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Sun February 03, 2019
(Waco Tribune)
 
 
 
♬ When a shark is surprised, meets a grisly demise, that's a moray ♬
source: wacotrib.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Thrillist)
 
 
 
In today's "Yeah, That's a Cool Job", Tony's Chocolonely is looking for a Chocotruck Captain and two Choco Co-Pilots to set off on a road trip across America ... driving a truck full of chocolate. And yes, you get to eat a lot of it, too
source: thrillist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
No sexts? No surreptitious chat sessions? Just the ol' caught boinking in the parking lot thing? That's positively old-fashioned
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Two far out Portland eighth-graders face disciplinary action after school officials say they turned on more than a dozen classmates with groovy THC-laced desserts
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this pepper
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reason Magazine)
 
 
 
Record a traffic stop from your porch while black? That's a concussioning
source: reason.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Trump isn't sure if he'd let Barron play football. Football teams around the country: Yeah, we wouldn't let him play, either
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
"Hey, where's those four dolphins we loaned you? ... ""Um, yeah. About that"
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Nice person does nice thing. Nice
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
Teenagers with dangerous anti-vaxxer parents are using Reddit to either score vaccines or find out how to get vaccinated
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ಠ‿ಠ)
 
 
 
I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's an Umdloti mer-chicken who's a horcrux
source: northcoastcourier.co.za   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Would-be thief foiled by store staff armed with Bananas. Luckily for him, Loganberries & Passionfruit are out of season
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this logging equipment
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lifehacker)
 
 
 
So you're getting a refund this year, right? Are you sure? Are you REALLY sure?
source: twocents.lifehacker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Studies suggest millennials don't live up to their lazy 'me generation' stereotype, showing yet another thing kids these days can't do right. Now get off the lawn, gramps has clouds to yell at
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
You've seen potato guns, now there are potato bombs
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
If bringing a marching band into the library during finals week is wrong, I don't want to be right
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Third time wasn't the charm either
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Minnesota)
 
 
 
Stir-crazy Minnesotans go nuts when temperature soars to 30 above, head outdoors to soak in warmth and check out cool ice sculptures at Winter Carnival. "A Minneapolis resident even captured a picture of their mailman delivering mail in shorts"
source: minnesota.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Dodo)
 
 
 
What's in the box? WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
source: thedodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Statesville Record and Landmark)
 
 
 
C'mon, who doesn't want to have a strip club in their home?
source: statesville.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Atlanta's mountainous glorification of the Confederacy shut down over fears of authorities being unable to protect the delicate white nationalist flowers who were planning on holding a rally there on Saturday
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Drivers in Wales told not to slow down because a) carjacking b) congestion c) dragons
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tumblr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this surprised woman
source: 66.media.tumblr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Mother Nature's shenanigans
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 29 Philadelphia)
 
 
 
♫ ♫ When a couple of guards who were doin' some good / Tossed me out the restaurant because they could / I got in one little fight and the guards got scared / And then they shot me with a Taser which made my pants start to flare ♫ ♫
source: fox29.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Tourist attraction in New Zealand flush with visitors
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Cop jailed for using police database to look up intimate details of his Tinder, Plenty of Fish dates. Hey, guy can't be too careful these days, you know
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Inmates at a federal detention center are being forced to live without heat
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Consumer Reports)
 
 
 
Consumer Reports found high levels of arsenic, lead, and cadmium in half the popular fruit juices it tested. That's so metal \m/ (~_~) \m/
source: consumerreports.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Wild turkey crashes through second floor window of home. Police report: "Officers attempted to make contact with the suspect but he would only respond with fowl language"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Japan Today)
 
 
 
Police officer slapped with reprimand after superiors discover she was moonlighting as sex worker, resigns to pursue other opportunities. I saw this show back in the 1980s, loved it
source: japantoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat February 02, 2019
(CBC)
 
 
 
"Health" food expo invites speaker who treated his kid's meningitis with natural medicine, which caused the kid's death. Wait, was that wrong? Should I have not done that?
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Zealand Herald)
 
 
 
U.K. burglar who broke into funeral parlor and had sex with corpse gets very stiff sentence
source: nzherald.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lexington Herald Leader)
 
 
 
Which is more embarrassing, being arrested for using your government credit card on tickets, or being outed as a Jeff Dunham fan?
source: kentucky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this historical haircut, August 1941 near Burlington, Vermont
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
You can ground flights at an airport by having bad weather, or someone calling in a bomb threat. Then there's Florida's TSA agents
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Morning Call)
 
 
 
12-year-old Boy Scout placing flyer for food drive on fire chief's doorstep finds out the fire chief believes in castle doctrine, standing his ground, second amendment, like any good Murrkin
source: mcall.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Somebody notify William Shatner, there's a flight attendant on the wing of the plane
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Meter reader's access denied due to unrestrained, aggressive chicken. Sounds like he got a nasty pullet surprise
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadline Detroit)
 
 
 
Dearborn, Michigan Mayor Jack O'Reilly fires editor of city historical magazine for story on Henry Ford's antisemitism. Banned story is linked in article, but seriously, the mayor would prefer you not see it
source: deadlinedetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Man who owns private military school where he allegedly used free child labor for personal business is now charged with 148 felonies where he stole property from dead people. "Maybe he'll smarten up and stay out of Osceloa County"
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this professional caffeine slanger
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
The British ring in the end of Dry January by getting absolutely faced
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Portland Mercury)
 
 
 
Portland 7/11 breaks the law, but the insurance company justifies it for "safety" reasons. Breaking the law doesn't count if it's "only" against the homeless now
source: portlandmercury.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Some enjoy country living where the only controversy is a local bar's display of a pantless mannequin next to a school bus stop. "'Mommy, why is there a half-naked lady attached to a pole?"
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Police officer who taunted Detroit woman on video after impounding her car and forcing her to walk home in the sub-freezing cold has been ... lightly slapped on each wrist and told to behave next time
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Remember how Californians were laughing at the rest of the frozen USA this past week, what with their "chilly" highs of 60 or so? Well, weather karma is a biatch
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Sneaky steak stealer strolls swiftly south silently
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
You had me at exploding lakes
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Fat)
 
 
 
Photoshop this buttery goodness
source: s.hswstatic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
WVU students "gathered on the street and were consuming alcohol, sledding, snowboarding and blocking the roadway." Cops arrived with a plow, pepper balls, smoke bombs, and LRAD. Luckily, violence ceased before situation escalated to hockey
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Even 9 lives can't withstand 20 degrees below zero - which is why Chicagoans are on a mission to save hundreds of thousands of stray felines on Caturday
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Punx Phil the groundhog did not see his shadow, foretelling an early spring. Don't drive angry
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Okay, campers, rise and shine and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cold out there today That's right, woodchuck-chuckers, it's your GROUNDHOG DAY thread
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
♬ He's mister Snow Miser, it's time to go / Bye polar cold vortex, good riddance ten below / Now here comes Heat Miser, to warm up our butts, with a temperature flux... / Wait, we're f*cked? ♬
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
So shines a good deed in a weary world
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
You'd think a headline with Meghan Markle, sex and bananas would go in a sordid direction, but unfortunately
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Woman who hid in a cat cage after hitting a dog walker with a flashlight gets taken in for distemper shots
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Because of course alcohol was a factor in those cops' game of Russian Roulette
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Got a second? Then you have time to watch The Blob break out of a mine dam in Brazil
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bicycling.com)
 
 
 
Pro tip: If you're going to go out of your way to harass cyclists, and record yourself doing so, you might want to first keep in mind that law enforcement officers ride too
source: bicycling.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 10 Phoenix)
 
 
 
Man starts sending nude pics to underage girl. Fark: Police later ID him because of the "Fun Size" tattoo on his penis
source: fox10phoenix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Japan's senior citizens start a crime wave so they can be fed in prison
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri February 01, 2019
(BBC)
 
 
 
Using the wrong tube at the wrong time can land you in court. Especially if you upload the video to Twitter
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man suffers stroke that makes him believe it's fine to masturbate 'without shame' in front of his relatives. Now THEY have to suffer through his strokes
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
UAE to buy Venezuelan gold, which is totally not a killer strain of bud like it sounds
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Formerly homeless Florida man builds entire tiny town out of salvaged materials
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fairfield Citizen)
 
 
 
PSA: When busted for DUI, don't post bail with Monopoly Money
source: fairfieldcitizenonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
El Chapo jury to retire after 35 days. The rest of us still have to wait until we're sixty-five
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
The citizens of a small Canadian prairie town plagued by failing key fobs are not the hapless victims of an experiment by aliens or a nefarious government agency. So far as they know
source: calgary.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
The Old Gray Lady is adding obituaries of remarkable black men and women that were overlooked at the time of their deaths. "All were pioneers, shaping our world and making paths for future generations"
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
"I like my pop-tarts where I like my money. Right in-" 0.0
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Are you going nuts with cabin fever yet? If you are, it's because it's real
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
It's finally above freezing in parts of the country, so check in on cars, Chinese cinema, and British royalty in the Fark Weird News Quiz, January 20-26 I Can't Feel My Toes Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Sightings of rare oarfish in Japan raise fears of earthquake and tsunami, new sushi recipes
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
Soon you won't be able to keep your dog chained in your yard in one Alabama town. Under porches or the car up on blocks in the yard still okay though
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Grapes)
 
 
 
Photoshop this old world vineyard
source: georgianjournal.ge   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
If you ask for your Big Mac without onions, then by God there better not be any onions on it, otherwise there's going to be a fight. Also, you're drunk
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Pringles can designed wine tumblers inspired by woman banned from Walmart
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHIO Dayton)
 
 
 
♪♪ Gramma's in the basement / causing all the dead scent / missing for three years / who the heck's been paying rent?♪♪
source: whio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
Cloning monkeys for research puts humans on a slippery ethical slope, what with all those banana peels lying around
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Public Broadcasting)
 
 
 
Oregon has a six year over supply of cannabis. If only there were some sort of capitalistic force to solve this problem
source: opb.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mashable)
 
 
 
Do you live in a polar vortex? Are you really bored? Then go outside and throw boiling water into the air. It's actually more entertaining than it sounds (with video of a lot of cold people)
source: mashable.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop theme: Your dream job
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Camping in the Ocala National Forest could prove interesting as the US Navy will be dropping live bombs this weekend
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
While no one was looking, a herd of elephant seals took over a California beach during the government shutdown - and now the bastards won't give it back
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Caption this bovine standoff
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Horse gets stuck in tree during sub-zero cold. Wait, what?
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Washington is the toughest state in the US to pass a driving test, suggesting that the yahoo that blew past subby at 100+ this morning didn't even bother trying
source: siegfriedandjensen.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Fire chief looks like he needs a lightsaber and a tauntaun after fighting blaze in -50 degree wind chill
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
The Daily Fail can now be classed as honest again. Followup tag comes before Unlikely tab in the dropdown
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
The dwarves delved too greedily and too shallow, and were forced to abandon the Mines of Flori-dûm
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Tekashi 6ix9ine pleads guilty to 9ine counts in federal racketeering case
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
One flight in Bangkok makes a smog plan falter, the air's a blanket and the drones don't work
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Look, just because you find a bunch of money laying around doesn't mean you get to keep it. Unless you're the police, that is
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
During the Polar Vortex, one hospital checked in 14 patients with frostbite and two with viral video injuries
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
♬ They can't cope-a, folks from Ca-nada / They're pulling their staff from Havana / And they still don't, know what's the matt-a... / Cryptic induction, of weirdo concussions, they can't cope-a... They're giving up... ♬
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox Business)
 
 
 
Federal court blocks San Francisco's attempt to put health warnings on soda/pop/coke/etc
source: foxbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Tossing lit fireworks into a sewer is very dangerous. Chinese kid: "Hold my Baiju." With video. Dumbass tag outruns Scary tag for the win
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
Seattle attorney asks for freedom for man convicted 72 times, possibly out of curiosity to see if he can aspire to Henry Earl's greatness
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 61 Connecticut)
 
 
 
"A goat out chasing pedestrians on a cold night led police to dozens of other animals in the Blue Hills section of the city"
source: fox61.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
One man has been running the National UFO reporting Center for the last twenty-five years. At least, that's what they want us to believe. The truth is out there
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Los Angeles freaks out over rare thunderstorm, slowing traffic on the 101 from 10 mph to 5 mph
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Hercules
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
UN sets course towards easing CAR arms embargo, in spite of requests to keep their arms inside the CAR at all times
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Montana Standard)
 
 
 
Butte bus hijacker surrenders after noxious gas fills bus
source: mtstandard.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
White Walker coyotes spotted in Northern California; residents stocking up on Dragonglass
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
New Jersey man makes hilariously disastrous attempt at faking a fall in insurance scheme
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
"Take great care, my friend, not to break wind when you are dancing since if you do so you will be a real pig," and other Renaissance dance etiquette recommendations. Gentlemen, securely tie your codpiece
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Twelve year-old UK miscreants suspected of carrying knives could be jailed AND BANNED FROM SOCIAL MEDIA. Dammit, there are laws against this type of such cruel and unusual punishment
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTTC Minnesota)
 
 
 
Uncommonly attention-seeking Minnesotans take advantage of polar vortex, wake up kids before dawn, send them into backyard rink for three short periods to claim Guinness World Record for coldest hockey game ever played
source: kttc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Russia deports homeless man who sailed an 8ft inflatable boat from Alaska to Siberia. The boat has presumably been confiscated to upgrade the Russian fleet
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
Orlando bar promotes itself as a great place to partake of some of the hair of the dog that bit you, meet some biatches, sniff a few butts
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
How to avoid the Dunning-Kruger effect, explained by psychologist David Dunning. If you don't think you need to read the article, it probably wouldn't benefit you anyway
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Okay, states, you got $27b in tobacco settlement money this fiscal year, so how much of it did you use for tobacco prevention programs?
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu January 31, 2019
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
The polar vortex is over, so have some snow
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Where is the place, that a car that fell nine stories blazes... *SHAFT* ...Can you dig it?
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOB4)
 
 
 
Are you the kind of person who might enjoy receiving unsolicited bologna? Well, urine luck
source: kob.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
♬ Just a flying squirrel / Secret pink fluorescent fur / Revealed by UV rays, glowing everrry-where... ♬
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Not news: Walgreens pharmacist screws up prescriptions. News: By filling them without actually having graduated from pharmacy college. Fark: 750,000 prescriptions over a decade
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Detroit cop posts Snapchat video celebrating Black History Month. Since this is on Fark, you can guess it didn't go exactly as he planned
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
"Wideneck" Florida Man back in jail, despite being a hard man to collar
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
♫ Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang...BANANA HAMMER ♫
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Trenton, NJ police on the lookout for a psycho. That narrows it down
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Samuel Adams releases a Tom Brady inspired beer. Reviews are in and it's one of the best ever, but it's a little flat
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
 
 
Newspaper publishes article on "How to watch Super Bowl LIII on (local station)". Uh, turn on TV, open eyes?
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Unsolicited duck pic
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WYMT Hazard)
 
 
 
Mugshot of the year. No, really. Bring eye bleach
source: wkyt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cincinnati Enquirer)
 
 
 
"Question: And she showed Koko (the gorilla) her breasts?" "Answer: Correct"
source: cincinnati.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
NY AG takes it to Fake Social Media. If all the likes on this article can be believed
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Accused pirate takes lie detector test to prove he did not pull down woman's blouse and stamp her breast. Claims he's more interested in dead men's chests
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBNG Binghamton)
 
 
 
State environmental officials seize multiple raccoons that people in Chenango County were keeping as pets, say they acted on hunch that people in somewhere called "Chenango County" would probably be the type to keep wild raccoons as pets
source: wbng.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
You know what's better than winning the Special Olympics? Winning a $4M mansion in a Special Olympics raffle
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIII Corpus Christi)
 
 
 
Jeremy Irons' doppleganger arrested on drug charges
source: kiiitv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop Kim on a fishing expedition
source: spottorno.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Root)
 
 
 
It takes just one city council member to prevent a payoff to a racist cop. Simply read what the cop said into the public record
source: theroot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baltimore Sun)
 
 
 
Our solar project will be the equivalent of planting 600,000 trees. First we'll clearcut this 240 acres of woodlands, then
source: baltimoresun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSL Salt Lake City)
 
 
 
Bus driver proves value of public transport by halting vehicle on overpass, stopping suicidal teen from jumping. "I hooked her leg and her arm and I said, 'Please don't, please don't,' and I got her down, and I held her until the cops got there"
source: ksl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Colorado Springs Gazette)
 
 
 
Titone asked the priest if he abstains from sex, which drew howls from the audience. The priest said he learns about sex from confession. Uh huh huh "Titone"
source: gazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Subzero claims 8th fatality, looks to unload on Johnny Cage in the next round
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Florida Today)
 
 
 
The toddler in the New Year's rhino debacle was actually seriously injured. Not because the rhinos wanted to hurt her, but because rhinos are big and powerful while young children are soft and squishy
source: floridatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Orangutans from Swiss zoo get a surprise result on new baby's paternity test. Zookeeper denies all wrongdoing
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
A man that caused a high speed deadly car accident had a history of posting on Facebook numerous high speed and road rage incidents he was involved in. Thanks Zuckerberg
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tucson.com)
 
 
 
Karma takes it too far: Man gets struck and seriously injured by SUV while being chased by owner of bicycle he just stole
source: tucson.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Texarkana Gazette)
 
 
 
Teen pleads guilty to stealing a commercial plane so he could attend concert. "He told investigators he thought piloting the plane would involve little more than pushing buttons and pulling levers"
source: texarkanagazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orange County Register)
 
 
 
Man decides ride is boring. Climbs off while it's in motion
source: ocregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Hard hitting scientific research into extreme cold suggests its effects can be mitigated by wearing hats and coats
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
If you had plans to visit Venezuela anytime soon, the U.S. State Department would like you to reconsider them. Also, what the hell is wrong with you?
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 San Francisco)
 
 
 
$5-10 to drive down Lombard Street in San Francisco? Seems crooked to me
source: abc7news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wisconsin State Journal)
 
 
 
Actual headline: "Thawing pipes with heat gun not a good idea, nobody hurt in West Side fire"
source: madison.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Player
source: tennismash.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
If you parked your car at the Terminal C parking garage at Newark Airport this morning you may want to see how much Uber will cost you to get home
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Peninsulas of Michigan to be renamed "Superior Peninsula" and "Wuss Peninsula"
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
Video doorbell captures creepy woman in a mask on man's porch at 1am. Mom?
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Eating breakfast, which was bad for people losing weight, then good for weight loss, is once again bad for people trying to lose weight
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inhabitat)
 
Boobies
 
Old and Busted: burning bras. New and busted: recycling bras
source: inhabitat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Another NEST security camera hack: This time the hacker talked to a couple's baby, screamed obscenities at the couple, then turned their thermostat up to 90
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
Human Florida tag crashes through airport fence onto an active runway, does donuts in a grassy area and inside an open hangar
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
7-Eleven plays awful high-pitch sound to get loiterers out
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Proposed bill in Washington State may allow more motorcycle riders to become organ donors
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
The Holy Land Experience theme park is having its legally required property tax avoidance Free Day today. No word if a Moses will be available to part the long lines
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Looks like the real cookie monster was the Girl Scouts' troop leader
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
New Jersey to add a gender-neutral birth certificate option. Although most people would rather have the option saying they weren't born in New Jersey
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Mom leaves two toddlers in car in sub-zero wind chills for hours in bar parking lot while she gets hammered inside
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Priest who manages cases of sexual abuse for the Vatican resigns after being accused of...well, if you're reading this on Fark, you already know the answer
source: friendlyatheist.patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikipedia)
 
 
 
01-31-2007; Never Forget
source: en.m.wikipedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Magazine)
 
 
 
If you are a failed Olympic-level bicyclist and you decide to rob banks for a living, try not to ride a getaway bike that is different from any other bike on the street
source: chicagomag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC 2 Fort Myers)
 
 
 
What's a 14-year-old girl do when lovesick, but doesn't have transport to see boyfriend? She orders pizza for next door neighbor, steals vehicle while pizza guy delivers order
source: nbc-2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Airlines are deliberately seating you apart from your travelling companion when you book a flight to generate change of seat fees. Some guy named Al Gorithm is behind this dark pattern
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Women, who seem not to have noticed the word "surgery" in the term "plastic surgery," have flocked to a strip mall in Florida for discount procedures. Eight of them never left, and a dozen more had to be rushed to a REAL hospital afterwards
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Belleville News-Democrat)
 
 
 
Shocking news as Florida man reveals he doesn't like laws
source: bnd.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Greenville Online)
 
 
 
Revenge is a dish best served cold out of a water bottle and onto baby's face as payback, at least according to this Mother of the Year
source: greenvilleonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 2 St. Louis)
 
 
 
The Monarch population is up 144 percent at the butterfly's Mexico wintering grounds
source: fox2now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 61 Connecticut)
 
 
 
Cops looking for person who dropped off feral kitten in a have-a-heart trap outside of an office building during a snowstorm. With pics of kitten that knows exactly who it was and has elaborate revenge planned
source: fox61.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
There's a "subby's mom" joke in here somewhere, but I can't quite put my finger on it
source: www-m.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Herald Bulletin)
 
 
 
The story about the Indiana school superintendent's relationship with a 15-year-old male student was actually a morality lesson about health insurance instead of the usual hanky-panky, so why the hell are people so grumpy about it?
source: heraldbulletin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Man arrested after cosplaying as Mr. Freeze and shouting cold puns at people. Surprisingly, this didn't take place in Florida
source: thesiouxfallsheadliner.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop theme: "So *that's* where I left it" (Difficulty: no politics)
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Coconuts)
 
 
 
Smogkok: Oriental city where everything's closed 'til the air's less gritty
source: coconuts.co   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXYZ Detroit)
 
 
 
It's official: Hell has frozen over
source: wxyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
If you're from dirty Jersey and thought you'd at least have toilet paper to make it through the month, the historic Marcal Paper plant appears to be lost as below zero wind chills make for nightmare blaze. SOL for you
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
"You know I am drunk"
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Do You Remember)
 
 
 
In case anybody gives a damn, 'Gone With the Wind' is returning to movie theaters
source: doyouremember.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Austin Statesman)
 
 
 
That's when officers "observed that she was not wearing any pants"
source: statesman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Subby's plan to buy TotalFark for everyone has been cancelled. They found the tunnel
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
A Dutch historian told Davos panel billionaires to stop preaching about philanthropy and solve inequality by paying their taxes. Oh snap
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
If you've had your heart set on viewing the preserved body parts of a saint and you're in Altoona, PA this Thursday, the good news is you can. The bad news is that you'll be in Altoona, PA
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Hi, this is your gas company, we know it's negative bajillion degrees out, but we kinda forgot to make the lines big enough, so could you turn your heat way down? And don't use the gas stove or oven, either. Thanks
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Hamas militants ask supporters to send bitcoins, as apparently DogeCoin and gold in World of Warcraft are not accepted
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
"Driver was six times over limit after downing nearly a bottle of wine." First of all, how do you get six times over the limit drinking only that much? Second of all, who drinks "nearly" a bottle of wine? Why stop at nearly? GO FOR IT, MAN
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bored Panda)
 
 
 
Anti-vaxx mom asks internet how to protect her unvaccinated 3-year-old from measles. Come for the derp, stay for the comments
source: boredpanda.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 717: "Reflections 4". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed January 30, 2019
(CBC)
 
 
 
In a small Canadian prairie town, car key fobs mysteriously stopped working. And then the murders began. Presumably, if this is a promo stunt for season 4 of Fargo
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
Milhouse's big sister wants out of jail
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Chicago now colder than Everest, Antarctica, Siberia ... and Mars. The good news is that instead of shooting victims being hit with hot lead, they will be looking more at lukewarm lead
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Can someone let these astronomers know that it's just an empty trash bag left by the Bob's Big Boy rocket that's performing a strange orbit around the earth
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop this drunk doofus running for office
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NHK World (Japan))
 
 
 
December incident of Japanese cruise ship ramming into Guam pier has been linked to skipper who had exhibited unprofessional behavior prior to collision: drinking on the job, isolating himself in cabin, whacking doofus first mate with his hat
source: www3.nhk.or.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man sentenced to year in jail for attempting to feed crocodiles
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Porn star uses "non-dairy creamer" in her coffee
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Weather Channel)
 
 
 
It's so cold televangelists have stopped screaming about hell because people are calling in and asking for directions. Winter Storm Jayden discussion thread continues. Stay safe, Farkers
source: weather.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
"Beach closed during shutdown can't reopen because elephant seals took it over"
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Cocaine use in Britain has skyrocketed since 2010, which would explain so, so much
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
NewsFlash
 
You wanted a cold one? Beer delivery halted in the Midwest
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop these demented doctors
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Surgeon replaces man's cancerous pelvis with 3D printed implant, also discovers new band name
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KING 5 News)
 
 
 
Don't worry, scientists say, while they weren't able to monitor Mount St. Helens during the government shutdown they're pretty sure molten rock in the caldera wasn't rising five meters a day
source: king5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Study finds people don't answer phone calls anymore since it's always robo-spam. For you millennial Farkers, a phone call was once the preferred method of communication of 20th century humans
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Good News Network)
 
 
 
"We're trying to be the guys who make it cool to wear Stetson hats and Wrangler jeans in the 'hood." - the Compton Cowboys
source: goodnewsnetwork.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Scientists say that eating nuts will improve quality of your sperm. But if we have to eat our nuts, what is the point? (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
British Jews respond to looming Brexit by applying for nationality in ... Germany?
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Address in profile
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Try saying this three times fast: rubber baby Tyson nuggets
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
"Aliens exist and are now living in my 10 ton sand pile on the driveway" (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NewsChannel 10)
 
 
 
Man spends month in jail for possession of laundry detergent, proving once again that you never want to cross Snuggles the fabric softener bear
source: newschannel10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
Are journalists obsessed with Twitter? Yes
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Argus Leader)
 
 
 
A bright spot in the cold spot: Freeze could help save trees
source: argusleader.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Video shows Votran bus accident that resulted in $75K settlement, proving yet again why the one with the lions was better
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Generally, it's unusual for a Toilet Python to bite someone
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Google)
 
 
 
Limerick thread :-) Subby turns 46 today, and wanted to share the joy. So a month of TF to the smartest and funniest voted limericks. (LGT GIS for one of Subby's favorite words)
source: google.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Swiss policeman fined for speeding while chasing criminals. While prosecutors agreed he was acting in line with his work, his excuse for going 92 in a 50 zone was full of holes
source: thelocal.ch   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Brrr kills Hamilton
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Idaho State police make largest pot bust in their history, hauling in 7,000 pounds of . . . hemp
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Big US money-skimming syndicate returns to Cuba after 60 years
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Toronto gardener who buried eight victims in potted plants pleads guilty to murder plots
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Pennsylvania experiencing "frost quakes"
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
After eleven weeks of prosecutors making their case, the defense in El Chapo's trial rests in only thirty minutes. Admittedly, it doesn't take a whole long time to say "Whatever, I'll just dig my way out again" even in legalese
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Chicago group urges residents of the city and the midwest to help protect feral cats during this unprecedented deep freeze. Because cats
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this dough boy
source: d3el53au0d7w62.cloudfront.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
This article takes too damn long to get to the important part of the story. It's cold, but it's still a happy Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Police might have obstructed the investigation into fellow officers' game of Russian Roulette
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
1% of American teenagers have used flakka. Authorities urge everybody to panic, as that makes it about a million times more prevalent than the scourge of jenkem
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ledger-Enquirer)
 
 
 
Homeless man breaks into mortuary, has sex with a corpse. He is no longer homeless
source: ledger-enquirer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
To prevent train tracks from freezing, Chicago is A: Using heaters? B: Running extra trains over them? or C:Setting them on fire?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Me: I really can't stay. My bed: Baby it's cold out there
source: amp.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Rain, Snow, Gloom: not a problem. Cold, however
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Do go to the barber for a shave and a haircut. Don't go to the barber for unlicensed laser surgery
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Due to the EXTREME COLD weather, all criminal activity and acts of stupidity and foolishness has been cancelled. Even Elsa has been placed under arrest with NO BOND until further notice. Thank you for your attention and understanding to this matter
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Once again, people: The Autopilot-mode in your Tesla is not the self-driving option you imagine it to be
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Myrtle Beach Online)
 
 
 
Couple stops for some blow...and we're not talking about the drugs
source: myrtlebeachonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chronicle Herald)
 
 
 
Qajaq? Kajak? Que Jacques? Kojak?
source: thechronicleherald.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
Boobies
 
Cool as the nipple on a witch's tit
source: img.fark.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
That's not a beach ball. THIS is a beach ball
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBUR Boston)
 
 
 
"Sharenting." A whole new word to hate
source: wbur.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Small town police department looking for volunteers to get tased after all the officers determined they were too chicken to tase each other
source: week.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
How do we recruit more and better teachers? *snaps finger* Pay them less, that works every time
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue January 29, 2019
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Florida Man was wrongly jailed for 41 days for possessing 92 grams of "heroin" that turned out to be a bag of Tide. Prosecutor reportedly still seeking to nail him on laundering charges
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
Turns out the Bojangles employees are just as spicy as the chicken
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Woman stays with boyfriend through worst of times... until his body odor drove her away
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Leader-Telegram)
 
 
 
Meanwhile, in Wisconsin, it's too damn cold to deliver beer. Thousands of Wisconsinites drown their frozen tears in old fashioneds
source: leadertelegram.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Houston Police officers now stable in hospital. Shooter stable in morgue
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Man dates cockroach for a year, then eats her when she dies. There are no words
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Family left behind by ferry make best of being marooned on island. "It's still America's best state park, even though we were stranded"
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Aviation International News)
 
 
 
Photoshop this blue ice prevention
source: ainonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Hold on to your vortices
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
There will be a "special" impromptu Paul's Memory Bank tonight (7 - 10 PM ET) as the regularly scheduled show will not be on and I was offered the time block. I'll just randomly put stuff from the server in the queue mixing up the music & comedy
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
NewsFlash
 
"A government worker is just a friend who has given up"
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
FBI issues report on the motive for the Las Vegas shooting: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Prominent men's rights activist claims it's gay for guys to like women's butts. Care to back that up, son?
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Dayton News)
 
 
 
Mom uses bitcoin so her teen son can buy LSD to sell to kids at school. Bonus: she's a teacher
source: mydaytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Gals)
 
 
 
Photoshop these taciturn girls
source: media-amazon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
Now THIS is how you call a snow day
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Thirty-three years ago this week, Space Shuttle Challenger exploded 73 seconds into its final flight. Here's the guy who tried to stop that launch
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Wind-chill is meaningless, says a non-homeless person from inside his heated office
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(E! Online)
 
 
 
Jake Gyllenhaal is infinitely sad that you can't correctly pronounce "melancholy." The world is a vampire
source: eonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Woman with 12 vibrators who says she's never had an orgasm and claims men treat her like Mount Everest. She just hasn't met StudmanSubby yet
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHO TV Des Moines)
 
 
 
Sub-Zero temperatures no match for 80-year-old crossing guard. Scorpion, Raiden a different story
source: whotv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Hoop-Dee-Doo Musical Revue found to be a bit more Hep-A-Doo
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
Alabama police cancel "all crimes and really dumb things" due to snow
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
Weeners
 
Pranksters draw HUGE 60ft penis on Scottish school's playing fields - big enough to be seen from space
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
We're raising a generation of web addicts whose minds will be so filled with millions of series of tubes we won't know what to do with them. This message brought to you by the Daily Fail and their news sidebar made entirely of b-list celebrities in bikinis
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
If a bicyclist is going downhill at forty miles an hour, and a deer is approaching from the side at ten miles an hour, what is the combined speed of impact? Show your work
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(Indy100)
 
 
 
If you're the groom at your wedding, make sure only ONE woman shows up dressed in wedding gown. Either the fiance or the mistress, pick one
source: indy100.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Brisbane Times)
 
 
 
Police look for thieves who stole 160 lengths of railway iron. Cops now determined to follow the tracks
source: brisbanetimes.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tucson.com)
 
 
 
Sheriff's posses temporarily suspended in Maricopa County, Arizona. Apparently they will be reinstated once the state makes it back up to 1857
source: tucson.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Officer Nathaniel Hendren's shooting of Officer Katlyn Alix was a tragic accident. Wait, he was charged? They were playing Russian Roulette? I hope this is actually an Onion article, because otherwise...
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mankato Free Press)
 
 
 
Man has meth-fueled "death party" for his ailing wife, with predictable results. Then it really gets weird. Mugshot checks out, though
source: mankatofreepress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Not just another classic car found in a barn story; this involves a whole classic Bugatti car collection that was found hidden in a Belgian artist's barn
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Straits Times)
 
 
 
Rich Russians are flocking to Florida to deliver American babies. Apparently anchor babies are welcome as long as the anchor is attached to a yacht
source: straitstimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
A boy who was lost in the woods says a bear kept him company. No one can prove it didn't happen
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Looking for a cozy place to stay near Antwerp, Belgium? Well why not try this hotel that's shaped like a bunghole? No word on if the food tastes like ass
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Tech)
 
 
 
Photoshop Galileo
source: 3c1703fe8d.site.internapcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHO TV Des Moines)
 
 
 
Man killed in coyote hunting accident. ACME corp. lawyers issue denial, blame giant anvil company
source: whotv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Two states, Washington and Oregon, allow parents to opt out of vaccinating their children simply because they want to. Care to guess which two states are also experiencing measles outbreaks?
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Illinois State Police bust woman driving 115 in a 35mph zone - in the snow
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KAIT Jonesboro)
 
 
 
I want my motherfarking Rooty Tooty Fresh 'n Fruity
source: kait8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Korea Times)
 
 
 
Pricipal caught embezzlof forcing his art students to perform onstage at private parties, pocketing money
source: koreatimes.co.kr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Christian Broadcasting Network)
 
 
 
"I just thought - 'not one person has asked how my dad's victims are doing.' And so I started to answer people. I'd say 'well he's doing fine. It's his victims who aren't doing well.'"
source: www1.cbn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
PG&E gets a restructuring expert to help them declare bankruptcy and avoid responsibility for the last great California wildfire
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Duluth News Tribune)
 
 
 
Minnesota lawmakers are studying prisons by spending time inside them. Which for many legislators is also known as on the job training
source: duluthnewstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mashable)
 
 
 
Not News: Man excavates a basement in his house. News: Using excavators and dump trucks. Fark: They're all RC toys, and doing a damn fine job of it
source: mashable.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NR Today)
 
 
 
Oregon drivers are good at putting down their cell phones when they see a cop car
source: nrtoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon January 28, 2019
(USA Today)
 
 
 
The US DOJ just charged one of China's largest tech firms and its senior executives with fraud and sanctions violations. No Way. Hau-wei
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 10 Sacamento)
 
 
 
Best Buy fires employee for chasing down a fleeing criminal, not selling him an extended service contract. UPDATE: Employee is being offered his job back
source: abc10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Pope confirms that Priests should never have sex. At least, not with adults
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
DADMITTER: *type type type* TV: "DinoTrux Let's TRUX IT UP" DADMITTER'S DAUGHTER: "......." DADMITTER: *click* *submit* "Ha ha, that's a funny headline." DADMITTER'S DAUGHTER: ""
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGBH Boston)
 
 
 
Boston is one of the safest cities in Massachusetts thanks to a policy of not reporting traffic accidents
source: wgbh.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Congratulations Duke students. You can still shout "Duke Sucks" in a foreign language
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Lawyer's license suspended for stealing colleague's briefs
source: wqad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Fast and Furious, Masshole edition
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Copyright shakedowns outlawed by the (Canadian) government
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Thread Reader)
 
 
 
The indictment of Roger Stone explained in detail by a non-lawyer. "and Person 2 is like, 'yeah ok but YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ASSANGE HOOKUP REMEMBER? KEEP MY NAME OUT YO MOUF' "
source: threadreaderapp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Musical Express)
 
 
 
Keith Richards gives an update on the next Rolling Stones album, explains why the geriatric group still tours, and refuses to reveal the secret of immortality and confirm rumors he has a philosopher's stone
source: nme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
Q: Why don't you see couches hiding in trees on the Upper West Side of Manhattan? A: They're just that good
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Florida Man arrested for attacking wife with a Taco Bell burrito, said he missed the grenade delivery earlier this morning
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Sun)
 
 
 
Step 1) Open window. Step 2) Throw stuff out window
source: torontosun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Detroit police officers arrest member of their command staff for DUI after traffic accident, say if they have to police Detroit sober so does he
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Man puts 62 matches out with his tongue in one minute, thinks he's lit
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
"The right front wheel is making some noise. Could you check it?" "Yup, found the problem"
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man arrested trying to smuggle 5,000 live leeches for his 'personal use'
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this man and his big vest
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
Best Korea comes up with a novel way to keep its citizens from watching Worst Korea television. Actually, it's not so novel - it's exactly what you would expect
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WDRB Louisville)
 
 
 
♬ People always told me be careful what you do / Don't go around throwing rocks at cars / Mama always told me be careful what you post / Don't Tweet it like a fool, 'cause the cops will come for you, hey-ey / Stupid teens are caught rock throwers...♬
source: wdrb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Tonight on Paul's Memory Bank (8PM ET) we'll revive the "swinging through the alphabet" series when the DJ can't think of a theme. Tonight 2 hours of songs beginning with "A" with some never heard before ones thrown in
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Researchers say dabbing is a much more efficient way to get high than smoking a joint. They also want to know if you have anything in this place to eat
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 5 New York)
 
 
 
News: Chicago is so cold people are being robbed of their coats at gunpoint. Fark: By people driving luxury cars
source: fox5ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click2Houston)
 
 
 
Houston: Five Officers shot, two critical
source: click2houston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Hospital mistakenly gets NYC woman to consent to take stranger off life support after spending nine days by his bedside thinking it's her brother
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man steals $200K from family, wires it to Bulgarian 'cam girl,' and then the murders began
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
The Canadian Paediatric Association says feeding babies allergens early should prevent reactions later. So, goodbye strained peas and applesauce, hello dust pollen and peanut butter
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this recent advance in technology
source: cdn2.atlantamagazine.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Stop me if you've heard this one before, last year was the hottest on record and this year is poised to beat it
source: earther.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Alert)
 
 
 
RTFA
source: sciencealert.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
♬ Deputy you OK? Deputy is OK, he is OK, barely.... You've been hit by... car was flipped by... a huge mineral ♬
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Mall ninja brings an axe and multiple swords to a shopping center knife fight, still manages to get cut with one of his own swords
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Red scarves protest against Yellow vests. Green clovers, Blue diamonds, Purple horseshoes seen warming up
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Online trolling costs Australia $3.7 Billion per year. Pulling numbers out of thin air still free
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
You're stuck on the highway in Canada because of a 75-car pileup. What do you do?
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Photo of a cassowary claw shows how Australian wildlife really is related to deadly dinosaurs
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Onyx Club NYC jazz singer, circa 1948
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WISTV)
 
 
 
O, I wish I was in the Land Of Coffee; owner of troubled restaurant engulfed in Confederate monument fracas says Starbucks interested in buying him out. #ThisShouldEndWell
source: wistv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Trump won't get his face on Mount Rushmore any time soon, but some activists want to carve his face into a glacier to show the idiot that climate change is real
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Fox 8 Greensboro)
 
 
 
Someone already purchased their Trump 2020 inaugural ball outfit
source: myfox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KXLY Spokane)
 
 
 
I.C.E. : Papers? Oh you have them? Just kidding, we are still gonna fark with you
source: kxly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
"Are the guns OK?" Actually... nope
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
World mourns for Trevor the Duck
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Scientific study: Skinny people are "genetically different." Translation: Skinny people are freaks
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Temperatures in the Midwestern US expected to hit fifty below zero, reaffirming the dangers of climate change. Stay warm and safe, flyover Farkers
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Tourist picks up an extremely deadly blue-ringed octopus on Darwin Beach
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
99,000 bottles of water in the river, 99,000 bottles of water. Take one down and pass it around, still a farking mess
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