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Sun April 15, 2018
(Metro)
 
 
 
"Do you have an inventory of what was stolen madam?"..."Yes I do."... "Well, we're a bit busy, so could you check on eBay?"
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Missoulian)
 
 
 
Home invasion by armed men turns out to be bounty hunters looking for $115
source: missoulian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this shipwreck
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hollywood Reporter)
 
 
 
R. Lee Ermey dead at 74, presumably of a major malfunction
source: hollywoodreporter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US News)
 
 
 
Blake lost control after doing a wheelie, in which a cyclist increases torque to the rear wheel while pulling up on the front of bike, causing the front wheel to come off the ground and leaving the bike balanced only on the rear wheel
source: usnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
The future of water shortages. Hint: If you haven't watched "Ice Pirates," you may want to
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
If you're a teacher who cannot read or right, are you even a teacher?
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Barbara Bush is seriously ill with lung disease and heart failure, decides to leave hospital to be at home as she refuses more medical treatment
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these skiers, er firemen, um firemen skiers
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Centers for Disease Control)
 
 
 
April is STD awareness month. Not like any of you have to worry about that though. Just be aware. If anyone comes to your basement and asks you about it make sure you know that April is STD awareness month
source: cdc.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Sub banned for hitting first graders. Sounds more dom to me
source: philadelphia.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
What really sucks about the world coming to a cataclysmic end a week from tomorrow is that the IRS won't accept that as an excuse to file your taxes late. Bunch of soulless bureaucrats, I tell ya
source: news.nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Pasta? You're cooking it wrong. Che sei grullo?
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Teens are obsessed with ____________ and it's driving ____________ crazy. Sure, this story is about Fortnite and school teachers, but the headline template has been around since pretty much the dawn of civilization
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Times of India)
 
 
 
Anyone up for a friendly Mediterranean diet thread on a Sunday? Bonus: it now helps to combat liver cirrhosis, so it's got that going for it, which is nice
source: economictimes.indiatimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Midwest kills three after failing to break wind
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
You find explicit messages on your daughter's Instagram, but the cops won't help. Do you A) Block him, B) Close the account, or C) Set up a Chris Hanson-style sting using your daughter as bait then zip tie and beat the guy while recording it on your phone?
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Belt Magazine)
 
 
 
"Make no mistake. If there is a legal challenge, you will lose. You will not be able to take these people's homes"
source: beltmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Apparently having the fire alarm go off at your kinky BDSM club on a busy night will leave you in the street with nothing but "jockstraps, harnesses, rubber and footie kits"
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Adventures in dealing with customer service
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this um, cow?
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Philadelphia police chief says his officers were justified in arresting the black men who weren't doing anything illegal inside Starbucks
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chattanooga Times Free Press)
 
 
 
A fat guy starts riding a bike and loses weight. This is what passes for front page news in Chattanooga
source: timesfreepress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Bad eggs in the news. No, not those. Nope, not those either. No, no, no, and no. Look, stop guessing and go read the article
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVU Bay Area News)
 
 
 
You know you are having a bad day when you are riding your bike and get hit by a car, and then the ambulance taking you to the hospital crashes into another car, requiring 3 more ambulances to be dispatched. Xzibit nods with approval
source: ktvu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
NO U, comrade
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
Secret camera captures random people on the street playing hopscotch, and it's delightful
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVB Boise)
 
 
 
Explosive marijuana claims another victim
source: ktvb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Indy100)
 
 
 
Twelve things you might want to delete from your Facebook page. Besides crazy Uncle Lester who still has Facebook?
source: indy100.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Blurred Lines, but with only one boob
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 14, 2018
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Opus denies all the stories from Bill the Cat's new ghostwritten tell-all book
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
DC Metro authorities want you to know that the naked man on a train they had to taze and a knife-wielding man's attempt to steal a bus are unrelated anomalies
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Florida woman allowed 2-year-old to smoke meth, roll marijuana joints which is totally fake news because no one has ever learned to roll a good joint in less than 2 years
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Pro tip: An important rule in any robbery is to always know where you'll put the money - and this is critical - PRIOR to making your getaway. A good choice is to bring along a bag or other secure container - especially if it happens to be a windy day
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop Challenge; Show us your favorite weekend activity
source: goguru.com.sg   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Ugly ass polar bear cub makes debut at German zoo. With ugly ass pictures
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KRQE News)
 
 
 
If you turn left at Albuquerque, they're hiring rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits.. but not people with kids
source: krqe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
A version of Typhoid that is resistant to all oral antibiotics save one is spreading in Pakistan. Doctors advise that we can either start taking antibiotic resistance seriously or get ready for a thinning of the herd
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Mate, go to a hospital before your head explodes
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this list
source: farm8.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Centre Daily Times)
 
 
 
Doughnut beer, because there aren't enough ridiculous brews out there already
source: centredaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Man in Tesco parking lot attacked by axe-wielding maniac. That body spray is dangerous stuff
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
On this day in 1912, Titanic passengers dine on roast beef, iceberg lettuce, saltwater taffy
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The News & Observer (NC))
 
 
 
Phase one: skip school. Phase two: parents go to jail because you skipped school. Phase 3: no more pesky parents telling you to go to school. North Carolina: "oops"
source: newsobserver.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
You're probably using your phone on the throne right now, go on keep reading and feel no shame
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Elizabeth, I'm comin' to join ya, honey ...in 23 hours
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Amazon)
 
 
 
The Saturday Morning Book Club is back with a simple theme: tell us what you are currently reading (and what you think of it)
source: amazon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
Bananas, Crackers, and Nuts
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Looks like there was such a thing as a 'killer clown'
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hawaii News Now)
 
 
 
Mermaid looks for a little tail
source: hawaiinewsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Do You Remember)
 
 
 
The worst fashion mistakes of the 1980s. We're looking at you, acid wash, neon, and shoulder pads
source: doyouremember.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Photoshop this intense maestro
source: static01.nyt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Smoking bans are a "war on the working class"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Troy Police Dept. welcomes the first member of its new Feline Unit. The new officer will be named via a contest with kids at Troy Public Schools, with Twitter users voting on the 4 finalists. Stay tuned for the 'Catty McCatface' thread on Caturday
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 3 Las Vegas)
 
 
 
Ask not for whom the Art Bell tolls, it tolls for d-e-a-d
source: news3lv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Go be black somewhere else
source: philadelphia.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Grand Rapids weatherman finally gets fed up with Michigan's winter. And with the people who complain to him about it
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Remember the dumbass who threw a box of homemade fire starters in his barbecue? He's been officially demoted from Dumbass to Crispy Flame-Broiled Dumbass (photos not safe for lunch)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Victoria Times Colonist)
 
 
 
From a long nap to a dirt nap
source: timescolonist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Huge blue penis sets tongues wagging in Sweden. (not safe for work)
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Trash panda knocks out power to 40,000 Tennesseans. The ghost of Davy Crockett's hat approves
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WBAY Green Bay)
 
 
 
Here, I have a bridge to sell you. No, I really do have a piece of bridge to sell you
source: wbay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 13, 2018
(McClatchy DC)
 
 
 
Cohen: I was never in Prague in 2016. Mueller: You sure about that?
source: mcclatchydc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Eater)
 
 
 
A pickup truck crashed into a Portland strip club. Along with a ticket from police, the driver still had to pay the cover and two drink minimum
source: pdx.eater.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Trump orders missile strikes on Syria in response to confirmation of Pee Tape
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Gas)
 
 
 
Photoshop this gassy landscape
source: img.4plebs.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Caption this private moment
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
News: Suspected white supremacist blows himself up making ISIS style bombs in Wisconsin. Fark: He had so many explosives in his apartment firefighters decided it was safer to just let the entire 16 unit building burn down
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Man "rescued" after a night locked inside a bar. Wow, Drew is looking pretty good for his age
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Seattle Times)
 
 
 
Look, I'm glad we legalized pot in Seattle, but erecting statues is taking it a little far
source: seattletimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News On 6 Tulsa)
 
 
 
If you're an escaped con who has been on the lam for decades and your mother dies, maybe it isn't the brightest idea to include your alias and location in her obituary
source: newson6.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Man who just moved to New Jersey 10 months ago wins $533 million record lotto jackpot, largest ever in New Jersey. Still lives in New Jersey
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this "SQUEEEEEEE"
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
1 killed, 3 wounded in Riverdale shooting. South Side Serpents suspected in slaying
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Governor denies involvement in case of mummified monkey found in air ducts of department store where he worked in the 1960s
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
My name is Biff and I'll be your server. Tonight's special is something vinagrette and the nachos are like really good. Really
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox2 Detroit)
 
 
 
You mean I can't fire a shotgun at a child who rang my doorbell to ask for directions for school?
source: fox2detroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KREM Spokane)
 
 
 
Spokane homeowner's son unleashes the heavy guns on burglar. Oh wait, I mean buns, he unleashes the heavy buns
source: krem.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Motorcyclist in Florida crash shot by own gun. But at least he was wearing a helmet
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Apparently you can't sell beer on eBay
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Things to do in Hawaii: visit Waikiki, surf Kona, have rat lungworms invade your spinal cord
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
Fast Food Brawl Week continues with this video of a McDonald's employee with a backslap that would make Ric Flair proud WOOOO
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Gigg-ity (possibly NSFW)
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ESPN)
 
 
 
If you are going to wear "America 1st" boxing shorts against a Mexican opponent try not to lose in the sixth round by TKO
source: espn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Indy100)
 
 
 
With no other major stories going on today, news outlets ask the hard hitting question: "Why is the Coke Zero Twitter account locked?"
source: indy100.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Today's elementary school teacher showing nude photo to class on projector comes to you from Kansas City
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Psssst.... let's not give Syria or Russia a heads up, but here are the eight targets in Syria that the US and their allies will bomb to smithereens for the chemical weapons attack
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deviant Art)
 
 
 
Photoshop this man looking on
source: img00.deviantart.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
If your 4-year-old comes home with three missing teeth from a fight at daycare, it's time to find a new daycare
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
Teacher draws amazing pictures on her white board every day to get kids interested in learning, and holy fark is she good
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
No probation for you
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Judge recorded insulting and deriding defendants who he then sentenced to life in prison. Just a little MST3K treatment eh, Judge? What's the big deal?
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
That one glass of wine per day that was good for you, then bad for you, then good for you again will now kill you in your sleep
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Government Technology)
 
 
 
Researchers say older U.S. emergency alert systems may not be secure. Hawaii residents: "Tell us about it"
source: govtech.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News West 9)
 
 
 
Texas burglar steals everything needed for an old school gangsta rap video
source: newswest9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Looks like residents are going to end up full of lead no matter how few guns Chicago has
source: www-m.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Life imitates "The Terminal" for this Syrian refugee
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 46 Charlotte)
 
 
 
If you don't like the service, you can always try the drive-thru. Unless they cut you off at a bar, then you'll just end up on Fark
source: fox46charlotte.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gwinnett Daily Post)
 
 
 
High school wrestling coach fired after admitting to wrestling with self on campus
source: gwinnettdailypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Ok, so who broke the first rule about substitute teacher fight club?
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Florida Today)
 
 
 
One of the worst states for millennials. By millennials they must mean everyone
source: floridatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 12, 2018
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If your fire is already burning, you don't need to use a fire starter. And it's a really bad idea to throw a whole box of fire starters on your fire. With video goodness
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Variety)
 
 
 
Five arrested after throwing Easter rave in abandoned Toys R Us, which surprisingly isn't the plot to the next Seth Rogen movie
source: variety.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hudson Valley Post)
 
 
 
Dime-a-dozen: crazy cat ladies. Farkworthy: crazy gerbil ladies
source: hudsonvalleypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Man kills his daughter, his son, his grandson, and his father in law, yet only leaves three bodies. If you can do the math on that, you'd wish you hadn't
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Trump wants to get some pardon practice in, decides to take a Scooter for a spin
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this murder kitty
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Japan: "We've located a massive trove of rare earth materials underneath our waters" China: "Chinese resources detected. Prepare for Liberation"
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(10 News)
 
 
 
Turns out that it's illegal to create your own parking spaces on the street. Who knew?
source: 10news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bon Appetit)
 
 
 
Fark Food Thread: Plating pretty food has long been the rage, but now comes the rise of ugly food that's awesome. So, what's your favorite dish to make that won't be winning any beauty contests?
source: bonappetit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Splinter News)
 
 
 
Today's geography fail is brought to you by CBS Evening News
source: splinternews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Florida Today)
 
 
 
Florida Man quiz: Walmart doesn't have your meds. Do you? A) Head down to the beer aisle and get drunk in the cooler B) Yell at the pharmacist since you got all dressed up C) Threaten to blow up, shoot, and kill hundreds of people
source: floridatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this crowd
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
Fife police on lookout for robbery suspect, quietly loading their one bullet into each of their guns
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(HelenaIR.com)
 
 
 
Man accused of stealing running car from outside grocery, impersonating Grumpy Cat
source: helenair.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man discovers that it is indeed true. Crocodiles can't climb trees. Tune in next week for the next episode of "realities that really don't need further testing"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Woman offers her 2003 Honda Accord for all of the remaining Necco stock. Well in fairness they both taste about the same
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Ack, ack... Ack, ack, ack... Ack, ACK, ACK, ack
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Christian Post)
 
 
 
The Christian Bestseller "The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven" has a sequel: "The Boy Who Sued A Publishing Company For Keeping All The Profits The Other Book Made, Which Was All Made Up Anyway"
source: christianpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
Burger of the month is crunchy on the outside, creamy in the middle, with a slight bite
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Los Angeles 2)
 
 
 
California a step closer to splitting into three pieces (with maybe one part falling into the ocean) as billionaire gets enough signatures to trigger vote
source: losangeles.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
The number one thing killing Floridians is smoking, rather than Florida Man as one might expect
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABL13 Houston)
 
 
 
If you don't like meat but enjoy hurting animals, White Castle has a new product for you
source: abc13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Elderly El Paso couple want killer bees removed from their home. "They don't pay rent." "Last year, they weren't quite as aggressive as they are this year"
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
New laws may prevent passengers from drinking their own booze during flights, even if there's a screaming 4-year-old on board
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
"Tiger" running amok in Manhattan sparks brief frenzy. Turns out to be a raccoon. Easily confused
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Chinese police use facial recognition technology to pick out suspect in crowd and arrest him. Difficulty: 60,000-strong concert crowd
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
If you're going to break into a police station and crap on the front desk, wearing the police hat you stole might just give you away
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Stopped train at station with randy couple on board having a sex romp get cheers from passengers on platform
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 4 KC)
 
 
 
"Police recover stolen BBQ pit while dodging gunfire on city's east side" is the most Kansas City headline ever
source: fox4kc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Heinz is creating "Mayochup," and it sounds an awful lot like Utah fry sauce. "As a white, middle-class male raised in Utah, this might be my only chance ever to be on the business end of cultural appropriation. I CHOOSE TO BE FULLY AGGRIEVED"
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSBTV)
 
 
 
Ain't nothing like a Chik-Fil-A drive thru fight because a Chik-Fil-A drive thru fight ain't over until a gun gets drawn
source: wsbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Batman avoids jail time because he smoked too much pot. Holy BS excuse, Batman
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth)
 
 
 
20-year Texas pediatrician suspended for yelling "Satan" at patients, announcing he is late because of sex with his fiancee, rolling around the hallway with a dog, smacking a coworker's butt, kissing a coworker, and stating he is now single. Ta-da
source: dfw.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this act of kindness
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
Weeners
 
Naked man assaults riders on a DC Metro train after doing "naked calisthenics" on the platform
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Coleridge's remains discovered in a wine cellar. Where he lies as idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
What? Should we have taken our uniforms off first?
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oddity Central)
 
 
 
Want to buy a raffle ticket on a new 2018 car? One problem - If you win you can't have it until 2068
source: odditycentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
No one speaks for me. You go girl
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Quebecois warned -- you are not from Florida, try to avoid taking selfies with the coyotes
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(HelenaIR.com)
 
 
 
One moment you're asleep, the next you're in a snowbank and your trailer is in a million pieces
source: helenair.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kansas City)
 
 
 
When you're getting away with murder, it's a good idea not to record yourself confessing to it
source: kansascity.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
College student shows her midriff, tacky t-shirt and firearm in graduation photo
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFLA Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Remember, if you have an extra baby you don't need, just return the kid to your local "baby box." Much easier than getting refunds from condom vending machines for defective products
source: wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Self-service gas stations experiment with valets who pump gas, take payment, and wash your windows. Not a repeat from 1955
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 675: "Dogs vs Cats". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 11, 2018
(The Town Talk)
 
 
 
"Sure is great to be out of jail. I know a deputy is coming to give me a ride home, but I'm tired of waiting. Hey, look. A bike"
source: thetowntalk.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Let your 4-year-old eat a PB&J in a shopping cart? Be prepared to be branded a monster by the mommy brigade
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
Alabama evangelist and Fox News contributor Acton Bowen actin' guilty, jailed on child sex charges involving young boy
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Weather hampers search for German billionaire CEO missing in the Alps. Do you see what happens, Larry?
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
A 45-year-old cocktail that you can drink all night and still keep on your toes
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Photoshop this mystical model
source: img.huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
257 dead after Algerian military plane crashes. There are no words
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Man fired from job at a Kentucky F%$#d Chicken because he cussed too f%$ing much denied f*&ing unemployment compensation
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Judge: Where's the missing half ton of marijuana? Police: Uh, mice must have eaten it. Yeah, mice... that's the ticket
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(South Bend Tribune)
 
 
 
"Initially, Block denied the allegations. But when shown 150 pieces of the recovered mail, he stated 'looks like I'm going to jail,' court records say"
source: southbendtribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this bright mushroom
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
You're naked and need help with the sex toy stuck in your backside. Naturally, your best course of action is to head to the nearest gas station (possible NSFW content on page)
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
A lot of Farkers are known to love their hooch, but stay away from the tainted bootleg liquor
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DHS)
 
 
 
Jamaican passenger arrested at NY airport after customs discovers her duty-free Bailey's Irish Cream to actually be 6lbs of Jose's Bolivian Dream
source: cbp.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WWL)
 
 
 
Louisiana law to ban sex with animals wins Senate vote 25 - 10. Let that sink in for a moment
source: wwl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 61 Connecticut)
 
 
 
You can now order pajamas with your pet's face on them, which will really confuse your dog when it jumps in bed with you
source: fox61.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Pope Francis says Fake News is a product of Hell, which apparently is back to existing
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlas Obscura)
 
 
 
Farker who disappeared in 2002 seems to have reappeared on I-270 in Missouri some 10 years later
source: atlasobscura.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Federal authorities in Atlanta said they seized 500 pounds of meth concealed inside wax Disney character figurines which may explain Donald Duck's anger issues
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
Dog imitates Far Side cartoon
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tampa Bay Online)
 
 
 
In the 1960s, a monkey escaped from an eighth-floor pet store of the century-old Dayton's department store in downtown Minneapolis into the air conditioning ductwork. He made it as far as the seventh floor
source: tbo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Cruise ship? Ah, just park it anywhere
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
For you Yanks out there, imagine if your street was named Dumb Fark Lane. And then imagine that the city council refused to change it because of the "history" involved
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Deportation or admit in open court that your manhood really is just a quarter-inch killer? Decisions, decisions, decisions
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fortune)
 
 
 
Chad removed from Trump's travel ban. No word about Brock, Hunter, or Bryce
source: fortune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Somewhere in Pennsylvania, a tiny bat salesman is laughing
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Real Clear Science)
 
 
 
And now you know what the ancient Romans did without toilet paper. Ewwwwwwwwww
source: realclearscience.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Photoshop these costumed protesters
source: cdn.theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"Who's a good dog? Who is? *You* are." It's your Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
Boobies
 
"To fight revenge porn, I had to copyright my breasts"
source: money.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
National Beer Day was last week. As was School Librarian Day, Tell a Lie Day, and National Rat Day. Today is National Siblings Day, so grab your brother or sister and take the Weekly Weird News Quiz, April 1-7 Silly Holiday Edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Judge dismisses case under the ancient legal maxim of 'he who smelt it, dealt it'
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Yo dawg, we heard you wanted to fix it and didn't care that the warranty was void if the sticker was removed, so we fixed it by voiding the rule about warranty-voiding stickers, so you can fix it without voiding the warranty, dawg
source: motherboard.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9News (Australia))
 
 
 
Man brings a chainsaw to a road rage fight and then it gets all Australia
source: 9news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Chicago)
 
 
 
Officer who was fired after dragging United passenger off plane is suing because he's the real victim here
source: abc7chicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Fertility doctor apparently is good at his job
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Michael Cohen denounces jackbooted FBI thugs as "respectful" and "courteous" agents who knocked on the door instead of storming the office
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
California Sheriff: It's cheaper just to go out and kill anyone who may be a suspect
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRCB)
 
 
 
You don't expect your box of diapers to be talking shiat
source: wrcbtv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Anchors on Fox 5 DC have come under fire after they called an African American Houston teenager who was accepted to 20 different colleges "obnoxious," saying that he was depriving other hard-working students of spots at the schools
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Craft bourbon distillers are preparing for a bust and diversifying their product lines on news that nobody actually likes bourbon except hipsters who are on the verge of declaring it too mainstream now
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Ken Ham can't find enough creationist workers, so he's loosening restrictions on who he will employ at his museum
source: patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Defense attorney: She wasn't murdered, it was death by snu-snu
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
Dad stunned to find out his teenage boy paid $480 for one hour with a blond Scottish prostitute
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 10, 2018
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Scientists have figured out an infectious protein is behind Alzheimer's and replacing it with a kinder one can reverse the damage. I would repeat this headline, but I don't need to anymore
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Apparently besides letting drunken tourists ride buffaloes naked in the Philippines, the government also isn't fond of you advertising 'DRUGS, SEX, BEER, RUM, COKE' at your backpacker bar either
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
If you want to abandon a bike, do it on shore where you'll be ignored by the police rather than on a ferry where the coasties will go looking for a man overboard
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Man selling WWII dog tags on eBay that have blood, fire and fuel stains on the metal forgets to tell his buyers one important detail in his sales pitches: that they were stolen from the National Archives
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
Squirrels put more thought than you into fiddling with their nuts
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KIRO-7 Seattle)
 
 
 
"A man armed with three axes and a knife destroyed a motel room, threatened to kill police officers and others and caused a standoff with police Tuesday." Nice try, liked the stripping, but your Florida Man application has been denied
source: kiro7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Dr. John Plunkett died this week. He spent nearly 20 years arguing in court against bad forensic science, for which he was maliciously prosecuted and received false ethics complaints. Through his efforts, 300 innocent people were exonerated
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: A Special Farking Day
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News4Jax)
 
 
 
Even with Castle Doctrine, self-defense, stand-your-ground on your side, it's unlawful to run out of your house in middle of the night, fire off warning shot, because you think somebody's on your property. You shoot to kill
source: news4jax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wordpress)
 
 
 
Photoshop this hard working man
source: photosfine.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Life expectancy varies greatly among states. Tl;dr: Red bad, blue good
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Target shoplifter walks off with a security system. Police have narrowed suspects to those that had rain on their wedding day
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
Weeners
 
Fark-ready headline: Religious leader called Penis Baba 'pulls car 100ft using only his MANHOOD' while stunned crowds watch
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Juneau Empire)
 
 
 
How hardcore is Alaska? Even the trees will shoot you
source: juneauempire.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
Your friend used an app on Facebook - and you won't believe what happened next
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AccuWeather)
 
 
 
After a cold start to April, many in the eastern United States may have temperatures in the 80s by the weekend. Subby is so excited spring is here that he wet his plants
source: accuweather.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Eyebrows help you communicate, express sympathy and acknowledgement. In related news, Anthony Davis declared the most in touch guy in existence
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP News)
 
 
 
A Federal Judge ruled that just because a McDonald's "value meal" costs more than purchasing each item individually, does not mean they were trying to mislead
source: apnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
European Commission raids British headquarters of Rupert Murdoch's 21st Century Fox
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Run of the mill sex robots are so yesterday. Today it's all about transgender sex robots for curious couples experimenting with his and hers sexy parts
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Up North Live)
 
 
 
Some folks need a hobby when they retire. This guy found one
source: upnorthlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop something tastier in this bowl
source: thestrengthdoc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
Instagram works to crack down on drug sales using hashtags. Heh, hash-tags
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
People's Liberation Army Navy: Hey, we're really getting the hang of this "aircraft carrier" thing. U.S. Navy: Hold my beer
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Drunk granddad breaks into Mexican dance routine with sombrero after a few 'Sunday beers', leaves tourists bemused
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
I don't know what the bigger story is here; A new type of chocolate that has been invented or the fact that Kit-Kats will now be available in Pink Panther form
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Chip shop in the UK launches a belly-busting box with pizza, kebab, chicken nuggets and onion rings that is such a belly-buster they've even got fat Americans placing orders for it
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 17 Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
Are dirty pet toys making your dog sick? Article implies there's such a thing as clean dog toys
source: fox17online.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reno Gazette-Journal)
 
 
 
Area with local economy totally dependent on tourism enacts regulations with hefty fines in an effort to discourage people from renting vacation homes
source: rgj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Possibly the first article in 170 years to use both "Necco wafers" and "panic buying"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Rudy Giuliani's divorce, defensive termites, and where you can still buy ivory in the UK. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-04-01 to Sat 2018-04-07
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Woman checks out of rehab. Is immediately charged with stealing pickup, leading police on high-speed chase, stealing David Allen Coe lyrics
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
You're going straight to hell - reason #573
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Scientific American)
 
 
 
The number of Americans who are godless heathens is rising
source: scientificamerican.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Scottish Sun)
 
 
 
Awkward is finding a 'homemade' 'Dad's Army-themed' sex tape made by your nan and grandad based on the famous BBC show
source: thescottishsun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
Video
 
So a man walks into a bar
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Man charged with breaking into cars, impersonating Johnny Cash AND Peter Stormare
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Page Six)
 
 
 
"I was in a sex cult before it was cool. You've probably never heard of it"
source: pagesix.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this lonely painter
source: d6d2h4gfvy8t8.cloudfront.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFSB Connecticut)
 
 
 
New Shoreham, Rhode Island bans balloons, Will fine violators $200. Town confident no one will drive into town with them now. Oh, and a happy birthday to all you kids stuck there
source: wfsb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deadspin)
 
 
 
Milwaukee reporter arrested for punching out another reporter over a third one
source: deadspin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
I scream, you scream, we all scream because a boy is pointing a gun at the ice cream truck driver
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Stop trying to make "fetch" happen. It's... Oh. What? It's a musical? Wow, Damien, you've truly out-gayed yourself
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Burning Guy)
 
 
 
Burning Man founder Larry Harvey suffers massive stroke, unfortunately not from a stoned hippie chick
source: journal.burningman.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Japan Today)
 
 
 
Japan's persecuted Christians to be memorialized in Nagasaki church. America's persecuted Christians, in contrast, are free to flood TV, radio, and Internet with concerns about atheism, sharia law, and Hollywood Jews
source: japantoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
If you're a teacher participating in a statewide teacher walkout, you're not helping the cause if you use the time to have sex with a student
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
DiBlasio aide busted on illegal gun charge
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
He's living for giving the Devil his due, and he's Poping, he's Poping, he's Poping for you
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
"Well, that would explain the buzzing in my ear" (possibly NSFW)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Medical News Today)
 
 
 
Want less stress? Delete Facebook
source: medicalnewstoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
♫ Drugs... Exciting to do / But the cops... Were expecting you / The Drug Boat... Soon will be making another run / The Drug Boat... Next time try coke balloons up your bum... ♫
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Turns out eating the world's hottest pepper might have some negative side effects
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The State)
 
 
 
A home invader breaks into a house and steals 2 chicken nuggets
source: thestate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
911: What's your emergency? Caller: I lost my money at the casino
source: recorder.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Texture of a steak is wrong: That's a stabbin'
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newsweek)
 
 
 
Woman accused of decapitation tells officers "Let me get my heads"
source: newsweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Duck! Duck! Goose!
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
They unfark you at the drive thru
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 09, 2018
(BBC)
 
 
 
New York judge orders arrest of FARC leader. It's been nice knowing you
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Los Angeles Magazine)
 
 
 
L.A.'s Reef Hotel celebrating Cali's 1st legal 4/20 with a tribute to Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, unlimited Chicken Nuggets & Tater Tots on a "Munchie Mountain" & "Hot Box Maze". This should end well
source: lamag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Scene)
 
 
 
$100 bills rain from dumbass's passenger window in Cleveland. Other motorists stop to gather up handfuls of money, octupling their annual salaries
source: clevescene.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WikiHow)
 
 
 
Photoshop this illustrated attitude
source: wikihow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Tonight's Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EDT) brings you 2 hours of songs the DJ added to his library in April. Yeah, sorta like two weeks ago, but this is April. A little more emphasis on comedy tonight than the last few weeks
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Splinter News)
 
 
 
Article on how to pay for real news. Or you just sign up for TotalFark and ascend to the Olympus of the news gods...because the path to information enlightenment goes through the squirrel's nutsack
source: splinternews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Live Science)
 
 
 
There is a whole *lot* of sperm on the International Space Station. So, that's what that vacuum hose if for. Got ya
source: livescience.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Traveling community attacked by katana-wielding a) criminal, b) cosplayer, c) drunk mayor
source: thelocal.fr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Daily News)
 
 
 
"Hello LA Fire Department? I'm stuck to a park bench. I'm so very scared"
source: dailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Action News Jacksonville)
 
 
 
Road Rage score: Mazda 3 hatchback 48, crotch rocket 3
source: actionnewsjax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
"Ma'am, 911 does not handle spiders. And before you ask, we don't have a flamethrower either"
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
NewsFlash
 
If you had Michael Cohen as the next in Trump's circle to have offices raided, come own down and claim your prize, which originated with questionable sources and was routed through an LLC, and only after you've signed an NDA
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this nice day for a white weasel
source: c1.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 2 St. Louis)
 
 
 
If you're helping your friend search for her lost dog, don't leave your keys in the car
source: fox2now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL Sportsfan)
 
 
 
Hi, this is the Ministry of Justice and we've got good news for you, your son wasn't killed in a bus accident. Now please excuse us, we have another phone call to make
source: wralsportsfan.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Upstate New York police department fed up with lingering cold weather, places winter under arrest and tosses it in cooler
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Prince Charles has admitted he may never fit into a pair of "budgie smugglers" again as he approaches his 70th birthday. God save the eye bleach
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Near tragedy as topless student bus returning from spring break involved in accident
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Al Jazeera)
 
 
 
Should we be worried about killer robots? Or should we simply embrace the terrible secret of space?
source: aljazeera.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Equestria Daily)
 
 
 
It's like gifting someone TotalFark. But with ponies
source: equestriadaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lowering the Bar)
 
 
 
"I had no idea that the state bar suspended me 7 years ago." "Did you not notice that no one cared when you didn't pay dues for the last 7 years?" "No. I mean, I haven't paid dues since 2001, so how would I notice?"
source: loweringthebar.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Fark-ready headline: Man denies shooting off own testicle with sawed-off shotgun
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
"Thousands of people have been fined in the months since VA, for the first time, imposed penalties on people who drive too slowly in the left lane." *insert grumpycat.gif* Now make the second offense mandatory jail time and we're getting somewhere
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bradenton Herald)
 
 
 
Teacher: Hey, Dean, what do you think about this girl's nipples? Are they too erect through her shirt? School Dean: Hm. Those are pretty erect nipples. Hey, nurse, what do you think of these nipples? Nurse: Wow. Here, let me cover them with bandaids
source: bradenton.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Virginian-Pilot)
 
 
 
Farmers unimpressed by cattle-watching AI, say they can look at cows just fine without computer help
source: pilotonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(13 News Now)
 
 
 
Every good cook has one recipe that just blows everyone away. It doesn't typically take out the garage and melt siding on the house, though
source: 13newsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Extreme grooming you wouldn't wish on a dog
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun (Ireland))
 
 
 
Reason number 1 why you don't try to carry a wife in a UK "Wife Carrying Competition." You WILL regret it for the rest of your married life
source: thesun.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Topless protester charges toward Bill Cosby at start of sex assault retrial
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Nova Scotia man spending year dead for tax reasons
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
What happens when an EF3 tornado rips across a college campus full of security cameras
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
Dozens of workers demolishing a plutonium processing plant from the 1940s have glowing safety records
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this room with a lot of views
source: c1.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNO)
 
 
 
Man caught using fake $100 bills at Burlington Coat Factory was just in desperate need of some earmuffs according to his mugshot
source: wgno.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Q13 Fox)
 
 
 
'New level of stupid' leads to $200 fine per carrot thrown at alligator. Wait, what?
source: q13fox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Someone toilet papers police chief's truck. Department has a good laugh in their press release
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Alert)
 
 
 
Which sleeping position you choose determines whether or not you'll feel rested according to the Institute of First World Problems
source: sciencealert.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chron)
 
 
 
A man was found dead Sunday after driving his car into a pond near Cut and Shoot, Texas according to DPS officials. Police reveal that he was neither cut or shot
source: chron.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Haaretz)
 
 
 
Well, this certainly isn't going to escalate tensions any
source: haaretz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
People are spending less on clothes as they realize they don't need to wear anything in mom's basement
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Canada celebrates watching 21 swans march into the water. "A cavalcade of pipes and drums led the birds toward the Avon River"
source: kitchener.ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Whale found dead on a beach had eaten 64 pounds of plastic. The only good news is that it lived longer than if it had eaten all the fast food being served inside it
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Danish silo implosion failure: not just my Scandinavian metal cover band's name
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Looks like the appropriate response to chemical attacks on humans in Syria is to bomb the Fark out of their runways
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
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