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Sun June 02, 2019
(CNN)
 
 
 
If you find defective parts in a class of airplanes you've already grounded, does that make them double-plus un-grounded?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Welcome to Canada. Enjoy the snake orgy, eh?
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABL13 Houston)
 
 
 
He was wearing nothing but a smile. I hollered "Don't look, Ethel," but it was too late
source: abc13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newshub NZ)
 
 
 
Gucci ponders how to follow up on its blackface sweater and turban, is inspired by prison face tattoos. Because bad ideas come in threes
source: newshub.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (link fixed)
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
If you flee a traffic stop, it's probably not a good idea to call 911 and brag about it. Having all those drugs in the car is also not recommended. Isn't that right, Florida Man?
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikimedia)
 
 
 
Photoshop this muddy metal mucker
source: upload.wikimedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABL13 Houston)
 
 
 
Group of teens decide to shoot paintballs at man's home in Texas. What's the worst that could happen?
source: abc13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
101-year-old WWII veteran flew 1,500 miles to commission grandson at Air Force Academy...and boy are his arms tired...from flying with one hand and spreading dust with the other
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
YouTube "prankster" sentenced to 15 months in prison for filling an Oreo cookie with toothpaste and giving it to a homeless man. Bonus: the asshat commented "This will help clean his teeth - I don't think he has cleaned them since he became poor". Tag is for prankster
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS San Francisco)
 
 
 
Old and busted: shared electric scooters. New hotness: shared pogo sticks
source: sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Defense attorney: My client barely got up to 90 mph before he crashed into the victim. Judge: Can't put a man in jail for that. Appeals court: Yes you can
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Who's a pretty boy? I'm a pretty boy. No me
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these thrillseekers
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Laos News)
 
 
 
Worldwide trash wars begin. News at 11
source: laosnews.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Etiquette 101: Don't make inappropriate jokes during an autopsy
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
"We just suspended your social security number because we found some suspicious activity"
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
After 11 years, the first new Lotus will be unveiled. Easy as 1,2,3
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Is your child just an average child? Good for them, they will grow up to be average ...and respectable
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Father-of-the-Year candidate used his son's identity to rack up $120,000 in debt
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Austin Statesman)
 
 
 
It's just the second day of hurricane season and there's already a system developing in the Gulf. Batten down the hatches and strike the mainsail, folks, it's going to be a bumpy ride this summer
source: statesman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
We're now losing the war against measles. A war we had all but won decades ago. Gee...wonder what changed since then that made its return possible?
source: news.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Well don't go spraining your shoulder patting yourself on the back over this, kids
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Ever wonder why cruise ships move sooooooooo slowly when coming in to dock? Well, wonder no more
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this flyer
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOC Savannah)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: That one time at the pool
source: wtoc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
It's almost like climbing really tall mountains is dangerous or something
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
A library without librarians? What's next? Fark without moderators?
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Some people bristle at the prospect of putting their phone in a case, because some people are insane people with suction cups on their fingers
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DFW Star-Telegram)
 
 
 
Governor Abbott of Texas has signed a bill banning red light cameras. Subby to gather as many red light cameras as he can, assemble them into a pile, light them on fire and dance around for hours singing and drumming. VICTORY
source: star-telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
There is a special Hell reserved for those who would steal a motorized wheelchair from a 76 year old man who can barely speak due to a tube in his throat and has both throat and stomach cancer. A special Hell
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My San Antonio)
 
 
 
Not news: 97 year old woman who hasn't driven in years and couldn't find her passport turned away from polls under Texas' voter ID law. Fark: 97 year old 4-term former mayor of San Antonio Lila Cockrell
source: mysanantonio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
Requested by CBP: 36,000 pairs of baby shoes, never worn
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat June 01, 2019
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Italy's Mt Etna wakes up and BOY is she pissed (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Japan Times)
 
 
 
Japan has tipping down to a science. They don't tip with money, just words
source: japantimes.co.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
That's quite a mushroom cloud, comrade
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Canada's new drinking and driving law that everyone said was a terrible idea turns out to have been ... wait for it ... a terrible idea
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wordpress)
 
 
 
Photoshop this prey animal
source: grist.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KQED San Francisco)
 
 
 
California is down to its last roller rink organist. This is not an euphemism
source: kqed.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metal Injection)
 
 
 
Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Me: "Metallica?"
source: metalinjection.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
"Climbing Everest almost killed me. I wanna do it again"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Gosh darn scammers making us not answer calls from unknown numbers... they're making us miss out on our lottery winnings
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TaxProf)
 
 
 
Former student files class action lawsuit against the University of Oklahoma for submitting false data to inflate its U.S. News ranking for 20 years. Who knew that the football program is the most ethical part of the university
source: taxprof.typepad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Xoloitzcuintli
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
In absolutely shocking news, hunter who tries to sell a giraffe rug finds no takers ... as well as death threats against him
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Pesticides, you had ONE job. Only ONE job... and you've failed. Now you're just increasing the population of those blood-sucking mosquito monsters
source: nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
A black man goes into a bar with his white wife, leaves in an ambulance because racism
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
"Marijuana is a gateway drug just like alcohol is a gateway drug," say (a) police chiefs (b) concerned clergy (c) forty doctors and scientists
source: bostonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
For once, the ironic tag is (very sadly) earned
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military Times)
 
 
 
Department of Defense spends over $20 million on military gear, is surprised to find out it's actually Chinese-made counterfeit gear that doesn't actually work
source: militarytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
"WTF is this?"
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Presenting the most McObvious obviously obvious of obviousness headline of the year: "Incompetent, rich people are more likely to get ahead"
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Darwin + selfie = Delfie?
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Insider)
 
 
 
Ever wonder what your nurse is thinking about but isn't allowed to say out loud? And no, they are never thinking about that, you pervert
source: insider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Riverfront Times)
 
 
 
Abnormally high numbers of exotic cancers, babies born with birth defects like one ear and no eyeballs. Chernobyl, right? No, St. Louis, dumping ground of the Manhattan Project
source: riverfronttimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop this outdoor sitting area
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cole and Marmalade)
 
 
 
They are doing this for the felines. Not for fame, not for money and not for recognition. But in this case, subby thinks they deserve all the recognition and praise we can give them on Caturday
source: coleandmarmalade.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
It must be June because Canada is on fire again
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
"Scratching your itch" in Oregon? That'll be jail or $100,000 bail
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boise State Public Radio)
 
 
 
Former Idaho GOP chairman dons a wig, hides in bushes, masturbates outside an apartment complex, is arrested. The Aristocrats
source: boisestatepublicradio.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Meh, no big deal, my ex-wife faked it for 20 years also
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Fill in the blank: Bruised _____ leaves _____ driver with 9-day ________
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Courier-Journal)
 
 
 
Pastor and manager of a Christian pizza parlor busted for unapologetically asking two underage girls for a threesome
source: courier-journal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSET)
 
 
 
11-year-old bullied autistic student gets an award. But it's not what you think
source: wset.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baton Rouge Advocate)
 
 
 
Catholic school principal taking kids on a field trip is arrested at DC strip club after becoming intoxicated and refusing to pay his bill. (Bonus: he had his service dog with him)
source: theadvocate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 31, 2019
(Kansas.com)
 
 
 
Storm chasers are normally looking to find tornadoes. Looks like the tornado found them
source: kansas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Self love :⊂
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(VT Digger)
 
 
 
No need to improve this headline: "Stuck trucks botch Notch despite VTrans bans, fines and signs" Tag for the mother truckers in TFA
source: vtdigger.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chronicle Herald)
 
 
 
It's like fish oil, only without the fish
source: thechronicleherald.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Headteacher who used public funds for a sex dungeon loses his job. Headmaster
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Teachers are heroes. Some are superheroes. Even if the state makes them buy their own capes
source: 949tnt.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
A overview about how cost of basic necessities has universally impoverished Millennials, with an image of a wacky crazy typical millennial so you don't feel bad for them
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Finally, gifts for that person who has everything
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox9 Minneapolis)
 
 
 
Well, that's just loony
source: fox9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Convicted Felon Dinesh D'Souza - who was pardoned by the president - says Jussie Smollett got off because he has "friends in high places"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Horse pulled from debris after surviving tornado, vows to eat Scarecrow in revenge
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop theme: How I will spend my summer vacation
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
A good butcher's knife slices, dices, and makes julienne fries, and if that's not enough you can always chase what you're trying to cut and run it over with a Toyota Camry
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
There is now a zip line on the Eiffel Tower
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHSV Harrisonburg)
 
 
 
Active shooter incident at Virginia Beach municipal center. Update: Twelve dead, multiple injuries. Shooter dead
source: whsv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Man says his offer to sell his infant daughter to a stranger for a measly $50 was a joke. I'll say, he can get much more on the open market
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Two men arrested for running Sears scam. Eddie Lampert seen whistling nervously and looking for the door
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bothell-Kenmore Reporter)
 
 
 
♪ Bonney Lake Man buries body, bonney Lake man hides from the police. Bonney Lake Man has guns and steroids, please keep Bonney Lake Man from me ♪
source: bothell-reporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(France 24)
 
 
 
Colombia frees FARC leader, who immediately greenlights this headline and nukes the politics tab
source: france24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
If you're heading to the big car show in Greenwich, CT this weekend the State of Connecticut would like to remind you that there's no way to get there so you should leave 72 hours in advance. Thanks
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
DIAF: A history
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Trouble)
 
 
 
Photoshop this bloody invasion
 
(Toronto Sun)
 
 
 
Buying a car at an auto auction? Make sure you check the engine for oil leaks, the chassis for rust, the trunk for a man hiding from police for parole violations
source: torontosun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Illinois votes to become the 11th state to legalize marijuana & first to regulate sales through legislation
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Work on a fairytale British Island. Can you abseil off the turrets?
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadline)
 
 
 
The reason Kid Rock divorced Pamela Anderson? The "Borat" movie kidnapping scene
source: deadline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Someone apparently has a flashlight on the moon
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"Ape in heels" woman is now "FEMA fraud in prison" woman
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
And the hottest event of summer 2019 is...goat LARP?
source: news.avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Just in case there's a McDonald's in Heaven that lets you smoke, lotto millionaire cremated with McD's vouchers, cigarettes and other random items
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Above the Law)
 
 
 
In retrospect, hatchet-wielding hitchhikers might not be the safest people to pick up
source: abovethelaw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
New study by the Institute for Duh, No Shiat concludes that attractive people have an easier time in life and people are biased in favor of attractive people
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
You know you're in a Kansas tornado when your Jeep lands on you and breaks your leg
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Guess the story based on these three clues: Hot Car / Left Inside / Arrest. Difficultly level: Florida
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vineland Daily Journal)
 
 
 
Ever feel like hitting a guy at work? How about with a crane?
source: thedailyjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Appeals court trims sentence of a man who used a bomb to try to kill his former girlfriend from 101 to 94½ years, meaning instead of being 141 when he gets out he'll only be 134½
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Norwegian woman refuses to listen to the naysayers while she continues to trot down the path of becoming a horse
source: amp.businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WKRN Nashville)
 
 
 
Another one hit wonder out of Nashville, Tennesee
source: wkrn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
Japanese schoolgirls successfully chase down train groper, with assist from stranger on platform who sticks his foot out at the right moment
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
When you notice what's wrong in the picture, many questions come to mind
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNO)
 
 
 
Doctor offers botox discounts if you donate blood. Recipients, donors look shocked
source: wgno.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
A reminder that about half the country could use right now: Don't Swim In Flood Waters, there's all kinds of nasty shiat in there, literally
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Good fences make good neighbors, but humongous hives of Africanized killer bees not so much
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Recalled Fisher-Price infant sleeper did not receive clinical safety tests, according to report. To be fair, an unreasonable standard of safety has been the cause of many product failures, like the Bag O' Glass or Baby's First Napalm Launcher
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Gallagher freed. Watermelons on high alert
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Page Six)
 
 
 
Claus von Bülow. Remember him? Allegedly trying to kill his wife with insulin almost 40 years ago ring a bell? Anyway he's dead at 92
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
It's now legal to carry brass knuckles in Texas. Because, 'self-defense'
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Scene)
 
Weeners
 
I'm not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe... wait that's no banana
source: clevescene.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
High school student makes video showing her principal plagiarized Ashton Kutcher in his graduation speech. Dude, where's my citations?
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Black deer spotted in a field, immediately gets gun pulled on him and told to picnic somewhere else
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Lego dispute of biblical proportions after Lego enthusiast asked to tone down his biblical displays featuring blood and nudity
source: i.stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
Imagine walking into your kitchen in the middle of the night and seeing an 11-foot alligator. Of course it happened in Florida
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Iowan)
 
 
 
These kids warming up to play baseball while there's a tornado in the background might be the most Midwest thing ever
source: 97x.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 2 St. Louis)
 
 
 
Woman charged with posing as an attorney and working on cases in the Public Defender's office now needs a good lawyer
source: fox2now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Thanks to this nude man, kids have the day off from this school
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Poor Americans believe "seed money" will come back to them multiplied. Maybe if you count multiplied by 0. Worse, they think their cats love them
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
There is a problem in Los Angeles, and that problem is too many megamansions
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Tattooed model taunts police over arrest warrant, who probably realize they can't do anything to him worse than he's already done to himself
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
One of Julian Assange's biggest defenders is Pamela Anderson. So he has at least a couple of things going for him now
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Unilad)
 
 
 
Powerlifter sooooo obsessed with her love of eating pizza gets massive slice tattooed on her bum. Warning: What is seen cannot be unseen (NSFW)
source: unilad.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this old silo
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Who doesn't like a beer at a football game? UGA, that will be $25,000
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox9 Minneapolis)
 
 
 
"I got to get out of here" "I got bukkit"
source: fox9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Charlotte Observer)
 
 
 
This town has a public beach, but will arrest you for walking to it. Of course, nobody owns the water. God owns -- it's God's water
source: charlotteobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
No longer content with winning at trade, nuclear deals, and infrastructure, Trump's America has hit a new 25-year high
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Old and busted: final two spellers tie in the National Spelling Bee. New hotness: final EIGHT spellers tie in the National Spelling Bee
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Farkers, If your hurricane evac plan is to head to a shelter; remember, a shelter is a life boat, not a cruise ship. Plan accordingly. There will be no rum
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
New mom charged with nearly $5K bill for laughing gas during labor. Subby guesses she ain't laughing anymore
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Charlotte Observer)
 
 
 
Guess the story based on these three clues: Walmart / Blueberries / Floor
source: charlotteobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Johns Hopkins buys All Children's Hospital and royally farks up their heart surgery program. UNC's Children's Hospital: hold my scalpel. Fark: heart for transplant available but surgeon AWOL
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
How to NOT spread confidence
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 30, 2019
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Judge informs Jerkwater Police Department that "finders-keepers" isn't an actual law, and they'll have to return that $80,000 they stole from a guy driving through their county
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
One day, you're answering a "work from home" ad, the next, you're in prison for illegal arms exporting
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military.com)
 
 
 
Louis Levi Oakes ,Company B 442nd Signal Battalion U.S. Army and the last native American code talker,dies at the age 94
source: military.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
Nothing wrong with ordering a shirt for your toddler off China's answer to Etsy, but who knew Mr. Toad was an NWA fan?
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Otago Daily Times)
 
 
 
'Whilst his genitalia swung freely'
source: odt.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Northwest Indiana Times)
 
 
 
If a cop asks you if you've been drinking, "I'm here for the AA meeting" is not a good answer
source: nwitimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(EurekAlert)
 
 
 
The evolutionary biology of Godzilla. Ladies and gentlemen: the Ivy League at its finest
source: sciencesources.eurekalert.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Hurricanes, bomb cyclones, El Niño, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria mark wettest 12-month period on record for U.S
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Globe)
 
 
 
Massachusetts State Police officer tries the "everybody does it and it's not fair that I got caught" defense
source: bostonglobe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Want to send nudes in Texas after Sept 1st? That's a misdemeanor
source: 937thebeathouston.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
While the U.S. is trying to bring back coal and exporting "freedom gas" Sweden's recycling systems so are so revolutionary they have to import trash to keep their plants going
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Guy arrested after car crash comes out with the old 'I swerved to avoid the octopus and all the whitebait' excuse (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
What it's like in the Queen's backyard. Sadly not a euphemism
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
British Intelligence wants encrypted messaging services to send them an unencrypted copy of every message sent
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
MTA rolls out new subway payment system for riders to destroy
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this fetching photo
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
QUESTION: How do we teach about the horrors of slavery? IDIOT: Oh I KNOW Make black students reenact being slaves sold at auction?
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
The Danube is a little more blue than usual
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Science proves that Twitter makes you dumber. No word on if Original's posts also count
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Man who set himself on fire near White House has died
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
Scientist claims to kill cancer cells by expressing his "external Qi" in a room all by himself. Most likely explanation was he had Taco Bell for lunch
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Ben & Jerrys to release CBD-infused ice cream once it's legalized, because what could be a better strategy than selling ice cream that makes you want to eat more ice cream?
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Connecticut Post)
 
 
 
Got a 140-year-old cemetery with cash flow problems? Mourners hate this one simple trick
source: ctpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
R. Kelly charged with a new stream of offenses
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Who knew the Catholic Church was such an equal opportunist employer?
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Happy 29th anniversary of the Garfield comic strip where Jon... he did what? Oh come on
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Air Force pilots accidentally drew a penis in the sky
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this blue beard
source: nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR Illinois)
 
 
 
An Illinois prison purged its prisoner library. Crime, terrorism, pornography? Guess again
source: nprillinois.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
North Carolina high school yearbook editor: Yeah, put that one on the cover
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Anheuser-Busch to send 150K cans of water to Missouri and Oklahoma. You can mock, but you have to admit they know all about putting water in beer cans
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Courier Herald)
 
 
 
Auditors say drainage official misused $413K of taxpayer money. If only there were some useful metaphor for where that money went
source: courierherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
It's all fun and games kayaking on a Michigan lake when out of nowhere a rare rattlesnake comes and makes everyone happy
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Man's plan to emulate Breaking Bad foiled when meth-filled RV gets stuck in a roundabout
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Times)
 
 
 
84-year-old Texas man becomes the oldest in U.S. history to donate a kidney. Difficulty: New recipient now has to get up four times each night to pee
source: techtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Maybe the emotional support pit bull wasn't the greatest idea
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oddity Central)
 
 
 
Man spends $99,000 to give his girlfriend the most unusual present ever --- 210 hectares of ocean
source: odditycentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP Images Blog)
 
 
 
D-Day's landscape in 1944 and now
source: apimagesblog.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
Giant beavers died out 10,000 years ago. Old issues of Playboy would dispute that
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Well I tried to win the marathon, but I got beat up by a deer
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cambodia Daily)
 
Weeners
 
Rock hard meter long phallus found in Cambodia. Long Johnny Wadd unavailable for comment
source: cambodiadaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Have you always wished you could have a nazi enigma machine? of course, duh. One is being sold at auction today (starting bid: $200,000)
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(History Channel)
 
 
 
On this day in history, Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. We can only wonder how she felt, as the flames rose to her Roman nose and her Walkman started to melt
source: history.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
School bus driver with kids on board decides to cross flooded street with water as high as the bus' hood and somehow makes it across. Area resident records the whole thing. Stupid, Dumbass and Scary tags all chant, "turn around, don't drown"
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS San Francisco)
 
 
 
Not to be outdone by Denver, Oakland, CA moves to legalize magic mushrooms as newest pizza topping
source: sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Three new Dutch Bros. Coffee sites are in the works near Seattle. If you've been wanting the fine aroma from a dutch oven, you're in luck
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Charlotte Observer)
 
 
 
Mountain Dew keeps you cool. Especially when you're hiding in the trunk of a car after shoplifting from Walmart
source: charlotteobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Hawking radiation detected during Spice Girls reunion tour
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Poll: Most Americans consider divorce, alcohol, and birth control to be morally acceptable. What they find morally UNacceptable is: infidelity, cloning, polygamy and suicide
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
115 tons of headless walking fish to be recalled, possibly due to zombie outbreak fears
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Raisin Bran, now with Vitamin P
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Hells Angels biker gang banned by Netherlands court. Which is probably for the best since wooden shoes just don't look right while riding a Harley
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Live Science)
 
 
 
Ancient rocky structure beneath Antarctica found to be messing with ice, Adrian
source: livescience.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Cats "definitely just trolling humanity," say reports (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WNEM Saginaw)
 
 
 
State trooper saves toddler from walking in path of dump truck (w/dash cam video goodness)
source: wnem.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Saudi Arabia asks nations to respond to Iran "with firmness." You know, like how they do with journalists
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WNEP Scranton)
 
 
 
Man puts on hard-hat, records baseball-sized hail splashing into lake. With bonus wedge cloud forming on other side of lake
source: wnep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this 'flying' squirrel
source: maineaudubon.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Construction official involved in rebuilding the World Trade Center accused of taking more than $17,000 in bribes plus, for some reason, Knicks and Mets tickets
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
I thought blowing up the bathroom was more of a euphemism
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
From the Ric Romero files: To save yourself from drowning, try floating
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Excessive rot shuts down compost facility
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 10,000 step a day workout sittin' there, there's 4,400 step a day workout right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man? And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 10,000-step folk
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Missing Maui hiker found. No, not that one
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Christmas comes early on the Thames
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
"Dammit, I need cash. I know, I'll rob a Walmart. Hmm, that wasn't enough cash. I know, I'll rob the same Walmart. Still not enough cash. Aha, I know what I should do"
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHDH Boston)
 
 
 
Don't pahk ya cah heya
source: whdh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Fake gold being sold on Washington freeways is probably lead or nickel. Police say it's either ore
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(6ABC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Not saying I agree with the attempt to destroy Verizon equipment, but I understand
source: 6abc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Sheriff David Clark's jail killed an inmate by denying him water for a week, costing Milwaukee County and its hired jail firm $6.75 million while saving $0.13 on water bill
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 734: "Illustrate a Fark Tag". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 29, 2019
(Evansville Courier Press)
 
 
 
Bad: Historic home rammed by car. Worse: Historic home rammed by second car days later. Fark: The first car was still stuck in the house
source: courierpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
GoFundMe scam border wall didn't have permits but it now has "cease-and-desist" goodness. Coming soon: "Need more $$$ for permit war"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SoraNews24)
 
 
 
44-year-old man on trial for assaulting wife after discovering she tried to stop him from becoming YouTube star by commenting snarkily on his videos. Netizen: 'I can't tell if this marriage is a disaster, or if these two were made for each other'
source: soranews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kare11)
 
 
 
"I never made a contingency plan for stolen chicken," said Shane, the complete amateur
source: kare11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Apple's latest offering, the iRabidBat, not a hit among consumers
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Prom night ends with accidental discharge
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Unusually-shaped large intestine ? I don't think they exist
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Onion)
 
 
 
"World populace actually fine with rich people dying on Mount Everest"
source: theonion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Crunch)
 
 
 
Uber announces plan to ban riders with low ratings
source: techcrunch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Virginian-Pilot)
 
 
 
Man who shot boyfriend claims he was aiming at bear. To be fair, in one sense of the word he could be telling the truth
source: pilotonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Something is wrong with this picture. Photoshop something else to be wrong with it as well
source: files.brightside.me   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
On this day in history, in 1453, Constantinople fell to the Turks, ending the Byzantine Empire. Also today: man arrested for knocking over a shopping cart filled with religious pamphlets from "pagans." Constantinople: you are avenged
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Laughing Squid)
 
 
 
If you've ever wanted to punch someone in the face while walking around New York City, do I have just the thing for you
source: laughingsquid.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Peoria Journal Star)
 
 
 
Banks don't take mortgage payments in hot lead, even if your house is being foreclosed
source: pjstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Oklahoma City decides this would be a good week to repair 18 faulty tornado warning sirens
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WNEP Scranton)
 
 
 
"Cemetery snek is coming to get you, Barbara"
source: wnep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Action News)
 
 
 
Welp, measles has FINALLY made it to Florida, we're all farked now
source: abcactionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Photoshop this fake dental procedure
source: cdnph.upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Do not taunt the K-9 in the police cruiser, or you might end up inside with him
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
It's so hot in Florida even the sneks are looking for AC
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Man arrested for strokin' it to the East, strokin' it to the West in Vermont and New Hampshire
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Never bring a baby to a gunfight
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Florida woman charged after attacking a Burger King manager for not giving free fries. Florida man wondering how he could top this
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Craigslist)
 
Weeners
 
If you always wanted to be the proud owner of an Oscar Meyer Wienermobile replica, then today is your lucky day
source: bakersfield.craigslist.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Kampground Karen Konklusion
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Video captures Florida woman who is a city council aide apparently curse-coughing "asshole" as she walks behind city council chairman during public meeting
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medical Xpress)
 
 
 
Falling is the leading cause of death for Florida's elderly, followed by Florida
source: medicalxpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Man with giant Jar Jar Binks back tattoo: "I have had sex (multiple times)"
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Midwest residents experiencing 'flood fatigue' Entire population of Puerto Rico nods sadly
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
The Crips street gang to trademark Nipsey Hussle's slogan to aid in gang prevention work. Meanwhile, the Bloods are no doubt gearing up the Bloodmobile for their annual donation marathon
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Squarespace)
 
 
 
Caption these BMX enthusiasts
source: static1.squarespace.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Tacoma glass blowing studio exposes at-risk kids to art. If only there were some kind of vaccine for that
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 40 Sacramento)
 
 
 
Man who sold fertilizer as diet pills will dig the time he has to plow through prison, seek personal growth and eventually leave
source: fox40.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
California man lit propane canisters on fire during argument with roommate. That's not how you handle propane and propane accessories
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
"Jelqing" is the dangerous practice of trying to "milk" your penis in order to cause stretching and tearing in an attempt to make it bigger. It doesn't work and can cause permanent injury, so naturally it's a huge hit with incels
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Now that the snow has melted, police having to follow trails of money after break ins
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Robert Mueller to comment on Russia probe today at 11:00
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Number of whales spotted off NYC beaches has increased 540% in past few years. Coincidentally, right about the time Nathan's started offering cheddar ranch fries
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Hawaii Hiker got lost because she was following her inner voice on a spiritual journey with no supplies or even a bottle of water. Subby's inner voice always leads to Doritos
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
A Florida man is asking for the public's help finding the owner of a necklace filled with a mother's ashes that he found in the ocean
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Newspaper)
 
 
 
If you toss a lit cigarette out your car window and it doesn't start a fire, did you still commit a crime?
source: thenewspaper.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Vermont forced to tackle the sticky issue of precrime after teen is caught planning to spray bullets all over a high school
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Photoshop this animatronic baby
source: img.huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Dogs join university staff as student stress relief, my dog helps with my stress relief as well, mainly by acting crazy. Even on Woofday Wetnose Wednesday, bring your stress relief here
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Nepal: Look, if Darwin's decided to take up residence on Mount Everest, who are we to stop him?
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Offering to return an impounded car in exchange for sex with a teenage girl is no way to go through life, officer
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
The "incels" who turn to plastic surgery to become the perfect "Chad"
source: nymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Scary tag sticks with TFA's original headline: "Every single county in Oklahoma is under a state of emergency"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
There's one stretch of road in Phoenix that's the shiattiest
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cracked)
 
 
 
Anti-intellectualism isn't new, but at least it used to be funny
source: cracked.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Age (Melbourne))
 
 
 
Egg Boy is the hero that Christchurch deserves
source: theage.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Zuckerberg: [I'm] "looking forward to discussing them [online issues, including Fake News] with lawmakers around the world." Canadian Parliament: We would like to talk. Zuckerberg:
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Now that the 737 Max has been fully investigated and fixed, and the issue of regulatory capture has been resolved, the FAA turns its attention to the greatest aviation industry problem of our time: airports' religious persecution of Chick-Fil-A
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 28, 2019
(News 18)
 
 
 
It's Menstrual Hygiene Day...wait...why is this only once a year?
source: news18.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRCB)
 
 
 
Girls start lemonade stand to pay school lunch debt. Difficulty: Debt is $41,000
source: wrcbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Coral Springs Talk)
 
 
 
If you plan on using the bathroom in Florida, make sure you have your phone, enough toilet paper, ball python repellent
source: coralspringstalk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Confirmed tornado moving through Kansas City, KS [Warnings for MO, NE, NJ and NY]
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(1011 Now Lincoln)
 
 
 
Don Ho arrested for trying to meet 15 year old girl for sex. No, not that Don Ho, but no Tiny Bubbles for this one, only tiny violins
source: 1011now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Man flips the bird to a traffic speed camera, gets out of the ticket. With photo
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Weather Channel)
 
 
 
Dayton Weatherman: I'm not going to cut back to the Bachelorette. There are actual tornadoes
source: weather.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Step 1: Buy a nightmare fuel pet. Step 2: Let it escape and roam the countryside attacking goats. Step 3: Twice (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Sidetracked by urgent matters on the internet
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Northwest Indiana Times)
 
 
 
Imagine being so invested in your community that you get pissed at the local Applebee's
source: nwitimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Photoshop this natural gas
source: pbs.twimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Please note: wearing a Donald Trump mask while vandalizing cars may be thematically congruent, but won't get you any kudos from the police
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Man with bullet lodged in his neck after deadly Memorial Day party speaks out, barely even gurgles
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 35 Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man finds new use for corn cob. With "I found yet another use" mugshot goodness
source: fox35orlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Giving medication to a mass of angry monkeys seems a great way to stop a murder spree / start a zombie apocalypse (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Who would have thought a private school involved in the SAT scandal would also sell high school diplomas to whoever needed one
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
New Gillette ad features a father teaching his transgender son how to shave. He must use Aqua Velva, that stuff makes my eyes water
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Lonnie Bunch III, Director of National Museum of African American History and Culture, named 14th Secretary of Smithsonian Institution 157 years after the first Secretary refused to allow Frederick Douglass to speak in the Castle's lecture halls
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Lime "car-sharing rental vehicles" being used as getaway cars in thefts, leaving a sour taste in the mouths of the company
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AM New York)
 
 
 
AMNY reports on OMNY rollout from NYC MTA, excited to ADD more stations and STOPS so you can TAP your way to WORK, hoME, sex CLUBS, hipSTERbars
source: amny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Wow, some people carry a lot of change
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
Man delivering papers shot five times, wants his two dollars
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Mainichi (Japan))
 
 
 
Who's there?
source: mainichi.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
WHO recognizes "Burnout" as a medical designation. Teenage Wasteland Syndrome, being able to see for miles still under review
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(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these plates of food
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
"Hey man, SPEED UP WEAVE THROUGH TRAFFIC" "Man, I can't do that. I think I need to pull over if you're gonna be like this." *WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP*
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Ariana Grande licks the donut of her wax figure. This is not a euphemism, but it is a metaphor
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Drunk student travels 3,600 miles to meet doppelganger with same name who was also dressed as banana in Facebook picture. No word on if they danced together with maracas when they met (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bothell-Kenmore Reporter)
 
 
 
From the files of the Bothell Police Blotter: Miracle Go, and What, What, Bitten on the Butt
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(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Rifle-armed man injured in police shooting. Well, that's gonna happen, if you have rifles for arms
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(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Followup to the mid-90s VH1 program "Pop-Up Video", Pop-Up Bear, not a hit with island residents
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(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Once again, everyone: if you're going to run from the police, do us all a favor and do it somewhere that's not full of people, like a mine field or something
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(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Just when you think they reached the top and had to stop, monkeys learn the word for drone (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WKOW Madison)
 
 
 
The shovel is mightier than the tire iron
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(West Virginia Metro News)
 
 
 
Sometimes, you know, when you're cooped up in the hospital, you know, ya just gotta get out for some cigs and a Slim Jim or sumpin'
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(Hawaii News Now)
 
 
 
Ladies and Gentlemen, the good news is that your Hawaiian Vacation is about to be extended, that is if we can get this thing back to Honolulu with the left engine spitting fire
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(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Eleven-year-old girl camping in state park bitten by pygmy rattlesnake, or, in its preferred term as horizontally challenged rattlesnake
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(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Lost Bronze Star, Purple Heart and flag of WWII veteran found in closet. Let's help track down his family
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(CNN)
 
 
 
Malaysia to West: "Yes, we'd like to recycle these tons of plastic you shipped us back to their home countries. We don't feel like being a dumping ground anymore. No, we don't need our five cents back, that's fine"
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(MLive.com)
 
 
 
If walking around shoeless and flashing your genitals at police officers is wrong, then I don't want to be right
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(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Do you recall when WhatsApp promised never to host ads as part of being bought up by Facebook? Tag is for that promise
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Luxury yacht goes overboard. Python fans everywhere prepare for jokes
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(CTV News)
 
 
 
Family that ended up with a baby after a mishandled sterilization procedure sues hospital and doctors for $800,000. "Not that we don't love her, but the fact is that there are pragmatic costs to raising a child"
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(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
MacKenzie Bezos to donate half of her wealth to charity. The McKenzie Brothers, on the other hand, are still holding out for free beer
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(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Indianapolis police confident they will catch driver who didn't make the Dukes of Hazard closed bridge jump, who managed to somehow both leave behind a prosthetic leg and outrun the cops on, literally, foot
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(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Apparently General Zod's flight was delayed in China
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US News)
 
 
 
Authorities say they found fake explosives in Newburgh, New York, but they posed no threat. Probably because the explosives were fake
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(NPR)
 
 
 
Something our guidance counselors could have brought to our attention YEARS ago, when we picking a career path: "Beer Archaeologist" is actually a real job
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(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
IHOP teases another name change, hinting at putting more P in their acronym. Although to be fair, when you're drunkenly eating Churro Pancakes at two AM there could be P in the syrup for all you'd know
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(Lowering the Bar)
 
 
 
Lawyer finds raccoon on his boat, throws it overboard. Ethical investigation ensues
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(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Caption this smiling couple
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(Independent)
 
 
 
New study shows that unmarried, childless women are the happiest people on Earth, presumably from the immense personal fulfillment they get out of knitting sweaters for all of their cats
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(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Please note: evicting a 102-year-old woman in order to give her apartment to your lawyer daughter may result in the sudden appearance of Terminator-based fruit baskets
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(WCBI Tupelo)
 
 
 
Kampground Karen
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Man fined for smuggling leeches no doubt thinks the law sucks
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(NBC News)
 
 
 
Teens still commonly prescribed opioids, study finds. Smokey, Skeeter ask study authors to farking be cool for once, they're trying to do something over here
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(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Turns out only MOST roads lead to Rome. Some lead to Rom (possible nsfw content on page)
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(National Post)
 
 
 
Workplace masturbator loses arbitration case after claiming sex addiction for working it furiously on the job
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(Pix11)
 
 
 
Soon-to-be shuttered Harlem prison with million-dollar views has developers, Ghostbusters salivating
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(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
She blew him. He blew a red light. The mugshot will blow your mind
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(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
Not only did these firefighters help a fallen man, they finished the lawn he was cutting for him
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(Heavy)
 
 
 
As tornadoes left a wake of devastation throughout Dayton, OH the residents took to social media to remind us all of what's *really* important: the goddamn weather alerts were pre-empting the rose ceremony on "The Bachelorette"
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(Slate)
 
 
 
Hey guys, I'm finally bringing you some news you can actually use. Gwyneth Paltrow has announced that Goop will be starting a podcast for men, and it'll teach you all about how toxic your masculinity is and what you can buy from Gwyneth to fix it
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(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this new airport terminal
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Ladies and Gentlemen, FDA-approved canabis permitted on board this flight. Toking in the lavatories is not permitted at any time
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(Metro)
 
 
 
"If I hadn't got the exorcism done, I think I'd definitely be going around with a colostomy bag" - not even remotely the strangest line in TFA. Creepy tag freaks out all the others
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(CNN)
 
 
 
It has come to this. "It was assault, I'm homeless and trying to get off the street." "I can't afford to get set back anymore. I can't do this and I don't want to. ...I want it to be over ASAP, please help me." (Hero tag is for doc)
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(CNN)
 
 
 
Reset the Wadokei
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(Lehigh Valley Live)
 
 
 
Stepmom porn is not a real-life "how to" guide
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(BBC)
 
 
 
Old & busted: dying on queue up on Everest, at least doing what they loved. New hotness: dying on queue in Russian-controlled Eastern Ukraine waiting to cross the border to collect pension checks
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(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
My baby takes the morning train, he rubs himself against sleeping teenagers and then he takes another home again to do the same to me
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Colorado lawyer dies on Mount Everest, cause of death unknown. Pretty sure they can rule out heatstroke
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(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
Police Moneymaking in three easy steps. One: raid illegal card games. Two: confiscate all the cash. Three: let everybody go so they can set up again. Rinse, repeat
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(WHIO Dayton)
 
 
 
Tornado Emergency declared for Montgomery County Ohio (City of Dayton). LGT WHIO livestream
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(Slate)
 
 
 
Why you're a terrible person for watching Cops and other reality shows about law enforcement in America
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Mon May 27, 2019
(Sky.com)
 
 
 
Please open your glove box and remove your registration, insurance and refugee, please
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Japanese man flying out of Mexico City ingests one bag of cocaine too many. If it had only been 245 maybe he would have been okay
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(CTV News)
 
 
 
Have some chicken strips with our compliments. And by 'compliments', I mean 'Salmonella'
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
Patient codes in Houston hospital, code team tries to shock him, succeed in setting the patient on fire requiring 7 fire extinguishers and choking an entire wing of patients and staff. The Healthocrats
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
Fake Jews
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(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this wipeout
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(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Protip: After boarding a plane, just remember, it's no longer the 1980s (w/ video)
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(TuneIn)
 
 
 
The DJ tempts the Win10 gods again by rewiring the rats nest of USB3 and UPS connections. He thinks it works....anyway tonight on Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) it's part Memorial Day, part the unofficial start of summer and some car race happened
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(London Evening Standard)