submitting
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That's great, it starts with an earthquake. Birds and snakes, and a geyser. Yellowstone is not afraid
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Virginia man wasn't arrested for burning an American flag, that's his First Amendment Right. He was arrested for burning a flag in a Walmart parking lot
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Another thing now going into the sh*tter, researchers are warning that toilet paper is getting less sustainable
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The oldest woman in America turned 114 today. Hopes to live to 117 so she can finally pay off her student loans
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Here in California, our backyard swimming pools come with a Surfing upgrade. Your state's pools suck
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| Sat July 06, 2019 |
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Not wanting to put a cash cow at risk, Walmart adds armed guard to patrol ice cream aisle in the wake of the ice cream licker incident so shoppers can enjoy their milk fat and sugar unadulterated. Article bonus: Ice cream licker has been identified
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In aftermath of NH motorcycle accident, Massachusetts wonders whether someone should finally look in the overflowing box marked "out of State DUI notifications"
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Epstein's mom better start writing notes
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What exactly is a Florida Man supposed to be carrying in his Bob Marley backpack, officer?
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Photoshop this plague doctor
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Police officer runs a traffic sign and gets T-Boned. So of course the other driver gets arrested. Chief Bryant unavailable for comment
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Say what you want about Teslas, but their sentry mode rocks. "What are you in for?" "Keying a Tesla"
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Photoshop this horn blower
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News: U.S. Secret Service breaks up counterfeiting scheme. No matter what you're thinking now, the truth is even stupider
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Things not to do while black #483: Buy fireworks
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There has been a massive explosion at a shopping mall in Plantation, Florida
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If you love canned fish so much, why don't you marry it
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First came the ice cream licker, now a mouthwash drinker. This is a disturbing trend
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Mexico may pay for the wall after all. Well, at least one specific Mexican
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"Alcohol is the only drug we have to explain not using"
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| (BBC) |
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Photoshop this doggo
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Couple has their engagement photos taken at a shelter for abused and abandoned animals to try and inspire people to adopt - and it's working. Caturday approves
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Almost 2 dozen cities in India are running low on fresh water. So, where did it all disappear to? Why, in exported beef, rice, and cotton. Fark: 95.4 billion cubic meters annually, #1 in the world
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Florida high school principal: "I can't say the Holocaust is a factual, historical event because I am not in a position to do so as a school district employee"
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I used to be a re-enactor like you
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Car stolen in Colorado, taken for joyride and crashed into tree. Suspect described as medium height, black, walks on four paws, fondness for honey
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So a court awards you half a billion dollars from North Korea. You're gonna have to be clever getting them to pay up
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The shell casing doesn't fall far from the magazine
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NYC police investigate a shoplifter at Whole Foods and proceed to A). Beat and taze her repeatedly, B). Arrest her and throw her in jail or C). Pay for her groceries
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I can never remember, is it "Don't steal Top Secret documents from your government job if you grow pot" or "Don't grow pot if you steal Top Secret documents from your government job"?
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| Fri July 05, 2019 |
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Breaking: everything in Ridgecrest, CA
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List of things you should not store in your basement. No word on skeletons
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Turkish man dies after failing to pull off the old "Strap a couple pillows to your back and get a friend to shoot you with a shotgun so you can get out of doing community service" trick
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Why July 4th's quake didn't trigger an early warning ShakeAlert notification in LA (with photo of newly-spawned possible hellmouth)
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They do say fight fire with fire
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American astronomers based in Chile throw shade at European counterparts for partying during the total solar eclipse: "I don't know if that will be so good for observing. Real astronomers work"
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Good: Recording bats and balls at Angels Stadium Bad: Recording bats and balls at an Angels Stadium restroom
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Small town in Arkansas explodes into a 200 person firework fight
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A single drop of Lake Michigan water contains one million bacteria and ten million viruses in a drop of Lake Michigan water
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Caught setting illegal ticket quotas, officials in Missouri town are forced to promise not to get caught again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this attack skeleton
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Florida cougar won't be caged following plea deal
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Thanos don't surf? Oh yes he does
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Cumming woman didn't think her cunning plan out, arrested for leaving her three-year-old alone and not coming home
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The Vatican may have hidden artwork that depicted female priests, which is somehow more dangerous than child molestation
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Female firefighter told she was "too weak" to work the job proves everyone wrong, though she might spark a fire
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Texas man sentenced to fifty years in prison for killing friend from Des Plaines. Mr. Rourke takes cold comfort in the ruling
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Many DC residents' views of the July 4th fireworks were blocked by a giant wall
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Impromptu Fark party, Ridgecrest
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Photoshop this alert kitteh
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Quick update on what philosophers are saying about teledildonics, sexbots, and internet-connected anal probes (possible nsfw content on page)
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I think I'll just take a nap here next to the highway in the tall grass... *bzzzzzzzzzt*
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Florida man poses as cop, pulls over real deputy and tells him to "slow down." Hilarity ensues
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Maybe hold off on the confession until after you've finished SWAT-ing your neighbour? (possible nsfw content on page)
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Backpedaling prosecutor drops felony charge against woman who turned abusive hubby's guns in to police, swears she's still guilty of something so "trespassing" it is
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Florida tag unavailable since it got blowed up real good yesterday
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Police seize uninsured Lamborghini. Owner turns up to reclaim it driving another uninsured Lamborghini. Police: rinse, repeat
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Welcome to McDonald's, would you like to suck my d*ck with that?
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Some passengers on this Royal Caribbean cruise got to drink MUCH cheaper on the all-you-can-drink deal
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Lightning strike leaves creepy burn mark on golf course's 11th hole, or maybe this Stranger Things viral marketing is getting out of hand
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"Influencer" bride tries to pay wedding photographer with exposure. Public shaming ensues
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Someone is putting sex toys on shelves at Walmart
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If you lambast Nike for pulling its Betsy Ross Flag line of shoes, you may not want to show up two days later at a 4th of July event wearing Nike shoes. Right, Governor Ducey?
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Being lazy and eating too much are the main causes of obesity, say "experts"
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| (czmilosz) |
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Image compression and unfortunate design choices deserve a caption
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| (NY Upstate) |
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Adirondack hospital displays collection of fishing lures they've removed from people's thumbs, arms, legs, noses, eyelids, lips and genitalia, usually after an alcohol-involved incident
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Gators 2, Florida Man 0. If you are keeping score
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Woman who licked tub of Blue Bell Ice Cream could face 20 years In prison
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And the rockets' red glare, and the Brits' cannonballs, here's proof from the fight, they got jammed in the walls
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Pizza Pizza Crash Crash AAAAH AAAAAH
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70-year-old marathon cheater, recently disqualified for cutting the course for this year's LA Marathon, found dead in the LA River
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Hospital staff left stoned off their face after pensioner mistakenly gave them cannabis-laced cake. Cops said: "Officers have spoken to all parties involved and given some strong words of advice. The case has now been closed and the cake destroyed"
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Photoshop these skulls
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British Airways cabin crew face sack after running naked through hotel during drunken orgy. Sounds like a pretty good layover (possible nsfw content on page)
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Man celebrates Fourth of July by leading cops on a high speed chase, climbing tree and entering stranger's home before being hauled away in a spit mask. The Aristocrats
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So there is a cruise ship just for Santa Clauses
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Woman changes surname to Cameltoe in memory of boozy holiday where she got a camel toe tattoo. And somehow she's single (possible nsfw content on page)
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Flash mob steals $30k of North Face jackets. Not sure how 10 people are going to share 3 jackets
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Why the high-speed chase scene is always the most unrealistic part of a heist movie
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Police are looking into a porn store, robbery that is
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Aussie pub patron prevents robbery by hurling bar stool and pot plant at machete-wielding bandit. No word on the condition of the pot plant
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They took brother off life support, watched him die. They were somewhat surprised to see him show up for the family BBQ seven days later
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Ah, ah, ahh-chooo***BOOMCRASH
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Just remember - if the returns seem too good, it's probably a scam. Tag is for the couple who had to learn that the hard way
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| Thu July 04, 2019 |
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Teenagers are joining gangs for protection and to increase their mating prospects. Elephant gangs
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Blood drawn at plasma donation center
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Brooklyn woman tells police her stolen car had 6-year-old child inside so they'd try to find it faster. Police find car, escort her and imaginary child to playground with bars
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Minnesota man arrested for fishing naked, charged with gross misdemeanor
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Ten common myths about bike lanes and how you're already pissed reading this just move over you lane hog and pay some taxes dammit
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| (Some Al) |
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Photoshop this weird guy
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Independent report claims over 80% of suspects flagged by London Police facial recognition technology were innocent. Fail tag misidentified as Followup
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Boca Raton officials request that if you're going to be a professional iguana hunter, please study the subtle differences between iguanas and pool maintenance workers before you start shooting
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Fort Worth fire department called to untangle American flag at Whataburger on July 4th. Scientists said it couldn't be done but Peak Texas has been achieved
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We've seen extreme sports, and even extreme ironing, so now it's time for extreme sleeping
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Dead dog and AK-47 shooting spree that also killed camel spurs Oregon lawsuit." Florida Man nods approvingly
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CNN asks the burning questions:. Is India becoming too hot to be uninhabitable? (article has been fixed)
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In response to Trump's parade, California finally decides to break away from the rest of the continental United States
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Not news: building business goes bust. News: Britain's oldest. Holy fark: it started in 1591 and has been run by 13 generations of the same family
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Ten foot baby shark doo doo doo doo doo doo. 800 pounds doo doo doo doo doo doo. At the Jersey Shore doo doo doo doo doo doo
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Photoshop this peacock
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And today's skinny criminal who escaped jail by slipping through the bars of his cell, comes to you from La Paz, Bolivia
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Today's best unintentional fireworks display courtesy of Fort Hill, South Carolina
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Man finds gigantic nope crawling across his ceiling in Indonesia
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Semi-trailer truck full of ramen noodles overturns on interstate highway. Investigators say the entire load was ruined, resulting in a loss of tens of dollars to the trucking company
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Moved to Alaska to escape the heat? About that
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Having run out of more relevant topics, TV documentaries turn to the rise and fall of New Coke
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On this day in 1826, former Presidents Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, who were the last surviving members of the original American revolutionaries, die on the same day within five hours of each other
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Maine man stumped as to why doctor cut off wrong toe
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The CIA trolls Instagramers
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Art is torment. Art is pain. Art is risking a severe melanoma for the LOLz (possible nsfw content on page)
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London accused of discriminating against Northerners; "It's so bad that they're looked at with scorn for requesting gravy on chips." Well, yes; the only people who put gravy on fries are those wacky Canadians while the rest of us use ketchup
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Photoshop this thermostat
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| (Some Conehead) |
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And now for something completely different: a field guide to ... traffic cones?
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1983 hide and seek champion might soon be found
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Just one more thing the Japanese have on us: Take off your shoes
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"We want to clear up any confusion. There is no swimming, bathing, washing clothes, urinating, or defecating in the water fountains at the Riverfront"
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Are you farking kidding me?
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"The people going to the hospital for fireworks injuries are exactly who you think"
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It's been a tough stretch so how about cheering up with some drawings by little kids? Did I say "cheering up?" I meant fall into a pit of despair
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Gangs of wild chicks in Jersey terrorizing joggers, lurking in bushes - no, not that Jersey, not Snooki or Jwoww
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Unmanned rubber duckie found in Lake Michigan. Coast Guard mounts search for Ernie
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Denver has a plan to kill off 2200 immigrants to reduce the amount of poop on their streets
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Alan Dershowitz last seen shoving cue balls in his mouth as Second Circuit Court rules that the Jeffery Epstein files start getting released to the public. Over 2000 pages
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PETA has its feathers all in a fluff over name of road
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Burglar stuck on inversion table tries the ole "they told me to come here" defense on the surprised homeowner
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| (Some Guy) |
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The boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do, if within one hour, I don't get $500 from you
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 739: "Boom 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 03, 2019 |
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Angler caught fish in Thailand which is somehow newsworHOLY CARP
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Get out your Florida Fark bingo cards and mark off: "police chief", "inappropriate remark", "Puerto Rican" and "lost puppy"
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Sheep do their impression of Lemmings...."They chose unwisely"
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Stromboli volcano in violent eruption off Sicily. Calzone is still safe
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Hard time for female drug dealer who complained to cops that selling meth was "hard work." Hard
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Texas accidentally decriminalized marijuana
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Mice can now engage in unprotected sex without worrying about HIV
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Aaron Spelling's mansion sells for $120M to someone who isn't you
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Shouldn't the term "unlicensed midwife" raise a red flag or two?
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One honestly gushing review and everybody wants a Tracy's dog sex toy
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| (Some Guy) |
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For-Profit "healthcare" consortium buys inner city Philly hospital that serves some of the neediest residents and is the teaching hospital for Drexel University, promptly bankrupts it in six months, now wants to sell the land to developers
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Soooo, you went across the State Line and bought a few fireworks, eh? You ain't got NOTHING on this guy here with 200k lbs of fireworks
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Photoshop this flower photo subby took recently
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Pilots arrest God on flight, but the Devil put him up to it
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"Ramming speed" works better when your boat is bigger than the other boat
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Suddenly, tiger
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Prosecutors in the trial of the Navy SEAL accused of murder grudgingly admit their case had some problems. For instance, prosecutors aren't supposed to hack into the defenses' computers to spy on all their correspondence
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Gallant appears at his sentencing hearing for attempted murder after stabbing 3 people and expresses his deep regret for his actions. Goofus says "fark it", shows up in blackface, goes on a racist rant in the courtroom and gets life
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Thief shoves hot spaghetti meal down his pants, but does not get pasta security camera
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News: Manute Bol's son is entering the NBA. FARK: He is a "SpongeBob SquarePants" expert and has a Squidward tattoo of his leg (with video)
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Fetussluaghter charges dropped against Alabama woman shot in the stomach during fight
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Ok, who ordered the bag of human bones?
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Operator: "911, what is your emergency?" Dad: " My daughter, and her pregnant mother have been shot." Op: " Are you sure it wasn't fireworks?" **Dad 'FFS', runs to fire station** Dad: "HELP" Firemen: "Sorry. it's scary out there"
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This is the kind of mayhem we warned you about when pot was legalized
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"The caller told dispatch a man was driving a truck while wearing a cowboy hat - and only a cowboy hat"
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Once again, the L.A.P.D. is asking Los Angelenos not to fire their guns at the visitor spacecraft. You may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war
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Travon Martin is in the news again. No...not that one
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Tried to make me go to rehab, I said no no no
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Minutes after release from custody, man is busted trying to steal cars from jail parking lot. Fittingly, he was immediately returned to the "LOL Detention facility"
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Finland has first topless flashmob related to the international "Free the Nipple" movement......you've already clicked the link (NSFW)
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This person ate the KFC Cheetos Chicken Sandwich so you don't have to
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| (Some Guy) |
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Remember the days of the Mugshot Roundup? This one would have been a doozy
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Photoshop this campfire
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UFO's are invading Florida, warns local sheriff
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Group drinking and relaxing in back yard finds injured baby bird, orders Uber to take it to wildlife rehab center since they were not fit to drive
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Twelve million airport travelers will just have to wait to be genitally fondled as hundreds of TSA agents will be busy at the Mexican border fondling the genitals of immigrants
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Imelda Marcos celebrates her 90th birthday by sending 261 people to the hospital with food poisoning
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Protip: Your town's water should not smell like sewer and leave black rings in your toilets
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Woman desperate for attention. Ice cream gets a mention. Woman headed for detention (possible nsfw content on page)
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Arab prince goes out in style in London after 'sex and drugs orgy' (possible nsfw content on page)
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It's not everyday you get to see a doctor remove a six foot tapeworm from a man, but today is that day
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Oooooh - Red, white - but rarely blue - the science of fireworks colors explained - aaaaaah
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11 strange events that happened after the Chernobyl nuclear power plant accident, including creepy dolls and Business Insider articles that weren't overt product pitches
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Customs seizes rat meat at Chicago's O'Hare airport, ruining John Spartan's 4th of July barbecue plans
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97-year-old WWII veteran takes a 175 mph spin around Indianapolis Motor Speedway, says it was more exciting than jumping off a German POW train to escape the Nazis
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Police now looking for a man who fired a gun during a fireworks show in Pennsylvania. No word on how anyone could tell
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A new species of bee fly which shares similarities with the Night King has been discovered. Of course it's in Australia
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Everyday is Whacking Day in Florida for green iguanas
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Man on trial for murder was a "vampire daddy" for a coven of witches. Always knew Joss Whedon was trouble
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Dustin Hoffman's 'Outbreak' to be reclassified as a documentary (possible nsfw content on page)
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I was setting off illegal fireworks in front of the kids before I took a mortar to the chest
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Adidas shows why you should never let a bot run your corporate social media account. @CletusDroo unavailable for comment
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$5,000 tip given to waitress was part of revenge plot by upset girlfriend who had her boyfriend's card. Here's hoping the waitress gets to keep the money
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Japan orders over one million to evacuate due to monster ...rains
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After six years of litigation, one Florida couple has finally won the right to again begin subjecting their neighbors to the unmitigated horror and wanton depravity of a front yard vegetable garden
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Two Welsh rail workers killed after being hit by train. With all due respect, and especially if you work on the railroad, how do you NOT know when a train is approaching? They're not ninjas
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Fark NotNewsletter: What Drew's up to, plus your chance to get your writing published in an actual physical book
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What working out might look on Mars. Actually, it'll probably look a lot like the working out you do now, although you might be curling Protein Bars instead of Cheetos and the couch might not be as cushy
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This dude must roll huge joints, hate the farkin' Eagles, man
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Heterosexual man couldn't handle a homosexual man's tight shorts and shirt during a pride rally, so he threatened to "beat you til you become heterosexual." Someone wasn't secure about his feelings, it seems
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2019-06-23 to Sat 2019-06-29. Kennedy, PNG, bouillabaisse, Chuck Woolery, Chuck Norris, FiveThirtyEight, tulips, and bourbon
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Alaska city council may vote to end invocations before its meetings so as not to have another member of the Satanic Temple give the invocation. Yeah, that'll show 'em
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Photoshop the rainbow wormhole
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Location location location is everything when you own a piece of property ...except when you've lived on wrong block of land for six years and now the council wants to build a road through your home
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Vaping device explodes in man's pocket, leaves "volleyball-sized" wound
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Good news everyone: There are only 3 NJ beaches you can't swim at this holiday weekend because of poop levels.The rest are comfortably within norms
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Massive fire at Jim Beam warehouse in Kentucky may have destroyed 45,000 barrels of bourbon. This may take a while to greenlight since everyone is rushing to the scene with empty buckets
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Judge: A teen accused of rape does not deserve any punishment, because he comes from a good family, and a sentence will ruin his life. Besides the girl was drunk, anyway. Appeals court: Not so fast there, buddy
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The man who saved Chrysler after being fired by Henry Ford has died. RIP Lee Iacocca
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Fort Worth Texas street lined with banners that read "In No God We Trust" and some locals have a problem with it
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Angry NY billionaire throws temper tantrum. No, not that one
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Congress instructs DHS to intensely study and report back on deepfake videos, including any featuring Emma Watson, Scarlett Johansson, Alexandra Daddario, or Mitch McConnell
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At this rate, the Russian Navy is going to be forced to hold the West in check using painted inflatable ships
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Welcome to China, here is your secret surveillance app
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Murderer found not guilty of murder. Still has upcoming court date with the Almighty, trial date undetermined
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I used to be a magician like you, then I took an arrow in the head
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| Tue July 02, 2019 |
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And now there's sewage spewing out of the elevators at Grand Central. Welcome to New York, everybody
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Man gets drunk, steals backhoe, trashes house and starts fire. Why not, it was Canada Day
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Let's skip to the important part: The TV was unharmed
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Dalai Lama apologizes for channeling his inner Donald Trump
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Florida County finds great way to comfort dogs during Fourth of July. Your dog wants a harmonica
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Island used in the Fyre festival promo scam for sale. Fark Fyre party on crowdfunded Farkistan island anybody?
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Avoid the windowless van with free puppies sign
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I would have expected something cigarette-related
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Man who claimed to be heroic teacher who saved his students from mass shooting now claims he has no idea what the media is talking about, what shooting?
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Café owner charged with first degree sitcom brownie mixup cliché
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Thank God: Judge blocks Trump policy keeping asylum seekers locked up
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IKEA releases free font based on couches. Just download the 78 JPG images and follow the instructions to create the font file yourself though in 24 easy steps (Allen wrench not included)
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If you had plans to help your kids set up their first business this summer outside of California, Colorado, Connecticut, Nevada, North Dakota, New York, Nebraska, Missouri, Illinois, Louisiana, Rhode Island or Vermont, you could face legal trouble
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Photoshop these yellow roofs
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State trooper pulls over hearse for driving in HOV lane. "The driver had the dearly departed in the back, he thought the deceased could be counted as two people. I guess we should clarify this, living, breathing people count for the HOV lane"
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Marines are reporting 'huge, strange-looking' snakes at Camp Lejeune. Fool me once
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Must have been like when a gust of wind carries your parachute above an alligator farm
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♪ "Im a SHARK. ♪ I'm a SHAAARK. ♪ Hey, is that a drone? ♪ I'M A SHAAAAAAARK" ♪ (possible nsfw content on page)
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And today's arcade claw machine story - Woman complains after spending $125 and failing to win a small teddy bear
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Air Force jet hits bird, drops 3 dummy bombs over Florida. That explains a lot
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Petting Zoos: Come pet the sheep and goats and e.coli
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Summer is when toxic algal bloom season gives way to flesh-eating bacteria season
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How does a fivesome even work?
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Man with a tiny lizard in his ear successfully treated for reptile dysfunction
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Massive orbital bombardment incoming, so now's a good time to take out that loan (possible nsfw content on page)
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Keep Austin Weird replaced by Austin: Go Ahead, Camp Out On The Sidewalk, Pop A Squat, Shoot Up, Howl At Passers-By, Whatever. What Could Go Wrong?
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Sometimes a fire alarm just scares the shiat out of everybody
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Photoshop this frustrated fox
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Worn out chess piece granddad bought for $6 sells for $925,000 at auction
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Florida girl's first words after suffering a critical brain injury in a crash; 'I farted'
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Untied almost sends a bag to Germany instead of Sweden. Hang on...I'm getting an update...unaccompanied minor? Untied almost sends an unaccompanied minor to Germany instead of Sweden
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Oppressive heat wave bakes Western Europe this week, driving the French in Seine
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Organizers of Straight Pride Parade report receiving suspicious envelopes in the mail. What police find is fabulous
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Kentucky teen lost a legal battle to let himself be a walking pathogen. Fark: Again
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Now THIS is an example of a church doing good work for the community
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Cops drag sewage soaked drug dealer out of drain after he tried to hide but got stuck
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Unclaimed body to be cremated. Hey, if nobody else wants it, I'll take it
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Nocturnal emissions may help solve climate crisis. Err... make that negative emissions
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Vatican says that no one needs to know when a priest confesses about Matthew 19:14
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Coors employees save tuber trapped in their product
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Lesson here is do not dance in the middle of the highway
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Caption King Henry the VIII, the Loch Ness Monster, Winston Churchill and Freddie Mercury
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Best. Job. Ever (possible nsfw content on page)
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Fight censorship (NSFW)
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Place on ground... light fuse... get away
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Family opens fireworks stand to pay for daughters wedding. Bride hopes it won't cost an arm and a leg
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Lawyer wannabe becomes a "spanking model" to pay for her law degree, then drops out to become a poRn star. Still better than a lawyer, one supposes
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So what you in for? Clogging toilets. Holy shirt
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On this date in 1937, Amelia Earhart nears completion of her record flight arou
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Legal issues in music, insect bites and music... okay, lots of music questions on the Fark Weird News Quiz, June 9-15 Ketchup Edition
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18-year-old vandalizes school by painting swastikas and pooping on the locker room floor. Then claims he's a sovereign citizen and cops can't hold him. The Aristocrats
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Blonde woman's lovemaking prompts and you already clicked but you should have read the whole tagline first
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President of the Flat Earth Society wonders why people are "scared" of his movement and thinks there is a global conspiracy to discredit him
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Photoshop this active volcano
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Blaming liberals and the LGBTQ community because you lost so much money on your restaurant that it can't even open on time is a bold strategy. "Dunn was referring to a Pink Floyd album, but wouldn't elaborate on how it relates to the situation"
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"Frankly, if one act of inoffensive drunkenness at an after work function provided valid reason for dismissal, I suspect that the majority of Australian workers may have potentially lost their jobs"
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CBP: Our bad. We cool?
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Mein Kampf for sale online for $14.88 with pro-facist blurb at noted Neo-Nazi booksellers Amazon, Walmart, Barnes and Noble and Books-A-Million
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"Michigan police have a message for those seen in a viral video shutting down a Detroit freeway to do doughnuts. Keep using social media - it helps us find you"
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Cool: Inviting half dozen LDS missionaries into your home. Not so cool: Offer them booze as refreshments. Tacky: Asking them to hold your gun. Fark: Holding them at gunpoint when they decline your hospitality
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In which we learn that Australian wildlife is not just venomous, but also poisonous
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An ode to the now-shuttered Action Park, America's most dangerous water park
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Yankee Doodle missed a sign/while driving very slowly/truck got stuck under a bridge/ while full of macaroni
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Newsflash: Nurses are tired and overworked. Tune in at 11 for a special report on the matter from Ric Romero
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Honey? Did you hire a gardener?
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If you know how to fix nine electromagnetic weapons elevators aboard a $13-billion aircraft carrier, the US Navy really wants to meet you
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| Mon July 01, 2019 |
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Nike yanks shoe with offensive flag linked to slavery. Difficulty: not that one
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They're on. They're off. They're ON again
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Man found not guilty by reason of insanity in Old Town Alexandria 'werewolf' slaying. What a lunatic
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UK birds and bunnies should be on the lookout for an escaped python. This is not even a British euphemism
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Japan resumes commercial whaling, for there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men
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In the red corner: an escaped Emu. In the blue corner: a curious deer. FIGHT
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It rubs the lotion in the skin or else it gets sunburned again
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Photoshop this um, chicken?
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A British school bus bursts into flames, all are safe. The pupils from Southend High School for Girls were then "taken by police to the nearby Dick Turpin pub"
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One-punch man found not guilty
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Cockroaches will soon be impossible to kill with chemicals. I for one welcome our new immortal overlords
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Tossing Nemo into a trash can might have been a lousy story ending, but could have helped battle invasive species problems
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Mexico's National Guard to formally begin operations. Although how effective they'll be in tuxedos and ball gowns is anyone's guess
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Who farted, y'all?
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One out of five adults in the US have been harmed by someone else's drinking, proving the danger of trying to keep up with a Fark mod when Drew opens the bar
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Fark: Racist neighborhood covenant explicitly restricts people of color from owning property. UltraFark: No one, including the city attorney, can figure out how to get the restrictions removed
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Dust devil spins up in middle of little league all star game, and not by profanity-spewing little league parents
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Who Farted Y'all, Facebook HQ sarin gas scare edition
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Brown University is archiving gay pulp fiction, for all your hot Fabienne/Mia Wallace and Jules Winnfield/Gimp fantasy action
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Photoshop this moss man
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NYC: Yeah, we know about your busted sidewalk and we'll get to it about a year after you go fark yourself
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On this day in history, in 1942, the First Battle of El Alamein began, as British forces fought Rommel to a standstill in Egypt and continued the grand tradition of doing important things that were forgotten as soon as the Americans arrived
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The "Unidentified Object" the South Korean military spotted flying over the Trump-Kim meeting on the DMZ? Turns out, it was a flock of birds; which is a good thing, because if it had been red balloons, we might not all still be here
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4-year-old's drawing of a slide she used on a trip shows (unfortunately) amazing detail
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You may laugh, but how do you know that Ivanka Trump actually didn't storm the beaches at Normandy?
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Sex fetish fans from around the world board the annual 'Torture Ship' cruise in Germany, where 500 guests don leather and latex for nautical naughtiness (not safe for work)
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Student complains that her new swimsuit leaves her privates "hanging out." Company tells her to maybe stop wearing it upside down
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Prison too much? Want to get out for a while? Simple, just switch places with your twin brother when he comes to visit
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The penis camera allows you to direct create establishing shots, over-the-shoulder angles, and extreme close-ups. And it goes without saying, dolly shots
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Son comes out as gay to parents, who admit they are also both gay despite 23 years of marriage
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'Gulf Coast Algae Bloom' is the name of my psychedelic country band
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"Where have you been, under a rock? "Err... yes"
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It's that day of the year again when the Mets get to pay Bobby Bonilla another $1,193,248.20
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Happy Canada Day everyone Have a safe and fun holiday, eh
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Climate change is boiling away the U.S. lobster industry
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Environmentalists removed more than 40 tons of trash from the Great Pacific Garbage patch - and it barely made a dent
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South African teens build their own plane in ten days. Boeing says that's nothing, they can slap together a 737 Max jet in about 15 minutes
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Iran has now photoshopped its supply of uranium past the 2015 stockpile limits
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Photoshop this sailing ship
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Nothing to see here, just 5ft of hail falling in Mexico, during summer
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Church of England announces it will publish Social Media Guidelines, which will include "Thou shall not troll" and "Sharing clickbait is a gateway to hell"
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Canada takes back garbage, ending dispute with Philippines. Next up: Justin Bieber
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You can add "taking a stroll outside the hospital on doctor's orders while being hooked to an IV" to the things you can't do while black
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Seriously, who masturbates for an hour and a half?
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ǝuo pooƃ ɐ sᴉ ɯoɹɟ ʎɐʍɐ ʞlɐʍ uɐɔ noʎ ƃuᴉpuɐl ʎu∀
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Problem: Fewer migrants means not enough hands in the fields to harvest crops. Solution: Use American prisoners in the fields for pennies on the dollar. Scarlett O'Hara Kennedy would be proud
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Behold the Beard of Chivalry
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Facebook to ban ads that tell people not to vote. A better response: responding to those requests by publishing the purchasers' identifying information
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Man killed after mistaking "Safe Area" sign for being just that
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