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| Sun May 05, 2019 |
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Having been defeated by a couple hobbits, Sauron takes up phone scamming
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Man with service dog bit officer at airport, and yes that headline is surprisingly accurate
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Photoshop this horseman
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People don't exercise their right to refuse searches because police are incredibly intimidating
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New husband demands child support payments from parents of his teen bride
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Federal judge rules that "Fark 'em" is not an acceptable treatment plan for inmates with addictions
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Different plane, same river. Still none dead. This is is not how you do a new Bermuda Triangle
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Good photographs tell a story. Great photographs lie
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Beekeepers hit hard by thefts of hives. Police to conduct intensive sting operation
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Photoshop this canal locking mechanism
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You have less than 30 years to live. What are you going to do with the time you have left?
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A Sukhoi SSJ-100 regional jet makes an emergency landing in Moscow while fully engulfed in flames. Update: Forty-one people have died, plus many injured (with video of the landing) (possible nsfw content on page)
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Just when you think you've seen all the possibilities, behold the ultimate sheer Mother's Day gift
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Jesus pole-dancing Christ on a fiddle
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It seems adding ethanol to gasoline drops the energy content of the gasoline, so in essence, you're paying more and getting less in miles per gallon
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Photoshop this angry bird
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CSB Sunday Morning: What's your phobia, or, if you don't have one, your biggest "NOPE"? Don't just say what it is; tell a story about it - when you discovered it, a time you faced it, how you overcame it, etc (and please don't post pics of spiders and other common fears)
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Economically anxious landlord about to experience more anxiety
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So if the Highlander feels everything, knows everything and is everything...does that mean time travels backwards for him? .eno eb ylno nac erehT
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I'm too high. Something's wrong. Where's Becky? WHERE THE HELL IS BECKY?
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"What did the love bug say to the windshield?" "I don't have the guts to do that again"
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Deep Sleep: How an amateur porn film led to a massive federal witch hunt
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Tennessee Department of Health shuts down its Measles Hotline after over 400 calls because, if we just ignore them, maybe they'll go away
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Denny's employees defend poor health inspection score by physically assaulting an investigating TV crew
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Beds Cambs and Herts Road Policing officers seize prolific road traffic offender after recognising him behind the wheel again in Peterborough. "He has 51 points on his licence. Yes, that is 51"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Florida man nearly drowns saving his dog. Dog is okay, last seen grilling steak for his human
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| Sat May 04, 2019 |
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A magician and a preacher's son are accused of committing a murder by gaslight
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For the first time in pageant history, Miss USA, Miss Teen USA and Miss America are all black. The chewing sounds you hear are white supremacists eating their own hearts out
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Never ever accept a challenge of a slap fight with an officer. This is Fark, you know what happened
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Photoshop this mother forklift carrying its young
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Kentucky Derby winner in dispute, objection filed. UPDATE: 65-1 Country House declared winner
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| (The Silly Cone Factory) |
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A silicone factory on the other side of town from subby got all asplodey last night. Here's a partially obscured video of it happening. (loudness warning for headphone users)
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Some things are just too much for even Key West (and "I was horny" isn't a valid legal argument)
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$2.25 an hour is cheap parking in San Francisco. Can I park in your office?
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St Jude's cures girl's sun allergy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Jack in the Box
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If you were born before 1989, you may need a new booster shot. No ... not vodka
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How does a poor state in India manage to save millions from impending cyclone? By having people who actually evacuate when told to do so
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You have to be a pretty brazen thief to take an entire 700 pound Pepsi vending machine from a Washington state business. Especially when the store is across the street from a police station
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these ladies at a Civil War reenactment
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Let's take the lowest performing school and let people make a profit running it. That'll fix it
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Photoshop this swamp
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Fifteen-year-old girl is becoming a cat whisperer at her local humane society. She's clocked nearly 1,900 hours of volunteer time with the felines, and also fosters kittens at home. Someone get this kid an invitation to Caturday
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737 Classic to 737 Max: Hold my beer and watch this, kiddo
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Not to harsh your vibes, but before you quit your job to become a marijuana research subject, you should probably know that they only use schwag for the studies
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New Metro Vancouver mascots are number 1 and number 2 in their field
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Kiosk can do everything a pharmacist can, including take hours to count to 30
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Apparently, I'm an actual living dinosaur
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Environmentalists: Wind turbines good, power lines bad
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Surveillance video captured the moment the Mississippi River breached the Davenport levee - and we might want to talk to the guy in the yellow vest at the top left corner once he's done sprinting away
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Breaking News: The way you drive affects your gas mileage
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Mum's mushroom botany minimizes monotony
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Seven hundred feet of NOPE
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| Fri May 03, 2019 |
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Protip - When you and your driver are performing a drive by shooting, always fire out the passenger side window. If you fire out the driver side window, it exposes the driver to potential harm, which can cause an automobile accident
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So what's life like on a Scientology cruise ship anyway?
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Giving housing to the homeless is cheaper than leaving them on the street - but then they're no longer homeless, so you can't dehumanize them
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Plane passengers quarantined because of Bubonic Plague caused by eating contaminated marmot. Should have ordered the lasagna
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You're a Lion Air pilot in a hotel lodging a complaint about the substandard ironing job on your shirt. Do you: A) Calmly show the desk clerk the problem, B) Ask to speak to a manager, or C) Punch the clerk in the face several times
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Over a hundred Porsches, Lamborghinis, Ferraris and Audis use Germany's autobahn to stage a race to Prague. German police are now driving some very expensive cars
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If you're going to argue over a parking spot, always remember to bring your machete
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With Hollywood-level makeup and costuming, it is possible to evade arrest. Oh, who are we kidding, this is Florida
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Not news: Old train station employee gets arrested for upskirting schoolgirl. News: Next day's morning commute is delayed because he was responsible for opening the station. Fark: He was too ashamed to notify boss he wouldn't be coming in
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Photoshop Josiah Flintabbatey Flonatin of Flin Flon, Manitoba
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Girl trains parrot to attack on command. The command may be scarier than the bird (video demonstration goodness)
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Two years after being found guilty of child endangerment, Iowa woman tries to open another daycare
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Meet the Aussie gardeners who bear it all while on the job, always ready with their tools sharpened to prune the bushes
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Kicky McKickstoddlersintheback may face criminal charges. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps
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To help kids overcome a fear of public speaking, a barbershop in Pennsylvania is paying kids $3 to read a book out loud while they get their hair cut
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When you're a chef in a fine restaurant, it's important not to drop the main course on the floor. Doubly so when you're a nurse in a delivery room
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Pareidolia (per-ˌī-ˈdō-lē-ə) noun: 1. Seeing faces in objects. Today's example: Abraham Lincoln's image in a clump of dirt ... on the floor in his former home in Springfield, Illinois
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Police seize copy of Anarchist's Cookbook. Subby advises them not to try making bananadine, it doesn't work
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Ragerts, they've had a few, but then again, too few to menshen
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Photoshop this activist
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Guy insults woman on Tinder because of the dress she's wearing. Company that makes the dress asks woman if they can use her picture to advertise the dress. Guy looks like an idiot. Woman looks great
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Convicted murderer who killed and dismembered his cellmate looks pretty much exactly as one would expect
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Dying UK woman gets her wish to meet an alpaca. Which is a lesson for people making their final request to maybe reach a little higher than meeting an alpaca
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| (Some Guy) |
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How to tell when you're engaged with a fake psychic. Missing from the list: they're claiming to be psychics
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Teen dies of dehydration in Arizona on a Boy Scout hike after the troop ran out of water. If only the Scouts would emphasize the importance of preparedness somehow
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Darwin reminds us that death isn't the only way to win his award
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Tomorrow is World Naked Gardening Day. Take off your pants, grab a shovel, and stay away from the pruning shears (NSFW images)
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The Mormon Church's helpline for bishops routes calls about suspected abuse to the church's lawyers rather than to law enforcement because protecting the church is more important than protecting victims
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I'm sorry sir, but that's not what the sign means by "Pickle Research"
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Qatar proudly unveils new $650M soccer stadium for World Cup. Fans immediately point out it looks like a vagina (possible NSFW content on page)
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It's probably safe to say now that weed has gone mainstream as the company that owns Oreos, Chips Ahoy and Nilla Wafers is planning on making them as THC-infused edibles
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Kentucky Derby winner poop is on sale for $200. Some may call it unseemly, others rosy, but you can't call it yellow journalism
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In Heaven, the streets are paved with gold. In Milwaukee, the storm sewers are filled with beer
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That "Three Stooges" remake gets the green light
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The benefits package for Australian cops just got a whole lot better
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these electric football enthusiasts
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Robots to the rhino rescue. This may at first sound straightforward, but navigating a female rhino's reproductive anatomy is incredibly complicated. "The rhino cervix is very large and tortuous"
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Plastic surgeon known as the "boob god" sues former patients for giving him saggy, flabby reviews online
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Pigeon-food sellers on the steps of St Paul's rejoice as pennies & tuppences are kept in circulation for the foreseeable future. No need to smash those oversized change jars just yet
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Cicada swarm about to emerge in parts of Ohio, Pennsylvania. Barry Allen placed on high alert
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Beverly Hills is afraid of gentrification. That's the joke
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Forty years after committing to its pages one of the most egregious mistakes to ever emerge in modern journalism, the Dallas Morning News has finally apologized to the Wookie community
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Scots schoolboy with rare skin condition turns himself into a human Etch A Sketch, says his skin-drawing skills put him in the same league as his comic book idols Superman and Wolverine
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Weird Al Yankovic lookalike accused of trying to kill her boyfriend with Drano
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Photoshop this Bug
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Ikea is working on a new meatless meatball, likely to contain 80 percent allen wrenches
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How a last-ditch hack led to the invention of quantum mechanics. Later compiled by Buzzfeed as "10 hacks that led to invention of scientific theories"
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An army pilot paralyzed in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan can't get a new drivers license because his name, David Ortiz, is too common
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Two Oklahoma police gun down a 17-year-old, unarmed black kid. In their defense, it's so hard to tell if someone's armed when they're completely naked
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Go be an interracial couple somewhere else
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Australian rugby player in tears about how difficult things are being gay. Sorry, I'll read that again - in tears about how difficult it is being Christian and not being allow to persecute gays
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Elementary school coach gets an unexpected ringer to his track and field team. "It kinda just looked like a gray blob in the corner. The closest I got was probably two to three feet"
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HOA member tell kids community pool closes at 9 PM, they need to leave. When kids point out sign saying pool closes at 10 PM, HOA member fires handgun at kids for not respecting his authority
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Student newspaper successfully sues to publish article about student who works in porn, a great victory for journalism at Bare Cheek High School, sorry, Bear Creek High School
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Man suffers major stroke after cracking his neck right after his wife warns him to stop popping his neck or he might have a stroke. Just add a laugh track and you have an episode of Home Improvement
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Eye yi yi
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Militia leader and failed write in candidate posed as a Mexican drug cartel member to try to extort money from his former militia buddies. The police, and possibly actual Mexican drug cartel members, would like a word with him
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| Thu May 02, 2019 |
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Twenty-one people injured by bad tractor driving around a maypole. Guess the only country where this regularly happens
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Darwin attempts sacrifice to volcano goddess, doesn't quite make it
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If a doctor tells you that drinking his herbal mud will cure you of cancer, remember that "mud" spelled backwards is "dum"
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California Legislature Declares May 4 'Star Wars Day'
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You're probably wondering how I got into this mess
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Anti-vaxxer: "If you think it's what's best for your kid, great. Fine and dandy, Don't try to make me do it and I won't try to make you not and the world will still go on." Um, no, you idiot, the world will NOT go on for many people, that's the point
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Headline: Man arrested "simply because it was time to arrest him." There was also the $200K embezzled from the high school choir, but no need to mention that
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Border patrol seizes 15 pounds of marijuana at the Canadian border. For those of you keeping track at home, that's like 10,000 Beckys
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Gone now are the days when the cops just stole your pot and told you to scram
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this happy cartoon bear
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Well, thanks for the present, but you really shouldn't have
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Graaaaawgh Mrrrr Huuuuggh. Translation: Peter Mayhew dead at 74
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Taco Bell's summer apparel line includes bikinis inspired by sauce packets. No word if they'll have matching garters for $2 bills
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New survey shows gaps in Americans' basic civics knowledge. However most have heard of the Accord and the CR-V
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Here's the story of Annie Edson Taylor, the first and oldest person to ever survive going over Niagara Falls in a barrel
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Wear boots when hiking, or risk a $142,000 snake bite
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Woodstock-revival cancellation blamed on erectile dysfunction
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Here's a timeline of San Francisco's poop problems because you need to know
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Baby western lowland gorilla born at Disney's Animal Kingdom. Trump orders immediate deportation
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I swear officer...this flying turtle just came out of nowhere and smashed into my windshield. Got any pizza?
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Photoshop this titration
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Bounce house migration season has started earlier than ever in the Pacific Northwest
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Family of girl, 10, with undiagnosed heart condition who "died of excitement" after going down 270-foot water slide sues the park for "not calling 911 fast enough and failing to use a defibrillator" but defense lawyers claim it is a slippery slope
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CDC says stop washing your chicken. It spreads germs around your kitchen and it annoys the bird
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Hobby fishing in Britain experiencing an unexplainable increase in popularity
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Only Brooklynites could complain about "a cesspool of luxury condominiums"
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That coup in Venezuela is looking more and more "attempted" by the minute
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Microsoft's official examples of acceptable trash talking when playing online are just wonderful
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Redneck neighbors fight over who has worst facial hair, probably
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Florida Man decides the best way to stay inconspicuous while stealing baby formula is to wear a blue bonnet and flowered dress
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The UK's Dartford Bridge was supposed to stop charging tolls to cross when it paid for itself. That happened in 2003, and they haven't stopped charging. Guess how much they've made since. Higher... Higher.. Add some zeroes and try again
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Man charged with possession of child porn after bringing his gravy-covered laptop to the Geek Squad for repair. No word on whether it was baby gravy or some other kind
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93-year-old Manhattan doctor still works and has no intention of slowing down. She's also the granddaughter of a freed slave who, following the Emancipation Proclamation, moved to New York City to start a family
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In order to reverse Japan's declining birthrate, their Prime Minister teaches the nation how to properly nail beaver
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I mean, come on. Who punches a school bus?
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Boys upset that trans-boy was in boys' bathroom so they raid girls' bathroom and block girls in. One girl feels threatened, knees boy in the nards, and gets suspended. Boys not punished at all. Community angered. All this on the next episode of Soap
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Digital billboard company creates system that alerts drivers when there is an active tornado warning
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I always knew that Insanity Wolf memes offered good advice
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Caption this drive-thru experience
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The Hamburglar will dig the DGAF meal
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'Police Chase Ends After Vehicle Crashes Into Golden Corral In Fayetteville' is the most Arkansas headline you'll read today
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I'm okay with being forced to drink liquor and snort cocaine. Being wrapped in plastic that is staple-gunned to my body? Not so much
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Bill passed by Florida Senate prevents banning plastic straws for 5 years. Mostly because so many residents can only take all their meals through a straw
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If you left a mummified human torso in a basement on the west side of Detroit, police would really like a word with you
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Homeowner forgets to remove golliwog from pictures while selling house. No word on what the hell a golliwog is. Oh, golliwog
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'Creepy' guy soliciting Allendale women for bogus wrestling event
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Meanwhile in Florida: Emergency management efforts derailed by aggressive goose
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Buzz Aldrin calls for us to get our asses to Mars
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Go away... baiting
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Photoshop Theme: Prom season is here - Photoshop celebrities wearing outrageous prom outfits (link goes to examples)
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Boy is sorry his classmate died after he flicked cheese onto his neck
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Trigger warning: PC Police had declared victory over a YA novel that offended their delicate sensibilities when its author pulled it from publication. But the author changed her mind, and thanks to the publicity the book's launch is even bigger now
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Some people are starting to wonder whether we should have any concerns about local election officials being given free Vegas trips, winery tours, and chocolate-covered pretzels by the companies trying to sell them voter machines
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School bans student from prom over racist 'promposal' sign. How racist can- oh, wow. Man I hate this timeline
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Police believe alcohol played a role in the incident
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Elderly couple sign for drugs worth $10m in wrongly-delivered parcel from drug dealer who has yet to figure out his own address
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That's a nice decade-long Easter in the park tradition you and your family have here. It would be a shame if you didn't pay me and my partner fifty bucks an hour to watch over your celebration
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Virginia man crushed to death by "several hundred pounds of plate glass." Sounds paneful
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It's that time of year again to make you panic and go out and loot the store shelves of survival goods: System off Florida may be 2019's first named Atlantic storm
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I used to purr like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee
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It's not just a donation; it's a donation that rhymes with a part of the female anatomy
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99 glass bottles of dynamite, hydrofluoric acid, mercury, sodium cyanide, arsenic, chloroform, toluene, chromium and other fun stuff on the shed wall. Tear the shed down, spread it around, set fire to the ground... how's the song go?
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Can you hear me? NOPENOPENOPENOPE
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Scientologists stuck at sea: God smites Scientology ship, leaves it stranded with measles in the Caribbean
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 730: "Red 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 01, 2019 |
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Racist Trump supporter convicted for making death threats to Maxine Waters and Obama. "Probably I shoulda stayed off of social media," says Trump supporter, who will now do 46 months in prison
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160,000 year old human relative remains discovered in the highlands of Tibet ...not your lost crazy drunk uncle but still impressive
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WELCOME...to the Marble Machine. This is the Marble Machine. You can do anything with the Marble Machine. Anything at all. The only limit is yourself. The infinite is possible with the Marble Machine
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Who is 20 years old and fresh as can be, SpongeBob SquarePants. Friend to the children and stoners you see, SpongeBob SquarePants
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| (Doogie Farker) |
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While your kid is eating Tide Pods and smoking synthetic weed, this 15 year old will be starting Medical School next semester
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"Welcome to Earth" (possible nsfw content on page)
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As new emperor ascends, non-royal commits suicide by crossbow at imperial cemetery near Tokyo. And so ... something begins
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Police say the fatal shootings of two men in Newark, New Jersey were not connected. Other than the fact that any two men living in Newark will eventually get shot
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List of the most notorious deleted tweets in history. Come for Dr.Phil asking if it is o.k. to have sex with drunk girls, stay for the Fleshlight company remembering 9/11
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| (Some Dad) |
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Your baby is sick and has congestion in its chest. What's the best method of helping remove it? a) Vicks on the chest b) saline or saltwater in the nose and the trusty old blue bulb c) vibrator on the baby's back
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Typhoon Lagoon buffoon found abloom sans pantaloons in changing room, did not resume, we assume
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| (Some Guy) |
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Riley C Howell - A true hero
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Photoshop these Dragon's Blood trees
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The only way to stop a bad guy with a pot plant is a good guy with a descant recorder: (possible nsfw content on page)
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Two brothers visit all towns in the UK with naughty names after spending six years planning the trip. "The most picturesque places were Poundbottom and Sandyballs in the New Forest" (possible nsfw content on page)
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The hugely foreheaded cop who shot Botham Jean in his own apartment, thinking it was her own, was immediately concerned not for Jean's life, but for her job, which WAS her own
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After marinating in the accused thief's pants, the $62 Angus beef rib roast was discarded "due to contamination," cops say
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So, you're asking yourself did I fire 5 or 6 times? Do the math, punk. Florida teachers can now carry guns
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'Suspicious object' leads Chicago police to shut down street. Turns out to be a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli on wheels (with pics)
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Man learns his house probably wouldn't survive hurricanes after airborne vehicle tests its structural integrity for free
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124 tires. You have to admire the tenacity
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As expensive test prep courses proliferate, the number of students getting perfect ACT scores is soaring. Better fire up photoshop to add 4 feet to your kid's pole vault height if you want him to get into a good school
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Couuuuunslerrrrrrrrr
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San Francisco billionaire donates $30 million to homelessness research. I have a suggestion: build more affordable housing and mental health facilities where the jobs are. I'll take my $30 million now
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Wait, should we not have mentioned the rape attic in official fraternity minutes? Was that wrong?
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Worst. Endgame. Spoiler. EVAR: Person in the audience had measles
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Doctors normally perform open-heart surgery in a germ-free environment with antiseptic and thoroughly sterilized tools. Then there are THESE two
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Some dude wanted to bomb Los Angeles because of New Zealand or something. Whatevs, he got arrested
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Man finds a guaranteed way to get out of jury duty. This completes the ultra-rare Judge Super 5. Can we get a Sweep 6?
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Grouchy looking guy photobombs traffic camera with his pecker
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these dome homes
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Millionaires are fleeing their home countries, for safety reasons, but the joke's on them because their number one destination is Australia
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Spelling Bee to eliminate controversial tie-breaker procedure. Doping tests to continue
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The Indy 500 has a lot of traditions, this year measles may be one of them
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"For anyone who's lived in Clarksville long enough, Theatair X is something of a local fixture despite efforts to close its doors. A 1991 profile of Clarksville called it the "town hickey ... embarrassing officials just by being there"
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Man has a bad reaction to court judgement, assaults himself
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"A few years ago, I graduated with honors from a prestigious private university where I had received a full-tuition scholarship. And for over two years, I have been working as a stripper." Go on...
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Judge hands down probation and recommends that a rabbi be given his old job back. Because the rabbi led an otherwise blameless life and is apparently unlikely to try embezzling $200,000 from disabled kids a second time
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TSA inspectors question Alaska Man about the moose droppings he's carrying in his luggage. He claims they are for political protest. Bonus: TSA lets him keep them. Subby wants to subscribe to his newsletter
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You know you've hit rock bottom when you try and rob a DQ...twice...in the same day. Complete with "should have robbed a Supercuts" mugshot goodness
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Today is Beltane. This great date of the Celtic calendar hailed the return of the summer, the fertility of the land and the protection of all living things from troubling forces. Oh, and beer, wine, and dancing naked. On a related note has anyone heard from Drew today? No?
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Why do eels... suddenly appear?
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I felt a great disturbance in the White Castle parking lot, as if two judges suddenly cried out in pain because they got shot
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Judge defends sharing holocaust denier article on Facebook, claims he was only interested in the part about gollum
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Pooping on the school track didn't ruin this superintendent's life, but releasing his mug shot? That was apparently too much
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In their annual Big Prank, MIT students transform campus dome into a giant Captain America shield, in honor of Avengers: Endgame
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Mexican town celebrates 300 years of its namesake saint by bringing the exploding hammers down
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Caption these skeletons looking at you
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Nothing to worry about. Just Cathay Pacific pilots starting to lose their vision mid-flight. Enjoy your peanuts
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New law allows students to use medical marijuana in Washington State public schools. Which is good, because we all know that kids never smoked pot in high school when it was illegal
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No beer with karaoke in Utah, alcohol control authority declares. Obvious tag fires up some Journey
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Dominos: Get the door, it's an ass-beating for spoiling Avengers: Endgame (don't post spoilers)
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'Truck full of asphalt' is the new strip club anthem catching fire from subby's alt-country band
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Flooding in Davenport, Iowa as barrier fails. Cars and buildings evacuated. TFA unclear how they moved buildings to higher ground
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Dude, judge might have bought your story that domestic violence incident police responded to might be sexual role-playing streamed live on social media. Except for the bit where you started shooting at cops
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"Do not eat the human placenta." Okey dokey
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High Court of Australia to decide if Aboriginal peoples can be deported. Let that one sink in for a moment. Take all the time you need
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Australian surgeon has only seen two gunshot wounds in sixteen years, and that's an achievement, considering the country was founded by criminals
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Looks like somebody has a war on bees
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7 Important Things to Know About the Measles Outbreak. 1) Anti-vaxxers caused it. 2) Anti-vaxxers are stupid. 3) They're really stupid. 4) They're ignorant. 5) They deserve mockery and isolation. 6) And punches. 7) Lots of punches
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| (Concerned Citizen) |
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Photoshop this ticket
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Deaf puppy finds 'happily ever after' with hearing impaired man who teaches him sign language. Emerson was "fighting for his tiny little life through seizures, parvo and being deaf, life was really stacked against him!" Welcome to Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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Hyper-sexualized airline safety card illustrations draw the ire of traveling women ...yet my life vest isn't the only thing inflating
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Drone follows tornado through Oklahoma fields - watch for it to hit the pond
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Police search for man that steals soap. So far he hasn't been caught. You could say it was a sudsy.. no wait, a fresh smelling.. oh, what kind of getaway would this be?
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Police charge suspected terrorist who shot up UNC Charlotte with murder
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50 Weekileeks
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The Ric Romero Institute has found that raising the minimum wage could actually cut suicide rates, as the ability to afford food, clothing and shelter makes workers feel good about themselves
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Man tows home with bicycle. He can have a house party anywhere, which is good since he can't handle bars
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Testing proves that the largest marijuana bust in Idaho State Police history was in fact hemp. Idaho prosecutors undeterred, however, and still intend to sell the seized truck and prosecute the driver - mandatory 5 years in prison. For hemp
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A sheriff's office pointing out that sandals are not appropriate footwear for a 10-mile hike in the desert is: A) sound advice, B) potentially life-saving, C) a heartless and insensitive act of sandal-shaming
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One person stabbed, three people shot, and still no answer to which truck is better, FORD or CHEVY?
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Wegmans may be the best grocery store in the country but they aren't giving away their motorized scooters yet as this shoplifter found out
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Dunkaroos for dessert: Generation X and '90s-themed bar now open in Florida
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| Tue April 30, 2019 |
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1. Design critical aircraft flight safety system to rely on the input of a single sensor. 2. skip flight testing the system to see how it responds when that sensor fails. 3. Profit
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Scientists say Pluto is running out of air. Since sound doesn't travel in a vacuum, this might explain why he can't talk
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Pair tells jail staff they're detectives in attempt to get 'partner' out. Works about as well as you might think, but they did get reunited
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Tanker truck of liquid asphalt overturns into Coxes Creek. Crews work to prevent formation of further roads
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Another victim of climate change: spring festival season
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Fark NotNewsletter: A second handy motion
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"You normally don't have that kind of driving until the officer actually gets behind him"
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Subby has no clever headline for this 'one in a million' image, but wondered if any of Fark's amateur or professional astro-photographers have any lucky, or just plain cool pictures they would like to share
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Cincinnati notices there hasn't been a Chuck E. Cheese's fight in a while
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We now know what it takes for a cop to be convicted of killing an unarmed person
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Water-sports opportunities have increased rapidly in Davenport, IA this afternoon
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You know that old Sliders episode where we all work at the mall?
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Shooting on UNCC campus. Two dead, several injured, suspect reportedly in custody
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Beehives keep fallin' on my head
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| (Some Guy) |
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Thieving clowns steal sex toys, drop car keys. Headline, nicknames write themselves
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Man plans to carry homemade wooden cross from South Carolina to the Grand Canyon, says he may toss it in the canyon when he gets there. "We'll ditch that cross when we get to it"
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Totally awesome dash cam video of a car chase, complete with gun fire, scattering tricycles, and a car flip. Begs for yackety sax
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Drone footage of Notre Dame's new temporary roof that almost certainly probably won't catch fire, we think
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If you drove a flaming car full of exploded oxygen tanks into the back of a house and then walked away from the scene, police are kind of impressed, actually
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Scientists say they're closer to possible blood test for chronic fatigue, say their first clue is when they notice you have a kid
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Bank worker gets 10 years for incredibly elaborate $4,000,000 heist
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Sometimes The Sun misses the best possible headline. Case in point- they did not use this line from article: "Day 362 without sex: I went outside to run in flip flops just to remember how it sounded like"
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Because of the size of Dillon Reservoir and the size of Denver Water's water treatment system overall, events like Saturday's runoff don't often lead to "a measurable impact on water quality." tl:dr The solution to pollution is dilution
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Two MD high school students cement their future in Virginia politics
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Ireland is outraged after Dublin Airport serves the worst pint of Guinness ever -- 2 inches of head. "It remains unclear whether the guilty barman has been found and reprimanded" (possible nsfw content on page)
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Are you sure the word isn't Akvavit?
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GA man who was convicted of keeping a 17-year-old girl captive as a sex slave will spend less time in jail than she spent locked in a dog cage in his basement
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Not news: football fans name their kid after their team. News: It's a really weird name. Fark: It's...uh...Fark (possible nsfw content on page)
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"Here's what could happen if measles continues to spread in N.J." TL;DR: The bottom will fall out of the acid-washed jeans market, Gucci will collapse overnight, and no good lasagne will ever be made again
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Want to see what weather will look like in your city in 2050? The answer's not good
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If you just can't get enough overpriced, mediocre airport food Tampa airport is now letting 100 non-passengers a day go to the restaurant gates. TSA and Sbarro, who could ask for more?
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Experts claim deadly Seattle crane crashed may have been caused by human error, tossed salads and scrambled eggs
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Looks like the title of "Happiest Place on Earth" can be claimed by a new theme park (NSFW)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coontz closed due to excessive moisture
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People concerned when cougar arrives nice and early at Macy's, probably hoping to get an early start on their discounts. Of course the story end with copious amounts of drugs
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Pro-Tip: Here's why you don't mix LSD and nuclear-powered aircraft carriers
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Is it time to start subsidizing housing for American families scraping by on $141,000 a year?
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Woman creates 'not reaching' ID pouch that attaches to driver's side air vent that could keep young black men from getting shot while reaching around car while stopped by police. In other news, this is apparently still necessary in 2019
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Fark: A study shows the biggest bullshiaters are from North America. Total Fark: They live in Canada
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I know the creepy train toucher is saying "innocent" but all I'm hearing is "sideburns"
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I always wondered if vampires can get HIV. Guess that question has been answered
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There are "Three Treasures" , the sacred mirror, the "grass-cutting sword", and the sacred jewel, that are vital to the Shinto ceremony that makes a new emperor; but they are so sacred that replicas are used, and the originals may or may not exist
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Indian Army tweets photo of 'Yeti' tracks, complains about having to drag expensive cooler up into the Himalayas
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Ah. Finally, one of these drunken assault articles takes the time to explain what this "beer" thing actually is. Always wondered
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Actually, everyone kind of expected the Japanese Abdication
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"It was the best fish I've ever eaten. I don't know if it was the boost of mercury, the sweet taste of victory, or what, but it was good. Damn good"
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Jeopardy's James Holzhauer is a menace, and he must be stopped. Or the writer is just jealous because his own appearance on Jeopardy was an utter failure. One of the two
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The poncho wearing bank robber featured on Fark two weeks ago has been caught
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Judge: Oh hang on, he only raped ONE teenage girl? NBD bro, no jail time
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When your pre-trial release hearing involves talk of your aliases, criminal history, prior failures to appear in court and leadership of a lawless militia group, you've made the case against your release. Sorry
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Florida woman pulls out her Hi-Point and suddenly thinks she's Chuck Norris
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If you picked New Smyrna Beach as where 2019 shark bite season would open, come on down to the pier to collect your chum, chum
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It's flesh-eating bacteria season in Florida. Enjoy your vacation
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Fowl driving kills centenarian. Killer crane trifecta in play
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Snitches get Riches
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The real question is why Florida Man was in a library
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Sure you've heard about alleged racism at school before but this one takes the cake
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Just like every kid who visits Disney World, this dolphin ended his visit to the sunshine state with a bunch of souvenir bags, a balloon, and a tummy full of junk food
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The Marchioness of Cholmondeley is pronounced "the Marshiness of Chumley"
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| Mon April 29, 2019 |
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Hmmm, usually there's not any sort of explosion until AFTER you have Burger King
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Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia, Queen Tut
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This is what happens when mortal news anchors try to do American Ninja Warrior
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Suspect shot in buttocks. That must be a sight, I'd kinda like to see that
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Tonight on Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) we're continuing to swing through the alphabet. Tonight's letter that the song tunes starts with is "F", no, I'm keeping it clean
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Naked woman arrested at a strip mall. Well, what the hell else are you supposed to do at a strip mall?
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Church finds a great way to attract new parishioners, says members can now smoke the once evil weed during services. 6,000 people take its advice and join in the first month (possible nsfw content on page)
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HR: Yup this looks totally fine no one could possibly have any issues with this. Go ahead and post it online
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Nice: Woman mails coloring book pages to inmate in jail. Not so nice: pages were laced with meth
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This book on pregnancy provides a totally accurate picture of how babby is formed
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Fat, drunk, and urinating on yourself while beating cars with a rental scooter is no way to go through life, son. Good job on the hating Nazis though, I guess
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Photoshop Theme: A cob, a fob, and a mob
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Les Murray joins his ancestors. Whatever nationality he is, and wherever his ancestors are from
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Cum Pass
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Marijuana killed my son. I mean, he toured in Iraq, stayed in five mental health hospitals and did two stints of court-ordered mental health treatment with horrible bouts of crippling depression before hanging himself, but we know it was the weed
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Hottie, 24, arrested for extorting guy over pictures of his junk
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Naked girlfriend, 21, caught on hotel CCTV chasing boyfriend with wine bottle before slashing his face in 'love triangle' row. Subby caught copying and pasting headline
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CDC announces that the measles outbreak is now nationwide with over 700 cases in 22 states, making this the worst outbreak since it was declared eradicated in the US in 2000
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New Hampshire man with four wives pleads guilty to bigamy and begs the court for mercy after being sentenced to house arrest
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The Greenwich Boys' Club rule demanded young boys swim naked until at least the early 1980s. Ann Landers condoned this practice in a 1974 column by advising a young man he needed counseling when he complained
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The Chicopee, MA police would like to remind you to please leave your live artillery shells at home so they can pry them from your cold, dead hands
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Man and woman end 14 year relationship. Naturally, the only logical thing to do next is to tunnel under her house to spy on her
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On second thought, telling paranoid people they need to swallow radio transmitting microchips may not have been a good business move
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New report says Robert Kraft showed his Super Bowl ring to police when stopped after he left the day spa. Even worse he asked his masseuse if she would like to hold the Lombardi Trophy, which could have been a euphemism. For his penis. Haha penis
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Norwegian experts say whale wearing a strange harness could be a Russian naval weapon. No word if laser beams were involved
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'Stolen pig scale puts 4-H club's season in jeopardy'
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Big Ben has a bad time at the London Marathon. This does not sound good for the Pittsburgh Steelers this season
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Americans are some of the most stressed out people in the world. Woooo 'Merica eff yeah
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Dick move by pothole activist spurs repairmen into action (possible nsfw content on page)
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Mrs G the Osprey travels from West Africa to Wales to lay an egg. Bet she was on tiptoes near the end of that journey
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A 10-year-old has an idea to stop people from speeding, and it may actually work
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HOA finally relents, allows veteran to fly the U.S. flag. Hero tag is for the fact that he was a Vietnam combat medic whose unit experienced the worst casualty rate in the history of the Marine Corps
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