Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
You might try our Headline Search for easier navigation here.

These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
Sun March 17, 2019
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
New theory as to what happened to missing Flight MH370 from ex-United Airlines pilot has us talking to the President of Madagascar about where the 'secret runway' is (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Judge refuses to let parents humiliate their child for life
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Facebook)
 
 
 
When melting snow and falling rain cause dangerous flooding in Green Bay locals exchange foam rubber cheese hats for inflatable swans
source: facebook.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
UK police would like to trace the person who stole a bin full of dog crap... they don't want the bin (or the crap) back, they just want to know what the hell he was thinking
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikimedia)
 
 
 
Photoshop these re-enactors
source: upload.wikimedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Chicago Guy)
 
 
 
"Arrest Me, I'm Irish" The annual Chicago St.Pat's police radio report is out and it doesn't disappoint
source: cwbchicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Seattle Times)
 
 
 
FAA: We just don't have the manpower to properly test and certify the 737MAX, why not just let Boeing do it. What can possibly go wrong?
source: seattletimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Considered a gateway meat, US border authorities seize one million pounds of pork
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Someone is going Watchmen on Ferguson protesters. Comedians everywhere put on high alert, just in case
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop this restaurant wall
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Sorry, Nebraska is closed. Moose swimming in the floodwaters out front should'a told ya
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Bay Area)
 
 
 
"Yabba Dabba Don't"
source: nbcbayarea.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
"To have done all this work and gone this far to do what I'm dreaming of doing, and then it's going to get snatched away from me? What do I do?"
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Here we go again... time to avoid convenience stores for a few more days
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
So it was just a few wealthy celebrities and unscrupulous coaches who gamed the college admission system, right? (clicks link) Oh dear...we are getting further and further down the rabbit hole and the story shows no sign of ending soon
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop these penguins
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: That time you got stuck in or on something, or that time something got stuck in or on you (keep it PG, ya pervs)
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Real-life ending from "Carrie" plays out in Brooklyn. Stephen King demands royalties
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
We could all stand to be more like this man
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
African-American Elecia Dexteran, who less than a month ago was named publisher & editor of the Alabama newspaper that urged the Ku Klux Klan to ride again, has resigned "so that her integrity and well-being can be maintained"
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
White supremacists purposefully misinterpret medieval European symbols in order to lie to themselves about a world that never existed
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Guy acts suspicious at Grocery Outlet, flees police, crashes car on the freeway, gets out, jumps on the hood of another car and starts taking his clothes off. Difficulty: Not Florida
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
You might need the fainting couch ready for this one. The suspect nabbed in the murder of that reputed mob boss is a guy from New Jersey, named Tony
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 10 Albany)
 
 
 
Vermont state trooper revived with Narcan and no, there aren't any words missing from that headline
source: news10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military.com)
 
 
 
The AF finally has settled on a replacement for the F-35
source: military.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pensacola News Journal)
 
 
 
320-pound woman gets life sentence for sitting on, smothering girl. Florida tag gets the Sad tag to tap out
source: pnj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Haven Register)
 
 
 
Like saying the quiet part out loud? Better update that resume, as this former high school employee just found out
source: nhregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Who has a problem with a Dominatrix moving in next door? Honestly?
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat March 16, 2019
(Greenville Online)
 
 
 
$150,000 in plants at garden center damaged by herbicide-spraying vandals. Police attempting to roundup suspects
source: greenvilleonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Texas woman goes all fast-draw-six-shooter in maternity ward
source: womanshospital.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
If you've ever woken up thinking "I wish I could kayak to an island filled with wild monkeys in Florida," then today is your lucky day. Also please seek professional help
source: narcity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox11 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
No snark, just awesomeness: University of Tennessee to be free for lower-income students in 2020
source: foxla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WKRG Mobile)
 
 
 
You know winter is officially over when the flowers start to bloom, the days grow longer, and the first spring breaker falls to his death off a hotel balcony in Florida
source: wkrg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
New Zealand shooting suspect flashes that totally fake white supremacist hand sign
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this powerful woman
source: this-is-cool.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
"Descendants of the ancient Asir, trained warriors, reclusive tribesmen, and lovers of fierce floral headwear"
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(RTE Ireland)
 
 
 
Elvis Presley looking at jail time
source: rte.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Giant South American lizards moving into Georgia. I for one welcome our new redneck lizard overlords
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
The truth about St. Patrick's Day. No word if this will go green
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Deep sea explorers discover underwater wasp. I mean the USS Wasp 2.5 miles below the surface
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Asia News)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Russian relic revelers
source: asianews.it   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Interesting Engineering)
 
 
 
Space herpes
source: interestingengineering.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
How to get ahead in life: Down a bottle of Electric Melon MD 20 20 in less than 30 seconds in your meter reader uniform
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
Twenty-three felony Facebook bullying charges land woman in internet jail, which apparently is in Alabama
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lynn Daily Item)
 
 
 
I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a dinosaur with a donut in its hands
source: itemlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New Yorker)
 
 
 
"Stuff my dog barked at this week"
source: newyorker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
♫ ♪ We will fight for bovine freedom / And hold our large heads high / We will run free with the Buffalo / Or die ♪ ♫
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Cut)
 
 
 
The young are at the gates
source: thecut.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guys)
 
 
 
Photoshop these ferry workers
source: cecoconcrete.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(israel21c.org)
 
 
 
Mayor Lion gave the stamp of approval to a proposal to set up and stock feeding stations for cats in neighborhoods with underground trash bins. No kitten, it's time for Caturday
source: israel21c.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Bitter Southerner)
 
 
 
What compels a man to spend the better part of 2018 traveling throughout the southeastern US with the sole purpose of visiting Waffle House restaurants? Even when it's not 2am and he's not drunk?
source: bittersoutherner.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
County sheriff asks public that, if anyone recognizes this pair of men's red undies, to call their tip line
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
You're welcome, Alex
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Horse breaks free, crashes buggy in what is not a repeat from 1856
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
True Facts: The Bolas Spider
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Investigators find key piece of wreckage that shows Ethiopian flight 302 was set to nose dive into the ground mode
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
No matter how bad you thought your high school's lunch food was, be grateful it wasn't this bad
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWLP)
 
 
 
Huge eight-alarm fire at casket company in Boston. So far the company has received no new business
source: wwlp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami New Times)
 
 
 
Well, so much for the idea that "video recording and bodycams will keep police officers more accountable for their actions"
source: miaminewtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
The reason Americans are going broke? Medical bills
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri March 15, 2019
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Emotionally distraught man: Stand back or I'll kill myself. Police: We gotcha, bro
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
With no pond in sight, Florida woman creates one and sinks her car into it. Can't stop Florida woman from crashing her car into a pond
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
UK MP calls irritating protester a 'w**ker'. When questioned about his use of vulgar language, he say "It's the most popular thing I've ever done". This is the MP that used his parliamentary laptop to look at porn, so he's probably right
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Maryland Man, Maryland Man, replacing Florida Man, for trying to tackle a Pelican. "You can't do that." "The Hell I Can"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SacBee)
 
 
 
Golden State Killer almost won that free boat, was not beaten to fullest extent of the law
source: sacbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Serial Butt Grabber has been apprehended in the Upper Peninsula
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Blogger.com)
 
 
 
Photoshop this vintage medical treatment
source: 1.bp.blogspot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KCTV5 Kansas City)
 
 
 
Cadillac of support
source: kctv5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(JSOnline)
 
 
 
That mountain of jiggly foam flooding the streets of Hartford, WI is not the result of a gigantic beer spill
source: jsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Bride who claimed that her $200 bouquet never arrived forgot everyone takes picture of nonsense like flowers at a wedding
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 Now Fort Myers)
 
 
 
For a guy who had just been roused while sleeping in his car in the Wendy's drive-thru, Florida Man made a valiant effort to slip the beer can into his pocket while being questioned
source: fox4now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Old fat lesbians' who smoke pot is not the name of my Snoop Dog / Martha Stewart cover band
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Good Grief Charlie Brown busted with an alligator in Cleveland
source: wtam.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
T-shirt gun used to launch contraband into prison
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Bye bye, the entirety of the Arctic region. Nice knowing you
source: earther.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Attention TotalFarkers: Drew's holding office hours starting now. Attention everyone else: sign up for TF and join us
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Dude with the 25ft steel beam on the subway made his transfer
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lapham's Quarterly)
 
 
 
Photoshop this pensive penner
source: laphamsquarterly.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
1886 New York shipwreck gives birth to new beer in 2019
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
The state department advises Americans in Venezuela to leave the country immediately. Just don't book your flight on American Airlines
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Wrap)
 
 
 
PewDiePie is "sickened" to be name dropped by mosque shooter, unlike 8chan
source: thewrap.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
BBQ restaurant shut down by the North Carolina Department of Revenue. OMG WTF
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Rich kids in Oregon are learning at the earliest age that they'll always be at the front of the line
source: wsrz.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Generalísimo Francisco Franco (still dead) to be exhumed in June and reburied on a plain in Spain
source: sg.news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Portland Press Herald)
 
 
 
Population explosion has squirrels at war with maple syrup producers. That's nuts
source: pressherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Florida man finds bright green iguana in toilet, calls 911, not a euphemism
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Zealand Herald)
 
 
 
New Zealand mosque employee grabbed gun from gunman's hands, chased him off
source: nzherald.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Kim Jong Un: *strokes 3rd chin* On second thought, maybe we SHOULD have nuclear weapons
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
Weeners
 
I know you like penises so I put a tattoo of a penis next to your penis (NSFW)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
Video
 
Albania is using its reputation as being a haven for thugs, criminals, and gangsters to lure tourists
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Chicago)
 
 
 
♫ Spiderman, Spiderman,♫ tries to steal cigarettes and dram. Leaves the store, ♫ Then comes back. All while wearing, ♫ Spiderman mask. LOOK OUT...it's really Florida Man♫
source: abc7chicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
The admissions scandal highlights the "Big Lie" about college: It has nothing to do with education and everything to do with status
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
Weeners
 
Penis shrinkage is real, it can be caused by lack of exercise and smoking. (With eggplant penis for reference)
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Unable to keep the name Hobbit Hill Farm due to trademark infringement, Maine couple decided to go full woot stout. Stupid tag is for Middle-earth Enterprises
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Man says he was kicked out of bar for wearing MAGA hat. Fails to mention he was drunk, loud, and using anti-Semitic slurs
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Radio.com)
 
 
 
NYPD chief says reports in tabloids that a body cam recorded an officer giving oral sex to her partner were a premature publication
source: wcbs880.radio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
"In another example, they used stock photos of a person playing a sport and then put the face of a student onto that of an athlete via Photoshop" Fark, show us your best
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Hardcore Libertarian proves that it IS possible to "vanish" completely from all the databases collecting and selling your personal information while still staying "on the grid" and hooked up to the internet. It's just insanely hard
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
And no surprises about the beliefs and ethnicity of the Christchurch Mosque Killer. And he's got a manifesto. He plans to plead not guilty. That's a bold plan, Cotton
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
The best $2,000 I ever spent: the defense attorney who got my band out of drug trafficking charges. I'm sure the outcome would have been exactly the same if they were poor, black, and had a public defender
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 4 Charleston)
 
 
 
Walking around asking random women to stand on your stomach for money is no way to go through Walmart
source: abcnews4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
A terrorist training compound in my Murica? It's more likely than you think
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Fisherman trims a little tail and lands a felony fraud charge
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
In the Saudi criminal justice system, there is only one group and when that group says that the alleged killers have been brought to justice, then they have been brought to justice. Case Closed. DUN DUN
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pennsylvania Observer-Reporter)
 
 
 
Maga
source: observer-reporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Riverfront Times)
 
 
 
This doofus with an Eye of Providence tattooed on his throat doesn't look like a ninja, but apparently he is a ninja
source: riverfronttimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
Man trying to transport 10 pounds of meth from Montreal to Calgary gets busted when his navigation system tells him to make a left onto that bridge going into Michigan
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Aviationist)
 
 
 
Man taken to hospital by medevac helicopter after crashing his snowmobile into and damaging another medevac helicopter
source: theaviationist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
Operation Varsity Blues is the gift that keeps on giving - and now we know where it came from
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu March 14, 2019
(Fox News)
 
 
 
"Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty"
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Montgomery Advertiser)
 
 
 
Dees nutz?
source: montgomeryadvertiser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
What a dickbag
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Students file lawsuit against Yale and USC over the admissions bribery scandal, that since they couldn't get those spots, they were forced to attend community coll-- what, they went to ... Stanford? Oh go Fark yourselves
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
It couldn't get any more Portlandian than this
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Venezuelans go back to being hungry and poor with the lights on
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Zealand Herald)
 
 
 
Active shooting at New Zealand mosques. Jesus H (UPDATE: four suspects in custody)
source: nzherald.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
I had a slightly different idea about what Georgetown's new "Kitten Lounge" would be, but eh. This works, too, I guess
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
More reasons to leave Facebook: Randy mum left mortified after livestreaming X-rated video while in Bulgaria meant for Brit husband with 2,000 of her Facebook friends
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Stranger)
 
 
 
Don't even think about replacing "guys" with "y'all" when addressing a group of people
source: thestranger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
On the way out of the offices, the honorary mayor defecated on the floor - leaving clean-up to the police chief and other attendees
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLX West Palm Beach)
 
 
 
The past few years, two boys run a cereal drive benefiting a local food bank. This year, General Mills decided to help out...but it looks like they might need Macarthur to donate milk
source: wflx.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this busy lobby in the House of Commons
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
If your son calls you from school, crying, saying he's being bullied, showing up at the school with an AK-47 is probably a little over the top. Maybe. Kinda. Sort of. Depends
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Police: Is that a hatchet in your pants, or are you just the Taco Bell hatchet attacker?
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in Britain: "Let's GPS tag all the knives"
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
'Naked carpenter' jailed for two years after wearing see-thru tights in supermarkets and delivering parcels for Hermes while wearing jeans with a hole cut out in the crotch. I ain't signing for that package
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Upper Michigan's Source)
 
 
 
How bad has this winter been? Michigan man opens fire on a snow pile that attacked his car
source: uppermichiganssource.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bearing Arms)
 
 
 
Connecticut state court rules Sandy Hook families can sue Remington. Also that they can sue Jenny McCarthy since Adam Lanza was autistic. In related news, submitter plans to sue spoon manufacturers since he got fat eating Ben & Jerry's
source: bearingarms.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBAL-TV Baltimore)
 
 
 
First the college admissions scam. Now students caught hacking into school computer and changing grades. Ferris Bueller nods approvingly
source: wbaltv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pix11)
 
 
 
Bone marrow donor gets life-saving kidney transplant 20 years after his donation. Karma gives a big thumbs-up
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If you believe your son needs more medical attention from doctors, there are good ways and bad ways to go about it. This is a bad way
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSOCTV)
 
 
 
Wreck your unmarked police car? That's OK, just call it in stolen. Just don't leave muddy bootprints at the scene of the crime and be wearing those still-muddy boots when the police come to your apartment
source: wsoctv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Washington State's dwarf-tossing bill passed out and died. Hopefully, the funeral will be tasteful and decorated with lots of tiny little flowers
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Okay, I'll admit it. I'm addicted to re-runs of M*A*S*H, and if I don't get to watch the two daily episodes I'm a little biatch, especially the first three years. What silliness are you addicted to? Also, Major Houlihan or the other hot nurse?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Haaretz)
 
 
 
Palestinians fire 2 olive branches into Tel Aviv
source: haaretz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this flammable effigy
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
In another example of science fiction turning into science fact, screw flying cars. How about a flying motorcycle? Pre-order is only $380,000. No problem. *grabs checkbook*
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NewsChannel 10)
 
 
 
Not news: High winds cause traffic problems. News: High winds blow cars off road. Fark: Train cars
source: newschannel10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
New survey says early risers have more active sex lives, as opposed to those who can't rise at all
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Butterball recalls turkey products due to possible Salmonella Schwarzengrund contamination. For those of you not up on your pathogens, Schwarzengrund is when Arnold gets the 1004th post on a food thread
source: fsis.usda.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
The first rule of Special Education Fight Club is, you do not talk about Special Education Fight Club. Setting up Project Mayhem in the teacher's lounge is similarly frowned upon
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Friday, March 15th: Fort Collins Colorado Fark Party
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Parliament votes to beg the EU for an extension so they can have more time to not come up with a plan
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
A story from this, the weirdest timeline, connecting Paul Manafort, Anne Hathaway and the Pope
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
6th Circuit Court of Appeals: Bird, Bird, The Bird is a word...and as such protected by the 1st Amendment
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
The day-long Facebook outage was caused by [insert image of beer spilled on server]
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
Welcome to Meth Tumblr. Wait, isn't that called PhotoBucket?
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
WHO: deadly plague breaks out. WHERE: Uganda-Congo border. WHEN: now
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Police refute claim that their city has the highest number of distracted driving crashes, citing the extreme detail with which they report all accidents. Hopefully while not driving
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Thanks, Mom
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
When even Russia is complaining that you're too corrupt to do business with, you should step back and take a hard look at your country
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Sober arrested for driving drunk
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bothell-Kenmore Reporter)
 
 
 
Washington State moves forward on bill for permanent daylight savings time, possibly leading to a future where we spring forward, fall back, and stay still to gather mildew
source: bothell-reporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
At the first atomic bomb test, scientists made bets on whether it would cause Earth to catch fire
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
'One Indiana man has enough mugshots to populate an Instagram account.' Pffft, amateur
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Man finds body underneath his 900-pound antique floor safe after suspected break-in. Jesse Pinkman nods approvingly
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
In a turn of events that will surely paint her mother and USC in a much more positive light, Lori Loughlin's daughter learned of her mother's legal woes while spending spring break lounging on a USC official's yacht in the Bahamas
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
This is the Brooklyn bound R train. The next stop is suck my d-k avenue
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Circa)
 
 
 
Comedian places fake toys in real stores. Come for the Hello Kitty Goes to Rehab, stay for the Muppet Screams
source: circa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Advocate)
 
 
 
Bisexual plus actress & activist gets refund from NYC LGBTQ center because her money was specifically directed to help bisexual plus people. Not included in article definition of what bisexual plus is
source: advocate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
An explanation of Pi, for those of us who only think about it once a year on this date
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
Student pilot becomes dashcam famous after failing her lesson
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Covington Catholic student's legal filing against CNN and WaPo basically consists of jumping up and down while screaming MAGA and FAKE NEWS over and over again
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Photoshop these wild things
source: media4.s-nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Not content with Second Brexit, Theresa May goes for third Brexit vote
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
In our darkest times, a new hero emerges. Meet 'This Is A Sign" guy
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wales Online)
 
 
 
For all averred, I had killed the bird That made the breeze to blow. Ah wretch said they, the bird to slay, That made the breeze to blow
source: walesonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Man's phone screen protector totally fails to prevent damage to screen
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveLeak)
 
 
 
AMATEUR VIDEO: 18-wheeler picked up and blown over by 'bomb cyclone' winds near Amarillo, TX today
source: liveleak.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Mayor arrested last month. Acting mayor arrested today. Tis the song of the south in small town Fla
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Do You Remember)
 
 
 
You might be a little OCD if you find yourself sewing new wings for injured butterflies
source: doyouremember.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Gambino boss Franky Boy Cali run over by a pickup truck and shot a dozen times. In other words, just your typical Staten Island Wednesday night
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Atlanta Police Department accepting applications for new recruits. Bonus: doesn't matter if you smoke weed. Admiral Ackbar dubious
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US Naval Institute)
 
 
 
Navy to buy "Ghost Fleet" of unmanned robotic warships, hopes not to get foiled by a bunch of meddling kids
source: news.usni.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHQ Spokane)
 
 
 
Not News: Man buys lottery ticket, using Quick Pick. News: Machine prints out two tickets. Fark: Numbers on both lines are identical. Back to Not News: Still doesn't win anything
source: khq.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Chickens gang up to commit a murder most fowl
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
The college admissions cheating scandal irrefutably demonstrates that American meritocracy is a myth, and the elites have rigged the entire system in their favor. Not you, though. You and your family totally deserve your success
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Britain's Daily Mail documents chaos caused by Storm Gareth and 27-hour WEATHER BOMB. Enormous lorry queues; mountain goats blown into town centres; women battling with high winds; awkward plane landings; and more
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 723: "Arts and Crafts". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed March 13, 2019
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
There's something familiar about the couple on this Hungarian family policy billboard, but I can't quite put my fin--whoa, look at the ass on her
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth)
 
 
 
Ya know, I realize it may not mean much in the grand scheme of things, but that is NOT Aunt Norma in that coffin over there
source: dfw.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lowell Sun)
 
 
 
Man in city's Highlands neighborhood realizes there can be only one way to threaten to kill his landlord
source: lowellsun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Jim Beam and Jack Daniels seem to follow me everywhere too
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
That's a bold move, cotton
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foreign Policy)
 
 
 
How China is becoming the leader of the skies thanks to being the first to ground the 737MAX
source: foreignpolicy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
"What's up, baldy?" "Not much, just chillin. Thinking of mice and stuff"
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Men get a mysterious and dangerous viral blood infection after self-flagellation. Huh. I usually only get hand cramps, chafing or blisters
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Insider)
 
 
 
And then there were about 19
source: thisisinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
Sovereign Citizen: "License plates? I don't need no steenkin' plates"
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Brain supplements are for the dumb, the gullible, and the American consumer, the ven diagram of which is just a circle
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
"Wales is much more than sheep and leeks nddd extrrr consnannnntts"
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Loaded handgun found in Denver Jail toilet, and no, that's not a euphemism
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this battery service, San Francisco, 1934
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
How to keep body cam footage from an officer involved shooting from the public? Simple, just refuse to punish the officer - as if you ever would - then say the video can't be released because he could still potentially face disciplinary action
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Expert claims eating your boogers and any food that has dropped on the floor will give your immune system something to do in a sterilized world. Expect it to also limit the number of friends you have
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Ohio man to only drink beer during Lent, giving up all other food and drink except for water. No word when he plans to enter the Ohio Auditor of State race
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Omaha World Herald)
 
 
 
The incident that has everything: Car-on-car violence, car theft, racist tirades, cell phone video, and Taco Bell. If you could get Trump, anti-vaxxers, pit bulls, circumcision, and Florida involved, it would be the ultimate Fark story
source: omaha.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Irish Post US)
 
 
 
Who better to describe the agonizing pain of a hangover than the Irish?
source: irishpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Twitter update will make Twitter more like Instagram and Snapchat. Also, to spare Jack's buddies the shame of getting ratio'd, like and retweet counts will be hidden
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Sorry folks, library's closed
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Large restaurant patrons have difficulty eating out. Obvious tag and Giggity tag are off being fat somewhere else
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Old Smoker)
 
 
 
Photoshop this antique lighter
source: i.etsystatic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
Remember that MOST kids that get into college do it the right way. Like this guy 41 times over
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Today in UFO evidence: a transcript of Apollo astronauts discussing an unidentified floating object
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Here's a problem Adam-12 or Dragnet never covered: what to do when your body cam records you giving oral sex to your partner
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
NewsFlash
 
The United States will join the rest of the world in grounding the Boeing 737 Max-8 planes. Intentionally, that is. The planes appear to be pretty good at grounding themselves already
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Police are looking for a machete gang after a targeted street attack. Degree of difficulty: nowhere near any place tropical
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
Man who shot Alexandria police officer in head in 2013 was released last year due to "insanity" ruling, allowed to buy gun due to "human error" and has most recently been arrested for starting fires
source: nbcwashington.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVY Dothan)
 
 
 
Mississippi TV newsroom taught lesson in teamwork, Al Capone style
source: wtvy.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. Hamberders for everyone
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
Father of the Year candidate treats 1-year-old son to a night of getting high with friends and shooting a cactus with a 9mm handgun
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Dad pranked with calls from around the world after sons buy billboard and post his phone number on it. Swears his refrigerator isn't running, does not have Prince Albert in a can
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Milk, bread, mass hysteria. Facebook is down all over the world. Drew last seen passed out next to a server in Belgium
source: downdetector.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
New Mexico bill would create first state-run pot shops. Why can't we have something like that in this country?
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
MS-13 gangster killed a man for wearing Peyton Manning jersey. If the poor guy had been wearing an Eli Manning jersey instead the gangster probably would have been intercepted
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Now America's hat puts a cap on the Max 8. Stick a fork in it, it's done
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPXI.com)
 
 
 
Body found behind body shop. Well, what did they expect?
source: wpxi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Bridge Inventory)
 
 
 
Don't take the bridge on I-10 in Lake Charles, LA because it is rated a 6.6 out of 100 by the National Bridge Inventory. The 2007 bridge collapse in Minneapolis had a rating of 50 when it collapsed. No snark, just look up the bridges in your area
source: nationalbridges.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
National guard soldier who took a military vehicle on a joyride through Richmond violated parole, flew to Iraq for two days with his ankle monitor, posted pictures of the trip on Twitter and then flew home
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Flyover portion of the country about to become swim-through portion
source: earther.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Libertarian zookeeper on trial in murder for hire plot. He also ran for governor of Oklahoma in 2016. There's a joke in there somewhere
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Brazilians killed and wounded in school shooting
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
How to score great Pi Day deals on pizza, pie, etc
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 40 Sacramento)
 
 
 
Bridal party banned from flight to Cabo San Lucas and you better believe they had a problem with it
source: fox40.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Lori Loughlin's daughter told her 2 million YouTube subscribers last year that 'I Don't Really Care About School' after mom paid all those bribes to get her accepted
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Squirrel emerges victorious in treetop showdown with bald eagle
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
British 'Great Escape' veteran who took part in the audacious WW II breakout dies aged 101. Goes to the grave still saying the 1963 film about it was "absolute rubbish"
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNO)
 
 
 
When you only have a hammer, every family member you kill looks like a nail
source: wgno.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
India bans Boeing 737 MAX planes from its airspace. So does gravity
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
Fall River MA Mayor Jaisel Correia loses recall election. In related news, Fall River MA elects Jaisel Correia as new Mayor
source: bostonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Lagos school collapses. Should've used the name-brand building blocks
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Guard dogs. New, stinging hotness: THE BEES THE BEES (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this home away from it all
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Are they Farkers? Couple makes beer for dogs. 'Squirrel Ale' not offered, but it should be. Name your own beverage and enjoy your Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Advice for this week
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
OH MY GOD Slate writer just realized the Boeing 737 Max 8s that have been crashing all over the place had automation. And automated cars have automation, too. Which means we're all going to die EVERYBODY PANIC
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Accusation of dipping testicles in customer's salsa is no laughing matter, judge incorrectly tells defendant
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Priest who had 'credible charges' of indecency with children found shot to death
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
The War on Christianity continues in BFE OH, with derpy-goodness quotes from a victim
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
California to take a break from the death penalty that it never really enforces anyways
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If this article is true, subby just caused a recession last night
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
"I find you guilty. Anything to say before I sentence you?" *looks at defendant* "Why didn't you tell me you were a white female?"
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Thanks, Trump: A software fix for the 737 Max8 could have been ready as early as January -- but the government shutdown halted all work on the issue for 5 weeks. (w/video reporting)
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Age (Melbourne))
 
 
 
Cardinal Pell gets 6 years in jail for abusing little boys. Let's hope it's enough for him to never leave
source: theage.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Channel 3000 Madison)
 
 
 
Man arrested for providing legendary customer service
source: channel3000.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Step 1
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Batten down the lawn chairs, Gareth is coming
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue March 12, 2019
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Fresno County baffled by rash of goat thefts. Joe Montana, Michael Jordan haven't been affected, fortunately
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Madison PD)
 
 
 
Police help marsupial get junk unstuck from between fence slats
source: cityofmadison.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Let's check to see what's happening during Bike Week in Daytona. Cat fight? Thousands of dollars worth of damage at hotel? Cop ran over at Biggins Gentleman's Club? Meh, no different than any other week
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
How to get your kid into college for $500K in bribes, CliffsNotes version
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHEC Rochester)
 
 
 
Three things that don't mix well and lead to arson charges: alcohol, lighters, and bed bugs
source: whec.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
FAA Administrator reiterates the only thing that will ground the Boeing 737 Max in America will be gravity
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Come to think of it, Bambi's mother had been acting strange that morning
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
How daylight-saving time could impact your decision-making, and your headline-editing
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Guessing if you don't write-in the correct name, you could be used for anti-aircraft fodder
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oh Hell No)
 
 
 
Photoshop this high altitude amusement
source: refundmanagement.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
In embarrassing turn, Mullah Omar lived in mud hut before being killed. In more embarrassing turn, NBC news runs out of news and needs to profile his last days to fill space
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
UW researchers work on cutting number of kids in poverty in half by 2029. Won't that double the number of kids in poverty?
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Uber driver fails to realize kidnapping a passenger might increase the fare but it pretty much means zero tip. Even if there's complimentary Cheetos and wet-wipes
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Well that's one wrong righted, but again, that name... Jeb Stuart, feel like I've heard that before
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
WHO's alarmed about measles. What's going to happen next. I don't know. THIRD BASE
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
Hudson Yards opens, is a "completely sustainable community" attracting "companies from L'Oreal to Coach" and with condos "starting at $3 million." Sounds like an asset we can all share, together, as a city
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Up North Live)
 
 
 
"Auger in" isn't just a pilot term for crashing
source: upnorthlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Artificial being gets 55 years for armed robbery. By your command
source: fannin.fetchyournews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
NewsFlash
 
Theresa May's Brexit deal rejected by MPs, which means... uh not sure
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CP24 Toronto)
 
 
 
Toronto Zoo continues tradition of naming zebras after "Star Wars" characters and names foal Obi, presumably short for Oh Behave
source: cp24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Interesly)
 
 
 
The original idea for Daylight Savings Time was: Set the clock forward by 20 minutes at 2:00 am each Sunday in April and set it back by 20 minutes at 2:00 each Sunday in September. So things could be worse
source: interesly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spongebob Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this striped fish
source: dumielauxepices.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
If you're into sexy marsupials, then today Fark is your personal erotica site
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
*bark* Have a few shots at the bar, but can't find anyone *bark* when you want to pay your tab? *bark* That might be because you broke in after hours, and *bark* FYI that's a police dog chewing on you
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVN Reno)
 
 
 
I said LAST CALL
source: ktvn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Ever forget something behind at the airport? Was it your baby?
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Del Taco develops a french fry-scented soap, which also marks the first time the words "soap" and "French" have ever appeared together
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Herald Mail Media)
 
 
 
Officials race to find world's largest french fry
source: heraldmailmedia.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Two racist white men brutally attacked a random black man - then drove 18 miles to assault another, but the big question is how come one has perfectly plucked brows?
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Weirdest items left in Uber cars in the UK this year, including script of Legally Blond, which apparently nobody wanted to claim
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Anti-gun protester threatens to shoot State legislator and the NRA. No arrest made since, presumably, irony isn't considered a deadly weapon
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
There's "Staten Island," and then there's "strangle your wife and wheel her corpse through the streets Staten Island"
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bothell-Kenmore Reporter)
 
 
 
Please note: if you want cream in your coffee, there are perfectly normal ways to get it so get your hands out of your pants
source: bothell-reporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
These are some of the happiest cities in America - Not so fast Detroit
source: kfiam640.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fredericksburg)
 
 
 
Woman arrested twice for being intoxicated, once with cats
source: fredericksburg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
Man won $60 from a lottery ticket and uses it to buy more lottery tickets. He is now looking for two females to spend a pleasant afternoon with
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(People Magazine)
 
 
 
Woman attacked by jaguar admits she was wrong for crossing the jaguar enclosure's barrier but says the zoo should provide more protection, and perhaps some signs saying "morons keep out"
source: people.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Full house of desperate housewives
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Omaha World Herald)
 
 
 
Nebraska family builds really realistic Mustang out of snow. So realistic it got a parking citation
source: omaha.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Does a bear shi-er, swim half a mile across a North Carolina bay as fishermen film him?
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Boeing promises release a software patch for 737 Max planes in April so until then, good luck flyers, we're all counting on you
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Page Six)
 
 
 
At auction, Columbia Law School student shells out $8,000 for lunch and Amal
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Hey, is there any room in box P59? (not safe for work)
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Register-Herald)
 
 
 
Dow Chemical: Fat people are harder to poison and they don't drink water, so no need for water standard updates. West Virginia legislature: Seems legit
source: register-herald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Now the UK tells Boeing to bugger off
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Pro-tip for panhandlers: Don't carry your iPhone X in your $500 purse, just in case the cops stop you while you're begging for diaper money
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Photoshop this confused zombie (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Ancient woolly mammoth cells have been partially woken up by scientists who didn't stop to think if they should
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Utah teacher apologizes for asking boy to wash cross off forehead on Ash Wednesday. Boy's grandmother not quite ready to act like Jesus and forgive
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
The IRA claims responsibility for the unexploded post bombs found in London. Well, actually, unnamed persons who say they're the IRA. No word on who claimed responsibility for the selection of the postage stamps
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
There's "Pass out drunk", "fall down drunk", "Make an ass out of yourself drunk" and then there's "Rage into a pub with a running chainsaw, smash your ex's windshield and threaten to blow her house up while her children were inside" drunk. Dad?
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Adelaide Now)
 
 
 
Protip: Don't try to steal a truck with a GPS device attached and get stuck in the driver's cab on a bridge
source: adelaidenow.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Today's latest outrage: Calling somebody over 50 a senior
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Journal News)
 
 
 
Anti-vaxxers in New York sue for the right to allow their measles-stricken children to infect others
source: lohud.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
FAA says 737 MAX is safe to fly after crash, not so much during
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Scoreboard: 2, Coach and wife: 0
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Woman gives family a hand
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
That's how you tell whether the kid is done yet
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Sad: Police officer accidentally shoots and kills colleague. Asinine: While they were playing at drawing their weapons
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
I'm sorry, Sir, if you don't have the receipt with you, the best I can do is offer you store credit
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Catholic church demands apology from Pete Davidson over his accurate comparison between them and R. Kelly
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon March 11, 2019
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
A former Royal Marine who lost his leg in an accident has completed the fastest unsupported solo row across the Atlantic. Meanwhile your perfectly intact self struggles to cross the basement to get that bag of Cheetos
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
If you're going to drink a six-pack of beer inside a Target dressing room, at least don't try to walk out of store with $200 in unpaid merchandise. Jailarity ensues
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Get paid $185 per hour to read aggregated news
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
"Mosley had his hands in the air shouting 'hands up, don't shoot,' was taunting security guards with his superior educational background, and was using profanity toward officers." But that's not when things went south
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Is Putin building a Great Russian Firewall? To be fair, they have mastered the technology of creating aircraft carriers that constantly burn and yet don't sink, so maybe
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSYX ABC6 Columbus)
 
 
 
It's okay to carjack someone in an attempt to catch the person who just stole your car, right?
source: abc6onyourside.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
It's like "Home Alone," but instead of being in New York, you're in Saudi Arabia. Instead of being left at home, you're left at the airport. Instead of being a rambunctious 8-year-old boy, you're just an infant
source: saudiexpatnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KKTV Colorado Springs)
 
 
 
Heating pads recalled for working too well
source: kktv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Modern Metropolis)
 
 
 
NYC is offering a prize to the person who can design a great logo for their public spaces. Let's give them some ideas
source: mymodernmet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston 25 News)
 
 
 
Ryan Reynolds is the worst designated driver ever
source: boston25news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Tonight's Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) brings you 2 hours of songs whose titles begin with the letter "D". Still swingin' thru the alphabet
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 12 Westchester)
 
 
 
Bull attacks truck, charges at police, is put down. Judge Harry inconsolable
source: newjersey.news12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Borneo Post)
 
 
 
Not since O.J. has a buffalo's back been so slippery
source: theborneopost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
It seems there ARE some things that lawmakers on both sides of the aisle can agree on, like the fact that hackers shouldn't be able to turn your "smart" toaster into a bitcoin miner or use your wi-fi-enabled can opener as a bot in a DDoS attack
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
"Schimpf relied on his training and experience and held his breath" Subby's wondering where he can go for trapped in a whale's mouth training
source: realtalk910.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
The newest dumb way to get high: chugging anti-anxiety supplements for cats
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
British government creates a non-event horizon, thanks to media blackout of Stephen Hawking's former nurse investigation
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
The real question is: Does this eyesore really make you live longer, or does it just feel like it?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newschannel 9)
 
 
 
Catholic Ohio man making the ultimate sacrifice for Lent
source: newschannel9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop whatever is going on here
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(iNews (UK))
 
 
 
In the unlikely event of a water landing your jeans may be used as a flotation device
source: inews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Chicago)
 
 
 
Woman charged with attempted murder of Chicago police officer shot in Humboldt Park. Shouldn't she have had a trial first?
source: abc7chicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
New study finds the age when you start feeling older depends on where you live. That's good news for Japan, bad news for Papua New Guinea. wondering where the US fits in? Oh dear
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Baby boomer pens an op-ed apologizing to Gen Xers and Millennials for farking everything in the world up for them. Finally
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Woman with severe penicillin allergies almost dies after swallowing the boyfriend's antibiotic laced semen post fellatio. So...Penisillin?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Bus driver "forced to pull off road" after his passengers had the bus a rockin' with naked sex (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lifehacker)
 
 
 
Kids can learn CPR with...'Baby Shark'? Dear god no
source: offspring.lifehacker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Utah man ditches car and skies around avalanche debris that closed highway, hopefully not causing more avalanches along the way
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Got cancer? You just need to burp more, let a creepy guy feel your boobies (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Roommates spooked by random Amazon deliveries. To be fair, subby is often confused by things he doesn't remember drunkenly ordering, but hey, a surprise five pound bag of gummy bears is a nice gift to yourself
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Boeing has no new guidance for 737 MAX 8 operators, stays with "point the aircraft's nose down and clinch your butt so tight you can poop diamonds"
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
This group of British mothers was so concerned by the porn their children could be watching, they decided to make their own
source: devonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Burglary; counterfeiting coins; having bikers blow up a building for insurance fraud; killing, chopping up and burning your wife; bigamy. This guy has done it all
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Study finds green tea and carrot compounds reverse Alzheimer's symptoms in mice, so if the mice in your basement always seem surprised to see you, you know what to do
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBT Mishawaka)