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| Sun January 13, 2019 |
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Japan still grapples with whether to accept tattoos, even if anti-tattoo prejudice contradicts common sense or modern mores. "Most people can tell the difference between gangsters and foreign rugby players"
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Airline finds way of ending complaints about lack of seat space in their aircraft
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One hundred years ago tomorrow one of Boston's busiest neighborhoods found itself in a very sticky situation
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Oh sure, but when I pitched my idea for the series, "Police Robot with a Vape Pen" they just laughed at me
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So it begins
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When you leave two pounds of the devil lettuce in your Uber in Pittsburgh, just let it go man
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Photoshop these W palms
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Politicians in Wisconsin argue that joining the other 49 states in criminalizing a 1st OWI might ruin lives. No mention of those lives already ended by drunk drivers
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Illinois dad gives teenage boys a technological challenge. Fark needs a "LAWN" tag
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How much is the fine for removing a human kidney by mistake if the doc doesn't bother to read the patient's medical file? 300,000. Cents
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Because science, now you can extract your DNA using vodak (possible nsfw content on page)
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Florida Man evolving, now using sharp wit
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Today in "rules are for you little people": Principal ticketed by school officer for repeatedly parking in handicapped spot. Does the school c) have the officer removed from campus?
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It turns out that one of the guys who co-discovered DNA is kind of a dick
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Chinese power display
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Canadian air traffic controllers buy pizza for American colleagues affected by shutdown. Care packages of poutine and maple syrup being readied at Trudeau airport
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Why can't you just leave us bigots alone when we say hateful shiat?
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The world is ending next week. Well, if the Bible says, it must be true
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The only way to stop a bad guy with an alligator is...well...okay, I suppose there are lots of ways
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Authorities say no foul play suspected was suspected after finding a man dead wrapped in a white sheet in the trunk of a car. Only in Florida could this possibly make sense
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This kindergartner had his 2nd amendment rights violated
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If you were hit by the giant snow storm this week and are thinking of going out for a drive, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
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If you want to take your AT-AT ice skating, make sure the ice is at least 50 inches thick
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Some of these are common sense, some of these are "who does that?", and some of these are simply "challenge accepted"
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Um... because people like to bone a lot?
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Lawyer tries the old "chewing coat" defense in DUI case
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While you spent Friday evening trying to get the Yoo-Hoo stains out of your favorite Hello Kitty t-shirt, this Maine man rode his snowmobile 8 miles with a broken leg
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If you know the whereabouts of 1,500-pound, 6.5-foot cast bronze sculpture of a hippopotamus, the Kent police would really appreciate it if you rang them up. Also, who steals a hippo?
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Photoshop this tower
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CSB Sunday Morning: The geekiest thing you ever said or did
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Former CIA agent calls Trump a traitor
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Dog is my copilot
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Ex police officer cops neighbor's FedEx packages, felonies ensue
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UC Davis advises students and staff visiting China not to use WeChat or WhatsApp to communicate there, noting that one politically incorrect opinion could land you in detention for a very, very long time
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21-year-old man wins, loses, Detroit hide-and-seek contest
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| Sat January 12, 2019 |
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Because if there's one thing a dangerous biker gang will obey, it's trademark and copyright law
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Kidnapped girl arrives in your house? Yeah, grab your guns
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One ring pursues them all / One ring can find them / One ring of helpful nerds / Who with their tools divine them
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Kinder chocolate eggs included a perceivably racist toy - meme-ready picture included in article also a New Zealand insult
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Not News: Armed men kidnap wanted man. News: It's the wrong man. Fark: Police don't care and won't charge armed men with kidnapping
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| (Some Kid) |
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Photoshop what this reacting kid is seeing outside the window
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Coast Guard begins reselling seized cocaine amid government shutdown
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People complain when there's too much snow and people complain when there is too little snow. You just can't please people
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Ever wondered why you like to get freaky in a particular way?
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Man found crawling around in storm drains, keeps repeating "we all float down here" for some reason
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Photoshop this ice climber
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Woman riding electric cart and chugging wine from a Pringles can banned from Walmart
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Article on how to get better at New Year's resolutions. Subby's only resolution was to stop submitting so many articles on Fa...goddamnit
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By any objective measure, the world is getting much better, so quit grumping for once and go have a good day
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Not news: Sharks chase boat. News: An inflatable boat. Cool: Since it's Australia, boaters calmly taped the encounter, probably hit the bottle-o on the way home
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Caption this wildlife encounter
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Woman who can't hear men talk flooded with inquiries on how she pulled it off
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World War I German submarine emerges off the coast of France. Talk about playing the long game
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Ta-Daaaaa *crack* ow ow ow ow ow
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It's a good, helpful list... but surely we can come up with at least another 25 even worse things
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Fortunately the Joshua Tree is not in Joshua Tree
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| (Some Boys) |
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Photoshop these academicians
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Multiple sightings of red-eyed Bigfoot lead investigators to a scary 8-foot... wooden statue?
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A trio of abandoned kittens is lucky to be alive after being found in a snowbank by a trucker, just minutes before a snowplow was due to pass by, likely burying them. Please welcome Shiver, Stormy and Flurry to Caturday
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It's not the breed, it's the owners
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Utah teen crashes car doing "Bird Box Challenge." Guess she didn't see that coming
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Japan requests that the TSA gets their act together and not let people with guns get onto planes bound for their country
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| Fri January 11, 2019 |
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Well, he can't fire us all
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Three dead, 23 injured as double-decker bus crashes into transit station in Ottawa
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British sarcasm lost on Americans. Still working on irony
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Canada looking for 1 million more immigrants over the next 3 years, offering sane policies, decently liberal government and free healthcare for applicants. Get in early, avoid the rush
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Photoshop this blocker
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Man denies running unlicensed restaurant in his house. What about the giant sign advertising it? That's just his name. Doesn't everyone have a giant sign announcing their name, phone number and website above their front door?
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Friggin' maggots being sent to war zones to heal the injured? It's more likely than you think
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Mobile Pet Camera can follow your pet around, take video of what it's doing while you're gone, dispense treats and even shoot lasers at your cat. No word when they'll be deployed along the southern border, too
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this look of love
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Easter Island statues were constructed in places to indicate ownership of fresh water sources and not where the eggs were hidden as previously thought
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DC Comics' newest superhero is... Jesus Christ. Get in the car
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Who'd have thought $1400 for a cell phone would be too expensive
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Mom breastfeeds while baby feeds her french fries during meal out -- and both are very talented
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Flagstaff radio station goes silent except for a robotic countdown voice and intermittent random phrases. They claim it's marketing. I'm saying our alien overlords have landed in Northern Arizona and getting ready for the Final Countdown
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BEHOLD: The Three-Assed iPhone
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Debating what to do post-college? Why not drive the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile around the U.S. for a full year. Because yes, that's a real job. Let's relish this opportunity
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This just in: a diet of Tapas and Cocaine may not be healthy for you
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If you stole the blue lights off the top of a cop car recently, Tees Valley police have a quite good photo of you
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Not news: Drug sniffing police dogs. News: Drug sniffing police dog needs NARCAN after sniffing passengers boarding cruise liner. WTF: Florida
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Porn regulations have been delayed as the government seeks to work out some kinks
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Panties, bras fly from car during 100 mph chase on Indiana highway
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Woman is reunited with $10K Chanel purse she lost on subway thanks to the last honest man in NYC
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Despite your uncle who can't shut up marrying the guy who won't say a word, study says opposites do not attract
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Python covered in ticks found in pool. We'll wait while the full body heaves pass
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Entire Louisiana town to move inland to escape rising sea levels. This will be a repeat many, many times in the near future
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Taiwanese man fined for sending a Scottish fold cat in the mail. Well, at least it was already folded
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Why yes, there actually is a Congressional bill to legalize marijuana, numbered H.R. 420
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Photoshop this human-animal dance couple
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Speeding driver tells police he was in a rush to buy a kebab (With photo of kebab in case you didn't know what it looked like)
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Dramatic video released of Milwaukee bus driver rescuing a free-range baby running across a freeway overpass wearing only a onesie. To clarify, the baby was the one wearing the onesie
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Simple recipe for Philadelphia Traffic Jam: add one naked driver, place in wrong lane for 10 miles. Simmer for 3 hours, then exit
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The little town of Gordon, Wisconsin (pop. 645) is about to get a lot of visitors. Jayme Closs, abducted almost three months ago, has been found alive
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Officer: Are you driving drunk, sir? Driver: No, sir, this is Michigan. I'm avoiding the potholes
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China threatens use of anti-ship ballistic missiles after latest American Freedom of Navigation Op. Remaining 5 billion people apparently content to let the U.S. take care of this problem for them
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Oregon does the humane thing and relocates 93 sea-lions. But since that's failed decides they might as well kill them
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| (Some Guy) |
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Nearly 100 miniature dinosaurs go on the rampage in Canada, politely
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Parents sue Troy, NY recovery center for not noticing that their son had died. Fark: for 38 days
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Zombie makes his way into woman's home. It wasn't Rod Argent or Colin Blunstone so who was it?
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Shark attacks are old news. Now it's toadfish that want to kill you in Australia
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Not News: Police in Canada can now demand breath samples. Fark: In bars. WTFark: Or at home. Did you DD for someone, come home, and drink a couple beers? Sucks to be you citizen. Breathe into the tube
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Rare pygmy sperm whale carcass stolen off beach, presumably to be used for upcoming film reboot Weekend At Spermie's
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Old and busted: driving while black. New hotness: guide dogging while black
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Man accused of shooting another man outside of a McDonalds over buying car doors decides to go with the "He stole them from me first" defense
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No need to lose your head over it, though - oh, sorry, too soon?
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Protip: If you're going to rob a bank, be sure to obscure your face
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| Thu January 10, 2019 |
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Convicted pedophile allegedly confesses to the JonBenet Ramsey murder claiming it was an accident
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Shooting victim dies after seeking help at liquor store. Even though they call whisky the Water of Life you should really go to a hospital instead
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WSDOT claims STP lost pipes which damaged TBM, and that they haven't done anything good since Interstate Love Song anyway
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Flight crew has the fish
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Just make sure not to get the "Buh Buh Buh" and "Bah Bah Bah" rooms confused (link fixed)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Do we really need a North and South Dakota? No, we need "MegaKota"
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Thanks to YouTube, Disney nerds can relive extinct theme park attractions, such as Weinsteins of the Caribbean and that closet Walt Disney spent his entire life not coming out of
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Ohio Woman discovers January 9th is not Bring Your Drugs To Court Day
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How many nuts could a landslide chuck if a landslide could chuck nuts? Either way, Chuckanut drive is closed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fortnite creator buys thousands of acres of NC forest to block loggers, which he'll do while making an 'L' on his forehead and dancing like an idiot
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Esports: The Price of the Grind. (Subliminal headlining)
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Hallelujah, it's raining police as tensions escalate at Drag Queen Story Hour
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A collection of 1970s-era 8X10 glossies of lounge acts and aspiring future superstars that were found in a Venice, CA, dumpster in the early 2000s. Pick one and do your worst
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Man shuts himself in dark room with no human contact for 30 days on a bet. Psychologists call people like him "unstable." We call them "gamers"
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"It is strictly ill-advised to lie down on a bomb"
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You know that little plastic baby that is hidden in Mardi Gras King Cakes? Facebook pulled an ad with a photo of them because it "displays excessive skin or nudity"
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Bing recommends child porn in search results. There is no way I'm clicking this link because I don't want to have a seat over there
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Study says sex at first sight could lead to better relationships, being banned from grocery stores
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Holiday get-togethers will be awkward after woman discovers mum-in-law's CD of photos from the woman's wedding to MIL's son which contain no shots of the bride
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In unusual reversal, wedding crasher filmed by drone
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Flat Earthers announce cruise that will take them to the end of the Earth in "boldest adventure yet." Boy, will they be in for a shock when they learn that the navigational systems cruise ships use rely on the fact that the Earth isn't flat (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop this merry-go-round, State Fair at Rutland, Vermont, September 1941
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Creepy police officer stalks, obsesses over Keister for months after arrest. Hang on, flip that
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If you go dumpster diving in front of 'No Trespassing' signs, expect the cops to subscribe to your YouTube channel
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Three people wounded in strip club shooting. No arrests have been made, and the circumstances behind the shooting, where the gun was concealed, are not yet known
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If you were planning on having a Viking funeral or having your corpse shot out of a cannon, we've got bad news for you
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Cody Parker Challenge, make the kick, win free beer for a year
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"Schoolgirl, 13, shoots herself in face while taking selfie with dad's gun." Well, there's the problem: she should have used her phone
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"Dude, they're... like... here"
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Stranded seals blocking traffic in Canada, having apparently gotten more than just a little bit crazy
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Pro tip: If you're going to take the kids to a parking lot to do donuts in your brand new car, you might want to choose a parking lot without a lot of light posts
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There's a fierce battle underway between two places on opposite sides of the world to determine who has the steepest street
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Harrowing footage of the emergency situation at the border. WARNING: Images safe for work
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Blinking too fast is now a crime in Georgia
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Solving this mystery required: a.) medical professionals, b.) X-rays, c.) full body cavity search, d.) all of the above
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Welcome to the Billboard chart, Baby Shark. Doo doo doo doo doo doo
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New York's crappy old Tappan Zee Bridge will be blown up this weekend. It will take place on Saturday morning. Plan your brunch popcorn accordingly. "A number of restaurants are offering deals and views of the destruction" UPDATE: postponed until Sunday
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You can now have slippers made to look exactly like your pet. Maybe your dog will stop pooping in them now
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Video of a helicopter pilot doing a pinnacle landing on side of mountain to save an injured skier in the Alps, which requires landing the helicopter on a 60 degree slope
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"Jesus Christ, I'm a Sheriff" said a highly intoxicated Michigan Sheriff. "But I've got this here flaming sword of justice," said Jesus. Fair enough
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"Sorry, officer; I was going that fast because Mötley Crüe's 'Kickstart My Heart' was on the radio"
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What it's like to be an advice columnist, and most of these questions are clearly fake
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Who would win? A: Thousands of miles of steel fencing for a border wall? B: A saw?
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Photoshop these brothers in arms
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I'm sorry, sir, but we're not accepting any locally-sourced meat today. You're going to have to take your dead raccoon out of the McDonald's
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Teen girls throw fit, start hurling heavy objects at employees when told they're too old for McDonald's PlayPlace. Here's a tip: If you can hurl heavy objects, you ARE too old for McDonald's PlayPlace
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Lettuce all thank the CDC for declaring an end to the Romaine E. coli outbreak
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Old guy hits bicyclist with his van, circles back to see dying kid, then leaves. Upon being questioned by police, man makes up different stories.... while standing in front of the replacement parts for the vehicle damage
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Super-gonorrhoea spread causes "deep concern," doctors recommend using butter on your toast instead
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Alberta cop facing backlash and investigation after euthanizing a deer. Fark: By running it over repeatedly with his truck
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"He said it was his lifelong dream to run from the police"
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Thought that hospital bill was outrageous? Here is the bill for a half million dollar med flight
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Guilty plea from two men caught trying to bringing drugs into America. They avoided the wall by being in the US military and using a plane
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'Suspicious packages' sent to foreign missions in Australia. To be fair, in Australia it's a bit difficult to sort out what's unnaturally lethal and what's just local wildlife
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1) Woman parks car, then 2) NYC puts up No Parking sign at her parking space, then, in a rare "double go fark yourself" move, 3) tows her car and 4) fines her $185
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I'm bored, what do you want to do? Hey, I know: Let's break into a Carmax at night and play demolition derby with the cars. It's not like they have security cameras
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 714: "Pylons and Poles". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 09, 2019 |
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Alexa, add a couple of zeroes to the check
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Thank you for your service, Coast Guard. Have a garage sale to help you cope with the shutdown
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Tsewage tsunami tstarted tsubstantial tsinkhole
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A semi was in a rollover accident, closing a highway for 7 hours. Cleanup required a foam barrier to prevent fuel from running into the Huron River, and about 50 pork chops for the couple of jars of applesauce that broke
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The next time your teacher asks you if you brought enough gum for everybody, they may be trying to to solve their future murder
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Australian woman survives 'freak accident' when freeway sign crushes her car. Meh, around here, a 'freak accident' is any time I get drunk and fall over
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Grocery store closed after six women start tussling, throwing cantaloupe. With horrifying tumbleweave video
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♪♪ You can lick my BEEEEELLLL, lick my bell ♪♪
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Denver to become 1st city to allow power-ups
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Australia, also known as "Canada in a Thong", has more fun than any other country in the world
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this preening feathered friend
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Pearl Harbor hero's remains identified after 77 years. Chief Warrant Officer John Austin saved 15 lives on the USS Oklahoma by guiding sailors to a submerged porthole
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Let it go, man, because it is gone. Unless it's a bandanna
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Denver parents will have to travel outside the city to force their kids to convert to Not Gay status
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Town leaders decide the best way to tackle local crime is to ban grilled cheese sandwiches
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Hey ladies - want to see Justin Trudeau's Afghan doppelganger?
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Good: honoring a police officer shot to death in the line of duty. Questionable: by naming a shooting range after him
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Reminder: If you win the lotto, don't tell your roommates prior to cashing the ticket
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If you've ever wanted to fish for free in New Hampshire, then January 19th is your lucky day
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The top porn trends for 2019 are increasing numbers of female viewers and more big girl videos. Things that are out: gingers, your mom
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Just goes to show you to always look at your school lunch money change: Rare "holy grail" penny might be worth $1.7M
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Photoshop Challenge: Decorate these white hearts
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Bouncers throw man out of nightclub for being too drunk. He goes back to car to down 15 tequila shots and smoke weed. Returns to dance floor 10 minutes later. In his car
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Prison guard jailed for smuggling phone, steroids into prison inside her underwear. Hopefully wet wipes were also smuggled in
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Drunk cheating man proposes to wrong woman, gets even stupider by going on social media for advice ...then goes through with it anyway (possible nsfw content on page)
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Bernice Sandler, 'Godmother of Title IX' and champion of women's rights, is dead at 90. Adam inconsolable
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Police free seal trapped in fishing net, after fearing it might not survive even if did get a little bit crazy
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"On second thought, maybe Mirage wasn't the best name for our fighter jets" -- French Air Force
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Level of difficulty: Chicago
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Why bother with thousands in "aquariums" when your home closet will do for keeping live poisonous snakes? Fark? Florida
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The key to bringing down El Chapo might be his IT guy
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Furloughed federal employees are now driving for Lyft and Uber. See? The market provides*. All hail capitalism *substandard replacement jobs
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Former college football player's leg amputated after dog shoots him in hunting accident
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"I'm George Washington. Don't mess with me I'm going to be on the money one day" he probably said as he hanged a traitor in front of 20,000 witnesses on June 28, 1776
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So, it turns out the appeal of sex dolls is that they don't complain (possible nsfw content on page)
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The children of mommy bloggers are starting to grow up. And they've got some mommy issues
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Proud boy accused of murdering brother with sword. We can assume the parents are not
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How about a border roadway...patrolled by robotic cars....with frickin' sharks attached to them
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Woman says she's not a horrible person after faking pregnancy, tricking couple who planned on adopting the baby
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I'm not saying it's the worst measles outbreak in the US in decades...the doctors are
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Cannabis may be subtly altering your genetic makeup and perhaps bestowing latent super powers. Oh, and also it makes your balls drop off
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When someone takes bugging a phone too literally
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John Travolta comes out. As bald. Baby steps
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Eagle Scout turned scout leader has every possible badge, multiple Canadian girlfriends
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Photoshop this skinny chalet
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Sit! Ponat! Manere! Bonum canis. Enjoy your Harry Potter inspired Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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Snowboarder records himself getting buried up to his armpits in avalanche
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Florida man, Florida businesses, and Florida monkeys - they're all here in the Fark Weird News Quiz, Dec. 30-Jan 5 Tell It to the Cows Edition
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What do Rashida Tlaib, Samuel L Jackson, Kim Campbell, Wanda Sykes, Snoop Dogg, Spike Lee, Eminem, Robert De Niro, Ice-T, Mac Miller, and the majority of the American public all have in common?
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You can now add "buying snacks" to the list of things black people can't do without having police called on them
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British airports to use missiles to take down drones. What could possibly go wrong?
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Not news: State of Georgia posts laws online behind paywall. News: Laws cannot be made public because nonexistent copyright. Fark: After losing copyright case, Georgia still refuses to make laws public
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Scotland launches campaign targeted at dog owners, urging them to protect sheep from dangerous or worrisome dogs. Sheep are already under severe pressure from dangerous or worrisome Scotsmen
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Faux fur firms fingered for featuring fake faux fur fergawd'sake
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The strange case of a Norwegian budget plane stranded in Iran's 'Bermuda Triangle. It tried to fly, fly so far away, but it couldn't get away
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Toronto police would like to remind Canadians that it is good manners, when making a donation of women's clothing to a donation box, to please take the clothes off of the corpse first
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| (Some Guy) |
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Last week: sheriff's deputy shows up drunk to homicide scene. This week: different sheriff's deputy mails fake bomb to supervisor. What the fark, Pinellas County?
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Japan to start charging a $9 sayonara tax for leaving. Joke is on them, if I ever get to Japan I am staying
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Turns out you need a permit to hand out bibles to school children
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These pillowy soft, chocolate-caramel-coated marshmallows are delicately infused with fine chocolate, then hand dipped with exceptional care by a family-owned candy company using only the finest Hepatitis A positive confectioners
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Substitute teacher gives class time-killing worksheets before jumping into some time-killing wanking. (W/fantastic "was that wrong?" mugshot goodness)
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| Tue January 08, 2019 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Stop hammertime
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It takes four heavy semis and more tires than you can count to move a 900-ton, 300-foot-tall distillation tower, likely to Fark Global HQ
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Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital is out of network for everyone in San Francisco
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Look, you guys are lucky I didn't run because I was going to but I am too drunk and injured. None of this would have happened except for the fact I drank 14 beers today and was driving 100mph (cop flips open notepad)
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$1,500-a-month doggy daycare prompts ruff growls among the citizens in San Francisco. Many complain that the homeless in the city aren't even given dog treats
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Joshua Tree forced to close due to shutdown. Officials appealed to Congress, but still haven't found what they're looking for
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Good Samaritan drives drunk friend home then fails breath test
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"It's a shame that this rare vase from the 1893 Chicago World's Fair has been lost since 1894. Did anyone check at Spenger's Fish Grotto in Berkeley, California?"
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Fark NotNewsletter: I thought we had a plan
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Reports stated that it tasted like snozberries
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If he had taken one of the cars instead of writing her name on one of them, maybe she'd have taken him back
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Photoshop these concerned traders
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Barber of the Year shaves play button onto head of man after he shows the barber paused video of how he wants his hair cut
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Fast food workers to strike for protection against Florida Man
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Woman with a roomful of sex toys had only 30 seconds to satisfy a man. Fark: As he counted "One Mississippi... Two Mississippi"
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Shhh...It's ok, we all know you're going to click: video of Walmart brawl
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If on the day of the wedding, the bride has to travel 15 miles in traffic at 30 mph, while the groom travels 45 miles at 60 mph, how long will it be before the guests say, "Screw it" and decide to spend the day doing something else?
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Better late than never. Thanks, Lifetime
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German woman knits a scarf using different colors for how late the train was, including one six-week span all in red. DC Metro riders nod sagely
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Pro tip: Before bragging about poaching deer on a dating app, make sure you are not talking to a game warden
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If you are going to run over and kill someone while drunk there are some precautions you need to take first. Become a cardiologist, be born with a penis, be born white, live in Oklahoma
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Actual headline: "Ex-WWE star hits back at critics after shoving tampon down opponent's throat during match." Why doesn't Fark have a [WTH] tag?
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LP 1200 - Some traditions are born from greatness - to honor the glorious past. This is not one of them. LGT LP 1100, because that's only fair. Not fair to you, per se, but somebody
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Apparently, reading Fark on your smartphone could hasten the coming of the Antichrist
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Photoshop these beach women
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Police chief gets slap on the wrist for domestic assault. Fark: It's a more severe punishment from the handshake and pat on the back he got from the county prosecutor
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Uber driver drives the wrong way down two different one way streets. Passenger calls him out on it. So of course his only option was to go on a racist tirade against her
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Real women strip down and react to seeing each others' breasts .... HEY ...GET BACK HERE ... I wasn't finished yet (NSFW)
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Stop me if you heard this one - so this moose walks into a hospital
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"The World's Largest Potato on Wheels has joined the lineup of the First Ever 16th Annual World's Shortest St. Patrick's Day Parade® to be held Sunday, March 17, on 98-foot Bridge Street in downtown Hot Springs." Potato
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Proving there is a sucker born every minute, people are buying cat DNA kits
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Alabama officials warn motorists not to eat chicken tenders spilled on highway
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Stay clear of the seaside town of Sidmouth, Devon for there's a monster fatberg lurking in the sewer there oozing to get out and wreak havoc upon the population
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When you're a teacher in Florida, the appropriate response to a principal not handling an issue the way you wanted is to go to a park where the principal is hosting a birthday for her daughter and rub feces EVERYWHERE
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Democrats to focus on banning 'ghost guns,' in spite of the fact that they always turn out to be old Mr. AK-47 all along once you pull their hoods off
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Salon responds to negative reviews by posting customers' personal information
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Seattle may fight homelessness by importing idea from Australia. And no, it doesn't involve drop bears or rampaging packs of feral wallabies
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Hypnotist to elephant: You are getting sleepy. Elephant to hypnotist: You are getting trampled
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Can Cayenne pepper stop serious bleeding? Well, let's put it this way: that claim originally appeared on David Wolfe's website, so
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Missing Triangle man found dead in Manassas. Particle Man, Person Man wanted for questioning
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The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a Ulu knife is a good guy with an Ulu knife. Or failing that, the police
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On tonight's special "Cops" and "Cheaters" crossover event, you'll never guess what happens next
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Police arrest Baltimore fugitive known by the alias "Doo-Doo Butt"
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George, the last achatinella apexfulva, has died at the ripe old age of 14
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Photoshop this wet walk
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Have you ever read all of the fine print on the deed to your home? You might want to check whether you are allowed to own it
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When your flight is delayed in Florida, what do you do? Get drunk, call an employee a rapist and say you have a gun. That should solve all problems
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Young thug narrow escapes jail.. stop laughing... after using his car... stoppit, this is serious.. as a weapon... will you please take this seriously?
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Woman given erectile dysfunction cream for dry eye, says it was hard to see that coming
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"Hey, did you bring the tank of helium for the balloons?" "Yeah, here it is, the one marked H"
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Today's recycled Airplane memes courtesy of (spins wheel) Alaska Airlines
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Following speed limit, paying attention to the road NOT illegal in Missouri, judge rules, tossing out 52-lb. pot bust
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Sorry the apartment is a little methy
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US Navy names new destroyer after former Alaska Senator Ted Stevens. Its armament will include a series of tubes
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♬ She can dance if she wants to / For the team, all girls is fine / But the boys can't dance, and if they can't dance / They'll sue under Title IX ♬
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Banksy leaves his marks on the side of a garage. It's killing the shop owner
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Chicago: We're taking your car because of unpaid tickets because go screw yourself, we're selling it because go screw yourself, and we're giving the extra money to our towing cronies because l'etat, c'est Rahm. Which is French for "go screw yourself"
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| Mon January 07, 2019 |
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Note to closet racists -- never say the quiet part out loud, especially live on the local news
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Beaut butted by bonnet, bruises butt by Butts
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If a white man fires an AR-15 in the air, and an unarmed black man holds his hands up, who gets shot by the police? Show your work
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If you're going to try and rob someone with a cardboard gun, make sure she's not a UFC fighter
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Indiana plans to combat decline in hunting by adding women and young people. Effectiveness will depend on hunters not leading 'em as much
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Insurer battles payout over hideous eagle stolen in mugging because owner was carrying it around in a backpack instead of an armored truck, but also dang, that thing is tacky
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No Hoagies, No Peace
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Police investigating after charred body is found in trash can fire, hope to determine if it was Person Man or Oscar the Grouch
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Driver wins race after other car rams tree. He might gave gotten away with it if he hadn't recorded the race on his cell phone
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Photoshop this doorway
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Uber driver in MI pleads guilty to shooting eight people in one night, in between giving rides to his passengers. Says the Uber app "turned him into a puppet" and made him do the shootings. Techs at Uber HQ seen whistling and hastily deleting something
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For the first show of 2019 and the 5th season of Paul's Memory Bank, the clock gets turned back to 1969 for two hours of music (8PM ET)
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Egad, a maniac stealing $20,000 worth of fish tank equipment from a New Jersey home. This is a job for Aquaman, Prince Namor, or possibly Ghost Rider
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Meth lab found in tent behind Sam's Club. Hey, know your market
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'Perris torture case' house sold, as thousands of people with poor reading ability wince and cross their legs
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Florida couple arrested after running out on $10K hotel tab, which comes out to about three airplane bottles of Jack Daniels and a coke from the mini-bar
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Old and Busted: Legal Pot. New Hotness: Legal shrooms
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Locals in India welcome mutant one-eyed cow 'as a GOD' after 'miracle' birth. No word yet on whether they want to name it Cowclops (possible nsfw content on page)
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Sometimes, when the situation calls for it, you just have to get up and move. Even if you're the largest sand dune on the Outer Banks
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Five injured, one killed during hands-on portion of avalanche safety training
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Photoshop this forlorn vessel
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Man who had prostate removed learns he never had cancer and it was all a lab screw up, wants doctors to experience the procedure for themselves in a courtroom
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Thailand chops up Saudi Embassy attempt to bone refugee status of Saudi woman they saw at Bangkok airport
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TN Governor Bill Haslam says 15 years is enough for teenage sex trafficking victim who killed a man her pimp sold her to when she was 16
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Julian Assange, meet Barbara Striesand
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Here it is - the top ten most ridiculous lawsuits of 2018. Come for the suit over Junior Mints, stay for the one over unwanted cheese
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Indian scientists dismiss Einstein theories gets the headline, but among the many buried ledes is one of them thinks "a demon king from the Hindu religious epic, Ramayana, had 24 types of aircraft and a network of landing strips in modern-day Sri Lanka"
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While some strippers claim to dance so they can pay their way through college, this one danced to save up for an AR-15 so she could shoot up a club
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Welcome to NYC, where there is always some butt head to ruin your al fresco dining experience
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London has drastic increase in moped gang crime. Moped gangs?
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Man denies owning syringes found in his rectum during jail strip search
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U.S. Army adopts new recruiting strategy to attract Gen-Z: barracks designed to look like mom's basement, Tide Pods served in the mess and saluting will now just be dabbing
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U.S. government shutdown is causing chaos at Sea-Tac airport as TSA agents have gone from "Thousands Standing Around" to "That One Guy Who Showed Up"
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Gabon coup foiled; president Bongo still in power. Vice President Maraca and Chief of Staff Cowbell unaccounted for
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Tower, this is Ghostrider requesting a flyby. Wait, scratch that.... Lost our canopy. Coming in for immediate landing. Please turn on landing lights and bring a clean flight suit
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Protip: If the guy you met on that dating site hasn't responded to your first 158,999 texts, the 159,000th probably won't bring him around. Also, "I'd make sushi outta ur kidneys n chopsticks outta ur hand bones" is probably not a turn-on
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Photoshop this fashionista
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Twigg snaps
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Nursing home flushes adult diapers causing sewage to flood Springfield man's home. DOH
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"Honey, was that Jack Nicholson carrying an axe?"
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The most pulse-quickening new hybrid you'll soon be seeing in your rear view
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Arkansas sheriff's deputy and K-9 handler fired for shooting aggressive pit bull in the face in front of owner. Did I say pit bull? I'm sorry. I meant chihuahua. I always get those confused
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Home tattoo removal and home lip injections sound bad, but home circumcision, people really need to be told to not do that?
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Escape from Alcatraz gets a reboot, different ending
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A Muslim youth group has cleaned up numerous National Parks while the government is shut down
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These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
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