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| Sun October 14, 2018 |
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Hasn't Detroit suffered enough?
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Photoshop these 'Fisherwives''
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City replaces grass and ivy with concrete and plastic replicas, tells residents it's their job to scrub off the fermenting dog urine
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It's better to be born rich than smart. Obvious tag agrees, accepts legacy appointment to Harvard
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I didn't even know they were in season
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Photoshop this flying pilot
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CBS News decides to visit a Flat Earther convention and finds that the illogical, unscientific group is bigger than feared, and they don't think a rover landed on Mars either. "Most people think we're idiots"
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Two-metre bull shark leaping into boat with a seven-foot crocodile lurking nearby? Meh, just your typical Australian family fishing trip
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Who brings a gun to a 1-year-old's birthday party? Oh right, Texas
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How polite are Japanese people? Man asks to rob a convenience store and is told no. So he leaves, goes to police station and turns himself in
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Here's why America should have its own Dia de los Muertos. Surprisingly, not so we can commercialize the shiat out of it
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Suck it blondes and brunettes, gingers will take over the Earth because they age better
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World Health Organization calls for a reduction in C-sections, says there's womb for improvement
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Apparently the trick to roundabouts is that you are supposed to drive aROUND the traffic circle. Who knew?
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There are difficult landings, there are landings where the plane doesn't quite line up with the runway ... and then there is this landing
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CSB Sunday Morning: Putting your foot in your mouth
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Couple decides to try a "year off" from marriage. Any guesses as to what happened after that year was up?
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To sterilize silverware, put it in 249 degree F water for 15 minutes. Asking the waiter to bring you boiling water to your table for that purpose does not work unless you plan on ignoring your 17 month old and hiring an attorney. This is Fark
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Dr. Stupid says eating just seven extra calories a day will make you fat
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Frederick Douglass. That extra S at the end isn't preceded by an apostrophe so that you know he isn't owned by any man
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Teen spikes classmate's drink with Viagra, now looking at hard time
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As Trump disallows foreign tech workers, Canada scoops them up
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C'mon, we've all been there. You accidentally slip in dog feces and stab your husband. It could happen to anyone, right?
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Once your credit score hits 750, trying to make it better is a waste of time
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| Sat October 13, 2018 |
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USPS worker tries to sell $630,000 of stolen stamps to lick gambling habit
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It's not unusual to file an insurance claim that someone has smashed into your truck while it was sitting in a parking lot. However when the other vehicle is an airplane it's a different story
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Photoshop this cocktail
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What a load of balls
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Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic
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Sorry, zoo's closed. Cougar out front should have told you
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Furpile of sadness my fur friends. Steves have marfed Tony the Tiger from Twitter because of all the yiffing, it sounds like fursecution
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Photoshop this gourd drop
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After auto theft, "Police urge residents to lock their vehicles as none of the vehicles in question had their doors locked, and that several unlocked vehicles still had keys in the ignition." Evidently, some people still live in Mayberry RFD
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sllafretaw gnisahc og t'nod
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Trump supporter calls the police on a black Lyft driver because he wouldn't turn on the radio. "I feel racially profiled...because I'm not black"
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Welcome to Whose College Is This Anyway, where the tuition is free, everyone gets a job, and the points don't matter
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"Hey cancer survivor, go and be ugly someplace else." (Asinine tag is for store manager)
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| (Some Kids) |
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Photoshop this leafy frolic
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Tennessee dad tries to kill his son with a chainsaw while his son's mowing the yard. So the son mows his dad's leg. Off
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Some people can only dream of living on a houseboat in Amsterdam, but that's the reality for dozens of feral and abandoned cats in the city. Come visit De Poezenboot on Caturday
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| (Some Belgian) |
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Always treat every weapon as if it was loaded. Especially when cleaning it. ESPECIALLY when it's the 20mm cannon on an F-16 fighter jet parked with another fully-fueled F-16 directly in the line of fire in front of it
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Only you can prevent forest fires. Oh, and goats too
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What are you dressing up as this Halloween? We promise not to steal your fantastic idea. You can trust us
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Air Canada plane was a few feet away from being in the worst crash in aviation history. Come for the Kisses, stay for the Weener
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Man sets new Guinness World Record for number of walnuts cracked with his head in one minute. Still wonder why aliens have never contacted this planet?
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Crackhead spent 8 years working in a Massachusetts crime lab... stealing drugs and cooking meth... and no one noticed
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"Bones reveal Neanderthal child was eaten by a giant bird"
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Savannah authorities seek person responsible for sticking googly eyes on their statue of Revolutionary general Nathanael Greene. Judging by the picture, Terry Gilliam needs to be brought in for questioning
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"As an Australian, it was very cool to rob an American bank"
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Know how I know you didn't read the book?
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Truck driver in California is sure that "no vehicles over 39 feet" is just a suggestion, learns otherwise
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Big Bump da bump bump I'm gettin a raise ... maybe
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Religious schools are vastly superior, but it's not that icky religion that's the cause; here's an atheist twisting in knots to explain it away
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| Fri October 12, 2018 |
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Restaurant: Good customer service? They get your order right, it's prompt, it's cooked correctly and your waitress is attentive. Fark: I bet you didn't see this coming, over the top service for one of their regular customers
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Kentucky man has a little thing for gnomes. It's time he came out of the closet... and the attic
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Do, a deer, a Best Buy deer, Ray, the guy trying to sell me the product replacement plan. Me, the person screaming in terror. So, the deer eventually left
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Man spends £6,000 of his dead neighbor's savings on pizzas, faces jail. Which is odd, because it's not like his dead neighbor was going to eat them
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Homeowner who fired at teen convicted of assault, being a racist ass
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The Ohio state board of liquor control is having a garage sale, and it's your chance to buy rare bottles of whisky and empty bourbon barrels. Details to the left, Fark boozehound carpool plans to the right
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Huge Antarctic iceberg about to cleave off the ice shelf. Fark: not a repeat from the 5 times this year
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First law in Ireland that treats alcohol as a matter of public health passed. Only took 5,000 years
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So that's how they do it in Germany. Very interesting (nsfw)
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Photoshop theme - Things you didn't notice before in a classic movie
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Chinese gym forces sales associates to parade outside in only their underwear for missing sales targets. Shame, Shame, Shame. Gong
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Not news: Canoe vanishes from yard during a storm. Fark: And returns to the same yard during another storm two years later
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Zoomable NOAA link to images of Panama City area. At least now you'll know they're still alive
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Man has surgery for throat cancer that removes his larynx and vocal cords. Car dealer he works for decides his electronic voice box will freak customers out, fires him via email. Jury tells man to dry his tears with this nice $5 million check
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Cornerstore Caroline has name changed to Cornerstore Carolyin'
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Nuclear plant in SC seems surprised that workers walking across a plastic liner would wear it out to the point of uranium acid leaking into the soil
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Woman dubbed world's 'oldest and most miserable' human, 129, curses Allah for letting her live so long
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First BBQ Becky, then Permit Patty, and now Cornerstore Caroline. Maybe they should make a special 912 number for these people that just goes to voicemail
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Research suggests being able to see and hear properly may prevent dementia. So if we put in our contacts and take out our earplugs Kanye will make sense
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The British, who built a fighter plane that took down the Luftwaffe, may have finally figured out how doors work
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Photoshop this barren closet
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You've heard of service dogs. How about service llamas? Next to you on a plane or in a restaurant?
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Pining for the days of Fark TV? Don't worry, Snapchat is about to release its own line of scripted shows to fill your void
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*DING* You are now free to move about the cabin ... or just whip out your nasty feet and give them a pedicure
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Lawrence, Massachusetts exploded last month because a pressure sensor in a disconnected gas line kept calling for more gas
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You might have done some crazy things when you were drunk but did you ever accidentally buy a hotel when you were loaded?
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Storm chasers in Mexico Beach Florida record the visibly rotating "stadium effect" from inside the eye of Hurricane Michael
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Cannabis may be worse for teen brains than alcohol. Cannibals definitely worse for teen brains than alcohol
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Dear Carolyn, My brother's girlfriend is nothing more than a 'boredom missionary', how can I tell him this without stirring the pot? Perhaps they should try a different position
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World War II explosive was being used as a garden decoration in guess which state?
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Iraq's Shatt al-Arab River poisoned 60,000 people in one month. No, the name is not mis-spelled
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'A Pea Ridge man accused of beating his step-daughter with a spatula was arrested Monday after reportedly eating marijuana and methamphetamine during a traffic stop.'
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Picking nose in public could pass on deadly bacteria to others, limit dating prospects
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Sound tech dies on set of movie about a Marine sniper
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The F-22 Raptor, the most expensive and awesome fighter aircraft in the world, of which only a handful exist . . . yeah, let's just leave them out in the path of a hurricane
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Strange, nightmarish incident results in man waking up as giant Kafka
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Scientists breed mice with same sex parents. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
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Pastor released from Turkish prison, may also have seen a grown man naked
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"They can't send me to Juvie, I'm 46 years old"
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College student "dress coded" for a "revealing" crop top that showed less than an inch of midriff. Moose knuckles in yoga pants still a grey area under close scrutiny
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Florida man crashes Lamborghini into a Ford, flees in a Mercedes-Benz. It's refreshing to see a thief with class these days
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'Lasso gun' for subduing emotionally disturbed persons tested in Brooklyn. Free-range hipsters on high alert
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Psychologist devised plan where adoption agency separated twins and triplets and placed them with families of different economic levels and backgrounds, just to see how their lives differed. No word on whether he won $1
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Point an unloaded gun at your friend's head while taking a selfie will get you thrown out of a shooting range and the footage posted online. Yes, even in Texas
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BBC subtitle gaffe results in nice compliment of Princess Eugenie's breasts
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Because it's not a real gender reveal party unless it ends with a wild brawl outside your local Applebee's
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Photoshop these vans
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Fire at coffee warehouse rages on for a second day. The firefighters on site stuck around as they were up anyhow
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"I'm just a mum - you do anything you can to protect your child no matter what," then she quickly added, "except check the weather forecast." (Warning: Graphic images)
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State officials say 285 people stayed behind in Mexico Beach. They haven't confirmed anyone dead yet, but they've also only confirmed 20 alive
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Idiot fails to secure burn permit, decides to burn his hot tub. In his in-ground pool. With some other items. But it was the spectacular conflagration of the hot tub's foam insulation which melted the siding on his house
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Top corruption investigator in Russia fell onto some bullets near her home in Moscow
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Couple picks pumpkin patch as backdrop for "maternity shoot." Then it gets weird
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If plan to set off late-night explosions to piss off the neighbors, you should probably do a better job of hiding your bombs, methamphetamine, bomb-making chemicals, firearms, and child porn
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Darwin Award for parents not vaccinating their children..... because measles, mumps and rubella is fun for the whole neighborhood
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Two Badgers escape from Illinois zoo. Probably headed North to a much better team
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Obvious headline of the day: "I Drank 150 Margaritas in Three Days and It Wasn't a Great Decision"
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| Thu October 11, 2018 |
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Michigan man arrested today for killing his wife 43 years ago
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The dildonians are gathering
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Normal places get runaway cows blocking traffic. Brooklyn gets runaway alpacas
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Man catches catfish in Philadelphia city sewers. Prompting the question, "What is he using for bait?". . . "Hot dogs and Philadelphia soft pretzels"
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Substance abuse counselor arrested on DWI charge after taking Lyrica and Klonopin. You had one job
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Family of man shot by police said that he wouldn't have shot at police because he had done that before and wouldn't do it again
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When he says don't eat my chips bro, he absolutely means it
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"An obituary on Wednesday about Alex Spanos, the owner of the Chargers, misstated the location of Stockton, Calif., where he was born. It is about 80 miles east of San Francisco, not west"
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Man catches his cheating wife on Google street view
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Moose Inconsolable
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Shooting victim returns fire, chases down suspects and crashes into them
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...When the #BLM libs, who were up to no good / Started making trouble with my livelihood / I'd shot *one* little kid, and the town got scared / I said, "Undo my application to be a cop in Bellaire"
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An original Salvador Dalí painting went unnoticed inside NYC's Rikers Island prison for forty years ... until a gang of thieves decided it might be worth something
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| (Some Drummer) |
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Photoshop this interesting instrument
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He brings justice to a parched wasteland, where the earth is irrigated by the blood shed by desperate inhabitants engaging in melee combat over access to water. Mad Max? Fist of the North Star? Nope, Colorado water cop
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News: Recent earthquake in Indonesia killed and affected hundreds of thousands. Weird News: A prison released its prisoners to check on their families. Fark: A good chunk of them ACTUALLY RETURNED TO PRISON
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Oim toired of dese mitherfookin' STD ridden ladyburds in me mitherfookin' 'ouse
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Acute flaccid myelitis is thrusting its way through the population. Well, it's trying, but... well, you know it had a tough day and it's tired and it skipped lunch and probably just needs some space right now
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Tank? What Tank? I don't see any Tank
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Short on pocket space, a woman does the unthinkable with a burned crack pipe
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The new Royal couple's code names are revealed: Davina Scott and Gene Masseth
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If dropping a large block of ice into the oceans every now and then fails to stop global warming could a man-made volcanic explosion work instead?
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Florida Man builds Chuck E. Cheese with functioning robots in his bedroom. What could go wrong?
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Daylight Saving Time racks up its first kill: Apple watches. How many more electronic products must die before humanity learns from its mistakes?
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OH ≠ OW
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| (Goooooooooal) |
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Photoshop this ball tender
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If you ever wanted to know how much top-tier dog semen is worth, then this lawsuit Udonis Haslem has filed has all the details
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Weather Channel's Jim Cantore almost became a victim of Hurricane Michael
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Oh sure, if a Rabbi circumcises a baby, it's a time-honored religious tradition. But if a Missouri cult leader with "prophetic communications" circumcises a teen, it's child endangerment and unauthorized practice of medicine
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Got a fivehead? Here's the perfect Halloween costume for Peyton Manning or Christina Ricci
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When someone is engaged they are betrothed. If they are dressed nicely we say they are bedecked. Generally seen as a positive state of being. But when a student threatens to behead a teacher, not so nice. Shouldn't they have threatened to dehead him?
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Turns out Justin Bieber's music has the perfect beat to perform CPR. Ironically, so do The Chainsmokers
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Images from the Florida panhandle following Hurricane Michael. Spoiler Alert: It ain't pretty
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Guess which city is number one in income inequality in America. Hint: They hosted an Olympics and are known for dirty birds
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U.S. Military grounds all F-35s, sends them to their hangars without dinner
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Since 1993 a brewery in Davenport has offered free beer whenever the river floods to thank volunteers who help keep it safe from floodwaters
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Everybody Panic: The 2018 Fark Fiction Anthology is now available on Amazon. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll give a squirrel a beer
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So not only do Australians have to watch out for deadly wildlife, they now have to be aware of devastating 190ft tsunamis too
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| (Some Cattle) |
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Photoshop this charge
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Fox's "Good Day L.A." morning show host surprised when her Canadian guest star speaks English - "Very cool, your English is awesome. I love it." The interwebs, naturally, respond
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US Navy officially admits that in time of war, it will have no warships to spare to escort military supply convoys, advises them to put their cellphones in airplane mode so Chinese subs can't track them
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Father of the Year candidate charged with giving his 12-year-old son opioids, whippets, and tobacco. Wait, one of those things is not like the others
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When you try to deny climate change but then the hurricane hits
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RIP Florida man
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Shortly after launching on ISS mission, their Soyuz rocket booster failed; Astronaut Nick Hague and Cosmonaut Alexey Ovchinin currently on a ballistic re-entry course. UPDATE: Everyone reported down safe
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The U.S. Navy uses one weird trick to eliminate aviation accidents
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All 15 Catholic dioceses, 1,320 Catholic parishes in the state will release the names of their pedopriests. That state is... *spins wheel of creep* TEXAS
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Natural gas pipe explosion in B.C. knocks out gas supply to most of the PNW. Dang, almost 2000 years and they still haven't fixed it? And I thought Comcast was bad
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 701: "The Low Down". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 10, 2018 |
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The naked suspect, a priest told cops, "dipped his rear-end into the Holy Water fountain and splashed around a bit before entering the sanctuary while masturbating"
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Vodak, rum may soon cover town streets. Actually, TFA is pretty interesting if you ever had a chipped windshield or slid on black ice
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Ways for someone to steal your identity a) Scamming you via email. b) Paying for a data breach on the dark web c) Stealing your mail d) Answering 'None of the above' and resetting the PIN on your Experian credit freeze
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Photoshop these WWII workers
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Oh yeah? Well I've seen a million faces, and I've rocked them all
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If you throw a fake fundraiser for your dead friend and keep all the money, you deserve to have him haunt you for the rest of your life
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A ladder was stolen. Shots rung out. Police take steps. An extension is offered to the man on the roof. He walks out the door
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Some people want to be rich enough to buy a sports car, or a lavish house, or an Island. I want to be rich enough to be investigated by the National Crimes Agency
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Master Terafan Greydragon rolls critical miss, inflicts lance damage on self, doubled for mounted charge
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Frenchman wrongly thinks his beard deserves to be in a competition, is immediately arrested upon entering U.S.
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Fans told to not expect art to shred or explode at auction, because apparently now that needs to be said
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Photoshop this wacky washer
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Man's best friend not always manhood's best friend
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Ah, Autumn. Crisp air. Colorful leaves. And 34 ways it will try to kill you
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Sometimes life in the city is so tiring that your just need to give it a rest and "take a nap" on the local La-Z-Boy chair right in the middle of a busy road
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Florida police seeking home invader who hit sleeping woman with vase. Finally, one for the cold vase files
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It was a good fish. It was a strong fish. They were five tough and weathered fisherman. They dreamed of the New York Yankees. It was a crappy boat
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Sex Robots will colonise Mars and steer the future of the human race says love-bot tester who spent $200,000 on sex droids. Sex
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You know who's worse than kids these days? Their parents
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Pakistani Navy quits anti-piracy task force after US refuses to pay for fuel, violating age-old 'ass, gas, or grass, no one walks the plank for free' rule
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Final Destination cosplay level: Expert
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Healdsburg police search for thief that stole 20 foot long, 1000 pound hammer. If caught, they'll send him to the big house
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Canada is about to get a lot more chill, if that is even possible
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Live video stream from Panama City, & some DIT on how best to help those impacted by Michael by a Farker who's done a lot of disaster response
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Headline: Panic as unstable dynamite-laden WW2 ship, the SS Ricard Montgomery, suddenly disappears from the Thames Estuary. Article: the tide was in. Tag is for how dangerous the ship actually is
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Florida is a pretty hurricane-savvy state, but even they have NEVER seen anything like Michael in the Panhandle, as least as far back as we have records, which is 1851. So If you think you "got this"? You don't got this-get to safety
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If you're in Florida and haven't evacuated yet, you're probably screwed
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Woman won $50 on a scratch-off lottery ticket, used that to win $100,000 raffle
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We're stuck with this crappy hurricane rating system
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The Easter Island heads might actually be signs to show people where fresh drinking water is available
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"Before [journalist Jamal] Khashoggi's disappearance, U.S. intelligence intercepted communications of Saudi officials discussing a plan to capture him"
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No injuries reported after explosion at Wisconsin ethanol plant. Officials suspect alcohol was involved
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Not to alarm anybody but the eye of Hurricane Michael really does look like a skull
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Sir? Can you describe the grapes?
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Lesbian mixologist moonlights as aerial acrobat and you clicked
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Fark NotNewsletter: Hey nerd, wanna win a prize? - Post your entry and vote for your favorites!
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Sorry your old table exploded. Here's a new one
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Woman gets nearly full body tattoo that says, "I can judge a single god with my wrongs and wrongs." She can add "mistranslated tattoo" to her list of wrongs and wrongs (possibly NSFW)
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38-year-old decides he wants in on latest teen fad, threatens to shoot up his 20th high school reunion
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BMW takes up two parking spaces and has two tickets; fortunately, everyone agrees the driver is a douchebag (possible nsfw content on page)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Coast Guard warns of surprise hurricane sex
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"Meanwhile, (the) 13-year-old daughter had a pack of cigarettes in her bra, police said" is the least disturbing part of this story
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| (Some Nut Case) |
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Photoshop this mad market
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Soccer game held hostage by dog demanding belly rubs and steak (w/video). Who's a good boy on Woofday Wetnose Wednesday?
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Remember in "War Games" how NORAD could be compromised by WOPR's stupidly weak password? Thank goodness real military cybersecurity is much more rigorous than that, right? RIGHT?
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Homeowner cuts off most of suspect's hand during home invasion, hopes cops give him the finger
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Before you accept a check for $30,000 from a woman in payment for your truck, make sure she was never on the Judge Judy show for conning a yoga studio
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"B-W-B which I guess is the new thing, babysitting while black"
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Woman's 'emotional support' squirrel gets her removed from Frontier flight
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List of U.S. cities where people still drive stick
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Just like that Hurricane Michael is now a Category 4 storm. If you're in the projected path of the storm get out now. Does any Farker have a place for a fellow Farker to stay? This is your Wednesday Hurricane Michael thread
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"The Marshals Service had not tracked nearly 2.45 million rounds of ammunition before the audit." o_O
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Hey remember "Road Rage?" Turns out it's still a thing. And here's video of someone who would probably shoot better if he didn't have to hold his shorts up
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Zombie trash pandas attack Brooklyn
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In a totally not self-serving move Uber wants to make it more expensive for you to drive your own car. Because that wouldn't push more people to use their service at all
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Hurricane Michael is now a Cat 4. No funny headline for this
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In what had the potential to be the shortest listicle of all time, Consumer Reports publishes a survey of "alternative medicines" that aren't complete bullshiat
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Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Except bulldozers
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Welp, science has finally confirmed what we all already knew: It's better to be born rich and stupid than smart and poor
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Dead body found floating in Cocoa. See, that's what being Cuckoo gets you
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Cocaine. It's a hell of a drug
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| Tue October 09, 2018 |
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Hail to the anti-vaxxers. Hail to the science doubters. Hail, Hail, to Michigan, the mumps source of the West
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| (Some Guy) |
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I'm sure this isn't the first time the words 'Navy' and 'tentacles' have been used in and article, but yet here we are
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First Australia, now Iceland. Nowhere is safe for a vacation
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School district finally replacing lead-lined water fountains that were recalled in 1988, says it takes a long time to pry out Harrison Ford
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NYC dogs give the Trump 'Pee on Me' statuettes the paws up after they're spotted on Brooklyn sidewalks
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The go-to excuse of idiots everywhere: "I was bored"
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Woman stabs friend after unknowingly given real knife outside haunted house
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Lothario hipster turns waterfront primitive tin mine into a lair to trap cats. Locals have a problem with his den of iniquity (interesting video possibly NSFW)
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Colon cancer holds press conference with other digestive tract cancers, says none of them are affiliated in any way with Rodrigo Duterte and they resent the implication
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Photoshop theme: Where's Waldo?
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When the employee you just fired begins recording you, it may not be wise to tell her to "keep your legs open"
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Suspect in Maduro assassination attempt defenestrated under mysterious circumstances
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Sheriff investigating car that was 'purposefully launched' into river. Duke boys wanted for questioning
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Don't tase my barking dog, bro
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Australian immigration proposal will force new migrants to live in rural areas, just like the von Trapp family
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Well being bit, punched and elbowed is still better than being axed like the door was
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Why Florida headlines are the best headlines: "Did the commissioner accused of sphincter bleaching just compare the mayor to Hitler?"
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The world's greatest Shakespeare performance is undertaken by a shirtless man at a dumpster
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Today's exploding ammunition depot at 3am comes from Ukraine (with video)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Lilac, calico lobsters caught off Maine coast in a 1 in 30 million find. They will pose for pics briefly, then be delicious
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A Louisville man posted on Facebook that he was being harassed by the police. The responding police officer proved him right
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Trick-or-treat in some Virginia towns when you're over the age of 12 and you (A) get no candy, (B) get told you seem a little old, (C) get fined and sent to jail, (D) all of the above
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Photoshop this masked man
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Killer had admitted to members of NHS that he had fantasies of murder before meeting and killing 23 year old woman on Plenty Of Fish. In other news, Plenty of Fish apparently has real female accounts
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Maybe an 84 year old guy shouldn't go hunting alone in terrain described as extremely difficult featuring thick brush and swampy areas
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Study confirms that people have a hard time seeing the logic in arguments they disagree with, especially on the Politics tab
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Myrtle Beach: We're not saying it's aliens hovering above but it's aliens. With bonus WTF object washed up on the beach
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Don't steal this woman's lipstick, she'll make it her life's quest to get it back
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If you named your baby after Adolf Hitler, you might be a neo-Nazi
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And now for your daily NASA asteroid warning that the Earth WILL get destroyed tomorrow (possible nsfw content on page)
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Deadly limo crash raises concerns over "Frankenstein laws for Frankenstein vehicles." "LIMO BAAAAAD"
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University asks students to sign contract promising to not act like university students
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'A woman who was hit and killed by an SUV in Kent this weekend had laid down in the road during an argument with her husband, who she had hit with a meat tenderizer
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Bing Bong Who's there? Sea snek. Sea snek wh- ow (thud)
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Pudding, dry hurricane, and Faceboo, these are the Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-09-23 to Sat 2018-09-29
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China, fresh from their successful projects in Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, promises to put Kenya on the map
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Hurricane Michael looks to make a flacid Florida a bit more erect. With helpful picture at the end of the article
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"Hello 911? there are three whales under my boat and I think they want to kill us. I'm so very scared. Help"
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Naturally beautiful young lady decides to transform herself into a dragon
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Not news: Halloween outrage du jour. WTF were you thinking: Of a black man being lynched. Seriously, WTF: in Birmingham Alabama (complete with George Constanza non-apology)
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Looks like the Carolinas can't catch a break: Hurricane Michael is forecast to dump 4-10 inches of rain across both states after crashing into the Florida Panhandle
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What would you do with 263 million dollars?
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Florida man news story gets a different tag today for obvious reasons
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Couple's home is licensed as a daycare for up to 10 children. Also has 13 harvested marijuana plants, two pounds of marijuana, 19 firearms, 75 grams of kratom and $31,000 in cash for the kids to play with
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Nikki Haley bailey quikki
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Sheriff tells Jim Cantore that he will be arrested for trespassing if he shows up in his county to cover Hurricane Michael
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Man smashes dome lamps in Moscow metro thinking he is hunting for penguins
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Hey let's light this Chinese lantern on our lunch break and see how far it goes
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Hotel advert of couple eating breakfast in bed under fire and surprisingly not for the mess they would cause if they actually ate all that food in bed
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If you're the former president of an organization that supports boycotts of a country, perhaps you should not head there to pursue graduate studies
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Bionic limbs learn how to open beer, force you to set your homepage to Fark.com
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Insurance company stops covering drug man needs to stay alive after drug company raises price from $600 to $21,000 for a month's supply. Asinine tag checks in after Sick tag told it's a pre-existing condition
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Photoshop theme: What the FARK?
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Possibly the Most. Epic. Obituary. Of all time
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Either a father married his son, causing a massive sinkhole to open up and swallow them, or TFA's headline is a key example of the importance of Oxford commas
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| (Some Comrade) |
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Remember that viral video that showed a woman pouring bleach on manspreaders? The Kremlin remembers, chuckles sovietly
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That Daily Glass Of Wine May Lead To An Earlier Death. Which is fine because it's just a much cleaner break than dying in the afternoon or evening
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"Mr. Owl, how many times robbing the same bank does it take to get caught?" "A good question, let's find out. One. A two. Three. *crunch* Three." "If there's anything I can't stand, it's a smart owl"
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Latest trend in Indian mob-based violence: defending the honor of cows
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Doctor found guilty but acquitted in Spain's stolen baby case. Wait what?
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"We've got to get this Army hard," Army Chief of Staff Mark Milley said. "We've got to get it hard fast." In other news, medical discharges for chafing are expected to skyrocket
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Therapy dogs will need therapy and a job
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Wait, people aren't tipping their Uber drivers? What the shiat is wrong with this country?
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Inside the world's scariest haunted house where NOBODY lasts more than six hours - And no, it's not the White House (some photos may be disturbing)
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Zookeeper mauled to death by enraged white tiger, who clearly wanted to go back to its ancestral home at a Las Vegas mansion
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Bulgarian reporter murdered in Ruse park. Police hope it's some sort of trick
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| Mon October 08, 2018 |
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Kentucky inmates escape Louisville jail by hiding in trash cans. Expected to be dumped in front of warden's yard any moment now
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China confirms that missing Interpol President did *not* meet with a 15-member death squad, and will shortly be holding a press conference to extol the virtues of the Party
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'Higher levels of PTSD among veterans', says study. Sketch of Nicolas Cage too anxious and depressed to show up for this headline
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Photoshop this drumming monkey
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Continuing on the monthly themes, tonight at 8PM EDT, Paul's Memory Bank brings you 2 hours of stuff the DJ added to his iTunes library in October. Minus the Halloween stuff
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Not news: man's car is seized. Still not news: for defaulting on a loan. When's the---WTF he never took out
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Welp, in the other thread everyone is saying that it is our dependence on fossil fuels that is destroying the environment; TFA says that it is our addiction to coffee. Extremely rare end-of-world trifecta now in play
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Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: As God is my witness, I thought turkey hunters could aim
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| (Gator Man) |
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Old: Alligator found in lake. Fark: In Lake Michigan
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And then we find out the owner of the Schoharie death limo is a shady FBI terrorism informant
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Louisiana, where you can wind up in prison for life even if jurors say you're innocent
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Michael is now officially a hurricane, expected to impact the Florida panhandle as a dangerous cat-3 with 120 mph winds this week
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Paramedics discover man was stabbed after removing shirt to use defibrillator. I have my doubts about this story - those ones at the airport don't say anything about removing your shirt before breaking the glass
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Photohsop this traffic jam
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Scots want to keep Shetland Islanders at a safe distance
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German vacation ad is NSFW. Or is it?
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High school band performs during football game where students dressed as medical staff point guns at police officers. Hilarity fails to ensue. Difficulty: Mississippi
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The Hubble Space Telescope is broken again after a space collision, Mike Nelson wanted for questioning
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Pope says that "The Devil" is trying to divide the Catholic Church; and here all this time we thought it was their tendency to hire and then cover up for sexual predator monsters. Silly us
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That weird creepy set of murals in the Denver airport is being removed, taken to a secure facility, and will reappear in 2021 to mark the end times
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Man wearing a court ordered ankle monitor records a video showing how to take it off, without damage or triggering an alert, then posted it to Facebook. Mugshot in the article & link to the video for "educational" purposes only
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In news that will shock no one, the limo company involved in the Upstate NY crash that killed 20 has repeatedly failed inspections. "The motor is making everyone deaf"
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Canada's horse-headed Loch Ness monster seen riding off into the sunset after being spotted three times thumbing its snout at us humans ...again (possible nsfw content on page)
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Stupid: selling drugs out of your vehicle. Fark: selling drugs out of your police cruiser
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Vatican's meeting of bishops is overshadowed by abuse allegations. Knights remain wary, hope they don't get rooked out of what the king has left them
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Controversial four-day sex fest offering "unlimited" drug and booze-fueled orgies with prostitutes making its return after...well it doesn't matter because you've already clicked the link (NSFW)
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Remember when you didn't have to have seatbelts in the back of your cars and your kids could move about as much as they wanted? Seems this guy's all about nostalgia
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Long commutes can be a biatch, even without the jerkweed in the seat next to you whacking you on the head for falling asleep
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Twitter users spot 'time traveller' using mobile phone on beach in 1943, many years before they were invented for twits
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Student caught using phone in class. Do they have to A: Turn it off and put it away? B: Hand it over to the teacher? or C: Smash it with a hammer.?
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Teen making homemade explosive device can now only count to three
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Sorry men. Size does really matter. Go science
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Photoshop this weed wheeler
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He's still giving haircuts five days a week at age 107 - meanwhile, you're taking two sick days because of a hangnail
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New York driving instructor drove drunk while teaching students, played bumper cars in traffic, police say. Caught when students jumped ship and called the heat
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Belarus president says belting is a "useful" way of punishing children. Isn't it enough that their parents are making them grow up in Belarus?
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Planet Earth has 10 years for all the countries of the world to come together and make meaningful changes about carbon emissions and the burning of fossil fuels. So, goodbye planet Earth
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US Marines commander in Australia stood down for blending in with locals
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Losing the war on drugs? Why not just legalize them to castrate the cartels?
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Calgary's newest mall opened in May and boasts over 500 retail spaces. Let's see how it's going. Oh, dear
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