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| Sun September 16, 2018 |
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This man stole a dollar and demanded to be returned to prison, because it was easier than having freedom
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Will the moran who left their 747 parked at Burning Man please remove it? Thank you
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Sixty-five hearses defied the orders of Hell
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Looting the Family Dollar store is better because you don't have to get all dressed up like when you are looting a Walmart
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Canada bans trans fats. Now if we can only do something about HFCS
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Just another lazy Sunday hazardous response in the tourist town of Salisbury
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Photoshop these roller coaster riders
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LivePD star becomes LivePD focus
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You can't make these things up: Couple caught shoplifting clothes to wear for their upcoming court appearance
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Want to be happy? Move to Hawaii. Want to be miserable? Move to West Virginia. Want to see what happens with Capt. Obvious takes to travel writing? Click the link
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Boomers retire in the southwest's version of Florida: bring on the sunshine, low taxes, affordability
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Regarding Kevin, the hero of Frying Pan Tower and symbol of all Americans: "They told me, 'this is disrespectful,' and that I need to get out there and replace the flag right then," Neal said. "In the hurricane"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ugly a$$ baby
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If more Americans would just ride the bus or train a couple of times a month, the homeless guy babbling in the back would have a better time
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Students given cacti to remind them not to harass and bully their peers, be a prick
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Addicted to alcohol? Here, have a beer
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Two music festival attendees die of drug overdoses, so the measured government response is to BAN ALL MUSIC FESTIVALS
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"College is not a requirement"
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"Congratulations, you won the book raffle" "A book? What book did I win?" "No, not a book, you won the whole bookshop"
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Marines Gotta Marine, even during hurricanes. (NSFW language.)
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Boy brings cocaine-filled balloons to school, sending 13 kids to hospital, is expected to be in really big trouble when he gets home
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Convicted burglar forced his way into a home with a potato. If only more people were armed with potatoes things like this wouldn't happen
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| (Some Bug Guy) |
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Look, I'm sure you have lots of good reasons and all, but if it has more than four legs and/or antenna on it, I'm squashing it. End of story
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Someone's gonna get written up for this
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Photoshop this traveler
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| (Some Guy) |
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With no hurricanes or explosions, Cape Cod bets on fatal shark attack for tourism exposure
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OK, if you say so
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| (CPI, Quartz, AP) |
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Full database of Puerto Ricans killed by Hurricane Maria and the grinding months afterward
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If you put down a deposit on a 911 GTS at the largest Porsche dealership in the U.S., I have some bad news for you
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Next up on Mother Nature's hit list. Hong Kong... oh, and a couple of nuclear power plants
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| Sat September 15, 2018 |
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Because it apparently still needs to be said: Don't run generators indoors
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If you don't speak the language they won't serve you in the Hialeah Taco Bell. Difficulty: Spanish
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U.S. Border Patrol agent and freelance serial killer captured after his 5th victim was able to escape. Trump pardon and promotion to head of ICE in 3...2
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Moths swarm French town. I was told there would be no moth
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So apparently there's this culture of never getting out of bed and people more than happy to profit from it. Your dog wants sunshine
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Photoshop the forgotten Apollo 7 astronauts doing whatever the fark they are doing
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Now I'm no Ms. Manners, but I'm pretty sure that wearing an inmate's ear on a necklace at the mess hall after Labor Day is just a tad gauche
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Good: Your police department sees a dramatic drop in use-of-force incidents. Bad: Because your cops aren't reporting them
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Photoshop this summer sunset
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"Congratulations, your DNA results show you have 12 per cent Abanaki and eight per cent Mohawk ancestry." "Wow, did you hear that Bojangles? You're part Native American" "Woof." *wags tail*
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Bull escapes Utah veterinarian before circumcision, last seen running balls out
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Man makes whopper of a 911 call after Burger King refuses to honor coupon, police arrive to find out what his beef is. Okay, which one of you Cleveland Farkers is writing copy?
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In times of struggle, strife, and turmoil, you can take comfort in knowing that there are always people out there making things worse
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Lawrence mayor says the Columbia Gas company has no sense of urgency, still hasn't explained what caused the explosions. Someone needs to light a fire under them
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"I regret my decision to ride out Hurricane Florence," says idiot in hindsight
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| (Good Housekeeping) |
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And the moral of the story is never have kids, amirite?
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Mariachi gunmen shoot up tourist area in Mexico City, killing three. Police looking for suspects carrying guitar cases full of guns
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Drunk, threatening the airline flight crew, and assaulting the arresting police is no way to go through life, son
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San Francisco Bay Area Farkers: Tie one on with me this Saturday at Whitechapel
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You can whip it, but maybe you shouldn't while being chased by the police
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Do not try this at home. Or on a playground. Or anywhere
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Photoshop theme: Fingerpainting
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That woman who let Trump use the murder of her daughter at the hands of MS-13 as a marketing tool for his "fear the browns" policy was just killed at her daughter's roadside memorial after being hit by a cat while arguing in the street
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"In the face of one of the worst storms the Carolinas have ever seen, 55 amazing people took time out of their own preparations to help our dogs and cats". Everyone stay safe on Caturday
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Think before you flush: There are now 50,000,000 goldfish in Lake Ontario
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Teenage boy jumps out of Zipper at area carnival. Subby reminded of the first halter top he saw back in the '70s
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Step 1: Break into Family Dollar during Florence, Step 2: Steal 5 cases of beer, dishwasher detergent pods and 5 bags of chips, Step 3: Call police to say that your house has been broken into and be drinking the beer when the cops show up to investigate
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Texas schools censor Hillary Clinton and Helen Keller from curriculum
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RV sales guy looking for fat commission: "This RV is $250,000." Florida man checks his pockets and looks around, "Um, Will ya take a third party post dated check and throw in the floor mats?". RV guy, "This is your lucky day"
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The news this past week was horrifying. I found something funny that may make some of you farkers laugh
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How to cause an apocalyptic global financial collapse from the comfort of your mom's basement
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| Fri September 14, 2018 |
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Oregon schools on dress codes: Trans what? Cys who? Skinny jorts? Afros? Let's make this simple: "cover your parts." Done. Now go back to learning, staying offa my lawn
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GOP Rep puts on cop apologist master class: "If the police shot my child, I would blame myself for raising a punk"
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A brass plaque dedicated to a convicted cannibal hangs in the National Press Club, and that's not even the craziest part of the story
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This might not be what you have in mind if you go for a job interview and they want you to talk about your last position
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Slayer fan says she had "the time of her life" after fellow fans helped push her wheelchair into a mosh pit
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6-year-old boy is banned from school because his mohawk could "poke someone's eye out"
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Incompetent doctor on an NCL cruise ship caused an employee to require amputation
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Photoshop this turtle
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| (Some Guy) |
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J turn in Range Rover goes as expected
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Is it really stealing if you decide to keep 11 pounds of marijuana that washed up on the beach?
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Weather channel meteorologist reporting on Florence's heavy winds gets photo bombed in the best or worst way possible (w/video)
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Director of the National Solar Observatory, which was swarmed by FBI agents and closed last week, claims that it wasn't because they'd spotted aliens. Cigarette-smoking man standing behind him nods in agreement
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Headline correction: Shirtless idiot from Florida stands in the wind with a flag
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Caption this judgmental mountain goat
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Photoshop this racer
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Some plausible origin stories for the upcoming Antarctic Ice Zombie Invasion
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Houston, we have a "skeeter" problem
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Sorry, but your Real Doll™ does not qualify you to use the HOV lane
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Caption this reporter dousing
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Man upset at his roommate's friends being loud throws knife, achieves bullseye
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You can now buy the place where that business got out of control and you were lucky to live through it
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International Space Station 'drill hole' mystery gets bigger after more 'deliberate' drill damage is discovered on spacecraft. Small gremlins now ruled out
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The last time Paul Manafort tweeted
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Hundreds are stranded in cars and on rooftops awaiting rescue as Hurricane Florence comes ashore. If only someone had warned these people a storm was coming and told them to get out of the way
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"Overall, only 9 percent of households in South Carolina and 3 percent in North Carolina carried federal flood insurance as of mid-2017". Well good thing they never get hit by hurricanes or heavy rains then, innit?
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We interrupt the Carolinas being hammered by a hurricane to bring you the Philippines being hammered by a super typhoon
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Don't just feed it to your food, cut out the middleman and add bacon bits and low-fat dressing. Grab your fork for the Fark Weird News Quiz, Aug 26-Sept. 1 Eat A Damn Salad Edition
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Police looking for nude suspect wearing a hat. The suspect is wearing a hat. Repeat, wearing a hat
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Photoshop this summer tobogganing
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Now THAT was too much tuna
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Here I am .... Rock you like a multi-liquored cocktail This is your Friday Hurricane Florence morning landfall thread
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Were you feeling bad about that black man who was killed in his apartment by an off-duty Dallas police officer? Well not to worry, cops found about half an ounce of marijuana in his apartment so, you know... you can stop now
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Good news NYC Straphangers, the MTA's Twitter account responded to a tweet about subway delays saying it will take "the next 5-10 years" to fix. So you have that going for you
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After 20 years, tiny, remote island's "crime-free" record comes to an end, as residents say the theft has taken atoll on them
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Jeff Fager, executive producer of 60 Minutes, to CBS reporter investigating him: If you keep this up, someone's going to be fired. CBS to Fager: That someone is you, dumbass
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Imagine needing to have your appendix removed just to be able to live in your city? Welcome to Villa Las Estrellas, a small Chilean settlement in Antarctica
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A stereotype of a Fox News reader writes an opinion piece: "Here's why I'm NOT evacuating"
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Parents upset after kids are given breadsticks as main entree for school lunch. Fark: Department of Education says it's a valid lunch option
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Hormone therapy involving estrogen and progesterone derived from a plant source might make it vegan, but it might also indicate that your doctor is a con artist
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The Renaissance Festival in Michigan got a little too realistic, as health officials are now recommending that everybody who attended over Labor Day get the hepatitis vaccine
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Now we ride out the storm. This is your overnight Hurricane Florence thread
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| Thu September 13, 2018 |
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If shooting at imaginary clowns is wrong I don't want to be right
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Break-in news: TV crew reporting on car break-ins in San Francisco has two cars broken into
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Everyone coming into the U.S. to do some long weekend shopping, pull forward. Whoa there, not so fast, legal cannabis industry employee
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Then I realized it was real
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Photoshop this impending beer
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Article on how to find free housing with Airbnb if you're evacuating from hurricane Florence. Be safe, fellow Farkers. May you all be able to get out of harm's way
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Watch Florence come in from 'Frying Pan Cam' located 34 miles off the Carolina coast (Update: youtubers have named the torn flag "Kevin" for some reason) [Headphone warning - there's a reason it's called the Frying Pan Cam]
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Gas line decides to do what many Massholes only dream of: blowing up Lawrence
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Vatican orders probe into US bishop. Sounds uncomfortable, but you reap what you sow
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Photoshop this apartment wall climber and his little sidekick
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Seeing Florence from space is a sobering thing. Especially when you realize you're in space. One minute you're drinking, next thing you know, you're in orbit, sober. Christ, not again
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Fancy a trip to Papua New Guinea? There's an abandoned boat off its coast that reportedly has £27 million worth of cocaine hidden inside. All you have to do is find it before the smugglers and police do. Who's up for it?
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While everyone else evacuates, North Carolina Zoo animals and veterinarians to ride out Hurricane Florence. So if you notice a rhino or tiger in your backyard, that's probably where it came from
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Family's pet tortoise escapes. Police searching in an expanded perimeter of about five houses away in all directions
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Tokyo Boy Scout not only rose to Eagle Scout, he also earned all 137 Merit Badges AND gamed BSA system to max out on number of Eagle Palms awarded. Boy, this kid loves scouting
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"Hello, this is the Sheriff. You have a warrant for your arrest, so I demand that you buy me some gift cards. I prefer Amazon, Walmart, and those ones where you can pick from five shiatty restaurants"
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Florence news coverage intensifies to "profiles of people defying evacuation orders" level. Has any journalist ever done post-storm follow-ups on these?
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KY3 explains the controversial Uranus Examiner. Jelly
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At the least the Soviets made up good cover stories. These guys may as well have claimed they were in Salisbury for the steak
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Remember the 30-year-old whose parents had to evict him? He's going before the Supreme Court to try and get his child support payments reduced. Apparently you don't get a job if you don't look for one
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South Korean men are employing a variation of the Nugent Defense to avoid military service
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Hotel patron charged for trying to give the housekeeper cash
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I'm not saying it's aliens, but...
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Photoshop this corral
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Sorry Sharknado fans, Hurricane Florence is NOT filled with flying sharks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here's what happens when you screw over the campaign staff running your website
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As for the North Carolinian planning to ride out Florence on his boat, there are 50-50 odds he dies and 50-50 odds he winds up in a Jimmy Buffett song
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Don't be lulled into a false sense of security. Despite a minor downgrade Hurricane Florence will be extremely dangerous as high winds, rain and surging will last all day, unlike previous hurricanes. This is your Thursday Hurricane Florence thread
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Tea shop owners painting over unsightly graffiti learn halfway through that they're destroying a Banksy
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The Sistine Chapel Choir is under investigation for "financial irregularities." Hey, at least it doesn't involve children, right?
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What did you do today, Dad? Not much, carried a $2.5 billion spiral notepad across town
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On the one hand, we should congratulate someone who puts a plan into effect and has the sheer gumption to work at it for hours and hours until it succeeds. On the other hand, the plan was 'get arrested for throwing rocks at cars'
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It's nice to see NYPD cops continuing their tradition of serving themselves
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When you have more faith in Waffle House's hurricane response than the president's
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 697: "Fruits and Vegetables 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 12, 2018 |
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Hmm. The administration that supported Roy Moore sure does seem to love hanging onto caged migrant children, with the number exploding from 2,400 to 12,800 since May 2017 -- the highest number ever recorded
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Russia wants to sign a peace treaty with Japan formally ending WWII. No this is not a repeat from 1946
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Got anything really stupid and dangerous you've been wanting to do? This might be your big opportunity, as it looks like Darwin is about to be completely preoccupied in North Carolina for a while
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Bristol, England to become the first British city to have ZERO smokers. Also the first UK city to have a half million people on a nicotine patch, chewing nicotine gum, vaping
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Couple's crime spree of supermarket robberies, flipped over cars and beaten women ends when one of them tries to carjack bodybuilder; "There was a definite size difference"
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83-foot waves. EIGHTY-THREE
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What better way to cope with your "anxiety" than masturbating at 2:30 AM inside a laundromat while watching porn on your phone?
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What is a "True" Atheist? A historian breaks it down
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Photoshop this maritime disaster
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Today's threat for France to surrender to: Militant Vegans
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"Lizard man" caught riding dirty with illegal venomous Gila monsters (that were in the middle of escaping) and trunk full of crocodiles. Cops say he's lucky to be alive
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To hell with the pig poop and coal ash about to Flo, there are two at-risk nuclear plants in the path
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Photoshop this bird brawl
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As of today, Children born after 9/11 are eligible to enlist to fight the war the attack started
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A look back at Texas spinal surgeon, "Dr. Death," whose malpractice was so bad he got a life sentence for aggravated assault against his patients. How he had a career for so long using that nickname is unclear (not for the squeamish)
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Sure, we've seen mandatory evacuations and states of emergency declared so far, but now we know things are looking really bad: the Waffle House just closed
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You know you're in Australia when a pair of pythons crash through a home's ceiling while fighting for dominance, and the whole episode is being calmly filmed and narrated by an Aussie woman who call the snakes "a bit naughty"
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D.A. won't file charges against friends who uploaded video of themselves puppeteering body of O.D.'d friend with ropes while moving his mouth to the "Toy Story" theme song. Unknown when they'll receive NEA Grant
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Don't worry, but Hurricane Florence's expected path will take it directly into nine - count 'em, nine - EPA Superfund sites
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"But the attempted monkey heist was ultimately foiled by the fact that monkeys are not just hairy little children with tails. They are savage acrobats that will beat the living piss out of anyone who wanders into their territory unannounced"
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Middle class income is finally back to where it was in 2000. You fell asleep reading this after working your second job
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Six years ago, the government of North Carolina officially barred the use of up-to-date climate science for planning. Tune in six days from now to see how that turns out
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Florence's heavy rains could cause environmental disaster in North Carolina, where waste from hog manure pits, coal ash dumps and industrial sites could threaten drinking water supplies
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Spa's "Vampire facials" may have spread illness among customers, smiles among vampires
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Florence is not alone. This hurricane season is beginning to look like a non-stop circus
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Man buys Slim Jims for his dog, buys a lottery ticket that was worth $10 million
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"It was about 40 feet long," man claims while taking video of 2 square feet of stones and some water
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Hiker found dead was likely killed by cougar, according to officials who point to empty wine bottles and a lingering scent of Dolce & Gabbana
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Man with samurai sword arrested during break-in at Jamba Juice store
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Have you ever had any sort of recurring nightmare about one of those massive Jumbotrons in a stadium suddenly crashing down on the people below them? Oh, you have? OK, you might not want to click this link, then
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Geriatricians are calling for more research into how marijuana affects the Olds. Your grandpa just wants to Netflix and chill
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Pope Francis summons the world's bishops to Rome for a flogging
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Photoshop whatever this dog is doing
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YMCA Snow Mountain Ranch welcomes new recruits for its sled team on this Woofday Wetnose Waggin' Wednesday
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That's a p...retty big storm
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Truck driver films police cruiser taking up two lanes on the highway while traveling 10 mph below the speed limit. Can expect to be pulled over every mile for the rest of his career
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Well, who hasn't been tempted to refill the minibar bottles with pee?
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For those in hurricane zone this is your last full day to get out and into safety. AirBnB is offering places to stay for free. Don't be afraid to take up the offers of fellow Farkers. This is your Wednesday get out of Dodge Hurricane Florence thread
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In sign of solidarity, document leak reveals LDS church treats children the same as the Catholic church
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Fox News: "There's no better symbol to represent America today than an upside down flag"
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On 9/11 a NYC task force of NYFD and NYPD is headed to North Carolina ahead of Florence
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Florida man attacks neighbor with chainsaw over shrub dispute
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$20,000 worth of dog food, leashes, chains stolen from Ohio animal charity. Police have no leads
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Woman tries to burn good Samaritans by asking for donations to help her firefighter husband. Which would be fine if her husband were a firefighter or if she had a husband
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Citizens unhappy that their local "haunted" dam is destination for thrillseekers who wish to test their courage and cause trouble, solve problem by playing happy superhero music on loudspeaker when dam is approached by night
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| Tue September 11, 2018 |
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Will NC's wild horses perish in the hurricane? Our sources say neigh
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Hurricane Florence undergoing eyewall replacement, has better healthcare than most Americans
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*looks left* *looks right* YOU'RE TELLING ME
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North Carolinians likely to have trouble, however, when the floodwater hits their hog farm waste lagoons
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Man born without penis gets fitted with bionic dong, loses virginity at 45 (NSFW)
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Fark NotNewsletter: We're spilling the dirt on one of your fellow Farkers
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Photoshop this scrum
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That OBX sticker on your car may soon be a collectible
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| (BBC Earth) |
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Scientists are trying to figure out how to convince whales to have sex, say dick pics and axe spray can only do so much
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South Carolina governor orders mandatory evacuation rather than gamble even one life, but also amends state law to specify that inmates in coastal prisons are not legally alive
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Neighbors dispute account of Officer Shooty McLost. Knocking, a woman's voice saying, "Let me in. Let me in," then gunshots, then, "Oh my god, why did you do that?"
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PETA statement: "PETA is still looking for options to place our new billboard in Baltimore to remind everyone that crabs are sensitive, feeling animals who do not want to die." Mmmmm. Steamed crabs
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South and North Carolina Farkers evacuating from Hurricane Florence can camp at Atlanta Motor Speedway
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Photoshop Theme: a bear, a chair, and a mare
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Largest gold nugget in history found in Australian mine, immediately tries to kill everyone (possible nsfw content on page)
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Ryanair passengers rack up lines of cocaine on tray table, are immediately charged $25 snorting fee
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Mayor of Dubbo advises Prince Harry to 'Get in there with your fingers'
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Connecticut man, claiming to be state police commander, offers to fix DWI for 'beers and shrimp cocktail'
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Come Together will never sound the same after you read this article about the Beatles and the words "Winston Churchill"
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They've been warning everyone that a hurricane is coming for a week so here come the obligatory stories about people who waited until the last minute to get supplies and are shocked to find there's nothing left
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It's not a solemn 9/11 anniversary without a good British tabloid story about the 'Ghosts of 9/11 victims' rising out of the ashes of the twin towers (possible nsfw content on page)
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If you live in Frederick, MD, be warned -- those aren't rain puddles
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Body shop builds life-size 'Cars' and Ghostbuster vehicles
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Couples driven wild by "Golden Arch" sex position which guarantees better orgasms. I, for one, am lovin' it (NSFW)
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Amidst all the other news of the day, one tag stands out to lift your spirits like the 10 bystanders that lifted a car off of a person trapped beneath it
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♪ And I said, what about breakfast in Arabia? She said I think I might get you arrested ♪
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Man loses life savings when bitcoin crashes. In other news, there are people who have their life savings in bitcoin
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"Grab your guns. And your umbrella-guns, and your beer, and your beer-guns, and your tiny umbrellas to keep your beer dry, and join people all along the East Coast in scaring away Hurricane Florence to protect our country from this foreign invader"
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When even the Navy is evacuating the Atlantic fleet ahead of Hurricane Florence, you're going to have a bad time
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Sure Florence looks bad on all those colored weather map thingies, but, from space, she looks like...well, the opening eye of a very angry god
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Interstate 26 in Charleston is now one way only on both sides. (pic)
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Elon Musk puts down the bong long enough to realize making cars is hard, and that maybe it would be easier if they stopped offering complicated options like "colors"
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Man slowly stole $5 million from employer over 10-year period, used it to make crappy movies
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Where were you when the planes hit the twin towers? Link goes to original Fark thread
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Photoshop this under-construction statue
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Can someone please pick up the space courtesy phone, it seems aliens are trying to reach us again (possible nsfw content on page)
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Meteorologist addresses Association of LGBTQ Journalists convention as "ladies and gentlemen, things and its." Was that wrong?
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Discovery of dog saves Oregon man from sex-crime conviction. Also, we're giving people 50-year sentences based on convictions by juries that are not unanimous
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New Florida law (pushed by Mike Huckabee) allows any person who owns beachfront property to declare that beach closed to the public. Go see the ocean somewhere else, peasant
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Red calf born in Israel fulfills prophecy of the end times, claim people who easily fall for red bullshiat (possible nsfw content on page)
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Still a slight chance the storm could drift out to sea as nothing is certain with weather, but it's looking like the hurricane will make landfall. This is your Tuesday Hurricane Florence thread with updates and kind Farkers offering places to stay
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Australian cartoonist: "Jim Crow? Never met him. Besides you're the real racist for pointing out my racism"
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On the anniversary of 9/11, here is a piece by John Hodgman written two weeks after the terror attacks that offers a sobering prospective on what happened--and how we must face the future together
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Turns out the Dallas apartment guy ignored "verbal commands" of the person breaking in. So we're cool, right?
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Man getting bitten by 11-foot gator while retrieving golf disc from pond in Clearwater's Cliff Stephens Park shouldn't have surprised anyone, since that pond connects to ever popular Alligator Lake
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The latest reason the D.C. Metro is failing is... *throws chicken bones* ...Pensions are too expensive. Sorry, workers, your retirement's just gonna have to go for us to get these trains running
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The store's loss prevention manager received a tip that an employee had been eating three to five slices of ham nearly every day over eight years. Authorities say she also sometimes ate salami
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Just watch till these dogs done gotta learn em some American, yo
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You'd be nicer if you had health care
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Dear America: Please stop putting weed killer in our Cheerios. Or yours for that matter. Thank you, Canada
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The most likely time to find a spider in your house is 7:35 pm
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Three hurricanes at once make Atlantic Ocean appear insane from space
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Photoshop this man and his son
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Tonight's Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) brings you a 2 hour sampling of songs that peaked in the month of September. Earth, Wind & Fire's 'September' wasn't one of them
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Actual headline: 'Yall can't let me have no fun' Self-fondler arrested in South Memphis
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Come drown your sorrows at this Austrian castle as you hop into a pool full of beer. "Drinking from the pool is ill-advised"
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A man allegedly offered parents cash to buy their 13-year-old daughter near Faneuil Hall. Suspect is short, stocky, wearing a black suit, fedora hat, wearing sunglasses and has J-A-K-E tattooed on his hand
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Man told deputies he stole an ambulance because he "needed a car." Since it's Florida, this makes perfect sense
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Air Force not sure what to do about Elon Musk smoking weed
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Increased rate of STDs in Boise region linked to private Idahos
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Photoshop this rat
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Pro tip: If you're planning to escape from a burglary on a bicycle, downing 24 beers and a bottle of Jägermeister beforehand will likely make it difficult
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Entire South Carolina coastline evacuation ordered by Governor. GTFO and fast
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Kids are so precious, like when they take your drugs from your hiding place and show them to the cops during your traffic stop
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Note to Self: Do not attempt to pull off 10 home burglaries while wearing a GPS ankle monitor provided by the Police
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Pro tip: when stealing an ATM machine from the convenience store try not to drive into the side of the big city bus
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United pilot strips off uniform in front of passengers and proceeds to take a nap. "I've travelled to the US many times and have never witnessed this"
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That sound you hear is the giant petanques of the lawn bowlers who stopped a Parisian knife attack
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That way to Cinicinn... Cinnicici... dammit... Cincinnati
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Air Force Colonel arrested for disorderly conduct at a Boy George and Culture Club and Thompson Twins' Tom Bailey show. Asked the police if they really wanted to hurt him. Afterwards asked to see the doctor doctor
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Two men arrested and charged with misdeweiners after naked jet-ski taunting
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I don't want to alarm you folks in North Carolina, but Jim Cantore has been spotted in Wilmington. Been nice knowing you
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A rat pulled a fire alarm causing an entire condo building in Washington, DC to be evacuated. In other news, Washington, DC has rats that know how to pull fire alarms
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Now you can experience the illusion of having breasts without that pesky surgery, or something
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Blissful Ignorance Commemorated On Annual 9/10 Anniversary
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Good news Brits, concerning the new chilly weather you're having, millions of false widow spiders are invading your homes for their eight-legged sex-fest because of the cold
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Man discovers new kind of rock that glows under black light. Geologists speculate that the rock is composed of Grateful Dead posters and old hotel bedspreads
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Student hires maid, private chef, butler, 3 footman, house manager, chauffeur, 3 housekeepers and a gardener to start uni
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Photoshop this archer
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Football player now just a ball player after encounter with train
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The secret shame of having clean gym socks
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The 'ol reset the clock button gets another push
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Can a prisoner be held for a few hours of processing after being acquitted?
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Finally a 1,000-year-old Bible map has been found to prove to you heathens that Jesus was real (possible nsfw content on page)
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To: Nicole; CC: Nicole A; Nicole B, Nico... (+243 others). Re:Last night
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Not news: Subway station temporarily closes. Also not news: Subway station reopens after temporary closure. Fark: 17 years later
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