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| Sun June 30, 2019 |
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It doesn't get any more Texas than this
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Saturday was the hottest day of the year so far in DC, but that didn't stop an Arlington man from running around the entire Capital Beltway in a single day. All 89 miles of it
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Texas State Trooper vs. Octogenarian's windshield: it's not what you think
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CDC issues warning on "crypto," a fecal parasite that lives for days in swimming pools, won't shut up about Bitcoin
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Photoshop this beekeeper
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Fyre Festival 2.0
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Canadian man convicted of operating a canoe under the influence epitomizes the expression of being up the creek without a paddle
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One would think that an airline named "EasyJet" would be a bit more laid back (possibly NSFW)
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Let's look at all the crazy new laws Illinois is getting starting July 1
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Not news: FBI issues its annual "Watch out for terrorists on the 4th of July" warning. Fark: "domestic" terrorists
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Woman trips on collapsed Wet Floor sign hits the big jackpot of $3 million
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Normally, most people wouldn't mind getting free pest service
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Photoshop this anemone
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34-year-old kills his father after his allowance gets cut
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Gwyneth Paltrow's £1,000 a ticket Goop wellness festival is a load of woo-woo nonsense
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Blood from Missouri woman being used for Bourbon virus research. Drew conducting his own research with several bottles of Knob Creek
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STOP......... Hammerhead
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Someone just released a top ten list of hipster cities in Australia you've probably never heard of
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Teacher in Whitesville school district says in school yearbook that Hitler is favorite person in history, "did many great things for Germany." Bonus: school district says the statement "mistakenly taken out of context"
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I, for one, am shocked, SHOCKED by this news
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Taco Bell customers sickened by pepper spray, leaving them burning from both ends
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Attackers wearing ghost masks rob and kill Houston man; police looking for person of interest described as "diminutive Asian man wielding a peculiar brand of karate" who reportedly frightened off the attackers
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You've been complaining about everything all wrong, here's the right way if you eat "the complaint sandwich"
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Photoshop this Princess
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CSB Sunday Morning: Fourth of July: Fireworks, food, and family. What have been some memorable events at your festivities?
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Either you have encryption or you don't. There's no such thing as "watered down" encryption
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Canada facing border crisis as Americans enter the country to buy cheap insulin as that's where we're at now
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Chicago man tries to out-Florida Florida man
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Why don't you make like a tree and leaf?
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Apparently the Penguin has decided Gotham City banks are too much of a hassle and has moved on
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Neurosurgeon accused of bilking the government out of millions for performing unnecessary surgeries. Fark: Surgeon did two surgeries on subby
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It's a bird... it's a plane... it's one heckuva explosion
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Not so smart dark-web meth dealers sending packages across America caught by 'using real address' when buying stamps
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"Nonprofit hospital" - that's the joke
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Latest on the Flint Water Crisis: 1) Yeah, it's still a thing; and 2) Former special prosecutor did such a farked up job that the Solicitor General dismissed all eight pending criminal cases. So the investigation has to start aaaaall over again
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| Sat June 29, 2019 |
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RIP Florida Man. He was delicious
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"I said, 'What? My couch has shipped? I didn't remember ordering a couch.'"
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Masturbating Uber driver has sex toy confiscated, hopes to beat the charges
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Dudebro gets fired from Barstool for broing too hard. Sorry, brah
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There's a hamburglar on the loose in Florida who grills up burgers while robbing fast-food restaurants
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Maple Syrup Sex guy refuses plea bargain, instead opts for ménage-a-douze
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Children set up lemonade stand to raise money for immigrant children held in Trump concentration camps
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**record scratch** [BASS DROP]
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| (Some Guy In Red) |
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Photoshop this marine warning system
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Nothing to see here, just the implosion of Genoa's Morandi bridge. Video of the explosion earns the cool tag and beats the sad tag for why it had to come down
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Well, to be fair, the ring wasn't exactly very lucky for the fish either
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Long hair. Short hair. Hair. Curly hair. Straight hair. Hair
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When passing through customs you need to declare all fruits, vegetables, and giant snails
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Everyone loves summer fairs, going on rides, eating hot dogs, getting E. coli bacteria
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Free seafood bouillabaisse in California. All you can eat. Get it while the ocean's hot
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You were always stupid, and you will remain stupid in the future. Dummy
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Photoshop this unusual French apartment complex
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Oh, your church recognizes same-sex marriages? That's an excommunicatin'. Bonus: subby's church
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No you can't change the rules in the middle of your £10 raffle for a £2million flat. Hand over the goods, you cheap bastards
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Now that's an old school prison escape
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♫ The North is Alive with the Sound of Melllllllltdoooooownnn...♫
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Woman eats half of a cake while walking around store, demands half price when checking out. Go ahead and guess the store, you're probably right
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9/11 hero Luis Alvarez, who got off his deathbed to testify to Congress about the need for more first responder benefits, has died
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Man files civil rights lawsuit over: a) being denied admission into a restaurant, b) being excluded from community activities, or c) not getting enough hash browns
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Vorsprung durch technik? Nein - scheitern
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Man celebrates 3-month-old pothole's birthday in style in order to bring attention to them in his city
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Think about it, smokers should be paid to quit cold turkey. Think about how much it would save in the long run
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Apparently taking money from drug dealers and keeping it after you arrest them is wrong. If only someone had said anything when he first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon ... I mean, people do that all the time
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How one man made Portland weird
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Photoshop these cats
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Man who robbed bank to get away from his wife is sentenced to home confinement
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Retirement home adopts rescue cats and puts them to work on Caturday
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Washington state woman on the loose after robbing hikers. You can spot her footprints on the trails by her size 16 and a half shoes
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One in 10 people have had 'near-death experience,' study says. I have a feeling those odds increase over time
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Google employees will have pride in their protests this weekend
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Impromptu Fark Party: Saturday, June 29th, at The Redford Theatre in Detroit. Evening showing of "The Big Lebowski." Doors open 7 pm. Movie starts at 8 pm. Get there early
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Your dog wants organic, grass fed steak
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Remember folks, it doesn't count as racketeering when it's the F.B.I. that's stealing your $120,000 through unsubstantiated claims and intimidation. Bonus: The funds are considered "lawfully forfeited" even though he was never charged
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If you know any good engineers, the Dartmouth engineering school needs some help
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The newest episode of Parks & Recreation moves Pawnee City Hall to San Francisco
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| Fri June 28, 2019 |
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Woman files complaint against hitman who failed to carry out crime. See kids, that's why you always get it in writing
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Parenting tip: If your kid suddenly can't walk, don't wait until you get home from vacation to see a doctor
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Swimming guests shocked, shocked I say, by pool light coming on
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Abandoned boat that washed up on Long Island's Jones Beach two weeks ago has New Yorkers bewildered because apparently they've never seen one before ...so now they want to make it into a bar
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Peak Canada
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Illinois Governor Pritzker pulled over fleeing the state at a high rate of speed in a boat
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Seventy-year-old woman arrested when she tried to stop work crews from repaving her neighbor's driveway because it encroached on her property. Fark: By a foot. "We're not talking about a lot of land, but it's important to me"
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| (Escape Velocity) |
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Photoshop this rocket launch
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"We homosexuals plead with our people to please help maintain peaceful and quiet conduct on the streets of the Village. -Mattachine." And so the Stonewall riots began, 50 years ago today
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Fark-ready headline: Man learns the hard way mixing pufferfish and cocaine is a horrible idea
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Reporter who recorded confession in Godbolt killing case questioned in court, possibly to find out what hit dice a Godbolt would do and whether it does fire or lightning damage
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"How much would you charge to clean my car?" "What, the one with the dead body still inside?" "Yeah, that one"
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As you can probably imagine, the Fourth of July holiday brings lots of business for Florida hospitals
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Raccoons take over firehouse, demand protection for talking tree friend
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Russia to develop its own budget version of the AC-130 gunship by mounting two autocannons on a cargo plane that's been out of production since the '70s. No word on how they plan to convert it to roll coal
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| (Some Place) |
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Photoshop this swamp bridge
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Papi popper popped
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Heather Heyer's murderer will spend the rest of his life in jail, and so we need never say his name again
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Man charged with murder in case of missing Utah sorority girl Mackenzie Lueck. He, a 31-year-old African immigrant, author, model and IT specialist. Her, a 23-year-old college senior and sugar baby. This will become a Lifetime movie and SVU episode
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French fry
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Remember that man who was dragged into a cave by a bear, forced to drink his own urine to survive, and spent a whole month of being snack food for the bear? It's very moving, except for one small problem: It never happened
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Being arrested 196 times has not taught this serial subway pervert a lesson. Maybe this time will be different
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| (Chet Wedgely) |
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Hundreds march in Minneapolis to protest...er, wait, march to see neighborhood cats
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Club for men in high heels shut down to make way for flats
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New Zealand woman finds out that living in a home close to a geothermically-active mud pool is slightly worse than, say, building a house over an ancient Indian burial ground
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Baby found in plastic bag in Georgia now "laughing," "smiling," sitting up, smoking a cigarette, pontificating about the Democratic debates as she waits for a forever home
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Nothing to see here, just the U.S. Navy patenting UFO technology
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It's mayfly season in Cleveland, with pics of just how many mayflies it takes to cover a parking lot full of cars, show up on weather radar, make your lose your lunch
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This helpful list of "what you can and can't do with your cell phone in Florida" misses the obvious "put it on vibrate and stick it in your underwear while driving"
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Florida is becoming self aware
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Nineteen albino alligator eggs may hatch this summer at an animal park in Florida in possible Sharknado spinoff
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Man arrested for recording other men peeing at bowling alley. See, this is what happens when you leave your mind in the gutter while looking for balls
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"Fertile rice paddy." "Dark and swarthy." "Little goat herder." "Maker of earthenware utensils." Inappropriate slurs or literal translations of carmaker names?
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On this day in history, in 1914, Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated by a Bosnian Serb nationalist, a bold move which solved everyone's problems and led the way towards a glorious future in which everyone lived happily ever after
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It's Friday, so it must be time for another new theory on the identity of DB Cooper
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Here at Fark, we certainly know the deep hole angry goats can get us into
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Wanted Alabama man with meth-fueled attack squirrel finally captured after he 'fled on a stolen motorcycle and rammed an investigator's vehicle during a brief chase.' With pic of how that worked out for him
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Newly single ex-wife of U.S. president now looking for male companions to spend time with, with no aspirations of marriage. Proficiency in Czech language helpful but not required
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Headline: "Woman, 25, 'fasted for 97 days' after giving up food and says breathing gives her energy." Article: "But on occasions, especially when she's with family or friends, she does eat solid foods" (possible nsfw content on page)
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Insurance company's annual "America's Best Drivers Report" confirms what Virginia drivers already know
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Photoshop this corner store
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From behind, and not as a surprise
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Guy in a polar bear costume goes full method during an escape drill at a zoo
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Taco Bell pop-up hotel sells out reservations in two minutes. Now if you want to pass out in your own filth in a hotel room, you'll have to settle for Vegas
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You don't have to shave your pubic hair, but if you do, please use our razor (not safe for work)
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Once upon a time there were mythical things called snow days
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Happy 50th birthday, Soccer War
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"Breaker 1-9, this here's Punjabi Duck, you got a copy on me, Palwinder?" "That's a big-10-4, it's clean clear to Spicy Bite." "Sat sri akaal, God is Truth, mercy sakes alive, looks like we got ourselves a convoy"
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Italy: The coffee is strong, but the marijuana is decaf
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I just want to cry
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Crazy woman: SURPRISE PEPPER SPRAY Cop: SURPRISE BULLET
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See romance isn't dead: Man of many meows proposes to his girlfriend by tattooing 'Will you marry meow?' The romantic part is that he tattooed it on his butt
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| Thu June 27, 2019 |
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Knock Knock. Who's There? Snek. Snek Who? Snek WOOOOOOO
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Misty and the Incinerating Barn of Chincoteague
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Aerial video shows FLAT creek in Cassville Missouri, FLATTENING Cassville Missouri
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Welp, it's happened again. Another passenger left alone on an empty Air Canada plane
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As usual, the guy who goes to the Moon gets the tickertape parade and the monkeys who do all the hard work get forgotten (possible nsfw content on page)
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NJ officials warn citizens not to swim in, wade in, fish in, touch, or even look at the skeevy water in Lake Hopatcong
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Guess what product, sold exclusively by Walmart, has been recalled for posing a cutting hazard
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Mierda está en fuego, yo
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Photoshop this power painter
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Kids left distraught after magical day out grooming & riding unicorns is cancelled without notice. Surprisingly, 'unicorns don't actually exist' not given as one of the reasons
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It's time to play America's favorite game, "Florida man or not Florida man"
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Satellite image shows PNG volcano erupting, no doubt sending molten images everywhere
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The USS Billings is so stealthy, it can't even see itself ramming Canadian Cargo ships
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Photoshop this polar bear crossing the road
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Congo mine collapse kills 36 artisanal miners. I bet you've never heard of artisanal miners. They're pretty underground
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"Does this look swollen to you?" a) YOU'RE the doctor, and b) Please stop showing me your naked pics
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Lucille Bluth approves
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Irish man arrested after being caught with a pint of Guinness in his car's cup-holder and several others in the rest of his car. This being Ireland one would think that's called breakfast
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| (Star2) |
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"I wonder what Venus de Milo smelled like" said Tom disarmingly
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Man stealing Koi fish has 'oh, carp' moment when caught by homeowner
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If you believe someone committed murder, even if the evidence turns out to be fabricated, that's still enough to send someone to death row. At least, according to this prosecutor
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Beware, our European friends, the Saharan "heat bubble" which is currently scorching you will likely give you "summer penis" and fat ankles
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Family's dog mistakes decorative rocks for edible food, eats five pounds of them. Cat seen laughing hysterically
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Be nice and perky in the morning, as morning people are less likely to develop breast cancer
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Kansas death row inmates in their 120th trimester use recent abortion ruling to argue they cannot be executed
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Driving off the pier onto a boat always looks cool in the movies, but is much harder in real life
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Woman charged after letting cat lie on front lawn in horrific crime that gripped Utah
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Robert F. Kennedy Jr. speaks out against vaccinations, says that shots killed his dad and uncle
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Pretty fly for a 600-year-old guy
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Teenager successfully catches toddler falling from second-floor window, then spends rest of report auditioning for best hair and shades combo (video)
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Deep Fake porn app takes all the skill out of Photoshop, getting nekkid etc (possible nsfw content on page)
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Now that you're 12 years old, it's time to learn about the birds and the anal beads... and the drug toads... and the bondage spiders
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German man rides scooter naked to keep cool during the intense European heatwave, leaves police "speechless" after they pull him over. Hey at least he was wearing his helmet
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Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
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Photoshop these two fencing athletes
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Trump's July 4th celebration is blocking hundreds of frustrated DC rec league players from balling, according to National Park Service spokesman Mike Litterst
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Airman, is that cocaine? Yes sir, yes sir. Three bags full sir
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Vultures deviate from eating roadkill to live animals
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Trayvon Martin would like a word
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Presbyterian Church to ordain first-ever openly nonbinary clergy candidate. Not even the Jedi were that courageous
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If it's Boeing, apparently it ain't going
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In today's "Mad Libs headline challenge," a family-friendly indoor gun range with a bar is opening in Arizona
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U.S. border forces continue their horrible practice of separating people from their mummies
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Hey, if you just bought a $250,000 McLaren supercar, what would YOU do?
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Two more deputies fired for not firing
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 738: "One (More) For the Road". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 26, 2019 |
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Health experts point out that banning e-cigarettes but not the real thing is an "insane public policy." Wait until they find out toy guns are banned where real ones are okay
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Alabama police officer films unnatural acts with a goat
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"Aqua-Puro Divinio, y'all"
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Another day, another high-stakes photography contest between NATO and Russian warplanes (possible nsfw content on page)
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"You have three options: go to jail, pay bail, or enter a pre-trial services program." "I'll take the pre-trial services program." "Splendid, that'll be $10 per day"
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Why can't we have a 'straight pride parade'? Boston: There you go, now shut up about it
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Boeing jet flight tests delayed due to engine anomaly. No, not that one. No, not that one either
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"Europe prepares for scorching heat wave with public cooling rooms, mist showers and health warnings." And in France, deodorant
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Fark NotNewsletter: Behold the power of Fark
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Build-A-Brouhaha
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Photoshop this horse jockey
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UFO struck by lightning
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Ceiling cat assists with the escape of Italian drug kingpin jailed in Uruguay
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Is that a fuse in that non-dairy creamer?
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Born-again Christians accused upstairs neighbor of being a witch, chanted "death by fire." Judge expected to rule that the upstairs neighbor is heavier than a duck
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If little Timmy is bug free, super-immune and can bench 350, it may be the milk
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A handy list of the richest person in each state, for when the revolution comes
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Come to the Midwest, they said. Climb a grain elevator, they said
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"Scammers targeting students with promises of paying off student loans." Man, Bernie isn't exactly my pick either but that's still going too far, guys
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| (Some Guy) |
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Negroni week is here. Tucker Carlson soon to follow with segment demanding Whiteni Week
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Have you heard the one about the tipsy vicar who groped a dude on a plane?
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Photoshop these statues
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| (Some Guy) |
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Old and busted: Your toddler watching that Baby Shark video for the 100th time. New hotness: A walker that plays the Baby Shark song so you can listen to it all day long
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Top grossing movies this week include Toy Story, Men in Black, Aladdin, Gozilla, and Child's Play. This is not a repeat from the 1990s
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Reddit: quarantines their most popular Donald Trump group for violent threats. Fark: regularly threatens most popular politics group with drunken deletion
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If this was the computers testing to see if the humans will be easily controlled after they take over, the answer was, "Absolutely"
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UN reports record cocaine production...which is a silly thing for such an august group to produce
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The NYPD claims there has not been one incident of biased policing in five years. They also are announcing plans to sell a bridge to Brooklyn
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How much for just the blue ones?
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2019-06-16 to Sat 2019-06-22 - "FOREST", footnotes, love slack ♬, and food
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Today in "Things Not To Do While Black": Getting something you own out of your own car while at Walmart
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Guy dragged into cave by massive bear 'drank his own urine to discourage it from kissing him' (possible nsfw content on page)
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45% of Americans doubt that the elimination of smallpox, polio, DPT, etc....is safe
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73-year-old woman uses a shovel to kill cobra on her patio. Fark: In Pennsylvania. Now you know how to kill a Cobra, and knowing is half the battle
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Was there a Fark party in New Braunfels?
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If you want your 'sport' to shed the strip club origins stereotypes, maybe you shouldn't polish the pole during the news story if you want to be taken seriously
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If you've been driving around and having Roman Candle shootouts with other cars, people would like you to stop before you burn someone's house down
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Caption this laid back pooch
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Found On Road Dead
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One man's art is another man's code violation
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Söme ässembly required
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Expect gridlock returning from July 4 weekend. Also expect fireworks to be loud, ocean to be wet, and sunblock to cost $20 a bottle if you buy it from a store on the boardwalk
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"How's your dentist practice? Seems like it is doing well, even though you are applying for welfare benefits." Bonus: He is Subby's dentist and Subby thought he WAS cool
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Just another Saturday morning in Alabama
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How to have fun on your vacation in Detroit. First of all, why are you vacationing in Detroit?
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Turns out the reason WWII was so awesome is because everyone was tweaked out
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| (Some Goose) |
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Photoshop this avian offering
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Thanks to the Indianapolis Public Library's Paws to Read program, kids who are struggling with reading are given the chance to read to specially trained therapy dogs in a no judgment zone. Come crack open a good book this Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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Villagers hunt mystery mime artist dressed in a full-bodied "morphsuit", who raised hundreds at charity fete then silently slipped away with all the cash without a peep
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Police chief charged with offering a 16-year-old girl money for sex says "I was off duty, in my own car which wasn't tied to my job at all"
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Have an urge to shoot your own porno movie? It's probably not best to use the school classroom you teach in
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Young girl stuck in arcade claw machine, rescued by police after only six quarters
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Mom beaten so bad she had to be hospitalized after attack by bully who told her son to go back to Mexico. Murica tag beats the shiat out of Sad and Sick tags, tells them to go back to Kentucky
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A Squid is a young motorcyclist who overestimates his abilities, boasts of his riding skills when in reality he has none. Like wiping out after popping a wheelie in front of a cop car
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Life threatening outbreak of gas in Essex
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Aftermarket hood ornaments are becoming way too realistic
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Mom who has daughter with cerebral palsy parks in disabled reserved parking spot, finds nastygram on windshield: "Shame on you - you very selfish, lazy person! Walk the 2 extra steps!!!!!"
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'Murica. Fark Yeah
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San Francisco is first city to totally ban E-Cigs. Sh***ing in the street in broad daylight still okay
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| Tue June 25, 2019 |
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Cats may have their own day on Fark, but in Japan they have their own temple
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High school golfer makes a hole in one, wins $20,000 tax bill
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What humans of the future will look like. Good luck fapping to this (possible nsfw content on page)
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Mono means "one," and rail means "rail," and that concludes our intensive three-week course
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David Hogg says he's been target of seven assassination attempts. Technically eight if you count the Parkland shooting
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Remember the gal who set her neighbor's house on fire? Here's the much anticipated sequel
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Yes, your pets really are getting fatter and fatter. Here's proof
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Oh come on, how bad could a few caterpillars be - oh uh, that's actually pretty bad
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Clinging to your drowning toddler and washing up on the banks of the Rio Grande is no way for refugees to go through the asylum process (with heart-wrenchingly graphic pic in link)
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Photoshop some better ideas for Netflix originals
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Pastors agree, drag queens are making bingo too sexy
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Another day, another respectable scientific group ringing the alarm about the upcoming devastating effects of climate change if swift action is not taken
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Purse snatchings are on the rise. Officials suggest self defense with the Bobby Hill "That's my purse, I don't know you" maneuver
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In this case, "Fark" is portrayed by the coyote, "Florida" is portrayed by the camera lens (video)
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There is no such thing as too clean, according to scientists bought and paid for by Big Soap
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Man who gained notoriety for Busch Gardens pink flamingo's death is killed in Orlando collision. It was Divine intervention. Hit by karma, if you will
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Jury recommends man guilty of McStay murders to McGo to death row
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Florida Man: "I got better"
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A thorough investigation into how horny the Star Wars movies are
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Photoshop this photosnapper
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AZ Board of Education considers common-sense adjustments to sex education. The parents react in a calm, considered manner... Just kidding, bring down the hellfire and brimstone upon these sodomites
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Study links common medications to dementia. Still no cure for ramblin' fondue wallaby Smurfs
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Accused of planting bomb outside hotel, man says he did so to get the attention of police, none of whom would listen to his story that aliens are going to destroy the Earth with a nuclear laser beam if humans didn't "start being good people"
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Drake is officially more popular than Jesus
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Finnish man sails to Estonia in a floating hot tub, when asked what the purpose of the trip was he replied "42"
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ᴋɪʟʟ ᴀʟʟ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴꜱ?
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On this day in history, in 1910, Congress passed the Mann Act outlawing transporting women 'for any immoral purpose,' which is something to keep in mind when planning the next Fark party
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Ring video shows driveway pooper, no doubt leading to a new urban legend where anyone who sees the video will be forced to poop in seven days
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Gut bacteria may be the key to running farther, pooping yourself while running
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And today's misspelling of the word "STOP" painted at an intersection is brought to you by the PhD candidates at a Lemon Grove, California subcontractor
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Take a walk in this beautiful world. 20 essential episodes of Anthony Bourdain's "Parts Unknown"
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Monarch butterflies raised in captivity can't migrate. Uncertainty as to whether they can be carried by African or European swallows
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Now, you can pay $300.00 an hour, to have multiple boa constrictor snakes slither across your body. the snakes "tone and stimulate the vagus nerve in our body and that releases endorphins and oxytocin"
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♫ The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.♫ And by 'the roof', I mean 'Europe'
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If 414 freshmen took the final in an AP course that gives $600 of college credit, and the principal secretly gave 336 of them a fake test that won't give them credit, how many students will be really pissed off? Show your work
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Baring man accidentally shoots self in encounter with bear. To be fair, that happens to all men sometimes
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Well, looks like we now live in a world where conditions on the street in San Francisco can be accurately compared to the slums of Mumbai, Delhi, Mexico City, Jarkarta, and Manila
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Shartnado
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NATO calls on Russia to destroy its new missile, might want to re-think the wording
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New Jersey woman stabbed her identical twin...to death. Confused? You won't be after the next episode of "Nope"
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Russia's latest secret weapon is a combat stealth owl, because who's gonna shoot an owl? (possible nsfw content on page)
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6) It's not real
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Yes Virginia, there is more flesh-eating bacteria on your beaches
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If you think the gun on an A-10 sounds frightening, imagine hearing this as the U.S. Army approaches
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Illinois governor Pritzker finally getting around to signing Cannabis legalization bill passed last month at 10am Central time today. Still have to wait until 1/1/2020 to legally light up because of reasons
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Prince Harry and Meghan's home renovations cost U.K. taxpayers $3 million. Good thing they don't play golf
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Florida woman has 34 bridesmaids at wedding, will likely appear in future headlines with Florida husband. Florida
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Photoshop this representative of the United States
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Russia docks a warship in Havana. This being the Sun: OMG Cuban missile crisis 2.0 (possible nsfw content on page)
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Man caught passing fake $100 bills at yard sales has shocked face when caught
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Protip: don't drop a USB drive with your data on it while throwing molotov cocktails at cops
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We all knew this would eventually happen: thanks to services like Uber and Lyft, kids these days just don't understand the dangers of taking rides from strangers
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Your flaming load of fire has arrived via autonomous vehicle
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I could tell by the pixels
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He's cutting his own throat with that kind of legal strategy
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Ark Encounter founder Ken Ham takes to Twitter to warn parents about the enemies lurking in those dangerous places known as *checks notes* public libraries
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Florida woman kills daughter and stepfather, takes cutest murderer mugshot ever. Welcome to Fl...AAAHHH
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Apparently it's possible to cheat on an open book exam
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Not News: Man crashes demolition derby car. Fark: Not during a demolition derby. Source checks out
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Simultaneous rim jobs keep firefighters busy, according to Chief Rash
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China to world leaders: "Don't you guys dare talk about the Hong Kong protests." There, that should do the trick
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Treasury Department announces investigation into the Treasury Department's delay of the release of the Treasury Department's new $20 bill featuring Harriet Tubman
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People get mad when I take up two spaces for my BMW, but this is considered acceptable?
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Everglades' on fire, yo
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Welcome to the hotel. We're just readying your room. And, in fact, the entire hotel (possible nsfw content on page)
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"Babe.net had always partied, had always had drama. This was just what happened when 28-year-olds managed 24-year-olds who managed 20-year-olds, right?"
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For when you absolutely have to have a couple of questionable gas station hotdogs, 64 ounce Slurpee, and some antacid tablets
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10,000 years ago it was a weapons factory. Today? Yeah, same (possible nsfw content on page)
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Montrealers line up to drive over the new bridge, see the new view, and enjoy the potholes
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Photoshop this Stage Door
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Jesus Christ it's a tiger, get back on the yoga mat
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Two suspected armed robbers attempt to febreze their way through stick up until they realize their plan stinks
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University of Maryland offering a first in the nation Master's of Marijuana program It's unclear if proper bong use, blunt techniques, water pipe maintenance or effective joint rolling will be offered as part of the curriculum
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Folgers Crystals
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Mount Everest has become an 'open toilet'. Hmmm, that's funny, I thought it was a funeral home
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Gorst Gun store theft suspect arrested. For those of you not up-to-date on your firearms, the Gorst Gun is for shooting gorsts, of courst of courst
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Some sort of weather related disaster expected to hit Lake Square Mall in Leesburg, FL on Saturday. Stay tuned for the rain drenched, wind swept, flood water wading, lightning dodging report from Jim Cantore
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Testifying in such high profiles cases as OJ's , John Benet Ramsey's and Scott Peterson's, Dr. Henry Lee is a superstar celebrity in the world of criminal forensics. He's also really bad at his job, a pathological liar, or both
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Pennsylvania teen wins international Esports title, which appears to be a giant Jolly Rancher
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A man, a plan, a canal: Florida Man and his "Dukes of Hazzard" jump goes about as well as can be imagined
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Photoshop this face
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Historic lifeguard tower in Newport Beach burns to the ground, possibly due to arson, or the fact that all responding firefighters were running down the beach in slow motion
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Note for American readers: "zip" is British for "zipper"
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Ex-husband of missing Connecticut mother says she staged her disappearance, a la "Gone Girl"
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What's an Illinois marijuana dispensary like? It's a cross between a pharmacy ... and an Apple store. With weed
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Mother Of The Year who was arrested for abandoning her 9 year-old son at a McDonald's to go gambling says "He drives me crazy." Obviously
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Man sees near-full basket of shrimp tempura at the empty table next to his. Man grabs one shrimp. Then grabs the whole basket. It turns out the man does this all the time. What's more? He claims he never gets sick from doing it...just fat
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Lupus ruled out in death of South Carolina man found in pond with "bite marks"
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Because things turned out so well the last time around. Freaknik returns to Atlanta. Boobies and weeners tags stuck in traffic, so News tag steps in
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There's only one man watching porn in Sudan today
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Noted government corporate welfare queen Curt Schilling to host second amendment town hall in Tombstone. Wyatt Earp seen counting the silverware before it begins
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Things I learned today: There is an annual Miss Hooters International contest. Also: This contestant is in the top right of the hot/crazy graph. (pictures may be NSFW)
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Switching to fresh beef has helped McDonald's gain market share in the "informal cunnilingus" category
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Have you ever been to the museum... ON WEED??
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Mum's friend tells her she'd "look good in a trash bag," Challenge accepted
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On this day in history, in 1997, the U.S. Air Force released its report on the purported Roswell alien spacecraft crash. The truth is out there, probably tapping on the glass windows of its cage deep under Area 51
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Not news: Amazon selling bootleg copies of the Sanford Antibiotic guide frequently used by doctors. Fark: 30/34 books from different sellers were fake. Ultra Fark: publishers buy Amazon ads to stay on top of search results. Seeaddul, wii haz broplem
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Gorilla crow is now a thing that exists and once you see it you can never unsee it
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Infant formula recalled for metal contamination. So if your toddler starts throwing up the horns and headbanging, this could be the cause
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Ever think of just for fun picking the lottery numbers '0-0-0-0'? Well, 2,000 people did and they all won
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"She has a pair of short shorts and I need to get my point across. I will wear a pair of short shorts, a kind of little tit for tat on the clothing idea"
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Mom Reflexes
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Iran says cyber-attacks by US 'unsuccessful'. To be fair, it's hard to hack into technology when you still use slates and chalk
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If you can get past the blaming the boomers narrative hook, here's a pretty good article on why everything is how it is today
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All those American tourists dropping dead in the Dominican Republic? It's probably because they just can't hold their adulterated illegal bootleg liquor
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Cat survives full cycle in washing machine, expected to make full recovery, exact revenge on humans
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The problem with "tiny" manufactured homes is that when there is a financial dispute someone can just drive off with it
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Photoshop this diver
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What's 6 feet tall, orange, with tiny hands for grasping sexual partners? (possible nsfw content on page)
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Legal reminder - if you're in divorce proceedings with your wife and you win the lottery, your future ex-wife will still get half
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Today on faces of meth: Ex-Playboy Playmate has a sad face after getting busted for meth possession
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50+ rounds fired, "With as many rounds that were shot, I would not be surprised to find anybody else that could be shot," said a police spokesman. No one saw a thing of course. Welcome to Florida
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Divorce rates now at a 40-year low, except for those 55 and older. Mostly because in this economy people can't even think about affording to get married until they are at least 55
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