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| Sun January 14, 2018 |
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You think that drunk driving is a modern problem?
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Illinois judge allows an 11-year-old girl to use medical marijuana at school. No word when Jeff Sessions will sue the girl
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Gun company decides that plausible deniability is for the weak, goes full fascist
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Photoshop this dumpster fire
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Erratic, cunning, linguist robs chauffeur
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You two suck at cooking meth
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| (Big Country Homepage) |
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Third ugly ass baby giraffe born at Abilene zoo in four months. In other news the giraffes at the Abilene zoo are scoring more than you are
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When you insist on mooning people in public, be prepared to be the butt of jokes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this command centre
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What rolls down the track / Built by lumberjack / And over your neighbor's dog? / What's terribly fast / And prob'ly won't last / It's log log log
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Good news, everyone: The Iranian oil tanker is no longer on fire. There's also some bad news
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Drug charges against all but one of the 65 people arrested at a lingerie birthday party in Georgia dropped
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Shots fired outside Chuck E. Cheese after fight breaks out inside. What is it about that restaurant chain?
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And they think we will be able to handle flying cars
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Ongoing court case illustrates troubles canceling gym membership
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Police are searching for vandals who left bizarre notes referencing "World War Three" and "the Rapture" in mailboxes after cutting phone/Internet cables
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While you've been stocking up on snacks for the playoff games or hunkered in your basement command center for a holiday weekend's worth of gaming, this 60 year old cancer survivor just completed her very first Ironman
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It's not quite the zombie plague, but this year's H3N2 flu strain is so nasty you might just wish you could turn into a brainless unfeeling creature if you end up catching the bug
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France seeks UN protection ... for baguettes?
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Oh my God! See lions attacking swimmers in San Francisco Bay! Oh, sorry, I mean sea lions are attacking swimmers in San Francisco Bay. Wait, that's not much better
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Frog the rooster runs to greet Savannah when the school bus drops her off. Wolf waits patiently nearby, unconcerned about the confusing names
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"This is your Captain speaking, we apologize for the rough landing, but we are safely on the ground. Please now close your window to avoid seeing the side of the cliff we are hanging off and we hope you had a pleasant flight"
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Photoshop this...um, whatever this is
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CSB Sunday: The worst thing you ever broke
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Glamour model girlfriend of UKIP leader claims Prince Harry's 'black American' fiancee will 'taint' the Royal Family with 'her seed' and pave the way for a 'black king'
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Leader of the white supremacist gang Public Enemy No 1 shanked in a CA prison, probably by members of the affiliated Aryan Brotherhood who...wait there was a gang whose initials were PEN1??
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Gallant finds another route past the house fire so firefighters can do their job. Entitled Douchebag guns it and drives over the hoses, putting everyone at risk
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For the first time, the 3 best-selling beers in America are light beers. Don't people realize they have less alcohol?
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Iowa gets an expensive lesson that reefer madness does not trump the 1st Amendment
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Chinese-made cameras installed at a US Army base in Missouri have been removed because of potential 'negative perception' surrounding the equipment. That and there's the possibility that the Chinese government is watching
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Postal employee accused of burning twenty tubs of mail. NEWMAN
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The 101 Canal in Montecito is closed indefinitely
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| Sat January 13, 2018 |
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Former Farc rebels build hotel to recreate guerrilla life. So, just like your mom's basement?
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A poor woman's choice in America: give sexual favors or lose her home
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"The only thing running through my mind was, Lord, let me catch this baby"
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WATCH: Chilling video appears to show terrified Hawaiians hiding their kids in storm drains while Trump golfed
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Trump apparently shocked, SHOCKED to find out not every person on welfare is black. "Really? Then what are they?"
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Nutella Kit-Kat anyone?
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Tired of being in Florida Man's Shadow, Florida Woman shows stupidity to be the great equalizer
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Photoshop these bathing beauties
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Sure, you see police chases every day, but how often does it involve a Greyhound bus?
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Old: People fighting in a McDonald's. Florida: Employees pulling guns on each other in McDonald's (w/video)
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Missouri family: photo shoot done by amateur masquerading as pro made them look like LEGO space aliens. Counterpoint: family might be LEGO space aliens
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Photoshop theme: A feature in a car or truck you would like to see
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Woman returns home from vacation to find strange family living in her house. Then Rod Serling begins speaking
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Millennials may be terrible, but they get arrested far less often than their parents did. Lazy underachievers
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The TSA would like to remind you that lithium batteries, flammable liquids, and cats should not be put in your checked luggage
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In praise of the flour tortilla, the most essential component to a good Mexican sandwich
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For those Hawaii Farkers who just crapped their pants; it was a false alarm ... and you should probably buy new pants
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| (Some Guy) |
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From the Unnecessarily Expensive Food file: $180 tacos. Includes everything you'd expect: truffles, caviar, grasshopper, foie gras, wagyu be--wait, go back one
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It's probably legal to record your neighbor's front door
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Living next to a church must be great. All those wonderful, god-fearing people around. Very peaceful and happy, right?
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Upset that you didn't get a souvenir during your recent layover at the Newark Airport? Don't worry, you may have gotten the measles
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| (Some Robed Guy) |
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Canada is finally making witchcraft legal
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Okay, now that everyone has their basic cable "sh*thole" boner taken care of, let's lay back and relax. Come on, baby, you can still say "sh*thole" just like Anderson Cooper while you take the Fark Weird News Quiz, 12/30-1/5 sh*thole edition
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this medical doohicky
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Actual article explaining "How to tell if your cat loves you." Considering this is a Cosmopolitan link, it probably involves some weird sexual gymnastics that no one would ever try on Caturday
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Dewise charged with killing Dewife
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Even CEOs in the food industry will tell you it's pretty much safe to ignore all the expiration dates on your foods
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20-year-old man wins $450 million jackpot. Future plans include losing it all, going back to McDonald's in a couple of years
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Pineapples. Pineapples PINEAPPLES
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California carpool cheat cited for Chucky Doll
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199-MPH Sierra wind gust sets California record. For comparison, 140-mph winds have been known to pick up and hurl baseball-sized rocks
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Woman has new take on spraying acid in someone's face, in that she did it to herself and then tried to blame a non-existent black woman
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Trump administration hopes to renegotiate Iran nuclear deal but can't negotiate a farking mute button
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Final defendant in 'Basement of Horrors' pleads guilty. 'Parlor of Panic' and 'Utility Room of Dismay' cases still ongoing
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Trump gets clean bill of health from doctors* at Bethesda Naval Hospital (*No psychiatrists were present for this exam)
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Stan Lee's ceremonial puck-drop at Arizona Coyotes hockey game cancelled amid nurse harassment allegations. You may post your 'Jack Kirby got screwed jokes' to the right
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| Fri January 12, 2018 |
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A man who was about to lose his restaurant after Hurricane Harvey has his fortunes turned around by his teenage daughter and Twitter, readily admits he doesn't even know what a Twitter is
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Doesn't matter....had sex
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PETA rewards firefighters for rescuing cow from frozen pond. Fark: With 'Vegan' jerky
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Leaks indicate Julian Assange's Ecuadorian citizenship offer actually an effort to purge lingering stank from embassy. Julian doesn't bathe "unless the people around him force him into the shower"
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"Man in Porsche carjacks Dodge Charger in Loop" says this totally not reversed headline
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A second porn star has hit Trump Tower
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Owing to the fact that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr Day is Monday, and the state's observance of "Lee-Jackson Day" is Friday, several VA police departments are bracing for a ROUGH weekend
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Woman has her pregnancy photo shoot at Taco Bell since she craves it while she's pregnant. CPS is not certain if this is fetus abuse or not
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Wow, who knew ingesting laundry detergent would be bad for you?
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Toddler overdoses for second time in three months. Jeez, what's with that kid?
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I guess the search results didn't include how to delete browser history or clean the hard drive
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Dog missing for five days is found alive in a snowbank. When asked how the ordeal was, the dog replied, "Rough"
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| (Wicked Guy) |
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Photoshop these, if you're old enough to know what they are
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An Oklahoma game warden shoots an Elk to save its life
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Apparently if you eat tofu and aren't a vegan, that's cultural appropriation
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Macadangdang banged
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The world decides to send Trump pictures of their shiatholes. This is not a euphemism... or is it?
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And so it begins. Subby would like to remind you that the CEO of Nestlé is on record for claiming that access to water is not a human right
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Fires, floods, and plague. Did California build a false idol of Brad Goodman?
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Boy creates Build-A-Bow to beat bullying
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Thieves steal a 400-pound ramp from a business in NE Portland. That will buy a lot of Sloe Gin Fizzes
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Trump Had lawyEr Pay adult film actrEss $130,000 to kEep Trump's sexuAl hookuP from prESs meRE dAys before the eLection
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New world record shotski set during Ullrfest at 2128.3 feet by 1266 drunks
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They're Canadians. You don't apologize to them
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California chooses the nuclear option for nuclear power
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A brain scientist explains why you black out when you drink too much alcohol. Fortunately, there are lots of wedding photos
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| (Wicked Guy) |
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Doh nut photoshop this
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There's a secret musical instrument hidden in a NYC subway station. Whatever you do, don't put your lips anywhere near it
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♪ I shot the coroner ♫
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Mobsters rounded up and arraigned: "Grumpy," "Porky," "Al Muscles," "Joe Valet," "Joey Blue Eyes" and "Boobsie." Wait, "Boobsie"? Really?
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Queen Elizabeth II says that the crown could break your bloody neck. If that doesn't work, she could also stab you
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Finders, keepers, eh
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Gorilla numbers are up. And no, that's not just viewership on the Gorilla Channel
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PSA: if your job title is not 'Train Engineer' you probably shouldn't drive on train tracks
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How robo-call *RING RING RUNG* moguls outwit the *RING RING RING* government and wreck the *RING RING RING* do not call list
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For being such a large metropolitan area, you'd think that Las Vegas would have a better sketch artist than this
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Fox News headline: "Laid-off Sam's Club employees reach out to BJ's for work." Desperate times call for desperate measures
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"We have received reports that highly addictive substances will soon be circulating in our area ...This 'Cookie Cartel' s run primarily by young girls who lure you in with a good cause story"
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This drunk man was spinning the police right round, right round 17 times around a roundabout
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Firefighters record man being swept away by mudslide in his Prius
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Ontario's government controlled liquor stores have concerns with craft brewer's new brew logo, saying it could leave shoppers with the impression that the beer has special healing powers. Wait, it's beer. It doesn't??
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| (Some Mom) |
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Photoshop this social media mom
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Baltimore hospital CEO is profoundly sorry that you were offended by a woman wearing only a hospital gown being dumped curbside on a frigid night. Is also deeply apologetic and begs forgiveness for some bystander recording it on their cellphone
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So how does a 63-year-old woman dying of end stage cancer and no surviving family get a job to keep her benefits? Who would hire her?
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Suspected friend of dead guy says his scratches came from a "fight club" - oh geez, it's the FIRST DAMN RULE
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Columnist at El Nuevo Día, Puerto Rico's largest newspaper, discovers why recovery there is so slow: I bet the Jews did it
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You know the officer who arrested the teacher who dared to question the superintendent's exorbitant pay raise? Yeah, he's been investigated for excessive force before
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Coal mit uns
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Crime pro-tip -- when paying kickbacks to someone, A) don't write a check and B) don't write "Thank You" as the memo line
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Can Las Vegas motorists handle driving in rain? Don't bet on it
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| Thu January 11, 2018 |
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What has to be the most Atlanta - esque headline ever. Guess the Real Housewives, Hip Hop Atlanta, or Walking Dead crowd was too busy
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Let those among us who haven't confused a sex party for a regular costume party cast the first stone
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When you go black snow you'll never go back snow
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Probably not the best thing to be carrying when a determined police service dog is tracking you down, a) drugs, b) a bomb c) 3 club packs of stolen steaks
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As many as 7 million American children may be impervious to x-ray vision
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We've always wanted to break into our schools and smash all the windows. In Japan, it is part of your final exam
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Guy asks for internet's help with his girlfriend's fetish for giving him food she's already chewed up. My advice: Run away very very fast
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Michelle loved to shop at Goodwill, however she probably did not want her ashes to be donated there
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Toke they told me, pa rum pum pum pum. We brought you weed, you see pa rum pum pum pum. Our finest kush we bring pa rum pum pum pum. Oh that's not legal here? Pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum
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In response to Oregon letting people pump their own gas, Officials tell Oregonians no more sex
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How can you tell you live in 2018 and not 1998? When headlines like "Porn Site Stole French Karate Teacher's Identity in Cryptocurrency Hustle" actually make sense
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The Queensland Government has scrapped a requirement for gender to be shown on all driver's licences as well as eye and hair color. While subby understands he objects to being some grey amorphous mass of cells without any real identity
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"What's the problem, officer? Sure, I left my toddlers home alone, but the dogs were there to keep them from getting to the shotgun"
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| (Some Dealmaker) |
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Photoshop this high-level negotiation
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Las Vegas man arrested after attacking his daughter with a jar of cheese dip. To be fair, it was Doritos cheese dip, so it's not like anyone was going to eat it
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How much sexual innuendo can we fit into 30 seconds?
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Trump: I probably have a very good relationship with Kim Jung Un. #25th
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Darrell Issa (R-Amblinman) might just run for election in an easier district, handing 2 seats to Democrats instead of 1
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Residents of Black Tickle want you to know two things. First, don't make the island crossing on foot as the ice is not safe to cross. And second, we're an island dammit not a sex aid
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Autistic man finally gets long-awaited Tommy Pickles tattoo, after being forced to wait one thousand, eight hundred and twenty-five days
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Mother: My son told me you said he was going to get lynched if he didn't get back to work. Teacher: What? That's wrong. What I said was WAY worse than that
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Indiana one step closer to Sunday alcohol sales, hosting Fark data center
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Fourth-grade teacher tells class to name three good reasons for slavery. Pokemons, Santa's elves, and Oompa Loompas top list
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Apparently forcing kids to work at your fish market for free is not legal, even if you're doing it for Jesus
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Florida woman charged with animal abuse after pets found in 'deplorable conditions,' prompting Trump voters nationwide to start hoarding feces and dead cats to stiggit to the libs
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A man fired shots at a church because he believed it was secretly a covert alien spacecraft
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Florida bans leaving infants alone in cars, even if you crack the windows
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Ghanaian river god bans girls from crossing its waters if they are menstruating or if it is a Tuesday
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Photoshop this horrifying nightmare
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236 sickened with norovirus at El Toro. You mess with the bull, you get the runs
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Tonight, the San Diego Police Department will set up their first DUH (driving while high) checkpoint
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Powerclown arrested in Japan for drug smuggling, running really weird Dominatrix service
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| (DevonLive) |
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Punning headline writer a suspect in highway incident
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Butcher breaks himself out of -20C freezer with black pudding after getting locked in, which marks the first time black pudding has ever been used for something useful
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Having solved all crime, Britain's finest begin manhunt for suspect who drove through a puddle
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Chicago could see highs in the 50s today and then freezing rain tonight, followed by a trainwreck tomorrow
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Indian Prince builds LGBTQ centre at his palace; hopes to be promoted to Queen
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After a 14-year-old student alleges sexual assault by a teacher, the school's leadership moves to terminate the... no? Well, at least they don't try to cover it up and retaliate against the-- they suspended the student, huh? (Link switched)
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30 year old man steals books and electronics from his University and sells them in his Amazon store. Man gets caught and is given five years probation. Man now has a job working for Amazon. TAA DAA
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It's funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but drinking 8 glasses of wine can be done in one meal
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Finger guns now forbidden in U.S. airports
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FedEx worker discovers largest known prime number, immediately throws it against a wall
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Protip: When transporting $1.5 million worth of drugs, follow all traffic laws
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Queen Elizabeth II's official bra-fitter loses her "Royal Warrant" after publishing a book about her work. There. now try to get THAT image out of your head for the rest of the day
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New Jersey man's houseboat gets stuck in solid ice. Thankfully not a euphemism
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Demi-god cashier, Chee-hooo
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House rejects sweeping surveillance reform. You were about to submit this, but it was intercepted via the NSA/Fark backdoor
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Members of Japan's infamous Yakuza gangs often get extremely elaborate full-body tattoos to signify their membership or status withing the gangs. Which also makes them REALLY easy to identify if they go on the run
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Pro-Tip: Casinos have really, REALLY good cameras. If you're going to rob one, at least wear a disguise or something (with REALLY good suspect pic)
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Couple accused of praising be in church parking lot. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord. Yeah, him too
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Missing woman found decomposing in mall food court. We can assume everyone just thought the smell was coming from Sbarro
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The Swiss government wants to make sure that lobsters are 'comfortably numb' before you cook them
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You moved the cemetery, but you left the bodies, didn't you? You only moved the headstones
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Florida man gets into a boxing match with a bear...and loses big time
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Thomas Jefferson's kitchen has been found complete with America's first leftover mac & cheese, proving he was the O.G. bachelor
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| (Amazon) |
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Photoshop this cat-eating machine thing
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Wow 6EQUJ5
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"He was 21 and fit. He tried to push through the flu - and it killed him"
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Canadian uses blowtorch to clear ice from front walk in the most Canadian headline of the day. At least so far
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Warning about dive-bombing owl WHO attacks skiers WHO is trying to protect its nest
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Sssssshh. I'm a bull shark, be vewy vewy quiet, I'm 'hunting' Chihuahas
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Governor Eric Greitens (R-evenge porn) apologizes for extramarital affair but not for blackmailing his mistress with a photo of her "show me state"
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Surprisingly, worst places to die includes inside burning house while being eaten alive by piranha fish in St. Petersburg
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Dumbest HOA ever gives up on free stuff from your garage policy
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Joke all you want about 7-11 clerks being illegal aliens, ICE just raided 98 of those shops throughout 17 states, netting 21 arrests, which statistically, is better than that wide DUI checkpoint net LEOs cast once in a while
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Burglar bangs his hoozads on shelf, sues shopkeeper for medical bills. Soon shelves everywhere will come with a warning label
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Before birth each soul knows all the secrets of heaven. At birth, an angel presses their fingertip just above one's lip, which seals us to silence. This accounts for the philtrum, or medial cleft. I don't know what's going on with this lady, though
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Wondering how the Bundys escaped justice? A short and clear explanation on how the prosecutors violated their constitutional rights
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 662: "Mmm Bokeh 4". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed January 10, 2018 |
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New study suggests that those damn noisy humans need to shut the hell up so birds can focus on getting it on
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Your dog does not want this steak
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NJ's status as the only state requiring full serve gas is in jeopardy, leaving MTV with a shortage of places to hold casting calls
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Sponsor for Wisconsin bill ending protections for wolves "doesn't think people would simply start blasting away at wolves" apparently hasn't spent a lot of time in Wisconsin
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The CIA arranged an affair for a king with an actress that produced a dwarf, and then things got all Game of Thrones
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Florida woman charged with slashing, stabbing and firing a gun at a man. She just needed punching him to complete the cycle
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The cost of being a dumbass in Toronto is only C$100 -- which is only C$64,900 short of the cost to rescue her from the crane
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Who hasn't stolen a tank and driven it into a supermarket? Why, yes, alcohol was involved
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Ever been so frustrated by a train delay that you wanted to make a bomb threat against the rail network? Well if you live in the UK we've got good news for you
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Prosecutors who don't just hinder justice - they actively work against it
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Speaking of bad HOAs. Arizona HOAs are foreclosing on homeowners at a record rate and the state legislature wants to make it even easier to do that
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| (Leafy) |
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Now that Canada is legalizing cannabis, they're trying to act real cool by using slang
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| (Some Serious Guy) |
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Photoshop this serious deliberation
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You could now own a piece of Rome's 'mangy' Christmas tree
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'Zelda' and 'Overwatch' are top PornHub searches for 2017. But if you ask me, they've got nothing on the man-boy relationship between Pit and the Eggplant Wizard
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You can't drop a large chunk of yellow ice on this woman's house and tell her it is raining
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Obama's presidential library will be "socially regressive" and "privileges cars and people that can afford them" while failing to "improve train lines and public transportation infrastructure" according to 100 professors at the University of Chicago
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And now, dancing goddess gifs. Alas, Homer's Boob Lady isn't among them
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Band teacher arrested in November for sending lewd photos of herself to a 13-year-old student has been re-arrested for sending nude pictures of herself to another student at another school. Band camp submissions see sudden drop off
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Washington, DC trolls Russia
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Weird: Prince Mitchell arrested for the murder of Prince Mitchell | Fark: HIS TWIN
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Scientists warn that a deadly virus is being excreted from macaque, causing five year olds everywhere to snicker uncontrollably
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Being caught on tape offering to hook your buddies up with your girlfriend to pay them back for lending you money to hire a hooker is a not only a real relationship killer, but, if your dad is the Prime Minister, it's also a national scandal
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Florida man mistakenly thinks "taking the piss" is a literal concept
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Human fireball finds out what happens when cops use a taser and tear gas at the same time
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Can't resist the temptation of those delicious looking Tide pods? Try this recipe for an edible version
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Ice hotel catches on fire
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Astronaut blames "measurement mistake" after misrepresenting his growth. Subby usually blames the cold
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The complete feminization of Great Barrier Reef sea turtles is possible, according to scientists and angry fedora-wearing male sea turtles
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State's largest coal fired power plant on fire. Officials hope to have it under control sometime in 2056
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If you read the NYC papers in 1994 you might remember that The Daily News claimed a black, lesbian activist faked her own rape in broad daylight in a public park. Now they'll have to claim she faked the DNA of the guy who did it
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Photoshop this daredevil cleaner
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Newfoundland $1.5M lottery winner dies of cancer, reducing province's median wealth by over $25,000
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Meth lab busted after police go to a house to interview someone with the most redneck-sounding name in Pennsyltucky
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Montecito death toll now at 15. Is it too soon yet to talk about mud control?
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"I'll trade you my stepdaughter's puppy for some meth"
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'Mermaid tails' banned in local pools. Whale tails still ok
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Beware the 7 layer conspiracy
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Woman accidentally shoots her aunt's boyfriend while "horsing around." Excuse me, horses can't shoot people
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Christians said they saw a "sign from God" following a firebombing attack by Muslim militants that burned through much of the church interior but stopped at the open Bible on the altar, in a story that some are calling fake pews
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2017 lightning deaths hit all-time record low in US thanks to actions taken by President Trump to attract all lightning strikes to himself
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Pay off your student loans quicker by living rent-free
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Police said they were never called to the actual party. Or any party. They felt left out, so they arrested 70 people for less than what your grandmother has on her
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There are bad HOAs, then there are horrible HOAs. Then you got HOAs like this one that redefine everything you thought you hated about HOAs
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Large black snake takes issue with driver in road rage incident, 'peers' at him through car window on highway. Yes, it's Australia
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Aussie flu is more severe than the Swine flu. Is there anything from that country which is not deadlier than if it came from anywhere else?
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More and more Americans are getting passports and travelling the world. Soon, no place will be safe from us. Muahahahah
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When crashing your SUV along the Interstate, the scariest part is: A) Going Airborne? B) Crashing Through Fences? C) Landing on Pallets of Bee Hive Boxes?
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Someone has found a beheaded moose in remote Nevada. A BOLO has been put out for a flying squirrel wearing an old-timey pilot's helmet
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Pervy pastor gets standing O for his apology for trying to give a 17-year-old a standing O 20 years ago
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"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Normay"
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Charlie Daniels issues grim warning to Taco Bell about the Illuminati... annddd that's enough internet for me for the day
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There are those who draw penises in the dirt on the back of vans. Then there's this guy
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"After stuffing the feminine products down his pants, he grabbed a cold beer, which he did purchase, according to the Sheriff's Office"
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We'd kindly like to ask our patrons not have sex with the pizzas
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this still life
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Growing up, our drive-thru at the bank always had treats for our dog. Here's a bakery expanding on that idea a bit. Happy Woofday Wednesday
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Wisconsin unveils million-dollar ad campaign designed to lure millennials from Chicago after learning 'how young out-of-state residents viewed Wisconsin as beer, cheese and little else.'
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CNN can barely contain its excitement as a firm announces the search for MH370 is back on
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Apparently, the British drink enough tea to choke a turtle
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Police Unions are in favor of body cams, as long as no one actually gets to see the footage
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Snow plowed
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Alzheimer's Society declares Arts Program a rousing success, noting people keep coming back again and again to try it out
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Los Angeles swatting suspect about to be swatted with warrant from Calgary. (Hero tag is for Calgary police who talked to their swatting target and didn't shoot anybody)
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Having trouble getting women to sleep with you? Move to a rural area
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Intoxicated driver crashed his vehicle and sent another to the hospital with injuries. The condition of the hospitalized vehicle is unknown
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We can now add the name "Kevin Harrington" to the list of Russian moles in the Trump administration
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Hunter risks his life to rescue terrified deer trapped on frozen lake. Later tells reporters that it was delicious. (with video)
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Trump spiritual advisor *snicker* wants you *cackle* to send her up to *LOL* 1 month's pay *guffaw* or face 'Consequences' *gasp* *eeeeeROFLMAO* *gasp*
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| Tue January 09, 2018 |
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World's best grandparents busted AGAIN while traveling through Nebraska
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Earthquake north of Honduras could result in tsunami hitting Puerto Rico and US Virgin Islands as soon as 12:30am Eastern Time. Goddammitsomuch! UPDATE: tsunami alert cancelled
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"MormonLeaks" and "FaithLeaks" are not your personal erotica sites. Unless you're really into whistleblowing
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Thousands potentially exposed to Hepatitis A at Utah 7-11, Fark parties
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Please note: your cunning plan of having someone hide your illegal guns may be overheard by police, especially if you're talking about on the phone from your jail cell
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Thai Prime Minister seem a little flat at press conferences
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Not a stable genius
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"Someone stabbing a cop at Jack-in-the-Box? You don't hear that quite often". Quotable guy on the street didn't realize perp was his own brother
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WNKY-TV's (Bowling Green) Radar The Weather Dog now frolicking atop nimbostratus and cumulonimbus formations. Next of kin continue Kentucky's dominance in broadcast of canine meteorology
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Step inside the orgasm lab where scientists (and fapping test subjects) are hard at work finding cures for insomnia, depression and the common cold (possible nsfw content on page)
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Correction: In an earlier version of this article, the headline and first paragraph incorrectly said the man who broke into the restaurant ate pulled pork
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When applying for a job with a police department, your chances of getting hired would be much better if you didn't just rob a bank
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Problem: parrots keep moving road cones. Solution: set up a gym for the parrots to use instead
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Owner of online retail company travels 500 miles to beat up customer who left a bad review. Now THAT'S customer service
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Photoshop this truck hiding in the weeds
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Man who grew breasts after taking medication for Tourette's Syndrome gets a chance to get more than the $500,000 he was awarded for it. Shiat
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California pulls stoned-driving ad after criticism. It seems some people thought a guy saying, "I love it" when referring to marijuana is somehow promoting its use
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Fark NotNewsletter: Fark Headline of the Year results, plus how to dominate at submitting
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Virgin doesn't want the Daily Fail inside it
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New Mexico lawmaker to file bill that would prohibit construction of border wall on New Mexico state land. Trump not worried as he only want to build wall on US soil
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If a stranger bares her chest to get you to follow her, you should always assume it's a trap
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♪ What rolls down roads, and over your toes, and onto your Toyota's hood? With a snap and a crack, it'll break your back, it's log, log, log ♪
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Standardizing Testing and Accountability Before Large Elections Giving Electors Necessary Information for Unobstructed Selection Act
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Please stand clear of the gaping hole where the Monorail's doors should be
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Photoshop Theme: "Warning" labels
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TSA reveals strangest items found in 2017, including Satan's pizza cutter, a rifle-shaped umbrella, and Demogorgon's ice cream scoop
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Diane Feinstein: Suck it, Chuck. *releases Fusion GPS testimony* (LGT transcript PDF). Some content NSFW
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My son needs to be excused from prison today. He has to go to school and then has a hockey game. Signed, Convicted Pedophile Conner Neurauter's Mom
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Snow strands thousands of tourists in Switzerland who are in Switzerland for the snow
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Let's grab a bag of fresh oysters and have them raw, they said. What's the worst that could happen, they said?
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Now that fire season is over in California, it is time for mudslide season. Mmmm, mudslides
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Customs seizes nearly $55,000 worth of Air Gordans
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Teacher: "Umm, we haven't gotten a pay raise in 30 years, why should you get one, Mr. Superintendent?" Superintendent: "Cuff her"
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Barefoot young man steals police car for beer run. All that for a 40?
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Man demonstrates how to clean a handgun by showing exactly what not to do
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Best Korea pledges to send a team to cheerleaders to this year's Winter Olympics. I'm not sure they've completely grasped the concept of cheerleading, but at least there'll be a lot of them. And boy will they be synchronised
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Someone is painting purple tacos all over Dallas and no one knows why
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I think we just found the academia equivalent of doing a cartwheel in a bikini
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The British did not choose wisely at the Battle of New Orleans. This is a repeat from 1812
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Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2017 Headline of the Year contests
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Tennis Match: Beach Edition
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Florida man's pants contain: a.) rack of ribs, b.) mashed potatoes, c.) fried chicken, d.) car keys, e.) all of the above
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Portland's top officials say it's OK for police to go through your garbage as it becomes 'public property' when you throw it out. Local rag decides to go through garbage of Portland's top officials to see what they throw out. Hilarity ensues
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SpaceX secret payload Zuma burned up in the atmosphere
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Your daily dose of 'Awwwww': Video of a barnyard cat and a baby cow nuzzling each other
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Serial criminal makes poor tattoo choice
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The latest food to feel guilty about enjoying is **spins wheels** rotisserie chicken from the supermarket
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Russia's Syrian airbase was actually attacked by a swarm of drones. The Oracle could not be reached for comment
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Study finds that narcissists tend to follow other narcissists on Instagram, because of course they want to follow me
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Baltimorons be like: I think I'll thaw my frozen pipes with a blowtorch. What's the worst that can happen?
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You may live off the grid if you are a bearded hipster, but if you are a bearded Amish, you can be court ordered to use electricity, and of course, pay your new electric bills
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A flu pandemic would kill us all
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Jamie Lee Curtis arrested after chase
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"Two horses and six dogs have been evacuated, but four dogs, 120 chickens, two turkeys and a duck still remain"
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| Mon January 08, 2018 |
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N a t i o n a l...Z o o ' s...t w o...t o e d...s l o t h...p a s s e s...a w a y...a f t e r...f o r t y...s i x...y e a r s..., p r e s u m a b l y...t o...f o l l o w...her...d r e a m s
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Finally I can get started on that Mickey Mouse hentai
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Busted pipes create 20-story 'mother of all icicles' in Chicago
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Irony claims 75 boats as "Just Add Water" succumbs to fire
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Where there's smoke, there's fire... also weed
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Why the word "ninja" should never be used in a job title. Fark screen names still acceptable, though
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"Cougar hunt in Alberta sparks debate among scientists, hunters and activists", college aged males
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When JFK has a meltdown and you're about to lose your mind, somehow watching this very pleasant flight attendant just doing his job is the balm you need to keep going
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Today's word of the day: "Brumation." (Bonus: alligators sticking their freakin' SNOUTS through ice to breathe)
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There's waking from a bad dream and there's waking to find the nightmare is just starting
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French President Macron: Look at my horse. My horse is amazing. Give it a lick. Xi Jinping: It tastes just like raisins
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Real life Kylo Ren is taking his workplace temper tantrums straight to imperial arbitration
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Man arrested in DC trying to pick up 9.4 pounds of marijuana delivered to wrong address
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Don't you hate it when you're in the bathroom dropping a deuce and your spouse barges in upset about something? How about if he/she starts shooting at you?
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Historian finds what appears to be pressed flower from Lincoln's casket. This means my Jurassic Park/Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter crossover is one step closer to reality
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Good idea *click* Picking up spare change on your daily walk. Bad idea: *click* picking up spare grenades on your daily walk
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Photoshop this descent into madness
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New York's annual 'No Pants Subway Ride' suffers a bit of shrinkage this year
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Recovery of missing duck hunters hindered by ice, snickering dog
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Cat wins longest hide-and-go-seek contest ever
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Tonight's Paul's Memory Bank (8PM ET) is almost all Oldies night as we feature songs from the 2nd half of the 1950's. The show will end with a mini-tribute to Moody Blues co-founder Ray Thomas
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Man finds good use for his frozen pool
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| (Some Guy) |
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Someone has created a 'Virtual Reality Gas Pump Training Program' for Oregonians
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And what's the deeeal with Hitler, huh? Have you seen this guy? Have you heard about this guy? Amirite? Amirite? Wow, what a great audience
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I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat. "OK, I'll kill my mother"
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Not to be outdone by the Trump children Israeli Prime Minster Bibi Netanyahu's son gets caught at a strip club on tape telling the son of a gas executive: My dad helped your dad get a 20 billion shekel oil deal, give me 400 for a stripper
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There are so many hookers in Thailand, they are *literally* falling from the sky (possible nsfw content on page)
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Humpback whale allegedly saves 63-year old whale researcher from a 20-foot Tiger Shark while snorkeling
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Reason #3368 why the human race deserves the apocalypse: Extreme Scooting
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Avocado toast millennials, you have no idea how much you owe to ancient sloth poops
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Y'all Qaeda case dismissed with prejudice
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Look at me...I'm as headless as a tuna in a tree
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this backwards hat on someone interesting
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Something tells me that this kid doesn't like homework, not sure what I just can't put my finger on it
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Judge: The court will now hear the prosecution's opening statement. You may proceed. Prosecution: Baaaaaaa
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