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| Sun February 11, 2018 |
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Southwest flights out of Chicago are temporarily put on ice
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: Woman leads police on a high speed chase because she is on her way to pick up baby Jesus and has authority from God
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City officials discover that legalizing marijuana could lead to people gathering to smoke marijuana, ask state to close "loophole"
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We've trashed the oceans, so let's start throwing shiat into space
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Aetna: Eeny-meeny-miny-mo, who gets coverage? We don't know
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And now plastic surgeons are trying to figure out the mystery behind Trump's hair
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Photoshop this thunder cat
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Patient thief demonstrates why bicyclists shouldn't lock up to street signs
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You do know that oyster farming involves more that just tickling an oyster on its underside and milking it for its pearl?
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Baked apple and salted caramel gin? Stop it, just stop it. NOW
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Hey, son, remember the time I slipped that dildo and lube into your carry-on bag before we went through airport security? That was hilarious, wasn't it? Son? (some not safe for work images on site)
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I bless the rains down in Africa
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Photoshop Challenge: Build a better mouse trap
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Church places $735 takeout order, tips $0. Server posts about it on social media. Restaurant refunds full $735 to church, fires the server, of course
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'70s Granddad clothing now re-purposed and re-energized as "Counterfashion"
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"What, me worry?" Maybe it's time to start, Alfred E
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Man enters church, sits down at the piano, lights a cigarette. Then the story gets weird
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Hydroelectric dam project in Turkey's Batman Province threatens 12,000-year-old archaeological site of Hasankeyf. In other news, Batman has his own province in Turkey
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If you ever wanted to pay your taxes with fake money, you may soon get your chance in Arizona
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If you're a NYPD cop texting a friend about drinking and driving on the job .. make sure their phone is not wiretapped. Detective knowledge: 101
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It's almost as if building a fence won't keep determined people from crossing over
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So what is Chinese New Year? Why is it not in January? What can we learn about the year of the dog? And more
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Photoshop this orchidous orange
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CSB Sunday Morning: Sneaking in
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Turns out those mop-headed lads from Liverpool were wrong; money can in fact by you love
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Russian passenger plane goes down outside of Moscow. 71 people on board all presumed to have perished (developing story)
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Police seize 185 pounds of vacuum-sealed marijuana. All 85 pounds are being kept at the state police barracks until the suspect can be arraigned for the 8.5 pounds of the substance
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Your iPhone falls in the toilet? Let it go man. It's gone
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Clicking "like" on the wrong tweet immediately ends 30-year career of esteemed Connecticut high school principal
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In news that should shock nobody, residents on so-called 'Billionaire Row' reject a proposed plan that would help the less fortunate
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Wichita boy getting a lot of cabbage for a big cabbage? It's Cole's Law
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The idyllic vacation town of Bay View Michigan is facing a court challenge to their stated policy of only allowing practicing Christians to become home owners
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"Let's ban porn." LET'S BURN THE HERETIC
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It's an American tradition to punch a nazi, racist, bigoted piece of shiat
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California will pay for drug users to test their dope
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| (Some Guy) |
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How not to be a jerk when you are dining with a deaf person
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"We here at Oxfam admit we should have made our orgy sex scandal in Haiti public"
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| Sat February 10, 2018 |
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At least three dead and others missing following helicopter crash in the Grand Canyon
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Parents outraged after Catholic school fires recently married lesbian teacher
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I want to be weave
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"How a kid cartoonist avoided Scholastic's digital sharecropping trap"
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Candlelight vigil is held in Minneapolis neighborhood after A) tragic death of local hero B) hate crimes were committed C) beloved Arby's sign removed after restaurant goes out of business
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Woman admits to teasing her dog
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I can understand walking out of a random college class because the professor repeatedly uses the n-word but when it's a class specifically about hate speech, you're just being a snowflake
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Subby said all of this days ago on Fark.com. CNN, wake the Fark Up. Too slow for Fark
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Phoroshop this bear
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Federal Railroad Administration's acting chief resigned immediately after it was revealed he's been working PR for a county sheriff in Mississippi
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Girl faces expulsion from school for: a) bad grades, b) smoking drugs on campus, or c) having a Planned Parenthood sticker on her computer
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Don't you even Science?
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10th Circuit upholds class action suit against private prison company alleging use of illegal immigrant workers
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| (Some Guy) |
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"...my grasp on what I thought I knew about humanity slipped further and further away"
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Reminder: Your car will depreciate rapidly the moment it leaves the Earth's atmosphere
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Why is the price of vinyl albums at a record high? We're looking at you, hipsters
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You need to up your brunch game, son
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U.S. Immigration Services to woman that's been here since she was 3: Come on in. Let's start the process of making you a citizen. - Woman: Okay - ICE: Yoink
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Photoshop these floaters
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Who is teaching our kids? Walmart greeters
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Author of "Why I use phrases like 'tobacco leaf,' 'black fruit' and 'jammy' to describe wine," fails to self-describe as pretentious putz
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Just another day in Fark's favorite state (with video)
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$85,000 salary? Do not move here
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I-20 in Georgia snarled by traffic yam
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Traffic lights go out across NYC in citywide malfunction. Good thing New Yorkers ignore them anyway
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There is one thing you should never do at a roundabout. The words will make you out 'n' out; I spend the day your way, call it morning driving through the sound and in and out the valley (possible nsfw content on page)
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Well that explains why it was so popular
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That "Australia isn't a country" professor will now have more time to spend with her atlas and globe
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THIS is why the Oxford Comma is so damn important, people. Kennedy, Stalin, and the strippers unavailable for comment
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Stop popping ibuprofen like it's candy, America. Seriously, this is just getting stupid
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Author tries to revive lost art of the old-fashioned love letter, offers Britons 14 tips for putting your feelings on paper beyond "Oi let's snog, I've got heartburn"
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Staying single is probably not a problem for most of you basement dwellers, and the best part according to science is that it's actually better for you
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This is your captain speaking. We have just landed in Abuja where it's a sunny day with temperatures of around 26° C. Although it may not feel that warm due the the door that just fell off the aircraft
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UW-Madison outs a student by photo for being a dumbass, asks students to dress appropriately for the weather
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Photoshop this onion
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Not to alarm anyone but we may be seeing an Iran-Israel conflict erupting right now in Syria. Yahtzee
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A man transformed his home into a cat sanctuary, welcoming around 300 felines over the past 12 years to help him cope with the grief of losing his son. Based on the pictures in the article, it looks like the cats are living the good life on Caturday
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Woman wins lawsuit over penis cake. Cake
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Mr. French, of Fairy Street, was sentenced to jail for sexual assault and ridiculous hair
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Japanese public school to allow male students to wear skirts ... although no patent leather shoes
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Europeans who hate free healthcare, free college, and long vacations are flocking to America
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Mike Pence believes a sporting event is an appropriate place for political protest
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DHS says it deported one immigrant 44 times in 15 years. Another eight or ten times and that person will no doubt finally learn their lesson
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Mice of Anarchy
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Man steals car outside Minnesota Walmart, calls owner for help in starting it
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Christ, what an asshole
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Claim: "Locks of Love" operates illicit wig syndicate dedicated to profiteering off your donated hair at expense of cancer-stricken children. Fact: 80% of your donated hair is unusable for wigs and has to be sold
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| Fri February 09, 2018 |
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Hide yo kids, hide yo wife
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You're an off-duty corrections officer and you've just been involved in a fender bender. The most rational response to this situation would be to C) pull out your service revolver and shoot at the other vehicle's tire
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This is how you Sonic
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"Robot fire penis" was going to be the name for subby's new flame throwing cover band, but the Winter Olympics 2018 flame lighting ceremony may have made that a limp issue (Some NSFW content on page)
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Paul and Ringo captured in Syria
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"A little girl went home to her mum and said 'we saw people humping at school today, it was really funny'"
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CDC reports current flu outbreak breaks all records. Everybody PANDEMIC
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South Korean security breaks up meeting between Kim and Trump on the eve of the Olympics
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When it's not burning or being buried under mud, California is having its roads, levees and wetlands destroyed by invasive 20-pound rodents
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Photoshop this woman who is not like the others
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"Pop It Pal" is A) a pop-music player on a USB stick, B) a Paypal program for cryptocurrencies, C) a toy that lets you squeeze out artificial pimples
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Parents left children unattended to smoke marijuana in basement
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A Colorado couple with no sailing experience sold everything and bought a boat to see the world. They made it 30 miles before the boat sank, leaving them with nothing but the clothes on their backs and a few mocking comments on Fark.com
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'The nuclear security office was automatically alerted when two scientists tried hooking the supercomputer up to the internet, in order to mine bitcoins', proving even nuclear physicists can be dumbasses
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The expected courtroom fireworks in the Silicon Valley "trial of the century" Between Uber and Waymo end up being more like a damp sparkler as Uber throws a quarter-billion dollars at Google to make it go away
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You can have this baby for 9 low payments of $999.99
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Adult summer camp is a thing, and, yes, you're still going to go and spend the first three days crying and calling your parents because you want to go home
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Man gives keys to friend "to go to Club Coconuts to pick up strippers for a party," accuses him of stealing car, but handed them to him in a bar with a security camera running. Also, got him popped for DUI for the cherry on top. Some friend
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Want to buy a 'brand new' Subaru from the 1980s? A showroom full of them has just opened up in Malta (possible nsfw content on page)
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"Sorry I made kale cool"
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Let a box of Cap'n Crunch go stale? That's a beatin'
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this near perfect pattern distribution
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Man accused of stealing bongo drums pleads guilty to throwing a shotgun into a pond. Your move, Florida
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New higher-speed passenger train hits 4th person in a month. At this rate we'll never be able to talk about train control. Fark: He survived
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California may start requiring a cancer warnings to be placed on coffee cups. A little bit of an overreaction or a whole lot of an overreaction?
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That's no moon
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Prominent #metoo supporter accused of fondling softballs at a game
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Here's a good idea: let's replace the driver's license with an app because everyone wants to hand over their unlocked phone to a police officer
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Americans, especially young Americans, are having much less sex than just a decade ago. And the rate is dropping faster every year. Why? "Too much Netflix, not enough chill"
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It's time we compiled a list of the most Canadian crimes ever
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Sometimes mainstream media does the headline work for us: "Ont. teacher accused of sex with student made 'learning fun'"
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Customer: This chicken is rubbery. Chef: *smoke bomb*
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$7 million Scottsdale mansion to be auctioned online. No minimum bid, maybe your $5 will take this six bedroom, eleven bathroom home
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Polygraph test reveals incredibly rare creatures thought to be a myth: Honest Fishermen
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You may not know that there is a Guinness World Record for most sets of twins and/or triplets in a high school class, but the sophomore class at New Trier HS in suburban Chicago just set it with 44 sets of twins and 1 set of triplets
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Professor gives student a failing grade on a paper comparing America and Australia, because Australia is a continent, not a country, and also it's the place where Hitler was born
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Fake homeowners association files real liens on neighborhood homes after fake bills go unpaid. Bonus, 'HOA' is a company being run out of a federal prison cell
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Lollipop man banned for high-fives. Man, those guild rules are strict
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First human eggs grown in laboratory. Scientists nervous, afraid their research will be poached
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Oh, Fark. Yet another parenting advice article giving out...good information? We are truly in the darkest timeline. Because I used Purple
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Happy National Pizza Day. Here are the best deals nationwide to celebrate the greatest of all foods known to mankind. And nothing beats a delicious cheese pizza
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At the end of the day Americans could eat healthier. They just don't want to
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Harsh winter can't stop Iowa's running man, who has run at least a mile a day since January 1st 1977 and will outlive every Farker reading this
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The old yellow marshmallow is leaving
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Utah mom upset after school tells 6th graders they can't refuse when asked to dance. "My daughter keeps coming to me and saying, 'I can't say no to a boy'. That's the message kids are getting"
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Photoshop these good boys
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A tender love story of two vets who met 25 years ago, fell in love, and got married in the veterans home. If you're reading this on Fark, you know there's a twist
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Ginza public school pressures students to buy new $730 Armani uniforms, which parents suspect is excessive despite the suave Italian tailoring
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There are other problems with trying to police which bathroom trans people use aside from it just being none of your damned business
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The Asian financial markets took a nice dump
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"Expect more serious convictions and indictments early in 2018 as Special Counsel climbs ladder of criminal culpability - and more panicky, preemptive attacks from Republicans." Well don't hold back there Mr. Blumenthal
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Let Bourbon Street be Bourbon Street. Not Sesame Street or Disneyland's Main Street, USA
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The last time DC held a military parade, it was an unmitigated disaster
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A sobering statistic from Puerto Rico as 257 residents committed suicide in 2017 post-Hurricane Maria
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Rob Porter, Michael Flynn, Andrew Puzder, Mark Green, Tom Marino, Sam Clovis, Daniel Alan Craig, Rev. Jamie Johnson, Carl Higbie, Kathleen Hartnett White, Monica Crowley. Extreme vetting needs some work
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YOUR REQUEST IS DENIED, "Comrade"
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"I did what any normal stoner would do in this situation: I drank the lube"
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Fark-ready headline: Blind bisexual goose stuck in love triangle with two swans dies aged 40
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| Thu February 08, 2018 |
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Ugly-ass baby tapir created by mad alchemists at Minnesota Zoo (w/ video)
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Weather storm Mateo to destroy all life in Chicago. Stay safe, warm, and drunk, Chicago-area Farkers
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Oh, you're into LARPing, you say? No, my friend. THESE people are into LARPing
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♫ Bermuda, Bahama, no more marriage for two mamas ♫
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Lottery winners' frozen assets yield cold, hard cash
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Thank you for your service, now GTFO
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"Be like that pal, we'll just take your naked ass right back to Alaska"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop who's missing from this golfing group
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Oh, the huge sum of money
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University Libraries: Hey, we need to get rid our books that people no longer check out. Faculty and students: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
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Scotland tackles its alcohol problem by outlawing cheap booze. It's is a move that's enough to drive a Scotsman to drink
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Facing a 20-year mandatory minimum? Delay with pre-trial motions for 7 years, then complain the delay violated your rights. Fark: it worked
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We've all been there, when the airline won't allow your "emotional support hamster" on the flight so you logically flush it down the toilet instead
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Compared to American kids, German kids have far more freedom to explore, be independent, learn from mistakes, annex the Sudetenland
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#poowatch
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| (Moneyish.com) |
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Too many people engage in this disgusting bedtime habit. Why yes, you got it right on the first try
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Starbucks now offering Caramel Macchiato Vampirino Latte
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Florida man allowed to keep $4M of the $22M in cash police confiscated from him, possibly because that's all that made it back to the evidence lockers
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"For sale: Red-nosed, polka-dotted clown car." Surprisingly this isn't the subject line of your mom's adult section craigslist ad
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Man arrested for selling wife's kidney, which she didn't know was missing. How does that work exactly? "Honey look over there" "What?" *yoink* "Never mind"
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Time to panic, lime sales are going to get hit very hard
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Andy and his odd socks
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After scammers victimized his dementia-ridden grandmother, a man takes to Twitch to give the scammers a well-deserved dose of their own medicine
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Colorado snowpack at near-record lows. No doubt due to all that heat generated by legal pot smokers
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Florida man arrested for putting poison in Yum Yum Sauce, after surveillance video proved that the sauce was a lye
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No need to panic. It's just another one of those pesky market corrections
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Some women celebrate their pregnancy by sharing it with their family, some just jump into a bathtub full of Cheetos
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Someone in Mexico tried to mail a tiger cub. With helpful picture of a full-grown tiger
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Pricipal . Caught sayof school that has sex pics on ipads " See, didn't tell law enforcement so" Is She professionally dead or not. NY Post Says yes. Six year olds looking for chads -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again"
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Manhunt underway for murderer who escaped from prison. And by "escaped" we mean "strolled out" and by "from prison" we mean "of his un-fenced, unlocked, minimum-security condo"
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Meanwhile, in Ohio: Woman charged with menacing after argument over hot dog ingredients
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You can make fun of Trump, Congress or even our National Weight problem. You do NOT get to claim you have better beer. Unleash the nukes
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Today's "child gets stuck inside an arcade claw machine" story brought to you by Fark's favorite state
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"That was the last thing I expected to see when I left my house this morning ... was to see someone wielding a sword in public, especially that size. It looked like a Samurai sword. Definitely surprising"
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How a poisonous and toxic plant become a staple on the American South's dinner plate
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From the Guardian, ground-breaking information that "news is bad for you, and giving up the news will make you a happier person"
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No word on who was holding his beer
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A teacher who was fired for having sex with a student is now challenging the law and says her firing was unconstitutional. Fark: She may technically be correct
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Once upon a time, setting off a nuclear bomb was considered in order to mine for natural gas in Pennsylvania
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Couple keeps getting mysterious packages from Amazon in order to boost seller's ratings. *gasp* You mean there is such a thing as a fake review on Amazon??? I blame sugar-free gummi bears
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"Never seen anybody hold onto (the hood of) a car like that in my life, but he was down for the ride. You can tell it wasn't his first rodeo"
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People with red hair, curly hair, and no hair at all will finally get representation in the emoji universe. This message brought to you by one of the most respected business publications in the world
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The People's Republic of Seattle comes up with a novel way to keep the unwanted and unwashed out of certain areas
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Lab that tests Tennessee drivers' blood for alcohol and drugs only gets paid if they say the driver was drunk. Some judges have a problem with that
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The biggest winner in this week's SpaceX launch? Elon Musk. The biggest loser in this week's SpaceX launch? Flat-Earthers
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That silly police sketch nailed the guy. New contest. How do you pronounce the perp's name?
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The chefs for Norway's Olympic team mistakenly order 15,000 eggs instead of 1500. That's a lot of egg on their faces
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Think those hand dryers in public restrooms are clean and safe to use? Think again, prepare to have your mind blown with science (possible nsfw content on page)
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Photoshop Theme: The 19th Century meets the 21st Century
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Legislator: Let's make caller ID spoofing illegal. How do you tell who's doing it. Check the ... oops didn't think that one through
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There's a bipartisan 2-year spending deal in the Senate. It's up to the House or the President to prevent government from working like normal
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This criminal is having a bad hair day
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Portland is using hawks to get rid of the city's crow population. And if Portland becomes infested with hawks, they'll send in Chinese needle snakes to eat the hawks, followed by snake-eating gorillas, which will freeze to death when winter comes
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There's just not enough judges and not enough cops and not enough lawyers in the country to charge someone with a crime every time there's a toilet explosion inside a McDonald's
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91-year-old woman boards the train at Norfolk, looks vaguely familiar
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And today's Stupid Criminal of the Day Award goes to
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EPA chief Scott Pruitt admits global warming may be real. Fark: He thinks it will be good for humanity
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Ex-boyfriend suspected in wanton act of hot sauce vandalism
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There was no "attack" on the border patrol agent whose death Trump used to justify the wall
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This is how you take care of your fellow citizens
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"Hey, Geraldo Rivera ... SUCK IT"
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Man arrested in sting operation
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Driver arrested after traveling 237km/h east of Toronto, judge releases suspect based on how every American reading this headline is Googling just how fast 237km/h is
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Russian "contractors" attacked US military advisers and their partner forces in Syria
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This just in: If you're white, you're racist. If you're white and you never do, say or think anything racist and you treat everyone equally and fairly--well, then you're super-duper racist because you're just avoiding your racism
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Not this shiat again
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Who would have thunk it? A well thought out court ruling on a cake maker refusing on religious grounds to make a wedding celebration cake for a gay couple . FARK - In California
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 666: "Mark of the Beast". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed February 07, 2018 |
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Grateful Dead lyricist, political activist and co-founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, John Perry Barlow has passed away
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Vegan activist defends saying farmers are like father rapers after confronting a couple of dairy farmers over the 'sexual abuse' of their livestock with artificial insemination
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Flat Earthers: "Fake Launch"
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Fark ready headline: "Dentists warn against using charcoal for teeth whitening"
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Yes, Richard Pryor did have sex with Marlon Brando. You think Quincy Jones would lie?
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Fox News poll finds support for marijuana legalization at record high which is good news for everyone because if there's anyone who needs to chill the fark out it's Fox News viewers
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Naked, covered in Crisco, and trailing taser wires running through the snow is no way to go through life, son
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Photoshop this doggie dressed for winter
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Woman searching for author of box of WWII love letters she found, complete with lots of dust
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You know that guy who's been missing for a year? You think maybe we should check his house or something? Nah, too obvious
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New Hampshire is the only state that doesn't make you buckle up. Live free or die (in a fiery wreck)
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Missouri is just one of three states where texting and driving is still lega-(bump bump) LOL GOTTA GO SEE WHAT I JUST HIT
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Airline pilot goes sledding, which wouldn't be a problem except he took the plane with him
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I want to believe this secret police audio that proves these fishermen were really abducted by 'lobster aliens'
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Man's obituary first commemorates the "32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse"
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Dammit to hell, that Roper kid from next door keeps trespassing on my property and riding my pony at night. Oops, did I say kid? I meant Roper the corgi dog
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California deputies pull over... two hot air balloons. Order them back to work in the legislature
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| (Some Sheila) |
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Photoshop this dancer on the rocks
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We may have a new winner for the "Amateur Sketch" meme
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San Francisco Birthday Fark Party, 2/7 at 6pm PT - come celebrate Drew's birthday
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| (Some Guy) |
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"[Beets] could very well be the kale of the 21st century"
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While it's pretty hard to get fired these days if you're a cop, get caught red-handed after robbing a bank WILL do it
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Woman with rare debilitating disease loses disability payments because she A) Used the payments for personal use? B) Lied on her application? or C) Has a degree?
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Take three luxury supercars, add three amateur drivers, throw in an illegal race on a public road, and sit back and watch the devastation
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Memphis police find dead body in van a month after impounding it from a shooting
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Should you be reasonably expected to tip the same 20 or 25 percent that you do on a $50 bottle of wine when you purchase a $500 or $1000 bottle of wine?
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You might only have one job, but sometimes a little discretion is advised - like not issuing blood donor vehicles with parking tickets, for example
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Portland declares citywide parking ban, vehicles left on streets after 10pm tonight will be towed at owner's expense. Take that, cagers
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Las Vegas is really stepping up its game lately. NHL team, soon-to-be NFL team, MLS team, WNBA team and yes...even its own Serial Killer now
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Gaza is down to just ten days of emergency fuel. I told ya we should have put more than five bucks in
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Meet the criminal masterminds, Zachariah and Hezekiah, who got chased away from their own armed robbery by someone that wasn't even supposed to be there that day
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Dogs are beautiful, perfect and all of them are going to heaven but occasionally they'll turn on the stove while trying to get a leftover pancake and start a house fire (w/video)
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Stop feeding the deer. Especially stop feeding the deer french fries out your car window
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New York lawmakers to Tide: Well, maybe if you didn't make your Tide Pods look so damn delicious, maybe kids wouldn't try and eat them
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Alabama man arrested in relation to viral child pornography video, four words that should never be arranged in that order
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The dad is a major dick for sure, but is it child abuse to force your kid to get a hair cut as a punishment?
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Ivy League fraternity on probation for 'pig roast' sex contest. Yeah ... their parents must be very proud
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Hangar 1 has introduced a new rosé-flavored vodka, which is "Millennial pink" and 80 proof
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Six people die while whale watching. Where is your pod now?
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Kansas State Trooper's video plea for idiotic drivers to speed up and realizing when merging on the interstate they are on an ACCELERATION LANE they should MOVE IT THE FARK ON has garnered international support
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Photoshop this lil' shoveler
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Proof that dogs are smarter than people: they replace Tide Pods with raw eggs. This is your Woofday Wetnose Wednesday thread
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Subby's mom's bra goes up for sale on eBay
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Woman sues former live-in boyfriend after he flew the coop ... when he won $6.1 million in the lottery
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Dear Prudence: I work in the health care field. I am divorced now and my wife is the custodial guardian of our 15-year-old son, who wants a flu shot. She is an anti-vaxxer and dead set against it. Is there any legal recourse to stop her insanity?
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A woman who threw a cup of hot scalding water right at the face of her supervisor at the 595 truck stop in Davie after he accused her of stealing finds herself in, well, hot water
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A dental hygienist admits he kissed patient. No, he doesn't look like Ryan Gosling, Farkettes
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Make them an offer they can't refuse
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Come for the drilling your cousin jokes, stay for the mugshot
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America used to be a brave, bold, country full of chocoholics. What happened?
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Wynn Resorts will heretofore be known only as Resorts
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Move over, North Korea and America; India and Pakistan are ready to start World War III (possible nsfw content on page)
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Mormons want to throw underage kids in jail for recording sexually abusive interviews that Mormon Bishops conduct behind closed doors, alone, with minors, asking them to describe their sexual and masturbation habits
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Scientist discover far more fetal alcohol syndrome in US population than was previously thought to exist before Trump election victory
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Cochella gives $50,000 to a militant anti-LGBTQ group who compares homosexuality with devil-worship
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Couple arrested after arguing on a hotel room balcony and throwing plants at each other
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The Phillipines is crushing illegal importation of cars. Along with the cars
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Florida man on vacation in Missouri entertains the other hotel guests with an a cappella version of "My Ding-a-Ling", played in the elevator
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| Tue February 06, 2018 |
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Seriously ... who steals a harp?
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Having sex with someone at work is bad. Especially if you work in a morgue
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Scary: School bus driver suffers a medical emergency while driving. Cool: 13-year-old boy was able to steer the bus to safety and stop. Fark: He very seldom rides the bus but decided to this day
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The Toddler-in-Chief WANTS A PARADE
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Lexus crashes into Wells Fargo branch resulting in two minor injuries, five new accounts opened
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Hong Kong frees Umbrella leaders. Work on T-Virus expected to continue
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And they call this great white shark that stalks the Everglades, they call him... George
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Blind man with dog phobia gets a "guide horse"....or so they told him. The Sun is there. Or so they told him (possible nsfw content on page)
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Fark NotNewsletter: Guess who turns 19 tomorrow
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It's almost like someone wrote this listicle specifically to get it greenlit on Fark
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Meanwhile, in Pueblo, $750,000 will be given out for Pot scholarships
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Tennessee Sheriff orders shooting of unarmed suspect while maniacally laughing. Then complains that he missed all the excitement after his Deputies carry out his order
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Look, Amtrak, guys, seriously, can we go a couple of days without having an "incident"
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Photoshop these awesome pairs of pants
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Who among us hasn't wanted to shoot one of our loud ass friends WHO JUST CAN'T SHUT UP WHEN WE'RE TRYING TO GET SOME DAMN PEACE AND QUIET?
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Hey, while you're out, here's a buck. Pick me up a snowball, OK?
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A key part of the Earth's ozone layer is failing to heal - and scientists don't know why
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Mike Pence is handling all the latest White House controversy in the best way possible: By being far far away from the White House
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Purchaser of many bridges calls pastor "wolf in sheep's clothing" after she accepted his offer to heal her PTSD with his penis
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Trump's proposed immigration plan could end up extending the duration of whites as the majority race in America by five years. Hey, what's that razor called? Ox ham or something?
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Florida Man + \m/ = (mugshot)
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Police are looking for an older man with white hair and glasses and a lot of helium balloons. A talking dog may also have been involved
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Happy Birthday wishes to Tom Brokaw, longtime anchor of media outlet NBC news who is 78 years young today
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Enraged Florida Man hit girlfriend after she made "provocative" comments about Tom Brady during Super Bowl, cops say
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Not nearly as dramatic when the headline is corrected to "Mum finds bizarre way to cure daughter's cough with a potato on FACEBOOK"
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Photoshop this treading of the boards
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SpaceX prepares to launch Falcon Heavy for the first time, plans to land all 3 Falcon 9 rockets back on Earth and put payload of Musk's own Tesla Roadster in orbit around the Sun. So, just another Tuesday. Launch window updated to between 3:45 and 4 PM ET
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Forget making it rain: man accused of flooding strip club
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Please note: it is never appropriate to wax a toddler
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Pirates release 22, vow to use the money saved to rebuild the farm system
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A third of all pugs can't even walk right. This explains so much about the raid finder
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Canadian sub on covert mission to bolster North Korea surveillance. WELL, IT'S NOT COVERT ANYMORE, IS IT?
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Tuesday morning includes: a) Canadian whiskey, b) menthol cigarettes, c) strutting around with your junk hanging out, or d) all of the above
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2018-01-28 to Sat 2018-02-03
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How Tide Pod eating went viral. This story is long and very weird
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Several buildings in Taiwan have suffered serious damage after a M 6.4 earthquake
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A snuggie bar crawl? Thanx for that walking nightmare
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L.A. is number one... in traffic congestion, once again. Well, at least L.A. endures in a nice pleasant climate. Pretty soon there'll be self driving cars and it won't even matter
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Not news: another snake story from Australia. News: Kids say "best science lesson ever" when a python decides to join the class. Fark: the snake catcher lets it explore around the chairs and tables for lulz. Bonus snake stories in the sidebar
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14th time is the charm
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China continues to demonstrate its virility by launching a long, hard megadrone that flies up to 80mph and safely ejaculates passengers including Wang Dong, the deputy mayor of Guangzhou
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Only in Pennsylvania is where a man hunting for squirrels can put a school on lockdown
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Trolley operator was posting to Reddit just prior to crash. See, this is why I only post on Faaaaaaaaarrrh
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Kid would rather lift weights, have energy drinks from private fridge in his room, practice with his Zelda sword than go to school. Of course, you are reading this on Fark, so you just know it doesn't end well
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The list of rejected vanity license plates in Utah is fairly creative for Utah
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"A man was arrested Monday morning for attempting to rob a Big Daddy's Pizza with a large metal pole"
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Errant tsunami warning issued for Manhattan, much of East Coast. Can't believe the Hawaii missile guy got a new job already
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Another perfect example wherein the rich want to be exempt from the rules
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These days you can't even clumsily ride your horse down the street in the middle of a Mardi Gras parade without somebody filming it and sending the video to the SPCA
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Photoshop this swan lake
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Glamorous Kazakhstan beauty beats 4,000 contestants to the final of Miss Kazakhstan. It's a man, baby
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Authorities race to farm to save the cows from vicious tiger that turned out to be stuffed animal. They got suspicious when the "tiger" didn't move for 45 minutes
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That terrorist attack on a London pub was actually teenagers throwing in fireworks. Admittedly, all teenagers are terrorists in one way or another
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Norway decides in favor of wild reindeer over energy. They'll go down in history, like Columbus
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NC transportation officials hope to use drones to help transport lifesaving supplies to those in need. The tough part will be finding one capable of lifting a Saint Bernard
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Every winter it's the big debate: Do you clear your driveway for less than 3" of snow?
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It turns out for Steve Wynn, the 'G' in GILF does not stand for 'gambler'
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Drunk man who went streaking on the fairway of the Phoenix Open and was arrested for indecent exposure: "It was worth it"
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Man answers ad that offers help to get out of timeshare. Winds up buying second timeshare
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| Mon February 05, 2018 |
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An obviously better get-rich-quick scheme than the stock market: Steal a bucket of gold, launder it with the Russian mob, hide most of it in a locker that only your lover knows about, flee to Ecuador and hope someone just mails the rest to you
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Two drinks a day can help you fight Alzheimer's, whereas six drinks a day can help you fight anyone in the bar
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Runners get the shaft after receiving a free t-shirt for completing the Dewsbury 10k run
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Photoshop this cold cave
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Fell victim to the Superb Owl "hangover" where the DJ has problems functioning on a couple of hours sleep. The server gets put into autopilot mixing music and comedy for tonight's Paul's Memory Bank at 8PM ET
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The FBI has posted billboards looking for the Chameleon Beard Bandit, whose beard apparently changes color based on its surroundings
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Fark ready headline: Woman ordered to trim her bush which grew so big it left neighbours in the dark. Are we still doing phrasing?
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Husband to wife during traffic stop: Hide my cocaine in your hoo-ha. K9 officer: Hold my beer
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Sir, you can't park your Lamborghini there
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The cure for baldness has been found in McDonald's french fries
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Crazy-ass flat-Earther fails to splat Earth again
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Bank robber who left copy of drivers license at scene looks exactly like Non from Superman 2. KNEEL BEFORE ZOD
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Gentlemen, it's time to spread the word, and the word is: PANIC (everybody)
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How much it costs to deliver a baby in every state. Cost of changing your name to Rambo Balboa and growing a beard? $0
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Photoshop these carts on cables
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There's losing your playbook, and then there's losing your Super Bowl Anti-Terrorism playbook
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A whole bunch of butt naked people will be taking over Times Square (again) this weekend
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San Diegans will have to find a new source for bull penis tacos
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