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Sun May 05, 2019
(KBTX College Station)
 
 
 
Having been defeated by a couple hobbits, Sauron takes up phone scamming
source: kbtx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
Man with service dog bit officer at airport, and yes that headline is surprisingly accurate
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this horseman
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
People don't exercise their right to refuse searches because police are incredibly intimidating
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
New husband demands child support payments from parents of his teen bride
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Federal judge rules that "Fark 'em" is not an acceptable treatment plan for inmates with addictions
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Different plane, same river. Still none dead. This is is not how you do a new Bermuda Triangle
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PetaPixel)
 
 
 
Good photographs tell a story. Great photographs lie
source: petapixel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Beekeepers hit hard by thefts of hives. Police to conduct intensive sting operation
source: nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this canal locking mechanism
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
You have less than 30 years to live. What are you going to do with the time you have left?
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
A Sukhoi SSJ-100 regional jet makes an emergency landing in Moscow while fully engulfed in flames. Update: Forty-one people have died, plus many injured (with video of the landing) (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Just when you think you've seen all the possibilities, behold the ultimate sheer Mother's Day gift
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WiscNews)
 
 
 
Jesus pole-dancing Christ on a fiddle
source: wiscnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(OilPrice.com)
 
 
 
It seems adding ethanol to gasoline drops the energy content of the gasoline, so in essence, you're paying more and getting less in miles per gallon
source: oilprice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop this angry bird
source: scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: What's your phobia, or, if you don't have one, your biggest "NOPE"? Don't just say what it is; tell a story about it - when you discovered it, a time you faced it, how you overcame it, etc (and please don't post pics of spiders and other common fears)
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBTV 3 Charlotte)
 
 
 
Economically anxious landlord about to experience more anxiety
source: wbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
So if the Highlander feels everything, knows everything and is everything...does that mean time travels backwards for him? .eno eb ylno nac erehT
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
I'm too high. Something's wrong. Where's Becky? WHERE THE HELL IS BECKY?
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Action News)
 
 
 
"What did the love bug say to the windshield?" "I don't have the guts to do that again"
source: abcactionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Deep Sleep: How an amateur porn film led to a massive federal witch hunt
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSMV Nashville)
 
 
 
Tennessee Department of Health shuts down its Measles Hotline after over 400 calls because, if we just ignore them, maybe they'll go away
source: wsmv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Denny's employees defend poor health inspection score by physically assaulting an investigating TV crew
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Beds Cambs and Herts Road Policing officers seize prolific road traffic offender after recognising him behind the wheel again in Peterborough. "He has 51 points on his licence. Yes, that is 51"
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Florida man nearly drowns saving his dog. Dog is okay, last seen grilling steak for his human
source: iontb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 04, 2019
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
A magician and a preacher's son are accused of committing a murder by gaslight
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
For the first time in pageant history, Miss USA, Miss Teen USA and Miss America are all black. The chewing sounds you hear are white supremacists eating their own hearts out
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABL13 Houston)
 
 
 
Never ever accept a challenge of a slap fight with an officer. This is Fark, you know what happened
source: abc13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this mother forklift carrying its young
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
Kentucky Derby winner in dispute, objection filed. UPDATE: 65-1 Country House declared winner
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Silly Cone Factory)
 
Video
 
A silicone factory on the other side of town from subby got all asplodey last night. Here's a partially obscured video of it happening. (loudness warning for headphone users)
source: video.nest.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Some things are just too much for even Key West (and "I was horny" isn't a valid legal argument)
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
$2.25 an hour is cheap parking in San Francisco. Can I park in your office?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KAIT Jonesboro)
 
 
 
St Jude's cures girl's sun allergy
source: kait8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Jack in the Box
source: i.pinimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Do You Remember)
 
 
 
If you were born before 1989, you may need a new booster shot. No ... not vodka
source: doyouremember.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
How does a poor state in India manage to save millions from impending cyclone? By having people who actually evacuate when told to do so
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
You have to be a pretty brazen thief to take an entire 700 pound Pepsi vending machine from a Washington state business. Especially when the store is across the street from a police station
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Caption these ladies at a Civil War reenactment
source: jessicajewettonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Charlotte Observer)
 
 
 
Let's take the lowest performing school and let people make a profit running it. That'll fix it
source: charlotteobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this swamp
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WDSU New Orleans)
 
 
 
Fifteen-year-old girl is becoming a cat whisperer at her local humane society. She's clocked nearly 1,900 hours of volunteer time with the felines, and also fosters kittens at home. Someone get this kid an invitation to Caturday
source: wdsu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
737 Classic to 737 Max: Hold my beer and watch this, kiddo
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Futurism)
 
 
 
Not to harsh your vibes, but before you quit your job to become a marijuana research subject, you should probably know that they only use schwag for the studies
source: futurism.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vancouver Sun)
 
 
 
New Metro Vancouver mascots are number 1 and number 2 in their field
source: vancouversun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KWTX Waco)
 
 
 
Kiosk can do everything a pharmacist can, including take hours to count to 30
source: kwtx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Apparently, I'm an actual living dinosaur
source: amp.businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Times Union)
 
 
 
Environmentalists: Wind turbines good, power lines bad
source: timesunion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Surveillance video captured the moment the Mississippi River breached the Davenport levee - and we might want to talk to the guy in the yellow vest at the top left corner once he's done sprinting away
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC San Diego)
 
 
 
Breaking News: The way you drive affects your gas mileage
source: nbcsandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Mum's mushroom botany minimizes monotony
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Seven hundred feet of NOPE
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 03, 2019
(Connecticut Post)
 
 
 
Protip - When you and your driver are performing a drive by shooting, always fire out the passenger side window. If you fire out the driver side window, it exposes the driver to potential harm, which can cause an automobile accident
source: ctpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
So what's life like on a Scientology cruise ship anyway?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Giving housing to the homeless is cheaper than leaving them on the street - but then they're no longer homeless, so you can't dehumanize them
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Plane passengers quarantined because of Bubonic Plague caused by eating contaminated marmot. Should have ordered the lasagna
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Channel News Asia)
 
 
 
You're a Lion Air pilot in a hotel lodging a complaint about the substandard ironing job on your shirt. Do you: A) Calmly show the desk clerk the problem, B) Ask to speak to a manager, or C) Punch the clerk in the face several times
source: channelnewsasia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Over a hundred Porsches, Lamborghinis, Ferraris and Audis use Germany's autobahn to stage a race to Prague. German police are now driving some very expensive cars
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Driving (Canada))
 
 
 
If you're going to argue over a parking spot, always remember to bring your machete
source: driving.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Florida Today)
 
 
 
With Hollywood-level makeup and costuming, it is possible to evade arrest. Oh, who are we kidding, this is Florida
source: floridatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Japan Today)
 
 
 
Not news: Old train station employee gets arrested for upskirting schoolgirl. News: Next day's morning commute is delayed because he was responsible for opening the station. Fark: He was too ashamed to notify boss he wouldn't be coming in
source: japantoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop Josiah Flintabbatey Flonatin of Flin Flon, Manitoba
source: live.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Girl trains parrot to attack on command. The command may be scarier than the bird (video demonstration goodness)
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHO TV Des Moines)
 
 
 
Two years after being found guilty of child endangerment, Iowa woman tries to open another daycare
source: whotv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Meet the Aussie gardeners who bear it all while on the job, always ready with their tools sharpened to prune the bushes
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Kicky McKickstoddlersintheback may face criminal charges. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
To help kids overcome a fear of public speaking, a barbershop in Pennsylvania is paying kids $3 to read a book out loud while they get their hair cut
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
When you're a chef in a fine restaurant, it's important not to drop the main course on the floor. Doubly so when you're a nurse in a delivery room
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
Pareidolia (per-ˌī-ˈdō-lē-ə) noun: 1. Seeing faces in objects. Today's example: Abraham Lincoln's image in a clump of dirt ... on the floor in his former home in Springfield, Illinois
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Police seize copy of Anarchist's Cookbook. Subby advises them not to try making bananadine, it doesn't work
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Ragerts, they've had a few, but then again, too few to menshen
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this activist
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Guy insults woman on Tinder because of the dress she's wearing. Company that makes the dress asks woman if they can use her picture to advertise the dress. Guy looks like an idiot. Woman looks great
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Convicted murderer who killed and dismembered his cellmate looks pretty much exactly as one would expect
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(iNews (UK))
 
 
 
Dying UK woman gets her wish to meet an alpaca. Which is a lesson for people making their final request to maybe reach a little higher than meeting an alpaca
source: inews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
How to tell when you're engaged with a fake psychic. Missing from the list: they're claiming to be psychics
source: longevitylive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Teen dies of dehydration in Arizona on a Boy Scout hike after the troop ran out of water. If only the Scouts would emphasize the importance of preparedness somehow
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Omaha World Herald)
 
 
 
Darwin reminds us that death isn't the only way to win his award
source: omaha.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(OK Whatever)
 
 
 
Tomorrow is World Naked Gardening Day. Take off your pants, grab a shovel, and stay away from the pruning shears (NSFW images)
source: okwhatever.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
The Mormon Church's helpline for bishops routes calls about suspected abuse to the church's lawyers rather than to law enforcement because protecting the church is more important than protecting victims
source: news.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Austin News KXAN)
 
 
 
I'm sorry sir, but that's not what the sign means by "Pickle Research"
source: kxan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Qatar proudly unveils new $650M soccer stadium for World Cup. Fans immediately point out it looks like a vagina (possible NSFW content on page)
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
It's probably safe to say now that weed has gone mainstream as the company that owns Oreos, Chips Ahoy and Nilla Wafers is planning on making them as THC-infused edibles
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Kentucky Derby winner poop is on sale for $200. Some may call it unseemly, others rosy, but you can't call it yellow journalism
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WISN Milwaukee)
 
 
 
In Heaven, the streets are paved with gold. In Milwaukee, the storm sewers are filled with beer
source: wisn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
That "Three Stooges" remake gets the green light
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
The benefits package for Australian cops just got a whole lot better
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Caption these electric football enthusiasts
source: cdn3.sharperimage.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
Robots to the rhino rescue. This may at first sound straightforward, but navigating a female rhino's reproductive anatomy is incredibly complicated. "The rhino cervix is very large and tortuous"
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Plastic surgeon known as the "boob god" sues former patients for giving him saggy, flabby reviews online
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Pigeon-food sellers on the steps of St Paul's rejoice as pennies & tuppences are kept in circulation for the foreseeable future. No need to smash those oversized change jars just yet
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Cicada swarm about to emerge in parts of Ohio, Pennsylvania. Barry Allen placed on high alert
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Beverly Hills is afraid of gentrification. That's the joke
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Forty years after committing to its pages one of the most egregious mistakes to ever emerge in modern journalism, the Dallas Morning News has finally apologized to the Wookie community
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Scots schoolboy with rare skin condition turns himself into a human Etch A Sketch, says his skin-drawing skills put him in the same league as his comic book idols Superman and Wolverine
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Weird Al Yankovic lookalike accused of trying to kill her boyfriend with Drano
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Bug
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Ikea is working on a new meatless meatball, likely to contain 80 percent allen wrenches
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Space.com)
 
 
 
How a last-ditch hack led to the invention of quantum mechanics. Later compiled by Buzzfeed as "10 hacks that led to invention of scientific theories"
source: space.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
An army pilot paralyzed in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan can't get a new drivers license because his name, David Ortiz, is too common
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed News)
 
 
 
Two Oklahoma police gun down a 17-year-old, unarmed black kid. In their defense, it's so hard to tell if someone's armed when they're completely naked
source: buzzfeednews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Go be an interracial couple somewhere else
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Australian rugby player in tears about how difficult things are being gay. Sorry, I'll read that again - in tears about how difficult it is being Christian and not being allow to persecute gays
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
Elementary school coach gets an unexpected ringer to his track and field team. "It kinda just looked like a gray blob in the corner. The closest I got was probably two to three feet"
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
HOA member tell kids community pool closes at 9 PM, they need to leave. When kids point out sign saying pool closes at 10 PM, HOA member fires handgun at kids for not respecting his authority
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Student newspaper successfully sues to publish article about student who works in porn, a great victory for journalism at Bare Cheek High School, sorry, Bear Creek High School
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Man suffers major stroke after cracking his neck right after his wife warns him to stop popping his neck or he might have a stroke. Just add a laugh track and you have an episode of Home Improvement
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Eye yi yi
source: realtalk910.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spokesman Review)
 
 
 
Militia leader and failed write in candidate posed as a Mexican drug cartel member to try to extort money from his former militia buddies. The police, and possibly actual Mexican drug cartel members, would like a word with him
source: spokesman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 02, 2019
(The Local)
 
 
 
Twenty-one people injured by bad tractor driving around a maypole. Guess the only country where this regularly happens
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Darwin attempts sacrifice to volcano goddess, doesn't quite make it
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
If a doctor tells you that drinking his herbal mud will cure you of cancer, remember that "mud" spelled backwards is "dum"
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sacramento)
 
 
 
California Legislature Declares May 4 'Star Wars Day'
source: sacramento.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
You're probably wondering how I got into this mess
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WANE Ft. Wayne)
 
 
 
Anti-vaxxer: "If you think it's what's best for your kid, great. Fine and dandy, Don't try to make me do it and I won't try to make you not and the world will still go on." Um, no, you idiot, the world will NOT go on for many people, that's the point
source: wane.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Grand Island Independent)
 
 
 
Headline: Man arrested "simply because it was time to arrest him." There was also the $200K embezzled from the high school choir, but no need to mention that
source: theindependent.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Border patrol seizes 15 pounds of marijuana at the Canadian border. For those of you keeping track at home, that's like 10,000 Beckys
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Gone now are the days when the cops just stole your pot and told you to scram
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this happy cartoon bear
source: i.pinimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Mainichi (Japan))
 
 
 
Well, thanks for the present, but you really shouldn't have
source: mainichi.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Graaaaawgh Mrrrr Huuuuggh. Translation: Peter Mayhew dead at 74
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Taco Bell's summer apparel line includes bikinis inspired by sauce packets. No word if they'll have matching garters for $2 bills
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
New survey shows gaps in Americans' basic civics knowledge. However most have heard of the Accord and the CR-V
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Here's the story of Annie Edson Taylor, the first and oldest person to ever survive going over Niagara Falls in a barrel
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Wear boots when hiking, or risk a $142,000 snake bite
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Woodstock-revival cancellation blamed on erectile dysfunction
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFist)
 
 
 
Here's a timeline of San Francisco's poop problems because you need to know
source: sfist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Baby western lowland gorilla born at Disney's Animal Kingdom. Trump orders immediate deportation
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ozarks First)
 
 
 
I swear officer...this flying turtle just came out of nowhere and smashed into my windshield. Got any pizza?
source: ozarksfirst.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Photoshop this titration
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
Bounce house migration season has started earlier than ever in the Pacific Northwest
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Family of girl, 10, with undiagnosed heart condition who "died of excitement" after going down 270-foot water slide sues the park for "not calling 911 fast enough and failing to use a defibrillator" but defense lawyers claim it is a slippery slope
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
CDC says stop washing your chicken. It spreads germs around your kitchen and it annoys the bird
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Hobby fishing in Britain experiencing an unexplainable increase in popularity
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Only Brooklynites could complain about "a cesspool of luxury condominiums"
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
That coup in Venezuela is looking more and more "attempted" by the minute
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kotaku)
 
 
 
Microsoft's official examples of acceptable trash talking when playing online are just wonderful
source: kotaku.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGEM Quincy)
 
 
 
Redneck neighbors fight over who has worst facial hair, probably
source: wgem.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 Now Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Florida Man decides the best way to stay inconspicuous while stealing baby formula is to wear a blue bonnet and flowered dress
source: fox4now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
The UK's Dartford Bridge was supposed to stop charging tolls to cross when it paid for itself. That happened in 2003, and they haven't stopped charging. Guess how much they've made since. Higher... Higher.. Add some zeroes and try again
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Man charged with possession of child porn after bringing his gravy-covered laptop to the Geek Squad for repair. No word on whether it was baby gravy or some other kind
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pix11)
 
 
 
93-year-old Manhattan doctor still works and has no intention of slowing down. She's also the granddaughter of a freed slave who, following the Emancipation Proclamation, moved to New York City to start a family
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
In order to reverse Japan's declining birthrate, their Prime Minister teaches the nation how to properly nail beaver
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
I mean, come on. Who punches a school bus?
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Boys upset that trans-boy was in boys' bathroom so they raid girls' bathroom and block girls in. One girl feels threatened, knees boy in the nards, and gets suspended. Boys not punished at all. Community angered. All this on the next episode of Soap
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
Digital billboard company creates system that alerts drivers when there is an active tornado warning
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
I always knew that Insanity Wolf memes offered good advice
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Caption this drive-thru experience
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
The Hamburglar will dig the DGAF meal
source: today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
'Police Chase Ends After Vehicle Crashes Into Golden Corral In Fayetteville' is the most Arkansas headline you'll read today
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
I'm okay with being forced to drink liquor and snort cocaine. Being wrapped in plastic that is staple-gunned to my body? Not so much
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Miami)
 
 
 
Bill passed by Florida Senate prevents banning plastic straws for 5 years. Mostly because so many residents can only take all their meals through a straw
source: miami.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox2 Detroit)
 
 
 
If you left a mummified human torso in a basement on the west side of Detroit, police would really like a word with you
source: fox2detroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Homeowner forgets to remove golliwog from pictures while selling house. No word on what the hell a golliwog is. Oh, golliwog
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 17 Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
'Creepy' guy soliciting Allendale women for bogus wrestling event
source: fox17online.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in Florida: Emergency management efforts derailed by aggressive goose
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Buzz Aldrin calls for us to get our asses to Mars
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Go away... baiting
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Google)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: Prom season is here - Photoshop celebrities wearing outrageous prom outfits (link goes to examples)
source: google.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Boy is sorry his classmate died after he flicked cheese onto his neck
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Trigger warning: PC Police had declared victory over a YA novel that offended their delicate sensibilities when its author pulled it from publication. But the author changed her mind, and thanks to the publicity the book's launch is even bigger now
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Some people are starting to wonder whether we should have any concerns about local election officials being given free Vegas trips, winery tours, and chocolate-covered pretzels by the companies trying to sell them voter machines
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
School bans student from prom over racist 'promposal' sign. How racist can- oh, wow. Man I hate this timeline
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Police believe alcohol played a role in the incident
source: nbcphiladelphia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Elderly couple sign for drugs worth $10m in wrongly-delivered parcel from drug dealer who has yet to figure out his own address
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(San Antonio Express)
 
 
 
That's a nice decade-long Easter in the park tradition you and your family have here. It would be a shame if you didn't pay me and my partner fifty bucks an hour to watch over your celebration
source: expressnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Virginia man crushed to death by "several hundred pounds of plate glass." Sounds paneful
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
It's that time of year again to make you panic and go out and loot the store shelves of survival goods: System off Florida may be 2019's first named Atlantic storm
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
I used to purr like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Green Bay Press Gazette)
 
 
 
It's not just a donation; it's a donation that rhymes with a part of the female anatomy
source: greenbaypressgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegram)
 
 
 
99 glass bottles of dynamite, hydrofluoric acid, mercury, sodium cyanide, arsenic, chloroform, toluene, chromium and other fun stuff on the shed wall. Tear the shed down, spread it around, set fire to the ground... how's the song go?
source: telegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Can you hear me? NOPENOPENOPENOPE
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTSP)
 
 
 
Scientologists stuck at sea: God smites Scientology ship, leaves it stranded with measles in the Caribbean
source: wtsp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 730: "Red 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 01, 2019
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Racist Trump supporter convicted for making death threats to Maxine Waters and Obama. "Probably I shoulda stayed off of social media," says Trump supporter, who will now do 46 months in prison
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
160,000 year old human relative remains discovered in the highlands of Tibet ...not your lost crazy drunk uncle but still impressive
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
WELCOME...to the Marble Machine. This is the Marble Machine. You can do anything with the Marble Machine. Anything at all. The only limit is yourself. The infinite is possible with the Marble Machine
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Who is 20 years old and fresh as can be, SpongeBob SquarePants. Friend to the children and stoners you see, SpongeBob SquarePants
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Doogie Farker)
 
 
 
While your kid is eating Tide Pods and smoking synthetic weed, this 15 year old will be starting Medical School next semester
source: pinalcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
"Welcome to Earth" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Japan Today)
 
 
 
As new emperor ascends, non-royal commits suicide by crossbow at imperial cemetery near Tokyo. And so ... something begins
source: japantoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
Police say the fatal shootings of two men in Newark, New Jersey were not connected. Other than the fact that any two men living in Newark will eventually get shot
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
List of the most notorious deleted tweets in history. Come for Dr.Phil asking if it is o.k. to have sex with drunk girls, stay for the Fleshlight company remembering 9/11
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Dad)
 
 
 
Your baby is sick and has congestion in its chest. What's the best method of helping remove it? a) Vicks on the chest b) saline or saltwater in the nose and the trusty old blue bulb c) vibrator on the baby's back
source: tiphero.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Typhoon Lagoon buffoon found abloom sans pantaloons in changing room, did not resume, we assume
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Riley C Howell - A true hero
source: charlottestories.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Conde Nast Traveler)
 
 
 
Photoshop these Dragon's Blood trees
source: media.cntraveler.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
The only way to stop a bad guy with a pot plant is a good guy with a descant recorder: (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Two brothers visit all towns in the UK with naughty names after spending six years planning the trip. "The most picturesque places were Poundbottom and Sandyballs in the New Forest" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Root)
 
 
 
The hugely foreheaded cop who shot Botham Jean in his own apartment, thinking it was her own, was immediately concerned not for Jean's life, but for her job, which WAS her own
source: theroot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
After marinating in the accused thief's pants, the $62 Angus beef rib roast was discarded "due to contamination," cops say
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
So, you're asking yourself did I fire 5 or 6 times? Do the math, punk. Florida teachers can now carry guns
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
'Suspicious object' leads Chicago police to shut down street. Turns out to be a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli on wheels (with pics)
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Man learns his house probably wouldn't survive hurricanes after airborne vehicle tests its structural integrity for free
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
124 tires. You have to admire the tenacity
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
As expensive test prep courses proliferate, the number of students getting perfect ACT scores is soaring. Better fire up photoshop to add 4 feet to your kid's pole vault height if you want him to get into a good school
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
Couuuuunslerrrrrrrrr
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
San Francisco billionaire donates $30 million to homelessness research. I have a suggestion: build more affordable housing and mental health facilities where the jobs are. I'll take my $30 million now
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Wait, should we not have mentioned the rape attic in official fraternity minutes? Was that wrong?
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC San Diego)
 
 
 
Worst. Endgame. Spoiler. EVAR: Person in the audience had measles
source: nbcsandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Independent)
 
 
 
Doctors normally perform open-heart surgery in a germ-free environment with antiseptic and thoroughly sterilized tools. Then there are THESE two
source: independent.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Some dude wanted to bomb Los Angeles because of New Zealand or something. Whatevs, he got arrested
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Man finds a guaranteed way to get out of jury duty. This completes the ultra-rare Judge Super 5. Can we get a Sweep 6?
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Grouchy looking guy photobombs traffic camera with his pecker
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop these dome homes
source: traquo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sydney Morning Herald)
 
 
 
Millionaires are fleeing their home countries, for safety reasons, but the joke's on them because their number one destination is Australia
source: smh.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Spelling Bee to eliminate controversial tie-breaker procedure. Doping tests to continue
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
The Indy 500 has a lot of traditions, this year measles may be one of them
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Courier-Journal)
 
 
 
"For anyone who's lived in Clarksville long enough, Theatair X is something of a local fixture despite efforts to close its doors. A 1991 profile of Clarksville called it the "town hickey ... embarrassing officials just by being there"
source: courier-journal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Man has a bad reaction to court judgement, assaults himself
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"A few years ago, I graduated with honors from a prestigious private university where I had received a full-tuition scholarship. And for over two years, I have been working as a stripper." Go on...
source: huffpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Judge hands down probation and recommends that a rabbi be given his old job back. Because the rabbi led an otherwise blameless life and is apparently unlikely to try embezzling $200,000 from disabled kids a second time
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
TSA inspectors question Alaska Man about the moose droppings he's carrying in his luggage. He claims they are for political protest. Bonus: TSA lets him keep them. Subby wants to subscribe to his newsletter
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KKTV Colorado Springs)
 
 
 
You know you've hit rock bottom when you try and rob a DQ...twice...in the same day. Complete with "should have robbed a Supercuts" mugshot goodness
source: kktv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Scotsman)
 
 
 
Today is Beltane. This great date of the Celtic calendar hailed the return of the summer, the fertility of the land and the protection of all living things from troubling forces. Oh, and beer, wine, and dancing naked. On a related note has anyone heard from Drew today? No?
source: scotsman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rochester Democrat and Chronicle)
 
 
 
Why do eels... suddenly appear?
source: democratandchronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
I felt a great disturbance in the White Castle parking lot, as if two judges suddenly cried out in pain because they got shot
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
Judge defends sharing holocaust denier article on Facebook, claims he was only interested in the part about gollum
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Pooping on the school track didn't ruin this superintendent's life, but releasing his mug shot? That was apparently too much
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
In their annual Big Prank, MIT students transform campus dome into a giant Captain America shield, in honor of Avengers: Endgame
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Mexican town celebrates 300 years of its namesake saint by bringing the exploding hammers down
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Caption these skeletons looking at you
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flyer Talk)
 
 
 
Nothing to worry about. Just Cathay Pacific pilots starting to lose their vision mid-flight. Enjoy your peanuts
source: flyertalk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
New law allows students to use medical marijuana in Washington State public schools. Which is good, because we all know that kids never smoked pot in high school when it was illegal
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
No beer with karaoke in Utah, alcohol control authority declares. Obvious tag fires up some Journey
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
Dominos: Get the door, it's an ass-beating for spoiling Avengers: Endgame (don't post spoilers)
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
'Truck full of asphalt' is the new strip club anthem catching fire from subby's alt-country band
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Flooding in Davenport, Iowa as barrier fails. Cars and buildings evacuated. TFA unclear how they moved buildings to higher ground
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Dude, judge might have bought your story that domestic violence incident police responded to might be sexual role-playing streamed live on social media. Except for the bit where you started shooting at cops
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
"Do not eat the human placenta." Okey dokey
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Special Broadcasting Service)
 
 
 
High Court of Australia to decide if Aboriginal peoples can be deported. Let that one sink in for a moment. Take all the time you need
source: sbs.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Australian surgeon has only seen two gunshot wounds in sixteen years, and that's an achievement, considering the country was founded by criminals
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Looks like somebody has a war on bees
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
7 Important Things to Know About the Measles Outbreak. 1) Anti-vaxxers caused it. 2) Anti-vaxxers are stupid. 3) They're really stupid. 4) They're ignorant. 5) They deserve mockery and isolation. 6) And punches. 7) Lots of punches
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Concerned Citizen)
 
 
 
Photoshop this ticket
source: imagesvc.timeincapp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox9 Minneapolis)
 
 
 
Deaf puppy finds 'happily ever after' with hearing impaired man who teaches him sign language. Emerson was "fighting for his tiny little life through seizures, parvo and being deaf, life was really stacked against him!" Welcome to Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: fox9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
 
 
Hyper-sexualized airline safety card illustrations draw the ire of traveling women ...yet my life vest isn't the only thing inflating
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Drone follows tornado through Oklahoma fields - watch for it to hit the pond
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Police search for man that steals soap. So far he hasn't been caught. You could say it was a sudsy.. no wait, a fresh smelling.. oh, what kind of getaway would this be?
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Police charge suspected terrorist who shot up UNC Charlotte with murder
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
50 Weekileeks
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
The Ric Romero Institute has found that raising the minimum wage could actually cut suicide rates, as the ability to afford food, clothing and shelter makes workers feel good about themselves
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sacramento)
 
 
 
Man tows home with bicycle. He can have a house party anywhere, which is good since he can't handle bars
source: sacramento.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Idaho Press-Tribune)
 
 
 
Testing proves that the largest marijuana bust in Idaho State Police history was in fact hemp. Idaho prosecutors undeterred, however, and still intend to sell the seized truck and prosecute the driver - mandatory 5 years in prison. For hemp
source: idahopress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
A sheriff's office pointing out that sandals are not appropriate footwear for a 10-mile hike in the desert is: A) sound advice, B) potentially life-saving, C) a heartless and insensitive act of sandal-shaming
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBT Mishawaka)
 
 
 
One person stabbed, three people shot, and still no answer to which truck is better, FORD or CHEVY?
source: wsbt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rochester Democrat and Chronicle)
 
 
 
Wegmans may be the best grocery store in the country but they aren't giving away their motorized scooters yet as this shoplifter found out
source: amp.democratandchronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Dunkaroos for dessert: Generation X and '90s-themed bar now open in Florida
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 30, 2019
(CNN)
 
 
 
1. Design critical aircraft flight safety system to rely on the input of a single sensor. 2. skip flight testing the system to see how it responds when that sensor fails. 3. Profit
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Scientists say Pluto is running out of air. Since sound doesn't travel in a vacuum, this might explain why he can't talk
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bradenton Herald)
 
 
 
Pair tells jail staff they're detectives in attempt to get 'partner' out. Works about as well as you might think, but they did get reunited
source: bradenton.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(McDowell News)
 
 
 
Tanker truck of liquid asphalt overturns into Coxes Creek. Crews work to prevent formation of further roads
source: mcdowellnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baltimore Sun)
 
 
 
Another victim of climate change: spring festival season
source: baltimoresun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: A second handy motion
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Post Independent)
 
 
 
"You normally don't have that kind of driving until the officer actually gets behind him"
source: postindependent.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NASA)
 
 
 
Subby has no clever headline for this 'one in a million' image, but wondered if any of Fark's amateur or professional astro-photographers have any lucky, or just plain cool pictures they would like to share
source: apod.nasa.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WLWT)
 
 
 
Cincinnati notices there hasn't been a Chuck E. Cheese's fight in a while
source: wlwt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
We now know what it takes for a cop to be convicted of killing an unarmed person
source: www-m.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Water-sports opportunities have increased rapidly in Davenport, IA this afternoon
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
You know that old Sliders episode where we all work at the mall?
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Live5 News Charleston)
 
 
 
Shooting on UNCC campus. Two dead, several injured, suspect reportedly in custody
source: live5news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Beehives keep fallin' on my head
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Thieving clowns steal sex toys, drop car keys. Headline, nicknames write themselves
source: thespinoff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
Man plans to carry homemade wooden cross from South Carolina to the Grand Canyon, says he may toss it in the canyon when he gets there. "We'll ditch that cross when we get to it"
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
Totally awesome dash cam video of a car chase, complete with gun fire, scattering tricycles, and a car flip. Begs for yackety sax
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Drone footage of Notre Dame's new temporary roof that almost certainly probably won't catch fire, we think
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
If you drove a flaming car full of exploded oxygen tanks into the back of a house and then walked away from the scene, police are kind of impressed, actually
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Scientists say they're closer to possible blood test for chronic fatigue, say their first clue is when they notice you have a kid
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Bank worker gets 10 years for incredibly elaborate $4,000,000 heist
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Sometimes The Sun misses the best possible headline. Case in point- they did not use this line from article: "Day 362 without sex: I went outside to run in flip flops just to remember how it sounded like"
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Summit Daily)
 
 
 
Because of the size of Dillon Reservoir and the size of Denver Water's water treatment system overall, events like Saturday's runoff don't often lead to "a measurable impact on water quality." tl:dr The solution to pollution is dilution
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(WTOP)
 
 
 
Two MD high school students cement their future in Virginia politics
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(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Ireland is outraged after Dublin Airport serves the worst pint of Guinness ever -- 2 inches of head. "It remains unclear whether the guilty barman has been found and reprimanded" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Are you sure the word isn't Akvavit?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
GA man who was convicted of keeping a 17-year-old girl captive as a sex slave will spend less time in jail than she spent locked in a dog cage in his basement
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Not news: football fans name their kid after their team. News: It's a really weird name. Fark: It's...uh...Fark (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
"Here's what could happen if measles continues to spread in N.J." TL;DR: The bottom will fall out of the acid-washed jeans market, Gucci will collapse overnight, and no good lasagne will ever be made again
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(Vox)
 
 
 
Want to see what weather will look like in your city in 2050? The answer's not good
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
If you just can't get enough overpriced, mediocre airport food Tampa airport is now letting 100 non-passengers a day go to the restaurant gates. TSA and Sbarro, who could ask for more?
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Experts claim deadly Seattle crane crashed may have been caused by human error, tossed salads and scrambled eggs
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Looks like the title of "Happiest Place on Earth" can be claimed by a new theme park (NSFW)
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Coontz closed due to excessive moisture
source: khmoradio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
People concerned when cougar arrives nice and early at Macy's, probably hoping to get an early start on their discounts. Of course the story end with copious amounts of drugs
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The National Interest)
 
 
 
Pro-Tip: Here's why you don't mix LSD and nuclear-powered aircraft carriers
source: nationalinterest.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Is it time to start subsidizing housing for American families scraping by on $141,000 a year?
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Woman creates 'not reaching' ID pouch that attaches to driver's side air vent that could keep young black men from getting shot while reaching around car while stopped by police. In other news, this is apparently still necessary in 2019
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Fark: A study shows the biggest bullshiaters are from North America. Total Fark: They live in Canada
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
I know the creepy train toucher is saying "innocent" but all I'm hearing is "sideburns"
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOAT Albuquerque)
 
 
 
I always wondered if vampires can get HIV. Guess that question has been answered
source: koat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
There are "Three Treasures" , the sacred mirror, the "grass-cutting sword", and the sacred jewel, that are vital to the Shinto ceremony that makes a new emperor; but they are so sacred that replicas are used, and the originals may or may not exist
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Indian Army tweets photo of 'Yeti' tracks, complains about having to drag expensive cooler up into the Himalayas
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
Ah. Finally, one of these drunken assault articles takes the time to explain what this "beer" thing actually is. Always wondered
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Actually, everyone kind of expected the Japanese Abdication
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
"It was the best fish I've ever eaten. I don't know if it was the boost of mercury, the sweet taste of victory, or what, but it was good. Damn good"
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Jeopardy's James Holzhauer is a menace, and he must be stopped. Or the writer is just jealous because his own appearance on Jeopardy was an utter failure. One of the two
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Belleville News-Democrat)
 
 
 
The poncho wearing bank robber featured on Fark two weeks ago has been caught
source: bnd.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Watertown Daily Times)
 
 
 
Judge: Oh hang on, he only raped ONE teenage girl? NBD bro, no jail time
source: watertowndailytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
When your pre-trial release hearing involves talk of your aliases, criminal history, prior failures to appear in court and leadership of a lawless militia group, you've made the case against your release. Sorry
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(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Florida woman pulls out her Hi-Point and suddenly thinks she's Chuck Norris
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
If you picked New Smyrna Beach as where 2019 shark bite season would open, come on down to the pier to collect your chum, chum
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(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
It's flesh-eating bacteria season in Florida. Enjoy your vacation
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox9 Minneapolis)
 
 
 
Fowl driving kills centenarian. Killer crane trifecta in play
source: fox9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
Snitches get Riches
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
The real question is why Florida Man was in a library
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Sure you've heard about alleged racism at school before but this one takes the cake
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Just like every kid who visits Disney World, this dolphin ended his visit to the sunshine state with a bunch of souvenir bags, a balloon, and a tummy full of junk food
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(Jezebel)
 
 
 
The Marchioness of Cholmondeley is pronounced "the Marshiness of Chumley"
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 29, 2019
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Hmmm, usually there's not any sort of explosion until AFTER you have Burger King
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia, Queen Tut
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGAL 8)
 
Video
 
This is what happens when mortal news anchors try to do American Ninja Warrior
source: wgal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Suspect shot in buttocks. That must be a sight, I'd kinda like to see that
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Tonight on Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) we're continuing to swing through the alphabet. Tonight's letter that the song tunes starts with is "F", no, I'm keeping it clean
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(KSL Salt Lake City)
 
 
 
Naked woman arrested at a strip mall. Well, what the hell else are you supposed to do at a strip mall?
source: ksl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Church finds a great way to attract new parishioners, says members can now smoke the once evil weed during services. 6,000 people take its advice and join in the first month (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
HR: Yup this looks totally fine no one could possibly have any issues with this. Go ahead and post it online
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pantagraph)
 
 
 
Nice: Woman mails coloring book pages to inmate in jail. Not so nice: pages were laced with meth
source: pantagraph.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
This book on pregnancy provides a totally accurate picture of how babby is formed
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Scoop Nashville)
 
 
 
Fat, drunk, and urinating on yourself while beating cars with a rental scooter is no way to go through life, son. Good job on the hating Nazis though, I guess
source: scoopnashville.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: A cob, a fob, and a mob
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Les Murray joins his ancestors. Whatever nationality he is, and wherever his ancestors are from
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Cum Pass
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Marijuana killed my son. I mean, he toured in Iraq, stayed in five mental health hospitals and did two stints of court-ordered mental health treatment with horrible bouts of crippling depression before hanging himself, but we know it was the weed
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Hottie, 24, arrested for extorting guy over pictures of his junk
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
Boobies
 
Naked girlfriend, 21, caught on hotel CCTV chasing boyfriend with wine bottle before slashing his face in 'love triangle' row. Subby caught copying and pasting headline
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
CDC announces that the measles outbreak is now nationwide with over 700 cases in 22 states, making this the worst outbreak since it was declared eradicated in the US in 2000
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(Central Maine)
 
 
 
New Hampshire man with four wives pleads guilty to bigamy and begs the court for mercy after being sentenced to house arrest
source: centralmaine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Greenwich Time)
 
 
 
The Greenwich Boys' Club rule demanded young boys swim naked until at least the early 1980s. Ann Landers condoned this practice in a 1974 column by advising a young man he needed counseling when he complained
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(MassLive)
 
 
 
The Chicopee, MA police would like to remind you to please leave your live artillery shells at home so they can pry them from your cold, dead hands
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Man and woman end 14 year relationship. Naturally, the only logical thing to do next is to tunnel under her house to spy on her
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
On second thought, telling paranoid people they need to swallow radio transmitting microchips may not have been a good business move
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
New report says Robert Kraft showed his Super Bowl ring to police when stopped after he left the day spa. Even worse he asked his masseuse if she would like to hold the Lombardi Trophy, which could have been a euphemism. For his penis. Haha penis
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Norwegian experts say whale wearing a strange harness could be a Russian naval weapon. No word if laser beams were involved
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 17 Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
'Stolen pig scale puts 4-H club's season in jeopardy'
source: fox17online.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Big Ben has a bad time at the London Marathon. This does not sound good for the Pittsburgh Steelers this season
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Americans are some of the most stressed out people in the world. Woooo 'Merica eff yeah
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Dick move by pothole activist spurs repairmen into action (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Mrs G the Osprey travels from West Africa to Wales to lay an egg. Bet she was on tiptoes near the end of that journey
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
A 10-year-old has an idea to stop people from speeding, and it may actually work
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
HOA finally relents, allows veteran to fly the U.S. flag. Hero tag is for the fact that he was a Vietnam combat medic whose unit experienced the worst casualty rate in the history of the Marine Corps
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