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| Sun April 28, 2019 |
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So I click on an article about the obesity epidemic and it asks me about cookies. No wonder everyone's so fat
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Someone REALLY wants a Darwin award
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Pole dancers increase fertility
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Now that's a wave
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Enough about silly politics, here's a real problem that actually affects Farkers: China swine fever epidemic to cause skyrocketing bacon prices
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Photoshop this simulated "martian space base"
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White nationalists storm DC bookstore to protest "This Land Is Your Land" reading, probably representing the first and last time white nationalists enter a bookstore
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He thought he was adjusting the room lights but he accidentally unveiled Ecuador's national surveillance system
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Photoshop these dark shadowy figures
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If you're going to rob a store, set your standards a little higher than Dollar Tree
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Anti-vaxxers bring the proof that measles is harmless: a 1969 episode of "The Brady Bunch"
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World's tallest, fastest and longest dive roller coaster opens in Canada. 245-foot drop at a 90-degree angle and a 360-degree loop, reaching a top speed of 80 miles per hour is not for the timid
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| (Some Sleepy Idiot) |
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Did not RTFA. Scotch and Ambien, duh
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Time for a leisurely Sunday stroll through American history and look back at what we considered a "huge" house fifty years ago (deslided for your enjoyment)
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Photoshop this disturbing candy face
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Coolest video of cooling towers from Massachusetts' last coal-fired power plant imploding you'll see all day
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| (Tri-City News) |
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Can't get millennials to buy houses? Throw in free avocado toast for a year
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More importantly, would you really want to be a roommate with someone who made their decision this way?
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People whose wealth has insulated them from any real problems are surprisingly clueless about what's going on around them
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Fine, you're free to go, but your brain is getting sent to prison
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The time has come to stop naming ships with "female" names ...and while you're at it, stop naming countries, and other inanimate things as female. You bros should be down with this
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Bumpty bumpty bump
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Teen gets into 115 colleges, offered $3.7M in scholarships. Man, kids today are so lazy
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In other shooting news, good guys with guns shoot three out of four children in truck with man they wanted to question
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| Sat April 27, 2019 |
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Missing hiker's dog displays unwavering loyalty. The outdoors are a very, very dusty place
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In preparation for unseasonable snowfall, Chicago criminals get shootings out of the way Saturday morning
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Want out of your failing restaurant and enormous debt? Stage a hate crime, of course
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Crane falls across several lanes of traffic in downtown Seattle. Four deaths, three injuries reported
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Australia to cancel Caturday
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Drug experts having a hard time finding out why citizens aren't using drug drop-offs and forget to take into account one thing. Why should i do something for free when I can sell them and get some of my money back
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Photoshop this exam
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Questions to park rangers at U.S. National Parks illustrate the vast intellect of the average American tourist
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UK might ban shaking hands at workplaces to prevent sexual harassment
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Synagogue shooting in San Diego. One dead, three wounded, man in custody
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Juggalo alpacas, how do they work
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Photoshop this Duke swimmer
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Old and busted: Pub crawls. New hotness: Independent bookstore crawls
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State that is big on parental rights is concerned that an increasing number of students are being opted out of state tests by parents, but can't easily conduct an audit to determine WHY parents are opting students out because of parental rights issues
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Thousands feared trapped by cyclone Kenneth, as meteorologists ponder the increased frequency of powerful storms
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Look smart, impress your friends: Be ready for the mass panic asteroid-is-coming drill
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The end of April is nigh. The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, small woodland animals begin a'courting, and most of the Midwest is facing a blizzard
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Photoshop these clams.These horrifying, horrifying clams
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Oxford University professor claims aliens are already breeding with humans on earth to create a new hybrid species that will save the planet. And yes, your mom is responsible for the end of the present human race (possible nsfw content on page)
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| (fark cancer) |
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We interrupt your normally scheduled Caturday thread to bring you some sad news: Longtime farker, Photoshopper and Caturday participant Lar Jorgen (Ben) has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Come join us in sharing some happy memories (LGT obituary)
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The state of whistleblowing has gone downhill
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You don't want to miss the insane method this firearms instructor uses to train when and when not to shoot
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Old and busted: Losing your teaching job after porn videos surface. New and improved: Banished from church priesthood because your wife participated in a beauty pageant
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Dumb and dumber criminals win over 5 million bucks with stolen debit card. Lottery won't pay out but they were so close. They declare 'we are calling the cops' subby expects they will get a big payoff prize in the hoosegow (possible nsfw content on page)
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Dumbass Ex-Boyfriend breaks in and lives in attic, gets caught by leaving the seat up. Don't worry ladies, he'll be available in 3-5
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Bicyclists around the country litter to protest having to share the road
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Albany truck drivers increasingly unhinged as someone keeps stealing their tailgates
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Now how'd he get those? Mercedes doesn't know how Kim Jong Un got his limos
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One in nine women drink during pregnancy. Heck, I'd drink too if I found out I were pregnant
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Now you can search a database of the 85,000 cops who have been investigated for misconduct. The other 950,000 haven't been entered yet
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| Fri April 26, 2019 |
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Pai Mei strokes his goatee, nods in approval
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"OMG, I could have 'puked': Dumped chicken waste creates fowl mess near Arkansas woman's home
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That's what you get for messing with Betty Crocker
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San Francisco's Castro District is reportedly about to get the biggest organ in the world, which can't be true because Subby lives in North Beach
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Study shows lack of sleep can affect your job, at least for those of you who don't sleep at your desk
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Reason #395729 to delete your Facebook
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Pro Tip: If you're going to flash a lady in the library do not give her your business card first
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Police hope to flush out toilet paper thief that caused $500 worth of damage taking it
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Yet another sign, the strongest yet, that Apple TV+ is going to suck, big time
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Have you ever wondered how Christian schools deal with all the nekkidness in classic art? This is how
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Photoshop this freaky face
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Trailblazing study on peanut allergies finds kids more likely to have an anaphylaxic reaction when they consume peanuts than when they abstain
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Four Dept. of Corrections employees have been sidelined for facilitating a booty call between a male and a female inmate, who, when later discovered, each accused the other of sexual assault. The Rikersislandocrats
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Man smokes a heaping helping of meth, goes to war with the man in the mattress. Talk about crystal courage
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The British investigate an American phenomenon: the plastic pink flamingo
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Kindergarten teacher fired after kicking a student, wonders if that was wrong and it should not have been done
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"Downtown Orlando fire station, can I help you?" "Um, I found a baby cheetah and don't know what to do with it. Can I bring it by the station?"
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Kim Jong Un accuses the Trump Administration of acting in bad faith, having apparently not paid attention to any news at all coming out from over here
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SF Bay Area is the most expensive place in the world to build, eclipsing New York, London, Zurich, Hong Kong, and the Mariana Trench
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Good news: your sugar baby foot fetish can be satisfied at UCF for the low, low price of $500
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| (Spring Task) |
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Photoshop this garden prep
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Anti-hate crime charity tricks british far-right xenophobes into wearing "St. George was Syrian" t-shirts to a public celebration
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Connecticut judge rules eating a hashbrown while driving is not an infraction
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Old and busted: Elizabeth Hurley's safety pin dress. New hotness: ASOS' bulldog clipped dress
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If you left your boat alongside the road in San Joaquin County, the sheriff's office wants you to contact them
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No, you can't come inside, you're an alligator
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"However, the FBI agent said the minister's daughter noted that the website she viewed had ended in '.onion,' rather than '.com' or '.org'"
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High-potency marijuana causes psychotic disorders. You were submitting this with a better headline when tiny naked elves stole your feet
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"The victims said because of the officers' professionalism, they no longer feared for police brutality." There's a lesson here somewhere
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Subby knows this comes as a shock, but it seems that heavy drinking is linked with sexual activity on college campuses. Some people have a problem with that
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A note to the traveling public, you should be VERY careful when bringing sex toys and sexy outfits on holiday for fun and games ...because some countries don't allow sex toys. Something about being no fun (NSFW)
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In a decision unlikely to offend anyone, Kansas Supreme Court finds that the State Constitution protects a woman's right to an abortion
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We're now learning that the abuse of children by Boy Scouts leaders was far more widespread than anyone thought. Remember, though, it's letting girls in that was going to ruin that organization
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The lionfish is being studied for clues to its invasive courage. Search for the tin manta, scarecroaker, and wizardfish goes on
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Pet sitting? No problem. Pet sitting in your lap while driving? $448 ticket
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Four words: Harley Davidson electric motorcycle
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Brooklyn subway riders enter the highway to L tonight
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Stuff on fire, yo, the Russian ICBM factory edition
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Caption this pinchy angel
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Oklahoma moonshiner forgot to leave free samples for the cops
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Good news, civilization will end on Monday because of a HUGE earthquake that will 'TOTALLY' destroy it (possible nsfw content on page)
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Arizona police bust HOV lane driver with dummy passenger. Larry David impressed
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Amazon to change prime delivery from two days from some arbitrary date to one day from some other arbitrary date. The package will be here next Thursday
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If you live near Reagan National Airport in Washington D.C. and it looks like the world is ending this weekend, don't worry. It's all planned. This time
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The CIA is now on Instagram so go ahead and turn the tables and follow them
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Chinese scientists are using "lax rules" to experiment with monkeys and human genetics, and now the American scientist they worked with has admitted it was a dangerous mistake (possible nsfw content on page)
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Huge firey crash under bridge. Trolls and billy goats not involved
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A man tied to multiple murders was allowed out of mental hospital unsupervised, let's see how it worked out
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| (Some Bunting) |
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Photoshop this scarlet tanager
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Our bananas are turning brown. Would you like to know more?
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Sydney man turns to the internet for answers as to whether a creepy "sushi spider" he found in his home needs wasabi or just a dip in soy sauce
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Anchorage police search for man they say rammed patrol cars with stolen truck, frightened online newspaper readers
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The thin red line between generational wealth and generational poverty, explained
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French architect reimagines Notre Dame's future roof as a greenhouse
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If you want to find out your patronus or whether you are in the upper 99th percentile for detecting subtle changes in similar colors, now is the time to take that quiz on Facebook
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State prosecutor who hosted "Cold Justice" is evading service for testimony and may be jailed. Fark: prosecutor's nickname is "giant killer". Bonus: her pic may give you a giant
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Microsoft reveals plans to release Windows: Barefoot and Pregnant Edition
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Despite some slips in 2018, the USA is still leading the world
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| Thu April 25, 2019 |
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Auditor general of the state with the highest gas tax and second most structurally deficient bridges finds DOT gave $4.2 billion to the state police. Something about hookers and blow
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While Millennials might be living in their parents' basements, at least one Gen Xer is being entrepreneurial and making a prostitution ring while he's living there
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Bevis does the brave thing and blames teachers for a child being shot
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This is how humanity comes to an end
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Florida House Republicans pass bill confirming they haven't read the 24th amendment
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Australia's Daily Telegraph decides to upgrade their content
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Well, he *is* white
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Someone hacked Australia's Lime e-scooter service to say sexual things to riders (w/audio)
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Woman arrested for shoplifting, making extremely bad life choices
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"Measles in Alabama: What you need to know and what you should do." 1) Alabama spreads disease and 2) you should not go there
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When I was a kid you were popular if you brought gum to school to share with the class. This kid will go down as legendary
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Photoshop Larry Niven and this early first-person shooter
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Surprisingly, most people who claim to work long hours are liars
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Honey caught stealing diapers and beer
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NSA to stop listening in on Americans' phone calls after realizing the only people who still make phone calls are telemarketers and your grandma
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A&E doctor suspended after saying "women deserve to be raped," bragging he'd murder wife. History channel, AMC, TLC doctors strangely silent (possible nsfw content on page)
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Hazmat crews respond to a suspicious package that turned out to be a piece of Godzilla's skin
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Today's made for Fark headline: Instagram butt model enlists doctor to prove derrière is real deal (NSFW)
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"CDC warns blood-sucking 'kissing bug' sighted in Colorado," demanding legal weed in exchange for leaving your face alone
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Apple watch lost at sea turns up six months later - and still works
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| (Not a euphemism) |
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"During the argument, both of the individuals shot each other with the same gun." Alcohol may have played a factor
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| (Ghana haveta ask) |
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"There was only one slight problem. The airline didn't actually exist. That's to say that they didn't have a plane, and they didn't have any sort of approval from authorities"
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$1.8 million raised for historic black churches burned down after Notre Dame fire
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Photoshop this guitar
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Knope, Knope, Knope
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Story in high school paper about current student doing porn may cost teacher her job, get submitter a green light, and why am I bothering, you've already clicked, haven't you?
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Los Angeles now rated the nation's most polluted city. Air quality called the same as smoking a cigarette while driving behind a diesel bus during wildfire season
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I'm Kent Brockman, and coming up on the six o'clock news, the latest craze that's sweeping the nation - superglueing yourself to famous London landmarks
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Guy walks down a street with a miniature shack on his head that shoots flame from its chimney in time to the music it's playing. Difficulty: Not in Florida (possible nsfw content on page)
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Woman accused of providing sex services to Robert Kraft now flagged for illegal use of hands
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Townspeople complain about a new tornado siren's location, so it's turned off. Townspeople then complain new tornado siren didn't warn them of tornado. There's just no pleasing some people
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Everyone that you love might be dead by Monday morning. Enjoy your weekend (don't post spoilers!)
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Armed robber steals 9-week-old rottweiler from pet shop. Will have to continue crime spree to pay food bill
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Tiger mauls Las Vegas illusionist. This is not a repeat from 2003
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There's an easy solution: buttsecks
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| (Some Chore) |
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Caption this family laundry time
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Farkers predicted this
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The most useful bit of information about Avengers: Endgame you will read today
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Firefighters rescue man stuck in a chimney, police arrest him for attempted burglary even though the man asked them to dash away, dash away, dash away all
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Searching for Avengers Endgame porn? Captain America is judging you (possible nsfw content on page) (DON'T POST SPOILERS)
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Fark Ready: Man arrested on DWI charge while wearing 'Periodic Drinker' shirt
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No word yet if mushrooms were involved or if any Super Thwomps caused any waves
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Heavy metal, children's books, and of course a black hole question are all on the Fark Weird News Quiz, April 7-13 Real Housewives Edition
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Rent isn't too damn high. Income growth is too damn low
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Mum tries cheap at-home lip filler treatment, turns herself into a freak with 'sausage lips' after nasty reaction
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Semi-naked man not named Vinny tries to stop thieves stealing his ute
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Finally we see the end result of printer ink and toner being more valuable than the printers themselves
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What the hell is leftover vodka?
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Burglars make off with numerous colonoscopes. Probably an inside job
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Photoshop this record setting melon slicer
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If you must kill a fish that's been hanging around since dinosaur times, using a bow is definitely the way to do it (possible nsfw content on page)
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Help Wanted: Hard labor, odd hours, low pay, cool helmet
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"Mommy, there's a weird creature in my closet". Mom: "no dear, you know there is no such thing as monsters, you're fine." Three days later...
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Assistant fire chief charged with arson after truck's GPS rats him out
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Little shiats aren't buying anything. Get off my lawn, you little commies. No, I am not renting out my lawn
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You don't actually hate pineapple on pizza, you're just a mindless lemming
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Even the jaded employees at a New Zealand McDonald's were mildly surprised when a guy marched through their drive-thru with a dead deer on his shoulders
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Law & Order is distracting, especially while behind the wheel. Dun dun
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Kuwaiti academic discovers that homosexuality is caused by a worm in your butt. No that is not a metaphor
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American bomb damages German town. This is not a repeat from 1945
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Semi loaded with avocados overturns on Texas freeway. Holy guacamole
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When driving a school bus, please leave your beer bottles and weed at home. And obey traffic laws
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There is now a malaria vaccine for the anti-vaxxers to ignore like the f*cking idiots they are
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| (Northeast Explorer) |
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April is moron-hiker season in New Hampshire
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Hugh Manatee sparks internet meme, childrens book, Fark headline
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 729: "Tiptoe Through the Tulips 2'". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 24, 2019 |
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A murderous giant bird is looking for a new owner. Do you have the feathers to take it on?
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Satanic Temple recognized by IRS as a tax-exempt religious organization. "Cool" tag because there is no "Hot as Hell" tag
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"Um, I'd say, go where volcanoes are?"
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Traveling to Idaho? First of all, I'm sorry. Second of all, why not stay in the most Idaho structure imaginable?
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Meanwhile, in the UK a cop has just been found guilty of assault for using his Taser and pepper spray during an arrest, must now resort to using only harsh language
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Subby's cause of death, one way or another, in five charts
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Non Fark: Please adopt my dog so I don't have to take her to a shelter. Sure I'll give her a home Fark: Ok but you'll need to pay $350 for her. Umm I thought you said you'd have to take her to a shelter? Ultra Fark: I know and I will, so pay up
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New Jersey Turnpike Authority realizes the commute was going too easily for some drivers and announces plans to fix the problem
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Football, bewbs, the imminent destruction of life on Earth - this one's got it all (possible nsfw content on page)
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OMG I just won $768.4 million. Lump sum, $477 million. Feds: "Nope, $362.5 million". IRS: "LOL $300 million." Wisconsin: Pbbhhhttt, $264 million. Winner: "FML, ...* sucks*
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| (Papa's Got a Brand New Bag) |
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Photoshop this burlap container
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ROID RAGE: Cesar Sayoc, the man behind the pipe bombs sent to lawmakers blames steroids .. tight underwear
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Prince Philip seen driving for the first time since crashing his car in January. Apparently he was the only one around and the Queen's corgis wanted to go for a ride
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Airline passenger en route to Moscow detained on the flight for hours after drinking rum and cursing
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Fireworks display in downtown Milwaukee Tuesday night was part of marriage proposal
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Yellow pocket angel eggs anyone?
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CIA want-ad for Russian speakers has garbled grammar, which just goes to show how badly they need Russian speakers
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Body of missing Illinois 5-year-old AJ Freund found. Both parents charged with First Degree Murder
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Fark Unrealty: Christ, it's like a Hallmark/Precious Moments store exploded. No single topic really captures the horror, so, 'Murica
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Photoshop this hovering hummingbird
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Lawyer, whose Yelp profile says he's a "personal injury attorney with honesty, integrity," arrested for using a shoe cam to look up a teenage girl's skirt. With "My life is over" mugshot goodness
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Denver Police Department swears in a horse for the first time in history
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"The Night King is the true hero of GoT,' so we should all be rooting for him." Also, this article may or may not include nude photos of Arya. You have to click to find out. Look, just click or the WaPo editors will shoot this dog. CLICK DAMN YOU
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Polly warns a crackhead
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72-year-old man stabs nephew for taking too long in the bathroom. Wait till he finds out there's no paper left
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Today is Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day, or as Turkey calls it, One Million of Our Neighbors Wandered Into the Desert and Starved For Some Reason That We Had Nothing To Do With Day
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Microsoft blocks the latest Windows 10 update from computers with USB storage, because it randomizes your drive letters. Are they even testing these updates anymore?
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Man stole $150K from mom to buy sex dolls, 150 lingerie pieces. Hopes she will send him to his room without supper
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Who farted, y'all: NYC edition
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Apparently spraying your DNA on robbers helps to deter them from robbing your store
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Peak PEI: In yesterday's provincial election, the sitting Premier was defeated by a dairy farmer whose hobby is taking "glamour photos" of his cows
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Bad: Accidentally showing a porn image during a Powerpoint presentation. Badder: accidentally re-tweeting furry porn to your 1000+followers. TotalFark: You're a school
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'Good Samaritans' don't usually steal a car crash victim's purse
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As more of their cylinders came from the mysterious depths of space, their war machines, awesome in their power and complexity, created a wave of fear (possible nsfw content on page)
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The WHO warns that inactivity for young children could lead to teenage wasteland
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Caption this woman with car trouble
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Some of the world's first climate change refugees are in A: Kiribati? B: The Maldives? or C: Louisiana?
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BSA fearful that new laws will bankrupt them as scouts now have longer to consider how scout masters have touched their lives
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Does this shark warning sign in Hawaii look a lot like the California Pizza Kitchen logo?
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Woman tenderly deals with son during argument over homework
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The Grand Canyon's insatiable appetite continues, sarlacc pit belches approvingly
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Nursing home resident on oxygen tank rolls his wheelchair outside for a smoke, succeeds
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250 years ago, some guy slapped the cheeks of a woman who had just been beheaded and she gave him an angry look
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♪ Ain't no doubt about it - we were doubly blessed ♫ Because we were barely seventy and we were barely dressed ♪
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Well, that's enough internet for today (possible nsfw content on page)
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That's a negative ET, the pattern is full
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Photoshop this musical monk
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Just in time for Woofday Wetnose Wednesday, a boy gets adopted on the same day his family adopts a dog: "I was adopted and now I'm ready to do it for him"
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H&R Block co-founder Henry Bloch dead at 96. Mourners can come pay their respects in person, or for $19.95, they can have 75% of their respects paid immediately
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Public health officials confirm blood-sucking 'kissing bugs', which are fond of biting faces, are now in Delaware. Sleep tight Delawareians
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Zimbabwe pastor kisses evil spirits goodbye, says he got the idea from watching Richard Dawkins on Family Feud in the 1970s
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"We're unhappy with the noise of the airport and quite frankly tired of it," says family who willingly moved into a home near an airport
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Footage released of cop shooting unarmed black couple as they sit singing in their car, and then running away gibbering in fear
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Victory during an air combat training exercise undoubtedly tastes sweet, but actually shooting your wingman down is generally frowned upon
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First pharmaceutical company accused of oversupplying opiods has given up in court, will pay $20million to avoid jail. "Intentionally violated federal narcotics" shipping opioids to pharmacies knowing it was for illegal use. Other dominoes line up
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Dear Amy: I was a terrible a**hole in school and treated people horrible. Why can't people just forget about all that at our reunion?
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Good news, vapers. Not only do you smell like nasty pancake syrup, those huge clouds of vapor are contaminated with bacterial and fungal toxins
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Fugitive that escaped an Austrian prison 10 years ago turns himself in because he was sick of living in a tropical paradise
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Dildoan on the run
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If you give a bird a cookie a jailer will lose his job
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Canada releases a fabulous new loonie to celebrate LGBTQ2 rights
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Alabama finally has something to be proud of
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| Tue April 23, 2019 |
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Powerball winner in Wisconsin comes forward to claim $768 million prize, says he's 'ready and knows how to say no'. Just wait until he has to say no to all of his 34,968 family members who will come out of the woodwork
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Fire crews rescue man who may have been lost in sewer 'for days' - "it was a pretty crappy experience"
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One way they can tell if you're drunk when you leave the bar is if you drive away with two vehicles
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The FAA makes it official: Google now has its own air force
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That new McTequila is one hell of a drink (possible nsfw content on page)
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I'm not crying, you're crying. Now go call your mom
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Woman murders husband for watching porn. Subby deletes browser history (possible nsfw content on page)
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One area in life where you should never seek "discount" services: plastic surgery
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Woman wakes up after 27-year coma
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If you're going to break into the governor's mansion, make sure you're well rested first
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Fark NotNewsletter: Giving up
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Photoshop the elusive "Please Do Not Touch" plant
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Bear: "so I enter a few houses. Big deal. So now I get the needle? Man this is some bulls*** man. For real"
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"Slashies" is the new trend for people working two or more jobs, though you need at least three of them to be taken seriously
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Country inches closer to measles record. USA USA USA
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"A Florida man's car was stolen with his son inside. He chased the car for five miles, then shot the thief"
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Monster 2,000kg great white shark loses bloody struggle with big sea turtle after biting off more than he could chew (possible nsfw content on page)
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The second of three men convicted in the 1998 dragging death of James Byrd in TX is scheduled to die tomorrow. Fark: over the objections of many of Byrd's relatives who say they've forgiven his killers and don't want him to die
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Middle Eastern man crucified. Prepare for Followup tag in three days
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Sit Ubu, sit. Good cubicle worker. *Woof*
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Scientists asked artificial intelligence to create a new game. AI: "OK...hmmm, let me see. Uh, how about exploding Frisbees?"
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Photoshop this archaeological find
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You know it's not your day at the beach when your tan lines are replaced by tire tracks
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Airline vows to crack down on A: Maintenance issues, B: Poor pilot training, or C: Flight attendants taking snacks home
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The Florida man who said he was defending a woman while fighting in an Easter bunny costume and not a violent person is a fugitive wanted for armed robbery in New Jersey
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Rub'n'KraftTug video is coming. Arguably the worst Kraftwerk album ever
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"Coachella puppy dumpster dumper arrested". Man, the acts at the festival just gets weirder ever year
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Philippines close to declaring war on Canada over garbage. Rochester NY seen whistling, looking suspicious
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Nebraska man's rapid heartbeat stabilizes after his ambulance hits a pothole. Which shows the road to recovery can sometimes be plagued by poor maintenance
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Their ongoing, obsessive search for their most holy of food items has led to the explosion of a potentially crippling disease now tearing through Millennial ranks: Avocado Hand (graphic image warning)
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Why you shouldn't put garlic in your vagina
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While wearing a biohazard suit and beating them with a large trout would be subby's suggestion
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Drug testing proves two politicians are assholes
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Washington State passes 100% clean electricity legislation. But I was told power corrupts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this night class
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"This was supposed to be a story about a bizarre anti-vaccine rally and a sedated bear. Then it got weird"
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If you lost your leg in a 'freak skydiving accident' maybe you should put a tether on your $15,000 prosthetic when you jump out of a plane again
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Mississippi, the only state with a Confederate symbol in its flag, is offering a new flag design on license plates. Let's come up with a slogan to go with it
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You'd think no one would be interested in a winery event where you drink wine with alpacas. But you'd be very wrong
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Prediction from 1981: San Francisco would become a city where only the elite could afford to live
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Unicorn armpit hair
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If you're going to secretly film underage girls showering on your boat, maybe you shouldn't name it "Yachts O' Trouble"
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Drug addict breaks jaw in bar fight. Insurance sends him a check for $33,000 for his medical bills. He proceeds to do what addicts do with a crapload of money
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Wedding photographers can tell when a couple is destined for divorce by how much country music they play at their reception, if they have to photoshop a smile on the groom's face, and by if one of them force shoves wedding cake down the other's craw
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Photoshop this falling fellow
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The Sri Lanka bombings were in retaliation for the New Zealand mosque attacks. So I guess that's all settled then and we won't have to worry about any more of this shiat happening
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Man does a Google search for his childhood best friend, freaks the F*CK out by what turns up
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Old and busted: Cuyahoga River is a constant blaze due to pollution. New hotness: Cuyahoga River has made a remarkable comeback in the past half-century and has been named River Of The Year
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Inside the "Ikea effect" - which says we are willing to pay more for stuff we have to put together ourselves. Here comes the science
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Mom to 7-year-old son: "OK, now you be a good lookout while grandma shoplifts." Boy fails, grandma gets caught, and mom comforts crying son. Just kidding, she punches him in the face for being a bad lookout
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Neigh means neigh, moo means moo, baaad means baaad and cluck does not mean fluck
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Environmentally astute man robs service station wearing recyclable shopping bag on his head ...not so astute when he pulls it off to put his loot in it
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This is how it's supposed to work
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Blowtorches can't melt oak beams
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In this age of rampant governmental abuse of power it's good to know a court finally ruled meter maid tire chalking unconstitutional
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Motorcyclists really should wear helmets because who knows when buzzards will go for fresh meat
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Elderly couple return to church after 75 years to renew their vowels. Vanna White looks good for her age
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Just so you know, two motorcycles can legally share a lane side-by-side a la Ponch and Jon, but no more than two. Three is right out
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A Skyscraper in the Philippines had an orgasm and it was caught on film
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| Mon April 22, 2019 |
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OK, but next time, I run the scam and you dance
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Florida Man's homemade pipe bomb simultaneously fails to stay in yard, be a bomb
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I got 99 problems, but a light pole ain't one of them
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Old and busted: "We don't want guest speakers we disagree with to come to our college." New hotness: "We want you to fire any faculty we disagree with"
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Shoving your head in a brick is no way to get through life, dog
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Man wearing "be a good human shirt" isn't
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In your Easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it. Who was the grandest lady in the Easter parade?
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Skipping breakfast? Oh you better believe that's a myocardial infarction
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Irreplaceable piece of aviation history crashed into a California State Prison in Norco today killing the pilot. The original flying wing prototype the Northrop N9MB was lost but thankfully no one on the ground was hurt
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Amazon wants to get you drunk
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Photoshop these power line workers
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Tonight on Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) continuing to swing through the alphabet with song titles starting with "E"
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Restaurant closed for weekend due to laxatives on pizza. Well that was a shiatty thing to do
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Drinking liquids without added sugar linked to lowered sugar intake. Water is wet. Sugar is sugary
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Boeing awarded $605M for Air Force's comm. satellite. In related news, communications from Air Force bases has been lost
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Gen X gets screwed again, says "whatever" and goes back to silent contempt of Boomers and Millennials
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Britain has been coal-free for four days and has managed to survive just fine
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Another nut with a gun, in a church on Easter. This one involved a shipmate of subby's son as one of the heroes
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There are 61.24 million married couples in the U.S. and Ashley Madison now has 60 million users. I submitted this from my hotel room after your wife left
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The old saying 'know your audience' is never more true than when exposing oneself
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Photoshop challenge: Choose any U.S. state flag and make it look better. This shouldn't be hard
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The problem with using dating sites to meet potential victims is that police can find you on those dating sites
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Moist's story is all wet
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The heaviest drinkers in Australia consume more than half the alcohol in the country, despite the heaviest drinkers in Australia making up only 53% of the population
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特斯拉在一個餅乾上爆炸聖潔的廢話
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Among the 290 people killed in the Easter Sunday attacks in Sri Lanka, were 3 of the 4 children of Anders Holch Povlsen, a billionaire who is Denmark's richest man. The bombers may end up hoping it's the authorities that catch them first
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Baby emerges true victorious champion of violent domestic ax battle between four. Do not mess with baby
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That classic ice cream truck song? Well, it's super racist
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Researcher to teen: You know you are vaping nicotine? Teen: No way. Researcher: Way.
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You think YOU have a tough job? Try being Notre Dame's insurance adjuster
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| (Some Crowley) |
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Psssst...wanna buy a cursed house on the shores of Loch Ness?
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The so-called 'ringleader' of a hate crime that killed a black man in Jasper, Texas in 1998, by tying him to a truck and dragging him over 3 miles, causing his death, is scheduled to be executed
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Caption this TV repairman
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If you gave every American a blank map of the United States featuring only state and county lines but no other markers, the majority could not place a dot on it within 50 miles of their own home's location
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Bad: Teacher accused of molesting student. Worse: Teacher is HIV positive. Fark: Teacher hires a hitman to kill the student and his family
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FDA approves first generic naloxone nasal spray, which will be "The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy- head, fever, shallow breathing, confusion, lessened alertness, and loss of consciousness so you can live medicine"
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It was more than 100 years ago that Sgt. William A. Butler was declared a "hero among heroes" in war. So why wasn't he ever awarded the Medal of Honor? It's a mystery that will likely never be solved until about two seconds after you see his picture
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If the CIA aren't catching as many terrorists as you'd like, it's because they're busy checking up on Jesus's UFO and the End Of Days etc (possible nsfw content on page)
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| (Some Guys) |
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Photoshop this Tissot drawing
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Florida woman fights Florida man, gets Easter Bunny as backup
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Ten year-old Maryland girl born without hands wins handwriting contest. "I just try my hardest"
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There are good cops. These are not them
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Headline: "North Carolina Man Accused of Shooting Two Children in Road Rage Incident." Article doesn't explain why those kids were driving or why driver did not just give them a timeout at the next rest stop
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The Men on Magic Carpets should have spent more time with the Men who Stared at Goats[CARRIER LOST]
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If there were a great beyond, somewhere in its depths Darwin would be masturbating furiously at this scene
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Two dead in Texas after a plane crash at Shirley Williams airport. Yes, I am completely serious
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