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| Sun April 07, 2019 |
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Eco-friendly prison wins award -wait, what?
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Health care is so great that Americans spend their tax refunds on it
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(Oh, snap) x 2 [Warning: Graphic video and photos]
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How big should a clam get? As Abraclam Lincoln said, "Big enough for his legs to reach the ground"
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Photoshop Skillzy
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With fewer young men in the population, Japanese military recruiters are going after young women and flower boys to meet quota. The fiery redhead, the stoic young man in white, and the flyboy with sky blue hair symbolize army, navy, and air force
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The right to represent oneself shall not be gold-fringed
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108-year-old barber takes a weekend off
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Good guy with a gun stops a dangerous little girl from turning 11
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Mindless smartphone-toting jaywalker tried to cross busy Singapore street. What happened next will surprise ... absolutely no one (with video)
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| (Some Pants) |
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Photoshop these pants
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The weirdest giant objects you can visit around the world
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That's a nice chateau you've got there. It would be a shame if something happened to it
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Photoshop these fishing lures
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I think they're called 'taxi medallions' and we already have a process in place for getting one
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He is... The Urinator. And he'll be back. To pee on you
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Why did Americans of 200 years ago drink nearly a quart of whiskey a day? Because water could kill you if it touched your head
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Florida fugitive arrested on rooftop by U.S. Marshals. She said she was innocent, but they said, "I don't care"
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| Sat April 06, 2019 |
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Stop... hammer time
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NY judge rules children entitled to equal access to death
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Walmart subsidiary will no longer sell weapons used in surge of violence. Fark: in UK. WTFark: Single kitchen knives
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Taking a corporate cue from Cracker Jacks, Cadbury chocolate eggs now include a surprise
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African Wildlife to poacher: Youse mess wit one of us, youse messes wit all of us, punk
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Virginia non-profit suing in federal court so that Farkers do not face a year in jail and a $2500 fine for trying to make it tolerable to be in the state (Asinine tag is for the law)
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Photoshop this salt mine
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Florida Man can only handle 15 minutes of freedom
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Going to jail for being drunk on mouthwash? Better smoke a bowl before you go
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Nurses bail father out of jail for breaking multiple laws to get daughter who was choking to hospital. Faith in humanity temporarily restored
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For the first time in nearly three decades, Los Angeles's major gangs have united under one banner to pay tribute to fallen rap star Nipsey Hussle
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Photoshop this pink wonder
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Practice your Frogger skills because Colorado is putting a bus stop in the middle of I-25
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WV mom with gun stops Egyptian man from kidnapping her daughter in mall. ummmmmmm Correction: WV mom arrested for reporting event that never happened
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| (Some Guy) |
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You would think that banning sex between teachers and minor age students would be something that everyone can agree on. You'd be wrong
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Speed limit increases killed an extra 37,000 people over 25 years. Sammy Hagar unavailable for comment
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Mummified mice found in Egyptian tomb, lending currency to Subby's plan to reboot 'The Mummy' starring Pinky and the Brain
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Cops are going undercover to make New Jersey smell a little less shiatty
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Texas teacher put on leave after his posts on white supremacist websites are discovered, including one comment saying "it's not fun" teaching mostly nonwhite students
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Candida auris, a drug-resistant fungus, is spreading and targeting children, the elderly, and others with weakened immune systems. But governments are hiding outbreak information, putting millions at risk
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Former senator Earnest Hollings is on the Fritz at 97
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And the next winning state in the Diseases That Shouldn't Exist Anymore Lottery is...Maryland, come on down
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Come have a shocking time in electrifying Tukwila
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Photoshop this twisted situation
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Camille, Cassius, Chive, Chad, Chandler, Channing, Chula, Cordelia, Chase and Chester see Caturday coming
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| (Dictionary.com) |
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Downfall of the English language continues as Dictionary.com adds 300 words, including textlationship, welp, and sneakerhead
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Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times
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| (Some Guy) |
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No it's not thousands of UFOs, it's an absurd number of real streetlights that opportunistic villagers have erected to rip off the Chinese government
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City of Missoula to cryptocurrency miners: Go fark yourselves
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Tourists 'threatened with death penalty' for taking selfies on beach in Thailand. Yes, Phuket
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Just wait'll they start asking about cummerbunds
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I'll see your nine hospital nurses pregnant in Maine, and raise you with 15 pregnant maternity nurses in Long Island
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Woman finds $14,000 in cash lying on the road after stopping to collect what she initially thought was trash. Hands it over to police
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Texas plans bold, forward-thinking educational curriculum to make it the number one producer of tomorrow's calligraphists
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1,000 Brazilian doctors have quit in the last three months. And that is a LOT of doctors
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Who takes meth to calm their nerves?
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| Fri April 05, 2019 |
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As sea levels rise, the UN is proposing a bold solution: Floating cities
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Dog owners way more likely to say they're "very happy" than cat owners. Hell even people with no pets are more happy than people with cats
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Mr Keeler killed by keel. Is there nominative determinism for deaths as well as jobs?
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Maine Farkers, you think you live on the worst road in Maine? Well, most likely you do
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Wonder why news outlets run stories about how a border shutdown might impact avocados? It's for the clicks. And it threatens to trivialize important issues
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Seventy-two people in five states have E. Coli. The FDA can't figure out why. Regulation-free free market FTW
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America has become Godless: The number of people with no religion soars, rises 266 per cent in three decades
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Family finds a hidden camera live-streaming them during their stay at an Airbnb in Ireland. Airbnb's response: its not a big deal
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Are you a veteran who uses the benefits you earned in the military? Pete Hegseth wants you to know that makes you a freeloader who lacks personal integrity. Tag is for all veterans
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Working for a legal business? No citizenship for you
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Photoshop these soldiers
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Fisher Price "Rock 'n Play" easily converts to "Roll n Die"
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Today in Hemmings classifieds: Pickup truck. Used. US Marshalls auction. Slight skunky odor. If you buy it and get pulled over, the cop WILL smell weed
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Cookie Monster shakes his head ruefully, turns, and walks away
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After torrent of criticism, Boeing struggles to download software updates to planes over the air, lest they get a blue screen of actual death
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Bald eagles are sick of your shiat
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Man breaks into a home, eats cereal and falls asleep on the floor surrounded by torn sanitary napkins. Ain't meth wonderful?
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The NYPD has all sorts of high-tech crime-fighting gadgets, but their most effective secret weapon is called a rope
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Photoshop this road traveler
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Naked, barefoot man climbs up light rail platform at 1am. Police aren't able to get him down until 7am
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Family Pom-chi tests positive for meth after free ranging at USS Bullhead dog park in Albuquerque. Your dog wants detox
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"New York's newest neighborhood drew inspiration from Battery Park City, but is filled with 21st-century twists." So it comes with constant flooding, shiatty jobs and people giving you health care only to take it away a few years later?
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Woman who decided she was done with jail and walked away finds out it doesn't work that way
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Someone is using Gabe Newell's face to sell underwear in China
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Dick vows to drill Crevice
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Man "accidentally" overpays for Harvard fencing coach's house, man's son coincidentally gets into Harvard. Go figure
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While the measles epidemic is showing no signs of getting better, politicians are considering not allowing 'religious reasons' as a reason to not vaccinate your children. A rare hero tag for legislatures who are finally doing the right thing
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Accidentally butt-dialing your girlfriend as you are cheating on her? That's a million dollar lawsuit
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Say, is there a software update for civil lawsuits against aircraft manufacturers?
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British stag do tourists now being hunted by police for parading through Krakow, Poland in MANKINIS (possible nsfw content on page)
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Looking to buy a Howitzer artillery cannon? Take a number. Hold it high
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Australian employment panel rules workers free to behave like drunken, obnoxious, chundering Australians
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Eight of the surviving Apollo astronauts got together for a portrait, and the wardrobe of a certain second man to walk on the moon/noted pugilist stole the show
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Today's "What are we morally outraged about today?" subject: Complete strangers who decide they don't want kids
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Boeing has identified another "relatively minor" software problem with the 737 Max, which in Boeingese likely means that the planes have a slight chance of exploding every time you raise the window shade
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Dan Robbins, artist behind paint-by-numbers pictures, dead at 93. Tributes in 1, 2, 3
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Most cops are able to keep their racist beliefs to themselves, rather than share them over social media
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| (Some Desk Image) |
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Something is wrong with this picture. Photoshop something else to be wrong in it as well
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Psychic attack on Houses of Parliament stops Britain's exit from Europe. For an hour (possible nsfw content on page)
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Florida man robs Police Federal Credit Union. And, surprisingly, gets away
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Old report: If 737 Max pilots had followed procedure, they would've been fine. New report: Ethiopian Airlines pilots followed all procedures set out by Boeing, and crashed anyway. Whoops
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Fire at egg farm leads to a ton of barbecued chicken
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Fewer people are going to Jared, presumably after going to craigslist and learning that diamond jewelry is basically worthless
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In which truck driver thinks he can defy the mighty 11foot8 by flooring it. He chose... poorly
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If you ask the neighbor to keep an eye on a runaway pet pig while you go searching for the pig's owner, don't be surprised if you come back to find...pork chops
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Is that a chainsaw in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
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| Thu April 04, 2019 |
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James Burke would be proud
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At least one large company has decided that it's better to keep insulin patients alive and paying for more prescriptions, rather than bankrupt them so they die
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After a third person has died falling into the Grand Canyon, park officials remind visitors to stay away from the edge of the canyon. Because gravity
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Mountain bikers find barbed wire disguised as a branch hung across trail
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You are NOT the child
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Missing woman search covers an area of 1 Rhode Island
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NY on the lookout for a pair of black bears. Have they been to the Village lately?
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Experts who officially named new Japanese era forgot about name's association with old anime schoolgirl porn games. The internet didn't, because the internet never forgets anything, and a simple Google search brings it to light in seconds
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Photoshop theme: Create a logo for a fake organization
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You can now be a Latter-Gay Saint
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Now that it's warming up again, here's a friendly reminder to be careful applying your sunscreen if you want to keep your eyelids
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Queen to Meghan Markle: The crown jewels, not yours
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Teenager gets in accident and airbags deploy. Responding deputy smells airbag chemicals, decides it smells like marijuana, we need a body cavity search
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Woman sends nude kidnap photo to parents for money. Because, that's normal
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You know those little electric scooter rentals at the boardwalk? Not safe. Three accidents in three days result in broken neck, broken back and dead guy
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The median price of that home you can't afford just got more unaffordable
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Yo, dawg, I heard you like viruses, so I found a virus that infects other viruses
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Good: Missing woman found. Bad: Her body was found in her car. Fark: In the police impound lot
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If you give your car to your friend in exchange for meth, don't report it was carjacked
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this antici-
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Researchers discover that American revolution hero and "father of the cavalry" was actually Polish. Oh yeah, and a woman
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I don't know where my estranged wife is. Then why does video show you carrying a large garbage bag out of your building and then placing it in storage just after she was supposed to be at your apartment?
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Early morning, April 4, Shot rings out in the Memphis sky, Free at last, they took your life, They could not take your pride
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Today's "we're all gonna die" story comes to us from one of the world's foremost volcanologists, who has warned that if a very active volcano on the Canary Islands erupts, "'enormous' MEGA-TSUNAMIS could DROWN both the UK and US coasts" (possible nsfw content on page)
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University of Hartford drama student charged with school stabbing says he was curious what it would be like to stab someone. That's the problem with theater majors. Too much drama
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Garbage truck driver dumps liquid waste in front of home, learns owner has security cameras
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A drug dealer with a business plan? It's more likely than you think
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News: Man accused of trying to lure cop's daughter. FARK: two years after similar incident with her sister
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Florida man driving along and doing erotic whippets runs over lawyer and injures family. Whippet good Florida, whippet good
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Police drop the hammer on smiling woman accused of croquet mallet attack
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Iowa man arrested for failing to belt his son
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'More than 4,900 minors have requested a marriage license in Colorado since 2000. Out of those requests, 127 involved a bride or groom aged 15 years or younger and 10 came from Coloradans under the age of 13.'
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Saudi Arabia's biggest oil field is producing less than what most people expected. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Florida Mayor, never a slave to reason, picks April 26 as "Confederate Memorial Day". No word on what time he plans to start working in the fields for no pay
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R
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this couple in bed
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"The most famous weapon in the history of art" is up for auction. Gogh bid on it
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New Zealand celebrates running of the sheep though town streets. Event turns into a bunch of ewe turns
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Self-proclaimed time traveller from the year 2082 says he traveled back 66 million years to take a picture of a dinosaur. No Jesus riding it because he wasn't born yet (possible nsfw content on page)
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'Close your legs' judge in sex attack case faces suspension
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Man who stands in front of truck gets tired
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That's good shiat, man
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EasyJet not as easy for drunk homophobic loudmouths
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Pennsylvania woman tries to hide the evidence after being stopped by police, eats seven bags of heroin as an appetizer but doesn't get to her first course of more than 70 assorted pills. (with/pic of what a heroin addict looks like)
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Deputies arrest felon for pointing laser at helicopter while wearing boxer shorts, possession of firearms by felon. Personally, Subby prefers briefs
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Seriously, who steals a wheelchair ramp from a kid with cerebral palsy?
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Acetaminophen linked to kidney failure and liver damage. If you are diabetic, you shouldn't take it, because a new study shows that it leads to an increased risk of strokes in those patients
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Screw you at the drive thru? Stab you at the drive thru
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Spring thaw 2019 - ICE is moving
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From the "what's wrong with humanity" files: apparently videos of high school seniors doing "college choice reveals" are now a thing
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Portland police bureau receives 100 applications to fill vacancies. Only three were able to pass the background screening
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Judge to Kentucky teen: go be ignorant and unvaccinated somewhere else
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Australia just passed a law that says if you're an executive of a social media company, and someone live-streams violence, you will be thrown in jail
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You won't believe this but older people are struggling with digital literacy, which makes them easy targets of fake news, malware, scams, and hyperpartisan rhetoric online
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A Nazi supporter who claimed homosexuality was 'unnatural' is accused of being unnatural with kids
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Didn't you know? It's good luck to throw pennies at an airplane engine before takeoff
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Photoshop challenge: Create a lame board game
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Man charged and fined for animal abandonment and cruelty after he abandons his pet after getting evicted. Fark: His pet fish
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I know this might not be the right place for it, but if anyone has a working liver, type O blood, and are under 150 lbs, a baby needs your help
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Is it too late for Mother of the Year nominations? Look no further, here she is
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Location, location, *hic*, location
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Did we ever think we'd be parenting in a time where measles was a threat thanks to a bunch of idiotic anti-vaxxers?
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Anyone know what the wedding anniversary gift is for 82 years of marriage?
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Screw more. We need workers
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Normal: An attorney leaving a courthouse. Weird: The courthouse is under construction. Weirder: He left at 1:30 AM. Fark: Via BASE jump. UltraFark: And he was promptly arrested
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Police are advising that you stay away from the aggressive geese and please stop taking selfies with them
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My Shelby Mustang does 185. I posted on YouTube, now I don't drive
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You may worry about people droning on at funerals, but you don't usually worry about getting hit by a drone while at one
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 726: "Product Placement". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 03, 2019 |
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Federal government settles for a quarter million after park rangers beat up disabled Hispanic combat vet for legally parking in a handicapped parking space
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Woman behind bars after she stabbed a man in the leg with a "purple, stiletto-style" knife. Then TFA is hijacked by a Les Misérables style of criminal revelations
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Sortofwant.png
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VW tests self-driving cars and I'm sure with their spotless record they didn't drive over any old ladies, dogs or small children, not one, honest, really
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Police can find no motive for drunken murder spree. Police baffled, were sure they would find pot in his system
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Fark mascot has apparently swapped his Maker's Mark for psychedelic mushrooms
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Politicians are worried that it's too hard for predatory tow companies to take your car
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Famously workaholic Japan is pressed about long holiday they'll get to celebrate new Emperor. "If you want to go traveling, it's going to be crowded everywhere and tour costs have surged... I might end up staying at my parents' place"
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Damn it Mr Anderson. Not cool Mr Anderson. Not Cool
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Scientists say California is in an earthquake drought, so if you've been watering your lawn with tremors please stop
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Newkirk and LeBeau still unaccounted for
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She puts the lotion on (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop this handout
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If you've ever considered blindsiding the bus driver with your walking cane, for God's sake, don't do it to this guy
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Drunken motorist goes 3 mph short of doubling the speed limit. Difficulty: 107 mph
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Nice boat
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There's tough, then there's giving birth in a mango tree tough
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You make one silly comment about the amount of groceries in a fellow shopper's cart, then everything gets all BLAM BLAM on the way home
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Writer poses as home buyer to see how the Miami real estate scene is dealing with unrelenting sea-level rise and not to worry "that's all been fixed"
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Judge proposes that PG&E put "not burning people alive" ahead of "paying out dividends to stockholders"
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Uber has spent $2m to fight NYC congestion charge. Wait. Insert a "for" between "fight" and "NYC"
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Sometimes real heroes leak memorandums to bring attention to service families living among hurricane-ravished military installations
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Just like your shiatty ex, Facebook found leaking your privates again
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Thanos snaps fingers, makes Star Wars presale records instantly disappear
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The last time CO2 levels were this high sea level was 60 feet higher and there were trees at the south pole. Son of a beech
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Morbid headline of the day: "How to Dig Up a Grave"
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A young Rosie O'Donnell and young Kiefer Sutherland it seems will be charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and reckless endangerment after shooting a man in the back
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Photoshop this butler's pantry
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How about this? You can choose not to vaccinate your child, but in exchange you and your child can't go into any public places. That includes hospitals
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Millennials don't want to buy Baby Boomers' houses, just like subby doesn't want to date Anne Hathaway. So, Anne, if you're reading this, don't bother asking because I'd just say no
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Florida couple gets down and dirty, seriously... they rolled in the mud, after saying 'I do'
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You call that overreacting to a car honk? This Australian will show you overreacting to a car honk
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Leave your old car sitting in the yard when you don't have a use for it: Sort of ok. Nuclear submarine, not so much
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For some reason, people aren't rushing to buy $88 million dollar mansion in NYC. In other news, subby just got raise that he blew on two doughnuts and a small coffee
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Condoms up 56%, butts down in NJ annual beach trash sweep
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Indiana University draws Mumps as its next opponent
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Russian boy sets off on round-the-world trip **a few hours later** "a search team found him walking down a street equipped with encyclopaedias, a toy, money from his piggy bank and a banana"
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World's tiniest influencer has a better makeup game than you (possible nsfw content on page)
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Headline: "Duff McKagan's wife reveals secret to long lasting marriage". However CTRL+F results for "anal" = 0
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"Under what circumstances do people in college need a Corvette?"
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Epic parking spot battle lasts for over an hour. Grab some popcorn
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Dangers of smoking, Russian edition
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From the: 'Umm phrasing?' files. Brunei makes gay sex punishable by stoning to death. Lesbian sex, however, gets 40 strokes
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The best U.S. cities to raise a family. Or avoid, depending on your perspective
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Caption this computer teacher
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Woman admits she has a favorite child, internet loses its collective mind. Although many of you won't admit, you do too (possible nsfw content on page)
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If you've run out of chicken fire jokes, here's 28,000 more reasons to try again
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If you're going to go on a crime spree, you might want to pick a different target than a small, low-populated island
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Not news: airports seizing smuggled animals. Fark: 757 Tarantulas. WTFark? From Poland
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Spoiler Alert: ●
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Man too lazy to get a real driver's license uses a handwritten piece of paper with his picture glued on it hoping it would be enough to fool police. Spoiler alert: it wasn't
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You can now watch porn in 5D at a cinema in Amsterdam. In other news, porn just proved the existence of an extra dimension, which is not surprising as porn is usually first
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Local councillor defends a retweet as he believes "debate and discussion are generally the best guarantor a free society has against bigotry and hatred" - Fark: he retweeted Tommy Robinson
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Photoshop the Earth on a plate
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Basketball enthusiast puppy makes the UK loss a little less awful. Enjoy your Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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Faking a home invasion to cover up theft of fundraising money isn't normal, but on Thin Mints it is
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Woman finds 'maggot' in KFC corn cob, demands refund which is refused at first. KFC spokesman says 'not to worry, it looks like a corn borer, which can happen when using fresh food'. Corn Borers are maggots
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Now that one swatter has been jailed for 20 years, here's another who's charged with 40 felonies and 33 misdemeanors. Help wanted: 8chan lawyer
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So Fabrício, how's that evil twin defense working for you?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Alcoholics Anonymous keeps dominating our culture even though it's been completely debunked
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The only thing dumber than two guys from Arkansas shooting at each other to try out a bullet proof vest is the story they make up when things go awry
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Hearse runs over NYPD cop's leg during huge rabbi funeral, cop hoping for a smaller rabbi if it happens again
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The Itchy and Scratchy Show (Giggity barely beats out Dumbass tag) (possible nsfw content on page)
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Protip: if you steal a stove, tie it down really good in your truck. Or how about this: don't steal stoves
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Oklahoma's answer to Steve Irwin found guilty of one count of aggravated mulletide and solicitation of murder
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Nipsey Hussle was murdered by Eric Holder. IT'S A CONSPIRACY
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| Tue April 02, 2019 |
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Boys decide to ride their bicycles around the apartment complex. What's the worst that could happen?
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Remember that shoot-out between rival biker gangs at a bar in Waco Texas that left nine dead, 20 wounded, and 155 people charged? Exactly NO ONE is going to jail for that as prosecutors have dropped all remaining charges
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Signs, signs, everywhere are signs, clogging up the freeway with downed power lines
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Nova Scotia to become first jurisdiction in North America to make it default to recycle your body parts after death
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Patsy caught Sayoc: but they told me the bombs I mailed were decoys
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Stabbing suspect says he was high on "Pot Gummies" in an attempt to simultaneously cause and cure the munchies
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Weekend at Béarnaise?
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Chemical company in Texas with at least 15 current OSHA violations, and has paid massive fines to federal and state regulators, has massive explosion killing at least one
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Fark NotNewsletter: Protect your brains
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Worst Godfather Sequel EVER
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This man's journey from attempted traffic stop to arrest involved leading police on a chase to his home, fleeing from there on foot through mud and losing a shoe
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Photoshop this guy having a bad day
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I believe that leggings are our future. Wear them well, and let your rears lead the way. Show them all the booty they possess inside
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Apocalyptic waterspout sent from Cthulhu leaves buildings in ruins
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If the government won't fill in the street's potholes, at least this 12-year-old kid will
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We have to use the indefinite article "a" dildo, never "your" dildo
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91-year-old Tarzana woman rides again after stolen tricycle is replaced. To be fair, it probably beats swinging on vines
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Good mom with a gun stops would-be kidnapper. No word on whether the bad guy had a gun, but we are assured the gun is OK. UPDATE: Woman has recanted her story about the attempted abduction
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Cow carcasses clutter Canary coast causing concern
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I'm not the pheasant plucker I'm the [checks notes] naked pheasant sex dancer (possible nsfw content on page)
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That strange taste? Oh, it's just the cadmium your co-worker has been slipping into your food and water for the past 18 months
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UK bookmakers: Of course we're not trying to get around new restrictions on roulette-based machines. Our new games are nothing like roulette. They just involve betting on numbers between 1 and 36. Gambling Commission: Do we look stupid?
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Man gets entire 737 to himself for a trip to Italy. Still doesn't get upgraded
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Photoshop these surfers
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After two years of repair, California officials say they have the dam thing fixed
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Entire church stolen. Guess they really didn't want to stick around for the free oven mitt
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A 13-year-old just traded his Xbox for a car for his single mother
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"I cut people," said the pastor
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Blind veterans kayak through Grand Canyon. At least that's what they were told
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The animators at "Archer" apparently also do courtroom sketches
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What happens when you bring a squeegee to a machete fight?
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IHOP customer complains that they're out of bacon, gets punched in the face by police
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Bread truck driver becomes toast
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Man gets fourth DUI in seven months doing 100 in a 55 with two kids and an open container of alcohol on board. Achievement unlocked
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Study: getting a small amount of sleep leads to being tired the next day. This study was a follow-up to the researcher's earlier study that showed that hitting one's head with a hammer tends to lead to ouchies
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Remember those halcyon days as a child playing with your python?
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Komodo Island will be off limits to tourists because people can't stop stealing the dragons
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Star Wars themed sex party features Jar Jar Kinks, Hand Solo, Grabba the Butt
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When jumping off a bridge as you run from police, try not to land ass first or bad things can happen
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Amazon now selling sex doll which comes tied-up and gagged ..get them for your fetish before the prudes shut it down
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Study shows the Brits are most likely to combine sex and drugs, otherwise known as chemsex...something something to do with looking British
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Can't afford a power wheelchair for your 2-year-old? Just ask your local high-school robotics team to build you one
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Old school: pulling the fire alarm to get out of an exam. New school: jamming the school's Wi-Fi to avoid exams
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I hope you bought your Avengers: Endgame tickets already, because there are only about three left
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NASA's next mission just might be evacuating the International Space Station. Thanks, India
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Meanwhile in Sweden, a naked police officer arrests a fugitive in a sauna
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Suspect in Nipsey Hussle murder identified, probably not running in 2020
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ฯ¬
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Photoshop this enticing cheese
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April 2nd: 49th birthday party in Robinsonville, MS for a Farker who should have died from what John Ritter did. Never met any other Farkers but would love to
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Police dashcam captures the old "circle back during the foot chase and steal the officer's empty squad car" trick
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Over 200 sheep panic when a bear attacks one and run off a cliff so far they land in two different nations
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I don't know if she was trying to cosplay Heath Ledger or Harley Quinn in her mug shot, but she's definitely going to prison for threatening to blow up a 7-Eleven
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Used books now banned from Washington State prisons over fears inmates will use them to make prison sangria or something
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"Comprehensive" list of April Fools pranks leaves out Fark. That's a good one
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What's the best way to get audited by the IRS? Be poor
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Don't you hate it when you're overdosing on heroin and that one dose of Narcan just won't fall from the machine but just stays there hanging from that curly thing, so you fall down dying thinking "Why did I ever come to Vegas?"
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Do you want to injure your coworker's testicle? Because hiding a novelty explosive underneath the workplace's toilet seat can injure your coworker's testicle
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Baltimore is ground zero for the opioid crisis
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Kangaroo enters Australian pub. Beer drinkers immediately complain about the abundance of hops
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Stonehenge temporarily closed, reopens April 2
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Tourists enjoying the glory of Mother Earth flee from her anger (with video)
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Can a teacher be fired for an old topless selfie sent to a former boyfriend? Apparently on Long Island, yes
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Martin Shkreli gets to spend time with all the people who don't think he's horrible
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With the help of a computer algorithm, more than 50,000 old pot-related convictions in California will go up in smoke
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| Mon April 01, 2019 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Experience the World Wide Web in 56k
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Well, at least if nothing else goes right, we know that we'll still have Boobies on Fark
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In what has to be an April Fools' joke, Florida governor appoints actual scientist to post of Chief Scientist
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Utah find themselves with a mess on their hands, and decide the solution is to make a bigger mess. Bada-boom? BADA-BOOM
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This link was already submitted (by someone else), most recently about 15 years ago
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| (Some IT Guy) |
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Check out the awesomeness that is Windows 98 Second Edition and Internet Explorer 5.0
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Holy crap, the new Pokémon games are going to have ONE HUNDRED new monsters. How can you even catch that many? I don't think they could fit any more into a game
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"What was I supposed to do? I couldn't find the gift shop"
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| (Some Guy) |
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UN passes motion condemning the harboring of terrorists in Afghanistan by the Taliban, in particular Usama bin Laden. That should see the end of him
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"How climate change will put thousands more at risk of mosquito-borne diseases." Oops, subby typo'd. Billions, not thousands. Hell, what's six orders of magnitude, anyway? That's a rounding error
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Photoshop this command center
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Neil Armstrong's footprint is the #1 remnant of our visits to the moon. This article discusses #2
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National Park Service's Mike Litterst says that after days of anxious anticipation, DC's cherry blossoms have achieved peak bloom, exploding into a sea of pink
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Craig Kilborn has a bright future ahead of him in late night TV
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| (Some Guy) |
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Suck it, Trebek: Regis Philbin is winning over America with his charm as host of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Welcome back to Canada. Anything to declare?" "Uh, yeah. Grandpa died somewhere between Florida and here. He's in the back"
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Michigan pastor, Chris Cox charged with gettin' methy with men. Yep, Chris Cox was not a pseudonym. That was Ben Dover
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"Full House" star Lori Loughlin gives birth to baby girl. Who here thinks this child is going to go through life easily?
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"You bagged my groceries wrong. I'm going to kick your ass"
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Infrastructure week kicks off with a bang as a bridge collapses onto I-75 in Chattanooga
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Not just a great album, but the greatest album of 1999
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I don't know what a Clear Channel is, but they're soon going to own all of AM and FM radio
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| (Some Guy) |
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Something that works for the 1999 and curry tabs
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"That is the Trump constituency," says paid consultant, Roger Stone, speaking about the National Enquirer and why Donald Trump is considering running for President
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| (Some Guy) |
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Millennium canceled
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Will John Elway lead the Broncos to victory, or will former Denver coach Dan Reeves and the Dirty Birds of Atlanta fly high? It's your official Superb Owl XXXIII thread. Kickoff 6:30 PM EST on FOX
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today Canada was going to get a new province, but people said they'd have Nunavut
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| (Some Guy) |
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Anyone else worried about this Y2K thing? I have a feeling it's going to cause mass chaos, better stockpile food and ammo for when the governments fail
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You know it's Black Friday when you can get an entire computer system with a 200mhz processor for only $999.99 from Best Buy
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| (Some Guy) |
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1999 celebrity births, fb- is the father
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The Cardinals' Fernando Tatis sets a record that will never be broken
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Wanna bet, Eugene?
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The best guitarist in the world. The greatest rapper of all time. The heaviest riffs. Timeless songs. It's 1999 baby
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| (Some 'Merica) |
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Photoshop this cute couple
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Man not named Rapunzel has hair 18 feet long and hasn't cut it in 54 years
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Pope Francis says Barcelona footballer is good but "isn't God". No word on his thoughts about Eric Clapton
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Giant inflatable boobs are now popping up all over London. (Possibly not safe for work)
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It wasn't the U.S. and its allies who brought Brit ISIS fanatic "Hungry Hamza" down in Syria, it was KFC (possible nsfw content on page)
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Ten stories that look like April Fools' Day pranks but aren't. It's not Fark, it's the BBC
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| (Some Guy) |
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The marshmallow time was wrong then and it proved wrong today
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| (Some Guy) |
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Enable your flash and play the hilarious Frog in a Blender
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The ultimate year for teen movies
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After years of poor management decisions and getting slaughtered by Sears and Wal-Mart, GE bails out Montgomery Ward
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| (Some Guy) |
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Company specializing in radio stations beaming from satellites to your car for a $10 a month subscription fee goes public. Who is going to buy into that?
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Old and busted: cable television monopolies. New hotness: cable internet access monopolies
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Wilco sells out and destroys its future for whatever this noise-pop crap is on the new album
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Harry Potter and the $100,000 First Edition With Typos
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