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| Sun November 04, 2018 |
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Every single time you stand up, you should faint. Nobody knows why you don't
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Photoshop this cotton top
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Naps can help improve mood, alertness, and performance. Or they can prompt a critically missing officer alert
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Construction workers find time capsule hidden in wall of California lighthouse. No word if it leads to Templars' treasure
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Geniuses who decorate early for Christmas are happier than the Grinches who don't, as those prepared to be simply having a wonderful Christmastime are mentally stable
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"We just broke out of juvie, where should we go?" "I know, let's go to the mall. No one would think to look for us there." "Brilliant"
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In Arizona, the war over water has begun
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| (Some Stunt) |
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Photoshop these nimble firefighters
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According to British Airways, a "minor technical issue" was responsible for over 200 passengers being stranded at two different airports over a three day period. Bonus: mid-air fuel dumping and high-altitude lowering of the landing gear
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Stealing $100 worth of merch from an adult novelty store is no way to have your picture taken
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Because apparently having a rewarding career, savings in the bank, a house you can proudly show off to friends, and freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want is a bad thing. Yep, it's "that thread" again
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If there's one thing true about straight men, it's that they're completely disinterested in sex (NSFW)
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Photoshop what's about to happen to you
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CSB Sunday Morning: Memorable birthdays - share a story about a memorable birthday. It can be your own or someone else's that you participated in
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Who says the wheels of justice turn slowly? I mean, it took just just a short 11 months for two Indiana cops to be charged with battery after brutally beating a handcuffed man. That's like super swift, right?
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Photoshop this Bee Arthur costume
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#MermaidsToo
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Alanis Morissette, white courtesy phone. Captain Alanis Morissette, white courtesy phone. No, the white phone
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"The do's and don'ts of flying with babies." For some reason, this article is longer than the single sentence, "Do fly without babies, but don't fly with them"
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You've been drunk, but have you ever been "jump on a horse and ride it to the track at Churchill Downs" drunk?
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California customers are going to get fat off some tasty, dusty donuts
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The Raiders aren't the only thing collapsing in Oakland
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Mother-of-three who shelled out £12,600 to dating agency that subsequently failed to find her boyfriend says she "no longer has dreams"
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| Sat November 03, 2018 |
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Meet Australia's Sasquatch, the Yowie; and its hunters, who strangely aren't drunk, stoned, or thick-glassed caravan park blokes
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Make America Wake Up an Hour Later Again. Trump's admin is pushing this crazy idea starting tonight. Vote him out
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Ken Ham, founder of Ark Encounter, attacks press for reporting on his collapsing attendance numbers that he publicly releases
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| (Some Meditator) |
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Photoshop this scene of quiet contemplation
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Tiny 480sqft 1br/1ba house in San Francisco price reduced to $589,900. Now absolutely affordable. Fark bonus: Realtor says it could 'easily' be made into a 2br/2ba
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Tallahassee yoga shooter was A) Far-right, B) Incel, C) Racist, or D) It's always D, isn't it?
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Actual headline of article on the shooting at Florida hot yoga studio: "Maura Binkley: A Tribute to the Hot Yoga Shooting Victim." OK, while it looks literally accurate, apparently we aren't doing phrasing anymore
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Flooding a fire station while high on bath salts is no way to live your life, young lady
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A bunch of rednecks with guns are loitering along the southern border. What could possibly go wrong?
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When it comes to choosing a location for Amazon's 2nd HQ, let's choose a place with horrific traffic, a mass transit system that is often broken or on fire, and an inability to deal with routine winter weather. Bonus: let's make it really expensive
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Photoshop this Nash
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Scientists say vegetarians see less reason to live. That's because they don't have bacon
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Fisherman rescued from sea cliff after being pursued by aggressive seal team
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What better way to start a cruise vacation than for the ship to list enough to cause tables to slide across the floor?
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90-year-old pensioner made hundreds of foul-mouthed 999 calls demanding pasties and lifts to bingo
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Technology, climate change, and shrinking borders are changing America's rural areas for better and worse
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Ike the llama has been rescued (again) after escaping into Yellowstone Park
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| (Some Spud) |
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The potato chip. Photoshop it
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A resourceful vet in Portugal has found a rather unique way to help house the stray felines in her local town. Rub-a-dub-dub, it's time for Caturday
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You'd have to endure terrible pizza to pay just $56 million for a view of some trees
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Woman left with "farting boob" after botched breast enlargement (PNSFW/Graphic content)
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How to get to Inaccessible Island, in case you have nothing better to do, and we do mean nothing
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Uber wants to remake "Death Race 2000"
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Guess what's wrong with this photo of an MSNBC reporter in a parking lot
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| Fri November 02, 2018 |
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GM unveils Bikey McBikeface
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Move over Mickey Mouse. A Florida company wants to bring a snow park to the Sunshine State On a steaming hot day, what could go wrong?
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"It makes a change from seeing Jesus on toast"
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When all else fails, go for the "I need a haircut before my trial" plea. In the perp's mind, the haircut would've taken the focus off half his mustache missing & one eyebrow plucked clean. We're betting on "not a farking chance"
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Men arrested for smashing pumpkins, claim that despite all of their rage they are still just rats in a cage
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Mass shooting reported at Florida yoga studio [Update: four wounded, shooter dead]
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Photoshop this perching cat
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"Trick or treat!" "Have some poop"
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Woman survives five day ordeal of being trapped in bathtub. Doctors say she'll be fine, but her fingers may never recover from being pruny
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So California has a wandering mud geyser
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It is usually not a good idea to steal some cocaine from a drug dealer. You might end up being fed to some hogs
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Have you ever wanted to get drunk in an abandoned tunnel, but aren't a hobo or urban explorer? Sydney has some good news for you
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Photoshop this graceful aviator
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Headline says it best: Angry Christian woman disrupts drag queen story at bookstore hour because Jesus
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Here's how the Air Force would destroy North Korea. Evidently they'd use planes, bombs
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This dog wanted steak so bad he turned on the oven and nearly burned down the house
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Man orders a drink, pours the drink over the counter and knocks the cash register off of the counter. Ladies and Gentlemen, we present this week's episode of The Canadian Aristocrats
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Has 'stand your ground' made Florida more tolerant of deadly force? Short answer: yes. Long answer is currently dodging gunfire and unable to respond
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Esanbehanakitakojima sinks under the weight of its name
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Man whose self propeled wheelchair was lost on plane declines use of assisted alternative, considers it pushing things
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Nude model gorges on junk food in her bid to become the world's heaviest model. 21 stones later, it appears success has been achieved (NSFW)
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Bad: Someone wears a KKK outfit to a bar's costume contest. Worse: They win
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Today's WTF is brought to you by 1,000 teeth found at dentistry in Valdosta, Georgia (possible nsfw content on page)
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Target offers something called 'Skip the Line' for Black Friday. Not sure if this will increase or decrease civil unrest
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Something your local media may have not mentioned to you: metropolitan newspapers across the nation tailor their coverage to serve readers in the top two quintiles of the income distribution
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Former NBA player busted bringing his dog into Australia in his carry-on luggage. Fark: Dog is named Kobe
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Actual headline: Colombian hookers 'plied men with drugs during orgies at notorious sex island party'. They say that like it's a bad thing. NSFW images obviously (possible nsfw content on page)
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Reporters test Utah's new .05 DUI law, with interesting results thanks to the weak-ass beer the state forces you to buy
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If you're riding a bus over a dangerous river gorge, it may not be the best time to hit the driver over the head with your cellphone
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Boy trick-or-treating as Donald Trump sad when woman says she should slap him, doesn't realize most people would pay extra for that
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Dad... did I just find your skeletal remains in the basement?
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Shirley man arrested with thousands or rounds of ammo. Asks that you please, don't call him Shirley
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Things millennials have ruined: Cereal. Avocados. Dating. Facebook. Fast food. Diamonds. Literally everything but America itself. So we must stop them from ruining the country we call home
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"A helmetless Darth Vader on meth" plans on bringing his special kind of wisdom to the Great White North
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"Tennessee executes inmate by electric chair for second time in 60 years." Wow, that dude must have been one tough, old bastard
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Financial guru Kevin O'Leary thinks that a credit card that hasn't been used online is not exposed to the internet. You know, because no company keeps data in the cloud
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| (Some Scientist) |
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Photoshop this microwave generator. Difficulty: no cowbell
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Bishop visits fifth- and sixth-grade students, says there is no Santa Claus and they should not celebrate Halloween. Wait. Isn't Santa a saint?
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It's not just Indiana. People are texting over kids at bus stops left and right. Running. I meant running
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Best. Halloween. Trick. Evar.
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Suspicious candy hearts were nothing but sugar. That stuff'll kill you man...it'll kill you
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I wish somebody would have told me it's wrong to drive the kids around the neighborhood to trick-or-treat while drinking a fifth of whiskey
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One of you Farkers may not remember getting drunk, putting on a Pennywise costume, scaring children on Halloween and attacking someone with a beer bottle
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Suspect in Washington State bomb threats is a deranged psychiatrist, according to police, who add "Physician, heal thyself"
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Don't you just hate it when you finally complete your bucket wish because you're dying and they tell you your tumour STOPPED? Okay maybe not 'hate'
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The nation famous for its drinkers now has insta-bans for drink drivers of any amount
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| Thu November 01, 2018 |
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The couple that flies B-2 stealth bombers together, stays together. As far as you know
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Once again, we ask that you please remember to remove your donated clothing before placing it in the charity bin. Thank-you
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Ancestral home of Winston Churchill has lake drained revealing secret tunnels and hidden rooms with eerie scenes dating from early 1700s
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Photoshop these model Porsche 356C's
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Shooting a bullet with a bullet? Yeah, we can do that
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Attempting new record, commercial airline pilot shows up for flight ten times over alcohol limit
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Finnish authorities think there might be something fishy about the Russian businessman who has bought 17 properties near military bases, 9 piers, a helipad, a swimming pool draped in camouflage netting, and a bunch of barracks with satellite dishes
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Question 10: When approaching a stopped vehicle with flashing lights you should A) immediately pull over and stop, B) reduce speed, C) reduce speed and prepare to stop, or D) just keep going; flashing lights are somebody else's concern, not yours
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"Fecal-eating worms" in employee bathrooms is not the money-saving tip Macomb County is looking for, Ms. County Clerk
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| (Some Tats) |
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Photoshop this messy athlete
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Starbucks really really really tried to make an inoffensive holiday cup this year
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What is that, a Titleist?
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Two high school students find out they're both having sex with their science teacher and become so furious they tell his wife. Arrestilarity ensues
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Want to pause garbage pick-up while you're on vacation? No problem citizen, we'll just need a completed absence form, your travel dates, a copy of your airline tickets, your hotel receipts, and a note from your doctor or school
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Cincinnati customs agents discover massive illegal shipment of Chinese: a) drugs b) electronics or c) crabs
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| (Artist Formally Known As) |
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Prince Charles demands on staff make Van Halen's tour rider look reasonable
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World's largest Marijuana dispensary opens in Vegas, guaranteed to put you on another planet
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The NHS spends £3m a year retrieving items children have stuck in their noses and ears, though they could make some of that back by keeping the coins they find
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Black box recovered from crashed Indonesian jet. That doesn't look very black to me. Better call it the Dolezal box
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"South Park Susan," whose drunken threatening of her black neighbors went viral, is now unable to be found by police who want to arrest her
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Hey Whitey you've heard of elf on the shelf, how about a lock in the sock? In related news, the Dr Seuss estate sues for copyright infringement
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Who painted this giant penis and breasts on two Stockholm apartment roofs?
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I know what will bring back books: Make them vertical read, super tiny, with very thin paper pages and charge $12 a piece for them
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"Welcome to today's school assembly students. Today we'll recognize the A-B honor roll students, announce days and times for the PSAT and SAT, and wind up with a performance by the Red Hot Chili Peppers" (with video)
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Ever wake up from a nap, and feel a bit confused about where you are for a moment before snapping out of it? This guy wishes it were just a feeling
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Well, at least she didn't wake up naked in a Las Vegas bathtub full of ice with a message in lipstick scrawled on the mirror
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You said you were going to kill Jews. You were caught killing Jews. How do you plead? Not guilty? Well OK then
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Gilligan accidentally shot by his own dog while hunting jackrabbits. I must have missed that episode
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Definitive proof on why you should NEVER smear your genitals in peanut butter when in the vicinity of a canine
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Up until then, things had all been fun and games
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Kind: Offer to pay for the order of the driver behind you in the drive-thru. Kind-of-stupid: It's a cop and you're driving while impaired and with no insurance, vehicle registration and your licence is suspended
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Co-owner of water park with deadly slide arrested again for violating probation. Was working on new hotel room ride featuring meth, Xanax and a hooker he paid with all-day passes to the park
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Half-naked woman falls through the ceiling of a restaurant ... twice. Manna from heaven still not on the menu
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Bar transforms into Moe's Tavern from 'The Simpsons' for Halloween, starts getting lots of prank phone calls from some kid
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Toilet stolen from West Virginia home. Police have nothing to go on
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| (Some Deer) |
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Photoshop these golf spectators
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"My name is Hansjörg Wyss. We have to save the planet, so I'm donating one billion dollars"
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Woman leaves kids in hot car with meth while she shops at dollar store, wins Florida Man Bingo
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"At first glance it could be a cute dog's fluffiness under a door, or maybe the fur on a jacket hood? Nope, it's spiders." That hunt in packs
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Sad is not enough to describe the story of the 9yo girl who tried to shield her little brothers from the on-coming pick-up truck. Those big yellow buses have those bright red flashing lights for a reason
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Atinlay eachertay argedchay ithway avinghay exualsay elationshipray ithway udentstay
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$847.63
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Area man really bad at running people over
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Welcome to the 2018 Fark Halloween Scary Story thread! Does your story scare more people than this week's news? Prove it! Top 10 Scariest (SMART) and Funniest (FUNNY) voted stories will earn their writer a month of TotalFark
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Large numbers of pigeons mysteriously dead, possibly poisoned, in Saudi Arabia. Government vows thorough investigation. No word on what newspaper they worked for
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Maybe they should have consulted a fifth grader before they wrote the headline
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Not really news: Looks like the Saudis feel free to execute subjects who do not follow the Crown Prince's orders to return home. Fark: Here on American soil
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Crashing your car, then breaking into a house, is not normal behavior for a town Mayor. But on Meth it is
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This is why Farkers are still single
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Pretty sure this is a self correcting problem
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 704: "Halloween 9". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 31, 2018 |
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Parts of Lion Air jet found on Java seafloor, prepares stack trace
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High School principal resigns after not realizing schools have cameras that can track when he enters the school nurse's locked medication room. Submitter forgot his pills today so didn't make a Priciple joke
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Convicted felon flashes stolen gun in Facebook Live video. "We use social media to find the bad guys all of the time and it works really well because they want to boast. Rock on. I mean it makes it easy, we like it"
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DC's young conservatives are making a point of dressing like Brett Kavanaugh this Halloween
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Two dead after gyrocopter crashes into mobile homes. Huh, I guess it's not just tornadoes that are attracted to them
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Your Halloween costumes and decorations: let you show us them
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Nigerian scam supposedly costs a man $500,000. Newspaper posts helpful article. Comment section denizens respond accordingly
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| (Some Stuff) |
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Photoshop this autumn still-life
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The first rule of Missouri Preschool Fight Club is that you don't video tape Missouri Preschool Fight Club. The second rule of Missouri Preschool Fight Club is you don't cheer on fighting preschoolers while on camera, especially if you're the teacher
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Health officials confirm outbreak at cancer center. I mean, besides cancer
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'Piggyback Bandit' to be extradited from Alabama to New Jersey for some piggyback charges
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Having run out of other things to scare you about, doctors now focus on skin cancer underneath your fingernails
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Parents name newborn daughter after Colonel Sanders to get large cash prize and scratch one thing off their bucket list
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After working for UPS for over 40 years, driver Jerry Bollinger is retiring. On his last day, many of his customers were there to wish him well... and dressed like him for Halloween
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Second cougar terrorizes Utah neighborhood. Cable installers, pizza delivery drivers rejoice
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Waitrose Magazine's boss resigns after sending email suggesting force-feeding vegans steak and red wine
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Creepy, mystery music wafting up out of the Delaware River
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Photoshop this leaning display
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125-pound woman chokes New York bar bouncer unconscious over mistaken butt smack, is immediately signed to WWE contract, title shot at next PPV
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Florida Man rescued from well went in "just to say he did," proving again that he's no deep thinker
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Old voting machines are confusing Texans. To be fair, though, you could replace "old voting machines" in this headline with "dull crayons," "inside-out socks," "sparkly glitter," "gluesticks," or about a hundred other things
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Armed with bats, Washington State teachers learn how to disarm shooters. No fair, my dungeon master never let me use small animals as improvised bludgeoning weapons
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Carving pumpkins with laser beams, because why the hell not? PEW PEW PEW
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If you cheat while playing an online game in America, you could just get banned. If you cheat while playing an online game in Japan, you could go to jail
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One of our own Farkers volunteered to help on election day, and a local judge implied intent to commit election fraud. Subby doesn't have much Twitter presence, can we help get this boosted?
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Just so you know, Reese's will gladly take your unwanted Halloween candy
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Canada considering cancer warning on every individual cigarette. Also considering printing "Don't forget the milk" on every corn flake, "watch out for kids" on every steering wheel, and "too much of that and you'll go blind" on every hand
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Couple who died taking selfie in Yosemite regularly took risky photos. In related news, people who play Russian roulette often suffer from headaches
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Realtor protests her own neighborhood HOA by erecting a skeleton concentration camp on her front lawn for Halloween. Says "neighbors can leave" if they don't like it, offers 1% discount on closing costs
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Mayor solicits sex from constituent in exchange for speed bumps
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'Time traveler from year 6000' claims dinosaurs 'return to earth in 4529 to be kept in zoos'
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Look, pastor, if you're going to walk around the school where you teach filming secret footage of student and faculty breasts, butts, and genitals, don't leave the thumb drive in the parking lot. Especially if it's got your face on it
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Just in time for Halloween, buy a bar of luxurious, skin softening soap for $32. What's that? Not creepy? Oh, right: it's made with human fat
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Wanna go find a body on Halloween? Here are some of the best places to look for them
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Tennessee set to execute inmate with electric chair "built by a self-taught execution expert who is no longer welcomed in the prison system." Alrighty then
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Virginians: My God, I-81 is a hellish strip of pavement clogged with too many drivers fighting slow-moving semis, construction delays, and wrecks. DO SOMETHING. Governor: Hm. How about tolls? Would tolls work? Let's do tolls
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White woman calls police on a black couple parked near a crosswalk. Now we have Crosswalk Courtney
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While everyone was obsessing over that rectangular iceberg, another one the size of Manhattan just broke off from Antarctica
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Woman claiming to have sex with 20 ghosts is engaged to a spirit
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Gum, bottled water, pizza bagels want to be labeled 'healthy'
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Yo dawg, I heard you like eggs
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There is a serial rabbit killer in the French town of Minihy-Tréguier. Authorities denied claims that this was an elaborate hoax, because trix are for kids
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Fark NotNewsletter: It was a Fark and stormy night
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Woman stabs husband multiple times because neither they nor their doctor had heard of "puff, puff, pass"
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Stranger hacks family's Nest cameras, starts talking to them. "When my son said 'mommy, mommy,' he told him to shut up"
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| (Some Halloween Guy) |
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It's Fark's Annual Jack-O-Lantern Contest. Show us your creativity, Halloween 'shoppers
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Do you dress your dogs up for Halloween? This is your Halloween edition of Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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"Freddy hated rats. Freddy hated guys who abused women. Whitey was a rat who killed women. It's probably that simple"
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Nurse loses job after sharing photo of blackface Halloween costume. Hello Nurse? You had a costume already
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Canada, model of politeness and level-headed thinking, still charges women with witchcraft. However, due to carbon offsets, burning is right out
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Florida Man avoids prosecution after pulling a handgun on black college students to prevent them from getting on the same elevator as him
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Man dressed as the Terminator learns wearing live ammo to a college class is not a great idea these days
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Meet the men having penis fillers to boost their self-esteem, including one guy getting it as a surprise present for his girlfriend. And they say romance is dead
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Old fat man says nothing
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Human remains found in Vatican embassy. When the priest blesses the host, it turns into Jesus, then do a DNA test and see if it matches
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Burn an omelette and threw it out? That's a shootin'
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There are "No" headline questions, there are "Yes" headline questions, and then there are "Seriously, do you need to even ask?" headline questions
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I think we've earned a bit of good news: Police in India have raided a whole bunch of call centers and arrested large numbers of phone scammers
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Tinder claims to have invented swiping left and right, sues bumble over it. Let's see how ridiculous these IP suits can become
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Doctors suspect acute flaccid myelitis, resulting in kids suffering from polio-like paralysis across US, caused by rare EV-D68 virus. Good, maybe they'll make a vaccine for it like for polio, mumps, measles
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| Tue October 30, 2018 |
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Border Patrol: Good day. Have you ever partaken in an activity which is legal in your home country and in several states? Tourist: Yes. Border Patrol: I'm sorry, you are now banned for life from the United States
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'A man wanted in three jurisdictions was arrested Monday at Stafford Marketplace after striking ten vehicles before climbing onto the roof of a Five Guys restaurant and hiding in an air conditioning unit.'
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Angry white woman leaves CAPS-FILLED NOTE for new neighbors. I'll give you one guess what she was angry about. #DoorNoteDeborah
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Sweeney Todd had a lasting influence on the English it seems (possible nsfw content on page)
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There's 25 miles to Atlanta, we've got marijuana, 500 Lego®-shaped ecstasy pills, a baby on a gun on the floor, it's dark out, and we're wearing sunglasses
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Meghan Markle beats Prince Harry in a welly wanging competition in New Zealand. When asked to comment on story, The Queen reportedly said, "Does one not do phrasing now?"
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Eighty years ago, The Mercury Theatre broadcast "War of the Worlds". In 1968, WKBW in Buffalo did its own version with its own reporters. Fifty years later, Western New York still argue which was better
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Nothing to see here. Just a litany of enormous Canadian glaciers melting much faster than anticipated from the worst-case AGW scenarios. We'll be ok. VERLEUGNUNG MACHT FREI
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Protesters flood Pittsburgh streets in response to Trump's arrival
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Tokyo garden loses fortune because a ticket seller was afraid of asking foreigners to pay admission fee after being yelled at by one two and a half years ago
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Photoshop this pumpkin chuckin' gorilla
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Lacking a dead whale, Wyoming blows up a moose
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We have found a witch, or 100s of them. How do you know they are witches? What do you burn apart from witches? Wood So, why do witches burn? Cuz they're made of... wood? Does wood sink in water? No, it floats. So... if they weigh the same as a ducks??
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Man barricades himself inside a house in Ypsilanti, Michigan, and threatens to blow the structure up. Property value expected to increase by $20,000
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Bill, bill, bill, nope, bill, bill....wait. Back up a couple
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How the spooky celebration known as Halloween was brought to America from Ireland's Great Famine
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What's worse than a crazy dude with a chainsaw on the subway? A crazy dude with two chainsaws and multiple warrants
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Asian countries that still use bear bile and powdered rhino horn as medicine warn citizens not to use legal pot in Canada
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Photoshop this fixer upper
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CDC says it's fine to dress up your chicken for Halloween, but choking it still frowned upon
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Venice flooded
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Darwin Award Quarterfinals, the Dude explains, Tab shortage, and rock, paper, car. These are your Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-10-14 to Sat 2018-10-20
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TEPCO apologizes to Fukushima victims for inappropriate social media hashtag #kojomoe ("strong affection toward factories") attached to pic inside crippled reactor. #だめ
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Cold Vase Files, Harley, and Welcome to our Lawn, these are your Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-10-07 to Sat 2018-10-13
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Stalled NJ Transit train almost turns into the Hunger Games
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New Zealand couple might have to close down their cafe after council declares "one does not simply need more than 12 chairs inside a cafe"
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In Canada and want a helpful map of where the most Trick or Treaters will be and their average age? There's an app for that. No way this information could be used for nefarious purposes
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World vertebrate population has dropped 60% since 1970, says WWF. Blames human pollution, choke-slams, piledrivers
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Devout Catholic who spent eight years training to be a nun quits convent school to become country's best-loved porn star. NSFW
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Whitey Bulger completes life sentence
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Cow head found lying on rural Montana road. Smoking a cigarette. For crying out loud, how much more proof is needed to convince you that those things are dangerous?
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'Suspected sex shop slayer' is not the headline you want appearing over your photo
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Don't eat any blue-tinted rock candy you find in your trick-or-treat bag
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China reverses ban on trade in tiger bones and rhino horns. Conservationists, online Viagra marketers outraged
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Caption this lion and tarantula
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Judge confirms that Julian Assange has to clean up after his cat
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Marijuana heightens risk of psychosis. Everyone knows you are high. There are snakes watching you from every bush as you pass. Your mother has been replaced with a doppelganger
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Happy Birthday, dear LSD...Happy Birthday, to you. Lysergic acid diethylamide turns 75
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Passage to 'underworld' found under Mexican Pyramid, no word if a three-headed dog is there to keep the residents of there from leaving it
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Charlotte police respond to suspicious package, determine it was a Journey cassette. Who's crying now?
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"Uh, you know that is not cocaine, it is soap, right?"
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YouTube challenges, mystery meat, and feral varmints - and Florida Man gets the week off. It's the Fark Weird News Quiz, Oct. 14-20 Baby Shark doo doo doo doo doo doo Edition
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This Halloween Eve, let us remember it is a celebration of the second-most disgusting candy known to man. That's right, it's National Candy Corn Day. The most disgusting candy doesn't have its own day, because no one celebrates black licorice (other than the Dutch)
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Apparently sex orgies with poo being flung all over the hotel room is all the rage with the Saudi Arabian ruling class (possible nsfw content on page)
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'A New Hampshire state lawmaker producing and starring in a porn film assaulted his business partner in California after he felt his scenes didn't go well'
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Two people headed to work injured in hammer attack following disagreement over cigarette
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Photoshop this rockin' Santa
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Police chief tases woman as she's watching her home burn to the ground, then things get all Arkansas
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The trouble with hosting a "Purge" Halloween party at your nightclub is there's always that someone who takes the theme a little too seriously
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In case you thought Russia's coal-rolling aircraft carrier couldn't get any more embarrassing, the floating dry dock where it was undergoing repairs just sank around it, with cranes collapsing onto its deck
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It's never a good week to host a 'Swastika Saturday' at your open house, especially this week
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'Several different religions believe the Second Coming of Jesus will happen in Independence, Missouri. And to this day, three different churches surround that sacred soil.'
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Your synagogue has just been attacked and your friends have been killed - what do you do? Well, if you are Dr. Cohen and other Jewish staff at Allegheny General Hospital, you provide the attacker with the best possible medical care, because you are professionals
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Jamal Khashoggi's final column, read on camera by his fellow journalists
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Cops: Man wearing inflatable dinosaur costume battered girlfriend during Halloween party dispute
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Man kidnapped 31 years ago makes shocking discovery. He is Canadian
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U.S. government airs Spanish-language program about "multimillionaire Jew," "nonpracticing Jew of flexible morals" involved in "clandestine operations that led to the dismantling of the Soviet Union" and "architect of the financial collapse of 2008"
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You know that beautifully intimate moment that was going to be just you and your fiancé's? Yeah, well, some idiot with an Instagram account just ruined it
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Florida Man and Florida Woman discover gay man wearing a Speedo visiting a small uninhabited island. Click for an all-new adventure
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Potential hazards of participating in an eating contest include indigestion, diarrhea, and death
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MAGAbomber "had a list of people in the hundreds, containing politicians, entertainers and news people, and was going down that list to mail out packages,"
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"I love my 4-wheel drive car. It's fun to drive and looks great." "How does it handle off-road"? "How does it what now?"
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Ms Frizzle is starting to get downright negligent
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Dora the Explorer claims another victim
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Help, I am being held prisoner in a Chinese Styrofoam tombstone factory
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Failed 'prank' at Nazi mausoleum leads to teen friend's stabbing. There are so many things wrong with that sentence
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Here is how you can support those affected by the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting
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Rule number one for developers: NEVER BUILD A SUBDIVISION OVER A CEMETERY
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Photoshop these beach-goers
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OK, it's not Halloween or the day before, it's 2 days before, so tonight (8PM EDT) it's Paul's Memory Bank's Halloweeneeneen Show, featuring Orson Welles & The Mercury Theater on the Air's 'The War of the Worlds' from 80 years ago
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"Catholic church split over abuse scandal gravity." It's just nice that they finally acknowledge a scientific theory
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A woman is forced off the road by a tailgater. When her fiancé tries to take a picture of the tailgater's license plate, things go all 2A
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Dude plays doom metal riffs to a herd of cows. Cows react with "Git mor lesuns"
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Apparently school shootings are so common now that they don't even merit cancelling classes for a half-day
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Anti-vaccination billboards pop up in West Virginia, claiming UFC fighter Nick Catone's infant son died from vaccine. Last person Subby would want to piss off would be Nick Catone
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World Series Dodger fans who took the train stuck when 'suspicious package' traps them in Union Station overnight. Meanwhile in Boston fans on the T-Line use suspicious packages to hold their beer
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Ontarians fed up with cannabis delivery problems complain to the Ombudsman. Hehehehe Om Buds, man
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And boy, was her face red (NSFW)
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Photoshop these motorcyclists
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Stolen colon reward explored (Update: it's been found)
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When you take so much Xanax you forget your baby is in the car during a traffic stop (with a pretty solid "that's a rough 20" mugshot)
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Were you ever wondering if anybody ever died a tragic or violent death in the house you are living in...*scary flashlight face*...well, today is your lucky day
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Alabama man stops armed gunman from shooting up a McDonald's. I think we can all agree the most important question here is "who the fark shoots up a McDonald's"?
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NZ vegans complain over the taste of money
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Man all smiles after $150,000 "Lamborghini" prosthetic arm recovered by cops after it's stolen
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One does not simply project Sauron's eye above the Salesforce Tower San Francisco for Halloween
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Carnival Cruise Lines admitted that a device capable of recording video was indeed in the stateroom, but added that the couple wasn't doing anything worth watching anyway
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Student urinates on electrical outlet in attempt to start fire. Bonus: Helpful analysis of what happens when urine stream touches electricity
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UK Chancellor has a mug with his name on it, surprising many people who thought it would say "World's Best Chancellor"
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"Marijuana plants are highly odorous, and their offense smell travels long distances" say litigious horse ranch owners
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Suspicious package addressed to CNN discovered in Atlanta. Officials reportedly became concerned once they saw it contained a copy of "How to Win at Jeopardy" by Wolf Blitzer
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Iceland celebrates its 100-year anniversary as a sovereign nation by installing a floating penis-like sculpture on a small lake in the middle of Reykjavik. Say hello to the "Little Mersausage" (SFW)
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What it's like to get your head stuck inside a pumpkin and become a pumpkinhead
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More than 250 companies pledge to eradicate plastic waste by 2025, including Coca Cola, H&M and L'Oreal
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"Anyone want a 28-pound cat?"
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Group of pornstars set up paranormal investigation team after finding white sticky ectoplasm all over their studio
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Yet another school shooting. This time in North Carolina
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Photoshop theme: Imagine that the ghosts of every person who ever died are roaming the Earth. Aside from perving out (we don't need to see that), what are these ghosties up to?
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Take a trip inside Kashmir's overlooked architectural masterpiece. OOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAH TALKIN' BOUT LOVE
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Look at my horse, my horse is amazing. Give it a lick. Ooo, someone cut its hair???
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Four adults charged after toddler was found with a beer. Must be a rather cool toddler
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"Building bombs in the attic for elected officials"
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We're addicted to concrete. We're addicted to beaches. Two enter, one leaves
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"There have been 47,220 gun incidents in the U.S. in 2018 - and here they all are on one map"
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Christ on a cracker, Ireland votes to remove blasphemy ban from their constitution. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph unavailable for comment
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News: Police force has body cams that can continuously run for a whole shift, can't be altered, are not allowed to be disabled, and upload video directly to the Cloud. Canadian News: And they like having them
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Lion Air Boeing 737 passenger plane crashes minutes after taking off from Jakarta, Indonesia
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