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| Sun July 01, 2018 |
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Chernobyl's radioactive wolf population prospers because it's a radioactive wolf population
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Drugs shaped like Donald Trump's head seized - described as low quality, hard to swallow
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Huge Helen Keller archive reveals details about her life previously unheard of and never seen before
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Woman hunts and cooks iguanas then serves the "chicken of the trees" in burritos with avocados and sour cream. All that's missing is a Mexican Radio
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this disappointment
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A fire breaks out next to a wedding. Time for some cool photos
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Topless woman uses front-end loader to retrieve clothes
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$1 million nationwide warrant issued for suspect in beheading death, as police warn he could beheading anywhere
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The will of Manos shall be served
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Hello Kitty bullet train debuts in Japan
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British school children on a trip to Italy smash a priceless 16th century tabernacle of "Madonna and Child." Wonder how much that'll cost the parents (possible nsfw content on page)
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Marijuana has now been legal in Oregon for three years and authorities are really having to stretch and distort some statistics to argue that it should be outlawed again
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Photoshop this woman, who is just dillin'
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Trade war with USA hurting Rwandan used clothes vendors as they have finally run out of all of the 2007 Patriots T-shirts that read "19-0"
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Yolo, and you might put that to the test if you stay in Yolo county
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hawaii's new tourist draw--red lava rafting. With video scariness
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Having seen her ideology resurgent, Heinrich Himmler's daughter dies at 88
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Happy Canada Day to all the Canadian Farkers out there. We all know that you are all not eh-holes
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Bumbunga: The illegal secessionist micro 'nation' inside Australia
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Photoshop this Scotsman
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CSB Sunday Morning: How my family got here
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Child answers all 3 math questions correctly, but still gets marked incorrect because of something called "repeated addition strategy." This just doesn't add up
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The horror of border separation as described by children who had to live it
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West Point military academy gets its first black superintendent in the school's 216-year history
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"Local priest removed from assignment" is the dog whistle similar to a cop being on paid leave. You know he did something very bad, probably illegal, but, it will be handled "internally"
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Massive fire in Britain upgraded from "What's all this then?" to "Major Incident"
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Due to terrified escapees, animal shelters routinely report an increase in the number of admissions around the July 4th holiday. Here's how to protect your precious fur kids
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New York City is boring
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| Sat June 30, 2018 |
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Concealed carry permit holder heroically tries to break up a bar fight...and is promptly shot dead by cops who see a man armed with a gun in the middle of a brawl
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If we want a real apocalypse from an asteroid that will destroy the planet, this is how big it needs to be. Here's hoping
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Fed up of being objectified at work, prison guard becomes Miss Nude World 2018
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Photoshop this king surveying his keys to the kingdom
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Montreal is moving tomorrow. This is not a repeat of 2017, 2016, and every year since Shaft was a hit
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"Honey, I think there's something wrong with your wedding photos...there's a douchebag right behind you"
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The oldest man in the U.S., Richard Overton, is 112. He's also a World War II veteran and the victim of identity theft as his entire bank account was cleared out
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♫ And so you're back / From outer space / I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face / I should have changed that stupid lock...♫ "Frank! Bring your head in this window before before I roll it up in there"
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Sunday is the marijuana apocalypse for California as new regulations mean the current THC strains aren't compliant with new, stringent laws
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Instead of trying to kill and imprison everyone over drugs, which has worked so well, Mexico is thinking about some other alternatives
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| (Some Guy at a Podium) |
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Photoshop this lofty presentation
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Thief wearing dinosaur mask breaks into store. Only carried away small items, cell phones, watches due to those tiny arms
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Hunting in Maryland just got fabulous
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Legal fireworks are so boring in New Jersey even your neighbors won't call the cops over what you light up
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Years go, he swore a blood oath to Lucifer that the men who micturated upon his car in the parking garage at the Indian Casino would pay with their immortal souls. Or, he would just biatch a lot and get a comped room and buffet. Either way
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Not news: Adopted woman meets her biological mom for the first time. Fark: She's 79 and her mother is 100
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Police call it a botched case of rattlesnake revenge
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Actual headline: "A month after flooding, Ellicott City shops reach a watershed moment in deciding whether to return"
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Senators announce pending attempt to pass anti-lynching legislation. No, this isn't a repeat from 1918
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If a Liberty University math professor travels two hours to have sex with a female under eighteen, how long until Jerry Falwell Jr. removes him from his website? (show your work)
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Hillary Clinton's response to conservatives whining about civility: "What is more uncivil than taking children away?"
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UCLA Professor, 47, gets too stiff during "recreational mummification bondage" in basement of 62-year-old Hollywood exec's LA sex-dungeon. Talk about mummy issues
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The TSA wants to keep you safer by having you take out your snacks. OM NOM NOM
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High school that showed LGBTQ anti-bullying videos is accused of making a heterosexual student feel "bullied"
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He said he was gonna
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I gotta go, we got cows
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Photoshop this divided highway
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We would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling Pop Tart wrapper
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Barn cats have a new place to call home on Caturday
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A bag o' weed, a bag o' weed Oh, everything is better with a 10 lb bag o' weed. Spliffy topic needed
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WTF... WTF... WTF iz dat?
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There is no such thing as a normal vagina
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San Diego is one storm away from falling underwater. Fortunately, they're in a perpetual drought, so no worries
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NRA issues direct and unambiguous warning to the "lying media"; their "time is running out"
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Just a reminder, Goodwill does not accept dead bodies
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| (Semiaccurate) |
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Intel to employees "Hookers and blow are okay, but consensual relations are not"
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Penis
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| Fri June 29, 2018 |
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You gotta admit, hiding a plastic handcuff key in a chicken sandwich to bust your hubby outta jail isn't the worst idea (with mugshot)
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Magnetic Clay may contain almonds, crustaceans, dairy, casein, eggs, and peanuts
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Florida Man released from jail, immediately put back
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Four-year-old girl almost puts her dad in the doghouse after she tells her mom about a 'bra' in daddy's car
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So, um, what's in the brown paper and plastic-wrapped packages again? Yeah, the ones with the photo of Pablo Escobar?
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Homeowner calls cops to report 6-foot stone statue of Jesus that he left on his driveway disappeared. Jesus probably stayed out late getting plastered, will return later
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Protip: Find out what gym nurses work out at. Actually, that's a good tip for a lot of things
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Utah releases video series on how well government stores run socialized alcohol sales
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Animal rescuers free a squirrel that was stuck in dumpster drain. Drew gives them TotalFark for a year
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"So what did you do this summer?" "I went to the beach." "I went camping." "I paddleboarded from Cuba to the Florida Keys"
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Chugging a beer in one hand and holding a squirming baby in the other. It's the Australian way
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You know you have made bad choices in life when you try to run away from a court clerk, who also happens to be probably only person in Mississippi who qualifies as a triathlete
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Photoshop this couple
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'Super cuddly' bull named Claymore charging cars on highway. No word on his demanded toll
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Man arrested for crashing ice cream van into church and producing imitation firearm
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The words "Hey lady, your dog just took a shiat all over the carpet" is not something you want to hear while waiting in an airport. The dog owner didn't like it either
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8-foot-long alligator captured by police in Walmart car park. Was reportedly going for midnight shop but was deterred from going inside after seeing some of the customers
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If your neighbors describe your lover's noises as sounding like a cross between a donkey giving birth and a very large excitable pig, you may be doing it right
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Uh...it tastes like ass?
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It's a tornado. No, it's a waterspout. No, it's a dust devil. No, it's a 'gustnado'? What the hell is a 'gustnado'?
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Kidnapper is no match for angry suburban mom
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Your weather term of the day is 'Heat Burst'
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No. 492 and No. 347 "Hey let's fly this coop." "Got it, we're bustin' outta here" "You head north and I'll head south and they'll never catch us". 13 years later 492 is identified but not arrested. 347 has not been seen since
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SpaceX launches an AI enabled "robot companion" to the space station that is most assuredly not a sex robot. Not a sex robot. Not. (It's a sex robot)
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Guinness to open its first American brewery in 64 years. Line for bar towels forms to the right
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Raccoon 'tried to thank officer' after he removed peanut butter jar from its head, then asked how much for his cybernetic arm
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The cake coupon was a lie
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2 and a half minutes of pure criminal gold
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Woman arrested after stealing $65,000 worth of jewelry from man. Presumably she needed the money for more eyebrow pencils
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The most ridiculous fireworks names of 2018
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Photoshop these window watchers (Eden Mills, Vermont, 1941)
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Hawaii fires head of tourism "without cause," which means either dead expense account or live virgin
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Louisianians think they're sexier than most, survey finds. Well, they do earn the most beads at Mardi Gras
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Dopey neighbors call cops on black kid cutting somebody's lawn. These dopes previously called cops on white kids having a snowball fight. They like to call cops on kids. Black kid's business mowing lawns has cut to the front of the line
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It seems that along with "Permit Patty," "Pool Patrol Paula" has also lost her job after her shenanigans went viral
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Bad: Your teenager has a school hit list. Worse: Police find your home filled with loaded guns. Murica: All charges dropped, sorry to bother you fine citizens
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Since you're reading this here you probably don't have Comcast as your cable service provider
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Victorville, California man claims repeated arrests because of mistaken identity, as he apparently shares a name with a man in Loserville
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R2-D2's cousin has fallen on hard times. Now it just works as a casino mall cop
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Canada to U.S.: Don't make us angry. You wouldn't like us when we're angry. *snarls, tears off shirt, tosses grizzly bear*
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New state laws going into effect Sunday include beaches are no longer public property, kids bullied in public schools can get vouchers to get bullied in private schools, state cattle breed designated as Florida Cracker
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One of the few items recovered from the Challenger explosion in 1986 was a soccer ball brought by the first Asian-American astronaut. 30 years later, it finally made it into orbit on the ISS
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Parasailing accident leaves woman drifting in the wind for 45 minutes. Fark: After she finally crashed, rescuers had to scare away an alligator to reach her
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40% of workers feel their jobs are pointless wastes of time, are reading this at work
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Me want cookies
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Topless man headbutts windscreen
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Woman has 50-pound nope removed after unexplained health issues
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"It's a weird case, right," Judge Philip Simon said. "He allegedly stole a bridge. I'm fascinated by it"
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Mysterious 'devil coins' discovered in church. No word if Christianity made them change
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Shoemaker found guilty of attempted murder. Butcher, baker, candlestickmaker caught trying to flee the country in a tub
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Sex workers leave Twitter for Switter. I think we can see where the German scat fetishists are heading next
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New book reveals details about Queen Elizabeth's sex life
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"He said the snake wrapped around his wiper and went back under his hood, where he couldn't find it"
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Like underboob cleavage? Swimwear label promoting the 'upside down' bikini (NSFW)
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Sextuplets at six months are just what we need on this Friday
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While you were shuffling around the kitchen in your bunny slippers this 69-year-old double-amputee scaled Mt Everest
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OK, who put "classic car" and "Chevy Nova" in the same headline?
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Photoshop this rustic abode
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When your crazy ex calls 911 and says "his intestines are out" well, your troubles are probably already over at that point
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Annapolis shooting suspect "wanted to get revenge" on journalists who reported on his guilty plea to charges of harassing a woman he went to high school with
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Biggest question though: when July 4th falls on Wednesday, is the weekend before or after the 4th of July weekend?
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Maryland newsroom shooter was an annoying jackass with mental problems on Facebook. So, your average Facebook user
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Yesterday's shooting at a newspaper's office made this journalist feel like a kid again, in that she could be a victim of a mass shooting and become just another hashtag
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Jahi McMath declared dead. This time for real
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Omaha teenager sets up "Fireworks Fight" for July 4. Over 1,000 people have already RSVPd to the Darwinian event
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The rural PA bomber has finally been caught by police. Come for the childish drawings of swastikas and gay devils, stay for the terrible Photoshop using clip art and poop emojis
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Why I drove 70 mph with my ex-boyfriend on the hood
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Apparently the song "Electric Slide" is about hot water heaters. Submitter is off to permanently delete his wedding reception video
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DeLand commissioner accused of breaking DeLaw, trafficking DeDrugs
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| Thu June 28, 2018 |
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Cement company expands into international terrorism, the next logical step after shoemaking
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Climbing a freeway sign and vaping, dancing and shouting through a bullhorn is no way to promote your music video, son
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Doom. This is Waterloo's badger
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You may have issues with your slobbering, stinking mouthbreathing coworkers, but don't be like this guy
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11 cats safe after fireworks detonate inside house in what was - according to the cats - clearly intended as a warm-up to the most diabolical ever wet-nose woofday next week (w/security video)
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You know it's Florida when the fight begins with a cat, escalates to a pillow and finishes with a couch cushion
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"A victim identified the alleged gunman's face in police photographs." **Checks photo** Yeah, that's pretty distinctive
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When you build Bangkok's mass transit system but decide that it's unnecessary to get a license for the radio frequencies that your system relies on
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Don't mess with momma's TV
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America, you have a 1.39 billion-pound cheese surplus stockpiled in warehouses ...so you have that going for you, you fat asses
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I admire the commitment it takes to continue committing a felony by climbing a tree to do so
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AU male 'nads and double first name fail the Government stress test for banking systems
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I don't know about you, but I HATE IT when I forget to remove the meth from my bra when I am being processed at the jail. (with mugshot)
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KFC mashed potatoes in Australia: Serious business
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Things you can do naked in Plymouth this summer (inadequately censored Not Safe For Work images)
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How low can you go? Try being a partner in a brewery and steal the tips from the wait staff
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Capital Gazette shooter with no ID or fingerprints has been identified, police now investigating what's in the box (link updated)
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Terrifying new species of "alien" wasp that eats its victims from the inside out then lays eggs that burst out has been discovered. Sleep tight, Aussies
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Nude model's photo shoot gazelle culotte baboon smoker squirrel wrench
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A bear on a diet is surely a riot / a dog on a meal plan will get thin by the fall. / Buy a small bowl for the cat if he ever gets fat / but a hedgehog can never get slender at all
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Photoshop this grumpy dog
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You know when Russia criticizes your laws, you must be doing something right. Toke off, eh?
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"The iconic 22-foot neon palm tree which graced the sometimes sketchy Paradise Inn must remain as a community asset"
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Heads-up, Dallas Farkers: White Rock Lake will soon be Brown Trout Lake, thanks to an upstream 250,000 gallon raw sewage spill
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Skeletors' quote of the day: I surround myself with people who contribute to my happiness and well-being"
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'Sonar Anomaly' is being investigated off the coast of North Carolina. Redneck Godzilla is coming. Run for your lives
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A lady got terribly sunburned / You'd think that she suffered a bit / When lotions and ointments would fail her / She covered her body with SHAVING CREAM
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Missile explodes after being launched by German frigate. Oh scheisse (with cool video of explody missile)
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| (Some Guy) |
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The 6-year-long war on magnets is finally over. How the fark did that work?
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95 yr old man planks for 10 minutes
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Getting arrested for soliciting kiddie porn and sex with minors is no way to go through life, Mr Chairman of the International Campaign to Stop Rape and Gender Violence in Conflict
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If you're a donkey and want to be protected from getting hit by cars, "Come on down"
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All that rush hour traffic got you running late for work? No sweat; just slap some fake police lights and a siren on your car and watch those suckers part like the Red Sea
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Right now in Venezuela, a cup of coffee will set you back * Cue Dr. Evil Music * One Million Bolivars
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Niantic is opening its AR platform so others can make apps like Pokémon Go. Hear that Tinder/Grinder/MeetUp?
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Maybe don't sext the police, even if that is your fetish
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Police seeking runaway teen girl Analiese Urbanczky (pronounced Urban-ak). Bret Favre, Raymond Luxury Yacht inconsolable
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Photoshop this amazing exhibition
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Groupie convention features North Korean anthem, and "the Deplorable Choir from Houston, three women in red dresses and fringed red cowboy boots." Groupies aren't what they used to be
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What do you name a beer brewed by the Dildo Brewing Company in Dildo NL? Subby's suggestion in the tag, Farkers' suggestions to the right, actual name to be revealed on Canada Day
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Harlan Ellison has died
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Active shooter at the Capital Gazette in Annapolis Maryland. UPDATE: Unidentified suspect in custody. 5 dead, 3 injured
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New Jersey's 44 beaches, ranked by how often syringes and empty Fireball bottles wash up, along with how many beachgoers are old men with hairy backs
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Lingerie company making pool floats for women with big boobs
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Fox News CEO tells producers they need to clamp down on guests who are out of their cotton-pickin' minds. Womp womp
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Walmart rolls out 3D virtual shopping experience. Think about that for a minute. Go ahead, I'll wait. Just. Let. That. Sink. In
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As California is in one of the deepest droughts in modern memory, Nestle has acquired a permit to obtain water from National Forests
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How much healthcare does $18,000 buy you in America? Just a baby bottle and a nap
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Who's up for a new data breach scandal from a company you've never heard of? Just about everyone, apparently
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Investigators have uncovered the identity of DB Cooper again
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Naked bicyclists hit the streets around the world to celebrate body image, protest cars, re-enact Queen album fold-out (NSFW pics in slideshow)
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Have you ever been so drunk that you told police you were drowning under a canoe when you were actually sitting at home? This guy has
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If you intentionally dropped off a snake at the dry cleaners, police would like a word with you
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So you've decided to set off fireworks in your trunk
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♪ Our house ♫ In the middle of the street ♬ Our house ♪
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Unique Mushroom House for sale in Northern Michigan
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Fervent conspiracy theorists may be the easiest to deradicalize says new study by Illuminati supported baby stealing organ harvesting lizard people who secretly control everything on our beautiful flat Earth
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As a service to Fark members, we present this article for you to forward to your managers and HR departments
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Under-filling pints? Ice cream for a lawsuit
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Taco Bell announces the return of Nacho Fries
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Elon Musk accused of stealing farting unicorn. Is there no depth to which he will not stoop?
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Just 23% of U.S. adults get enough exercise. Sad tag needed to stop for a breather, so Murica tag zips in on its mobility scooter
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Want the easiest route into the Guinness Book of World Records? Charge $101 for a milkshake
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This is what happens to you when you quit drinking
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Wanted fugitives in Iowa fall for the old "free concert tickets if you show up" police sting scam
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This city in Oman never had the temperature drop below 109 degrees on this day, most likely the highest minimum temperature ever recorded on Earth
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| (Some Mallrat) |
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Photoshop this empty shopping experience
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What if I told you there was a robot made of Legos that could clean up Mardi Gras debris?
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It's Sea Lice season along Florida's beaches. With helpful 'after' pic
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So how is the Air Force effort to curb sexual assault going these days? Oh boy
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Man with 149 kids sentenced to house arrest. Now THAT'S cruel
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Meghan Markle eschews protocol and strikes vulgar pose during public appearance alongside of Queen
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Wisconsin man buys a shoe camera to take upskirt videos of women. Karma laughs, takes a sip of Pabst, tells friends "I got this"
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Bad: Sitting next to someone on an airplane that has B.O. Fark: Someone on the airplane that has B.O. so bad it makes many of the folks in the cabin puke and faint and worse, it's because he had tissue necrosis and died from it
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Charlottesville driver-murderer faces 29 federal hate crime charges. With helpful photo of what this proud member of the alt-right looks like
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 686: "Midway". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 27, 2018 |
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You got a number to call for a person to fix my garage? Sure, 911
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It was a controlled burn. Until it wasn't
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Photoshop this leap of faith
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Drinking a liter of vodka plus one or two bottles of wine a day, calling 911 repeatedly about cat litter and cat food, is no way to enjoy your golden years. Drew inconsolable
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Did someone order a pizza? [moaning sounds]
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If you ate at Hardees in Charlotte, you should add a hepatitis A vaccination for dessert
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CEO Permit Patty resigns due to escalated moment
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Wisconsin authorities send out Amber Alert, want everyone to keep their eyes out for Big Lord Beefcake
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Authorities seize enough fentanyl in Columbus, Ohio, to kill half the state. So. Very. Close
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Photoshop this Hawaiian troubadour
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Winner of global teaching award spends her $1million prize on appointing artists and musicians in residence at 30 schools in disadvantaged areas
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Pennywise / Freddy Kreuger crossover fanfic cosplayer found guilty of murder, supporting Hot Topic
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Prepare for more terrible Supreme Court decisions: Anthony Kennedy announces retirement
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Drunk driving can get you in the local paper so all your friends and family can see your awesome new scar
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Boeing plans to go Mach 5. Hopes to avoid problems with Racer X
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Doctors create ESOs from LFA to complete GRS for FTM transition. Surgeon says it wasn't that hard, but it will be
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First there was BBQ Becky. Then came Permit Patty. Now let us meet Swimming Pool Stephanie
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Britain undergoing beer and cider rationing
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Just because this worked in Blazing Saddles doesn't mean it will work in the modern era
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Running on to the tarmac barefoot, wearing only underpants, and trying to beat up airplanes while talking to yourself is definitely no way to go through life son
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"Unprecedented" fire raging in northern England prompts evacuation of dozens of homes. And also, according to the pic in the article, it looks like the gates of hell have opened in the UK
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Police underdog Nacho helps sniff out $1 million worth of meth in a subwoofer box
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There's just a few weeks left for submissions for Everybody Panic: The 2018 Fark Fiction Anthology, so if you've been holding off sending in that masterpiece, well . . . don't hold off? This is your Fark Writer's Thread, holding on edition
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"Who steals a fridge and says, 'Oh, it won't fit in my car?"
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Hello Flight 1623 this is Jack in tower control. Hi, Jack
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Planters Cheez Balls are coming back after 12 years, just in time for the next Fark party. Still spelled with a 'z' for legal reasons
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Photoshop this flying screamer
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Poncho the Spanish Police Dog goes viral for showing off his CPR skills. No word on whether he prefers Stayin' Alive or Another One Bites the Dust. Welcome to your Woofday Wetnose Wednesday thread (w/video)
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"It's terror that these people are seeking to sow, in their aim of making a whole section of French culture disappear; we are trying to fight back against the terrorists," said the leader of a butcher's union about vegans
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Tour bus takes visiting foreign VIPs to great views of Yukon River valley from top of Dawson City's Midnight Dome. Aaand then it catches fire: "When it's hot, the sun's right, for lack of a better word, the air mixture is right - it does happen"
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*smoke bomb*
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If there is a God, Phoenix will never see another 122 degree day
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Two cops busted for stealing at a lie detectors convention. Maybe they should've lied their way out of it
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O-O-O-O-Oklahoma where the something something wind...something...plains
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If you work at an amusement park, then you already know you're considered part-time even though you work more than 45 hours a week, you have to point everywhere with at least two fingers, and the costumes are miserably hot
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Florida Man attempts upscale crime, steals 2 diamonds worth $170k. But he just isn't cut out for supervillainry, will have to go back to the minor leagues
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Good luck buying this Palo Alto mega-home if you're not a member of the three comma club
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Crime in Baltimore is out of control. Also that bastard stole my hat
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| Tue June 26, 2018 |
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Man escapes justice with help from an imaginary razor blade and ceiling tiles
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Nervous patients ask for dentist's dogs to sit in on their procedures. Dentist continues to have one-sided conversations with everyone in the room
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Research on how mosquitoes drink could yield new efforts to control the spread of disease, tiny bar tabs
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Gas station employee finds out too late you can't yank the keys out of a gas thief's ignition if he stole the car, too
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Bourbon warehouse collapse leaked whiskey into nearby creeks, killing hundreds of deliriously happy fish
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When condoms, kites, and birthday balloons lead to war
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Please note: if you stole a rare alligator from a pair of TV stars and set a reptile sanctuary on fire, police warn that you may be close to overdosing on Florida
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Fark NotNewsletter: Just the tips for an enjoyable summer
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New supervolcano developing under MA, VT, and NH. Don't panic, it's not set to erupt until approximately 50 million years have passed, about when Tom Brady retires
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Photoshop this wading beauty
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Texas emotional support pigeon found alive and well in Oklahoma. Apparently didn't fly United
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Council asks for help naming its bin lorries, some suggestions include: Obin-Wan Kenobin, The Ter-bin-ator and Dustbin Timberlake
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High on shrooms, naked, standing in a fire, swinging a stick at cops, and chanting in an unknown language is no way to go through life, son
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Ah, Jury Duty. Arrive early. Bring a book. Leave the meth and cocaine at home
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Texas hospital done blowed up
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A national data network was hacked in a French banking scam, involving a clever use of backspace characters. In 1834
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"Storms of the Century" rapidly becoming "Storms of This Week, possibly This Afternoon"
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Siri, what is the most historically ignorant thing Mike Pence could say while in Latin America?
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You know, you really have to pick one: 1) Hold your baby 2) participate in a street brawl. Because, when you try to do both things at once, bad things invariably happen
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Officers found marijuana, a pineapple-shaped marijuana edible, THC oil, a jar of smoked blunts, seven bags of genital-shaped, THC-laced candies and four tanks of nitrous oxide. Butler reportedly told officers the nitrous oxide was for his "artwork"
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Goochland mom shoots man who flew around the world to meet her daughter. The real question here is, how do they pronounce Goochland???
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Washington's largest psychiatric hospital loses certification, federal dollars, will be forced to change name to Arkham
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Looks like there were a lot of pickle incidents in Boston recently
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Photoshop this sisterly love, Gwich'in tribe, Arctic Village, Alaska
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2 Gay Swans, One Cup
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Firefighters lend hose to family using kitchen pots to fill pool on boy's birthday
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It makes it easier when the crabs you catch are already half-battered, tempura style
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The girlfriend in the 'Distracted Boyfriend' meme shows off her O-face in ads again and again and again and again
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You've just sold cold water on a hot day, little girl. What are you doing to do next?
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Judge says he doesn't care how much pot they found, cops can't stop and search motorists just for going 2mph under the speed limit
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Driving your car through a tree is a neat experience when you're in northern California. Northern Montana, not so much
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In a technological million-to-one shot, five police body cams all malfunction at the same time during a shooting incident
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Machete-wielding woman, 19, forced ex-boyfriend to have sex, cops say
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Woman's profanity-laden meltdown on flight has airline apologizing to everyone "who had to witness this"
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Man talks on the phone while riding on the hood of a car going 70 MPH (w/not safe for work language)
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Strrrrtlyt spotted over Wales. Ey wnttybyllyv (possible nsfw content on page)
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Not only can you get a free trip to the K-hole courtesy of Minneapolis police, but you get enrolled in a medical study of its effects without consent
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The dog refused the breathalizer
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4 things to know about the Nathan's Fourth of July hot dog eating contest, including the record to break
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If you're going to use a ship to smuggle a hundred million dollars of drugs, you may want to avoid calling your boat something obvious, like Mega Profit II
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Last Tuesday's headline: "You may soon be forced to drink beer out of a bottle from now on." This Tuesday: "Are beer bottles an endangered species?"
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Gotta admit, calliope player aboard a New Orleans steamboat sounds like a pretty cool job
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♫ All my tomodachi know the low rider...The low rider is a little higher ♫
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Kids say daycare put them in "the dark room"
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Photoshop what could have possibly have caused this mess
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If you embezzle your employer out of US$490,000, do you invest the money in (c) pedigree kittens
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All aboard the bondage boat. 'Come' aboard the world's biggest bondage and fetish boat orgy where hundreds of leather lovers romp the night away in Germany (NSFW)
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K-9 helps cops find $10 million worth of pot. With pic of K-9 in a room of OMG that's a lot of pot
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Guess which university just had an employee caught videotaping men in bathroom. Go ahead. Guess
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Cocaine Mr Big is now poke man on Northern Ireland beach, selling iced sweets out of Sambo Mr Whippy van
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"This is what my six year-old and I endured in family detention. My son remembers it for what it was: a prison"
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Oh goody: Another SJW restaurant throws out someone just because they don't like his politics. ***clicks link*** CROM'S CRUNCHY CROTCH CROUTONS
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Construction worker dies in jobsite accident. Fark: Boss tries to hide body from cops
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Today I learned that 86F is "blowtorch" temperature to some Scots
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FDA approves cannabis based medication
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A $185 steak sandwich can be yours, it can be found on Wall Street. Difficulty: You need to make Wall Street money
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The Good Ship Norovirus will be returning to Seattle soon
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Gilligan has not aged well (NSFWish)
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In an effort to boost sales, Starbucks stages iguana fights in the parking lot
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| Mon June 25, 2018 |
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Lawnmower man makes Utah the 34th stop on his 50-state grass-cutting trek. Almost there
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If I had a boat, I'd go out on the ocean. And if I had a gator, he'd ride under the trailer. And we would all together roll around in the parking lot, me and the sheriff and my gator
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It sucks trying to still recover after being stabbed 14 times because company policy only allowed one meat per nacho order
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Ugly-ass all-weather Bactrian camel born at Toledo Zoo
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After 25 years the real tale of Lorena Bobbitt is being told - a story that cuts both ways
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"Surrarnaqtuq" - English translation: "Dave's not here"
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The next time you think "What would Jesus do?" remember that running around drunk and naked, pouring gasoline everywhere, and then trying to steal a car before flailing around in the grass is in the realm of possibilities
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"The Llama is only a handy animal and is not an elephant," explains farmer who also has a new theory on the brontosaurus
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Photoshop this copycat
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On their birthday, the orangutan got pink and purple streamers, while the llama got a cake
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While the DJ and the Mrs are off celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary, Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) will bring you a "tripleheader". Start off with some selected love songs, then selections from two charts from 6/25/83, Billboard & Dr Demento
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Waitress tells man he was too drunk for another drink. He decides to prove her point
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Come for the story of a man arrested twice for DUI in less than 24 hours, stay for the priceless mugshot
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Your craziest story of banging on a futon pales in comparison to this Indiana kid's
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Teens who mocked drowning man get off scot-free under the legal concept of "It's Florida"
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Viral baby moose now in Maine wildlife park. German Shepherd inconsolable
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Summer is here and California is on fire once again
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DeLand City Hall closed due to DeLightning Strike
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Kind teen helps deaf and blind man on flight. No word if she picked up mean pinball skills in exchange
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Two Mexican dogs in the house | Two Mexican dogs | You don't get them fixed and they do their trick | Eighty-two Mexican dogs in the house
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Photoshop this SQUEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee
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If you ask your teenage son to cut the grass, expect penises
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There's nothing quite so peaceful as floating away in a hot air balloon, up with the clouds, the birds, the power lines, the blazing fire, and the screams
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SCOTUS declines to hear 'Making a Murderer' case, leaving Brendan in jail on his DASSey
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Scientists show the damage a single feral cat can do, by displaying all the animals the cat ate in a single day. Remorseless Killing Machine doesn't even begin to describe it. (NSFL - Free cat picture)
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Dear Arizona, The drought is real. Get your heads out of your asses and figure something out. Signed, the rest of the Colorado River states
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Genetically engineered grass is creeping across Oregon. Stephen King surrenders his broken meteor
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American woman flies 4,000 miles to UK just to tag friend, then run away and fly back to America. Wait until she finds out later that her friend had his fingers crossed
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Tired of being run over by ships in Alaska, whales start striking back
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Brave 16-year-old girl prevents car from sliding further down embankment after drunk backs too far out of driveway
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Aircraft makes illegal beach landing and pilot evades local authorities on foot. Authorities express concern that this could lead to another useless side plot in the next Star Wars movie
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24-ounce can of Steel Reserve helps lead police to a suspected killer. Is there anything a 24-ounce can of Steel Reserve cannot do?
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*Clicks link about people shot at a retirement home in California* "Look at that video of a bear escaping a car"
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Because he has Tender Heart, man proposes to Lady at Lionel Richie concert. Their Endless Love will last All Night Long and involve Dancing on the Ceiling. No doubt she'll yell "Do It to Me" on wedding night
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If they're truly real life vampire king and queen, then how could The Sun be there? (possible nsfw content on page)
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Denver-bound flight rerouted to Albuquerque due to effects of atmospheric change on stomachs containing Taco Bell
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