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| Sun March 11, 2018 |
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California lawmaker wants to protect snowflakes from the horror of driver's license pictures
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Helicopter crashes into New York City's East River. Amateur video of the crash in the link
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The tallest building in Kentucky's capital has collapsed. On purpose, we swear
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Help out these engine-pullers with some Photoshop goodness
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Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. Do Not Enter. JACKASS, WHAT DID I SAY?
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I just like saying genitals in a tuna can. Genitals in a tuna can. Genitals in a tuna can
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| (Some Hope) |
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Photoshop this sign of spring
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Gouging your own eyes out as a personal sacrifice to free trapped spirits and allow them to pass to the afterlife isn't normal. On meth however
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Florida comes up with solution to invasive iguanas: Whacking Day
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British health officials: Do not be alarmed, but if you ate at the same restaurant as that unfortunate Russian chap and his daughter last week, you might want to wash your clothes and possessions. All is well. I SAID, ALL IS WELL
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On your next visit, don't be surprised if your dentist shows up to check your teeth wearing a full hazmat breathing mask
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This time, F-18 chases streetlight over the Atlantic
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Dog returned to shelter for being too friendly. Tag is for new adoptive home
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Falling Chinese space station may hit Michigan. Which would only serve to improve the place
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Brits go nuts after their Mother's Day cards are "Americanised," leaving cunning linguists concerned that U.S. TV shows are causing a language shift (possible nsfw content on page)
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Kratu the befuddled rescue dog with not a clue as to where he is brings down the house at the Crufts Dog Show
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Photoshop this relief station
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CSB Sunday Morning: You can't explain that
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Australia's vaccine program may soon eradicate cancer in "the land down under"
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Dumbass racer wannabe has his brand new Porsche impounded 10 minutes after he buys it for being clocked doing 60km/h over the speed limit
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Tattoos are forever ... leaching toxic chemicals into your lymph nodes
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A dingo ate me baby
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| (Some Guy) |
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Burglars breaking into firefighters' cars at firehouses, freeing owners' wallets trapped inside
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Don't be "that guy" - the guy who uses a chair to reserve a parking spot on the street after shoveling out the snow
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If you're the person who linked the Oregon State University's cheerleading team's website to a swinger's page, the school is not amused
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You have 2 choices: 1) grab branch with giant NOPE on it, 2) drown
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Gay conversion therapist tried to cure his patients by having gay sex with them
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| Sat March 10, 2018 |
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Dear Penthouse, I never thought I'd be writing to the you, but I've always wanted to spend the night in a huge anus
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Woman convicted twice of trying to hire a hit man to kill her ex-husband has tried a third time from jail. You have to give her credit for effort
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The latest way for millennials to Darwin themselves: a combination bar and rock-climbing gym
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| (Some Retro) |
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Photoshop this family feast
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Old guy fights off 3.5 meter shark with his bare hands, swims to shore and adjusts onion on his belt
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"They showed me the pictures of the guy. I was like, 'Man, Stevie Wonder can tell this dude and I look nothing alike,'" said Boyd
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You can live on this remote icy island off the coast of Norway ... but you can't die there
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The CDC wants you to know that trimming cannabis leaves may cause carpal tunnel. Of course smoking the cannabis may relieve those symptoms. Then again, digging into the deep bags of Cheetos may rekindle those symptoms. And it just goes on and on
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Your Honor.... your propensity for density is going to bite you in the arse
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Think you can handle the world's largest hula hoop? Take one out for a spin, if you're hip
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Anyone in Africa lose a hippo? There's one that's lost in Mexico that doesn't know how he got there
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English village tired of coddling your little snowflakes, replaces plastic playground items with good old-fashioned wood, metal, brick, and sharp-edged apparatus to add resilience to children's playtime
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To reduce vehicle burglaries, SF offers helpful tips such as locking your car, hiding valuables, and setting a decoy purse filled with thousands of angry bees
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Photoshop this caterpillar
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NYC: Look, we need to make more room for hedge fund gods and hipsters, so we're just going to dump you poors upstate, kthxbye
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| (Luxembourg Times) |
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Apparently in Luxembourg dating involves pretzels, chocolate eggs and baskets. Peter Rabbit is not impressed
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Teacher mom arrested for assaulting another mom at their kids' little league baseball practice because victim wore "short shorts." Lady, this is Florida. Volleyball shorts, bikinis, one-piece suits are acceptable women's wear to little league games
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Meet the "Gucci Guru" cult leader who believes she is a multi-dimensional Arcturian alien and that death is delicious ... and then it gets REALLY weird
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Harbor seal at Milwaukee County Zoo is working the crowd, showing off her tricks. With adorable pics and video
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Mysterious Disease X to destroy all human life everywhere. Have a nice weekend
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Air Force awards two A-10 pilots the Distinguished Flying Cross for exceptional brrrrtttt
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♪ ♫ It's a world of danger, a world of fear / Filled with screaming children, both far and near / It's too much of a scare, so it's time you're aware / It's a Disney Cruise after all ♫ ♪
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Who's a good boy? These are the good boys
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Look, Mr. Smug Driver, just because you own a fancy self-driving Tesla doesn't mean you get to show off by driving with your feet hanging out the window
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Large fixed-blade knife? Check. Two Tasers? Check. Handcuffs? Check. Fake FBI credentials. Check. Alright, time to head over to the Los Angeles Jail
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It's the obligatory "Why don't we all just spring forward and stay there?" article we see this time every year ... but this year, something may actually come of it
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Louisiana State AG sues school board that had a teacher arrested for questioning superintendent's $30K raise when teachers and school employees haven't had a raise in ten years
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Photoshop this interchange
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In the conservatory at Longwood, you'll find a lush wonderland of tropical plants, succulents, ferns, and orchids. Come for the carnivorous plants, stay for the feline employees on Caturday
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IRS scammers pick the wrong number to run their con on. Jailarity hopefully to ensue
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Don't try to eliminate gas pains by poking your stomach with a knitting needle and other DIY surgical techniques you should probably leave for the professionals
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GOP strategy for dealing with Stormy Daniels: 1) *crickets* ... 2) "Porn actress? People go straight to 'porn star.' I like to see a few awards before you use that moniker"
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Cops catch OC flasher thanks to DNA from fence-humping escapades
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See the new Subaru Outback convertible
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| Fri March 09, 2018 |
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Photoshop this fluffy bird
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Tired of your car's annoying open-door chime? There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do that's better than this hacked Volvo
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Officer Badass lives up to his namessake, saves a life with a T-shirt and stick after car accident. What? Well he should legally change it to that then
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Oakland coffee shop will no longer serve police officers, for the "physical and emotional safety of our customers and ourselves." And since it's Oakland, alienating the police department will have no unintended consequences whatsoever
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Snow? Check. I-94 in Michigan? Check. Multi-car pile-up? Check
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Gunman enters veterans home and takes 3 hostages in California. Story developing
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It's Friday and we're all tired of the constant crazy, mind-numbing political news, so let's enjoy an adorable "dog rescued from puppy mill helps foster kittens" story
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Woman sues restaurant after being allegedly injured by drag queen's breast, claims business "failed to advise anyone of possible danger"
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"Glitter beer is a thing now and we're not sure how we feel." I think I can help: Annoyed, disgusted, aghast, flabbergasted, nauseated, stabby, repulsed, horrified and like moving to Germany
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Photoshop these Iditarod competitors
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♪ ♫ You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel ♫ ♪
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Navy dropping the plan for green destroyers for green destroyers
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Dancing is illegal at Texas Roadhouse. Kevin Bacon unavailable for comment
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What was shaping up to be the best renaissance festival ever has now been cancelled
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Pharma Bro sentenced to seven years in prison for ripping off rich people
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man makes a website claiming the town he lives in stinks... this coming from a guy who doesn't realize he lives in... IOWA
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"She said she killed her son and hid him in a manure pile. The truth is more sinister, police say." Wait, MORE sinister?
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Neighbors furious that strangers are lining up in the middle of the night on their residential street to buy beer, for some reason
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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "____________"
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Sure it's a little cold outside in Antarctica, but that's no reason a couple of lovebirds can't take selfies of their preening selves to let the world know
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Woman who tried to shoot a cop then lost her gun under a snowplow while her boyfriend (who claims to be a sovereign Islamic country) was kidnapped by 911 dispatcher and started kicking out squad car windows ... nope, too much crazy to fit in this headline
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Semper Fat
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There are just so many things wrong with the phrase "10 year-old professional make-up artist" I just can't even
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It might be inconvenient when they close a road, but there is usually a pretty good reason for it
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You might want to sit down for this, but it looks like today's college students aren't quite as self-reliant as college students of the past. Your college student called you to complain about this headline's harmful impact on his self esteem
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Burger-flipping robot switched off as it couldn't keep up with demand. Engineers from Cyberdyne Systems due to install software update next week
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'Incident' at fertility clinic will either destroy embryos or give them super powers
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| (Some Rolfe) |
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Photoshop this guy who has time to wallow in the mire
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Study finds people prefer fake news to the truth, which actually explains a lot
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Elementary school students and faculty surprised to see a Black Hawk helicopter drop an "errant bundle" on the school. Alex Jones meltdown in 3... 2... 1...
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6 police officers overlooked body in trunk at crime scene that was finally found in the impound lot after 49 days
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Bad news: Millennials are ruining the toothbrush industry. Good news: will have lots of career opportunities in the dentistry field
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Me Too needs to include sexual assaults that occur during marriage
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Everything in this small town was idyllic; the power was cheap, people were friendly, there was no chaos. And then the Bitcoin miners came
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#poopwatch ends as suspect gets some relief
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Head of US Forest Service: TIMBERRRRRRRR
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Call out the police hounds, because ol' "Stinky Butt" has slipped through the cracks again
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Man does his best to keep Portland weird by stripping naked in protest outside a federal courthouse and playing the violin next to an engraving of Thomas Jefferson
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Police are looking for a 14-year-old boy who tried to escape authorities by jumping into the Mississippi River. This is not the start of a reboot for 'Huckleberry Finn'
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'By living frugally, at age 32 I retired to a lovely home on a 66-acre farm, with my husband and child' and of course anyone can do what we did so buy our book lol we're pretty cool
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Guy: Hey fellas, can you cover for me? Coworkers: How long will you be gone? Guy; An hour or two or three thousand and three hundred. Coworkers: Sure
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Welcome to New Zealand; where the men are men and the sheep wear creepy looking muzzles
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If you get an email saying you were caught by a speed camera, don't pay it without checking if the municipality actually uses them
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Pop goes the weasel, despite the restraining order
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| Thu March 08, 2018 |
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2 men and one hideous haircut arrested for robbing 20 of their neighbor's cars
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Mom had 3 children in SUV while fleeing police in Jefferson Parish. Jeez, how long was that chase?
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Oh look, it's the "flying cars will be available soon" thread again *sigh*
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Mr. Okra may be gone, but people on the streets of New Orleans can still hear his iconic produce truck coming their way
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Did someone say they needed a hand?
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Over a million East Coasters admit they're powerless over climate change
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Americans spent $30 billion during drunken online shopping last year
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Hate to interrupt your day foodie farkers, but: Spicy Skittles have been unleashed on the general public. Still no bacon or pineapple-pizza flavor
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Just a reminder in has been three weeks since the CDC employee vanished. The the reward has just been increased
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Photoshop someone branching out
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In a stunning repeat performance, Florida Man™ downs 16 vodaks, eats chimichangas in an all day binge at a Mexican restaurant then skips out on the tab
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"3 door-to-door scams even smart people fall for." With "smart" in this context apparently meaning "slightly above average YouTube commenter"
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Another day, another Windows 10 update that ignores user's update settings and even installs on systems that have Windows Update disabled
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School districts are now considering four day school weeks. The immediate advantage will be 20% fewer school shootings
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Fark Food Thread: What are some of your favorite recipes that help save your diet and actually leave you feeling full? When you start doing the same foods over and over, how do you work through it to maintain your plan?
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"if you've seen our unicorns who escaped, they were rainbow colored and were last seen headed for the gumdrop orchard on the Mystical Plains of Klakanten," says police chief at press conference about a fire in their drug incinerator
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Photoshop this artwork
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Having solved all problems in America, the feds are suing a garbage company over a $350 neon palm tree full of dead pigeons
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All The News That's Fit To Snek
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If you drop your wallet on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras, forget it man, it's gone ... or is it?
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Paralytic toxin puts a halt on all locally caught seafood. Oh, that's just shellfish
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Army spokesman: Stop kissing our soldiers. They need to look professional and red lipstick is not part of the uniform
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They close 2.5 miles of Snake Road for two months every spring for the annual NOPE migration
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PSA: When taking pictures of your house to post on a real estate website make sure your naked body is not visible in the mirror
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Somebody did something honorable and nice. In Florida. Which is so strange, we think it's Farkworthy
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Woman tries to smuggle drugs to her boyfriend during his court appearance but gets caught. Sheriff's spokesman: "I suppose love knows no bounds or they are just stupid. I suspect it's more of the latter,''
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Horse-riding Arizona teen who was refused service at Starbucks drive-thru gets to ride again to make her coffee dreams come true
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After years of effort, scientists finally catch two red foxes. Multiple Lamonts said to be frantic
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16 girls who changed the world, including Hellen Keller at #3
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The U.S. states, ranked in order of drunkenness. Apparently, the colder it gets, the more plastered you get
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The middle of a busy road is not the ideal place to set up your cozy heated dining table
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Why is sarcasm so hard to pull off online? Gosh, could it be because people are stupid? Great question, though. Great article, really insightful stuff. Check the thread for some really intelligent, non-trolling commentary, too
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Who says you need to take out student loans to graduate college, when all you need to do is show up for graduation
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Not sure what to due with highly volatile explosives in your apartment? Well, blow them up, of course. (with video goodness)
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Men chase down teen car thieves, force them into a trunk at gunpoint and then drive them to Cleveland. The monsters
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Man facing charges for stealing a car arrives at court ... in a stolen car
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I'll bet nothing could possibly go wrong
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Photoshop this rejoneadora
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We're not saying that it was meteors, but ...
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U.shiats North Korea with sanctions over its assassination using VX nerve agent. That should do the trick
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Man jailed for biting an officer, reaching for his gun, and dressing like a genie
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Big lizard on the loose in California after it escaped the pet shop it was at. Police will continue to monitor the situation
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Why even bother having a clock if we have to reset it this often?
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Wisconsin man upset over $30 increase in rent is charged with operating landlord's vehicle without his consent. Oh, and for murdering said landlord and hiding the corpse
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It turns out shelter dogs want the same thing as the rest of us: A comfy lounge chair to relax in while waiting for our luck to change
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Family services worker fired, arrested for stealing $1000s from elderly patient with quadriplegia. That's no way to treat Who fans
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At the DC Metro pop-up gift shop, you can buy yoga pants showing off your Foggy Bottom
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Since Ben can't get his fancy office furniture, Carson's department will ignore housing discrimination again
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Hey, remember Puerto Rico? Yeah that's still happening. Turns out lots of Puerto Ricans are leaving the island, presumably relocating to red states to vote Democrat in November. Damn that Obama and his weather control satellites anyway
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Zodiac Killer finally brought to justice
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It's one thing to run a fake 'scared straight' program where everyone thinks you're a cop but you're really not. But people are going to ask questions if you take it so seriously you keep dragging handcuffed kids into the courthouse
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Trump hitman/bagman Michael Cohen says Stormy Daniels lost a double secret private arbitration hearing she was not party to about that agreement Donald Trump isn't party to. Who pays arbitrators?
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Grabbing someone's ass could soon be illegal in Minnesota. In other news, grabbing someone's ass is currently legal in Minnesota. Tag is for the last part
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Just how ignorant does one have to be to think it's possible to overload a child's immune system with vaccines?
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We finally know where China's space lab might crash, so duck Spain, Portugal, France and Greece
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America's penis grows some balls, tells the NRA to stuff it
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CONFIRMED: A hot dog is a sandwich, but a burrito is not. No word on the taco, WHICH WE ALL KNOW IS A SANDWICH
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Florida condo association decides to ban Bible studies and Christian music
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You're out in maneuvers, and you see an M-1 Abrams lying on its back, unable to move. Why aren't you helping?
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Candidate wants his state to enact the lottery and use the revenue to give weekly movie tickets to parents of pre-K students so they'll have more quality family time together
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Four hospitalized in Vienna after mass stabbing
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 670: "Low Key 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 07, 2018 |
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Welcome to Donald J. Trump State Park. Please don't sh*t in the pool
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We're not arming plain old teachers, but will arm football coaches and band directors, obviously
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The latest installment of "it's 2018 and somebody still doesn't know how generators work" comes from North White Plains, NY
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Think of the ugliest vehicle possible. What you're thinking of still looks better than this Karsan Otomotive prototype
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Photoshop this cold woman
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Florida Man learns that if you have 5 mason jars of pot, 100 grams of cocaine, 4 handguns, and $10,000 in your car, you probably don't want to honk your horn excessively at police officers trying to clear an accident
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Man spends the last $200 in his bank account on a fake hit man, instantly makes everybody reading this story feel better about their worst financial choices
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14-year-old boy arrested for outfitting great-grandmother's SUV like cop car, knocking on random doors in deputy's uniform responding to purported "domestic disturbances"
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Foster home is shut down because foster parents: a) are abusive, b) are dealing drugs from their home, or c) won't tell the kids that the Easter Bunny is real
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Old and busted: Food Guide Pyramid. New hotness: Media Diet Pyramid
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Remember, only you can prevent forest fires set by your drone
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Pope Francis approves Oscar Romero for sainthood, Patron of Obvious Facts and Underworld United
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Give me an M! Give me a U! Give me an M! Give me a P!
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Photoshop this busy drone
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Finally, something sane and sensible is happening in Florida. They're trying to eliminate Daylight Saving Time
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On second thought, maybe storing stolen boats, ski jets, trailers worth $100-thousands on your property in plain sight wasn't the best plan
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How long are you going live? Try out this handy interactive map to figure how long you've got to go before you keel over and start flapping on the ground (English or Welsh locations only) (possible nsfw content on page)
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Man gets his news like it's 1899
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Old and busted: Your kid brings home a cat and wants to keep it for a pet. New hotness: Your cat brings home a fish and wants to keep it as a pet
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Recently discovered skeleton probably belongs to Amelia Earhart. No word on why she kept a skeleton in her attic
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News: Thunder. Fark: THUNDERSNOW
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Not news: Garbage man tries to enter subway station. Fark: With his truck
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One of the only things that would ever make all Farkers leave their basements and march might happen in Rhode Island: $20 to access porn. May God have mercy on their souls
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We're not saying it was aliens, but...
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Truck driver spills 60,000 pounds of beer on I-10 in Florida
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Family buys cereal at Walmart, eat some for breakfast, then realize its sell by date is 22 February 1997. THEY ALL SURVIVED. "I just started eating and thinking, 'it just tastes funny. It must be ok'"
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Let's talk about the future. More specifically, what are the remaining items on your bucket list?
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Good: Economy added 235,000 jobs last month. Sad: 198,000 of them were service-industry positions
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The 'world's first crowdfunded craft beer hotel' is set to open this summer in Columbus, Ohio ...with a tap in each overnight room. Where do I send all my beer money for reservations?
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Latest study from the Ric Romero Institute suggests adult children who move back home worsen parents' quality of life
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Filming your son's first bike ride or the first time he went on a date is all good, filming his 'first bong' not so much
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In news you will never hear come from the United States, Canadian doctors are protesting their own raises and think they are being paid too much
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UK police are asking for anybody who visited the area where the Russian spy and his daughter were poisoned to come forward. Of particular interest is a swarthy short man in hat and tall angular woman with black hair
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Hidden economic indicator of the day: Lego sales fell for the first time in 13 years
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Former Louisiana deputy intentionally crashes into convenience store, steals ATM, pulls a gun, threatens owners and witnesses, charged with one count of inattentive driving
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Funny how often 'shots fired' and 'Waffle House' appear together
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Colonial cap
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British scuba-diving virtual reality filmmaking dog photographer takes underwater pictures of diving canines at hydrotherapy center for charity. The adjective to verb ratio in this story is amazing. It's your Woofday Wetnose Wednesday
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We've reached peak food fusion: Oreo rice
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Lesson here is never swallow slugs
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The MIT study claiming Uber drivers make $3 an hour was flawed and incorrect? Unpossible
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If you love something, set them free. Especially if they're DD boobies (possible NSFW content on page)
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No, you and your alarm clock are not on an alternative timeline. Neither is your microwave
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Meanwhile, in Texas, a judge is torturing defendants in open court until he gets the answer he wants
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Still don't believe that the mysterious death planet Nibiru exists? Well someone just captured a video of it hurtling towards Earth
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British right-wing media mocks "snowflake students" for thinking that Frankenstein's Monster is a sympathetic character and that Dr Frankenstein is the real monster. Next week: Is your child a "science snowflake" who thinks the earth is round?
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Pepe the Frog creator sues InfoWars for copyright infringement. Feels bad, man
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Coca Cola introduces Diet Trump
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Hundreds found dead after drive by shooting
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Opioids no better painkillers than Tylenol, et al. Somewhere, Tom Petty is shaking his fist
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The stock market freaked out last August when Trump's chief economic adviser Gary Cohn threatened to quit. Now that he has, let's peek at the Dow Jones futures for tomorrow morning...(Insert Wilhelm Scream here)
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Move over Medical Marijuana. Now there's Medical Methamphetamine
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| Tue March 06, 2018 |
| (Some Guy) |
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There is drunk, then blackout drunk, then there is so drunk you lead the cops on a chase and get hit by your own car drunk
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Illinois man attempts to become Florida man by stealing car, ramming airport terminal, boarding empty plane, and breaking into sheriff's deputy's vehicle. Did I mention he was running from zombies?
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Fark NotNewsletter: It's a Farking anthology
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Photoshop something into this abandoned cooling tower
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Grandma busted for bringing drugs into prison for her grandson. Her defense? She only thought she was smuggling a cell phone
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Hello this is Mr Elon Musk, president of Space, and I have 1,000,000 Spacebucks that I need to transfer to your account to avoid Space Taxes. Simply send me some bitcoin to cover the transfer fee
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News: Woman is stopped by airport security for having a gun. Fark: An-inch long charm she wore on her necklace that was a gift from her late husband. Mega Fark: She was told it was "too dangerous" and passengers might think it was real (possible nsfw content on page)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Teacher suspended for stockpiling 750 pairs of panties at his high school, which he claims were not swiped from students but bought online for purposes of reselling at school's culture festival. This story passes the sniff test
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Thousands of highchairs recalled due to risk of suddenly becoming low chairs
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Dating back to the mid '90s, Florida Man has regularly used his three minutes of public comment at council meetings to hurl profane and racially provocative invective at council members
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Photoshop this Bourbon Battler
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32 more reasons to never fly Vodak Air
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Nude model admits guilt in naked photo shoot at strip mall
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Chinese reboot "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" as a horror-suspense thriller
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-02-18 to Sat 2018-02-24
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Dick pics for Jesus
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Truth in advertising award for a police department goes to...
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LP 1100. We shall defend our pineapple pizza, whatever the cost may be, we shall never surrender, and even if this pineapple pizza were subjugated and starving, then ham would carry on the struggle. LGT 1099
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Unknown Farker in England pulled over for "squishy front suspension." Police find 5,000 cans of high-test 14.2 percent ABV Polish lager on board
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"What's a goat doing way up here?"
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Brits finally get the message they didn't want to hear from their top health official: The whole country needs to go on a diet, you fat wankers
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Article including 'Florida Man' 'AR-15' and 'Road rage' in title strangely does not include phrase 'massacred in a hail of police gunfire'
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Pharma Bro must forfeit $7.4 million, including his $2 million one-of-a-kind Wu-Tang album. Bill Murray's next caper film suddenly greenlit
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Claw prize machine tries to kidnap another child, develop Skynet 1.0
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German sailors 132 years ago were on a 69-year-long experiment to track ocean currents with messages in bottles. One has just been found. So much efficiency
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"Moore said Monday that he went to Nassar for treatment for his injured shoulder. But he knew that the acupuncture in his genital area was not helpful"
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The problem with giving your toddler your smartphone is that he may lock it for 48 years
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Humans, slapping and shouting at robot cars will do you no good. Your new road rage inducing overlords don't care
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Photoshop these dancing noses
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There are no winners when you get into a bar fight while holding your 4-year-old, as this video demonstrates
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Man with large face tumor reveals - you know what, just stop right there
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19-year-old blogger arrested for online 'free sex' offer at her hotel room after causing a stampede
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Recent Nor'easter uncovers shipwreck on Maine beach, believed to be at least 160 years old
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Every lawyer in Utah got an email of a topless woman from the State Bar Association (NSFWish)
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Best Korea now saying it's open to denuclearization if Best Regime can stay in power
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Tennessee elementary school decides it's finally time to remove its rebel flag and lynching mural
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Rolling paper heir burned by his own bogus behavior and now The Fuzz wants to harsh his buzz
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Hey, could you do Greenpeace a big favor and reduce your meat and dairy consumption by 50% by the year 2050?
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State lawmakers upset that lawsuit payout might actually go to affected neighborhoods, say just because they squandered the last settlement before it got to victims is no reason to cut them out this time
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As more and more states legalize marijuana, more and more business have decided it's easier to stop drug testing employees. Slackers
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Toy goes in, toy goes out. Toy goes in... uh, oh (possible NSFW content on page)
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Good grief. Poor Snoopy
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| (Some Guy) |
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Ho, hum... Just another Black Triangle UFO sighting caught on camera flying through the skies above... the Moon. Wait. What?
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Iowa man shoots himself with his own gun in the parking lot of a gun show (link updated)
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Another Russian spy is being putin a body bag
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Holocaust survivor: The Nazis were bad, but the TSA is the worst
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Daycare workers make kids' naptime extra special by handing out gummy bears laced with melatonin first. Sweet dreams, you little bastards
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| Mon March 05, 2018 |
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Master criminal robs Family Dollar store of merchandise. With a hatchet. Flees, but grabs vienna sausages and beef jerky
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Photoshop this big blue, um rooster
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How bad are ham and pineapple pizzas? So bad that people won't even buy them when it's the only thing left of the shelf during a snowstorm
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Man asks son to shoot him in the leg to delay going to prison and to collect insurance money. Let's see how this plan worked out
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Guy's wife vanishes, so he moves on and shacks up with new girlfriend. Wife, who was actually injured and in hospital, returns. Neighbors come out in droves with binoculars watching drama unfold
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New Englanders prepare to grab their ankles again as the second Nor'Easter in a week forms up. Good luck finding that last loaf of bread
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Man shot in face expected to survive, as long as he stays away from that friend with the woodchipper
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Someone threw your clam chowder into a dumpster? Call 911. Four times
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Yeah that acceptance letter we sent you was incorrect. All the best
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Photoshop these astronauts proving the moon landings were faked
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Airlines rules are so strict. Now they say stripping naked, watching porn, attacking crew is not allowed
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How's this for a rom-com meet cute: couple awaiting trial in double murder and dismemberment is seeking to marry in jail
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There's an upside to almost anything, if you look hard enough. For example, the opioid crisis
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Officials say there is no threat from the mystery substance that left two people in critical condition, and you should ignore the men in space suits decontaminating downtown. Nothing to see here
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Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli has to give the U.S. government his secret Wu-Tang Clan album (and a Picasso and some other stuff)
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Does every book or series have to be made into a movie or television program? Can't we just, you know, enjoy books for what they are?
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If you're on the Outer Banks, please keep an eye out for some large boxes with 'MAERSK' written on the sides
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Millennials lost money to scams more often than their grandparents in 2017, study shows, showing the relative inefficiencies of a 419 scam on the elderly versus putting out a new iPhone every year
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Pilot survives small plane crash in Enumclaw, is reportedly alert and talking to first responders, which puts him ahead of most locals
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Please note: a Craigslist ad offering free lemurs may not be on the up and up
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Cheese festival apologizes for running out of cheese. SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI OFF
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California comes up with solution for invasive rodents: thems good eatin'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these dashing looks
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Woman blows conch, then fiancee
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Buyer asks seller to test drive bulletproof vest, ends up paying for it
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County charges female prisoners for hygiene products; attorney sees red, says it's a civil rights violation to staunch the free flow of tampons and county must absorb the cost, no strings attached. Period
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"It is unusual that people would put on bulletproof vest and play with guns at a party, but these things happen sometimes," HPD Homicide Sgt. Mark Hollbrook said
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Rome is in decline. Again
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ICE saves the day by removing 10% of town's population and opening up jobs for real Americans. Just kidding, it's jobs that are "beneath" Americans and the jobs were filled by other immigrants, even after raising wages
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The Netherlands is so cold that the Dutch are Katie Couricing to work
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Irish granny has "a go at some sledging" which is A) a new slang term for downing tequila shots, B) freebasing the latest street drug to hit Dublin, C) absolutely adorable
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Attention fellow voyeurs, taking up-skirt photos remains perfectly legal in Alabama. So rush to your local Walmarts, churches, high schools to snap some vertical highlights today
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| (Some PharmaChemtrail) |
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Natural News down the Tubes
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Mugshot of the year contender
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State Department was given $120 million to counter foreign interference in elections. Guess how much they've spent?
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