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Sun December 23, 2018
(USA Today)
 
 
 
"To save her, I must torture her" says doctor of his patient, a young girl who has been in the burn unit for 276 days
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Driving around, getting stoned with three little kids in the car is no way to go through life, mom. You too, Grandma
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Learner)
 
 
 
Photoshop this studious fellow
source: lr.edu   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Streaming music, actors' missed roles, and stinky holiday things - it's the Fark Weird News Quiz, Dec. 9-15 Socks For Christmas Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
The author of the Der Spiegel article that lied about a small Minnesota town? Turns out he was making up all sorts of shiat, and now may be facing criminal charges
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - GEEK - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Root)
 
 
 
Taking a look back at 2018 with the annual Wypipo Awards, which includes him, him, her, of course HER, oh I already forgot about that, and Jesus that was this year too?
source: theroot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - SPORTS - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - D'AWWW - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - FOOD - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - DISCUSSION - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - ENTERTAINMENT - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - BUSINESS - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - POLITICS - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Headline of the Year Voting - Final Round - MAIN - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Florida Man)
 
 
 
There's just too much going on in this to have a headline. But we do have the tag
source: allthatsinteresting.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop this very yellow sitting area
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
"Pennsylvania Family Awarded Best Outdoor Christmas Display In World." TFA neglects to say by whom they were so awarded, so maybe Clark just handed himself a blue ribbon in this one
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
Walmart store decides to stop selling ammunition and donate its stock to the local police department, creating the biggest political controversy of the year in Loonyville, Mass
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Suspects in Gatwick drone crisis: We're not the suspects you're looking for. *waves hand* Local police: You're not the suspects we're looking for. Move along. Move along
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
It's the ***Final Round*** of Headline of the Year voting. Follow the links here to vote for *your* favorite headlines in every tab - Voting remains open until noon (EST) tomorrow, Monday December 24
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Listen, and understand. Low rise jeans are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever (or until the next bad trend comes back in fashion)
source: today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Having leeched everything else out of the world, boomers are now coming for your blood
source: philadelphia.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
The Girl Scouts would like to gently remind parents that it's a little creepy to make your daughter give out hugs to everyone this time of year
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
Weeners
 
Nothing says Christmas quite like penis-shaped bushes lit up with blue balls (and yes, it's Not Safe For Work for really uptight workplaces)
source: kitchener.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
World's most identical twins want to get married on the same day... to the same man
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this David Bowie art exhibit
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: It came from out of town (dun dun DUNNNN)
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
The worst gifts men have given their girlfriends for Christmas, including a sonogram
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buffalo News)
 
 
 
Service coordinator helped an evicted 76 year old medical marijuana user get his apartment back by making his plight known to the public- then she got fired for making his plight known to the public
source: buffalonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Walgreens clerk fatally shoots man after photo counter dispute. For the youngsters, photo counters were places you took film to be developed. Film was a medium. Developing was a process by which hard copy pics could be produced. Guns are the same
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Portugal News Online)
 
 
 
So your flight was cancelled at Gatwick on your way to your uncle's wedding. Airline TAP Portugal (a) refunds your ticket, (b) books you on a flight from Heathrow, or (c) gives you a selection of chocolate bars?
source: theportugalnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Freeman)
 
 
 
Destroying the breathalyzer is no way to get out of a DWI arrest, lady
source: dailyfreeman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Let's not go infusing our CBD just yet
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat December 22, 2018
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Krakatoa erupts, this is not a repeat from 1883
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
College reject David Hogg forced to go to rinky-dink backupsville Harvard
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Unilad)
 
 
 
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
source: unilad.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this happy baby
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Florida year in review: come for the wayward reptiles, stay for the mugshot roundup
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Childish masculinity won the day in 2018
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Another vehicle strikes the entrance to a historic wooden bridge. County officials were moved to write poetry to mark the occasion: "The silver beams were hung by the DOT with care / In hopes that U-Hauls would not travel there"
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Ever wonder what a stoned goose looks like? Today's your lucky day
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikimedia)
 
 
 
Photoshop this semi-ancient astronaut
source: upload.wikimedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Trying to get back at your ex-boyfriend? Don't do like this woman did and post naked pics of him on the elementary school fence where his children go to school
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
♪ ♫ My drones they fly over Gatwick / To see what me and my honey can see / Because people hate drones over Gatwick / The police are now handcuffing me ♪ ♫
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
When asked why she didn't stop for the police, Herrington stated that the passenger encouraged her to flee, and that she did not know who the passenger was
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Climbing a tree can be fun, but climbing the National Christmas Tree will get you a trip to the hospital for a psychological evaluation
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Big Think)
 
 
 
Is we learning?
source: bigthink.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
How does one celebrate recreational pot legalization in MA? How about a 119 foot joint rolled with 24-karat gold rolling papers
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pulse (Nigeria))
 
 
 
Sure as hell beats the alternative
source: pulse.ng   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Q: What is glitter? A: Something that lucrative monopolistic New Jersey manufacturers don't want you showing up and asking questions about
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Father likes to play with makeup with his 9-year-old daughter ... so of course people have a problem with this. Talk about a real drag
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Glasgow unveils a new statue to mark the 90th anniversary of Rennie Mackintosh's death and it's already got a traffic cone on its head
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Paperweight)
 
 
 
Photoshop this profound stone
source: i0.wp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSET)
 
 
 
A dozen felines were left in a crate on side of the road to freeze to death, shelter says. Thankfully, all have survived their ordeal, and are waiting patiently for Caturday
source: wset.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Bride kicks couple out of her wedding reception because they brought their infant and toddler
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMJ4 Milwaukee)
 
 
 
In an attempt to be logical and fair, a school faced with too small of a theater to fit ALL parents does the logical thing, and bans all parents
source: tmj4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds - the key word here being 'swift'
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS New York)
 
 
 
War on Christmas escalates to live firefight
source: newyork.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
New report finds Louisiana ranked as the least healthy state. It was close, but New Orleans was the tiebreaker with hurricanes, gunshots and eating beignets
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YLE (Finland))
 
 
 
As I trudge through the snow with my reindeer and sleigh, I think to myself there's no bloody way. Imma gonna pay taxes for a few hours work, to visit all these houses where kids act like jerks. It's all sin and vice living in a socialist paradise
source: yle.fi   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri December 21, 2018
(Japan Times)
 
 
 
There's probably a good reason the first ever Arctic bank robbery went south. First it's just too cold that far north, and the climate is definitely better in the south
source: japantimes.co.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Be alarmed that witches apparently now outnumber Presbyterians. And at least one of the comments blames Harry Potter. The circle of derp is complete
source: sg.news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
U.S. women still struggle to get healthcare as good as women in other advanced nations. Which will change in another couple of years when the U.S. is no longer considered an advanced nation
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
Toys for Tots hit hard by Toys 'R Us closing, so help out the Marines and make up the difference this season
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this yellow cardinal
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Perfume industry on the decline as Millennials no longer want to smell like celebrities. Elon Musk still amazingly popular
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Dear NYC, stop sending your homeless families to substandard, uninhabitable apartments in dirty Jersey. We already have enough homeless families in substandard, uninhabitable apartments. Thanks
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
I'm sure nobody will have anything negative to say about this NPR story extolling Meg White's talents as a drummer
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
'Ankle scarf' fashion trend contained to internet...for now
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WVVA Beckley)
 
 
 
The Farker who predicted last week that the four people who disappeared near an abandoned mine in WV were there to steal copper, come collect your prize
source: wvva.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this mountain
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
A story that reminds you that A) there is no Statute of Limitations on Murder and B) "DNA phenotyping", which is "the process of predicting physical appearance and ancestry from unidentified DNA evidence' is an actual thing now
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Not packing light for a quick rendezvous may seem counter-intuitive, behold the science
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kare11)
 
 
 
Drunk, naked, and tearing down your neighbor's Christmas decorations is no way to go through life, Drew
source: kare11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMJ4 Milwaukee)
 
 
 
Oh, to be 18 again. Dumb, racist and unable to run while wearing shoes
source: tmj4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WikiHow)
 
 
 
For those ladies on the run, here's how to make homemade sports bras from men's briefs. You're welcome
source: wikihow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
Beginning on Oct. 1, 2020, all Alabama air travelers will be required to show their STAR ID. Hey Alabama, how many points on that star?
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Wife accuses husband of cheating on her with hundreds of women after coming home stinking of booze and sex. He admits it. Then things take a dark turn
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
Weeners
 
Ow My Balls
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
The giant hole will not be closed during the shutdown
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
As some Farkers suspected, some of the glitter bomb reaction footage was faked, admits engineer
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
NewsFlash
 
RBG gets Trump removed
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Sorry, ladies, but you're gonna have to wait a little while longer to show your breasts in Ocean City, MD. If you're really dying to show them off, though, hey. EIP
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
School system in Huntsville, Alabama is holding a contest to create a new logo. You know what to do
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNO)
 
 
 
Cop runs afoul of #EweToo movement
source: wgno.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Ringer)
 
 
 
Facebook has ruined the Internet and Western Civilization with it
source: theringer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
YouTube prankster comes forward saying he is responsbile for being the Gatwick Airport drone dummy that shutdown everything (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Canadian airport shut down after guy's axe mistaken for a weapon
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KATU)
 
 
 
Oregon OKs pilot program to allow cities to control urban deer populations. Yeah, I just copied the article headline, but WTF is with the picture? (Some graphic content on page)
source: katu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 61 Connecticut)
 
 
 
School hires teacher, tells her that her medical marijuana prescription is no problem. School then yanks job offer over failed drug test
source: fox61.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Mum realises daughter, 9, has been eating catnip for days after accidentally buying her a Garfield advent calendar for cats
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Sun)
 
 
 
Annoying: Jehovah's Witnesses at your door. More annoying: Naked Jehovah's Witnesses kidnapping you and your family to save you from Armageddon. Jehovah's Witness trifecta in play
source: torontosun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Balls)
 
 
 
Photoshop this artificial reef
source: theonlinefisherman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
50 years ago today, Frank Borman, Jim Lovell and Bill Anders lifted off on top of a Saturn V rocket and headed toward the moon in the boldest space mission then undertaken
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Tiny robots take pictures of cats, not realizing the cats are re-programming them into an army of doom
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
PoRn users (don't all of you raise your hands at once), you need to look out for this scam before you totally embarrass yourself
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(1011 Now Lincoln)
 
 
 
On today's elves caught on camera spreading Christmas Spirit I present: Couple steals a grandma's purse, in a Children's Hospital Pediatric Intensive Care waiting room, while she was visiting her grandson who has cancer
source: 1011now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Curious George - Gets His Face Eaten Off in London
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
A cop, a racist and a bank robber walk into a courtroom. The judge says, "You again, Officer Daugherty?"
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Man's injuries seem more consistent with a beating than fainting (w go fundme singing video - sfw)
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Axios)
 
 
 
Sierra Leone sees Congo's Ebola, raises Marburg
source: axios.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
What's one thing anxious millennials and achy boomers agree on? Cannabis-infused products, apparently
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
This story reads like a subplot from a Tarantino flick
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Miami)
 
 
 
NRA terrorist faces up to five years in prison after threatening to kill David Hogg's family
source: nbcmiami.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCPO Cincinnati)
 
 
 
The Ohio River's closed, so if you were planning on taking a steamboat or a barge this Xmas season make alternate travel plans
source: wcpo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC 15 Madison)
 
 
 
For once, old news *is* exciting, as direct footage of a Wisconsin gas main explosion is finally released. It's part of an announcement that no one faces criminal charges for causing it
source: nbc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Alaska tourism to increase sharply
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu December 20, 2018
(Indy100)
 
 
 
I suppose if anyone could cure cancer, it would have to be Keanu Reeves
source: indy100.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 4 Charleston)
 
 
 
There is burning bridges at work. Then there is just lighting the damn office on fire
source: abcnews4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
This just in: No, your Christmas tree doesn't need vodak, just you
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
It's really going to happen this time in 2019 - impending worldwide cataclysmic events, that is. Nostradamus has said so (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
How long does it take for people to forget you murdered someone with your technology? Uber thinks it's nine months
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
Ohio man who spent three days in jail after being arrested for making fun of policemen responding to a call in his neighborhood gets a very sincere, and almost six-figure apology from the city of Garfield Heights
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Police seek suspect in Midvale home invasion robbery who managed to finally get through that damn front door
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kansas.com)
 
 
 
Whatever it is, it always seems to be on the other side of the road
source: kansas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Task and Purpose)
 
 
 
Active Shooter Drill meets Mass Casualty Drill. Victims include one seriously confused jogger and an innocent door
source: taskandpurpose.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Christian radio station host of "It's God's Money" promised investors returns of up to 270%. Co-host called him "the Donald Trump of Tampa Bay," but sadly, nobody believed him
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Three years after ISIS was kicked out of Mosul, Iraqi women are getting their Kardashian on
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guys)
 
 
 
Photoshop these bread-winners
source: caterermiddleeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
You can add 'taking out the trash' to the list of things black people can't do without harassment
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Syracuse Post-Standard)
 
 
 
Police didn't even know em
source: syracuse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
Father arrested for using his 5 year old to steal packages from doorsteps
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Let's drop by a Bronx building with over 100 residents in it that's had no heat for a decade to see how cold they are. Bonus: NYC is the landlord
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
Audio
 
This compilation of every hmmm yoda says in teh Star Wars series sounds like very bad porn
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Beer thief gets stuck upside-down on a spiked fence during his getaway. FARK: Twice
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Get ready to spend even more money on your meds. Pharma-Bro seen giggling with delight
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Columbus Dispatch)
 
 
 
"I've almost lost those cops who are chasing me... Almost in the clear... Just a few more... HEY, A HOT TUB"
source: dispatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WANE Ft. Wayne)
 
 
 
Indiana drivers can embrace the past with Studebaker license plate. And if recent elections have proven anything, Hoosiers love to embrace the past
source: wane.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 40 Sacramento)
 
 
 
Officer charged with secretly filming house-sitters having sex in his home says his couch is the real victim
source: fox40.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Contemporist)
 
 
 
Photoshop this geometric aluminum facade
source: contemporist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Why can't they ever just skip over the murder and go right to the suicide? Florida tag beats Irony tag for shooting by school cop
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
It's not often you see the words "£1,200 Vampire Penis Jab" in a headline, but yet this IS the Sun (possible nsfw content on page)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
Woman considered dead by Social Security for two years doesn't want to get on the cart, at least until she gets what's owed to her. "Jesus rose on the third day, I just took a little bit longer"
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Police Department blames spike in area homicides because young people have turned away from God and "embraced Satan." Bonus: Alabama
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
"'Buy some chocolate, get some weed' College student's business nets $1,600 in just days"
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
I F*cking Love Science just won an award. You won't believe what it's for
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
Weeners
 
Doctor suspended after multiple botched circumcisions that sent some patients to emergency room. ER staff reportedly reported the injuries to tip line
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Charlotte Observer)
 
 
 
The Smithfield police would like to assure you that nobody has been ground up for cat food in their town
source: charlotteobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Dayton Daily News)
 
 
 
(sappy music) They stole from Jared (coos of delight)
source: daytondailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Alert)
 
 
 
New snake species discovered inside another snake's belly
source: sciencealert.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Drone over Gatwick airport fails to find Sarah Connor, succeeds in shutting down airport
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Any enlisted person would lose their retirement and be given a bad conduct discharge
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Springfield News-Leader)
 
 
 
Murdered woman's family gifted by owner of the car company where she bought the car with the car loan paid in full and a bunch of Christmas presents. She was run over by a woman high on drugs who dragged her several hundred feet
source: news-leader.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Holy Guacamoley)
 
 
 
♫♪You're a mean one, Ms. Grinch...you really are a heel. You bought up all the ornaments, to make that mean biatch feel...Ms. Grinch...like a bad banana with a...greasy black peel♫♪
source: guacamoley.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WV Gazette Mail)
 
 
 
America's 6th largest company shipped 3 million oxy pills to one pharmacy in a West Virginia town in 10 months. Town had 400 people. Population down a bit due to all the overdose deaths
source: wvgazettemail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
This just in from the Water Is Wet desk: Volcano tourism is dangerous
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Fat otter girls you make the rocking world go round
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
Items found on a guy at the Greyhound bus station: two folding knifes, a taser, multiple bags of what appeared to be drugs, an unknown woman's Social Security card & a machete hiding under his belly fat. Wonder where he was traveling to?
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
New York Times forced to walk back how Alice Walker admires a race of man-sized lizards wearing human disguises who rule this world
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tucson.com)
 
 
 
Johnny Bravo arrested for two counts of armed robbery. That didn't end well
source: tucson.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pulse (Nigeria))
 
 
 
Headline - "Here's why the Navy's newest littoral combat ship just tumbled into the water sideways" I'm going to guess "Because it wasn't seaworthy." *reads article* Oh, it was on purpose. Well, OK then. Carry on
source: pulse.ng   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ocala Star-Banner)
 
 
 
Group attempting to lure bears with doughnuts succeed in attracting bears with doughnuts
source: ocala.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Pricipal . Caught swimming that has fallen off cruise ship " see told ya so" Is He dead or not
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Popular Mechanics)
 
 
 
Why is the Christmas comet green?
source: popularmechanics.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
'Girls Toys' sign in British supermarket causes outrage for not including the apostrophe after "girls". Oh, and it's also sexist or something
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Oh no it doesn't
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Photoshop these skydivers
source: media2.s-nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Hacker takes over baby monitor, threatens to kidnap 4-month-old. Sleep deprived parents everywhere know no one wants to claim a crying 4-month-old in the middle of the night
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medical Xpress)
 
 
 
University of Michigan study finds rate of firearm death in American children aged 1-19 "more than 36 times as high as the average rate across 12 other high-income countries". U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A
source: medicalxpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chick)
 
 
 
Just in time for Xmas, a new Chick tract: "If you think intelligence agencies collect a lot of data..."
source: chick.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
One-time homeless man wins $250,000 in Colorado Lottery
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikipedia)
 
 
 
Asking for anyone else who just watched Chris Cuomo's segment on CNN: Did he just come off as a coked-out, out of control babbler? That was freaky
source: en.m.wikipedia.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Weather Underground)
 
 
 
2018 will be among the top 5 warmest years on record. The others were 2017, 2016, 2015 and 2014
source: wunderground.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Mom arrested after her kids found home alone watching Home Alone. She claims she was at work, but we know she's been smooching with everybody. Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff... I could go on forever, baby
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
"The Jefferson County Sheriff's Office tracked down the missing residence Wednesday morning"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Doppelganger victim wins $1.1 million lawsuit. Doppelganger victim wins $1.1 million lawsuit
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
For all of you Beltway commuters, good news: you CAN masturbate on the Metro as long as you're in Maryland. Just keep your genitals unexposed
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Cop: "I pulled you over because you had a thing hanging from your rear view mirror and now, I think I smell weed, and hey, you got drugs". Judge: "Not so fast, Skippy"
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 San Francisco)
 
 
 
Red Sleigh Down
source: abc7news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pix11)
 
 
 
Right smack dab in the middle of my chest / I found a knife or gun to end my youth (Up on the roof) / And if someone starts gunning you down / Just call NYPD to find some proof (Up on the roof)
source: pix11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
"My firefighter husband is out battling the Holy Fire, and needs donations. His name?... He's Canadian, you wouldn't know him"
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveLeak)
 
Video
 
And now, straight from Canada, a textbook video lesson on how not to position a ladder while putting up Christmas decorations
source: liveleak.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Daughter signs for deaf dad at a rock concert. Difficulty: The music was so loud, she ended up breaking three fingers
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Mom, daughter who used drone to deliver Christmas gifts of tobacco, cell phones to Dad in state prison should have let Santa handle it
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medium)
 
 
 
A journalist for the German magazine Der Spiegel messed with the wrong small town, oh you betcha ya
source: medium.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida man arrested for drunk driving, possessing meth, pot, heroin, and guns only misses Gold Star Level Florida by not having samurai swords or eating someone's face
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
What happens when you cut people off from their prescription opioids?
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 711: "Seasons' Greetings 11". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed December 19, 2018
(WBTV 3 Charlotte)
 
 
 
"And then he tried to get away, so he tried to take off his shirt. That's when I sat down on him"
source: wbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KVAL Eugene)
 
 
 
Rules to live by 1) Do not put a camera in the employees bathroom 2) Do NOT put a camera in the employees bathroom 3) If you do, do NOT get caught 4) If you do get caught and fired, do NOT put another camera at the new job while being investigated
source: kval.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Florida Governor exploring how to grant lifetime hero status to man who ripped off Texas school system to the tune of $2M
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Obama dons red to better embody socialism as he literally provides handouts to unproductive members of society who do nothing but lie around in bed all day
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Holy fark
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
Well, you know what they say, the family that shoplifts together, stays together. In this case, in jail
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Congo downgraded to Outbreak status, heading to 28 Days Later
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPLC Lake Charles)
 
 
 
Shoot my goat once, shame on you. Shoot my goat twice, shame on me. Shoot my goat a third time, how the hell is this goat not dead yet?
source: kplctv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Onion)
 
 
 
Ecstatic Pope Francis Finally Lands Role As Mary In St. Peter's Christmas Pageant
source: theonion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
In what is not a repeat from July 3, 1863, police find dead horse near Gettysburg. Subby would have posted this to the Politics tab, but the beating would be ad infinitum
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Swordsman who urinated out of the window onto officers, throwing furniture, weights, speakers, a knife, a door, glass, a weed whacker and a fiery pillow outside in custody now after yelling "The Aristocrats"
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WREG Memphis)
 
 
 
Woman throws fit over baggage fee at airport, with video of furniture flipping and fire extinguisher spraying
source: wreg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Fark ready headline: Man arrested for stealing chainsaws ends up lighting his hospital bed on fire
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WNEP Scranton)
 
 
 
Neighbors of new medical marijuana dispensaries hopeful - especially those downwind
source: wnep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
If you are going to steal a large-screen TV off of a porch, make sure 1) You can carry it 2) It fits in your puny car
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: FINAL ROUND of voting for Fark's Headline of the Year, plus a review of 2018's weirdness
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Union Leader)
 
 
 
Come for the "melted swastika" face tattoo. Stay for the... well actually, that's it, but it's worth it
source: unionleader.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop Saturn (photographer - Cassini spacecraft)
source: scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
US kind of sort of starts to talk about taking a stance against Chinese slave labor
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
When the anticipation of fresh venison overwhelms your caution regarding your warrants
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
This newspaper published its readers' 'grievances' for Festivus
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
I was going to give this my bestest, snarkiest headline I could. I just couldn't beat the original
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
When pressed, authorities said the man died
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
So they want the State of Georgia to change the name of a creek. Let's see what kind of PC nonsense this... oh. Well, ok then
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Woman dies after buttocks-enhancement injection rather than just sitting on the couch and stuffing her pie-hole like most people. And yes, that is her real name
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Canadian woman charged for pretending to practice witchcraft. No word if they are going to try and build a bridge out of her
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Sometimes bringing a knife to a gunfight works
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Driver killed in port-a-potty crash. See, that's why those things need seatbelts
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
You never know what can happen when you leave your coke can unattended. Anita Hill nods knowingly
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
Queen's New Orleans after-party, 1978: "It was if a mischievous tornado had dumped a circus freak show, a reporters' convention and a Haigh-Ashbury drug party" all into the hotel ballroom
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this clean cat
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AM New York)
 
 
 
TV networks seem to have discovered what New Yorkers have known for decades: Staten Island is really fun to watch from a safe distance
source: amny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
I love TotalFark® because of how it helps me stay informed throughout the day, with amusing headlines and a great community. Which @Fark product do you like more, BareFark® or TotalFark®?
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
"Yes, 911? Mommy left us at home alone and I need help getting YouTube back on the TV"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
In other news, there are still people who go to the pharmacy to get their child porn photos processed
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
There are two videos here but only one lesson: Don't try to rob a bar being tended by a U.S. Marine
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Waitress claims discount piercings 'were absorbed inside her boob', left blood 'squirting from her neck' (may not be safe for work, or lunch)
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Weather Service releases their 14 day polar vortex forecast: "Baby it's cold outside"
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 40 Sacramento)
 
 
 
Elon Musk takes reporters for rides in his new underground tunnel, promises to build giant robotic lion at the end of it
source: fox40.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Bad news, folks - cat and dog meat is now banned by Congress
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida paramedic accused of collecting nude photos of co-workers. Huh, after looking around the cube farm here, I can only assume this was an act of domestic terrorism
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
After almost a quarter of a century, 2018 finally figures out how to be offended by The Lion King
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(GoFundMe)
 
 
 
Last month, the Paradise fire destroyed the house and everything in it belonging to one of our own, longtime Farker Lima Beans. This is the link to her GoFundMe. Please show a little love, and donate help her and her son get back on their feet again
source: gofundme.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Meet the "world's most popular sperm donor" who's "happy to travel" around the world to impregnate more women
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Man steals Christmas wreath to hang on his own door. Police describe him as having his brain full of spiders, garlic in his soul
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
When a story includes death metal, flamethrowers and AK-47's, and warnings of aliens and the rapture, how much more Florida could the story get? The answer is none. None more Florida
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Dozens of Amazon packages found dumped in trash. No word yet on Prime suspect
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Grunt)
 
 
 
Starting in 2019, US Troops to see an average increase of 2.5% to their BAH, 100% increase in their BAC
source: federalnewsnetwork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
The problem with dating a security expert is they will beat you if you discover the secret tracker they've planted on you
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGRZ Buffalo)
 
 
 
You'll always have job security if you're an addiction treatment doctor and you import your own cocaine and heroin, right?
source: wgrz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Is that a T-Rex on the 10 Freeway in West L.A.?
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Hey everyone, good news: ISIS is defeated and we're pulling out of Syria. High fives all around. This is Donald Trump's "Mission Accomplished" moment
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this zombie kangaroo
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Smithsonian Magazine)
 
 
 
Adopt a combat veteran dog. Dusty, onions, allergy season in here. It's your Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: smithsonianmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS 21 Harrisburg)
 
 
 
Repeat by popular demand: Engineer sabotages porch pirates with glitter bomb trap, fart spray and records it in the single greatest Xmas YouTube prank OF. ALL. TIME
source: local21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 43 Pennsylvania)
 
 
 
El Chapo trial witness describes meeting the boss - and the naked man chained nearby
source: fox43.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Then: Manufactured fears of creeps checking out sex organs in bathrooms when Bathroom Bills were necessary for safety... Now: Assistant principal is the creep and he demands a student use the urinal in front of him. "You creep me out"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
White supremacist hospitalized after he did not see that he was going to be beaten by antifa activists
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Drunk prosecutor has case dropped due to being drunk in court followed by being arrested for being drunk. Drink
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KWQC Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Trying to do your job with a .224 BAC is no way to go through life, junior high gym teacher lady
source: kwqc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJLA Washington DC)
 
 
 
Man found dead on the DC Metro should have been conditioned to fear and respect that escalator
source: wjla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Man trades whole new body for a piece of ass
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
I went through all of your emergency room bills. Holy shiat
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CityLab)
 
 
 
Starting in January, AAA will recommend motorists come around to the Dutch Reach, perhaps try it out in public for an appreciative audience
source: citylab.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Famed coiffeur dead. Gesundheit
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Airing of grievances has begun in New York... over wreaths hanging over the Holland Tunnel over the wrong letters
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Turns out that opoids are only effective for padding drug company profits
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
The good news: World Economic Forum report finds gender pay gap will close. The bad news: In about 200 years
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue December 18, 2018
(Komo)
 
 
 
News: Strongest tornado in over 40 years. Not news: In western Washington
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
 
 
Apparently a shirtless Vladimir Putin 2019 calendar is a hot Christmas gift for Japanese women
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFSB Connecticut)
 
 
 
Man who was just doing his part to reduce global warming arrested for murder (see pic)
source: wfsb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PC Gamer)
 
 
 
PC Gamer declares Fallout: New California the best Fallout you'll play this year. As in, a mod. Of an 8 year old game. Damn that's gotta sting Todd
source: pcgamer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Facebook refuses to hand over users' location data, requests you scam it out of them like everyone else
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Who's the dummy now? (possible nsfw content on page)
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Surgeon General declares vaping a teen "epidemic." No word on jenkem
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Vatican committee finds Church credibility to be at risk over sex abuse. In related news, the Vatican thinks they have credibility left
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 New York)
 
 
 
There's not much you can do when the porch pirate is the delivery man
source: abc7ny.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
It's Tuesday, so that must mean Facebook is again incredibly sorry about ... (reads notes) this latest revelation of fake news voter suppression *sad poke*. No word on if they or more sorry than last week's incident, or the week before that, or the week before
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Jesus arrives at church expecting to find the religious leaders doing the work God told them to be doing, finds none, so throws a fit and destroys church property. This is not a repeat from 33AD. (Merry Christmas... or Easter, or something) (possible nsfw content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Judge issues arrest warrant for 'David Schwimmer shoplifter' after he fails to show up for court appearance. Chandler, Joey, sought for questioning
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Japanese push button multi-functional pencil case
source: img.alicdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(North Jersey)
 
 
 
NJ police investigating last week's armored car mishap would like to remind drivers that the legal doctrine of "finder's keepers" does not apply
source: northjersey.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kare11)
 
 
 
16th time's the charm
source: kare11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Woman throws out ugly chair, gets Facebook complaints after three months. Neighbors respond appropriately by turning the chair into eccentric Christmas art attraction
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Japan Times)
 
 
 
Pro-tip: do not empty 120 deodorizer spray cans at once, you might blow up your office building. At least it no longer stinks
source: japantimes.co.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Bar fight at McFadden's pub leaves several charged, injured, hung over
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Want to go on a bar crawl but need an excuse? Make it a historical sight seeing adventure with this list of the oldest bars in Pennsylvania
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Americans: "Back in my day, things were DIFFERENT." Chinese: "Oh, you mean like 97% poverty to 5% poverty in 40 years different?" Americans: *shuffles back into WalMart, staring at feet*
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Hey, let L.A. keep bars open til 4 AM, which is the case in Atlanta at least 40 years ago. L.A. is a strange, weird ghost town starting around 1 AM. This could change things
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGRZ Buffalo)
 
 
 
Because the judge will believe that you are a perfectly reasonable and stable person and give you custody of your children if you set their mother on farking fire at her workplace. Bonus- jackass accidentally set himself on fire too
source: wgrz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Scientists have invented a way to shrink cameras and robots to nanoscale, but don't worry, it'll totally only be used for good... *drops phone in glass of water and moves to woods
source: realtalk910.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Pompeii authorities agree on an evacuation plan in case Vesuvius erupts. This is not a repeat from AD 79
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Troll Patrol has found the enemy and it is us
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Tumblr's porn filter blocked Tumblr's example images that were supposed to illustrate what Tumblr's porn filter won't block (mildly NSFW images)
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJAC TV Johnstown)
 
 
 
Q: How many chucks could New York ban if New York could ban chucks? A: Nun
source: wjactv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
This years' hot Christmas toy is Yellies - toy spiders move faster when you scream at them. Now put that mechanism into a Ken doll and you have a perfect relationship simulation toy
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this digital city
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida man battles 18-foot Burmese python for 30 minutes, lives to laugh about it
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Google updating Chrome so that when you click the back button to hide the porn site you "accidentally stumbled onto" when your wife walks into the room it will actually take you back to the previous site and not just reload that porn site
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Perhaps "We're All Gonna Die" isn't the BEST choice for a banner, front-page headline on a newspaper; but it IS a New Jersey paper so...yeah. For you millennials out there, newspapers were hard copies of yesterday's news
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
The age-old story: Virgin falls in love with the first woman he has sex with. Awkward: It's a prostitute he was assigned on his three day trip to Sex Island
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USDA)
 
 
 
"Tips for Eating Cannibal Sandwiches this Holiday Season". Surprisingly not satire
source: usda.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
We're gonna do it/ Give us any chance, we'll take it./ Give us any rule, we'll break it./ We're gonna make our dreams come true./ Doin' it our way
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland 19)
 
 
 
911, what's the emergency? We have a black man trying to cash a ridiculously high paycheck of $1000. There's no way a black man can be paid that much
source: cleveland19.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Do you have any pains? Do you wear a seat belt? Are you afraid of your partner? Is there a gun in your house? Do you want us to sterilize you?
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Star)
 
 
 
Astrologist captures "best UFO footage of all time" - OF ALL TIME - after exploring the moon's surface. Confirmed by the pixels (possible NSFW content on page)
source: dailystar.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Woman votes for Trump so he can build that wall, finds out that her home will be on the Mexican side of it
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
NewsFlash
 
The Trump Foundation is doing such a great job of winning that it is dissolving
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
TSA estimates a record breaking 46 million crotches felt or photographed this holiday flying season
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
"As the shark clamps onto the diver's leg, screams can be heard underwater and another man wrestles the fish off its victim. Once the shark lets go, a plume of what appears to be blood can be seen spreading into the surrounding waters." (with video)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Palm Beach Post)
 
 
 
It's not clear how local residents thought authorities would get rid of the "nuisance ducks", but apparently they didn't expect "blood everywhere". Large hunting dog seen snickering in nearby bushes
source: palmbeachpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Roommate killed over musical choice. Kid Rock is annoying so who can blame the guy. I had a roommate who loved Uriah Heep. We all have our breaking points
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Best-selling military author captures incredible new Loch Ness Monster picture showing 'bird-like' Nessie with 4ft neck and rugby-ball head
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Millennials are now killing fiscal solvency: Student debt tops $1.46 trillion, more than doubling since 2009. Or maybe the boomers are to blame for this one
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this photographer
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Staff at Luton airport decorate an Airbus A320 with 1.5 miles of LED micro bulbs for a show that will warm the cockles of even your cynical heart
source: newsroom.london-luton.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNO)
 
 
 
"A Mandeville woman's unconventional dragon themed Christmas display has gone viral after her neighbors sent her an anonymous note asking if she was 'in a demonic cult.'" Fark: It's well-known urban fantasy author Diana Rowland
source: wgno.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(HelenaIR.com)
 
 
 
Montana man reports being shot at by guy who mistook him for Bigfoot because he wasn't wearing orange
source: helenair.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Chicago)
 
 
 
Two Chicago police officers walked onto railroad tracks to investigate a report of shots fired. Then it hit them
source: nbcchicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(wtnh.com)
 
 
 
Since this is Fark, you can probably guess why a restaurant named 'Flames' is in the news
source: wtnh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
The TV show's hosts were unable to explain why the cutting-edge "Robot" was taking swigs of vodak throughout the presentation
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Oh nothing, just a life sized Thomas the Tank Engine
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Child abuse increases after kids bring their report cards home. That'll teach 'em not to fail their classes
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deseret News)
 
 
 
Porch Pirates are getting aggressive. No longer waiting for items to be left on porches
source: deseretnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
"Struggling with the addiction to masturbation? Reach out to me and we will beat it together, said one post in a quote attributed to Jesus." Facepalm tag is without a tissue so it gives the Awkward tag a freebie
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Old news, sure, but still worth two Our Fathers and a WTF
source: catholicnewsagency.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Image of Jesus appears in Canada. Now where in Canada would that place be? Go on guess. You are correct
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WUSA9)
 
 
 
Eleven police officers suspended after 'unintentional' shooting at party. Eleven?
source: wusa9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
He's lucky...in a way
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Somebody pet your dog without asking. Do you cut them, and if so, how many times? Show all work
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon December 17, 2018
(Green Bay Press Gazette)
 
 
 
Stores in Green Bay display lifesize cardboard cutout of police chief that warns against shoplifting. Challenge accepted
source: greenbaypressgazette.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YLE (Finland))
 
 
 
Knock knock. Do you have time to talk about our Lord and Saviour, personal data theft?
source: yle.fi   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Want to know what's going to happen in 2019? Here's a time traveler from 2030 to provide some vague non-specific answers
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Engadget)
 
 
 
For Your Mockery: The worst new tech gadgets of 2018
source: engadget.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WLKY Louisville)
 
 
 
A radio station in CA: you know, "Baby It's Cold Outside" has kinda a date-rapey vibe to it, so we're just gonna play the OTHER sixteen gazillion Christmas songs instead. Kentucky radio station: hold our teeth and watch this
source: wlky.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Irish Examiner)
 
 
 
"€35,000 for baby after traumatic car crash." That's too much for a baby, I can get them a baby for half that. Who's their baby guy?
source: irishexaminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LiveLeak)
 
 
 
"Mommy, what's Rover chewing on?" (NSFW)
source: liveleak.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Merriam-Webster's word of the year is 'justice' after all those lookups by Individual-1
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
There is no dinosaur, only Zuul
source: nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this crowd
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Charlotte Observer)
 
 
 
Facebook continues to disable 'fraudulent' accounts including Heywood Jablowme, Jim Nasium, Erasmus B Draggin, and the National Weather Service
source: charlotteobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
How deranged is the DJ? Wait until you see what the most played song in his iTunes Library is. Paul's Memory Bank goes through the top 35 of the DJ's songs starting at 8PM ET. Hint: He was this deranged BEFORE Trump
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Department 56)
 
 
 
No Dickens Christmas village is complete without your GREEK FRAT HOUSE, BABY
source: personalize.department56.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Florida man arrested following dodgeball altercation
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
British teen girls boarded train, used some unintelligible language to threaten fellow passengers. Nobody could tell they were being threatened until they consulted their chav-to-English translator app
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Portland Press Herald)
 
 
 
The feeling you get when you realize that high speed chase is going to end at your vehicle (not safe for work audio)
source: pressherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
Man tries paying at McDonald's drive-thru with marijuana; cops not lovin' it
source: tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
How the Octomom proved us all wrong and is living closer to a normal life than the rest of us
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Ahhhhhhh, THERE it is: Lots of teens think vaping is nicotine-free
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this vending machine
source: cdn.acidcow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Today's outrage: K-9 retires after nine years of service, then he's dropped off at the local animal shelter by his handler
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Drive)
 
 
 
"So if the Shuttle was riding *atop* a 747, how could you see him?" "Because I was inverted. No, really, I've got a great Polaroid of it"
source: thedrive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
Boobies
 
Playboy model who posed nude near the Vatican really nailed it (nsfw)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
Boobies
 
Judge sentences poacher to watch Bambi once a month, even though it's not clear how going to a strip club will encourage him to stop poaching
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Komo)
 
 
 
Either the cops sent the wrong picture with the press release, messed up the photo's caption, or the Snohomish County Sheriff's Office has some splainin to do
source: komonews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Insurance Journal)
 
 
 
Arsonists, "sober homes" that push residents into drugs, medical fraudsters. Bet you didn't know there was an Insurance Fraud Hall of Shame
source: insurancejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pulse (Ghana))
 
 
 
This is why I never let anyone sleep over (some NSFW images)
source: pulse.com.gh   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
When going to buy your Christmas turkey this year you may have to fight your way through a chain of Vegans
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Followup to the "son is going to burn in hell" suicide homily. It turns out that wasn't at all what the priest said. In fact, it was exactly the opposite of what the priest said (link goes to .PDF)
source: cdn.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Cambodia makes 3.2 ton ivory bust, the largest in the country's history. But is making a huge sculpture really the best way to end the illegal ivory trade?
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
**DING** You are NOT free to move about the country with your emotional support fish
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
One of the more shocking discoveries in the news today is that homemade parachutes are not a good idea
source: